1 00:00:17,656 --> 00:00:19,726 - That's so cute! - ♪ Bum, bum, bum! 2 00:00:19,745 --> 00:00:21,358 Birthday Eve Cocktail. 3 00:00:21,378 --> 00:00:24,498 Oh, my God. You're my favorite bartender. Thank you! 4 00:00:27,503 --> 00:00:29,266 Oh, my God. What is that? 5 00:00:29,316 --> 00:00:31,370 Is it not good? I'm still learning how to make drinks. 6 00:00:31,396 --> 00:00:34,131 I'm better at shots. Want a birthday shot? 7 00:00:34,263 --> 00:00:35,476 I think I'm good. 8 00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:37,357 So, any special birthday plans? 9 00:00:37,383 --> 00:00:40,070 No, she's just gonna go to the movies alone, as usual. 10 00:00:40,090 --> 00:00:42,424 No, I'm not, actually. Uh, this year... 11 00:00:42,467 --> 00:00:45,440 Nick asked me to spend the day with him. 12 00:00:45,459 --> 00:00:47,428 That's so sweet. I mean, what are you gonna do? 13 00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,095 - Something special? - Maybe. 14 00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:51,994 You know, whatever Nick wants to do. I'm not really a birthday person. 15 00:00:52,039 --> 00:00:54,986 - Please. - I do have a lot of expectations for people. 16 00:00:55,006 --> 00:00:57,840 - Happy birthday. - Oh, my God. 17 00:01:01,902 --> 00:01:03,442 "Made in China"?! 18 00:01:03,457 --> 00:01:05,792 Are you taking me to China?! 19 00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,635 And that's why, a long time ago, 20 00:01:08,654 --> 00:01:12,137 I decided that I would spend my birthday alone at the movies. 21 00:01:12,298 --> 00:01:14,177 It's just... safer, you know? 22 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,933 No getting your hopes up, no getting let down. 23 00:01:16,963 --> 00:01:18,910 Well, I know how you feel about movies. 24 00:01:18,925 --> 00:01:22,096 I mean, my parents took me to see Witness 25 00:01:22,129 --> 00:01:23,543 and then they never came back. 26 00:01:23,564 --> 00:01:25,565 - What? - I can really quote that movie though. 27 00:01:25,579 --> 00:01:28,239 "Be careful out among them English." 28 00:01:29,029 --> 00:01:30,258 But enough about me! 29 00:01:30,277 --> 00:01:33,750 I am talking your ear off, lady, and it's your birthday. 30 00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,347 This year's gonna be different. 31 00:01:35,369 --> 00:01:37,682 Maybe Nick has something big planned, maybe not. 32 00:01:37,705 --> 00:01:39,125 I'm gonna be chill. 33 00:01:39,146 --> 00:01:40,766 No expectations. 34 00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,933 Low maintenance. No maintenance. 35 00:01:42,963 --> 00:01:45,703 I'm just gonna be one of those... cool girlfriends, like in the movies. 36 00:01:45,718 --> 00:01:48,351 She just, like, has bed head and she wears, like, 37 00:01:48,395 --> 00:01:50,746 men's shirts and she's just like, "Yeah, cool. 38 00:01:50,766 --> 00:01:52,980 "I'll wear, like, men's shirts and, like, sneakers and stuff. 39 00:01:52,999 --> 00:01:55,235 And, like, I don't care about how I look." 40 00:01:57,563 --> 00:01:59,072 Hey. Hey. 41 00:02:00,206 --> 00:02:01,713 She has no idea about the party. 42 00:02:04,087 --> 00:02:06,082 Uh, Winston's STD-free. 43 00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:11,495 - Whew! It was a close call. Yeah. - Yeah. 44 00:02:11,518 --> 00:02:13,455 Yeah. Yeah. 45 00:02:13,794 --> 00:02:15,515 Close call, y'all. 46 00:02:16,369 --> 00:02:17,812 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 47 00:02:17,845 --> 00:02:20,171 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess. ♪ 48 00:02:20,216 --> 00:02:24,216 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 49 00:02:24,985 --> 00:02:28,012 Do you guys know how hard it's been for me to keep this party a secret? 50 00:02:28,035 --> 00:02:30,119 Nick, it's been an inspiration, and that's why we're 51 00:02:30,145 --> 00:02:32,086 gonna help you cross that finish line, okay? 52 00:02:32,105 --> 00:02:33,072 This is our Rudy. 53 00:02:33,093 --> 00:02:34,520 Very condescending but thank you. 54 00:02:34,542 --> 00:02:36,569 - Right on. - All right, team check-in. 55 00:02:36,596 --> 00:02:38,169 Coach, where we at with decorations? 56 00:02:38,184 --> 00:02:39,292 - I forgot. - Wait, what? 57 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,880 Psych! I'm the best at stuff. 58 00:02:41,893 --> 00:02:43,423 I don't forget stuff. 59 00:02:43,974 --> 00:02:45,155 First place! 60 00:02:45,175 --> 00:02:47,062 Wait. Why are you first place? 61 00:02:47,087 --> 00:02:48,560 I dominated on cake patrol. 62 00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:50,316 And thank you for getting that cake. 63 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:51,550 You don't have to add the "patrol." 