1
00:00:00,805 --> 00:00:04,312
Kirstie is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:14,404 --> 00:00:17,181
- You were wonderful.
- Thank you.
3
00:00:17,182 --> 00:00:19,189
She meant me.
4
00:00:20,126 --> 00:00:22,077
Thank you for coming.
5
00:00:22,111 --> 00:00:24,902
- Can I get a picture?
- Over here, Madison!
6
00:00:26,716 --> 00:00:29,802
- Frank speaking.
- Maddie freezing.
7
00:00:29,836 --> 00:00:32,366
Where the hell are you, Frank?
It's 10 degrees out here.
8
00:00:32,367 --> 00:00:35,845
I can't feel my face,
and it's not the Botox.
9
00:00:36,054 --> 00:00:39,094
I'm two minutes away.
I just got a little held up.
10
00:00:39,095 --> 00:00:43,732
Frank, you're not taking people on tours
in the backseat of my car again, are you?
11
00:00:43,767 --> 00:00:48,904
No, I'm stuck in traffic, right in front
of the fabulous Radio City Music Hall,
12
00:00:48,939 --> 00:00:52,808
home of the world-famous Rockettes.
13
00:00:52,826 --> 00:00:55,077
- Frank!
- I'm gonna be there in a minute.
14
00:00:55,111 --> 00:00:59,481
Should I pick you up anything
at the world-renowned Carnegie Deli?
15
00:01:02,252 --> 00:01:06,331
Frank, you listen to me.
I want you here when I'm ready.
16
00:01:06,823 --> 00:01:08,591
Bring me a corned beef.
17
00:01:08,625 --> 00:01:11,961
Oh, oh, that's my phone.
That's my phone!
18
00:01:11,995 --> 00:01:14,663
Ow, my eyes!
19
00:01:14,681 --> 00:01:18,729
Why would you pepper-spray me?
I was just giving it back to you.
20
00:01:18,730 --> 00:01:21,488
You weren't pepper-sprayed.
You were Chanel-ed.
21
00:01:21,671 --> 00:01:25,173
You're Madison Banks,
right?
22
00:01:25,191 --> 00:01:27,476
That depends.
Are you litigious?
23
00:01:27,510 --> 00:01:32,848
No, but I'm pretty sure I'm the kid
you gave up for adoption 26 years ago.
24
00:01:35,986 --> 00:01:39,905
Ow, son of a bitch!
25
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,614
Season 1, Episode 1
"Pilot"
26
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:53,443
Synced by Reef
www.addic7ed.com
27
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- Thelma, Thelma.
- Relax.
28
00:01:56,806 --> 00:01:59,591
Frank called, and he told me
you were bringing home a guest.
29
00:01:59,643 --> 00:02:04,207
I set the lights in your room to make
you look as alluring as possible.
30
00:02:04,714 --> 00:02:06,649
They're off.
31
00:02:06,683 --> 00:02:10,152
No, no, Thelma, something
really weird happened.
32
00:02:10,186 --> 00:02:12,636
Whoa, not bad.
33
00:02:12,637 --> 00:02:16,525
You're what they call
back home "lottery rich."
34
00:02:17,374 --> 00:02:19,060
This is your date?
35
00:02:19,118 --> 00:02:22,454
You're seeing the eye doctor
tomorrow.
36
00:02:22,488 --> 00:02:25,624
Hi, I'm Arlo.
Arlo Barth.
37
00:02:25,658 --> 00:02:29,088
I'm Thelma Katz,
Miss Banks' personal assistant.
38
00:02:29,166 --> 00:02:30,695
Oh, sorry.
39
00:02:30,713 --> 00:02:33,031
My hands get real sweaty
when I'm nervous.
40
00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:35,634
- Actually, all of me does.
- Oh.
41
00:02:35,668 --> 00:02:38,220
Don't touch my back.
42
00:02:38,254 --> 00:02:40,088
Arlo, Arlo, come here.
43
00:02:40,139 --> 00:02:41,556
Why don't you go
in the kitchen?
44
00:02:41,591 --> 00:02:44,756
My personal chef will make you
anything you want.
45
00:02:44,757 --> 00:02:48,283
You have a personal chef,
a driver, and an assistant?
46
00:02:48,284 --> 00:02:50,669
You're like a white Oprah.
47
00:02:51,818 --> 00:02:54,783
Did you tell her yet?
Isn't it incredible?
