1
00:00:01,152 --> 00:00:02,919
This is why I buy my food
from gas stations, Jess.
2
00:00:02,954 --> 00:00:04,921
Nick, you knocked
over a wheelbarrow
3
00:00:04,956 --> 00:00:07,824
full of fruit, and then
you actually skipped away.
4
00:00:07,859 --> 00:00:09,192
Guys, I'm trying
to concentrate, okay?
5
00:00:09,227 --> 00:00:11,127
The LAPD does not
offer entrance exams
6
00:00:11,162 --> 00:00:12,429
every single day.
7
00:00:12,463 --> 00:00:13,663
Just Mondays and Fridays.
8
00:00:13,698 --> 00:00:16,099
But I am not
waiting till Friday.
9
00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,001
Hey, why do you
have so much fruit?
10
00:00:18,035 --> 00:00:19,936
Because this one ran
into his ex-girlfriend
11
00:00:19,971 --> 00:00:21,204
at the farmer's market.
12
00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:22,339
Nick?
13
00:00:22,373 --> 00:00:25,008
Hey! No way!
14
00:00:25,042 --> 00:00:27,177
Caroline of my past.
15
00:00:27,211 --> 00:00:29,346
What a pleasant surprise.
16
00:00:29,380 --> 00:00:30,847
My ex-lover... No!
17
00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:33,483
I don't deal with exes.
18
00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:34,751
They're part of the past.
19
00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:36,419
You burn 'em swiftly
20
00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:38,788
and you give their ashes
to Poseidon.
21
00:00:38,823 --> 00:00:40,423
I'm really good friends
with Berkley,
22
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,392
and we had a terrible breakup...
Come on, what?
23
00:00:42,426 --> 00:00:43,593
You have a good
relationship with him
24
00:00:43,628 --> 00:00:44,794
because he wants to bone you.
25
00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:46,229
He's a stay-at-home dad.
26
00:00:46,264 --> 00:00:49,332
His entire life
revolves around his family.
27
00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:51,268
He's the most emotionally
evolved person I know.
28
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,503
And I'm sure his favorite
emotion is the emotion
29
00:00:53,537 --> 00:00:55,405
of wanting to bone you.
30
00:00:55,439 --> 00:00:56,439
That's not an emotion.
31
00:00:56,474 --> 00:00:58,308
Possible sex is the only reason
32
00:00:58,342 --> 00:01:00,110
people stay "friends" with their exes.
33
00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:02,145
- Come on.
- Back me up, Winnie the Bish.
34
00:01:02,179 --> 00:01:04,147
Yeah, that's true. I mean,
I'm friends with all my exes...
35
00:01:04,181 --> 00:01:05,415
- See?
- ...families.
36
00:01:05,449 --> 00:01:06,383
Ha-ha! See?
37
00:01:06,536 --> 00:01:08,248
I still send Shelby's dad
a Father's Day card,
38
00:01:08,428 --> 00:01:10,787
and he still sends me
five bucks on my birthday.
39
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,822
- What is wrong with you?
- That's nice. - Hey, guys.
40
00:01:12,857 --> 00:01:14,724
- I bet Coach is friends with his exes.
- No.
41
00:01:14,759 --> 00:01:16,526
- Oh, for sure, yeah.
- Yeah! I'm right!
42
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:17,890
- For sex.
- No!
43
00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:18,957
Ha-ha! I'm right!
44
00:01:19,057 --> 00:01:20,797
Can't spell "sex" without the "ex."
45
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:22,465
Man, is that sexy when he does that.
46
00:01:24,335 --> 00:01:26,937
Announcement: I finally
finished my loft.
47
00:01:26,971 --> 00:01:28,104
Hold the applause.
48
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,708
Let's go. All right.
49
00:01:31,742 --> 00:01:34,311
Come on.
50
00:01:34,345 --> 00:01:35,578
C-Come on, you guys.
51
00:01:35,613 --> 00:01:37,147
All together, now.
52
00:01:37,181 --> 00:01:38,315
We're not...
Who's coming?
53
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:39,883
Let's go.
Come on, Nick.
54
00:01:39,917 --> 00:01:41,284
I don't want to go, man.
Thanks for the invite.
55
00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:42,285
Nah, come on.
56
00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:44,287
Winnie.
57
00:01:44,322 --> 00:01:45,588
No?
58
00:01:45,623 --> 00:01:47,824
♪ Who's that girl?
59
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:50,268
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess.
60
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:55,269
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,634
Jess: You and Caroline
still need some closure.
62
00:01:57,668 --> 00:01:59,135
Well, what do you
want me to say?
63
00:01:59,170 --> 00:02:01,638
That I walked out on her
and now I'm dating you?
64
00:02:01,672 --> 00:02:04,074
We started dating, like,
a year after you broke up.
65
00:02:04,108 --> 00:02:05,275
Yeah, but that doesn't matter with her.
66
00:02:05,309 --> 00:02:06,443
She's got a crazy streak,
67
00:02:06,477 --> 00:02:08,111
and this is bound to set her off.
68
00:02:08,145 --> 00:02:09,546
What if she hurts me physically?
69
00:02:09,580 --> 00:02:11,581
What if she hurts me with words?
70
00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:13,316
Just talk to her. Clear the air.
71
00:02:13,351 --> 00:02:15,185
You'll feel better, she'll feel better.
72
00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:16,519
Besides, Nick,
73
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,588
I can't give up that farmer's market.
74
00:02:18,622 --> 00:02:20,457
Strolling around,
chatting with vendors...
75
00:02:20,491 --> 00:02:22,859
It's so nice.
I feel like Don Corleone.
76
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:24,661
I think a lot of ladies do.
77
00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:32,335
(hoarse):
Hey.
78
00:02:32,370 --> 00:02:33,336
(clears throat)
79
00:02:33,371 --> 00:02:34,471
Hey...
80
00:02:34,505 --> 00:02:35,472
(coughs)
81
00:02:35,506 --> 00:02:36,840
(clears throat)
82
00:02:36,874 --> 00:02:38,641
Sorry about that.
83
00:02:38,676 --> 00:02:40,210
Haven't spoken anybody all day.
84
00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:41,411
Phlegm buildup, you know?
85
00:02:42,713 --> 00:02:45,482
I've been cooped up all day
in my loft apartment.
86
00:02:45,516 --> 00:02:47,150
So much space for one person, you know?
87
00:02:47,184 --> 00:02:49,719
You could scream in there,
nobody would ever hear you.
88
00:02:49,754 --> 00:02:51,287
I'm gonna go.
89
00:02:51,322 --> 00:02:52,555
Bye.
90
00:02:54,759 --> 00:02:55,892
What is going on?
91
00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:58,061
May I speak plainly with you, Cecilia?
92
00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,229
(sighs)
93
00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:00,897
I'm in a bit of a sexual drought.
94
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:03,533
The Good Valley Schmidt
hasn't seen rain in months.
95
00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:06,202
You're just... you're
giving off a creepy vibe.
96
00:03:06,237 --> 00:03:08,238
All right? Living alone
is messing up your game
97
00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,506
and it's making you weird.
98
00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:11,307
Yeah, but I love living alone.
99
00:03:11,342 --> 00:03:13,076
Where are you, grapes?
100
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,878
Grápés.
101
00:03:14,912 --> 00:03:16,346
Great apes.
102
00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:18,548
Grapes, we have you surrounded.
103
00:03:18,582 --> 00:03:19,983
Come out with your stems up!
104
00:03:20,017 --> 00:03:21,351
(sniffles)
105
00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:26,723
(sobbing loudly)
106
00:03:26,757 --> 00:03:28,191
I guess my game could be upped
107
00:03:28,225 --> 00:03:30,060
if I increased my... my human contact
108
00:03:30,094 --> 00:03:31,561
- a little bit.
- Good.
109
00:03:31,595 --> 00:03:33,363
Because you're caressing
your own arm right now.
110
00:03:34,899 --> 00:03:36,232
Hmm.
111
00:03:36,267 --> 00:03:37,500
That's not normal, man.
112
00:03:37,535 --> 00:03:39,302
I've been working out.
It feels... I don't...
113
00:03:41,072 --> 00:03:43,706
I just want to know
why you walked out.
114
00:03:43,741 --> 00:03:45,942
Was there something else going on?
115
00:03:45,976 --> 00:03:47,277
Was there someone else?
116
00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:49,045
Can I just say,
117
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,214
I really wish this coffee
was a giant beer.
118
00:03:51,248 --> 00:03:52,348
And I wish this scone
119
00:03:52,383 --> 00:03:54,117
was a-a whiskey and I could just
120
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,418
drink one... just chase 'em.
121
00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:58,688
This is nice.
122
00:03:58,722 --> 00:04:00,256
Glad we're doing this.
123
00:04:00,291 --> 00:04:02,058
So how'd it go?
124
00:04:02,093 --> 00:04:03,426
We gabbed like a couple
125
00:04:03,461 --> 00:04:05,228
of washer women over the back fence.
126
00:04:05,262 --> 00:04:08,565
That's great.
So proud of you.
127
00:04:08,599 --> 00:04:09,699
(tires screech)
128
00:04:09,733 --> 00:04:11,134
You two are dating?
129
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,236
I knew it. I knew it was her!
130
00:04:13,270 --> 00:04:14,704
What...?
131
00:04:14,738 --> 00:04:16,439
You didn't tell her we were together?!
132
00:04:16,474 --> 00:04:18,241
I told her we were together.
133
00:04:18,275 --> 00:04:20,610
I'm not getting away with this.
I didn't tell her.
134
00:04:20,644 --> 00:04:21,744
Caroline:
Screw you, Miller!
135
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:26,784
I don't understand.
You guys talked for 30 minutes.
136
00:04:26,819 --> 00:04:29,020
- How did our relationship not come up?
- 'Cause I got scared.
137
00:04:29,054 --> 00:04:30,855
There were so many things
that I wanted to tell her.
138
00:04:30,889 --> 00:04:32,257
You ever thought how weird it would be
139
00:04:32,291 --> 00:04:33,625
if you just gave up your thumb?
140
00:04:33,659 --> 00:04:35,260
You just didn't have a thumb.
141
00:04:35,294 --> 00:04:37,528
I mean, how would you give a
thumbs up? Just like this?
142
00:04:37,563 --> 00:04:39,264
I think a guy died in the
building, 'cause one day
143
00:04:39,298 --> 00:04:41,466
in the Dumpster is a bunch
of clothes that just fit me.
144
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,501
(with British accent):
What I like to do now
145
00:04:43,535 --> 00:04:44,736
is take the Underground, yeah?
146
00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:46,871
Spend my quid. Cheers?
147
00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:48,706
(phone chimes)
148
00:04:48,741 --> 00:04:50,208
Oh, crap. This is her.
149
00:04:50,242 --> 00:04:51,876
She thinks I cheated, Jess.
150
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:54,479
You know who
you should talk to? Berkley.
151
00:04:54,513 --> 00:04:57,382
He's so good at this stuff...
friendship, closure.
152
00:04:57,416 --> 00:04:59,817
Actually, he did write a book
about it. It's an e-book.
153
00:04:59,852 --> 00:05:02,720
I gave it four stars, but it
kind of falls apart at the end.
154
00:05:02,755 --> 00:05:05,089
He goes into God in a way
I don't think he needs to.
155
00:05:05,124 --> 00:05:06,591
You know what?
I'm gonna text him?
156
00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:08,526
Why would I talk to your ex-boyfriend
157
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,527
about my ex-girlfriend?
158
00:05:09,561 --> 00:05:11,229
Well, you need his help.
159
00:05:11,263 --> 00:05:13,064
- You're right. Give me. Can I see?
- No, no, no.
160
00:05:13,098 --> 00:05:14,299
- Can I see?
- Yeah. Yeah.
161
00:05:14,333 --> 00:05:15,733
"Hey, babe..."
Don't call him "babe."
162
00:05:15,768 --> 00:05:16,801
It's just what we call each other.
163
00:05:16,835 --> 00:05:18,069
"BF problems"?
164
00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:19,837
My boyfriend is having problems.
165
00:05:19,872 --> 00:05:21,939
- XOXO?
- It's a really common greeting.
166
00:05:21,974 --> 00:05:23,474
"Kissing you, hugging you,
kissing you, hugging you"?
167
00:05:23,509 --> 00:05:25,910
What else am I gonna write?
"O-O-O"?
168
00:05:25,944 --> 00:05:27,912
That just looks like "Oh..."
169
00:05:27,946 --> 00:05:29,347
You're leading him on, Jess.
170
00:05:29,381 --> 00:05:31,182
- Oh, Nick.
- You are.
171
00:05:31,216 --> 00:05:32,617
Berkley's really gonna teach you a lot.
172
00:05:32,651 --> 00:05:34,585
Men don't talk to people they've dated
173
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:37,021
unless they want sex,
or they're Winston.
174
00:05:37,056 --> 00:05:39,090
- I also want sex.
- Going to Schmidt's.
175
00:05:39,124 --> 00:05:40,591
He's been begging us to all week.
176
00:05:40,626 --> 00:05:42,460
Jess, men are sick.
177
00:05:42,494 --> 00:05:45,163
Look, I'm a relatively good guy,
but even I'm a sicko.
178
00:05:45,197 --> 00:05:47,131
Luckily, we have the Internet
as a community of...
179
00:05:47,166 --> 00:05:48,499
(phone chimes)
180
00:05:48,534 --> 00:05:50,168
Oh, this is terrible!
