1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:05,868
I've got to say, this report is
quite impressive, Ms. Knope.
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:08,430
Well, thank you very much, Mr.
City Manager. And I have to say
3
00:00:08,508 --> 00:00:09,998
that the way that
you're rocking those slacks
4
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:11,100
is quite impressive, as well.
5
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:13,077
Well, thank you.
(CLEARS THROAT)
6
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:14,443
Can we hurry this up, please?
7
00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:17,483
What? There's nothing wrong with
acknowledging the fantastic work
8
00:00:17,550 --> 00:00:20,485
of one of your employees.
Especially if she's adorable.
9
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:23,281
I am back in the Parks Department
and Ben is city manager.
10
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,790
But we're married, so it's kosher.
And awesome.
11
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,622
We live together...
And work together.
12
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,128
And we are so in sync... In sync,
that we finish each other's...
13
00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:33,359
Sentences. (LAUGHS)
We rehearsed that at home.
14
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:35,093
Naked in bed.
15
00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:36,192
What?
16
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:38,064
Please stamp the form.
17
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:44,574
I just want to admire it one more time.
Again, fantastic work.
18
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:49,008
In fact, such good work,
I think I'm in love with you.
19
00:00:49,082 --> 00:00:50,811
Oh, my God.
That's great news.
20
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:51,873
Because I'm in love
with you, too.
21
00:00:51,951 --> 00:00:52,940
What?
What?
22
00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:54,077
Stamp the form.
23
00:00:54,154 --> 00:00:55,917
Okay, let's not
let Ron feel left out.
24
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:56,978
We love you, too, Ron.
25
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,752
Stamp the damn form!
Group hug.
26
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,986
I'm down for a group hug.
Little G. H?
27
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,551
Bring it in.
Come on.
28
00:01:05,698 --> 00:01:06,858
Wow. (LAUGHS)
29
00:01:06,933 --> 00:01:08,230
I think our love made him angry.
30
00:01:08,301 --> 00:01:10,030
I think he broke my wrist.
I'm not kidding. Really?
31
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:21,000
Ripped By mstoll
32
00:01:30,723 --> 00:01:31,747
CHRIS: Good morning,
Ann Perkins.
33
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:32,951
How are you feeling today?
34
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,085
Perfect.
Except that I'm a whale,
35
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:36,628
and that my feet already kill.
36
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,459
(LAUGHS)
Whales don't have feet.
37
00:01:38,531 --> 00:01:40,055
I am a crazy shape.
38
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,791
This morning, when I got out
of bed, I just tipped forward
39
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:44,598
like a poorly made bowling pin.
40
00:01:44,671 --> 00:01:47,299
And did I mention that
my feet kill me all the time?
41
00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:48,840
Oh, let me rub them.
42
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:50,102
Oh, wait. No.
43
00:01:50,176 --> 00:01:51,200
I read something
44
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,266
on raddadsolutions. Net
45
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:53,539
that there's a pressure point
46
00:01:53,613 --> 00:01:55,274
in the foot that
can induce labor.
47
00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:57,076
Oh, it doesn't matter.
I don't care.
48
00:01:57,183 --> 00:01:59,583
I'm going to go choke down those horse
pills I have to take every day.
49
00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,414
Oh, no, no. I'll cut
them in half for you.
50
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,955
And I will pour you a glass
51
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,717
of flaxseed milk
to wash it down.
52
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:08,588
Everything is amazing. Today is perfect.
And I love you.
53
00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:12,687
Chris is so wonderful
and thoughtful and positive.
54
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,332
He's driving me
up the (BLEEP) wall.
55
00:02:16,402 --> 00:02:17,494
Smoothie's ready!
56
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,168
LESLIE:
Opening this farmers market
57
00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:24,574
was one of my greatest
achievements as city councilor.
58
00:02:24,711 --> 00:02:27,111
It's good for the economy,
it's good for families,
59
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:29,273
and it's good for promoting
a healthy lifestyle.
60
00:02:29,349 --> 00:02:31,476
Which Pawnee desperately needs.
61
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:35,110
Look at this tiny tree.
Can you eat this?
62
00:02:35,688 --> 00:02:38,282
Aw, this one's dead.
63
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,823
Hey, Connie Cabbage.
What's good today?
64
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:45,023
Green cabbage is
always a safe bet.
65
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:46,531
Red cabbage is good.
66
00:02:46,599 --> 00:02:47,964
I mean, you can't go wrong.
67
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,059
That's the fun thing
about cabbage.
