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[ Telephones ringing ]
Hey.
Good mornin'.
You know what this week's lnternet-poll question is?
"Who's cooler -- Dan or Casey?"
That's right.
Can you believe it?
We're journalists.
What are you gonna do?
-- You know how many people have voted? -- Nope.
159.
-- Really? -- Yes.
You know who's winning?
Well, I'm assuming you are.
No.
I am?
Yes.
How 'bout that?
Yeah.
Hey, let's talk about Notre Dame.
I feel --
153 to 6.
I'm sorry?
You're winning...153 to 6.
[ Tapping ]
Wow.
Yeah.
That's quite a landslide so far.
-- Yeah. -- You wouldn't think
there'd be this kind of grass-roots groundswell
so early on,
but I've always been able to count on
a very rabid and loyal fan base.
How are you rigging it?
-- Danny... -- Did you stay up all night voting for yourself?
Yeah, like I don't have anything better to do
than beat your ass in an lnternet poll.
Here's the thing about you --
it's not that you want to win so bad.
It's that you won't admit you want to win.
Danny...
if you'd like, I'll withdraw my name from the competition.
-- No, no, no. -- You sure?
I have plenty of fans.
-- At least half a dozen. -- [ Laughs ]
I'm gonna work now.
As will l.
-- Hey, Casey. -- Walk with me.
Walk with you?
-- Walk with me. -- Okay.
-- Casually... -- Casually.
So it doesn't look like we're up to something.
-- What are we up to? -- Nothing.
What kind of a compromising situation
-- are you about to ask me? -- Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Can you rig my computer so it does nothing but vote?
-- On the lnternet? -- I was up all night voting.
At first I kept returning to the home page and going back.
Then I figured out I could hold down the return key
and hit F12 for refresh, but even that was taking too long.
What kind of results are you looking for?
[ Exhales deeply ] I want to bury him.
-- You know it's unethical, -- Yes.
and there are probably FCC regulations governing --
-- I mean, we announce these idiot polls on the air. -- Yes.
-- I'm saying I could get in trouble. -- [ Sighs ]
Jeremy... your first week here,
Dan Krazy-glued all your things to your desk.
-- Yes. -- He made you go look for the ignition keys to the cameras.
Mm-hmm.
Well, this is what men do, Jeremy.
All right, I'll tell you what's gonna happen.
We're gonna telnet into the network mainframe
and FTP a perl script right through a DK trapdoor
into the CGl server.
I like the sound of that. What's it gonna do for me?
-- It's gonna vote for you. -- How many times? How often?
2,000 times a minute, 24 hours a day.
You are a magnificent young man.
Ignition keys to the cameras?
We'll see who has the last laugh.
Attaboy.
I need a soda.
Go get 'em.
-- Hello! -- Aah!
-- Did I scare you? -- No.
-- Why did you yell? -- I meant to say "Hi."
-- What happened? -- I misspoke.
Why are you reading my mail?
Since when have you been corresponding with my sister?
Since when have you been stealing my mail?
-- Noon rundown. -- Thank you.
-- It bothers you that I write to Louise? -- Not at all.
Then why are you reading my mail?
I'd like to talk about it right now,
but as you can see, there are people around --
Jeremy's reading my mail!
Thank you.
[ Telephones ringing ]
-- What's up, Jeremy? -- Good numbers on Texas Tech.
-- Thank you. -- Plus he's been reading my mail.
Thank you.
Casey got another 150,000 votes overnight on the lnternet poll.
It's true.
150,000 votes.
Am I the only one who thinks this is strange?
I think you're the only one who cares.
That's a Rose Bowl and a half full of people.
-- Before I forget, we're doing the 8:00 rundown at 7:30. -- 7:30?
Yes, I have a dinner engagement at 8:00,
and so we'll do the 8:00 rundown at 7:30.
-- Should we call it the 7:30 rundown -- I mean, on the paperwork? -- Elliott...
On the paperwork, you should call it the 8:00 rundown.
All that's happening is we're doing it at 7:30.
Jeremy: Like the Saturday Evening Post,
-- Yes. Thank you. -- which for a time came out on Sundays.
Jeremy's been stealing my mail.
