1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,664
Hello, I am Leslie Knope,
and I am here to interview
2
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:06,171
for the Deputy
Parks Director job.
3
00:00:06,239 --> 00:00:09,299
Leslie, this is ridiculous.
It's your job. Take it.
4
00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:11,173
Well, I should have to interview
just like everyone else.
5
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:12,268
Hmm.
6
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:13,573
Now, if you'll see on my resume,
7
00:00:13,646 --> 00:00:17,104
I held the position of Deputy
Director of Parks and Recreation
8
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:18,309
for almost ten years.
9
00:00:18,385 --> 00:00:19,716
I know. I was your boss.
10
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,180
I also walked you down
the aisle at your wedding.
11
00:00:22,288 --> 00:00:23,687
Take the job and leave me alone.
12
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,088
Come on, Ron.
Just interview me!
13
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,385
No special treatment.
14
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:27,551
Okay. Fine.
15
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,194
What do you believe should be the
ultimate goal of this department?
16
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:34,333
The ancient Greek version of
the park was the agora,
17
00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:37,626
a gathering place where people
from all walks of life...
18
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,103
What are you writing?
Is it good?
19
00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:41,933
What do you think is the best
use of our yearly budget?
20
00:00:42,075 --> 00:00:45,067
It's right there in the name,
maintaining our beautiful parks,
21
00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:48,273
and providing healthy,
outdoor recreation.
22
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,008
I'm sorry, Miss Knope,
the correct answer is,
23
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,914
"Give it all back
to the taxpayers."
24
00:00:52,285 --> 00:00:55,777
It seems you and I have fundamentally
different philosophies.
25
00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,322
Frankly, it's a miracle
we ever worked
26
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,789
together without
killing each other.
27
00:00:58,858 --> 00:00:59,882
Good day.
28
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,187
Ha, ha! Okay.
No more goofing around.
29
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,387
Just tell me I have the job.
30
00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:04,725
I have a lot of other people to meet with.
I'll be in touch.
31
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:08,290
Ron! Come on. It's me!
Give me special treatment.
32
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:20,000
Ripped By mstoll
33
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:33,088
Okay! First morning meeting back
in the old conference room.
34
00:01:33,159 --> 00:01:35,719
What's this? TOM: Oh, we chose
everyone's spirit dogs.
35
00:01:35,795 --> 00:01:38,286
That one's you! You guys
think I'm a border collie?
36
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:40,525
I'm so obviously
a cocker spaniel.
37
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,431
The Spirit Dog Committee
ruled on that weeks ago.
38
00:01:42,502 --> 00:01:44,129
There is no appeals process.
39
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:45,466
No.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
40
00:01:45,738 --> 00:01:48,434
(LAUGHING) Totally. I'm in on the joke.
I get it.
41
00:01:48,508 --> 00:01:50,135
But maybe we should
stop talking about
42
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:51,973
your insane dog
choices and get to working.
43
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,912
Classic border collie.
Has to control everything.
44
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:56,005
(ALL LAUGHING)
45
00:01:56,082 --> 00:01:57,777
Totally.
46
00:01:58,351 --> 00:01:59,443
TOM: First on the agenda,
47
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:01,350
I'm gonna bring
my lemonade stand idea
48
00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:03,013
to the Small Business Coalition,
49
00:02:03,089 --> 00:02:04,852
and a little birdie told me
it's already in the bag.
50
00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:05,948
Can I get a what what?
51
00:02:06,025 --> 00:02:07,014
What?
What?
52
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:08,560
Thank you!
No. What idea?
53
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,391
The fellow who runs
the "Hot Stew"
54
00:02:10,463 --> 00:02:12,522
stand in Lafayette
Park is retiring
55
00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:16,091
so Pawnee's new
Business Liaison, Tom,
56
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,932
went out and got the Indiana
Brothers Juice Company
57
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:19,665
to rent it out
as a lemonade stand.
58
00:02:19,772 --> 00:02:21,399
Wow.
59
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,439
Plus, I downloaded this dope app
60
00:02:23,510 --> 00:02:25,478
that pops champagne whenever
I say something awesome.
61
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:27,536
Tom, that's great! I know.
And it was only nine bucks!
62
00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:29,639
No, I mean the lemonade...
Never mind.
63
00:02:29,716 --> 00:02:32,514
Well, I will start doing
an environmental impact study,
64
00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:34,246
and Ron, you can do
some demographic research.
65
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,289
Don't sweat it, Lez-Kno. Tommy's
taken care of every last detail.
66
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:41,085
Nothing I can do to help?
Okay.
67
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,526
(CLEARS THROAT)
68
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:43,618
Oh.
69
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:47,357
I could straighten this
for ya. There we go.
70
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,904
Oh, Larry! We've been taking
pictures all over City Hall
71
00:02:53,973 --> 00:02:56,806
to show our unborn baby
where we met. Would you mind?
72
00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:58,935
Oh, my gosh.
I would be honored.
73
00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:01,579
Say, when are you crazy
kids going to get hitched?
74
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,445
You know, actually, we haven't
discussed it in a while.
75
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,007
You know, it's kind of
taken a back seat.
76
00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:07,882
Well, you know, to each his own,
77
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,818
but you guys really
seem like you're in love.
78
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:13,859
And when I see a couple who look
at each other the way you do,
79
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,360
I don't know,
it just makes me think that
80
00:03:16,496 --> 00:03:18,896
maybe this crazy
world is gonna be okay.
81
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:22,396
(LAUGHING) That literally
went on forever.
82
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:25,494
I thought you were never going to stop
talking. But now that you have...
83
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:29,107
Ann Perkins, will you marry me?
84
00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:30,904
(GASPS)
85
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:33,809
Wow.
Cracker dust.
86
00:03:34,447 --> 00:03:37,348
I mean, yes. Of course.
Let's do it.
87
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,009
Can I have a sip of
your water, please?
88
00:03:39,085 --> 00:03:40,552
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm a bit of a germaphobe.
89
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,451
Oh, no, no. Totally understand.
I'll just...
90
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:43,682
(COUGHING)
Ann Perkins...
91
00:03:43,756 --> 00:03:44,882
I'm gonna cough it out.
92
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:49,190
I would like to spend the rest
of my life with you. I love you.
93
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:52,129
I love you, too.
94
00:03:52,332 --> 00:03:53,697
(CHOKING)
95
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,731
No part of this is
how I pictured it.
96
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,394
I thought another cracker might
97
00:03:57,470 --> 00:03:59,665
push it through but I was wrong.
98
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:00,831
Let's do this right.
Yeah.
99
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,602
Let's go get an engagement ring!
Yes.
100
00:04:02,842 --> 00:04:04,366
(COUGHING)
101
00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:07,310
(SIGHS)
That was a beautiful moment.
102
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,184
Hello, friends! You guys
enjoying that cheese?
103
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,743
It's unpasteurized.
104
00:04:14,821 --> 00:04:15,981
Yuck, what's that mean?
105
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,282
"Unpasteurized"?
106
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,790
I don't care.
I don't care.
107
00:04:18,858 --> 00:04:21,156
Technically it's
illegal in this country.
108
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,990
I smuggled it back from Paris!
109
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:27,089
Anyway, I want you guys to think
of my office as a clubhouse.
110
00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,566
Total open-door policy.
111
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:32,628
I want to be your friend
as well as your boss.
112
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:36,072
What the hell is wrong with you?
Are you in a cult? Can I join?
113
00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:37,803
Let's sacrifice Larry.
114
00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:39,002
Oh, April.
115
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:41,171
It's my first day
as City Manager.
116
00:04:41,247 --> 00:04:42,737
So I'm holding open office hours
117
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:44,180
to break the ice.
118
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,684
Now, Chris was always the nice
guy that made everyone happy,
119
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,380
while I brought down the hammer.
120
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:51,821
But now that he's gone,
I kind of have to do both.
121
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,852
Everyone is the best.
We're cutting vacation time.
122
00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:57,361
Let's eat vitamins.
This is exhausting.
123
00:04:57,897 --> 00:05:00,923
Listen, real quick, I have
some super cool new rules...
124
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:01,989
Oh, nice.
125
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:04,161
That are also super mandatory.
126
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:07,263
Uh, we can't use Facebook anymore?
Are you serious?
127
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:10,537
That's right. Massive time waster.
Kills productivity.
128
00:05:11,611 --> 00:05:16,014
Hey, Sanitation! Listen.
Let's talk health insurance.
129
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:18,949
Your dependents don't have it anymore.
Have some illegal cheese!
130
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:21,782
"No cell phone usage
on City Hall property?"
131
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:24,414
That's not fair. My cell phone
is how I avoid doing work.
132
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:27,254
"Bathroom breaks should be
limited to five minutes?"
133
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,726
I can't shower in five minutes.
134
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:30,557
See, he's acting
all loosey-goosey,
135
00:05:30,630 --> 00:05:32,962
but that little dude's wound
so tight he's gonna pop.
136
00:05:33,032 --> 00:05:37,093
Hey, Sanitation! Sanitation
in the house tonight!
137
00:05:39,205 --> 00:05:41,435
Oh, what happened to
our spirit dogs?
138
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:46,069
I came up with a way better game.
Behold! Your Spirit Kangaroo!
139
00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:49,910
Tom, you are a Blue Flyer.
So am I. So are you and Donna.
140
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,415
And look at Ron.
Look at Ron.
141
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:55,944
I mean, (LAUGHS) Doesn't Ron
look exactly like a Blue Flyer?
142
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,388
There aren't that many
different types of kangaroos.
143
00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:01,051
Either way,
helluva game, right guys?
144
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:04,790
Presentations are upon us.
So, Tom, which step are you at
145
00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,196
in the Leslie Knope Project
Preparedness Super System?
146
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:09,564
Yeah, once you got on the City Council,
we kind of stopped doing that.
147
00:06:09,635 --> 00:06:11,034
What? Tom. No.
148
00:06:11,137 --> 00:06:12,331
You cannot drop the Leslie Knope
149
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:13,770
Project Preparedness
Super System.
150
00:06:13,840 --> 00:06:15,671
It was developed over thousands
151
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:18,370
of government presentations that
I gave over the past ten years.
152
00:06:18,444 --> 00:06:19,843
It is my very soul.
153
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:21,378
Well, I have my own system.
154
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:25,349
Step one, chill out a bit. Step
two, get up there and rip it.
155
00:06:25,418 --> 00:06:27,443
That's your plan?
To "rip it"?
156
00:06:27,520 --> 00:06:29,988
Leslie, this is Tom's project.
157
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,047
Perhaps you should
let him do things his way.
158
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:34,524
Sure. Yeah. You should
probably just "rip it."
159
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:36,390
I think that's better than going
160
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,589
with a tried-and-true
80-step system
161
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:40,256
that led to, and I quote,
162
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,460
"The most thorough
and dare we say,
163
00:06:42,535 --> 00:06:45,333
"at times, over-prepared
presentation that we've ever seen."
164
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:47,635
And, yeah, that quote came from
the Indiana Blue Ribbon Panel
165
00:06:47,707 --> 00:06:49,299
on Irrigation and Drainage.
166
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,808
Fine. I'll go back
to your system.
167
00:06:50,877 --> 00:06:52,208
You're the big dog around here.
168
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,803
Big kangaroo.
And, thank you.
169
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,610
Well, yeah,
I was gone for a while,
170
00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:58,377
and things are a little
different around here,
171
00:06:58,451 --> 00:07:02,751
but this is still my house. I
invented this Parks game, son!
172
00:07:03,156 --> 00:07:04,783
Oh!
173
00:07:04,891 --> 00:07:07,223
Damn it! When did
they put a lamp here?
174
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:16,024
Hey! The boys in blue! (CHUCKLING)
What can I do for you... For?
175
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:19,463
We got a tip about some food
entering the country illegally.
176
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:23,442
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's just cheese, guys.
177
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,204
Uh, I got it in France.
178
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:26,972
Okay. Did you declare it
on your customs
179
00:07:27,046 --> 00:07:28,604
form when you
re-entered the country?
180
00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:32,140
We're gonna need you
to come down to the station.
181
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:34,686
I'm sure that's not
necessary, let's just...
182
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,687
This is really good cheese.
You should try some.
183
00:07:36,756 --> 00:07:40,248
Are you trying to bribe us?
No! Oh, God. I surrender.
184
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:44,122
Just step forward.
Thank you.
185
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:45,721
Okay. Okay.
186
00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,028
This is so exciting.
187
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,729
Hi, folks. When's the big day? I
assume this is a, you know...
188
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,135
(MIMICS GUN COCKING)
189
00:07:53,739 --> 00:07:56,264
Oh, no,
this isn't a shotgun wedding.
190
00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:58,902
Although, yes, she is
pregnant, and yes,
191
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,639
we did just decide
to get married today.
192
00:08:00,947 --> 00:08:04,439
We haven't told our families
or chosen a venue.
193
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,382
But it's not a shotgun wedding.
194
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,249
We've been planning
ours for months.
195
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:09,811
You wouldn't believe
how much there is to do.
196
00:08:09,889 --> 00:08:13,052
Invitations, table settings,
color scheme, dance lessons.
197
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:15,650
And that's just for
the rehearsal dinner.
198
00:08:15,862 --> 00:08:17,853
Seriously, that's just
for the rehearsal dinner.
199
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:19,522
That sounds elaborate!
200
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:23,262
All we did was punch "jewelry
store" into our car GPS.
201
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,894
You remember that
romantic moment, Chris?
202
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,171
I was getting gas.
No, I don't remember it.
203
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,543
Hey, Tom. I don't mean
to bug you or anything,
204
00:08:33,613 --> 00:08:36,104
but I notice that my Super
System binder is closed.
205
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:37,774
Just checking
that you had a chance
206
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,681
to re-familiarize yourself?
Entirely?
207
00:08:39,785 --> 00:08:41,309
Yeah, flipped through it.
Looks good.
208
00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:45,949
Huh, you're lying. I placed a single
strand of hair along the edge,
209
00:08:46,025 --> 00:08:48,118
and that secret
strand is unbroken!
210
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,718
Whose hair is that?
It's brown.
211
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:52,229
Look. It seems like you don't even
care about your presentation.
212
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:54,129
Au contraire!
I'm working on it right now!
213
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,191
And what's the most important
part of a presentation?
214
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,395
Content.
The presentation.
215
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,131
Okay. Tom,
you need hard data.
216
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,399
You need facts
to make your case.
217
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:03,203
And then you need two funny
quotes and an inspirational one.
218
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,904
You know, a classic...
Ha, ha, hmm.
219
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,536
Look, I think you
need to take a page
220
00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:09,171
outta my system,
and chill out a bit.
221
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:10,909
Okay? I got this.
222
00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:12,507
Okay. Fine. I trust you.
223
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:14,780
But I think you're gonna fail
and you're a ticking time bomb.
224
00:09:14,854 --> 00:09:16,151
What's that?
Nothing! Good luck!
225
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,587
This is an elk hair.
226
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:19,488
Yes. It's the most effective
hair for binder security!
227
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:20,651
You know that, Ron.
228
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:22,216
If Tom gives that presentation,
229
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,694
it is going to be
a total disaster
230
00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,129
for both him and the department.
231
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:29,690
I cannot sit idly by and watch
this terrible thing happen.
232
00:09:29,802 --> 00:09:32,771
I mean, I can barely sit idly by
and watch good things happen.
233
00:09:33,272 --> 00:09:35,331
We've got a couple of Customs
agents coming down from the border
234
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,568
and they are not happy.
235
00:09:36,642 --> 00:09:39,736
I can't believe this. I never break
the law. I've never even jaywalked.
236
00:09:39,845 --> 00:09:41,005
Never?
237
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,480
I mean, I...
Everyone does it sometimes.
238
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:44,811
I'll just add
that to the charges.
239
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:47,717
Well, well, well.
We got a hit on your prints.
240
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:50,312
It seems that you're wanted
for tax fraud in Colorado.
241
00:09:50,389 --> 00:09:53,085
What? I've never even
been to Colorado!
242
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:55,218
I mean, I had
a layover in Denver once.
243
00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:56,955
Man, you can't keep your
story straight, can you?
244
00:09:57,029 --> 00:09:58,189
Come on!
245
00:09:58,264 --> 00:09:59,595
Here come the Customs guys now.
246
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:00,996
Fellas, he's all yours!
247
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,728
Kaboom!
Ya pranked!
248
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:05,830
You gotta see the stupid
look on your face!
249
00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:08,169
Check this out. I took a picture!
Classic!
250
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,229
You seemed a little uptight.
251
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:11,299
Thought we'd have some fun
with our new boss.
252
00:10:12,712 --> 00:10:15,044
Wow. You got me. Good one!
253
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:18,083
Making me think I was gonna,
like, die in federal prison.
254
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,641
That's super funny.
You scamps!
255
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:25,088
Now, Stu, I know that you're
thinking about retiring.
256
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:27,682
And I am here to ask you to reconsider.
What do you say?
257
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,785
Keep that Lafayette
Park stand open,
258
00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:32,194
pumping out the stew,
like you do.
259
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:33,595
I don't know.
260
00:10:33,666 --> 00:10:35,827
I'm looking forward
to spending time with my wife,
261
00:10:35,901 --> 00:10:39,803
working on some new hobbies. I was
thinking about getting into bisques!
262
00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:43,774
Stu, you have been a staple in the
Parks Department system for years!
263
00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:47,543
Retirement is for the birds.
You're gonna be so bored.
264
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:50,446
I'm gonna say this
because you need to hear it.
265
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,006
Screw bisque!
266
00:10:52,518 --> 00:10:54,452
That makes a lot of sense.
Yeah.
267
00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:55,850
What now? What do I do?
268
00:10:55,921 --> 00:10:57,445
Well, we're gonna
need to convince
269
00:10:57,523 --> 00:10:59,013
the Business Council
to keep you around,
270
00:10:59,091 --> 00:11:01,355
but that's not for you to worry about.
I'll take care of it.
271
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,122
You just keep on
stewin' what ya stew!
272
00:11:03,195 --> 00:11:04,662
Thanks, Leslie.
273
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:08,057
This calls for a toast.
(BUZZES)
274
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:10,261
Susan? Stew flutes, please.
275
00:11:11,871 --> 00:11:12,963
Ah.
276
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:16,970
To stew!
277
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:22,106
Mmm! Oh, my God, that's very hot!
Mmm-hmm.
278
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:24,109
Congratulations,
this is a beauty.
279
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,016
If you'd like, I could engrave the
date on the inside of the band.
280
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:30,578
That might be tough 'cause we
actually haven't discussed it yet.
281
00:11:30,723 --> 00:11:35,319
We could engrave 2014?
Or, TBD?
282
00:11:35,394 --> 00:11:38,522
Hang on. If neither of us has
ever thought about this stuff,
283
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:40,462
then maybe there's a reason.
284
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,194
When you think
about it, we are already
285
00:11:42,268 --> 00:11:44,395
more married than
most married people.
286
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:47,564
Right? I mean we're having a child
together, we're moving to a new city.
287
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,369
You let me pee
with the door open
288
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,137
so I could watch
the end of Grey's Anatomy.
289
00:11:51,243 --> 00:11:54,076
That was a fantastic season
finale, and a show that is,
290
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,944
literally, a never-ending
roller coaster of emotion.
291
00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:59,041
I mean, why spend
thousands of dollars
292
00:11:59,118 --> 00:12:01,313
just to reaffirm
what we already know?
293
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,854
Which is that we
love each other.
294
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:04,389
That is so beautiful.
295
00:12:06,125 --> 00:12:10,221
Theodore? We would like to return
that ring and get a refund, please.
296
00:12:10,296 --> 00:12:11,524
Maybe we should
talk this over, too.
297
00:12:11,597 --> 00:12:12,791
Oh, come on.
298
00:12:12,865 --> 00:12:14,662
Think what we could do
if we didn't buy this ring.
299
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,634
I mean, this could go
towards buying a house.
300
00:12:17,837 --> 00:12:19,532
You have a lovely store.
301
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,699
Boss.
Hey.
302
00:12:21,774 --> 00:12:24,800
I was just printing out
my Minesweeper high score,
303
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:28,438
and I noticed this memo. You're
punishing us? For the prank?
304
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:31,972
No. No, no, no, no, no. It's
just like a warning memo, like,
305
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,110
"Hey, all in good fun,
but I'm your boss,
306
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:35,983
"and if you do it again,
you're suspended."
307
00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:37,044
That kind of thing.
308
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:41,856
Listen, I know that you're
the governor or whatever,
309
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:44,828
and I'm just government junior.
What?
310
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:45,988
I feel like you're blowing it.
311
00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:48,295
If you want people to like
you, you have to play along.
312
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:51,859
Don't punish Donna and April.
Prank them back.
313
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,166
I guess I could stand
to loosen up a little.
314
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,640
But I don't know
how to pull a prank.
315
00:12:56,742 --> 00:12:58,642
Dude! Okay.
Well, I could help you.
316
00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,871
Yeah?
Yeah.
317
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:02,503
I once did
the best prank of all time.
318
00:13:02,581 --> 00:13:05,072
I dumped all my boss's action
figures into a fish tank.
319
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,085
Yeah, that was me.
And I didn't really like it.
320
00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:09,018
(LAUGHS) Classic.
321
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:12,086
Great news, guys!
I just saved your bacon.
322
00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,126
Impossible. You don't
even know where it is.
323
00:13:14,193 --> 00:13:17,993
I know you were excited to get in
front of the committee and "rip it,"
324
00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:20,122
but in the spirit of teamwork,
I unilaterally
325
00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:22,224
decided to bring
Stu out of retirement.
326
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,325
So, pressure's off!
327
00:13:23,435 --> 00:13:25,027
What? I spent
a lot of time on this.
328
00:13:25,104 --> 00:13:26,628
Doing what? Putting
mousse in your hair?
329
00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:29,902
It's a gel-based serum! Second
of all, who uses mousse still?
330
00:13:29,975 --> 00:13:33,467
Oh, God! Leslie, let's put our
differences aside for a second...
331
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,104
Friend to friend,
do you still use mousse?
332
00:13:35,181 --> 00:13:38,981
No! I use the juicy based thing.
Whatever you do.
333
00:13:39,051 --> 00:13:41,281
The point is, you weren't
ready for this, Tom.
334
00:13:41,353 --> 00:13:43,150
Stu's sales are flat.
Lemonade is the future.
335
00:13:43,222 --> 00:13:44,985
I'm still doing my presentation.
336
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:46,684
I'm still doing
my Stu presentation.
337
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,021
And we'll see which
one the committee likes.
338
00:13:48,093 --> 00:13:49,720
Fine.
Fine!
339
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,496
Yeah. I didn't think so.
340
00:13:59,238 --> 00:14:01,763
On the other hand, there are
some benefits to being married.
341
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,741
Taxes, health insurance...
342
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,572
And, I don't have to feel weird
343
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:07,373
when hotel employees
call me Mr. Perkins.
344
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,470
Yeah, that makes
me feel weird, too.
345
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:11,948
Maybe we should.
I don't know anymore.
346
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,212
"Maybe we should,
I don't know anymore."
347
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:16,311
Ann, that is
a beautiful sentiment.
348
00:14:16,388 --> 00:14:19,255
Okay, you're all set. Credit
card's been fully refunded.
349
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:23,089
Perfect timing! We are going
to buy this ring. Charge it!
350
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,997
Ann Perkins, will you marry me?
351
00:14:30,736 --> 00:14:32,101
I don't know!
352
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:34,297
Me either!
Maybe let's not?
353
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,341
Yeah I think maybe not!
354
00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:39,377
Okay, the ring's yours again.
Hello?
355
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,413
Actually,
we don't want the ring.
356
00:14:41,513 --> 00:14:43,481
Unbelievable.
357
00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:47,844
Leslie, I'm the
last person to want
358
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,013
to deprive
the world of more stew,
359
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:52,287
but are you sure
you want to do this?
360
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:54,189
Look, I love Tom,
but you and I both know
361
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,285
that he's not ready to step up.
362
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,922
Don't you remember his last
presentation on topsoil?
363
00:14:58,998 --> 00:15:02,365
The botched laser show?
Larry still can't see purple.
364
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:06,200
That was Larry's fault. He picked up
the laser and stared right into it.
365
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:09,068
I know, but still... Tom is
all flash, and no substance.
366
00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:10,698
That's the old Tom.
367
00:15:10,776 --> 00:15:13,176
You've been gone for a while, Leslie.
Tom has changed.
368
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:15,780
He ran a business,
sold it for a profit.
369
00:15:15,848 --> 00:15:18,214
He's also been working
here for six years,
370
00:15:18,284 --> 00:15:19,945
and he's learned a lot from you.
371
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:23,386
At some point, you're gonna have
to trust him to do his job.
372
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,521
You guys.
You guys. Be cool.
373
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,651
What's going on?
374
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,456
I kind of convinced
Ben to prank you guys,
375
00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:32,190
and it got a little out of hand.
376
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:34,198
I probably should have said
"no" to some of his ideas,
377
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,326
but he's on his way here right now.
Here he is. Just, be cool.
378
00:15:37,736 --> 00:15:41,103
Hey, guys, what's up?
Um, oh, I just remembered,
379
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,107
can I show you something
out to the front area?
380
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:45,871
And leave your cell phones,
because of no reason.
381
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:48,311
Just leave anything
that can't get wet, actually.
382
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,314
Like you would normally.
383
00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:51,710
(SIGHS)
384
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,649
Okay. Here we go to
the parking lot now.
385
00:15:55,721 --> 00:15:57,712
Wow, this is really sad.
386
00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:01,453
Yup, follow to me guys!
387
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:05,156
Just go to the parking lot
for normal government reasons.
388
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,793
Sorry, I can't go through with this.
I was gonna pull a prank.
389
00:16:08,934 --> 00:16:10,458
(GASPS) No!
Yeah.
390
00:16:10,536 --> 00:16:13,437
I hired these guys in ski
masks to "kidnap" us,
391
00:16:13,505 --> 00:16:16,997
and I was gonna pretend to be a
hero, and they were gonna shoot me,
392
00:16:17,076 --> 00:16:18,441
and then drive
the van into the river,
393
00:16:18,510 --> 00:16:20,000
and that's when
the divers would go in,
394
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,877
pull you guys out of the water and I
would be standing on the shore, like,
395
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,609
"Hey, get pranked much?"
396
00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:26,241
What the (BLEEP)?
397
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,946
I even got these squibs
from a special effects guy.
398
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:31,182
And I was gonna
say this code word.
399
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,655
And that's when
I would push this button.
400
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,386
No, no, no, no, no!
401
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:35,859
(GUNSHOT SOUNDS)
402
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:39,120
My God!
You got blood all over me.
403
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:40,956
Thank you.
404
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,463
I mean it.
Ben, that was amazing.
405
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:46,897
Really?
Best prank ever.
406
00:16:49,174 --> 00:16:52,075
I'm sorry, buddy, Daddy can't
get home to tuck you in.
407
00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:53,441
Oh, how old is your son?
408
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:54,740
Just pick a thing!
409
00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:57,247
Honey, look at this.
This is what I want.
410
00:16:57,649 --> 00:17:00,914
I don't want a ring, I don't want a
wedding, I just want this locket,
411
00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:02,749
with a picture of
our child in it.
412
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,652
I mean,
we've never been traditional.
413
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,987
We made out the first
night we ever met.
414
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:10,320
And when we did date, we broke
up, but you didn't realize it
415
00:17:10,396 --> 00:17:11,488
and that was very
embarrassing for you.
416
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:13,497
Yeah, let's maybe not talk
about that part right now.
417
00:17:13,565 --> 00:17:16,796
And then we got pregnant as
friends, and then we fell in love.
418
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:20,532
We've never been very conventional.
So, why start now?
419
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:23,632
Theodore, we will not
be needing that ring.
420
00:17:23,709 --> 00:17:26,678
But we would like to purchase
this locket. How much?
421
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:28,540
Just take it and get outta here.
422
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:30,081
Thank you.
Thanks.
423
00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:33,676
(SIGHS)
424
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:36,179
We're here to
discuss a business contract
425
00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:38,246
for the Lafayette
Park food stand.
426
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:39,915
Miss Knope,
you've always steered
427
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:41,550
this committee in
the right direction.
428
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:43,993
Why do you think we should
renew Hot Stu's lease?
429
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:49,994
Well, frankly,
it's because of Stu.
430
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,095
Here is a man who
was ready to retire,
431
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:55,269
spend time with
his family, travel.
432
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:57,604
And then he realized,
"No, I want to spend
433
00:17:57,676 --> 00:18:00,543
"my time in a small
metal box all summer
434
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:04,605
"bent over a boiling cauldron
of steaming, bubbling meat."
435
00:18:04,683 --> 00:18:07,948
Making stew is hard. Up at the
crack of dawn, backbreaking labor,
436
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,545
your clothes smelling
like salt and gristle.
437
00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:13,955
Sure, profits are minimal, but
Stu doesn't care about that.
438
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:16,358
Maybe a year
extension isn't enough.
439
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,362
Maybe we should
make it five years.
440
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,092
Heck, why don't we
give him a lifetime deal?
441
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:25,762
I'd like to see Stu ladling out
his pungent beef smoothies
442
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,204
until we bury him
under that shed.
443
00:18:28,807 --> 00:18:32,265
Hey. I think I've made
a terrible mistake.
444
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:33,971
CARTER: Okay, that was bleak.
445
00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:37,447
Uh, Mr. Haverford, you have
a presentation as well?
446
00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,617
Hey. Rip it.
447
00:18:41,253 --> 00:18:43,744
There's nothing more
American than lemonade.
448
00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:46,791
Just saying the word
makes you wanna drink some.
449
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,690
And now you can.
Check under your seats.
450
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,261
Hey, hey, it has my name on it!
451
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:56,062
Yes, it does.
Classic for you, Carter.
452
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,865
Darva, yours is a pink lemonade.
I know you love that.
453
00:18:58,937 --> 00:19:00,234
Because I like pink!
That's right!
454
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:04,105
Now, who here likes laser shows?
455
00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:08,237
Summer foot traffic in Lafayette
Park has increased 23%.
456
00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:10,645
The Indiana Brothers
are the fastest-growing
457
00:19:10,716 --> 00:19:12,809
beverage company in the Midwest.
458
00:19:12,885 --> 00:19:16,013
My projections show they can
increase government revenue
459
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,420
30% over the next five years.
460
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:22,119
Plus, they've agreed
to waive their franchise fee.
461
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:26,588
BEN: Look, guys. I'm sorry
about all the new rules,
462
00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,690
but, you know,
I want you to like me.
463
00:19:28,767 --> 00:19:30,735
But I also really
need you to respect me.
464
00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:36,240
I respect you, little buddy!
Hmm, respect noogie!
465
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:38,299
We didn't prank you
because we don't respect you.
466
00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:39,969
We did it 'cause we love you.
467
00:19:40,045 --> 00:19:41,740
R-E-S-P-E-G-C.
468
00:19:41,813 --> 00:19:45,010
That's actually not how
respect is spelled. Yes.
469
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,347
According to Urethra Franklin,
that's exactly how it's spelled.
470
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:50,013
Hey, Wyatt. You were
a good sport earlier.
471
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:51,779
No hard feelings?
472
00:19:52,558 --> 00:19:55,288
Here's a little gift for you
for believing in me. Oh.
473
00:19:55,360 --> 00:20:00,024
It's a gel-based hair serum.
Enough with the mousse. For real.
474
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:03,431
Okay. Well, Ron.
You were right.
475
00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:04,730
Tom has really grown up.
476
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:08,637
You seem merely overjoyed, instead
of irritatingly ecstatic. Why?
477
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:12,336
Well, Tom's come into his own,
April runs Animal Control.
478
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,939
I mean, does this department
even need me anymore?
479
00:20:15,013 --> 00:20:16,776
No. We do not.
480
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,184
April and Tom started out as two
481
00:20:19,251 --> 00:20:21,185
of the most apathetic
people I had ever met.
482
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:23,221
It's why I hired them.
483
00:20:23,288 --> 00:20:25,279
Then you betrayed me
and turned them into
484
00:20:25,357 --> 00:20:27,450
efficient and caring
government employees.
485
00:20:27,526 --> 00:20:30,086
This office can indeed
function without you.
486
00:20:30,162 --> 00:20:31,789
And, soon, it'll have to.
487
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:33,726
Was that a death threat?
488
00:20:33,799 --> 00:20:35,790
We both know you're not
going to be here forever.
489
00:20:36,401 --> 00:20:40,337
This is a way station, on the
road to bigger and better things.
490
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:44,899
Whenever you do move on, it
should please you to know that,
491
00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:50,337
God help me, you've built a
well-functioning government agency.
492
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:54,779
Oh, that reminds me. I know you don't
open your mail, but I do, and...
493
00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:58,084
Because you created Tom's
position, Business Liaison,
494
00:20:58,156 --> 00:21:00,317
and it's already
financially paying off,
495
00:21:00,392 --> 00:21:04,726
you have received Pawnee's
Government Employee of the Month.
496
00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:06,627
I mean, it has taken...
497
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:17,500
Ripped By mstoll