181
00:05:50,202 --> 00:05:51,803
She's quoting scriptures,
182
00:05:51,837 --> 00:05:53,604
but using tons of cuss words.
183
00:05:53,639 --> 00:05:55,440
- This is as bad as it gets with Caroline.
- Okay.
184
00:05:55,474 --> 00:05:58,209
Berkley's around the corner
at his baby's world music class.
185
00:05:59,478 --> 00:06:02,213
Okay, you know what? I'm in.
186
00:06:02,247 --> 00:06:03,948
- Great.
- What kind of beer does Berkley like?
187
00:06:03,982 --> 00:06:05,383
- He doesn't.
- Oh, great.
188
00:06:05,417 --> 00:06:07,051
I cannot wait to meet him.
189
00:06:08,087 --> 00:06:09,487
Fellas.
190
00:06:09,521 --> 00:06:12,557
You made it. As promised,
here's a coupon for a free sub.
191
00:06:12,591 --> 00:06:14,025
Yup.
(chuckles)
192
00:06:14,059 --> 00:06:15,493
Probably get ham.
193
00:06:15,527 --> 00:06:17,995
Wow, man. (laughs)
194
00:06:18,030 --> 00:06:19,530
- It's nice inside of here, man.
- Yeah.
195
00:06:19,565 --> 00:06:21,065
It's like a European airport.
196
00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:22,066
Oh, what's that?
197
00:06:22,101 --> 00:06:23,334
Uh, you want to watch the game?
198
00:06:23,369 --> 00:06:25,403
Which one? Basketball? Football?
199
00:06:25,437 --> 00:06:26,471
Of Thrones?
200
00:06:26,505 --> 00:06:28,406
Winston and Coach: Oh!
201
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:29,874
Winston: That is awesome, man.
202
00:06:29,908 --> 00:06:31,309
Look at this place, Schmidt.
203
00:06:31,343 --> 00:06:32,877
You got so many plush surfaces.
204
00:06:32,911 --> 00:06:34,812
Well, there are 15 different
bang spots in here,
205
00:06:34,847 --> 00:06:37,115
each one specifically designated
to its own sexual position.
206
00:06:37,149 --> 00:06:38,516
Winston: Mm.
207
00:06:38,550 --> 00:06:40,952
That's standing, this is sitting,
that's diagonal.
208
00:06:40,986 --> 00:06:42,120
(laughs)
That's how I do it.
209
00:06:42,154 --> 00:06:43,354
The "Why? Why? Because."
210
00:06:43,389 --> 00:06:45,022
The "Closure of the Lincoln Tunnel."
211
00:06:45,057 --> 00:06:47,158
The "Red Beanbag Chair."
212
00:06:47,192 --> 00:06:49,193
Which is pretty obvious, but,
you know, that's a good one.
213
00:06:49,228 --> 00:06:50,561
The "Glass Menagerie."
214
00:06:50,596 --> 00:06:51,863
- The "Bike Share."
- Nice.
215
00:06:51,897 --> 00:06:52,897
The "Backwards Oops."
216
00:06:52,931 --> 00:06:53,998
What is "backwards oops"?
217
00:06:54,032 --> 00:06:55,900
You don't want to put it... mm.
218
00:06:55,934 --> 00:06:56,834
You don't know what it means.
219
00:06:56,869 --> 00:06:57,835
I mean, I don't...
220
00:06:57,870 --> 00:06:59,203
I've done it, I've done it,
221
00:06:59,238 --> 00:07:01,572
but I didn't know I was
doing it. You know, it was...
222
00:07:01,607 --> 00:07:02,573
Super cool, dude.
223
00:07:02,608 --> 00:07:04,509
I wish I had my own place.
224
00:07:04,543 --> 00:07:06,077
Guys, mi casa es su casa.
225
00:07:06,111 --> 00:07:08,112
- I even made you guys keys.
- What?
226
00:07:08,147 --> 00:07:09,781
Check these out.
That one's yours.
227
00:07:09,815 --> 00:07:11,182
Aw, it looks like a guitar.
228
00:07:11,216 --> 00:07:12,216
Yeah, that's 'cause you're rocking.
229
00:07:12,251 --> 00:07:13,518
Mine's a...
230
00:07:13,552 --> 00:07:15,286
It's a rainbow kissing a star.
231
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,921
- You like it?
- Blah!
232
00:07:16,955 --> 00:07:18,089
Yeah.
233
00:07:18,123 --> 00:07:19,390
Guys, hang out here anytime you want.
234
00:07:19,425 --> 00:07:21,125
- Even now. Who's thirsty?
- Thanks.
235
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:22,126
Right there.
Dude!
236
00:07:22,161 --> 00:07:23,895
- Shut up!
- Damn, man.
237
00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:25,563
You're like James Bond.
(chuckles)
238
00:07:25,597 --> 00:07:27,031
But I'll be...
I'll be Moneypenny for sure.
239
00:07:27,065 --> 00:07:28,800
- Yeah.
- Wait, which one is Moneypenny?
240
00:07:28,834 --> 00:07:30,101
It's the woman.
241
00:07:30,135 --> 00:07:31,469
Oh.
242
00:07:31,503 --> 00:07:33,571
(whispering)
243
00:07:33,605 --> 00:07:34,972
So, did the store have that, uh,
244
00:07:35,007 --> 00:07:36,274
bamboo highchair you were looking for?
245
00:07:36,308 --> 00:07:37,942
No, not the one I wanted.
246
00:07:37,976 --> 00:07:39,377
So I think I'm just gonna...
247
00:07:39,411 --> 00:07:41,479
Both: Order it online.
248
00:07:41,513 --> 00:07:42,880
(laughs)
You still got it.
249
00:07:42,915 --> 00:07:44,382
You still got it.
250
00:07:44,416 --> 00:07:46,284
Big deal, I've been online, too.
I still got it.
251
00:07:46,318 --> 00:07:47,919
It's different.
(phone chimes)
252
00:07:47,953 --> 00:07:49,987
So, this is the problem.
253
00:07:50,022 --> 00:07:52,657
Nick didn't tell his ex
that we were together,
254
00:07:52,691 --> 00:07:55,560
and she found out, and now
she's really, really upset.
255
00:07:55,594 --> 00:07:56,828
This is the scariest one yet.
256
00:07:56,862 --> 00:07:58,663
It's just a bunch of smiley faces.
257
00:07:58,697 --> 00:08:01,399
Okay, um, not to be
all guy with a baby,
258
00:08:01,433 --> 00:08:04,769
but, uh, exes are really
a lot like newborns, okay?
259
00:08:04,803 --> 00:08:06,771
The burps can be so yucky,
260
00:08:06,805 --> 00:08:08,473
but you know what comes
after a burp?
261
00:08:08,507 --> 00:08:09,474
What?
