1 00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,490 Thanks, everybody, thank you. 2 00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:24,890 Hello, good evening. 3 00:00:24,940 --> 00:00:26,730 Thank you so much. 4 00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:28,210 We're back! 5 00:00:28,260 --> 00:00:29,820 We have returned. 6 00:00:31,580 --> 00:00:36,490 We've returned with an all-new series, and it is a cracker. 7 00:00:36,540 --> 00:00:42,010 We have got a review of the Mk7 Volkswagen Golf, 8 00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:46,610 we've an extended report of the 900cc Dacia Sandero, 9 00:00:46,660 --> 00:00:49,410 James has done that. It's very long. 10 00:00:49,460 --> 00:00:52,530 We've a piece on bicycles, we've something on the stresses 11 00:00:52,580 --> 00:00:54,970 of long-distance lorry driving... 12 00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:58,420 ..and the rest of it sort of looks like this. 13 00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:06,330 They should have called this the Widowmaker! 14 00:01:06,380 --> 00:01:08,210 Come on, little Alfa. 15 00:01:08,260 --> 00:01:09,620 We have to beat him. 16 00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:13,780 You want a race? I'll give you a race! 17 00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:19,140 Oh, God. My doves have escaped. 18 00:01:24,220 --> 00:01:26,060 Arrrrrgh! 19 00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:31,020 Just have my heated seat set to the first position. 20 00:01:34,780 --> 00:01:36,250 Morning. Sorry. 21 00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:38,530 The town in question is called... 22 00:01:38,580 --> 00:01:39,620 Chernobyl. 23 00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:45,500 Whoa! Ha-ha-ha! 24 00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:50,860 Goooahhh! 25 00:01:57,700 --> 00:02:00,940 'Newsnight now, on BBC TWO...' 26 00:02:09,260 --> 00:02:12,970 All that is to come. 27 00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:16,690 But first, there has been, I'm afraid, a bit of a row in the office. 28 00:02:16,740 --> 00:02:21,090 You see, we think that the current crop of hot hatchbacks are very good, 29 00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:25,090 however, we say they're not as good as the hot hatchbacks 30 00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:27,250 you could buy in the '80s or the '90s. 31 00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:31,130 Well, they're not, are they? No, exactly, but our producers, who are very young 32 00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:33,970 and wander around with the top of their underpants 33 00:02:34,020 --> 00:02:35,890 showing at the back of their trousers, 34 00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:37,610 say that we are talking nonsense. 35 00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:40,890 Yeah, so, to sort it all out, they told us to go and buy 36 00:02:40,940 --> 00:02:43,970 three old hot hatches, whilst they would devise 37 00:02:44,020 --> 00:02:46,370 a series of humiliating challenges. 38 00:02:46,420 --> 00:02:49,020 Hmm! Hmm! 39 00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:53,690 The meeting point was a car park in Droitwich, 40 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,740 and I was the first to arrive. 41 00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:05,050 This is a Volkswagen Golf GTI - 42 00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:09,620 the standard-bearer, the benchmark, the daddy... 43 00:03:10,740 --> 00:03:15,690 And think about it - a modern-day GTI would cost you £27,000. 44 00:03:15,740 --> 00:03:22,530 This was just 800 quid. I mean, 800 quid! For a Golf GTI! 45 00:03:22,580 --> 00:03:28,010 It's only done 172,000 miles, and at just 25 years old it's... 46 00:03:28,060 --> 00:03:29,540 Oh, there's James! 47 00:03:35,860 --> 00:03:38,930 Oh, God. That was a handbrake turn, right there, ladies and gentlemen. 48 00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:39,970 Yo! 49 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,330 XR2! 50 00:03:41,380 --> 00:03:44,050 XR2i, 16 valve. 51 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,290 16 valve? Oh, yes. 52 00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:49,010 See, I've gone for the coveted Mk2 eight-valve model. 53 00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:50,890 Eight valve? Eight valve. 54 00:03:50,940 --> 00:03:52,930 What? 55 00:03:52,980 --> 00:03:55,370 Oh, the comedy stickers. 56 00:03:55,420 --> 00:03:57,690 The thing is, James, what you have to remember is, 57 00:03:57,740 --> 00:03:59,210 you know when you look at a car, 58 00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:02,050 how has it been treated? Who's owned it? 59 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,890 I looked at these stickers, 60 00:04:03,940 --> 00:04:05,970 the non-standard alloy wheels, 61 00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:07,810 and I suspect this has been slammed. 62 00:04:07,860 --> 00:04:10,650 It does look like it's been slammed. It's been lowered. 63 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:12,170 So you add those things together, 64 00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:16,210 and I've deduced it was probably owned by...a parish priest? 65 00:04:16,260 --> 00:04:19,210 June Whitfield, probably. It's funny you should say that, 66 00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:22,530 because I employ a similar tactic when I'm buying a car, so I looked 67 00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:25,690 at things like - it has very high-specification after-market 68 00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:28,170 brake pads. Has it? Which means it was somebody 69 00:04:28,220 --> 00:04:30,890 interested in safety, not speed. Yes. And also, 70 00:04:30,940 --> 00:04:33,650 they've done things like left the jacking point exposed, 71 00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:36,530 so you spend less time exposed to danger if you have to change 72 00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:39,090 your wheel on the hard shoulder. Exactly. 73 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:41,330 800 quid. 750 quid. 74 00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:44,780 You see, we've been clever, we have been wise. 75 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,370 Sadly, our discussion was curtailed, 76 00:04:48,420 --> 00:04:50,060 because Hammond then arrived. 77 00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,890 And he hadn't been wise at all. 78 00:04:57,300 --> 00:04:59,090 Is that...? 79 00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:02,450 No. No. No. 80 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:07,650 Nova SRi. No. This is fun, isn't it? I'm loving my day so far. 81 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,330 Let me talk you through it - 1.4-litre multi-point fuel injection, 82 00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:13,330 82 brake horsepower. Uh-huh. 83 00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,210 This is light, and nippy and quick. 84 00:05:15,260 --> 00:05:18,850 This was the clever choice in its day. Was it? Yeah. It was. 85 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:23,130 Hammond... I love... Hammond, Hammond, Hammond, Hammond. 86 00:05:23,180 --> 00:05:28,170 Yeah? This has spent more time on its roof than it has on its wheels. 87 00:05:28,220 --> 00:05:31,730 All Novas are driven by yobbos who turn them over. 88 00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:34,810 I must admit... Because it's not just this door that doesn't match. 89 00:05:34,860 --> 00:05:35,930 That one was white. 90 00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:38,650 I don't think there's a ditch in Essex that this hasn't visited. 91 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:42,210 But it's still working. These are very desirable. Are they? 92 00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:44,580 How much was it? 700 quid. 93 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:49,610 Not that anyone ever actually had to buy a Vauxhall Nova - 94 00:05:49,660 --> 00:05:52,090 it was much easier to steal one. 95 00:05:52,140 --> 00:05:55,450 Nobody's to watch this if you're a car thief. Don't watch this. 96 00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,450 You have the keys. I have the keys. 97 00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:01,090 I'm going to remove the hazard warning light switch, OK? 98 00:06:01,140 --> 00:06:05,020 Yep. I'm now going to pop it back in again, upside down. 99 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,930 And lo and behold, the ignition comes on. 100 00:06:08,980 --> 00:06:12,170 Now it's just a question of, um... Bump-start. 101 00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:13,450 Go! 102 00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:16,610 And there we are. 103 00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,180 And I've got the key! 104 00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:22,130 'As I was finishing my demonstration, 105 00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:23,970 'I received a message.' 106 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:29,370 I've got a text. Oh, it's from the producers. Eh? 107 00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:31,210 Yeah, it's the first of the challenges. 108 00:06:31,260 --> 00:06:32,930 What happened to the gold envelope? 109 00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,730 He's a teenager. 110 00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:36,450 That would mean using a pen. 111 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:40,010 Oh, he wouldn't have seen one of those. No, he wouldn't. Anyway... 112 00:06:40,060 --> 00:06:42,810 Hang on. I don't know what it says. Because you need your glasses? 113 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:45,450 Oh, dear. I'm old! 114 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:50,490 It says, "The main reason for buying a hot hatchback is speed. 115 00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:55,010 "You will therefore do a performance test at the Shelsley Walsh Hill Climb 116 00:06:55,060 --> 00:06:56,460 "in your crocks of ship." 117 00:06:57,460 --> 00:06:58,570 Ship? 118 00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:02,090 Ship. I think there's been some auto-correction. Yes. 119 00:07:02,140 --> 00:07:04,530 Right... Soldier on. 120 00:07:04,580 --> 00:07:06,490 Oh, bloody hell. 121 00:07:06,540 --> 00:07:08,290 Have you got an alarm? 122 00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:12,370 1989? They didn't have alarms, so everybody put after-market alarms 123 00:07:12,420 --> 00:07:14,210 on them, which don't work. Ever. 124 00:07:14,260 --> 00:07:16,450 Oh, shut up! 125 00:07:19,780 --> 00:07:22,930 I'd like to be laughing about them and their alarms, 126 00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:25,810 but I've just spotted something which is... 127 00:07:25,860 --> 00:07:28,010 Well, everything got stolen in the '80s, 128 00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:31,570 so they'd engrave the reg number on the glass, and on the tailgate, 129 00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:34,530 I can't help but notice that this registration number 130 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:37,170 isn't the same as this registration number, 131 00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:39,850 which means it's not the original tailgate. 132 00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:42,490 I thought that was the only original panel on it. 133 00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:55,370 On the drive to the Hill Climb, 134 00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:58,220 we have the chance to get acquainted with our cars. 135 00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:04,370 Oh, I love my little Nova. It's all about simplicity, lightness. 136 00:08:04,420 --> 00:08:07,570 This has nothing on it that you don't need. 137 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:10,090 Door mirrors, manual. Windows, manual. 138 00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:13,450 There isn't even a window winder on the passenger side, 139 00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:16,820 because it's dropped off. How simple and light is that? 140 00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:23,890 Since we're alone, viewers, and it's traditional for me to be honest 141 00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:27,890 at this point, I will say that the car feels a little careworn. 142 00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:30,850 The driver's seat smells funny, the fuel gauge doesn't work 143 00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:33,490 all the time, and neither does the temperature gauge. 144 00:08:33,540 --> 00:08:35,490 The radio only comes out of one speaker. 145 00:08:35,540 --> 00:08:37,570 The clutch judders. The wheels wobble. 146 00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:40,170 There are a lot of knocks and rattles. 147 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:43,740 Amazing, really, because it's only done 23,000 miles. 148 00:08:46,780 --> 00:08:52,050 Let me do a systems check and make sure all the equipment is working. 149 00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:54,170 Heated rear window, yep. 150 00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:56,730 Ashtray, yep. 151 00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:58,970 Good, that's that done. 152 00:08:59,020 --> 00:09:00,010 Third gear. 153 00:09:03,340 --> 00:09:07,810 That G-force is nearly tearing my face off! 154 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:11,090 We were so brave in the '80s. 155 00:09:11,140 --> 00:09:14,610 We were brave and we were strong, because we had no power steering. 156 00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:17,490 We didn't go to a gym - we just went for a drive. 157 00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:19,340 That would build up a sweat. 158 00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:23,890 Many power-steering-less miles later... 159 00:09:23,940 --> 00:09:25,530 God, I stink. 160 00:09:25,580 --> 00:09:29,820 ..we arrived at the terrifying Shelsley Walsh Hill Climb. 161 00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:37,930 Germany has the Nurburgring, America has Pikes Peak - we have this. 162 00:09:37,980 --> 00:09:42,610 It's more than half a mile long, and at the bottom of this fearsome 163 00:09:42,660 --> 00:09:45,810 ribbon of tarmac, we were given more details of our challenge. 164 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:51,570 "A modern Seat Ibiza Cupre 165 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:53,850 "will now go up the Hill Climb course, 166 00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:56,290 "then you must try to beat its time." 167 00:09:56,340 --> 00:10:00,050 Seat Cupre? Yeah. That's fast, is it? 168 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,210 Hang on, who's going to be driving the Seat? 169 00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:06,570 It's not the Stig, is it? No. No, it's not the Stig. 170 00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:09,300 It's the Stig's teenage cousin. 171 00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:21,610 Look at the size of it! I know. It's a whale. 172 00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:24,250 Might as well try and drive up there in that barn. 173 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:28,050 With the traditional Hill Climb chock holding the Seat in place, 174 00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:31,090 Teenage Stig was ready for the off. 175 00:10:31,140 --> 00:10:32,180 Go! 176 00:10:36,620 --> 00:10:38,060 What a dreary spectacle. 177 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,890 Doesn't have that nimble, light, 178 00:10:41,940 --> 00:10:44,340 tight, frenzied feel of a proper hot hatch. 179 00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:51,340 Ohh... 180 00:10:53,700 --> 00:10:58,300 'The Stig's teenage cousin did it in 40.50.' 181 00:10:59,620 --> 00:11:03,860 What, to do 0.6 of a mile? I shall halve it. 182 00:11:05,020 --> 00:11:09,250 As the Golf had the most power, we agreed it should go first. 183 00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,330 Hold on, I'm just going to shut my window. 184 00:11:14,380 --> 00:11:15,530 There it is. 185 00:11:15,580 --> 00:11:18,460 Three, two, one. 186 00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:24,970 That was all wheel-spin. That's already quicker, look at that. 187 00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:27,730 Double declutch into second. A pheasant! 188 00:11:27,780 --> 00:11:29,460 Ooh! That was close. 189 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,010 Yeah! 190 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:37,860 112 of the finest German horsepower hurling me up this hill. 191 00:11:40,340 --> 00:11:43,540 60mph as we cross the line. 192 00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:47,900 Uhh-uhh! 193 00:11:49,060 --> 00:11:52,210 Next it was James' turn, in the XR2. 194 00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:55,860 Three, two, one, go! 195 00:11:57,420 --> 00:11:59,330 You bastard! 196 00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:01,580 Nice start(!) 197 00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:07,740 At speed, the XR2's 20-year-old steering really came into its own. 198 00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:11,810 Oh, God. 199 00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:15,420 He's bought a dog. He has bought an appalling dog. 200 00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:19,570 Whoa. 201 00:12:19,620 --> 00:12:21,020 This is terrible. 202 00:12:23,780 --> 00:12:28,170 More worryingly, on the way back down, a marshal handed me back 203 00:12:28,220 --> 00:12:29,300 some of my car. 204 00:12:32,620 --> 00:12:35,580 That is a bolt, obviously. 205 00:12:38,380 --> 00:12:39,660 But for what? 206 00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:45,050 As I pondered on that, 207 00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:47,860 Jeremy prepared the course for Hammond's Nova. 208 00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:57,650 Hammond. I have never seen a man suit a car more than that. 209 00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:00,020 Three, two, one! 210 00:13:02,620 --> 00:13:03,610 Ah-ha-ha! 211 00:13:03,660 --> 00:13:06,730 That's some wheel-spin. 212 00:13:06,780 --> 00:13:09,730 There are some people who look like their dogs. There are one or two 213 00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:13,020 people who look like their cars, and, yeah... Little... Nova drivers. 214 00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,860 Everything, now. Come on, unleash the lot. 215 00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:22,460 Across the line! 216 00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:25,900 And now, back down! 217 00:13:27,420 --> 00:13:28,460 Oh, yeah. 218 00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:38,850 Predictably, Hammond had binned it. 219 00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:41,290 Oh, my God. No! 220 00:13:41,340 --> 00:13:43,900 How the hell did you get it there? 221 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:49,020 Well, I was coming down here, and... Oh, hang on, it's... 222 00:13:51,380 --> 00:13:53,970 You have righted it. You have righted it. 223 00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:57,010 Look, he's actually beaming because you stuffed your... 224 00:13:57,060 --> 00:13:59,810 Well, you can tell your mates, can't you? In the ditch. 225 00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:01,330 And it's a complete roll now. 226 00:14:01,380 --> 00:14:04,130 Cos this was the thing in the '80s - you put your car in a ditch, 227 00:14:04,180 --> 00:14:06,850 and you did, and you found it funny. 228 00:14:06,900 --> 00:14:10,050 Do you realise if Constable had lived today, he would have 229 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:14,450 painted that. It would have been called the HEY, WAYNE. 230 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,820 Very good. 231 00:14:18,140 --> 00:14:22,570 As the marshals recovered the Nova, we were given the results. 232 00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:26,700 What was the Stig? 40... 40.5. Right. I was... 233 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:31,170 ..47.4. 234 00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:37,130 May, perhaps not surprisingly, 50.4. 235 00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,570 Right. 236 00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:40,290 Hammond... 237 00:14:40,340 --> 00:14:43,250 46.3. 238 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,730 So you were the fastest, and I congratulate you. Thank you. 239 00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:50,850 But the point is, we were all slower than the Stig, and yet we weren't. 240 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,770 Mm-hm. Hang on. How do you make that out? 241 00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:56,090 Time moved more slowly in the '80s. 242 00:14:56,140 --> 00:15:02,370 Because when you're 30, a year is a 30th of your life. 243 00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:05,420 When you're 50, it's a 50th of your life. 244 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:11,020 'By the time Hammond had got this one worked out... 245 00:15:13,140 --> 00:15:14,380 '..darkness had fallen.' 246 00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:19,090 So what have we learned? Well, obviously we've learned 247 00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:24,050 that our cars are much cheaper than their modern-day equivalent, 248 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,050 and in real terms faster. 249 00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:31,060 But I think we'd all agree that they are looking a little bit...tired. 250 00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:36,050 So we decided to spruce them up at the top-secret 251 00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:39,090 Top Gear Antique Restoration Centre, 252 00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:42,490 on the A451, just outside Kidderminster. 253 00:15:42,540 --> 00:15:46,610 Here, cars are wrapped in a special self-adhesive material 254 00:15:46,660 --> 00:15:49,700 to give them a brand-new factory-fresh look. 255 00:15:52,740 --> 00:15:55,570 If you pay somebody else to respray your car... 256 00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:57,850 £5,000, £10,000. Easily. 257 00:15:57,900 --> 00:16:00,650 This is less than 1,000. 258 00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:03,660 You know, pull the right bit off there, job done. 259 00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:08,820 With the Renault done, we decided to do our cars ourselves. 260 00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:20,810 OK, well... We'll see how we get on with that later on. 261 00:16:20,860 --> 00:16:24,090 But now, it's time to do the news. 262 00:16:24,140 --> 00:16:28,410 Now, BMW has made a three-cylinder hybrid. 263 00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:31,730 Would you like to see a photograph? Well, no, not really, no. 264 00:16:31,780 --> 00:16:33,930 Well, that's a rotten bit of luck cos here it is. 265 00:16:33,980 --> 00:16:36,930 Wow, is that it? Yeah, three-cylinder hybrid, right there. 266 00:16:36,980 --> 00:16:38,170 It looks quite good. 267 00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:41,410 Is it vaguely reminiscent of the old M1? Remember the supercar they did? 268 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:44,970 What it is, I'll tell you exactly what it is, that is the future. 269 00:16:45,020 --> 00:16:46,210 It really genuinely is. 270 00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,890 It's lightweight construction, petrol engine, 271 00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:51,090 working in tandem with an electric motor. 272 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:53,410 I know that sounds dreary, but think about it, 273 00:16:53,460 --> 00:16:57,050 it's the exact same recipe you get in a McLaren P1, 274 00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:00,250 and that is not dreary at all. 275 00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,410 No, and more to the point, you've driven it, it's on the show next week. Yes. 276 00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:05,610 Well, Come on, give us a hint, what's it like? 277 00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:10,290 It is genuinely unbelievable. The speed simply is mind-blowing. 278 00:17:10,340 --> 00:17:12,490 How fast? Beyond... 279 00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:16,970 You can't keep up with just how fast it goes, that P1, 280 00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:18,930 and because of the P1, 281 00:17:18,980 --> 00:17:22,290 it means normal people can now drive a hybrid. 282 00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:26,930 You don't have to wear nuclear-free peace sandals, 283 00:17:26,980 --> 00:17:29,970 you can be like normal people here and have a hybrid. 284 00:17:30,020 --> 00:17:32,530 That's why I think that is going to be brilliant. 285 00:17:32,580 --> 00:17:36,530 The thing is, it will go like a 911, cost about the same, 286 00:17:36,580 --> 00:17:39,730 but you don't have to be a moron to drive one. 287 00:17:39,780 --> 00:17:43,250 Child! You child! Like James and Richard both have 911s. 288 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:46,050 Really? We're back at work, aren't we? 289 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:48,850 We are back in the playground, yeah. 290 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,250 I'd like to talk about things I'm sorry I missed 291 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,730 while we've been off air. 292 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:57,650 Plans are being drawn up, right, to fine the owner of a car, 293 00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,170 if a passenger throws litter out of the window. 294 00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:01,770 Fine him? The owner... 295 00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:04,010 Oh, throw him to the dogs. Well, no... 296 00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:07,530 Use the Kim Jong-un technique on people who litter. 297 00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:11,370 No, I know what you mean, cos littering is the most moronic crime. 298 00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:14,690 It's pitiful, however, thanks to this there is now an excuse for it. 299 00:18:14,740 --> 00:18:17,050 An excuse for littering? Yeah. What? 300 00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,130 Think about it, James, mate... Yes? 301 00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:21,250 ..can I have a lift home tonight in your car? 302 00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:27,810 Just me and, like, my favourite bin bag full of empty crisp packets. 303 00:18:27,860 --> 00:18:32,450 I was once riding my motorcycle past a line of stationary cars 304 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:37,250 and I was hit in the face by half a ready meal that had been thrown out of a window... 305 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:40,730 I mean, still hot. That was me! 306 00:18:40,780 --> 00:18:43,290 Was it? Yeah, and it wasn't a ready meal! 307 00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:45,610 No. 308 00:18:45,660 --> 00:18:47,780 It was an adult nappy! 309 00:18:48,860 --> 00:18:52,650 Anyway, we've had the Formula One testing all last week, 310 00:18:52,700 --> 00:18:53,970 as I'm sure you know. 311 00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:56,730 Important this year, the testing, cos there's so many new rules. 312 00:18:56,780 --> 00:19:01,530 The cars have to have 1.6 litre engines, narrower wings 313 00:19:01,580 --> 00:19:03,130 and sex aids on the front. 314 00:19:03,180 --> 00:19:07,410 Don't be stupid, they don't have to... They do! 315 00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:09,130 Hello? Have a look at this at Caterham. 316 00:19:09,180 --> 00:19:11,890 That's a sex aid on the front! Oh, no! What are they...? 317 00:19:11,940 --> 00:19:13,650 We've got a close-up on the Toro Rosso. 318 00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:17,420 Oh, God! You wouldn't want to be rear-ended by that, would you? 319 00:19:18,780 --> 00:19:20,770 Cos if you think of it, you get in the car, 320 00:19:20,820 --> 00:19:22,730 strap yourself in and there it is. 321 00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:24,570 It is a strap-on, basically. 322 00:19:24,620 --> 00:19:27,290 Formula "strap" One! Formula "strap" One! 323 00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,530 Formula "strap" One is what it is! 324 00:19:29,580 --> 00:19:32,370 Right, here's a scenario. You're racing towards the finish line, 325 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,490 neck and neck, you want to cross the line first. 326 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:37,570 It's good if you could extend the front a bit... Yeah. 327 00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:40,090 ..and maybe if you were, I don't know, let's say, 328 00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,410 having trouble extending the bit at the front, 329 00:19:42,460 --> 00:19:46,250 they could have a little blue triangular button on the steering wheel that you could press. 330 00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,530 V Power! Yes! 331 00:19:47,580 --> 00:19:51,130 There it is! For about an hour and a half...it's longer! 332 00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:52,450 I'm just saying. 333 00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:56,770 You don't get coverage like that in Autosport magazine. Oh, yeah. 334 00:19:56,820 --> 00:20:00,290 Now, are you always late for your game of golf? 335 00:20:00,340 --> 00:20:05,450 Are you sick of being the last to the lodge? Well, it's good news! 336 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:08,250 Is it another Dacia? 337 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:11,210 It's not a Dacia... 338 00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:15,650 There is a new 450-brake horsepower Lexus called the RCF. 339 00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,380 Here it is, what do you think? 340 00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:21,090 I hate to have to say this, James, but I actually quite like it. 341 00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:23,610 I'm glad, cos I quite like it as well. 342 00:20:23,660 --> 00:20:28,010 Oh, God, I'm going to catch golf from you two! Ugh! 343 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,250 I'm going to turn up next week like that. Hang on a minute, though. 344 00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:35,570 This is the second Lexus you've liked. It is, you're a Lexus fan. 345 00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:36,890 There you go. 346 00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:40,010 And then, I'm going to join the police as a constable 347 00:20:40,060 --> 00:20:41,970 and become a chief inspector within a week 348 00:20:42,020 --> 00:20:44,210 with me trouser leg rolled up and one of those. 349 00:20:44,260 --> 00:20:47,140 Oh, it was the Masons! I thought that was a sexual thing! 350 00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:50,410 Ooh, I tell you what I was driving the other day, 351 00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:52,810 the new Mercedes S-Class which is available 352 00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:55,530 with a thermal imaging camera, OK, 353 00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:58,250 which sends a feed from the front of the car onto the dashboard, 354 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,130 so you can see what's ahead at night, 355 00:21:01,180 --> 00:21:04,690 beyond the range of your headlights. We've got some footage of it here. 356 00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:06,210 So as you're driving along, 357 00:21:06,260 --> 00:21:08,050 the camera can see animals, there you go, 358 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,130 and it picks them out in red, or people. 359 00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:12,210 As it's going along there is an animal, you see? 360 00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:15,490 That's clever. A bit of a gimmick, though, isn't it? You wouldn't rely on it. 361 00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:19,010 You say that, James, but I was coming back to my flat in London 362 00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:22,170 the other night, it was quite late, in the S-Class with that turned on. 363 00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:25,930 As I was going up, it picked out a red box in some bushes, 364 00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:27,690 just outside my front door. 365 00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:29,570 I drove up, I thought, 366 00:21:29,620 --> 00:21:31,850 "What on earth is that at this time of the morning?" 367 00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:34,810 Drove up, when the headlines got there, paparazzi photographer. 368 00:21:34,860 --> 00:21:39,570 So it can find paps hiding in the dark? Yeah, but there's a problem. 369 00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:42,610 Because when I tried to run him down... 370 00:21:42,660 --> 00:21:46,650 As you get near, it automatically applies the brakes. 371 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:50,770 What's the point of targeting somebody, if you can't hit them? 372 00:21:50,820 --> 00:21:52,930 They haven't thought that through. 373 00:21:52,980 --> 00:21:55,650 Back to the drawing board with that, please, Mercedes. 374 00:21:55,700 --> 00:22:01,010 Now, obviously the biggest news while we were off air 375 00:22:01,060 --> 00:22:04,810 was the tragic accident that Michael Schumacher had. 376 00:22:04,860 --> 00:22:07,850 I don't know if any of his family are watching, but I'm sure everybody 377 00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:12,370 here would join with us to wish him a full and speedy recovery. 378 00:22:12,420 --> 00:22:15,740 Absolutely. 379 00:22:16,740 --> 00:22:18,940 Come on, old fella, pull through. Yeah. 380 00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:23,490 Now... 381 00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:28,490 Tonight we are attempting to prove to our teenage producers that the 382 00:22:28,540 --> 00:22:33,050 hot hatches of our youth were better than the hot hatches of today. 383 00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:36,770 Yes, and when we left the action we were at the Top Gear Restoration 384 00:22:36,820 --> 00:22:41,860 Technical Centre, where we decided to wrap our cars ourselves. 385 00:22:43,860 --> 00:22:46,700 Because Hammond's car was the smallest, he finished first. 386 00:22:48,340 --> 00:22:52,530 The results of my labours. Urban camo. 387 00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:55,290 Or it might be Arctic urban camo. 388 00:22:55,340 --> 00:22:58,050 Yeah, there's a rough edge here and there, but for a first attempt 389 00:22:58,100 --> 00:22:59,290 I think it's pretty crisp... 390 00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:01,060 Behold the genius! What? 391 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:05,530 Hello. Mate, it's... 392 00:23:10,460 --> 00:23:17,050 I haven't seen it in the light, it's terrible! How brilliant is this? 393 00:23:17,100 --> 00:23:21,090 What you're looking at here is velvet. Why didn't you DRIVE it out? 394 00:23:21,140 --> 00:23:27,170 Because I suspect James May, as a cruel joke, has hidden my keys. 395 00:23:27,220 --> 00:23:31,730 Actually, no. I suspect you've effectively hidden your keys 396 00:23:31,780 --> 00:23:35,010 because I suspect that's them there, look. 397 00:23:35,060 --> 00:23:36,530 You left them on the roof. 398 00:23:36,580 --> 00:23:39,530 And while I'm here, isn't there a sunroof on this car? 399 00:23:39,580 --> 00:23:42,490 Yes, here. Well, you can't open it, or this door. 400 00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:45,890 Or in fact, this door. Burglar-proof. 401 00:23:45,940 --> 00:23:50,020 As Jeremy retrieved his keys, James appeared. 402 00:23:52,180 --> 00:23:55,300 He hasn't got the idea of wrapping, has he? No. 403 00:23:57,060 --> 00:23:59,610 Come on! It's a bit annual, mate. 404 00:23:59,660 --> 00:24:02,850 That's exactly it. It's seasonal. It is unequivocal, is what it is. 405 00:24:02,900 --> 00:24:04,570 If you park that by the side of the road, 406 00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:06,770 and say to anyone, "What's happened to that car?" 407 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:09,010 and they will say it, "Oh, it's been wrapped." 408 00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:10,770 Hang on, a text. 409 00:24:10,820 --> 00:24:13,730 "Dear grandad..." Ooh! Really? Thank you. 410 00:24:13,780 --> 00:24:17,850 "Because 1980s hot hatchbacks were so easy to steal, 411 00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:21,770 "they were mostly used for doing handbrake turns on housing estates 412 00:24:21,820 --> 00:24:23,650 "and ram raiding Woolworths. 413 00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:26,890 "So, to see which one of your ridiculous cars..." Superb cars. 414 00:24:26,940 --> 00:24:30,620 "..is best, you will have a game of Supermarket Sweep." 415 00:24:34,620 --> 00:24:36,290 The rules were simple. 416 00:24:36,340 --> 00:24:40,530 The producers had laid out a course around the aisles of a supermarket 417 00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:45,700 and we had to see which of our cars could get around it the fastest. 418 00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:48,570 Right, James, you are going first. 419 00:24:48,620 --> 00:24:51,970 Just so you know, there is a second added to your time for every 420 00:24:52,020 --> 00:24:55,330 £1 of damage that you do out there. 421 00:24:55,380 --> 00:24:57,450 Right. OK? OK. 422 00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:00,170 This is going to be like living in the 1980s. 423 00:25:03,980 --> 00:25:06,660 Three, two, one, go! 424 00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:12,490 Obviously, I am the intelligent one here 425 00:25:12,540 --> 00:25:16,900 and the point of this is to not hit anything, not to go around quickly. 426 00:25:18,340 --> 00:25:19,660 He's neat. Isn't he? 427 00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:26,290 A second is more easily saved by not breaking something 428 00:25:26,340 --> 00:25:28,770 than by driving into things. 429 00:25:28,820 --> 00:25:30,380 Through the chicane... 430 00:25:31,540 --> 00:25:34,580 Missing that, missing that, missing everything. 431 00:25:36,620 --> 00:25:39,860 Oh, his wheel got jammed up with... spam! Spam! 432 00:25:41,980 --> 00:25:44,060 Briskly around there... 433 00:25:45,460 --> 00:25:47,980 And through to the finish. 434 00:25:49,940 --> 00:25:53,700 How did I do? One minute and two, but you did hit things, James. 435 00:25:55,340 --> 00:25:58,250 After the value of the smashed custard creams 436 00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:01,410 and the splattered Spam had been totted up, 437 00:26:01,460 --> 00:26:03,810 I took my place on the start line. 438 00:26:08,940 --> 00:26:10,380 Good. 439 00:26:11,740 --> 00:26:16,180 Yes! Three, two, one, go! 440 00:26:17,740 --> 00:26:19,420 That's a vigorous start. 441 00:26:20,540 --> 00:26:22,300 Here we go! 442 00:26:23,700 --> 00:26:25,420 And into the turn. 443 00:26:29,060 --> 00:26:31,610 It's a bad crash! Oh, no! 444 00:26:31,660 --> 00:26:35,210 That's a couple of seconds off there. Yeah, I'd say so. 445 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:37,890 Things have gone literally... 446 00:26:37,940 --> 00:26:40,580 I've hit the luxury toiletries! 447 00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:44,410 And some bread. 448 00:26:44,460 --> 00:26:46,540 Yes, I've just hit some... Oh. 449 00:26:47,900 --> 00:26:53,660 Oh, no! I've got Rich Tea biscuits, literally everywhere. 450 00:26:58,340 --> 00:26:59,930 Oh, God above. 451 00:26:59,980 --> 00:27:02,330 Well, it is a quick time now, but it possibly won't be 452 00:27:02,380 --> 00:27:04,860 once we've added on... the destruction! 453 00:27:10,020 --> 00:27:11,460 I've gone again. 454 00:27:12,780 --> 00:27:14,780 In the plums! 455 00:27:15,860 --> 00:27:17,740 He's on the finishing straight. 456 00:27:19,460 --> 00:27:21,340 And...across the line! 457 00:27:25,260 --> 00:27:29,210 It took a very long time to work out Jeremy's score. 458 00:27:29,260 --> 00:27:32,780 But eventually, it was my go. 459 00:27:33,860 --> 00:27:35,130 Let's do this. 460 00:27:35,180 --> 00:27:38,730 What do you think he's going to do? Your style, or my style? 461 00:27:38,780 --> 00:27:40,690 Well, if he's got any sense he'll do mine, 462 00:27:40,740 --> 00:27:43,170 but he hasn't got any sense cos he's Hammond, so... 463 00:27:43,220 --> 00:27:47,140 Go! Come on, little Nova, here we go. 464 00:27:49,140 --> 00:27:51,100 Oh, dear. Oh, that's... 465 00:27:53,580 --> 00:27:55,660 Gee, that was enormous! 466 00:28:01,620 --> 00:28:03,980 What manner of thing did he do? 467 00:28:09,660 --> 00:28:10,740 Run away! 468 00:28:16,420 --> 00:28:18,020 Here he comes. 469 00:28:20,180 --> 00:28:21,900 And across the line! 470 00:28:25,060 --> 00:28:28,500 Well, that's predictable. Oh, 1:04. 471 00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:34,090 That completed the supermarket challenge. 472 00:28:34,140 --> 00:28:37,410 All we had to do now was help Hammond right his car. 473 00:28:37,460 --> 00:28:40,220 ..Three... Maybe another one? 474 00:28:43,740 --> 00:28:45,540 Come on! 475 00:28:55,580 --> 00:29:00,050 The next morning, as we set off to Wales for our next challenge, 476 00:29:00,100 --> 00:29:02,660 all was not well in our convoy. 477 00:29:05,740 --> 00:29:09,890 A packet of Coco Pops had severed the fuel line in Hammond's Nova. 478 00:29:09,940 --> 00:29:14,570 And one of the many crashes had damaged Jeremy's Golf. 479 00:29:14,620 --> 00:29:16,490 Oh, God, no, this steering... 480 00:29:16,540 --> 00:29:20,220 There's something catastrophically wrong. Look at it! 481 00:29:21,260 --> 00:29:26,260 I can't... Oh! Um, gentlemen, I may have to stop. 482 00:29:27,420 --> 00:29:30,010 A couple of miles further on, 483 00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:33,060 I found an empty airfield where I could do some repairs. 484 00:29:34,540 --> 00:29:37,850 Yes, the handling characteristics were affected by a small accident 485 00:29:37,900 --> 00:29:40,130 last night with some beef stew. 486 00:29:40,180 --> 00:29:43,770 Oh, dear. I hit the bottom of the wheel and it's gone in. But you can solve it. 487 00:29:43,820 --> 00:29:47,810 Yes, I've seen that done. Most F1 teams do something similar(!) 488 00:29:47,860 --> 00:29:49,690 Is your car working yet, Hammond? 489 00:29:49,740 --> 00:29:52,770 I've got to put a new fuel pipe on, it'll take me a second. 490 00:29:52,820 --> 00:29:55,610 I've got one more jubilee clip to do and it'll be done. 491 00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:58,730 What? Text, which could mean it is from the producers. 492 00:29:58,780 --> 00:30:03,730 Ah, the results of Supermarket Sweep are in. Oh, brilliant. 493 00:30:03,780 --> 00:30:08,450 James - one minute and five seconds. Three quid's worth of damage? 494 00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:11,410 Three seconds added, three quid's worth of damaged produce. 495 00:30:11,460 --> 00:30:13,610 Richard. Yes? 496 00:30:13,660 --> 00:30:18,610 Two minutes and 12 seconds. That's 60-something quid's worth. 497 00:30:18,660 --> 00:30:22,690 You got a minute and eight seconds, yeah, you got £68 worth of damage. 498 00:30:22,740 --> 00:30:24,810 Jeremy Clarkson. Yes? 499 00:30:24,860 --> 00:30:27,690 28 minutes and six seconds. 500 00:30:27,740 --> 00:30:30,220 Don't be stupid! Oh, you didn't quite make the half hour! 501 00:30:31,740 --> 00:30:37,410 It's rubbish, anyway, because in the '80s I did not ram raid shops. 502 00:30:37,460 --> 00:30:40,970 I had much better things to do with my cars. What? 503 00:30:41,020 --> 00:30:45,530 I can't tell you now. Why not? The producers. 504 00:30:45,580 --> 00:30:48,970 What? What I'm going to do, Hammond, you can't do in front of 505 00:30:49,020 --> 00:30:51,250 BBC health and safety people. 506 00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:55,250 Eventually the producers went to get something to eat 507 00:30:55,300 --> 00:30:59,410 and with the cars mended, I began my demonstration. 508 00:30:59,460 --> 00:31:02,490 Right, this is called Lap Of Your Own Car. 509 00:31:02,540 --> 00:31:05,330 I'm going to climb out of the window, over the roof, 510 00:31:05,380 --> 00:31:07,090 through the passenger window 511 00:31:07,140 --> 00:31:11,170 and back behind the wheel before the car stops. 512 00:31:11,220 --> 00:31:13,450 But you're the driver. Yes. 513 00:31:13,500 --> 00:31:16,330 Right! Are we ready? I'm going to pop it into neutral. Here we go. 514 00:31:16,380 --> 00:31:20,170 Oh, my God. I think this is what George Michael was trying to do. 515 00:31:20,220 --> 00:31:25,370 Small steering input. I've got it. Oh, my God. It doesn't really steer. 516 00:31:25,420 --> 00:31:28,330 I'm out! He is out of the car. 517 00:31:28,380 --> 00:31:30,930 I'm actually on the roof of a moving vehicle. 518 00:31:30,980 --> 00:31:34,330 I am doing a lap now. Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen. 519 00:31:34,380 --> 00:31:35,450 Here he is, coming in. 520 00:31:35,500 --> 00:31:38,610 Tell you what, velvet's good, you get better traction. 521 00:31:40,580 --> 00:31:44,580 Genuinely staggered. It worked! Yes! 522 00:31:45,780 --> 00:31:49,940 This success sent us on a journey down memory lane. 523 00:31:53,140 --> 00:31:57,890 Yeah! Two silver trays underneath the rear wheels, handbrake on, 524 00:31:57,940 --> 00:31:59,460 the best game in the world. 525 00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:04,530 Musical chairs, let it begin. 526 00:32:04,580 --> 00:32:06,220 Right, you're now steering. 527 00:32:07,820 --> 00:32:09,850 I'm in the driver's seat! Your hair! 528 00:32:09,900 --> 00:32:11,850 Get off! 529 00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:15,170 Your bottom is touching my sausage! 530 00:32:15,220 --> 00:32:18,210 May, go back. Go, go, go! 531 00:32:25,380 --> 00:32:26,690 The '80s were brilliant. 532 00:32:26,740 --> 00:32:29,410 They were better. Just much better. Music was better. 533 00:32:29,460 --> 00:32:31,930 Everything was better. Oh, yeah. 534 00:32:31,980 --> 00:32:35,610 We then rounded off our Don't Try This At Home nostalgia trip 535 00:32:35,660 --> 00:32:37,530 with a traditional drag race. 536 00:32:37,580 --> 00:32:41,340 Three, two, one, go! 537 00:32:44,620 --> 00:32:48,810 The mighty Golf GTi. Come on, Nova. Come on, come on! 538 00:32:48,860 --> 00:32:50,180 No, he's getting away! 539 00:32:54,300 --> 00:32:56,460 What's... Oh! 540 00:32:58,300 --> 00:33:01,090 A total victory. 541 00:33:01,140 --> 00:33:03,090 What's happened to Hammond? 542 00:33:03,140 --> 00:33:05,970 What had happened to Hammond was not good. 543 00:33:06,020 --> 00:33:09,410 Still there. Perhaps it's not used to being the right way up. 544 00:33:14,140 --> 00:33:17,170 It's fine. It's fine. 545 00:33:17,220 --> 00:33:20,860 Oh, that's good as well. Fine. 546 00:33:24,060 --> 00:33:27,690 You've knackered that. You've totalled your Nova. 547 00:33:27,740 --> 00:33:29,410 It's fine. 548 00:33:32,900 --> 00:33:35,890 Hammond... No, what?! Hammond... 549 00:33:35,940 --> 00:33:39,090 Would you like to tell the ladies and gentlemen 550 00:33:39,140 --> 00:33:40,890 what happened to your Nova? 551 00:33:40,940 --> 00:33:43,290 It just blew up. Did it? Boom! 552 00:33:43,340 --> 00:33:47,050 Or did you change into first rather than third? 553 00:33:47,100 --> 00:33:48,730 Well, I did do that a bit. Exactly. 554 00:33:48,780 --> 00:33:53,450 Never mind that, because the producers are very cross with us 555 00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:55,650 about our little trip down memory lane. 556 00:33:55,700 --> 00:33:58,450 They say that it might make young people copy us. 557 00:33:58,500 --> 00:34:02,050 I don't see why, it's not like they've ever copied anything else we do, is it? 558 00:34:02,100 --> 00:34:06,130 No, you never hear kids in the barber's say, "Can I have hair like James May's?" 559 00:34:06,180 --> 00:34:08,170 It was a montage of stuff 560 00:34:08,220 --> 00:34:12,130 that was acceptable in the '80s that isn't acceptable now. 561 00:34:12,180 --> 00:34:13,770 Like wearing white socks. Exactly. 562 00:34:13,820 --> 00:34:17,570 Or saying to a female co-worker, "You look nice today." 563 00:34:17,620 --> 00:34:20,690 Exactly. You can't do that any more. 564 00:34:20,740 --> 00:34:24,730 Anyway, we must move on, because I want to talk about 565 00:34:24,780 --> 00:34:27,370 one of the most evocative words in motoring. 566 00:34:27,420 --> 00:34:31,690 Bonneville. Team it with "Triumph", it's a legendary motorcycle. 567 00:34:31,740 --> 00:34:36,850 Team it with "salt flats", it's a shrine to the pursuit of speed. 568 00:34:36,900 --> 00:34:40,250 Team it with "Hugh" and it's... neither of those things. 569 00:34:40,300 --> 00:34:44,290 But it is tonight's Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. 570 00:34:44,340 --> 00:34:49,970 From Downton Abbey, his favourite TV show, Hugh Bonneville! 571 00:34:52,380 --> 00:34:55,290 Hello! How are you? 572 00:34:55,340 --> 00:34:57,690 He's here! 573 00:34:57,740 --> 00:35:00,540 He's here. Have a seat. Thank you. 574 00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:06,250 Richard Hammond is beside himself with excitement. 575 00:35:06,300 --> 00:35:08,250 Downton, he's obsessed. 576 00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:12,130 I want to begin, if I may, talking about your early life, early cars. 577 00:35:12,180 --> 00:35:16,130 Despite your legendary name, it doesn't seem like 578 00:35:16,180 --> 00:35:18,490 you come from a family of speed freaks. 579 00:35:18,540 --> 00:35:23,290 No, the Bonneville salt flats don't feature in my pedigree. 580 00:35:23,340 --> 00:35:26,370 We were a family of Volvos, when I was growing up. 581 00:35:26,420 --> 00:35:32,290 Starting with a 121, a roundy shape, number plate NUV665E. 582 00:35:32,340 --> 00:35:34,650 For some reason, I can remember that number plate, 583 00:35:34,700 --> 00:35:36,250 but I can't remember my own now. 584 00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:39,330 That's a weird thing. I was talking to James about this the other day. 585 00:35:39,380 --> 00:35:42,490 We can remember the number plates of our fathers' cars. 586 00:35:42,540 --> 00:35:46,850 JWY370J, DW510H on the Cortina 1600E. 587 00:35:46,900 --> 00:35:50,330 FYR495J on the Volvo 124. 588 00:35:50,380 --> 00:35:56,130 So you can remember all your dad's Volvos? Yeah, it's tragic, really. 589 00:35:56,180 --> 00:35:59,050 They were 1 Series Volvos, so very early ones. 590 00:35:59,100 --> 00:36:02,210 The weird thing about the first one, the NUV665E, 591 00:36:02,260 --> 00:36:05,410 was that my dad regretted selling it, 592 00:36:05,460 --> 00:36:10,570 and he was at a zebra crossing near where we lived in Blackheath 593 00:36:10,620 --> 00:36:13,650 and suddenly he spotted it about five years later 594 00:36:13,700 --> 00:36:15,250 and flagged down the driver and said, 595 00:36:15,300 --> 00:36:18,090 "If ever you want to sell it, it was the biggest mistake of my life." 596 00:36:18,140 --> 00:36:19,650 Later, the bloke got in touch 597 00:36:19,700 --> 00:36:22,130 and it was in the family for the next ten years. 598 00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:27,290 On the subject of family, why did you try to bury your sister 599 00:36:27,340 --> 00:36:29,730 when she was still perfectly healthy? 600 00:36:32,020 --> 00:36:35,930 I can't believe you've asked me that question. That's quite embarrassing. 601 00:36:35,980 --> 00:36:38,170 Well, she'd been quite annoying. 602 00:36:38,220 --> 00:36:42,130 I was about eight and she was 16, I think. 603 00:36:42,180 --> 00:36:43,770 I complained to Mum, 604 00:36:43,820 --> 00:36:47,530 and she was cooking supper and said, "Yes, that must be annoying." 605 00:36:47,580 --> 00:36:51,170 I said, "I'm going to kill her, but first I'm going to dig a grave." 606 00:36:51,220 --> 00:36:54,370 And she said, "Yes, dear, dinner will be in half an hour." 607 00:36:54,420 --> 00:36:57,250 I got a shovel and I started digging, 608 00:36:57,300 --> 00:37:00,810 I measured it out, six foot long and that wide... 609 00:37:00,860 --> 00:37:03,930 I got about three inches 610 00:37:03,980 --> 00:37:09,010 and the weird thing was, Magpie were filming in our street. 611 00:37:09,060 --> 00:37:13,010 They were doing a programme about rag-and-bone men. 612 00:37:13,060 --> 00:37:16,010 My mum ran out to say, "We've got an old tin bath," 613 00:37:16,060 --> 00:37:20,370 so they said, "Can we film coming round the back of the house?" 614 00:37:20,420 --> 00:37:23,860 to where the tin bath was, and the cameraman fell in the grave! 615 00:37:25,380 --> 00:37:27,730 I hasten to add, I love my sister. 616 00:37:27,780 --> 00:37:28,970 Yeah! Tried to kill her. 617 00:37:29,020 --> 00:37:31,770 I once tried to kill my sister when she put a drawing pin 618 00:37:31,820 --> 00:37:33,290 through my space hopper. 619 00:37:33,340 --> 00:37:35,220 Ooh! Bitch! 620 00:37:37,980 --> 00:37:42,100 You heard that, Joanna. Lord Grantham just called you a bitch. 621 00:37:43,820 --> 00:37:47,650 Did you have a flirtation with Triumphs as a family? 622 00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:49,610 I always coveted my aunt's Triumph Stag, 623 00:37:49,660 --> 00:37:52,410 which was a beautiful car, and the selfish cow sold it 624 00:37:52,460 --> 00:37:55,090 rather than give it to me for free. 625 00:37:55,140 --> 00:37:57,930 A Stag. You'd suit a Stag. A Stag. 626 00:37:57,980 --> 00:38:00,650 You don't actually drive a two-seater sports car 627 00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:02,050 from what I understand? 628 00:38:02,100 --> 00:38:07,410 No, I don't. I currently have an XC90, a Volvo XC90. A fine car. 629 00:38:07,460 --> 00:38:10,370 I bought it off a friend ten years ago and it has served us very well. 630 00:38:10,420 --> 00:38:13,810 But going to go to an Audi Q5. 631 00:38:13,860 --> 00:38:16,690 Is that really Snoozeville? 632 00:38:16,740 --> 00:38:18,250 That's like forsaking all food 633 00:38:18,300 --> 00:38:21,010 and saying, "I'm going to live for the rest of my life 634 00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:22,970 "on nothing but wallpaper paste." 635 00:38:23,020 --> 00:38:26,010 It's an appalling... Jeremy! What? 636 00:38:26,060 --> 00:38:28,010 Stop talking to him about cars. 637 00:38:28,060 --> 00:38:34,010 Hammond... Never, you're always having a cup of tea. 638 00:38:34,060 --> 00:38:37,090 What? Stop talking to him about cars. Why? 639 00:38:37,140 --> 00:38:40,090 Because he's from Downton Abbey. 640 00:38:40,140 --> 00:38:44,500 He's Lord Grantham, over there. I know! He's looking at me! 641 00:38:49,300 --> 00:38:53,570 Ask him my question. What question? Who's Lady Mary going to marry? 642 00:38:53,620 --> 00:38:58,450 Which one? Who is Lady Mary going to marry? 643 00:38:58,500 --> 00:39:01,290 I have no idea. I'm sorry, Richard, I don't know. 644 00:39:01,340 --> 00:39:03,570 Of course he knows! He's Lord Grantham! 645 00:39:03,620 --> 00:39:05,850 Hammond, he's not here to talk about Downton, 646 00:39:05,900 --> 00:39:07,690 you're here to talk about your new film. 647 00:39:07,740 --> 00:39:11,860 Exactly. Go away! Back in your box! Go away! 648 00:39:13,220 --> 00:39:17,330 Anyway, the new film, The Monuments Men, what is it about? 649 00:39:17,380 --> 00:39:20,970 It is based on the true story of these rather unsung heroes 650 00:39:21,020 --> 00:39:25,770 of the Second World War, who were art historians and museum curators 651 00:39:25,820 --> 00:39:30,410 who were sent in after D-day, largely, to try and locate the art 652 00:39:30,460 --> 00:39:33,490 and treasures that the Nazis were spiriting away, 653 00:39:33,540 --> 00:39:37,170 and also to persuade the Allies not to blow up that particular church 654 00:39:37,220 --> 00:39:38,690 because there are Germans in it, 655 00:39:38,740 --> 00:39:40,770 because it does contain part of our culture. 656 00:39:40,820 --> 00:39:43,450 Really? And that's a true story? It's based on a true story. 657 00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:46,050 We've got a clip. Ooh! I've not seen anything of it. 658 00:39:46,100 --> 00:39:48,930 Well, you can have a look at yourself on telly. Look, here we go. 659 00:39:48,980 --> 00:39:52,410 And finally, we have your sculptor, Sergeant Walter Garfield. 660 00:39:52,460 --> 00:39:55,970 He's a good egg. I worked with him on the World War I memorial in St Louis. 661 00:39:56,020 --> 00:39:57,290 A-ha! St Louis... 662 00:40:00,420 --> 00:40:04,570 How are you, old boy? Hey, Walter, how they treating you? 663 00:40:04,620 --> 00:40:06,290 Taking it pretty easy on us. 664 00:40:06,340 --> 00:40:08,690 I think that they feel sorry for us old guys. 665 00:40:08,740 --> 00:40:11,970 I don't much fancy an obstacle course. It's not so bad. 666 00:40:12,020 --> 00:40:13,930 By the end, you're just crawling on your belly 667 00:40:13,980 --> 00:40:15,930 while teenagers shoot blanks over your head. 668 00:40:15,980 --> 00:40:18,210 Well, yes and no. How's that? 669 00:40:18,260 --> 00:40:21,700 Yes, they are teenagers. And no? They're not blanks. 670 00:40:25,340 --> 00:40:28,810 Looks like my sort of film. That is my sort of film. 671 00:40:28,860 --> 00:40:34,290 Now, George Clooney. He directed it as well, didn't he? 672 00:40:34,340 --> 00:40:38,730 George directed it, he stars in it, he produced it and he co-wrote it. 673 00:40:38,780 --> 00:40:42,450 I've been wondering, looking at what you're doing at the moment, 674 00:40:42,500 --> 00:40:44,450 is how on earth you are fitting it in, 675 00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:47,330 because you're also working on W1A. 676 00:40:47,380 --> 00:40:50,650 Yes, W1A is a spin-off of a show I did called Twenty Twelve. 677 00:40:50,700 --> 00:40:54,010 Which was fabulous. Thank you very much. I properly loved that. 678 00:40:54,060 --> 00:40:57,530 It was a mockumentary about trying to organise the Olympics. 679 00:40:57,580 --> 00:41:00,770 Obviously, my character made such a success of organising the Olympics, 680 00:41:00,820 --> 00:41:03,690 I'm the go-to man to sort out corporate issues. 681 00:41:03,740 --> 00:41:06,490 So what better place than to go into the BBC? 682 00:41:06,540 --> 00:41:08,250 When I heard that this was happening, 683 00:41:08,300 --> 00:41:11,690 and I can see all the location signs around the BBC buildings 684 00:41:11,740 --> 00:41:13,850 where you are filming it, I was thinking, 685 00:41:13,900 --> 00:41:17,170 how do you make fiction about BBC management 686 00:41:17,220 --> 00:41:19,660 funnier than what actually happens? 687 00:41:20,780 --> 00:41:23,810 Broadcasting House, the new big building on Regent Street, 688 00:41:23,860 --> 00:41:26,370 Portland Place, you're not allowed in there 689 00:41:26,420 --> 00:41:30,370 even if you're BBC staff unless you've been on a half-hour 690 00:41:30,420 --> 00:41:33,970 health and safety course on how to operate the building. 691 00:41:34,020 --> 00:41:35,410 I started the course. 692 00:41:35,460 --> 00:41:39,130 A lady with an eight-page document arrived to talk me through it. 693 00:41:39,180 --> 00:41:43,290 Page one was a picture of a fire alarm, red fire alarm box. 694 00:41:43,340 --> 00:41:45,090 It said, "This is a fire alarm." 695 00:41:45,140 --> 00:41:50,090 Page two, a graphic of a green sign with a man running like this 696 00:41:50,140 --> 00:41:52,890 with the word "exit". "That's an emergency exit." 697 00:41:52,940 --> 00:41:54,930 At that point, I was taken off to do some filming. 698 00:41:54,980 --> 00:41:57,290 I still haven't... You haven't completed the course? 699 00:41:57,340 --> 00:42:00,410 I still haven't. I still have to be escorted around Broadcasting House 700 00:42:00,460 --> 00:42:02,810 in case I'm confused by a light fitting! 701 00:42:02,860 --> 00:42:06,330 Or something of that nature. It is stupid. 702 00:42:06,380 --> 00:42:08,850 I'm longing to see something that satirises it, 703 00:42:08,900 --> 00:42:13,050 but again, how are you doing it? You must be the world's busiest man. 704 00:42:13,100 --> 00:42:15,970 Presumably you drove very quickly around the lap, 705 00:42:16,020 --> 00:42:18,690 so you could get home more quickly? 706 00:42:18,740 --> 00:42:20,930 No, I'm not a speed merchant. 707 00:42:20,980 --> 00:42:23,370 At the beginning, when The Stig took me around, 708 00:42:23,420 --> 00:42:25,970 I was really terrified, being in the passenger seat, 709 00:42:26,020 --> 00:42:28,210 and I thought, "I'll never be able to do this." 710 00:42:28,260 --> 00:42:29,890 By the end, as your guys will tell you, 711 00:42:29,940 --> 00:42:32,250 I refused to get out, I wanted to go again and again. 712 00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:34,170 Who here would like to see the lap? 713 00:42:34,220 --> 00:42:36,090 Yes! 714 00:42:36,140 --> 00:42:38,020 Play the tape, let's have a look. 715 00:42:40,740 --> 00:42:43,330 The car, fresh after its long rest. 716 00:42:43,380 --> 00:42:44,660 Come on, son! 717 00:42:46,140 --> 00:42:49,250 Look at the lines, streaming down. 718 00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:53,330 That is wet, really is pouring down, and that's odd for England(!) 719 00:42:53,380 --> 00:42:56,930 If you're watching abroad, it's never normally like that here. 720 00:42:56,980 --> 00:42:58,970 Where's the white line? Oh, there. 721 00:43:00,460 --> 00:43:03,730 You may laugh, but it is quite tricky to see the line 722 00:43:03,780 --> 00:43:06,090 when the track is soaking wet. 723 00:43:06,140 --> 00:43:07,580 It's really steamy. 724 00:43:09,740 --> 00:43:10,780 Hmm? 725 00:43:13,900 --> 00:43:17,810 You need to get that sort of thing sorted out before you set off. 726 00:43:17,860 --> 00:43:21,050 Even though the lines are invisible from behind the wheel, 727 00:43:21,100 --> 00:43:23,970 you've done a pretty good job. That's not bad. 728 00:43:24,020 --> 00:43:26,420 Woohoo! Perfectly judged. 729 00:43:29,500 --> 00:43:31,300 Must remember to get some milk. 730 00:43:32,380 --> 00:43:35,330 Worse than Kimi Raikkonen for not paying attention, 731 00:43:35,380 --> 00:43:37,500 but no worries through there at all. 732 00:43:38,940 --> 00:43:42,410 Tyres, speedy, moving them about nicely. 733 00:43:42,460 --> 00:43:44,290 Oh, that is quick! 734 00:43:44,340 --> 00:43:46,530 On the wrong side of the road there, but never mind. 735 00:43:46,580 --> 00:43:49,730 It's nicely done, and you haven't gone off on the second to last corner. 736 00:43:49,780 --> 00:43:53,170 Gambon, a bit of understeer. That car grips well. 737 00:43:53,220 --> 00:43:54,890 And there we are. Across the line! 738 00:44:01,540 --> 00:44:03,100 Now, ha-ha! 739 00:44:08,380 --> 00:44:12,010 Just realised that's the first ever wet lap we've had in that car. 740 00:44:12,060 --> 00:44:14,730 Nobody else has driven around in the rain. 741 00:44:14,780 --> 00:44:18,490 Bearing that in mind, where do you think you've come? 742 00:44:18,540 --> 00:44:24,330 Well, I suspect...between Ron Howard and Steven Tyler, 743 00:44:24,380 --> 00:44:25,850 bearing in mind it's wet. 744 00:44:25,900 --> 00:44:30,370 Somewhere between 1.50 and 1.51 is what you think you've done. 745 00:44:30,420 --> 00:44:31,940 Well, you did it in... 746 00:44:40,620 --> 00:44:44,050 1.50.1. 747 00:44:44,100 --> 00:44:48,610 Which means you're the first guest ever to guess correctly... 748 00:44:48,660 --> 00:44:51,340 Wait, wait, wait! 749 00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:58,010 You just put Steven Tyler... I'll cross it out, wrong. 750 00:44:58,060 --> 00:45:00,420 A very professional show. There, look, correct! 751 00:45:02,180 --> 00:45:04,850 To be brutally honest with you, The Stig did say 752 00:45:04,900 --> 00:45:06,370 that you have a natural talent 753 00:45:06,420 --> 00:45:10,290 and if it had been dry you would have been very close to the top. 754 00:45:10,340 --> 00:45:12,530 Well, that's an accolade then. It is. 755 00:45:12,580 --> 00:45:16,290 I'll go away happy, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much, Hugh Bonneville! 756 00:45:16,340 --> 00:45:17,610 Thank you. 757 00:45:23,180 --> 00:45:26,450 Right, tonight the boys and girls who produce Top Gear 758 00:45:26,500 --> 00:45:29,610 are on a mission to prove that the hot hatchbacks of our era 759 00:45:29,660 --> 00:45:33,450 were rubbish. Yeah. Things are not going well for me, 760 00:45:33,500 --> 00:45:35,770 cos I've slightly damaged the engine... Ruined. 761 00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:40,090 Slightly damaged. Whatever... Damaged the engine in my Nova and it's 762 00:45:40,140 --> 00:45:42,890 on the back of a tow truck. But despite this we had been told 763 00:45:42,940 --> 00:45:45,650 to report to somewhere we couldn't pronounce... 764 00:45:45,700 --> 00:45:47,060 in Wales. 765 00:45:50,740 --> 00:45:54,740 Having crossed the Severn Estuary we soon arrived at the location. 766 00:45:56,020 --> 00:46:00,650 Trefniadaeth Seilwaith Amddiffyn 767 00:46:00,700 --> 00:46:04,410 Man Hyfforddi Caerwent. 768 00:46:04,460 --> 00:46:07,890 And here on this huge, abandoned army base crisscrossed 769 00:46:07,940 --> 00:46:11,930 with more than 30 miles of deserted roads, 770 00:46:11,980 --> 00:46:15,370 we received the details of our challenge. 771 00:46:15,420 --> 00:46:18,050 Oh, hello. Why is it an envelope and not a text this time? 772 00:46:18,100 --> 00:46:20,810 That's a good point. We're in Wales - no signal. 773 00:46:20,860 --> 00:46:23,650 Ahh! Yeah! We're back to the old ways. 774 00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:25,210 Come on then, what is it? 775 00:46:25,260 --> 00:46:27,930 "Because the drivers of '80s hatchbacks were irresponsible 776 00:46:27,980 --> 00:46:31,450 "and stupid they were often chased by the 50." 777 00:46:31,500 --> 00:46:35,610 Er, James, it means the 5-0, as in Hawaii 5-0, it's the police. 778 00:46:35,660 --> 00:46:37,570 Yeah, whatever. Well, anyway. The 50! 779 00:46:37,620 --> 00:46:40,050 Anyway... "You will now go head-to-head with 780 00:46:40,100 --> 00:46:43,210 "the Top Gear Police Department. Each of you will take it in turns 781 00:46:43,260 --> 00:46:46,050 "to drive your own car while the other two will use 782 00:46:46,100 --> 00:46:48,770 "a selection of police vehicles to try and stop you." 783 00:46:48,820 --> 00:46:51,130 That sounds quite good. It does sound good. 784 00:46:51,180 --> 00:46:53,410 Tell you what, Hammond, you go first. 785 00:46:53,460 --> 00:46:55,050 Erm, good, yes. 786 00:46:55,100 --> 00:46:56,820 I might need a minute. 787 00:46:57,900 --> 00:46:59,650 While Hammond mended his car, 788 00:46:59,700 --> 00:47:05,130 James and I broke out the TGPD pursuit vehicles 789 00:47:05,180 --> 00:47:08,540 and slipped into our police uniforms. 790 00:47:12,780 --> 00:47:14,890 OK, Hammond, are you ready? 791 00:47:14,940 --> 00:47:19,690 Yes, I am. This is going to be good. In 3, 2, 1... 792 00:47:19,740 --> 00:47:21,530 start the clock. 793 00:47:27,180 --> 00:47:29,090 We are off. 794 00:47:33,740 --> 00:47:36,290 Yep, it's just warming up. 795 00:47:36,340 --> 00:47:37,930 Here we go... 796 00:47:37,980 --> 00:47:42,130 Ha-ha! 797 00:47:42,180 --> 00:47:44,610 Excuse me, sir, my moustache would like a word with you, 798 00:47:44,660 --> 00:47:47,610 if you'd like to step out of the vehicle. You're nicked, sunshine. 799 00:47:47,660 --> 00:47:49,890 What did I do? How long? Eight seconds. 800 00:47:49,940 --> 00:47:51,530 Do you know, another fault... 801 00:47:51,580 --> 00:47:53,970 Did it? Very similar. Did it? 802 00:47:54,020 --> 00:47:57,610 It manifested itself similarly to the last one that one I repaired. 803 00:47:57,660 --> 00:48:01,690 Tell that to the judge... Yes...sunshine. Right. 804 00:48:01,740 --> 00:48:03,570 Jeremy then put on the yobbo outfit 805 00:48:03,620 --> 00:48:07,490 and lined up his velvet Golf on the start line. 806 00:48:07,540 --> 00:48:10,850 3, 2, 1...begin... 807 00:48:16,100 --> 00:48:19,420 And there we are, eight seconds. I've already beaten Hammond. 808 00:48:25,900 --> 00:48:27,940 He's getting away, constable! 809 00:48:29,220 --> 00:48:30,860 Yes. Live with this...! 810 00:48:33,140 --> 00:48:35,810 You see, what we're learning straight away is that 811 00:48:35,860 --> 00:48:41,340 a modern police Astra is no match for a 1980s hot hatchback. 812 00:48:46,540 --> 00:48:50,610 And it wasn't just the Astras that were causing problems. 813 00:48:50,660 --> 00:48:53,090 Recent figures say that in London 814 00:48:53,140 --> 00:48:57,050 12 police cars are crashed every day. 815 00:48:57,100 --> 00:49:00,730 And the reason is, it's because they are driving in high-energy 816 00:49:00,780 --> 00:49:05,140 difficult situations while under the influence of the moustache. 817 00:49:07,420 --> 00:49:11,050 Got a moustache, got a moustache, got a moustache. 818 00:49:16,060 --> 00:49:18,060 Oh, he's lost it! 819 00:49:19,140 --> 00:49:22,860 Totally distracted by his face decoration. 820 00:49:24,140 --> 00:49:28,930 MUSIC: "Miami Vice Theme" by Jan Hammer 821 00:49:28,980 --> 00:49:31,410 With the Astras unable to close the gap... 822 00:49:31,460 --> 00:49:32,900 Come on! 823 00:49:33,980 --> 00:49:35,660 ..the chase went on... 824 00:49:37,020 --> 00:49:38,770 ..and on... 825 00:49:38,820 --> 00:49:40,460 and on... 826 00:49:47,780 --> 00:49:52,010 The next morning, the weather had become extremely Welsh. 827 00:49:52,060 --> 00:49:54,340 But still, the Golf was uncaught. 828 00:49:55,500 --> 00:49:57,330 This isn't working, sir. 829 00:49:57,380 --> 00:49:59,770 No, I agree, I think we're going to have to break out 830 00:49:59,820 --> 00:50:02,460 the Top Gear Police Department magnetron of justice. 831 00:50:04,580 --> 00:50:07,660 If anything could stop the miscreant, it was this. 832 00:50:09,540 --> 00:50:13,900 A giant crane with a seven-kilowatt magnet suspended from its arm. 833 00:50:15,940 --> 00:50:20,420 A machine that could render any vehicle immobile in moments. 834 00:50:25,020 --> 00:50:26,660 Right, let's go get him. 835 00:50:27,660 --> 00:50:30,220 Soon, the trap was set. 836 00:50:33,500 --> 00:50:35,330 Mmm, what's this...? 837 00:50:35,380 --> 00:50:37,690 Arming magnet. 838 00:50:49,100 --> 00:50:51,020 Here he comes... 839 00:51:02,220 --> 00:51:05,930 Blithering idiots. Do they not realise you can't use a magnet 840 00:51:05,980 --> 00:51:07,660 to pick up velvet? 841 00:51:09,460 --> 00:51:11,490 There was only one thing for it - 842 00:51:11,540 --> 00:51:15,460 unleash the TGPD remote-controlled car of death. 843 00:51:16,820 --> 00:51:19,460 Target vehicle identified and located. 844 00:51:21,100 --> 00:51:22,940 Where the hell are they? 845 00:51:24,020 --> 00:51:28,570 How can this be a police chase when they aren't chasing me any more? 846 00:51:28,620 --> 00:51:30,290 Target acquired... 847 00:51:35,340 --> 00:51:39,050 Sir, you might want to put your fingers in your ears. 848 00:51:39,100 --> 00:51:42,210 I don't know where those two are or what they're plotting 849 00:51:42,260 --> 00:51:44,490 but it won't work. 850 00:51:46,860 --> 00:51:49,810 This car is simply... 851 00:51:49,860 --> 00:51:50,900 invincib... 852 00:52:04,620 --> 00:52:06,610 Bigger than I was expecting, constable. 853 00:52:06,660 --> 00:52:08,180 Yes, sir, it was, sir. 854 00:52:12,740 --> 00:52:17,530 So, it turns out that velvet is impervious to magnets, 855 00:52:17,580 --> 00:52:20,260 but it IS pervious to dynamite. 856 00:52:22,260 --> 00:52:25,450 Nevertheless, I felt confident that James would not be able 857 00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:30,650 to beat my evasion time of 14 hours and 22 minutes. 858 00:52:30,700 --> 00:52:34,210 In...3, 2, 1... 859 00:52:34,260 --> 00:52:35,820 start the clock. 860 00:52:39,100 --> 00:52:42,490 However, as he set off it became clear he'd come up 861 00:52:42,540 --> 00:52:44,140 with an unusual plan... 862 00:52:45,940 --> 00:52:47,380 What is he doing? 863 00:52:49,660 --> 00:52:53,890 Now, the thing is, viewers, whenever you watch Police Camera Action 864 00:52:53,940 --> 00:52:56,690 or see a real police chase, the person trying to get away is always 865 00:52:56,740 --> 00:52:59,290 going ludicrously fast, but, actually, what's the point? 866 00:52:59,340 --> 00:53:02,170 You'd just panic and have an accident 867 00:53:02,220 --> 00:53:04,010 and that's the end of that, 868 00:53:04,060 --> 00:53:06,330 but if you just do normal speed, 869 00:53:06,380 --> 00:53:08,500 they still can't get you out of the car, can they? 870 00:53:11,460 --> 00:53:13,610 Keen to prove him wrong, 871 00:53:13,660 --> 00:53:17,010 I initiated the TGPD anti-terrorism move. 872 00:53:17,060 --> 00:53:18,620 Here we go. 873 00:53:20,300 --> 00:53:22,140 Pushing, pushing. 874 00:53:24,660 --> 00:53:26,140 Got him. 875 00:53:32,180 --> 00:53:33,900 He's just driven off! 876 00:53:35,100 --> 00:53:39,210 'As the hours crawled by, we tried many things.' 877 00:53:39,260 --> 00:53:41,180 Stop him, Constable! 878 00:53:42,020 --> 00:53:43,250 How's that going to help? 879 00:53:43,300 --> 00:53:44,770 I've fallen off the bonnet! 880 00:53:44,820 --> 00:53:47,490 What are you going to do if the doors are locked? 881 00:53:47,540 --> 00:53:49,380 You can't pull a man out of a car. 882 00:53:53,700 --> 00:53:55,060 This is an arrest. 883 00:53:58,180 --> 00:54:02,330 'Happily, though, after many hours of tedious pursuit...' 884 00:54:02,380 --> 00:54:05,690 Weaving, weaving... 885 00:54:05,740 --> 00:54:11,450 '..James finally made a mistake.' Oh, crikey, this is a dead end. 886 00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:15,530 Yes, his sense of direction has let him down. A-ha! 887 00:54:15,580 --> 00:54:17,410 In we go, yes. 888 00:54:17,460 --> 00:54:19,650 Bollocks! 889 00:54:19,700 --> 00:54:22,060 We've got him! We finally have him. 890 00:54:23,220 --> 00:54:25,860 We don't have him, he's closed my door. 891 00:54:30,020 --> 00:54:31,410 He's done it again. 892 00:54:31,460 --> 00:54:35,690 And now look. I've damaged a police car. 893 00:54:35,740 --> 00:54:40,410 'This meant I was now delayed with police paperwork.' 894 00:54:40,460 --> 00:54:45,610 "I were in pursuit of a pleb... 895 00:54:45,660 --> 00:54:49,250 "IC1, male. 896 00:54:49,300 --> 00:54:55,820 "He did crash into me at speed." 897 00:54:56,940 --> 00:54:59,260 I'm going to get that bastard! 898 00:55:05,260 --> 00:55:09,610 While Jeremy had been finessing his statement, I decided 899 00:55:09,660 --> 00:55:16,250 it was time to skewer May with the TGPD prongs of doom. 900 00:55:22,660 --> 00:55:26,770 It's a heavy, high-mobility engineer excavator, 901 00:55:26,820 --> 00:55:29,420 built by JCB for the military. 902 00:55:31,380 --> 00:55:37,850 It weighs 13.5 tonnes, but it's got a 6.7 litre straight-six turbo-diesel 903 00:55:37,900 --> 00:55:40,180 and it can do 63mph. 904 00:55:42,020 --> 00:55:44,650 James May, you've had it! 905 00:55:44,700 --> 00:55:46,660 Wherever you are. 906 00:55:48,940 --> 00:55:54,540 'James had vanished. But we had just the thing to find him again.' 907 00:55:56,420 --> 00:56:03,060 The time has come, I think, to deploy the Top Gear Police Department drone of intrusiveness. 908 00:56:05,060 --> 00:56:12,770 'With its military-spec nose-mounted reconnaissance camera, it would track down May in a heartbeat.' 909 00:56:12,820 --> 00:56:14,380 Here we go. 910 00:56:17,980 --> 00:56:21,180 The drone of intrusiveness has crashed. 911 00:56:23,900 --> 00:56:28,780 'Eventually I got the drone airborne and begun the hunt for OJ May.' 912 00:56:37,220 --> 00:56:39,770 Wait a minute. 913 00:56:39,820 --> 00:56:42,580 You sneaky little... 914 00:56:44,140 --> 00:56:47,530 James was hiding in an abandoned garage bay, 915 00:56:47,580 --> 00:56:50,250 but if he thought he was safe there, 916 00:56:50,300 --> 00:56:52,620 he had another think coming. 917 00:56:56,980 --> 00:56:59,970 Welcome, everyone, to the Top Gear Police Department 918 00:57:00,020 --> 00:57:02,300 eaty thing of devastation. 919 00:57:04,540 --> 00:57:07,690 This was designed primarily for mine clearance, but in the TGPD, 920 00:57:07,740 --> 00:57:13,540 we use it in a rather different way. 921 00:57:17,460 --> 00:57:19,850 There is Constable Hammond. 922 00:57:19,900 --> 00:57:24,340 The enemy, behind that wall, no idea what is coming. 923 00:57:28,660 --> 00:57:30,970 Engaging flails! 924 00:57:31,020 --> 00:57:33,860 Flails engaged! 925 00:57:36,340 --> 00:57:40,340 I'm not sure he should be operating that thing. 926 00:57:51,500 --> 00:57:52,580 Yes, look at that! 927 00:58:13,620 --> 00:58:15,730 He's not where... 928 00:58:15,780 --> 00:58:18,380 What he isn't, sir, is there. 929 00:58:21,580 --> 00:58:23,970 Situation update: in three minutes' time, 930 00:58:24,020 --> 00:58:28,820 I will have beaten Jeremy's record on the run at a reasonable speed. 931 00:58:30,020 --> 00:58:33,100 But the TGPD toy box wasn't empty yet. 932 00:58:36,940 --> 00:58:40,340 Whoa! Ha-ha-ha! 933 00:58:46,060 --> 00:58:49,210 Hello, it looks like Constable Hammond 934 00:58:49,260 --> 00:58:51,850 has got the hang of tank driving. 935 00:58:51,900 --> 00:58:54,980 The first thing you need to know is, I have an erection! 936 00:58:57,540 --> 00:58:59,970 Coming at you, James May! 937 00:59:00,020 --> 00:59:04,450 Oh, no, the Top Gear Police Department tank of righteousness is right on my tail. 938 00:59:04,500 --> 00:59:06,450 What am I going to do? 939 00:59:06,500 --> 00:59:08,660 I know. 940 00:59:12,340 --> 00:59:14,770 Easy. 941 00:59:14,820 --> 00:59:16,340 Right! 942 00:59:19,700 --> 00:59:21,140 Oh, hang on a minute. 943 00:59:23,140 --> 00:59:25,690 He's stopped, he's given up! 944 00:59:45,860 --> 00:59:49,980 And on that bombshell... back to the studio. 945 00:59:58,100 --> 01:00:03,850 It's interesting, an important question was raised in that film. 946 01:00:03,900 --> 01:00:08,090 Because if you have a moustache, how do you concentrate 947 01:00:08,140 --> 01:00:10,610 on doing anything other than having a moustache? 948 01:00:10,660 --> 01:00:14,290 I know, I felt like I was the life-support machine for a moustache. 949 01:00:14,340 --> 01:00:18,090 If you're a bomb disposal man, and you have to defuse a bomb, 950 01:00:18,140 --> 01:00:20,690 you are thinking, "I have a moustache." 951 01:00:20,740 --> 01:00:25,970 How did Nigel Mansell win a Formula One world championship? I know! 952 01:00:26,020 --> 01:00:27,970 You don't have a moustache, sir, 953 01:00:28,020 --> 01:00:30,770 but let me show you what it's like to have one. 954 01:00:30,820 --> 01:00:35,370 It's like that. What do you do for a living? Transport manager. 955 01:00:35,420 --> 01:00:38,250 You couldn't be a transport manager if I was doing that to you. 956 01:00:43,500 --> 01:00:47,250 Anyway, we must get on because I have received a text - 957 01:00:47,300 --> 01:00:50,730 the results of the car evasion challenge. 958 01:00:50,780 --> 01:00:54,930 Jeremy Clarkson, 14 hours 22 minutes. Richard Hammock... 959 01:00:54,980 --> 01:00:56,690 Autocorrect again? 960 01:00:56,740 --> 01:00:59,330 Yes. Eight seconds. Thank you. 961 01:00:59,380 --> 01:01:03,090 James May, 14 hours, 21 minutes. 962 01:01:03,140 --> 01:01:05,570 Oh, blast! There you are. 963 01:01:05,620 --> 01:01:08,370 Hang on, so the Fiesta won the supermarket sweep, 964 01:01:08,420 --> 01:01:10,450 the Golf won the police chase 965 01:01:10,500 --> 01:01:12,570 and the Nova won the hill climb. 966 01:01:12,620 --> 01:01:16,290 That means that each of the cars is a winner. Precisely. 967 01:01:16,340 --> 01:01:19,210 Which means that the older hot hatchback 968 01:01:19,260 --> 01:01:21,370 is better than the modern one. 969 01:01:21,420 --> 01:01:26,130 Which means we were right, and on that bombshell, it's time to end. 970 01:01:26,180 --> 01:01:28,930 Thank you very much for watching. Good night!