1
00:00:07,909 --> 00:00:09,549
T-minus 60 seconds!
2
00:00:09,564 --> 00:00:11,631
Oh, it all comes
down to this!
3
00:00:12,207 --> 00:00:13,847
Oh, I've got butterflies.
4
00:00:13,867 --> 00:00:15,580
Don't get soft on me,
Hofstadter.
5
00:00:15,592 --> 00:00:17,893
I will slap those glasses
right off your face.
6
00:00:20,699 --> 00:00:21,434
What's going on?
7
00:00:21,447 --> 00:00:23,651
Hey. We're about to buy
tickets for Comic-Con.
8
00:00:24,913 --> 00:00:25,760
Oh.
9
00:00:25,766 --> 00:00:27,420
T Minus 45 seconds!
10
00:00:27,436 --> 00:00:29,856
They sell out incredibly fast, but
as long as one of us gets in,
11
00:00:29,869 --> 00:00:32,750
- we can buy passes... - Good Lord, this is
not the time for flirting! Keep it in your pants!
12
00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:36,735
It's a whole lot of
weird before coffee.
13
00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:39,225
T-minus 30 seconds!
14
00:00:39,244 --> 00:00:41,793
Oh, I have to go to
the bathroom so bad.
15
00:00:41,817 --> 00:00:44,144
Every year! I told
you, wear a diaper!
16
00:00:44,157 --> 00:00:45,738
And I told you
I get diaper rash!
17
00:00:45,762 --> 00:00:47,208
15 seconds!
18
00:00:47,222 --> 00:00:49,502
Oh, this is it! This is it!
19
00:00:49,655 --> 00:00:50,882
(inhales)
20
00:00:52,429 --> 00:00:53,752
(strangled):
This is it.
21
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,176
WOLOWITZ: Five, four, three,
22
00:00:57,195 --> 00:00:58,348
two, one.
23
00:00:58,369 --> 00:01:00,117
It's live. Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
24
00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:08,107
Anyone in?!
25
00:01:08,126 --> 00:01:09,909
- No!
- Not yet! - Nope!
26
00:01:10,868 --> 00:01:12,781
Do not stop refreshing
your screens!
27
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:14,711
ALL:
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
28
00:01:14,734 --> 00:01:16,987
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
29
00:01:17,002 --> 00:01:18,835
ALL:
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh...
30
00:01:19,669 --> 00:01:21,930
Yeah, this is not gonna
be enough coffee.
31
00:01:21,954 --> 00:01:24,121
ALL:
Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.
32
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:27,803
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
33
00:01:27,823 --> 00:01:31,778
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
34
00:01:31,804 --> 00:01:32,931
♪ The Earth began to cool
35
00:01:32,955 --> 00:01:35,956
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
36
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,810
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
37
00:01:37,825 --> 00:01:40,658
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
38
00:01:40,671 --> 00:01:42,783
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
39
00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:44,215
♪ Bang! ♪
40
00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:46,734
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x14 ♪
The Convention Conundrum
Original Air Date on January 30, 2014
41
00:01:46,752 --> 00:01:49,252
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
42
00:01:49,854 --> 00:01:53,604
ALL (slower):
Refresh... Refresh... Refresh...
43
00:01:53,623 --> 00:01:55,166
Refresh... Refresh...
44
00:01:55,192 --> 00:01:57,017
- Refresh.
- Refresh.
45
00:01:57,041 --> 00:01:58,854
- Refresh.
- Refresh.
46
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:01,745
Refresh. It's been ten minutes!
We're running out of time.
47
00:02:01,768 --> 00:02:03,657
To be cool? Yeah.
48
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,480
I did it! I did it!
I'm in the queue!
49
00:02:06,509 --> 00:02:08,128
(all cheering)
50
00:02:08,140 --> 00:02:10,928
And they say firefighters
are the real heroes.
51
00:02:12,159 --> 00:02:14,139
Uh, what number
in line are you?
52
00:02:14,163 --> 00:02:15,463
- Uh, 15...
- Great!
53
00:02:15,471 --> 00:02:17,826
- ...thousand, 211.
- Damn! - Oh!
54
00:02:18,667 --> 00:02:21,681
Oh, they only have Thursday
and Sunday passes left.
55
00:02:21,711 --> 00:02:22,387
Really?
56
00:02:22,401 --> 00:02:24,074
Oh, Thursday's gone.
Just Sunday left.
57
00:02:24,093 --> 00:02:26,026
Oh, Sunday's the worst!
58
00:02:26,048 --> 00:02:29,095
Everybody's leaving, most of
the good panels are over,
59
00:02:29,117 --> 00:02:32,958
and the only T-shirts they
have left are small and XXXXL.
60
00:02:35,444 --> 00:02:38,957
- Sunday's gone.
- Not Sunday! I love Sunday!
61
00:02:41,166 --> 00:02:43,602
So that's it?
Everything's sold out?
62
00:02:44,563 --> 00:02:45,703
Yeah.
63
00:02:46,888 --> 00:02:49,212
I can't believe
we're not going.
64
00:02:50,141 --> 00:02:51,693
It's okay.
65
00:02:52,042 --> 00:02:55,134
You know, there-there's always
WonderCon in Anaheim, you know?
66
00:02:56,447 --> 00:02:58,284
That-That's just as good.
67
00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:01,195
(voice breaking):
Excuse me.
68
00:03:03,231 --> 00:03:04,428
(crying)
69
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:10,197
Oh, guys, this is really sad.
70
00:03:10,569 --> 00:03:13,737
And in a different way than
it was 20 minutes ago.
71
00:03:16,166 --> 00:03:19,536
I can't believe we wasted all
that time on our Hulk costumes.
72
00:03:19,556 --> 00:03:21,563
What? You were all
going as the Hulk?
73
00:03:21,571 --> 00:03:23,211
Not the same Hulk.
74
00:03:23,242 --> 00:03:25,395
Ferrigno, Bana,
Norton and Ruffalo.
75
00:03:28,003 --> 00:03:31,149
We would have been the angry green
belles of the masquerade ball.
76
00:03:32,382 --> 00:03:34,012
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
77
00:03:35,387 --> 00:03:38,182
And we're back to the
first kind of sad.
78
00:03:40,791 --> 00:03:45,616
Gentlemen, I have the solution
to our Comic-Con problem.
79
00:03:45,634 --> 00:03:47,181
We don't need them.
80
00:03:47,206 --> 00:03:49,582
I'm starting my
own convention.
81
00:03:51,466 --> 00:03:54,126
Sheldon, just buy scalped
tickets with us.
82
00:03:54,154 --> 00:03:57,777
I told you. Buying scalped
tickets is against the rules.
83
00:03:57,807 --> 00:04:01,325
If you get caught, you get
banned from Comic-Con for life.
84
00:04:01,349 --> 00:04:02,750
Life, Leonard.
85
00:04:02,770 --> 00:04:05,073
You're gonna feel pretty silly
when we're 80 years old,
86
00:04:05,092 --> 00:04:08,399
and you have to drive me down there and
then wait in the car for three days.
87
00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:12,422
Do what you want. We're
getting scalped tickets.
88
00:04:12,441 --> 00:04:14,992
Oh, I already found a guy
online who's willing to sell.
89
00:04:15,008 --> 00:04:17,320
How do you know this
isn't a sting operation
90
00:04:17,343 --> 00:04:19,429
set up by the
Comic-Con police?
91
00:04:20,537 --> 00:04:24,086
The same way I know that the
people in the TV set can't see me.
92
00:04:25,241 --> 00:04:26,494
Sheldon, just come with us.
93
00:04:26,514 --> 00:04:28,701
You're not gonna make
your own convention.
94
00:04:28,794 --> 00:04:32,017
You know, there was a time when
Comic-Con didn't exist at all
95
00:04:32,036 --> 00:04:35,664
until one lone dreamer with a
unique vision made it happen.
96
00:04:35,684 --> 00:04:39,066
And you mark my words-- I'm
gonna rip that guy off.
97
00:04:42,225 --> 00:04:45,696
Yes, I'm starting my own
comic book convention,
98
00:04:45,705 --> 00:04:48,792
and I thought that your
client, Robert Downey Jr.,
99
00:04:48,816 --> 00:04:52,764
would be perfect to appear
on our first panel.
100
00:04:53,438 --> 00:04:55,124
Oh, well, now, why
are you saying "no"?
101
00:04:55,150 --> 00:04:56,943
You haven't even
asked him yet.
102
00:04:57,922 --> 00:05:00,214
You know, excuse me, but I
sat through Iron Man 2.
103
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:03,076
I believe he owes me
two hours of his time.
104
00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:06,611
They hung up on me.
105
00:05:10,802 --> 00:05:13,537
Did you tell them that you're holding
your convention at a Marie Callender's,
106
00:05:13,556 --> 00:05:16,651
and that every panelist
gets a free slice of pie?
107
00:05:17,169 --> 00:05:19,141
I didn't even get
to that part.
108
00:05:19,915 --> 00:05:22,962
Look, even your friend Wil Wheaton
thinks this is a waste of time.
109
00:05:23,228 --> 00:05:24,489
Not true.
110
00:05:24,513 --> 00:05:26,533
Wil thinks this
is a great idea.
111
00:05:26,553 --> 00:05:29,476
He was just concerned that he
wasn't a big enough celebrity
112
00:05:29,508 --> 00:05:31,588
to headline such
an amazing event.
113
00:05:31,620 --> 00:05:34,796
Also, that's the same day
that he shampoos his beard.
114
00:05:36,468 --> 00:05:39,381
Sheldon, buddy, I just don't think this
is going to come together for you.
115
00:05:39,604 --> 00:05:41,005
You don't know that.
116
00:05:41,027 --> 00:05:43,887
I still have plenty of
solid leads on this list.
117
00:05:43,912 --> 00:05:45,332
- Good luck.
- No, wait.
118
00:05:45,352 --> 00:05:50,080
I need you to call Stan Lee, Leonard
Nimoy and Bill Nye the Science Guy...
119
00:05:50,859 --> 00:05:53,065
'cause, legally, I'm
not allowed to.
120
00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:55,939
Oh, and, also, Carrie
Fisher, you know,
121
00:05:55,961 --> 00:05:57,963
'cause I hear she
can be pretty nuts.
122
00:06:00,531 --> 00:06:04,206
I can't believe Leonard is spending
hundreds of dollars on scalped tickets.
123
00:06:04,332 --> 00:06:06,678
Last week, you spent
that on a little dress.
124
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:09,668
Yeah, but those tickets only
get him into Comic-Con.
125
00:06:09,685 --> 00:06:11,838
That dress gets me
into anywhere I want.
126
00:06:14,175 --> 00:06:16,242
Those tickets
were pretty expensive.
127
00:06:16,258 --> 00:06:18,866
I had to give Howie an
advance on his allowance.
128
00:06:20,817 --> 00:06:23,239
Now he's never gonna
put his toys away.
129
00:06:24,445 --> 00:06:25,856
Why can't they do
something sensible
130
00:06:25,869 --> 00:06:28,656
like Sheldon and start their
own comic book convention?
131
00:06:30,021 --> 00:06:32,397
Also, who wants to throw
me out that window?
132
00:06:34,433 --> 00:06:37,465
Oh, while they're acting like teenagers,
we could do something grown-up.
133
00:06:37,486 --> 00:06:39,253
Oh. You mean like a museum?
134
00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:42,331
Yes, like a museum,
but anything else.
135
00:06:44,891 --> 00:06:46,918
Oh, I know. There's a nice
hotel not far from here
136
00:06:46,938 --> 00:06:48,565
where they do afternoon tea.
137
00:06:48,583 --> 00:06:51,243
Ooh, afternoon tea--
how sophisticated of us.
138
00:06:51,258 --> 00:06:54,770
Oh, all right, if we're gonna be fancy, I
should probably put on clean underwear.
139
00:06:55,931 --> 00:06:58,164
La-dee-da! Look who
has clean underwear.
140
00:06:58,190 --> 00:07:00,154
No, we're gonna stop
at Target on the way.
141
00:07:03,697 --> 00:07:05,343
Hey, since Sheldon's
not going to Comic-Con,
142
00:07:05,362 --> 00:07:07,889
maybe we could find a
cool trio to dress up as.
143
00:07:08,623 --> 00:07:11,038
What if we go as The Fantastic
Four, and just tell people
144
00:07:11,058 --> 00:07:13,489
that the Invisible Girl is
standing there with us.
145
00:07:14,501 --> 00:07:16,194
Oh, and I thought our
days of pretending
146
00:07:16,213 --> 00:07:18,472
to be with women who
don't exist were over.
147
00:07:19,517 --> 00:07:22,243
Gentlemen, I am one step away
148
00:07:22,257 --> 00:07:25,293
from securing a huge
guest for my convention.
149
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,686
Does that step include chloroform
and a roll of duct tape?
150
00:07:29,529 --> 00:07:33,057
I don't think that will be necessary
for Mr. James Earl Jones.
151
00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:33,948
You heard me.
152
00:07:33,967 --> 00:07:37,141
The voice of Darth Vader,
the Lion King's dad,
153
00:07:37,158 --> 00:07:41,108
and FYI, the guy who
says, "This is CNN."
154
00:07:42,717 --> 00:07:44,665
Which also sounds
like Darth Vader.
155
00:07:47,063 --> 00:07:49,631
How are you gonna get
James Earl Jones?
156
00:07:49,654 --> 00:07:53,275
Simple. Earlier today, he Tweeted
that he's looking forward
157
00:07:53,295 --> 00:07:55,747
to going to his favorite
sushi restaurant for dinner.
158
00:07:55,991 --> 00:07:58,570
I Googled an interview
from four years ago
159
00:07:58,589 --> 00:08:01,746
which was conducted in his
favorite sushi restaurant.
160
00:08:01,766 --> 00:08:04,933
That's where he'll be, and
that's where I'm going, and...
161
00:08:04,954 --> 00:08:08,086
And that's where Darth Vader's
gonna pour soy sauce on your head.
162
00:08:10,129 --> 00:08:12,896
Sheldon, I don't care if you get
scalped tickets with us or not,
163
00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,952
but please don't be creepy
and go stalking this poor guy.
164
00:08:15,972 --> 00:08:17,412
You're gonna get in trouble.
165
00:08:17,740 --> 00:08:19,880
You're the ones who are
going to get in trouble.
166
00:08:19,895 --> 00:08:22,008
You're buying
non-transferable tickets.
167
00:08:22,029 --> 00:08:24,209
And from a stranger, no less.
168
00:08:24,233 --> 00:08:26,449
Not only can you get
banned from Comic-Con,
169
00:08:26,458 --> 00:08:29,265
if caught, you could be
charged with petty theft.
170
00:08:29,288 --> 00:08:31,988
You think about that while
I'm warning James Earl Jones
171
00:08:32,003 --> 00:08:34,615
about the danger of posting
his location on Twitter.
172
00:08:35,826 --> 00:08:38,974
He got lucky this time. There
are some weirdoes out there.
173
00:08:40,569 --> 00:08:42,122
(singing the "Imperial March):
♪ Bom, bom, bom
174
00:08:42,149 --> 00:08:44,665
♪ Bom, badum, bom, badum
175
00:08:44,687 --> 00:08:48,632
♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom,
badum, bom, badum ♪
176
00:08:49,783 --> 00:08:51,789
♪ Badala, baba,
badalum, bom ♪
177
00:08:51,802 --> 00:08:53,103
♪ Badala, bom, bom, bu...
178
00:08:53,128 --> 00:08:55,203
Forgot my keys.
♪ Bom, bom
179
00:08:55,216 --> 00:08:57,480
♪ Bom, bom, badum,
bom, badum... ♪
180
00:09:00,902 --> 00:09:03,111
Okay, great. Bye.
181
00:09:03,655 --> 00:09:06,903
Our friendly neighborhood
scalper says he's running late.
182
00:09:07,143 --> 00:09:08,783
Does he sound like a criminal?
183
00:09:10,732 --> 00:09:11,839
What do you mean?
184
00:09:11,857 --> 00:09:13,203
You know, did he
say things like,
185
00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:17,660
"Youse guys," or
"Listen here, see?"
186
00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:23,710
Yes. He-He's late because he's
on his way here from 1940.
187
00:09:25,744 --> 00:09:27,726
I'm just saying. We don't
know who this guy is.
188
00:09:27,739 --> 00:09:29,803
What if he wants to steal
our money or our kidneys,
189
00:09:29,823 --> 00:09:31,923
or make a suit out
of our skins?
190
00:09:33,074 --> 00:09:36,267
Why would someone want to make
clothes out of your skin?
191
00:09:36,288 --> 00:09:39,655
I don't know. Maybe 'cause
dark doesn't show the stains?
192
00:09:41,438 --> 00:09:44,991
Well, now you're making me wonder if we
should have met him at a neutral location.
193
00:09:45,011 --> 00:09:47,326
Why do you think I told him
to come to your place?
194
00:09:51,516 --> 00:09:53,801
(various indistinct
conversations)
195
00:09:56,657 --> 00:09:58,790
There sure are a lot
of little kids here.
196
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,331
I can't believe we thought this
would makes us feel grown up.
197
00:10:01,347 --> 00:10:03,888
I can't believe the waiter
thought I was your daughter.
198
00:10:06,794 --> 00:10:09,789
Well, last time I got dressed up
and had tea was when I was five.
199
00:10:09,988 --> 00:10:12,809
Just me, my teddy bear,
Raggedy Ann and my hamster.
200
00:10:12,818 --> 00:10:14,851
- That's cute.
- It was.
201
00:10:14,886 --> 00:10:17,139
Till my hamster ate
all her babies.
202
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,706
It got less cute really fast.
203
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:26,189
- Should we leave?
- Well, there's a bar in the lobby.
204
00:10:26,348 --> 00:10:27,601
I could go for a drink.
205
00:10:27,623 --> 00:10:30,436
Aw. Drinking in the afternoon,
just like her mommy.
206
00:10:30,466 --> 00:10:31,900
(clicks tongue)
207
00:10:44,135 --> 00:10:45,727
Let me guess.
208
00:10:46,191 --> 00:10:48,591
You like Star Wars.
209
00:10:52,087 --> 00:10:55,301
You know, I've been
in other movies.
210
00:10:57,552 --> 00:11:00,427
But you don't care
about those, do you?
211
00:11:07,949 --> 00:11:10,782
I have one thing to say
to people like you...
212
00:11:12,224 --> 00:11:14,781
I like Star Wars, too!
213
00:11:17,271 --> 00:11:18,920
Care to join me?
214
00:11:19,297 --> 00:11:21,149
Oh... thank you.
215
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:25,099
My friend Leonard said if I
bothered you while you were eating,
216
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,074
you'd think I was
a creepy stalker.
217
00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:28,557
Well...
218
00:11:28,848 --> 00:11:32,326
your friend Leonard sounds
like a real weenie.
219
00:11:35,066 --> 00:11:38,311
He is, Mr. Earl Jones, he is.
220
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:43,952
Okay, so, I'm on a
Comic-Con message board,
221
00:11:43,965 --> 00:11:46,107
and there's a post from a guy
222
00:11:46,118 --> 00:11:49,151
where he says he got caught
using someone else's badge...
223
00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:52,929
and Sheldon was right-- he did get
charged with petty theft. Guys...
224
00:11:53,333 --> 00:11:57,062
if I go to jail dressed as the Human
Torch, that might send the wrong message.
225
00:11:58,986 --> 00:12:00,637
(sighs)
226
00:12:00,847 --> 00:12:03,047
Maybe this isn't a good idea.
227
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:07,024
I can text the guy and tell
him we changed our minds.
228
00:12:08,156 --> 00:12:09,269
Do it.
229
00:12:09,498 --> 00:12:10,611
Okay.
230
00:12:10,636 --> 00:12:13,929
We're officially not
going to Comic-Con.
231
00:12:16,060 --> 00:12:18,260
Hold on. We always do this.
232
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:20,034
- Do what?
- Chicken out.
233
00:12:20,047 --> 00:12:23,874
We're-we're so afraid of getting into
trouble that we never do anything wrong.
234
00:12:23,893 --> 00:12:25,474
That's 'cause we're
the good guys.
235
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,373
Even Batman breaks the rules.
236
00:12:27,402 --> 00:12:29,491
You know I struggle
with Batman.
237
00:12:31,244 --> 00:12:36,337
I-I say, this one time, instead of
wimping out, let's be badasses!
238
00:12:37,242 --> 00:12:38,876
Okay, I'll be a badass--
239
00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:41,127
but only if you pinky-swear
to be one, too.
240
00:12:43,616 --> 00:12:45,105
Howard, you in on this?
241
00:12:45,122 --> 00:12:47,767
No need. I'm breaking
rules all the time.
242
00:12:48,949 --> 00:12:50,197
Name one.
243
00:12:50,208 --> 00:12:51,443
Last night.
244
00:12:51,456 --> 00:12:54,572
Drank my Pepto straight
out of the bottle.
245
00:12:56,718 --> 00:12:58,298
What about that little
cup they give you?
246
00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:59,599
(chuckles):
Yeah.
247
00:13:00,609 --> 00:13:01,943
What about it?
248
00:13:05,647 --> 00:13:06,900
A-Are you
impressed by that?
249
00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:08,729
- A little.
- Yeah, me, too.
250
00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:15,526
You know, when I first read the
script for Empire Strikes Back
251
00:13:15,550 --> 00:13:18,737
and Darth Vader told Luke
he was his father...
252
00:13:19,070 --> 00:13:21,312
...I thought for
sure he was lying.
253
00:13:22,029 --> 00:13:23,482
Me, too!
254
00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:26,286
- But he wasn't, was he?
- He was not!
255
00:13:26,596 --> 00:13:28,851
How messed up was that?!
256
00:13:30,144 --> 00:13:31,752
So messed up.
257
00:13:32,524 --> 00:13:34,917
What do you say let's
go have some fun?
258
00:13:35,140 --> 00:13:38,292
My wife's in New York, and I
got a Lion King residual check
259
00:13:38,307 --> 00:13:40,200
burning a hole in my pocket.
260
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:45,720
So, afternoon tea was a bust.
261
00:13:45,744 --> 00:13:49,304
On the bright side, every six-year-old
there was jealous of my tiara.
262
00:13:51,095 --> 00:13:53,082
Not gonna lie--
it felt good.
263
00:13:55,087 --> 00:13:56,380
Let me ask you a question:
264
00:13:56,398 --> 00:13:58,098
When did you guys start
feeling grown up?
265
00:13:58,123 --> 00:13:59,926
'Cause I am not sure I do.
266
00:14:00,285 --> 00:14:02,485
Honestly, I thought when
I got married I would,
267
00:14:02,512 --> 00:14:05,185
but I still kind of feel
like I'm pretending.
268
00:14:05,205 --> 00:14:08,237
It doesn't help that most of
my clothes come from Gap Kids.
269
00:14:10,061 --> 00:14:11,474
Okay, so I'm an adult,
270
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:15,659
and the other day I saw an old man
slip and fall down, and I laughed.
271
00:14:16,714 --> 00:14:18,417
I mean, I laughed hard.
272
00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:21,423
Like-like, out loud.
273
00:14:21,976 --> 00:14:23,942
If he was conscious,
he would've heard me.
274
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,499
- Oh, my gosh.
- I know.
275
00:14:26,532 --> 00:14:28,379
One of the tennis balls
came off his walker
276
00:14:28,406 --> 00:14:30,515
and bounced right
off his head.
277
00:14:31,315 --> 00:14:32,276
I mean... (laughing)
278
00:14:32,296 --> 00:14:34,465
I... I almost wet myself.
279
00:14:36,297 --> 00:14:38,642
I guess you had to be there.
(clears throat)
280
00:14:39,381 --> 00:14:40,974
I think I have
you both beat.
281
00:14:40,987 --> 00:14:43,694
Imagine trying to feel like a grown-up
when you've never even been with a man.
282
00:14:43,714 --> 00:14:46,341
Okay, sex is not what
makes you a grown-up.
283
00:14:46,359 --> 00:14:48,894
Yeah. Or you'd be the
oldest one here.
284
00:14:51,225 --> 00:14:52,119
Really?
285
00:14:52,137 --> 00:14:53,757
Is that how you talk
to your mother?
286
00:14:58,265 --> 00:15:00,099
He just parked.
He's on his way up.
287
00:15:00,112 --> 00:15:01,472
Good. This is exciting.
288
00:15:01,493 --> 00:15:03,367
- It is. I feel alive.
- Yeah.
289
00:15:03,586 --> 00:15:05,393
What if we do get
caught; who cares?
290
00:15:05,431 --> 00:15:06,925
So we get banned
from Comic-Con.
291
00:15:06,937 --> 00:15:08,677
- And maybe slapped with a fine.
- Oh, no.
292
00:15:08,694 --> 00:15:10,741
I'll be an astronaut
and a bad boy--
293
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,717
how will women keep
their pants on?
294
00:15:13,817 --> 00:15:17,271
Uh, maybe it'll come up when
I apply for citizenship.
295
00:15:18,057 --> 00:15:20,643
Oh, crap, what if it comes up
when I apply for citizenship?
296
00:15:21,574 --> 00:15:25,412
I wonder if we'd have to disclose something
like this when we apply for grants.
297
00:15:26,024 --> 00:15:27,567
He's gonna be here any
second-- what should we do?
298
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,778
You guys are such babies.
299
00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:31,417
I'll handle this.
300
00:15:32,804 --> 00:15:35,171
(whispers): If he thinks we're
not home, he'll go away.
301
00:15:36,027 --> 00:15:37,444
(pounding on door)
302
00:15:37,466 --> 00:15:38,414
I thought you were a badass.
303
00:15:38,434 --> 00:15:40,977
I lied about the Pepto-- I
always use the little cup!
304
00:15:48,150 --> 00:15:51,657
Is it true, as a child,
you were a stutterer
305
00:15:51,683 --> 00:15:54,624
and were functionally
mute for eight years?
306
00:15:54,648 --> 00:15:56,399
- It is true.
- Oh.
307
00:15:56,882 --> 00:16:00,129
Is it true they
used scuba gear
308
00:16:00,149 --> 00:16:02,589
to create the sound of
Darth Vader breathing?
309
00:16:02,605 --> 00:16:04,570
- They sure did.
- Oh.
310
00:16:05,481 --> 00:16:09,381
Is it true that you
were premed in college
311
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,114
and you almost
became a doctor?
312
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:14,428
- That's right.
- Oh, James!
313
00:16:14,637 --> 00:16:17,256
I could listen to your
stories all night.
314
00:16:19,286 --> 00:16:22,693
(imitating engine rumbling)
315
00:16:26,488 --> 00:16:29,448
I mean, really, what's so
great about being grown up?
316
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:33,066
Well, for starters, we'd be
splitting this check three ways.
317
00:16:34,792 --> 00:16:37,084
I'm serious. Who wants
to do all that stuff?
318
00:16:37,106 --> 00:16:39,106
Have insurance,
pay mortgages,
319
00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:42,044
leave one of those little notes
when you hit a parked car.
320
00:16:43,356 --> 00:16:45,106
I told you it was Penny.
321
00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:49,309
Oh, come on, it wasn't me. Anyone
could have knocked your mirror off...
322
00:16:49,329 --> 00:16:51,126
or whatever happened.
323
00:16:54,358 --> 00:16:55,792
Maybe the guys are right.
324
00:16:55,811 --> 00:16:57,921
I mean, we spent the whole
night trying to be mature,
325
00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,581
and it was kind of boring.
326
00:16:59,592 --> 00:17:01,672
I'm sure they're having
more fun than we are.
327
00:17:01,711 --> 00:17:03,677
(pounding on door)
328
00:17:03,886 --> 00:17:05,125
(quietly):
Oh, God, I could really use
329
00:17:05,144 --> 00:17:07,508
exactly two tablespoons
of Pepto right now.
330
00:17:08,223 --> 00:17:09,851
(pounding continues)
331
00:17:18,446 --> 00:17:20,386
Hey, Los Angeles!
332
00:17:20,416 --> 00:17:23,520
I'm on a Ferris wheel
with Darth Vader!
333
00:17:24,302 --> 00:17:26,599
And he's nicer
than you think!
334
00:17:28,032 --> 00:17:29,911
I am!
335
00:17:33,656 --> 00:17:37,511
♪ In the jungle, the mighty jungle ♪
♪ Ah-wimoweh, ah-wimoweh... ♪
336
00:17:37,543 --> 00:17:40,292
(high-pitched):
♪ The lion sleeps tonight
337
00:17:40,312 --> 00:17:41,422
Bring it home, Mufasa.
338
00:17:41,447 --> 00:17:43,587
♪ Eee...
♪ Ah-wimoweh, ah-wimoweh... ♪
339
00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:45,143
♪ Eee, eee, eee
340
00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:47,705
♪ Ah, um-a-weh...
341
00:17:51,012 --> 00:17:53,698
- (whispers): I don't understand
what we're doing. - Shh.
342
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,403
- Whose house is that?
- (quietly): Carrie Fisher.
343
00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:01,200
And she's a little crazy,
so get ready to run.
344
00:18:01,226 --> 00:18:02,892
(Rings doorbell)
345
00:18:15,257 --> 00:18:18,434
It's not funny
anymore, James!
346
00:18:20,347 --> 00:18:22,360
JONES (in distance):
Then why am I laughing!
347
00:18:22,383 --> 00:18:24,907
(Jones guffawing)
348
00:18:30,853 --> 00:18:34,759
Ah, Sheldon, this is the perfect
end to a perfect night.
349
00:18:36,498 --> 00:18:37,863
Okay.
350
00:18:39,276 --> 00:18:41,835
Yeah, but I think it could
have ended with the karaoke.
351
00:18:43,072 --> 00:18:46,115
What were you trying to
ask me at the strip club?
352
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:48,400
Oh.
353
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:51,264
How much does it cost
to get them off my lap?
354
00:18:52,287 --> 00:18:54,622
No. Something
about a convention.
355
00:18:54,881 --> 00:18:56,754
Oh, right! Well...
356
00:18:57,036 --> 00:19:00,102
my friends and I couldn't get
into Comic-Con this year,
357
00:19:00,113 --> 00:19:02,926
and I was trying to start
my own convention,
358
00:19:02,945 --> 00:19:07,128
and I was going to ask if
you would be a panelist.
359
00:19:07,559 --> 00:19:10,166
Why don't you and your friends
come to Comic-Con with me?
360
00:19:10,193 --> 00:19:11,800
- Really?
- Of course.
361
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:16,478
And San Diego is right across the
border from my favorite city on Earth,
362
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,811
Tijuana...
363
00:19:20,258 --> 00:19:22,601
...where I'm taking
you every night!
364
00:19:24,773 --> 00:19:26,331
Ay-yi-yi.
365
00:19:27,577 --> 00:19:29,893
Ay-yi-yi, bang-bang.
366
00:19:36,364 --> 00:19:39,243
So, Beau Bridges
is on my shoulders,
367
00:19:39,263 --> 00:19:43,024
and Jeff Bridges is on
Marlon Brando's shoulders,
368
00:19:43,043 --> 00:19:46,566
and remember, we do not have
permission to be in the pool--
369
00:19:46,596 --> 00:19:48,589
Hey! Sheldon, wake up!
370
00:19:49,141 --> 00:19:52,508
And... Angie Dickinson is
about to sic the dogs on us,
371
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:55,178
and I go under the water and
Marlon goes under the water,
372
00:19:55,191 --> 00:19:58,418
and the water raises about two feet
and sloshes all over her patio,
373
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:02,337
and the dogs freak out and run like
hell, and then we run like hell...
374
00:20:02,403 --> 00:20:04,125
(laughs):
Oh, boy!
375
00:20:04,145 --> 00:20:06,120
That was a lot of fun.
376
00:20:08,153 --> 00:20:10,336
Uh... who's Angie Dickinson?
377
00:20:11,667 --> 00:20:16,667
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther