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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
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Christmas...
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That time of year when children
are at their absolute worst.
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You see, kids have figured out
that they'll get
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whatever they want
whether they're bad or good.
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So they all became spoiled turds.
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Hey, I want that.
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It's too expensive.
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But it's Christmas.
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I get whatever I want!
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If you're a good boy.
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Steven Anita!
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No, I'm a bad boy.
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I get what I want.
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What's gotten into
this boy? He's insane.
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He's a mystery to me.
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♪ I'm the one they call a mystery ♪
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"They"?
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♪ I'm the one they call insane
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♪ Ain't no other way I'm meant to be ♪
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♪ I want this and gimme that ♪
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♪ Are we to blame?
Oh, no ♪
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♪ If I told you once, I told you twice ♪
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♪ I'd never be a saint
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♪ Daddy, no
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♪ Mommy, no
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♪ Ain't no saint
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♪ Bad
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♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad boy
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♪ We want it, we want it ♪
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♪ And you're paying for it
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♪ I'm no good
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♪ So bring me toys
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♪ I want it, I want it ♪
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♪ Don't appreciate it ♪
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♪ I know what's coming and I see the way ♪
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♪ He gets whatever he wants ♪
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♪ Ain't no other way to go!
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♪ Don't you ever tell him no ♪
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♪ And when I want it, you buy it for me ♪
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♪ We've got you in our aim ♪
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♪ So pony up the dough ♪
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Steve, you're the worst.
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♪ You want the worst?
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♪ Well, you gonna see the worst ♪
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♪ 'Cause I'm the best,
the best at bein' the worst! ♪
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Stop!
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I have heard enough
of this song and dance.
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You're just lucky I don't beat
you like my dad did to me.
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In fact, let's pay a visit to my dad
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so you can see what happens to
naughty boys when they grow up.
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Dad, tell him how much jail sucks.
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Tell him about the beatings, the rapes,
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the overly washed
Egyptian cotton bath towels.
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Tell him so he'll stop being bad.
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Steve, just be happy you're bad now
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and not when I was boy.
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Back then, Krampus
would have come for you.
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Krampus?
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Yes, Krampus.
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The demon of Christmas.
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When I was a boy in Southern Bavaria,
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in lower Berchtesgaden,
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Santa would ride with Krampus.
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Santa would give gifts to the good kids
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and Krampus would punish the naughty ones.
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Scare you with his rusty chains.
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Slap your bottom with his birch branches.
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And if you were really bad,
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he'd throw you
in his almost child-sized sack
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and shake you good!
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Oh, that's Krampus for you.
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Yeah, sounds like a load of bull jizzle.
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I've never heard of Krampus.
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That's because your gramps
trapped the demon, he did.
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On Christmas Eve,
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I snuck out of bed
to get more of Mother's strudel
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even though she told me
I couldn't have any more.
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I didn't care.
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I wanted more.
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When I got there,
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I saw that Krampus had beat me to it.
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He was neck-deep
in Mutter's strudel.
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So I trapped him in that copper pot.
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Copper-potted him good.
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And that's why you
and all the other baddies
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never get a visit
from Krampus on Christmas Eve.
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That's nonsense.
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See for yourself.
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That copper pot is with my stuff
in your basement.
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Okay, okay, I'm bored.
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Let's go.
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Krampus is real.
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Real I say!
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The copper pot's in your basement.
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It's right there
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with my old Rossignol skis!
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They're super-long
and super-fast!
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Check your basement, Stan!
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So, Hayley, have you decided
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what to get the family for Christmas?
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No, not yet.
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♪ It must be the perfect thing
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♪ For a family so loving
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♪ A gift that's from above
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♪ A gift that's full of love
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♪ It's the perfect thing,
can't you see? ♪
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♪ A tub of popcorns three
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♪ Caramel for Mom, salted for Dad, ♪
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♪ And a hearty cheese for Steve ♪
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♪ Roger, oh, Roger
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♪ I hate to be a bother
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♪ But I need some money for a gift ♪
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♪ This gift, you see,
is a tub of popcorns three ♪
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Wha-Wha-Wha...
just stop, stop.
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J-J-Just tell me
what you want.
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Wh-What's going on?
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I need a job so I can get
the family a Christmas gift.
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The bar gets busy during the holidays.
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Maybe you could use an extra hand.
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You're too late, sister.
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I already hired college kids
from the water polo team.
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I've got almost too many hands for jobs.
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Here's the classifieds.
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Ooh, the airport's hiring.
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What's with this Speedo, Jeremy?
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It's too baggy.
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Is it a tandem Speedo for two men?
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Even this is too loose.
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Mark, hop in here!
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Did they get this on sale?
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Was this the floor model?
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Well, if it wasn't, it is now!
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Smash!
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Steven!
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By the power of Grayskull,
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what do you think you're doing?
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I am hiding these until Christmas.
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Boy driving me insane.
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Got me talking like Bernie Mac.
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Krampus?
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Jack?
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No, Jack's my dad.
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Let... me... out.
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I can't. You're a demon.
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I-It would be...
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unwise.
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Release... me.
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Hey, bitch!
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Where's my Mickey Mouse towel?!
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I'm sorry!
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I'll try harder!
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Okay. If I let you out,
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will you promise to scare my
son and make him a good boy?
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Yeah!
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That's, like, exactly what I do, man.
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No!
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Bring me Jack
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if you ever want to see your son again!
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Wait!
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You did what?!
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I released Krampus.
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I just wanted him to scare Steve straight.
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Sexual orientation is not a choice!
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What?
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Look, Krampus took Steve,
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and he says he'll only give him back
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if you take his place.
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What do you say, Dad?
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If I use my CIA connections
to get you out of re,
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will you switch with Steve?
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I'm in.
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Krampus probably took him
to his castle in Bavaria.
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I know where it is.
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Give me the keys.
I'll drive.
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See you, sucker!
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Yep.
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Yeah.
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Yep.
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Get off me!
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Let me go!
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What are you doing?
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Krampus is back.
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He's been gone for, like,
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50 years or something, you guys.
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You can't do this!
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I'm an American child!
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I'm a treasure!
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Well, you in Bavaria now.
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You need to be punished.
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If you lay so much as one
finger on me, I will per...
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Who you talking to?
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I'm Krampus, bitch!
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I do whatever I please.
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This is my expertise.
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♪ Round the world, it's all the same ♪
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♪ Children freeze when they hear my name ♪
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♪ Krampus, please don't beat me so ♪
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♪ But do I listen? Sadly, no
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♪ 80% of kids
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♪ End up turnin' into dirtbags
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♪ I just laugh
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♪ But, Steve, oh, Steve,
you are the worst ♪
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♪ Slap that butt
with the branch of birch ♪
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♪ Shake them chains
till your ears go numb ♪
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♪ See now just what you've become ♪
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♪ Show you that life is pain
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♪ Not some silly stupid game
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♪ We do it my way
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♪ And because you haven't
learned your lesson ♪
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♪ You get the rod
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♪ You get the rod!
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I swear to God, do not touch me!
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You see, Steve, you don't
know anything about pain.
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Yes, I do!
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Pain is having a girl named Sheila
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walk out on you in the middle
of downtown Baltimore
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for some guy named Dennis,
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00:08:55,455 --> 00:08:59,191
who worked as a mechanic and
made twice as much money as you.
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Wha...?
These are things
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you know nothing about, boy,
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but I'm here to show you.
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♪ Agh! Agh!
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♪ I'm gonna punish you
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♪ You ain't experienced
all that I've been through ♪
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♪ Sheila said the kid was mine
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♪ But it looked just like Dennis ♪
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♪ That damn Dennis
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♪ And because you haven't
learned your lesson ♪
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♪ You get the rod
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♪ You get the rod!
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You'll stay here until I see Jack.
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Looks like you got some stuff going on.
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Want to tell me what you did?
235
00:09:47,941 --> 00:09:49,775
Want to tell me who you did?
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00:09:49,809 --> 00:09:51,177
Was it a boy?
237
00:09:51,211 --> 00:09:52,645
Krampus kidnapped Steve.
238
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:54,914
And the only one who knows
where to find him is Jack.
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00:09:54,948 --> 00:09:56,015
And Jack took off.
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Krampus?
241
00:09:57,050 --> 00:09:58,817
Santa's evil sidekick?
242
00:09:58,852 --> 00:10:00,252
Santa must know where he is.
243
00:10:00,287 --> 00:10:02,621
Santa won't help me.
Santa hates me.
244
00:10:02,656 --> 00:10:05,858
I'm coming for you, Smiths!
245
00:10:05,892 --> 00:10:07,092
Hyah!
246
00:10:08,461 --> 00:10:10,496
Look, even if I wanted
to ask for Santa's help,
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how am I supposed to get
to the North Pole?
248
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Oh, boys!
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Hyah!
250
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Damn...
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Santa's village is behind this wall.
252
00:10:28,515 --> 00:10:31,050
Give me a boost.
253
00:10:33,186 --> 00:10:35,221
Take my hand!
254
00:10:40,393 --> 00:10:42,895
Stan!
255
00:10:49,035 --> 00:10:51,070
Harder.
256
00:10:51,104 --> 00:10:53,472
Way harder.
257
00:10:59,512 --> 00:11:02,748
How dare you come to my house.
258
00:11:04,884 --> 00:11:06,652
Krampus.
259
00:11:06,686 --> 00:11:08,153
What about him?
260
00:11:08,188 --> 00:11:10,189
He's been gone over 50 years.
261
00:11:10,223 --> 00:11:11,657
No, Krampus is alive.
262
00:11:11,691 --> 00:11:13,525
And he has my son.
263
00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:15,327
Who cares about your son?
264
00:11:15,362 --> 00:11:17,429
I can't go back to sharing Christmas
265
00:11:17,464 --> 00:11:19,565
with that
soul-singing goat.
266
00:11:19,599 --> 00:11:21,834
Always nibbling on my list.
267
00:11:21,868 --> 00:11:23,235
Please, I need your help.
268
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:24,903
I need to find Steve.
269
00:11:24,938 --> 00:11:26,438
Okay.
270
00:11:26,473 --> 00:11:28,741
I'll help you get your boy
271
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:32,811
if you help me kill Krampus.
272
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:35,114
Deal.
273
00:11:35,148 --> 00:11:36,482
Come on, Roger.
274
00:11:36,516 --> 00:11:38,217
Just a little longer.
275
00:11:38,251 --> 00:11:40,686
I'm almost there.
276
00:11:43,523 --> 00:11:46,058
Aw. Tissue
for your tears?
277
00:11:47,327 --> 00:11:49,528
You don't have to be scared.
278
00:11:49,562 --> 00:11:53,699
Here, refresh yourself
with a cool drink of water.
279
00:11:54,734 --> 00:11:57,469
See, everyone here is nice.
280
00:11:57,504 --> 00:11:59,204
You guys seem okay.
281
00:11:59,239 --> 00:12:01,473
But that Krampus is a real jerk.
282
00:12:01,508 --> 00:12:03,175
Oh, that's not true!
That's not the way.
283
00:12:04,577 --> 00:12:07,313
Krampus cares about you more than anyone.
284
00:12:07,347 --> 00:12:10,249
He cares enough to punish you
when you're bad.
285
00:12:10,283 --> 00:12:13,285
That's cause he's a monster
who enjoys terrorizing kids.
286
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,421
No, no, no, no, no, you got it all wrong.
287
00:12:15,455 --> 00:12:17,690
Come on.
We'll show you.
288
00:12:25,332 --> 00:12:29,001
♪ With a smack to the forehead
289
00:12:29,035 --> 00:12:32,738
♪ And a poke in the eye
290
00:12:32,772 --> 00:12:37,176
♪ I beaten a lot of children
in my lifetime ♪
291
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:38,811
♪ Oh, yeah
292
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:42,948
♪ But the truth in the matter is ♪
293
00:12:42,982 --> 00:12:46,919
♪ I've been hurtin' inside,
wish I could rewind ♪
294
00:12:46,953 --> 00:12:49,254
♪ Yeah!
295
00:12:49,289 --> 00:12:50,956
♪ Oh
296
00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:52,191
♪ Ooh
297
00:12:53,593 --> 00:12:56,762
♪ When I'm breakin' their fingers ♪
298
00:12:56,796 --> 00:13:00,599
♪ Lord, it's breakin' my heart
299
00:13:00,633 --> 00:13:06,372
♪ And every Christmas Eve,
my soul is always torn apart ♪
300
00:13:06,406 --> 00:13:08,273
♪ Hey, wait a second, dude
301
00:13:08,308 --> 00:13:10,142
♪ I feel as bad as you
302
00:13:10,176 --> 00:13:12,978
♪ I don't wanna live like this no more ♪
303
00:13:13,012 --> 00:13:15,414
♪ I just wish I could start over new ♪
304
00:13:15,448 --> 00:13:18,751
♪ Damn, I feel just like you do ♪
305
00:13:18,785 --> 00:13:22,488
♪ Oh, I know that we've been bad ♪
306
00:13:22,522 --> 00:13:26,925
♪ But we don't wanna be sad no more ♪
307
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,395
♪ Such a drag
308
00:13:29,429 --> 00:13:32,364
♪ 'Cause I miss Mom and Dad
309
00:13:32,399 --> 00:13:35,467
♪ And I miss my baby Sheila
310
00:13:35,502 --> 00:13:37,369
♪ Sheila, why'd you leave?
311
00:13:37,404 --> 00:13:39,505
♪ You left me on my own
312
00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:41,006
♪ All out in the cold
313
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,808
♪ A dollar to my name
314
00:13:42,842 --> 00:13:45,244
♪ In dirty-ass Baltimore
315
00:13:45,278 --> 00:13:49,481
♪ And next time I see you
I'm gonna kill you ♪
316
00:13:49,516 --> 00:13:52,451
♪ Oh, Sheila, I'm sorry, baby
317
00:13:52,485 --> 00:13:55,020
♪ I love you.
318
00:13:56,523 --> 00:13:58,490
When you punished me, it hurt you
319
00:13:58,525 --> 00:14:00,192
more than it hurt me, didn't it?
320
00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:03,529
But I endure it because I care.
321
00:14:03,563 --> 00:14:06,331
So, why do you want my
grand-poppy-pop so bad?
322
00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:08,267
He seems like a total lost cause.
323
00:14:08,301 --> 00:14:12,171
Which is exactly why I need
to apologize to him.
324
00:14:12,205 --> 00:14:13,405
Apologize?
325
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,774
It's my fault he turned out bad.
326
00:14:15,809 --> 00:14:17,876
I should have been beating his ass
327
00:14:17,911 --> 00:14:21,079
instead of munching down
on your great-grandma's strudel.
328
00:14:21,114 --> 00:14:22,681
I failed him.
329
00:14:22,715 --> 00:14:23,816
Shh.
330
00:14:23,850 --> 00:14:25,317
No, no, no, no, no, don't.
331
00:14:25,351 --> 00:14:27,085
Shush now, frowny horns.
332
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:29,154
Look, everyone makes mistakes.
333
00:14:29,189 --> 00:14:31,723
The important thing is you're back.
334
00:14:31,758 --> 00:14:35,461
And you're exactly what
the world needs right now.
335
00:14:35,495 --> 00:14:37,129
Ho ho ho!
336
00:14:37,163 --> 00:14:40,699
Off we go to kill Krampus!
337
00:14:40,733 --> 00:14:41,934
Wow, full moon tonight.
338
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,569
Actually, once you get above the clouds,
339
00:14:43,603 --> 00:14:45,437
- it's always a full moon.
- Is that true?
340
00:14:45,472 --> 00:14:46,738
Is any of this?
341
00:14:51,532 --> 00:14:53,227
Once we kill Krampus,
342
00:14:53,354 --> 00:14:56,322
you'll be on my permanent good list, Stan.
343
00:14:56,357 --> 00:14:58,391
You and Jesus.
344
00:14:58,425 --> 00:14:59,826
But he's Jewish.
345
00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:01,327
He is?!
346
00:15:07,635 --> 00:15:09,302
Oh, what a surprise.
347
00:15:09,336 --> 00:15:11,404
My flight to Jamaica's delayed.
348
00:15:11,438 --> 00:15:14,407
And you people wonder why
the world is all taking boats.
349
00:15:14,441 --> 00:15:16,075
You can discuss any of your concerns
350
00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:17,944
with our customer service rep, sir.
351
00:15:17,978 --> 00:15:22,482
Oh, you are a special kind
of bitch, Mary Anne.
352
00:15:22,516 --> 00:15:24,317
Where the irie plane, mon?
You trying to tell me
353
00:15:24,351 --> 00:15:26,019
this flight is late, skank?
Rude boy!
354
00:15:26,053 --> 00:15:28,288
Hayley? You work here?
355
00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:31,024
I need the money to buy the
perfect gift for my family.
356
00:15:31,058 --> 00:15:32,258
But why?
357
00:15:32,293 --> 00:15:34,060
Because...
358
00:15:34,094 --> 00:15:35,628
♪ Family, say it
359
00:15:35,663 --> 00:15:37,263
♪ One, two, three ♪ One, two, three ♪
360
00:15:37,298 --> 00:15:39,199
♪ Family is the way for me
361
00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:40,934
♪ Oh, yeah ♪ Way for me ♪
362
00:15:40,968 --> 00:15:43,403
♪ Do it for the family ♪ Family ♪
363
00:15:43,437 --> 00:15:45,004
♪ We gonna make them happy
364
00:15:45,039 --> 00:15:46,506
♪ Oh, Lord ♪ So happy ♪
365
00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,441
♪ Family, it go one, two, three ♪
366
00:15:48,475 --> 00:15:50,243
♪ Bada ding ding ding ding, whoa ♪
367
00:15:50,277 --> 00:15:51,344
But I don't get it.
368
00:15:51,378 --> 00:15:52,779
Why do anything for your family?
369
00:15:52,813 --> 00:15:54,547
♪ Because family make you high ♪
370
00:15:54,582 --> 00:15:56,049
♪ Here the reason why
371
00:15:56,083 --> 00:15:57,917
♪ They bada boom ba bing da ding ♪
372
00:15:57,952 --> 00:15:59,152
♪ Ba bum whoa
373
00:15:59,186 --> 00:16:01,554
♪ Family, it go one, two, three ♪
374
00:16:01,589 --> 00:16:03,489
♪ Bada ding ding ding ding whoa ♪
375
00:16:03,524 --> 00:16:05,158
Wait. I think I'm
starting to get it.
376
00:16:05,192 --> 00:16:07,560
♪ You do it for your family
because they go ♪
377
00:16:07,595 --> 00:16:10,263
♪ Bada bada bing dong
dun dun dun da dum bah ♪
378
00:16:10,297 --> 00:16:12,198
♪ And you do it for the family ♪
379
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:14,801
♪ Because they bing baba boo bing do do ♪
380
00:16:14,835 --> 00:16:16,502
♪ Family, it get you high
381
00:16:16,537 --> 00:16:20,273
♪ Now you know the reason why.
382
00:16:20,307 --> 00:16:22,475
Change this flight to Bavaria.
383
00:16:22,509 --> 00:16:25,411
I'm going to go save my grandson.
384
00:16:27,014 --> 00:16:29,515
Krampus, I can't believe
I was acting like such a jerk.
385
00:16:29,550 --> 00:16:30,984
A real Stephen Hawking.
386
00:16:31,018 --> 00:16:32,252
Thank you.
387
00:16:32,286 --> 00:16:33,953
No. Thank you.
388
00:16:33,988 --> 00:16:36,356
For reminding me how good it feels
389
00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:39,259
to turn naughty kids into nice ones.
390
00:16:39,293 --> 00:16:42,929
I hope you don't mind
blueberry crepes for breakfast.
391
00:16:42,963 --> 00:16:45,431
With homemade chocolate.
392
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,160
Trashy!
393
00:17:51,999 --> 00:17:53,199
No! Stop!
394
00:17:53,233 --> 00:17:54,467
What are you doing?
395
00:17:59,773 --> 00:18:01,140
He was good!
396
00:18:02,176 --> 00:18:03,976
He was good.
397
00:18:04,011 --> 00:18:05,812
Steven.
398
00:18:05,846 --> 00:18:09,182
Looks like I'm big man on Krampus.
399
00:18:10,451 --> 00:18:11,818
Oh, gross!
400
00:18:11,852 --> 00:18:13,853
It got in your mouth!
401
00:18:13,887 --> 00:18:15,555
What are you doing?
We had a deal.
402
00:18:15,589 --> 00:18:17,523
Yeah, well, I'm Santa,
403
00:18:17,558 --> 00:18:20,193
and maybe now even a dumb-ass like you
404
00:18:20,227 --> 00:18:23,029
can figure out that I'm the bad guy.
405
00:18:23,063 --> 00:18:24,964
That's what I was trying to tell you.
406
00:18:24,998 --> 00:18:26,299
Krampus was good.
407
00:18:26,333 --> 00:18:27,867
He cared about kids.
408
00:18:27,901 --> 00:18:29,535
Santa just spoils them.
409
00:18:29,570 --> 00:18:33,005
And I make a hell of a lot
of money doing it.
410
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,942
Most of my portfolio is in toy stocks.
411
00:18:37,811 --> 00:18:40,380
That's why you give toys to everyone,
412
00:18:40,414 --> 00:18:41,948
whether they're naughty or nice.
413
00:18:41,982 --> 00:18:44,050
The naughty kids buy the most toys.
414
00:18:44,084 --> 00:18:45,151
Wait. What?
415
00:18:45,185 --> 00:18:46,285
Kids don't buy toys.
416
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,387
You give toys away.
417
00:18:47,421 --> 00:18:48,721
How does that make money?
418
00:18:48,756 --> 00:18:50,523
Do not overthink this.
419
00:18:50,557 --> 00:18:53,226
Just know that I am in bed with Big Toys
420
00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:54,894
so I'm making money.
421
00:18:54,928 --> 00:18:57,797
See you in hell, Stan.
422
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,169
Rossignol!
423
00:19:12,146 --> 00:19:13,679
Oh, God.
424
00:19:13,714 --> 00:19:15,581
I'm dying.
425
00:19:15,616 --> 00:19:17,817
Every man for himself!
426
00:19:20,020 --> 00:19:22,522
You came to help me.
427
00:19:22,556 --> 00:19:25,792
I finally realized
the importance of family.
428
00:19:25,826 --> 00:19:29,896
And I wanted to tell you
I'm proud of you, son.
429
00:19:29,930 --> 00:19:31,798
You're a good guy.
430
00:19:31,832 --> 00:19:32,899
Because of you.
431
00:19:32,933 --> 00:19:34,467
Because you were so hard on me.
432
00:19:34,501 --> 00:19:35,768
Maybe.
433
00:19:35,803 --> 00:19:38,004
Maybe for people to turn out good,
434
00:19:38,038 --> 00:19:40,239
they need a beating every now and then.
435
00:19:40,274 --> 00:19:42,475
That's why the world needs Krampus.
436
00:19:42,509 --> 00:19:43,776
Yes.
437
00:19:43,811 --> 00:19:47,413
And that's why the world
sucks so hard now.
438
00:19:47,448 --> 00:19:51,317
Because I took Krampus away.
439
00:19:51,351 --> 00:19:54,687
My... bad.
440
00:20:20,447 --> 00:20:22,782
You're...
Krampus.
441
00:20:22,816 --> 00:20:24,283
So I am.
442
00:20:24,318 --> 00:20:27,787
I suppose this is how I'm
to repay my debt to the world
443
00:20:27,821 --> 00:20:30,490
for taking Krampus away all these years.
444
00:20:30,524 --> 00:20:32,692
So, will you remain Krampus forever?
445
00:20:32,726 --> 00:20:34,026
Like, all the time?
446
00:20:34,061 --> 00:20:35,361
Who knows?
447
00:20:35,395 --> 00:20:37,129
In the meantime, it's Christmas Eve,
448
00:20:37,164 --> 00:20:40,399
and I've got a lot of bottoms to blister.
449
00:20:44,171 --> 00:20:46,239
You better be good, boys and girls,
450
00:20:46,273 --> 00:20:48,841
or I'll beat you until blood's
coming from your ears
451
00:20:48,876 --> 00:20:50,643
and your eyes and your mouth.
452
00:20:50,677 --> 00:20:52,478
Merry Christmas!
453
00:20:52,513 --> 00:20:54,213
And from your ass.
454
00:20:54,248 --> 00:21:02,248
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com