-- Thank you. -- Dana... -- Dan?
What time do you suppose the 10:00 rundown meeting will be?
10:00 on the dot. Any other questions? Casey?
Dinner engagement?
-- Something we can talk about later. -- Okey-doke.
Here we go.
Elliott: Word is San Diego and Seattle
are ready to make a deal, but Green Bay's balking.
Dan: My guy says no way Green Bay's letting anyone go.
Jeremy: There are two features coming out on him in the next six weeks,
and he just signed his third endorsement deal.
And he's not just a good hockey player.
He's one of the best in the league.
With 34 goals and 41 assists, I say his time has come.
Excuse me, Jeremy. Sam?
Yes?
Is our meeting disturbing you?
I'm sorry?
I was wondering if our meeting was disturbing you.
A little bit, but I've been through worse.
It's interesting you can make that determination,
seeing as how you've been paying no attention whatsoever.
How is it you can do that?
Well, I'm just that good, I suppose.
-- Look... -- Lead with the Packers,
move the Chargers and the Seahawks to the tease,
get B-roll on the Patriots.
We can do better than LeFlourier in "ln Focus."
The 8:00 rundown is at 7:30, and if Dan mentions
the Internet poll one more time,
I'm gonna cram a motherboard up his butt.
Did I catch the "gist" of the meeting?
Pretty much, yep.
Anything else?
No.
Okay.
Cut footage for the 40s to Natalie by 6:00.
Back in two hours.
Think I could take him?
No.
Really?
Yeah.
I think I could take him.
Out to lunch, maybe.
Dana...
-- See, you think he's not paying attention, but he really is. -- Yes.
-- That's how he gets you -- the old switcheroo. -- Yes.
-- Uh, dinner engagement? -- A guy from high school
I haven't seen in a long time.
-- High-school flame? -- [ Laughs ] Casey...
I don't think people are saying "flame" anymore.
-- Boyfriend? -- That's fine.
I'm saying, was he your boyfriend?
He was a guy from my Spanish club.
-- Oh, what's his name? -- You're not gonna believe it.
-- Well, try me. -- Cab Calloway.
-- The band leader? -- No.
-- A different one? -- Yes.
A different guy named Cab Calloway
is who you're going out with tonight?
-- Having dinner with. -- Cab Calloway.
Let me tell you something -- we had a hell of a time finding him a Spanish name.
Yeah, I would imagine.
[ Exhales deeply ] And?
And what?
-- What about you? -- What about me?
Are you ever gonna ask anyone out?
Oh, I've got a call in to Lena Horne.
Casey, the plan was six months.
It's been two weeks, and you still haven't gone out on a single date.
Well, I didn't realize during the six months
that you were gonna be dating other people, too.
I'm not dating other people.
Yeah? What about Mr. Cotton Club?
[ Laughs ] Don't you want to know what his Spanish name was?
No.
Guillermo.
Thank you.
I gotta go.
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Knock on door ] How you doin'?
We're up 4/10 to 7/10 in all the key demos --
adult males 18 to 49.
I was just shooting the breeze.
-- Ah. -- Are you having any fun, Sam?
-- Am I having fun? -- I don't think you are.
You do your job good, there's no doubt about it.
People here respect you, but you don't seem to be making an effort
to have any fun.
-- Ah. -- We're fun people --
Dana, Natalie, Jeremy.
I'm nothing but fun.
[ Chuckles ] For instance,
I could say something funny and make you laugh.
-- Yes? -- Or it wouldn't even have to be funny.
It could be serious or personal.
See what I'm saying?
I've noticed you people have an ability
to chatter at someone with energy and enthusiasm,
regardless of whether they appear interested or not.
And that's not just on camera.
Dan, I've done quite a number of these jobs.
And there's a preconception when I show up
that I'm going to be an obnoxious, sniveling Philistine
or a suit or someone's cousin.
That's what you thought when you heard I was coming, right?
Yes. But I --
But this isn't TV camp.
I come in, I do my job.
I do it better than anybody else, and I get out.
I stopped trying to make friends a long time ago.
-- Well, I think that's sad. -- And I think that's tough.
Hey, look, I may have prejudged you,
and that was wrong, and I hear that,
but at least I turned around, man.
You're, like, staying where you are.
I'm saying we think you're a good guy.
We like you.
We think you'd like us if you got to know us.
But if you want to do your thing
and live in a cave,
that's cool, too.
I won't bother you anymore.
At least, I won't bother you anymore tonight.
Tomorrow, who knows?
Who knows?
See you later.
Okay.
-- You're back. -- Hi.
-- How was dinner? -- Good.
-- How was Cab Calloway? -- He was good.
♪ Hi-de, hi-de, hi-de ho ♪
-- He gets that a lot. -- I would think.
-- Can I talk to you a second? -- Sure.
Something interesting happened at dinner tonight.
What?
I took off my panties.
-- Really? -- Yes.
-- You took off your panties at dinner? -- Yes.
-- At the table? -- Under the table.
-- Could people see you? -- Not unless they were under the table.
Okay.
-- No, those were all good questions. -- Here's another one.
Why did I take my underwear off?
Yes.
-- Perfectly fair. -- Yes.
-- Was your underwear making you uncomfortable? -- No.
Sometimes when I wear cotton briefs --
No, these were silk. They were fine.
Dana...
The thing is...
I'm not exactly sure why.
I think it had something to do with Sam Donovan
and not having the kind of control over the show I'm used to.
I think it had something to do with Cab Calloway
being a staggeringly boring dinner companion.
But mostly...
I'd heard about other people doing it.
-- What other people? -- Other people -- in magazines.
-- What magazines? -- Good magazines, and at the movies.
What movies?
Movies. They do it --
at restaurants, in limousines.
-- Which restaurants? -- Don't ask what restaurants and limousines.
Just they do, okay?
-- Sure. -- Anyway --
[ Knock on door ] Yeah?
-- You want to see the animation in the 50s? -- [ Gasps ] Yeah.
-- Wait! -- I gotta go.
-- That's it? -- Yeah.
No big deal, right?
Ooh!
How was dinner?
-- Hello. -- Hi.
How you doin'?
-- Fine. -- Good.
How was dinner?
Good.
♪ Hi-de, hi-de, hi-de ho ♪
Yeah, I bet he doesn't get that a lot.
Hey, I ran your dating plan by Sam Donovan,
and he thinks you're insane.
He had a conversation with you?
Uh, no, but I could tell from his demeanor.
I'm gonna look at graphics.
[ Telephone ringing ]
Hey, did you catch the stats
-- in the Philadelphia/ Anaheim game? -- Can you believe it?
-- 179 penalty minutes. -- In a 60-minute game.
-- That's crazy. -- Not as crazy as Dana coming back from dinner without her panties.
What?
Hmm?
-- What'd you say? -- When?
-- Just then. -- Nothing.
-- Dana came back from dinner without her panties? -- No.
-- Why'd you say she did? -- It's just an expression.
You said it's not as crazy as Dana coming back from dinner without her panties.
-- Well, technically, it's not, Casey. -- [ Exhales sharply ]
-- I'm just gonna let this one roll right over me. -- I think that's a good plan.
-- Let it roll right over me. -- Yes.
Plus there's a lot going on, I have a show in an hour,
and I'm supposed to be dating other women for six months.
And Dana came back without her panties,
and that's the part I'm gonna let roll right over me.
-- It's for the best. -- Okay, then.
-- Go write your show! -- Will do.
Dan: If you're from Cleveland,
you may want to turn down the volume on your set for a moment.
Coach Hindle threw gasoline
on his simmering quarterback controversy today in College Station
when he sang the praises of his sophomore sensation after practice.
The coach refused to name a starter
-- for Saturday's nationally televised game... -- New cut sheet, kids.
Preview camera 2.
Make 23 an over-the-shoulder.
I want to hear sound in the 60 block.
-- Will? -- Got it.
Stand by, 23.
Standing by.
-- Here you go, boys. -- Thank you.
Dan: The win was third in a row for the Philadelphia Flyers,
who gave the Mighty Ducks plenty to cry about
with -- count 'em -- 1 79 penalty minutes.
In the meantime, for more on the Flyers and the Ducks,
-- we take you to Jack Jankowicz in Anaheim. -- It's Connie.
Forgive me -- Connie Morton in Anaheim. Connie.
-- We're out. -- 5:40 back.
Dan, Casey, that's 5 minutes and 40 seconds,
not 5 minutes and 50 seconds,
not 5 minutes and 41 seconds,
-- but rather -- -- 5 minutes and 40 seconds.
-- Yeah. -- Cracked your code.
Can I tell you what bugs me?
It's not that I won, it's that I won't admit I wanted to win?
That's right.
I really can't take it anymore.
Oh, please, I've seen you be
so much more annoying than I'm being right now.
-- I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about her. -- Dana?
Yes, I can't take it.
-- What happened? -- I can't tell you.
Okay.
But suffice it to say it has something to do with underwear.
-- But you can't tell me what it is? -- No.
Does it have anything to do with you being
a conniving, scheming,
stop-at-nothing, claw-your-way-to-the-top,
cheats-at-solitaire, you know, guy?
-- What? -- I think you know what --
I have a real thing here.
-- So do l. -- And I honestly can't take it.
There are rules prohibiting cheating.
You know what they're called?
-- They're called rules. -- They're called rules.
I'm going in there.
-- Go in there. -- Nope.
That'd be bad.
Whatever.
-- You're really gonna do it? -- Yes.
-- You're gonna write another letter to my sister. -- Yes.
I have absolutely no problem with that.
-- I'm glad, sweetie. -- No problem, no way, no how.
-- Good. -- Crossing that sacred territory into family members.
-- I cross it with gusto. -- Cross away, for I have no problem with this,
as you are my girlfriend, and she is my sister.
Then why are you talking like Theodoric of York?
That's a perfectly fair question.
-- Jeremy... -- Yes?
-- Move. -- What?
Move. I need to talk to Natalie.
-- Why can't you talk to Natalie -- -- I need to talk to her privately.
Ah. No problem.
I'll just stand over there for 5 minutes and 40 seconds
and think about what my life was like before I met any of you.
-- Okay. -- Thanks, honey.
Does Casey know?
No.
-- You sure? -- Yes.
He's been acting strange during the show.
-- He doesn't know. -- He's been acting like he knows.
He doesn't.
Okay.
-- Dana? -- Yeah?
-- Casey knows. I accidentally told him. -- Oh, Natalie...
Don't tell me you weren't doing something.
[ Laughs ] 2.5 million people voted.
That's more than in most statewide elections.
2.5 million people.
You know how many people voted for me, huh?
232.
So don't think I'm paranoid
for thinking something fishy might be up.
I have to go ask her.
Tell me for real.
Is this 'cause I Krazy-glued Jeremy's stuff to his desk?
-- [ Sighs ] I'm gonna go in and ask her. Dave: 3 1/2 minutes back.
-- Dana? Dana: Yes?
You and I are about to have an abrupt conversation.
-- Dave? -- 3 1/2 minutes.
We can't have an abrupt conversation right now, Casey,
'cause we're back in 3 1/2 minutes.
Well, I'm not back in 3 1/2 minutes
unless I get some answers, so let's go.
Natalie, remind me to give you a beating in the morning.
I'll do it.
[ Telephones ringing ]
It's easy to explain.
-- Really? -- Actually, it's hard to explain.
-- You think? -- So maybe when I have more than 3 1/2 minutes --
I have all the time in the world.
-- Casey... -- I mean it, Dana.
Okay.
All right, I'll try and do this as best
-- and as fast as I can. -- I'm listening.
Dinner was incredibly boring.
I shifted in my seat. My panties moved.
I was amused by that.
I tried shifting the other side, it worked.
And then it became a thing, like can I make it home without hitting any red lights,
or can I say all the state capitals before the plane takes off?
And then... [ Snaps fingers ] there they were.
-- Your panties? -- Yes.
Why didn't you put them back on?
-- At the restaurant? -- Yeah.
I snuck them back in my purse, and that's when I got to thinking.
What?
This is the part you're not gonna understand.
This is the part I'm not gonna understand?
I've always taken people's word for it
that certain things were...dirty
and certain things weren't.
I have always taken people's word for it.
And I'm a grown woman, and at some point,
you want to decide for yourself,
is the world gonna fall down if I do this?
Or if maybe everyone should mind their own business.
Let me tell you something, Casey. The world didn't fall down.
In fact, truth be told, I liked it.
-- Dana... -- And that's all I'm gonna say about it.
-- Dana... -- So think what you will, but that's all I'm gonna say about it.
-- Stop talking. -- Okay.
Do you think I think
you taking your panties off is a bad idea?
-- Yeah, but -- -- I support the idea.
I'm in favor of it, believe me.
Casey...
I am the president of "Dana should get undressed."
-- Thank you. -- I don't think you should do it in a restaurant --
But w-what am I talking about?
Go ahead, do it in a restaurant.
I'm just saying I wish you were doing it with me
instead of Guillermo from your Spanish club.
I-I wish I didn't have to wait through
this heart-stoppingly frustrating 6-month waiting period
before I even get to smell what perfume you'd wear on our first date.
[ Breathes deeply ]
I wish it was me you were having dinner with tonight.
That's all.
[ Breathes deeply ]
Let's go back inside.
-- Really? -- Yeah.
You really understand?
Yeah, of course I understand.
[ Knocks on glass ]
Come with me.
Uh, we've only got 90 seconds.
Well, I guess the only thing for me to do is write a letter of my own.
-- To your sister? -- To your father.
-- Jeremy... -- I've decided to become buddies with your father.
That's not funny.
Where's Casey?
Someplace with Dana.
How's that lnternet poll going, Dan?
Don't think I'm not on to you, my friend.
I spent seven hours looking for the ignition keys.
-- Jeremy... -- Today, I take care of all family business.
Jeremy...
Dear Hank...
Dave: 60 seconds back.
Look in your top drawer.
-- Is there an animal in there? -- Why would there be an animal in there?
'Cause last time, there was an animal in there.
Look in your top drawer.
So you have something to look forward to.
[ Closes drawer ]
Get on the air.
I'll keep these, if you don't mind.
I don't mind a bit.
Sam, everything's cool.
I've got her panties right here in my side pocket.
-- [ Snaps fingers ] -- Okay.
♪ I might be old but ♪
-- # I'm someone new, she said # -- Hi, Dana. -- And as for you, you see, you don't control my world.
-- # I'm so sore # -- I happen to not be wearing any panties right now.
-- # That I could cry # -- And if you had a thousand guesses, you couldn't tell me where they were.
-- # Always # -- Casey's side pocket.
♪ In the night lay ♪
-- # Your tired arms # -- Damn it.
Dave: 30 seconds back.
♪ And she will have her way ♪
♪ Somehow I will still believe her ♪
Dave: Stand by, 1-4-4. Chris: Standing.
♪ She's the life I've been frightened of ♪
♪ Seems like deathly silence and especially the dark ♪
-- # Feels like # Dave: In 10.
♪ I am heavy and my spirit has died ♪
-- # She will have her way # -- In 3...2...
-- # Somehow I will # -- [ Laughs ] -- Thank you, Connie Morton,
-- # Still believe her # -- in Anaheim with NHL Center lce.
Don't forget tomorrow night is double-header night.
At 7:30, the Rangers take on the Bruins at the Garden,
-- # She will have her way, one day I will # -- And at 10:30, San Jose travels to Edmonton.
-- # Come back # -- All the action right here on CSC.
Casey and I are just getting warmed up here in Rockefeller Center,
so we'll have one more round if you'll have one more round.
-- # Un-doo un-doo doo # -- You're watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so come on back.
-- # Un-doo un-doo doo # Dave: We're out.
♪ Un-doo un-doo doo ♪
On the next "Sports Night"...
Abby Jacobs, and this is my card.
-- So she's a shrink. -- Really?
Excuse me. Are we on a date right now,
or are we having a session?
-- Which did you want it to be? -- A date.
Tomorrow night at 6:00, I'll recalibrate the computers
to believe that it is January 1, 2000,
and you'll see that we're Y2K-compatible
and that I am facing the future as the servant of no master.
Huh.
Jeremy's got it just about fixed, so it'll just be --
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