68
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:51,728
One of the fun things.
69
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:52,827
Oh. (LAUGHS)
70
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,373
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
71
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:57,568
Time to crank this
market up a notch, y'all!
72
00:02:57,677 --> 00:02:58,871
"Chardbodies."
73
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:00,435
"Get a chard on"?
74
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,573
Let's get "recharded" in here!
75
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:04,945
What the hell is going on?
76
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:07,714
Oh, yeah.
That's the new chard stand.
77
00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:10,255
I suppose that's one
way to sell vegetables.
78
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:13,986
We got Swiss chard! We got white chard!
We got chard poppers!
79
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:17,188
And for all you
freaking vegans out there.
80
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:20,289
We got chard shots! Yeah!
81
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:23,229
Mmm, chard is so bitter.
82
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:24,835
Ben, do something.
83
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:26,165
What do you want me to do?
84
00:03:26,239 --> 00:03:27,536
Well, you're the city manager.
85
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:29,541
Kick them out. They're
violating every single
86
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:31,509
one of the farmers
market's rules of conduct.
87
00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:33,306
By rules of conduct, do you mean
88
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,244
that wooden sign
you made that says,
89
00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:36,782
"Peas be kind to others"?
90
00:03:36,849 --> 00:03:39,249
Yes. And, "In case of fire,
romaine calm!"
91
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:42,880
Um, and, "You won't bay leaf how
nice olive our vendors are."
92
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:44,890
I don't like vegetables, but I
am very good at vegetable puns.
93
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:47,051
Okay. I admit this
is a little iffy...
94
00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:48,184
LESLIE: A little iffy?
95
00:03:48,261 --> 00:03:51,025
I can't do anything until I check
the rules for city vendors.
96
00:03:51,331 --> 00:03:52,423
CONNIE: Cabbage.
97
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,767
Come and get it.
98
00:03:54,834 --> 00:03:56,199
Connie, no.
99
00:03:56,269 --> 00:03:57,861
Put those away.
100
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,305
(SINGING)
April's sitting on my lap
101
00:04:01,374 --> 00:04:03,569
I shouldn't tell her that
I've got to take a crap
102
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,042
Oh, no
103
00:04:05,144 --> 00:04:06,133
Don't.
104
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:07,201
I should just go
105
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:08,907
Oh, my God!
You play guitar?
106
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,574
No, that's a super small piano.
107
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:13,881
Okay, I'm going to need the sarcasm
to take a long walk right now.
108
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:15,578
My terrible nephew, Sebastian,
109
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,282
is having his sixth birthday
party this weekend,
110
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:18,847
and the clown they hired has shingles.
(GASPS)
111
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,652
Do you think your band
could play for an hour?
112
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,250
How much?
Seventy five.
113
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:23,454
$75,000?
114
00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:24,518
How about $300?
115
00:04:24,597 --> 00:04:26,963
$300,000?
116
00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:28,091
$150.
117
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,156
They'll do it.
118
00:04:29,235 --> 00:04:30,600
Ah, thank you.
That is such a relief.
119
00:04:30,737 --> 00:04:33,171
I love my nephew very much, but
he's a horrible little tyrant,
120
00:04:33,239 --> 00:04:35,173
so don't ruin this day for him!
121
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:41,270
150 bucks? Split that
four ways, boom, $600.
122
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,712
I'll say it again.
The men's room
123
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:45,842
needs a separate
dispenser for face wash.
124
00:04:45,918 --> 00:04:47,681
I can't wash my face
with hand soap.
125
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,415
Look at these pores.
They're gaping.
126
00:04:49,722 --> 00:04:50,780
Hey, guys.
127
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:53,155
Time out.
Let's take a brief recess.
128
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,419
Can we help you, Ann?
129
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,519
I was looking for Leslie.
But now I'm curious
130
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:57,893
why you guys are sitting around
131
00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,761
doing nothing and
getting drunk at work.
132
00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,558
It's the Whine and
Cheese Club, gorgeous.
133
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,431
It's a monthly
gathering where we all
134
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:05,266
get together and vent
about what annoys us at work.
135
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,770
Over fine wines and cheeses,
of course.
136
00:05:08,007 --> 00:05:09,440
Larry! Salami!
137
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,337
RON: The Human Resources
Department requires
138
00:05:12,412 --> 00:05:14,972
that I be available
once a month to discuss
139
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,915
workplace disputes
with my employees.
140
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,111
The rules do not specify
whether or not I am
141
00:05:20,186 --> 00:05:23,519
allowed to listen to Willie
Nelson on my headphones.
142
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,784
Kyle parked his
car in my spot again.
143
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,224
Now, that is
the fourth time this month.
144
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:29,921
(SINGING ON HEADPHONES)
Hello, walls
145
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:36,560
Hello...
How'd things go for you today?
146
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,604
I just want to choke
him until he passes out.
147
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,933
Time! This looks like fun.
I want to try.
148
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,506
Hmm, there's rules to this, sweet pea.
It's Donna's turn next.
149
00:05:43,576 --> 00:05:46,443
I'll cede my time to Ann. I have a
feeling this is going to be good.
150
00:05:46,546 --> 00:05:49,310
Okay. Well, I'm not going to talk for
long, because I have to pee. Again.
151
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:50,781
'Cause I have to
pee every six minutes,
152
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,784
because I have a beach
ball in my stomach
153
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:54,786
that's punching on my bladder.
(LAUGHING)
154
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:55,946
That sucks.
155
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:58,023
I know.
I'm never not hungry.
156
00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,150
Well, have some cheese.
I can't have cheese, Larry!
157
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:02,820
And I can't have wine either.
I can't have anything good.
158
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:05,864
You know what I can have,
is liquefied flaxseed.
159
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,761
But I don't want that.
You know what I want?
160
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,495
Pork rinds.
I want jelly beans.
161
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:12,299
And I want a huge trash bag
filled with mashed potatoes.
162
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,896
I want to be Pac-Man,
and instead of dots,
163
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,873
I want them to be cinnamon buns.
164
00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:18,000
I want to be a giant
head and a mouth,
165
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,773
and I just want to eat rows and
rows of junk food pellets!
166
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:23,441
And where's my trash
bag of potatoes?
167
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:24,808
(PANTS)
168
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,446
Time.
169
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:29,613
Yikes.
170
00:06:29,989 --> 00:06:32,082
BEN: Okay, Harrison
Ford movie night.
171
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,217
Before we do that, I was thinking
more about that chard guy.
172
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:37,990
I mean, it would be very easy for
you to revoke their license.
173
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,656
Okay, Leslie,
this is city business.
174
00:06:40,933 --> 00:06:44,061
I'm not an emperor. I can't just
kick them out for no reason.
175
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:46,901
The reason is, it's vegetable porn.
Porn on the cob.
176
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:48,637
I'm sorry, I'm just
very good at that.
177
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,106
Look, I am not a prude.
178
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,634
But, the point is people shouldn't
be half-naked, you know, in public,
179
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:56,682
in the middle of the day, in front
of children. There's your reason.
180
00:06:56,849 --> 00:06:57,838
Kick them out!
181
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,545
Look, now that we're
working together again,
182
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:03,180
maybe it would be good
to keep our home life
183
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,247
and our work life separate.
184
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:08,550
Like, we only talk about work
stuff when we're at City Hall.
185
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:10,118
Like a firewall system.
186
00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:13,221
(SIGHS) Yeah. Yeah,
okay, that's smart.
187
00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,561
Home is home, and work is work.
188
00:07:14,634 --> 00:07:16,431
We can always talk about
this tomorrow at the office.
189
00:07:16,502 --> 00:07:18,493
Good. I'm glad you agree.
190
00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:20,903
(GROANS) All right,
Crystal Skull it is.
191
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:24,803
BEN: No, it's ridiculous to think that
you could survive a nuclear blast
192
00:07:24,877 --> 00:07:26,640
by jumping into a refrigerator.
193
00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:27,940
But still, it's like...
Yeah, yeah.
194
00:07:28,014 --> 00:07:30,039
Titanium... Okay. So, I
found the legal precedent
195
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,981
to shut down those
vegetable smut peddlers.
196
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:33,416
What is happening?
197
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,714
Firewall, man. We pulled
into the parking lot,
198
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,915
and this is technically
City Hall property.
199
00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:39,548
So, now, we're at work.
Let's do this.
200
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:41,957
The farmers market is a
community meeting place.
201
00:07:42,028 --> 00:07:43,393
And that pansexual stripper show
202
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,896
basically negates
the whole purpose.
203
00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:48,489
So, if you're looking for a reason
to kick them out, here's 158.
204
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,397
The new Farmers
Market Rule Book.
205
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:52,300
Okay. When did
you make this?
206
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:57,502
I stayed up all night. I also made
these, Leslie's Toffee Surprise.
207
00:07:57,710 --> 00:08:00,008
The surprise is there's
toffee in the inside.
208
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:03,604
You can eat those once you revoke
the chard vendor's license.
209
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,616
Good day, colleague.
210
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:07,716
Okay.
211
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,950
Ann Perkins,
how are you feeling?
212
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:13,048
You don't want to know.
213
00:08:13,125 --> 00:08:14,490
It's all I want to know.
214
00:08:15,361 --> 00:08:16,885
All right, man.
You asked for it.
215
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:19,727
I have shooting pains that go all
the way up from my butt to my neck.
216
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:21,527
My stomach has so
many stretch marks on it
217
00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:22,932
that it looks like
an old-fashioned globe.
218
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,333
My boobs are
getting really sore.
219
00:08:24,403 --> 00:08:27,133
Also, I just read Brooke Shields'
book on postpartum depression.
220
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,175
Now, I have pre-postpartum
depression anxiety.
221
00:08:30,810 --> 00:08:32,937
Well, never fear.
I will get you Tylenol
222
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,242
for your pain and shea
butter for your belly.
223
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,305
And your voluptuous
figure only means
224
00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,977
your body is working exactly
as nature intended it.
225
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,054
Here. It's all good.
Is that better?
226
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:43,246
Yeah, thanks.
227
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,390
I've been reading up on nipples.
The reason that you're feeling
228
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,358
nipple sensitivity is
because your milk ducts
229
00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:48,950
in your nipples are opening up.
230
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:50,688
Which is why I bought
you this nipple kit.
231
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,730
It's from Kernston's,
the nipple people.
232
00:08:52,865 --> 00:08:54,890
It has nipple cream,
nipple pads, and also,
233
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:56,935
a special nipple pimple ointment
234
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,664
in case you develop any
pimples on your nipples.
235
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:01,171
Oh, my God, you have to stop
using the word "nipple!"
236
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:05,274
Okay. Anyway, hopefully, that will
help you with any sensitivity
237
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,675
that may arise around your...
238
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:10,281
Boob hats.
239
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:12,147
ANN: Larry, get in there.
Come on.
240
00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:13,515
I don't even know
what we're doing.
241
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:14,985
What is the meaning
of this, nurse?
242
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,612
Emergency Whine and Cheese Club.
243
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:17,915
Put your headphones on, Ron.
244
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:20,959
I have a lot of complaints.
Sit down! I need to vent.
245
00:09:21,093 --> 00:09:24,392
And do not, under any circumstances,
respond to anything I say.
246
00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:28,923
All right. Let's talk about vomit, kids.
I do it all day long.
247
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,761
(SINGING) It's super fun
It feels super good
248
00:09:32,838 --> 00:09:39,801
I want to do it all the time
Sex is cool
249
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:44,907
Okay. Sex is Cool. Got that. I say
we finish on Drunk Off Our Asses.
250
00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:47,350
And I think we
should do Sex in Space.
251
00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:49,444
It's 20 minutes long.
But it's really good.
252
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:50,955
Babe? I don't think
you should play
253
00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:52,752
any of those songs for a
group of 6-year-olds.
254
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:56,451
Whoa, wait. 6-year-olds? Did you
book us a gig at a kid's party?
255
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:58,029
You said we were
playing in a festival.
256
00:09:58,097 --> 00:09:59,325
You said Dave Grohl
might be there.
257
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:03,061
Dave Grohl might be there. I don't know.
He might be anywhere.
258
00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:04,999
That guy's awesome
and he's unpredictable.
259
00:10:05,104 --> 00:10:07,436
No. No, I'm not playing
for a bunch of screaming kids.
260
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:09,633
Mouse Rat is a rock band.
We're not The Wiggles.
261
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:10,698
Come on!
262
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:12,801
I'm sick of all the drama
with this band.
263
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:15,170
I quit. I'm going back
to rabbinical school.
264
00:10:15,247 --> 00:10:17,306
(CYMBAL CLATTERS)
Umbilical school?
265
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:20,011
Rivers, come back.
Rivers, don't do this. Hey!
266
00:10:20,086 --> 00:10:21,383
Shaq might be there!
267
00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:25,756
Hey. Did you get a chance to sign
off on that booklet I gave you?
268
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,087
Well, I read it.
269
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:29,423
But it seems like
your farmers market rules
270
00:10:29,495 --> 00:10:31,793
may be specifically
targeting Chardbodies.
271
00:10:31,998 --> 00:10:33,898
What? How?
272
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,494
"No visible cleavage.
No strobe lights.
273
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:38,662
"No chard-related innuendo."
274
00:10:38,771 --> 00:10:40,398
Those apply to all vendors.
275
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:42,839
Either way, it's too late. The
train has left the station.
276
00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:44,808
Okay. What train,
from which station?
277
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:46,742
You're revoking my license?
Oh, boy.
278
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,906
Yes, Nolan, under the auspices
of the office of city manager,
279
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:51,347
et cetera, et cetera,
it's not important,
280
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,044
you are in violation
of many rules
281
00:10:53,119 --> 00:10:54,552
and, therefore, you
cannot sell your goods
282
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:55,985
anymore at
the Pawnee Farmers Market.
283
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:58,216
Ben, back me up on
this without hesitation.
284
00:10:58,290 --> 00:11:00,190
Nolan, can I have a second
to speak with my wife...
285
00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:01,920
With Ms. Knope,
for a second?
286
00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,120
Look, chard is disgusting.
287
00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:06,687
You try selling it without sexy dancers.
It's impossible.
288
00:11:06,832 --> 00:11:09,426
It's like, "Hey, you like lettuce?
Try this. It's worse.
289
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,163
"It tastes like kale
took a dump on spinach."
290
00:11:11,270 --> 00:11:13,101
I like to think of
it as celery with BO.
291
00:11:13,205 --> 00:11:15,537
But if it's so gross, you should
just sell something else.
292
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,940
I inherited this farm from my dad.
It's all I have.
293
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,910
Plus, the other vendors want me there.
I'm good for business.
294
00:11:19,979 --> 00:11:24,109
We're not revoking your license for now.
I am sorry you had to come in.
295
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:26,640
Judas!
296
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:28,448
I don't appreciate
being ambushed, Leslie.
297
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,916
Let's just go home.
No.
298
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:31,047
I know what you're trying to do.
299
00:11:31,157 --> 00:11:32,249
If we go home,
the firewall is up
300
00:11:32,324 --> 00:11:33,723
and then you don't have
to deal with me anymore.
301
00:11:33,793 --> 00:11:36,159
Instead, fellow employee,
I will meet you
302
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:38,788
in the basement conference
room at 6:00 p.m.
303
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,760
And we will solve this chard
issue once and for all.
304
00:11:41,934 --> 00:11:43,526
Don't forget your approval pen.
305
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:44,796
What? There's no such thing.
306
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:47,464
Yes, there is. I made
it for you last night.
307
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:53,306
Ugh! And Lamaze class? Wait till I
tell you about that Ponzi scheme.
308
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:56,207
Oh, hey, Donna.
What the hell?
309
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:59,649
You know I can't be around smoke.
Or fatty tuna. Ron!
310
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,114
At first, this was funny,
but it's gotten out of hand.
311
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:05,851
This was our chance to vent about
work, and you've taken it over.
312
00:12:05,958 --> 00:12:08,586
Yeah. It's Sushi
and Cigar Club now.
313
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:11,762
Wow, okay, I see how it is.
314
00:12:13,265 --> 00:12:14,357
I feel bad.
315
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:15,457
I don't. This is a Cuban.
316
00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:17,466
This is yellowtail.
I feel amazing.
317
00:12:17,536 --> 00:12:19,060
Whoa!
Monster in the window!
318
00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:20,901
You know what
my biggest complaint is?
319
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,974
I have a million things
I need to complain about,
320
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:24,202
and I can't take them home
321
00:12:24,276 --> 00:12:26,073
because Chris is the most
considerate person in the world.
322
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:27,305
And he just wants to help me.
323
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:28,437
And then, I feel bad about that.
324
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:29,811
And then, I get
annoyed that he wants
325
00:12:29,882 --> 00:12:31,474
to help me and I feel
even worse about that.
326
00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,915
I thought you guys
would be cool with me
327
00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:34,282
complaining since all you do is
328
00:12:34,353 --> 00:12:35,650
sit here and complain
329
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,052
without judgment or guilt.
330
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:39,057
But you know what? I guess I was wrong.
And you know what?
331
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:42,925
I would yell some more, but I think
I just peed my pants a little bit.
332
00:12:43,529 --> 00:12:46,828
What's happening now? Is the nurse upset?
I don't care.
333
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,995
Okay, 6:00.
Let's do this. Larry?
334
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,538
Hey, Leslie.
Ben couldn't make it,
335
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,096
so he asked me to read you this,
336
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:57,665
"Dear Honey." Aw, how sweet.
Read.
337
00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,905
"Sorry, but I think we just
338
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:01,344
"need to take a break
from this work issue.
339
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,074
"Please don't grind
your teeth too hard
340
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,741
"when you hear this.
I will see you in the car.
341
00:13:04,817 --> 00:13:08,184
"I love you." Oh, that is so sweet
that you still write love letters.
342
00:13:08,254 --> 00:13:09,516
Ahhh!
343
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:12,980
What the hell are
you doing out here?
344
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:15,560
Sorry, babe. I am off
City Hall property.
345
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,626
You have to stop.
Firewall.
346
00:13:17,763 --> 00:13:18,787
Wrong!
347
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,525
All roads and bridges
fall under the purview
348
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,362
of the Pawnee Department
of Transportation,
349
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,800
which is located on the
fourth floor of City Hall.
350
00:13:24,937 --> 00:13:28,373
Firewall down.
Stay frosty, Wyatt.
351
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,907
We're just getting started.
352
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,705
Okay, well, that's interesting.
You know why?
353
00:13:32,778 --> 00:13:34,006
Why?
Because...
354
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:37,275
Mother...
355
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,176
Ha-ha!
356
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:44,416
Bank! Private property.
Firewall restored.
357
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:46,991
Ha-ha-ha! The concrete
that you're standing on
358
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:49,789
was poured by a municipal
construction crew.
359
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:52,955
(GRUNTS)
360
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:56,229
Private fountain. Private property.
I'm safe.
361
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:59,794
Guess where the water comes from.
The Pawnee Reservoir.
362
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:05,476
You can't escape City Hall, fool.
Let's dance.
363
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:10,040
Hey, friends.
364
00:14:10,115 --> 00:14:12,515
I'm just about to go on my night jog.
Would you like to join me?
365
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,847
Mmm, hard pass.
366
00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:16,046
We're here because you need
to tend to your woman.
367
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,021
She's complaining about everything,
ruining Whine and Cheese Club.
368
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,991
I literally have
1,000 questions.
369
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,319
Why is Ron wearing headphones?
370
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:24,862
What is Whine and Cheese Club? And
what is Ann complaining about?
371
00:14:24,964 --> 00:14:26,898
You, mostly.
How you never let her vent
372
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:29,230
because you're always too busy
trying to solve everything for her.
373
00:14:29,301 --> 00:14:30,791
She's upset that
I'm trying to help her?
374
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:33,498
You've fallen into a
classic trap, Christopher.
375
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:35,640
Trying to fix a woman's problems
376
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,573
instead ofjust listening
to what they are.
377
00:14:37,643 --> 00:14:38,871
Why are you yelling?
378
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:41,777
Tom put all my records
into this rectangle.
379
00:14:42,014 --> 00:14:44,847
Hey, man. If Ann needs Tylenol,
she can get it herself.
380
00:14:44,917 --> 00:14:47,784
What she needs from you is to
just look her in the eyes,
381
00:14:47,853 --> 00:14:50,253
nod your head, and say
those two magic words.
382
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:52,181
That. Sucks.
383
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,184
That sucks?
384
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:55,452
I've spent
my entire life reading
385
00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:56,892
instructional books
about relationships,
386
00:14:56,962 --> 00:14:58,554
in order to trick
women into liking me.
387
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,258
When Ann tells you
what's bothering her,
388
00:15:00,332 --> 00:15:01,492
don't try to fix it.
389
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,798
Just say,
"Damn, that sucks."
390
00:15:05,704 --> 00:15:08,104
The songs just play
one right after the other.
391
00:15:08,173 --> 00:15:10,539
This is an excellent rectangle.
392
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,374
Okay. This is insane.
393
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,979
It is forty degrees and we are
standing in freezing water.
394
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:20,814
No, this is our motivation.
395
00:15:20,886 --> 00:15:22,444
We are not leaving this fountain
396
00:15:22,521 --> 00:15:24,113
until we've figured
this out once and for all.
397
00:15:24,223 --> 00:15:25,986
Fine. Why are you not
supporting me on this?
398
00:15:26,058 --> 00:15:27,320
I thought you agreed with me.
399
00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:29,258
I do, as a person.
400
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:33,128
But as city manager, I'm not
100% sure you have a case.
401
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:35,097
You're not listening to my side.
402
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:37,397
I mean, sometimes when we
disagree, you're so passionate
403
00:15:37,469 --> 00:15:39,369
I feel like I'm
arguing with the sun.
404
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:42,532
What? That is totally crazy!
I am super chill all the time.
405
00:15:44,910 --> 00:15:47,538
Look, let's just admit it.
We're in a weird position.
406
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,945
We're married, our professional
status has flipped, like, five times.
407
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:52,347
I mean, now, I'm your boss.
408
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:55,484
This is "uncharded"
territory for us.
409
00:15:55,754 --> 00:15:57,949
Oh! That's nice.
410
00:15:58,057 --> 00:16:00,116
Thanks.
I learned from the best.
411
00:16:00,192 --> 00:16:02,558
The point is, forget firewalls.
412
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:06,194
Let's just be respectful
and communicate,
413
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:07,789
and we'll find
the right balance.
414
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:11,563
You're right. I'm sorry. I should
have considered your side.
415
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,503
I love you, and you're
also a very smart person.
416
00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:19,870
Let's get out of this fountain.
417
00:16:19,945 --> 00:16:21,071
I can't because
my legs are numb.
418
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:22,204
Yeah, I can't move.
419
00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:23,976
Are we going to die here?
Yeah.
420
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:26,314
CRAIG: No, don't do that.
I don't like this game.
421
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:28,114
I don't know what the rules are.
422
00:16:28,187 --> 00:16:29,415
ANDY: Okay, babe,
here's what I did.
423
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:31,649
Tell me if this is appropriate
for a kids' song.
424
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:34,215
I changed the lyrics
in Sex Hair to...
425
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:38,457
(SINGING) You've got sex bears
You got them from me, kids
426
00:16:38,530 --> 00:16:41,658
It's sex bears Big old sex bears
427
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:44,225
Andy, the word "hair" was
not the problem with Sex Hair.
428
00:16:45,204 --> 00:16:49,300
The word "sex". Crap! What the
hell am I supposed to sing?
429
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,502
It's time, Andrew. These kids
are tearing my house apart,
430
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,238
and I need you to calm them
with the power of song.
431
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:56,713
Oh, gosh, here's the thing. I can't do it.
I've got laryngitis.
432
00:16:57,282 --> 00:17:00,308
You will not bail on me, Andrew Dwyer.
You will perform.
433
00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:02,181
My nephew is something
of an outcast at his school,
434
00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:04,848
and I got Erica Swarvane to
come, which is a huge get.
435
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,151
She rules the first grade.
436
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:09,251
And this party will determine his
social status for the next 100 years!
437
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,660
So, you better get out there
or I am going to lose it!
438
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,061
Have you not lost it?
439
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:14,463
You don't even know!
440
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:15,792
Babe, I'm freaking out.
441
00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,233
Listen to me.
442
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:19,163
You make up songs all the time,
443
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:21,035
off the top of your head.
You do!
444
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:24,664
You can do this. And
afterwards, we can have cake.
445
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:26,142
I already had cake.
446
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:27,508
APRIL: Andy!
447
00:17:28,313 --> 00:17:29,302
(CHILDREN CLAMORING)
448
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:31,406
Okay, focus up,
you little monsters!
449
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:32,914
Not you, Erica.
You're an angel,
450
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,282
and we're thrilled you're here.
451
00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:37,717
Now. Is everyone ready to hear
the best music you've ever heard
452
00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,155
in your miserable little lives?
453
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:41,021
CHILDREN: No!
454
00:17:41,093 --> 00:17:44,529
Okay. Then, ladies and
gentlemen, please welcome...
455
00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,825
What even do you call yourself?
456
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:55,203
Oh, too late! Please welcome Johnny
Karate and His Magical Guitar Stick!
457
00:17:55,941 --> 00:17:57,431
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
458
00:17:57,609 --> 00:17:58,667
Hey.
459
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:04,106
(SINGING) It feels super good
It's super fun
460
00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:08,085
I want to do it all the time
461
00:18:10,155 --> 00:18:11,622
Pick your nose
462
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,792
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
463
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:19,230
Because boogers are gross
Clean out your snout
464
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:20,959
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
465
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:26,627
You can pick your nose
with your smelly toes
466
00:18:26,805 --> 00:18:28,363
CHILDREN: Ew!
467
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:30,769
ANDY: He's doing it!
468
00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:33,268
You're picking your nose and
you put it on your friend!
469
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:35,279
(LAUGHS)
I started that. Great!
470
00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:38,416
(SINGING)
Everybody pees the bed
471
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:41,082
It's just something that we do
472
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:44,852
I, for instance, peed the bed
473
00:18:45,257 --> 00:18:47,157
until I was thirty two
474
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,352
CHILDREN: Ew.
475
00:18:48,427 --> 00:18:51,419
(SINGING) Don't play with
matches They're really not safe
476
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:55,330
Your parents keep them in a drawer
with twist ties and batteries
477
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,924
My name is Bert Macklin.
478
00:18:57,035 --> 00:19:00,527
I investigate
stinky feet for the FBI.
479
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:04,666
(SINGING) Stinky feet patrol
Stinky feet patrol
480
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:06,809
(CHILDREN SCREAMING HAPPILY)
481
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:10,178
Stinky feet patrol
Stinky feet patrol
482
00:19:10,516 --> 00:19:12,484
(SCREAMING)
483
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,016
This is so fun.
484
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:17,180
I cannot believe this
only cost me 150 bucks.
485
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:21,081
Oh, hey! How was your day?
486
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,559
(SIGHS) It was okay.
487
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:24,392
Now my legs really hurt.
488
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:26,954
It's like I have a tension
headache, but in my calves.
489
00:19:27,132 --> 00:19:29,100
A new surprise every day.
490
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:31,828
That sucks.
491
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:32,928
I know.
492
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:37,335
And I'm so gassy. There's just been,
like, a long, slow fart stream
493
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:39,502
coming out of me
since we started talking.
494
00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:40,704
This morning.
495
00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:41,939
That really sucks.
496
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:46,642
Yeah, it does. Thanks.
497
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:51,347
I'm sorry that I was trying
to fix all your problems.
498
00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:55,484
Oh, God, don't apologize.
I'm sorry I was such a freak.
499
00:19:56,328 --> 00:19:58,023
You're the nicest,
most thoughtful
500
00:19:58,096 --> 00:19:59,859
baby-daddy
a girl could ask for.
501
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:03,523
That was incredible.
502
00:20:03,602 --> 00:20:06,070
You are overflowing with
talent and I admire you.
503
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,838
Excuse me. Mr. Karate?
504
00:20:07,906 --> 00:20:09,305
Mr. Karate?
(LAUGHING) Mr. Karate?
505
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:12,366
My son wants you to sing at his
birthday party next weekend.
506
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:13,672
Are you available?
507
00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:17,511
He is. But, it's actually
$250 for short notice.
508
00:20:17,583 --> 00:20:20,017
You can call this number
and ask for April Karate.
509
00:20:20,118 --> 00:20:21,312
Thanks, I will.
510
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:22,887
Babe?
My God.
511
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:24,217
That was amazing.
512
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,757
I kind of think you could
make a career out of this.
513
00:20:27,192 --> 00:20:28,955
But, I mean, I don't know...
514
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:31,092
What does that make me?
A kids' performer?
515
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,596
I'm supposed to be a rock star.
516
00:20:32,698 --> 00:20:34,666
You just had fun in
there and made $150.
517
00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:36,223
Who cares about what
you are supposed to be?
518
00:20:36,868 --> 00:20:38,961
Yeah. Plus, you have
never been sexier to me
519
00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:40,664
than when you were singing
to those kids just now.
520
00:20:40,772 --> 00:20:42,467
Really?
That's weird.
521
00:20:44,343 --> 00:20:47,608
Nolan, I'm very sorry that I
overreacted and overstepped my bounds.
522
00:20:47,679 --> 00:20:48,703
I understand.
523
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:50,179
When I got into the chard game,
524
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,716
I knew I'd ruffle some feathers.
525
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,750
Sure. I'm just glad that we
could all come to an agreement.
526
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:57,050
All right, everybody.
It is now 5:00 p.m.
527
00:20:57,122 --> 00:20:59,249
Which means the farmers market
is closed.
528
00:20:59,391 --> 00:21:03,657
And Farmers Market After Dark
is open for business!
529
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,061
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
530
00:21:08,867 --> 00:21:10,334
Well, if this is the way people
531
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:11,835
want to buy their produce,
so be it.
532
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,996
BEN: This town is
full of lunatics.
533
00:21:18,143 --> 00:21:19,303
BOTH: Ugh!
534
00:21:19,378 --> 00:21:21,346
My God!
That was a terrible idea!
535
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:24,142
God, it's like a tree
barfed in my mouth!
536
00:21:24,349 --> 00:21:25,338
Ugh.
537
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:36,500
Ripped By mstoll