1 00:01:19,105 --> 00:01:20,739 Merry Christmas! 2 00:01:20,764 --> 00:01:24,764 ♪ The Simpsons 25x08 ♪ White Christmas Blues Original Air Date on December 15, 2013 3 00:01:24,789 --> 00:01:29,789 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 4 00:01:41,246 --> 00:01:43,547 Merry Christmas, movie house! 5 00:01:43,582 --> 00:01:46,317 Merry Christmas, Mr. Mouse! 6 00:01:53,358 --> 00:01:55,926 Hey-hey. Due to modern sensitivity, 7 00:01:55,961 --> 00:01:58,829 we've been asked to block any violent images 8 00:01:58,864 --> 00:02:00,731 that appear in this children's cartoon. 9 00:02:00,765 --> 00:02:02,500 Oh, my God! 10 00:02:02,534 --> 00:02:05,336 I never watched one of these sober! 11 00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:08,105 I gotta get this bloodbath off my kids' show! 12 00:02:12,944 --> 00:02:14,345 Damn it! 13 00:02:14,379 --> 00:02:16,680 Aw, geez, when did everything turn to crap? 14 00:02:16,715 --> 00:02:19,984 Bart, don't use language like that. 15 00:02:21,653 --> 00:02:24,054 Man, things sure have turned to crap. 16 00:02:24,089 --> 00:02:25,523 Homer, 17 00:02:25,557 --> 00:02:27,825 you have to take the Halloween decorations down 18 00:02:27,859 --> 00:02:29,927 before you put the Christmas ones up. 19 00:02:29,961 --> 00:02:32,963 Marge, to that I say, boo, humbug. 20 00:02:40,472 --> 00:02:43,107 There's a new Grinch this holiday season, 21 00:02:43,141 --> 00:02:44,808 and its name is "global warming." 22 00:02:44,843 --> 00:02:47,845 Meteorologists warn there'll be no snow this Christmas 23 00:02:47,879 --> 00:02:50,314 anywhere in America, not even in Alaska, 24 00:02:50,348 --> 00:02:54,118 where the Eskimos now have a hundred words for "nothing." 25 00:02:54,152 --> 00:02:55,553 Global warming. Huh. 26 00:02:55,587 --> 00:02:58,856 By pure coincidence, every scientist was right. 27 00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:00,958 But it's not all doom and gloom. 28 00:03:00,992 --> 00:03:03,527 Illegal poachers are having a field day. 29 00:03:03,562 --> 00:03:05,963 ♪ 80 degrees, water won't freeze ♪ 30 00:03:05,997 --> 00:03:08,032 ♪ God help us, please, no one's on skis ♪ 31 00:03:08,066 --> 00:03:10,134 ♪ Happy, happy, happy, happy hunting ♪ 32 00:03:11,336 --> 00:03:13,904 ♪ Happy, happy, happy, happy hunting. ♪ 33 00:03:20,712 --> 00:03:23,380 Sorry, kids, I guess the hats and mittens will have 34 00:03:23,415 --> 00:03:24,982 to wait until next year. 35 00:03:25,016 --> 00:03:26,584 Oh! Oh! 36 00:03:43,101 --> 00:03:44,201 Hmm? 37 00:03:44,235 --> 00:03:46,604 Snow? 38 00:03:46,638 --> 00:03:48,672 Snow! 39 00:03:50,041 --> 00:03:52,643 Oh, you know what this means, kids? 40 00:03:53,845 --> 00:03:56,914 I don't have to pick up the dog poops! 41 00:04:00,285 --> 00:04:02,686 Uh, so you see, the "snow" 42 00:04:02,721 --> 00:04:05,255 is a microclimate aberration 43 00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:08,759 caused by radioactive steam from the nuclear plant 44 00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:10,961 and, of course, tire fire particulate. 45 00:04:10,996 --> 00:04:14,198 So, we're the only place in America with snow, 46 00:04:14,232 --> 00:04:16,834 if you can call it that. I guess you can. 47 00:04:18,136 --> 00:04:20,938 Don't you idiots see what this means?! 