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(SERENE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
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Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)
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(WOMAN SCREAMING)
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(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
(CAR ALARM BLARING)
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(CARS HONKING)
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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(CAR ALARM BLARING)
(CARS HONKING)
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(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
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Mom. Mom.
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(GRUNTS)
Was that a flashbang?
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Sterling?
Mom? Ow!
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Do something!
(GUNS FIRING)
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What, I brought roses!
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Jesus, Mother, it's just
your birthday, not the...
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About that!
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Oh! Duh.
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LANA: Archer!
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Lana!
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(MOCKINGLY) "Lana." Ugh!
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No! her birthday.
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No, move!
Get away from us!
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Yeah, they're
shooting at you!
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Who?
The storm-ninjas!
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What?
That's not a thing, idiot.
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Oh. I stand corrected,
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LANA: Son of a...
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Bitches, I am pregnant!
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Yes, who could forget, with the
bastard spawn of a total stranger.
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Okay, first of all...
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Cover your eyes and ears!
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You're not the boss of me!
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(LOUD EXPLOSION)
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(EARS RINGING)
Meep. Meep,
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(LAUGHS)
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What's that, Beaker?
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Oh, my God,
is Beaker not the best?
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(MOCKING) Meep, meep. mew!
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And wait, what's his, uh...
The name of... Brett!
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No, no, no!
Leave me alone!
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Shut up. Who's Beaker's boss?
What?
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Beaker's boss,
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God damn it, I can't hear...
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Brett?
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Well, he died doing
what he loved.
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Getting shot.
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Archer! Who the hell...
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Shut up.
It's on the tip of my tongue!
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What is?
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Beaker's boss!
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What?
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She meant who the hell are these
guys, you big, dumb idiot asshole!
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Said the guy
in a wheelchair!
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What the... - ARCHER: I just
frickin' got here, Ray!
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How the hell should l...
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No.
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No, no, no, no, no, no.
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What, what are you... Oh.
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Oh, boy.
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FBI! Nobody move! FBI!
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(GROANS)
Second worst birthday ever.
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00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:17,762
What? How is this better
than your second fake 50th?
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Oh, come on, guys,
we talked about this!
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You're supposed to yell "FBI"
at the beginning.
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After the flash bangs
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but before Other Fat
Mike gets shot. Ow!
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And what happened with getting "FBI"
on the fronts of the uniforms? Huh?
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Gun
Huh?
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Uh, what happened with "since when the
hell does the frickin' FBI get off..."
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Sterling Archer?
Yes! What?
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I'm Special
Agent-In-Charge Holly,
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and you are
extremely under arrest,
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(LAUGHS) For what?
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In addition to the attempted
murder of a federal agent?
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Yes?
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Well, there's gonna be just
a whole bunch of charges,
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but mostly treason,
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Treason? What? Archer,
what'd you do?
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Oh, no, not just him.
You too, Miss Kane.
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LANA: What?
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Yeah. Everybody.
Especially you, Ms, Archer.
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Is this about
the fake hydrogen bomb?
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Lana!
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No, but let's put
a pin in that.
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This is about conducting
espionage operations for years
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with no authority
or permission whatsoever
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from the United States
government!
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(GASPING)
Wait, what? Mother!
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Like, 50 times I asked
you about that!
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And like, 50 times,
I lied. Sue me.
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I want my phone call.
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(RADIO CRACKLES)
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FBI AGENT OVER RADIO:
Sir? It's like you said.
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He's dug in there
like a tick and...
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KRIEGER: Never!
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You'll never
take me alive!
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(SIGHS)
Okay, breach it.
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Roger that.
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KRIEGER: On second thought, I'd
very much prefer to be taken alive!
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Just let me clear the old
browser history and...
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No, no, no, no, no.
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Come on!
Ooh!
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G-man-san!
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I'm serious. You are not
putting those on me.
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Mr. Archer, please turn around and
place your hands behind your back.
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(LAUGHS) Or what? What are
you gonna do, taser...
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(WHIMPERING)
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(GASPING)
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Do me! Do me! Do me!
Do me! Do me!
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I'm not tasering you,
so just...
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Do me!
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(CHERYL SCREAMING)
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(CHERYL SIGHS)
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Thank you,
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Ew! Our tax dollars
hard at work.
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(CHUCKLING) Well,
not mine, obviously, but...
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What's that?
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Damn it.
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ARCHER: Whatever, Cyril.
I don't care who you are.
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When you get zapped with 50,000
volts, it's like, like...
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Sploosh!
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And then it's like,
wave after wave
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crashing over you,
into you, and...
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Will you shut up?
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You shut up.
Let her talk!
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You shut up!
Make me!
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(ALL YELLING)
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(MALORY WHISTLING)
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Jesus!
(WHISTLES)
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All of you!
Shut your various holes
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and listen to me
very carefully.
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Why, so you can tell us
more lies?
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(ALL AGREEING)
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So I can save you
from life in prison!
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Sorry, Ramona,
I know to you it's just
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one big,
sexy briar-patch, but...
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You know...
Zip it!
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That goes for all of you! And when
we get in there, you keep it zipped!
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Because there's a chance
I can make this all go away,
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but only if you people don't
try to save your own necks
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by ratting out
everyone else!
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(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
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Damn it, trust me!
And say nothing!
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You heard me, J. Edna...
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Not one word.
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Well, except for
those three.
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And then those five,
And...
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Archer!
And that one.
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I really shouldn't
say anything.
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00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,327
I mean, unless you
can guarantee me...
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Total immunity.
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00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,079
And I mean
from everything.
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Including anything
you find on my computer,
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Or in my crawlspace.
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Oh. And throw
a bone into me.
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Excuse me?
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I said Ms. Archer
had an affair
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with the head of the KGB
for, like, 30 years.
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(LAUGHING)
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Yeah, until he
got blown up,
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Which was actually
my fault.
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Because she was busy having
choke-sex with a murderous cyborg,
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who then became
the new head of the KGB,
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Until I built a sexier one
out of illegal Soviet parts
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and a corpse.
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00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,783
There was no shortage
of dead bodies around ISIS!
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00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:06,702
One of which belonged to the
prime minister of goddamn Italy.
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00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,371
Oh, Jesus,
I forgot about the...
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00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,574
Giant pol farm
in West Virginia.
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00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,035
And this whole other thing
with the Yakuza,
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00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,836
Irish mob,
Piracy.
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White slavery,
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No, actual piracy,
with like, boats.
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I want to say
Burt Reynolds-.
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00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,548
Poaching alligators.
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00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:23,628
Smuggling Mexicans.
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Defiling a corpse.
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Defiling a different corpse.
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Kidnapping the Pope,
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(LAUGHING)
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Faking my own kidnapping!
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Arson.
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Bumfights! You know,
like when you pay bums to...
183
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,024
Destroy an
oil pipeline in...
184
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,522
I want lo say
Bun Reynolds!
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...Turkmenistan.
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Odessa.
You know, the ratlines?
187
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,859
Where you make it look like
a murder-suicide, but...
188
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ls it murder if they
were my own clones?
189
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I'm seriously asking.
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Oh. Because speaking
of sexual assault...
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Which time?
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Because for one of 'em, I've
got a pretty good excuse,
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Can I stop you? Please?
194
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,257
(LAUGHING)
That's what he said,
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00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,210
(CLEARS THROAT)
Inappropriate.
196
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:06,388
Geez, when you just list
everything ISIS has done,
197
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,090
it sounds kind of bad,
198
00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:09,390
And so if I were you...
199
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,013
You'd get laid
a lot more?
200
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,892
I'd start talking!
Everybody else is!
201
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,895
They're in there right now, saying
he's the brains behind ISIS.
202
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:19,817
Ha!
Exactly, I...
203
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:20,940
Hey, screw you!
204
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,020
Screw you,
205
00:09:22,103 --> 00:09:23,776
Mr, My Mother's
a Lying Bitch,
206
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:26,074
and I'm Too Stupid to Realize
My Life's a Pathetic Joke!
207
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,275
Oh, nice lo meet you,
208
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,235
Mrs. Hello My Kid's
From a Sperm Bank
209
00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,571
Since I Can't Keep a Man
210
00:09:30,653 --> 00:09:32,826
Because In Addition
to My Jillion Neuroses,
211
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:34,249
I Have
a Weird-Looking Vagina!
212
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,450
(GASPING)
213
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,077
(BOTH GRUNTING)
214
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,291
Okay, knock it off! Hey!
215
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,209
I can'! believe
they fell for that.
216
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,215
(CLEARS THROAT) Miss what?
217
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,714
Sorry. It's not that weird. Look...
Lana! (GUN CLICKS)
218
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:49,798
(GUNSHOT)
219
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,183
Thought you were
gonna shoot me.
220
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,885
Day's not over,
221
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:57,518
And seriously, Lana,
sorry for what I said.
222
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,975
Then that's where
you say... Ow!
223
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:02,026
Goodbye, Archer.
224
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,194
Where do you
think you're going?
225
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,271
Not to jail with
you and your mother!
226
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,487
Well, you know,
we can ask the judge...
227
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,533
You know prisons
aren't co-ed, right?
228
00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:11,490
Oh. Okay,
we gotta get out of here,
229
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,448
We? There is no
we anymore, Archer!
230
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,579
Well, there's this we.
231
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,459
Uh...
Oh, shit.
232
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,503
Yeah, you're gonna
be a great mother.
233
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:22,125
I could start
smoking crack today,
234
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:23,707
and he'd still turn
out better than you!
235
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,634
And why is that? Because I
never had a father, Lana.
236
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:29,258
So why don't you shut up
and then also marry me?
237
00:10:29,337 --> 00:10:31,055
What?
238
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,132
I'm serious!
239
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:34,309
We can go underground,
get new identities,
240
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,478
and spend the rest of our
lives together, Lana.
241
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:39,523
We'll be a family!
You, me, the baby,
242
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,895
and your
not-that-weird-looking vagina!
243
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:45,479
Okay, don't take
this the wrong way,
244
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,860
but I would
rather lose the baby,
245
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,065
Uh... Uh...
246
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,827
Okay, that wasn't...
I didn't...
247
00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:53,949
Excuse me.
248
00:10:56,948 --> 00:10:58,040
(SIGHING)
249
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:02,788
(CHUCKLING)
250
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,840
Jesus Christ,
come on, you idiot,
251
00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:06,962
(GRUNTS ANGRILY)
252
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,678
"I have read this statement, each
page of which bears my initials,
253
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,346
"and I do hereby certify..."
254
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:16,802
"...that the facts herein are true
and correct, signed Pamela Poovey."
255
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:17,886
"Cyril Figgis.“
256
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,188
"Raymond Q' Gillette."
257
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:21,515
"Algernop Krieger."
258
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:24,272
“Cheryl and/or Carol Tunt."
259
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,103
Now, I would like
a ride home, please,
260
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,860
Preferably in
an Apache helicopter,
261
00:11:28,938 --> 00:11:32,238
And I believe there was some mention
of throwing a bone into me?
262
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,202
What are you
talking about?
263
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:37,156
A penis in my vagina.
264
00:11:37,238 --> 00:11:39,036
Or wherever,
but come on, chop-chop,
265
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,833
I gotta go start
enjoying my immunity.
266
00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:41,997
(LAUGHING)
267
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,329
Yeah, you said immunity,
I didn't'
268
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,584
Dukes!
God!
269
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:46,664
Damn it!
270
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,750
So is that a "no"
on the Apache, or...
271
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:49,834
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
272
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:53,384
Oh, my God, okay,
so this ditz... Oh.
273
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,887
Now who's the ditz, huh?
274
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,638
Would you just
come on?
275
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,310
I'm seriously asking!
276
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,932
Aw! But look at him...
277
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:03,982
All lied up like a sexy
little Christmas ham!
278
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,559
And can I just go
on record as saying
279
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:08,566
I think this
an extremely bad idea?
280
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:11,194
You know what's
a bad idea? Prison.
281
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,821
Because spoiler alert,
they're unisex!
282
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,652
Hello, best part.
283
00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:19,868
HOLLY: Yeah,
284
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,874
(IN FAKE ACCENT) Oh, Clyde?
Clyde, is that you?
285
00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:28,583
It's me, dear, Mrs. J.
Edgar Hoover's mother!
286
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:31,713
HOLLY: Um...
287
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,466
It's open, ma'am.
288
00:12:34,295 --> 00:12:36,514
Nobody move or...
289
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,806
What the hell
are you doing?
290
00:12:37,882 --> 00:12:39,304
Getting us out of here!
291
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,853
I've already done that!
Let him go!
292
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:45,899
And you'll just have to put that
on my, whatever, crime tab.
293
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,066
No, no, no, no, no,
294
00:12:47,141 --> 00:12:49,940
taking a federal agent hostage
is a separate charge.
295
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:53,364
Oh. Well, then perhaps we should
get him back on the phone.
296
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:57,444
(STUTTERS) I don't... There's
no need to bother the...
297
00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:00,622
Look, if you'll just sign this form...
Doo-doo-doo,
298
00:13:00,697 --> 00:13:05,248
"...in lieu of criminal prosecutions
for doo-doo-doo treason,
299
00:13:05,368 --> 00:13:07,962
“I hereby forfeit ISIS
headquarters, (ALL GROANING)
300
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:10,460
"and also agree to
permanently cease and desist
301
00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:12,542
"any and all
ISIS operations..."
302
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:13,626
(ALL GASPING)
303
00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:15,337
Or face a mandatory
sentence of
304
00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,764
life in federal prison
without parole!
305
00:13:17,839 --> 00:13:19,091
(ALL CLAMORING)
306
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,016
"Signed, Malory Archer."
307
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:22,969
Oh, my God!
308
00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:24,804
No! Uh-uh! Nope!
309
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,480
Because correct me
if I'm wrong,
310
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:29,776
but that entire document
is completely unenforceable!
311
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,353
I correct you.
You are wrong,
312
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,814
For God's sake, Sterling,
it's the government.
313
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,898
Even if it weren't legal,
they'd enforce it.
314
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:38,280
Hey, save it for four-ninths
of the Supreme Court.
315
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:39,531
Oh, shut up.
316
00:13:39,610 --> 00:13:41,157
And unless
there's anything else?
317
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:43,956
Uh, just this, releasing
the Bureau from any claims
318
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:47,832
relating to the death of
your employee, Brett Bunsen?
319
00:13:47,910 --> 00:13:49,833
Oh, my God!
What?
320
00:13:49,912 --> 00:13:51,334
Beakers boss!
321
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,587
Bunsen frickin' Honeydew!
322
00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:54,834
Whoo!
323
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,298
Oh!
324
00:13:56,377 --> 00:13:58,880
Oh, that was
figuratively killing me.
325
00:14:04,427 --> 00:14:06,805
ARCHER: I can't believe
they're taking our building.
326
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:09,311
Screw the building.
What about our jobs?
327
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,358
Oh. And our
health insurance,
328
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,186
Which I'm pretty sure
I'm gonna need.
329
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,270
I'll be your doctor.
330
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,824
Well, if I want Hitler's DNA spliced
into him, I'll give you a call.
331
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:18,900
Yeah, I'm around.
332
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,362
Well, as for me, I think I'll
start shopping my memoirs,
333
00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:25,324
How does the title Secrets
and Silk grab you?
334
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,374
Tightly,
by my childhood's throat,
335
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:28,872
Oh, you're just jealous.
336
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,079
Yeah, jealous of
my fallback career,
337
00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:33,711
(LAUGHS) As what,
an actual acorn?
338
00:14:33,790 --> 00:14:36,509
As America's number
one country singer!
339
00:14:37,752 --> 00:14:40,050
And kudos,
but for the rest of us,
340
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,881
trapped in the realm
of possibility...
341
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:44,217
I'm gonna be
bigger than Mac Davis,
342
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,519
and Mac Davis can
totally suck it!
343
00:14:46,594 --> 00:14:48,267
And you can all suck it,
344
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:51,065
because I am gonna play
professional lacrosse.
345
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:53,142
Okay, even if that
were a real thing...
346
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,273
ls it not?
347
00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:56,195
...you are way too old.
348
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,568
I am not... Oh, my God,
I am way too old.
349
00:14:58,648 --> 00:14:59,740
Welp, (KNUCKLES CRACKING)
350
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:02,444
hope I'm not too old to get
back into underground fighting.
351
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,621
Darn, all those jobs
are awesome.
352
00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:06,117
And by awesome,
you mean delusional,
353
00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:07,744
Because it's gonna
be hard to go back
354
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:10,043
to an accounting firm
after this job.
355
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,416
Especially after Mother gives
you a shitty reference,
356
00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,496
Mother, do that.
357
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,581
I meant it'll be boring.
358
00:15:15,665 --> 00:15:17,713
Although,
I guess I could always
359
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:19,760
go back lo being
a defense attorney.
360
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,342
(INDISTINCT TALKING) When
were you ever a lawyer?
361
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,891
Lana, we had long talks
about this.
362
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,936
How I wen! to night school
to pass the CPA exam
363
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:31,640
because I was so burned out defending
scumbags as a public defender?
364
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,360
Numerous long talks!
365
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:37,820
With me?
Oh, for...
366
00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:40,398
Well, don't come crying to me
when that fatherless kid of yours
367
00:15:40,481 --> 00:15:44,031
buys a gun and steals a car, and he
tries to run, but he don't get far!
368
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,612
(SINGING) In the ghetto...
369
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,117
Where Mac Davis sucks it!
370
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:49,164
You done?
371
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,412
Are you done?
372
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,118
Again, seriously asking,
373
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:55,671
Yes. So I guess we should talk
about the elephant in the room,
374
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:56,793
Namely...
375
00:15:57,498 --> 00:16:00,672
What are we gonna do with
literally, not figuratively,
376
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,378
a ton of cocaine.
377
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,507
Well...
378
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,593
Oh, come on!
379
00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:10,223
What, Lana,
we must be talking...
380
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,102
Wholesale? Uh...
Fifty, sixty million?
381
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:15,900
(LAUGHS) Wholesale.
So what, we form a cartel?
382
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,235
Well, how hard could it be?
I mean...
383
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,312
Don't!
384
00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:21,318
If Mexicans can do it...
385
00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,365
Fifty million dollars, Lana.
386
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:28,993
We sell this, and we're out.
I promise.
387
00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:32,951
MALORY: Dr. Krieger has devised a way
to transport the cocaine undetected.
388
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:35,162
You're probably gonna want to
try to minimize the sweating.
389
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,245
(WHIMPERING)
390
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:39,044
We are gonna go ahead and take
the cocaine and the money.
391
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:40,841
What do you
mean "counterfeit"?
392
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:41,964
ARCHER: The Yakuza?
393
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,044
Amphetamines!
394
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,635
ARCHER: Well, Pam screwed the Yakuza out
of a million bucks of amphetamines.
395
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,341
So now they're gonna cut
her head off, (SOBBING)
396
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:49,471
CHERYL:
Baby, please don'! go
397
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,597
Get down!
398
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,349
Baby, please don't go
399
00:16:52,428 --> 00:16:53,429
Ron!
400
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:56,016
Yeah, this is actually a
little harder than I thought.
401
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,396
Because I don't fly.
402
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,939
ARCHER". So we've only get
24 hours to drive to Texas?
403
00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:07,027
Did you tell anybody we were
hauling a shitload of coke?
404
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,328
Well, your mind done gone
Left the county farm
405
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,700
Take me with you!
406
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:11,781
Outlaw country! Whoo!
407
00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:15,868
Honey, you're number 14,
nationwide!
408
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:19,297
How about a big ol' country
welcome for Charlene!
409
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,754
(SINGING) Before I be your dog
Get you way down here
410
00:17:22,833 --> 00:17:25,131
Make you walk alone
Baby, please don't go
411
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,093
Incredible!
I must meet this woman!
412
00:17:28,172 --> 00:17:30,550
What do you think is gonna happen
when three gringos waltz in
413
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:32,135
and start asking
around for the woman
414
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,346
who runs
the entire Cali Camel?
415
00:17:34,512 --> 00:17:35,559
Whoo-hoo!
416
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:42,733
Are you sure you cannot make
love to me just once more?
417
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,280
Not without
a blood transfusion.
418
00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,356
Very well!
419
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:46,649
(SCREAMS)
420
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:47,858
Baby, please don't go
421
00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:48,943
Ow!
422
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,825
Baby, please don't go
Down to New Orleans
423
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:53,702
You know I love you so
Baby, please don't go
424
00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,034
You're doing the exact thing
you promised me you wouldn't!
425
00:17:56,117 --> 00:17:57,414
I was kidding!
426
00:17:57,493 --> 00:17:59,370
Before I be your dog
427
00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:01,081
Before I be your dog
428
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,585
Welcome to San Marcos,
429
00:18:02,665 --> 00:18:04,667
Before I be your dog
Get you way down here
430
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:05,842
I'll make you walk alone
Baby, please don't go
431
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:06,919
So, couple of things...
432
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,346
God damn it.
Did you fart in that?
433
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,137
CHERYL: You know how I
feel right now?
434
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,186
My baby is leavin' on
that midnight train,
435
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:16,937
and I'm cryin'.
436
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:18,731
suppressing fire!
437
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,313
God damn it, Cyril!
438
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,027
You're running out
of options, Archer!
439
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,858
I want Archer dead!
440
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:31,323
Baby, please don't go
Down to New Orleans
441
00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:33,655
You know I love you so
Baby, please don't go
442
00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:37,368
I think you just stumbled
backwards into a CIA arms deal.
443
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:38,667
(SCREAMING)
444
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,370
They kidnapped Cherlene!
445
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:41,871
Archer!
446
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,298
We just started a frickin' coup!
(LAUGHING)
447
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,000
Before I be your dog
Get you way down here
448
00:18:46,083 --> 00:18:48,632
Make you walk alone
Baby, please don't go, yeah!
449
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,509
Archer! My water just broke!
450
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,635
All right now!
451
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:55,059
And, for what it's worth, I'm
pretty sure I just invaded Laos.
452
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,469
(SPEAKING VIETNAMESE)
453
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,179
And, Chi, I swear to God,
454
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,515
mention the compass again
and just see what happens.
455
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:01,599
(GROWLS)
456
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:04,810
Archer Vice!
457
00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,441
What?
Nothing.
458
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:08,610
Shut up.
459
00:19:13,188 --> 00:19:23,610
Ripped By mstoll
Happy New Year 2015 - New Year, New Color ;-)