262
00:08:09,508 --> 00:08:11,142
A big old smile.
263
00:08:11,176 --> 00:08:12,577
Aw.
264
00:08:12,611 --> 00:08:15,146
What the hell are you talking about?
265
00:08:15,180 --> 00:08:16,147
It was a metaphor, Nick.
266
00:08:16,181 --> 00:08:17,849
It was a classic fatherhood metaphor.
267
00:08:17,883 --> 00:08:20,384
No, my-my point is
you just need to face her
268
00:08:20,419 --> 00:08:22,420
and let her get it all off her chest.
269
00:08:22,454 --> 00:08:23,588
Oh, I feel like I've done that.
270
00:08:23,622 --> 00:08:24,856
No, you didn't.
271
00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:27,492
You just talked and talked
about nothing for 30 minutes.
272
00:08:27,526 --> 00:08:28,326
Berkley: Okay, look, I know
273
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,961
it's hard. I know that, man.
274
00:08:29,995 --> 00:08:31,796
I'm here and I'm hearing it.
275
00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:33,231
I mean, when Jess and I did this,
276
00:08:33,265 --> 00:08:35,533
I think we cried for, like...
two days?
277
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,535
I mean, at least. But look.
278
00:08:37,569 --> 00:08:40,104
Now I have such a good friend,
and we talk all the time,
279
00:08:40,138 --> 00:08:41,339
and he's such a good listener.
280
00:08:41,373 --> 00:08:42,807
Say what? I can't hear you.
281
00:08:42,841 --> 00:08:45,309
(laughs)
282
00:08:45,344 --> 00:08:47,378
(laughs)
283
00:08:47,412 --> 00:08:49,146
Is this real?
284
00:08:49,181 --> 00:08:51,716
You guys saw each other naked,
and now you're friends?
285
00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,351
Yes, it's the purest form
of friendship.
286
00:08:53,385 --> 00:08:54,819
Straight Leno and Eubanks.
287
00:08:54,853 --> 00:08:56,153
(laughs)
288
00:08:57,756 --> 00:09:00,057
I just want to say you're incredible,
289
00:09:00,092 --> 00:09:02,660
and I'm so lucky
to have you in my life.
290
00:09:04,196 --> 00:09:06,464
Okay, I took your advice.
291
00:09:06,498 --> 00:09:08,199
What do we got?
292
00:09:08,233 --> 00:09:11,769
"My bad. Let's be friends, 'kay?"
293
00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:13,604
Smooth, but tough.
294
00:09:13,639 --> 00:09:14,639
That's not good, Nick.
295
00:09:14,673 --> 00:09:16,541
Friendship is a, um...
296
00:09:16,575 --> 00:09:17,975
it's like a beautiful flower.
297
00:09:18,010 --> 00:09:19,977
You have to nourish it, okay?
298
00:09:20,012 --> 00:09:21,746
- You can't just buy it at a store.
- All right.
299
00:09:21,780 --> 00:09:24,582
First of all, it was a draft,
okay, and I'll fix it.
300
00:09:24,616 --> 00:09:26,918
And second of all,
with all due respect,
301
00:09:26,952 --> 00:09:30,354
you can buy a flower at a store.
302
00:09:30,389 --> 00:09:32,690
(laughs) Millered!
303
00:09:34,563 --> 00:09:36,761
Schmidt: I know as an angel
you usually sleep in heaven,
304
00:09:36,795 --> 00:09:38,896
but would you care to spend
the evening at my place?
305
00:09:38,931 --> 00:09:41,532
I think maybe I would.
306
00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:43,734
Fantastic choice.
307
00:09:43,769 --> 00:09:45,403
Here's my address.
308
00:09:45,437 --> 00:09:47,471
There's usually no place to park.
309
00:09:49,141 --> 00:09:50,207
Well, so where would I...?
310
00:09:50,242 --> 00:09:51,709
You're a big girl.
311
00:09:51,743 --> 00:09:53,311
You'll figure it out.
312
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:00,217
Uh, just tr-try south of Sixth.
313
00:10:00,252 --> 00:10:02,420
There's usually a string
of open spaces down there.
314
00:10:02,454 --> 00:10:05,923
And there's not a right turn
on red on Fifth, just FYI.
315
00:10:07,092 --> 00:10:08,859
Okay, here's the deal.
316
00:10:08,894 --> 00:10:10,761
I've been wanting to end things
with Claire for years now.
317
00:10:10,796 --> 00:10:12,496
And I'm gonna do it.
It's gonna take one phone call.
318
00:10:12,531 --> 00:10:14,532
- What? - She's gonna burn
all my clothes on the lawn.
319
00:10:14,566 --> 00:10:16,701
I don't care. I only want
to wear Henleys anyways.
320
00:10:16,735 --> 00:10:18,202
Jess, we can finally be together.
321
00:10:18,236 --> 00:10:19,203
What?!
322
00:10:19,237 --> 00:10:21,405
Wait, no, but leave your wife?!
323
00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:23,641
For you.
I'm gonna leave my wife for you.
324
00:10:23,675 --> 00:10:24,642
Wait, what...?
325
00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:26,544
"Thank you for being so incredible."
326
00:10:26,578 --> 00:10:28,279
"So lucky to have you in my life"?
327
00:10:28,313 --> 00:10:29,747
- Jess.
- Mm-mm.
328
00:10:29,781 --> 00:10:31,716
- When you said those words, I knew.
- No.
329
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:33,384
Berkley, there's been a fundamental
330
00:10:33,418 --> 00:10:35,086
misunderstanding here.
331
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,221
You know the last time
Claire thanked me for anything?
332
00:10:37,255 --> 00:10:39,890
It was when I was pulling out
her chair at our wedding.
333
00:10:39,925 --> 00:10:42,226
- No...
- She doesn't appreciate me like you do.
334
00:10:42,260 --> 00:10:43,928
No, it's not happening.
No, no...
335
00:10:43,962 --> 00:10:46,664
Aah! Damn it, Winston! Oh, God.
336
00:10:46,698 --> 00:10:49,000
Pretend this is attached,
and there's water coming out.
337
00:10:49,034 --> 00:10:51,035
Okay.
338
00:10:52,104 --> 00:10:53,237
No, not like that.
339
00:10:53,271 --> 00:10:54,672
(makes whooshing noise)
340
00:10:54,706 --> 00:10:55,673
It's not sexual!
341
00:10:55,707 --> 00:10:57,742
No! I'm not feeding you water!
342
00:10:57,776 --> 00:10:58,809
- Wet my mouth.
- No!
343
00:10:59,878 --> 00:11:01,278
Oh, hi.
344
00:11:01,313 --> 00:11:02,847
- Are you Schmidt's friend?
- What?
345
00:11:02,881 --> 00:11:04,248
Sch-Schmidt's friend?
346
00:11:04,282 --> 00:11:06,817
Where you at?
'Cause I'm ready to ea...
347
00:11:06,852 --> 00:11:08,419
Hey!
348
00:11:08,453 --> 00:11:10,921
My good friend... Frank...
349
00:11:10,956 --> 00:11:12,823
Scabopolis!
350
00:11:12,858 --> 00:11:14,659
Ah, give me a hug,
you Greek son of a bitch!
351
00:11:14,693 --> 00:11:15,693
- Come here!
- What?
352
00:11:18,864 --> 00:11:20,364
Where is this coming from?
353
00:11:20,399 --> 00:11:21,999
You. The phone calls, the texts,
354
00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:24,769
"Boyfriend problems,"
"I need you," hugs, kisses.
355
00:11:24,803 --> 00:11:26,270
- What?
- More hugs, more kisses.
356
00:11:26,304 --> 00:11:27,471
- I...
- You have been setting up
357
00:11:27,506 --> 00:11:29,306
dominoes for ten years.
358
00:11:29,341 --> 00:11:30,608
And now they are falling.
359
00:11:30,642 --> 00:11:32,009
You have a baby, sir!
I know.
360
00:11:32,044 --> 00:11:34,478
And you are gonna make
such a good stepmom.
361
00:11:34,513 --> 00:11:36,013
I love you, Jessica.
362
00:11:36,048 --> 00:11:37,648
God, it feels good
to say that out loud
363
00:11:37,683 --> 00:11:39,383
and not just to my sleeping wife.
364
00:11:39,418 --> 00:11:40,785
Nick: (groans)
Guys, I need your help.
365
00:11:40,819 --> 00:11:42,319
You, hey!
366
00:11:42,354 --> 00:11:44,722
Nick was right about you,
and he can't know that,
367
00:11:44,756 --> 00:11:46,657
- so put a sock in it!
- What is wrong with me?
368
00:11:46,692 --> 00:11:47,792
- Hi.
- Hey.
369
00:11:47,826 --> 00:11:48,993
I keep trying to write to Caroline,
370
00:11:49,027 --> 00:11:50,061
but I'm choking.
371
00:11:50,095 --> 00:11:51,495
I can't get past "What's up, C?"
372
00:11:51,530 --> 00:11:53,564
(phone chimes)
Oh, that's her.
373
00:11:53,598 --> 00:11:55,499
It says,
"Come to the window, friend." Friend.
374
00:11:55,534 --> 00:11:57,668
- That's good. That's good.
- That's a good thing. Yeah.
375
00:11:57,703 --> 00:12:00,137
Caroline! Hey!
376
00:12:00,172 --> 00:12:03,541
You cheat on me and then
you want to be friends?!
377
00:12:03,575 --> 00:12:05,376
I'm just writing you an e-mail!
378
00:12:05,410 --> 00:12:06,877
It's-it's not sending!
379
00:12:06,912 --> 00:12:09,313
Look, gonna throw it down,
but I need my phone back!
380
00:12:09,347 --> 00:12:11,315
- We talk now!
- Caroline! Hey!
381
00:12:11,349 --> 00:12:12,550
(car alarm wailing)
382
00:12:12,584 --> 00:12:13,250
Stop!
383
00:12:13,285 --> 00:12:14,552
Really excited to...
384
00:12:14,586 --> 00:12:16,220
- No!
- ...talk to you guys.
385
00:12:16,254 --> 00:12:17,755
Hey, stop! That's not my car!
386
00:12:17,789 --> 00:12:20,224
Tell Jess I said hi.
387
00:12:20,258 --> 00:12:21,692
No, Caroline,
388
00:12:21,727 --> 00:12:23,260
I parked down the street!
389
00:12:23,295 --> 00:12:25,563
It... Why am I telling you?!
390
00:12:27,258 --> 00:12:29,359
At least she can't get
into the building.
391
00:12:29,393 --> 00:12:31,228
Okay, what am I gonna do here?
392
00:12:31,262 --> 00:12:32,629
She cut off the power.
393
00:12:32,663 --> 00:12:34,264
No, Nick, that was you.
You turned off the light.
394
00:12:34,298 --> 00:12:35,532
All the other lights
are still on.
395
00:12:35,566 --> 00:12:37,434
My bad. Thank you.
396
00:12:37,468 --> 00:12:39,603
(quietly): I know you're scared.
Let me be brave.
397
00:12:39,637 --> 00:12:41,271
You should go because you have a wife,
398
00:12:41,305 --> 00:12:43,373
and you have a baby,
and you love them.
399
00:12:43,407 --> 00:12:45,342
Jess, what are you, crazy?
400
00:12:45,376 --> 00:12:46,343
It's not safe out there.
401
00:12:46,377 --> 00:12:47,878
Berkley can't go.
He stays here.
402
00:12:47,912 --> 00:12:48,612
- I don't think that...
- Thank you, Nick.
403
00:12:48,646 --> 00:12:50,714
You're very welcome.
404
00:12:50,748 --> 00:12:52,449
I'll be with you in just
one second, all right?
405
00:12:52,483 --> 00:12:54,451
- Mm-hmm.
- And don't drink the water by the bed.
406
00:12:54,485 --> 00:12:56,186
It's got my contacts in it.
407
00:12:56,220 --> 00:12:58,488
(laughs)
Okay.
408
00:12:58,523 --> 00:12:59,823
What are you doing?
409
00:12:59,857 --> 00:13:02,058
- What are you doing?
- And t-tell her that I'd like
410
00:13:02,093 --> 00:13:03,627
to be reimbursed
for those strawberries.
411
00:13:03,661 --> 00:13:05,695
- What...? Dude.
- Why is she calling you Schmidt?
412
00:13:05,730 --> 00:13:07,464
I told her my name was Schmidt
in case we saw your mail.
413
00:13:07,498 --> 00:13:08,932
I don't just leave mail out.
414
00:13:08,966 --> 00:13:10,967
This isn't a small business.
Get out.
415
00:13:11,002 --> 00:13:13,103
Dude, I'm about to seal the deal.
I'm not getting out.
416
00:13:13,137 --> 00:13:15,138
I'm about to...
I'm-I'm a deal sealer.
417
00:13:15,173 --> 00:13:16,373
I'm about to get some squish, dude,
418
00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:17,941
and you need to not
get in between that.
419
00:13:17,975 --> 00:13:19,810
I'm about to nail it into the wall.
420
00:13:19,844 --> 00:13:21,678
Dude, I'm about to take down
that va-dragon.
421
00:13:21,712 --> 00:13:24,414
I'm about to pin the tail
on the va-donkey, dude.
422
00:13:24,448 --> 00:13:26,283
You better not stand
in the way of this.
423
00:13:26,317 --> 00:13:28,084
Don't call her a va-donkey.
I don't even know her well
424
00:13:28,119 --> 00:13:29,953
and I want her to leave,
but please don't call her
425
00:13:29,987 --> 00:13:31,154
- a va-d... va-donkey.
- I won't. All right.
426
00:13:31,189 --> 00:13:33,523
Please. I need this.
427
00:13:33,558 --> 00:13:35,225
Okay, fine.
428
00:13:35,259 --> 00:13:37,060
I will use the guest room.
429
00:13:37,094 --> 00:13:38,829
- Yes.
- Like an animal.
430
00:13:38,863 --> 00:13:40,997
Oh, yes.
431
00:13:41,032 --> 00:13:42,499
Oh! Winston!
432
00:13:42,533 --> 00:13:43,500
What are you doing?!
433
00:13:43,534 --> 00:13:45,135
Oh, we were just playing a game.
434
00:13:45,169 --> 00:13:47,037
You know, Bad Cop, Black Cop?
435
00:13:47,071 --> 00:13:48,638
It's me, Bertie!
436
00:13:48,673 --> 00:13:50,040
(groans)
437
00:13:50,074 --> 00:13:52,075
(elevator bell dings)
438
00:13:55,713 --> 00:13:58,315
Um, I might have been
wrong about some things,
439
00:13:58,349 --> 00:13:59,549
um, some Berkley things.
440
00:13:59,584 --> 00:14:01,017
Hey, the screaming stopped.
441
00:14:01,052 --> 00:14:02,886
I knew she'd run out of gas.
(pounding on door)
442
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:04,387
- "My bad"?!
- What?
443
00:14:04,422 --> 00:14:05,989
"Let's be friends, 'kay"?!
444
00:14:06,023 --> 00:14:08,325
You couldn't even write out "okay"?!
445
00:14:08,359 --> 00:14:09,860
It's go time, Nick.
446
00:14:09,894 --> 00:14:11,161
Time to break out that burp cloth.
447
00:14:11,195 --> 00:14:12,562
Jess, let's give him some space...
448
00:14:12,597 --> 00:14:13,697
(whispers):
by going to a motel.
449
00:14:13,731 --> 00:14:15,465
I don't love you.
450
00:14:15,499 --> 00:14:17,234
I got a slight beer buzz.
Let's do it.
451
00:14:17,268 --> 00:14:18,335
Yeah, don't go.
452
00:14:18,369 --> 00:14:19,469
I thought you wanted me
to talk to her.
453
00:14:19,503 --> 00:14:20,670
Don't go right now.
454
00:14:20,705 --> 00:14:22,239
I'm sorry.
You don't love me?
455
00:14:22,273 --> 00:14:23,306
Say it again?
456
00:14:23,341 --> 00:14:24,641
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
457
00:14:24,675 --> 00:14:26,076
Oh... What?!
458
00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:28,845
Then why have you led
me on for ten years?
459
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,513
Oh, hell on Earth no!
460
00:14:30,548 --> 00:14:32,549
Oh, my God, I was right.
461
00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:34,751
- He wants to bone you.
- Oh, come on, Nick!
462
00:14:34,785 --> 00:14:36,186
Nick: Caroline, I'll be right there.
463
00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:39,089
I'm so sorry, Berkley.
You got cut off.
464
00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:40,390
- Thank you, sir.
- No.
465
00:14:40,424 --> 00:14:41,791
Berkley: May, 2004.
466
00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:44,594
You brushed my hand
at Dave Matthews concert
467
00:14:44,629 --> 00:14:46,429
- during "Two Step."
- "Two Step"?
468
00:14:46,464 --> 00:14:48,598
- Oh, my God.
- Or that time that I helped you move,
469
00:14:48,633 --> 00:14:50,100
and I came over,
I was wearing sweatpants.
470
00:14:50,134 --> 00:14:52,335
You couldn't stop staring at my rig.
471
00:14:52,370 --> 00:14:53,503
She loves looking at rigs.
472
00:14:53,537 --> 00:14:55,038
Why are you calling it a rig?!
473
00:14:55,072 --> 00:14:56,072
You're doing it again.
474
00:14:56,107 --> 00:14:57,407
One second, Caroline!
475
00:14:57,441 --> 00:14:58,975
Open this door!
476
00:15:03,781 --> 00:15:05,949
You think I wear this
sweater because I like it?
477
00:15:05,983 --> 00:15:07,017
It's a handsome sweater.
478
00:15:07,051 --> 00:15:08,685
- That's right, I love you.
- No!
479
00:15:08,719 --> 00:15:09,853
Berkley: What do you mean, no?
480
00:15:09,887 --> 00:15:11,087
Ooh!
481
00:15:11,122 --> 00:15:13,390
Open the door!
Come on!
482
00:15:13,424 --> 00:15:14,691
Schmidt?
483
00:15:14,725 --> 00:15:16,192
You said to me that I was incredible
484
00:15:16,227 --> 00:15:18,628
and you were so lucky,
and now here we are,
485
00:15:18,663 --> 00:15:20,430
we're trying to hook up
Nick with his ex-girlfriend.
486
00:15:20,464 --> 00:15:21,932
I mean, that's what this is, right?
487
00:15:21,966 --> 00:15:23,233
No, it isn't.
That's not what...
488
00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:24,534
So let's just do it, come on.
489
00:15:24,568 --> 00:15:25,535
- Hey, hey,
- Berkley, Berkley!
490
00:15:25,569 --> 00:15:26,770
- Oh, no!
- No, no!
491
00:15:26,804 --> 00:15:28,638
- No, what are you doing?
- Oh, no.
492
00:15:28,673 --> 00:15:30,707
- 'Kay!
- Oh, hey!
493
00:15:30,741 --> 00:15:33,243
- Car-o-line.
- Yeah...
494
00:15:33,277 --> 00:15:36,680
You stole my boyfriend.
495
00:15:39,951 --> 00:15:41,985
Schmidt?
496
00:15:42,019 --> 00:15:43,420
Be right there!
497
00:15:43,454 --> 00:15:45,722
That should buy us some time.
Coach, you stay with your girl
498
00:15:45,756 --> 00:15:48,224
who thinks that you're me in my bedroom.
Winston, you stay
499
00:15:48,259 --> 00:15:49,359
in the guest room with Bertie doing
500
00:15:49,393 --> 00:15:50,794
whatever the hell it is
you guys are doing.
501
00:15:50,828 --> 00:15:52,095
- Gross.
- I'm gonna keep Sarah...
502
00:15:52,129 --> 00:15:54,364
(knocking)
Almost there!
503
00:15:54,398 --> 00:15:55,799
I'm gonna keep Sarah
in the living room,
504
00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:58,635
using one of the
living-dining-open-floor-plan bang spots.
505
00:15:58,669 --> 00:16:01,604
Now, no exits, no entrances,
no Noises Off baloney.
506
00:16:01,639 --> 00:16:02,605
Capeesh?
507
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,107
Confirm my capeesh!
508
00:16:04,141 --> 00:16:05,442
- Capeesh!
- (mutters gibberish)
509
00:16:05,476 --> 00:16:06,943
- Let's go. Do it.
- All right.
510
00:16:06,978 --> 00:16:08,745
- Guys, guys!
- Right.
511
00:16:08,779 --> 00:16:11,114
This is the exact type of
baloney that I'm talking about.
512
00:16:11,148 --> 00:16:13,917
Unbelievable. Guys, guys!
513
00:16:13,951 --> 00:16:15,618
I'm really glad that we're doing this.
514
00:16:15,653 --> 00:16:17,654
- Okay.
- All right.
515
00:16:17,688 --> 00:16:19,589
I did not steal your boyfriend.
516
00:16:19,623 --> 00:16:20,857
Timeline. Now.
517
00:16:20,891 --> 00:16:24,027
Okay, um...
you and Nick break up.
518
00:16:24,061 --> 00:16:25,595
London has a great Olympics.
519
00:16:25,629 --> 00:16:26,963
Uh-oh, trouble in Syria.
520
00:16:26,998 --> 00:16:28,164
Board up your windows.
521
00:16:28,199 --> 00:16:30,033
Superstorm Sandy.
522
00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:32,369
Hey, over here.
523
00:16:32,403 --> 00:16:33,703
Me and Nick get together.
524
00:16:33,738 --> 00:16:34,971
And here's that beautiful
Sunday in the park
525
00:16:35,006 --> 00:16:36,439
that you and I went to,
and we have a wonderful Sunday.
526
00:16:36,474 --> 00:16:38,908
- Shut up, Berkley!
- No, you shut up, Jess.
527
00:16:38,943 --> 00:16:40,243
Don't take this out on Jess.
528
00:16:40,277 --> 00:16:41,378
Oh, oh, right, it's the beginning,
529
00:16:41,412 --> 00:16:42,779
so you're being all supportive now.
530
00:16:42,813 --> 00:16:44,881
He's still trying.
I mean, I bet he's still
531
00:16:44,915 --> 00:16:46,249
laughing at all your jokes, right?
532
00:16:46,283 --> 00:16:49,352
Well... I have a great
instinct for comedy.
533
00:16:49,387 --> 00:16:51,221
All right, well, you know what,
you enjoy all that
534
00:16:51,255 --> 00:16:53,723
while it lasts,
because I'll tell you what.
535
00:16:53,758 --> 00:16:56,359
It's not gonna be long before he stops
536
00:16:56,394 --> 00:16:58,695
holding your hand
and starts high-fiving you
537
00:16:58,729 --> 00:17:01,197
and he stops letting you be
the little spoon and he starts
538
00:17:01,232 --> 00:17:04,067
drifting off during
important conversations.
539
00:17:04,101 --> 00:17:05,702
Are you listening right now?
540
00:17:05,736 --> 00:17:07,804
What's that?
541
00:17:07,838 --> 00:17:09,839
- Seriously, Nick?
- Jess, you're the girlfriend now,
542
00:17:09,874 --> 00:17:12,675
but one day
you're gonna be the ex.
543
00:17:12,710 --> 00:17:14,744
And two years after
he breaks up with you,
544
00:17:14,779 --> 00:17:16,613
he still won't tell you why.
545
00:17:18,682 --> 00:17:20,183
Um, okay, well,
546
00:17:20,217 --> 00:17:22,585
um... this has been a really, um,
547
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:25,255
neat talk, so, um...
548
00:17:25,289 --> 00:17:29,025
I'm gonna go... sit in the shower,
549
00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:31,061
and, um, go over
the greatest hits in my mind.
550
00:17:31,095 --> 00:17:32,529
Berkley: I'll just be right here,
551
00:17:32,563 --> 00:17:34,731
picturing the whole sudsy thing.
552
00:17:34,765 --> 00:17:37,100
Hey, hey, ho, I'm right here.
How about a little respect?
553
00:17:37,134 --> 00:17:39,169
I know. What, you...
This is obviously happening.
554
00:17:39,203 --> 00:17:40,336
Jess: No, it's not!
555
00:17:40,371 --> 00:17:41,704
Where's your brain?
556
00:17:43,656 --> 00:17:45,390
Hey, Jess, you okay?
557
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,228
(voice breaking): No.
558
00:17:50,262 --> 00:17:53,398
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to me.
559
00:17:53,432 --> 00:17:56,067
(sobs): I've led a very fortunate life.
560
00:17:56,101 --> 00:17:57,302
Look, Jess, you were right.
561
00:17:57,336 --> 00:17:58,736
No, you were right.
562
00:17:58,771 --> 00:18:00,405
I feel like such a fool.
563
00:18:00,439 --> 00:18:02,840
You were right
about everything.
564
00:18:02,875 --> 00:18:04,309
No, I wasn't.
565
00:18:04,343 --> 00:18:06,978
Caroline deserves to know why I left.
566
00:18:08,113 --> 00:18:09,347
And you should hear, too.
567
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,754
- I'm thirsty! Stop! Let me go, boy!
- No, no, no, come, come...
568
00:18:16,789 --> 00:18:18,356
Whoa!
569
00:18:18,390 --> 00:18:19,590
Who the hell are you?
570
00:18:19,625 --> 00:18:21,592
Who the hell are you?
571
00:18:21,627 --> 00:18:22,927
Schmidt.
What?
572
00:18:22,962 --> 00:18:24,162
Frank Scabopolis is up in here
573
00:18:24,196 --> 00:18:25,296
making out with some bitch.
574
00:18:25,331 --> 00:18:26,597
Schmidt: That's not necessary.
575
00:18:26,632 --> 00:18:28,866
I mean...
Who's Frank Scabopolis?
576
00:18:28,901 --> 00:18:30,935
Aren't you Schmidt?!
I-I am Schmidt.
577
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:32,704
- I thought you were Schmidt.
- I am Schmidt.
578
00:18:32,738 --> 00:18:35,206
Uh...
Uh, w-we're brothers.
579
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,542
We are, we're-we're brothers.
What an upbringing that was.
580
00:18:37,576 --> 00:18:38,910
Yeah, same mom, different dads.
581
00:18:38,944 --> 00:18:40,611
One browner.
(sighs)
582
00:18:40,646 --> 00:18:43,848
Then who the hell is Frank Scabopolis?
583
00:18:43,882 --> 00:18:45,483
Yeah.
(door opens)
584
00:18:45,517 --> 00:18:48,019
I am Frank Scabopolis!
585
00:18:48,053 --> 00:18:49,520
(sighs)
586
00:18:49,555 --> 00:18:51,956
Is this helping, Schmidt?
I forgot the plan.
587
00:18:51,991 --> 00:18:54,392
- Winston, please shut up.
- Plan? What plan?!
588
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,494
I... there's no plan.
I know nothing about a plan.
589
00:18:56,528 --> 00:18:58,896
Is this some little
nasty group sex games
590
00:18:58,931 --> 00:19:00,665
y'all got going on up in here?
591
00:19:00,699 --> 00:19:03,234
Been a couple years, but... I'm down.
592
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:04,702
(groans)
I didn't want to know that.
593
00:19:04,737 --> 00:19:05,903
I am out of here.
594
00:19:05,938 --> 00:19:07,739
- I'm way ahead of you.
- No, no, please!
595
00:19:07,773 --> 00:19:10,541
Sarah, please, wait!
I can... ugh.
596
00:19:10,576 --> 00:19:12,477
(sighs) Just...
597
00:19:12,511 --> 00:19:14,912
(clears throat) Well,
I'm gonna go back to bed.
598
00:19:14,947 --> 00:19:18,016
Schmidt, that mattress is heaven.
599
00:19:18,050 --> 00:19:20,518
It's pretty good.
600
00:19:20,552 --> 00:19:21,853
See?
601
00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:24,222
You don't think I'm
scary, do you, baby?
602
00:19:24,256 --> 00:19:25,723
- Oh, whoa!
- Oh!
603
00:19:25,758 --> 00:19:26,724
No. Hey, no.
(laughs)
604
00:19:26,759 --> 00:19:28,026
- I was just kidding.
- No.
605
00:19:28,060 --> 00:19:29,394
Hey, Caroline, there's
something I need to say.
606
00:19:29,428 --> 00:19:30,628
Nick, you don't have to do this.
607
00:19:30,662 --> 00:19:32,096
Nick: No, I-I do.
608
00:19:32,131 --> 00:19:35,266
Look, I never cheated on you,
but I might as well have.
609
00:19:36,535 --> 00:19:37,902
See, I fell in love with Jess
610
00:19:37,936 --> 00:19:39,270
the moment she walked
through the door.
611
00:19:40,739 --> 00:19:42,540
- Boo!
- Really?
612
00:19:42,574 --> 00:19:44,342
Sorry.
613
00:19:44,376 --> 00:19:46,511
The moment I walked through the door?
614
00:19:46,545 --> 00:19:47,678
Really?
615
00:19:47,713 --> 00:19:50,948
'Cause I thought I annoyed you.
616
00:19:50,983 --> 00:19:52,150
Can we do this later, please?
617
00:19:52,184 --> 00:19:53,418
- It's just not a good...
- Yeah, okay. Got it, yup.
618
00:19:53,452 --> 00:19:54,852
Got it.
619
00:19:54,887 --> 00:19:56,454
Caroline, she's the reason that I left.
620
00:19:57,890 --> 00:19:59,490
I always thought that it was Jess.
621
00:20:00,826 --> 00:20:02,693
I'm glad I'm not crazy.
622
00:20:02,728 --> 00:20:03,928
Well...
623
00:20:03,962 --> 00:20:05,129
Hmm.
624
00:20:05,164 --> 00:20:06,798
Thanks for telling me the truth.
625
00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:08,332
Oh, I'm just sorry
it didn't happen sooner.
626
00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:09,967
- Don't touch me.
- I'm so sorry.
627
00:20:10,002 --> 00:20:11,035
I was kidding.
628
00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:12,937
There's that famous Milwaukee humor.
629
00:20:12,971 --> 00:20:14,439
I'm not from Milwaukee.
630
00:20:14,473 --> 00:20:15,807
You honestly scare me.
631
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,308
Good-bye, Nick.
632
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:18,443
Bye.
633
00:20:18,477 --> 00:20:19,577
Jess: Hey.
634
00:20:19,611 --> 00:20:21,579
Look, Berkley, um,
635
00:20:21,613 --> 00:20:24,315
I'm so sorry that you got
the wrong idea about us.
636
00:20:25,684 --> 00:20:27,485
You were right.
637
00:20:27,519 --> 00:20:29,420
I did play some part in it.
638
00:20:29,455 --> 00:20:31,022
Thank you.
639
00:20:32,091 --> 00:20:33,991
- Good luck, Jessica.
- Thanks.
640
00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:35,560
See you later, bud.
641
00:20:35,594 --> 00:20:36,928
(sighs)
642
00:20:36,962 --> 00:20:38,796
I really don't want
to go back to my wife.
643
00:20:38,831 --> 00:20:40,498
Do you guys want
to play cards or something...
644
00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:42,300
- Go. Just go.
- Get out of here.
645
00:20:44,803 --> 00:20:46,471
(door closes)
646
00:20:48,407 --> 00:20:50,041
The moment I walked
through that door, huh?
647
00:20:50,075 --> 00:20:52,009
Just be cool about it.
648
00:20:52,044 --> 00:20:54,445
'Cause for me, it was way later.
649
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,980
- Yeah, I know.
- Like, a lot later...
650
00:20:56,014 --> 00:20:58,950
Oh, come here already.
651
00:20:58,984 --> 00:21:00,017
You could use that for something.
652
00:21:00,052 --> 00:21:01,419
- That's the "Glass Menagerie."
- Yeah.
653
00:21:01,453 --> 00:21:02,854
I'll sit her down
right on top of that.
654
00:21:02,888 --> 00:21:04,088
Oh, absolutely.
655
00:21:04,123 --> 00:21:05,556
The, uh, "Star 68."
656
00:21:05,591 --> 00:21:06,624
Where's that at?
657
00:21:06,658 --> 00:21:08,092
- Right there on that pillow.
- Oh.
658
00:21:08,127 --> 00:21:09,327
- Wow.
- The "Jumanji."
659
00:21:09,361 --> 00:21:11,195
Yeah, you do the...
the "U Lock" on here.
660
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,196
That'd be cool.
(chuckles)
661
00:21:12,231 --> 00:21:13,631
The "Jean-Michel Basquiat."
662
00:21:13,665 --> 00:21:14,632
Oh, okay.
663
00:21:14,666 --> 00:21:15,833
The "Fabric Softener."
664
00:21:15,868 --> 00:21:17,602
That's the "Kansas City Shaker."
665
00:21:17,636 --> 00:21:19,370
- This, right here? I like that.
- Yeah.
666
00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:20,872
Back there, that's the "Nia Vardalos."
667
00:21:20,906 --> 00:21:22,273
- Ooh. That's nice, dude.
- Nice.
668
00:21:22,307 --> 00:21:24,275
That one's "Sex on the Rug,"
669
00:21:24,309 --> 00:21:27,667
which is... and, again,
it's pretty obvious.
670
00:21:27,849 --> 00:21:30,084
But that's... you know,
why mess with a classic?
671
00:21:30,242 --> 00:21:34,406
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com