1
00:00:20,893 --> 00:00:22,172
(belches)
2
00:00:27,282 --> 00:00:28,756
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,526
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:40,394 --> 00:00:41,847
(whistle blows)
5
00:00:41,885 --> 00:00:43,305
(yells)
6
00:00:55,978 --> 00:00:57,645
(playing the blues)
7
00:01:00,612 --> 00:01:02,613
(playing the blues)
8
00:01:06,527 --> 00:01:07,894
(grunts)
9
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,710
(whistle blows)
10
00:01:26,694 --> 00:01:27,913
(cats yowling)
11
00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:29,140
(yelling)
12
00:01:34,188 --> 00:01:36,610
(bell dinging)
(dogs barking)
13
00:01:36,641 --> 00:01:38,009
Merry Christmas!
14
00:01:38,923 --> 00:01:42,923
♪ The Simpsons 25x08 ♪
White Christmas Blues
Original Air Date on December 15, 2013
15
00:01:42,947 --> 00:01:47,947
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
16
00:01:58,236 --> 00:02:00,596
Merry Christmas, movie house!
17
00:02:00,626 --> 00:02:02,867
Merry Christmas, Mr. Mouse!
18
00:02:03,466 --> 00:02:05,133
(screams)
19
00:02:10,253 --> 00:02:13,284
(listless): Hey-hey.
Due to modern sensitivity,
20
00:02:13,306 --> 00:02:15,612
we've been asked to block
any violent images
21
00:02:15,642 --> 00:02:17,439
that appear in this
children's cartoon.
22
00:02:17,458 --> 00:02:19,388
Oh, my God!
23
00:02:19,445 --> 00:02:21,867
I never watched
one of these sober!
24
00:02:23,204 --> 00:02:25,766
I gotta get this bloodbath
off my kids' show!
25
00:02:25,789 --> 00:02:26,783
(grunts)
26
00:02:30,285 --> 00:02:31,207
KRUSTY:
Damn it!
27
00:02:31,244 --> 00:02:33,661
Aw, geez, when did
everything turn to crap?
28
00:02:33,684 --> 00:02:36,862
Bart, don't use
language like that.
29
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:40,924
MARGE: Man, things sure
have turned to crap.
30
00:02:40,945 --> 00:02:42,321
- (Homer humming)
- Homer,
31
00:02:42,344 --> 00:02:44,746
you have to take the
Halloween decorations down
32
00:02:44,754 --> 00:02:46,941
before you put the
Christmas ones up.
33
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,961
Marge, to that I
say, boo, humbug.
34
00:02:51,365 --> 00:02:53,299
(hissing)
35
00:02:57,196 --> 00:02:59,572
There's a new Grinch
this holiday season,
36
00:02:59,592 --> 00:03:01,873
and its name
is "global warming."
37
00:03:01,904 --> 00:03:04,701
Meteorologists warn there'll be
no snow this Christmas
38
00:03:04,724 --> 00:03:07,162
anywhere in America,
not even in Alaska,
39
00:03:07,193 --> 00:03:10,927
where the Eskimos now have
a hundred words for "nothing."
40
00:03:10,957 --> 00:03:12,332
Global warming. Huh.
41
00:03:12,361 --> 00:03:15,630
By pure coincidence, every
scientist was right.
42
00:03:15,655 --> 00:03:17,562
But it's not all doom and gloom.
43
00:03:17,587 --> 00:03:20,181
Illegal poachers are
having a field day.
44
00:03:20,203 --> 00:03:22,604
♪ 80 degrees, water
won't freeze ♪
45
00:03:22,622 --> 00:03:24,896
♪ God help us, please,
no one's on skis ♪
46
00:03:24,927 --> 00:03:26,935
♪ Happy, happy, happy,
happy hunting ♪
47
00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:27,903
(owls hooting)
48
00:03:27,914 --> 00:03:30,482
♪ Happy, happy, happy,
happy hunting. ♪
49
00:03:30,784 --> 00:03:32,684
(worried moaning)
50
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,516
(Marge sighs)
51
00:03:37,541 --> 00:03:41,924
Sorry, kids, I guess the hats and mittens
will have to wait until next year.
52
00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:43,403
- Oh!
- Oh!
53
00:03:54,115 --> 00:03:56,326
(humming)
54
00:04:00,516 --> 00:04:01,477
Hmm?
55
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:02,759
Snow?
56
00:04:03,037 --> 00:04:04,264
(laughs)
57
00:04:04,289 --> 00:04:05,679
Snow!
58
00:04:05,699 --> 00:04:06,999
(both gasp)
59
00:04:07,071 --> 00:04:09,760
Oh, you know what
this means, kids?
60
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:10,573
(both gasp)
61
00:04:10,596 --> 00:04:13,737
I don't have to pick
up the dog poops!
62
00:04:14,316 --> 00:04:16,617
(sobbing)
63
00:04:17,239 --> 00:04:22,036
Uh, so you see, the "snow"
is a microclimate aberration
64
00:04:22,043 --> 00:04:25,498
caused by radioactive steam
from the nuclear plant
65
00:04:25,513 --> 00:04:28,192
and, of course, tire
fire particulate.
66
00:04:28,215 --> 00:04:31,443
So, we're the only place
in America with snow,
67
00:04:31,458 --> 00:04:34,264
if you can call it that.
I guess you can.
68
00:04:35,145 --> 00:04:37,747
Don't you idiots see
what this means?!
69
00:04:37,762 --> 00:04:39,996
Idiots? Why do we
reelect this guy?
70
00:04:40,019 --> 00:04:42,676
'Cause his opponent has
a long Slavic name.
71
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:44,096
(crowd grumbling)
72
00:04:44,115 --> 00:04:46,099
Who want bumper sticker?
73
00:04:46,122 --> 00:04:51,896
People, Springfield is now the only town
in America that has snow this Christmas.
74
00:04:51,926 --> 00:04:54,701
So tourists are going
to want to come here.
75
00:04:54,731 --> 00:04:57,926
- Stay in our hotels!
- Slurp our spaghetti.
76
00:04:57,957 --> 00:05:00,745
Die in our hospitals.
(chuckles)
77
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,203
I say we welcome our winter
tourists with open arms,
78
00:05:04,236 --> 00:05:05,940
then gouge the hell out of 'em!
79
00:05:05,958 --> 00:05:08,360
Who? Who will gouge with me?
80
00:05:08,378 --> 00:05:10,012
I, too, will gouge!
81
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:14,530
Duff Beer is proud to make a
corporate commitment to gouging!
82
00:05:14,572 --> 00:05:16,106
(cheering)
83
00:05:22,564 --> 00:05:24,088
Here come the tourists.
84
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:27,020
Man your ATMs. Yar.
85
00:05:28,565 --> 00:05:30,232
(both chuckle)
86
00:05:33,984 --> 00:05:35,391
(belches)
87
00:05:40,370 --> 00:05:42,890
Why would a robot need mittens?
88
00:05:42,913 --> 00:05:45,054
Why would a little
boy need an aspirin?
89
00:05:45,072 --> 00:05:46,713
I don't know. (grunts)
90
00:05:46,735 --> 00:05:49,700
The one thing Bongo
Comics are good for.
91
00:05:54,002 --> 00:05:56,161
(groans)
Are you okay, Chief?
92
00:05:56,184 --> 00:05:57,763
(panicky): I'll be fine,
I'll be fine.
93
00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:01,242
God, I bent down to pick up a piece
of candy and rolled down a hill.
94
00:06:01,276 --> 00:06:04,909
You always think it's the other guy
that'll turn into a giant snowball.
95
00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,089
Never you.
96
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:09,795
- Have you seen Lou?
LOU: There's snow in my lungs!
97
00:06:09,819 --> 00:06:13,296
Lot of attitude in that hand, Lou.
Lot of attitude.
98
00:06:13,337 --> 00:06:15,015
(horns honking, Marge groans)
99
00:06:15,038 --> 00:06:17,859
Look at all these
out-of-state license plates.
100
00:06:17,866 --> 00:06:21,014
"First in Freeways,"
"The 'Yuh-Huh' State,"
101
00:06:21,049 --> 00:06:24,656
"Jewel of the Fracking Belt"?
"Still a British Colony at Heart,"
102
00:06:24,682 --> 00:06:26,416
"Land of Many Water Snakes"?
103
00:06:26,450 --> 00:06:27,924
(Marge groaning)
104
00:06:28,032 --> 00:06:29,985
Valet parking, five dollars.
105
00:06:30,024 --> 00:06:32,423
(tires screeching, horn honks)
106
00:06:32,442 --> 00:06:33,924
Oh...
107
00:06:36,406 --> 00:06:37,978
(gasps)
108
00:06:38,694 --> 00:06:40,616
People, I'm completely
out of milk!
109
00:06:40,639 --> 00:06:43,549
I do have several DVDs
of the movie Milk,
110
00:06:43,589 --> 00:06:47,081
an inspiring return to form
for director Gus Van Sant.
111
00:06:47,105 --> 00:06:49,253
Uh, do you have Life of Pi?
112
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:53,729
No, but I have some home movies
of me on a canoe with a big dog.
113
00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:56,841
People who have never seen
a movie say it is a good movie.
114
00:07:06,036 --> 00:07:07,451
Mmm?
115
00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:09,012
(sighs)
116
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,393
We can't afford Christmas.
117
00:07:12,424 --> 00:07:16,276
And when you can't afford Christmas,
you've failed as a family.
118
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:18,767
(voice breaks): That's what
all the big stores say.
119
00:07:20,387 --> 00:07:23,006
Excuse me, ma'am. I'm
so sorry to bother you,
120
00:07:23,021 --> 00:07:25,936
but my kids are exhausted
and the town is sold out.
121
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,115
Is there any chance you'd
have a spare room for us?
122
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:31,420
Well, there's a rec room
off the kitchen,
123
00:07:31,446 --> 00:07:34,178
but sometimes it's there
and sometimes it isn't.
124
00:07:34,193 --> 00:07:36,865
Our house is very odd that way.
125
00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:39,749
Please? Please, ma'am?
We'd pay you $300 a night.
126
00:07:39,781 --> 00:07:42,789
Well, you seem like a
nice, pushy stranger.
127
00:07:42,815 --> 00:07:46,284
Ma'am, because we talk this way,
people always think that we're, um...
128
00:07:46,310 --> 00:07:48,935
- Uh, what is that word, honey?
- Passive-aggressive.
129
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:50,280
Right, right, but we're not.
130
00:07:50,310 --> 00:07:53,772
Please, please take our
money and everybody wins.
131
00:07:57,573 --> 00:07:59,878
(Homer humming)
132
00:08:01,649 --> 00:08:05,931
Hmm? Oh, good. Marge
remarried after I died.
133
00:08:05,981 --> 00:08:08,662
Wait a minute. I'm not dead.
What's going on?!
134
00:08:08,686 --> 00:08:10,607
These are our new boarders.
135
00:08:10,630 --> 00:08:15,029
Uh-uh. No way. I'm not sharing
my bed with anybody except you.
136
00:08:15,050 --> 00:08:18,098
And maybe that guy.
Lincoln-style. But that's it.
137
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:20,075
This is a great thing.
138
00:08:20,106 --> 00:08:22,091
We're helping people
celebrate Christmas,
139
00:08:22,118 --> 00:08:24,497
and we'll be able
to afford Christmas.
140
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,083
Oh, I don't know. It won't
seem like Christmas
141
00:08:27,098 --> 00:08:30,356
without opening up a giant
credit card bill in January.
142
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:32,114
Take a look at this.
143
00:08:32,502 --> 00:08:33,940
HOMER:
What the...?
144
00:08:33,982 --> 00:08:37,081
"The Simpson Bed and Breakfast"?
(chuckles)
145
00:08:37,256 --> 00:08:39,803
I always wanted to stay
in a place like this.