48
00:02:54,784 --> 00:02:56,054
Tell me what?
49
00:02:56,055 --> 00:02:58,845
That kid who came in with
her, he came out of her.
50
00:02:59,109 --> 00:03:00,892
Okay, hold it.
51
00:03:00,910 --> 00:03:03,057
You mean, that schmiel
in the kitchen...
52
00:03:03,081 --> 00:03:05,780
That's the baby
you gave up for...
53
00:03:05,832 --> 00:03:09,084
Whoa, wait a minute.
54
00:03:09,118 --> 00:03:11,651
Thelma knew that you had a kid
that you gave up for adoption,
55
00:03:11,683 --> 00:03:13,169
but you didn't tell me?
56
00:03:13,216 --> 00:03:15,340
- What gives?
- Frank, you're my driver.
57
00:03:15,374 --> 00:03:17,375
We have
a professional relationship.
58
00:03:17,409 --> 00:03:18,710
Professional?
59
00:03:18,744 --> 00:03:22,964
I cut you out of your spanx
every night in that car.
60
00:03:23,015 --> 00:03:25,183
Maddie, that kid
you brought home,
61
00:03:25,218 --> 00:03:27,346
he just told me he's the one
you gave up for adoption.
62
00:03:27,347 --> 00:03:29,855
Oh, the cook knows too.
63
00:03:29,889 --> 00:03:32,140
Well, apparently,
I'm good enough
64
00:03:32,191 --> 00:03:35,944
to hold your weed in the airport
but not your secrets.
65
00:03:37,673 --> 00:03:40,782
God, I'm hyperventilating.
66
00:03:40,816 --> 00:03:42,919
Thelma, do that thing you do
to calm me down.
67
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:46,462
- What thing?
- With the glass and the alcohol.
68
00:03:47,917 --> 00:03:51,537
This isn't happening.
Maybe it's not even him, right?
69
00:03:51,588 --> 00:03:54,890
I don't know.
He's got your boobs.
70
00:03:56,833 --> 00:03:59,928
Just calm down, okay?
Let's just figure this out.
71
00:04:03,266 --> 00:04:06,018
We gonna kill him?
72
00:04:06,052 --> 00:04:07,436
Why would we kill him?
73
00:04:07,470 --> 00:04:11,056
Well, I'm just saying
I used to drive for 50 Cent.
74
00:04:11,107 --> 00:04:14,440
I know how this movie goes.
75
00:04:15,511 --> 00:04:19,856
Oh, oh, here you are. I got lost
and ended up in a workout room.
76
00:04:20,223 --> 00:04:22,741
I have a workout room?
77
00:04:23,186 --> 00:04:27,856
So, Arlo, let me see
how I can put this delicately.
78
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:33,195
Are you some scumbag con man
looking for a quick payday?
79
00:04:33,213 --> 00:04:35,914
Look, I get it.
You want proof.
80
00:04:35,965 --> 00:04:39,585
I figured you would.
Here are the papers.
81
00:04:39,636 --> 00:04:41,542
I didn't even know
I was adopted.
82
00:04:41,543 --> 00:04:45,641
I just found them in my mother's things
after she passed away last month.
83
00:04:45,675 --> 00:04:47,726
Oh, I'm so sorry.
84
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,845
Say something nice.
85
00:04:49,879 --> 00:04:53,439
Dead mom?
What are you gonna do?
86
00:04:54,717 --> 00:04:57,626
Would you excuse us
for a sec?
87
00:04:59,072 --> 00:05:01,324
I can't believe
she has a kid.
88
00:05:05,278 --> 00:05:09,198
So what's she like?
Is she a cool boss?
89
00:05:13,507 --> 00:05:17,229
- Whoa, whoa, is that...
- Chill, brother, it's medicinal.
90
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,542
Don't tell your mother,
but I'm half blind.
91
00:05:23,346 --> 00:05:25,547
Oh, please,
let it not be him.
92
00:05:25,581 --> 00:05:28,634
I don't know the first thing
about raising a child.
93
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,804
Although I did play Mary Poppins
to rave reviews.
94
00:05:32,856 --> 00:05:36,778
I hate to tell you, Maddie, but
these adoption papers look legit.
95
00:05:36,779 --> 00:05:39,895
"I relinquish all rights
to my child.
96
00:05:39,929 --> 00:05:42,364
Love and light,
Madison Banks."
97
00:05:42,398 --> 00:05:46,235
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It can't be him.
98
00:05:46,269 --> 00:05:49,238
Look at me.
I'm pretty.
99
00:05:50,490 --> 00:05:53,375
Oh, wait a minute.
I just remembered something.
100
00:05:53,409 --> 00:05:56,278
The baby had
a very specific birthmark.
101
00:05:56,296 --> 00:05:57,946
Great.
Where is it?
102
00:06:02,168 --> 00:06:06,088
Yes, sir,
that's your baby.
103
00:06:07,307 --> 00:06:10,976
Oh, my God,
you are him.
104
00:06:13,909 --> 00:06:16,077
This is blowing my mind.
105
00:06:16,095 --> 00:06:19,458
You're my biological mother.
106
00:06:20,794 --> 00:06:23,690
You know, I think
we have the same nose.
107
00:06:24,178 --> 00:06:27,347
Not unless we have
the same surgeon.
108
00:06:27,389 --> 00:06:31,025
Oh, before I forget,
I've got something for you.
109
00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:34,593
Oh, my God, this is his revenge.
He's got a gun!
110
00:06:35,448 --> 00:06:38,467
No, it's just
a gift I made.
111
00:06:47,576 --> 00:06:49,988
He's twisted.
I like him.
112
00:06:50,445 --> 00:06:52,780
I'll just open this
a little later.
113
00:06:52,798 --> 00:06:56,280
So are you
into Civil War reenactments?
114
00:06:57,213 --> 00:07:00,215
I do those, like,
once a month.
115
00:07:00,266 --> 00:07:03,943
At the battle of Gettysburg,
I played dead for 13 hours.
116
00:07:04,554 --> 00:07:08,314
The trick?
Eyes open, no blinking.
117
00:07:08,922 --> 00:07:11,224
Yeah, exactly like that.
118
00:07:13,813 --> 00:07:18,149
You know, Arlo, I'm not exactly
sure what you're looking for.
119
00:07:18,183 --> 00:07:20,685
Do you have any questions
you'd like to ask me?
120
00:07:20,703 --> 00:07:23,894
Yeah.
Why'd you give me up?
121
00:07:25,491 --> 00:07:28,356
At least he didn't ask
for a kidney.
122
00:07:31,463 --> 00:07:35,599
I figured you got pregnant in high school
and were too young to handle a child,
123
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,969
so with tears in your eyes, you made
the toughest decision of your life.
124
00:07:38,985 --> 00:07:40,204
Close.
125
00:07:40,222 --> 00:07:44,526
I was 24, and I'd just been offered
the lead in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof,
126
00:07:44,648 --> 00:07:46,958
and I wanted
to be a star.
127
00:07:49,348 --> 00:07:53,351
But with tears in my eyes,
128
00:07:53,686 --> 00:07:57,188
I made the toughest decision
of my life.
129
00:07:57,222 --> 00:07:59,858
Oh, and my father?
130
00:07:59,892 --> 00:08:01,743
Oh, could have been
any number of guys
131
00:08:01,777 --> 00:08:05,349
in a summer stock production
of Jesus Christ Superstar.
132
00:08:05,871 --> 00:08:08,456
- Any number?
- Well, not any number.
133
00:08:08,457 --> 00:08:11,278
There were only 12 apostles.
134
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:14,662
So, Arlo,
tell us about you.
135
00:08:14,696 --> 00:08:19,050
Well, I live in Trenton, New Jersey,
and I work at The Glazed Hole.
136
00:08:19,084 --> 00:08:21,212
Is that a gay bar?
137
00:08:21,587 --> 00:08:24,088
The gays love me.
138
00:08:24,139 --> 00:08:26,891
No, it's a doughnut shop.
139
00:08:29,211 --> 00:08:31,772
Doughnuts love her too.
140
00:08:32,481 --> 00:08:33,731
So that's it?
141
00:08:33,766 --> 00:08:38,611
That's your life,
working at the glazed hole?
142
00:08:39,438 --> 00:08:41,072
I guess.
143
00:08:41,106 --> 00:08:44,447
I mean, not everyone's meant
to be a star.
144
00:08:44,453 --> 00:08:47,322
Some people just live
and then die.
145
00:08:47,373 --> 00:08:50,542
Oh, Arlo, look.
146
00:08:50,576 --> 00:08:55,587
I had a lot of doors slammed in my face
when I was starting out.
147
00:08:57,466 --> 00:09:00,001
My Tony...
