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♪ Good morning, USA!
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♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
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♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
web dl sync snarry
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This is the story of,
the Smiths' trip to Familyland,
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the familiest place on Earth.
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Just like the sign says.
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Why did I have to read that?
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Can't the audience read it?
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Oh, they can't.
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Right.
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It's gonna be so great to finally
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spend some time as a family.
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It seems like we never
get to do that anymore.
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What are you talking about?
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You're forgetting
our five-week run
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as champions on Family Feud.
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Five weeks?
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That was all shot in one afternoon.
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Shh. That's a
TV secret.
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All I'm saying is that
last time we came here
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was one of the best days
this family's had together.
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Look how happy we were.
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Francine, they don't care.
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They're all on their mobile devices.
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They're in their own world.
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You're right. Stan,
can you please tell them
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to put down their iPads for a second?
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Francine, I'm trying to
concentrate on the road.
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And I'm on my last lap.
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Whatever.
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Mom's cinnamon cookies!
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Terrific. No one
cares about me,
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they just care about my cookies.
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I don't even care about your cookies.
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We're at the one place in all the world
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where you can get Trippin' Balls...
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tiny pellets of futuristic ice cream.
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Hey, guys, let's all sing
the Trippin' Balls song.
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♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls. ♪
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Paul Anka wrote that in a night.
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In a night.
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Smith.
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Sir, what are you doing here?
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Yeah, Avery, shouldn't you
be here with your family?
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I don't have a family.
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What about that Indian
baby you have sometimes?
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This isn't one of those times.
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But I am a family-phile.
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I have a fetish for family things.
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I know the word "fetish"
makes it sound sexual.
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Which is good, because it is.
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I see you're all together.
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Oh, look!
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It's Mikey Muskrat
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and the founder of the park, Roy Family.
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Wasn't Roy Family a total weirdo?
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Yep, I heard he was cryogenically frozen
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somewhere in the park
and that he used to have
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two tamed caterpillars as a mustache.
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Are you sure you're not
talking about Walt Disney?
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Who?
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Oh, my God,
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it smells so yummy around here.
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Yeah, they pump in pleasant
smells to make you happier
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and want to buy things.
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You're such a cynic.
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Okay, everybody, what should we do first?
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I know what I'm doing.
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Straight to Cartoon City.
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It's where Mikey Muskrat
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and all of his cartoon pals
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go about their daily lives.
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They live, they laugh,
they love, they learn.
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They're just like us, really.
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Except they don't bleed,
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and most of them wear bow ties
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and gloves but not pants.
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Forget Cartoon City.
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I'm gonna go to Wild Wild West World
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and ride Brokeback Splash Mountain.
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It's just one long, dark tunnel
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where anything can happen.
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I vote Outer Space Land.
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Can you picture what these idiots
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think space looks like?
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It's gonna be Ground Control
to Major Lame.
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Oh. I guess
that was kinda lame.
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Yeah? Well, I'm going
to Fairytale Land
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to teach little girls that princesses
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are an outdated stereotype perpetuated
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by a male-dominated
society.
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Well, good news.
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There's time for us
to do everything together.
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We can start in Cartoon City,
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and then head over
to Simpler Times Mountain
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for our picnic lunch at noon,
just like we did last time.
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Hey, where did everybody go?
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They ditched you,
Franny. But not me.
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I just rudely walked away
as you were talking.
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You did?
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When did you...
Oh, I get it.
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Hey, you're cutting!
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How about I show you
what real cutting is?
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I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
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Can you speak into my microphone?
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Whoa, things just got real.
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Oh, boy, looks like cartoon rush hour
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is just kicking in.
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I want to be a princess
like you when I grow up.
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Well, then you just find
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the best looking boy you can
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and do whatever he says.
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Don't listen to her.
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You don't need a boy
to define your identity.
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You're a strong, independent girl.
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Seriously, whatever he says.
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Even if it's something you think
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shouldn't be asked of a princess.
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Because he'll find a princess who will.
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Out of my way, people!
I'm here to laugh
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at how cheesy Outer Space Land is.
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Oh... my... God.
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They got it exactly right.
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Just like the flying cars
on tracks at home.
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Get outta town, you jezebel!
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It's 1:00.
