1 00:00:00,704 --> 00:00:02,423 Previously on In Treatment... 2 00:00:03,239 --> 00:00:06,114 You've been fighting me for two months, 3 00:00:06,727 --> 00:00:08,712 saying Laura, Laura, Laura. 4 00:00:08,972 --> 00:00:11,909 And you've been waiting for this imaginary Gina of yours 5 00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:13,383 to give you her blessing. 6 00:00:15,475 --> 00:00:17,804 I'm not what's stopping you. 7 00:00:18,064 --> 00:00:19,890 You're fighting yourself. 8 00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:23,366 Maybe you can only be the Paul you want to be 9 00:00:23,536 --> 00:00:24,394 with her. 10 00:00:24,847 --> 00:00:26,516 So, go to her... 11 00:00:27,849 --> 00:00:28,885 find out. 12 00:00:47,952 --> 00:00:50,161 Hey, it's Laura. I'm not in right now... 13 00:01:04,168 --> 00:01:06,407 Hey, it's Laura. I'm not in right now, 14 00:01:06,577 --> 00:01:09,272 but if you leave your name and number, I'll call you back. 15 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,548 Laura, it's... 16 00:01:12,065 --> 00:01:13,873 It's Paul. Are you there? 17 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,236 I guess you're not. 18 00:01:20,923 --> 00:01:22,535 I'd really like to talk to you. 19 00:01:24,143 --> 00:01:26,152 I know that you're upset, and... 20 00:01:27,438 --> 00:01:29,042 I understand that I've hurt you. 21 00:01:29,916 --> 00:01:33,754 And believe me when I say that was the last thingI wanted to do. 22 00:01:34,369 --> 00:01:36,180 And I suppose I should hear what 23 00:01:36,942 --> 00:01:38,855 you're saying to me with your silence... 24 00:01:43,927 --> 00:01:45,101 You're there. 25 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,080 Yes, I'm here. 26 00:01:48,171 --> 00:01:49,100 Are you okay? 27 00:01:51,093 --> 00:01:52,580 Yes, I'm okay. 28 00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:56,303 - I've been leaving messages and... - Yeah, I know you have. 29 00:01:59,626 --> 00:02:01,561 I'd really like to see you. 30 00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:05,662 I think we should talk. 31 00:02:12,416 --> 00:02:13,829 Where do you wanna meet? 32 00:02:13,999 --> 00:02:16,640 Come to my house. You have the address? 33 00:02:18,023 --> 00:02:19,133 Yes, I do. 34 00:02:55,255 --> 00:02:57,713 What are you doing? You're watching me sleep. 35 00:03:02,923 --> 00:03:04,219 Are you going out? 36 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,243 I'm gonna see Laura. 37 00:04:32,819 --> 00:04:35,894 It's weird to beopening a door for you. I'm used to the other way around. 38 00:04:39,591 --> 00:04:41,776 - You sound sick. - It's just a cold. 39 00:04:42,036 --> 00:04:43,815 I'm over the worst of it. 40 00:04:44,956 --> 00:04:47,692 - Probably look like shit. - You look great. 41 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,282 You're such a liar. Come in. 42 00:05:02,589 --> 00:05:04,217 Can I take your coat? 43 00:05:07,831 --> 00:05:09,375 You cut your hair? 44 00:05:11,249 --> 00:05:12,973 I guess I remember it longer. 45 00:05:16,654 --> 00:05:19,835 - It's quite a place you have here. - Andrew did the decorating. 46 00:05:20,005 --> 00:05:22,280 It was a mess when we met and then it became this. 47 00:05:22,450 --> 00:05:24,838 - Because of your influence. - Oh yeah, right. 48 00:05:25,008 --> 00:05:27,260 He was always cleaning up after me. 49 00:05:31,705 --> 00:05:33,164 Well, it's 50 00:05:33,703 --> 00:05:36,288 - quite a place. - Don't look in any of the closets. 51 00:05:39,832 --> 00:05:42,548 Those are the chairs that Andrew reupholstered, remember? 52 00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:44,747 I think I told you about those. 53 00:05:49,062 --> 00:05:52,417 - Weird being in a patient's house? - You're not a patient. 54 00:05:56,497 --> 00:05:58,368 Is this how you imagined it? 55 00:05:59,848 --> 00:06:01,980 I don't know whatI imagined, really. 56 00:06:02,491 --> 00:06:04,120 Smaller, perhaps. 57 00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:06,718 More bright colors. 58 00:06:09,463 --> 00:06:11,366 Did you see this exhibition? 59 00:06:12,045 --> 00:06:15,713 No, I tried but the lines were insane, so I just bought the poster. 60 00:06:16,349 --> 00:06:19,290 - Did you see it? - Yeah. It was amazing. 61 00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:20,846 It was a bit of a zoo. 62 00:06:21,016 --> 00:06:23,765 Not the optimal way to look at art. 63 00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:26,171 Anyway, we... 64 00:06:26,450 --> 00:06:28,487 We tackled our way through it. 65 00:06:34,364 --> 00:06:36,421 Do you want something to drink? 66 00:06:36,856 --> 00:06:38,209 Water would be great. 67 00:06:42,716 --> 00:06:44,414 Do you need me to give you a hand? 68 00:06:45,249 --> 00:06:47,819 For a glass of water? I think I can manage. 69 00:07:18,124 --> 00:07:21,184 Are you sure just water? A friend of mine came by and stocked my fridge. 70 00:07:22,055 --> 00:07:25,280 I got juice, mineral water, some amazing chicken soup. 71 00:07:27,001 --> 00:07:28,817 No thanks. It's okay. 72 00:07:29,078 --> 00:07:30,445 Rack of lamb, maybe? 73 00:07:36,017 --> 00:07:38,617 So, have you seen Andrew? 74 00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:42,981 Are you on speaking terms? 75 00:07:43,151 --> 00:07:45,792 Yeah. Actually he's the one who came by with the soup. 76 00:07:46,845 --> 00:07:48,903 You know how things are, one thing led to another 77 00:07:49,073 --> 00:07:51,134 and the next thing you know we were... 78 00:07:55,172 --> 00:07:56,404 My friend Jeremy 79 00:07:56,690 --> 00:07:58,835 came over and brought the food. 80 00:07:59,005 --> 00:08:00,717 Orthopedic surgeon. 81 00:08:01,862 --> 00:08:02,810 He's gay. 82 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:11,243 No, he seems fine. 83 00:08:11,819 --> 00:08:12,847 Resigned... 84 00:08:13,506 --> 00:08:14,965 Or is it relieved? 85 00:08:16,799 --> 00:08:18,286 I was kidding before 86 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,827 - about Andrew. I'm sorry. - I know that. 87 00:08:21,382 --> 00:08:22,913 Have you been upset with me? 88 00:08:23,707 --> 00:08:24,827 Not upset... 89 00:08:27,218 --> 00:08:28,336 Frustrated. 90 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,515 I just don't know what I am to you. 91 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:39,931 I'm not your lover. 92 00:08:41,636 --> 00:08:43,308 I'm not your girlfriend. 93 00:08:44,448 --> 00:08:45,977 I'm not your patient. 94 00:08:46,239 --> 00:08:48,917 The truth is that I don't really know who we are to each other. 95 00:08:53,347 --> 00:08:54,573 Let's decide, 96 00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:57,898 once and for all. 97 00:09:02,317 --> 00:09:03,899 I know what I want. 98 00:09:06,386 --> 00:09:07,951 Is this a test, Paul? 99 00:09:08,851 --> 00:09:09,967 Like the last one? 100 00:09:10,137 --> 00:09:13,631 Because I don't think I can survive two of those in one lifetime. 101 00:09:15,083 --> 00:09:16,500 I love you, Laura. 102 00:09:20,396 --> 00:09:23,166 You were right about wanting to talk in person. 103 00:09:25,851 --> 00:09:29,003 It's not something you leave on an answering machine. 104 00:09:29,824 --> 00:09:33,234 Of course, I've done that. I actually broke into a guy's apartment 105 00:09:33,494 --> 00:09:36,203 - and tried to erase it... - I'm not going to take it back. 106 00:09:36,373 --> 00:09:38,564 You can't really know that, can you? 107 00:09:38,734 --> 00:09:40,373 You don't believe me. 108 00:09:41,550 --> 00:09:42,784 I'm sorry. 109 00:09:43,045 --> 00:09:44,662 Is it because I haven't left home? 110 00:09:46,550 --> 00:09:47,847 Home. Well... 111 00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:51,984 That's not really something you should do on my account. 112 00:09:57,603 --> 00:09:59,759 I understand that you 113 00:09:59,929 --> 00:10:01,897 would be viewing this with... 114 00:10:02,250 --> 00:10:04,348 - With caution. - Don't explain to me what I'm doing. 115 00:10:13,403 --> 00:10:14,735 So what changed? 116 00:10:19,484 --> 00:10:21,619 I guess I just realized what... 117 00:10:25,769 --> 00:10:27,038 What I was gonna lose. 118 00:10:30,247 --> 00:10:32,001 I haven't seen you for two weeks... 119 00:10:32,171 --> 00:10:35,037 I haven't spoken to you or seen you, heard from you. 120 00:10:35,207 --> 00:10:36,739 - No, that'll pass. - No, it won't. 121 00:10:36,909 --> 00:10:40,048 With time... yes it will. You'll get over me, Paul. Trust me. 122 00:10:40,218 --> 00:10:41,551 You don't understand, Laura. 123 00:10:43,292 --> 00:10:45,281 I don't want to get over you. 124 00:10:57,246 --> 00:10:59,714 I know that you took my indecision... 125 00:11:00,956 --> 00:11:03,097 I'm done with therapy. I'm done. 126 00:11:04,149 --> 00:11:05,914 Don't tell me where my head is at, 127 00:11:06,084 --> 00:11:09,247 or claim that everything you're saying to me is for my protection. 128 00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:15,461 And what happened about that anyway? You were so worried that I was 129 00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:19,178 repeating old patterns with you, that I was... 130 00:11:19,348 --> 00:11:21,280 using sex to bail out of my relationships. 131 00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:23,719 - You're not worried about that anymore? - No. 132 00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:28,418 You haven't been calling me back. 133 00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:32,747 You're setting limits for the first time. You're taking a stand. 134 00:11:33,550 --> 00:11:35,063 You're thinking things through. 135 00:11:35,417 --> 00:11:37,649 This is all you. 136 00:11:38,017 --> 00:11:41,147 So by walking away from you is proof that I'm ready to be with you? 137 00:11:41,317 --> 00:11:43,906 How should I prove that I'm over you, give you the key to my house? 138 00:11:51,636 --> 00:11:52,668 Are you? 139 00:11:54,450 --> 00:11:55,584 Are you over me? 140 00:12:01,584 --> 00:12:02,925 No, I'm not. 141 00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:12,250 But I don't wanna be happy in the moment anymore, I want it to last. 142 00:12:15,577 --> 00:12:17,647 I don't wanna be the fantasy that... 143 00:12:17,817 --> 00:12:19,993 The cure to a marriage that ran out of steam, 144 00:12:20,163 --> 00:12:22,290 or a job that became routine. It's... 145 00:12:22,615 --> 00:12:25,114 - It's just too much pressure. - Maybe you're afraid that... 146 00:12:28,431 --> 00:12:32,322 I know this is what you thrive on, all this back-and-forth stuff, but... 147 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,086 Let's not talk. 148 00:12:38,661 --> 00:12:40,966 What happens if you just don't talk? 149 00:12:58,450 --> 00:13:00,679 You don't really want this, Paul. 150 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:05,399 Do you? 151 00:13:09,017 --> 00:13:09,866 I do. 152 00:14:57,838 --> 00:14:59,514 - What's the matter?- Sorry for... 153 00:14:59,684 --> 00:15:03,014 - I'm sorry for barging in like this... - No no. Come in. 154 00:15:03,184 --> 00:15:05,315 - Are you sure? - Oh, sure. Come in. 155 00:15:06,505 --> 00:15:07,732 What happened? 156 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,681 I saw Laura today. 157 00:15:20,626 --> 00:15:22,714 I've been trying to reach her since Alex's funeral. 158 00:15:22,884 --> 00:15:26,771 She hasn't been returning my calls. Do you mind if I sit down? 159 00:15:28,015 --> 00:15:29,981 You saw each otherat Alex's funeral? 160 00:15:30,268 --> 00:15:32,814 Yeah. So I've been calling her 161 00:15:32,984 --> 00:15:35,094 and finally she picked up 162 00:15:35,356 --> 00:15:37,247 and she said... 163 00:15:39,728 --> 00:15:41,977 "Why don't you don't you come over?" 164 00:15:42,813 --> 00:15:44,604 So I went over there to tell her that 165 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,480 I was through 166 00:15:48,660 --> 00:15:51,247 with driving us both crazy, 167 00:15:54,464 --> 00:15:56,581 and that I loved her and that... 168 00:15:57,973 --> 00:16:00,058 I was ready to be... 169 00:16:01,623 --> 00:16:02,902 To be with her. 170 00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:07,293 Your worst fear realized, Gina. 171 00:16:07,555 --> 00:16:09,713 This isn't about me, Paul. 172 00:16:11,118 --> 00:16:12,499 What happened? 173 00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:18,180 She didn't believe me. 174 00:16:21,133 --> 00:16:23,226 Anyway, we... We ended up... 175 00:16:25,911 --> 00:16:27,391 in the bedroom. 176 00:16:28,218 --> 00:16:32,194 Wait, she said she didn't believe you and you ended up in the bedroom? 177 00:16:36,710 --> 00:16:38,147 Anyway, I... 178 00:16:38,317 --> 00:16:39,480 I didn't do anything. 179 00:16:43,091 --> 00:16:44,375 I couldn't. 180 00:16:45,510 --> 00:16:46,714 You couldn't? 181 00:16:47,639 --> 00:16:49,335 You mean, you couldn't respond? 182 00:16:49,596 --> 00:16:52,214 I had a fucking a fucking anxiety attack. 183 00:16:53,730 --> 00:16:57,636 Like a teenage kid... A fucking anxiety attack. 184 00:16:58,172 --> 00:16:59,399 Unbelievable. 185 00:16:59,914 --> 00:17:01,181 What was that like? 186 00:17:01,351 --> 00:17:02,600 Like I was 187 00:17:02,860 --> 00:17:05,491 suffocating, heart pounding, drenched in sweat. 188 00:17:05,661 --> 00:17:09,297 It was that classic textbook panic attack. 189 00:17:11,369 --> 00:17:14,918 Did you talk to her about it? What was happening to you? 190 00:17:15,088 --> 00:17:17,115 It was sex, Gina. It wasn't... 191 00:17:17,285 --> 00:17:19,617 It wasn't like it was a session. I got out of there 192 00:17:20,351 --> 00:17:22,265 as fast as I could. 193 00:17:23,798 --> 00:17:26,480 But it was too late. By the time it took... 194 00:17:26,753 --> 00:17:29,491 for me to make up my mind about both of us, 195 00:17:30,638 --> 00:17:32,046 she'd changed hers. 196 00:17:32,446 --> 00:17:35,514 She changed her mind but you're the one that ran out. 197 00:17:35,810 --> 00:17:39,386 No, she said she didn't want it anymore. 198 00:17:39,742 --> 00:17:41,259 I'm confused about... 199 00:17:42,158 --> 00:17:45,080 Just take a breath and start at the beginning. 200 00:17:45,250 --> 00:17:46,684 Yeah. You know what? 201 00:17:46,945 --> 00:17:48,724 It doesn't matter anyway. 202 00:17:49,070 --> 00:17:50,781 It's not like we're gonna be together. 203 00:17:50,951 --> 00:17:52,399 I couldn't... 204 00:17:55,515 --> 00:17:57,957 I couldn't even bring myself to... 205 00:17:59,375 --> 00:18:00,652 to touch her. 206 00:18:02,086 --> 00:18:04,881 She was this close to me. I could feel the heat from her body. 207 00:18:05,319 --> 00:18:07,781 You know how many times I thought about that, Gina? 208 00:18:08,052 --> 00:18:09,791 How many times I've imagined that? 209 00:18:10,434 --> 00:18:13,128 Next thing I know I'm doubled over the hood of my car 210 00:18:13,389 --> 00:18:16,414 gasping for air. What the fuck is wrong with me, Gina? 211 00:18:16,952 --> 00:18:18,749 Nothing's wrong with you. 212 00:18:20,210 --> 00:18:21,847 You see this as a betrayal 213 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,881 as though you sabotaged yourself. I don't see it that way. 214 00:18:25,193 --> 00:18:27,147 Of course not. For you, it's good news. 215 00:18:27,317 --> 00:18:29,245 You've been telling me for the last 2 months 216 00:18:29,415 --> 00:18:31,247 what a horrible mistake I'm making... 217 00:18:31,417 --> 00:18:33,614 Ruining my life. 218 00:18:33,784 --> 00:18:36,262 You should be ready to open a bottle of champagne. 219 00:18:36,432 --> 00:18:39,976 The last time we met I said this had to be your decision. 220 00:18:40,393 --> 00:18:42,847 When it came down to it in the end, 221 00:18:43,127 --> 00:18:45,414 it didn't have anything to do with moral questions, 222 00:18:46,923 --> 00:18:49,414 or integrity, or my marriage, or you. 223 00:18:49,908 --> 00:18:52,668 - What was it then? - I had this feeling that... 224 00:18:54,684 --> 00:18:56,817 I was going to be swallowed... 225 00:18:58,552 --> 00:19:00,339 Swallowed up by all of it. 226 00:19:01,617 --> 00:19:03,680 And that I was gonna lose... 227 00:19:06,218 --> 00:19:07,307 Control. 228 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,517 Anyways, I ran out the door. I thought of you... All the times that 229 00:19:15,687 --> 00:19:19,175 I said that you were a coward. Well, who's the coward now? 230 00:19:25,504 --> 00:19:28,514 You know, Paul, that anxiety attack was yours. 231 00:19:29,014 --> 00:19:31,276 It wasn't external. It was you. 232 00:19:35,018 --> 00:19:38,718 What restrained you was the very best of you... 233 00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:41,355 Your deepest standards, 234 00:19:41,525 --> 00:19:43,926 personal and professional and moral. 235 00:19:45,954 --> 00:19:48,314 Moral decisions don't come from the unconscious. 236 00:19:48,484 --> 00:19:50,881 I'm not gonna let myself off the hook that easily. 237 00:19:52,110 --> 00:19:54,700 You steered yourself away from doing something 238 00:19:54,870 --> 00:19:57,581 that you knew you would regret. 239 00:19:57,751 --> 00:20:00,914 You saved yourself from being hurt 240 00:20:01,084 --> 00:20:03,405 and from hurting a woman that you cared about. 241 00:20:06,836 --> 00:20:10,347 What, do you think that moral decisions 242 00:20:10,517 --> 00:20:13,829 are always made in the absence of temptation, 243 00:20:13,999 --> 00:20:17,252 that they're made easily, that they're made gracefully? 244 00:20:17,513 --> 00:20:19,614 Give yourself some credit. 245 00:20:20,461 --> 00:20:22,757 If you were able to make this decision easily, 246 00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:24,695 it would have been a sign 247 00:20:24,865 --> 00:20:27,123 that you didn't want her that badly. 248 00:20:28,007 --> 00:20:29,207 But you did. 249 00:20:29,514 --> 00:20:32,581 You wanted her so very badly... 250 00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:36,480 So badly that you had an anxiety attack 251 00:20:36,650 --> 00:20:38,984 in order to stop yourself. 252 00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:41,981 So in the end you won. 253 00:20:42,151 --> 00:20:44,151 You prevailed. 254 00:20:48,051 --> 00:20:50,614 Well, thank you for trying to console me, Gina. 255 00:20:50,784 --> 00:20:52,834 I'm not consoling you. 256 00:20:53,758 --> 00:20:55,447 I just want you to take the credit 257 00:20:55,617 --> 00:20:57,547 and the responsibility 258 00:20:57,717 --> 00:20:59,503 for what you did. 259 00:21:06,896 --> 00:21:08,547 You know what she said? 260 00:21:09,318 --> 00:21:13,114 She said that she's come to understand that what she's been doing, 261 00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:16,303 using sexual relationships 262 00:21:16,631 --> 00:21:18,856 to free herself from emotional... 263 00:21:20,093 --> 00:21:22,526 entanglements, that she doesn't want to do that anymore. 264 00:21:27,791 --> 00:21:29,081 It's ironic. 265 00:21:31,018 --> 00:21:33,280 Her therapy with you has been a success. 266 00:21:36,056 --> 00:21:39,247 She said hat what I was doing 267 00:21:39,417 --> 00:21:42,814 was that I was using her to bail myself out of my own life... 268 00:21:42,984 --> 00:21:44,847 That actually I was having 269 00:21:45,017 --> 00:21:47,645 a midlife crisis. 270 00:21:49,536 --> 00:21:51,662 Hilarious description. 271 00:21:51,832 --> 00:21:53,515 That's your theory, isn't it? 272 00:21:53,776 --> 00:21:55,747 No, but that doesn't matter now. 273 00:21:56,028 --> 00:21:57,581 It doesn't matter. 274 00:21:58,115 --> 00:22:01,600 You know, what matters, is that you did the right thing for you 275 00:22:02,517 --> 00:22:03,859 and for your patient. 276 00:22:06,987 --> 00:22:08,679 She could be the last... 277 00:22:09,297 --> 00:22:10,544 love of my life. 278 00:22:12,851 --> 00:22:14,276 And I let her go. 279 00:22:22,685 --> 00:22:24,715 What's left for me now, Gina? 280 00:22:31,511 --> 00:22:33,551 We'll have to talk about that.