1 00:00:02,437 --> 00:00:04,790 MAN: Advantage left-side competitor. 2 00:00:07,457 --> 00:00:08,770 Wow, you're really good at this. 3 00:00:08,798 --> 00:00:11,720 Well, I have an extremely low center of gravity. 4 00:00:12,427 --> 00:00:14,539 I'm like a pyramid. 5 00:00:17,936 --> 00:00:21,724 - How you doing over there? - Oh, I hope it's just a sprain. 6 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:27,498 I cannot walk into that E.R. with another video game injury. 7 00:00:27,934 --> 00:00:29,973 Hey, Sheldon, you want to play next? 8 00:00:29,995 --> 00:00:32,933 Oh, I would, but I'm on my way out. 9 00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:35,467 - Where? - Texas. 10 00:00:36,515 --> 00:00:38,461 Right now? Why? 11 00:00:38,484 --> 00:00:40,227 - Is someone sick? - Yes. 12 00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:43,830 My sister's uterus came down with a baby. 13 00:00:44,548 --> 00:00:46,595 Oh, she's pregnant? That's great. 14 00:00:46,626 --> 00:00:48,509 You're gone an uncle-- Uncle Sheldon. 15 00:00:48,541 --> 00:00:51,642 No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper. 16 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,449 How come you never said she was pregnant? 17 00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:56,707 Well, I never told you about my brother's kidney stone. 18 00:00:56,734 --> 00:01:00,078 You want to hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals? 19 00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:03,685 Well, congrats, and it's nice you're gonna be there for your sister. 20 00:01:03,713 --> 00:01:06,562 Yes. I'm filling in for her husband who's recovering 21 00:01:06,585 --> 00:01:08,945 from a horrible motorcycle accident. 22 00:01:08,998 --> 00:01:10,904 Lucky duck. 23 00:01:11,524 --> 00:01:13,235 Wow, so, how long will you be gone? 24 00:01:13,256 --> 00:01:15,577 Well, she's due tomorrow. 25 00:01:15,607 --> 00:01:19,728 Although it did take her six years to finish high school, so who knows? 26 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,236 Can I give you a ride to the airport? 27 00:01:21,268 --> 00:01:24,510 Oh, no, thank you, I don't want to be an inconvenience. 28 00:01:24,540 --> 00:01:27,213 Chop-chop, Leonard. We leave in ten minutes. 29 00:01:29,008 --> 00:01:32,446 ♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ 30 00:01:32,477 --> 00:01:36,377 ♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ 31 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:37,549 ♪ The Earth began to cool 32 00:01:37,579 --> 00:01:40,571 ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ 33 00:01:40,594 --> 00:01:42,532 ♪ We built the Wall ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ 34 00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:45,403 ♪ Math, Science, History, unveiling the mystery ♪ 35 00:01:45,418 --> 00:01:47,472 ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ 36 00:01:47,495 --> 00:01:48,739 ♪ Bang! ♪ 37 00:01:48,773 --> 00:01:51,273 ♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x11 ♪ The Cooper Extraction Original Air Date on December 12, 2013 38 00:01:51,298 --> 00:01:53,798 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 39 00:01:54,575 --> 00:01:55,950 All right, here's the deal. 40 00:01:55,981 --> 00:01:59,169 Sheldon is gone, so the tree decorating rules are out the window. 41 00:01:59,209 --> 00:02:04,497 Yeah, which means we don't have to use his ridiculous ornament-spacing template. 42 00:02:04,991 --> 00:02:08,600 And I'm happy to report its kickstarter campaign is holding strong at zero dollars. 43 00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:09,875 Ah. 44 00:02:10,013 --> 00:02:14,578 Wait, so Star Wars and Star Trek characters can go on the same branch? 45 00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:17,804 I know, it's crazy. Welcome to the Thunderdome, people! 