64 00:02:51,564 --> 00:02:53,483 Decorations beats cake. 65 00:02:53,667 --> 00:02:56,034 Uh, no. Cake definitely beats decorations. 66 00:02:56,056 --> 00:02:59,083 - Oh, really? Let's do a word association game, okay? - Yeah. I'm in, I'm in. 67 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:01,560 - Birthday. - Decorations. Wait, what'd I say? 68 00:03:01,589 --> 00:03:05,189 Okay, Schmidt, are you ready to transport all electronics to the party venue? 69 00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:07,899 By "electronics," you mean this itty-bitty flash drive 70 00:03:07,912 --> 00:03:10,088 that I can fit in my pocket and that is light as air? 71 00:03:10,104 --> 00:03:13,737 - I need a verbal confirmation. - You insult me. Yes. 72 00:03:13,774 --> 00:03:15,895 Cece, you ready to cover my shift tomorrow with Mike? 73 00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:17,355 Born ready. Yes. 74 00:03:17,379 --> 00:03:18,395 Oh. 75 00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:20,320 You're giving your Saturday to Cece? 76 00:03:20,353 --> 00:03:23,056 That's cool. That's really wonderful. 77 00:03:23,630 --> 00:03:24,983 Can you tell I'm being sarcastic? 78 00:03:24,999 --> 00:03:26,646 - Absolutely. - Yeah, it's pretty clear. - I'm ready. 79 00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:28,468 You set fire to soda water. 80 00:03:28,694 --> 00:03:30,659 Who does that? How do you even possibly do that? 81 00:03:30,672 --> 00:03:32,252 It's not a flammable thing. 82 00:03:32,292 --> 00:03:33,912 It's not even... Are you a witch? 83 00:03:33,941 --> 00:03:35,048 Mike... 84 00:03:35,636 --> 00:03:37,703 I hate all of you hipsters so much... 85 00:03:37,738 --> 00:03:39,511 Okay, and I'm gonna be on Jess Watch. 86 00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:40,907 I'm gonna make sure she doesn't see anything 87 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,767 that will ruin the surprise of this party 88 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:45,349 that has taken everything from me, 89 00:03:45,366 --> 00:03:47,446 emotionally and physically and financially. 90 00:03:47,467 --> 00:03:48,794 So what do you have planned for the day? 91 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,402 A big surprise party. 92 00:03:51,839 --> 00:03:52,692 Next. 93 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,895 Right, but before then. 94 00:03:55,541 --> 00:03:59,061 The party's at 7:00. What do you have planned b-before that? 95 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,399 - Wait... - Nick, you need a plan, okay? 96 00:04:01,418 --> 00:04:04,222 I don't care what Jess says. She's going to expect something. 97 00:04:04,238 --> 00:04:06,625 I have to plan a birthday before the birthday? 98 00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:08,485 - The whole day is the birthday. - This is a very big deal. 99 00:04:08,498 --> 00:04:10,910 This is your first birthday together as a couple. 100 00:04:11,810 --> 00:04:13,786 All right, you know what? It's gonna be okay. 101 00:04:13,805 --> 00:04:17,438 It's her birthday. That girl's gonna want to sleep in. 102 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,745 My day is not starting till noon. 103 00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,997 This is the time I was born. 104 00:04:27,886 --> 00:04:29,545 I'm wide awake. 105 00:04:30,289 --> 00:04:32,634 It's my birthday. 106 00:04:39,258 --> 00:04:40,985 My day started earlier than I thought. 107 00:04:40,998 --> 00:04:43,062 I got to slow down breakfast. 108 00:04:43,570 --> 00:04:46,217 - What's going on with you guys? - Nick, first of all, blessings. 109 00:04:46,239 --> 00:04:47,372 Um, second of all, 110 00:04:47,397 --> 00:04:50,150 there may have been a possible mix-up with the cake. 111 00:04:50,177 --> 00:04:51,377 Possibly. 112 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:54,327 "See You in Hell, Boomer"? Oh, my God 113 00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:56,705 What part of you thought this was Jess's cake? 114 00:04:56,734 --> 00:04:58,854 - I thought it was an inside joke. - I'll do the cake. 115 00:04:58,873 --> 00:05:02,085 - No, I am the cake patrol. - Both of you do the cake. 116 00:05:02,162 --> 00:05:04,022 I'm considering this problem solved. 117 00:05:04,056 --> 00:05:05,812 Hey, speaking of problems, do you want me to go check up 118 00:05:05,825 --> 00:05:07,711 - on Cece at the bar today? - I don't think that's necessary. 119 00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:10,160 All right, I'll do it. But you owe me one, bro. 120 00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,306 I need to make a 90-minute omelet. 