1
00:00:10,013 --> 00:00:11,948
(exclaiming)
2
00:00:16,286 --> 00:00:18,254
(school bell ringing)
3
00:00:20,891 --> 00:00:21,924
(Barney belches)
4
00:00:21,959 --> 00:00:24,227
(tires screeching)
5
00:00:24,261 --> 00:00:25,595
D'oh!
6
00:00:25,629 --> 00:00:27,196
(tires screeching)
7
00:00:27,231 --> 00:00:28,831
(grunts)
8
00:00:36,306 --> 00:00:37,707
(groaning)
9
00:00:37,741 --> 00:00:40,376
(laughs)
10
00:00:40,401 --> 00:00:44,401
♪ The Simpsons 25x07 ♪
Yellow Subterfuge
Original Air Date on December 8, 2013
11
00:00:44,426 --> 00:00:49,426
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
12
00:00:52,756 --> 00:00:54,390
♪ Skinner! ♪
13
00:00:54,424 --> 00:00:55,758
♪ Skinner
14
00:00:55,792 --> 00:01:00,263
♪ He patrols the school halls
15
00:01:00,297 --> 00:01:02,298
♪ Skinner! ♪
16
00:01:02,332 --> 00:01:05,635
♪ When you spit,
he's got the balls ♪
17
00:01:07,437 --> 00:01:10,506
♪ As you mosey through
the school ♪
18
00:01:10,540 --> 00:01:13,476
♪ All the kids say
you're so cool ♪
19
00:01:13,510 --> 00:01:16,545
♪ And you even made
20
00:01:16,580 --> 00:01:19,649
♪ Bart Simpson spill his milk
21
00:01:21,952 --> 00:01:23,819
♪ Skinner! ♪
22
00:01:23,854 --> 00:01:25,454
♪ Skinner
23
00:01:25,489 --> 00:01:27,290
♪ You're the master
24
00:01:27,324 --> 00:01:33,162
♪ Of your fate...!
25
00:01:35,532 --> 00:01:36,766
Skinner!
26
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,135
♪ Skinner
27
00:01:39,169 --> 00:01:41,470
♪ You sure look
good in chaps ♪
28
00:01:41,505 --> 00:01:42,805
♪ Skinner...
29
00:01:42,839 --> 00:01:45,374
Wake up. You're on!
30
00:01:45,409 --> 00:01:46,809
(grunts)
31
00:01:46,811 --> 00:01:48,944
Children, I have
some exciting news.
32
00:01:48,979 --> 00:01:50,313
(kids murmuring)
33
00:01:50,347 --> 00:01:53,215
I'm here to tell you about
a field trip so amazing,
34
00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:55,484
we've put "sign here" stickers
on the permission slips.
35
00:01:55,519 --> 00:01:58,954
As you recall, these stickers
came from last year's field trip
36
00:01:58,989 --> 00:02:00,656
to the "sign here"
sticker factory.
37
00:02:00,691 --> 00:02:02,792
But thanks
to my old navy buddy--
38
00:02:02,826 --> 00:02:06,028
we both love to shop
at Old Navy--
39
00:02:06,063 --> 00:02:09,031
the students of this school
will be taking a ride
40
00:02:09,066 --> 00:02:10,700
on a nuclear-powered,
attack-class submarine,
41
00:02:10,734 --> 00:02:13,903
the USS Tom Clancy!
42
00:02:22,946 --> 00:02:23,913
(all gasp)
43
00:02:23,947 --> 00:02:24,914
(chuckles)
44
00:02:24,948 --> 00:02:25,915
So you're all excited, eh?
45
00:02:25,949 --> 00:02:27,350
ALL:
Yay!
46
00:02:27,384 --> 00:02:28,651
Well, that's too bad,
47
00:02:28,685 --> 00:02:30,353
because many of you
will not be going.
48
00:02:30,387 --> 00:02:31,387
ALL:
Huh?!
49
00:02:31,421 --> 00:02:32,822
There's limited room
50
00:02:32,856 --> 00:02:35,057
on the submarine, so only
the best-behaved students--
51
00:02:35,092 --> 00:02:37,226
as determined by me--
52
00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:38,894
will go on the trip.
53
00:02:42,399 --> 00:02:43,766
Whoo-hoo!
Well, I get to go!
54
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,234
To increase the tension,
55
00:02:45,268 --> 00:02:46,869
everyone starts
with a clean slate.
56
00:02:46,903 --> 00:02:49,271
But from this moment on...
57
00:02:49,306 --> 00:02:51,273
I am the law.
58
00:02:51,308 --> 00:02:53,008
I hold the red pen.
59
00:02:53,043 --> 00:02:55,544
♪ Skinner! ♪
60
00:02:55,579 --> 00:02:58,948
Pranks, inside use of outside
voice, off-color whistling,
61
00:02:58,982 --> 00:03:01,183
and you're stricken
from the list.
62
00:03:01,218 --> 00:03:04,120
And once crossed off,
you stay crossed off.
63
00:03:04,154 --> 00:03:06,455
That's what pens do.
64
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,424
(gulps)
65
00:03:08,458 --> 00:03:09,959
(bees buzzing)
66
00:03:15,799 --> 00:03:19,201
Help! I'm trapped in space
with a man I don't like!
67
00:03:19,236 --> 00:03:20,536
BART:
Aooga!
68
00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:22,872
Submerge! Periscope!
69
00:03:22,906 --> 00:03:24,306
Aooga! Aooga!
70
00:03:24,341 --> 00:03:25,875
Die, Nazi octopus, die!
71
00:03:25,909 --> 00:03:27,276
(makes explosion sound)
72
00:03:29,980 --> 00:03:31,881
Sweetie, about the submarine...
73
00:03:31,915 --> 00:03:34,283
what's your favorite food to eat
when you're disappointed?
74
00:03:34,317 --> 00:03:35,918
I'm going shopping tomorrow.
75
00:03:35,952 --> 00:03:38,487
Ice cream sandwiches. Why?
76
00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:40,423
What your mother
is trying to say
77
00:03:40,457 --> 00:03:42,825
is we don't think
you can be good that long.
78
00:03:42,859 --> 00:03:44,960
Mom, is that true?
79
00:03:44,995 --> 00:03:48,264
Well, that's sort of what
I was trying to say, but...
80
00:03:48,298 --> 00:03:50,633
What your mother
is trying to say is...
81
00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:53,102
No, you're wrong!
You're all wrong!
82
00:03:53,136 --> 00:03:54,470
I didn't say anything.
83
00:03:54,504 --> 00:03:56,806
Were you thinking it?
Yes.
84
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,574
Get real, ding-dong!
85
00:03:58,608 --> 00:04:00,342
You've already done
so much bad stuff,
86
00:04:00,377 --> 00:04:02,578
Skinner's never gonna
let you on that boat.
87
00:04:02,612 --> 00:04:04,280
No, Skinner said
I had a clean slate,
88
00:04:04,314 --> 00:04:06,449
so right now, I'm as good
as any other kid.
89
00:04:06,483 --> 00:04:08,484
(Homer and Lisa laughing)
90
00:04:10,554 --> 00:04:12,121
Good one, ding-dong.
91
00:04:12,155 --> 00:04:13,823
Mom!
92
00:04:13,857 --> 00:04:15,991
Don't listen to them.
They're the ding-dongs.
93
00:04:16,026 --> 00:04:17,092
Wha...?!
94
00:04:17,127 --> 00:04:19,562
Bart, sweetie, this
is an opportunity
95
00:04:19,596 --> 00:04:22,031
for you to turn things
around yet again.
96
00:04:22,065 --> 00:04:24,133
And I believe in you.
97
00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:25,668
Yet again.
98
00:04:25,702 --> 00:04:27,369
Thanks, Mom.
99
00:04:27,404 --> 00:04:29,472
I'll start by taking my plate
to the dishwasher.
100
00:04:29,506 --> 00:04:30,806
Wherever that is.
101
00:04:30,841 --> 00:04:33,008
(cupboards open, shut,
dish breaks)
102
00:04:33,043 --> 00:04:34,276
Pfft. Marge,
103
00:04:34,311 --> 00:04:36,178
I love Bart
as much as you do,
104
00:04:36,213 --> 00:04:37,546
but actually not.
105
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,215
And that kid
cannot go one week
106
00:04:39,249 --> 00:04:40,516
without getting
in trouble.
107
00:04:40,550 --> 00:04:43,552
Now, if you'd be so kind
as to start my car for me,
108
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:44,787
I'm going to Moe's.
109
00:04:44,821 --> 00:04:46,322
(blowing air)
110
00:04:48,058 --> 00:04:49,692
Ooh.
111
00:04:49,726 --> 00:04:51,026
(engine starts)
112
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:52,628
Thank you.
113
00:04:52,662 --> 00:04:53,996
(tires squeal)
114
00:04:54,030 --> 00:04:56,232
Whoo-hoo!
115
00:04:56,266 --> 00:04:58,534
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm!
116
00:04:58,568 --> 00:05:00,169
What are you doing?
117
00:05:00,203 --> 00:05:01,604
To avoid temptation,
I'm getting rid
118
00:05:01,638 --> 00:05:04,106
of all the things that could get
me in trouble at school.
119
00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,475
I buried all my whoopee cushions
in the backyard.
120
00:05:09,212 --> 00:05:11,213
(flatulence sounds)
Hmm?
121
00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:14,950
(groans) What the...?
122
00:05:14,985 --> 00:05:16,418
That's not where
I buried them.
123
00:05:16,453 --> 00:05:17,720
Come on!
124
00:05:19,089 --> 00:05:21,223
Don't take my custom limo!
