1
00:00:00,475 --> 00:00:02,664
Kirstie is taped before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:02,665 --> 00:00:05,341
[Alarm beeping]
Fire! Fire!
3
00:00:06,629 --> 00:00:09,357
- I got it!
- Not the alarm. The oven!
4
00:00:09,358 --> 00:00:10,830
Right!
5
00:00:11,350 --> 00:00:13,350
Ow! [Extinguisher hissing]
6
00:00:16,590 --> 00:00:18,186
I'm sorry.
7
00:00:18,259 --> 00:00:21,919
Ever since I played the Scarecrow
in high school, I'm terrified of fire.
8
00:00:22,875 --> 00:00:26,322
And scarecrows.
And high school...
9
00:00:28,025 --> 00:00:31,807
Here's something else
for you to be afraid of.
10
00:00:31,854 --> 00:00:36,270
- Oh, jeez.
- Oh! What did you do?
11
00:00:36,271 --> 00:00:38,796
I was trying to make a
birthday cake for Arlo.
12
00:00:38,797 --> 00:00:41,920
A cake...? You don't know
how to make ice cubes!
13
00:00:41,944 --> 00:00:44,182
Well, don't they come
with the refrigerator?
14
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:48,643
Don't worry.
I've got it covered.
15
00:00:48,834 --> 00:00:50,279
What do you think?
16
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:54,214
I think that this is the first birthday
that I'm spending with my son,
17
00:00:54,215 --> 00:00:56,456
and if you think I'm gonna
give him a store-bought cake,
18
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,113
you don't know
Madison Banks.
19
00:01:00,264 --> 00:01:02,947
Oh! Sink cake.
20
00:01:05,014 --> 00:01:08,817
I don't care how long it takes
or many people have to die.
21
00:01:08,857 --> 00:01:12,465
I am giving my son a cake
made by his mother.
22
00:01:12,466 --> 00:01:16,467
Oh, my God!
Why did you people let me ruin it?
23
00:01:16,630 --> 00:01:18,534
Frank, stop eating it.
24
00:01:19,138 --> 00:01:22,240
Oh... We have to glue this together.
25
00:01:23,192 --> 00:01:24,629
Oh...
26
00:01:24,630 --> 00:01:28,410
God! His birthday's
gonna be a disaster!
27
00:01:28,821 --> 00:01:32,212
No, it isn't, because...
28
00:01:32,213 --> 00:01:35,097
Who knows you
better than anyone?
29
00:01:37,278 --> 00:01:38,478
Wow.
30
00:01:38,630 --> 00:01:40,840
Ice and cakes?
31
00:01:40,903 --> 00:01:44,133
My God, this refrigerator
is amazing!
32
00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:49,629
[Upbeat jazz music]
33
00:01:49,630 --> 00:01:51,454
♪ ♪
34
00:01:51,455 --> 00:01:53,815
Season 1, Episode 3
"Arlo's Birthday"
35
00:01:54,037 --> 00:01:57,037
Synced by chamallow & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
36
00:01:57,045 --> 00:02:00,045
Arlo just texted,
and he'll be home any minute.
37
00:02:01,630 --> 00:02:04,629
- [Gasps] Hey, hey, hey!
- [All] Surprise!
38
00:02:04,685 --> 00:02:07,470
- Happy Birthday.
- Hey, hey.
39
00:02:07,517 --> 00:02:10,248
Wow! I can't believe
that you remembered.
40
00:02:10,249 --> 00:02:12,378
Of course, we remembered.
41
00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:14,272
[Laughs]
And look, look, look.
42
00:02:14,273 --> 00:02:17,530
I got you a present
for every year of your life.
43
00:02:17,676 --> 00:02:20,175
Happy 19th birthday, Arlo.
44
00:02:21,925 --> 00:02:26,089
- You know I'm turning 27.
- Not when she's turning 39.
45
00:02:26,090 --> 00:02:27,238
Oh.
46
00:02:27,239 --> 00:02:29,506
All right. It's gift opening time.
Sit down.
47
00:02:29,512 --> 00:02:31,835
All right. I'm gonna give you...
48
00:02:31,858 --> 00:02:34,535
I'm gonna give you this one,
because I know you'll love it.
49
00:02:34,536 --> 00:02:36,592
- Okay.
- Yeah.
50
00:02:37,763 --> 00:02:39,424
[Laughs] Let's see here.
51
00:02:40,530 --> 00:02:44,449
- Uh, a purse?
- No, not a purse.
52
00:02:44,676 --> 00:02:47,263
It's a man's action bag.
53
00:02:49,869 --> 00:02:52,166
For the man on the go.
54
00:02:54,062 --> 00:02:56,821
Where's he going,
to a gay rodeo?
55
00:02:58,837 --> 00:03:01,795
Maddie, thank you. I love it.
It's great. [Laughs]
56
00:03:01,819 --> 00:03:04,404
It's kind of like carrying
a flat football.
57
00:03:04,405 --> 00:03:05,918
[Doorbell rings]
58
00:03:05,944 --> 00:03:09,046
Oh, don't open another one yet.
I have a surprise for you.
59
00:03:09,047 --> 00:03:11,175
I've wanted to give you this
since you were a little boy,
60
00:03:11,176 --> 00:03:14,380
but I never had a chance, so...
Here goes!
61
00:03:18,366 --> 00:03:22,226
Thelma, please tell me
you see that too.
62
00:03:23,309 --> 00:03:25,719
Where's the birthday boy?
63
00:03:28,630 --> 00:03:32,044
Hey, little fella.
"Honk, honk."
64
00:03:32,231 --> 00:03:34,801
Hey, you don't look anything like the ad.
65
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,589
And just for the record,
you're not honking anything.
66
00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:40,506
My ex-wife got the horn
in the divorce.
67
00:03:41,017 --> 00:03:44,830
Which is ironic, 'cause
she was never horny. "Honk."
68
00:03:45,911 --> 00:03:47,832
For my first trick,
69
00:03:47,833 --> 00:03:51,179
who would like to pull
a banana from my pants?
70
00:03:51,935 --> 00:03:56,348
But you better be of age.
I'm not going back to the slammer.
71
00:03:56,552 --> 00:03:58,150
Oh, boy.
72
00:03:58,261 --> 00:04:00,895
Where do you folks
like to throw up?
73
00:04:01,088 --> 00:04:02,729
Right out here.
74
00:04:03,261 --> 00:04:04,461
[Thud] Oh!
75
00:04:10,461 --> 00:04:13,335
Is it me? 'Cause I thought
he was great.
76
00:04:14,650 --> 00:04:18,611
Wow. Thank you. That...
Was not what I was expecting.
77
00:04:18,630 --> 00:04:23,477
All right, Arlo. To make up for that,
let's see your birthday cake.
78
00:04:24,578 --> 00:04:26,772
Oh, look at this. Yeah.
79
00:04:26,889 --> 00:04:28,348
Mmm.
80
00:04:28,349 --> 00:04:31,053
Oh, this leather is so supple.
81
00:04:32,262 --> 00:04:35,897
- Would you stop mauling that thing?
- Oh, I can't help it.
82
00:04:35,898 --> 00:04:37,372
[Sniffs] Mmm.
83
00:04:37,373 --> 00:04:41,855
The smell of a fresh man bag
resting against your chin.
84
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:46,394
Here's your favorite...
85
00:04:46,785 --> 00:04:49,386
- Strawberry layer cake!
- Oh! Oh, no.
86
00:04:49,387 --> 00:04:51,572
I'm actually allergic
to strawberries.
87
00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:53,307
How did I not
know that?
88
00:04:53,385 --> 00:04:57,623
Probably didn't come up during those
seven hours you spent raising him.
89
00:04:58,786 --> 00:05:03,138
Look, the thought was enough. Thank you,
Maddie, so much for all of this.
90
00:05:03,139 --> 00:05:07,910
The man bag, the drunk clown,
the deadly cake.
91
00:05:09,112 --> 00:05:13,514
It's all really more than any
27-year-old could wish for.
92
00:05:13,589 --> 00:05:15,258
Thank you.
93
00:05:15,259 --> 00:05:17,258
- It's 19.
- Right.
94
00:05:17,347 --> 00:05:19,660
So listen, I'm... I'm really sorry.
95
00:05:19,661 --> 00:05:21,752
I didn't know
you were gonna do all this,
96
00:05:21,753 --> 00:05:24,113
and I've actually made plans
with some of my friends, so...
97
00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:26,113
Plans? Can't you
just blow them off?
98
00:05:26,114 --> 00:05:28,217
I mean, you haven't
opened your gifts yet,
99
00:05:28,218 --> 00:05:29,705
and the party's just
starting around here.
100
00:05:29,706 --> 00:05:31,595
We're gonna gather
around the piano,
101
00:05:31,596 --> 00:05:34,375
and I've got my Cole Porter
songbook.
102
00:05:34,486 --> 00:05:37,283
Oh, look at the time... [Laughs]
103
00:05:37,284 --> 00:05:40,840
They're all waiting for me,
so I should probably get...
104
00:05:44,059 --> 00:05:45,752
Um...
105
00:05:46,550 --> 00:05:48,397
Look, you'd probably hate it.
106
00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:50,879
The bar's really loud,
you can't even talk...
107
00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:54,548
- But if you really want to...
- Yes, thank you. We'd love to come.
108
00:05:55,446 --> 00:06:00,651
I'm really sorry, Arlo. Your mother
does not understand the "empty gesture."
109
00:06:01,247 --> 00:06:02,627
No.
110
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:04,752
Please. Come.
111
00:06:04,753 --> 00:06:08,403
You see? He wants us to join him.
Let's join him.
112
00:06:08,404 --> 00:06:12,276
He sounds like a hostage
reading a ransom note.
113
00:06:12,861 --> 00:06:15,338
Will you stop it?
I think I know my son.
114
00:06:15,339 --> 00:06:18,842
Oh, wait, honey,
don't forget your action bag.
115
00:06:19,495 --> 00:06:22,207
Look out, ladies.
116
00:06:26,393 --> 00:06:28,392
[Loud dance music]
117
00:06:28,393 --> 00:06:31,392
There he is.
Argo in the house!
118
00:06:31,393 --> 00:06:32,652
- Argo.
- Argo!
119
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:36,114
Argo...? I've been calling him
"Arlo" for a month.
120
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:40,479
All right. Guys, this is Maddie,
my birth mom.
121
00:06:40,714 --> 00:06:44,392
Yes, Madison Banks.
Yes, that Madison Banks.
122
00:06:44,767 --> 00:06:47,561
But for tonight, let's all
just pretend like we're equals.
123
00:06:48,317 --> 00:06:50,485
[Laughs] Wow. I see
what you mean about her.
124
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:52,939
Yeah. And this is
Thelma and Frank.
125
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:55,918
- Hi, guys.
- You can call me Frank.
126
00:06:57,313 --> 00:07:02,392
All right, everybody. Who's drunk enough
to get this karaoke night started?
127
00:07:02,393 --> 00:07:06,462
[All cheering] Karaoke? You
didn't tell me there was karaoke!
128
00:07:06,487 --> 00:07:07,392
Yeah.
129
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:10,674
It's the best thing to come out
of Japan since Hello Kitty.
130
00:07:12,058 --> 00:07:14,180
I hate karaoke.
131
00:07:14,207 --> 00:07:17,262
Well, that's about to change. Sign us up.
I'll get drinks.
132
00:07:17,263 --> 00:07:21,799
Okay. But if I get sloppy drunk
and start hittin' on young guys...
133
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,131
Let me.
134
00:07:24,074 --> 00:07:26,755
So, um... How long have
you guys known Arlo?
135
00:07:26,756 --> 00:07:29,115
Oh, we practically
grew up at his house.
136
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,594
Oh, so then you know
his adoptive mother?
137
00:07:31,595 --> 00:07:35,224
Oh, yeah. Everybody loved Lorraine.
We all wanted her to be our mom.
138
00:07:35,225 --> 00:07:38,272
Remember she used to make the most
amazing homemade birthday cakes?
139
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,769
- Yeah.
- [Quietly] So she said.
140
00:07:40,892 --> 00:07:44,115
Actually, Maddie threw me
a really great birthday today.
141
00:07:44,116 --> 00:07:46,615
[Laughs] Yeah. Show 'em
your action bag.
142
00:07:46,939 --> 00:07:49,748
- No, no. They don't need to...
- Oh, show 'em your bag.
143
00:07:51,380 --> 00:07:54,188
Nice. Is that where
you keep your tampons?
144
00:07:54,189 --> 00:07:56,188
[Laughter]
145
00:07:56,393 --> 00:08:00,772
You guys see the man bag? It's got
a separate pocket for his rape whistle.
146
00:08:00,773 --> 00:08:02,094
[Laughter]
147
00:08:02,095 --> 00:08:05,202
That's right. It also has
room for his diaphragm.
148
00:08:05,203 --> 00:08:06,214
[Laughs]
149
00:08:06,246 --> 00:08:10,392
What? I thought we were all
giving each other the business.
150
00:08:10,393 --> 00:08:15,179
All right. Get liquored up, especially
you, 'cause we're three songs away.
151
00:08:15,379 --> 00:08:19,163
- You didn't get yourself a drink, Frank?
- Aw, no, no. I never mix booze and weed.
152
00:08:20,582 --> 00:08:23,527
I'm a chauffeur,
not an airline pilot.
153
00:08:24,537 --> 00:08:26,392
So how do you like his friends?
154
00:08:26,393 --> 00:08:29,861
They couldn't shut up about how
perfect his adoptive mother was.
155
00:08:30,393 --> 00:08:32,805
I mean, I can't even find
a way to bond with him.
156
00:08:32,806 --> 00:08:34,635
It's like we have
nothing in common.
157
00:08:34,656 --> 00:08:38,524
Hmm. Well, I've seen you both tear
into a bag of kettle corn pretty good.
158
00:08:38,806 --> 00:08:42,579
Okay, first up,
we got a birthday boy.
159
00:08:42,580 --> 00:08:45,157
Arlo Barth! Oh!
160
00:08:45,393 --> 00:08:48,120
- What did you guys do?
- Get up there!
161
00:08:48,121 --> 00:08:50,120
[Laughter, chatter]
162
00:08:50,595 --> 00:08:52,638
Oh, Arlo, honey.
So you're gonna go sing?
163
00:08:52,639 --> 00:08:54,638
I have to.
They signed me up.
164
00:08:54,639 --> 00:08:57,303
Okay. Oh, my God.
He's gonna humiliate himself.
165
00:08:57,304 --> 00:09:01,122
Everyone, everybody, look,
it's his birthday, so don't laugh.
166
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:04,992
He's had a really hard life.
He'll die if he eats a strawberry.
167
00:09:04,993 --> 00:09:07,992
[Music starts]
168
00:09:08,264 --> 00:09:10,263
♪
169
00:09:10,264 --> 00:09:12,097
♪ Turn around ♪
170
00:09:12,098 --> 00:09:15,097
♪ Every now and then
I get a little bit lonely ♪
171
00:09:15,107 --> 00:09:17,465
♪ And you're never
comin' round ♪
172
00:09:17,466 --> 00:09:19,295
♪ Turn around ♪
173
00:09:19,296 --> 00:09:22,870
♪ Every now and then
I get a little bit tired ♪
174
00:09:22,871 --> 00:09:25,467
♪ Of listening
to the sound of my tears ♪
175
00:09:25,468 --> 00:09:27,071
♪ Turn around ♪
176
00:09:27,072 --> 00:09:30,274
♪ Every now and then
I get a little bit nervous ♪
177
00:09:30,275 --> 00:09:32,638
♪ That the best of all
my years have gone by ♪
178
00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:34,395
♪ Turn around ♪
179
00:09:34,396 --> 00:09:38,059
♪ Every now and then
I get a little bit terrified ♪
180
00:09:38,060 --> 00:09:40,320
♪ And then I see
that look in your eyes ♪
181
00:09:40,321 --> 00:09:43,678
♪ Turn around,
bright eyes ♪
182
00:09:43,709 --> 00:09:46,654
♪ Together we can take it
to the end of the line ♪
183
00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:51,654
♪ Your love is like a shadow
on me all of the time ♪
184
00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:56,146
♪ I don't know what to do,
I'm always in the dark ♪
185
00:09:56,147 --> 00:10:00,146
♪ We're living in a powder keg
and giving off sparks ♪
186
00:10:00,147 --> 00:10:03,146
♪ I really need you tonight ♪
187
00:10:03,147 --> 00:10:06,147
♪ Forever's gonna start tonight ♪
188
00:10:06,717 --> 00:10:10,937
♪ Forever's gonna start
tonight... ♪
189
00:10:11,147 --> 00:10:12,347
[Song ends]
190
00:10:19,147 --> 00:10:23,146
Wow. When he sings, it's...
It's like music.
191
00:10:23,147 --> 00:10:27,146
- Yes!
- Wow, he is really good.
192
00:10:27,147 --> 00:10:30,843
Of course, he's really good.
He came from inside me.
193
00:10:31,304 --> 00:10:35,976
There've been a lot of guys inside you,
but they can't hold a note that long.
194
00:10:35,977 --> 00:10:37,976
[Laughing]
195
00:10:38,475 --> 00:10:40,562
You were amazing, really...
196
00:10:41,312 --> 00:10:44,322
You know, Arlo, I still am speechless.
197
00:10:44,323 --> 00:10:45,986
I mean, your voice...
198
00:10:45,987 --> 00:10:48,776
You never told me you
were good at anything.
199
00:10:48,777 --> 00:10:51,610
Thank you very much,
but it's just karaoke.
200
00:10:51,611 --> 00:10:53,776
What you have is a gift.
201
00:10:53,777 --> 00:10:56,960
You should do something with this.
You could be a star.
202
00:10:56,961 --> 00:10:59,622
- [Laughs] Are you serious?
- This is a career.
203
00:10:59,623 --> 00:11:03,450
- Why is this so important to you?
- Because you have talent.
204
00:11:03,451 --> 00:11:05,776
And it's the first thing
we have in common.
205
00:11:05,777 --> 00:11:09,676
Before I heard you sing, it was like
we were from two different planets.
206
00:11:09,677 --> 00:11:12,511
It took karaoke to make
you feel like we're related?
207
00:11:12,512 --> 00:11:14,421
I know.
Isn't it wonderful?
208
00:11:14,432 --> 00:11:16,550
I know so many people
in the music business.
209
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,550
No. I don't want to be
in show business.
210
00:11:18,551 --> 00:11:19,932
[Gasps]
211
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:24,440
If this wasn't a public place,
I'd turn you over my knee.
212
00:11:25,014 --> 00:11:27,776
You could change your life
with this voice.
213
00:11:27,777 --> 00:11:30,656
Thelma, Frank, tell him.
You could change your...
214
00:11:31,777 --> 00:11:35,695
- I like my life the way it is.
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.
215
00:11:35,907 --> 00:11:39,549
Do you know what some people
would do for a chance to be famous?
216
00:11:39,557 --> 00:11:43,342
I don't know. Maybe give up
their kid for a part in a play.
217
00:11:43,343 --> 00:11:45,926
You know who else
gave up his only son?
218
00:11:46,161 --> 00:11:47,527
God.
219
00:11:48,743 --> 00:11:51,627
And you don't see people
giving him crap for it, do you?
220
00:11:51,628 --> 00:11:53,591
You're comparing
yourself to God?
221
00:11:53,592 --> 00:11:56,271
Only in the sense that
we're both public figures
222
00:11:56,922 --> 00:12:00,312
who made questionable
parenting choices!
223
00:12:01,501 --> 00:12:03,777
What? I... [Muttering]
224
00:12:03,802 --> 00:12:05,802
♪ ♪
225
00:12:06,565 --> 00:12:09,239
Look, about last night,
let's just make an agreement.
226
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:12,136
That this is the second to the last
time I'm ever gonna bring this up.
227
00:12:12,137 --> 00:12:13,893
Now, after you've cut
your demo tape...
228
00:12:13,894 --> 00:12:15,094
[Muffled]
229
00:12:16,327 --> 00:12:19,088
Okay, fair enough.
You're right.
230
00:12:19,401 --> 00:12:23,279
We've just started to get to know each
other, and no one likes to be pushed.
231
00:12:27,112 --> 00:12:29,259
We're good, Maddie. Let's just move on.
232
00:12:29,260 --> 00:12:32,351
Could you just give me a second chance
with the birthday celebration?
233
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:35,275
We'll just do something easy, you know?
Like go out for a cup of coffee.
234
00:12:35,276 --> 00:12:38,669
Okay. As long as a clown car
doesn't pick us up, I'm in.
235
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,274
Oh, then let me
make a call.
236
00:12:41,777 --> 00:12:43,545
Just kidding.
237
00:12:45,777 --> 00:12:48,972
A recording studio.
You've got to be kidding me.
238
00:12:49,222 --> 00:12:51,662
You said
we were going for coffee.
239
00:12:52,029 --> 00:12:56,044
On my mother's life, there was
a Starbuck's here two weeks ago.
240
00:12:57,777 --> 00:13:01,178
And I assume you two
are in on this as well.
241
00:13:01,179 --> 00:13:02,598
We're merely sheep.
242
00:13:02,624 --> 00:13:04,489
[Bleating] Baaaaah.
243
00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:07,738
They just wanted to be here
to support you...
244
00:13:07,739 --> 00:13:09,510
In your shining moment.
245
00:13:09,511 --> 00:13:11,676
You're not listening to me, Maddie.
246
00:13:11,777 --> 00:13:13,631
I got to take a walk.
247
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,672
- Arlo, why...
- All right, I'll go after him.
248
00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:20,996
Oh, Led Zeppelin.
I drove for them once.
249
00:13:21,114 --> 00:13:25,479
Or they drove me. I don't know.
Got there somehow.
250
00:13:26,074 --> 00:13:27,908
Wasn't my spaceship.
251
00:13:32,835 --> 00:13:36,776
Oh, my God. You know,
this mothering thing is so hard.
252
00:13:36,777 --> 00:13:40,231
- It's hard for everybody.
- It wasn't for you.
253
00:13:41,572 --> 00:13:43,557
Oh, Maddie.
254
00:13:43,558 --> 00:13:49,353
Look, I'm gonna tell you something
I never told anybody, not even my husband.
255
00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:54,182
When Fiona was four,
we were at Macy's...
256
00:13:54,183 --> 00:13:56,660
- And I lost her.
- You?
257
00:13:56,777 --> 00:14:01,153
But you're the most anal, controlling,
officious little dictator in the world.
258
00:14:02,277 --> 00:14:06,051
Oh, I really appreciate
you saying that.
259
00:14:06,628 --> 00:14:08,751
But, yes, even me.
260
00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:12,096
So I was holding her hand,
261
00:14:12,299 --> 00:14:17,148
and I let go for one second
to find a half-size larger shoe...
262
00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:20,017
- And she was gone.
- Oh, my God.
263
00:14:20,191 --> 00:14:21,976
What kind of shoe?
264
00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:25,007
Maddie, it's a 20-second story.
265
00:14:25,008 --> 00:14:26,935
- Stay with me.
- Okay, okay.
266
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:30,907
The point is, I found
her ten minutes later,
267
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:35,069
but during those ten minutes,
my life stopped.
268
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,419
I thought I was
the worst mother in the world.
269
00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:39,990
Oh, God. You know what?
I felt that way the whole month.
270
00:14:39,991 --> 00:14:42,715
And it's not gonna stop
for the rest of your life.
271
00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,573
Welcome to parenting.
272
00:14:48,499 --> 00:14:51,497
Come on, Arlo.
She set this whole thing up.
273
00:14:51,498 --> 00:14:54,394
It's one song.
It'll mean a lot to her.
274
00:14:54,395 --> 00:14:57,701
I just don't know how to deal with her.
Is she always like this?
275
00:14:57,778 --> 00:15:01,999
You mean deceptive,
manipulative, entitled?
276
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,208
- Selfish.
- Hey! Watch it there, mister.
277
00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:08,097
That's your mother you're talkin' about.
278
00:15:10,986 --> 00:15:13,635
You know,
when I was searching for her,
279
00:15:13,636 --> 00:15:17,893
I just assumed that she'd be
a different kind of mother, you know?
280
00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:20,729
More like...
A mother.
281
00:15:21,339 --> 00:15:25,082
Arlo, that woman
is a carnival ride.
282
00:15:27,899 --> 00:15:30,096
And not one of those fancy ones.
283
00:15:31,610 --> 00:15:35,403
No, we're talkin' rusty
bolts, and an operator on meth.
284
00:15:38,218 --> 00:15:42,217
But, man, if you hold on,
you will have a ride of your life.
285
00:15:42,987 --> 00:15:44,463
Or die.
286
00:15:48,939 --> 00:15:52,341
I'm so sorry, Lucas. It looks
like Arlo isn't going to...
287
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:54,669
Not be awesome.
Let's do this.
288
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:55,925
Yes!
289
00:15:56,386 --> 00:15:59,478
He was a little nervous, but
I gave him a shot of vitamin Frank.
290
00:16:00,222 --> 00:16:04,148
Arlo, this is my wonderful and
talented friend, Lucas Kogen.
291
00:16:04,149 --> 00:16:06,777
- Nice to meet you. Arlo Barth.
- [Laughs] Okay.
292
00:16:06,778 --> 00:16:08,963
That's the first thing
we need to change.
293
00:16:09,289 --> 00:16:11,338
And this is my driver, Frank.
294
00:16:11,339 --> 00:16:14,668
Yeah, we know each other,
"Lucas Kogen".
295
00:16:15,777 --> 00:16:19,360
- I don't think so.
- New Year's Eve, 2002.
296
00:16:19,636 --> 00:16:22,367
The woods behind
Billy Joel's place...
297
00:16:22,417 --> 00:16:24,045
Bloody mitten...?
298
00:16:26,581 --> 00:16:28,535
Oh, wait. That wasn't you.
299
00:16:29,777 --> 00:16:32,378
Frank Baxter.
Nice to meet you.
300
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:36,142
Okay, you wanna give a shot?
I'd love to hear this voice.
301
00:16:36,143 --> 00:16:39,215
No problem. I just happen
to have brought it.
302
00:16:42,050 --> 00:16:45,400
♪ And if you're lonely,
hold me tight ♪
303
00:16:45,418 --> 00:16:48,417
♪ We'll be holding on
forever ♪
304
00:16:48,777 --> 00:16:51,507
- That's all you need?
- Yeah, he's good.
305
00:16:51,667 --> 00:16:53,140
Good...?
306
00:16:54,284 --> 00:16:56,210
He's amazing, isn't he?
307
00:16:57,371 --> 00:16:59,882
He's like a young
Susan Boyle.
308
00:17:01,698 --> 00:17:04,940
So do you want to sign him today, or
do you want me to get him some press?
309
00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,213
Slow down, Maddie.
310
00:17:06,214 --> 00:17:07,777
You know, I was thinking,
after he cuts his album,
311
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:09,776
that I should get him
a publicist, right?
312
00:17:09,777 --> 00:17:11,776
- Right, right.
- And sort of create a buzz.
313
00:17:11,777 --> 00:17:13,549
You know, maybe do
a publicity stunt.
314
00:17:13,550 --> 00:17:17,190
Like, maybe he could go to an award show
and punch John Mayer in the throat.
315
00:17:18,777 --> 00:17:22,419
Maddie, I'm sorry
to have to tell you this.
316
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:26,002
The kid's got a voice, but that's it.
He's not a star.
317
00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:28,776
Well, how can you say that?
318
00:17:28,777 --> 00:17:31,271
You know that thing
that makes you a star?
319
00:17:31,272 --> 00:17:32,663
He ain't got it.
320
00:17:32,664 --> 00:17:36,217
If you don't believe me, ask somebody
else. They'll tell you the same thing.
321
00:17:36,218 --> 00:17:38,002
Tell Arlo I enjoyed meeting him.
322
00:17:38,664 --> 00:17:41,381
And my two cents...
Even if he's not in the business...
323
00:17:41,382 --> 00:17:43,382
Change that name.
324
00:17:45,269 --> 00:17:49,046
- I can't believe it.
- I'm so sorry, Maddie.
325
00:17:49,047 --> 00:17:51,161
I know how much
you were counting on this.
326
00:17:51,162 --> 00:17:53,503
I just don't know
how to break it to him.
327
00:17:54,309 --> 00:17:58,309
Oh, you were right, Thelma.
This parenting thing is a bitch.
328
00:17:58,576 --> 00:18:01,161
You want me to have
a little talk with Lucas?
329
00:18:01,162 --> 00:18:06,649
There's an empty grave behind Billy Joel's
house that I may or may not know about.
330
00:18:09,110 --> 00:18:10,895
♪ ♪
331
00:18:14,611 --> 00:18:18,583
Hey, where'd you go? Thelma
and Frank said you just took off.
332
00:18:18,708 --> 00:18:21,770
Mmm. I just
couldn't face you.
333
00:18:22,897 --> 00:18:26,277
They told me what Lucas said.
I'm really sorry.
334
00:18:26,278 --> 00:18:30,051
- I know how badly you wanted this.
- Well, didn't you want it too?
335
00:18:30,052 --> 00:18:33,639
To be honest, I was only doing it
because I knew how much it meant to you.
336
00:18:33,873 --> 00:18:36,379
And Frank scares me a little.
337
00:18:37,906 --> 00:18:42,586
Hey, we don't need a record deal to prove
that we're connected. I'm your son.
338
00:18:42,587 --> 00:18:44,909
So you actually feel like
we belong to each other now?
339
00:18:44,910 --> 00:18:48,086
Well, let's not get carried away.
We just met.
340
00:18:48,087 --> 00:18:51,064
You have no idea how special
I wanted this birthday to be.
341
00:18:51,065 --> 00:18:54,739
No, I get it. It's the first time
you get to acknowledge my birthday.
342
00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:56,876
No, it's not the first time, Arlo.
343
00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:01,337
Your birthday has always been
the toughest day of my year.
344
00:19:01,338 --> 00:19:02,998
- It was?
- Yeah.
345
00:19:03,596 --> 00:19:08,864
You know, I went into labor with you
while I was watching Crocodile Dundee.
346
00:19:09,939 --> 00:19:11,938
And every year on the 24th,
347
00:19:12,213 --> 00:19:14,641
I lock myself in my bedroom,
348
00:19:15,065 --> 00:19:18,091
and I watch that God-awful movie,
349
00:19:19,065 --> 00:19:22,975
and I pray that you
are happy and healthy.
350
00:19:23,690 --> 00:19:27,350
You know, you're not gonna believe this,
but I hate that movie too.
351
00:19:27,351 --> 00:19:28,969
Seriously?
352
00:19:29,110 --> 00:19:32,271
No, I loved it. I had
the hat and everything.
353
00:19:33,418 --> 00:19:36,712
But hey, we can always start
a new birthday tradition.
354
00:19:36,713 --> 00:19:38,712
[Scoffs] And what would that be?
355
00:19:39,065 --> 00:19:42,064
♪ I really need you tonight ♪
356
00:19:42,065 --> 00:19:45,277
♪ Forever's gonna start
tonight ♪
357
00:19:45,471 --> 00:19:49,470
♪ Forever's gonna start
tonight ♪
358
00:19:49,525 --> 00:19:51,524
♪
359
00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:54,922
♪ Once upon a time
I was falling in love ♪
360
00:19:55,002 --> 00:19:58,001
♪ But now I'm only
falling apart ♪
361
00:19:58,065 --> 00:20:00,461
♪
362
00:20:00,462 --> 00:20:02,349
♪ There's nothing
I can do ♪
363
00:20:02,350 --> 00:20:06,169
♪ A total eclipse
of the heart ♪
364
00:20:06,170 --> 00:20:09,169
♪
365
00:20:09,517 --> 00:20:14,517
♪ A total eclipse
of the heart.. ♪
366
00:20:15,604 --> 00:20:17,604
Happy Birthday, Arlo.
367
00:20:17,705 --> 00:20:20,705
Synced by chamallow & Reef
www.addic7ed.com