148
00:09:02,004 --> 00:09:04,548
Is that the right position?
149
00:09:05,057 --> 00:09:06,474
Perfect.
150
00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:13,454
But what I'm saying is
that I believed in myself.
151
00:09:13,686 --> 00:09:15,560
I knew I had
something inside me.
152
00:09:15,561 --> 00:09:19,180
Like she said, it could have
been any number of guys.
153
00:09:21,323 --> 00:09:24,693
The point is
that Wednesday night,
154
00:09:24,744 --> 00:09:28,196
I am opening
in my 14th Broadway show,
155
00:09:28,247 --> 00:09:32,333
and I didn't have to sleep
with anyone for the last five.
156
00:09:32,368 --> 00:09:35,086
Yeah, five.
157
00:09:35,121 --> 00:09:38,390
I've never even been
to a Broadway show before.
158
00:09:38,391 --> 00:09:40,642
Do you think
I could come and see it?
159
00:09:42,294 --> 00:09:44,629
Oh, and I was wondering
if next week,
160
00:09:44,663 --> 00:09:47,932
you wanted to come out to Newark to watch
me in the battle of Chancellorsville.
161
00:09:47,967 --> 00:09:49,299
Newark...?
162
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:52,226
And I know it's a long shot,
but since you're a celebrity,
163
00:09:52,271 --> 00:09:54,565
I was hoping maybe you could
pull a couple strings
164
00:09:54,566 --> 00:09:56,859
and get us on Family Feud.
165
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:01,863
Oh, Arlo, I'm gonna be
really, really busy
166
00:10:01,897 --> 00:10:04,566
with this play for a while,
so you know what?
167
00:10:04,617 --> 00:10:06,557
Why don't we
just stay in touch?
168
00:10:06,558 --> 00:10:09,537
- Oh, um, okay.
- Okay.
169
00:10:09,572 --> 00:10:14,482
Oh, and if you have any more questions
for me, here's my autobiography.
170
00:10:15,995 --> 00:10:19,164
- Well, uh, thanks.
- Take care.
171
00:10:20,966 --> 00:10:22,667
You're unbelievable.
172
00:10:22,701 --> 00:10:24,919
You treated him
like he was one of your fans.
173
00:10:24,970 --> 00:10:27,205
That is your kid.
174
00:10:27,223 --> 00:10:30,008
That chapter of my life
was over long ago.
175
00:10:30,042 --> 00:10:32,293
I'm not revisiting it.
176
00:10:34,063 --> 00:10:38,349
You know, I still remember the day that
I handed him over to the social worker,
177
00:10:38,383 --> 00:10:40,850
and I kept thinking
to myself,
178
00:10:41,296 --> 00:10:45,117
this is when you can change
your mind and take him back.
179
00:10:46,621 --> 00:10:48,551
And I didn't.
180
00:10:49,561 --> 00:10:52,113
I'm not a mother.
181
00:11:05,878 --> 00:11:08,592
Mm, excuse me.
182
00:11:09,748 --> 00:11:12,350
- Hey!
- Holy crap.
183
00:11:12,384 --> 00:11:16,456
- Thelma, it's back.
- The herpes?
184
00:11:17,089 --> 00:11:20,308
No, Arlo. He's here.
And these are my best friends.
185
00:11:20,359 --> 00:11:23,528
It's not the time for a sweaty,
doughnut-making skeleton
186
00:11:23,562 --> 00:11:25,480
to fall out of my closet.
187
00:11:25,531 --> 00:11:28,199
Maybe he hasn't lit
the world on fire yet,
188
00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:31,319
but I think that boy
is a diamond in the rough.
189
00:11:31,643 --> 00:11:34,267
Go on, open the door.
190
00:11:38,794 --> 00:11:42,997
So, Arlo,
what brings you here,
191
00:11:43,048 --> 00:11:46,671
past two doormen
and a security camera?
192
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:50,914
Is this a bad time? I left
my backpack here last night.
193
00:11:51,149 --> 00:11:54,142
By the way,
I love your hair.
194
00:11:54,176 --> 00:11:56,978
You look just like
Marge Simpson.
195
00:12:00,299 --> 00:12:03,484
- Um, are you having a party?
- No, I'm not having a party.
196
00:12:03,519 --> 00:12:06,571
Bye, Maddie.
Great party.
197
00:12:07,773 --> 00:12:10,441
Cool, I get to meet
all your friends.
198
00:12:10,475 --> 00:12:13,027
It's not really a party.
