1 00:00:08,373 --> 00:00:09,707 D'oh! 2 00:00:09,741 --> 00:00:10,541 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,209 (grunts) 4 00:00:12,244 --> 00:00:14,011 ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Super Bowl XLVIII 5 00:00:14,046 --> 00:00:19,483 between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos. 6 00:00:19,518 --> 00:00:22,286 The field is a frozen tundra, (Bart laughing) 7 00:00:22,321 --> 00:00:23,854 imported at great expense from Alaska. 8 00:00:23,889 --> 00:00:25,423 Hmm? 9 00:00:25,457 --> 00:00:26,457 Hmm?! 10 00:00:26,491 --> 00:00:27,491 Huh...? 11 00:00:28,527 --> 00:00:30,127 (shrieks) 12 00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:31,529 (gasps) 13 00:00:31,563 --> 00:00:33,030 Oh! 14 00:00:33,065 --> 00:00:34,165 (gasps) 15 00:00:35,867 --> 00:00:36,867 (screams) 16 00:00:37,869 --> 00:00:39,270 (screams, jabbers) 17 00:00:45,043 --> 00:00:47,211 (screams, jabbers) 18 00:00:47,245 --> 00:00:48,579 Whoo-hoo. 19 00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:50,247 (whimpers) 20 00:00:50,282 --> 00:00:51,916 (sobs) 21 00:00:51,950 --> 00:00:53,985 (Homer continues whimpering, sobbing) 22 00:00:55,587 --> 00:00:57,467 (electricity buzzes, Homer screams and whimpers) 23 00:01:01,259 --> 00:01:02,593 (Homer screams, electricity crackles) 24 00:01:02,627 --> 00:01:04,996 ANNOUNCER: And the game comes down to this one play-- 25 00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:06,597 (Homer screaming) a final field goal. 26 00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:08,499 The kick is up, it hits the crossbar and-- 27 00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:09,500 (power humming off) 28 00:01:09,534 --> 00:01:10,768 HOMER: D'oh! 29 00:01:10,802 --> 00:01:12,269 (Homer slurps beer, then whoops) 30 00:01:12,294 --> 00:01:16,294 ♪ The Simpsons 25x11 ♪ Specs and the City Original Air Date on January 26, 2014 31 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:21,319 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 32 00:01:27,419 --> 00:01:31,622 (to tune of "Silver Bells"): ♪ Glowing rods, glowing rods 33 00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:34,358 ♪ It's making me 34 00:01:34,393 --> 00:01:36,961 ♪ Weak and dizzy... 35 00:01:36,995 --> 00:01:38,696 Uh, rumor has it they're about to give out 36 00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:40,131 the company Christmas gifts. 37 00:01:40,165 --> 00:01:41,866 Who told you that? 38 00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:42,867 I got an in. 39 00:01:42,901 --> 00:01:43,834 The VP of Personnel 40 00:01:43,869 --> 00:01:45,870 is doing my girlfriend. 41 00:01:45,904 --> 00:01:48,572 Ooh, look at you, Mr. Connected. 42 00:01:48,607 --> 00:01:50,941 I hope it's better than last year's lousy gift. 43 00:01:50,976 --> 00:01:52,510 CARL: Yeah, what a rip. 44 00:01:52,544 --> 00:01:53,978 Ugh. Remember this gift? 45 00:01:54,012 --> 00:01:56,047 The executive stress ball. 46 00:01:56,081 --> 00:01:58,315 BURNS' VOICE: One more squeeze and you're fired. 47 00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:00,418 (gasps) Now I feel more stressed than ever. 48 00:02:00,452 --> 00:02:01,952 Gah! (gags) 49 00:02:01,987 --> 00:02:03,621 BURNS' VOICE (muffled): Excellent. 50 00:02:03,655 --> 00:02:05,756 Excellent. Excellent. 51 00:02:05,791 --> 00:02:08,225 Uh, you don't look so excellent to me. 52 00:02:08,260 --> 00:02:09,293 (retches) 53 00:02:10,962 --> 00:02:12,730 Ho, ho, humbug. 54 00:02:12,764 --> 00:02:15,800 Santa Claus approaches to judge and punish. 55 00:02:19,071 --> 00:02:22,073 Wow! A good gift for once. 56 00:02:22,107 --> 00:02:23,674 Oogle Goggles. 57 00:02:23,708 --> 00:02:25,843 Augmented reality glasses. 58 00:02:25,877 --> 00:02:28,412 You wear them like eyeglasses, but inside the lens, 59 00:02:28,447 --> 00:02:31,015 you see information about the people and places around you. 60 00:02:31,049 --> 00:02:34,785 Ooh, finally I'm not a slave to my stupid human eyeballs. 61 00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,754 (gasping in wonder) 62 00:02:36,788 --> 00:02:38,322 HOMER: Ooh! 63 00:02:38,356 --> 00:02:40,024 Whoa. 64 00:02:40,058 --> 00:02:41,592 (high-pitched gibbering) 65 00:02:43,562 --> 00:02:44,962 (smug chuckling) 66 00:02:44,996 --> 00:02:46,363 Glasses, call Lenny. 67 00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:48,032 Ooh, I'm getting a call. 68 00:02:48,066 --> 00:02:49,033 Answer call. 69 00:02:49,067 --> 00:02:50,067 Hello? 70 00:02:50,102 --> 00:02:52,536 Lenny, it's me, Homer. 71 00:02:54,739 --> 00:02:57,341 Hm. I always thought it was "Simp-sen." 72 00:02:57,375 --> 00:03:00,010 Really? Don't you ever look up at the sky? 73 00:03:00,045 --> 00:03:02,146 (theme song playing) 74 00:03:04,950 --> 00:03:06,550 Always wondered what that was. 75 00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:08,853 Sir, I'm concerned about 76 00:03:08,887 --> 00:03:10,221 your sudden generosity. 77 00:03:10,255 --> 00:03:11,856 The doctor said to bring you in right away 78 00:03:11,890 --> 00:03:13,491 if you display kindness or warmth. 79 00:03:13,525 --> 00:03:14,725 Oh, don't worry. 80 00:03:14,759 --> 00:03:16,961 This Santa still has claws. 81 00:03:19,197 --> 00:03:20,998 As of now, each of those nuclear nitwits 82 00:03:21,032 --> 00:03:22,333 is wearing a video camera. 83 00:03:22,367 --> 00:03:24,869 With a direct feed to me. 84 00:03:24,903 --> 00:03:26,437 (gasps) You're spying on them? 85 00:03:26,471 --> 00:03:28,706 Smithers, how much did this company lose 86 00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:30,774 to office supply theft last year? 87 00:03:30,809 --> 00:03:33,010 $7,043. 88 00:03:33,044 --> 00:03:34,879 Yes, well, no more of that. 89 00:03:34,913 --> 00:03:37,615 Thanks to this $26 million surveillance system. 90 00:03:37,649 --> 00:03:38,682 Beware, rabbits. 91 00:03:38,717 --> 00:03:41,519 I spy with my transplanted eyes. 92 00:03:41,553 --> 00:03:44,255 Oh, and I forgot to show you the best feature. 93 00:03:44,289 --> 00:03:47,925 Each of these buttons represents an employee. 94 00:03:47,959 --> 00:03:51,262 When I press it, he or she dies. 95 00:03:54,933 --> 00:03:57,067 (scoffs) What's wrong with this thing? 96 00:03:57,102 --> 00:03:58,469 (grunts in frustration) 97 00:04:19,858 --> 00:04:21,325 Now, remember kids, 98 00:04:21,359 --> 00:04:23,961 the school says you must have a valentine card 99 00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:26,096 for everyone in your class. 100 00:04:26,131 --> 00:04:29,500 How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it? 101 00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:31,302 What did I say about pointing out 102 00:04:31,336 --> 00:04:33,771 the meaninglessness of things? 103 00:04:33,805 --> 00:04:35,439 Not to. 104 00:04:35,473 --> 00:04:37,074 Well, no way I'm giving a valentine to Nelson. 105 00:04:37,108 --> 00:04:39,276 He's a bully, and I do not love him. 106 00:04:39,311 --> 00:04:41,345 Jesus says to love your enemies. 107 00:04:41,379 --> 00:04:43,647 That's because Jesus knows one day, 108 00:04:43,682 --> 00:04:46,584 he gets to look his enemies in the eye and say 109 00:04:46,618 --> 00:04:49,954 "It was me who sent you to Hell." 110 00:04:49,988 --> 00:04:51,689 Bart, your school requires you 111 00:04:51,723 --> 00:04:53,857 to give everyone a valentine card 112 00:04:53,892 --> 00:04:56,794 in an envelope with a fun sticker. 113 00:04:56,828 --> 00:04:59,129 Your teacher put out an e-mail alert. 114 00:04:59,164 --> 00:05:01,799 With a video attachment. 115 00:05:01,833 --> 00:05:05,202 MAN: Welcome to Firstline. Tonight, 116 00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:08,205 "Valentine's Day: Always A Massacre." 117 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,307 At this school, children may give valentines 118 00:05:10,342 --> 00:05:11,475 to whomever they choose. 