1
00:00:01,590 --> 00:00:02,457
Close your eyes.
2
00:00:02,491 --> 00:00:03,491
Okay.
3
00:00:05,461 --> 00:00:06,494
Open them.
4
00:00:06,528 --> 00:00:07,495
Oh!
5
00:00:09,431 --> 00:00:11,632
Do not hold a cat
in the face of someone
6
00:00:11,667 --> 00:00:12,733
who startles easily.
7
00:00:12,768 --> 00:00:14,735
What is wrong with you?
8
00:00:14,770 --> 00:00:16,571
Well, you shouldn't have
closed your eyes.
9
00:00:16,605 --> 00:00:18,706
You told me to.
It's an expression.
10
00:00:18,740 --> 00:00:20,575
"You can't win 'em all"
is an expression.
11
00:00:20,609 --> 00:00:22,577
"Close your eyes" is a command.
12
00:00:22,611 --> 00:00:25,513
Well, you can't win 'em all.
13
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:28,449
And please tell me
you did not get a cat.
14
00:00:28,484 --> 00:00:30,585
Ellen, you know
you're not an animal person.
15
00:00:30,619 --> 00:00:33,688
No, I'm not a dog,
bird, turtle, lizard,
16
00:00:33,722 --> 00:00:37,458
snake, gerbil, hamster,
ferret, goat, sheep,
17
00:00:37,493 --> 00:00:40,728
cow, chicken, rabbit,
rooster, pigeon, horse,
18
00:00:40,762 --> 00:00:42,597
Clydesdale horse,
miniature horse,
19
00:00:42,631 --> 00:00:44,866
sea horse, donkey, mule,
or kangaroo person.
20
00:00:46,735 --> 00:00:47,902
But I am a cat person.
21
00:00:47,936 --> 00:00:49,470
Well, that's true.
22
00:00:49,505 --> 00:00:50,605
Cats are the one animal
23
00:00:50,639 --> 00:00:52,559
you have not engaged
in combat with.
24
00:00:52,574 --> 00:00:54,609
Wait a minute, kangaroo?
25
00:00:54,643 --> 00:00:59,447
Incident at the zoo.
He threw the first punch.
26
00:00:59,481 --> 00:01:00,648
Anyway this cat is only here
for a couple of days.
27
00:01:00,682 --> 00:01:02,483
I'm cat-sitting
for a friend.
28
00:01:02,484 --> 00:01:04,519
She is cute.
29
00:01:04,553 --> 00:01:05,720
Let's call her Marjorie.
30
00:01:05,754 --> 00:01:08,489
She already has a name.
Whiskers.
31
00:01:08,524 --> 00:01:09,624
And Marjorie?
Really?
32
00:01:09,658 --> 00:01:11,425
You want to name the cat
after my mother?
33
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:12,627
I don't know.
34
00:01:12,661 --> 00:01:14,462
I saw the claws
and the arrogant detachment,
35
00:01:14,496 --> 00:01:15,530
and I thought of her.
36
00:01:17,766 --> 00:01:20,434
What is that cat doing here?
37
00:01:20,469 --> 00:01:23,738
Stan will freak out
if he sees a cat in the house.
38
00:01:23,772 --> 00:01:25,439
Are you not thinking straight?
39
00:01:25,474 --> 00:01:27,842
Did that kangaroo
beat you senseless?
40
00:01:27,876 --> 00:01:30,611
Avery, that whole thing
about dogs hating cats
41
00:01:30,646 --> 00:01:32,613
is just a common misconception.
42
00:01:32,648 --> 00:01:33,814
Like that a kangaroo
43
00:01:33,849 --> 00:01:36,551
will let you put anything
in its pouch.
44
00:01:36,585 --> 00:01:37,785
So you've forgotten
45
00:01:37,819 --> 00:01:39,660
what Stan did that time
a cat got in the house?
46
00:01:39,688 --> 00:01:43,658
( Barking ) (screeching )
47
00:01:43,692 --> 00:01:45,493
Still think it was a good idea
48
00:01:45,527 --> 00:01:46,767
to feed the neighborhood stray?
49
00:01:46,795 --> 00:01:47,895
No,
50
00:01:47,930 --> 00:01:50,831
it was a bit of
a cat-astrophe.
51
00:01:50,866 --> 00:01:52,800
Good one, Ellen.
52
00:01:52,834 --> 00:01:55,703
More like a cat-aclysm.
53
00:01:55,737 --> 00:01:57,772
Oh, good one, Bennett.
54
00:01:57,806 --> 00:02:00,541
Don't you ever do that again.
55
00:02:01,743 --> 00:02:03,544
We have to keep this
a secret from Stan!
56
00:02:03,579 --> 00:02:04,679
I hope we're not too late.
57
00:02:04,713 --> 00:02:08,616
Something's not right.
58
00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,851
Rotting fish, smelly cheese,
59
00:02:10,886 --> 00:02:12,687
garlic pickle...
60
00:02:12,721 --> 00:02:14,455
we need something stronger
to put him off the scent.
61
00:02:14,489 --> 00:02:15,623
Something really rancid.
62
00:02:15,657 --> 00:02:17,425
Oh, Bennett!
Your stinky foot!
63
00:02:17,459 --> 00:02:18,459
Good idea!
64
00:02:19,494 --> 00:02:20,561
No, the other one!
65
00:02:20,596 --> 00:02:21,696
Oh, of course!
66
00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:22,730
The left one smells worse.
67
00:02:22,764 --> 00:02:24,398
We don't know why.
68
00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:27,401
Maybe
it's the hali-toe-sis.
69
00:02:27,436 --> 00:02:28,956
Good one, Ben...
Never mind.
70
00:02:30,472 --> 00:02:32,440
TOGETHER: Oh!
71
00:02:32,474 --> 00:02:33,741
I just hope this works.
72
00:02:33,775 --> 00:02:35,576
( Sniffs )
73
00:02:35,611 --> 00:02:37,511
Nope. False alarm.
Just Bennett's foot.
74
00:02:37,546 --> 00:02:38,579
( sniffs again)
75
00:02:38,614 --> 00:02:40,581
Ah, the left one.
76
00:02:47,582 --> 00:02:52,082
Dog With a Blog 2x10
"Love Ty Angle"
77
00:02:52,108 --> 00:02:56,608
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
78
00:02:58,634 --> 00:03:01,402
Dogs in swimwear.
Kinda disturbing.
79
00:03:03,505 --> 00:03:04,505
What's kinda disturbing
80
00:03:04,539 --> 00:03:06,474
is that I have that suit.
81
00:03:08,443 --> 00:03:10,411
Is that Rusty?
82
00:03:10,445 --> 00:03:12,613
You think you know a dog.
83
00:03:13,782 --> 00:03:15,650
What kind of weirdos
go on these sites?
84
00:03:15,684 --> 00:03:16,851
You do, weirdo.
85
00:03:16,885 --> 00:03:18,853
That's because
you sent it to me, weirdo.
86
00:03:18,887 --> 00:03:20,721
That's because I knew
you were a weirdo.
87
00:03:20,756 --> 00:03:22,590
Weirdo.
You're weirder.
88
00:03:22,624 --> 00:03:24,525
Hey,
89
00:03:24,559 --> 00:03:26,494
just returning your key
from the other day
90
00:03:26,528 --> 00:03:27,528
when I walked Stan for you.
91
00:03:27,562 --> 00:03:28,863
Oh, hey, Nikki, thanks.
92
00:03:28,897 --> 00:03:30,598
( Gasps )
93
00:03:30,632 --> 00:03:33,434
What are we laughing at?
94
00:03:33,468 --> 00:03:34,835
Oh,
95
00:03:34,870 --> 00:03:37,672
dogs wearing swimwear,
that is so funny.
96
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,609
Oh, I'm so sorry.
97
00:03:41,643 --> 00:03:43,683
I didn't mean to do that.
You were just crowding me.
98
00:03:43,712 --> 00:03:46,781
This is really more
of a two person bench.
99
00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:48,716
Oh, I landed on my phone.
100
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,551
( Phone ringing )
101
00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:51,786
Sweet.
You butt-dialed me.
102
00:03:51,820 --> 00:03:53,654
Hey, what's up?
103
00:03:53,689 --> 00:03:56,457
Hey, just sittin' on the floor.
Kinda diggin' it.
104
00:03:56,491 --> 00:03:59,560
Thinking about standing up.
Haven't quite decided.
105
00:03:59,594 --> 00:04:01,595
Oh, hold on,
I'm getting another call.
106
00:04:02,731 --> 00:04:03,731
Hey, Nikki, what's up?
107
00:04:03,765 --> 00:04:06,434
Hi, Tyler.
108
00:04:06,468 --> 00:04:08,436
I'm going to have
some of your smoothie.
109
00:04:08,470 --> 00:04:10,538
I bet we have
the same favorite flavor.
110
00:04:10,572 --> 00:04:11,672
You like
strawberry-banana?
111
00:04:11,707 --> 00:04:12,673
( Gags )
112
00:04:12,708 --> 00:04:15,376
Mm-hmm.
113
00:04:15,410 --> 00:04:17,745
The seedy strawberries
and slimy bananas
114
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:22,416
make it so delicious.
115
00:04:22,451 --> 00:04:23,551
Oh, look,
here's my favorite part
116
00:04:23,585 --> 00:04:24,852
where it comes back in my mouth
117
00:04:24,886 --> 00:04:26,687
like a little encore.
118
00:04:26,722 --> 00:04:28,656
One time
when I was eating spaghetti,
119
00:04:28,690 --> 00:04:29,771
I burped up a whole noodle.
120
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:32,426
True story.
121
00:04:32,461 --> 00:04:34,695
Nikki, I need to talk to you
in the kitchen
122
00:04:34,730 --> 00:04:36,831
about something
really embarrassing.
123
00:04:36,865 --> 00:04:39,834
Oh, is this about your
one pointy ear?
124
00:04:39,868 --> 00:04:42,703
It's so cute.
It's like you're half an elf.
125
00:04:42,738 --> 00:04:44,638
No, it's not about that.
126
00:04:44,673 --> 00:04:46,753
And why does no one focus
on the round ear?
127
00:04:47,909 --> 00:04:49,610
What were you doing in there?
128
00:04:49,644 --> 00:04:51,512
You were acting like a fool.
I know.
129
00:04:51,546 --> 00:04:53,547
And drinking a strawberry-banana
smoothie. I know!
130
00:04:53,582 --> 00:04:55,449
You hate strawberries and bananas.
I know!
131
00:04:55,484 --> 00:04:57,964
Why are you doing this?
I don't know!
132
00:04:59,454 --> 00:05:00,688
I think I like Tyler.
133
00:05:00,722 --> 00:05:02,790
But Tyler's been
chasing after you forever
134
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,525
and you were never interested.
135
00:05:04,559 --> 00:05:06,827
Which is the thing
I liked best about you.
136
00:05:06,862 --> 00:05:08,396
What happened?
137
00:05:08,430 --> 00:05:09,463
I think it's...
138
00:05:09,498 --> 00:05:10,698
now that he's with Emily
139
00:05:10,732 --> 00:05:12,633
and he's not trying
so hard with me,
140
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,635
I see how great he is.
141
00:05:14,669 --> 00:05:16,704
But he's not great.
Trust me.
142
00:05:16,738 --> 00:05:18,539
You were right the first time.
143
00:05:20,442 --> 00:05:23,411
Chloe, we have to keep
that cat hidden from Stan.
144
00:05:23,445 --> 00:05:24,545
You know how he hates cats.
145
00:05:24,579 --> 00:05:25,780
It's okay.
146
00:05:25,814 --> 00:05:27,581
He'll like this one
once I teach it to talk.
147
00:05:27,616 --> 00:05:29,817
Say, "There's the sugar."
148
00:05:29,851 --> 00:05:32,420
Come on, cat, you can do it.
149
00:05:32,454 --> 00:05:34,655
"There's the sugar!"
150
00:05:34,689 --> 00:05:38,559
Chloe, we know
animals don't talk.
151
00:05:38,593 --> 00:05:41,395
I think it's cute
that she thinks animals talk.
152
00:05:41,430 --> 00:05:42,830
Thanks, Nikki.
153
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:45,599
I think it's cute that
you think animals don't talk.
154
00:05:48,603 --> 00:05:50,604
So, what's wrong
with your friend Nikki?
155
00:05:50,639 --> 00:05:52,540
I know.
She just took my smoothie.
156
00:05:52,574 --> 00:05:53,741
Is she bringing it back?
157
00:05:53,775 --> 00:05:55,576
You don't do that to somebody.
158
00:05:55,610 --> 00:05:56,811
No, I mean
159
00:05:56,845 --> 00:05:58,879
it's like she's jealous
or something.
160
00:05:58,914 --> 00:06:00,548
Did you two ever go out?
161
00:06:00,582 --> 00:06:02,416
Oh, I see.
162
00:06:02,451 --> 00:06:03,651
You're wondering if you have
anything to be jealous about.
163
00:06:03,685 --> 00:06:04,752
Don't worry.
164
00:06:04,786 --> 00:06:06,387
Nikki was never my girlfriend.
165
00:06:06,421 --> 00:06:07,521
She's just the girl
166
00:06:07,556 --> 00:06:09,657
I always wanted
and could never get.
167
00:06:09,691 --> 00:06:11,425
What?
168
00:06:11,460 --> 00:06:12,593
Yeah, you have nothing
to worry about, Emily.
169
00:06:12,627 --> 00:06:14,395
I asked her out,
like, dozens of times
170
00:06:14,429 --> 00:06:16,430
and she always said no.
171
00:06:16,465 --> 00:06:18,499
So you have,
like, a crush on her?
172
00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:19,800
Okay, I said that wrong.
173
00:06:19,835 --> 00:06:21,535
What I meant to say was,
174
00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:23,437
you have nothing to
worry about, Emily.
175
00:06:23,472 --> 00:06:25,606
And stop talking.
176
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:27,608
Okay, you know what?
177
00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,610
I don't want you hanging out
with Nikki anymore.
178
00:06:29,644 --> 00:06:31,545
What?
Yeah.
179
00:06:31,580 --> 00:06:32,680
If you want me to be
your girlfriend,
180
00:06:32,714 --> 00:06:33,781
she can't be your friend.
181
00:06:33,815 --> 00:06:35,749
Well, I do want you
to be my girlfriend.
182
00:06:35,784 --> 00:06:37,618
Okay.
183
00:06:37,652 --> 00:06:38,686
You're cool about this, right?
184
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,788
Yeah, I totally understand.
185
00:06:40,822 --> 00:06:43,624
I'm just mad at myself
for telling you too much.
186
00:06:43,658 --> 00:06:46,427
I mean,
yeah, I totally understand.
187
00:06:46,461 --> 00:06:47,741
And stop talking.
188
00:06:52,837 --> 00:06:54,004
So then Emily said that
if I wanted her
189
00:06:54,038 --> 00:06:55,706
to be my girlfriend,
190
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:56,907
I couldn't be friends
with Nikki.
191
00:06:56,941 --> 00:06:57,975
What did you say?
192
00:06:58,009 --> 00:06:59,710
Well, I said I understood,
193
00:06:59,744 --> 00:07:00,978
I mean, I don't want
Emily to be upset,
194
00:07:01,012 --> 00:07:02,813
but Nikki's my friend.
195
00:07:02,847 --> 00:07:04,848
It doesn't seem right
to do that to a friend.
196
00:07:04,882 --> 00:07:06,817
Plus, Nikki smells really good.
197
00:07:06,851 --> 00:07:08,018
Really good.
198
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:09,720
As a friend.
199
00:07:09,754 --> 00:07:11,655
She smells really good
as a friend.
200
00:07:11,689 --> 00:07:12,856
I'm sorry, Tyler,
201
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,691
but once you have a girlfriend,
202
00:07:14,692 --> 00:07:17,060
you shouldn't be
smelling another girl.
203
00:07:17,095 --> 00:07:18,862
No matter
how much she smells like
204
00:07:18,896 --> 00:07:21,698
lilac and cinnamon
and moves like curtains
205
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,700
blown by the summer breeze.
206
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:24,868
Not my words...
207
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:27,637
the poet laureate
of El Salvador.
208
00:07:27,672 --> 00:07:29,639
Lilac and cinnamon!
209
00:07:29,674 --> 00:07:30,907
No wonder I think of Nikki
210
00:07:30,942 --> 00:07:33,810
when I'm eating churros
in Mom's bathroom.
211
00:07:33,845 --> 00:07:36,113
Why are you eating churros
in Mom's bathroom?
212
00:07:36,147 --> 00:07:39,049
I enjoy eating them
in the jacuzzi tub.
213
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:41,718
Sometimes I just need
a Tyler Day.
214
00:07:41,753 --> 00:07:42,953
Ha, I hear that.
215
00:07:42,987 --> 00:07:44,688
On Stan Days,
216
00:07:44,722 --> 00:07:48,759
I just light incense,
play music, and cry.
217
00:07:48,793 --> 00:07:52,696
I mean, I chase squirrels
and roll around in the mud.
218
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,331
Yeah, that's what I do.
219
00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:57,768
Tyler, you have to tell Nikki
220
00:07:57,802 --> 00:07:58,835
you can't be friends anymore.
221
00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,103
Yeah, I guess.
222
00:08:00,138 --> 00:08:01,605
I just don't know
what I'm gonna say.
223
00:08:01,639 --> 00:08:02,973
Tell her you think of her
224
00:08:03,007 --> 00:08:04,708
when you're eating churros
in Mom's bathroom.
225
00:08:04,742 --> 00:08:05,909
That should do the trick.
226
00:08:11,649 --> 00:08:14,918
Whiskers, I understand
why you have to hide here
227
00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:16,987
so Stan won't find you.
228
00:08:17,021 --> 00:08:19,021
But why does she have
to be in my office
229
00:08:19,023 --> 00:08:20,090
when I'm trying to work?
230
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,925
I'm a cat person.
231
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,094
But not a cat lady.
232
00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,096
The difference
is the number of cats
233
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:28,899
and the level of sadness.
234
00:08:28,933 --> 00:08:31,735
Okay. That explains
why you're here.
235
00:08:31,769 --> 00:08:33,070
Sort of.
236
00:08:33,104 --> 00:08:35,639
But why does she have
to be in my office?
237
00:08:37,742 --> 00:08:40,744
I like petting.
I'll pet anything.
238
00:08:40,778 --> 00:08:42,946
Cats, bunnies,
old folks, babies,
239
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:44,681
sometimes the wall.
240
00:08:45,716 --> 00:08:47,918
I may have a problem.
241
00:08:47,952 --> 00:08:52,756
What are you guys doing?
You left the door ajar.
242
00:08:52,790 --> 00:08:53,957
Stan could have wandered in.
243
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:55,959
We need to keep
this cat a secret.
244
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:57,828
Avery, I think
you're overreacting.
245
00:08:57,862 --> 00:08:59,963
It's not like
Stan is on the prowl
246
00:08:59,997 --> 00:09:01,731
searching for it, or something.
247
00:09:01,766 --> 00:09:03,600
There's something here.
248
00:09:05,736 --> 00:09:08,038
Where is it?
What is it?
249
00:09:09,707 --> 00:09:11,975
Such a sweetie.
250
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:14,010
A cat!
251
00:09:15,980 --> 00:09:17,614
Oh, boy.
252
00:09:20,118 --> 00:09:21,852
Just be cool.
253
00:09:21,886 --> 00:09:24,020
Like you've been here
the whole time.
254
00:09:27,725 --> 00:09:28,792
A cat, Avery!
255
00:09:28,826 --> 00:09:30,927
A cat!
Here in my house!
256
00:09:30,962 --> 00:09:33,730
Okay, I get why you're upset.
257
00:09:33,764 --> 00:09:35,665
But Mom's just cat-sitting
for a friend.
258
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,667
It's not like the cat
even did anything to you.
259
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:38,902
Your nose isn't finely
tuned like mine,
260
00:09:38,936 --> 00:09:40,070
so you didn't notice,
261
00:09:40,104 --> 00:09:42,973
but it was farting hate
into the room.
262
00:09:43,007 --> 00:09:44,774
Maybe you don't understand
263
00:09:44,809 --> 00:09:46,910
how much dogs and cats
despise each other.
264
00:09:46,944 --> 00:09:48,745
Okay, Stan, I get it.
265
00:09:48,779 --> 00:09:51,681
You hate cats so much
that you're making stuff up.
266
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,117
Hate farts are real!
267
00:09:54,152 --> 00:09:56,720
And so is a dog's
loathing of cats.
268
00:09:56,754 --> 00:09:57,888
Okay, I get it.
269
00:09:57,922 --> 00:09:59,055
It's like the Red Sox
and the Yankees.
270
00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,957
No, it's worse.
271
00:10:00,992 --> 00:10:02,893
Red Sox sometimes
become Yankees,
272
00:10:02,927 --> 00:10:04,794
but a dog would
never become a cat,
273
00:10:04,829 --> 00:10:07,664
no matter how much money
you offer it.
274
00:10:07,698 --> 00:10:09,966
How many times
do I have to say I get it?
275
00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:10,967
How many times
have you said it?
276
00:10:11,002 --> 00:10:12,068
I think three.
277
00:10:12,103 --> 00:10:13,904
Then, yeah, that should do it.
278
00:10:16,774 --> 00:10:18,909
It figures that Ellen
would be behind this.
279
00:10:18,943 --> 00:10:21,111
She's always saying
how she's a cat person.
280
00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:23,046
She even posts
pictures of herself online
281
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,681
wearing a cat beard.
282
00:10:27,018 --> 00:10:29,018
And here's a cat
with an Ellen beard.
283
00:10:31,055 --> 00:10:33,790
Well, if she's going to bring
a cat into the house,
284
00:10:33,824 --> 00:10:35,926
I'm not just going to sit here
and blog about it.
285
00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:37,694
I'm gonna do something.
286
00:10:39,130 --> 00:10:40,830
Hey, little kitty.