121 00:05:13,834 --> 00:05:16,435 I love my birthday breakfast. 122 00:05:16,923 --> 00:05:18,617 I can't believe you were gonna make this all yourself. 123 00:05:18,637 --> 00:05:19,904 It would've taken you hours. 124 00:05:19,927 --> 00:05:22,343 I know. And with your help, it took six minutes. 125 00:05:22,361 --> 00:05:24,276 I know. I'm so fast. 126 00:05:24,911 --> 00:05:28,699 What do you say we go into my bedroom and, uh, slow things down? 127 00:05:28,934 --> 00:05:30,560 Ooh. 128 00:05:31,156 --> 00:05:32,469 Wow. 129 00:05:32,711 --> 00:05:34,894 That's the fastest it's ever taken. 130 00:05:34,907 --> 00:05:37,023 Yeah, I know. You just look very pretty. 131 00:05:38,601 --> 00:05:40,906 So, you want to take a long nap? 132 00:05:41,081 --> 00:05:42,627 Oh. Um... 133 00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:47,068 If that's what you have planned, then, yes, let's take a long nap. 134 00:05:47,093 --> 00:05:49,800 Perfect. Maybe for, like, six, seven hours? 135 00:05:51,197 --> 00:05:52,574 Hmm... 136 00:05:52,845 --> 00:05:56,869 - It's just such a nice day outside... - Yeah. Um, so let's take, uh... 137 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,994 let's take this party outside. 138 00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:02,110 - Sure. - Next up on the agenda is... 139 00:06:02,468 --> 00:06:03,528 it's lunch. 140 00:06:03,554 --> 00:06:07,130 - It's 8:30 in the morning. - Oh, my God, it's so early. 141 00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:13,405 What are you doing here, Schmidt? 142 00:06:13,512 --> 00:06:14,872 Nick thought you might need some help. 143 00:06:14,894 --> 00:06:17,714 Yeah, well, I don't, okay? So... you can go. 144 00:06:17,731 --> 00:06:19,338 Maybe I'll just stay for a little bit. 145 00:06:19,364 --> 00:06:21,679 - Double-tap some Insta-G's. - Okay. 146 00:06:24,375 --> 00:06:26,581 Oh, hey, Mike. I cleaned the glasses. 147 00:06:27,358 --> 00:06:29,937 Oh, wow, a bunch of broken glass in the ice tub. 148 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,686 - That'll be fun for me to clean up. - I'm sorry. Um... 149 00:06:31,704 --> 00:06:33,931 I'm not gonna cover for you like Nick does, okay? 150 00:06:33,950 --> 00:06:36,018 I promise you that. And don't make eyes at me 151 00:06:36,044 --> 00:06:37,985 because it's not gonna work because I'm super gay. 152 00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,892 When I look at you, I just see... 153 00:06:39,918 --> 00:06:42,765 You know, it's fine, but it's bumpy, it's creepy. 154 00:06:42,989 --> 00:06:44,149 Eh. 155 00:06:44,175 --> 00:06:47,140 Doesn't do anything. It's like... looking at this, it's like a... 156 00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:49,874 it's-it's-it's-it's-it's... it's not o... 157 00:06:49,887 --> 00:06:51,881 it's not a good... it's not good. 158 00:06:51,897 --> 00:06:55,930 - Okay. - This, all this, everything you got, eh. 159 00:06:56,202 --> 00:06:58,644 Three out of... six. 160 00:07:00,326 --> 00:07:02,586 Damn shame about that cake, Winston. 161 00:07:02,606 --> 00:07:05,419 Looks like someone dominated their party task. 162 00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,100 "Coach, where are all the kazoos?" 163 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,670 All over your face. 164 00:07:10,694 --> 00:07:12,309 I'll pick those up. 165 00:07:12,328 --> 00:07:14,281 Or maybe in my spare time... 166 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:16,229 I'll make a cake. 167 00:07:19,277 --> 00:07:21,030 Just back off, Coach. 168 00:07:21,119 --> 00:07:21,993 What's up, Nick? 169 00:07:22,006 --> 00:07:23,312 - How's the cake situation? - Cake's good. 170 00:07:23,326 --> 00:07:25,488 - Can I just see the phone? Can I see the phone really quick? Got it. - Dude, get... 171 00:07:25,505 --> 00:07:28,584 Hey. Cake's good, man. I'm on top of it. So, how's your plan working out? 172 00:07:28,610 --> 00:07:30,922 Okay, I have no plan. I'm just winging it, okay? 173 00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,542 I panicked and took her to a drugstore. 174 00:07:32,557 --> 00:07:34,391 She's getting a free diabetes test. 175 00:07:34,414 --> 00:07:36,583 I don't know where to take her. Is it safe to bring her home? 176 00:07:36,596 --> 00:07:39,360 - Hey. - Oh! The birthday girl! 177 00:07:39,373 --> 00:07:41,940 I got the test. My blood sugar is normal. 178 00:07:41,967 --> 00:07:43,620 Already? You did that... all that already? 179 00:07:43,632 --> 00:07:47,043 - Yeah. - Birthday girl gets, all your favorite... 180 00:07:47,446 --> 00:07:49,053 Next activity. 