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No one showed up for lunch.
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Some family vacation this is.
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Well, at least we're together.
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Yeah, and they just unload you on me.
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Real great park, Roy.
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Familyland, my ass.
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Whoa, you're the guy from the statue!
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This isn't Familyland.
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Gluttony.
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Selfishness.
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It's become something sick and perverted.
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Shut it down.
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Shut it all down.
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Hey, you're the boss.
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Attention Familyland patrons,
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Familyland is temporarily closed.
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Forever.
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What's happening?
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Relax, Francine.
It's just a show.
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This is not a show.
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Familyland is now a prison.
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You will die here.
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Oh, look at that.
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This is definitely a show.
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Honey, get up.
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The talking fist says it's a show.
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Honey?
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No!
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I-It's a show.
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And so, the Great Wall rose
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and Familyland was thrown into chaos.
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And the people lost
all semblance of civilization.
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Get 'im!
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Resources were scarce and tempers flared
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as the kingdom hovered
on the brink of war.
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Out of the chaos,
four kings rose to power.
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In the north, the Tween King
and his army of whiny turds.
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To the east, the Feminist Queen
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and her army
of splay-legged princesses.
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In the south,
a strange-headed man
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leads an army of futuristic astronauts
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that are also
somehow old-timey.
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And to the west, the Cowboy King,
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Black Stan and the Italian Stallions.
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Was there anything else?
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Let's see, Francine and Klaus
are tooling around the park,
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but you'll see them.
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Yep, I think that covers it.
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All right, talk to you next time
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there's something to explain.
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Four kings.
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Not so fast.
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All evens.
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Two, four, six,
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eight and ten.
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Bear, play my favorite song!
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♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls ♪
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♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ♪
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Damn it, Roger's been playing
that on a loop all day.
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Time to teach him a lesson.
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Let's ride.
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♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ♪
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Can I help you with something?
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You know why I'm here.
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You've been playing
that jingle day and night.
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I can't hear my piano bear.
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00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,926
Sure, Stan, I'll happily
shut the music off.
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If you give me half your
supply of Trippin' Balls.
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Yeah, right.
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I'll give you a little time
to reconsider my offer.
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But know that if you refuse,
the music will never stop.
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♪ Trip, trip, trippity,
dem ol' Trippin' Balls... ♪
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Have you had time to reconsider?
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Oops, we overshot.
Hold on.
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00:10:33,683 --> 00:10:35,217
L-Let me get this
to back up.
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00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:37,619
Excuse me, can you back me up a bit?
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00:10:37,654 --> 00:10:39,555
There's no reverse on this thing.
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00:10:39,589 --> 00:10:41,523
We're gonna have to do
another full rotation.
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00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,292
Sit tight, Standy.
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00:10:51,668 --> 00:10:53,869
Do you want to see me dance, sire?
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00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,003
No, not really.
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00:10:55,038 --> 00:10:56,104
Are you sure?
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00:10:56,139 --> 00:10:58,407
Because it looks something like this.
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00:10:58,441 --> 00:11:04,079
♪ Zoo zoo, zoo
zooby, zooby zoo. ♪
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00:11:04,113 --> 00:11:06,615
You disrupted the king's
pleasurable dance.
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00:11:06,649 --> 00:11:07,683
Guards, kill him!
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00:11:07,717 --> 00:11:08,817
It's fine.
218
00:11:08,851 --> 00:11:10,152
Let him speak.
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00:11:10,186 --> 00:11:11,753
Kill him later, got it.
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00:11:11,788 --> 00:11:15,090
My king, I've returned from
my raid on Fairytale Land.
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00:11:15,124 --> 00:11:16,892
I bring you churros.
222
00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,228
Churros to last a week.
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00:11:20,697 --> 00:11:21,930
These are days old!
224
00:11:21,965 --> 00:11:25,200
And you've brought no dipping sauce!
225
00:11:25,235 --> 00:11:26,835
Can we can kill him now?
226
00:11:26,869 --> 00:11:29,304
I don't want you to think
it's the only thing
227
00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:33,308
I'm focused on, but it's
all I can think about.
228
00:11:39,983 --> 00:11:42,417
Oh, I remember this ride.
229
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,386
It was one of the kids' favorites.
230
00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:46,221
It looks abandoned.
231
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:47,489
Maybe we can hide out here
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00:11:47,523 --> 00:11:49,324
until everyone comes to their senses.
233
00:11:49,359 --> 00:11:51,026
Great idea.
234
00:11:54,063 --> 00:11:56,365
I wonder why they closed this.
235
00:11:56,399 --> 00:11:58,600
I remember it being very popular.
236
00:11:58,635 --> 00:11:59,768
Well, no one's here.
237
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:01,837
Let's give it a whirl.
238
00:12:05,708 --> 00:12:07,709
Hello, I'm Pappy Van Pappy.
239
00:12:07,744 --> 00:12:09,511
I'd like to tell you a story
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00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:12,014
about a rabbit I owned that ran away.
241
00:12:12,048 --> 00:12:13,448
The rabbit's a metaphor.
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For a slave.
243
00:12:14,751 --> 00:12:16,652
Ain't that right, Floppy Rabbit?
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00:12:16,686 --> 00:12:19,521
This ride
may be a bit dated.
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Well, it certainly has my attention.
246
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And that's when I realized
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I like working on farms for free.
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00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:27,229
Bye, everybody!
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00:12:27,263 --> 00:12:29,097
Wow.
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00:12:29,132 --> 00:12:32,200
25 minutes of uninterrupted racism.
251
00:12:32,235 --> 00:12:35,003
Yeah, if you don't count
all of your horrified gasps
252
00:12:35,038 --> 00:12:37,005
as interruptions.
253
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,207
I wonder where that elevator goes.
254
00:12:39,242 --> 00:12:41,910
Well, there's only one way to find out.
255
00:12:44,614 --> 00:12:46,581
Hello, Francine.
256
00:12:46,616 --> 00:12:48,750
Roy Family?
257
00:12:48,785 --> 00:12:49,751
But-but you...
258
00:12:49,786 --> 00:12:51,086
Was frozen?
259
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:52,754
You're right, I were.
260
00:12:52,789 --> 00:12:54,856
But now I wasn't.
261
00:12:54,891 --> 00:12:57,426
Attention denizens of Familyland.
262
00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:02,464
Now, times are trying and rations run low,
263
00:13:02,498 --> 00:13:05,267
and I'm sure all of you'd
really like to go home.
264
00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:09,738
Which is why Uncle Roy's decided
to let the last army standing
265
00:13:09,772 --> 00:13:11,940
walk out the front door.
266
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:18,213
I'm gonna kill the
last army standing, too.
267
00:13:18,247 --> 00:13:20,615
I just wanted to say I am a big fan
268
00:13:20,650 --> 00:13:22,617
of Simpler Times Mountain.
269
00:13:28,065 --> 00:13:29,666
I don't understand.
270
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:31,167
You trapped us in the park
271
00:13:31,202 --> 00:13:33,803
so you could watch us all kill each other?
272
00:13:33,838 --> 00:13:36,357
And-and why were you
frozen for 30 years?
273
00:13:36,477 --> 00:13:37,744
Answer that last one first.
274
00:13:37,778 --> 00:13:38,978
Try not to tell me what to do.
275
00:13:39,096 --> 00:13:41,396
I built Familyland to be an Eden,
276
00:13:41,599 --> 00:13:43,933
and I wanted to see it come to fruition.
277
00:13:43,968 --> 00:13:46,903
So I froze my body, but not my mind,
278
00:13:46,937 --> 00:13:48,571
right in the center of the park.
279
00:13:48,606 --> 00:13:51,241
That way, I could watch it all happen.
280
00:13:51,275 --> 00:13:53,710
You were conscious that whole time?
281
00:13:53,744 --> 00:13:55,178
Oh, yeah, it was awful.
282
00:13:55,212 --> 00:13:57,714
And I had to watch what
happened to my creation.
283
00:13:57,748 --> 00:13:59,782
My park.
284
00:13:59,817 --> 00:14:03,753
Tainted by people who don't
appreciate the value of family.
285
00:14:03,787 --> 00:14:06,356
So, since they destroyed my dreams,
286
00:14:06,390 --> 00:14:09,259
they can destroy each other.
287
00:14:09,293 --> 00:14:12,862
But... but
I appreciate family.