287
00:10:40,865 --> 00:10:42,199
Time for me to say goodbye like
288
00:10:42,233 --> 00:10:44,868
in all the poignant
animal movies.
289
00:10:44,902 --> 00:10:47,103
Just go!
Get out of here!
290
00:10:47,138 --> 00:10:48,772
What are you waiting for?
291
00:10:48,806 --> 00:10:50,941
Just leave and don't look back!
292
00:10:52,176 --> 00:10:53,777
Ha!
293
00:10:53,811 --> 00:10:55,879
Take your hate stink
somewhere else.
294
00:10:55,913 --> 00:10:58,949
And good luck finding
a cab this time of night.
295
00:11:04,088 --> 00:11:06,022
Ah, that's nice.
296
00:11:08,793 --> 00:11:09,926
Ah!
297
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,161
What happened?
298
00:11:12,763 --> 00:11:17,033
She's so warm.
And so cuddly.
299
00:11:17,068 --> 00:11:20,036
How can something
so wrong feel so right?
300
00:11:23,908 --> 00:11:25,842
What do you mean
we can't hang out anymore?
301
00:11:25,876 --> 00:11:27,010
Nikki, you're a good friend,
302
00:11:27,078 --> 00:11:28,812
but it makes
Emily uncomfortable.
303
00:11:28,846 --> 00:11:30,146
And nothing makes her
uncomfortable.
304
00:11:30,181 --> 00:11:31,948
Not even this.
305
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:37,787
That does not make me
uncomfortable either.
306
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:38,888
Really?
307
00:11:38,923 --> 00:11:41,057
Yes, I like it very much.
308
00:11:41,092 --> 00:11:43,793
But keeping
your arm outstretched
309
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,095
must be uncomfortable for you,
310
00:11:45,129 --> 00:11:46,863
so please stop immediately.
311
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,767
Anyway, I'm sorry.
312
00:11:50,801 --> 00:11:51,968
Emily's my girlfriend
313
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:53,169
and she doesn't want us
being friends.
314
00:11:53,204 --> 00:11:54,771
What do you want?
315
00:11:54,805 --> 00:11:55,972
What choice do I have?
316
00:11:56,007 --> 00:11:58,975
Well, you could
break up with Emily.
317
00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:01,090
But then
I won't have a girlfriend.
318
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,013
Yes, you will.
319
00:12:03,047 --> 00:12:04,114
No, Nikki,
320
00:12:04,148 --> 00:12:05,715
if I break up
with my girlfriend,
321
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:06,950
then I won't have a girlfriend.
322
00:12:06,984 --> 00:12:09,919
Maybe it's different
in your country.
323
00:12:09,954 --> 00:12:11,021
Tyler.
324
00:12:11,055 --> 00:12:13,023
You could have
another girlfriend.
325
00:12:13,057 --> 00:12:14,724
Yeah, I'm sure
I could find someone,
326
00:12:14,759 --> 00:12:15,792
but I don't know who.
327
00:12:15,826 --> 00:12:16,893
And whoever it is
328
00:12:16,927 --> 00:12:17,894
might still have
a problem with me
329
00:12:17,928 --> 00:12:19,029
being friends with you,
330
00:12:19,063 --> 00:12:20,897
and we'd be right back here.
331
00:12:20,931 --> 00:12:22,899
Tyler, I'm talking about me!
332
00:12:22,933 --> 00:12:24,701
I'll be your girlfriend!
333
00:12:24,735 --> 00:12:26,775
Nikki, Emily doesn't want you
to be my friend.
334
00:12:26,804 --> 00:12:29,773
She'll never go for you
being my girlfriend.
335
00:12:29,807 --> 00:12:31,808
Wait. Whoa.
336
00:12:35,993 --> 00:12:37,827
My world no longer makes sense!
337
00:12:37,862 --> 00:12:39,629
I'm freaking out, Avery!
338
00:12:39,664 --> 00:12:40,764
Light the incense
339
00:12:40,798 --> 00:12:42,666
and crank up
my rainy day playlist.
340
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,901
I need a Stan Day.
341
00:12:44,935 --> 00:12:46,670
Stan, what's the matter?
342
00:12:46,704 --> 00:12:49,539
Something horrible.
Something truly horrible.
343
00:12:49,573 --> 00:12:50,840
I think I like a cat.
344
00:12:50,875 --> 00:12:52,742
( Sobbing )
345
00:12:52,777 --> 00:12:53,910
What?
346
00:12:53,944 --> 00:12:54,944
I don't know how it happened.
347
00:12:54,979 --> 00:12:55,979
I was lying there.
348
00:12:56,013 --> 00:12:57,781
Then the cat was lying there.
349
00:12:57,815 --> 00:12:59,849
And it felt so good.
350
00:12:59,884 --> 00:13:01,818
It's okay, Stan.
351
00:13:01,852 --> 00:13:03,486
Your thinking on cats
is evolving
352
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:04,688
and there's nothing
wrong with that.
353
00:13:04,722 --> 00:13:06,523
The craziest thing
just happened to me!
354
00:13:06,557 --> 00:13:07,857
No, the craziest thing
just happened to me!
355
00:13:07,892 --> 00:13:09,526
Mine is crazier.
356
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:10,660
Whatever it is,
it's not as crazy as me
357
00:13:10,695 --> 00:13:11,761
liking a cat.
358
00:13:11,796 --> 00:13:13,763
Nikki wants to be
my girlfriend!
359
00:13:13,798 --> 00:13:14,898
You like a cat?
360
00:13:14,932 --> 00:13:17,600
Yeah. Nikki wants to be
your girlfriend?
361
00:13:17,635 --> 00:13:19,636
Yeah!
362
00:13:19,670 --> 00:13:22,605
Okay, it's like the world
is spinning off its axis.
363
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,674
The laws of physics
no longer apply.
364
00:13:24,709 --> 00:13:28,511
The atomic weight of barium
is less than that of lithium!
365
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:29,746
It's not less than
that of lithium.
366
00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:30,914
Not by a long shot.
367
00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:37,520
So what are you going
to do about Nikki?
368
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:38,755
I don't know.
369
00:13:38,789 --> 00:13:40,590
I guess I have to choose
between her and Emily.
370
00:13:40,624 --> 00:13:41,758
It's really tough.
371
00:13:41,792 --> 00:13:43,693
I mean,
things are great with Emily.
372
00:13:43,728 --> 00:13:44,888
We have so much fun together,
373
00:13:44,895 --> 00:13:45,995
and I know
what I have with her.
374
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:47,797
Emily it is.
375
00:13:47,832 --> 00:13:49,632
But Nikki is the one
I've always wanted to be with.
376
00:13:49,667 --> 00:13:51,427
I'm thinking maybe now Nikki.
377
00:13:52,603 --> 00:13:53,636
But she was never interested.
378
00:13:53,671 --> 00:13:54,971
How can I trust it?
379
00:13:55,005 --> 00:13:56,639
Maybe she just likes me
because I'm unavailable.
380
00:13:56,674 --> 00:13:59,542
Boy, that Emily
is a real peach.
381
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:02,679
But Nikki is Nikki.
She's just so Nikki.
382
00:14:02,713 --> 00:14:04,748
Back on the Nikki train.
All aboard!
383
00:14:05,883 --> 00:14:07,684
Stan, you're not helping.
384
00:14:07,718 --> 00:14:09,586
Hey, at least you're picking
within your species.
385
00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:10,954
I'm cuddling with the enemy.
386
00:14:10,988 --> 00:14:12,622
Oh, look at that.
387
00:14:12,656 --> 00:14:14,858
She's grooming me.
388
00:14:14,892 --> 00:14:18,495
She's so thoughtful.
She always puts me first.
389
00:14:19,630 --> 00:14:21,498
Help me, Avery.
What should I do?
390
00:14:21,532 --> 00:14:23,833
Tyler, in the couple of years
I've known you,
391
00:14:23,868 --> 00:14:26,669
I've compiled a binder
with solutions to problems
392
00:14:26,704 --> 00:14:27,771
you might encounter...
393
00:14:27,805 --> 00:14:29,873
as kind of a mental exercise.
394
00:14:29,907 --> 00:14:32,776
It's 400 pages long
395
00:14:32,810 --> 00:14:35,712
and divided into
17 subchapters.
396
00:14:35,746 --> 00:14:37,666
Two girls liking you
is not in there.
397
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:39,783
Ow!
398
00:14:39,817 --> 00:14:41,651
My finger is stuck
in the pinchy thing.
399
00:14:41,685 --> 00:14:42,965
Oh, that's on page three.
400
00:14:46,023 --> 00:14:47,891
So what should I do
about Emily and Nikki?
401
00:14:47,925 --> 00:14:50,593
Tyler, I'm glad you came to me.
402
00:14:50,628 --> 00:14:53,530
I have studied
the cognitive process of
403
00:14:53,564 --> 00:14:55,598
decision making extensively
404
00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:56,833
from a psychological
standpoint,
405
00:14:56,867 --> 00:14:59,002
and I've concluded
that the human mind
406
00:14:59,036 --> 00:15:02,739
will make the wrong decision
half the time.
407
00:15:02,773 --> 00:15:06,643
You might as well take this coin
and toss it in the air.
408
00:15:06,677 --> 00:15:09,612
Heads is Nikki
and tails is Emily.
409
00:15:09,647 --> 00:15:12,949
You know, Ellen was heads.
410
00:15:12,983 --> 00:15:16,719
Sometimes I wonder
whatever happened to tails.
411
00:15:18,522 --> 00:15:20,757
Never break up
with a girl, Tyler.
412
00:15:20,791 --> 00:15:22,625
It hurts them too much.
413
00:15:22,660 --> 00:15:24,561
You may think
that you can say it in a way
414
00:15:24,595 --> 00:15:25,962
that will cushion the blow,
but you can't.
415
00:15:25,996 --> 00:15:27,797
Oh, I've heard them all.
416
00:15:27,832 --> 00:15:30,834
"It's not you, it's me,"
"It's pretty much you,"
417
00:15:30,868 --> 00:15:32,735
"It's definitely you,"
418
00:15:32,770 --> 00:15:36,606
"The security camera says
it was you."
419
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,942
One is as painful to hear
as the next.
420
00:15:38,976 --> 00:15:40,810
But you don't know heartache
421
00:15:40,845 --> 00:15:44,514
until you've been dumped
by a boy's entire family.
422
00:15:44,548 --> 00:15:45,815
They just surrounded their son
423
00:15:45,850 --> 00:15:47,817
and screamed at me
in Portuguese.
424
00:15:47,852 --> 00:15:49,686
( Speaking in foreign language )
425
00:15:52,957 --> 00:15:54,691
"Leave now,
crazy woman."
426
00:15:56,727 --> 00:16:00,563
Tyler, I had to choose
between two dolls once.
427
00:16:00,598 --> 00:16:02,732
I couldn't decide
which I wanted more,
428
00:16:02,766 --> 00:16:04,834
so I put both their heads
on one body.
429
00:16:04,869 --> 00:16:05,902
You should do that.
430
00:16:11,642 --> 00:16:14,911
Amy likes scones.
Wanda likes biscuits.
431
00:16:14,945 --> 00:16:17,480
Tea parties are cray.
432
00:16:20,951 --> 00:16:23,653
Everyone!
I made my decision!
433
00:16:24,688 --> 00:16:25,968
Also, I found a gong.
434
00:16:29,827 --> 00:16:31,661
Thank you all for your advice.
435
00:16:31,695 --> 00:16:32,929
I've thought about
this long and hard.
436
00:16:32,963 --> 00:16:34,797
And I know which girl
I want to be with.
437
00:16:34,832 --> 00:16:37,534
Oh, that's great, Son.
Who's the lucky girl?
438
00:16:37,568 --> 00:16:39,636
Well, who's the girl you chose?
439
00:16:39,670 --> 00:16:41,804
Which one is lucky
might be a matter of opinion.
440
00:16:41,839 --> 00:16:44,774
It's only fair
I tell her first.
441
00:16:44,808 --> 00:16:47,510
As I present her this.
442
00:16:47,545 --> 00:16:48,878
Flip the coin.
443
00:16:48,913 --> 00:16:50,580
Don't hurt her.
444
00:16:50,614 --> 00:16:51,848
Two heads.
445
00:17:01,559 --> 00:17:02,759
I choose you.
446
00:17:02,793 --> 00:17:04,861
What do you mean,
you choose me?
447
00:17:04,895 --> 00:17:06,496
For what?
448
00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:07,697
Oh, right, you don't even know.
449
00:17:07,731 --> 00:17:08,932
Nikki wants
to be my girlfriend,
450
00:17:08,966 --> 00:17:10,500
so I've been wrestling with it,
451
00:17:10,534 --> 00:17:11,935
asking everyone for advice.
452
00:17:11,969 --> 00:17:14,504
But I finally decided
what to do.
453
00:17:14,538 --> 00:17:16,706
I choose you.
454
00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:18,541
You're such a jerk.
455
00:17:18,576 --> 00:17:20,944
Maybe you didn't hear me.
I choose you.
456
00:17:20,978 --> 00:17:23,513
I can't believe you were
thinking about dumping me.
457
00:17:23,547 --> 00:17:24,781
But I choose you?
458
00:17:26,917 --> 00:17:27,884
Ow. Thorns.
459
00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:32,522
I thought everything was going
so great between us.
460
00:17:32,556 --> 00:17:34,724
It was.
And that's why I chose you.
461
00:17:34,758 --> 00:17:36,526
Nikki's just like
some dream girl.
462
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:37,961
I don't know
if I can even trust it.
463
00:17:37,995 --> 00:17:39,596
But what we have is real.
464
00:17:39,630 --> 00:17:41,598
It's safe and comfortable.
465
00:17:41,632 --> 00:17:42,899
Give me the rose back.
466
00:17:45,769 --> 00:17:47,637
I'm not safe and comfortable!
467
00:17:48,772 --> 00:17:49,839
Well, not when you go around
468
00:17:49,873 --> 00:17:51,908
throwing roses
at people like that.
469
00:17:51,942 --> 00:17:54,611
Hey, if Nikki's
your dream girl,
470
00:17:54,645 --> 00:17:55,712
go for it.
471
00:17:55,746 --> 00:17:57,880
I care about you, Emily.
472
00:17:57,915 --> 00:17:59,716
I don't want to hurt you.
473
00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:01,551
I've seen what that can
do to a woman later in life.
474
00:18:01,585 --> 00:18:02,719
It's not pretty.
475
00:18:02,753 --> 00:18:04,654
Dude, I'm fine.
476
00:18:04,688 --> 00:18:05,888
And hey, I don't want
to be with someone
477
00:18:05,923 --> 00:18:07,590
who doesn't think
I'm his dream girl.
478
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:09,792
I'm sorry.
479
00:18:09,827 --> 00:18:11,461
You're being really cool
about this.
480
00:18:11,495 --> 00:18:12,762
That's because I'm cool.
481
00:18:12,796 --> 00:18:14,664
And I love that in a girl.
482
00:18:14,698 --> 00:18:15,865
You know, if this thing
with Nikki doesn't work out...
483
00:18:15,899 --> 00:18:17,467
And stop talking.
484
00:18:23,874 --> 00:18:25,808
What did you do?
485
00:18:25,843 --> 00:18:28,878
I decided if I'm a cat lover,
I might as well embrace it.
486
00:18:30,914 --> 00:18:33,916
I invited
all the neighborhood cats over.
487
00:18:33,951 --> 00:18:35,752
How'd you get 'em all here?
488
00:18:35,786 --> 00:18:37,587
I can't tell you.
489
00:18:37,621 --> 00:18:39,922
Let's just say it involved
a lizard and a string.
490
00:18:39,957 --> 00:18:42,492
Okay, I just told you.
491
00:18:42,526 --> 00:18:44,694
I don't know
where to start petting.
492
00:18:44,728 --> 00:18:46,929
I've always dreamed
this would happen.
493
00:18:46,964 --> 00:18:49,565
If I look outside and
there's a unicorn and a rainbow,
494
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:50,933
I'm gonna freak.
495
00:18:52,636 --> 00:18:54,556
But they're
driving me crazy, Chloe.
496
00:18:54,571 --> 00:18:55,772
They're ungrateful, entitled,
497
00:18:55,806 --> 00:18:57,540
and think
they're better than everyone.
498
00:18:57,574 --> 00:19:00,743
It's like being
with a bunch of sorority girls.
499
00:19:00,778 --> 00:19:04,647
I like Whiskers,
but I hate these cats.
500
00:19:04,682 --> 00:19:06,549
I'm more confused
than ever, Chloe.
501
00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:07,750
Today in school,
502
00:19:07,785 --> 00:19:08,818
we learned that you have
to judge people
503
00:19:08,852 --> 00:19:09,919
by who they are.
504
00:19:09,953 --> 00:19:11,621
Not by the color of their skin
505
00:19:11,655 --> 00:19:12,789
or what country they come from.
506
00:19:12,823 --> 00:19:14,490
Oh, so you're saying,
507
00:19:14,525 --> 00:19:16,559
I can like one cat
as an individual,
508
00:19:16,593 --> 00:19:18,695
but I don't have to like
all cats as a group.
509
00:19:18,729 --> 00:19:20,897
No. I was just telling you
what we learned in school.
510
00:19:20,931 --> 00:19:22,832
It had nothing to do with cats.
511
00:19:22,866 --> 00:19:24,901
We also did times tables.
512
00:19:31,608 --> 00:19:32,608
I choose you.
513
00:19:32,643 --> 00:19:34,944
Oh, Tyler, I am so happy.
514
00:19:36,947 --> 00:19:38,715
Why is my rose bent?
515
00:19:38,749 --> 00:19:41,851
That's because Emily kept
throwing it at me.
516
00:19:41,885 --> 00:19:44,520
Why did Emily have my rose?
517
00:19:44,555 --> 00:19:45,521
Funny story.
518
00:19:45,556 --> 00:19:46,723
I gave it to Emily first...
519
00:19:46,757 --> 00:19:47,890
that's not the funny part.
520
00:19:47,925 --> 00:19:49,525
She made me realize
521
00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:50,860
I should go after my dream girl
522
00:19:50,894 --> 00:19:53,529
and not worry about
whether I can trust it.
523
00:19:53,564 --> 00:19:54,731
And you're my dream girl.
524
00:19:54,798 --> 00:19:56,766
Still not funny.
525
00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:58,968
Well, not "laughing"
funny so much as
526
00:19:59,002 --> 00:20:01,771
"can you believe
I told you all that" funny.
527
00:20:02,906 --> 00:20:04,640
You picked Emily first?
528
00:20:04,675 --> 00:20:05,975
Uh...
529
00:20:06,009 --> 00:20:07,710
did you hear the part about
you're my dream girl?
530
00:20:07,745 --> 00:20:08,978
And you don't know
if you can trust it?
531
00:20:09,012 --> 00:20:10,947
Dream girl?
532
00:20:10,981 --> 00:20:11,948
You're such a jerk.
533
00:20:11,982 --> 00:20:13,983
Ow. Thorns again.
534
00:20:15,586 --> 00:20:16,953
Nikki, wait.
535
00:20:19,790 --> 00:20:20,790
I can't believe it.
536
00:20:22,593 --> 00:20:24,727
I had two girls into me
and now I have none.
537
00:20:24,762 --> 00:20:27,797
I can't believe in two years
you're going to vote.
538
00:20:27,831 --> 00:20:29,632
So what do I do?
539
00:20:29,666 --> 00:20:31,934
Just give me your ballot
and I'll take care of it.
540
00:20:31,969 --> 00:20:34,637
No, about Nikki.
What do I do about Nikki?
541
00:20:34,671 --> 00:20:37,573
So Nikki's really the one
you want?
542
00:20:38,809 --> 00:20:41,644
It's always been Nikki.
543
00:20:41,678 --> 00:20:43,479
How am I going to win her back?
544
00:20:44,047 --> 00:20:46,649
The heart wants what it wants.
545
00:20:46,683 --> 00:20:49,585
But sometimes you don't know
what the heart wants.
546
00:20:49,620 --> 00:20:51,921
Wouldn't it be great
if the heart could talk?
547
00:20:51,955 --> 00:20:54,023
Then it could tell you
what it wants.
548
00:20:54,057 --> 00:20:55,825
I want to go to college!
549
00:20:55,859 --> 00:20:59,562
I keep telling you,
you can't leave my body.
550
00:20:59,596 --> 00:21:01,764
You don't want me to be happy.
551
00:21:05,536 --> 00:21:07,570
Oh, Tyler,
one other piece of advice
552
00:21:07,604 --> 00:21:08,971
I forgot to give you yesterday.
553
00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:12,508
Make sure the girl that you pick
never knows that
554
00:21:12,543 --> 00:21:13,643
there was ever a doubt.
555
00:21:13,677 --> 00:21:14,744
Thanks, Dad.
556
00:21:14,778 --> 00:21:15,845
And watch out for that mailbox
557
00:21:15,879 --> 00:21:17,747
you ran over last week.
558
00:21:17,781 --> 00:21:19,715
I think it's a little late
to be telling me that now.
559
00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:20,883
Exactly!
560
00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:24,687
Whiskers could not have been
561
00:21:24,721 --> 00:21:25,688
a more delightful house guest.
562
00:21:25,722 --> 00:21:26,923
And the sweetest thing is
563
00:21:26,957 --> 00:21:29,592
how she and Stan
became best friends.
564
00:21:29,626 --> 00:21:30,760
Hey, Stan.
565
00:21:30,794 --> 00:21:33,830
Say goodbye to Whiskers
before she goes.
566
00:21:33,864 --> 00:21:35,598
Goodbye, dear friend.
567
00:21:35,632 --> 00:21:36,912
We haven't known
each other long.
568
00:21:36,934 --> 00:21:39,669
But when two souls connect,
then...
569
00:21:39,703 --> 00:21:41,604
( Whiskers screeching )
570
00:21:41,638 --> 00:21:43,606
Yeah, okay, I hate cats.
571
00:21:44,002 --> 00:21:48,858
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com