125
00:05:21,258 --> 00:05:24,593
At least let me sniff my coke
out of the floor mats!
126
00:05:24,628 --> 00:05:25,694
(grunts)
127
00:05:25,729 --> 00:05:26,996
(sniffing)
128
00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:28,264
(bicycle bell dings)
129
00:05:28,298 --> 00:05:29,865
Oh, hi, little girl.
130
00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:32,735
What brings you to see
Uncle Krusty? (chuckles)
131
00:05:32,769 --> 00:05:34,537
Krusty, are you broke?
132
00:05:34,571 --> 00:05:35,771
Yeah. All it takes
133
00:05:35,805 --> 00:05:37,606
is some bad luck
at the ponies,
134
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:39,375
worse luck in
the Bitcoin market,
135
00:05:39,409 --> 00:05:42,411
heavy investment in a
high-end bookmark company.
136
00:05:42,445 --> 00:05:44,914
You could do what
Everybody Loves Raymond did.
137
00:05:44,948 --> 00:05:46,882
Go off the air
while I'm still good?
138
00:05:46,917 --> 00:05:49,718
That horse has left the stable,
gone to the glue factory
139
00:05:49,753 --> 00:05:52,621
and has been used
to make art projects.
140
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:55,624
I mean, you could sell
foreign rights to your show.
141
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:56,959
Even SpongeBob did it.
142
00:05:58,662 --> 00:06:01,463
Buon compleanno,
Squiduardo!
143
00:06:01,498 --> 00:06:03,165
No, no, no, Roberto!
144
00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:07,102
E 'una mina della
seconda guerra mondiale,
145
00:06:07,137 --> 00:06:09,538
che farà saltare
in aria e... Ah!
146
00:06:10,607 --> 00:06:12,341
Calamari?!
147
00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:13,742
No...!
148
00:06:13,777 --> 00:06:15,978
(sobbing) No!
149
00:06:17,147 --> 00:06:18,614
Uh... it's cute stuff,
150
00:06:18,648 --> 00:06:20,416
but I'm still
broke, girlie.
151
00:06:20,450 --> 00:06:21,917
Not my Monet!
152
00:06:21,952 --> 00:06:23,485
I only looked
at it once!
153
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,020
What I'm saying is,
154
00:06:25,055 --> 00:06:27,990
you could produce
foreign versions of your TV show
155
00:06:28,024 --> 00:06:29,625
with actors
from other countries.
156
00:06:29,659 --> 00:06:31,527
Okay, I'll do it!
157
00:06:31,561 --> 00:06:34,129
Not my Shetland dolphin!
158
00:06:34,164 --> 00:06:36,298
Although I won't miss
the constant yapping.
159
00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:38,033
Papa!
160
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:40,569
Not anymore, he ain't.
161
00:06:56,252 --> 00:06:58,354
(booming thud)
162
00:06:58,388 --> 00:07:00,656
Gum on the floor.
Off the list.
163
00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,996
Unauthorized meat-a-pult.
Off the list!
164
00:07:07,030 --> 00:07:08,797
Lips touching
the fountain.
165
00:07:08,832 --> 00:07:10,699
Off the list.
166
00:07:10,734 --> 00:07:13,202
It's not my fault
there's no water pressure.
167
00:07:13,236 --> 00:07:16,472
Excuses are like handkerchiefs;
everybody's got one.
168
00:07:16,506 --> 00:07:18,007
I don't have
a handkerchief.
169
00:07:18,041 --> 00:07:19,174
Off the list!
170
00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:20,909
Firm but fair, sir.
171
00:07:20,944 --> 00:07:23,679
Don't want any troublemakers
on our submarine.
172
00:07:23,713 --> 00:07:26,015
Not bad, Simpson.
Did you wash your knees?
173
00:07:26,049 --> 00:07:27,349
Front and back, sir.
174
00:07:28,918 --> 00:07:31,420
You're like egg salad
at a picnic, Simpson.
175
00:07:31,454 --> 00:07:34,923
Even when you look good,
we know you're going bad.
176
00:07:34,958 --> 00:07:36,191
Principal Skinner?
177
00:07:36,226 --> 00:07:38,594
I object to this
arbitrary use of power
178
00:07:38,628 --> 00:07:40,696
and request
I be taken off the list.
179
00:07:40,730 --> 00:07:41,897
Off the list!
180
00:07:41,931 --> 00:07:43,098
Thank you.
181
00:07:46,403 --> 00:07:49,238
Oh, man! Five days
without pranking?
182
00:07:49,272 --> 00:07:51,573
I'm getting
strange red marks.
183
00:07:51,608 --> 00:07:52,841
But I'm gonna make it!
184
00:07:52,876 --> 00:07:55,077
(engine backfiring)
185
00:07:55,111 --> 00:07:56,845
Uh-oh.
(alarms buzzing)
186
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,048
Something's wrong
with my long yellow car.