46 00:02:17,830 --> 00:02:19,630 (all cheering) 47 00:02:20,264 --> 00:02:22,553 I've never done this before. It's kind of fun. 48 00:02:22,574 --> 00:02:24,902 Yeah, if your mom could see her little Bar Mitzvah boy right now, 49 00:02:24,932 --> 00:02:28,386 - she'd have a heart attack. - Good idea, I'll take a picture. 50 00:02:32,890 --> 00:02:34,693 Honey, I'm a little strapped for cash this year, 51 00:02:34,716 --> 00:02:38,060 so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you... 52 00:02:38,314 --> 00:02:39,865 this. 53 00:02:41,259 --> 00:02:43,288 - I love it. - Okay. 54 00:02:43,314 --> 00:02:45,481 But it is what you got me last year. 55 00:02:46,024 --> 00:02:47,392 - Yeah. - And last night. 56 00:02:47,420 --> 00:02:49,504 (laughs) (knocking on door) 57 00:02:50,115 --> 00:02:52,370 - Hello. - ALL: Hi, Stuart. 58 00:02:52,417 --> 00:02:54,886 Oh, good, I'm glad you guys didn't wait for me to start. 59 00:02:54,903 --> 00:02:58,931 Although you said 7:00 and it's-it's 7:00, but that's fine. 60 00:03:00,278 --> 00:03:01,411 (ringing) 61 00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:03,928 Oh, it's probably Sheldon. 62 00:03:05,116 --> 00:03:07,780 Hi, Sheldon. Everybody's here, say hi. 63 00:03:07,824 --> 00:03:09,441 - Hi. - Hey. - Hey, buddy. 64 00:03:09,459 --> 00:03:10,834 - Howdy. - Hi. 65 00:03:10,936 --> 00:03:12,448 Hello. 66 00:03:14,472 --> 00:03:18,317 SHELDON: The second I go out of town you throw a Christmas party without me? 67 00:03:18,352 --> 00:03:19,923 Yeah, kind of. 68 00:03:19,942 --> 00:03:22,923 That's so thoughtful. You guys are the best. 69 00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:25,911 Hey, how's your sister? 70 00:03:25,946 --> 00:03:28,014 She went into labor an hour ago. 71 00:03:28,037 --> 00:03:30,209 That's wonderful. So you're at the hospital? 72 00:03:30,237 --> 00:03:32,794 No, she chose to have a home birth... 73 00:03:32,824 --> 00:03:37,531 because she wants to live in the Stone Age and a cave wasn't available. 74 00:03:38,653 --> 00:03:41,567 You know, many people believe that home births are better 75 00:03:41,592 --> 00:03:44,328 because the mother is in a warm, comfortable environment 76 00:03:44,353 --> 00:03:46,541 where she can be nurtured by loved ones. 77 00:03:46,563 --> 00:03:50,941 And turn the bedroom floor into an amniotic Slip 'n Slide. 78 00:03:52,928 --> 00:03:54,561 MARY: Shelly, come on! 79 00:03:54,589 --> 00:03:58,560 Your sister's fully dilated and she wants a nice family picture 80 00:03:58,583 --> 00:04:01,269 before there's blood everywhere! 81 00:04:01,747 --> 00:04:03,248 SHELDON: Oh, boy. 82 00:04:03,288 --> 00:04:06,678 I picked the wrong day to wear my good robot T-shirt. 83 00:04:08,872 --> 00:04:12,239 If you were having Sheldon's baby would you really want him in the room? 84 00:04:12,265 --> 00:04:14,624 Yeah, if he's in the room when they're making the baby, 85 00:04:14,647 --> 00:04:16,759 I'll give you ten dollars. 86 00:04:18,076 --> 00:04:21,037 Hey, I brought over It's a Wonderful Life if you guys want to watch it later. 87 00:04:21,056 --> 00:04:23,283 - Oh, I love that movie. - I've never seen it. 88 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:25,383 - Me neither. - AMY: It's great. 89 00:04:25,410 --> 00:04:28,348 It's Christmastime and Jimmy Stewart's really depressed 90 00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:30,231 and he's gonna jump off a bridge and kill himself... 91 00:04:30,244 --> 00:04:32,567 Don't need to see it. Living it. 92 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:37,110 But then he gets to see what the world would be like if he'd never been born. 93 00:04:37,133 --> 00:04:40,133 Hey, you ever imagine what that would be like? Not being born? 94 00:04:40,169 --> 00:04:41,622 (knocking) What do you think? 95 00:04:41,653 --> 00:04:43,137 (knocking) What do you think? 96 00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:45,324 (knocking) What do you think? 