48 00:04:20,972 --> 00:04:22,906 Idiots? Why do we reelect this guy? 49 00:04:22,941 --> 00:04:25,809 'Cause his opponent has a long Slavic name. 50 00:04:27,278 --> 00:04:29,313 Who want bumper sticker? 51 00:04:29,347 --> 00:04:32,816 People, Springfield is now the only town in America 52 00:04:32,851 --> 00:04:35,219 that has snow this Christmas. 53 00:04:35,253 --> 00:04:37,821 So tourists are going to want to come here. 54 00:04:37,856 --> 00:04:39,890 Stay in our hotels! 55 00:04:39,924 --> 00:04:41,258 Slurp our spaghetti. 56 00:04:41,292 --> 00:04:43,961 Die in our hospitals. 57 00:04:43,995 --> 00:04:47,398 I say we welcome our winter tourists with open arms, 58 00:04:47,432 --> 00:04:49,166 then gouge the hell out of 'em! 59 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,602 Who? Who will gouge with me? 60 00:04:51,636 --> 00:04:53,270 I, too, will gouge! 61 00:04:53,304 --> 00:04:57,775 Duff Beer is proud to make a corporate commitment to gouging! 62 00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:07,351 Here come the tourists. 63 00:05:07,385 --> 00:05:10,054 Man your ATMs. Yar. 64 00:05:23,702 --> 00:05:25,502 Why would a robot need mittens? 65 00:05:25,537 --> 00:05:28,205 Why would a little boy need an aspirin? 66 00:05:28,239 --> 00:05:29,773 I don't know. 67 00:05:29,808 --> 00:05:32,976 The one thing Bongo Comics are good for. 68 00:05:36,981 --> 00:05:38,515 Are you okay, Chief? 69 00:05:38,550 --> 00:05:40,317 I'll be fine, I'll be fine. 70 00:05:40,351 --> 00:05:42,886 God, I bent down to pick up a piece of candy 71 00:05:42,921 --> 00:05:44,221 and rolled down a hill. 72 00:05:44,255 --> 00:05:45,989 You always think it's the other guy 73 00:05:46,024 --> 00:05:47,624 that'll turn into a giant snowball. 74 00:05:47,659 --> 00:05:48,826 Never you. 75 00:05:48,860 --> 00:05:50,894 Have you seen Lou? 76 00:05:50,929 --> 00:05:53,030 There's snow in my lungs! 77 00:05:53,064 --> 00:05:54,898 Lot of attitude in that hand, Lou. 78 00:05:54,933 --> 00:05:56,633 Lot of attitude. 79 00:05:58,403 --> 00:06:00,904 Look at all these out-of-state license plates. 80 00:06:00,939 --> 00:06:02,673 "First in Freeways," 81 00:06:02,707 --> 00:06:04,041 "The 'Yuh-Huh' State," 82 00:06:04,075 --> 00:06:05,843 "Jewel of the Fracking Belt"? 83 00:06:05,877 --> 00:06:07,745 "Still a British Colony at Heart," 84 00:06:07,779 --> 00:06:09,747 "Land of Many Water Snakes"? 85 00:06:11,082 --> 00:06:13,751 Valet parking, five dollars. 86 00:06:15,687 --> 00:06:17,287 Oh... 87 00:06:21,025 --> 00:06:23,861 People, I'm completely out of milk! 88 00:06:23,895 --> 00:06:26,363 I do have several DVDs of the movie Milk, 89 00:06:26,397 --> 00:06:30,300 an inspiring return to form for director Gus Van Sant. 90 00:06:30,335 --> 00:06:32,503 Uh, do you have Life of Pi? 91 00:06:32,537 --> 00:06:36,907 No, but I have some home movies of me on a canoe with a big dog. 92 00:06:36,941 --> 00:06:39,810 People who have never seen a movie say it is a good movie. 93 00:06:48,586 --> 00:06:51,088 Mmm? 94 00:06:53,491 --> 00:06:55,626 We can't afford Christmas. 95 00:06:55,660 --> 00:06:57,361 And when you can't afford Christmas, 96 00:06:57,395 --> 00:06:59,429 you've failed as a family. 