187
00:07:59,082 --> 00:08:00,049
(starter chugs)
188
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:01,684
Any of you kids got
a Triple A card?
189
00:08:02,886 --> 00:08:04,953
What? No.
I'll be late.
190
00:08:04,988 --> 00:08:07,089
Skinner will cross my name
off the list.
191
00:08:07,123 --> 00:08:08,323
(grunts)
192
00:08:24,441 --> 00:08:25,708
All fixed up!
193
00:08:25,742 --> 00:08:27,309
(horn honks)
194
00:08:28,678 --> 00:08:30,946
(tires screech, horn drones)
195
00:08:38,655 --> 00:08:41,457
(school bell rings)
(laughs, hums triumphantly)
196
00:08:41,491 --> 00:08:43,492
Off the list.
197
00:08:43,526 --> 00:08:45,327
For what?
198
00:08:45,361 --> 00:08:47,796
Muddy footprints
on the school floor. (gasps)
199
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,898
I've broken
a ten-year-old's spirit.
200
00:08:49,933 --> 00:08:51,333
Time to celebrate
201
00:08:51,367 --> 00:08:53,569
with a fruit-
on-the-bottom yogurt.
202
00:08:53,603 --> 00:08:56,305
Plain, plain,
plain, plain...
203
00:08:56,339 --> 00:08:58,273
Mmm! Fruit!
204
00:09:06,069 --> 00:09:09,171
No, Mother, I did not use
any of your talc.
205
00:09:09,205 --> 00:09:11,440
I don't know why
the bottle feels lighter.
206
00:09:11,474 --> 00:09:13,475
Maybe you're just getting
stronger!
207
00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:16,445
Some days I could just kill you.
208
00:09:16,479 --> 00:09:18,180
(phone rings)
209
00:09:18,214 --> 00:09:19,448
She heard me.
210
00:09:19,482 --> 00:09:20,616
Hello?
211
00:09:20,650 --> 00:09:22,410
BART (nasally voice):
Hold for the president.
212
00:09:22,419 --> 00:09:24,620
OBAMA (on spliced recording):
This is... Barack Obama!
213
00:09:24,654 --> 00:09:25,854
Is this a prank?
214
00:09:25,889 --> 00:09:27,156
OBAMA: No.
(gasps)
215
00:09:27,190 --> 00:09:29,058
That's offensive.
(gasps)
216
00:09:29,092 --> 00:09:30,559
I want to...
talk about... submarines...
217
00:09:30,593 --> 00:09:31,527
and trips.
218
00:09:31,561 --> 00:09:32,995
Simpson... has to go.
219
00:09:33,029 --> 00:09:35,130
Simpson... has to go...
220
00:09:35,165 --> 00:09:37,333
on the... submarine.
On the... submarine.
221
00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:38,334
Of course.
222
00:09:38,368 --> 00:09:39,635
(tweeting)
223
00:09:39,669 --> 00:09:41,837
This is... Barack Obama!
224
00:09:41,871 --> 00:09:44,373
♪ So in love with you...
225
00:09:44,407 --> 00:09:45,708
I like Ohio State...
226
00:09:45,742 --> 00:09:47,343
You can put lipstick on a pig...
227
00:09:47,377 --> 00:09:49,545
♪ So in love with you...
228
00:09:51,348 --> 00:09:52,881
Welcome.
229
00:09:52,916 --> 00:09:55,050
Welcome, foreign-market Krustys.
230
00:09:55,085 --> 00:09:57,519
If you examine
your "Krusty Kit,"
231
00:09:57,554 --> 00:09:59,555
you're gonna find
unremovable green hair dye,
232
00:09:59,589 --> 00:10:01,323
a used red nose
233
00:10:01,358 --> 00:10:04,159
and a guidebook
on how to capture a monkey.
234
00:10:04,194 --> 00:10:07,429
But now, the man they call
Mr. Monday Afternoon...
235
00:10:07,464 --> 00:10:08,864
Krusty!
236
00:10:08,898 --> 00:10:10,499
Hey-hey!
237
00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:11,467
Hai-hai!
Hu-hu! Heil-heil!
238
00:10:11,501 --> 00:10:12,901
Rodgrod med Flode!
239
00:10:12,936 --> 00:10:15,771
Now, there are many words
for what I'm looking for--
240
00:10:15,805 --> 00:10:20,209
rubles, renminbi, baht--
but they all mean money,
241
00:10:20,243 --> 00:10:23,278
which rhymes with funny,
which you can be if you want.
242
00:10:23,313 --> 00:10:24,380
I don't care.
243
00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:26,382
Just do the Krusty show
in your country
244
00:10:26,416 --> 00:10:28,183
and send me ten percent.
245
00:10:28,218 --> 00:10:30,252
Then send me another 60%.
246
00:10:30,286 --> 00:10:32,921
Then five percent more,
and you're good.
247
00:10:38,395 --> 00:10:39,495
Nice job, Simpson.
248
00:10:39,529 --> 00:10:41,130
You even got
my Suze Orman tape
249
00:10:41,164 --> 00:10:42,631
unstuck from
the cassette player.
250
00:10:42,665 --> 00:10:45,534
She's the reason I was able
to purchase a new watch band.
251
00:10:45,568 --> 00:10:48,303
Always bragging about
his watch band.
252
00:10:49,372 --> 00:10:51,039
If only I could tell time.
253
00:10:51,074 --> 00:10:53,375
Okay, I washed
your car like you asked,
254
00:10:53,410 --> 00:10:55,411
I did your paper route,
and I'm sorry.
255
00:10:55,445 --> 00:10:56,745
I really am.
256
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:58,580
This could be the
turning point of my life.
257
00:10:58,615 --> 00:11:00,616
Where you, as a school guy,
made a difference.
258
00:11:00,650 --> 00:11:01,884
What do you think?
259
00:11:01,918 --> 00:11:03,519
Can I go on that sub?
260
00:11:05,655 --> 00:11:06,889
Sorry, Simpson.
261
00:11:06,923 --> 00:11:09,057
Take her down.
262
00:11:09,092 --> 00:11:10,759
KIDS:
Yay!
263
00:11:16,132 --> 00:11:17,499
RALPH:
Yay!
264
00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:19,001
NELSON:
Yippee!
265
00:11:19,035 --> 00:11:20,302
MILHOUSE:
Poor Bart.
266
00:11:25,108 --> 00:11:28,477
Rasta hey-hey,
on the left-hand side.
267
00:11:28,511 --> 00:11:29,478
(laughs)
268
00:11:29,512 --> 00:11:31,146
As my mother used to say,
269
00:11:31,181 --> 00:11:32,414
"Wanti wanti can't get it,
270
00:11:32,449 --> 00:11:34,283
getti getti no want it."
271
00:11:34,317 --> 00:11:37,252
Now here's Itchem
and Scratchem, mon.
272
00:11:37,287 --> 00:11:39,121
(laughs)
273
00:11:39,155 --> 00:11:41,156
(cheering)
274
00:11:41,191 --> 00:11:42,591
♪ They smoke
275
00:11:42,625 --> 00:11:43,959
♪ They toke
276
00:11:43,993 --> 00:11:46,295
♪ They smoke and toke
and smoke ♪
277
00:11:46,329 --> 00:11:47,296
♪ Ha!
278
00:11:47,330 --> 00:11:48,997
♪ Smoke, smoke, smoke
279
00:11:49,032 --> 00:11:51,467
♪ Toke, toke, toke
280
00:11:51,501 --> 00:11:57,172
♪ The Itchem
and Scratchem Blow. ♪
281
00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:02,711
♪
282
00:12:05,849 --> 00:12:08,684
Eye and eye say good-bye.
283
00:12:08,718 --> 00:12:11,320
The blessings of Jah
upon you all.
284
00:12:12,088 --> 00:12:13,355
Nice.
285
00:12:13,389 --> 00:12:15,057
You're a hit all
over the world.
286
00:12:15,091 --> 00:12:18,026
There's Chinese Krusty
with Sideshow Mao.
287
00:12:18,061 --> 00:12:19,895
Even Irish Krusty.
288
00:12:19,929 --> 00:12:21,630
Me ma, she had 12 children,
289
00:12:21,664 --> 00:12:23,065
but only three lived.
290
00:12:23,099 --> 00:12:24,700
Then they closed the mill.
291
00:12:24,734 --> 00:12:25,968
(chuckles sadly)
292
00:12:26,002 --> 00:12:27,402
Hey-hey.
293
00:12:27,437 --> 00:12:29,838
(Irish flute plays
melancholy tune)
294
00:12:32,609 --> 00:12:34,977
And it's all thanks
to you, kid.
295
00:12:35,011 --> 00:12:36,345
To show my
appreciation,
296
00:12:36,379 --> 00:12:37,713
I'm gonna bring
you with me
297
00:12:37,747 --> 00:12:39,515
next time I entertain
the troops.
298
00:12:39,549 --> 00:12:42,217
Warning: they're
not American troops.
299
00:12:47,957 --> 00:12:49,424
(slurps)
300
00:12:50,894 --> 00:12:52,094
Hello, boy.
301
00:12:52,128 --> 00:12:53,362
At times like this,
302
00:12:53,396 --> 00:12:54,930
there's not much
you can say,
303
00:12:54,964 --> 00:12:56,765
especially if you don't
know what happened.
304
00:12:56,799 --> 00:12:58,033
(sobs)
305
00:12:58,067 --> 00:13:00,102
Skinner didn't
let me go.
306
00:13:00,136 --> 00:13:01,770
Really?
307
00:13:01,804 --> 00:13:04,373
Hey, I bet that submarine
isn't so fun anyway.
308
00:13:04,407 --> 00:13:05,607
(sniffs)
309
00:13:05,642 --> 00:13:06,875
You think so?
310
00:13:06,910 --> 00:13:08,610
Fire that torpedo,
Milhouse.
311
00:13:08,645 --> 00:13:10,345
Aye, aye.
312
00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:11,880
Where'd it go?
313
00:13:11,915 --> 00:13:13,348
It was just
imaginary.
314
00:13:13,383 --> 00:13:14,583
I know a kid
should never
315
00:13:14,617 --> 00:13:15,951
turn to his father
for help,
316
00:13:15,985 --> 00:13:17,553
but I got screwed.
317
00:13:17,587 --> 00:13:19,221
Is there anything
you can do?
318
00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:23,759
As I always say,
319
00:13:23,793 --> 00:13:25,360
don't get mad;
get dinner.
320
00:13:25,395 --> 00:13:27,129
Then get even.
321
00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:29,131
With Skinner.
322
00:13:29,165 --> 00:13:31,366
You'll really
help me get revenge?
323
00:13:31,401 --> 00:13:32,601
Yes.
324
00:13:32,635 --> 00:13:34,369
What's Skinner's
weakness?
325
00:13:34,404 --> 00:13:35,604
Everything.
326
00:13:35,638 --> 00:13:36,872
Good.
327
00:13:36,906 --> 00:13:38,640
We can use that.
328
00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:41,944
♪ Skinner! ♪
329
00:13:41,978 --> 00:13:43,378
♪ Skinner ♪
330
00:13:43,413 --> 00:13:47,883
♪ You are feeling pretty smug ♪
331
00:13:47,917 --> 00:13:50,886
♪ Skinner! ♪
332
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:54,623
♪ Sipping cocoa from a mug ♪
333
00:13:54,657 --> 00:13:58,627
♪ When you've reached
the mountaintop ♪
334
00:13:58,661 --> 00:14:01,396
♪ Your next step is a drop. ♪
335
00:14:07,003 --> 00:14:10,439
No, no, no, no, no!
336
00:14:10,473 --> 00:14:12,507
♪ Skinner! ♪
337
00:14:17,619 --> 00:14:19,586
(knocking)
I'll be right there.
338
00:14:19,621 --> 00:14:21,622
Just saying good-bye to Mother.
339
00:14:21,656 --> 00:14:24,057
(imitates Mother): Seymour, I'm going out
for a walk.
340
00:14:24,092 --> 00:14:26,526
Uh-huh, see you in several
months at the soonest.
341
00:14:26,561 --> 00:14:28,562
(knocking continues)
342
00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:35,469
We have a problem,
Seymour.
343
00:14:35,503 --> 00:14:36,737
I did everything
for you
344
00:14:36,771 --> 00:14:38,972
and you stabbed
me in the back.
345
00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:42,109
Wait a minute, I knew you
were a neat freak, Skinner,
346
00:14:42,143 --> 00:14:44,444
but you beat your rug
till it bleeds?
347
00:14:45,446 --> 00:14:47,848
(gasps)
348
00:14:47,882 --> 00:14:49,750
All right,
I'll come clean.
349
00:14:49,784 --> 00:14:53,186
I woke up and, surprisingly,
Mother wasn't there beside me.
350
00:14:53,221 --> 00:14:55,522
She was dead.
351
00:14:56,924 --> 00:14:59,359
Still, I can't
be sure I killed her.
352
00:14:59,394 --> 00:15:01,862
Well, I'm sure
our town's police force
353
00:15:01,896 --> 00:15:04,298
will handle this
competently.
354
00:15:08,069 --> 00:15:10,037
Now, I could
investigate further,
355
00:15:10,071 --> 00:15:12,839
but you don't want to sit
in a jail all weekend.
356
00:15:12,874 --> 00:15:15,876
Chief, that was
awfully arbitrary.
357
00:15:15,910 --> 00:15:17,511
Not compared to this.
358
00:15:17,545 --> 00:15:20,213
(groans)
359
00:15:21,983 --> 00:15:23,150
Let me handle this.
360
00:15:23,184 --> 00:15:24,851
Just go upstairs
and shut the door.
361
00:15:24,886 --> 00:15:28,555
There are some things
only a boy should see.
362
00:15:28,589 --> 00:15:30,624
(door closes)
363
00:15:30,658 --> 00:15:33,827
(both laugh)
364
00:15:33,861 --> 00:15:35,329
(cackles)
365
00:15:39,334 --> 00:15:42,803
Now do you want to dispose
of this jelly-soaked pillow?
366
00:15:42,837 --> 00:15:45,272
Just call me The Cleaner.
367
00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:47,908
(slurps)
368
00:15:53,448 --> 00:15:55,082
Um, where's the body?
369
00:15:55,116 --> 00:15:56,616
She's in a better place.
370
00:15:57,685 --> 00:15:59,419
(chain saw rumbling)
371
00:16:00,855 --> 00:16:02,756
The deed is done.
372
00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:04,524
Oh, I wish you'd
asked me before you...
373
00:16:04,559 --> 00:16:06,493
Look, you kill them,
I get rid of them.
374
00:16:06,527 --> 00:16:07,761
That's always
been our deal.
375
00:16:07,795 --> 00:16:09,062
But I do have one question:
376
00:16:09,097 --> 00:16:10,364
Do you want the head?
377
00:16:10,398 --> 00:16:12,265
No, no, God, no.
378
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:14,534
Well, if you change your mind,
it'll be in my freezer.
379
00:16:14,569 --> 00:16:15,802
But only for a week.
380
00:16:15,837 --> 00:16:17,537
Got a lot of ice cream
coming in.
381
00:16:17,572 --> 00:16:20,607
Ugh, if this were a movie,
Mother wouldn't let me watch it.
382
00:16:20,641 --> 00:16:23,210
Now, I'm afraid it's time
to start your new life.
383
00:16:23,244 --> 00:16:25,412
You'll be hunted,
on the run,
384
00:16:25,446 --> 00:16:27,614
searching for the man
who killed your mother,
385
00:16:27,648 --> 00:16:29,449
which is you.
So avoid mirrors.
386
00:16:30,852 --> 00:16:32,152
(Krusty humming)
387
00:16:33,755 --> 00:16:35,956
Krusty, I have
some very bad news.
388
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:38,258
The foreign Krustys
are all hotter than you.
389
00:16:38,292 --> 00:16:41,128
Irish Krusty's
got a show on Broadway.
390
00:16:41,162 --> 00:16:42,896
Oi, where's your monkey?
391
00:16:42,930 --> 00:16:44,264
There never was a monkey.
392
00:16:44,298 --> 00:16:45,632
I was just tellin' stories
393
00:16:45,666 --> 00:16:47,300
to forget me consumption.
394
00:16:47,335 --> 00:16:48,402
(coughs)
395
00:16:48,436 --> 00:16:50,370
(applause)
396
00:16:50,405 --> 00:16:51,438
Well, you see there,
397
00:16:51,472 --> 00:16:53,173
they need to hit the
word "monkey" harder
398
00:16:53,207 --> 00:16:54,808
if they want
to get a laugh.
399
00:16:54,842 --> 00:16:56,877
Don't you get
what I'm trying to tell you?
400
00:16:56,911 --> 00:16:59,913
You are now the least popular
Krusty in the world.
401
00:16:59,947 --> 00:17:01,915
What about Romanian Krusty?
402
00:17:01,949 --> 00:17:04,050
What, you mean
President-for-Life Krusty?
403
00:17:04,085 --> 00:17:05,585
(low groan)
404
00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:07,554
I still get a
piece, right?
405
00:17:07,588 --> 00:17:09,456
Putz.
You're the least successful
406
00:17:09,490 --> 00:17:11,091
version of you there is.
407
00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:12,192
A piece.
408
00:17:12,226 --> 00:17:14,895
Now, let's see
where this goes.
409
00:17:14,929 --> 00:17:17,597
Irish Krusty, this
is your baby.
410
00:17:17,632 --> 00:17:20,934
The only thing working
round here is your libido.
411
00:17:20,968 --> 00:17:23,170
Now I know why Ma
walked into the sea
412
00:17:23,204 --> 00:17:26,173
with her pockets full
of rocks, on Christmas.
413
00:17:26,207 --> 00:17:29,609
Why doesn't this
material work for me?
414
00:17:29,644 --> 00:17:32,846
Seymour, the cops
are on their way.
415
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,714
(siren wails)
416
00:17:37,151 --> 00:17:40,120
Here's a bus ticket
to Juarez and your fake I.D.
417
00:17:40,154 --> 00:17:41,521
SKINNER:
Oh, come on,
418
00:17:41,556 --> 00:17:42,923
I don't look anything like this
419
00:17:42,957 --> 00:17:43,957
"Dick Fiddler."
420
00:17:43,991 --> 00:17:45,892
No, you don't... yet.
421
00:17:47,995 --> 00:17:49,296
I don't want to
sound ungrateful,
422
00:17:49,330 --> 00:17:51,097
but could I eat
one of the potatoes?
423
00:17:51,132 --> 00:17:55,001
Sorry, but Dick Fiddler
is allergic to potatoes.
424
00:17:55,036 --> 00:17:56,303
I understand.
425
00:17:56,337 --> 00:17:58,872
(both giggling)
426
00:18:03,678 --> 00:18:04,878
Dad?
427
00:18:04,912 --> 00:18:06,613
Thanks for sticking up for me.
428
00:18:06,647 --> 00:18:08,281
(laughs)
429
00:18:08,316 --> 00:18:10,450
Someday I may have
to fake my own death.
430
00:18:10,485 --> 00:18:12,385
And maybe you can
help me with that.
431
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:13,653
Sure, Dad.
432
00:18:13,688 --> 00:18:14,855
Someday soon.
433
00:18:14,889 --> 00:18:16,990
As in, what are you
doing this Friday?
434
00:18:18,526 --> 00:18:20,393
Aah! Dick Fiddler!
435
00:18:20,428 --> 00:18:22,796
Gentlemen, I can't
run away from what I've done.
436
00:18:22,830 --> 00:18:24,731
I accept that
I killed my mother.
437
00:18:24,765 --> 00:18:27,167
My whole life,
she's belittled me.
438
00:18:27,201 --> 00:18:29,803
Maybe deep down, I'm glad.
439
00:18:29,837 --> 00:18:31,471
This has gone
far enough.
440
00:18:31,506 --> 00:18:34,040
I'm starting to think
this "school project"
441
00:18:34,075 --> 00:18:35,842
is more than
meets the eye.
442
00:18:35,877 --> 00:18:37,744
Mother?
You're alive?
443
00:18:37,778 --> 00:18:40,480
Seymour, when this
fat guy and his kid
444
00:18:40,515 --> 00:18:42,682
asked me to fake my
death to punish you,
445
00:18:42,717 --> 00:18:45,685
I said, "Sure, that's
something to do."
446
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:48,221
You know, when you
glare like that,
447
00:18:48,256 --> 00:18:50,156
you look really
beautiful.
448
00:18:50,191 --> 00:18:51,992
(grumbles):
Mm-hmm.
449
00:18:52,026 --> 00:18:53,693
But when I just
heard you say
450
00:18:53,728 --> 00:18:56,429
you were glad
to see me dead...
451
00:18:56,464 --> 00:18:59,399
I thought, "Now I'm gonna
be meaner to you than ever."
452
00:18:59,433 --> 00:19:01,001
How is that possible?
453
00:19:01,035 --> 00:19:04,004
I've stopped taking
those pills that keep me nice.
454
00:19:04,038 --> 00:19:05,572
(gasps)
455
00:19:09,443 --> 00:19:10,744
♪ Fiddler! ♪
456
00:19:10,778 --> 00:19:13,947
♪ Fiddler, you look stupid ♪
457
00:19:13,981 --> 00:19:16,683
♪ In that beard ♪
458
00:19:16,717 --> 00:19:20,086
♪ Fiddler! ♪
459
00:19:20,121 --> 00:19:23,890
♪ This dream is getting weird. ♪
460
00:19:36,031 --> 00:19:37,498
KRUSTY:
So I heard many of you
461
00:19:37,532 --> 00:19:41,335
are dissatisfied with
my 75% cut of your take.
462
00:19:41,369 --> 00:19:44,472
Well, we did consider
letting you keep more.
463
00:19:44,506 --> 00:19:45,573
(cheering)
464
00:19:45,607 --> 00:19:47,007
But instead,
465
00:19:47,042 --> 00:19:49,343
we're giving you
something even better.
466
00:19:49,377 --> 00:19:52,913
I will do a guest shot
on each of your shows.
467
00:19:52,948 --> 00:19:54,815
Huh? Eh?
468
00:19:54,850 --> 00:19:56,417
(jeering, shouting)
469
00:19:56,451 --> 00:19:58,052
Twist him like a balloon.
470
00:19:58,086 --> 00:19:59,587
Cut off his hey-heys.
471
00:19:59,621 --> 00:20:01,489
Let's slice him up
and cook him
472
00:20:01,523 --> 00:20:03,390
in our traditional dishes.
473
00:20:03,425 --> 00:20:04,992
Krusty, can't you
think of something?
474
00:20:05,026 --> 00:20:06,894
I'm very bad in a crisis.
475
00:20:06,928 --> 00:20:08,429
I also can't ad-lib,
476
00:20:08,463 --> 00:20:11,065
memorize anything,
improv or tell a joke.
477
00:20:11,099 --> 00:20:12,900
Uh, you know, why did you
even become a clown?
478
00:20:12,934 --> 00:20:14,935
Well, I was supposed to
be one of the sad ones.
479
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:19,970
Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
480
00:20:22,711 --> 00:20:24,278
♪ They smoke, they toke
481
00:20:24,312 --> 00:20:26,514
♪ They smoke and toke
and smoke ♪
482
00:20:26,548 --> 00:20:27,648
♪ Ha!
483
00:20:27,682 --> 00:20:29,884
♪ Smoke, smoke, smoke
484
00:20:29,918 --> 00:20:31,886
♪ Toke, toke, toke
485
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:37,558
♪ The Itchem
and Scratchem Blow ♪
486
00:20:37,592 --> 00:20:38,659
♪ Ha!
487
00:21:02,353 --> 00:21:03,670
Shh!