1
00:00:00,372 --> 00:00:03,378
"Kirstie" is taped
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:11,895 --> 00:00:14,059
What are you doing
in Arlo's room?
3
00:00:14,093 --> 00:00:16,997
Uh, you forget, this used to be
my wrapping room,
4
00:00:17,031 --> 00:00:18,466
and I have
to wrap something.
5
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:20,833
- What?
- My date's penis.
6
00:00:22,246 --> 00:00:24,518
I'm looking
for a spare condom, okay?
7
00:00:24,552 --> 00:00:27,788
Didn't we just get you
a case a few weeks ago?
8
00:00:28,448 --> 00:00:31,495
What do you want from me?
I gave up gluten.
9
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:36,135
- What's going on in here?
- We're looking for something.
10
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,561
Oh.
Well, here, let me help.
11
00:00:43,623 --> 00:00:46,006
Well, it's not in there.
12
00:00:46,992 --> 00:00:49,497
What are we
looking for, anyway?
13
00:00:51,071 --> 00:00:53,706
- Hey.
- Oh, Arlo, you're home.
14
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:55,742
What happened
to my pillow?
15
00:00:55,777 --> 00:01:00,782
Well, you see, a gentleman
caller stopped by and...
16
00:01:00,817 --> 00:01:04,374
Blanche Dubois
was looking for a rubber.
17
00:01:05,127 --> 00:01:08,836
Oh. So a condom, huh?
18
00:01:08,872 --> 00:01:11,108
Uh, well,
let's see here.
19
00:01:11,142 --> 00:01:13,858
Nope,
guess I'm fresh out.
20
00:01:13,859 --> 00:01:16,678
Been on a bit
of a booty bender lately.
21
00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:21,717
Oh, my God,
you haven't had sex, have you?
22
00:01:21,718 --> 00:01:23,587
What?
23
00:01:24,201 --> 00:01:26,536
Where'd you get that?
24
00:01:26,571 --> 00:01:29,946
Because no one who's had sex
calls it "booty bender."
25
00:01:30,621 --> 00:01:34,328
Nor does their voice go up
six octaves.
26
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,461
Your kid's a virgin.
27
00:01:37,495 --> 00:01:40,433
Doesn't get
more ironic than that.
28
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:45,006
But, Arlo, you want
to do it, right?
29
00:01:45,041 --> 00:01:48,178
No, I prefer to stay
a misunderstood loner.
30
00:01:48,212 --> 00:01:50,316
No, of course
I want to do it.
31
00:01:50,350 --> 00:01:53,389
I just get really shy
and awkward around girls.
32
00:01:53,423 --> 00:01:55,892
Oh. We're more alike
than I thought.
33
00:01:55,926 --> 00:02:00,398
There's many times that I've gotten shy
and awkward around the opposite sex.
34
00:02:00,433 --> 00:02:03,818
Hey, Maddie, you ready to go?
I'm locked and loaded.
35
00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:06,510
Aye, aye, Captain.
36
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:11,446
She's just not shy and awkward
during fleet week.
37
00:02:18,171 --> 00:02:20,869
Season 1, Episode 7
"Like a Virgin"
38
00:02:20,895 --> 00:02:23,895
Synced by dcdah & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
39
00:02:24,035 --> 00:02:27,958
Thelma, you know
I sign my own autographs.
40
00:02:34,435 --> 00:02:37,271
26 years old
and still a virgin.
41
00:02:37,305 --> 00:02:40,349
The Elephant Man
lost it before that.
42
00:02:40,779 --> 00:02:42,647
Come on,
lots of guys his age
43
00:02:42,682 --> 00:02:46,014
have waited to...
how do I put this delicately?
44
00:02:46,048 --> 00:02:49,308
Bury their salami
in a lady sandwich.
45
00:02:50,287 --> 00:02:53,868
Remind me not to have
salami for lunch.
46
00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:59,559
So how old were you when you
went to your first deli?
47
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:03,035
24 and change.
48
00:03:03,069 --> 00:03:05,139
Wow, why'd you wait
so long?
49
00:03:05,173 --> 00:03:09,146
Well, I planned on waiting forever.
I was in Seminary.
50
00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:14,318
But I took this trip to Vegas
to spread the gospel when I met her.
51
00:03:14,353 --> 00:03:17,399
Chesty Volpone.
52
00:03:18,056 --> 00:03:20,057
She was a showgirl,
you know?
53
00:03:20,092 --> 00:03:25,160
Not to be confused with
Chesty Volpone, the poet laureate.
54
00:03:25,194 --> 00:03:28,827
Anyway, after a couple glasses
of the blessed grape,
55
00:03:28,862 --> 00:03:31,968
she pulled me under
the all-you-could-eat buffet,
56
00:03:32,002 --> 00:03:34,985
and, boy, did I.
57
00:03:36,778 --> 00:03:39,543
Wow, 24.
58
00:03:39,577 --> 00:03:41,479
Oh, I take it
you were a tad younger?
59
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,717
Uh, a tad.
60
00:03:43,751 --> 00:03:46,555
I just turned 16.
I was doing summer stock.
61
00:03:46,589 --> 00:03:48,689
The show was
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
62
00:03:48,723 --> 00:03:50,757
I did six of 'em.
63
00:03:52,392 --> 00:03:54,759
My next show
was 12 Angry Men.
64
00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:57,286
I almost ended up
in the hospital.
65
00:03:59,096 --> 00:04:02,143
♪ Good evening,
one and all ♪
66
00:04:02,497 --> 00:04:04,269
Hi, Brittany.
67
00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:06,172
Maddie, I brought you
some tea.
68
00:04:06,207 --> 00:04:08,710
I noticed you looked a little
peaked after the matinee.
69
00:04:08,744 --> 00:04:10,444
Are you sure you're okay
to go on tonight?
70
00:04:10,478 --> 00:04:11,946
You're not going on for me,
Brittany.
71
00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:13,849
Of course not,
you little trouper.
72
00:04:13,883 --> 00:04:15,718
You can still have the tea
if you want.
73
00:04:15,753 --> 00:04:18,422
You're trying to drug me
again, aren't you?
74
00:04:18,457 --> 00:04:21,707
♪ Good-bye,
one and all ♪
75
00:04:22,758 --> 00:04:24,727
Bye, Brittany.
76
00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:26,597
This Arlo thing
is all my fault.
77
00:04:26,632 --> 00:04:31,523
If I had raised him, he would've lost
it to a teacher, like a normal kid.
78
00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:35,045
I have missed so many
milestones in his life.
79
00:04:35,079 --> 00:04:37,914
Well, there's nothing
you can do about this one.
80
00:04:37,948 --> 00:04:40,149
You can't help him
lose his virginity.
81
00:04:40,184 --> 00:04:43,571
I really, really,
really hope.
82
00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:47,332
How about if I take the kid out
tonight while you're doing the show?
83
00:04:47,333 --> 00:04:50,525
I'll be his wingman. You know,
all he needs is a little confidence.
84
00:04:50,527 --> 00:04:51,761
That's a great idea.
85
00:04:51,795 --> 00:04:54,398
And, Frank,
do not get him a hooker.
86
00:04:54,433 --> 00:04:58,634
And if you do, and I find out,
you've got to let me reimburse you.
87
00:05:04,149 --> 00:05:05,915
You.
88
00:05:06,012 --> 00:05:08,747
- You come here a lot?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm a regular.
89
00:05:08,781 --> 00:05:12,745
- Hey, Smokey, the usual.
- Banana daiquiri with an umbrella.
90
00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:14,454
Yeah, yeah.
And one for the kid.
91
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:17,890
And throw in one of those little
plastic swords if you got one.
92
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:23,798
So, Arlo, you know,
this whole virgin thing.
93
00:05:23,832 --> 00:05:26,268
I mean, you've done some stuff
with a girl, right?
94
00:05:26,302 --> 00:05:28,571
Man, is this why you
asked me out for a drink?
95
00:05:28,606 --> 00:05:31,430
No, no, no.
Yes.
96
00:05:32,113 --> 00:05:35,168
So have you
ever done this?
97
00:05:35,655 --> 00:05:39,490
Draw a stick figure with an erection?
Not since third grade.
98
00:05:39,603 --> 00:05:42,538
Well, now,
don't sass me, boy.
99
00:05:42,573 --> 00:05:45,244
I'm just trying to help you
find someone.
100
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,644
Oh, yeah.
101
00:05:50,820 --> 00:05:52,620
Who feels like fightin'?
102
00:05:52,655 --> 00:05:55,389
Frank, Frank,
Frank, Frank.
103
00:05:55,669 --> 00:05:57,537
Listen, I know
you're just trying to help,
104
00:05:57,572 --> 00:05:59,881
but I really don't think
that this is the type of place
105
00:05:59,882 --> 00:06:01,040
where I'm gonna
meet someone.
106
00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:03,845
Why not? I mean,
there are some nice women here.
107
00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:08,084
Nice, sad, drunk,
desperate women.
108
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:10,353
Hey, yo,
you like my friend here?
109
00:06:10,388 --> 00:06:13,191
- Not really.
- Oh, okay.
110
00:06:13,225 --> 00:06:15,095
Well, you just keep
drinking, lady,
111
00:06:15,130 --> 00:06:17,938
'cause we're gonna
catch up with you later.
112
00:06:18,704 --> 00:06:22,238
- Okay, I'm just gonna call it a night.
- No, no. We just got here.
113
00:06:22,272 --> 00:06:24,906
Look, if you're not good
at approaching women,
114
00:06:24,941 --> 00:06:26,775
we're gonna get them
to approach you.
115
00:06:26,809 --> 00:06:29,179
- How?
- You see that mechanical bull?
116
00:06:29,213 --> 00:06:32,083
Two minutes on that, and
the ladies will be a-flockin'!
117
00:06:32,084 --> 00:06:33,888
I'm not getting on
that thing. I'll kill myself.
118
00:06:33,922 --> 00:06:36,589
- Watch, I'm gonna go first.
- You know how to ride that?
119
00:06:36,623 --> 00:06:39,092
Do I know
how to ride that?
120
00:06:39,893 --> 00:06:41,962
Guess we'll find out.
121
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:52,343
Frank, are you okay?
122
00:06:52,377 --> 00:06:54,401
Never better.
123
00:06:55,283 --> 00:06:57,327
Who's Frank?
124
00:07:00,417 --> 00:07:02,659
Look, it's me!
125
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,939
- Have a good show tonight.
- You too, Jeffrey.
126
00:07:06,980 --> 00:07:10,107
And since we're on the subject,
you know what makes for a bad show?
127
00:07:10,108 --> 00:07:12,228
You upstaging me,
like you've been doing
128
00:07:12,229 --> 00:07:14,665
during my monologue
for the last three nights.
129
00:07:17,691 --> 00:07:21,193
I'm sorry, Jeffrey.
I'll be careful not to do that.
130
00:07:21,228 --> 00:07:25,039
That's it?
No throwing lipstick?
131
00:07:25,410 --> 00:07:27,745
No telling me
to shove anything?
132
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:31,736
- What's the matter, Maddie?
- I'm fine. Nothing's wrong.
133
00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:36,401
Maddie, I am not only your co-star
and de facto acting teacher.
134
00:07:37,467 --> 00:07:41,472
I am a friend.
You can share anything with me.
135
00:07:41,507 --> 00:07:44,143
Well, I've been having
this problem with Arlo.
136
00:07:44,177 --> 00:07:47,026
Well, sounds like
you got a real handle on it.
137
00:07:48,113 --> 00:07:52,685
Oh, and during my monologue,
quiet as a church mouse.
138
00:07:52,719 --> 00:07:54,219
Jeffrey!
139
00:07:55,324 --> 00:07:57,294
I didn't happen to leave
a pair of my panties
140
00:07:57,295 --> 00:07:58,724
in your dressing room
last night?
141
00:07:58,725 --> 00:08:01,360
- No.
- Maybe tomorrow night.
142
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:07,505
Oh, uh, Brittany, could you come
in my dressing room for a minute?
143
00:08:07,506 --> 00:08:10,062
I'm here. I'm here.
I'm ready. I can go on.
144
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:14,584
- No, I don't need you to go on, Brittany.
- Oh, of course not.
145
00:08:14,634 --> 00:08:16,567
Oh, you never miss
a performance.
146
00:08:16,602 --> 00:08:20,417
You're like that old plow horse
that refuses to roll over and die.
147
00:08:21,807 --> 00:08:24,210
So why'd you
want to see me?
148
00:08:24,349 --> 00:08:26,147
Actually, I wanted
to ask you a favor.
149
00:08:26,867 --> 00:08:30,120
You've given pleasure to pretty
much every straight chorus boy
150
00:08:30,155 --> 00:08:32,839
from Phantom to
Mamma Mia!, right?
151
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:34,091
How dare you?
152
00:08:34,126 --> 00:08:36,936
There are no straight
chorus boys in Mamma Mia!
153
00:08:42,106 --> 00:08:46,042
My point is, I know
you're generous with your love,
154
00:08:46,077 --> 00:08:48,143
and... oh...
155
00:08:48,178 --> 00:08:50,049
I can't even believe
I'm asking you this.
156
00:08:50,050 --> 00:08:52,190
- Could you ever consider...
- Hang on, sister.
157
00:08:52,191 --> 00:08:54,599
I don't do
girl-on-girl anymore.
158
00:08:57,590 --> 00:09:01,196
That was a one-time deal, 'cause
I really wanted to be in Pippin.
159
00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,607
No, it's not for me.
It's for my son.
160
00:09:03,608 --> 00:09:05,071
- Oh.
- Yeah.
161
00:09:05,072 --> 00:09:08,433
I was hoping that you might be able
to help him lose his virginity.
162
00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:11,072
- Gross! What kind of person...
- And then I would let you go on for me.
163
00:09:11,106 --> 00:09:14,145
What would I be if I didn't
do a favor for my buddy?
164
00:09:14,476 --> 00:09:20,077
Okay. So tell me, what's he into?
Kink? S&M? Rough trade?
165
00:09:20,521 --> 00:09:22,558
No, no, no, no.
Don't... don't scar him.
166
00:09:22,592 --> 00:09:24,228
It's his first time.
167
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,411
Just give him something
off the kids' menu.
168
00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:30,570
Got it.
169
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:33,030
So when do I get
to go on for you?
170
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:37,073
- Um, Wednesday matinee.
- Saturday night.
171
00:09:37,107 --> 00:09:39,842
- Thursday night.
- Saturday night.
172
00:09:39,877 --> 00:09:43,246
- Friday night.
- By the way, is your kid hot?
173
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:46,081
Saturday night.
174
00:09:54,455 --> 00:09:58,347
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know
anyone else was in here.
175
00:09:58,662 --> 00:10:01,099
Yeah, I'm just waiting
for my mother.
176
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,873
Oh, you must be
Maddie's boy.
177
00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:08,308
She didn't tell me
how ruggedly handsome you are.
178
00:10:12,515 --> 00:10:15,350
Wow, you're what I like to call
Friday night
179
00:10:15,384 --> 00:10:17,946
and Saturday night
handsome.
180
00:10:18,656 --> 00:10:21,992
Thanks. I've never heard
that phrase before.
181
00:10:22,026 --> 00:10:23,967
I'm Brittany.
182
00:10:24,147 --> 00:10:27,867
Your mother didn't feel well after
the matinee, so she went home.
183
00:10:27,902 --> 00:10:31,207
I'm going on for her
tonight.
184
00:10:31,241 --> 00:10:33,980
I guess I should
get going then.
185
00:10:34,014 --> 00:10:36,817
Where's the fire,
fireman?
186
00:10:36,851 --> 00:10:40,287
You know, sometimes I get a little
nervous before a performance
187
00:10:40,322 --> 00:10:44,424
and need help
relieving the tension.
188
00:10:45,932 --> 00:10:48,932
- Know what I mean?
- Not really.
189
00:10:48,966 --> 00:10:50,865
Seriously?
190
00:10:51,436 --> 00:10:52,737
Oh, ow, ow.
191
00:10:52,771 --> 00:10:55,742
I-I think I pulled
a muscle in my thigh.
192
00:10:55,777 --> 00:10:57,076
Got any lotion?
193
00:10:57,111 --> 00:11:00,377
I think I have some sunblock
in my fanny pack.
194
00:11:01,257 --> 00:11:06,028
Don't speak. Just unzip me.
I need help trying on my costumes.
195
00:11:06,851 --> 00:11:09,198
Oh, there's a boob!
196
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:15,364
Are you trying
to seduce me?
197
00:11:15,398 --> 00:11:18,921
Yes, but you're not
making it very easy.
198
00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:22,993
I could get Neil Patrick Harris
in bed faster than you.
199
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:28,822
Hey, any sign
of Arlo yet?
200
00:11:28,857 --> 00:11:33,525
Not yet. I think Operation Cherry Buster
might be working.
201
00:11:33,923 --> 00:11:36,697
- And you're welcome.
- For what?
202
00:11:36,731 --> 00:11:38,632
It was my idea
to use my understudy.
203
00:11:38,667 --> 00:11:41,109
You obviously came up empty
at the bar.
204
00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:45,466
I gave him confidence.
I loosened up the jar.
205
00:11:47,405 --> 00:11:49,371
Not to mention my hip.
206
00:11:49,797 --> 00:11:50,972
Oh, brownies.
207
00:11:51,007 --> 00:11:53,509
Ah-ah-ah, not for you.
These are medicinal.
208
00:11:53,510 --> 00:11:55,426
They're for my hip.
209
00:11:56,172 --> 00:11:58,601
So you're definitely not
going in tonight, right?
210
00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,370
Because once I bite
into one of these,
211
00:12:00,404 --> 00:12:04,176
the only thing I'm driving
is the psychedelic express.
212
00:12:04,211 --> 00:12:05,780
Knock yourself out.
213
00:12:05,814 --> 00:12:09,188
I'm gonna go lock the terrace door
in case you try to fly again.
214
00:12:10,989 --> 00:12:14,694
Frank, my man!
How's my bud?
215
00:12:14,728 --> 00:12:17,099
Good, good.
How's it going with you?
216
00:12:17,133 --> 00:12:19,902
I had
the most awesome afternoon.
217
00:12:19,937 --> 00:12:25,173
I met this incredible girl,
and we seriously hit it off.
218
00:12:25,207 --> 00:12:29,740
Twice,
if you know what I mean.
219
00:12:29,774 --> 00:12:33,210
I had sex with her twice.
220
00:12:33,648 --> 00:12:37,178
Once, and then again.
221
00:12:38,455 --> 00:12:42,221
I get it, I get it.
Congratulations.
222
00:12:42,256 --> 00:12:44,455
- You got a girl.
- No. No, Frank.
223
00:12:44,490 --> 00:12:46,659
Not just a girl...
an angel.
224
00:12:46,693 --> 00:12:49,315
I'm telling you, man.
She's the one. I'm in love.
225
00:12:49,316 --> 00:12:50,777
Love?
226
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:54,484
- Oh, can I have one?
- Nuh-uh! Only with a prescription!
227
00:12:57,449 --> 00:12:58,880
Jeffrey, it's me.
228
00:12:58,914 --> 00:13:01,348
I'm so sorry I had
to call in sick tonight.
229
00:13:01,382 --> 00:13:03,850
Oh, you're not here?
I thought I saw you.
230
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:07,282
Oh, wait, that was just
moose the stagehand.
231
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:11,257
Yeah, that's right.
I'm not there.
232
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,428
Brittany's going on
for me tonight.
233
00:13:13,462 --> 00:13:16,026
I hope you have
all your shots.
234
00:13:17,613 --> 00:13:20,711
Maddie, Maddie, Maddie!
We have trouble.
235
00:13:20,712 --> 00:13:21,858
What's wrong?
236
00:13:21,859 --> 00:13:25,383
Well, Arlo... he came home, and
he did it with that Brittany girl.
237
00:13:25,417 --> 00:13:27,010
Yes!
238
00:13:28,021 --> 00:13:30,187
My little boy's a man.
239
00:13:30,221 --> 00:13:31,956
And it's all because of me.
240
00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:34,961
I cannot believe
you went through with this.
241
00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:36,765
You've actually hit
a new low.
242
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:40,139
A mother wouldn't even do this
on Game of Thrones.
243
00:13:40,982 --> 00:13:43,150
Will you listen to me?
244
00:13:43,184 --> 00:13:47,488
They didn't just do the deed.
Arlo... he thinks he's in love with her.
245
00:13:47,523 --> 00:13:48,791
What?
246
00:13:48,825 --> 00:13:51,082
And he thinks that Brittany
is in love with him.
247
00:13:51,083 --> 00:13:55,520
- Well, why would he think that?
- Because apparently, she told him that.
248
00:13:55,561 --> 00:13:58,306
What? That isn't
the deal we made.
249
00:13:58,307 --> 00:14:01,478
I told that skank
to give my son a quickie.
250
00:14:03,405 --> 00:14:07,396
Tell me again how you didn't
get the cover of Redbook.
251
00:14:08,008 --> 00:14:09,475
Frank, get the car.
252
00:14:09,509 --> 00:14:11,874
- We're going to the theater!
- Sure.
253
00:14:11,909 --> 00:14:14,975
You know, we better hurry
before these things take effect.
254
00:14:15,009 --> 00:14:16,511
You know what?
255
00:14:16,545 --> 00:14:20,150
We better hurry
before these things take effect.
256
00:14:25,721 --> 00:14:27,455
I don't have
a green thumb.
257
00:14:27,489 --> 00:14:30,217
I was lucky enough
to get a green card.
258
00:14:31,925 --> 00:14:35,095
- Maddie! What are you doing here?
- Deal's off, bitch!
259
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:38,109
- You're not going on!
- What? Why?
260
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:40,043
Because you told my son
you loved him!
261
00:14:40,077 --> 00:14:42,856
The poor kid's at home right now,
making plans for your future.
262
00:14:42,857 --> 00:14:45,160
Oh, so maybe I improvised
a bit in the heat of the moment.
263
00:14:45,194 --> 00:14:48,755
I don't just phone in
my performance like some people!
264
00:14:49,102 --> 00:14:51,803
There's a knock.
Is there someone at the door?
265
00:14:51,837 --> 00:14:53,506
There's my cue.
266
00:14:54,372 --> 00:14:58,577
Owen Winchester.
As I live and breathe!
267
00:14:58,611 --> 00:15:01,084
Elizabeth?
My God, what's it been?
268
00:15:01,118 --> 00:15:03,423
- 15 years?
- Oh, don't look at me.
269
00:15:03,457 --> 00:15:05,426
I must look a wreck
after my travel.
270
00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:08,706
Let me just powder my nose.
271
00:15:09,899 --> 00:15:12,434
I believe this reunion
calls for a drink.
272
00:15:12,468 --> 00:15:13,969
What do you say?
273
00:15:14,003 --> 00:15:15,871
Still partial
to apple Brandy?
274
00:15:15,905 --> 00:15:18,554
You remember.
275
00:15:19,111 --> 00:15:22,462
I can't believe it, Elizabeth.
You haven't changed...
276
00:15:23,615 --> 00:15:25,201
A bit.
277
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:27,589
I'm dying to catch up,
Owen.
278
00:15:27,623 --> 00:15:31,210
Let me just tell my driver
to put my luggage in my room.
279
00:15:31,565 --> 00:15:35,234
I believe Victoria has put us
in adjoining bedrooms.
280
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:38,636
I trust that
won't be a problem.
281
00:15:39,261 --> 00:15:42,601
Perhaps aunt Vicki is
hoping to rekindle something.
282
00:15:42,635 --> 00:15:44,282
Something that is long gone.
283
00:15:44,283 --> 00:15:47,088
Then, would a dear friend
care to go on the balcony
284
00:15:47,122 --> 00:15:49,256
and reminisce
about old times?
285
00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:52,049
Of course. Tell me
what you've been up to.
286
00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:54,061
I want to hear everything.
287
00:15:54,062 --> 00:15:56,466
- Well, once we parted ways...
- Aah!
288
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:59,939
I decided to lick
my wounds in Europe,
289
00:15:59,973 --> 00:16:03,239
and one afternoon
in Parc de Bercy,
290
00:16:03,273 --> 00:16:06,872
I heard a familiar laugh.
291
00:16:06,906 --> 00:16:10,376
I turned,
and it was Catherine.
292
00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:14,281
Can you imagine?
5,000 miles from home.
293
00:16:15,411 --> 00:16:19,480
Of all the arrondissements,
she had to pick Le douzieme.
294
00:16:22,818 --> 00:16:26,588
- So you're really leaving?
- For three years?
295
00:16:26,622 --> 00:16:29,544
Maybe even longer.
296
00:16:30,586 --> 00:16:34,619
- I don't understand.
- I'm as shocked as you are.
297
00:16:36,934 --> 00:16:39,202
But how often does one
get the opportunity
298
00:16:39,236 --> 00:16:42,503
to play children's theater
in Alaska?
299
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:48,804
I don't know how to tell you this,
Brittany, but I can't go with you.
300
00:16:48,838 --> 00:16:52,250
- I'm just getting my life started here.
- Oh, thank God.
301
00:16:52,643 --> 00:16:56,782
I mean, thank God we'll always have
that magical afternoon to remember.
302
00:16:56,816 --> 00:17:00,255
I had so many plans for us, but it seems
like we'll only have time
303
00:17:00,289 --> 00:17:01,789
for one last kiss
good-bye.
304
00:17:01,824 --> 00:17:05,283
Or better yet, what if
our last kiss were...
305
00:17:05,628 --> 00:17:07,473
A fist bump?
306
00:17:14,733 --> 00:17:18,002
♪ Good-bye,
one and all ♪
307
00:17:23,155 --> 00:17:25,510
I can't believe
she's gone.
308
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:30,319
Oh, I know.
It hurts.
309
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:33,023
But you never forget
your first love.
310
00:17:33,057 --> 00:17:35,590
- Who was yours?
- No idea.
311
00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:42,509
Hey.
Arlo's still not up?
312
00:17:42,543 --> 00:17:45,829
Hope he didn't lie awake
all night, pining over Brittany.
313
00:17:45,830 --> 00:17:48,132
Yeah, that little
half-pint tramp.
314
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:51,869
She served her purpose, but I'm sure
he's not thinking about her anymore.
315
00:17:51,903 --> 00:17:54,903
Nah. It's hard to stop
thinking about your first.
316
00:17:54,938 --> 00:17:58,484
I still dream
about Chesty Volpone.
317
00:17:58,768 --> 00:18:01,204
Well, why don't you
try and track her down?
318
00:18:01,238 --> 00:18:04,809
- You used to be a detective.
- Yeah, until I lost my license.
319
00:18:04,844 --> 00:18:07,018
What'd you do?
Ruffle some feathers?
320
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,616
Blow the whistle
on the corrupt chief?
321
00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:12,951
No, I literally forgot
to renew my license.
322
00:18:14,014 --> 00:18:18,054
But you're right. I should see
if I can track her down.
323
00:18:18,088 --> 00:18:20,926
Now, to put
my detective hat on.
324
00:18:22,424 --> 00:18:25,157
Yeah, in Las Vegas, connect me
to the Golden Nugget.
325
00:18:25,770 --> 00:18:29,580
Now, I know this is gonna sound
crazy, but about 37 years ago,
326
00:18:29,581 --> 00:18:32,691
you had a showgirl
named Chesty Volpone.
327
00:18:32,971 --> 00:18:34,905
Yeah, I'll hold.
328
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:38,178
- She still works there.
- Get out.
329
00:18:38,213 --> 00:18:41,219
Bet they call her
Droopy Volpone by now.
330
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:45,692
My God. I bet she has
enormous benefits.
331
00:18:46,762 --> 00:18:48,430
Hello, Chesty.
332
00:18:48,465 --> 00:18:52,103
Yeah, I'm sure you don't know
who this is, but... yeah!
333
00:18:52,138 --> 00:18:54,084
It's Frank.
334
00:18:54,408 --> 00:18:57,978
What? No, I didn't say
I was gonna call you.
335
00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:01,445
No, I didn't.
No, I didn't.
336
00:19:01,446 --> 00:19:02,847
All right, now,
calm down.
337
00:19:02,872 --> 00:19:05,525
There's no need to use language
like that, Chesty.
338
00:19:05,526 --> 00:19:08,528
No, you shove it!
You shove it!
339
00:19:10,370 --> 00:19:14,226
Man, I should've married
that girl.
340
00:19:16,595 --> 00:19:17,896
Morning.
341
00:19:17,930 --> 00:19:19,998
Oh, hi, sweetie.
How you doing?
342
00:19:20,032 --> 00:19:21,466
I'm doing fine.
343
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:25,668
Hey, Arlo, I just want you to know,
it's really tough, losing someone.
344
00:19:25,702 --> 00:19:27,836
Yeah, even harder
moving forward,
345
00:19:27,871 --> 00:19:30,214
especially when
it's your first time.
346
00:19:30,215 --> 00:19:33,710
But you know what? There will be
other girls, and in time...
347
00:19:33,745 --> 00:19:36,748
Hey, Arlo?
Thanks for last night.
348
00:19:36,783 --> 00:19:37,950
Call me?
349
00:19:37,984 --> 00:19:41,422
Uh, definitely.
I'll walk you out.
350
00:19:46,014 --> 00:19:50,178
Well, I see clearly
that he has a type.
351
00:19:50,446 --> 00:19:52,531
Dirty little whores.
352
00:19:52,532 --> 00:19:55,532
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