146
00:08:39,825 --> 00:08:41,895
But Christmas is a special time.
147
00:08:41,923 --> 00:08:45,934
And I like to spend it in the warm
embrace of watching football.
148
00:08:45,963 --> 00:08:50,166
Homer Simpson, ask
yourself, W.W.B.J.D.?
149
00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:52,605
- Huh?
- What would Baby Jesus do?
150
00:08:53,704 --> 00:08:55,905
(The Beach Boys'
"Merry Christmas, Baby" begins)
151
00:08:55,931 --> 00:08:59,704
♪ My baby she told me she
don't want to hold me ♪
152
00:08:59,734 --> 00:09:02,926
♪ And kiss my lips anymore
153
00:09:03,517 --> 00:09:05,369
♪ She's gonna leave me
154
00:09:05,392 --> 00:09:07,251
♪ And she don't believe me
155
00:09:07,266 --> 00:09:10,978
♪ That I'll be true now
156
00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:12,829
♪ Well, maybe
she don't love me ♪
157
00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:14,673
♪ And is not thinkin' of me
158
00:09:14,699 --> 00:09:16,798
♪ But why'd she do it
this time of year? ♪
159
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:18,431
♪ Doo-doo doo-doo-doo-doo ♪
160
00:09:18,454 --> 00:09:22,158
♪ She knows that I'll miss her
and I'll want to kiss her ♪
161
00:09:22,178 --> 00:09:25,978
♪ If just for Christmas
162
00:09:25,993 --> 00:09:27,673
♪ Merry Christmas...
163
00:09:27,688 --> 00:09:31,399
Well, this crazy scheme is
the kind of impulsive behavior
164
00:09:31,430 --> 00:09:33,688
I want to encourage in you.
165
00:09:33,716 --> 00:09:34,849
Mmm...
166
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:36,657
I'm in! 100%!
167
00:09:36,681 --> 00:09:38,148
Oh, thank you.
168
00:09:38,167 --> 00:09:40,190
Now, Homie, table three
needs more bread.
169
00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:42,083
- I'm on a break.
- D'oh!
170
00:09:49,735 --> 00:09:51,736
(groaning)
171
00:09:55,141 --> 00:09:56,708
(groans)
172
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:18,933
Welcome to our day care center.
173
00:10:18,950 --> 00:10:21,849
All girls, please move
to cootie quarantine.
174
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,690
We've got a two-month-old.
175
00:10:24,713 --> 00:10:26,409
Are you sure
you can handle her?
176
00:10:26,444 --> 00:10:28,290
Just don't lose
this claim ticket.
177
00:10:28,313 --> 00:10:30,391
That church doesn't
look very inspiring.
178
00:10:30,405 --> 00:10:32,305
What a bland marquee.
179
00:10:32,345 --> 00:10:34,472
It doesn't look very inviting.
(indistinct chatter)
180
00:10:35,990 --> 00:10:38,217
This whole crowd's gonna
be at my sermon today.
181
00:10:38,245 --> 00:10:41,190
Darling, did St. Paul
worry about the crowds?
182
00:10:41,206 --> 00:10:43,940
Oh, he wrote letters.
Any fool can write letters.
183
00:10:43,975 --> 00:10:45,209
(sighs)
184
00:10:50,475 --> 00:10:53,328
Lord, I'm just
a small-town minister.
185
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:55,187
We don't have Mormon money.
186
00:10:55,194 --> 00:11:00,690
But if you could see your way to guiding
my fingers as I type this sermon...
187
00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,163
Oh, yeah.
188
00:11:06,191 --> 00:11:08,718
Oh, this is black-church good.
189
00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:18,380
My friends...
(feedback drones, congregation groaning)
190
00:11:18,410 --> 00:11:21,348
When he starts with "my
friends," it's always bad.
191
00:11:21,387 --> 00:11:25,598
Friends, every year, I tell you this
holiday is about the birth of our Lord,
192
00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:29,002
not singing Santas
and full stockings.
193
00:11:29,046 --> 00:11:30,780
(all murmuring)
194
00:11:30,877 --> 00:11:32,010
You're losing us!
195
00:11:32,026 --> 00:11:37,433
Christmas is not about what happened
in a manger some 2,000 years ago.
196
00:11:37,456 --> 00:11:40,394
It is about what you
do for others now.
197
00:11:40,414 --> 00:11:41,748
Oh!
(all murmuring)
198
00:11:43,816 --> 00:11:46,253
Get my the church bulletin.
Lovejoy's on fire.
199
00:11:46,277 --> 00:11:49,683
Christmas is the Holy Spirit.
200
00:11:49,696 --> 00:11:52,555
Ooh, I didn't know there
were doves in there.
201
00:11:52,590 --> 00:11:55,754
Give with your hearts!
Give with your acts!
202
00:11:55,779 --> 00:12:00,084
And you will know the true
meaning of Christmas.
203
00:12:01,786 --> 00:12:03,428
(congregation gasping)
204
00:12:03,476 --> 00:12:05,639
(oohing and aahing)
205
00:12:05,674 --> 00:12:07,182
Wow, what a showman.
206
00:12:07,213 --> 00:12:10,384
(cheering, whooping)
207
00:12:11,115 --> 00:12:14,101
I haven't felt this inspired since
the blueberries at breakfast.
208
00:12:14,127 --> 00:12:16,780
Daddy, permission
for a religious fit?
209
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:17,694
A brief one.
210
00:12:17,722 --> 00:12:19,412
(speaking in tongues)
211
00:12:19,446 --> 00:12:21,376
I said a fit, not a fervor.
212
00:12:21,406 --> 00:12:23,812
That sermon really inspired me.
213
00:12:23,842 --> 00:12:26,028
This whole Christmas
has been about money.
214
00:12:26,044 --> 00:12:27,864
(bell jingling)
215
00:12:27,890 --> 00:12:31,179
- Oh, are you with the Salvation Army?
- What makes you think that?
216
00:12:31,186 --> 00:12:32,304
(clink)
217
00:12:32,337 --> 00:12:33,281
Bless you.
218
00:12:33,318 --> 00:12:37,163
But I'm gonna give gifts that aren't
expensive and come from the heart.
219
00:12:37,191 --> 00:12:38,621
I don't know.
220
00:12:38,650 --> 00:12:42,960
Christmas didn't get to be the number
one holiday by being about love.
221
00:12:42,994 --> 00:12:46,961
Um, when a woman talks,
she just wants to be heard.
222
00:12:47,048 --> 00:12:48,315
(groans)
223
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,279
MARGE (groans):
Where's the end?
224
00:12:54,866 --> 00:12:56,577
(gasps, groans)
225
00:12:56,619 --> 00:12:59,021
Hey, Marge, we're running
out of chestnuts over here.
226
00:12:59,047 --> 00:13:02,085
- Well, they don't grow on trees.
- Uh, yeah, they do.
227
00:13:02,103 --> 00:13:02,994
Oh.
228
00:13:03,017 --> 00:13:06,182
What about our romantic
carriage ride through the snow?
229
00:13:06,211 --> 00:13:08,244
Setting it up.
230
00:13:11,855 --> 00:13:15,355
I don't think you're giving them
what they were promised, Dad.
231
00:13:15,372 --> 00:13:19,122
The secret is: Don't
read the comment cards.
232
00:13:23,388 --> 00:13:24,802
Where do the people sit?
233
00:13:24,826 --> 00:13:26,631
I thought they were
just gonna watch me.
234
00:13:26,654 --> 00:13:29,060
Excuse me. This
eggnog is terrible.
235
00:13:29,092 --> 00:13:31,146
All eggnog is terrible.
236
00:13:31,174 --> 00:13:34,722
Those stockings are not hung
by the chimney with care.
237
00:13:35,695 --> 00:13:39,102
Why did I do this for money?
Why did I do this for money?
238
00:13:39,133 --> 00:13:43,125
And the Christmas special on your
television is one of the worst.
239
00:13:43,158 --> 00:13:46,947
ANNOUNCER: We now return to King
Winter Feasts On His Children.
240
00:13:46,974 --> 00:13:50,138
By the time Princess Summer
comes to save you,
241
00:13:50,154 --> 00:13:52,904
you'll all be blood in my beard.
242
00:13:52,942 --> 00:13:54,278
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
243
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:56,137
Your own father's beard.
244
00:13:56,165 --> 00:13:57,699
(King Winter cackling)
245
00:14:03,649 --> 00:14:05,314
How long to see Santa?
246
00:14:05,341 --> 00:14:06,880
How would I know?
I'm an accountant.
247
00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:09,002
I imagine for small
business, huh?
248
00:14:09,025 --> 00:14:10,744
God, I hate Christmas.
249
00:14:11,534 --> 00:14:12,753
Huh?
250
00:14:13,060 --> 00:14:15,232
Mr. Flanders,
where's your store?
251
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:18,318
Well, I'm down to a kiosk,
thanks to that place.
252
00:14:20,179 --> 00:14:21,984
Actually, half a kiosk.
253
00:14:21,999 --> 00:14:23,891
Sharing it with Nasreen here.
254
00:14:24,193 --> 00:14:27,326
No cream is finer than
mall kiosk cream.
255
00:14:27,349 --> 00:14:29,716
- J.Lo use it.
- No, thanks.
256
00:14:29,754 --> 00:14:32,285
It is no wonder
you are not married.
257
00:14:32,312 --> 00:14:33,512
Flip me back.
258
00:14:36,302 --> 00:14:39,810
If I have to give presents, I'll
give presents with a purpose.
259
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:42,005
One for Maggie. Check.
260
00:14:42,321 --> 00:14:44,796
All that's left is Bart.
261
00:14:44,953 --> 00:14:47,875
No. No. No.
262
00:14:47,911 --> 00:14:49,145
No, no, no...
263
00:14:49,186 --> 00:14:51,571
Ah, perfect.
264
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:55,785
GUESTS:
♪ All from Satan's power
265
00:14:55,816 --> 00:14:59,254
♪ As we were gone astray
266
00:14:59,272 --> 00:15:01,807
♪ Oh, tidings
267
00:15:01,826 --> 00:15:05,654
♪ Of comfort and joy
268
00:15:05,691 --> 00:15:10,996
♪ In Bethlehem, in Israel this
blessed babe was born... ♪
269
00:15:11,019 --> 00:15:12,269
Enough. Stop.
270
00:15:12,284 --> 00:15:14,964
Christmas carols
only have one verse.
271
00:15:14,983 --> 00:15:16,795
Well, they may have more,
but the second verse
272
00:15:16,821 --> 00:15:18,889
is where they get
all weird and religiousy.
273
00:15:18,924 --> 00:15:20,463
Uh, more wassail, please.
274
00:15:20,481 --> 00:15:22,754
And don't skimp on
the aromatic bitters.
275
00:15:22,770 --> 00:15:28,102
For your information, Gloria, my wassail
is just Gatorade I put in the microwave.
276
00:15:28,121 --> 00:15:28,847
(both gasp)
277
00:15:28,872 --> 00:15:30,736
I drank that under
the mistletoe.
278
00:15:30,775 --> 00:15:33,658
It's not mistletoe, just
cherries and lettuce.
279
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:34,565
BOTH: Oh!
280
00:15:34,573 --> 00:15:37,121
I thought when I ate it,
it wasn't poisonous.
281
00:15:37,156 --> 00:15:39,260
I've opened up my house to you
282
00:15:39,275 --> 00:15:42,963
and all you do is fill this joyous
season with petty complaints.
283
00:15:43,001 --> 00:15:44,876
Ho, ho, ho.
284
00:15:44,918 --> 00:15:48,934
Not now. Take out that pillow
and put it in room three.
285
00:15:48,967 --> 00:15:50,000
(sighs)
286
00:15:50,223 --> 00:15:52,277
The pillow acted as a girdle.
287
00:15:52,313 --> 00:15:53,847
Any more questions?
288
00:15:53,872 --> 00:15:55,920
Uh, yes, will the
pudding be figgy?
289
00:15:55,950 --> 00:15:59,488
- The pudding will be Jell-O.
- Quite so.
290
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,882
I'm going to sulk in my room.
291
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:04,796
The only thing good about
this place is the piano player.
292
00:16:04,846 --> 00:16:06,616
(coins rattle)
293
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,741
♪
294
00:16:22,184 --> 00:16:23,066
(gasps)
295
00:16:23,098 --> 00:16:25,551
An Angelica Button wizard robe.
296
00:16:25,580 --> 00:16:27,748
With wand pocket.
297
00:16:27,781 --> 00:16:29,728
And wand.
298
00:16:29,777 --> 00:16:32,191
(gasps)
Professor Digglesby's wand.
299
00:16:32,209 --> 00:16:34,162
Now I have every wizarding stick
300
00:16:34,185 --> 00:16:37,865
from the Spells and Potions
Department of Wagglepoofs Academy.
301
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:39,239
Don't make me learn about it.
302
00:16:39,270 --> 00:16:42,863
I know this Christmas has been a
little rocky, even for the Simpsons,
303
00:16:42,893 --> 00:16:45,979
but I think these gifts
born of thought and love
304
00:16:46,002 --> 00:16:49,290
will restore the balance
of prajna and samsara.
305
00:16:50,498 --> 00:16:52,302
I mean holly and jolly.
306
00:16:52,354 --> 00:16:55,114
Now, Dad, I'd like to
give you your present.
307
00:16:55,911 --> 00:16:58,405
- You got me weed?
- Even better.
308
00:16:58,413 --> 00:17:00,741
They're bags of seeds.
309
00:17:00,756 --> 00:17:03,554
So that you can plant a
garden and watch it grow.
310
00:17:03,582 --> 00:17:05,363
That's great, sweetie.
311
00:17:05,386 --> 00:17:08,543
After all that time and
hard work, I'll have...
312
00:17:08,574 --> 00:17:09,777
radishes?!
313
00:17:09,808 --> 00:17:13,902
It's the most hated part of salad, which
is the most hated part of dinner.
314
00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,986
Radishes, nothing but radishes.
315
00:17:19,266 --> 00:17:21,251
Dad, stop.
316
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,728
What? I'm saving them
from the struggle of life.
317
00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:26,055
Well, at least you're
eating vegetables.
318
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,502
Vegetables?!
319
00:17:28,393 --> 00:17:30,308
Okay, Bart, open your present.
320
00:17:30,323 --> 00:17:32,206
It's the one I'm
most excited about.
321
00:17:32,232 --> 00:17:34,770
Plastic bubbling vomit,
plastic bubbling vomit.
322
00:17:35,940 --> 00:17:38,675
What? Lis,
you're smart.
323
00:17:38,702 --> 00:17:40,663
Why would you give me a book?
324
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:43,942
- 'Cause it's easy to wrap?
- Nothing is easy to wrap.
325
00:17:43,965 --> 00:17:45,734
I have trouble with scissors.
326
00:17:45,757 --> 00:17:46,632
(sobs)
327
00:17:46,653 --> 00:17:48,297
(guests murmuring)
328
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:51,826
Marge, the brochure promised
us a happy Christmas.
329
00:17:51,852 --> 00:17:55,214
My uncle died in your bed.
Merry Christmas.
330
00:18:01,105 --> 00:18:02,105
(yawns)
331
00:18:02,131 --> 00:18:03,608
What? (gasps)
332
00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:05,109
N.C. Wyeth.
333
00:18:05,132 --> 00:18:06,039
(huge gasp)
334
00:18:06,062 --> 00:18:08,340
These are book illustrations.
335
00:18:10,746 --> 00:18:12,129
Stop it! Stop it!
336
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,457
Why in the world would
you burn a book?
337
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,684
Actually, the idea to do
this came from a book.
338
00:18:16,701 --> 00:18:19,113
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury?
339
00:18:19,136 --> 00:18:22,091
What? No, I got it from this.
340
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:23,776
MILHOUSE:
See?
341
00:18:23,974 --> 00:18:26,865
How could you burn the
present I gave you?
342
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:28,342
Because it's my present.
343
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,452
Did you give it to me because
you thought I'd like it
344
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:33,374
or because you wanted to
feel better about yourself?
345
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,797
Children, perhaps it's time that I
explain the true meaning of Christmas.
346
00:18:37,816 --> 00:18:40,371
- HOMER: Shut up, Flanders.
- Okily-dokily.
347
00:18:42,101 --> 00:18:44,384
Now, did you check the room to make
sure you haven't left anything?
348
00:18:44,409 --> 00:18:46,511
- All set. - Need directions
or a bottle of water?
349
00:18:46,535 --> 00:18:48,356
No, thanks. We're fine.
350
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,538
Thank you, sir.
351
00:18:50,756 --> 00:18:52,390
(clears throat)
352
00:18:52,463 --> 00:18:54,783
Oh, right, we're
still doing that.
353
00:18:54,952 --> 00:18:57,020
Come on. I'll drive
you to the airport.
354
00:18:57,046 --> 00:18:59,062
Where are my keys?
Oh, right in here.
355
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,960
Bart, you were right.
356
00:19:00,990 --> 00:19:03,155
If you smell your farts
in a dream, you die?
357
00:19:03,182 --> 00:19:05,420
No, about Christmas.
358
00:19:05,449 --> 00:19:08,648
So I went out this morning
and I got you this.
359
00:19:08,793 --> 00:19:10,747
It's a tablet with books on it,
360
00:19:10,782 --> 00:19:14,250
but also apps, like
Worms With Friends.
361
00:19:14,563 --> 00:19:15,876
(muffled grumbling)
362
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:17,772
Wow. But how'd you afford it?
363
00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:20,155
I sold the gift you gave me.
364
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,191
- Get the twist?
- Obviously.
365
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,373
You're saying it's from Maggie,
but actually it's from you.
366
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:28,639
Thanks, Lis.
367
00:19:28,662 --> 00:19:32,569
Now, why don't you donate that to
whatever hopeless cause you want.
368
00:19:32,590 --> 00:19:37,244
Thanks, Bart. This will make a
lot of arctic loons very happy.
369
00:19:37,285 --> 00:19:38,394
(Marge groans)
370
00:19:38,432 --> 00:19:43,011
Uh, listen, I just wanted to
say I'm sorry I overreacted.
371
00:19:43,029 --> 00:19:44,830
Thank you all for coming.
372
00:19:44,857 --> 00:19:47,412
Yeah, well, we have something
to say to you, Marge.
373
00:19:47,430 --> 00:19:49,164
(groans)
374
00:19:49,323 --> 00:19:51,792
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
375
00:19:51,809 --> 00:19:54,244
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
376
00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:56,934
♪ We wish you a
merry Christmas ♪
377
00:19:56,965 --> 00:20:01,689
♪ And a happy New Year.
378
00:20:07,096 --> 00:20:09,299
♪ Good tidings we bring...
379
00:20:09,324 --> 00:20:10,992
No second verses.
380
00:20:11,018 --> 00:20:12,418
They creep me out.
381
00:20:12,454 --> 00:20:14,908
Okay, we'll sing
a different one.
382
00:20:14,936 --> 00:20:17,261
♪ Good King Wenceslas
looked out ♪
383
00:20:17,276 --> 00:20:19,370
♪ On the feast of Stephen...
384
00:20:19,381 --> 00:20:22,217
Oh, that one creeps me out
from the beginning.
385
00:20:22,243 --> 00:20:24,429
♪ When the snow
lay round about ♪
386
00:20:24,452 --> 00:20:26,492
♪ Deep and crisp and even
387
00:20:26,515 --> 00:20:28,117
(loud whirring)
388
00:20:28,159 --> 00:20:31,759
Oh, the happy sound
of a blender.
389
00:20:38,073 --> 00:20:43,073
Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
390
00:21:19,121 --> 00:21:20,115
Shh!