1 00:00:24,643 --> 00:00:25,977 D'oh! 2 00:00:25,998 --> 00:00:27,318 (tires screeching) 3 00:00:27,346 --> 00:00:28,573 (grunts) 4 00:00:28,586 --> 00:00:31,571 ANNOUNCER: Welcome to Super Bowl XLVIII 5 00:00:31,591 --> 00:00:35,539 between the Seattle Seahawks and the Denver Broncos. 6 00:00:35,708 --> 00:00:38,302 The field is a frozen tundra, (Bart laughing) 7 00:00:38,352 --> 00:00:41,538 - imported at great expense from Alaska. - Hmm? 8 00:00:41,688 --> 00:00:42,888 Hmm?! 9 00:00:43,108 --> 00:00:44,340 Huh...? 10 00:00:44,698 --> 00:00:45,943 (shrieks) 11 00:00:46,919 --> 00:00:47,778 (gasps) 12 00:00:47,803 --> 00:00:48,910 Oh! 13 00:00:49,369 --> 00:00:50,469 (gasps) 14 00:00:51,997 --> 00:00:53,241 (screams) 15 00:00:53,866 --> 00:00:55,058 (screams, jabbers) 16 00:01:01,241 --> 00:01:02,501 (screams, jabbers) 17 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:04,772 Whoo-hoo. 18 00:01:05,244 --> 00:01:06,606 (whimpers) 19 00:01:07,253 --> 00:01:08,337 (sobs) 20 00:01:08,852 --> 00:01:10,976 (Homer continues whimpering, sobbing) 21 00:01:11,831 --> 00:01:14,753 (electricity buzzes, Homer screams and whimpers) 22 00:01:17,496 --> 00:01:18,683 (Homer screams, electricity crackles) 23 00:01:18,697 --> 00:01:20,921 ANNOUNCER: And the game comes down to this one play-- 24 00:01:20,947 --> 00:01:22,514 - (Homer screaming) - a final field goal. 25 00:01:22,535 --> 00:01:24,750 The kick is up, it hits the crossbar and-- 26 00:01:24,777 --> 00:01:25,803 (power humming off) 27 00:01:25,838 --> 00:01:26,858 HOMER: D'oh! 28 00:01:26,886 --> 00:01:28,299 (Homer slurps beer, then whoops) 29 00:01:28,331 --> 00:01:32,331 ♪ The Simpsons 25x11 ♪ Specs and the City Original Air Date on January 26, 2014 30 00:01:32,363 --> 00:01:37,363 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 31 00:01:43,656 --> 00:01:48,229 (to tune of "Silver Bells"): ♪ Glowing rods, glowing rods 32 00:01:48,253 --> 00:01:50,977 ♪ It's making me 33 00:01:50,997 --> 00:01:53,191 ♪ Weak and dizzy... 34 00:01:53,212 --> 00:01:56,715 Uh, rumor has it they're about to give out the company Christmas gifts. 35 00:01:56,735 --> 00:01:57,976 Who told you that? 36 00:01:57,997 --> 00:01:59,024 I got an in. 37 00:01:59,044 --> 00:02:01,764 The VP of Personnel is doing my girlfriend. 38 00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:04,657 Ooh, look at you, Mr. Connected. 39 00:02:04,670 --> 00:02:07,277 I hope it's better than last year's lousy gift. 40 00:02:07,304 --> 00:02:08,541 CARL: Yeah, what a rip. 41 00:02:08,587 --> 00:02:10,071 Ugh. Remember this gift? 42 00:02:10,104 --> 00:02:11,889 The executive stress ball. 43 00:02:12,387 --> 00:02:14,621 BURNS' VOICE: One more squeeze and you're fired. 44 00:02:14,662 --> 00:02:16,555 (gasps) Now I feel more stressed than ever. 45 00:02:16,575 --> 00:02:17,955 Gah! (gags) 46 00:02:18,703 --> 00:02:21,549 BURNS' VOICE (muffled): Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. 47 00:02:21,989 --> 00:02:24,171 Uh, you don't look so excellent to me. 48 00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:25,845 (retches) 49 00:02:27,092 --> 00:02:28,788 Ho, ho, humbug. 50 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,972 Santa Claus approaches to judge and punish. 51 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:38,303 Wow! A good gift for once. 52 00:02:38,499 --> 00:02:39,746 Oogle Goggles. 53 00:02:39,767 --> 00:02:41,902 Augmented reality glasses. 54 00:02:41,936 --> 00:02:44,603 You wear them like eyeglasses, but inside the lens, 55 00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:47,052 you see information about the people and places around you. 56 00:02:47,081 --> 00:02:50,888 Ooh, finally I'm not a slave to my stupid human eyeballs. 57 00:02:50,918 --> 00:02:52,852 (gasping in wonder) 58 00:02:53,438 --> 00:02:54,839 HOMER: Ooh! 59 00:02:55,002 --> 00:02:56,209 Whoa. 60 00:02:56,850 --> 00:02:58,097 (high-pitched gibbering) 61 00:02:59,874 --> 00:03:00,927 (smug chuckling) 62 00:03:01,108 --> 00:03:04,223 - Glasses, call Lenny. - Ooh, I'm getting a call. 63 00:03:04,259 --> 00:03:06,192 Answer call. Hello? 64 00:03:06,222 --> 00:03:08,599 Lenny, it's me, Homer. 65 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:13,713 Hm. I always thought it was "Simp-sen." 66 00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:16,153 Really? Don't you ever look up at the sky? 67 00:03:16,183 --> 00:03:19,474 (theme song playing) 68 00:03:21,036 --> 00:03:22,756 Always wondered what that was. 69 00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:26,261 Sir, I'm concerned about your sudden generosity. 70 00:03:26,287 --> 00:03:29,577 The doctor said to bring you in right away if you display kindness or warmth. 71 00:03:29,617 --> 00:03:33,117 Oh, don't worry. This Santa still has claws. 72 00:03:35,369 --> 00:03:38,516 As of now, each of those nuclear nitwits is wearing a video camera. 73 00:03:38,533 --> 00:03:40,966 With a direct feed to me. 74 00:03:40,995 --> 00:03:42,742 (gasps) You're spying on them? 75 00:03:42,770 --> 00:03:47,223 Smithers, how much did this company lose to office supply theft last year? 76 00:03:47,542 --> 00:03:49,109 $7,043. 77 00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:51,010 Yes, well, no more of that. 78 00:03:51,045 --> 00:03:53,747 Thanks to this $26 million surveillance system. 79 00:03:53,768 --> 00:03:57,675 Beware, rabbits. I spy with my transplanted eyes. 80 00:03:57,691 --> 00:04:00,401 Oh, and I forgot to show you the best feature. 81 00:04:01,355 --> 00:04:03,982 Each of these buttons represents an employee. 82 00:04:03,998 --> 00:04:07,498 When I press it, he or she dies. 83 00:04:11,272 --> 00:04:13,085 (scoffs) What's wrong with this thing? 84 00:04:13,114 --> 00:04:14,394 (grunts in frustration) 85 00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:40,289 Now, remember kids, the school says you must have a valentine card 86 00:04:40,315 --> 00:04:42,242 for everyone in your class. 87 00:04:42,270 --> 00:04:45,583 How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it? 88 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:49,940 What did I say about pointing out the meaninglessness of things? 89 00:04:49,964 --> 00:04:51,011 Not to. 90 00:04:51,032 --> 00:04:53,123 Well, no way I'm giving a valentine to Nelson. 91 00:04:53,136 --> 00:04:55,330 He's a bully, and I do not love him. 92 00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:57,717 Jesus says to love your enemies. 93 00:04:57,737 --> 00:04:59,955 That's because Jesus knows one day, 94 00:04:59,974 --> 00:05:02,727 he gets to look his enemies in the eye and say 95 00:05:02,744 --> 00:05:06,080 "It was me who sent you to Hell." 96 00:05:06,107 --> 00:05:08,825 Bart, your school requires you to give everyone 97 00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:12,990 a valentine card in an envelope with a fun sticker. 98 00:05:13,007 --> 00:05:15,214 Your teacher put out an e-mail alert. 99 00:05:15,236 --> 00:05:17,871 With a video attachment. 100 00:05:19,232 --> 00:05:21,288 MAN: Welcome to Firstline. Tonight, 101 00:05:21,316 --> 00:05:24,262 "Valentine's Day: Always A Massacre." 102 00:05:24,285 --> 00:05:26,539 At this school, children may give valentines 103 00:05:26,545 --> 00:05:28,086 to whomever they choose. 104 00:05:28,108 --> 00:05:29,535 Danny is unpopular, 105 00:05:29,554 --> 00:05:33,588 due to rumors he sleeps in the raw with his ma and his pa. 106 00:05:33,627 --> 00:05:36,974 Human young are born with the ability to count valentines, 107 00:05:37,005 --> 00:05:39,873 and Danny realizes he's been snubbed. 108 00:05:39,908 --> 00:05:43,455 Past generations of children were used to rejection. 109 00:05:43,481 --> 00:05:46,718 But today's kids, raised in a climate of video games 110 00:05:46,738 --> 00:05:49,478 and instant messaging, are fragile weirdos. 111 00:05:49,497 --> 00:05:51,924 LYMAN: On February 15, 2:00am, 112 00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,712 after checking the mailbox one last time, 113 00:05:54,742 --> 00:05:57,242 Danny nearly died from an overdose 114 00:05:57,271 --> 00:05:58,995 of little candy hearts. 115 00:06:02,155 --> 00:06:05,585 Many of history's monsters never received a valentine. 116 00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:07,899 Attila the Hun, Mao Tse-tung, 117 00:06:07,922 --> 00:06:09,789 and me, Will Lyman. 118 00:06:09,811 --> 00:06:11,284 This is Firstline. 119 00:06:11,372 --> 00:06:13,773 Fine, Nelson gets a valentine. 120 00:06:13,808 --> 00:06:15,825 An old one from the box. 121 00:06:18,392 --> 00:06:22,106 Perfect. Bad movie, bad pun, even bad paper stock. 122 00:06:24,224 --> 00:06:25,984 (Homer laughing) 123 00:06:26,192 --> 00:06:27,420 (giggles) 124 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:28,506 What's so funny? 125 00:06:28,542 --> 00:06:31,144 I'm watching videos of idiots wearing these glasses 126 00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,569 and not paying attention to the world around them. 127 00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:35,762 Look at these jerks. 128 00:06:36,209 --> 00:06:37,714 (man screams) 129 00:06:41,162 --> 00:06:42,544 Ow! 130 00:06:43,831 --> 00:06:44,966 (man screams) 131 00:06:51,926 --> 00:06:53,848 I don't understand what's so great about these 132 00:06:53,854 --> 00:06:56,864 state of the art, solar-powered, computo-glasses. 133 00:06:56,898 --> 00:07:01,188 I'll let you try them on, right after I decide if these videos are Funny Or Die. 134 00:07:01,222 --> 00:07:04,689 Funny, funny, die, die, 135 00:07:04,704 --> 00:07:06,771 funny, funny but the guy died. 136 00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:07,918 Oh. 137 00:07:08,114 --> 00:07:12,738 Now, a simple Sunday drive will reveal the hidden wonders of our hometown. 138 00:07:16,404 --> 00:07:17,477 Hmm... 139 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:19,504 (grunting with effort) 140 00:07:24,719 --> 00:07:25,782 Whoo-hoo! 141 00:07:28,327 --> 00:07:29,402 D'oh! 142 00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:34,217 Springfield City Hall was built for the Spencer Tracy movie Meet Me At City Hall. 143 00:07:34,248 --> 00:07:37,868 It was just a flat wall with nothing behind it for 30 years. 144 00:07:37,892 --> 00:07:40,439 Dad, Bart's on my side of the seat. 145 00:07:40,454 --> 00:07:42,981 Dad, Lisa's my little sister. 146 00:07:43,177 --> 00:07:44,857 (both grunting) 147 00:07:44,877 --> 00:07:48,873 The rearview mirror was invented in 1911, for just this reason. 148 00:07:48,915 --> 00:07:51,435 Interesting. When was the term "shut up" invented? 149 00:07:51,452 --> 00:07:54,511 As early as 1859, shut up was used to shut up... 150 00:07:54,537 --> 00:07:57,253 Homie, I think the kids are just hungry. 151 00:07:57,271 --> 00:08:00,643 Glasses, direct me to the nicest restaurant I can afford. 152 00:08:00,669 --> 00:08:02,296 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Accessing soup kitchens. 153 00:08:02,336 --> 00:08:05,303 What, you... Oh, that's it, I'm taking you off. 154 00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,882 Aah! Reality. 155 00:08:07,355 --> 00:08:08,624 JEREMY: Oh! Sorry, sir! 156 00:08:09,484 --> 00:08:12,886 Okay, let's see what we got here. 157 00:08:17,752 --> 00:08:20,636 Ugh, oh! Ooh. 158 00:08:21,149 --> 00:08:22,502 Eh. 159 00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,931 - MARGE: Oh. - (Homer giggles) 160 00:08:29,288 --> 00:08:31,975 HOMER: Mm-hmm. Squeeze here. 161 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,619 Rotate there. 162 00:08:33,648 --> 00:08:35,015 Pause for sweet talk. 163 00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:37,436 Oh, glasses, you're so wonderful. 164 00:08:37,455 --> 00:08:41,189 Huh? A-Are you using your glasses for snuggling? 165 00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:43,877 But the avatar looks just like you. 166 00:08:43,897 --> 00:08:48,273 I'm afraid wives don't make passes at husbands in those glasses. 167 00:08:49,891 --> 00:08:51,931 Glasses, find me a great gift for my wife. 168 00:08:51,944 --> 00:08:53,718 (whispers): Under five dollars. 169 00:08:53,748 --> 00:08:54,955 MARGE: I heard that! 170 00:08:54,975 --> 00:08:57,535 Glasses, take me two minutes back in time. 171 00:09:04,660 --> 00:09:06,261 Oh... (grumbles) 172 00:09:06,715 --> 00:09:08,075 - Marge. - Mm. 173 00:09:08,095 --> 00:09:10,027 - About the glasses. - Mm! 174 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,687 - I'm really sorry, and... - Mm, mm, mm. 175 00:09:12,713 --> 00:09:14,078 Here's your breakfast. 176 00:09:14,615 --> 00:09:17,190 Only five pancakes? 177 00:09:17,216 --> 00:09:20,570 - You're trying to kill me. - Well, I'm not happy with you. 178 00:09:20,594 --> 00:09:24,466 Look, honey, I know these glasses are a radical new technology 179 00:09:24,492 --> 00:09:26,452 and should be worn in moderation. 180 00:09:26,479 --> 00:09:27,806 Isn't that right, glasses? 181 00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,881 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Yes, just like I told you. 182 00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,734 Anyway, I'm giving them up. 183 00:09:32,752 --> 00:09:35,533 To whoever dares take them. 184 00:09:40,474 --> 00:09:42,134 (Lisa and Bart gasp) 185 00:09:43,103 --> 00:09:44,110 Yoink. 186 00:09:44,118 --> 00:09:45,766 Aw, come on, Mom. 187 00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:48,145 For once, I'm grabbing the goody. 188 00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:50,112 So the rumors are true. 189 00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:52,356 Moms can want things. 190 00:09:54,881 --> 00:09:56,205 Hmm. 191 00:10:01,414 --> 00:10:02,448 Hmm... 192 00:10:02,483 --> 00:10:04,156 Nicely done, Lewis. 193 00:10:04,883 --> 00:10:08,293 A Transformer that transforms into a heart? 194 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,114 I love it! 195 00:10:14,194 --> 00:10:16,560 Mm. This Hershey's Kiss is melted. 196 00:10:16,583 --> 00:10:17,856 Not good. 197 00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:20,932 My mom left it on the dashboard! 198 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,672 My mom...! 199 00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,921 I'll have yours now, Simpson. 200 00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:30,798 In Ga'hoole, we would break his frickin' knees. 201 00:10:32,419 --> 00:10:35,108 No. No Valentine for you, Nelson. 202 00:10:37,257 --> 00:10:38,790 Excuse me? 203 00:10:38,817 --> 00:10:42,039 I'll give a Valentine to a loser, I'll give a Valentine to a dork, 204 00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:44,070 I'll even give a Valentine to a girl, 205 00:10:44,084 --> 00:10:47,209 but I won't give a Valentine to a bully! 206 00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,413 Here's what's gonna happen. 207 00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:54,000 You have one week to make me the best Valentine any kid ever got. 208 00:10:54,014 --> 00:10:55,701 And what if I don't? 209 00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:58,389 Simpson, there's gonna be a heart in my hand, 210 00:10:58,402 --> 00:11:00,826 either paper or yours. 211 00:11:03,356 --> 00:11:05,564 - Hey, everybody. - That's strange. 212 00:11:05,579 --> 00:11:08,806 I-I'm hearing a voice, but I'm not seeing a user icon. 213 00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:11,423 Carl, it's me. I'm here. 214 00:11:11,449 --> 00:11:12,949 Really here! 215 00:11:12,979 --> 00:11:14,880 Hey, Homer. A lot of information about you. 216 00:11:14,899 --> 00:11:18,372 Let me just page through it. Oh! Stop! Hey! What? 217 00:11:18,392 --> 00:11:21,985 Oh, no one can live in a non-augmented reality. 218 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,009 I need another pair of glasses. 219 00:11:24,938 --> 00:11:27,191 Charlie, your move in Muppet Chess. 220 00:11:27,214 --> 00:11:29,027 Gonzo to Fozzie Seven. 221 00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,968 Aw! That's Kermit-mate. 222 00:11:31,026 --> 00:11:32,313 Wocka wocka! 223 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:35,607 Oh, why is it the recipe card you need is always 224 00:11:35,620 --> 00:11:38,752 the one Homer writes his cocktail ideas on? 225 00:11:39,986 --> 00:11:42,734 Maybe these bleep-bloop glasses can help. 226 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:46,331 Okay, Marge Simpson entering the Matrix, 227 00:11:46,358 --> 00:11:48,759 for a brownie recipe. 228 00:11:48,788 --> 00:11:51,037 FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE: Here are my top-rated recipes. 229 00:11:51,398 --> 00:11:55,234 Ooh. So many choices, Maggie. 230 00:11:55,722 --> 00:11:57,518 (beeping) 231 00:12:01,602 --> 00:12:04,148 HOMER: Um, Mr. Burns, sir? 232 00:12:04,171 --> 00:12:06,724 Can I get another pair of glasses? 233 00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:09,192 Maybe two pair? One for the beach house? 234 00:12:09,215 --> 00:12:11,843 Can I also get a beach house? Two beach houses. 235 00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,746 Huh? Monitors?! 236 00:12:14,928 --> 00:12:16,054 What the...? 237 00:12:16,076 --> 00:12:20,507 Burns gave us those glasses so he could spy on us! 238 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,614 This is a violation of our human rights. 239 00:12:23,637 --> 00:12:26,938 Okay, so let's see what we can see. (cracks knuckles) 240 00:12:26,966 --> 00:12:31,246 Solitaire, top hats on eBay, Angry Birds fan fiction, 241 00:12:31,265 --> 00:12:35,410 guy doing really easy crossword puzzle, Lenny doing Carl's clown makeup... 242 00:12:35,435 --> 00:12:37,454 someone's actually working? 243 00:12:37,947 --> 00:12:39,255 Maggie?! 244 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:41,405 Who's Mommy's little girl? 245 00:12:41,431 --> 00:12:44,139 Genealogy.org says you are! 246 00:12:44,392 --> 00:12:45,453 You are! 247 00:12:45,481 --> 00:12:46,706 (Maggie giggles) 248 00:12:46,726 --> 00:12:48,829 (chuckles): Aw... 249 00:12:49,027 --> 00:12:51,739 Wait a minute. Since Marge is wearing my glasses, 250 00:12:51,745 --> 00:12:53,998 I can see everything she sees! 251 00:12:54,220 --> 00:12:56,047 Uh-uh, I shouldn't watch this. 252 00:12:56,074 --> 00:12:57,742 MARGE: Such a good baby. 253 00:12:57,751 --> 00:12:59,558 You deserve some ice cream. 254 00:12:59,772 --> 00:13:02,936 Wait a minute-- Marge said we were out of ice cream. 255 00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:04,982 (Marge humming happily) 256 00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:06,192 Ooh! 257 00:13:06,213 --> 00:13:07,847 (Marge chuckles) 258 00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:09,553 (gasps) 259 00:13:09,578 --> 00:13:10,478 Oh! 260 00:13:10,503 --> 00:13:13,238 What else is Marge hiding from me? 261 00:13:13,313 --> 00:13:14,146 (doorbell rings) 262 00:13:14,171 --> 00:13:16,344 MARGE: Maggie, he's here! 263 00:13:16,371 --> 00:13:18,818 Oh, is she having an affair? 264 00:13:19,692 --> 00:13:22,032 Thanks for asking me to lunch. 265 00:13:22,062 --> 00:13:25,097 Oh, why isn't she having an affair?! 266 00:13:26,834 --> 00:13:30,721 What about a Valentine that says: "Bully, for you"? 267 00:13:30,765 --> 00:13:33,045 Hmm, interesting. 268 00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,640 "Interesting" means "no." 269 00:13:34,661 --> 00:13:37,151 "Interesting" means "no." 270 00:13:37,428 --> 00:13:38,389 (snaps fingers) 271 00:13:38,411 --> 00:13:42,184 - Milhouse, you're a genius! - I am? What did I say? 272 00:13:43,321 --> 00:13:44,929 (groans): Oh, nothing. 273 00:13:44,931 --> 00:13:46,662 On TV when a guy says something lame, 274 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,520 another guy says he's a genius, and then he has an idea. 275 00:13:49,536 --> 00:13:51,063 I thought it might work for me. 276 00:13:51,078 --> 00:13:53,365 Well, you called me a genius. 277 00:13:53,405 --> 00:13:54,992 That means a lot. 278 00:13:55,899 --> 00:13:57,712 Oh, I hate this stupid holiday! 279 00:13:57,739 --> 00:13:59,938 The only thing you can do is screw it up. 280 00:13:59,957 --> 00:14:00,738 (gasps) 281 00:14:00,763 --> 00:14:03,189 That's it! Bart, you're a genius! 282 00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:07,018 Well, if you keep throwing the word around, it means nothing. 283 00:14:10,361 --> 00:14:12,001 - Who are you? - Mr. Burns! 284 00:14:12,023 --> 00:14:15,583 Oh. I'm so sorry, Mr. Burns. I won't bother you again. 285 00:14:21,846 --> 00:14:24,688 HOMER: Marge, that's a "Compact Only" space. 286 00:14:25,703 --> 00:14:26,864 (Marge grunts) 287 00:14:26,892 --> 00:14:30,359 (chuckles): Well... who knew you were such a rebel? 288 00:14:30,375 --> 00:14:33,858 Now let's learn more about my wife's secret life. 289 00:14:33,877 --> 00:14:36,588 Secrets which can only be good. 290 00:14:38,748 --> 00:14:41,368 Hi, Marge. Dr. Carlock is ready for you. 291 00:14:41,406 --> 00:14:42,626 MARGE: Thank you. 292 00:14:44,715 --> 00:14:46,208 So, Marge, how have you been? 293 00:14:46,231 --> 00:14:48,126 MARGE (sighs): Okay, I guess. 294 00:14:48,293 --> 00:14:50,019 Marge is in therapy?! 295 00:14:50,608 --> 00:14:52,201 MARGE: Oh, I hate when I come here 296 00:14:52,227 --> 00:14:54,934 and the first word out of my mouth is "Homer." 297 00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:57,080 But here we go, again. 298 00:14:57,128 --> 00:14:57,855 (sighs) 299 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:00,833 Homer was converting our dollars to "yu-ros." 300 00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:03,356 Not the money, the sandwich. 301 00:15:07,939 --> 00:15:10,312 And has there been any improvement in Homer's drinking? 302 00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:13,077 MARGE: Well, he's down to two beers in the shower. 303 00:15:13,092 --> 00:15:15,305 They're pale ales! Please! 304 00:15:15,328 --> 00:15:18,781 Well, maybe if you just concentrate on one problem, like his temper. 305 00:15:18,804 --> 00:15:21,817 MARGE: Oh, everything in the newspaper makes him mad. 306 00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:24,478 Not Marmaduke! Never Marmaduke! 307 00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:27,684 Marmaduke was horrible today! 308 00:15:27,702 --> 00:15:31,156 Also, Marge is in therapy, and she didn't even tell me. 309 00:15:31,915 --> 00:15:35,249 Whoa. She has crossed a line. How did you find out? 310 00:15:35,474 --> 00:15:37,561 Spied on her with a hidden camera. 311 00:15:37,777 --> 00:15:41,637 She thinks I'm selfish. She thinks I don't spend enough time with the kids. 312 00:15:41,661 --> 00:15:43,418 Well, that's crazy. Come on. 313 00:15:43,438 --> 00:15:45,788 You work your butt off in a radioactive hellhole, 314 00:15:45,797 --> 00:15:48,446 and what do you get? Not one lousy superpower. 315 00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,571 I guess the only choice is to come clean with her 316 00:15:50,590 --> 00:15:52,747 and tell her what I know, and how I know. 317 00:15:52,779 --> 00:15:55,426 Whoa, whoa! Bad idea. No, no. 318 00:15:55,461 --> 00:15:58,394 Chicks do not like finding out they're being spied on. 319 00:15:58,411 --> 00:16:05,945 I speak from loooooong... 320 00:16:05,958 --> 00:16:07,085 experience. 321 00:16:07,106 --> 00:16:10,373 No, you got to make it seem like you found out by accident there. 322 00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:11,670 Um... ooh! 323 00:16:11,698 --> 00:16:15,390 Next week you schedule an appointment with the therapist after hers, 324 00:16:15,403 --> 00:16:18,236 and then you bump into Midge in the waiting room there. 325 00:16:18,249 --> 00:16:20,209 Moe, that's great! 326 00:16:20,226 --> 00:16:21,999 (chuckles): How do you get your ideas? 327 00:16:22,028 --> 00:16:24,181 Pretty much all my friends are divorced guys. 328 00:16:26,479 --> 00:16:28,026 Hello, Homie! 329 00:16:28,047 --> 00:16:29,295 Dinner's almost ready. 330 00:16:29,316 --> 00:16:32,489 Pork chops with my secret seasoning. 331 00:16:32,502 --> 00:16:36,111 Yeah, you do like your secrets, don't you, Marge? 332 00:16:36,835 --> 00:16:38,402 Don't lose your cool, Homer. 333 00:16:38,411 --> 00:16:41,584 The building block of a marriage is long silence. 334 00:16:41,928 --> 00:16:43,508 Hey, where'd she go? 335 00:16:43,530 --> 00:16:45,498 Good, good, you held your tongue there. 336 00:16:45,518 --> 00:16:47,271 Because-- hey, where'd you go? 337 00:16:47,299 --> 00:16:49,565 Doesn't anybody want me to give 'em advice? 338 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:53,802 Okay there, Fido, when you see that squirrel outside, 339 00:16:53,815 --> 00:16:56,335 at first you play it cool, you understand? 340 00:16:56,355 --> 00:16:57,323 (barks twice) 341 00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,439 "I fear you"? 342 00:17:01,467 --> 00:17:03,834 This is what Valentine's Day means to you?! 343 00:17:03,850 --> 00:17:05,803 This is what it means to everyone. 344 00:17:05,826 --> 00:17:08,593 How can you be forced to say "I love you"? 345 00:17:08,614 --> 00:17:10,940 People only give Valentines because they're scared 346 00:17:10,953 --> 00:17:13,583 of what would happen if they didn't. 347 00:17:14,346 --> 00:17:16,653 "Nelson, you frighten me so, 348 00:17:16,678 --> 00:17:19,151 "The psycho-est bully I know, 349 00:17:19,185 --> 00:17:22,600 "You're a sociopath in need of a bath, 350 00:17:22,615 --> 00:17:25,650 I'm sure you'll wind up on death row." 351 00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:28,327 (sniffing) 352 00:17:28,361 --> 00:17:31,728 Mmm! You can really smell the fear on this. 353 00:17:31,745 --> 00:17:33,358 I rubbed it on Milhouse. 354 00:17:33,364 --> 00:17:36,339 Simpson, you just touched my heart's butt. 355 00:17:36,375 --> 00:17:38,168 Why are you hugging yourself? 356 00:17:38,194 --> 00:17:40,195 Why are you hugging yourself?! 357 00:17:40,212 --> 00:17:43,439 If Nelson doesn't do something bully-ish in two seconds, 358 00:17:43,469 --> 00:17:44,902 I'm gonna wedgie him. 359 00:17:44,917 --> 00:17:47,217 Nelson doesn't wear underwear. 360 00:17:47,253 --> 00:17:49,792 Wow. Always one step ahead. 361 00:17:52,278 --> 00:17:54,618 Uh, I'm here to check in for the 3:00. 362 00:17:54,647 --> 00:17:57,339 Please fill out these forms, Mr. Fakinami. 363 00:17:57,370 --> 00:18:00,777 No, it's "Fake Name." I'll just call you Elias. 364 00:18:00,806 --> 00:18:02,419 That's "Alias." 365 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,190 Duh. Hm! 366 00:18:13,378 --> 00:18:14,185 HOMER: Finally. 367 00:18:14,220 --> 00:18:17,320 Time for the big bump-into. 368 00:18:17,404 --> 00:18:19,284 Same time next week, Marge? 369 00:18:19,312 --> 00:18:21,052 Oh, absolutely. 370 00:18:21,073 --> 00:18:23,386 These sessions keep me on an even keel. 371 00:18:23,423 --> 00:18:27,236 Dr. Carlock is like my Wednesday reset button. 372 00:18:27,267 --> 00:18:28,594 HOMER: Wednesday? 373 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:31,063 (pleasant classical music playing) 374 00:18:40,780 --> 00:18:43,582 ♪ 375 00:18:44,002 --> 00:18:47,788 Okay, she's always in a good mood after therapy. 376 00:18:48,355 --> 00:18:51,190 (sad, minor-key music playing) 377 00:18:59,899 --> 00:19:02,067 ♪ 378 00:19:06,072 --> 00:19:07,112 (Marge hums happily) 379 00:19:07,133 --> 00:19:08,782 Oh, my God. 380 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,420 Marge needs this. 381 00:19:10,447 --> 00:19:14,589 It lights her way through the dark path of marriage to me. 382 00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:16,347 Come on in, Mr. Fakinami. 383 00:19:16,367 --> 00:19:17,807 No need. Everything's fine. 384 00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:21,264 I'm sorry, but there are no cancellations within 24 hours. 385 00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:23,832 (chuckles): Well, as long as I'm paying for the time... 386 00:19:24,201 --> 00:19:26,140 Ow! Where'd you learn to cut hair? 387 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:26,801 (nervous chuckle) 388 00:19:26,819 --> 00:19:28,486 You know, you have some anger issues. 389 00:19:28,507 --> 00:19:30,080 More snip, less lip. 390 00:19:31,665 --> 00:19:33,285 Oh, I forgot to tell you, Homie, 391 00:19:33,313 --> 00:19:36,993 I bumped into Helen Lovejoy today, and guess what? 392 00:19:37,022 --> 00:19:40,645 I don't need to know, Marge. You deserve to have your secrets. 393 00:19:40,674 --> 00:19:42,907 It's not a secret. It's a funny story. 394 00:19:42,936 --> 00:19:45,556 Okay, Marge, but first, well... 395 00:19:45,577 --> 00:19:47,870 I have something I need to tell you. 396 00:19:47,907 --> 00:19:51,434 Something I did you might be mad about, and rightly so. 397 00:19:51,457 --> 00:19:53,992 Oh, I bet my story's more interesting. 398 00:19:54,019 --> 00:19:55,452 Whoo-hoo! I tried! 399 00:19:55,465 --> 00:19:56,398 - Okay. - Okay, 400 00:19:56,421 --> 00:19:58,293 so, Helen Lovejoy told me that 401 00:19:58,311 --> 00:20:01,551 she made her famous snickerdoodle Bundt cake for the church sale, 402 00:20:01,587 --> 00:20:04,298 and she put in salt instead of sugar! 403 00:20:04,317 --> 00:20:05,404 (laughs) 404 00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:06,849 Yeah? And...? 405 00:20:06,876 --> 00:20:08,859 That's it. That was the story. 406 00:20:08,882 --> 00:20:11,109 - Where's that cake now? - It got sold. 407 00:20:11,135 --> 00:20:12,977 - Who bought it? - Dr. Hibbert. 408 00:20:12,997 --> 00:20:16,363 - Excuse me. I have to make a call. - Don't take too long. 409 00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,864 Okay, Hibbert's in surgery, but they're having him paged. 410 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,561 (both moaning passionately) 411 00:20:23,583 --> 00:20:24,696 HOMER: Wait, something's wrong. 412 00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:25,696 (grunts) 413 00:20:25,721 --> 00:20:26,881 That's better. 414 00:20:27,213 --> 00:20:28,933 Oh, dear God. 415 00:20:33,992 --> 00:20:37,026 Hi, Ralph. Um, I just wanted to tell you, 416 00:20:37,054 --> 00:20:39,987 there was a tooth in the Valentine you gave me. 417 00:20:40,004 --> 00:20:42,884 Plant it and you'll grow a new Ralph. 418 00:20:42,907 --> 00:20:45,714 I don't need a new Ralph. I like the old one. 419 00:20:45,743 --> 00:20:47,423 Happy Valentine's Day. 420 00:20:47,436 --> 00:20:50,123 Well, better get ready for St. Patrick's! 421 00:20:52,774 --> 00:20:57,774 Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 422 00:21:39,166 --> 00:21:40,174 Shh!