119 00:05:11,509 --> 00:05:13,344 Danny is unpopular, 120 00:05:13,378 --> 00:05:17,381 due to rumors he sleeps in the raw with his ma and his pa. 121 00:05:17,415 --> 00:05:20,884 Human young are born with the ability to count valentines, 122 00:05:20,919 --> 00:05:23,787 and Danny realizes he's been snubbed. 123 00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:27,191 Past generations of children were used to rejection. 124 00:05:27,225 --> 00:05:30,494 But today's kids, raised in a climate of video games 125 00:05:30,528 --> 00:05:33,397 and instant messaging, are fragile weirdos. 126 00:05:33,431 --> 00:05:35,666 LYMAN: On February 15, 2:00am, 127 00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:38,636 after checking the mailbox one last time, 128 00:05:38,670 --> 00:05:41,205 Danny nearly died from an overdose 129 00:05:41,239 --> 00:05:42,706 of little candy hearts. 130 00:05:45,944 --> 00:05:49,246 Many of history's monsters never received a valentine. 131 00:05:49,281 --> 00:05:51,749 Attila the Hun,Mao Tse-tung, 132 00:05:51,783 --> 00:05:53,550 and me, Will Lyman. 133 00:05:53,585 --> 00:05:55,252 This is Firstline. 134 00:05:55,287 --> 00:05:57,688 Fine, Nelson gets a valentine. 135 00:05:57,722 --> 00:05:59,523 An old one from the box. 136 00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:04,094 Perfect. Bad movie, bad pun, 137 00:06:04,129 --> 00:06:06,196 even bad paper stock. 138 00:06:07,832 --> 00:06:09,166 (Homer laughing) 139 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:10,567 (giggles) 140 00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:12,336 What's so funny? 141 00:06:12,370 --> 00:06:14,838 I'm watching videos of idiots wearing these glasses 142 00:06:14,873 --> 00:06:18,108 and not paying attention to the world around them. 143 00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:19,410 Look at these jerks. 144 00:06:19,444 --> 00:06:21,245 (man screams) 145 00:06:24,983 --> 00:06:26,550 Ow! 146 00:06:27,552 --> 00:06:28,552 (man screams) 147 00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:37,561 I don't understand what's so great about these 148 00:06:37,595 --> 00:06:40,698 state of the art, solar-powered, computo-glasses. 149 00:06:40,732 --> 00:06:42,032 I'll let you try them on, 150 00:06:42,067 --> 00:06:43,567 right after I decide if these videos 151 00:06:43,601 --> 00:06:45,102 are Funny Or Die. 152 00:06:45,136 --> 00:06:48,472 Funny, funny, die, die, 153 00:06:48,506 --> 00:06:50,374 funny, funny but the guy died. 154 00:06:50,408 --> 00:06:51,942 Oh. 155 00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:55,212 Now, a simple Sunday drive will reveal the hidden wonders 156 00:06:55,246 --> 00:06:57,114 of our hometown. 157 00:07:00,318 --> 00:07:01,318 Hmm... 158 00:07:01,353 --> 00:07:03,354 (grunting with effort) 159 00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:09,360 Whoo-hoo! 160 00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:12,830 D'oh! 161 00:07:12,864 --> 00:07:15,299 Springfield City Hall was built for the Spencer Tracy movie 162 00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:18,235 Meet Me At City Hall. 163 00:07:18,269 --> 00:07:21,638 It was just a flat wall with nothing behind it for 30 years. 164 00:07:21,673 --> 00:07:24,408 Dad, Bart's on my side of the seat. 165 00:07:24,442 --> 00:07:26,810 Dad, Lisa's my little sister. 166 00:07:26,845 --> 00:07:28,679 (both grunting) 167 00:07:28,713 --> 00:07:30,881 The rearview mirror was invented in 1911, 168 00:07:30,915 --> 00:07:32,249 for just this reason. 169 00:07:32,283 --> 00:07:33,617 Interesting. 170 00:07:33,651 --> 00:07:35,352 When was the term "shut up" invented? 171 00:07:35,387 --> 00:07:38,288 As early as 1859, shut up was used to shut up... 172 00:07:38,323 --> 00:07:41,024 Homie, I think the kids are just hungry. 173 00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:44,461 Glasses, direct me to the nicest restaurant I can afford. 174 00:07:44,496 --> 00:07:46,196 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Accessing soup kitchens. 175 00:07:46,231 --> 00:07:49,133 What, you... Oh, that's it, I'm taking you off. 176 00:07:49,167 --> 00:07:51,235 Aah! Reality. 177 00:07:51,269 --> 00:07:52,169 JEREMY: Oh! Sorry, sir! 178 00:07:53,338 --> 00:07:56,507 Okay, let's see what we got here. 179 00:08:01,546 --> 00:08:04,948 Ugh, oh! Ooh. 180 00:08:04,983 --> 00:08:06,517 Eh. 181 00:08:10,321 --> 00:08:12,623 MARGE: Oh. (Homer giggles) 182 00:08:12,657 --> 00:08:14,191 HOMER: Mm-hmm. 183 00:08:14,225 --> 00:08:15,726 Squeeze here. 184 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,528 Rotate there. 185 00:08:17,562 --> 00:08:18,729 Pause for sweet talk. 186 00:08:18,763 --> 00:08:21,298 Oh, glasses, you're so wonderful. 187 00:08:21,332 --> 00:08:24,968 Huh? A-Are you using your glasses for snuggling? 188 00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,671 But the avatar looks just like you. 189 00:08:27,705 --> 00:08:29,573 I'm afraid wives don't make passes 190 00:08:29,607 --> 00:08:32,109 at husbands in those glasses. 191 00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:35,746 Glasses, find me a great gift for my wife. 192 00:08:35,780 --> 00:08:37,414 (whispers): Under five dollars. 193 00:08:37,449 --> 00:08:38,816 MARGE: I heard that! 194 00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:41,185 Glasses, take me two minutes back in time. 195 00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:50,362 Oh... (grumbles) 196 00:08:50,396 --> 00:08:51,811 Marge. Mm. 197 00:08:51,812 --> 00:08:53,680 About the glasses. Mm! 198 00:08:53,714 --> 00:08:56,282 I'm really sorry, and... Mm, mm, mm. 199 00:08:56,317 --> 00:08:58,318 Here's your breakfast. 200 00:08:58,352 --> 00:09:00,887 Only five pancakes? 201 00:09:00,921 --> 00:09:02,188 You're trying to kill me. 202 00:09:02,223 --> 00:09:04,190 Well, I'm not happy with you. 203 00:09:04,225 --> 00:09:06,126 Look, honey, I know these glasses 204 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:08,128 are a radical new technology 205 00:09:08,162 --> 00:09:10,163 and should be worn in moderation. 206 00:09:10,197 --> 00:09:11,464 Isn't that right, glasses? 207 00:09:11,499 --> 00:09:13,499 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Yes, just like I told you. 208 00:09:13,501 --> 00:09:16,069 Anyway, I'm giving them up. 209 00:09:16,103 --> 00:09:19,039 To whoever dares take them. 210 00:09:23,411 --> 00:09:25,512 (Lisa and Bart gasp) 211 00:09:26,547 --> 00:09:27,747 Yoink. 212 00:09:27,782 --> 00:09:29,349 Aw, come on, Mom. 213 00:09:29,383 --> 00:09:31,818 For once, I'm grabbing the goody. 214 00:09:31,852 --> 00:09:33,753 So the rumors are true. 215 00:09:33,788 --> 00:09:36,089 Moms can want things. 216 00:09:38,325 --> 00:09:39,859 Hmm. 217 00:09:45,132 --> 00:09:46,166 Hmm... 218 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,834 Nicely done, Lewis. 219 00:09:47,868 --> 00:09:52,238 A Transformer that transforms into a heart? 220 00:09:52,273 --> 00:09:53,406 I love it! 221 00:09:57,878 --> 00:10:00,080 Mm. This Hershey's Kiss is melted. 222 00:10:00,114 --> 00:10:02,248 Not good. 223 00:10:02,283 --> 00:10:04,684 My mom left it on the dashboard! 224 00:10:04,718 --> 00:10:06,352 My mom...! 225 00:10:06,387 --> 00:10:08,788 I'll have yours now, Simpson. 226 00:10:10,991 --> 00:10:12,325 In Ga'hoole, 227 00:10:12,359 --> 00:10:14,260 we would break his frickin' knees. 228 00:10:15,663 --> 00:10:16,930 No. 229 00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:18,765 No Valentine for you, Nelson. 230 00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:22,368 Excuse me? 231 00:10:22,403 --> 00:10:24,104 I'll give a Valentine to a loser, 232 00:10:24,138 --> 00:10:25,805 I'll give a Valentine to a dork, 233 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,774 I'll even give a Valentine to a girl, 234 00:10:27,808 --> 00:10:31,111 but I won't give a Valentine to a bully! 235 00:10:31,145 --> 00:10:33,580 Here's what's gonna happen. 236 00:10:33,614 --> 00:10:37,717 You have one week to make me the best Valentine any kid ever got. 237 00:10:37,751 --> 00:10:39,319 And what if I don't? 238 00:10:39,353 --> 00:10:42,055 Simpson, there's gonna be a heart in my hand, 239 00:10:42,089 --> 00:10:44,524 either paper or yours. 240 00:10:46,894 --> 00:10:48,862 Hey, everybody. That's strange. 241 00:10:48,896 --> 00:10:52,398 I-I'm hearing a voice, but I'm not seeing a user icon. 242 00:10:52,433 --> 00:10:54,734 Carl, it's me. I'm here. 243 00:10:54,768 --> 00:10:56,202 Really here! 244 00:10:56,237 --> 00:10:58,371 Hey, Homer. A lot of information about you. 245 00:10:58,405 --> 00:11:01,841 Let me just page through it. Oh! Stop! Hey! What? 246 00:11:01,876 --> 00:11:04,911 Oh, no one can live in a non-augmented reality. 247 00:11:04,945 --> 00:11:07,147 I need another pair of glasses. 248 00:11:08,382 --> 00:11:10,550 Charlie, your move in Muppet Chess. 249 00:11:10,584 --> 00:11:12,552 Gonzo to Fozzie Seven. 250 00:11:12,586 --> 00:11:15,788 Aw! That's Kermit-mate. Wocka wocka! 251 00:11:16,457 --> 00:11:17,757 Oh, why is it 252 00:11:17,791 --> 00:11:19,592 the recipe card you need is always 253 00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:21,995 the one Homer writes his cocktail ideas on? 254 00:11:23,564 --> 00:11:26,099 Maybe these bleep-bloop glasses can help. 255 00:11:26,133 --> 00:11:29,769 Okay, Marge Simpson entering the Matrix, 256 00:11:29,803 --> 00:11:32,372 for a brownie recipe. 257 00:11:32,406 --> 00:11:34,941 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Here are my top-rated recipes. 258 00:11:34,975 --> 00:11:38,811 Ooh. So many choices, Maggie. 259 00:11:38,846 --> 00:11:41,181 (beeping) 260 00:11:44,952 --> 00:11:47,787 HOMER: Um, Mr. Burns, sir? 261 00:11:47,821 --> 00:11:49,789 Can I get another pair of glasses? 262 00:11:49,823 --> 00:11:52,225 Maybe two pair? One for the beach house? 263 00:11:52,259 --> 00:11:54,260 Can I also get a beach house? 264 00:11:54,295 --> 00:11:56,196 Two beach houses. 265 00:11:56,230 --> 00:11:57,096 Huh? 266 00:11:57,131 --> 00:11:58,097 Monitors?! 267 00:11:58,132 --> 00:11:59,399 What the...? 268 00:11:59,433 --> 00:12:04,103 Burns gave us those glasses so he could spy on us! 269 00:12:04,138 --> 00:12:07,106 This is a violation of our human rights. 270 00:12:07,141 --> 00:12:08,074 (cracks knuckles) Okay, 271 00:12:08,108 --> 00:12:10,443 so let's see what we can see. 272 00:12:10,477 --> 00:12:12,512 Solitaire, top hats on eBay, 273 00:12:12,546 --> 00:12:14,747 Angry Birds fan fiction, 274 00:12:14,782 --> 00:12:16,950 guy doing really easy crossword puzzle, 275 00:12:16,984 --> 00:12:18,751 Lenny doing Carl's clown makeup... 276 00:12:18,786 --> 00:12:20,820 someone's actually working? 277 00:12:20,854 --> 00:12:22,589 Maggie?! 278 00:12:22,623 --> 00:12:24,757 Who's Mommy's little girl? 279 00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:27,260 Genealogy.org says you are! 280 00:12:27,294 --> 00:12:28,795 You are! 281 00:12:28,829 --> 00:12:30,163 (Maggie giggles) 282 00:12:30,197 --> 00:12:32,165 (chuckles): Aw... 283 00:12:32,199 --> 00:12:35,001 Wait a minute. Since Marge is wearing my glasses, 284 00:12:35,035 --> 00:12:37,270 I can see everything she sees! 285 00:12:37,304 --> 00:12:39,272 Uh-uh, I shouldn't watch this. 286 00:12:39,306 --> 00:12:41,040 MARGE: Such a good baby. 287 00:12:41,075 --> 00:12:43,042 You deserve some ice cream. 288 00:12:43,077 --> 00:12:46,379 Wait a minute-- Marge said we were out of ice cream. 289 00:12:46,413 --> 00:12:48,681 (Marge humming happily) 290 00:12:48,716 --> 00:12:49,916 Ooh! 291 00:12:49,950 --> 00:12:52,185 (Marge chuckles) 292 00:12:52,219 --> 00:12:54,087 (gasps) Oh! 293 00:12:54,121 --> 00:12:56,856 What else is Marge hiding from me? 294 00:12:56,890 --> 00:12:59,993 (doorbell rings) MARGE: Maggie, he's here! 295 00:13:00,027 --> 00:13:02,462 Oh, is she having an affair? 296 00:13:02,496 --> 00:13:05,632 Thanks for asking me to lunch. 297 00:13:05,666 --> 00:13:08,701 Oh, why isn't she having an affair?! 298 00:13:10,271 --> 00:13:14,240 What about a Valentine that says: "Bully, for you"? 299 00:13:14,275 --> 00:13:16,643 Hmm, interesting. 300 00:13:16,677 --> 00:13:18,244 "Interesting" means "no." 301 00:13:18,279 --> 00:13:20,179 "Interesting" means "no." 302 00:13:20,214 --> 00:13:21,581 (snaps fingers) 303 00:13:21,615 --> 00:13:23,416 Milhouse, you're a genius! 304 00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:25,551 I am? What did I say? 305 00:13:25,586 --> 00:13:27,720 (groans): Oh, nothing. 306 00:13:27,755 --> 00:13:29,722 On TV when a guy says something lame, 307 00:13:29,757 --> 00:13:32,725 another guy says he's a genius, and then he has an idea. 308 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,594 I thought it might work for me. 309 00:13:34,628 --> 00:13:36,963 Well, you called me a genius. 310 00:13:36,997 --> 00:13:38,398 That means a lot. 311 00:13:38,432 --> 00:13:40,833 Oh, I hate this stupid holiday! 312 00:13:40,868 --> 00:13:43,503 The only thing you can do is screw it up. 313 00:13:43,537 --> 00:13:45,104 (gasps) That's it! 314 00:13:45,139 --> 00:13:47,440 Bart, you're a genius! 315 00:13:47,474 --> 00:13:50,743 Well, if you keep throwing the word around, it means nothing. 316 00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,448 Who are you? Mr. Burns! 317 00:13:55,482 --> 00:13:57,350 Oh. I'm so sorry, Mr. Burns. 318 00:13:57,384 --> 00:13:59,485 I won't bother you again. 319 00:14:05,059 --> 00:14:07,894 HOMER: Marge, that's a "Compact Only" space. 320 00:14:08,896 --> 00:14:10,396 (Marge grunts) 321 00:14:10,431 --> 00:14:13,599 (chuckles): Well... who knew you were such a rebel? 322 00:14:13,634 --> 00:14:17,236 Now let's learn more about my wife's secret life. 323 00:14:17,271 --> 00:14:20,907 Secrets which can only be good. 324 00:14:20,941 --> 00:14:22,809 Hi, Marge. 325 00:14:22,843 --> 00:14:24,811 Dr. Carlock is ready for you. 326 00:14:24,845 --> 00:14:26,479 MARGE: Thank you. 327 00:14:27,681 --> 00:14:29,649 So, Marge, how have you been? 328 00:14:29,683 --> 00:14:31,818 MARGE (sighs): Okay, I guess. 329 00:14:31,852 --> 00:14:34,087 Marge is in therapy?! 330 00:14:34,121 --> 00:14:35,988 MARGE: Oh, I hate when I come here 331 00:14:36,023 --> 00:14:38,458 and the first word out of my mouth is "Homer." 332 00:14:38,492 --> 00:14:40,493 But here we go, again. 333 00:14:40,527 --> 00:14:44,297 (sighs) Homer was converting our dollars to "yu-ros." 334 00:14:44,331 --> 00:14:46,899 Not the money, the sandwich. 335 00:14:51,525 --> 00:14:53,943 And has there been any improvement in Homer's drinking? 336 00:14:54,029 --> 00:14:56,664 MARGE: Well, he's down to two beers in the shower. 337 00:14:56,698 --> 00:14:58,833 They're pale ales! Please! 338 00:14:58,867 --> 00:15:00,501 Well, maybe if you just concentrate 339 00:15:00,535 --> 00:15:02,303 on one problem, like his temper. 340 00:15:02,337 --> 00:15:05,406 MARGE: Oh, everything in the newspaper makes him mad. 341 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,175 Not Marmaduke! Never Marmaduke! 342 00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:10,845 Marmaduke was horrible today! 343 00:15:10,879 --> 00:15:14,582 Also, Marge is in therapy, and she didn't even tell me. 344 00:15:14,616 --> 00:15:17,151 Whoa. She has crossed a line. 345 00:15:17,185 --> 00:15:19,153 How did you find out? 346 00:15:19,187 --> 00:15:20,921 Spied on her with a hidden camera. 347 00:15:20,956 --> 00:15:22,657 She thinks I'm selfish. 348 00:15:22,691 --> 00:15:25,259 She thinks I don't spend enough time with the kids. 349 00:15:25,293 --> 00:15:26,894 Well, that's crazy. Come on. 350 00:15:26,928 --> 00:15:29,363 You work your butt off in a radioactive hellhole, 351 00:15:29,398 --> 00:15:32,099 and what do you get? Not one lousy superpower. 352 00:15:32,134 --> 00:15:34,301 I guess the only choice is to come clean with her 353 00:15:34,336 --> 00:15:36,337 and tell her what I know, and how I know. 354 00:15:36,371 --> 00:15:37,371 Whoa, whoa! 355 00:15:37,406 --> 00:15:38,873 Bad idea. No, no. 356 00:15:38,907 --> 00:15:42,009 Chicks do not like finding out they're being spied on. 357 00:15:42,044 --> 00:15:48,549 I speak from loooooong.... 358 00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:49,917 experience. 359 00:15:49,951 --> 00:15:52,086 No, you got to make it seem like 360 00:15:52,120 --> 00:15:53,754 you found out by accident there. 361 00:15:53,789 --> 00:15:55,256 Um... ooh! 362 00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:57,091 Next week you schedule an appointment 363 00:15:57,125 --> 00:16:00,261 with the therapist after hers, and then you bump into Midge 364 00:16:00,295 --> 00:16:01,696 in the waiting room there. 365 00:16:01,730 --> 00:16:03,531 Moe, that's great! 366 00:16:03,565 --> 00:16:05,533 (chuckles): How do you get your ideas? 367 00:16:05,567 --> 00:16:07,835 Pretty much all my friends are divorced guys. 368 00:16:09,271 --> 00:16:11,706 Hello, Homie! 369 00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:12,873 Dinner's almost ready. 370 00:16:12,908 --> 00:16:15,810 Pork chops with my secret seasoning. 371 00:16:15,844 --> 00:16:19,914 Yeah, you do like your secrets, don't you, Marge? 372 00:16:19,948 --> 00:16:21,982 Don't lose your cool, Homer. 373 00:16:22,017 --> 00:16:25,386 The building block of a marriage is long silence. 374 00:16:25,420 --> 00:16:27,121 Hey, where'd she go? 375 00:16:27,155 --> 00:16:29,123 Good, good, you held your tongue there. 376 00:16:29,157 --> 00:16:30,758 Because-- hey, where'd you go? 377 00:16:30,792 --> 00:16:34,128 Doesn't anybody want me to give 'em advice? 378 00:16:34,162 --> 00:16:36,997 Okay there, Fido, when you see that squirrel outside, 379 00:16:37,032 --> 00:16:39,633 at first you play it cool, you understand? 380 00:16:39,668 --> 00:16:41,001 (barks twice) 381 00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:44,772 "I fear you"? 382 00:16:44,806 --> 00:16:47,408 This is what Valentine's Day means to you?! 383 00:16:47,442 --> 00:16:49,276 This is what it means to everyone. 384 00:16:49,311 --> 00:16:51,946 How can you be forced to say "I love you"? 385 00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:54,482 People only give Valentines because they're scared 386 00:16:54,516 --> 00:16:56,951 of what would happen if they didn't. 387 00:16:56,985 --> 00:17:00,187 "Nelson, you frighten me so, 388 00:17:00,222 --> 00:17:02,656 "The psycho-est bully I know, 389 00:17:02,691 --> 00:17:06,160 "You're a sociopath in need of a bath, 390 00:17:06,194 --> 00:17:09,396 I'm sure you'll wind up on death row." 391 00:17:10,799 --> 00:17:12,099 (sniffing) 392 00:17:12,134 --> 00:17:15,302 Mmm! You can really smell the fear on this. 393 00:17:15,337 --> 00:17:16,871 I rubbed it on Milhouse. 394 00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:19,440 Simpson, you just touched my heart's butt. 395 00:17:19,474 --> 00:17:21,442 Why are you hugging yourself? 396 00:17:21,476 --> 00:17:23,811 Why are you hugging yourself?! 397 00:17:23,845 --> 00:17:26,881 If Nelson doesn't do something bully-ish in two seconds, 398 00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,549 I'm gonna wedgie him. 399 00:17:28,583 --> 00:17:30,684 Nelson doesn't wear underwear. 400 00:17:30,719 --> 00:17:33,487 Wow. Always one step ahead. 401 00:17:35,657 --> 00:17:38,192 Uh, I'm here to check in for the 3:00. 402 00:17:38,226 --> 00:17:40,995 Please fill out these forms, Mr. Fakinami. 403 00:17:41,029 --> 00:17:44,131 No, it's "Fake Name." I'll just call you Elias. 404 00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:46,500 That's "Alias." 405 00:17:46,535 --> 00:17:47,735 Duh. Hm! 406 00:17:56,211 --> 00:17:58,012 HOMER: Finally. 407 00:17:58,046 --> 00:18:01,015 Time for the big bump-into. 408 00:18:01,049 --> 00:18:02,850 Same time next week, Marge? 409 00:18:02,884 --> 00:18:04,418 Oh, absolutely. 410 00:18:04,452 --> 00:18:06,921 These sessions keep me on an even keel. 411 00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:10,558 Dr. Carlock is like my Wednesday reset button. 412 00:18:10,592 --> 00:18:12,259 HOMER: Wednesday? 413 00:18:12,294 --> 00:18:14,728 (pleasant classical music playing) 414 00:18:24,372 --> 00:18:27,174 ♪ 415 00:18:27,209 --> 00:18:31,912 Okay, she's always in a good mood after therapy. 416 00:18:31,947 --> 00:18:34,782 (sad, minor-key music playing) 417 00:18:43,491 --> 00:18:45,659 ♪ 418 00:18:49,664 --> 00:18:50,631 (Marge hums happily) 419 00:18:50,665 --> 00:18:52,066 Oh, my God. 420 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,901 Marge needs this. 421 00:18:53,935 --> 00:18:58,038 It lights her way through the dark path of marriage to me. 422 00:18:58,073 --> 00:18:59,707 Come on in, Mr. Fakinami. 423 00:18:59,741 --> 00:19:01,442 No need. Everything's fine. 424 00:19:01,476 --> 00:19:04,545 I'm sorry, but there are no cancellations within 24 hours. 425 00:19:04,579 --> 00:19:07,314 (chuckles): Well, as long as I'm paying for the time... 426 00:19:07,349 --> 00:19:09,383 Ow! Where'd you learn to cut hair? 427 00:19:09,417 --> 00:19:10,551 (nervous chuckle) 428 00:19:10,585 --> 00:19:12,186 You know, you have some anger issues. 429 00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:13,921 More snip, less lip. 430 00:19:15,257 --> 00:19:17,091 Oh, I forgot to tell you, Homie, 431 00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:20,661 I bumped into Helen Lovejoy today, and guess what? 432 00:19:20,695 --> 00:19:22,129 I don't need to know, Marge. 433 00:19:22,163 --> 00:19:24,431 You deserve to have your secrets. 434 00:19:24,466 --> 00:19:26,433 It's not a secret. It's a funny story. 435 00:19:26,468 --> 00:19:28,836 Okay, Marge, but first, well... 436 00:19:28,870 --> 00:19:31,105 I have something I need to tell you. 437 00:19:31,139 --> 00:19:33,340 Something I did you might be mad about, 438 00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:34,842 and rightly so. 439 00:19:34,876 --> 00:19:37,411 Oh, I bet my story's more interesting. 440 00:19:37,445 --> 00:19:38,946 Whoo-hoo! I tried! 441 00:19:38,980 --> 00:19:40,080 Okay. Okay, 442 00:19:40,115 --> 00:19:42,082 so, Helen Lovejoy told me that 443 00:19:42,117 --> 00:19:45,152 she made her famous snickerdoodle Bundt cake for the church sale, 444 00:19:45,186 --> 00:19:47,821 and she put in salt instead of sugar! 445 00:19:47,856 --> 00:19:50,024 (laughs) Yeah? And...? 446 00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,259 That's it. That was the story. 447 00:19:52,294 --> 00:19:54,595 Where's that cake now? It got sold. 448 00:19:54,629 --> 00:19:56,330 Who bought it? Dr. Hibbert. 449 00:19:56,364 --> 00:19:59,900 Excuse me. I have to make a call. Don't take too long. 450 00:20:01,703 --> 00:20:04,338 Okay, Hibbert's in surgery, but they're having him paged. 451 00:20:05,373 --> 00:20:07,141 (both moaning passionately) 452 00:20:07,175 --> 00:20:08,409 Wait, something's wrong. 453 00:20:08,443 --> 00:20:10,611 (grunts) That's better. 454 00:20:10,645 --> 00:20:12,446 Oh, dear God. 455 00:20:17,724 --> 00:20:20,659 Hi, Ralph. Um, I just wanted to tell you, 456 00:20:20,693 --> 00:20:23,729 there was a tooth in the Valentine you gave me. 457 00:20:23,763 --> 00:20:26,331 Plant it and you'll grow a new Ralph. 458 00:20:26,366 --> 00:20:29,468 I don't need a new Ralph. I like the old one. 459 00:20:29,502 --> 00:20:31,103 Happy Valentine's Day. 460 00:20:31,137 --> 00:20:33,972 Well, better get ready for St. Patrick's! 461 00:20:34,007 --> 00:20:39,007 Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 462 00:21:22,899 --> 00:21:24,900 Shh!