1 00:00:10,700 --> 00:00:13,650 Tonight, I eat a cabbage, 2 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:16,650 James throws a bird out of a car 3 00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:19,650 and Richard forgets the abbreviation for America. 4 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:20,700 USB. 5 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:31,650 Hello, everybody! Good evening. Thank you so much. 6 00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,650 Thank you, everybody. Now, 7 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:39,650 I want to start by talking about Denmark because, you see, 8 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:43,650 over the years, this tiny little country has contributed 9 00:00:43,700 --> 00:00:46,650 so much to the betterment of mankind. 10 00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:50,650 It's given us interesting furniture, stylish hi-fi, 11 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:54,650 amusing children's toys and, of course, this. 12 00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:58,650 Danish bacon, Danish butter, wrapped in bread, 13 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:01,650 to create the only known cure 14 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,650 for vegetarianism. 15 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:09,700 Denmark, however, has never made a car...until now. 16 00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:13,650 Because Denmark has more windmills per head 17 00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:15,650 than any other country on Earth 18 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:19,650 and because Copenhagen is a cyclist's paradise, 19 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:23,700 you know exactly what sort of car it's going to be. 20 00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,700 Yeah, well, it isn't. 21 00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:42,650 I was also expecting Hans Christian Andersen with windscreen wipers 22 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:45,700 or The Little Mermaid with door handles, but no. 23 00:01:50,700 --> 00:01:52,700 What we've got instead is this. 24 00:01:55,700 --> 00:02:00,700 A 1,086 horsepower orange monster! 25 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:08,700 It's called the Zenvo ST1 and it is extremely fast. 26 00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:15,700 It's got a 6.8 litre V8... 27 00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:22,700 ..which is supercharged AND turbocharged. 28 00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:28,650 And that's like smearing a habanero chilli with wasabi 29 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,700 and then garnishing it with dynamite. 30 00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:36,700 The net result is a speedometer that can't keep up. 31 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,700 It's just a blur. 138, 150, 170-something... 32 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:46,700 My God! No, no idea! 33 00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:53,700 Apparently, however, flat out, it will do 233mph. 34 00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:04,650 You know those Scandinavian crime dramas, 35 00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:09,700 lots of quietly thoughtful people in jumpers looking out of the window? 36 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:16,650 This is nothing like that. Nothing at all. 37 00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:20,650 So, it is very definitely a supercar. 38 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,650 And that's a problem 39 00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:26,650 because who's going to say, "No, I don't want a Ferrari 40 00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:29,650 "or a Lamborghini or a Pagani or a Bugatti 41 00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:32,650 "or a Porsche or an Audi R8 or a McLaren or an Aston Martin 42 00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:37,650 "I would rather spend my money on something totally unproven, 43 00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:41,650 "preferably from a company I've never heard of?" 44 00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:43,700 I mean, why would you do that? 45 00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:50,650 It's not like the engine is made from the tears of an angel 46 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:53,650 by the gods of science and precision. 47 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:56,650 What's more, it has conventional suspension 48 00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:59,700 and a heavy, steel chassis. 49 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:04,650 However, because it's a bit last-week, you can 50 00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,700 have some old-fashioned fun in the corners. 51 00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:15,650 Oh-ho-ho! 52 00:04:15,700 --> 00:04:18,700 'But you can also have an accident.' 53 00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:29,650 Part of the problem is that if you engage sport or race mode, 54 00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:32,650 the traction control is disengaged. 55 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:35,650 Now, this, according to the - oops - chief engineer, 56 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:38,700 makes it pretty much undrivable 57 00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:54,650 He's right. 58 00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:55,700 He is right. 59 00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:08,650 There were also some issues with quality. 60 00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:12,650 The lights filled with condensation, 61 00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:15,650 the rear brakes didn't seem to be working properly, 62 00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,650 then the clutch went. 63 00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:20,700 So the car had to go back to Denmark. 64 00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:25,650 After a couple of weeks, however, it was mended, 65 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,700 so the Zenvo came back. 66 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:39,650 But almost immediately... 67 00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:42,650 a cooling fan went wrong. 68 00:05:42,700 --> 00:05:44,650 Fire, fire, fire! Copy that. 69 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:47,700 So the car became even more orange. 70 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:53,700 And that was the end of that. 71 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,650 That didn't do very well. 72 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:10,650 How much is this thing? How much? Mm. 73 00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:13,650 ?800,000. 800?! 74 00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:18,650 Yes. Are there any upsides to it? Er, upsides, yes. 75 00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:22,650 The fire did get rid of the condensation in the lights. 76 00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:25,650 Apart from the fire? Apart from the fire... 77 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:28,650 Yes, it's surprisingly comfortable and very quiet. 78 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:31,650 Well, it would be quiet. It was broken. 79 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:36,650 Yes, but amazingly, they have mended it again and it's back again. 80 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:40,650 And now we can find out how fast it does a lap of our track, 81 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:45,650 or rather IF it can do a lap of our track. 82 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:49,650 That, of course, means handing it over to our tame racing driver 83 00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:54,700 Some say that this week he is wearing two layers of Nomex. 84 00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:03,650 And that on a recent trip to Cornwall, 85 00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:07,650 he stopped off for one of his special big wees in Somerset. 86 00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:11,650 All we know is he's called The Stig! 87 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:14,650 And he's off! 88 00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:18,650 Cautious start because it is soaking out there today. 89 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:22,650 Be beautiful, though, if it catches fire. Right, first corner. 90 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:25,700 Will it try to bite him? Nothing so far. 91 00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,650 Oh, no, wait, there is a bit of a nibble at the end. 92 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:38,650 Absolutely no idea what The Stig is listening to. 93 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:42,700 I do know, however, he is in full race mode. No traction control 94 00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,650 He is being cautious, though. 95 00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:48,650 Right, through the Hammerhead. 96 00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:51,650 Oh, no, it's stepped out again, but he has managed to hold it. 97 00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,700 God, that is very good driving! 98 00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:02,650 Right, is he going to lift? 99 00:08:02,700 --> 00:08:04,650 Oh, yes, he is going to lift 100 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:07,650 because that thing is as racy as the Danish Prime Minister. 101 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:10,650 Through the tyres. 102 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,650 Only two corners left. 103 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:16,650 You can actually see it squirming on the lake where our track used to be. 104 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:20,650 Only Gambon left before he can have a lie down. Is he going to make it? 105 00:08:20,700 --> 00:08:21,650 Is IT going to make it? 106 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,650 Yes, it has! 107 00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:26,650 Now... 108 00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:27,650 I have the time here. 109 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:33,700 Remember, it is an?800,000 1,000 horsepower car, so here we go. 110 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:36,650 Ohhh... 111 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:38,650 No, it's a bit lower. Really? 112 00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,650 Ohhh... 113 00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,650 Oh-ho! 114 00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:46,650 There you go, it's 1.29.9, 115 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,650 slower than a Ford Focus. 116 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:53,650 No, no, hang on a minute. I'm sorry. Hang on a minute. 117 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,650 Let's be fair about it. We need to look at another time for a wet lap. 118 00:08:56,700 --> 00:09:00,650 There you go. It's slower than a German saloon car. It is! 119 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:06,650 You know this is Danish and it s orange and it's genetically flawed? 120 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:09,650 I'm surprised they haven't called The Giraffe... 121 00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:11,650 ..and shot it. 122 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,650 He said that out loud, didn't he? He did. 123 00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:16,650 He said it out loud. 124 00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:18,650 Never mind, let's move on with the news 125 00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:20,650 and, well, my big news this week, certainly 126 00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:23,650 is I spent last weekend driving the new Porsche 980. 127 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,650 Oh, you did! It'll be on the show later in the series. There it is. 128 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,650 Come on, quick, quick, now, sneak preview. What is it like? 129 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:31,650 Well, Jennifer... 130 00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,650 Funny(!) 131 00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:37,650 Yeah, if you were watching last week, Jeremy did say on the show, 132 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,650 on TV, that if the Porsche was faster than the McLaren, 133 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:42,650 he would change his name to Jennifer. Yes. 134 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:46,650 Didn't you, Jennifer? Well, it won't be. See, I think it might just be. 135 00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,650 Honestly, it... It's staggering Really. 136 00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:51,650 It doesn't accelerate like most other cars. 137 00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,650 You are not conscious of it 138 00:09:53,700 --> 00:09:55,650 gaining speed through the gear as the revs rise. 139 00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,650 It doesn't go, "Ohhh-aaahhh!" 140 00:09:57,700 --> 00:10:00,650 It just goes straight to, "Aaaaargh!" 141 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:01,650 But, Hammond... What? 142 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:04,650 ..the McLaren has more power than the Porsche 143 00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:06,650 and is lighter than the Porsche I know. 144 00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:11,650 But listen, Jennifer, the Porsche has four-wheel-drive 145 00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:13,650 and four-wheel steer and on our track... 146 00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,650 It will lose. 147 00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,650 Listen, I'm sure the Luftwaffe were very proud 148 00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,650 and pleased with the Messerschmitt Me 109. 149 00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:24,650 That was a damn good aeroplane. Yes, but it wasn't... 150 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:26,650 It wasn't as good as the Spitfire! 151 00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:28,650 No, you could do negative G in the Messerschmitt 109. 152 00:10:28,700 --> 00:10:34,650 May, you are as bad as he is! That is going to be humiliated. 153 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:39,650 We are going to win. When I say we, Britain is going to... 154 00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,650 I'm all for patriotism, that's great, 155 00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:44,650 but you've just got to face facts. The thing is astonishing. 156 00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:47,650 It's about how it manages those three engines... Shut up about it! 157 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,650 I'm with you about the British thing, 158 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:53,650 but I sort of hope the Porsche wins, JENNIFER. 159 00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:56,650 The news has been filled with a lot of scenes 160 00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:58,650 of flood victims all waving their arms around 161 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,650 and going, "Oh, no, what are we going to do?" 162 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,650 End of the world really. 163 00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:05,650 I mean, it certainly makes me very sad because the answer, 164 00:11:05,700 --> 00:11:07,650 as we all know, is simple. 165 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,650 You buy a Ford transit van, cut a big hole in the floor, 166 00:11:10,700 --> 00:11:14,650 take the back doors off, couple of engines in it, fans, skirts, 167 00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:17,650 put it in the water, it sinks. That's true. 168 00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:19,650 You get another transit van, more powerful engines, 169 00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:21,650 totally redesigned. Here we go. 170 00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,650 And it works perfectly. That IS the solution. 171 00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:30,650 We predicted these floods six months ago and came up with the solution. 172 00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:33,650 But what is really annoying is that everybody 173 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,650 is blaming the floods on David Cameron, the Environment Agency 174 00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:38,650 pretty much anything you can name... 175 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,650 Mm-mm, I know exactly who is to blame 176 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:44,650 for this problem everybody is having. 177 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:45,650 Miranda Hart. 178 00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,650 You laugh, but here's the thing 179 00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,650 We are sitting here now on a Sunday evening. 180 00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:55,650 Eight, nine million people in Britain have chosen to watch 181 00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:58,650 some 1950s midwifery on the other side, 182 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,650 so they don't know about the hover-van. 183 00:12:00,700 --> 00:12:01,650 That is the problem. 184 00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:05,650 They have chosen Miranda over us and our show is 185 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:09,650 rammed full of helpful hints and useful consumer advice. Every week! 186 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:13,650 Now, hey, listen, how long has the Gallardo been in production 187 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,650 17,000 years? Just over? Just over. 188 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:18,650 I know there are cave drawings of it in the Pyrenees. There are. 189 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:20,650 Well, Lamborghini has announced they are stopping making it 190 00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:24,650 and are going to replace it with this. It's called the Huracan. 191 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,650 600 horsepower, 5.2 litre V10, four-wheel-drive. 192 00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:28,650 None of that is interesting 193 00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:32,650 because if you're interested in speed and power and handling, 194 00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:35,650 you're going to buy a Ferrari 4 8 or a McLaren 12C, aren't you? 195 00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:39,650 The only reason you want to buy a Lamborghini is because it looks mad. 196 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,650 And that's very nice, but I don t think it's bonkers enough. 197 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,650 I know what you mean. It looks nice, but... 198 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:46,650 Yeah, it needs to be outrageous It does. 199 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:49,650 Nobody should be allowed to design a Lamborghini 200 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:53,650 unless they've just consumed two bottles of absinthe. 201 00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:54,650 Now you're ready! 202 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:55,650 The essence of it is, 203 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,650 it doesn't really matter how a Lamborghini drives 204 00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:01,650 because a Lamborghini is for prowling around the city 205 00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:05,650 Ferraris are for doing a 2.35 around Silverstone. 206 00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:09,650 Lamborghinis are for doing Knightsbridge at 2.35am. 207 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,650 Yes, yes. 208 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:15,650 Now, there's a new type of gas which is worrying the government. 209 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:18,650 Is it cyanide? No. Is it carbon dioxide? 210 00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:21,650 No, it used to be carbon dioxide. Now the days where... 211 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,650 I can hardly bring myself to say this. 212 00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,650 They are very worried about a terrifying new combination 213 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:30,650 of nitrogen and oxygen. What, you mean air? Yes. 214 00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:33,650 99% of the air that we breathe is nitrogen and oxygen, 215 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:36,650 but the government has got his knickers in a twist about it, 216 00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:39,650 specifically about nitrogen dioxide and I've done some checking. 217 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:40,650 Bear with me on this. 218 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:43,650 It mostly comes from soil or stoves 219 00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:49,650 or particularly from lorries in stop-start city driving, OK? 220 00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:52,650 So the government has decided to address the problem 221 00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:58,650 by limiting cars to 60mph on the M1 just outside Sheffield. 222 00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:01,650 That's their solution. But that's got nothing to do with it! 223 00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:03,650 Isn't that like saying, "I've got toothache, 224 00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,650 "I think I'll go and have a hair cut. That will sort it." 225 00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:08,650 "Doctor, I've twisted my ankle. "You must put on a bomber jacket " 226 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:11,650 The thing is, they actually say "Well, it's as European law, 227 00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:12,650 "so we have to lower the speed limit." 228 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:16,650 Germans aren't, French aren't, Italians aren't, only we are. 229 00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:18,650 And I know exactly what's happened here. 230 00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:20,650 You've got some guy in the government, you know... 231 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:23,650 You know the type. Oh, yes, right. 232 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:27,650 OK, now, he has the power to lower the speed limit 233 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,650 and stop parents eating sandwiches in cars if kids are present, 234 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:34,650 but what he needs to do is take a leaf out of the Queen's book. 235 00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:37,650 What, marry a Greek? No! 236 00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:39,650 The Queen has the constitutional power 237 00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:40,650 to declare war on another country, 238 00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:42,650 but she never does. 239 00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:44,650 Even after a big party where she's a bit... 240 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:46,650 and all her mates are egging her on. 241 00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:49,650 "Go on, Liz! Declare war on someone!" Can she really do that? 242 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:52,650 Yes, she can do that, but she doesn't. "Hello is that Mr Hollande? 243 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:56,650 "This is the Queen. WE ARE AT WAR!" I'd do that every week! 244 00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:59,650 She could do that. I'd be constant... I'd do it every... 245 00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:00,650 "Oh, God, what have I done?" 246 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:02,650 Yeah, I would love to be a drunk Queen! 247 00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:08,650 I didn't mean... 248 00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,650 Shall we move it on? Yes. Yes. 249 00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:15,650 Every week, we receive thousands of letters from people that say 250 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:19,650 "Dear Top so-called Gear, why do you never test the sort of 251 00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:22,650 "affordable cars that normal people are likely to buy and drive?" 252 00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:27,650 Well, the truth is, we would love to. But the producers won't let us. 253 00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:31,650 It's frustrating, because contrary to public opinion, 254 00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:34,650 we really do like small, sensible little cars. 255 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:37,650 I mean, he has a Fiat Panda. I have a Fiat 500. 256 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:40,650 Yeah, and I have a very small AMG Mercedes. 257 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:43,650 Very small indeed. 258 00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:46,650 We like the way that small cars are easy to park and cheap to run, 259 00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:49,650 but, most of all, we like the way that a lot of them 260 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:51,650 are very good fun to drive. 261 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:54,650 But the producers say they aren t, they say they're boring. 262 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:58,650 And to prove their point, they came up with a challenge. 263 00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:03,650 Yes, they told us to choose three one-litre, three-cylinder, 264 00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:09,700 little city cars and report with them to the Crimean peninsula. 265 00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:15,650 So, here it is, at the bottom end of Ukraine, 266 00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:17,700 jutting out into the Black Sea. 267 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:26,650 The Crimean peninsula, 10,000 square miles of history, beetroot 268 00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,700 and girls who leave the West behind. 269 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:34,650 And this is where we were to meet, the city of Yalta. 270 00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:37,650 Outside the very building where Churchill, Stalin 271 00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:41,700 and Roosevelt met to carve up Europe after Hitler's defeat. 272 00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:46,650 Hammond was the first to arrive 273 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:49,700 I have brought, as you can see, a Fiesta. 274 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:54,650 Which is a very, very good small car in any case, 275 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:56,650 but in this instance, particularly good, 276 00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:00,650 because this one is fitted with an absolute jewel of an engine. 277 00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:02,650 It's a tiny, one-litre, three-cylinder EcoBoost, 278 00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:06,650 and when I say tiny, I mean REALLY tiny. 279 00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:10,650 The block of that engine would fit on an A4 piece of paper. 280 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:13,700 And it's magnificent. Right, who's that? 281 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,700 Oh, it's the orang-utan. Here we go. 282 00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:22,650 Congratulations. What, why? 283 00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:27,650 Because that is unquestionably the best one-litre little car 284 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:31,650 of them all. No doubt about it. The engine in this... Yeah. 285 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:36,650 It is phenomenal. 125 horsepower, from one litre. I know! 286 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:38,650 And 65 miles to the gallon. Honestly... 287 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,650 Why are you saying these things and why, then, are you not in one? 288 00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:43,700 Why are you in that VW? It's the Up! 289 00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:49,650 Well, I brought this because I like it. Hang on, you've just.. 290 00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:54,650 No, I like it. This is brilliant. But I like this. 291 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:55,650 Let me put it to you this way. 292 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:59,650 You can buy better dogs than my West Highland terrier, 293 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,650 but I LIKE my West Highland terrier. 294 00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,650 Yes, it bites the postman and it lays dog eggs all over 295 00:18:04,700 --> 00:18:08,650 the kitchen and it steals food but it's brilliant! And it goes.. 296 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,650 If this had ears, it would go like that... 297 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:14,650 'Sadly, at this point, my dog impersonation was 298 00:18:14,700 --> 00:18:17,650 'interrupted by the arrival of Captain Interesting.' 299 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:21,650 That's the most boring looking car I've... What is it? I'm nodding off! 300 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:28,650 Good news! What? It's a Dacia Sandero. Is it? Yes. 301 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:31,650 Anyway, we were just saying before you got here, 302 00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:33,650 this is just an epic little car 303 00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:37,650 It's quite expensive, though, isn't it? How much is it? 17,50. 304 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:42,650 ?17,500? Yup. And how much is yours? 7,500. 305 00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,650 That's a big price gulf, Hammond. It is... 306 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,650 I can afford to lose this and just go and buy another one 307 00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:51,650 and I'm still better off than you. Look at it! It's... It looks great. 308 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:55,650 It's anti-fashion, it's a car for people with more sense than money. 309 00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:59,650 It works, it's cheap. Wow, how have they done it so cheaply?) 310 00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:02,650 You can't work it out, can you? There is no obvious... It's amazing(!) 311 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,650 That steering wheel, what a quality item(!) 312 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,650 That's exactly the same as yours! It isn't the same! It's the same SHAPE. 313 00:19:08,700 --> 00:19:11,650 And correct me if I'm wrong, it was a Renault Clio 30 years ago. 314 00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:12,650 Not 30 years ago. 315 00:19:12,700 --> 00:19:17,650 It's BASED on the underpinnings and mechanicals of the old Renault Clio. 316 00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:21,650 An old car. Basically, I've brought an iPod to a gramophone convention. 317 00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:24,650 Utter rubbish! Look at it! 318 00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:28,650 'Our argument was then interrupted by the arrival of a challenge. 319 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:32,650 They still don't believe that we like small cars. But we do! 320 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:34,650 I love my Fiesta. Right. 321 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:38,650 "Between Yalta and Sevastopol, there is an excellent coast road, 322 00:19:38,700 --> 00:19:42,650 "which you would enjoy very much in a normal car. 323 00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:44,650 "But you will not be able to enjoy it 324 00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,700 "in your miserable little shopping carts"?! 325 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,700 Hello! 326 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,650 You can't get away from the fact the Fiesta, in any guise, 327 00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:07,650 is a brilliant little car. 328 00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:09,700 The chassis is so sorted out! 329 00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:16,650 I've driven the ST version, the hot one, and it is simply superb. 330 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:21,650 What's incredible is that they haven't lost any of that liveliness, 331 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:26,700 that excitement, that thrill, by fitting it with a tiny, tiny engine. 332 00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:31,700 It's like driving a cartoon! 333 00:20:36,700 --> 00:20:37,700 Squealing! 334 00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:42,650 Bit of turbo boost, bit of traction control wise. 335 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,700 That means I'm having fun and I'm on the ragged edge. 336 00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,700 Hee-hee! 337 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:56,650 Unlike the Ford and the Dacia, the Up! doesn't have a turbocharger. 338 00:20:56,700 --> 00:21:00,700 But even so, it still feels like a determined spur. 339 00:21:02,700 --> 00:21:06,650 I'm going to get there first! Yes, I am, get out of my way! 340 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:09,650 Woo-ha-ha! 341 00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:10,700 And stick it into the bend... 342 00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:15,650 I mean, if I were in even a Ferrari on this road, I'd be thinking 343 00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,650 "Oh, no, I'm going to scrape my nose! 344 00:21:17,700 --> 00:21:22,650 "How much power do I need here and how much braking?" And I don't 345 00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:27,700 have to worry about any of that, because the Up! has no power at all. 346 00:21:29,700 --> 00:21:32,700 You just put your foot hard down and leave it there! 347 00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:37,650 Much to the annoyance of the producers, 348 00:21:37,700 --> 00:21:41,700 we have loved our drive on the wiggly road. 349 00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:46,700 But we loved what we found at the other end of it even more. 350 00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:52,700 A disused Soviet submarine base 351 00:21:57,700 --> 00:22:01,650 Now, ordinarily, we would have to park in the car park there. 352 00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:06,700 But because our cars are so little, we won't. 353 00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:15,650 This is remarkable. 354 00:22:15,700 --> 00:22:17,650 James Bond could not have got in here! 355 00:22:17,700 --> 00:22:20,700 Because of course, his Aston Martin is too large. 356 00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:24,700 Good God! 357 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:27,700 Look at that! 358 00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:36,650 In the event of a nuclear war, 359 00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:40,700 they could get 14 submarines in here, and 3,000 people. 360 00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:45,650 It's under a mountain! 361 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:49,650 Yeah, it is your actual under-a-mountain submarine base 362 00:22:49,700 --> 00:22:51,700 It's full-on Bond. 363 00:22:57,700 --> 00:23:00,650 How much energy and effort was expended by MI6 364 00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:06,650 and the CIA trying to find out the details of this place? 365 00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:10,700 And here I am, driving through it! 366 00:23:14,700 --> 00:23:17,700 Sadly, we spent so long driving around the sub pen... 367 00:23:20,700 --> 00:23:23,650 ..that night was falling by the time we reached 368 00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:25,700 the busy city of Sevastopol. 369 00:23:28,700 --> 00:23:32,700 And here, the Up!'s lack of oomph was a bit of an issue. 370 00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:36,650 Oh, I'm being squeezed! 371 00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:42,700 I've lost it. Being strashed by a Lada 2107! 372 00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:47,650 However, because the VW is smaller than the Ford 373 00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:52,700 and the Dacia, I didn't have to park miles and miles from the hotel. 374 00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:58,650 Is that legal? No. Where does it say "no parking"? 375 00:23:58,700 --> 00:24:01,650 But it doesn't say "no parking" in a lot of places where it's 376 00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:03,650 obviously not quite right to park. 377 00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:05,700 To be fair, it doesn't say "no murdering" either. 378 00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:15,650 The next morning, we continued our journey through 379 00:24:15,700 --> 00:24:19,700 a region where the hills were once soaked with British blood. 380 00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:23,650 The Crimean War may have been unfathomable, 381 00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:29,650 nobody really knew why it started, but the legacy is enormous. 382 00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:33,650 It gave us important words like balaclava and cardigan. 383 00:24:33,700 --> 00:24:35,650 It gave us Florence Nightingale 384 00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:40,650 the world's first war photographer, the world's first war reporter. 385 00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:43,650 The Victoria Cross was first awarded to soldiers who fought here 386 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:46,650 And even today, the medal is made from metal 387 00:24:46,700 --> 00:24:50,700 taken from a Russian gun that was captured here. 388 00:24:53,700 --> 00:24:57,700 Then, of course, there's the best-known legacy of them all. 389 00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:05,650 How's it go? 390 00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:10,650 "Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, 391 00:25:10,700 --> 00:25:12,700 "Theirs but to do and die." 392 00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:17,650 "Into the valley of death rode the 600." And that is the valley. 393 00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:21,650 That is where the Charge of the Light Brigade actually happened 394 00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:23,650 It was a misunderstood order. 395 00:25:23,700 --> 00:25:25,650 Yeah, they were supposed to go up there somewhere. 396 00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:28,650 They were supposed to snout around in the hills, looking for the Russians, 397 00:25:28,700 --> 00:25:33,650 misunderstood it, came charging over here armed with sabres, against the entire Russian 398 00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:38,650 artillery here, all of it was there, pointing straight at them. 399 00:25:38,700 --> 00:25:40,650 And they were on horses with sabres. 400 00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:43,700 How could that possibly end? 401 00:25:55,700 --> 00:25:57,700 Oh, God! 402 00:25:58,700 --> 00:26:02,650 Choose your moments! Exactly. Exactly. 403 00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:07,650 "Ukraine is the second largest country in Europe, and now you will 404 00:26:07,700 --> 00:26:09,650 "drive all the way across it, 405 00:26:09,700 --> 00:26:13,650 "from here in the far south to the Belarus border in the north 406 00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:16,650 "It will be worse than those long journeys you did 407 00:26:16,700 --> 00:26:19,650 "as a kid in the back of a family car to the seaside. 408 00:26:19,700 --> 00:26:22,650 "It will be the journey from hell." 409 00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:25,650 How can it be worse than those journeys? I was a kid then! 410 00:26:25,700 --> 00:26:26,650 I was in the back of a Mark I Cortina. 411 00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:29,650 I was in the back of an Austin 1100. 412 00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:32,650 Anglia, with a hole in the floor How far is it? It doesn't... 413 00:26:32,700 --> 00:26:36,650 How far is it? It's 750 miles. 414 00:26:36,700 --> 00:26:41,650 750 miles? What, in a Volkswagen Up!? That's easy. Piece of ca.. 415 00:26:41,700 --> 00:26:44,650 In these three cars - light cars - 416 00:26:44,700 --> 00:26:47,650 we shall be the modern-day Charge of the Light Brigade. 417 00:26:47,700 --> 00:26:48,700 Very good. 418 00:26:51,700 --> 00:26:54,700 Still feeling slightly baffled, we set off. 419 00:26:56,700 --> 00:27:00,650 Well, I think the producers have gone a bit soft, to be honest. 420 00:27:00,700 --> 00:27:06,650 It's just not in any way difficult, challenging... It's just... 421 00:27:06,700 --> 00:27:07,700 It's easy! 422 00:27:17,700 --> 00:27:18,700 750 miles! 423 00:27:21,700 --> 00:27:24,650 It turned out not to be easy at all. 424 00:27:24,700 --> 00:27:27,650 Yes, in the second part of that film, 425 00:27:27,700 --> 00:27:30,650 which we'll show you later on, I was actually killed. 426 00:27:30,700 --> 00:27:31,650 Yeah, he really was. 427 00:27:31,700 --> 00:27:34,650 So, that's something for us all to look forward to. 428 00:27:34,700 --> 00:27:35,650 Yes, thank you, Hammond. 429 00:27:35,700 --> 00:27:39,650 But in the meantime, we must put a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car. 430 00:27:39,700 --> 00:27:43,650 Now, my guest tonight is the only British musician who can 431 00:27:43,700 --> 00:27:48,650 drive a tank, fire a mortar and strip an assault rifle. 432 00:27:48,700 --> 00:27:50,650 Apart from Posh Spice, obviously. 433 00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:53,650 Ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt! 434 00:27:57,700 --> 00:28:00,650 How you doing, big man? How are you? I'm well. 435 00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:05,650 Hi there. How are you doing? Hi Hello. He's here. Have a seat. 436 00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:08,650 All right. Many whistlings! 437 00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:11,650 First of all, congratulations on your forthcoming marriage. 438 00:28:11,700 --> 00:28:14,650 I'm getting married? BLEEP! 439 00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:19,650 You're getting married to the girl standing behind you. Fantastic 440 00:28:19,700 --> 00:28:22,650 Just in case you'd forgotten. No, there she is, look. 441 00:28:22,700 --> 00:28:27,650 What's your name? Aah! 442 00:28:27,700 --> 00:28:30,650 That's the ticket. OK, great. So, when are you getting married? 443 00:28:30,700 --> 00:28:31,650 September. 444 00:28:31,700 --> 00:28:34,650 I'm just thinking, I know there s lots of girls here and they'll 445 00:28:34,700 --> 00:28:37,650 want me to ask lots of questions about it, but I can't think of any. 446 00:28:37,700 --> 00:28:40,650 Shall we talk about the Army? Let's talk about the Army. 447 00:28:40,700 --> 00:28:43,650 The Army's better. We've got to do the Army, it's easier. 448 00:28:43,700 --> 00:28:46,650 Now, we know you were in the Army, of course, that is well documented. 449 00:28:46,700 --> 00:28:49,650 But I think what a lot of people don't know is that you actually 450 00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:51,650 single-handedly, when you were in Kosovo, 451 00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:53,650 stopped World War III from happening. 452 00:28:53,700 --> 00:28:58,650 I'm glad you brought this up. Yeah. Because it's time the nation knew. 453 00:28:58,700 --> 00:29:01,650 Actually, it was genuinely the most incredible day of my life. 454 00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:03,700 Other than my forthcoming marriage. 455 00:29:06,700 --> 00:29:08,650 And, er... It was... 456 00:29:08,700 --> 00:29:11,650 You know, having bombed the crap out of the Serbs, 457 00:29:11,700 --> 00:29:13,650 we signed a peace accord and we pushed up to Pristina, 458 00:29:13,700 --> 00:29:17,650 the capital, and I was remarkably put as truly the first officer 459 00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:20,650 to lead 30,000 people up there, 460 00:29:20,700 --> 00:29:24,650 and when we got to the airport in Pristina, General Wesley Clark 461 00:29:24,700 --> 00:29:26,650 told us to just overrun 462 00:29:26,700 --> 00:29:30,650 and overpower the 200 Russians who had beaten us to the airport 463 00:29:30,700 --> 00:29:31,650 The American general? 464 00:29:31,700 --> 00:29:34,650 Yeah, and we asked several times - that one thing means destroy them? 465 00:29:34,700 --> 00:29:37,650 Which seemed a pretty stupid thing to do. He said destroy... 466 00:29:37,700 --> 00:29:41,650 He said overrun and overpower, definitely using some political manoeuvring in his wording. 467 00:29:41,700 --> 00:29:44,650 And after, you know, five minutes of arguing, 468 00:29:44,700 --> 00:29:47,650 a very special man called General Mike Jackson, 469 00:29:47,700 --> 00:29:49,650 an incredible character who I would follow anywhere, 470 00:29:49,700 --> 00:29:51,650 came up on the radio and said, 471 00:29:51,700 --> 00:29:53,650 "This is ridiculous, I'm not having my soldiers being 472 00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:55,650 "responsible for starting World War III, 473 00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:57,650 "let's push off somewhere else. 474 00:29:57,700 --> 00:29:59,650 And when the Russians had run out of food and water, 475 00:29:59,700 --> 00:30:04,650 they came back and asked us for food and water and we said, "Sure, if you share the airport " 476 00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:10,650 That was an order from an American to a British captain to... 477 00:30:10,700 --> 00:30:15,650 And he later then ran for president in America. I know 478 00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:17,650 Let's move on to music. We've covered the army. 479 00:30:17,700 --> 00:30:19,650 You saved the world from World War III, which is good. 480 00:30:19,700 --> 00:30:22,650 Your new album is called Moon Landing. 481 00:30:22,700 --> 00:30:25,650 Moon Landing, which I only discovered after the event 482 00:30:25,700 --> 00:30:28,650 that "moon landing" is actually in the Urban Dictionary 483 00:30:28,700 --> 00:30:31,650 as a term in the gym when two men are changing and they bend over 484 00:30:31,700 --> 00:30:35,650 and their bottoms touch accidentally. So, yeah... 485 00:30:35,700 --> 00:30:39,650 There's a single called Heart To Heart, isn't there? Yes. 486 00:30:39,700 --> 00:30:41,650 Now, forgive me for saying this my daughter, 487 00:30:41,700 --> 00:30:45,650 she said to me a couple of days ago, "I was going to tweet James 488 00:30:45,700 --> 00:30:48,650 "to say how much I love that song," but she said, "I was so worried 489 00:30:48,700 --> 00:30:52,650 "that his tweet reply would rip me apart that I haven't dared do it." 490 00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:55,650 I wouldn't abuse her, if she's nice. 491 00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:56,650 What have you just won on Twitter? 492 00:30:56,700 --> 00:30:59,650 It's something, the best twitterer... Best Comebacks. 493 00:30:59,700 --> 00:31:03,700 The Best Comebacks, from the chap over there with windswept hair 494 00:31:04,700 --> 00:31:07,650 I've actually got a few of your ones here. 495 00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:09,650 Don't they take a long time to think of? 496 00:31:09,700 --> 00:31:12,650 I would say I'm spontaneous with it, but I might be lying. 497 00:31:12,700 --> 00:31:16,650 Somebody said here, "Why have you only got 200,000 followers?" 498 00:31:16,700 --> 00:31:18,650 And you replied, "Jesus only needed 12." 499 00:31:22,700 --> 00:31:26,650 You've got to admit... they are properly very funny. 500 00:31:26,700 --> 00:31:29,650 "James Blunt has an annoying face and a highly irritating voice. 501 00:31:29,700 --> 00:31:31,700 You went, "Yes, and no mortgage " 502 00:31:33,700 --> 00:31:37,650 Do you mind if I show them my absolute favourite? Go for it. 503 00:31:37,700 --> 00:31:40,650 The rather sarky, "Whatever happened to James Blunt?" 504 00:31:40,700 --> 00:31:41,700 And this was the picture you posted. 505 00:31:45,700 --> 00:31:48,650 What I love about you is the way that somebody is abusive to you 506 00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:52,650 and you just take it on the chin and are fine. I sob uncontrollably. 507 00:31:52,700 --> 00:31:54,650 I mean, people take Twitter far too seriously. 508 00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:56,650 It's just, there's a real world out there, 509 00:31:56,700 --> 00:31:58,650 and people seem to think that Twitter is important. 510 00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:02,700 It's just people opinions, and opinions are like arseholes 511 00:32:03,700 --> 00:32:06,650 Everyone has one. Yeah. Cars. 512 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:10,650 When you were last here, I think 513 00:32:10,700 --> 00:32:14,650 the only car you'd ever driven at the time was a Lada. 514 00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:17,650 Yeah, I was really embarrassed about that, and I've tried to upgrade. 515 00:32:17,700 --> 00:32:19,650 I had a Lada Riva 1.3SL, for "slow". 516 00:32:19,700 --> 00:32:22,650 Because now, obviously, things have moved on dramatically. 517 00:32:22,700 --> 00:32:23,650 You've got a tuk-tuk. 518 00:32:23,700 --> 00:32:26,650 I have a tuk-tuk from Bangkok, which is awesome, three-wheeled 519 00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:30,650 vehicle, does 70mph, and I drive it around home in Ibiza. 520 00:32:30,700 --> 00:32:31,650 It does 70? 521 00:32:31,700 --> 00:32:34,650 70mph, and if you get all your mates in the back, 522 00:32:34,700 --> 00:32:37,650 you can wheelie as well, at 70mph. 523 00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:39,650 Actually, my best friend is a chap called Nin, he's Indian, 524 00:32:39,700 --> 00:32:42,650 and he insists on driving to make it look more authentic. 525 00:32:44,700 --> 00:32:45,650 Yeah. 526 00:32:45,700 --> 00:32:49,650 When you're in London, I gather you've now got a bicycle. Yeah. 527 00:32:49,700 --> 00:32:54,650 Why do you have a bicycle? It's much, much faster and it's good exercise. 528 00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:57,650 You can lose a paunch with a bicycle. 529 00:32:57,700 --> 00:33:00,650 I've got a bicycle, and look what it's done to me. Literally. 530 00:33:00,700 --> 00:33:01,700 You're not supposed to eat it. 531 00:33:05,700 --> 00:33:07,650 Yeah... 532 00:33:07,700 --> 00:33:12,650 Now, you recently had an altercation with a paparazzi photographer, 533 00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:14,650 I believe, in the United States 534 00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:16,650 Yeah, paps are quite aggressive and yes, 535 00:33:16,700 --> 00:33:19,650 I was coming out of a party and I was with someone who 536 00:33:19,700 --> 00:33:22,650 was in the public eye as well, and they shout. Paps don't want 537 00:33:22,700 --> 00:33:24,650 an ordinary picture, they want an aggressive picture 538 00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:26,650 and they're all banging on the window, 539 00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:29,650 and one of them fell in front of the car, and what are you supposed to do? 540 00:33:29,700 --> 00:33:33,650 He's fallen down and I wouldn't want to incriminate myself by saying 541 00:33:33,700 --> 00:33:37,650 that I hadn't spotted him and touched the throttle and went gently over. 542 00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:41,700 That would be the wrong thing to do. But... But we did go over him 543 00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:45,650 Did you actually feel the dum-dum? Yes. 544 00:33:45,700 --> 00:33:48,700 Something strangely satisfying about it. 545 00:33:50,700 --> 00:33:54,650 And in the meantime, the police and the ambulance did arrive, 546 00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:57,650 but before they arrived, he got up and took pictures of more people 547 00:33:57,700 --> 00:34:00,650 They even had some film footage from another paparazzi of him 548 00:34:00,700 --> 00:34:03,650 rubbing his leg, saying, "Make it redder, make it redder, 549 00:34:03,700 --> 00:34:06,650 and when the police arrived, he said, "Poor me, I've been run over. 550 00:34:06,700 --> 00:34:08,650 But it was a very small hire car and I think it was fine. 551 00:34:08,700 --> 00:34:12,700 It wasn't a large American Cadillac? No. Get one of those next time. 552 00:34:13,700 --> 00:34:16,650 Anyway, the lap, how was it out there today? 553 00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:20,650 I think as I was driving down today, they said today was the first 554 00:34:20,700 --> 00:34:24,650 day of the year the Met Office has issued a red weather warning - 555 00:34:24,700 --> 00:34:27,650 do not leave home unless you specifically have to, 556 00:34:27,700 --> 00:34:28,650 and I've been doing laps. 557 00:34:28,700 --> 00:34:31,650 The thing is, as you know, everybody who comes down here 558 00:34:31,700 --> 00:34:34,650 goes off at the second to last corner, that's a given, really, 559 00:34:34,700 --> 00:34:38,650 but I heard that James went off on the Follow Through. 560 00:34:38,700 --> 00:34:40,650 And I followed through at the time as well! 561 00:34:40,700 --> 00:34:43,650 That's why it's called the Follow Through, 562 00:34:43,700 --> 00:34:45,650 because that's a 100mph corner, 563 00:34:45,700 --> 00:34:48,650 and you have that building in front of you, and if things start to 564 00:34:48,700 --> 00:34:52,650 go wrong through there, it's actually a slightly buttock-clenching... 565 00:34:52,700 --> 00:34:54,650 Very much. And some of your camera crew are lucky to be alive. Yeah 566 00:34:54,700 --> 00:34:58,650 Would anybody like to see this moment when one of our guests 567 00:34:58,700 --> 00:35:00,650 actually went off on the Follow Through? Yes. 568 00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:03,650 Let's have a look at this. Here we go. 569 00:35:03,700 --> 00:35:06,650 That is absolutely soaking. 570 00:35:06,700 --> 00:35:10,700 That's properly fast, and you keep your foot in it until, look at this! 571 00:35:11,700 --> 00:35:14,650 What I love about that is you did not apply the brakes 572 00:35:14,700 --> 00:35:17,650 until you were an inch from the edge of the track. 573 00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:21,650 Everyone says you're not allowed to lift off and so I tried not to. 574 00:35:21,700 --> 00:35:24,650 We're talking big cojones there 575 00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:26,650 It's actually because I couldn't see through the windscreen. 576 00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:28,650 I didn't know I was coming off. 577 00:35:28,700 --> 00:35:32,650 It started to get bumpy and green - "This has definitely gone wrong." 578 00:35:32,700 --> 00:35:37,650 Anyway, eventually, we did get a lap together. Yeah. Who'd like to see it? 579 00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:39,700 Yeah! Here we go. 580 00:35:41,700 --> 00:35:44,650 See, I think this is the Blitz spirit. 581 00:35:44,700 --> 00:35:47,700 Come on, then! BLEEP! 582 00:35:48,700 --> 00:35:51,650 It's like a BLEEP lake out here 583 00:35:51,700 --> 00:35:54,650 Yeah, nobody's complaining about the Environment Agency, 584 00:35:54,700 --> 00:35:57,700 you're going in there, "Why don t you come and clear it up?" 585 00:35:59,700 --> 00:36:00,700 That is so wet! 586 00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:04,650 Stayed on the track nicely. 587 00:36:04,700 --> 00:36:05,700 It's like ice skating. 588 00:36:06,700 --> 00:36:08,650 Not that I ice skate very often 589 00:36:08,700 --> 00:36:12,700 You really should have borrowed Richard Hammond's booster cushion. 590 00:36:13,700 --> 00:36:17,700 I needed Moses to part the sea. There's a private jet over there 591 00:36:18,700 --> 00:36:21,650 That could get me home! Ibiza, right. 592 00:36:21,700 --> 00:36:23,650 Hammerhead, probably couldn't even see the lines, 593 00:36:23,700 --> 00:36:25,700 so that's pretty impressive. 594 00:36:27,700 --> 00:36:32,650 Here we go, right, coming up to the Follow Through again. So slow. 595 00:36:32,700 --> 00:36:37,700 Up to 6,000. And again, I can't see a BLEEP thing. 596 00:36:40,700 --> 00:36:43,650 This is, I really admire you for doing this. 597 00:36:43,700 --> 00:36:48,650 A touch of the brakes, and I can't say I blame you. Through the tyres. 598 00:36:48,700 --> 00:36:53,650 No whingeing, no complaining. And, yeah, going to make that one. 599 00:36:53,700 --> 00:36:57,650 Not bad at all, actually. And it's blowing a gale. 600 00:36:57,700 --> 00:37:02,700 Whoa! It's the Jimmy Carr line! There we are. Across the line. 601 00:37:06,700 --> 00:37:09,650 That is really, properly... I've never seen it like that. 602 00:37:09,700 --> 00:37:11,650 Yeah, it was fascinating, because last time 603 00:37:11,700 --> 00:37:15,650 I came down it was wet as well, and basically, whenever you have me on, 604 00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:19,700 unsurprisingly, it is the wettest, James Blunt is the wettest lap. 605 00:37:21,700 --> 00:37:26,650 We have had two previous wet laps in the last couple of weeks. 606 00:37:26,700 --> 00:37:32,650 Hugh Bonneville at 1.50.1, Tom Hiddleston last week at 1.4.9, 607 00:37:32,700 --> 00:37:35,650 so bearing in mind, he was very wet, but nothing like... 608 00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:39,650 Not nearly as wet as me. So come on, where do you think you come? 609 00:37:39,700 --> 00:37:42,650 I really hope I haven't humiliated myself too much. 610 00:37:42,700 --> 00:37:44,650 No, you haven't humiliated yourself, 611 00:37:44,700 --> 00:37:47,650 because you went out there, which is brave enough, and you drove around 612 00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:50,650 in it, which is very marvellous and you looked determined. 613 00:37:50,700 --> 00:37:53,650 Like one of those schools where everyone's a winner. 614 00:37:53,700 --> 00:37:58,650 So there we are, fastest lap so far, 1.49.9. You did... 615 00:37:58,700 --> 00:38:00,650 1... 616 00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:03,650 49... 617 00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:06,650 4. 618 00:38:08,700 --> 00:38:14,650 I have to say... That is the fastest wet lap. You are above Ron Howard. 619 00:38:14,700 --> 00:38:17,700 And just under Joss Stone. I'm always under some... Anyway 620 00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:23,700 Feel the eyes in the back of my head. Yes. I can see them. 621 00:38:25,700 --> 00:38:29,650 You're between Joss Stone and Ron Howard. That's a very odd place to be. 622 00:38:29,700 --> 00:38:32,650 That was quite something. It really was. Thank you. 623 00:38:32,700 --> 00:38:34,650 Ladies and gentlemen, James Blunt! 624 00:38:34,700 --> 00:38:35,700 Thank you. 625 00:38:42,700 --> 00:38:47,650 Now, tonight we are trying to prove that we really do like small cars, 626 00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:50,650 and our producers are trying to prove that they're rubbish. 627 00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:55,650 Yes, so, they told us to drive our three one-litre hatchbacks 628 00:38:55,700 --> 00:38:56,650 all the way across Ukraine, 629 00:38:56,700 --> 00:39:00,700 a trip they said would be the journey from hell. 630 00:39:09,700 --> 00:39:13,650 Why do they think this is going to be the journey from hell? 631 00:39:13,700 --> 00:39:15,650 Driving across the Ukraine. 632 00:39:15,700 --> 00:39:18,650 We've only been here 24 hours, we've been through the Cold War 633 00:39:18,700 --> 00:39:22,650 the Second World War, the Crimean War. It's going to be tremendous. 634 00:39:22,700 --> 00:39:23,700 And I'm in my Up! 635 00:39:26,700 --> 00:39:29,650 In the not too distant past, little cars like ours 636 00:39:29,700 --> 00:39:34,650 were very spartan, but these days, if you choose your car wisely 637 00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:36,700 you get loads of stuff to play with. 638 00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:41,650 Right, Hammond, have you got your air conditioning set just so? 639 00:39:41,700 --> 00:39:43,650 I have, yes, I've set it just half a degree lower 640 00:39:43,700 --> 00:39:45,650 than would be too comfortable. 641 00:39:45,700 --> 00:39:48,650 This heated seat, I think, just to the first position. 642 00:39:48,700 --> 00:39:49,650 USB. 643 00:39:49,700 --> 00:39:53,650 'USB iPod.' 644 00:39:53,700 --> 00:39:56,650 Bluetoothed my iPod into the stereo system. 645 00:39:56,700 --> 00:39:59,650 Heated windscreen, let me try that. 646 00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,700 Cruise control. Haven't done that. 647 00:40:09,700 --> 00:40:11,700 Yep, a mirror on that side. 648 00:40:15,700 --> 00:40:19,650 Eventually, though, even Hammond and I ran out of things to play with, 649 00:40:19,700 --> 00:40:23,700 so we turned our attention to the Ukrainian scenery. 650 00:40:44,700 --> 00:40:48,700 A hill or two wouldn't go amiss 651 00:41:25,700 --> 00:41:28,700 Right, I admit it, this is boring. 652 00:41:30,700 --> 00:41:33,700 Do you think we're halfway there yet? 653 00:41:35,700 --> 00:41:37,650 We needed to find out. 654 00:41:37,700 --> 00:41:40,650 So, as we couldn't understand the writing on our sat-nav systems, 655 00:41:40,700 --> 00:41:44,650 we pulled over to consult a map 656 00:41:44,700 --> 00:41:46,650 We came from down here, yes? 657 00:41:46,700 --> 00:41:49,650 And we've got to go all the way there. 658 00:41:49,700 --> 00:41:51,650 We've just gone through a town called Pravda. 659 00:41:51,700 --> 00:41:54,650 We can't be further back than that. 660 00:41:54,700 --> 00:41:57,700 Maybe it's in... Can't be there. We've done that 661 00:42:01,700 --> 00:42:07,650 Oh, Christ, oh no! It's there. Don't be daft! It is! We're only here! 662 00:42:07,700 --> 00:42:11,700 We've only done that. We've only driven over the Isle of Wight. 663 00:42:12,700 --> 00:42:16,700 We've got to come here? How come.. We've only got there?! 664 00:42:18,700 --> 00:42:22,650 And that's good news. Is it? How is that good news? It's good news. 665 00:42:22,700 --> 00:42:24,650 Really? Yes. 666 00:42:24,700 --> 00:42:26,650 Instead of just sitting and, "I'm bored," 667 00:42:26,700 --> 00:42:30,650 why don't we make ourselves more rounded human beings on the journey? 668 00:42:30,700 --> 00:42:33,650 So while we're in the car we learn to do some thing? 669 00:42:33,700 --> 00:42:38,650 Exactly! We could sit there going, "I'm bored, I'm bored, I wish I wasn't doing this," 670 00:42:38,700 --> 00:42:43,650 or we can simply say, "No, we shall use this time constructively. 671 00:42:43,700 --> 00:42:48,650 We will arrive in Belarus more intelligent 672 00:42:48,700 --> 00:42:49,700 and more rounded than we are now. 673 00:42:52,700 --> 00:42:55,650 Back on the road, the self-improvement began. 674 00:42:55,700 --> 00:42:59,650 'Hello and welcome to Teach Yourself Ukrainian. Unit one. 675 00:42:59,700 --> 00:43:01,650 'Hello, what's your name?' 676 00:43:01,700 --> 00:43:03,650 "You will learn to play blues harp quickly 677 00:43:03,700 --> 00:43:07,650 "and easily by just listening to the CD." Ooh, I've got a CD! 678 00:43:07,700 --> 00:43:08,700 "And following the book." 679 00:43:09,700 --> 00:43:12,650 Viewers, you will notice I'm wearing my magic hat 680 00:43:12,700 --> 00:43:14,700 and that there is a playing card in it. 681 00:43:16,700 --> 00:43:18,650 'Karus again invites Stephen to his home to discuss 682 00:43:18,700 --> 00:43:20,650 'some business questions.' 683 00:43:27,700 --> 00:43:28,650 So that goes in there. 684 00:43:33,700 --> 00:43:34,700 Well... 685 00:43:37,700 --> 00:43:40,700 In the mobile language lab, things were going well. 686 00:43:41,700 --> 00:43:44,700 Underwear. 687 00:43:46,700 --> 00:43:49,650 And soon I felt confident enough to get us 688 00:43:49,700 --> 00:43:51,700 something to eat at a roadside cafe. 689 00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:10,650 What are you saying? I'm trying to find some food that isn't fish. 690 00:44:10,700 --> 00:44:11,650 Oh, thank you. 691 00:44:21,700 --> 00:44:23,700 You seem to have ordered some wood. 692 00:44:25,700 --> 00:44:26,700 Jeremy then asked for some apples. 693 00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:33,700 Well, we've eaten. Shall we go? 694 00:44:40,700 --> 00:44:43,650 The next morning, after breakfast had been cleared away.. 695 00:44:43,700 --> 00:44:46,650 What?! 696 00:44:46,700 --> 00:44:49,700 ..I used my new Ukrainian skills to check the sat-nav. 697 00:44:51,700 --> 00:44:57,650 Oh, Jesus. To get to Kiev, 13 hours and 49 minutes. 698 00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:07,650 We were in a state of despair, but then, out of the fog loomed a man. 699 00:45:07,700 --> 00:45:09,700 And behind him, this. 700 00:45:11,700 --> 00:45:14,700 An abandoned nuclear missile base. 701 00:45:18,700 --> 00:45:22,650 This is the silo, is it? That's a silo. It's ever so big 702 00:45:22,700 --> 00:45:28,650 Hammond, this is an SS18, nicknamed the Satan, targeted Ross-on-Wye. 703 00:45:28,700 --> 00:45:32,650 Was it? That's what that says. Hang on a minute, though. 704 00:45:32,700 --> 00:45:35,650 It says "alternative target Chipsky Norton" there. 705 00:45:37,700 --> 00:45:40,650 I think it must be damp! 706 00:45:46,700 --> 00:45:50,650 Many people complain about having to do a long drive, but on this one, 707 00:45:50,700 --> 00:45:55,650 we really had hit on a brilliant way of making the time fly by. 708 00:46:02,700 --> 00:46:06,650 Ha ha! Viewers, my hands empty, 709 00:46:06,700 --> 00:46:11,650 nothing at all in them. Now, can I... 710 00:46:21,700 --> 00:46:26,650 'Unit three. Stephen, do you have a family?' There's Stephen again. 711 00:46:26,700 --> 00:46:29,650 Everybody's called Stephen here, that's the one thing I have learned. 712 00:46:29,700 --> 00:46:33,700 Oh, God. My doves have escaped. 713 00:46:34,700 --> 00:46:38,650 My doves have got out. What doves? 714 00:46:38,700 --> 00:46:42,650 What do you mean, got out? My doves from my magic box. 715 00:46:42,700 --> 00:46:45,650 They're all over the back. They've crapped everywhere. 716 00:46:45,700 --> 00:46:50,650 Upset by the mess, OCD May ejected the culprit. 717 00:46:53,700 --> 00:46:56,650 Oh, my God, there's a lorry... That is an ex-dove. 718 00:46:56,700 --> 00:47:01,650 Yeah, now, you see, the truck that hit your dove, James, 719 00:47:01,700 --> 00:47:05,650 how good are you at magic? Seriously, did it not fly away? 720 00:47:05,700 --> 00:47:08,650 You're not going to do children's parties, are you, 721 00:47:08,700 --> 00:47:11,650 because you're going to have to change your act if you are. 722 00:47:11,700 --> 00:47:13,650 "So, Sally, is this the family parrot? 723 00:47:13,700 --> 00:47:15,650 "Just watch what happens 724 00:47:15,700 --> 00:47:18,700 "when I throw it out of the window of a moving vehicle. 725 00:47:22,700 --> 00:47:25,650 Putting this tragic incident behind us 726 00:47:25,700 --> 00:47:32,700 we ploughed on, and by nightfall had reached Ukraine's capital, Kiev. 727 00:47:34,700 --> 00:47:37,650 Jeremy checked us into the hotel 728 00:47:40,700 --> 00:47:41,650 Yeah. 729 00:47:41,700 --> 00:47:45,650 Did you just say yes to stop him talking? 730 00:47:45,700 --> 00:47:48,650 And in the bar, James did another trick that went wrong. 731 00:47:48,700 --> 00:47:50,650 Ta-da! 732 00:47:50,700 --> 00:47:54,650 I'm afraid not. You can't change your mind about the card you chose. 733 00:47:54,700 --> 00:47:57,650 That was the card you chose. You can't tell me what card I chose. 734 00:47:57,700 --> 00:47:59,650 But I know you chose that because I read your mind. 735 00:47:59,700 --> 00:48:03,650 Magicians are supposed to exercise a degree of finesse, not just bullying. 736 00:48:03,700 --> 00:48:05,700 No, it's still not. It is! That's what you chose! 737 00:48:08,700 --> 00:48:10,650 The following morning, 738 00:48:10,700 --> 00:48:14,700 we were warned there was a mob on the streets of Kiev, and there was. 739 00:48:20,700 --> 00:48:22,700 Thank you for coming, thank you so much. 740 00:48:24,700 --> 00:48:26,650 So, to get a bit of peace and quiet, 741 00:48:26,700 --> 00:48:30,700 we were told to report to the country's only racetrack... 742 00:48:32,700 --> 00:48:37,650 ..for what, chillingly, was called the final challenge. 743 00:48:37,700 --> 00:48:42,650 "Your cars will each be given exactly 23 litres of fuel, 744 00:48:42,700 --> 00:48:44,650 "which, because they're so economical, 745 00:48:44,700 --> 00:48:48,650 "should easily be enough for them to cover the 100 or so miles 746 00:48:48,700 --> 00:48:52,650 "to your destination, a town near the border with Belarus." 747 00:48:52,700 --> 00:48:56,650 Hang on, 23 litres? To do 100 miles? That's not really a challenge, is it? 748 00:48:56,700 --> 00:49:01,650 That's easy! "Your challenge is to run out before you get there." Eh? 749 00:49:01,700 --> 00:49:03,650 "This is something you will want to do, 750 00:49:03,700 --> 00:49:06,700 "as the town in question is called... 751 00:49:08,700 --> 00:49:09,700 "..Chernobyl." 752 00:49:14,700 --> 00:49:17,700 Can we actually... We can't go there, can we? 753 00:49:21,700 --> 00:49:25,650 Chernobyl was the scene of the world's worst nuclear accident. 754 00:49:25,700 --> 00:49:28,650 When reactor number four exploded in 1986, 755 00:49:28,700 --> 00:49:34,650 it released a radioactive cloud so devastating that the entire area 756 00:49:34,700 --> 00:49:38,700 will remain uninhabitable for 20,000 years. 757 00:49:39,700 --> 00:49:44,650 And unless we could make our cars do less than 20 miles to the gallon, 758 00:49:44,700 --> 00:49:47,700 this is where we'd end up. 759 00:49:48,700 --> 00:49:52,650 Ford claim mine does 65mpg. 760 00:49:52,700 --> 00:49:55,650 All the way here, this has done 60 miles to the gallon, give or take. 761 00:49:55,700 --> 00:50:00,650 Yes. How would you make these cars do 20 miles to the gallon? 762 00:50:00,700 --> 00:50:02,700 I can't imagine getting it under 30. 763 00:50:03,700 --> 00:50:07,650 After the producers had put precisely 23 litres of fuel 764 00:50:07,700 --> 00:50:11,700 in each tank, we did some preparations of our own. 765 00:50:12,700 --> 00:50:13,700 Right. 766 00:50:16,700 --> 00:50:18,650 Clever, this. 767 00:50:18,700 --> 00:50:22,650 What I'm going to do is let about 30% of the pressure out of the tyres. 768 00:50:22,700 --> 00:50:25,650 The point is, it increases rolling resistance 769 00:50:25,700 --> 00:50:27,700 which means I use more fuel. 770 00:50:35,700 --> 00:50:37,650 That is one heavy Up! 771 00:50:37,700 --> 00:50:39,650 What are you doing? 772 00:50:39,700 --> 00:50:41,650 I'm sealing all the gaps so that radioactive dust can't get in. 773 00:50:41,700 --> 00:50:45,700 What you've done there, Hammond is made it more aerodynamic. 774 00:50:47,700 --> 00:50:49,700 I have, haven't I? You have. Goodbye. 775 00:50:51,700 --> 00:50:54,650 To get through this much petrol in less than 100 miles, 776 00:50:54,700 --> 00:50:57,650 we would have to drive like maniacs. 777 00:50:57,700 --> 00:51:00,700 Three, two, one. 778 00:51:10,700 --> 00:51:11,700 Come on! Build up the revs! 779 00:51:15,700 --> 00:51:19,700 Second gear. Right to the limiter. God, that's wasteful. 780 00:51:21,700 --> 00:51:26,650 James and I decided to go for a low-gear policy of maximum revs. 781 00:51:26,700 --> 00:51:28,700 Hammond, on the other hand... 782 00:51:30,700 --> 00:51:35,650 If I keep doing this all the way there, I'll go further. 783 00:51:35,700 --> 00:51:41,650 It will be twice the distance. This is the answer. Lock to lock. Ooh! 784 00:51:43,700 --> 00:51:45,650 That's where I'm going to have to be careful, 785 00:51:45,700 --> 00:51:47,700 when there's traffic coming the other way. 786 00:51:49,700 --> 00:51:51,700 I've just realised! 787 00:51:52,700 --> 00:51:54,650 I'm driving without the lights on. 788 00:51:54,700 --> 00:51:56,650 I'm driving with the eco-engine system... 789 00:51:56,700 --> 00:51:59,650 Heated rear window, I want that on. Heated seats, yes. 790 00:51:59,700 --> 00:52:01,700 That's better. 791 00:52:05,700 --> 00:52:07,650 Probably people think this is a bit odd, 792 00:52:07,700 --> 00:52:10,700 but if they knew why I was doing it, they would understand. 793 00:52:15,700 --> 00:52:18,650 I can't believe they're making us do this, 794 00:52:18,700 --> 00:52:23,650 because it's not like the radioactivity has gone. It hasn t. 795 00:52:23,700 --> 00:52:28,650 It has a half-life, material that's left, of 245,000 years. 796 00:52:28,700 --> 00:52:32,650 And James May, obviously, can explain what a half-life is 797 00:52:32,700 --> 00:52:34,700 In fact, he probably is doing. 798 00:52:36,700 --> 00:52:39,650 A half-life is actually constant. A piece of uranium 799 00:52:39,700 --> 00:52:43,650 will have a half-life and when that half-life is passed, 800 00:52:43,700 --> 00:52:46,650 the remaining bit still has the same half-life. 801 00:52:46,700 --> 00:52:50,650 I think the word was coined by Marie Curie. 802 00:52:50,700 --> 00:52:52,650 The early 20th century was the time 803 00:52:52,700 --> 00:52:55,700 when radioactivity was identified and discovered... 804 00:52:58,700 --> 00:53:02,650 After 25 miles of red-line motoring, 805 00:53:02,700 --> 00:53:04,700 the news from the Up! still wasn't good. 806 00:53:07,700 --> 00:53:10,700 I've managed to average 23 miles to the gallon. 807 00:53:11,700 --> 00:53:14,700 I've got to get that down. How do I get that down? 808 00:53:19,700 --> 00:53:24,650 Right, the drag is now dramatically worsened. 809 00:53:24,700 --> 00:53:25,700 Meanwhile... 810 00:53:28,700 --> 00:53:32,700 I am feeling a bit sick now, if I'm honest. 811 00:53:35,700 --> 00:53:38,700 Oh, is that a police car? Oh, dear. 812 00:53:44,700 --> 00:53:46,650 There's the horrible evidence. 813 00:53:46,700 --> 00:53:50,650 At a quarter distance, 25.5 miles, 814 00:53:50,700 --> 00:53:54,650 I should have lost one of those four bars that I started with. 815 00:53:54,700 --> 00:53:56,650 But it's not happening. 816 00:53:56,700 --> 00:53:59,700 Come on, petrol! Sod off. 817 00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:07,650 OK, we've been pulled by the police. 818 00:54:07,700 --> 00:54:10,650 They were wondering why I was zigzagging. 819 00:54:10,700 --> 00:54:12,650 They're talking to the camera car in front. 820 00:54:12,700 --> 00:54:17,650 Meanwhile, I'm sitting here at max RPM to try and use some fuel 821 00:54:17,700 --> 00:54:18,700 while I'm stationary. 822 00:54:22,700 --> 00:54:25,650 Whilst Hammond was deafening the police, 823 00:54:25,700 --> 00:54:28,700 I pulled over to disable my engine management system. 824 00:54:30,700 --> 00:54:32,650 How about that! 825 00:54:32,700 --> 00:54:35,650 Engine warning light. Yes. That's what we want. 826 00:54:35,700 --> 00:54:39,650 What the engine has to do now is assume a sort of worst-case scenario, 827 00:54:39,700 --> 00:54:41,650 because it doesn't know anything about itself, 828 00:54:41,700 --> 00:54:45,650 so it will assume it's very cold, the fuel quality is bad, 829 00:54:45,700 --> 00:54:47,700 so it must be less efficient. 830 00:54:54,700 --> 00:54:57,650 30 miles from Chernobyl, all our cars were still running 831 00:54:57,700 --> 00:55:02,700 and we were trying every trick in the book to make them conk out 832 00:55:04,700 --> 00:55:06,700 Look at that for drag now! 833 00:55:09,700 --> 00:55:12,650 Brake. Then accelerate. 834 00:55:12,700 --> 00:55:15,700 Then brake. Accelerate. 835 00:55:18,700 --> 00:55:20,700 Still got three bars! Come on! 836 00:55:23,700 --> 00:55:30,700 There it is! 17.8mpg. My fuel light has come on! Oh, yeah. 837 00:55:31,700 --> 00:55:36,700 I'm doing 21 miles to the gallon. I'm not doing well enough! 838 00:55:39,700 --> 00:55:43,650 Everything's on empty. The needle, on empty. 839 00:55:43,700 --> 00:55:45,700 Come on, run out. Run out. 840 00:55:47,700 --> 00:55:51,700 It's one degree out there. Nipples are sticking out badly. 841 00:55:53,700 --> 00:55:56,700 Ah! I believe this is Richard Hammond. 842 00:55:57,700 --> 00:55:59,700 This thing should not be moving 843 00:56:01,700 --> 00:56:08,650 I'm going! I'm going! I am going! Don't tell me you've run out. Yes! 844 00:56:08,700 --> 00:56:14,700 Yes! Ha ha! Oh, bliss! It's gone 845 00:56:17,700 --> 00:56:19,650 I don't believe you. It... 846 00:56:22,700 --> 00:56:26,650 I don't believe you. Sit rep. 847 00:56:26,700 --> 00:56:29,650 Richard Hammond is a BLEEP. 848 00:56:29,700 --> 00:56:30,700 Go on. Go and meet your fate. 849 00:56:37,700 --> 00:56:42,700 The un-turbo-charged Up! continued onwards. And then... 850 00:56:43,700 --> 00:56:47,700 Oh, wait a minute. What do we have here? Some kind of checkpoint 851 00:56:49,700 --> 00:56:53,650 The barrier marked the start of the 30km exclusion zone, 852 00:56:53,700 --> 00:56:57,650 and now I'd have to go through it. So would James. 853 00:56:57,700 --> 00:57:01,650 But who would film what happened afterwards? 854 00:57:01,700 --> 00:57:03,650 - The three main cameramen. - Yeah. 855 00:57:03,700 --> 00:57:08,650 - They're getting in a taxi and going back to Kiev. - What(?) 856 00:57:08,700 --> 00:57:10,450 The're not going in. There they go. 857 00:57:10,500 --> 00:57:15,500 So we're filming the most dangerous thing we've ever done with 2, I don't want to be rude but, camera assistants(?) 858 00:57:16,500 --> 00:57:18,950 I actually want to thank you. - Yeah! 859 00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:23,750 Thank you very much, you're very brave You are now promoted the "official camera man". 860 00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:28,000 I know you wan't to get on in the world, but this is... this is a bit much 861 00:57:28,300 --> 00:57:31,300 Those of us who were going in made their preparations. 862 00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:39,000 Right, air on recirc. Vents, shut. 863 00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:42,600 Geiger counter, ... on. 864 00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:54,600 That really is a geiger counter, And it really is going tick-tick-tick. 865 00:57:58,100 --> 00:58:06,100 The camera man is having to film us from the back of the land rover as usual but with the door closed. Normally the tailgate is propped open... 866 00:58:11,810 --> 00:58:16,510 There's something like 17 tonnes of radioactive waste 867 00:58:16,560 --> 00:58:19,470 still in the exposed reactor core. 868 00:58:20,150 --> 00:58:24,070 They're building an enormous sort of arch, really, over 869 00:58:24,120 --> 00:58:28,910 the entire site, which will seal it off, but that is not finished yet. 870 00:58:31,070 --> 00:58:35,020 With 8km to go, I had started to beg. 871 00:58:35,070 --> 00:58:38,850 Run out. Run out now. 872 00:58:40,510 --> 00:58:42,220 But it didn't. 873 00:58:47,430 --> 00:58:50,070 That needle is definitely moving. 874 00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:53,350 Now it had become imperative we didn't run out 875 00:58:53,400 --> 00:58:55,620 until we were well past the reactor. 876 00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:00,130 There it is. 877 00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:13,160 That is the remains of reactor number four. 878 00:59:14,550 --> 00:59:17,160 This is unbelievable. 879 00:59:21,750 --> 00:59:25,230 I wouldn't want to appear to be gloating at a time like this, 880 00:59:25,280 --> 00:59:28,160 but I do still have two bars of fuel left. 881 00:59:30,060 --> 00:59:31,860 I didn't. 882 00:59:31,910 --> 00:59:37,350 Oh, my God! Don't stop now. 883 00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:40,140 And as a result, I was in serious trouble. 884 00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:49,840 This is where the people who worked at the nuclear facility all lived. 885 00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:53,980 Totally abandoned now. It has been for 28 years. 886 00:59:56,190 --> 00:59:59,060 Look at it. Look at that there. 887 01:00:01,140 --> 01:00:05,520 This has to be one of the world's most astonishing spectacles. 888 01:00:07,130 --> 01:00:10,000 Oh, my... I've seen this! 889 01:00:10,610 --> 01:00:12,610 This is it. This is the playground. 890 01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:24,500 Whoa, big spike. It is definitely now time to get out of here. 891 01:00:31,790 --> 01:00:34,530 Come on, little Up! Don't run out now. 892 01:00:36,010 --> 01:00:38,620 Oh, that was... It coughed. 893 01:00:38,670 --> 01:00:43,500 That was a cough. It's gone. It's gone. 894 01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:59,800 Why are they applauding that? Why are you applauding? 895 01:00:59,850 --> 01:01:02,110 So how did you get out? 896 01:01:02,160 --> 01:01:06,040 I waited, thinking you would come and rescue me, which you... 897 01:01:06,090 --> 01:01:08,330 Well, I didn't, because... No, you didn't. 898 01:01:08,380 --> 01:01:12,290 We do leave a man in the field, or in this case, the contaminated city. 899 01:01:12,340 --> 01:01:17,320 - Yes, so I had to walk. - Really(?) So, any effects? - Yes. 900 01:01:17,370 --> 01:01:20,340 I've had to present this entire show with two penises. 901 01:01:21,650 --> 01:01:24,080 But then, I have been doing that for 11 years. 902 01:01:24,130 --> 01:01:25,440 Funny. 903 01:01:25,520 --> 01:01:29,170 Anyway, right, the cars, the important bit. 904 01:01:29,220 --> 01:01:32,680 Yes, and the Fiesta is brilliant. Yes, I know it is. It saved my life. 905 01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:34,450 Yes, it did. 906 01:01:34,500 --> 01:01:39,460 Yes, bu... but we must remember, the Dacia, Hammond, is £10,000 cheaper. 907 01:01:39,550 --> 01:01:41,710 Yes, because it's rubbish. 908 01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:44,390 No, but if you buy a small car, you want it to be cheap. 909 01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:49,300 No, you want it to be good. Actually, you want it to be both. 910 01:01:49,350 --> 01:01:51,420 Yes, but the Up! is neither. 911 01:01:51,470 --> 01:01:55,530 Listen, May, you said the Up! was brilliant and intelligent. 912 01:01:55,580 --> 01:01:57,150 When did I say that? 913 01:01:57,200 --> 01:02:00,780 You wrote it in a road test in a magazine about 18 months ago. 914 01:02:02,150 --> 01:02:04,870 I was rather hoping you wouldn't have read that. 915 01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:06,310 Yes, but I did read it. 916 01:02:06,360 --> 01:02:08,450 So once again, it turns out that on this show, 917 01:02:08,500 --> 01:02:12,910 I am the voice of reason and common sense. Really? 918 01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:15,430 Yes, and the Up! is the small car to buy. 919 01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:18,350 Not that one, though, because that's been irradiated. 920 01:02:18,400 --> 01:02:20,920 Yes, actually, Hammond, you are sitting on it, 921 01:02:20,970 --> 01:02:23,560 which means you now have a radioactive anus. 922 01:02:23,610 --> 01:02:25,570 Ah! 923 01:02:25,620 --> 01:02:29,570 And on that bum-shell, it's time to end. Thank you so much for watching. 924 01:02:29,620 --> 01:02:31,310 See you next week. Good night.