97 00:06:59,464 --> 00:07:01,799 That's what all the big stores say. 98 00:07:03,134 --> 00:07:04,401 Excuse me, ma'am. 99 00:07:04,435 --> 00:07:06,570 I'm so sorry to bother you, 100 00:07:06,604 --> 00:07:09,273 but my kids are exhausted and the town is sold out. 101 00:07:09,307 --> 00:07:12,309 Is there any chance you'd have a spare room for us? 102 00:07:12,343 --> 00:07:14,711 Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen, 103 00:07:14,746 --> 00:07:17,381 but sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. 104 00:07:17,415 --> 00:07:20,117 Our house is very odd that way. 105 00:07:20,151 --> 00:07:22,953 Please? Please, ma'am? We'd pay you $300 a night. 106 00:07:22,987 --> 00:07:25,956 Well, you seem like a nice, pushy stranger. 107 00:07:25,990 --> 00:07:27,791 Ma'am, because we talk this way, 108 00:07:27,826 --> 00:07:29,326 people always think that we're, um... 109 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:30,761 Uh, what is that word, honey? 110 00:07:30,795 --> 00:07:31,895 Passive-aggressive. 111 00:07:31,930 --> 00:07:33,497 Right, right, but we're not. 112 00:07:33,531 --> 00:07:36,800 Please, please take our money and everybody wins. 113 00:07:44,442 --> 00:07:45,576 Hmm? 114 00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:48,645 Oh, good. Marge remarried after I died. 115 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,480 Wait a minute. I'm not dead. 116 00:07:50,515 --> 00:07:51,748 What's going on?! 117 00:07:51,783 --> 00:07:53,851 These are our new boarders. 118 00:07:53,885 --> 00:07:56,486 Uh-uh. No way. I'm not sharing my bed 119 00:07:56,521 --> 00:07:58,255 with anybody except you. 120 00:07:58,289 --> 00:07:59,823 And maybe that guy. Lincoln-style. 121 00:07:59,858 --> 00:08:01,325 But that's it. 122 00:08:01,359 --> 00:08:03,160 This is a great thing. 123 00:08:03,194 --> 00:08:05,095 We're helping people celebrate Christmas, 124 00:08:05,129 --> 00:08:07,664 and we'll be able to afford Christmas. 125 00:08:07,699 --> 00:08:09,933 Oh, I don't know. It won't seem like Christmas 126 00:08:09,968 --> 00:08:13,604 without opening up a giant credit card bill in January. 127 00:08:13,638 --> 00:08:14,972 Take a look at this. 128 00:08:15,006 --> 00:08:16,974 What the...? 129 00:08:17,008 --> 00:08:19,810 "The Simpson Bed and Breakfast"? 130 00:08:19,844 --> 00:08:23,013 I always wanted to stay in a place like this. 131 00:08:23,047 --> 00:08:25,148 But Christmas is a special time. 132 00:08:25,183 --> 00:08:27,217 And I like to spend it in the warm embrace 133 00:08:27,252 --> 00:08:29,119 of watching football. 134 00:08:29,153 --> 00:08:31,121 Homer Simpson, ask yourself, 135 00:08:31,155 --> 00:08:33,957 W.W.B.J.D.? Huh? 136 00:08:33,992 --> 00:08:35,492 What would Baby Jesus do? 137 00:08:39,497 --> 00:08:42,799 ♪ My baby she told me she don't want to hold me ♪ 138 00:08:42,834 --> 00:08:46,069 ♪ And kiss my lips anymore 139 00:08:46,104 --> 00:08:48,805 ♪ She's gonna leave me 140 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:50,440 ♪ And she don't believe me 141 00:08:50,475 --> 00:08:53,977 ♪ That I'll be true now 142 00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:55,946 ♪ Well, maybe she don't love me ♪ 143 00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:57,714 ♪ And is not thinkin' of me 144 00:08:57,749 --> 00:08:59,917 ♪ But why'd she do it this time of year? ♪ 145 00:08:59,951 --> 00:09:01,718 ♪ Doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ 146 00:09:01,753 --> 00:09:05,255 ♪ She knows that I'll miss her and I'll want to kiss her ♪ 147 00:09:05,290 --> 00:09:08,992 ♪ If just for Christmas 148 00:09:09,027 --> 00:09:10,861 ♪ Merry Christmas... 149 00:09:10,895 --> 00:09:14,431 Well, this crazy scheme is the kind of impulsive behavior 150 00:09:14,465 --> 00:09:16,700 I want to encourage in you. 151 00:09:16,734 --> 00:09:19,603 Mmm... I'm in! 100%! 152 00:09:19,637 --> 00:09:21,104 Oh, thank you. 153 00:09:21,139 --> 00:09:23,106 Now, Homie, table three needs more bread. 154 00:09:23,141 --> 00:09:25,008 I'm on a break. 155 00:10:00,311 --> 00:10:02,145 Welcome to our day care center. 156 00:10:02,179 --> 00:10:05,315 All girls, please move to cootie quarantine. 157 00:10:05,349 --> 00:10:07,717 We've got a two-month-old. 158 00:10:07,751 --> 00:10:09,552 Are you sure you can handle her? 159 00:10:09,587 --> 00:10:11,354 Just don't lose this claim ticket. 160 00:10:11,388 --> 00:10:13,523 That church doesn't look very inspiring. 161 00:10:13,557 --> 00:10:15,525 What a bland marquee. 162 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:17,559 It doesn't look very inviting. 163 00:10:19,196 --> 00:10:21,564 This whole crowd's gonna be at my sermon today. 164 00:10:21,599 --> 00:10:24,400 Darling, did St. Paul worry about the crowds? 165 00:10:24,435 --> 00:10:27,170 Oh, he wrote letters. Any fool can write letters. 166 00:10:33,510 --> 00:10:36,713 Lord, I'm just a small-town minister. 167 00:10:36,747 --> 00:10:38,681 We don't have Mormon money. 168 00:10:38,716 --> 00:10:41,851 But if you could see your way to guiding my fingers 169 00:10:41,885 --> 00:10:44,253 as I type this sermon... 170 00:10:47,791 --> 00:10:49,425 Oh, yeah. 171 00:10:49,460 --> 00:10:51,894 Oh, this is black-church good. 172 00:10:58,469 --> 00:11:00,069 My friends... 173 00:11:01,772 --> 00:11:03,840 When he starts with "my friends," it's always bad. 174 00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:05,875 Friends, every year, 175 00:11:05,909 --> 00:11:09,345 I tell you this holiday is about the birth of our Lord, 176 00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:12,515 not singing Santas and full stockings. 177 00:11:14,318 --> 00:11:15,385 You're losing us! 178 00:11:15,419 --> 00:11:16,753 Christmas is not about 179 00:11:16,787 --> 00:11:18,187 what happened in a manger 180 00:11:18,222 --> 00:11:20,223 some 2,000 years ago. 181 00:11:20,257 --> 00:11:23,860 It is about what you do for others now. 182 00:11:23,894 --> 00:11:25,161 Oh! 183 00:11:27,264 --> 00:11:28,364 Get my the church bulletin. 184 00:11:28,399 --> 00:11:29,699 Lovejoy's on fire. 185 00:11:29,733 --> 00:11:33,102 Christmas is the Holy Spirit. 186 00:11:33,137 --> 00:11:35,872 Ooh, I didn't know there were doves in there. 187 00:11:35,906 --> 00:11:37,407 Give with your hearts! 188 00:11:37,441 --> 00:11:39,208 Give with your acts! 189 00:11:39,243 --> 00:11:40,443 And you will know 190 00:11:40,477 --> 00:11:43,446 the true meaning of Christmas. 191 00:11:49,153 --> 00:11:51,220 Wow, what a showman. 192 00:11:54,525 --> 00:11:55,825 I haven't felt this inspired 193 00:11:55,859 --> 00:11:57,493 since the blueberries at breakfast. 194 00:11:57,528 --> 00:11:59,962 Daddy, permission for a religious fit? 195 00:11:59,997 --> 00:12:01,230 A brief one. 196 00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:04,734 I said a fit, not a fervor. 197 00:12:04,768 --> 00:12:07,303 That sermon really inspired me. 198 00:12:07,337 --> 00:12:09,372 This whole Christmas has been about money. 199 00:12:11,308 --> 00:12:12,909 Oh, are you with the Salvation Army? 200 00:12:12,943 --> 00:12:14,077 What makes you think that? 201 00:12:15,145 --> 00:12:16,646 Bless you. 202 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,948 But I'm gonna give gifts that aren't expensive 203 00:12:18,982 --> 00:12:20,316 and come from the heart. 204 00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:22,018 I don't know. 205 00:12:22,052 --> 00:12:24,420 Christmas didn't get to be the number one holiday 206 00:12:24,455 --> 00:12:26,322 by being about love. 207 00:12:26,356 --> 00:12:30,126 Um, when a woman talks, she just wants to be heard. 208 00:12:34,765 --> 00:12:36,332 Where's the end? 209 00:12:39,778 --> 00:12:42,180 Hey, Marge, we're running out of chestnuts over here. 210 00:12:42,214 --> 00:12:43,848 Well, they don't grow on trees. 211 00:12:43,882 --> 00:12:44,916 Uh, yeah, they do. 212 00:12:44,950 --> 00:12:46,250 Oh. 213 00:12:46,285 --> 00:12:48,186 What about our romantic carriage ride 214 00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:49,320 through the snow? 215 00:12:49,355 --> 00:12:51,122 Setting it up. 216 00:12:55,194 --> 00:12:56,928 I don't think you're giving them 217 00:12:56,962 --> 00:12:58,629 what they were promised, Dad. 218 00:12:58,664 --> 00:13:02,333 The secret is: Don't read the comment cards. 219 00:13:06,672 --> 00:13:08,139 Where do the people sit? 220 00:13:08,173 --> 00:13:09,807 I thought they were just gonna watch me. 221 00:13:09,842 --> 00:13:10,875 Excuse me. 222 00:13:10,909 --> 00:13:12,210 This eggnog is terrible. 223 00:13:12,244 --> 00:13:14,345 All eggnog is terrible. 224 00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:17,482 Those stockings are not hung by the chimney with care. 225 00:13:18,917 --> 00:13:20,385 Why did I do this for money? 226 00:13:20,419 --> 00:13:22,286 Why did I do this for money? 227 00:13:22,321 --> 00:13:24,455 And the Christmas special on your television 228 00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:26,290 is one of the worst. 229 00:13:26,325 --> 00:13:30,061 We now return to King Winter Feasts On His Children. 230 00:13:30,095 --> 00:13:33,297 By the time Princess Summer comes to save you, 231 00:13:33,332 --> 00:13:36,034 you'll all be blood in my beard. 232 00:13:36,068 --> 00:13:37,502 Ho, ho, ho, ho. 233 00:13:37,536 --> 00:13:39,337 Your own father's beard. 234 00:13:46,745 --> 00:13:48,513 How long to see Santa? 235 00:13:48,547 --> 00:13:50,181 How would I know? I'm an accountant. 236 00:13:50,215 --> 00:13:52,183 I imagine for small business, huh? 237 00:13:52,217 --> 00:13:53,785 God, I hate Christmas. 238 00:13:53,819 --> 00:13:55,420 Huh? 239 00:13:55,454 --> 00:13:58,423 Mr. Flanders, where's your store? 240 00:13:58,457 --> 00:14:01,225 Well, I'm down to a kiosk, thanks to that place. 241 00:14:03,362 --> 00:14:05,096 Actually, half a kiosk. 242 00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:06,864 Sharing it with Nasreen here. 243 00:14:06,899 --> 00:14:10,535 No cream is finer than mall kiosk cream. 244 00:14:10,569 --> 00:14:11,669 J.Lo use it. 245 00:14:11,703 --> 00:14:12,904 No, thanks. 246 00:14:12,938 --> 00:14:15,506 It is no wonder you are not married. 247 00:14:15,541 --> 00:14:16,741 Flip me back. 248 00:14:19,578 --> 00:14:21,112 If I have to give presents, 249 00:14:21,146 --> 00:14:22,580 I'll give presents with a purpose. 250 00:14:22,614 --> 00:14:25,516 One for Maggie. Check. 251 00:14:25,551 --> 00:14:27,852 All that's left is Bart. 252 00:14:27,886 --> 00:14:29,053 No. 253 00:14:29,088 --> 00:14:31,122 No. No. 254 00:14:31,156 --> 00:14:32,390 No, no, no... 255 00:14:32,424 --> 00:14:34,625 Ah, perfect. 256 00:14:36,295 --> 00:14:38,329 ♪ All from Satan's power 257 00:14:38,363 --> 00:14:42,600 ♪ As we were gone astray 258 00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:45,169 ♪ Oh, tidings 259 00:14:45,204 --> 00:14:48,973 ♪ Of comfort and joy 260 00:14:49,007 --> 00:14:54,245 ♪ In Bethlehem, in Israel this blessed babe was born... ♪ 261 00:14:54,279 --> 00:14:55,480 Enough. Stop. 262 00:14:55,514 --> 00:14:58,249 Christmas carols only have one verse. 263 00:14:58,283 --> 00:15:00,251 Well, they may have more, but the second verse 264 00:15:00,285 --> 00:15:02,120 is where they get all weird and religiousy. 265 00:15:02,154 --> 00:15:03,754 Uh, more wassail, please. 266 00:15:03,789 --> 00:15:05,990 And don't skimp on the aromatic bitters. 267 00:15:06,024 --> 00:15:08,059 For your information, Gloria, 268 00:15:08,093 --> 00:15:11,429 my wassail is just Gatorade I put in the microwave. 269 00:15:11,463 --> 00:15:14,065 I drank that under the mistletoe. 270 00:15:14,099 --> 00:15:15,133 It's not mistletoe, 271 00:15:15,167 --> 00:15:17,768 just cherries and lettuce. Oh! 272 00:15:17,803 --> 00:15:20,438 I thought when I ate it, it wasn't poisonous. 273 00:15:20,472 --> 00:15:22,306 I've opened up my house to you 274 00:15:22,341 --> 00:15:24,742 and all you do is fill this joyous season 275 00:15:24,776 --> 00:15:26,244 with petty complaints. 276 00:15:26,278 --> 00:15:28,246 Ho, ho, ho. 277 00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:30,181 Not now. Take out that pillow 278 00:15:30,215 --> 00:15:32,350 and put it in room three. 279 00:15:33,452 --> 00:15:35,586 The pillow acted as a girdle. 280 00:15:35,621 --> 00:15:37,155 Any more questions? 281 00:15:37,189 --> 00:15:39,123 Uh, yes, will the pudding be figgy? 282 00:15:39,158 --> 00:15:41,425 The pudding will be Jell-O. 283 00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:42,827 Quite so. 284 00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:45,096 I'm going to sulk in my room. 285 00:15:45,130 --> 00:15:48,432 The only thing good about this place is the piano player. 286 00:16:06,351 --> 00:16:08,853 An Angelica Button wizard robe. 287 00:16:08,887 --> 00:16:11,055 With wand pocket. 288 00:16:11,089 --> 00:16:12,823 And wand. 289 00:16:12,858 --> 00:16:15,326 Professor Digglesby's wand. 290 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:17,395 Now I have every wizarding stick 291 00:16:17,429 --> 00:16:19,330 from the Spells and Potions Department 292 00:16:19,364 --> 00:16:20,965 of Wagglepoofs Academy. 293 00:16:20,999 --> 00:16:22,400 Don't make me learn about it. 294 00:16:22,434 --> 00:16:24,468 I know this Christmas has been a little rocky, 295 00:16:24,503 --> 00:16:26,003 even for the Simpsons, 296 00:16:26,038 --> 00:16:29,006 but I think these gifts born of thought and love 297 00:16:29,041 --> 00:16:32,410 will restore the balance of prajna and samsara. 298 00:16:33,712 --> 00:16:34,845 I mean holly and jolly. 299 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,214 Now, Dad, 300 00:16:36,248 --> 00:16:38,216 I'd like to give you your present. 301 00:16:39,251 --> 00:16:40,351 You got me weed? 302 00:16:40,385 --> 00:16:41,652 Even better. 303 00:16:41,687 --> 00:16:43,921 They're bags of seeds. 304 00:16:43,956 --> 00:16:46,824 So that you can plant a garden and watch it grow. 305 00:16:46,858 --> 00:16:48,426 That's great, sweetie. 306 00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:51,662 After all that time and hard work, I'll have... 307 00:16:51,697 --> 00:16:53,030 radishes?! 308 00:16:53,065 --> 00:16:55,266 It's the most hated part of salad, 309 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,168 which is the most hated part of dinner. 310 00:16:57,202 --> 00:17:00,071 Radishes, nothing but radishes. 311 00:17:02,808 --> 00:17:04,408 Dad, stop. 312 00:17:04,443 --> 00:17:07,011 What? I'm saving them from the struggle of life. 313 00:17:07,045 --> 00:17:09,347 Well, at least you're eating vegetables. 314 00:17:09,381 --> 00:17:10,648 Vegetables?! 315 00:17:11,717 --> 00:17:13,551 Okay, Bart, open your present. 316 00:17:13,585 --> 00:17:15,553 It's the one I'm most excited about. 317 00:17:15,587 --> 00:17:17,989 Plastic bubbling vomit, plastic bubbling vomit. 318 00:17:19,224 --> 00:17:21,959 What? Lis, you're smart. 319 00:17:21,994 --> 00:17:23,794 Why would you give me a book? 320 00:17:23,829 --> 00:17:25,029 'Cause it's easy to wrap? 321 00:17:25,063 --> 00:17:27,098 Nothing is easy to wrap. 322 00:17:27,132 --> 00:17:28,366 I have trouble with scissors. 323 00:17:31,603 --> 00:17:34,939 Marge, the brochure promised us a happy Christmas. 324 00:17:34,973 --> 00:17:36,807 My uncle died in your bed. 325 00:17:36,842 --> 00:17:38,576 Merry Christmas. 326 00:17:45,017 --> 00:17:46,250 What? 327 00:17:46,285 --> 00:17:48,085 N.C. Wyeth. 328 00:17:49,354 --> 00:17:51,522 These are book illustrations. 329 00:17:53,992 --> 00:17:55,426 Stop it! Stop it! 330 00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:57,628 Why in the world would you burn a book? 331 00:17:57,663 --> 00:17:59,897 Actually, the idea to do this came from a book. 332 00:17:59,931 --> 00:18:02,266 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury? 333 00:18:02,301 --> 00:18:05,269 What? No, I got it from this. 334 00:18:05,304 --> 00:18:07,271 See? 335 00:18:07,306 --> 00:18:09,473 How could you burn the present I gave you? 336 00:18:09,508 --> 00:18:11,108 Because it's my present. 337 00:18:11,143 --> 00:18:13,744 Did you give it to me because you thought I'd like it 338 00:18:13,779 --> 00:18:16,447 or because you wanted to feel better about yourself? 339 00:18:16,481 --> 00:18:19,116 Children, perhaps it's time that I explain 340 00:18:19,151 --> 00:18:20,651 the true meaning of Christmas. 341 00:18:20,686 --> 00:18:21,752 Shut up, Flanders. 342 00:18:21,787 --> 00:18:23,854 Okily-dokily. 343 00:18:25,324 --> 00:18:27,024 Now, did you check the room to make sure 344 00:18:27,059 --> 00:18:28,159 you haven't left anything? All set. 345 00:18:28,193 --> 00:18:29,760 Need directions or a bottle of water? 346 00:18:29,795 --> 00:18:31,429 No, thanks. We're fine. 347 00:18:31,463 --> 00:18:33,998 Thank you, sir. 348 00:18:35,701 --> 00:18:37,835 Oh, right, we're still doing that. 349 00:18:37,869 --> 00:18:39,937 Come on. I'll drive you to the airport. 350 00:18:39,971 --> 00:18:42,340 Where are my keys? Oh, right in here. 351 00:18:42,374 --> 00:18:44,041 Bart, you were right. 352 00:18:44,076 --> 00:18:46,377 If you smell your farts in a dream, you die? 353 00:18:46,411 --> 00:18:48,612 No, about Christmas. 354 00:18:48,647 --> 00:18:51,949 So I went out this morning and I got you this. 355 00:18:51,983 --> 00:18:53,984 It's a tablet with books on it, 356 00:18:54,019 --> 00:18:57,688 but also apps, like Worms With Friends. 357 00:18:59,157 --> 00:19:01,025 Wow. But how'd you afford it? 358 00:19:01,059 --> 00:19:03,227 I sold the gift you gave me. 359 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:07,365 Get the twist? Obviously. 360 00:19:07,399 --> 00:19:08,966 You're saying it's from Maggie, 361 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,634 but actually it's from you. 362 00:19:10,669 --> 00:19:11,702 Thanks, Lis. 363 00:19:11,737 --> 00:19:13,137 Now, why don't you donate that 364 00:19:13,171 --> 00:19:15,339 to whatever hopeless cause you want. 365 00:19:15,374 --> 00:19:16,874 Thanks, Bart. 366 00:19:16,908 --> 00:19:20,144 This will make a lot of arctic loons very happy. 367 00:19:21,179 --> 00:19:22,546 Uh, listen, 368 00:19:22,581 --> 00:19:23,748 I just wanted to say 369 00:19:23,782 --> 00:19:26,217 I'm sorry I overreacted. 370 00:19:26,251 --> 00:19:28,052 Thank you all for coming. 371 00:19:28,086 --> 00:19:30,554 Yeah, well, we have something to say to you, Marge. 372 00:19:32,357 --> 00:19:35,059 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 373 00:19:35,093 --> 00:19:37,528 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 374 00:19:37,562 --> 00:19:40,030 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas ♪ 375 00:19:40,065 --> 00:19:44,869 ♪ And a happy New Year. 376 00:19:50,208 --> 00:19:52,543 ♪ Good tidings we bring... 377 00:19:52,577 --> 00:19:54,245 No second verses. 378 00:19:54,279 --> 00:19:55,679 They creep me out. 379 00:19:55,714 --> 00:19:58,115 Okay, we'll sing a different one. 380 00:19:58,150 --> 00:20:00,518 ♪ Good King Wenceslas looked out ♪ 381 00:20:00,552 --> 00:20:02,553 ♪ On the feast of Stephen... 382 00:20:02,587 --> 00:20:05,423 Oh, that one creeps me out from the beginning. 383 00:20:05,457 --> 00:20:07,558 ♪ When the snow lay round about ♪ 384 00:20:07,592 --> 00:20:09,960 ♪ Deep and crisp and even 385 00:20:11,263 --> 00:20:14,595 Oh, the happy sound of a blender. 386 00:20:14,695 --> 00:20:19,695 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 387 00:21:02,092 --> 00:21:03,015 Shh!