97 00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:50,974 You make jokes about Sheldon, but if it weren't for him, 98 00:04:51,014 --> 00:04:53,889 I don't think any of us would be sitting in this room right now. 99 00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:58,327 Really? Sheldon not being here is the main reason I'm in this room. 100 00:04:59,781 --> 00:05:01,352 It's true. 101 00:05:01,365 --> 00:05:03,133 None of you would know me. 102 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,662 You wouldn't know Bernadette. 103 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,960 - You wouldn't be dating Penny. - You don't know that. 104 00:05:06,975 --> 00:05:10,038 I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory for years. I could have picked her up. 105 00:05:10,072 --> 00:05:12,818 (others laughing) 106 00:05:14,555 --> 00:05:16,436 Oh, you weren't joking. 107 00:05:16,802 --> 00:05:17,997 No. 108 00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:21,505 Okay, sweetie, let me tell you exactly how that would have gone down. 109 00:05:24,332 --> 00:05:26,309 I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask her out. 110 00:05:26,349 --> 00:05:29,248 I'm gonna squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples. 111 00:05:31,501 --> 00:05:34,506 Sorry, I thought we're saying things that are never gonna happen. 112 00:05:34,746 --> 00:05:36,840 Maybe this time he's going to do it. 113 00:05:36,865 --> 00:05:39,103 Hope you're thirsty, here it comes. 114 00:05:41,338 --> 00:05:42,721 Watch me. 115 00:05:43,964 --> 00:05:46,066 Hey, you guys ready to order or you need a few minutes? 116 00:05:46,092 --> 00:05:49,370 - I, uh, ah, um, I... - A few minutes it is. 117 00:05:50,256 --> 00:05:53,269 You didn't ask her out, but that was a lot of sounds. 118 00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:58,957 - You guys are making me nervous. - Fine, then go talk to her on your own. 119 00:05:59,381 --> 00:06:00,999 I will. 120 00:06:02,785 --> 00:06:04,299 (exhales) 121 00:06:07,981 --> 00:06:10,110 - Excuse me. - Yeah? 122 00:06:10,543 --> 00:06:13,443 Hi, uh, um, I'm Leonard? 123 00:06:13,683 --> 00:06:15,965 Really? You don't sound so sure. 124 00:06:16,906 --> 00:06:19,424 No, I am he. 125 00:06:21,378 --> 00:06:23,472 Uh, any-anyway, um, 126 00:06:23,504 --> 00:06:28,207 there's been something I've wanted to ask you for a long time. Um... 127 00:06:28,235 --> 00:06:29,704 - What's that? - Eh, uh, well, 128 00:06:29,719 --> 00:06:32,195 I was wondering-- if you're not too busy-- 129 00:06:32,231 --> 00:06:36,440 um, uh, if, if you'd be interested in... 130 00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:40,455 ...telling me where the restroom is? 131 00:06:43,870 --> 00:06:45,387 I think you're too late. 132 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:49,031 Come on, I would not have peed my pants. 133 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,806 - She nailed it. - Sounds about right. 134 00:06:53,787 --> 00:06:56,513 But, you forget, I did ask you out in real life. 135 00:06:56,556 --> 00:06:58,939 Which couldn't have happened if you didn't live across the hall from her, 136 00:06:58,970 --> 00:07:00,806 which couldn't have happened without Sheldon. 137 00:07:00,828 --> 00:07:03,516 Same goes with you guys. If Leonard wasn't with Penny, 138 00:07:03,542 --> 00:07:05,190 she never would have set you up. 139 00:07:05,223 --> 00:07:08,387 Doesn't matter. Bernadette still would've been working at The Cheesecake Factory, 140 00:07:08,409 --> 00:07:11,789 and I still would've been working this beefcake factory. 141 00:07:13,986 --> 00:07:17,276 - You would've been all over me. - Well... 142 00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:22,348 - Hey, Penny, can I take that table? - Sure, why? 143 00:07:22,384 --> 00:07:24,470 The one in the turtleneck is cute. 144 00:07:24,519 --> 00:07:28,954 Open wide, here comes the happy train. 145 00:07:30,036 --> 00:07:34,159 Mm-hmm, chug-a chug-a, yum, yum. 146 00:07:35,670 --> 00:07:37,177 Oh. 147 00:07:38,014 --> 00:07:39,595 Hang on. 148 00:07:39,841 --> 00:07:42,609 You got a... you got a little something. 149 00:07:46,036 --> 00:07:47,653 Never mind. 150 00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:50,355 (laughing) 151 00:07:50,372 --> 00:07:53,940 Oh, man, that is so us. 152 00:07:57,724 --> 00:07:59,503 You know, maybe you and I wouldn't be together, 153 00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:01,248 but you wouldn't have done so great yourself. 154 00:08:01,269 --> 00:08:05,403 - Why? - Because I know exactly the kind of guy you would've ended up with. 155 00:08:07,637 --> 00:08:09,456 Hey, babe. 156 00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:11,456 Hey. Did you remember to pay the rent? 157 00:08:11,472 --> 00:08:14,468 Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans. 158 00:08:15,691 --> 00:08:19,129 Hey, he may be an idiot, but at least he didn't pee himself. 159 00:08:20,703 --> 00:08:22,490 Oh, hold on. 160 00:08:23,977 --> 00:08:26,190 Aw, babe, I peed myself. 161 00:08:28,043 --> 00:08:30,370 (gasps): Me, too. 162 00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,367 The end. 163 00:08:40,735 --> 00:08:42,289 (ringing) 164 00:08:43,707 --> 00:08:46,721 Hi, Sheldon. Everything okay? 165 00:08:47,050 --> 00:08:48,863 No, it's not. 166 00:08:49,466 --> 00:08:51,301 I've seen things. 167 00:08:52,459 --> 00:08:54,342 Lady things. 168 00:08:56,435 --> 00:08:58,102 Listen to me. 169 00:08:58,159 --> 00:09:01,373 That is not the way they usually look. 170 00:09:03,931 --> 00:09:05,369 Doesn't matter. 171 00:09:05,402 --> 00:09:07,988 This is no way to make new humans. 172 00:09:08,032 --> 00:09:10,316 People coming out of people. 173 00:09:12,021 --> 00:09:14,356 It's some kind of dirty magic show. 174 00:09:15,231 --> 00:09:19,568 MARY: Sheldon Lee Cooper. You get back in this room right now. 175 00:09:19,606 --> 00:09:21,731 And bring a mop. 176 00:09:21,898 --> 00:09:23,360 Did you hear that? 177 00:09:23,374 --> 00:09:24,985 A mop. 178 00:09:25,019 --> 00:09:29,834 I have two PhDs yet somehow I'm the janitor of my sister's birth canal. 179 00:09:35,871 --> 00:09:38,582 LEONARD: Hey, Sheldon sent us all an e-mail. 180 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,728 - "Happy holidays from Texas." - Aw. 181 00:09:40,743 --> 00:09:42,212 And there's pictures. 182 00:09:42,255 --> 00:09:45,205 Aah! Don't open them. Do not open them. 183 00:09:45,595 --> 00:09:48,768 Oh, come on. Childbirth is a natural, beautiful... 184 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:52,116 Oh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half. 185 00:09:54,429 --> 00:09:58,215 My father's a gynecologist, I think I can handle it. 186 00:09:58,952 --> 00:10:01,160 And, now, I'm gay. 187 00:10:03,918 --> 00:10:07,066 You know, I was thinking. Without Sheldon, most of us would have never met, 188 00:10:07,094 --> 00:10:09,459 but Penny would still live across from him. 189 00:10:10,046 --> 00:10:12,069 And with Leonard out of the picture, 190 00:10:12,090 --> 00:10:14,059 we all know what that would mean. 191 00:10:14,184 --> 00:10:15,598 We do? 192 00:10:19,071 --> 00:10:21,578 - Hey, Sheldon. - Hello. 193 00:10:23,273 --> 00:10:25,264 Doing laundry? 194 00:10:29,907 --> 00:10:31,478 Of course I'm doing laundry. 195 00:10:31,484 --> 00:10:35,689 Saturday night is laundry night, and I'm in a laundry room, so... 196 00:10:35,725 --> 00:10:37,609 I believe your inference is justified. 197 00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:40,292 (laughs): Oh, my inference is justified. 198 00:10:40,315 --> 00:10:43,081 Sheldon, you are so funny. 199 00:10:45,801 --> 00:10:48,069 Anyway, I need to do my laundry, too, 200 00:10:48,084 --> 00:10:51,116 because these clothes are so dirty. 201 00:10:51,439 --> 00:10:55,672 Almost as dirty as the dirty girl who's wearing them. 202 00:10:57,269 --> 00:10:58,817 Okay, that's enough. 203 00:10:58,838 --> 00:11:01,381 - Disagree. - Keep going. - More. 204 00:11:03,402 --> 00:11:06,014 So, what do you think? 205 00:11:06,972 --> 00:11:10,591 A tad asymmetrical, but nothing to be concerned about. 206 00:11:12,592 --> 00:11:14,789 Please, Sheldon. I need you. 207 00:11:14,903 --> 00:11:17,107 To... what? 208 00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:19,844 To take me. 209 00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:22,945 I'm not taking you anywhere till you put on a shirt. 210 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:28,158 Come on, Sheldon. You and me right here. 211 00:11:28,183 --> 00:11:30,613 Penny, for the thousandth time, 212 00:11:30,643 --> 00:11:33,277 I'm saving myself for someone special. 213 00:11:33,296 --> 00:11:39,903 Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist with hair the color of mud. 214 00:11:41,411 --> 00:11:44,045 I think I know how to change your mind. 215 00:11:44,926 --> 00:11:46,754 - That's enough. - Ew... 216 00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:50,153 I was okay with it. 217 00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:52,482 (ringing) 218 00:11:54,264 --> 00:11:55,936 How's it going, Sheldon? 219 00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:57,670 Actually, much better. 220 00:11:57,700 --> 00:11:59,606 Oh, good. Is the baby born yet? 221 00:11:59,629 --> 00:12:01,699 I don't know. I just got back. 222 00:12:01,739 --> 00:12:02,805 Where'd you go? 223 00:12:02,837 --> 00:12:05,549 My mother asked me to get some towels. 224 00:12:05,575 --> 00:12:09,998 I took advantage of the vague request and went to Bed, Bath & Beyond. 225 00:12:11,513 --> 00:12:13,271 (Missy screams) 226 00:12:13,597 --> 00:12:16,410 Excuse me! I'm on the phone! 227 00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:19,705 So rude. 228 00:12:22,487 --> 00:12:25,878 Here's another one. Penny, if it weren't for Sheldon, 229 00:12:25,898 --> 00:12:30,644 you never would have met comic book legend Stan Lee. 230 00:12:31,652 --> 00:12:33,108 Great. 231 00:12:35,962 --> 00:12:39,230 At least Leonard, Howard and I would have always been friends. 232 00:12:39,245 --> 00:12:41,503 Hey, how come you three never got an apartment together? 233 00:12:41,543 --> 00:12:46,266 We talked about it, but Howard was in a pretty serious relationship with his mom. 234 00:12:47,596 --> 00:12:49,550 I lived with her to save money. 235 00:12:49,565 --> 00:12:51,877 Yeah, you didn't have to buy groceries 'cause you were breast-feeding. 236 00:12:51,890 --> 00:12:53,501 (laughs) 237 00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:58,299 Aw, so I guess if it weren't for me, you'd still be living with her, huh? 238 00:12:58,323 --> 00:12:59,573 Not exactly. 239 00:12:59,598 --> 00:13:01,518 What do you mean, "not exactly"? 240 00:13:01,558 --> 00:13:04,793 Well, things would be a little different. 241 00:13:05,031 --> 00:13:09,487 MRS. WOLOWITZ: Howard, where's my lunch?! I'm starving! 242 00:13:10,592 --> 00:13:13,881 I know you're starving. The neighbors know you're starving. 243 00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:17,045 There's starving people in Africa who know you're starving! 244 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,970 That's it?! There's not enough food! 245 00:13:21,993 --> 00:13:25,754 Well, you cleaned out Earth! I don't know what else to do! 246 00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,542 How is this any different? 247 00:13:29,644 --> 00:13:31,396 You didn't let me finish. 248 00:13:32,137 --> 00:13:33,741 Here you go, Mother. 249 00:13:34,357 --> 00:13:37,224 You're a good boy, Howard! 250 00:13:37,268 --> 00:13:41,053 Such a good boy! 251 00:13:41,078 --> 00:13:43,714 (maniacal cackling) 252 00:13:44,989 --> 00:13:48,122 Wait-- did she die or did you kill her? 253 00:13:50,666 --> 00:13:54,151 Eh, tomato, tomahto. The important thing is she's dead. 254 00:13:56,151 --> 00:13:58,714 Hey, so how come you two didn't move in together? 255 00:13:58,729 --> 00:14:00,349 This guy wanted a place of his own 256 00:14:00,374 --> 00:14:02,684 because he was sure he was gonna be a ladies' man. 257 00:14:03,999 --> 00:14:05,717 Yeah, I was wrong. 258 00:14:07,355 --> 00:14:09,653 But I do think you and I would have had a great time. 259 00:14:09,692 --> 00:14:12,646 Come on, Leonard, dinner. 260 00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:14,602 Coming. 261 00:14:23,437 --> 00:14:24,637 LEONARD: Hang on. 262 00:14:24,671 --> 00:14:26,543 Why would I be fat? 263 00:14:27,424 --> 00:14:29,853 You'd have no girlfriend to see you naked, 264 00:14:29,872 --> 00:14:32,388 you'd try to fill the void with food, 265 00:14:32,399 --> 00:14:35,402 and I'm an enabler who once deep-fried a pancake. 266 00:14:36,567 --> 00:14:38,779 Why can't you be fat, too? 267 00:14:40,021 --> 00:14:42,261 What do you want to do for dessert? 268 00:14:44,768 --> 00:14:47,797 I think there's still half a cake from breakfast. 269 00:14:49,641 --> 00:14:51,558 No, there's not. 270 00:14:56,659 --> 00:14:58,413 Hey, guys. 271 00:14:59,856 --> 00:15:01,718 - Stuart. - Stuart. 272 00:15:02,453 --> 00:15:03,844 What are you doing? 273 00:15:03,874 --> 00:15:05,548 I... (clears throat) 274 00:15:06,215 --> 00:15:09,333 just wanted to be in anyone's story. 275 00:15:11,124 --> 00:15:13,491 Yeah, but why are you fat? 276 00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,494 'Cause Leonard was fat. 277 00:15:20,116 --> 00:15:21,257 Amy, what about you? 278 00:15:21,291 --> 00:15:23,682 What do you think you'd be doing if you never met Sheldon? 279 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:25,720 It's hard to say, 280 00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:28,316 my life would be so... different. 281 00:15:28,419 --> 00:15:31,503 You can say "better." Sheldon can't hear you. 282 00:15:32,864 --> 00:15:34,396 I don't know. 283 00:15:35,347 --> 00:15:39,472 ♪ Happy birthday to me 284 00:15:40,171 --> 00:15:44,207 ♪ Happy birthday to me ♪ 285 00:15:45,562 --> 00:15:50,153 ♪ There's tears in the frosting ♪ 286 00:15:56,505 --> 00:16:00,987 ♪ Happy birthday to me. 287 00:16:02,158 --> 00:16:04,192 (honks) 288 00:16:10,038 --> 00:16:11,850 I'll stop now. 289 00:16:12,661 --> 00:16:14,516 (ringing) 290 00:16:15,062 --> 00:16:16,828 How's it going, Sheldon? 291 00:16:17,023 --> 00:16:20,116 That's it. The baby's here. 292 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,212 It's a boy. 293 00:16:21,232 --> 00:16:23,248 - Congrats. - Aw. - Yay. 294 00:16:23,268 --> 00:16:25,260 Oh, thank you. 295 00:16:25,299 --> 00:16:27,468 I wasn't sure I was gonna to make it. 296 00:16:28,667 --> 00:16:31,760 But my mother gave me some ice chips, 297 00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:33,573 my sister told me to breathe. 298 00:16:33,608 --> 00:16:35,756 And I just thought to myself, "Sheldon, 299 00:16:35,779 --> 00:16:37,884 "if you can make it through the Green Lantern movie, 300 00:16:37,908 --> 00:16:40,057 you can make it through this." 301 00:16:41,607 --> 00:16:43,912 Well, good for you, buddy. We'll let you get back in there. 302 00:16:43,944 --> 00:16:48,094 Oh no, no, I'm not going back in there. That baby is so irritating. 303 00:16:48,396 --> 00:16:51,412 He has literally been crying his entire life. 304 00:16:52,937 --> 00:16:56,103 Aw, he's already taking after Uncle Shelly. 305 00:16:57,334 --> 00:16:59,154 Come on, Sheldon, you should go. 306 00:16:59,169 --> 00:17:00,544 Why? 307 00:17:00,551 --> 00:17:04,395 Well, you always complain that you never had an intelligent role model growing up, 308 00:17:04,425 --> 00:17:06,769 and now you can be one for your nephew. 309 00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:10,636 Ugh, all right, I'll go. 310 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:15,896 But from what I've seen, his attention span is as limited as his bladder control. 311 00:17:17,778 --> 00:17:19,795 You actually got him to do it. 312 00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:23,041 Yeah, you keep saying how much Sheldon has affected all of us, but 313 00:17:23,086 --> 00:17:24,578 you've clearly had an impact on him. 314 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:25,524 (sighs) 315 00:17:25,549 --> 00:17:28,119 If that were true, I wouldn't still be living alone. 316 00:17:28,144 --> 00:17:31,703 Well, not exactly alone. I do have a 50 pound sack of rice 317 00:17:31,723 --> 00:17:34,032 with one of Sheldon's T-shirts on it. 318 00:17:37,505 --> 00:17:40,708 I'm telling you, Sheldon cares for you more than you think. 319 00:17:40,876 --> 00:17:42,915 I wish I could believe you. 320 00:17:42,952 --> 00:17:45,940 I also wish there wasn't a mouse living in Rice Sheldon. 321 00:17:48,790 --> 00:17:52,436 Hang on, I'm gonna give you a little early Christmas present. 322 00:17:52,921 --> 00:17:54,288 I'm gonna show you something, 323 00:17:54,313 --> 00:17:57,336 but if you ever told Sheldon he'd probably never speak to me again. 324 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,706 So, if you want to tell him, that's fine. 325 00:18:01,273 --> 00:18:02,725 Look. 326 00:18:05,439 --> 00:18:07,174 I don't understand. 327 00:18:07,202 --> 00:18:09,419 He made you his screensaver. 328 00:18:10,638 --> 00:18:12,396 - Oh. - (chuckles) 329 00:18:12,433 --> 00:18:13,847 Wow. 330 00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,692 I had no idea. 331 00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:19,309 He is so into me. 332 00:18:22,024 --> 00:18:23,868 Wait, wait, where'd I go? 333 00:18:23,882 --> 00:18:27,708 Oh, well, it's you, Swamp Thing, Stephen Hawking, Spider-Man... 334 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:29,829 but, look, you're in the mix. 335 00:18:30,604 --> 00:18:33,869 I am in the mix. And I'm the hottest one. 336 00:18:34,446 --> 00:18:35,602 Who's that? 337 00:18:35,644 --> 00:18:38,828 - LEONARD: Oh, Madame Curie. - That's fine, she's dead. 338 00:18:52,533 --> 00:18:54,234 You okay? 339 00:18:54,341 --> 00:18:56,458 Just really glad you're back. 340 00:18:56,689 --> 00:18:57,943 Me, too. 341 00:18:57,974 --> 00:18:59,400 (chuckles) 342 00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:02,002 I got a lot of TV to catch up on. 343 00:19:07,766 --> 00:19:09,720 I missed you. 344 00:19:10,070 --> 00:19:13,239 To quote Han Solo, "I know"" 345 00:19:17,115 --> 00:19:18,787 Did you miss me? 346 00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:21,636 I would've preferred to have you there with me. 347 00:19:21,685 --> 00:19:23,240 Oh. 348 00:19:23,293 --> 00:19:25,045 Or instead of me. 349 00:19:28,256 --> 00:19:31,303 - Did you hold the baby? - I did. 350 00:19:31,329 --> 00:19:32,875 And? 351 00:19:32,894 --> 00:19:35,277 How did it make you feel? 352 00:19:35,497 --> 00:19:37,708 Looking into the blank, innocent eyes 353 00:19:37,731 --> 00:19:41,585 of a creature that couldn't begin to comprehend anything I was saying? 354 00:19:42,192 --> 00:19:44,912 Basically just another day at the office. 355 00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:56,938 LEONARD: I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna ask her out. 356 00:19:59,557 --> 00:20:02,501 Yeah, and chocolate milk is gonna squirt out of my nipples. 357 00:20:03,418 --> 00:20:06,323 Put up or shut up. You make it, I'll drink it. 358 00:20:11,157 --> 00:20:12,275 You guys need anything else? 359 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:15,155 Uh, your phone number and one more cheesecake. 360 00:20:17,623 --> 00:20:19,689 I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend. 361 00:20:20,197 --> 00:20:22,475 In fact, there he is now. 362 00:20:31,084 --> 00:20:34,242 - Ready to go, sweetheart? - Not until I get my kiss. 363 00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:35,624 (kisses) 364 00:20:35,663 --> 00:20:37,746 (giggles) 365 00:20:47,391 --> 00:20:51,439 ♪ 366 00:20:53,203 --> 00:20:54,809 (sighs) 367 00:20:55,874 --> 00:21:00,874 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther