BIRDSONG
PHONE ALARM BEEPS
I'm going to miss my train.
Ryan, I thought I got Mondays off.
I'm going to smell that all day now.
Cat food. Smell that. Why would I want to do that?
I'm going grey. So do what I do, dye it.
No, I don't mean just my hair, I mean my face.
Look, skin's like window putty. I look knackered.
Well, feel free to jump in any time you want.
Actually, Ryan, if I could be alone?
No? Oh, OK. Hi.
I told you not to put things in halfway through the cycle.
It's a washing cycle, isn't it?
There's nothing "eco" about it if you have to wash it twice.
And will people leave the thermostat alone, please?!
I'll See you tonight!
Bye!
See you later!
Anyone?
All right.
I've got total body pump at 10:30 and boxercise at lunchtime.
Enjoy Boxercise. Go and make them suffer.
I've got to go fight for a seat.
Kick them in the ankles.
Love you. Love you. No, love you.
I actually do have to go. I know. See ya.
See ya.
TRAIN ANNOUNCER: Platform one for the 07:39 to...
Here we go. Elbows out.
..A trolley service of drinks
and light refreshments is available on this train.
This train is for London Waterloo.
Excuse me, you're in my seat. Sorry, is it reserved?
I was just putting my coat up. I don't see a reservation.
No, there are no reservations. So it's your seat because?
Because I saw it first. You reserved it with your magic eyes?
I was putting my coat up and you barged in.
I didn't "barge" in. Snuck in, sneaked, sneaked in.
I didn't "sneak", I sat down. There are rules, etiquette,
otherwise it all becomes a bloody free-for-all! No need to shout.
I'm not, I could just do without this on a Mon...
Fine, just have it. Just have it.
No, no, no! If you need it so badly, I'll just get up.
I'm actually getting off at the next stop. Really? Yes.
Are you sure? Thank you. That's very kind.
What a kind man. Thank you. Very kind. Thank you.
Yeah, thank you.
So, everyone's happy.
TRAIN ANNOUNCER: This train is approaching its final stop.
This is London Waterloo.
Change here for London Underground services.
Please remember to take all your personal items with you
when you leave the train.
Anyone drown? No.
But it's early.
Who leaves plasters in the pool? It's the men.
With their verrucas and their athlete's foot.
Pleasant journey, then?
Some man bawled at me for sitting in his special seat.
I swear that commute's going to kill me, Kerry.
Two hours a day breathing into someone's armpit then home to
sit with Ryan and discuss confetti.
Let's talk about work.
I love work.
Who here likes their work?
Monday morning I wake with a silly grin on my face
cos I get to see your lovely fresh faces.
Bank holiday? Waste of time. Easter, what's that about?
I love targets, deadlines, I love it all.
But perhaps some of you haven't noticed,
it is a competitive market.
And if anyone here thinks there's time to sit around watching videos
of cats while our clients have got properties standing empty -
7,000 square feet in Leyton,
this warehouse in Uxbridge -
then they are mistaken.
THESE rents pay your rent.
Sorry, Jubilee Line...
You stopped for coffee, Martin.
Now...
I've lost my train of thought. We're finished.
Just erm...
get on with it, will you?
PHONE RINGS
Look at him.
Can't even manage a hot drink.
One of your appointments, isn't he?
Well, he's a dead man walking, Carl. Really?
What? You want me to erm...?
Would you mind, awfully?
Couldn't we just give him a written warning?
What, another one?
They've just had a kid.
Well, if you're really worried, tell him it's my bad.
No.
My responsibility.
"With great power comes great responsibility." Where's that from?
I don't know, I'm sorry. Spider-Man.
By end of week, if you please.
VIOLIN BEING PLAYED
Candles and a live band. It's your own little bistro.
What is this exactly? Frere Jacques, I think.
No, I meant the black stuff on the fish.
Tapenade. I know it looks like a tanker disaster
but you can scrape it of with the back of your knife - that's what I did.
No, I love it. A taste of the Med. I need a new violin.
And where's our beloved son? Play rehearsals.
Christ, not again. I've only just got over Equus.
I said I need a new violin.
And how much is that going to cost me? I don't know,?400?
HE SCOFFS I'm not made of money, Charlotte. This one's awful.
Well, is that the violin's fault?
Just give it a break, will you, maestro?
I'd pay her four hundred quid to pack it in.
What?
It's expensive,
but the big plus is we can do the whole wedding in the same venue.
Sal?
Look, they've had a cancellation and we've got first refusal.
It's a bloody great castle, Ryan.
What, you think it's too much?
Not if we come under attack by Vikings,
but it's just me and you getting married.
"Just".
The thing is, I've done the big wedding thing before.
The bagpipes and smoked salmon for 200
and I hated every second of it. Not with me! You weren't marrying me.
Which is exactly my point.
You know, it's different this time.
Do you know what I would love?
Me and you, sneaking into a registry office on a Saturday afternoon.
I don't want to sneak anywhere. I want the whole world to know.
Yeah, I want the world to know too.
I just don't want them all at the reception.
I'm not doing this for fun,
I'm doing this cos I want everything to be perfect. And it will be.
I just question the need for a portcullis.
Oh, come on, don't sulk.
Please?
Let's go to bed.
Let's sleep on it, yeah?
I shouted at this woman on the train today. Like a nutter.
That's me.
The nutter on the train.
You're tired, that's all.
And it's only Monday.
Let's go out. Just me and you.
Somewhere that's not a parents' evening or a school play.
Are there places like that?
I could meet you in London, get a hotel,
go for dinner, go dancing. What, in a nightclub?
A special club for old people.
Glen Miller and orthopaedic chairs.
I haven't danced since our wedding.
Ah, the day the music died.
Love you. Love you too.
PHONE ALARM BEEPS
Argh...
PHONE ALARM BEEPS
I've told you a million times,
you've got to rinse the plates before you put them in.
See you later.
That was completely out of order yesterday.
I really don't want to have that debate again.
No, me neither. I wanted to apologise. Oh.
It's this journey, you know, it makes people tense.
Especially me on a Monday morning.
Veins popping out of my head, tingle down my left arm.
I was probably a little abrupt too.
Yeah, you were terrifying. Quite rightly, though.
It's just you had the Holy Grail - front-facing,
near the exit, big table. That's like a lifeboat on the Titanic,
you've got to fight for it. I'll bear that in mind.
Bye. Bye.
We seem to be walking the same direction. Yes, we do.
Bit awkward. Yeah.
So how long have you erm...?
Week four.
Was I ever so young, so naive?
So, old-timer, how long have you been...?
12 years, no parole. Five weeks off for good behaviour.
Portugal usually.
I'll let you go on. I'll see you tomorrow, 7:39.
Just don't let me find you in my seat, all right?
Joking. Sorry.
Well, what can I do?
I'm at work!
Yeah... I know.
Look, I will try to come home early.
Yeah.
Well, as soon as possible, yeah.
Right, yeah.
Can we talk about this later, please?
Right.
TRAIN ANNOUNCER: This train is for London Waterloo.
Sorry, someone's sitting there.
It's a colleague. We're having a meeting. So, erm... OK.
Pssst...
Thank you.
How is it?
It's all right.
Do you know it well? Yeah.
Well, I've seen it on telly.
Same thing.
I saw you reading yesterday and it inspired me.
Some people on this train just pretend to read
so they don't have to talk.
I carried Harry Potter around with me for five years.
If it's so you're left alone, I don't mind.
No, no, it's not that.
I thought, now that I've got this commute,
I'll read all the books I should have read at school.
But I've been on the same page for 10 days now.
Yeah, you look a bit distracted.
Did I?
Is she the one who throws herself in front of a train?
Oh, well. Who could blame her?
Sorry, I think I just gave away the ending.
Oh, I don't think I'll be getting to the end.
Not with me disturbing you. You're not disturbing me.
If she set her alarm a bit earlier, she could do that at home.
I do my make-up on the train sometimes. Well, that's allowed, isn't it?
Not cutting your toenails though.
No, that's crossing a line.
Makes a change to actually talk to someone.
I thought that was against the rules. It is.
What, 250 days a year?
Two and a bit hours a day, say 600 hours,
giving a 16-hour waking day, that's...
37 days a year on this train with these people.
That can't be right.
One year in every ten.
That's more than I spend with my kids.
I still don't know anybody's name.
I listen to their phone calls...
see them eat and sleep,
see them drunk.
We nod at each other sometimes or we moan about the weather,
but none of us know each other. Not really.
Yeah. That's depressing.
Yeah.
Sally. Sally Thorn.
There you go, an actual name.
Carl Matthews. Well, Carl.
Now we're in trouble. Yeah.
I didn't want to leave London.
I said, what about the art galleries, the restaurants,
what about the theatre?
Then Ryan pointed out we never actually went to the theatre.
Is that your husband? Fiance.
Still, it's a long way to move for an extra bedroom and some decking.
You got kids? We're trying.
A lot.
But you don't need to know that.
On the other hand, if you're the landlord with 10,000 square feet
to fill, you want a long lease. In this uncertain business environment, it's not going to happen.
Erm, I've got to go. My work's this way.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm boring on.
No, not at all! I want to know more.
What train are you getting back?
Well, the 18:49's not bad if you push up to the front, you know?
Spread your stuff out, eat a bag of chips, you can get a double seat.
Another handy tip. Yeah, I'm full of them.
See you there.
No porn at the office, please, Mr Matthews.
Client's here.
Any thoughts on our friend Martin's departure?
Erm...
I thought I'd give him until Friday.
If you say so.
TRAIN ANNOUNCER: We are now approaching our next station stop.
Please remember to take all personal items with you
when leaving the train...
Hey, hey!
Nearly there.
Thank you.
How long have I...?
Since Waterloo. I was erm...
You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb you.
Not drooled, have I? No, you haven't.
Stay calm. I will.
Don't lecture him, don't say, "I'm not made of money."
don't lose your temper, just be sensitive.
I know how to talk to my own son!
Sometimes you don't.
So why don't you do it? I have. It's your turn.
I must warn you, he was lighting candles.
I'm learning my lines.
What is it this time?
Brecht, oh.
Bertolt Brecht.
Verstehst Du sowieso nicht.
Right, well...
If this is more career guidance, I'm not changing my mind.
No, I don't want you to change your mind.
I just, you know, want you to think hard about it.
And then change my mind.
Well, it's not exactly vocational, is it, Adam? I mean, you know,
Theatre Arts, it's...
Couldn't you just do your acting as a hobby?
HE SCOFFS
It's brutal out there, Adam.
You know, I see it every day.
I see 50 guys chasing the same job.
Graduates as well.
You know, and it's not cheap...
If you don't want to contribute... No, I don't mind that,
as long as there's a decent job at the end of it.
Like yours, you mean?
No, not like mine.
And don't be...
I'm trying here, mate.
I know.
But it's what I want to do.
We've got electricity now you know, Shakespeare.
You just flick this switch...
Look at that.
Just don't burn the house down, that's all.
'Theatre Arts.'
I've got this waking nightmare that I'm going to walk across
Covent Garden one afternoon and there he is, painted silver.
Standing very, very still.
I love him as well, you know...
He's just a...
pretentious little sod.
He's just going through an arty phase. We all have an arty phase.
I didn't.
I had a home-computing phase.
I always wanted to be a dancer.
Really.
Contemporary, ballet, tap, modern.
I was barely out of a leotard until I was 19.
So what happened?
Real life.
I always wanted to be a chef. I mean...
Not a cheffy-chef, you know?
Just someone who could cook really, really good chips.
Maggie and I used to talk about it.
Getting a little restaurant or a pub outside of London.
Well, what stopped you?
Kids, money, fear.
You know, same thing, real life.
I still can't believe you're old enough to have a 17-year-old son.
Well we started early, you know?
Don't know why I'm surprised.
It's a lot less weird than me having a fiance at my age.
I thought someone would have snatched you up a long time ago, that's all.
Snatched up then put back down again.
I was a divorcee, now I'm a fiancee.
What happened? If it's not too personal a question.
Another time.
So, what? We must be near neighbours.
Erm, no, I'm in that direction actually.
About a mile.
Hey, here... Mint for the booze.
It's an old commuters' trick.
I'll see you tomorrow.
You know, actually I was going to...
Go on.
You'd say if it was inappropriate, wouldn't you?
Yes, I will.
It's just this gym of yours. You know...
all the booze and crisps and sitting on my arse,
it's taken its toll, so...
I just want a bit of life back.
Unless you think that's a bad idea? No.
No, we're always happy to welcome new members. Great.
I'll fix you an evaluation.
For Monday?
Well, who evaluates me? I do.
Unless you'd want someone...
No, no, it's fine. It's just, you know, make allowances.
I'll give you my e-mail. It's on the website.
I mean, I presume, it's on the website, isn't it?
Yeah, it is on the website.
I look forward to hearing from you. OK.
Gentle, sad and lonely. You're not really selling him, Sal.
I'm not trying to SELL him.
And what does Ryan say?
What's Ryan got to do with it?
Well, if this is so innocent, there's no reason not to tell him.
Just cos we're getting married,
he doesn't need to know everything about me.
Except he does.
I think that's sort of the point, babe.
Ryan.
Can I at least take my coat off? Not tonight, Ryan, please.
I've got a Zumba migraine. I've cancelled the castle.
You have? Mm-hm.
No white horses, no helicopters, no bagpipes.
Just you and me.
God, I love you.
POP MUSIC PLAYS
What is this terrible music?
My new playlist!
For legs, bums and tums.
Legs, bums and tums. God help me.
Did the trick though.
Here's hoping, right?
You know, Ryan, most men don't want their brides
pregnant on their wedding day.
I do. Great.
Little foetal bridesmaid.
Well, there's a disturbing image.
Well...
we can't hang about.
That's what the spare room's for.
So this isn't an official warning?
No, I'm afraid it's not, no.
I mean, obviously we'll pay you to the end of the month.
Bryony's nine months old. I know that. It's just...
If you're not on the ball, if the work's not right...
I can be, it will be.
We're up all night.
I'm knackered, that's why I... It's just, it's not...
I can't go home and tell her this. We've just bought a flat.
If there's anything I can do... Not sack me?
No, I mean in terms of references, putting a word in? You could not sack me.
It's out of my hands.
So it's someone else's decision? Who is it?
Is it Findlay's? No, no, it's... it's my bad.
"My bad"?
Fuck off, Carl.
Fair enough.
He took me to the student union canteen, which was self-service.
And we stood next to each other with our trays,
little bit self-conscious, and he said, "You can have whatever you want.
"Soup and a roll, main, sponge pudding, knock yourself out."
I never said any of that.
We had cod in parsley sauce and I thought, "He's a catch.
"He's a keeper." And he was, God help me.
Just so you know I'm going to be late one night a week from now on. Oh, why's that?
He's having an affair. Adam, I'm eating.
As a matter of fact, I've joined a gym.
LAUGHTER
Right.
OK, screwdriver.
Scalpel, forceps, nurse, mop my brow!
This is a Stanley head.
I need a Philips head screwdriver.
I'll put the grill on. NO! No grill! I don't even like barbecue.
Why can't... Got to be white hot, hasn't it?
It's basically like burnt food. It'd be quicker to put the sausages on the radiator.
So can I go now? No! What's so urgent? Just a party!
I'm not asking to come, I'm just curious.
I'm just trying to make conversation with my favourite son. Can I go too?
Look, I'm trying to cook us all supper here. It's going to taste like paraffin anyway.
You know why he can't put the grill on? The grill represents failure.
Pack it in, Adam, will you?!
For Christ's sake, all week I'm up and down on that train
and all I want is just one night of conversation with my children.
You know, without "I don't like it" and "Can I leave now?"
Is that too much to ask for, eh?
Is that too strange? So freakishly bizarre?
Mmmm.
Paraffiny.
Is it about me? No, it's never about you.
Is it about the kids then?
No, not just the kids... I'm just...
I'm exhausted, that's all.
You've been exhausted for the last 15 years.
Which is exactly my point. I work hard too, you know.
I know, I know. I don't know if you've noticed, it's not without stress
and I don't take it out on the kids.
I know, I know. I appreciate it.
Look, come here.
I'll apologise. OK?
Maybe we need a holiday.
The trouble with holidays is you've got to come back.
Oh, God, Carl...
I just...
You know, I just want some normal, straightforward family life.
That's all. This is it. This is what it is.
Now, will you promise me one thing?
That you will never barbecue anything ever again.
HE LAUGHS No.
PHONE ALARM BEEPS
Carl, any chance of a quick word?
Oh, I'm just on my way out. Oh, really? Why's that then?
Job interview?
No, Charlotte - it's a school concert.
Isn't that what the lady wife is for?
I'll get in early tomorrow. Part-timer!
We shut at 6:15.
Yeah, if you arrive by six, you should be able to...
MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
Hi. Can I help?
Yeah, my name's Carl Matthews.
I'm here for an evaluation with Sally Thorn.
Ah, the notorious Carl.
Pardon?
Yes, I'll take over from here, thank you.
Mr Matthews. Miss Thorn.
DANCE MUSIC BLARES So this is what happens.
You join and for a while you're here four times a week,
then three, then two,
then once a week, then hardly ever.
But you feel guilty
and can't be bothered to cancel your membership
so we keep taking your money
until you finally give up out of pure shame.
So, where do I sign?
There and there.
Sorry!
There you go. OK.
Now, do you exercise?
Well...
I run for the train. To be fair, I've never seen you run.
OK. Well, I used to play a bit of football.
A footballer? When?
Eh...1983.
"Weekly alcohol consumption?" A glass of wine is two units.
Well, I fill a recycling bin.
So what's that, about 20?
We add ten.
And now just so I don't have to give you mouth-to-mouth first time out,
any medical concerns? I don't know, probably.
I've started making this little noise when I stand up.
And if I sit down too quickly, a button flies off.
Oh, and I grind my teeth at night and wake up with my fists clenched.
But... All right.
Let's get started then, shall we?
DANCE MUSIC CONTINUES Doesn't this music drive you mad?
On a loop for nine hours?
I close my eyes at night
and all I can hear is nts-nts-nts!
Go on, keep going.
So, what do you think?
I'm especially liking that face you're pulling.
It's like passing a gallstone!
It seems quite impressive to me.
Uh-huh.
There's no way you could lift this.
Let's move on, shall we?
No, you couldn't lift this.
This is very childish. Go on, then.
I don't want to embarrass you. No, go on.
A pint says you couldn't lift that.
So unprofessional.
No way!
Well, I've been doing all the others, haven't I?
Oh, you can stop now, I'll buy you a pint.
That was unbelievable. You're like some bricky or something.
Oh, thank you!
Next time I'm going to look at your swimming. You can swim?
Have you ever seen otters at play?
So, shall I walk you home?
No, I can look after myself.
I saw that!
You could probably kick the crap out of me.
Let's hope it doesn't come to that.
PHONE ALARM BEEPS
Oh!
Ow!
Oh...ah.
HE CONTINUES TO GROAN IN PAIN
Did I tell you I made a new friend on the train?
"Made a new friend"? What are you, nine?
Do you want him to come over for a play date?
Actually, his name is Sally.
Oh! Well, you're a grown man.
Not sleeping with her, are you?
She's not my type.
I'd like to think that's not the only reason.
Eh?
Entirely self-taught.
Yeah, I sort of guessed that.
Ugh, I'm exhausted.
Well, I've pinpointed what's wrong
and it's everything.
That bad, eh?
Beyond repair, sorry.
Ryan teaches swimming. You should talk to him about it.
Ryan? Oh, Ryan.
Is there anything he can't do?
A few things.
He used to teach Xtreme Body Pump here on Thursday nights.
Xtreme Body Pump?!
Mm, with a capital X.
That's where we met.
He complimented me on my Body Mass Index.
THEY LAUGH Oh, that old line, eh?!
He's freelance now. He gets loads of work.
He's unstoppable,
constant state of perspiration.
Every time I look round,
he's bench-pressing a chest-of-drawers.
He can't even go for a newspaper without weights tied to his ankles.
Sounds exhausting.
It can be.
He's very reliable...
methodical.
He dry-cleans his jeans.
It sends me crazy!
It's like a sauna in here, ain't it?
Someone had to say it, I suppose.
THE DOOR OPENS
Hey, closing up now.
We'll let ourselves out.
Thanks, Kerry.
All to ourselves.
Eh, there's a train at 10:32. So...
Plenty of time.
One last swim?
Yeah, fine.
Come on!
Hang on. Ah, I've got a stitch.
Ah! We'll miss it. Come on!
Keep going. Keep going.
No! No!
I lost a lung outside Boots.
SALLY LAUGHS
What time's the next train?
12:02, gets in at half one.
Come on, then. What?
You owe me a drink, remember?
My first husband was the complete opposite.
He was a DJ. Oh, you're cool.
No, not really.
Everyone was a DJ in the '90s.
At least they said they were.
Andre...
God, we had some mad times.
He was very handsome, very charming.
He just thought it was a shame to waste all that
exclusively on me.
I can't really blame him. We were far too young.
How young?
26.
I'd been married four years by the time I was 26.
Well, you weren't a superstar DJ.
No, that's right,
I was in marketing.
Do you want to do something really rare?
Come on!
Whoa, hang on, that's first class!
Look, it's like some magical wonderland!
Never once? No, never.
Never been tempted?
You know, slow-dancing at a Christmas party...
A team building exercise in 2006 -
a bit of flirty paintballing.
Flirty paintballing?
It was...
Yeah, that was it.
You know, you think about it,
but it just gets to the point where you've got too much to lose.
And besides, I love my wife. She's my soulmate.
A bit corny, isn't it?
You know? I mean, there's nothing she doesn't know.
She finishes off all my sentences.
Ryan finishes mine and gets them all wrong.
Sorry, I'm being a bit boring.
Not boring at all.
MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
MUSIC CONTINUES
I had a nice night.
Yeah, me too.
A bit too nice, I suspect.
Well, I'll...
see you in six hours!
God, I want to cry.
You'll be all right. Just drink lots of water. Eh?
That's not why I want to cry.
Some...
Sometimes I feel like I can't do this.
You know, it doesn't seem natural
for every day to do exactly the same thing.
I don't feel like I've done enough!
And then I think, "Well, what are you expecting to happen?"
You know? Ryan...
He's a nice man.
He's nice.
He's nice...
We all grow up and settle down eventually, don't we?
It's not the growing up, it's the settling down.
I try and see my face in that picture
and I just...
I can't do it.
I think if you love each other, and you're happy,
I mean generally, you know, most of the time then...
That's enough, isn't it?
Is it?
Christ, I bloody hope so.
And what time do you call this?
The train was late so...
You just go to sleep.
You reek of chlorine.
"What time do you call this, young lady?"
You turned your phone off.
That's allowed, isn't it?
Why didn't you just go to bed?
Well, it was your turn to cook supper.
All I've had is four energy bars and now I can't stop shaking.
SHE SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER
Right.
Drunk on a school night?
I don't have school nights!
Fine. They're your kidneys!
Yes, they are my kidneys!
At least until the wedding anyway.
I was worried about you, that's all.
Goodnight.
'Platform 1 for the 07:39 South West train service to London Waterloo
'calling at Guildford and London Waterloo.'
TV PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
If I could just get a word in edgeways.
I'm just wiped out, that's all.
In fact, I think I might head up.
I'll see you in a bit.
Just we were supposed to be meeting. Sorry, she's not here.
Well...
Start again!
'Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
'we are momentarily being held at a red signal
'but will be on the move very shortly.
'We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause.'
Can I have a gin and tonic, please?
And I'll some crisps - the sour cream and chives.
The healthy option?
They've got chives in them.
Not real chives, artificial chives.
Can they do that nowadays?
Same again, please.
I waited for you.
I skipped the 7:39,
the 7:53...
..the 8:02.
I thought maybe you were trying to avoid me.
No, I just thought I should...
you know, take a different train for a while.
I found myself lying to Ryan.
I've never done that before.
Well, you know, I've lied about my five-a-day,
but never about where I've been.
I've never turned my phone off and...
I just thought, you know,
why would I do that to the man I'm going to marry?
You're not doing anything.
Well, unless I am.
Carl, have we been flirting?
Well, I haven't. Have you?
Is that really so bad?
Not bad, just...
futile.
I'm getting married in July!
And, I mean, you've got a family and I've got Ryan,
and he's a lovely guy.
He's a lovely man and I don't know,
it just seems...
Futile?
Dangerous.
You know, you get to a point in your life and you think,
"Is this it?"
I've got all my friends now, I've got my family, my job.
Same faces every morning, same sandwich for lunch.
You know? But you...
You're just...you're new
and I haven't talked to anyone the way that I talk to you,
and I don't hate Monday mornings any more.
And the worst part of my week? It's the best part of my week.
And I'd be lying if I said you're not attractive,
you know, because you are.
I'm sorry, there's nothing you can do about that.
Should I not be saying this?
Go on.
I just think it's a shame, you know?
You're down in coach G and I'm up there in coach B,
just staring out of the window, you know? It's just...
Unless I'm boring you.
No, not at all.
You're not, I feel the same.
I love seeing you every morning.
Do you?
Of course I do.
I think I'd go nuts otherwise.
Well, what's the harm? We'll just be...
..sensible.
And keep it on the train. OK?
THE ENGINE JUDDERS TO LIFE
PHONE ALARM BEEPS
'Final hopes of a breakthrough
'between management and members of the RMT...'
'National Union of Rail Maritime and Transport Workers Union
'broke down last night...' '..with no agreement reached.'
'The strike, due to start at five this afternoon...'
'..is already bringing travel chaos to London and the South-East,
'with motoring organisations reporting long delays.'
Why don't you work from home?
Oh, yeah, I'd love to hear what Findlay said about that.
"I'm sorry, Grant, I'm going to work from home today,
"hope you don't mind."
But you'll be stranded!
They're not all on strike, are they? I'll just be late back, that's all.
Dad? Listen, I've got to go.
I'll keep you posted. Dad!
Do you know about this?
Look, I'll just stay over at Kerry's.
Worst comes to the worst, I can find a hotel.
I had us pencilled in.
Soft lights, bit of baby-making...
I wish you wouldn't call it that, Ryan.
Well, what do you want me to call it?
I don't know, Xtreme Body Pump?
Sorry. Don't look like that.
Look, I'll keep you posted. OK?
See you.
Hello there.
Working from home, my arse!
They're all in bed, watching Murder She Wrote.
How's tricks, Carl?
What do you mean? Personally?
At home, at work, what's the mood generally, work-life-balance-wise?
Just fulfilling my pastoral duties.
Oh, you know, the usual.
What is "the usual?" I don't have kids so I wouldn't know.
Well, you know, it's just hard. Just...balancing stuff.
Because frankly you seem a bit distracted, recently.
Mind elsewhere, eye off the ball.
No.
No... Why? Should I be worried?
Not in the least.
You know me. I'd let you know if I wasn't happy.
'Due to industrial action,
'all services from this station are currently suspended.