It's more of a business meeting.
199
00:12:13,078 --> 00:12:15,246
Oh, thanks.
200
00:12:15,281 --> 00:12:17,878
Oh, look, Frank,
Arlo's here.
201
00:12:17,933 --> 00:12:20,484
Hey, kid.
Great to see you.
202
00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:23,588
I'm telling you,
I can still kill him.
203
00:12:23,622 --> 00:12:25,874
Arlo, let's go
in the kitchen.
204
00:12:25,925 --> 00:12:28,877
Wow, these tiny beans are a little
salty, but I'm digging 'em.
205
00:12:28,928 --> 00:12:32,500
- Great. They're $300 an ounce.
- Worth it.
206
00:12:33,048 --> 00:12:34,966
Who is this young man?
207
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,685
I don't recall seeing you
at any of Maddie's parties.
208
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:42,341
- Jeffrey Sheppard, actor.
- Arlo Barth, reenactor.
209
00:12:43,475 --> 00:12:45,343
And how do you
know Maddie?
210
00:12:45,361 --> 00:12:48,613
He's my...
hey, that fat girl looks drunk.
211
00:12:48,647 --> 00:12:50,202
Where?
212
00:12:54,486 --> 00:12:58,873
Uh, I'm getting kind of a weird vibe.
Do you not want me here?
213
00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:01,042
Oh, don't be silly.
214
00:13:01,076 --> 00:13:04,028
It's just, you're not
quite dressed for the occasion,
215
00:13:04,046 --> 00:13:06,273
but I have this jacket
for you to wear.
216
00:13:11,837 --> 00:13:15,703
- But this is a waiter's jacket.
- And you make it work.
217
00:13:15,918 --> 00:13:18,370
I'm not stupid,
you know.
218
00:13:19,061 --> 00:13:20,228
I can see
what's going on here.
219
00:13:20,262 --> 00:13:21,846
- You're embarrassed by me.
- Embarrassed...?
220
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:25,769
Listen, I'm starting to think that
this whole thing was a dumb idea.
221
00:13:26,352 --> 00:13:29,592
Maybe we should just go back
to not knowing each other.
222
00:13:30,072 --> 00:13:33,691
It was interesting
meeting you.
223
00:13:40,699 --> 00:13:42,000
What?
224
00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:43,785
He wanted to go,
225
00:13:43,836 --> 00:13:47,822
and he's leaving with $2,000
worth of caviar in his belly.
226
00:13:48,156 --> 00:13:50,442
Not such a sad story.
227
00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:54,212
Maybe we should kill her.
228
00:13:59,623 --> 00:14:04,393
Wow, "The Glazed Hole" makes it
sound fancier than it is.
229
00:14:10,229 --> 00:14:11,746
Excuse me?
230
00:14:13,155 --> 00:14:14,737
Hello...?
231
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:18,441
- Hello?
- I hear you. I'm not ready yet. Eh.
232
00:14:19,527 --> 00:14:22,110
Tanya, I finished
cleaning out the...
233
00:14:23,449 --> 00:14:25,317
What are you doing here?
234
00:14:25,351 --> 00:14:28,370
Arlo, after you left last
night, I felt just terrible.
235
00:14:28,404 --> 00:14:31,123
That's why I drove all the way
out here to apologize.
236
00:14:31,157 --> 00:14:33,291
Uh, you had Frank drive.
237
00:14:33,326 --> 00:14:37,926
Yes, but my seat warmer was broken,
so I could barely sleep comfortably.
238
00:14:38,748 --> 00:14:41,833
I opened the gift
you gave me.
239
00:14:41,867 --> 00:14:44,419
Thank you
for the mother's day card.
240
00:14:44,888 --> 00:14:47,411
I've never gotten one
before.
241
00:14:47,559 --> 00:14:48,963
Or given one.
242
00:14:49,208 --> 00:14:51,579
FYI, your grandmother's
a bitch.
243
00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:54,479
It's too late for this.
I'm working.
244
00:14:54,514 --> 00:14:57,849
Yeah, that grease isn't gonna
skim itself, lard ass.
245
00:14:57,883 --> 00:15:00,649
Hey, you cannot talk to him
like that.
246
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:04,236
That's my...
You know, he's my...
247
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:07,432
Son. T-word is "son."
You can't even say it.
248
00:15:07,499 --> 00:15:10,185
- Just go.
- Arlo, please.
249
00:15:10,446 --> 00:15:12,614
So you're the famous actress
I never heard of
250
00:15:12,665 --> 00:15:15,302
who put Captain Sweaty
up for adoption.
251
00:15:15,325 --> 00:15:18,544
I can't say I blame you.
That boy is pitiful.
252
00:15:21,073 --> 00:15:22,757
Hey, you're not
allowed back here.
253
00:15:22,792 --> 00:15:23,875
Yeah, but you have
something right there.
254
00:15:23,909 --> 00:15:25,710
- Where?
- Right here.
255
00:15:28,131 --> 00:15:31,308
- Now it's gone.
- Are you crazy?
256
00:15:37,390 --> 00:15:40,225
Get this drag queen off of me!
Get off of me!
257
00:15:40,259 --> 00:15:41,943
Bring it, RuPaul!
258
00:15:41,978 --> 00:15:45,981
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
what are you doing?
259
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,732
I'm standing up for you.
260
00:15:47,766 --> 00:15:51,536
Where do you get off trying to play
mother when it's convenient for you?
261
00:15:51,571 --> 00:15:53,892
You wouldn't even tell
your friends who I was.
262
00:15:53,893 --> 00:15:56,429
Arlo,
you don't understand.
263
00:15:56,792 --> 00:16:00,073
This isn't easy for me.
My friends think I'm 36.
264
00:16:00,801 --> 00:16:03,419
Not easy for you?
What about me?
265
00:16:03,470 --> 00:16:05,388
I meet the woman who gave me up
when I was born,
266
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:07,491
and then
she gives me up again.
267
00:16:07,492 --> 00:16:10,182
I don't even know
why I care.
268
00:16:10,183 --> 00:16:12,519
You're just this rich snob
269
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,616
who's so lonely, she has to pay
her employees to be her friends
270
00:16:15,617 --> 00:16:17,733
because she has
no one else in her life.
271
00:16:17,851 --> 00:16:19,518
Well, you know what?
272
00:16:19,675 --> 00:16:23,228
You could have had someone else,
but you didn't want him.
273
00:16:23,279 --> 00:16:28,951
Okay, your total
comes to $160.28.
274
00:16:38,374 --> 00:16:41,676
Hey, here's another one.
275
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,518
Here we go.
276
00:16:44,057 --> 00:16:46,258
I can't go on tonight.
277
00:16:46,276 --> 00:16:48,566
All I can think about is Arlo.
Get my understudy.
278
00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:52,461
You mean your understudy who's ten
pounds lighter and ten years younger?
279
00:16:53,378 --> 00:16:56,476
I can't really do that
to my fans, can I?
280
00:16:57,786 --> 00:17:00,111
Let me make you some tea.
281
00:17:02,997 --> 00:17:05,580
You are so good to me.
282
00:17:06,634 --> 00:17:08,868
Can I ask you a question,
Thelma?
283
00:17:08,886 --> 00:17:13,738
Are you my friend, or do you just do
all these things because I pay you?
284
00:17:13,739 --> 00:17:15,312
Oh, honey.
285
00:17:15,347 --> 00:17:17,088
Both.
286
00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:20,593
Maddie,
where's this coming from?
287
00:17:20,594 --> 00:17:22,392
It's just been
in my head.
288
00:17:22,426 --> 00:17:24,695
Look, you've got
to pull yourself together.
289
00:17:24,696 --> 00:17:26,377
This is the
opening night.
290
00:17:26,397 --> 00:17:30,984
- You need your head in the game.
- I know. I just so blew it with Arlo.
291
00:17:31,035 --> 00:17:33,153
I just wanted him to give me
another chance,
292
00:17:33,204 --> 00:17:35,489
and now
I'll never see him again.
293
00:17:36,441 --> 00:17:39,024
Front row, in the box,
stage right.
294
00:17:39,410 --> 00:17:41,044
What?
How did you get him?
295
00:17:41,078 --> 00:17:44,297
Frank and I went to his place, and
I just told him he can't give up on you.
296
00:17:44,332 --> 00:17:46,416
You're a diamond
in the rough too.
297
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:50,253
- So he's forgiven me?
- Well, not quite.
298
00:17:50,287 --> 00:17:54,594
Took some arm-twisting to get him here,
but he's not very strong.
299
00:17:55,796 --> 00:17:57,839
The rest is up to you.
300
00:18:00,848 --> 00:18:05,215
You know, Owen, I'm not
half the woman I used to be.
301
00:18:05,216 --> 00:18:08,021
And I'm not half the drinker
I used to be.
302
00:18:10,525 --> 00:18:14,855
- So, darling, do you have any regrets?
- None.
303
00:18:14,904 --> 00:18:19,408
Then let's get
the honeymoon started.
304
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:22,697
Wait!
305
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,253
- I have a regret.
- No, I don't think you do.
306
00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:28,717
Yeah, I do.
307
00:18:30,232 --> 00:18:31,746
20...
308
00:18:33,276 --> 00:18:36,501
26 years ago,
I gave up something,
309
00:18:37,134 --> 00:18:40,454
and I think about that loss
every single day,
310
00:18:41,839 --> 00:18:43,640
and I'm so sorry.
311
00:18:43,674 --> 00:18:46,610
I'm not very good
at this mothering thing,
312
00:18:46,644 --> 00:18:49,681
but I think I might be able
to get better.
313
00:18:50,648 --> 00:18:53,199
But I could at least
be a good friend.
314
00:18:53,234 --> 00:18:55,986
And by good friend,
you mean wife,
315
00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:59,122
so let's get
the honeymoon started.
316
00:18:59,156 --> 00:19:01,625
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait!
317
00:19:08,132 --> 00:19:11,134
All I'm asking for
is a second chance.
318
00:19:11,168 --> 00:19:15,005
I think that you and I could
have something really special.
319
00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:17,595
I think so too!
320
00:19:19,710 --> 00:19:22,479
I'm willing to try,
if you are.
321
00:19:22,513 --> 00:19:23,847
I am!
322
00:19:23,881 --> 00:19:25,181
Who is that?
323
00:19:25,215 --> 00:19:27,684
That is my son.
324
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:39,779
Oh, this is the first time
we ever hugged.
325
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,915
I can feel
your heart beating.
326
00:19:41,949 --> 00:19:44,915
And I can feel
your back sweating.
327
00:19:47,171 --> 00:19:49,415
And I'm okay with that.
328
00:19:50,052 --> 00:19:51,698
And now I'm not.
329
00:19:53,511 --> 00:19:56,861
And listen, you inspired me.
I quit my job.
330
00:19:56,862 --> 00:20:00,252
You're right. I was meant for
better things than the glazed hole.
331
00:20:00,301 --> 00:20:03,770
- Yes, you are.
- I have no idea what those things are.
332
00:20:03,804 --> 00:20:06,255
But that's okay.
I'm gonna help you.
333
00:20:06,256 --> 00:20:11,088
I'm gonna make you my project,
and not like that school in Africa.
334
00:20:12,363 --> 00:20:14,614
I'm gonna finish you.
335
00:20:15,950 --> 00:20:18,201
Well, we've got some
of the early reviews.
336
00:20:18,235 --> 00:20:22,455
Okay, Theater Mania called you
"Bigger and harder than ever."
337
00:20:22,490 --> 00:20:27,276
Wait a minute, sorry.
That's a pop-up Viagra ad.
338
00:20:30,385 --> 00:20:32,459
- I got The Times.
- I can't listen.
339
00:20:32,460 --> 00:20:35,341
They're gonna crucify me
for that onstage meltdown.
340
00:20:35,342 --> 00:20:39,879
"Worst case scenario is
both frothy and delicious."
341
00:20:39,913 --> 00:20:43,568
Did you hear? They called me
"Frothy and delicious."
342
00:20:44,685 --> 00:20:47,146
- Oh, my God, we got away with it!
- Yeah!
343
00:20:47,147 --> 00:20:48,840
Got away with it?
You're in a big, fat hit.
344
00:20:48,841 --> 00:20:50,126
All right!
345
00:20:50,357 --> 00:20:53,493
Come on, kid, you're coming to
your first opening night party.
346
00:20:53,527 --> 00:20:56,794
- By the way, you got a suit?
- Union or Confederate?
347
00:20:57,619 --> 00:21:00,787
Oh, my God, we're a hit.
Do you know what this means?
348
00:21:00,822 --> 00:21:04,241
- I can stop putting booze in your tea?
- No, keep doing that.
349
00:21:04,659 --> 00:21:08,795
It means that I am a successful
working mother trying to have it all.
350
00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:11,511
I am so gonna score
the cover of People.
351
00:21:11,512 --> 00:21:14,030
Suck it, Angelina Jolie.
352
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:17,874
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