288
00:14:12,897 --> 00:14:14,464
That has to count for something.
289
00:14:14,498 --> 00:14:15,865
It does, Francine.
290
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:17,500
You and I are of a kind.
291
00:14:17,535 --> 00:14:20,403
Which is why we're going to
watch the blood blath together.
292
00:14:20,437 --> 00:14:22,305
Did you just say "blath"?
293
00:14:22,339 --> 00:14:24,541
My tongue's been frozen for 30 years.
294
00:14:24,575 --> 00:14:27,577
But don't worry, it'll thaw out.
295
00:14:32,116 --> 00:14:35,652
Today, we go from tweens...
296
00:14:35,686 --> 00:14:37,320
to teens!
297
00:14:38,489 --> 00:14:41,324
Today, we fight for respect!
298
00:14:43,060 --> 00:14:45,728
If we fight hard enough,
will we get husbands?
299
00:14:45,763 --> 00:14:47,564
No!
300
00:14:47,598 --> 00:14:50,867
Okay, I'll explain
this one more time.
301
00:14:50,901 --> 00:14:52,435
Are there going to be casualties?
302
00:14:52,469 --> 00:14:53,436
Maybe.
303
00:14:53,470 --> 00:14:55,004
But we're mostly grown men,
304
00:14:55,039 --> 00:14:57,440
and one of the armies
is entirely made up of children.
305
00:14:57,474 --> 00:14:59,809
I don't want to jinx it,
but I like our chances
306
00:14:59,843 --> 00:15:01,744
of going completely
casualty-free.
307
00:15:01,779 --> 00:15:05,248
Okay, I just realized
your laser guns aren't real.
308
00:15:05,282 --> 00:15:06,583
So I have a new strategy,
309
00:15:06,617 --> 00:15:08,952
and you're just gonna
have to trust me on this.
310
00:15:08,986 --> 00:15:10,119
Die for me.
311
00:15:10,154 --> 00:15:12,055
Die... for me.
312
00:15:12,089 --> 00:15:13,222
Okay?
313
00:15:13,257 --> 00:15:15,558
Any questions?
314
00:15:15,593 --> 00:15:17,293
No questions, good.
315
00:15:21,532 --> 00:15:22,665
Nice, isn't it?
316
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,133
This is where we'll live, Francine,
317
00:15:24,168 --> 00:15:26,069
and you'll have all the love and respect
318
00:15:26,103 --> 00:15:27,604
a woman like you deserves.
319
00:15:27,638 --> 00:15:30,607
What makes you think I'd ever marry you?
320
00:15:30,641 --> 00:15:31,841
Marry?
321
00:15:31,875 --> 00:15:33,276
Listen to her.
322
00:15:33,310 --> 00:15:34,844
Captive for a half an hour
323
00:15:34,878 --> 00:15:37,146
and already trying to flip it on me.
324
00:15:37,181 --> 00:15:39,649
Sorry, this guy can't be caught,
325
00:15:39,683 --> 00:15:42,285
but I encourage you to try.
326
00:15:43,554 --> 00:15:45,421
So why don't you get going on some dinner.
327
00:15:45,456 --> 00:15:47,957
But you just said you couldn't be caught.
328
00:15:47,992 --> 00:15:50,126
And then I encouraged you to try.
329
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:51,594
I'll be in the control room
330
00:15:51,629 --> 00:15:53,763
watching your family kill each other.
331
00:15:54,798 --> 00:15:56,633
Klaus, we have to do something.
332
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,368
They're all gonna kill each other.
333
00:15:58,402 --> 00:16:00,570
Wait, what are all these fans?
334
00:16:01,939 --> 00:16:03,139
Look.
335
00:16:04,508 --> 00:16:05,842
Hayley was right.
336
00:16:05,876 --> 00:16:08,277
This is how they send smells
out into the park
337
00:16:08,312 --> 00:16:09,846
to get you to buy things.
338
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:11,547
That's it.
339
00:16:11,582 --> 00:16:14,050
Hey, Roy, do you have cinnamon?
340
00:16:14,084 --> 00:16:15,852
I want to make some cookies.
341
00:16:15,886 --> 00:16:18,888
Oh, my God,
would you leave me alone?!
342
00:16:58,095 --> 00:17:01,431
That's right, kill each other.
343
00:18:02,459 --> 00:18:05,061
What's that smell?
344
00:18:05,095 --> 00:18:07,096
Cinnamon.
345
00:18:07,131 --> 00:18:09,532
Are... a-are those
Mom's cookies?
346
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:11,801
I don't know,
but i-it smells like...
347
00:18:11,835 --> 00:18:13,703
Home. Home.
Michael Chiklis.
348
00:18:13,737 --> 00:18:15,071
It's coming from up there.
349
00:18:17,141 --> 00:18:19,575
They stopped fighting.
What did you do?
350
00:18:19,610 --> 00:18:22,378
I baked my ass off.
351
00:18:26,784 --> 00:18:27,984
Francine!
352
00:18:28,018 --> 00:18:29,085
We smelled your cookies!
353
00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:31,020
You made us remember, Mom.
354
00:18:31,054 --> 00:18:33,022
I'm so glad you guys are here!
355
00:18:33,056 --> 00:18:35,558
That man, Roy Family,
356
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:37,627
h-he took me hostage,
357
00:18:37,661 --> 00:18:40,530
he-he made me
iron his pants.
358
00:18:40,564 --> 00:18:42,165
I don't care who you are.
359
00:18:42,199 --> 00:18:45,034
Francine only irons one person's pants,
360
00:18:45,068 --> 00:18:47,403
and that's all of ours.
361
00:18:51,542 --> 00:18:52,975
Well done.
362
00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:54,076
What?
363
00:18:54,111 --> 00:18:56,345
You're why I built Familyland.
364
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:58,114
I wanted a place where families
365
00:18:58,148 --> 00:19:00,316
would find their way back together.
366
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:02,318
You were broken, but, Francine,
367
00:19:02,352 --> 00:19:06,022
you showed me that the
Smith family is worthy.
368
00:19:06,056 --> 00:19:07,023
Wait, Smith.
369
00:19:07,057 --> 00:19:08,558
That's not Jewish, is it?
370
00:19:09,693 --> 00:19:12,895
Then yes, you are indeed a worthy family.
371
00:19:12,930 --> 00:19:15,064
And, um, here.
372
00:19:15,098 --> 00:19:17,733
Here is your reward.
373
00:19:17,768 --> 00:19:19,402
Ooh, lifetime passes.
374
00:19:19,436 --> 00:19:20,703
It was worth it!
375
00:19:20,737 --> 00:19:22,672
It was all worth it!
376
00:19:23,707 --> 00:19:25,308
What will you do now?
377
00:19:25,342 --> 00:19:26,375
Leave your family.
378
00:19:26,410 --> 00:19:27,643
Come live with me forever.
379
00:19:27,678 --> 00:19:28,878
We'll get an apartment.
380
00:19:28,912 --> 00:19:30,513
What? No.
381
00:19:30,547 --> 00:19:32,515
Then I shall return to my slumber,
382
00:19:32,549 --> 00:19:36,519
until I'm awakened again
by another family's strife.
383
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:46,162
Oh, wait, I got to go to the bathr...
384
00:19:47,898 --> 00:19:50,499
There are a lot of blackout
dates on these lifetime passes.
385
00:19:50,534 --> 00:19:54,437
So, are we just gonna ignore
all the truly horrible things
386
00:19:54,471 --> 00:19:56,239
that took place in the last week?
387
00:19:56,273 --> 00:19:58,441
Gosh, Francine, I think we are.
388
00:19:58,475 --> 00:20:01,410
And that was the last
time Familyland was visited
389
00:20:01,445 --> 00:20:03,045
by the Smith family.
390
00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:05,248
Or any family, for that matter,
391
00:20:05,282 --> 00:20:08,951
as it was closed immediately
under a mountain of lawsuits.
392
00:20:08,986 --> 00:20:12,555
In its place stands a memorial
wall for the fallen.
393
00:20:12,589 --> 00:20:16,726
As for me, I was never heard from again.
394
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:20,563
But some say they still
see me in the park.
395
00:20:21,626 --> 00:20:24,200
♪ Zoo zoo, zoo zooby,
zooby zoo. ♪
396
00:20:24,234 --> 00:20:29,076
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
web dl sync snarry