'We apologise for any inconvenience this might cause.'
So. What happens now?
I don't think so.
No. It's a bit much, isn't it?
Maybe I'll just sleep on Kerry's sofa. (Yeah.)
OK. I'll try and get a train. Yeah.
Unless... Yeah?
We could just ask, just check.
Yeah, we could just ask. Yeah.
Our best price on a standard room.
SALLY SCOFFS
That's a week at Center Parcs.
As you can imagine, there's a great deal of demand tonight.
We'd need two separate single rooms.
Sorry.
I do have a twin room.
Two single beds in the same room?
That's correct.
At this price.
We could push the beds together, if you wanted.
No, that's not necessary. Thanks. Separate beds is fine.
So which one would you like to...?
I don't mind.
Well, I usually sleep on the left, so...
Me too.
Well, let's both sleep there.
I'll sleep on the right.
I'm just...
I'm just going to freshen up. Yeah, sure.
TV TURNS ON
JACUZZI JETS BEGIN TO BUZZ Oh!
Room service!
I managed to smuggle this past the doorman.
You know what this reminds me of?
A skiing holiday I had when I was a kid, with the school.
French Alps... Ooh!
..smuggling in fags and those little bottles of beer, you know?
It was the first time I'd stayed in a hotel without my parents.
Illicit, adult,
mucking about with the ice-machine,
smoking out the window,
setting off the fire extinguisher.
It was anarchy, to be honest.
I still get that today. You know, that feeling, when I'm in hotels.
Like Miss Gerrard's going to burst in and catch me any minute.
I brought a change of clothing.
Are you expecting a message?
Sorry, it's just a nervous tic, you know,
checking my phone every two minutes.
I do the same thing.
Why do you do that, do you think?
Maybe we want something to happen.
PHONE RINGS
Maggie.
OK.
Listen, I better get it. You know...
Yeah, there's no reason not to.
Hi.
Thank you. Just, you know, getting a bite to eat.
It's just a crappy little tourist hotel, you know?
Shared bathroom down the corridor, it's nothing special.
'Aw-w! Well, steal us a towel.
'And come home early tomorrow, won't you?'
'You sure you don't want me to drive in and pick you up?' No!
Absolutely not. 'The traffic will have cleared.'
Ryan, promise me, do not drive into London. OK?
I'll be fine. I'll be home tomorrow night.
'OK.
'Well, make the most of it.'
What do you mean?
'Well, this may be the last night of our lives we spend apart.'
Yeah, let's hope so.
What are you doing now?
'Oh, the usual.
'On the sofa watching telly, dinner on my lap,
'pint glass of warm white wine. You?'
Yeah, just waiting for my food, yeah.
'Lamb madras, naan, basmati and a spinach bhaji.'
Yeah, that's right...
'Aw-w, you're so predictable!'
Yeah.
Well, predictably I miss you.
'You too, Carly. Want me to call you before bedtime?'
No. No, I'm going to have an early night, you know. So...
I love you.
'You too, sweetheart. Sleep well.'
Yeah, and you. Bye.
How was that?
Yeah, no problem.
You?
All clear.
I think we should acknowledge what's going on here, don't you?
OK, look, we do this once, just once,
just tonight and then never, ever again.
No, just once. You know, it's a fling.
Get it out of the way.
Get it out the way?
No! I mean, you know, just clear the air.
Yeah. No, exactly -
we clear the air.
And then tomorrow, we go back
to being friends on the morning train.
With no regrets, no guilt and no apologies. OK?
Because there is no point otherwise.
And we don't tell anyone.
No, nobody. No-one.
You know, just no drunken confessions or anything like that.
It's ours.
It's ours and we take it to the grave. OK?
Yeah, agreed. To the grave.
Let's get the bill. I'll pay.
No. I've got to pay. I've got to pay cash, as well.
I said I was having an Indian.
God, that was a stupid lie. Why did I do that?
Are we about to make a mistake?
I don't care.
We need to press the button!
Oh, yeah.