1
00:00:04,909 --> 00:00:06,477
(exclaims anxiously)
2
00:00:10,081 --> 00:00:12,116
(exclaiming)
3
00:00:16,354 --> 00:00:18,322
(school bell ringing)
4
00:00:20,959 --> 00:00:22,092
(Barney belches)
5
00:00:22,127 --> 00:00:24,061
(playing glissandos on harp)
6
00:00:27,732 --> 00:00:29,900
(playing random melody)
7
00:00:29,934 --> 00:00:30,868
(strums strings)
8
00:00:30,902 --> 00:00:32,202
(tires screeching)
9
00:00:33,771 --> 00:00:34,938
D'oh!
10
00:00:34,973 --> 00:00:36,607
(tires screeching)
11
00:00:36,641 --> 00:00:37,674
(grunts)
12
00:00:41,646 --> 00:00:43,280
(cowboy melody plays
on harmonica)
13
00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,281
(ethereal chord chimes)
14
00:00:44,315 --> 00:00:45,782
(strumming guitar)
15
00:00:45,817 --> 00:00:47,284
(whale singing)
16
00:00:47,318 --> 00:00:48,719
(eerie melody plays)
17
00:00:48,753 --> 00:00:50,254
(jaunty circus music playing)
18
00:00:50,288 --> 00:00:51,788
(hoarse barking)
19
00:00:51,823 --> 00:00:53,290
(electric guitar
plays surf riff)
20
00:00:53,324 --> 00:00:54,992
(footsteps thudding)
21
00:00:55,026 --> 00:00:58,061
(various melodies and
sounds shifting rapidly)
22
00:01:00,932 --> 00:01:03,233
(melodies and sounds
shifting faster)
23
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:09,640
(remote shattering)
24
00:01:09,641 --> 00:01:13,641
♪ The Simpsons 25x10 ♪
Married to the Blob
Original Air Date on January 12, 2014
25
00:01:13,642 --> 00:01:18,642
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
26
00:01:19,122 --> 00:01:20,622
NARRATOR:
High above Zenith City,
27
00:01:20,656 --> 00:01:23,191
Radioactive Man keeps
a lonely vigil!
28
00:01:23,226 --> 00:01:24,659
RADIOACTIVE MAN:
All seems quiet.
29
00:01:24,694 --> 00:01:26,361
Maybe I'll fly to China
and get some takeout.
30
00:01:26,396 --> 00:01:29,131
(gasps) A sky tweet from
Commissioner Sweeney!
31
00:01:29,165 --> 00:01:32,667
This looks like a job for:
@radioactivemanó01.
32
00:01:32,702 --> 00:01:34,970
(whooshing)
33
00:01:35,505 --> 00:01:36,838
Leaping Leptons!
34
00:01:36,873 --> 00:01:38,373
It's the Fossil Fuel Four!
35
00:01:38,408 --> 00:01:39,975
Old King Coal...
36
00:01:40,009 --> 00:01:41,777
Patroleus Rex...
37
00:01:41,811 --> 00:01:44,046
French Femme Fatale
Charcoal Briquette...
38
00:01:46,015 --> 00:01:48,016
...and the enemy of
drinking water everywhere,
39
00:01:48,051 --> 00:01:49,017
the Fracker.
40
00:01:49,052 --> 00:01:50,786
(grunting with effort)
41
00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:54,322
Stop attacking
the nuclear plant--
42
00:01:54,357 --> 00:01:56,458
this country's
safest energy source!
43
00:01:56,492 --> 00:01:58,693
Studies show,
I'm America's best hope
44
00:01:58,728 --> 00:02:00,395
for energy independence.
45
00:02:00,430 --> 00:02:01,496
(laughs)
46
00:02:01,531 --> 00:02:04,066
Those studies were
industry financed.
47
00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:05,734
You lie!
48
00:02:05,768 --> 00:02:06,868
Holy Hedrons!
49
00:02:06,903 --> 00:02:07,903
I need backup!
50
00:02:08,738 --> 00:02:09,905
Calling Citizen Solar,
51
00:02:09,939 --> 00:02:11,740
and his sidekick Wind Lad.
52
00:02:11,774 --> 00:02:13,275
(French accent): I believe
you will find them
53
00:02:13,309 --> 00:02:15,077
lacking in energy.
54
00:02:15,111 --> 00:02:17,145
It's too cloudy.
55
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:20,449
People don't like
the noise I make.
56
00:02:20,483 --> 00:02:21,783
Ehhh...
57
00:02:24,454 --> 00:02:25,587
Petroleus Rex,
58
00:02:25,621 --> 00:02:26,688
please remember when
you used to be
59
00:02:26,722 --> 00:02:28,824
Environmental Scientist
Rex Bernstein.
60
00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:32,160
I have become my destiny.
61
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:38,400
(grunts, groans)
62
00:02:41,003 --> 00:02:43,271
I'll crush you
like a gnat, King Coal.
63
00:02:45,041 --> 00:02:47,175
(shouting in pain)
64
00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:48,944
(grunting with effort)
65
00:02:48,978 --> 00:02:50,412
(shouting)
66
00:02:58,154 --> 00:02:59,788
Half life.
67
00:02:59,822 --> 00:03:01,656
Quar... ter life.
68
00:03:01,691 --> 00:03:03,492
Eighth life.
69
00:03:03,526 --> 00:03:05,260
Gone.
70
00:03:06,062 --> 00:03:07,996
Frack-cellent!
71
00:03:08,030 --> 00:03:09,564
(laughs sinisterly)
72
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,802
They killed off
Radioactive Man?
73
00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:15,604
I did not
see that coming.
74
00:03:15,638 --> 00:03:18,240
Die-carumba!
75
00:03:18,274 --> 00:03:20,408
They'll just reboot
Radioactive Man
76
00:03:20,443 --> 00:03:22,077
in an overpriced
new origin issue
77
00:03:22,111 --> 00:03:23,912
and get clueless
fanboys like you
78
00:03:23,946 --> 00:03:25,714
to line up at midnight
to buy them.
79
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:28,250
Clueless fanboys
in costume.
80
00:03:28,284 --> 00:03:30,185
(text alert chimes)
81
00:03:30,219 --> 00:03:31,686
MILHOUSE:
Wow!
82
00:03:31,721 --> 00:03:32,854
Midnight.
83
00:03:32,889 --> 00:03:35,490
I won't know which day
to write in my diary.
84
00:03:35,525 --> 00:03:36,725
Homer.
What?
85
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,226
Will you take me
to buy a comic book
86
00:03:38,261 --> 00:03:39,261
Tuesday at midnight?
87
00:03:39,295 --> 00:03:41,229
And miss the back half
of Jimmy Kimmel?
88
00:03:41,264 --> 00:03:43,165
That's when
he experiments, boy.
89
00:03:43,199 --> 00:03:45,367
You never watched
an episode of Jimmy Kimmel
90
00:03:45,401 --> 00:03:46,268
in your life.
91
00:03:46,302 --> 00:03:47,435
Yes, I have.
92
00:03:47,470 --> 00:03:49,137
After the Oscars,
when he forces you.
93
00:03:52,041 --> 00:03:53,675
(Ralph Wiggum singing
random melody)
94
00:03:55,244 --> 00:03:56,945
(door bell dings,
all cheering, clapping)
95
00:03:56,979 --> 00:03:58,413
Quiet. Quiet!
96
00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:01,249
And attention please,
valued customers.
97
00:04:01,284 --> 00:04:03,351
You will each be allowed
to enter the store,
98
00:04:03,386 --> 00:04:05,187
and buy one copy.
99
00:04:05,221 --> 00:04:07,355
Swallow your gum, now.
100
00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:08,356
(all gulp)
101
00:04:08,391 --> 00:04:10,058
MILTON: Oh. Oh.
Mr. Book Guy.
102
00:04:10,092 --> 00:04:11,393
Can I go first?
103
00:04:11,427 --> 00:04:14,396
I was once cast to play
Fallout Boy in a movie.
104
00:04:14,430 --> 00:04:16,097
Tell it to Harlan Ellison.
105
00:04:16,132 --> 00:04:18,366
I think, you
over-privileged kids
106
00:04:18,401 --> 00:04:19,901
with your
electronic tablets
107
00:04:19,936 --> 00:04:21,269
and your
talking phones,
108
00:04:21,304 --> 00:04:22,871
wouldn't know
a good piece of fiction
109
00:04:22,905 --> 00:04:25,140
if your iPod
read it to your ass.
110
00:04:25,174 --> 00:04:27,776
I wish someone would have
come from the future,
111
00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,744
and warned me
not to talk to you.
112
00:04:29,779 --> 00:04:31,079
That's my idea!
113
00:04:31,113 --> 00:04:32,647
You're stealing
my idea!
114
00:04:32,682 --> 00:04:33,848
Sorry.
115
00:04:44,093 --> 00:04:45,060
C-B-G.
116
00:04:45,094 --> 00:04:46,595
What's the happs,
my man?
117
00:04:46,629 --> 00:04:47,495
Well, well, well.
118
00:04:47,530 --> 00:04:48,730
If it isn't Milo,
119
00:04:48,764 --> 00:04:51,600
the owner of my main
competitor, Coolsville.
120
00:04:51,634 --> 00:04:53,835
Or should I say,
"Foolsville."
121
00:04:53,869 --> 00:04:56,738
That is some tasty
cashish, my friend.
122
00:04:56,772 --> 00:04:57,672
Indeed.
123
00:04:57,707 --> 00:04:59,674
And how did you
spend your evening?
124
00:04:59,709 --> 00:05:00,742
Um... Let's see.
125
00:05:00,776 --> 00:05:02,844
I wrote a Lost
fan fiction finale
126
00:05:02,878 --> 00:05:05,413
that also answers all the
questions from Twin Peaks.
127
00:05:05,448 --> 00:05:08,250
Reranked all the DoctorWhos by
puffiness of the hair.
128
00:05:08,284 --> 00:05:10,518
Oh, and I also got
married to my actual,
129
00:05:10,553 --> 00:05:11,586
non-imaginary,
130
00:05:11,621 --> 00:05:12,821
comic-tolerating
131
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,322
girlfriend,
Strawberry.
132
00:05:14,357 --> 00:05:16,224
Now when Milo
talks to himself,
133
00:05:16,259 --> 00:05:17,692
it won't seem crazy.
134
00:05:17,727 --> 00:05:20,328
So, Milo talks
to himself.
135
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,897
We will treasure
that information.
136
00:05:22,932 --> 00:05:26,067
Yes... we will.
137
00:05:26,102 --> 00:05:27,669
Now, if you'll
excuse me,
138
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,638
I'm gonna share this
primo origin ish
139
00:05:29,672 --> 00:05:31,006
with my bride.
140
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,674
Even the mintiest comic
is just acidifying pulp,
141
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:35,176
if you have no one to
read it with, right?
142
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:37,078
Nerds don't get girls.
143
00:05:37,113 --> 00:05:38,513
These days
they do, man.
144
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,715
Comic-Con is now
eight percent women.
145
00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:41,916
STRAWBERRY:
Burn!
146
00:05:41,951 --> 00:05:44,219
Wrong... Wrong!
147
00:05:44,253 --> 00:05:46,221
Wro-- Where is he?
148
00:05:46,255 --> 00:05:47,722
Come on, buddy,
I gotta get home
149
00:05:47,757 --> 00:05:49,658
and climb into bed
with my loving wife.
150
00:05:49,692 --> 00:05:50,659
Oh, right.
151
00:05:50,693 --> 00:05:52,527
You have
a loving wife.
152
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:54,729
Oh. Marge and I
get along perfect.
153
00:05:54,764 --> 00:05:58,066
We're like George Burns
and John Denver.
154
00:06:00,102 --> 00:06:01,736
Oh, man!
155
00:06:01,771 --> 00:06:04,773
Carrying these kids
is hard on my back.
156
00:06:04,807 --> 00:06:05,774
Oh...!
157
00:06:05,808 --> 00:06:07,542
Oh, yeah!
158
00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:08,543
And now to Moe's.
159
00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,878
Look at him. Look.
160
00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:11,446
He's got
family... friends.
161
00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:12,747
What do I have?
162
00:06:12,782 --> 00:06:15,884
Oof. Jimmy Olsen
vs. Matter Eater Lad.
163
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:18,620
Hm. This is better than
I remembered, actually.
164
00:06:18,654 --> 00:06:19,621
No...!
165
00:06:19,655 --> 00:06:20,622
No it isn't!
166
00:06:20,656 --> 00:06:21,489
It-It's horrible!
167
00:06:21,524 --> 00:06:22,891
(moans)
168
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:25,126
The only thing that could make
this moment more cliched,
169
00:06:25,161 --> 00:06:27,429
is if I started to sing
about my feelings.
170
00:06:27,463 --> 00:06:29,364
And... here I go.
171
00:06:29,398 --> 00:06:32,200
(slow, melancholy intro)
172
00:06:32,234 --> 00:06:35,370
♪ I've always been happy
173
00:06:35,404 --> 00:06:38,273
♪ To call myself single
174
00:06:38,307 --> 00:06:39,941
♪ No Mary Jane
175
00:06:39,975 --> 00:06:41,242
♪ Or Lois Lane
176
00:06:41,277 --> 00:06:44,245
♪ With whom I'd co-mingle
177
00:06:45,481 --> 00:06:48,283
♪ You could say that I was
178
00:06:48,317 --> 00:06:51,653
♪ An unstackable Pringle
179
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:57,592
♪ I've got originals signed
180
00:06:57,626 --> 00:07:00,762
♪ By Siegel and Shuster
181
00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:03,431
♪ But they don't satisfy
182
00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:06,735
♪ In the way
that they used-ter ♪
183
00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:11,573
♪ It really don't matter
if you've got a Cap Anson ♪
184
00:07:11,607 --> 00:07:14,576
♪ If you spend your nights
in your underwear prancin' ♪
185
00:07:14,610 --> 00:07:15,977
♪ With your cardboard stand
186
00:07:16,011 --> 00:07:18,046
♪ Of Scarlett Johansson!
187
00:07:20,449 --> 00:07:21,716
(yelling, grunting)
188
00:07:23,185 --> 00:07:26,254
♪ Guess I've always
been lonely ♪
189
00:07:26,288 --> 00:07:29,090
♪ But I've never revealed it
190
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:32,460
♪ Dropped my heart into Mylar
191
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,629
♪ And then... (sobs)
192
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:39,634
♪ Vacuum sealed... it.
193
00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,703
(quiet sigh)
194
00:07:43,506 --> 00:07:44,706
Stan Lee!
195
00:07:44,740 --> 00:07:46,541
Or, is it
my imagination?
196
00:07:46,575 --> 00:07:48,309
I'm your
imagination.
197
00:07:48,344 --> 00:07:50,378
The real Stan Lee's
over there.
198
00:07:50,413 --> 00:07:51,546
Excelsior!
199
00:07:53,082 --> 00:07:54,149
But listen,
200
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,984
as comic book
guys go,
201
00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:57,719
you're trim,
friendly, and,
202
00:07:57,753 --> 00:07:58,853
quite a catch.
203
00:07:58,888 --> 00:07:59,988
(laughs)
204
00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:03,525
But now... your
opportunity is knocking.
205
00:08:05,094 --> 00:08:05,894
Huh...?!
206
00:08:07,329 --> 00:08:09,397
Don't let it slip by.
207
00:08:09,432 --> 00:08:10,398
Can you help me?
208
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:11,866
I can only watch.
209
00:08:11,901 --> 00:08:13,802
I cannot interfere.
210
00:08:15,004 --> 00:08:17,238
New Radioactive Man
number one, please.
211
00:08:18,107 --> 00:08:20,375
Come on, nudnik.
Ask her out.
212
00:08:20,409 --> 00:08:21,376
You're interfering.
213
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:22,744
Hey, I'm 90
years old.
214
00:08:22,778 --> 00:08:24,946
I can do
what I want.
215
00:08:31,270 --> 00:08:33,071
Um... Er...
Stammer. Eh...
216
00:08:33,105 --> 00:08:34,105
C-Can I
sign you up
217
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:36,107
for our frequent
buyer's club?
218
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,308
The Just Us League?
219
00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:39,110
You would be
member number 003.
220
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,079
I-- I am
the first two.
221
00:08:41,113 --> 00:08:42,080
Sure.
222
00:08:42,114 --> 00:08:44,649
I am Kumiko Nakamura
from Osaka.
223
00:08:44,683 --> 00:08:47,085
I am visiting America's
saddest cities,
224
00:08:47,119 --> 00:08:49,854
as research for my
autobiographical manga.
225
00:08:51,023 --> 00:08:53,391
Volume Six, Springfield.
226
00:08:53,425 --> 00:08:55,126
Land of Angry Tears.
227
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,395
That's you.
228
00:08:57,429 --> 00:08:59,063
The man with
sparkling eyes,
229
00:08:59,098 --> 00:09:00,398
and zigzag beard.
230
00:09:00,432 --> 00:09:01,999
You have
seen me before?
231
00:09:02,034 --> 00:09:03,735
Yes.
Through window.
232
00:09:03,769 --> 00:09:05,103
But you
don't see me.
233
00:09:05,137 --> 00:09:07,004
You're either looking
down in disgust,
234
00:09:07,039 --> 00:09:08,439
or up in disdain.
235
00:09:08,474 --> 00:09:10,475
I think you
have great soul.
236
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:11,743
Would you permit me
to go in the back,
237
00:09:11,777 --> 00:09:12,777
and do a
brief inventory?
238
00:09:13,712 --> 00:09:15,379
(muffled):
She tolerates me!
239
00:09:17,049 --> 00:09:18,249
Ah... Is it too soon
240
00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:19,917
to give you flowers
in a Hulk hand?
241
00:09:19,952 --> 00:09:22,653
It is the
perfect time.
242
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:23,921
(doorbell rings)
243
00:09:23,956 --> 00:09:25,923
(humming happily)
244
00:09:25,958 --> 00:09:26,991
Hmm?
245
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:27,992
(yelling):
Bart!
246
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,660
Your comic
vendor's here.
247
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:32,029
Uh, actually, it is you
that I am here to see.
248
00:09:32,064 --> 00:09:34,198
I, um,
I need your help.
249
00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:35,700
I am getting
ready for a date.
250
00:09:35,734 --> 00:09:36,801
(stammers)
251
00:09:36,835 --> 00:09:38,002
The closest thing
I have to a father
252
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:40,037
is the Obi-Wan
doll in my store.
253
00:09:40,072 --> 00:09:42,340
And he comes from a race
of celibate knights.
254
00:09:42,374 --> 00:09:43,341
So...
255
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,342
I will help you.
256
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:45,877
As long as
our bellies
257
00:09:45,911 --> 00:09:47,145
never
touch again
258
00:09:47,179 --> 00:09:48,980
like they are
right now.
259
00:09:49,014 --> 00:09:49,981
BOTH:
Ew!
260
00:09:50,015 --> 00:09:51,115
MARGE:
Oh...!
261
00:09:51,150 --> 00:09:52,383
Why pick me?
262
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:55,019
Because you are the only
fat man in real life
263
00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,387
who ever got
a hot woman.
264
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:57,955
Hey.
Ooh... (laughs)
265
00:09:57,990 --> 00:09:59,624
Well, come in.
266
00:09:59,658 --> 00:10:01,492
I'll explain
how it all works.
267
00:10:01,527 --> 00:10:03,194
Okay. It helps if
she's got a mother
268
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,796
she's trying
to get back at.
269
00:10:04,830 --> 00:10:06,297
MARGE:
Aw...
270
00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:08,733
No woman will be able
to resist you,
271
00:10:08,767 --> 00:10:09,834
dressed like this.
272
00:10:09,868 --> 00:10:10,968
Now, remember,
273
00:10:11,003 --> 00:10:12,703
don't be the way
you normally are
274
00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:15,573
and sustain that
for the rest of your life.
275
00:10:15,607 --> 00:10:17,675
Kumiko, uh, meet my
dear friends
276
00:10:17,709 --> 00:10:19,043
uh, Homer and
Marge Simpson.
277
00:10:19,077 --> 00:10:21,045
I-In my country,
it is a tradition
278
00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,180
to bring a
much older couple
279
00:10:22,214 --> 00:10:23,181
on a first date.
280
00:10:23,215 --> 00:10:24,482
It is not
in any way, weird,
281
00:10:24,516 --> 00:10:25,917
or-or sad.
282
00:10:25,951 --> 00:10:26,984
Does anyone tell you
283
00:10:27,019 --> 00:10:28,186
that you look
like the man
284
00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:30,054
on a box of Mr. Sparkle?
285
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,256
Aka ni taishte burei da!
286
00:10:32,291 --> 00:10:35,159
Yogore o yaburu!
287
00:10:35,194 --> 00:10:37,228
In Japan,
drinking your detergent
288
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,197
is a popular
method of suicide.
289
00:10:39,231 --> 00:10:40,932
(gasps)
Honki da yo?!
290
00:10:45,204 --> 00:10:46,270
Kumiko, for you,
291
00:10:46,305 --> 00:10:48,906
we chose the coolest
restaurant in town.
292
00:10:48,941 --> 00:10:51,075
But the walls
are covered with garbage.
293
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:52,243
MARGE:
Oh...
294
00:10:53,579 --> 00:10:55,813
Not garbage,
Americana.
295
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,951
Here's some
more Americana,
296
00:10:59,985 --> 00:11:01,619
that bubbled up
in the swamp.
297
00:11:01,653 --> 00:11:04,021
Here you go:
Your All-American
298
00:11:04,056 --> 00:11:06,390
Fifty State Potato
Skin Sampler.
299
00:11:06,425 --> 00:11:09,126
Okay: Wisconsin, cheddar.
300
00:11:09,161 --> 00:11:10,561
Maryland, blue crab.
301
00:11:10,596 --> 00:11:11,863
They're neither
in alphabetical,
302
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:13,364
nor geographical order.
303
00:11:13,398 --> 00:11:15,299
What-What
madness is this?
304
00:11:15,334 --> 00:11:16,567
Please, sir.
305
00:11:16,602 --> 00:11:19,136
Ask your questions
after all 50 "tates."
306
00:11:22,908 --> 00:11:25,509
I cannot hide
the snide inside.
307
00:11:25,544 --> 00:11:27,411
Oh. I don't mind.
308
00:11:27,446 --> 00:11:28,946
If you think
it's stupid,
309
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:29,947
say it's stupid.
310
00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:31,148
Really?
311
00:11:31,183 --> 00:11:33,784
In Japan, no one ever
says what they think.
312
00:11:33,819 --> 00:11:35,920
We know our game
shows are degrading
313
00:11:35,954 --> 00:11:37,989
and our baseball
fences are too close.
314
00:11:38,023 --> 00:11:39,290
But no one
says anything.
315
00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,291
(gasps)
316
00:11:40,325 --> 00:11:41,659
Attention, restaurateurs!
317
00:11:41,693 --> 00:11:42,860
(diners murmuring)
318
00:11:42,895 --> 00:11:44,328
You should've spent
less on the kitsch,
319
00:11:44,363 --> 00:11:45,997
and more on
the kitch-en.
320
00:11:46,031 --> 00:11:48,966
With this bowl of
Chuck's Cherokee Salsa,
321
00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:53,104
I baptize you
mediocre, at best.
322
00:11:53,138 --> 00:11:55,273
(laughs)
American nerd snark
323
00:11:55,307 --> 00:11:57,174
is the finest
in the world.
324
00:11:57,209 --> 00:11:58,242
Let's go walking
325
00:11:58,277 --> 00:11:59,977
and mocking
in the rain.
326
00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,145
I'm in love!
327
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:02,419
And, yet, still
a little bitter.
328
00:12:03,382 --> 00:12:04,882
It's surprising.
329
00:12:06,952 --> 00:12:09,353
(Japanese pop song
"Ponponpon" playing)
330
00:12:16,828 --> 00:12:19,463
JIM-JAM BONKS: Father,
why-sa you-sa forsake-a me-sa?
331
00:12:23,335 --> 00:12:25,670
♪
332
00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:36,681
(applause)
333
00:12:40,485 --> 00:12:43,120
Marge, Homer, you have
nurtured our love
334
00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:45,523
like Steven Speilberg
nurtured the careers
335
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,058
of Zemeckis and Gale.
336
00:12:47,092 --> 00:12:48,059
(sympathetically):
Oh...
337
00:12:48,093 --> 00:12:49,527
So, we want
you to know,
338
00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,295
I have decided
to move in
339
00:12:51,330 --> 00:12:53,297
to the basement
under his store.
340
00:12:53,332 --> 00:12:54,966
At last, we'll be
in the same bed.
341
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,500
Just like
Batman and Robin.
342
00:12:56,535 --> 00:12:58,002
HOMER: Ohh....
MARGE: Hmm...
343
00:13:00,439 --> 00:13:02,206
Homer, I want you
to take Kumiko
344
00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,575
and Comic Book Guy
a housewarming present,
345
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:05,876
and maybe
check in on them?
346
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,645
We talked
about this, Marge.
347
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,780
The hammock
is a chore-free zone.
348
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,684
Apparently, including tying the knots
on the hammock.
349
00:13:15,954 --> 00:13:18,756
And getting the termites
out of the trees.
350
00:13:19,624 --> 00:13:20,891
(squeaking)
351
00:13:20,926 --> 00:13:22,226
Not a word.
352
00:13:25,097 --> 00:13:26,731
(Japanese accent):
Excuse me, sir.
353
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,733
I am looking
for my daughter.
354
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,568
I thought this
was her residence,
355
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:33,070
but all I see
is a store full of, uh,
356
00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:34,905
non-pornographic manga.
357
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,241
(gasps)
You're Kumiko's father?
358
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:39,243
Welcome, sensei.
359
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:40,911
I am not a
Kung fu instructor.
360
00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,246
I am a humble
salary man
361
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:43,447
who could
kick your ass.
362
00:13:43,482 --> 00:13:44,448
Say, has
anyone told you
363
00:13:44,483 --> 00:13:45,516
you look like--
364
00:13:45,550 --> 00:13:47,551
I know. Mr. Sparkle.
365
00:13:47,586 --> 00:13:49,086
I was going to say,
366
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:50,721
like you're going
to have a stroke.
367
00:13:50,756 --> 00:13:51,722
(laughs)
368
00:13:51,757 --> 00:13:52,790
I get that a lot too.
369
00:13:52,824 --> 00:13:55,426
Now, please,
where is my daughter?
370
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,962
Okay. She moved in
with her boyfriend.
371
00:13:57,996 --> 00:13:59,530
Well, he's not a boy.
372
00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:00,531
He's immature.
373
00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:01,599
But, fat and old.
374
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,535
So, an obese nerd
has stolen my daughter
375
00:14:04,569 --> 00:14:05,936
to live in his basement?
376
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,411
I didn't tell you
about the basement.
377
00:14:07,439 --> 00:14:08,906
It was an
obvious guess!
378
00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:10,207
(bell dings)
379
00:14:10,242 --> 00:14:11,242
(crying)
380
00:14:12,844 --> 00:14:13,811
Daughter!
381
00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:15,413
You are coming
back to Japan!
382
00:14:15,447 --> 00:14:17,415
There are 87
old people
383
00:14:17,449 --> 00:14:19,216
who need you to
take care of them.
384
00:14:19,251 --> 00:14:20,317
No. Please...
Please.
385
00:14:20,352 --> 00:14:21,719
I was becoming
cuddly.
386
00:14:21,753 --> 00:14:23,954
I deleted rants
from my blog.
387
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:25,589
You can
retrieve rants
388
00:14:25,624 --> 00:14:26,757
if you did not
empty your trash.
389
00:14:26,792 --> 00:14:27,792
Goodbye!
390
00:14:35,498 --> 00:14:37,632
Now I know
I've got a heart...
391
00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:39,100
because
it's breaking.
392
00:14:39,135 --> 00:14:40,769
Wizard of Oz
reference!
393
00:14:40,803 --> 00:14:42,403
Did I do that?
394
00:14:42,438 --> 00:14:43,605
Urkle reference!
395
00:14:43,639 --> 00:14:45,306
(panting)
Help me.
396
00:14:45,341 --> 00:14:46,474
Fire reference!
397
00:14:46,509 --> 00:14:48,076
(panting): I can't stop.
398
00:14:48,110 --> 00:14:49,077
I can't stop.
399
00:14:49,111 --> 00:14:51,079
Homer Simpson,
this was your doing.
400
00:14:51,113 --> 00:14:52,547
And I want you
to fix it.
401
00:14:52,581 --> 00:14:54,415
I have a bad
feeling about this!
402
00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:56,584
Every action movie
ever made reference!
403
00:14:56,619 --> 00:14:57,619
Now!
404
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:00,822
Yeah, Homer.
405
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:02,390
We have much
in common.
406
00:15:02,424 --> 00:15:04,292
We both love
our daughters,
407
00:15:04,326 --> 00:15:06,127
and discipline
our sons.
408
00:15:06,162 --> 00:15:08,663
No...
discipline would imply,
409
00:15:08,697 --> 00:15:10,465
I'm trying to
make him better.
410
00:15:10,499 --> 00:15:11,833
So... are you married?
411
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,301
(sighs)
412
00:15:13,335 --> 00:15:14,903
My dear Michiko
has passed away.
413
00:15:14,937 --> 00:15:17,138
But she's always with me.
414
00:15:17,173 --> 00:15:19,174
You promise
double suicide.
415
00:15:19,208 --> 00:15:20,842
You hear what
you want to hear.
416
00:15:21,811 --> 00:15:23,344
Always with me.
417
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:24,345
Another drink!
418
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:25,380
Something stronger!
419
00:15:27,183 --> 00:15:28,183
(creaks)
420
00:15:32,655 --> 00:15:35,323
BARTENDER (dramatically):
Snake rice wine.
421
00:15:35,357 --> 00:15:36,958
Now, that's disgusting.
422
00:15:36,992 --> 00:15:38,393
Wine made of rice?
423
00:15:42,331 --> 00:15:43,264
Try some.
424
00:15:43,299 --> 00:15:44,332
Hai.
425
00:15:47,837 --> 00:15:48,803
(hissing)
426
00:15:48,838 --> 00:15:49,838
(Homer slurring drunkenly)
427
00:15:49,872 --> 00:15:52,473
(Mr. Nakamura drunkenly laughs)
428
00:15:52,508 --> 00:15:54,008
(slurring):
Why didn't I stop
429
00:15:54,043 --> 00:15:55,710
with the snake wine?
430
00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:58,279
Why did I drink
the fish wine?
431
00:15:58,314 --> 00:15:59,981
That was
the aquarium.
432
00:16:00,015 --> 00:16:02,050
(quiet, gentle melody plays)
433
00:16:07,556 --> 00:16:08,690
(engine humming)
434
00:16:10,426 --> 00:16:11,359
(tires screeching)
435
00:16:22,171 --> 00:16:24,205
You didn't see nothin'. Scram.
436
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,441
♪
437
00:16:53,569 --> 00:16:55,570
(clanking)
438
00:17:01,410 --> 00:17:03,711
Uh! I am ruined
by whimsy.
439
00:17:06,448 --> 00:17:07,682
MILHOUSE'S VOICE:
The good thing is,
440
00:17:07,716 --> 00:17:10,385
soon I'll be a
beautiful swan.
441
00:17:12,087 --> 00:17:14,589
(cackling)
442
00:17:14,623 --> 00:17:15,623
Aw...
443
00:17:16,425 --> 00:17:17,392
(whimpers)
444
00:17:17,426 --> 00:17:18,693
What's going
on here?
445
00:17:18,727 --> 00:17:20,028
BART & LISA:
We'll explain it.
446
00:17:20,062 --> 00:17:22,196
The rice wine
has penetrated
447
00:17:22,231 --> 00:17:24,299
to the essence
of your souls.
448
00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:25,600
Yeah, listen to my tail.
449
00:17:25,634 --> 00:17:26,901
You're the tail!
450
00:17:26,936 --> 00:17:28,202
No... You're
the tail.
451
00:17:28,237 --> 00:17:29,604
(yelling): Dad!
Bart's feet are on
452
00:17:29,638 --> 00:17:31,139
my half
of the shell!
453
00:17:31,173 --> 00:17:32,707
(screaming):
Why, you slimey little--
454
00:17:32,741 --> 00:17:33,708
Ow!
455
00:17:33,742 --> 00:17:34,776
(both grunting)
456
00:17:34,810 --> 00:17:35,777
(grunting)
Ooh.
457
00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:36,978
Hey, that
actually feels good.
458
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,079
(grunting)
Oh, yeah. More.
459
00:17:38,113 --> 00:17:39,080
A little bit more.
460
00:17:39,114 --> 00:17:40,081
(shouting)
Right there. Oh, yeah.
461
00:17:40,115 --> 00:17:41,749
Oh, yeah.
That's the stuff.
462
00:17:41,784 --> 00:17:43,251
Enough nonsense!
463
00:17:43,285 --> 00:17:44,786
I came here
for my daughter!
464
00:17:46,455 --> 00:17:49,390
♪ I-I am a golden bird
465
00:17:49,425 --> 00:17:52,460
♪ And I love the comic nerd
466
00:17:52,494 --> 00:17:54,996
♪ Of this, I won't be cured
467
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:58,800
♪ Papa-san, Papa-san.
468
00:18:01,870 --> 00:18:03,771
The monster is me.
469
00:18:03,806 --> 00:18:06,007
Who... 'da thunk it?
470
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,208
(weeping)
471
00:18:07,242 --> 00:18:09,243
(thunder rumbling)
472
00:18:09,278 --> 00:18:11,579
(sighs)
473
00:18:11,613 --> 00:18:13,448
Homer, drinking
that snake wine,
474
00:18:13,482 --> 00:18:15,917
and going to White
Castle afterwards,
475
00:18:15,951 --> 00:18:17,952
really opened my eyes.
476
00:18:20,155 --> 00:18:21,155
Mr. Nakamura,
477
00:18:21,190 --> 00:18:23,157
I have used my
hitherto unmentioned
478
00:18:23,192 --> 00:18:24,792
chemical
engineering degree
479
00:18:24,827 --> 00:18:26,160
to get a real job
480
00:18:26,195 --> 00:18:28,296
at the Springfield
Phosphate Works.
481
00:18:28,330 --> 00:18:30,298
They're giant
polluters.
482
00:18:30,332 --> 00:18:32,667
But... the CEO
is a woman.
483
00:18:32,701 --> 00:18:34,002
It's very vexing.
484
00:18:34,036 --> 00:18:36,204
Now, have I
proven myself
485
00:18:36,238 --> 00:18:37,672
worthy of
your daughter?
486
00:18:37,706 --> 00:18:38,773
(firmly):
No.
487
00:18:38,807 --> 00:18:40,441
Please, take
your time.
488
00:18:40,476 --> 00:18:41,676
You were worthy!
489
00:18:41,710 --> 00:18:43,444
The way you were.
490
00:18:43,479 --> 00:18:44,879
I-- I was?
491
00:18:44,913 --> 00:18:45,947
But I rented
the store.
492
00:18:45,981 --> 00:18:47,682
I eBayed my stool.
493
00:18:47,716 --> 00:18:48,816
Cancel the sale.
494
00:18:48,851 --> 00:18:50,118
But then my
seller rating
495
00:18:50,152 --> 00:18:51,319
will go down...
496
00:18:51,353 --> 00:18:52,320
Stop being nerd!
497
00:18:52,354 --> 00:18:53,354
Yes, Papa-san.
498
00:18:58,027 --> 00:18:59,560
Geekly beloved,
499
00:18:59,595 --> 00:19:00,828
we are
gathered here
500
00:19:00,863 --> 00:19:02,296
in the
eyes of me,
501
00:19:02,331 --> 00:19:03,498
King of the Cameos,
502
00:19:03,532 --> 00:19:04,499
Stan Lee.
503
00:19:04,533 --> 00:19:06,000
To celebrate
the wedding of,
504
00:19:06,035 --> 00:19:07,335
Comic Book Guy,
505
00:19:07,369 --> 00:19:09,337
and Kumiko Nakamura.
506
00:19:09,371 --> 00:19:11,973
Does anyone wish
to offer any thoughts,
507
00:19:12,007 --> 00:19:14,075
on this
blessed occasion?
508
00:19:14,109 --> 00:19:15,076
Yes. (clears throat)
509
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,677
I-I-I would like
to say something.
510
00:19:16,712 --> 00:19:18,679
Um, since I met Kumiko,
511
00:19:18,714 --> 00:19:20,148
strangely,
comic books
512
00:19:20,182 --> 00:19:22,083
no longer seem
so important.
513
00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:24,185
I will also be selling
greeting cards.
514
00:19:24,219 --> 00:19:25,186
And, every day,
515
00:19:25,220 --> 00:19:26,421
I will give
one to Kumiko
516
00:19:26,455 --> 00:19:28,056
in commemoration
of today,
517
00:19:28,090 --> 00:19:29,557
with the
salutation,
518
00:19:29,591 --> 00:19:32,393
"Best... Day... Ever."
519
00:19:34,763 --> 00:19:36,030
Ghost Wife,
520
00:19:36,065 --> 00:19:37,398
are you happy?
521
00:19:37,433 --> 00:19:38,666
Kind of!
522
00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:40,768
(traditional
Japanese music playing)
523
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:58,640
MILHOUSE: How long am I
gonna stay this way?
524
00:19:58,675 --> 00:20:01,677
As long as we
keep drinkin' this.
525
00:20:01,711 --> 00:20:02,644
(clink)
526
00:20:03,513 --> 00:20:05,080
DOLPH: Give us
your eggs.
527
00:20:05,114 --> 00:20:06,315
I'm a boy.
528
00:20:06,349 --> 00:20:07,549
KEARNEY:
We said eggs.
529
00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:13,789
(all laughing)
530
00:20:14,991 --> 00:20:16,425
Yes!
531
00:20:16,459 --> 00:20:21,459
Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
532
00:21:02,686 --> 00:21:04,687
Shh!