181 00:07:49,059 --> 00:07:50,380 I see what you're trying to do here, man. 182 00:07:50,392 --> 00:07:53,266 - You're trying to show me up. - What are you talking about, Bish? 183 00:07:53,292 --> 00:07:54,852 I'm referring to basketball. 184 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,415 When we used to play back in the day, no matter how open I was, 185 00:07:57,428 --> 00:08:00,042 you never passed me the ball, you never let me shoot. 186 00:08:00,066 --> 00:08:01,979 You just couldn't stand to let me shine. 187 00:08:02,213 --> 00:08:05,432 Your nostrils are flaring so much right now, 188 00:08:05,890 --> 00:08:07,130 it's distracting. 189 00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:09,050 I'm done letting you run the court. 190 00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:10,797 I'm building my own court. 191 00:08:10,816 --> 00:08:13,854 And it's gonna be bigger and yummier than yours. 192 00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:17,567 Are you challenging me to a bake-off, Bish? 193 00:08:17,593 --> 00:08:19,619 Yes, I am challenging you to a bake-off. 194 00:08:19,646 --> 00:08:20,773 Okay. 195 00:08:21,044 --> 00:08:23,111 Well, then, I'll... do the countdown. 196 00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:25,107 You know what? I'll do the countdown then. 197 00:08:25,657 --> 00:08:29,424 The countdown begins when this timer goes off. 198 00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,827 You set the timer for 20 minutes. 199 00:08:40,512 --> 00:08:43,379 I'm gonna make a cake so moist, 200 00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:46,197 girls are gonna be, like, "Ew. Why do you say moist? 201 00:08:46,216 --> 00:08:47,873 I hate that word." 202 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,587 I'm gonna be, like, "Just taste the cake." 203 00:08:50,607 --> 00:08:52,860 And they're gonna be, like, "Damn, it's moist!" 204 00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:55,233 And... 205 00:08:55,439 --> 00:08:56,367 - Bake! - Bake! Okay, bake! 206 00:08:56,385 --> 00:08:58,624 - I said it first. I said it first. - I said it first. I said it first. 207 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:01,482 A customer ordered an old-fashioned, 208 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:05,064 and she got gin in a mug with a peanut in it. 209 00:09:05,092 --> 00:09:07,572 - I'll fix it. - Make me an old-fashioned right now, 210 00:09:07,591 --> 00:09:09,093 or I'm gonna call the manager. 211 00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:12,229 And I want to talk to him anyway, because he's just gorgeous. 212 00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,817 I want to be a barnacle on his ship. 213 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,696 Just hanging on by my mouth, 214 00:09:16,702 --> 00:09:18,754 getting all the nutrients I need. 215 00:09:19,321 --> 00:09:21,521 Okay, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned. 216 00:09:21,534 --> 00:09:23,654 If it's old-fashioned, it probably has something like... 217 00:09:23,678 --> 00:09:25,945 - absinthe... - Oh, the old-fashioned. 218 00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:28,998 One of my favorite drinks; a classic cocktail. 219 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:33,094 Just a half ounce of simple syrup. 220 00:09:35,697 --> 00:09:39,656 Splash of water, two dashes of bitters. 221 00:09:39,676 --> 00:09:41,749 Mix that up with some ice. 222 00:09:41,775 --> 00:09:44,095 And then, you know my personal favorite. 223 00:09:44,672 --> 00:09:46,479 You know, and just, far be it from me, 224 00:09:46,512 --> 00:09:48,264 but the bourbon whiskey. 225 00:09:48,289 --> 00:09:50,729 - Bourbon. - Two ounces of bourbon whiskey. 226 00:09:50,765 --> 00:09:51,898 No. 227 00:09:51,923 --> 00:09:53,070 Hmm. 228 00:09:53,094 --> 00:09:54,741 - It's not the Scotch whiskey. - It's... 229 00:09:54,754 --> 00:09:56,367 No, it's certainly not the vermouth. 230 00:09:56,397 --> 00:09:59,142 Vermouth would be insane. Yes, the bourbon whiskey. 231 00:09:59,173 --> 00:10:01,506 My favorite. Wonderful. 232 00:10:03,111 --> 00:10:05,251 Look at that. Old-fashioned. 233 00:10:05,285 --> 00:10:06,559 Hmm. 234 00:10:06,930 --> 00:10:08,338 Old-fashioned? 235 00:10:09,123 --> 00:10:11,982 Oh, my stars and garters, you made a drink. 236 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:14,795 Holy crud. 237 00:10:19,511 --> 00:10:21,039 Yes, Nick! 238 00:10:21,056 --> 00:10:22,466 I have the electronics! 239 00:10:22,486 --> 00:10:24,535 Do you know any, like, time-consuming 240 00:10:24,553 --> 00:10:26,764 and free activities in Griffith Park? 241 00:10:26,795 --> 00:10:28,042 Gross! 242 00:10:28,179 --> 00:10:29,027 Suicide? 243 00:10:29,050 --> 00:10:30,910 Schmidt, please. I need some a... 244 00:10:30,951 --> 00:10:34,271 Well, just figure it out, dude! 245 00:10:34,308 --> 00:10:36,609 - Oh, it's my mom. - Okay, um, 246 00:10:36,624 --> 00:10:38,051 found the biggest rock I could carry. 247 00:10:38,909 --> 00:10:40,242 It was this one. Um... 248 00:10:40,269 --> 00:10:41,562 - It's heavy. - It's huge. Yeah, heavy. 249 00:10:41,583 --> 00:10:43,315 Oh, my God. Um... 250 00:10:43,484 --> 00:10:45,058 what are we doing here? 251 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:47,716 It's not that I'm not having fun, 'cause I am. 252 00:10:48,943 --> 00:10:51,049 It's okay if you didn't plan anything for my birthday. 253 00:10:51,069 --> 00:10:53,115 - Are you kidding?! - Really, Nick. 254 00:10:53,147 --> 00:10:54,713 Not only did I plan something, 255 00:10:54,736 --> 00:10:56,363 but my plan's about to blow your mind. 256 00:10:56,384 --> 00:10:58,811 - Honestly. - You need to trust me a little bit. 257 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:02,850 'Cause everything is about to be made very clear very soon. 258 00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:04,023 Oh, my God! 259 00:11:04,045 --> 00:11:05,592 - What? - Nick! 260 00:11:07,294 --> 00:11:08,686 You're the best. 261 00:11:08,718 --> 00:11:10,318 - I'm amazing. - I'm so surprised! 262 00:11:10,344 --> 00:11:11,961 - I'm so surprised. - This is amazing! 263 00:11:11,977 --> 00:11:14,197 - It's amazing! - This is amazing! Yay! 264 00:11:14,217 --> 00:11:15,470 Oh, son of a bitch! 265 00:11:15,489 --> 00:11:17,139 - Oh! - Don't touch anything! 266 00:11:17,159 --> 00:11:19,378 - It'll ruin the surprise! Yeah. - Yay! 267 00:11:19,397 --> 00:11:21,132 - Yes. - Yeah...! 268 00:11:21,156 --> 00:11:23,128 - Yay! - Hey, Jess, let's get out of here 269 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,945 - before anything ruins this perfect moment. - Ooh! 270 00:11:24,957 --> 00:11:27,398 I wouldn't t... Wait because we've got a whole, uh, ceremony. 271 00:11:27,423 --> 00:11:28,783 No! 272 00:11:29,157 --> 00:11:31,810 That lady took my birthday! 273 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:34,239 What is happening? 274 00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:44,181 - Jess! Look, look, I'm sorry, Jess. - No, no, no, Nick, 275 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,000 I just... I don't know why I get so crazy about birthdays. 276 00:11:47,019 --> 00:11:51,006 You know, it's crazy, 'cause you had a very fun day put together. 277 00:11:51,034 --> 00:11:53,107 Eggs and sex and... 278 00:11:53,149 --> 00:11:55,772 and a really long uphill walk. 279 00:11:55,846 --> 00:11:58,666 And, um... look, um, 280 00:11:58,693 --> 00:12:00,587 that's amazing for you, you know? 281 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:01,980 For me? 282 00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:04,316 You're not a guy who plans things. 283 00:12:05,387 --> 00:12:06,860 - Maybe I am. - Look... 284 00:12:06,886 --> 00:12:09,473 every day, you show me, in your own way, 285 00:12:09,505 --> 00:12:10,667 how you care about me. 286 00:12:10,687 --> 00:12:13,107 Like when you pick up rubber bands on the sidewalk. 287 00:12:13,126 --> 00:12:15,720 - For your ponytail. - I could not be more fine. 288 00:12:15,744 --> 00:12:17,650 I'm super chill. 289 00:12:18,707 --> 00:12:20,542 I'm just gonna go home for a second. 290 00:12:20,562 --> 00:12:22,036 - Jess, let's keep... Jess! - Bye. 291 00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:24,159 Don't follow me. 292 00:12:25,923 --> 00:12:28,103 - Sure you know how to tap a keg? - How hard could it be? 293 00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,819 It's beer, for crying out loud. It's the drink of idiots. 294 00:12:30,867 --> 00:12:33,401 - Wait. Nick told me something about... - Cece, look, I got... I got it. 295 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,240 - Ooh, there's a knob back here. - I got it in. 296 00:12:35,253 --> 00:12:37,123 He told me if I turn this, I shoulde able to... 297 00:12:37,142 --> 00:12:39,989 - Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, no! - Turn it off! 298 00:12:40,004 --> 00:12:41,757 - Oh, sorry! It's just... - Turn it off! 299 00:12:41,793 --> 00:12:43,126 Oh. 300 00:12:46,168 --> 00:12:47,214 You butt hole. 301 00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:49,146 You can't do anything right, can you? 302 00:12:50,545 --> 00:12:52,265 I'm so sorry. 303 00:12:57,107 --> 00:12:58,580 He's right, though. 304 00:12:58,609 --> 00:13:00,462 I can't do anything. 305 00:13:00,650 --> 00:13:02,349 No skills. 306 00:13:02,645 --> 00:13:05,326 I told you this, but I didn't even graduate high school. 307 00:13:05,346 --> 00:13:07,604 A lot of people never graduated high school. 308 00:13:07,625 --> 00:13:09,772 Okay-- Einstein, Bill Gates, 309 00:13:09,792 --> 00:13:11,394 Anne Frank. 310 00:13:12,468 --> 00:13:13,896 I'm gonna take back that last one. 311 00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:16,316 Why did I think that I could bartend? 312 00:13:17,145 --> 00:13:18,772 Because you can. 313 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:21,120 You are strong, and you are confident. 314 00:13:21,146 --> 00:13:23,334 Those are skills. Use them. 315 00:13:23,766 --> 00:13:25,438 And be a little bit meaner to the people here. 316 00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,913 It should be easy for you. Just pretend that they're me. 317 00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:31,272 You're right. That is easy. 318 00:13:31,279 --> 00:13:32,706 And pull your shirt down a little bit. 319 00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,943 - This isn't a monastery. - Do not push your luck with me. 320 00:13:34,956 --> 00:13:36,203 I'll look away. 321 00:13:37,505 --> 00:13:41,698 - You're wearing paper towels. Behind! - No it's an environmental-friendly, 322 00:13:41,718 --> 00:13:43,598 - recyclable apron. - Behind! Behind! 323 00:13:43,618 --> 00:13:45,503 Okay, real... really? Okay. 324 00:13:45,516 --> 00:13:46,797 - Behind. - Behind. 325 00:13:46,830 --> 00:13:48,096 Behind! 326 00:13:48,359 --> 00:13:50,258 - Whoa! Behind! - Behind! Behind. 327 00:13:50,298 --> 00:13:51,478 Behind! 328 00:13:52,448 --> 00:13:53,497 - Oh, so you... - Behind! 329 00:13:53,517 --> 00:13:55,837 Whoa! Behind. In front. 330 00:13:55,887 --> 00:13:57,901 Behind. What's this? 331 00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:03,653 - It's Jess! - Oh, my God. 332 00:14:03,681 --> 00:14:05,454 - I mean, it's Jess! Hey! - What's up, girl? 333 00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:07,301 What you... doing home? 334 00:14:07,327 --> 00:14:09,130 I'm great. I'm great. 335 00:14:09,154 --> 00:14:11,448 - Hide the cake. Hide the... - I'm great. - Behind. 336 00:14:12,050 --> 00:14:14,550 - How's your day going? - Going good? 337 00:14:15,935 --> 00:14:17,995 - You're crying? - Oh. 338 00:14:18,015 --> 00:14:19,840 I'm taking... 339 00:14:21,004 --> 00:14:22,286 - Um... - I got mine off first. 340 00:14:22,325 --> 00:14:25,199 - No, you didn't. - Rest up over here. - What a day, guys. 341 00:14:25,219 --> 00:14:27,672 - Really long, huh? - Yeah. Bet you had a long day, huh? 342 00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:29,351 I'm really fine. 343 00:14:29,673 --> 00:14:31,526 It had a real day, you know. 344 00:14:32,875 --> 00:14:34,544 I'm disappointed in Nick. 345 00:14:34,572 --> 00:14:37,512 - Yeah, you got to let that out, you know, 'cause... - But I'm disappointed 346 00:14:37,531 --> 00:14:40,871 in myself because I'm disappointed in Nick, you know. 347 00:14:40,890 --> 00:14:41,917 Oh, I feel you. 348 00:14:41,942 --> 00:14:43,989 - Yeah, that's messed up. - Yeah, let it out. Let it out. 349 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,068 I'm getting up. 350 00:14:45,088 --> 00:14:46,755 - Oh...! Jess... - No, no, no... 351 00:14:46,777 --> 00:14:49,461 Hey. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. 352 00:14:49,988 --> 00:14:52,641 Want you to close your eyes, breathe deep, 353 00:14:52,663 --> 00:14:55,492 and go to the most magical place on earth-- 354 00:14:55,766 --> 00:14:57,373 your imagination. 355 00:14:57,401 --> 00:14:58,714 Have you guys been baking? 356 00:14:58,736 --> 00:15:00,516 Ah, nah. Bakery downtown exploded. 357 00:15:00,529 --> 00:15:02,498 Don't look into it. It's not on the Internet. 358 00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:06,066 Yeah. She is here. What happened? 359 00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:09,190 She doesn't think I can do anything or plan anything, 360 00:15:09,203 --> 00:15:11,009 and it feels like crap. 361 00:15:11,036 --> 00:15:13,609 Maybe she's right. Why did I think I could pull this off? 362 00:15:14,111 --> 00:15:16,284 I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack. 363 00:15:16,304 --> 00:15:20,117 And I haven't arranged for anybody to clear my Internet history. 364 00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:22,278 I wasn't building a bomb! 365 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:23,620 I was just curious. 366 00:15:23,641 --> 00:15:25,875 Nick, you got a whole team of friends pulling for you, okay? 367 00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:28,477 Just get yourself home. You can still pull this off. 368 00:15:29,717 --> 00:15:31,053 Hey, Mike. 369 00:15:31,143 --> 00:15:32,783 - What? - So I cleaned out the beer trap, 370 00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:34,474 I polished all these wine glasses, 371 00:15:34,495 --> 00:15:38,043 and I turned that penis graffiti in the bathroom into a whimsical hat. 372 00:15:38,965 --> 00:15:41,258 Now my friend and I have to go to a party. 373 00:15:41,862 --> 00:15:43,987 All right, Schmidt, let's go. 374 00:15:45,229 --> 00:15:47,393 - You called me your friend. - Did I? 375 00:15:47,687 --> 00:15:49,351 And now, look, no matter what we see in here, 376 00:15:49,376 --> 00:15:51,977 I just want you to know that it's been an honor working with you. 377 00:15:52,698 --> 00:15:54,227 You, too, man. 378 00:16:00,594 --> 00:16:01,827 Oh... 379 00:16:02,901 --> 00:16:04,229 Wow, look at that. 380 00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,651 Oh, my God. 381 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,678 Oh, man. 382 00:16:12,883 --> 00:16:14,383 Our, uh... 383 00:16:14,517 --> 00:16:15,837 cakes merged. 384 00:16:16,305 --> 00:16:18,280 - Looks as if they have. - Yeah. 385 00:16:20,242 --> 00:16:21,501 Well... 386 00:16:22,779 --> 00:16:23,686 - Hey! - Aah! 387 00:16:23,699 --> 00:16:25,379 - Ah. - Ah. 388 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,584 Team check-in. Where we at? 389 00:16:26,616 --> 00:16:28,529 Our cake became double cake. 390 00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:29,652 Yeah. Two cakes. 391 00:16:29,666 --> 00:16:31,039 Yeah. 392 00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:33,081 Two cakes became one? 393 00:16:33,101 --> 00:16:34,174 - Two cakes, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 394 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,192 - Fantastic, I'll go get Jess. - Cool. - Nice. 395 00:16:36,210 --> 00:16:37,532 Hey, Jess. 396 00:16:39,455 --> 00:16:40,752 Hey, guys! 397 00:16:43,346 --> 00:16:44,794 What's up, man? 398 00:16:45,181 --> 00:16:46,681 She's at the movies. 399 00:16:46,942 --> 00:16:48,510 - This might actually work. - At the what...? 400 00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:49,733 Come on! 401 00:16:52,039 --> 00:16:53,966 More, more. 402 00:16:55,254 --> 00:16:56,523 More. 403 00:16:56,536 --> 00:16:57,683 Uh... 404 00:16:57,709 --> 00:16:58,749 and, okay. 405 00:16:58,771 --> 00:17:01,324 I think we're good. Same to the second one. 406 00:17:08,807 --> 00:17:10,975 Hey, Jess, it's, uh, Nick. 407 00:17:11,216 --> 00:17:12,776 You obviously knew that. 408 00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:17,179 Um, I know this is where you always go on your birthday to be by yourself, 409 00:17:17,230 --> 00:17:20,343 but I thought this year you might want a little company. 410 00:17:20,362 --> 00:17:22,155 Mind if I sit? 411 00:17:22,425 --> 00:17:23,924 Look under the seat. 412 00:17:26,315 --> 00:17:28,216 Now please read the card, I'll wait. 413 00:17:28,236 --> 00:17:29,773 How did you know I was gonna be sitting here? 414 00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:30,859 I put one under every seat, 415 00:17:30,882 --> 00:17:33,005 - but you got to go fast, 'cause of the timing. - Okay. 416 00:17:33,024 --> 00:17:34,892 "My name is Jess, I like to wear tights. 417 00:17:34,912 --> 00:17:37,539 It's dark in this room, so let's turn on the lights." 418 00:17:37,580 --> 00:17:39,172 Surprise! 419 00:17:40,883 --> 00:17:42,090 Whoo! 420 00:17:42,111 --> 00:17:44,107 That's enough. Timing, guys, timing. 421 00:17:50,916 --> 00:17:52,336 In the beginning, there was nothing, 422 00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:55,262 and then there was light and dark and oceans and birds and stuff... 423 00:17:55,285 --> 00:17:57,531 and then there was Jess! 424 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,361 Nick? This was the plan all along? 425 00:18:04,801 --> 00:18:06,761 What do I think of when I think of Jess? 426 00:18:06,782 --> 00:18:09,209 When I think of Jess. Okay... 427 00:18:09,246 --> 00:18:11,099 When I think about Jess... 428 00:18:11,134 --> 00:18:14,503 I think of how sweet she is and how smart she is. 429 00:18:14,644 --> 00:18:17,804 ...uh, is glasses and the hair thing. 430 00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:20,191 ...think of dance parties and sleepovers... 431 00:18:20,210 --> 00:18:22,883 Jess does not like being tackled. 432 00:18:22,905 --> 00:18:25,233 The eyes, two eyes. 433 00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:27,339 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 434 00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,429 Your youthful exuberance... 435 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,122 exhausts me. 436 00:18:33,635 --> 00:18:35,581 May it fade with each passing year. 437 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:37,028 Well, she made me try papayas. 438 00:18:37,054 --> 00:18:38,381 That was cool. 439 00:18:38,401 --> 00:18:40,165 They're super soft inside. 440 00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:42,417 Jess is the upstairs lady. 441 00:18:42,678 --> 00:18:44,628 There is a... there is a ma... 442 00:18:45,519 --> 00:18:47,519 I feel like I'm not doing this right. 443 00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:49,209 You make mistakes. 444 00:18:49,893 --> 00:18:53,013 Happy birthday to my best work friend. 445 00:18:53,036 --> 00:18:54,576 Tina, if you see this, I'm sorry. 446 00:18:54,582 --> 00:18:58,452 I just feel like we drifted apart after Jeremy's cocaine thing. 447 00:18:58,627 --> 00:19:00,134 It was awkward. 448 00:19:00,156 --> 00:19:04,269 "When the stirrups of life start to feel like the speculum of old age..." 449 00:19:04,288 --> 00:19:07,662 Nick, I'm not reading this. This is terrible. Happy birtay, Jess. 450 00:19:07,683 --> 00:19:09,529 Your boyfriend is sweet and simple 451 00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,800 and will not get out of my waiting room. 452 00:19:12,047 --> 00:19:14,407 I saw a squirrel once. It looked like Jess. 453 00:19:15,097 --> 00:19:16,480 Then it attacked my sister, 454 00:19:16,512 --> 00:19:18,680 So I had to beat it with a stick, 455 00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:21,341 and then it didn't look like Jess anymore. 456 00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,417 Happy birthday. It's Bearclaw. 457 00:19:23,439 --> 00:19:24,876 ♪ Birthday 458 00:19:25,094 --> 00:19:26,951 ♪ Winston is about to do some... ♪ 459 00:19:29,678 --> 00:19:32,051 He said a bunch, but it was really weird and racist. 460 00:19:32,068 --> 00:19:34,515 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 461 00:19:34,544 --> 00:19:36,345 Yay! 462 00:19:36,606 --> 00:19:39,965 What I remember most of all is the pain. 463 00:19:39,996 --> 00:19:42,856 Honestly, it was 36 hours-- 464 00:19:42,876 --> 00:19:47,077 more than that-- of just searing, ripping, and then... 465 00:19:51,161 --> 00:19:54,741 Out you came, the most beautiful, 466 00:19:55,124 --> 00:19:57,800 beautiful little baby I ever saw in my life. 467 00:19:57,812 --> 00:19:59,253 And I forgot all the pain. 468 00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:03,010 When you were born, I got a deli sandwich at the hospital cafeteria. 469 00:20:03,039 --> 00:20:05,283 And then there was a baby. 470 00:20:05,868 --> 00:20:09,268 Happy birthday to my oldest and my best friend. 471 00:20:09,281 --> 00:20:10,702 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 472 00:20:10,726 --> 00:20:11,693 Happy birthday. 473 00:20:11,727 --> 00:20:12,957 Birthday. 474 00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:14,017 Happy birthday, Jess. 475 00:20:14,037 --> 00:20:15,157 Happy birthday, Jess. 476 00:20:15,183 --> 00:20:17,683 Happy birthday... from Bearclaw. 477 00:20:17,707 --> 00:20:19,580 I love you. Happy birthday. 478 00:20:19,616 --> 00:20:21,343 Happy, happy birthday. 479 00:20:21,357 --> 00:20:23,926 You have a cool boyfriend. 480 00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:28,017 This is the coin I had in my pocket the first night we kissed. 481 00:20:29,004 --> 00:20:30,711 And I always have it. 482 00:20:31,239 --> 00:20:32,252 Happy birthday, Jess. 483 00:20:32,278 --> 00:20:36,676 ♪ Happy birthday to you 484 00:20:36,706 --> 00:20:37,626 Cha, cha, cha. 485 00:20:37,641 --> 00:20:42,730 ♪ Happy birthday to you 486 00:20:42,749 --> 00:20:43,708 ♪ Ooh, ooh 487 00:20:43,732 --> 00:20:46,868 ♪ Happy birthday dear Jess... 488 00:20:46,889 --> 00:20:50,609 Um... hmm, where'd... Where'd she...? 489 00:20:51,755 --> 00:20:52,855 Where'd...? 490 00:20:55,959 --> 00:21:00,113 Hey, Jess, I'm so sorry. That was cheesy, embarrassing. 491 00:21:00,517 --> 00:21:03,920 I didn't have great talent to work with. Winston was terrible. 492 00:21:11,424 --> 00:21:14,558 It's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 493 00:21:18,798 --> 00:21:20,394 And I'm sorry. 494 00:21:23,666 --> 00:21:26,462 Shh, shh. It's starting. 495 00:21:31,374 --> 00:21:33,228 Happy birthday, Jess. 496 00:21:34,416 --> 00:21:38,089 - That was so stupid, dude. - Oh, what is wrong with you? 497 00:21:38,113 --> 00:21:39,095 Ashamed of yourself. 498 00:21:39,122 --> 00:21:41,256 - Come on, Schmidt. - Quit it. 499 00:21:47,637 --> 00:21:49,450 - Boo. - No! 500 00:21:52,051 --> 00:21:58,051 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther