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D'oh!
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♪ The Simpsons 25x07 ♪
Yellow Subterfuge
Original Air Date on December 8, 2013
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== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
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♪ Skinner! ♪
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♪ Skinner
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♪ He patrols the school halls
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♪ Skinner! ♪
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♪ When you spit,
he's got the balls ♪
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♪ As you mosey through
the school ♪
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♪ All the kids say
you're so cool ♪
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♪ And you even made
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♪ Bart Simpson spill his milk
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♪ Skinner! ♪
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♪ Skinner
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♪ You're the master
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♪ Of your fate...!
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Skinner!
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♪ Skinner
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♪ You sure look good in chaps ♪
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♪ Skinner...
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Wake up. You're on!
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Children, I have
some exciting news.
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I'm here to tell you about
a field trip so amazing,
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we've put "sign here" stickers
on the permission slips.
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As you recall, these stickers
came from last year's field trip
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to the "sign here"
sticker factory.
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But thanks to my
old navy buddy--
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we both love to
shop at Old Navy--
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the students of this school
will be taking a ride
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on a nuclear-powered,
attack-class submarine,
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the USS Tom Clancy!
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- So you're all excited, eh?
- Yay!
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Well, that's too bad, because
many of you will not be going.
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Huh?!
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There's limited room on the submarine,
so only the best-behaved students--
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as determined by me--
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will go on the trip.
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- Whoo-hoo!
- Well, I get to go!
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To increase the tension, everyone
starts with a clean slate.
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But from this moment on...
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I am the law.
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I hold the red pen.
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♪ Skinner! ♪
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Pranks, inside use of outside
voice, off-color whistling,
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and you're stricken
from the list.
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And once crossed off,
you stay crossed off.
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That's what pens do.
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Help! I'm trapped in space
with a man I don't like!
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Aooga!
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Submerge! Periscope!
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Aooga! Aooga!
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Die, Nazi octopus, die!
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Sweetie, about the submarine...
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what's your favorite food to eat
when you're disappointed?
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I'm going shopping tomorrow.
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Ice cream sandwiches. Why?
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What your mother is trying to say is we
don't think you can be good that long.
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Mom, is that true?
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00:04:01,296 --> 00:04:04,472
Well, that's sort of what
I was trying to say, but...
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00:04:04,497 --> 00:04:06,747
What your mother is
trying to say is...
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No, you're wrong!
You're all wrong!
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I didn't say anything.
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- Were you thinking it?
- Yes.
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Get real, ding-dong!
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You've already done so much bad stuff,
Skinner's never gonna let you on that boat.
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No, Skinner said I had a clean slate, so
right now, I'm as good as any other kid.
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Good one, ding-dong.
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Mom!
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Don't listen to them.
They're the ding-dongs.
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Wha...?!
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Bart, sweetie, this is an opportunity for
you to turn things around yet again.
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And I believe in you.
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Yet again.
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Thanks, Mom. I'll start by taking
my plate to the dishwasher.
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Wherever that is.
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00:04:49,287 --> 00:04:53,639
Pfft. Marge, I love Bart as much
as you do, but actually not.
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And that kid cannot go one week
without getting in trouble.
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Now, if you'd be so kind as to start
my car for me, I'm going to Moe's.
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Ooh.
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Thank you.
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Whoo-hoo!
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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm!
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What are you doing?
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To avoid temptation,
I'm getting rid
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of all the things that could get
me in trouble at school.
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I buried all my whoopee
cushions in the backyard.
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Hmm?
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- What the...?
- That's not where I buried them.
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Come on!
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Don't take my custom limo!
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At least let me sniff my coke
out of the floor mats!
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Oh, hi, little girl. What brings you
to see Uncle Krusty?
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Krusty, are you broke?
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Yeah. All it takes is some
bad luck at the ponies,
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worse luck in
the Bitcoin market,
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heavy investment in a
high-end bookmark company.
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You could do what
Everybody Loves Raymond did.
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Go off the air
while I'm still good?
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00:06:03,124 --> 00:06:06,265
That horse has left the stable,
gone to the glue factory
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and has been used to
make art projects.
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00:06:08,856 --> 00:06:11,351
I mean, you could sell
foreign rights to your show.
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Even SpongeBob did it.
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Buon compleanno, Squiduardo!
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No, no, no, Roberto!
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E 'una mina della seconda
guerra mondiale,
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che farà saltare in aria e...
Ah!
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Calamari?!
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No...!
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No!
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Uh... it's cute stuff, but
I'm still broke, girlie.
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Not my Monet! I only
looked at it once!
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What I'm saying is, you could produce
foreign versions of your TV show
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with actors
from other countries.
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Okay, I'll do it!
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Not my Shetland dolphin!
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Although I won't miss
the constant yapping.
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Papa!
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Not anymore, he ain't.
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Gum on the floor.
Off the list.
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Unauthorized meat-a-pult.
Off the list!
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Lips touching the fountain.
Off the list.
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It's not my fault there's
no water pressure.
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Excuses are like handkerchiefs;
everybody's got one.
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- I don't have a handkerchief.
- Off the list!
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Firm but fair, sir. Don't want any
troublemakers on our submarine.
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Not bad, Simpson. Did
you wash your knees?
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Front and back, sir.
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You're like egg salad
at a picnic, Simpson.
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Even when you look good,
we know you're going bad.
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Principal Skinner?
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I object to this arbitrary use of power
and request I be taken off the list.
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- Off the list!
- Thank you.
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Oh, man! Five days
without pranking?
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I'm getting strange red marks.
But I'm gonna make it!
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Uh-oh.
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Something's wrong with
my long yellow car.
137
00:08:16,149 --> 00:08:18,265
Any of you kids got
a Triple A card?
138
00:08:19,211 --> 00:08:21,278
What? No.
I'll be late.
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Skinner will cross my name
off the list.
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All fixed up!
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Off the list.
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For what?
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Muddy footprints on
the school floor.
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I've broken a ten-year-old's spirit.
145
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Time to celebrate with a
fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt.
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Plain, plain, plain, plain...
147
00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:14,407
Mmm! Fruit!
148
00:09:22,582 --> 00:09:26,050
No, Mother, I did not
use any of your talc.
149
00:09:26,085 --> 00:09:27,937
I don't know why the
bottle feels lighter.
150
00:09:27,978 --> 00:09:30,244
Maybe you're just getting
stronger!
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00:09:30,507 --> 00:09:33,351
Some days I could just kill you.
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00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,477
She heard me. Hello?
153
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Hold for the president.
154
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This is... Barack Obama!
155
00:09:41,144 --> 00:09:42,152
Is this a prank?
156
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No.
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That's offensive.
158
00:09:45,089 --> 00:09:48,245
I want to... talk about...
submarines... and trips.
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Simpson... has to go.
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Simpson... has to go... on the...
submarine. On the... submarine.
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Of course.
162
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,400
This is... Barack Obama!
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♪ So in love with you...
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00:10:01,114 --> 00:10:02,223
I like Ohio State...
165
00:10:02,255 --> 00:10:04,005
You can put lipstick on a pig...
166
00:10:04,030 --> 00:10:06,568
♪ So in love with you...
167
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:11,572
Welcome. Welcome,
foreign-market Krustys.
168
00:10:11,598 --> 00:10:13,754
If you examine
your "Krusty Kit,"
169
00:10:13,777 --> 00:10:16,527
you're gonna find
unremovable green hair dye,
170
00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:20,644
a used red nose and a guidebook
on how to capture a monkey.
171
00:10:20,676 --> 00:10:24,371
But now, the man they call
Mr. Monday Afternoon...
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00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:25,633
Krusty!
173
00:10:25,660 --> 00:10:27,008
Hey-hey!
174
00:10:27,046 --> 00:10:29,414
- Hai-hai! - Hu-hu! Heil-heil!
- Rodgrod med Flode!
175
00:10:29,449 --> 00:10:32,238
Now, there are many words
for what I'm looking for--
176
00:10:32,262 --> 00:10:36,754
rubles, renminbi, baht--
but they all mean money,
177
00:10:36,771 --> 00:10:39,806
which rhymes with funny, which
you can be if you want.
178
00:10:39,841 --> 00:10:40,908
I don't care.
179
00:10:40,927 --> 00:10:44,696
Just do the Krusty show in your
country and send me ten percent.
180
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:46,977
Then send me another 60%.
181
00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:49,676
Then five percent more,
and you're good.
182
00:10:54,978 --> 00:10:56,353
Nice job, Simpson.
183
00:10:56,384 --> 00:10:59,282
You even got my Suze Orman tape
unstuck from the cassette player.
184
00:10:59,328 --> 00:11:02,199
She's the reason I was able
to purchase a new watch band.
185
00:11:02,354 --> 00:11:05,190
Always bragging about
his watch band.
186
00:11:05,767 --> 00:11:07,565
If only I could tell time.
187
00:11:07,602 --> 00:11:12,227
Okay, I washed your car like you asked,
I did your paper route, and I'm sorry.
188
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:13,317
I really am.
189
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,012
This could be the
turning point of my life.
190
00:11:15,058 --> 00:11:17,581
Where you, as a school
guy, made a difference.
191
00:11:17,616 --> 00:11:20,171
What do you think? Can
I go on that sub?
192
00:11:22,439 --> 00:11:25,003
Sorry, Simpson. Take her down.
193
00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:28,324
Yay!
194
00:11:32,644 --> 00:11:33,895
Yay!
195
00:11:33,945 --> 00:11:35,616
Yippee!
196
00:11:35,671 --> 00:11:37,039
Poor Bart.
197
00:11:41,754 --> 00:11:44,996
Rasta hey-hey,
on the left-hand side.
198
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:50,756
As my mother used to say, "Wanti wanti
can't get it, getti getti no want it."
199
00:11:50,806 --> 00:11:53,741
Now here's Itchem
and Scratchem, mon.
200
00:11:57,797 --> 00:11:59,197
♪ They smoke
201
00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:00,708
♪ They toke
202
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:03,209
♪ They smoke and
toke and smoke ♪
203
00:12:03,262 --> 00:12:03,996
♪ Ha!
204
00:12:04,019 --> 00:12:05,533
♪ Smoke, smoke, smoke
205
00:12:05,576 --> 00:12:08,011
♪ Toke, toke, toke
206
00:12:08,209 --> 00:12:13,555
♪ The Itchem and Scratchem Blow. ♪
207
00:12:22,581 --> 00:12:25,385
Eye and eye say good-bye.
208
00:12:25,418 --> 00:12:28,526
The blessings of
Jah upon you all.
209
00:12:28,710 --> 00:12:29,977
Nice.
210
00:12:30,019 --> 00:12:31,741
You're a hit all
over the world.
211
00:12:32,017 --> 00:12:34,534
There's Chinese Krusty
with Sideshow Mao.
212
00:12:34,557 --> 00:12:36,175
Even Irish Krusty.
213
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,578
Me ma, she had 12 children,
but only three lived.
214
00:12:39,612 --> 00:12:41,440
Then they closed the mill.
215
00:12:42,515 --> 00:12:43,915
Hey-hey.
216
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:51,583
And it's all thanks
to you, kid.
217
00:12:51,606 --> 00:12:53,020
To show my appreciation,
218
00:12:53,043 --> 00:12:56,239
I'm gonna bring you with me next
time I entertain the troops.
219
00:12:56,281 --> 00:12:59,090
Warning: they're not
American troops.
220
00:13:07,562 --> 00:13:09,719
Hello, boy. At times like this,
221
00:13:09,744 --> 00:13:11,278
there's not much you can say,
222
00:13:11,328 --> 00:13:13,422
especially if you don't
know what happened.
223
00:13:14,539 --> 00:13:16,993
Skinner didn't let me go.
224
00:13:17,039 --> 00:13:21,461
Really? Hey, I bet that
submarine isn't so fun anyway.
225
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:23,567
You think so?
226
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:26,836
- Fire that torpedo, Milhouse.
- Aye, aye.
227
00:13:27,268 --> 00:13:29,932
- Where'd it go?
- It was just imaginary.
228
00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:33,989
I know a kid should never turn to his
father for help, but I got screwed.
229
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:35,794
Is there anything you can do?
230
00:13:39,126 --> 00:13:42,220
As I always say, don't
get mad; get dinner.
231
00:13:42,251 --> 00:13:43,884
Then get even.
232
00:13:43,917 --> 00:13:45,717
With Skinner.
233
00:13:45,747 --> 00:13:48,065
You'll really
help me get revenge?
234
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:49,061
Yes.
235
00:13:49,084 --> 00:13:51,147
What's Skinner's weakness?
236
00:13:51,175 --> 00:13:53,167
- Everything.
- Good.
237
00:13:53,184 --> 00:13:55,129
We can use that.
238
00:13:56,751 --> 00:13:58,743
♪ Skinner! ♪
239
00:13:58,773 --> 00:14:00,077
♪ Skinner ♪
240
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:04,016
♪ You are feeling pretty smug ♪
241
00:14:04,038 --> 00:14:07,259
♪ Skinner! ♪
242
00:14:07,282 --> 00:14:11,079
♪ Sipping cocoa from a mug ♪
243
00:14:11,107 --> 00:14:15,077
♪ When you've reached
the mountaintop ♪
244
00:14:15,103 --> 00:14:18,311
♪ Your next step is a drop. ♪
245
00:14:23,913 --> 00:14:27,078
No, no, no, no, no!
246
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:29,423
♪ Skinner! ♪
247
00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:38,118
I'll be right there. Just
saying good-bye to Mother.
248
00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:40,574
Seymour, I'm going
out for a walk.
249
00:14:40,604 --> 00:14:43,038
Uh-huh, see you in several
months at the soonest.
250
00:14:50,385 --> 00:14:52,003
We have a problem, Seymour.
251
00:14:52,015 --> 00:14:55,589
I did everything for you and
you stabbed me in the back.
252
00:14:55,613 --> 00:14:58,676
Wait a minute, I knew you
were a neat freak, Skinner,
253
00:14:58,703 --> 00:15:01,176
but you beat your
rug till it bleeds?
254
00:15:04,589 --> 00:15:06,394
All right, I'll come clean.
255
00:15:06,413 --> 00:15:09,815
I woke up and, surprisingly,
Mother wasn't there beside me.
256
00:15:09,866 --> 00:15:12,507
She was dead.
257
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:16,046
Still, I can't be
sure I killed her.
258
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:20,765
Well, I'm sure our town's police
force will handle this competently.
259
00:15:24,777 --> 00:15:28,629
Now, I could investigate further, but you
don't want to sit in a jail all weekend.
260
00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:32,527
Chief, that was
awfully arbitrary.
261
00:15:32,539 --> 00:15:34,207
Not compared to this.
262
00:15:38,472 --> 00:15:41,230
Let me handle this. Just go
upstairs and shut the door.
263
00:15:41,258 --> 00:15:44,941
There are some things
only a boy should see.
264
00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:59,402
Now do you want to dispose
of this jelly-soaked pillow?
265
00:15:59,428 --> 00:16:02,052
Just call me The Cleaner.
266
00:16:10,077 --> 00:16:13,535
- Um, where's the body?
- She's in a better place.
267
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:19,462
The deed is done.
268
00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:21,411
Oh, I wish you'd asked
me before you...
269
00:16:21,442 --> 00:16:24,356
Look, you kill them, I get rid of them.
That's always been our deal.
270
00:16:24,393 --> 00:16:26,963
But I do have one question:
Do you want the head?
271
00:16:26,981 --> 00:16:29,276
No, no, God, no.
272
00:16:29,299 --> 00:16:32,557
Well, if you change your mind, it'll
be in my freezer. But only for a week.
273
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,193
Got a lot of ice
cream coming in.
274
00:16:34,225 --> 00:16:37,193
Ugh, if this were a movie,
Mother wouldn't let me watch it.
275
00:16:37,208 --> 00:16:39,841
Now, I'm afraid it's time
to start your new life.
276
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:44,208
You'll be hunted, on the run, searching
for the man who killed your mother,
277
00:16:44,239 --> 00:16:46,327
which is you.
So avoid mirrors.
278
00:16:50,392 --> 00:16:52,593
Krusty, I have
some very bad news.
279
00:16:52,643 --> 00:16:54,955
The foreign Krustys are
all hotter than you.
280
00:16:54,984 --> 00:16:57,672
Irish Krusty's got a
show on Broadway.
281
00:16:57,713 --> 00:16:59,484
Oi, where's your monkey?
282
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,854
There never was a monkey.
283
00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:03,802
I was just tellin' stories
to forget me consumption.
284
00:17:07,050 --> 00:17:10,066
Well, you see there, they need
to hit the word "monkey" harder
285
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:11,464
if they want to get a laugh.
286
00:17:11,503 --> 00:17:13,199
Don't you get what I'm
trying to tell you?
287
00:17:13,214 --> 00:17:16,699
You are now the least popular
Krusty in the world.
288
00:17:16,723 --> 00:17:18,489
What about Romanian Krusty?
289
00:17:18,532 --> 00:17:20,688
What, you mean
President-for-Life Krusty?
290
00:17:22,632 --> 00:17:24,179
I still get a piece, right?
291
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:27,686
Putz. You're the least successful
version of you there is.
292
00:17:27,731 --> 00:17:28,798
A piece.
293
00:17:28,824 --> 00:17:31,335
Now, let's see where this goes.
294
00:17:31,621 --> 00:17:34,191
Irish Krusty, this is your baby.
295
00:17:34,222 --> 00:17:36,941
The only thing working
round here is your libido.
296
00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:42,612
Now I know why Ma walked into the sea with
her pockets full of rocks, on Christmas.
297
00:17:42,837 --> 00:17:46,090
Why doesn't this
material work for me?
298
00:17:47,344 --> 00:17:50,047
Seymour, the cops
are on their way.
299
00:17:53,718 --> 00:17:56,752
Here's a bus ticket to
Juarez and your fake I.D.
300
00:17:57,423 --> 00:18:00,400
Oh, come on, I don't look
anything like this "Dick Fiddler."
301
00:18:00,433 --> 00:18:02,445
No, you don't... yet.
302
00:18:04,577 --> 00:18:07,719
I don't want to sound ungrateful, but
could I eat one of the potatoes?
303
00:18:07,746 --> 00:18:11,484
Sorry, but Dick Fiddler
is allergic to potatoes.
304
00:18:11,533 --> 00:18:12,689
I understand.
305
00:18:20,815 --> 00:18:23,410
Dad? Thanks for
sticking up for me.
306
00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:27,199
Someday I may have
to fake my own death.
307
00:18:27,216 --> 00:18:29,474
And maybe you can
help me with that.
308
00:18:29,505 --> 00:18:31,489
- Sure, Dad.
- Someday soon.
309
00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:33,611
As in, what are you
doing this Friday?
310
00:18:35,804 --> 00:18:37,156
Aah! Dick Fiddler!
311
00:18:37,187 --> 00:18:39,496
Gentlemen, I can't
run away from what I've done.
312
00:18:39,515 --> 00:18:41,570
I accept that I
killed my mother.
313
00:18:41,585 --> 00:18:43,927
My whole life,
she's belittled me.
314
00:18:43,963 --> 00:18:46,408
Maybe deep down, I'm glad.
315
00:18:46,427 --> 00:18:48,134
This has gone far enough.
316
00:18:48,175 --> 00:18:52,511
I'm starting to think this "school
project" is more than meets the eye.
317
00:18:52,546 --> 00:18:54,413
Mother?
You're alive?
318
00:18:54,454 --> 00:18:57,110
Seymour, when this
fat guy and his kid
319
00:18:57,145 --> 00:18:59,352
asked me to fake my
death to punish you,
320
00:18:59,386 --> 00:19:02,539
I said, "Sure, that's
something to do."
321
00:19:02,816 --> 00:19:07,255
You know, when you glare like
that, you look really beautiful.
322
00:19:07,305 --> 00:19:08,594
Mm-hmm.
323
00:19:08,624 --> 00:19:12,891
But when I just heard you say
you were glad to see me dead...
324
00:19:12,922 --> 00:19:16,195
I thought, "Now I'm gonna be
meaner to you than ever."
325
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:17,492
How is that possible?
326
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,617
I've stopped taking those
pills that keep me nice.
327
00:19:25,730 --> 00:19:27,413
♪ Fiddler! ♪
328
00:19:27,463 --> 00:19:30,410
♪ Fiddler, you look stupid ♪
329
00:19:30,438 --> 00:19:33,027
♪ In that beard ♪
330
00:19:33,058 --> 00:19:36,386
♪ Fiddler! ♪
331
00:19:36,454 --> 00:19:40,423
♪ This dream is getting weird. ♪
332
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:57,864
So I heard many of you are dissatisfied
with my 75% cut of your take.
333
00:19:57,889 --> 00:20:01,114
Well, we did consider
letting you keep more.
334
00:20:02,567 --> 00:20:05,872
But instead, we're giving
you something even better.
335
00:20:05,898 --> 00:20:09,560
I will do a guest shot
on each of your shows.
336
00:20:09,617 --> 00:20:11,187
Huh? Eh?
337
00:20:13,038 --> 00:20:16,436
- Twist him like a balloon.
- Cut off his hey-heys.
338
00:20:16,467 --> 00:20:19,842
Let's slice him up and cook him
in our traditional dishes.
339
00:20:19,882 --> 00:20:21,499
Krusty, can't you
think of something?
340
00:20:21,523 --> 00:20:23,391
I'm very bad in a crisis.
341
00:20:23,417 --> 00:20:27,534
I also can't ad-lib, memorize
anything, improv or tell a joke.
342
00:20:27,556 --> 00:20:29,573
Uh, you know, why did you
even become a clown?
343
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:32,704
Well, I was supposed to
be one of the sad ones.
344
00:20:32,739 --> 00:20:37,739
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
345
00:20:38,161 --> 00:20:40,849
♪ They smoke, they toke
346
00:20:41,113 --> 00:20:43,529
♪ They smoke and
toke and smoke ♪
347
00:20:43,544 --> 00:20:44,349
♪ Ha!
348
00:20:44,389 --> 00:20:45,904
♪ Smoke, smoke, smoke
349
00:20:45,943 --> 00:20:48,099
♪ Toke, toke, toke
350
00:20:48,596 --> 00:20:53,924
♪ The Itchem and
Scratchem Blow ♪
351
00:20:53,947 --> 00:20:55,220
♪ Ha!
352
00:21:19,091 --> 00:21:20,408
Shh!