1 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:11,130 Tonight... 2 00:00:11,180 --> 00:00:12,770 I sit on a rock... 3 00:00:12,820 --> 00:00:14,530 James gets something in his eye... 4 00:00:14,580 --> 00:00:15,570 Oh! 5 00:00:15,620 --> 00:00:18,050 And Richard says, "Mummy!" 6 00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,420 Oh, Mummy! 7 00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:29,730 Thank you, hello! 8 00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,210 Hello, good evening, thank you so much. 9 00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:33,620 Thank you, now... 10 00:00:35,540 --> 00:00:37,130 Now, tonight's show... 11 00:00:37,180 --> 00:00:38,730 Tonight's show is interesting 12 00:00:38,780 --> 00:00:41,330 because we have all sort of reverted to type. 13 00:00:41,380 --> 00:00:45,410 Later on, Hammond is in the desert driving like an idiot 14 00:00:45,460 --> 00:00:48,250 in a large and flamboyant off-roader. 15 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:52,290 I'm in northern Italy driving a rather elegant sports car 16 00:00:52,340 --> 00:00:55,410 and James, well actually, we are kicking off with James, 17 00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:58,170 who really is in his comfort zone 18 00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:02,090 because he is on a Second World War air base 19 00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:05,860 talking about a car from the 1950s. 20 00:01:09,260 --> 00:01:13,050 This is The Stig taking a Caterham to the ragged edge 21 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,980 on our track back in 2008. 22 00:01:19,140 --> 00:01:23,010 That particular lap is something of an Internet sensation. 23 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,370 It's been viewed over 100 times 24 00:01:25,420 --> 00:01:27,650 and one of the reasons it's so popular is 25 00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:31,050 because that is the Caterham R500, 26 00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:35,460 the most powerful and extreme car they have ever built. 27 00:01:36,620 --> 00:01:39,140 Or, rather, it was. 28 00:01:40,740 --> 00:01:44,980 Because its crown has just been stolen by this. 29 00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,970 The brand new Caterham 620R. 30 00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:53,770 Where the old 500 had 263hp, 31 00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:56,850 this has 310. 32 00:01:56,900 --> 00:02:00,530 And since it weighs just 545kg, 33 00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:05,090 it has a better power to weight ratio than a Bugatti Veyron. 34 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:07,530 But I have driven a Bugatti Veyron 35 00:02:07,580 --> 00:02:11,050 and I have to say it was very civilised. 36 00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:13,250 Let's see how this compares. 37 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:16,570 Oh! 38 00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:18,410 Bloody Nora! Oh! 39 00:02:18,460 --> 00:02:19,890 Argh! 40 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:22,860 Argh! Argh! 41 00:02:27,860 --> 00:02:29,460 I can't see! 42 00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:33,570 Oh! Ow! 43 00:02:35,700 --> 00:02:37,300 Argh! 44 00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:41,250 God above, that's not... 45 00:02:41,300 --> 00:02:42,850 That's not like acceleration, 46 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:45,690 that's like being in a football and somebody kicks it. 47 00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:47,460 Ugh! 48 00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:54,010 'With a helmet and goggles deputising for the windscreen, 49 00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:57,060 'I tried once more to get to grips with the 620R.' 50 00:03:05,260 --> 00:03:09,010 Obviously, you can tell from the way I'm screaming at you, 51 00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:12,300 the racket in here is tremendous. 52 00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:17,050 It's quite difficult to breathe. 53 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:22,740 'That's hardly surprising since 0-60 takes just 2.8 seconds. 54 00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:27,980 'And it's not like you can get your breath back in the corners.' 55 00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:35,020 Geez. 56 00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:38,700 Right, this time, watch this. 57 00:03:41,940 --> 00:03:44,650 Oh, not again. Sorry. 58 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:46,820 There'll be a lot of editing to do on this piece. 59 00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:54,890 'Stick at it for several months and you can bring the 620R to heel.' 60 00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:57,060 Whey, hey-hey! 61 00:03:59,660 --> 00:04:01,580 I've done a whole circuit! 62 00:04:02,580 --> 00:04:05,090 'And when you get your eye in, it's not a bad car.' 63 00:04:05,140 --> 00:04:07,650 It's still a Caterham. 64 00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:09,980 It's all very crisp. Very nice. 65 00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:14,210 Fantastic sequential gearbox. 66 00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:18,140 'It's just that it's too much hard work.' 67 00:04:19,180 --> 00:04:22,170 The trouble is this is power piled on power. 68 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:24,370 It can barely contain itself. 69 00:04:24,420 --> 00:04:27,450 It's like a teenager left alone with the Internet. 70 00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:31,290 The wheels and the suspension can only just 71 00:04:31,340 --> 00:04:33,690 keep up with what's going on. 72 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,650 Whey-hey! 73 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:38,090 It's not supposed to be like this. 74 00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:39,940 It's just a little sports car! 75 00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:44,060 'However, I think I have an answer to the problem.' 76 00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:49,250 You see, I think if you're going to build a minimalist car, 77 00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:52,130 you need to take a minimalist approach to performance 78 00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:54,090 and handling, as well. 79 00:04:54,140 --> 00:04:56,650 It's no good just piling on more and more power, 80 00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:58,730 that's like trying to improve a curry 81 00:04:58,780 --> 00:05:01,010 by putting more and more chillies in it. 82 00:05:01,060 --> 00:05:03,410 What I'm trying to say is, well, 83 00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:06,420 Caterham needs to find a better Indian restaurant. 84 00:05:08,820 --> 00:05:12,450 Fortunately it seems they're ahead of me on this one. 85 00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:16,090 Alongside their new, most powerful car ever, 86 00:05:16,140 --> 00:05:18,530 they've also come up with this, 87 00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:20,770 their least powerful car ever. 88 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:23,770 It's called the 160 89 00:05:23,820 --> 00:05:26,730 and it has just 80hp 90 00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:29,940 from a tiny turbocharged three-cylinder Suzuki engine. 91 00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:37,010 So the engine is much smaller but then so is the price. 92 00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:40,370 The 620R is £50,000. 93 00:05:40,420 --> 00:05:44,180 This is just £17,000. 94 00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:50,210 Admittedly, 0-60 takes a gentle seven seconds 95 00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:53,700 and the top speed is only 100. 96 00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:57,460 But that's not the point. 97 00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:02,170 Top speed, 0-60, they're just numbers. 98 00:06:02,220 --> 00:06:04,260 They are meaningless in themselves. 99 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:10,130 What matters is whether or not they add up into a sensation 100 00:06:10,180 --> 00:06:13,060 and this delivers a tremendous sensation. 101 00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:24,890 The key to the 160's sense of fun is a set of super skinny tyres. 102 00:06:24,940 --> 00:06:28,330 They are only a tiny bit wider than a space saver. 103 00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:31,730 So you only have to twitch your foot a little bit... 104 00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:37,140 ..and you can slide around like Mika Hakkinen. 105 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,340 Oh, lovely! Look at me. 106 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:45,340 Whoo! 107 00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:48,330 When you have worn your tyres out, 108 00:06:48,380 --> 00:06:51,090 they're only 40 quid each to replace. 109 00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:54,970 Even The Stig, who normally turns his snout up at anything 110 00:06:55,020 --> 00:06:58,420 with less than 500hp, had an absolute ball. 111 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:05,810 It has a windscreen. 112 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:08,730 It'll do over 50 miles to the gallon. 113 00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:10,210 As far as I'm concerned, 114 00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:13,010 it's the best car Caterham has ever made. 115 00:07:13,060 --> 00:07:16,820 In fact, there's only one thing wrong with it. 116 00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:19,250 The way it looks. 117 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:22,690 Next to the latest stripped out sports cars like the Ariel Atom, 118 00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:26,090 and the BAC Mono, it sits a bit like a typewriter 119 00:07:26,140 --> 00:07:28,650 in an Internet cafe. 120 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:31,380 I wonder if they could do something about that? 121 00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:36,700 As it happens, they're ahead of me on that one, too. 122 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:42,410 This is the AeroSeven. 123 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:45,770 It's been developed with the help of the Caterham F1 team. 124 00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:50,450 The great thing is, it isn't some static papier mache one-off 125 00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:52,580 built for a motor show stand. 126 00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:03,420 What do you think of this, then? 127 00:08:09,260 --> 00:08:12,570 Positively down on gastrique by Caterham standards. 128 00:08:12,620 --> 00:08:15,530 The next thing you know, they'll have a fax machine. 129 00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:19,770 The AeroSeven isn't going into production for a year or so. 130 00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:24,500 Before it does, there's one major thing they need to fix. 131 00:08:25,620 --> 00:08:27,130 Ow! 132 00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:29,530 Oh! 133 00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:32,170 It hasn't got a windscreen! 134 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,940 Useless! 135 00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:43,170 The best car they've ever made? 136 00:08:43,220 --> 00:08:45,490 According to him, it is. Well... 137 00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:47,410 The best car they've ever made? 138 00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,330 Slowest... 139 00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:51,530 So, James, er... 140 00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:53,770 So you don't like cars without windscreens? 141 00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:57,370 No, I hate cars without windscreens. That is the most idiotic idea 142 00:08:57,420 --> 00:09:00,050 in the whole history of motoring, isn't it? What is the point? 143 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:02,770 What advantage is there of building a car without a windscreen? 144 00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:07,010 You might as well have a snorkel mask with no glass in it and you get hit in the eyeball by fish. 145 00:09:07,060 --> 00:09:09,810 It's that idiotic. 146 00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:12,730 James, before you have an aneurysm, there are one or two points 147 00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:15,050 that Hammond and I would like to make 148 00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:18,970 about some of the things you said in that film. 149 00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:20,370 Hammond, do you want to go first? 150 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:23,690 Yeah, four minutes and 58 seconds into your film, 151 00:09:23,740 --> 00:09:25,970 whilst referring to acceleration figures, 152 00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:29,570 you say, "they are just numbers, they're meaningless." 153 00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,850 They are. You would say that! 154 00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:35,210 James, but a car that accelerates from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds 155 00:09:35,260 --> 00:09:38,650 is better than one that does it in seven seconds. No, what I was actually saying... 156 00:09:38,700 --> 00:09:40,970 Also, at three minutes 51, 157 00:09:41,020 --> 00:09:44,930 you say and I'm paraphrasing here, that giving it more power 158 00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:49,130 is like trying to improve a curry by adding more chillies. Mmm. 159 00:09:49,180 --> 00:09:51,930 That is how you improve a curry! No, it isn't. It is. 160 00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:54,130 Remember the chicken curry from school, 161 00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:57,370 it was screaming for more spice, it's what it needed is more. 162 00:09:57,420 --> 00:10:00,450 Yes, then James at five minutes and 29 seconds, 163 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:04,290 you said you were sliding around like Mika Hakkinen. 164 00:10:04,340 --> 00:10:08,010 I was. Yes, but you see Mika Hakkinen is a Formula 1 driver 165 00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:09,890 and they don't slide around. 166 00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:13,530 Yeah, but when Mika Hakkinen took me out for a drive, he did slide around! 167 00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:16,370 Yes, but he's not known for sliding around. No, exactly. 168 00:10:16,420 --> 00:10:20,090 He might collect porcelain frogs but you don't go around saying, 169 00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:22,850 "I'm collecting porcelain frogs like Mika Hakkinen right now." 170 00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:25,570 It's not relevant. Exactly! 171 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,410 Have you quite finished? Well, not really 172 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,290 because there's a lot to go through but, 173 00:10:29,340 --> 00:10:33,970 sadly, we must now find out how fast these cars go round our track 174 00:10:34,020 --> 00:10:36,090 and that, of course, means handing them 175 00:10:36,140 --> 00:10:37,850 over to a man who can actually drive! 176 00:10:38,980 --> 00:10:43,370 Some say that he once put Helen Mirren in a dishwasher. 177 00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:48,530 And that at the Winter Olympics he was disqualified 178 00:10:48,580 --> 00:10:53,930 from the skeleton event for riding down the hill on an actual skeleton. 179 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:56,850 All we know is he's called The Stig! 180 00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,690 And they are off. 181 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:05,290 Oo, it's a bit damp out there, that may slow them down a bit. 182 00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:07,370 620R building up a command... 183 00:11:07,420 --> 00:11:10,010 Oh, no, there was the other one coming into shot... 184 00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,850 at the last moment. 185 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,930 First corner in, the 620R, he's handling that well. 186 00:11:14,980 --> 00:11:16,130 No, still... 187 00:11:16,180 --> 00:11:18,450 Yes, we just saw the other one. 188 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:21,930 And here he is, no music, obviously, to listen to today. 189 00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:23,970 Just the sound of that 190 00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:26,050 two-litre Ford Duratec engine, 191 00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,780 supercharged in the 620R. 192 00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:33,370 They don't use the 2.3 that they use and the BAC Mono. 193 00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:35,170 Here he is at the back! 194 00:11:35,220 --> 00:11:36,770 Cos it's too tall. 195 00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:39,850 He is actually struggling to get the power down. 196 00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,250 But he is getting it down. 197 00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:43,820 Beautifully. 198 00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:47,490 Right, Follow Through next. 199 00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,730 Here he is, definitely lifting off. 200 00:11:49,780 --> 00:11:54,130 This is a magnificent example of car control 201 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,850 from The Stig, in one of them at least! 202 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,930 The other one simply not there. 203 00:11:58,980 --> 00:12:00,570 Right, just... 204 00:12:00,620 --> 00:12:02,090 Oh, good God, look at that. 205 00:12:02,140 --> 00:12:04,450 Nearly losing it at the exit of the Follow Through. 206 00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:08,370 Handling it nicely coming through into Gambon. 207 00:12:08,420 --> 00:12:10,850 Getting some opposite lock on before the corner 208 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:12,620 and across the line! 209 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:19,460 We just have to wait now for James's favourite car to finish. 210 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:23,650 "The best car Caterham have ever made"... there it goes. 211 00:12:26,940 --> 00:12:29,100 Any minute now, it'll be across the line. 212 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:32,620 OK, talk among yourselves. 213 00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,090 And there it is! 214 00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:43,850 Wet lap, so we're not expecting any records, 215 00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:45,970 we certainly haven't got them. 216 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:48,650 Right the 620R, the car you didn't much like. 217 00:12:48,700 --> 00:12:52,330 That did it in 1:22.3. 218 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:58,530 Similar conditions, similar time to the magnificent Lexus LFA. OK? 219 00:12:58,580 --> 00:13:01,090 Now your favourite car... 220 00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:02,770 Not quite so fast. 221 00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:07,730 There's no other way of saying this, 222 00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:12,090 it was a 1:45.5, so it's there. 223 00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:17,970 It's actually five seconds slower than Morgan's wooden tricycle. 224 00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:23,210 Good. And that's your favourite car? 225 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:24,690 Of those two, yeah. 226 00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:28,890 And now the news 227 00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:32,130 and the news is that later on in this programme 228 00:13:32,180 --> 00:13:34,850 Jeremy is going to try and prove to James and me 229 00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:36,850 that cars are better than bikes. 230 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,170 Well, that's because they are. Well, they're not. 231 00:13:39,220 --> 00:13:42,210 Oh, yes they are. They're warmer than bikes, 232 00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:44,290 they stand up by themselves. 233 00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:47,250 You don't have to wear rubber trousers. 234 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:48,850 They're faster. 235 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,410 Not faster! They are round corners. 236 00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,330 Well, not in a straight line. 237 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:55,970 Yes, you see, that's what I'm going to prove later on 238 00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:57,770 that they are faster in a straight line. 239 00:13:57,820 --> 00:13:59,530 Really? Yes, I am. Really? 240 00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:02,210 Yes, I am, but now we're going to do the proper news, OK? 241 00:14:02,260 --> 00:14:05,330 Now you know all around the world there are museums for all 242 00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:08,850 sorts of silly things. There's a pencil museum in, is it Cumbria? 243 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,570 Yeah, it is. Yeah, a pencil museum. 244 00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:13,930 There's an umbrella museum in Spain 245 00:14:13,980 --> 00:14:15,930 and a museum of the vagina in Japan. 246 00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:19,570 There is a penis museum in Iceland. Been there. 247 00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:22,810 It's very cold, all the exhibits are very small. 248 00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,010 The reason I bring this up is because, 249 00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:27,330 in America there is a Corvette Museum. 250 00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:29,090 There's a photograph of it here. 251 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:32,970 Now, as we know, the Corvette enthusiast in America is quite... 252 00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:36,290 Heavy. Yes, they're bigger gentleman. Big-boned. 253 00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:39,250 Well, one of them visited the museum this week and this happened. 254 00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,650 Must have been a big one! That was a big hole. 255 00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:45,930 And apparently, eight cars fell into it. 256 00:14:45,980 --> 00:14:48,450 There's a shot actually looking down. Look at that. 257 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:49,850 Oh, God, that's painful to see! 258 00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:52,700 Damage was estimated at 37. Was it? 259 00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:56,690 Was it? But actually, we shouldn't mock 260 00:14:56,740 --> 00:14:59,410 because you know there was a sinkhole, which is what this is, 261 00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:02,730 that opened on the M2 this week, did you see? On the central reservation? 262 00:15:02,780 --> 00:15:05,810 They closed the motorway for 18 hours. 263 00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:10,410 That, they kept the museum open. They did! 264 00:15:10,460 --> 00:15:12,940 Well, you can still see the cars. Yeah, you just... 265 00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:16,090 I think we should applaud the Americans for that 266 00:15:16,140 --> 00:15:18,610 because that's a good attitude to health and safety. 267 00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:20,130 It is. Well done, you. 268 00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:22,970 Oh, now, I tell you what, I've just remembered something else. 269 00:15:23,020 --> 00:15:25,610 Recently, we were talking about, um, 270 00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:29,850 those motorway gantry signs that flash up idiotic nannying messages. 271 00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,650 There was a sign photographed in America this week, OK, 272 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:33,930 I think it was in Texas. 273 00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:36,650 There was a light snow flurry and some wag, 274 00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:39,490 and this is brilliant, posted this. 275 00:15:39,540 --> 00:15:42,930 "Oh my God! Is that snow? We're all gonna die!" 276 00:15:42,980 --> 00:15:46,290 That's more like it! It's just fabulous. 277 00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:50,410 But actually, that is what we should do. Because that is the British way. 278 00:15:50,460 --> 00:15:53,010 Self-deprecating, make fun of the situation, have a laugh. 279 00:15:53,060 --> 00:15:55,170 Make fun of the rules and regulations. 280 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,210 I don't know who did this, but if you're watching 281 00:15:57,260 --> 00:16:00,450 and you ever come to England, I would like to buy you a beer. 282 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,290 I'll put a strawberry on it for you. 283 00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:06,290 Yes. Now, I've received a letter. May I just read it to you? 284 00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:08,650 "Dear Mr Clarkson..." You're going to love this. 285 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:12,610 "I'm writing to you on behalf of the world-famous Madame Tussauds." 286 00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:15,970 Oh, they're not going to... Yes, they are! Oh, you're joking! 287 00:16:16,020 --> 00:16:17,530 Oh, no! 288 00:16:17,580 --> 00:16:22,170 They say I have been highly requested, highly requested, 289 00:16:22,220 --> 00:16:24,140 to be immortalised in wax. 290 00:16:25,820 --> 00:16:28,300 You sure that doesn't say immersed in wax? 291 00:16:29,460 --> 00:16:30,530 No, immortalised in wax. 292 00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:32,530 How are they going to immortalise you in wax? 293 00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:35,210 Where are they going to get all the wax? 294 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,690 Presumably they'll have to melt down everything else 295 00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:42,370 in Madame Tussauds, to make one massive hideous wax dummy... 296 00:16:42,420 --> 00:16:43,610 of a hideous dummy. 297 00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:46,290 It's easy, they just get a very big candle, they light it, 298 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:48,370 let it drip down the edges for a couple of hours, 299 00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:50,410 then just draw a face on it with felt tip. 300 00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:52,930 That would look a bit like him. 301 00:16:52,980 --> 00:16:55,130 What are they going to do with it when they've got it? 302 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:58,210 Imagine children, "We're going to Madame Tussauds! What is that?" 303 00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:02,050 It's going to be the first waxwork in history 304 00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:05,610 to be sculpted with a pickaxe. Yes! And a hammer. 305 00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:07,690 I want to see them sculpting it, cos imagine, 306 00:17:07,740 --> 00:17:10,450 once they've melted down enough wax, which is a lot, 307 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:14,370 the size of the urn, it'll look like a scene from Lord Of The Rings! 308 00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:16,690 With all these little orcs walking around the bottom, 309 00:17:16,740 --> 00:17:20,410 getting ready... a big pour, to create this hideous, hideous, 310 00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:23,690 grotesque, enormous thing! How are they going to fit it in? 311 00:17:23,740 --> 00:17:26,370 No, don't put it there, put it in the Natural History Museum. 312 00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:30,770 Better still... 313 00:17:30,820 --> 00:17:32,900 Next to the big brontosaur! 314 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:37,690 Just a big skeleton. 315 00:17:37,740 --> 00:17:40,130 Just a big skeleton next to the brontosaur, 316 00:17:40,180 --> 00:17:42,890 a big tyrannosaurus- what-the-hell-is-that? 317 00:17:42,940 --> 00:17:44,570 And then people can go and watch. 318 00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:47,660 Ladies and gentlemen, the sound of bitterness and jealousy. 319 00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:51,810 My colleagues, there. I wish I hadn't brought that up. 320 00:17:51,860 --> 00:17:53,610 As you probably noticed last week, 321 00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:56,490 a Danish supercar called the Zenvo came down here and caught fire. 322 00:17:56,540 --> 00:17:59,170 A lot of people were very shocked by that but actually, 323 00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:01,930 it's not unusual for expensive cars to catch fire 324 00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,330 when they're first released. 325 00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:05,290 Ferrari had a problem with the 458. 326 00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:06,810 And then just this week, 327 00:18:06,860 --> 00:18:08,970 we've been hearing about Porsche GT3 problems. 328 00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:13,050 There's a shot here of one in... of one in Switzerland. 329 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:16,490 The internet is awash with rumours of other examples of this. 330 00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:20,570 Porsche themselves admit it has happened in Italy as well. 331 00:18:20,620 --> 00:18:25,250 And have now suspended deliveries of the new GT3 to customers. 332 00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:28,890 Yeah, but what if you'd already taken delivery of your brand-new... 333 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:33,050 your brand-new and expensive GT3 that might catch fire at any moment? 334 00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:35,050 Well, we really need to ask a customer, 335 00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:36,530 don't we, who's just done that? 336 00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:41,490 Hammond! What? You've just had a GT3 delivered, haven't you? 337 00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:43,530 Yes! 338 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:46,650 Shut up! Shut up, stop talking about it. 339 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:50,690 Thank you, move on. It must be so depressing. Oh, God. Yes, it is. 340 00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:54,290 To have worked so hard to buy your dream car 341 00:18:54,340 --> 00:18:57,300 that is then immediately valueless. Oh, God! 342 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:01,490 So to try and cheer you up, Hammond, I've bought you a small present. 343 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,330 Oh, have you? Thank you, I love your gifts. 344 00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,570 We don't often buy each other presents on this show 345 00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:08,130 but I've done just that today. 346 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:12,090 Mono... They're actually GT3 branded driving gloves. 347 00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:13,500 Oven gloves. 348 00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:16,300 Thank you. 349 00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:20,010 Funny. Ha-ha-ha-ha(!) 350 00:19:20,060 --> 00:19:21,450 And... 351 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:24,370 Doesn't just stop there. Oh, please let it stop. 352 00:19:24,420 --> 00:19:26,250 I think we need to coat your car 353 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:31,410 in the most fire retardant material known to man. Pizzas. 354 00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:34,290 Oh, not your pizza theory! It's one of his stupid theories. 355 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:36,890 Come on, Hammond, come with me. Really? 356 00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:38,850 Now, this is your actual GT3. 357 00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:40,130 Yes, it is, actually, yes. 358 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,330 We know this because there's a fireman standing next to it 359 00:19:43,380 --> 00:19:46,770 with an extinguisher in case it suddenly combusts. Good! 360 00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:49,010 Now, what I'm planning on doing, OK, 361 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:52,530 is I'm going to take these pizzas, pop them on the car. 362 00:19:52,580 --> 00:19:55,530 And then apply a blowtorch. No! No, you're not, no, you're not! 363 00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:59,810 I've seen you do this and you're not doing it to my car. No. 364 00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:02,370 But the ladies and gentlemen want to see if pizza is... 365 00:20:02,420 --> 00:20:06,220 I don't care! Not to my car! No. Can we attach them to you? 366 00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:09,770 Well, if you must, yes. Right, well, first of all, 367 00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:12,130 we need to establish... James, can I borrow you? Yes. 368 00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:15,290 First of all we need to establish that these are pizzas, OK? 369 00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:16,730 Have a look. 370 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:19,090 You will see there's no asbestos in there, 371 00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:20,850 they're real pizzas. Yes? Yeah. 372 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,370 James, perhaps you'd like to just take a bite? 373 00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:27,090 Yes, let me just pull a piece off. Is that a pizza? 374 00:20:27,140 --> 00:20:29,570 Tastes like the cardboard box it came in, so it must be. 375 00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:31,450 There you go. So those are the pizzas. 376 00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,450 If you'd like to attach those to Hammond, that would be tremendous. 377 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,890 To his face? Um... 378 00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:39,330 His vegetables. OK. Oh, really? 379 00:20:39,380 --> 00:20:41,610 Come on! 380 00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:44,050 Oh, not... That's ambitious, mate. 381 00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:45,540 That's by my knees! 382 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,330 Now, I'm going to fire up the blowtorch. There we go. 383 00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:52,810 Oh, God, come on, no! This is ridiculous! 384 00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:56,690 James, how hot is the tip of this flame? 385 00:20:56,740 --> 00:21:00,250 Probably the best part of 800 degrees C. Enough to melt aluminium. 386 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:03,170 Enough to melt aluminium. This is a real blowtorch. 387 00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:04,850 Look, I can demonstrate it. 388 00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:07,050 Fire on there, you can actually 389 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:09,610 see it burning the table nicely. Oh! 390 00:21:09,660 --> 00:21:13,570 This is a real, well, two layers of pizza, and a real Richard Hammond. 391 00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:14,890 Everybody ready? 392 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,890 Yes! 393 00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:18,370 Wouldn't do it to him. 394 00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:21,930 Oh, yes, I would! 395 00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:24,810 Oh, no! 396 00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:30,130 Jeremy, that's quite a long time, isn't it? Not really. 397 00:21:30,180 --> 00:21:32,650 Stop it! I can smell burning sausage. 398 00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:34,220 Is that alarming? 399 00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:38,090 Can you see? Pizza. 400 00:21:38,140 --> 00:21:40,130 Pop it on your car. No! 401 00:21:40,180 --> 00:21:43,530 Ladies and gentlemen, Hammond is still here. 402 00:21:49,020 --> 00:21:50,540 Stupid, stupid. 403 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:53,130 That is... 404 00:21:53,180 --> 00:21:56,170 I think that is a Top Gear hot tip. 405 00:21:56,220 --> 00:21:58,170 We're going to move on. 406 00:21:58,220 --> 00:22:02,250 Because, you see, in the olden days, when James was 43, 407 00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:06,650 car makers would sell you a complete car like they do now. 408 00:22:06,700 --> 00:22:09,330 Or they would sell you something like this - 409 00:22:09,380 --> 00:22:12,490 an engine, a chassis, and some suspension. 410 00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:15,810 And then you would take this to a coach building company 411 00:22:15,860 --> 00:22:19,410 who would then fit a personalised body, personalised interior, 412 00:22:19,460 --> 00:22:22,410 you could have anything you wanted. 413 00:22:22,460 --> 00:22:24,210 And in the '30s, 414 00:22:24,260 --> 00:22:28,300 this meant there were some truly amazing creations. 415 00:22:34,300 --> 00:22:37,890 Back then, there were coach building companies all over the world, 416 00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:42,690 helping the wealthy to fulfil their wildest dreams. 417 00:22:42,740 --> 00:22:47,090 Anything was possible, and everything was done. 418 00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:50,290 Coach building meant that Clark Gable didn't have to have 419 00:22:50,340 --> 00:22:53,010 a car that looked like this. 420 00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:56,340 It meant he could have one that looked like this. 421 00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:04,090 Today, though, cars are built differently. 422 00:23:04,140 --> 00:23:07,650 You don't get a chassis with a body on the top. 423 00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:10,930 Because the body sort of is the chassis. 424 00:23:10,980 --> 00:23:13,130 The pillars, the roof, the doorframes, 425 00:23:13,180 --> 00:23:18,250 they're all load-bearing, so changing anything is a nightmare. 426 00:23:18,300 --> 00:23:20,370 And this has meant that for many years, 427 00:23:20,420 --> 00:23:23,770 coach building has been a lost art. 428 00:23:23,820 --> 00:23:26,890 Now, though, I'm delighted to say... 429 00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:28,460 it's back. 430 00:23:36,820 --> 00:23:41,180 Welcome, everyone, to the Alfa Romeo Disco Volante. 431 00:23:46,780 --> 00:23:48,930 One of the most striking, intelligent, 432 00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:52,780 and unusual cars I've seen in a very long time. 433 00:23:58,460 --> 00:24:02,370 It started out in life as an Alfa Romeo 8C. 434 00:24:02,420 --> 00:24:06,530 But was totally re-bodied and re-upholstered 435 00:24:06,580 --> 00:24:11,060 by an old coach building company in Milan called Touring. 436 00:24:18,180 --> 00:24:22,700 In the '50s, they styled and built sports cars for Alfa Romeo. 437 00:24:25,540 --> 00:24:30,980 Later, they designed the Aston Martin DB5 and DB6. 438 00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:35,250 Along with the Jensen Interceptor, 439 00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:38,290 and the very first Lamborghini - 440 00:24:38,340 --> 00:24:40,180 the 350GT. 441 00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:44,020 That is quite a CV. 442 00:24:45,180 --> 00:24:48,370 In recent years, however, they've been reduced to making 443 00:24:48,420 --> 00:24:51,810 mildly modified Bentleys and Maseratis. 444 00:24:51,860 --> 00:24:53,970 It's been like watching Dame Judi Dench 445 00:24:54,020 --> 00:24:57,220 reduced to appearing in a regional pantomime. 446 00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:03,130 But now, they've decided to bring 447 00:25:03,180 --> 00:25:06,330 the lost art of proper coach building back, 448 00:25:06,380 --> 00:25:08,100 with the Disco Volante. 449 00:25:11,780 --> 00:25:15,410 Certain structural and safety related things can't be changed. 450 00:25:15,460 --> 00:25:17,850 The seatbelt mounting points, the windscreen, 451 00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:19,690 the suspension mounting points, 452 00:25:19,740 --> 00:25:22,410 they'll be the same on this car as they are on this one. 453 00:25:22,460 --> 00:25:23,930 It's like plastic surgery. 454 00:25:23,980 --> 00:25:27,170 You can't change the skeleton, but you can change the flesh. 455 00:25:27,220 --> 00:25:30,010 And that is what they've done. 456 00:25:30,060 --> 00:25:31,380 But has it worked? 457 00:25:38,060 --> 00:25:41,410 The simple answer is, yes. 458 00:25:41,460 --> 00:25:43,580 It doesn't shake, it doesn't rattle. 459 00:25:44,780 --> 00:25:47,370 It doesn't feel like botched plastic surgery. 460 00:25:47,420 --> 00:25:49,730 You don't think every time you go over a bump, 461 00:25:49,780 --> 00:25:52,570 "Oh no, my nose is going to fall off." 462 00:25:52,620 --> 00:25:54,900 Doesn't feel like Michael Jackson. 463 00:25:58,340 --> 00:26:01,250 Do you know what it does feel? It feels... 464 00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:02,730 solid. 465 00:26:02,780 --> 00:26:08,690 It feels, and this is high praise for a hand-built car, it feels... 466 00:26:08,740 --> 00:26:09,980 mass-produced. 467 00:26:13,660 --> 00:26:16,970 That said, it does not feel like the car that spawned it. 468 00:26:17,020 --> 00:26:19,700 It doesn't feel like an 8C. 469 00:26:23,060 --> 00:26:25,890 That's because they've softened the suspension, 470 00:26:25,940 --> 00:26:29,330 they've turned it from a stiff, B-road barnstormer 471 00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:33,140 into a comfortable cruising machine, and I like that. 472 00:26:35,260 --> 00:26:38,810 There are loads of cars built specifically to attack 473 00:26:38,860 --> 00:26:40,450 a road like this. 474 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:42,690 So it's quite refreshing to find one 475 00:26:42,740 --> 00:26:45,100 that allows you to savour it. 476 00:26:47,780 --> 00:26:49,900 Savour the views, savour the moment. 477 00:26:52,380 --> 00:26:54,660 So, it doesn't feel like an 8C. 478 00:26:58,020 --> 00:27:01,540 And it certainly doesn't sound like one either. 479 00:27:03,420 --> 00:27:04,700 Oh, it's the most... 480 00:27:06,980 --> 00:27:10,300 ..soulful-sounding car I think I've ever heard. 481 00:27:12,580 --> 00:27:15,490 It's as though the entire exhaust system 482 00:27:15,540 --> 00:27:18,820 is actually made out of Otis Redding. 483 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:25,330 ♪ Left my home in Georgia... ♪ 484 00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:31,890 ♪ Heading for the Frisco Bay... ♪ 485 00:27:39,780 --> 00:27:41,260 It's Otis! 486 00:27:44,980 --> 00:27:47,330 Don't get me wrong, though. 487 00:27:47,380 --> 00:27:49,620 This is not a slow car. 488 00:27:50,940 --> 00:27:56,620 It has a 444 horsepower 4.7 litre Maserati V8. 489 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:05,690 Couple that to a super-light carbon fibre and aluminium body, 490 00:28:05,740 --> 00:28:08,050 and you end up with a car that accelerates 491 00:28:08,100 --> 00:28:09,780 like it's fallen off a cliff. 492 00:28:15,420 --> 00:28:18,140 The top speed is 181. 493 00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:25,850 Thing is, though, driving a car this exquisite, this elegant, 494 00:28:25,900 --> 00:28:29,170 quickly, feels wrong. 495 00:28:29,220 --> 00:28:34,170 It would be like pogo dancing to I Heard It Through The Grapevine. 496 00:28:34,220 --> 00:28:37,060 No, no, no, you can't do that! 497 00:28:41,540 --> 00:28:46,340 This, this kind of speed, this is where it's at its best. Half speed. 498 00:28:48,180 --> 00:28:52,090 I don't even feel inclined to drive it fast. 499 00:28:52,140 --> 00:28:55,540 I don't want to hang the tail out on the hairpins. 500 00:28:57,460 --> 00:29:02,530 Just want to put it in auto, put some tunes on the stereo, like so. 501 00:29:02,580 --> 00:29:05,570 Pop on a pair of sunglasses... 502 00:29:05,620 --> 00:29:07,780 and slow on down. 503 00:29:18,580 --> 00:29:22,930 And pretty soon, you'll want to stop altogether and get out. 504 00:29:22,980 --> 00:29:25,450 Because looking at this car, 505 00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:27,900 that's really what it's all about. 506 00:29:30,740 --> 00:29:35,010 It's interesting how many elements from other things are in that shape. 507 00:29:35,060 --> 00:29:38,770 I can see a little bit of Corvette, a bit of E-Type... 508 00:29:38,820 --> 00:29:41,650 Then there's the, um...I think it was called the Discovery, 509 00:29:41,700 --> 00:29:44,810 the spaceship in 2001: A Space Odyssey. 510 00:29:44,860 --> 00:29:47,290 I see that at the front. 511 00:29:47,340 --> 00:29:49,250 And I love the way they paint it gold 512 00:29:49,300 --> 00:29:52,500 before they paint it red to make the colour richer. 513 00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:55,770 Then there's the name - "Disco Volante" - 514 00:29:55,820 --> 00:29:57,090 picked out in the seats. 515 00:29:57,140 --> 00:30:00,450 I know, in Italian, Disco Volante means "flying saucer" 516 00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:03,650 but to me, it's the name of Largo's hydrofoil 517 00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:06,380 in the Bond film Thunderball. 518 00:30:08,860 --> 00:30:10,020 I love that car. 519 00:30:12,140 --> 00:30:13,260 I really do. 520 00:30:22,220 --> 00:30:23,810 I think it really is time now 521 00:30:23,860 --> 00:30:27,100 to bring out my special, "in love" face. 522 00:30:31,740 --> 00:30:34,970 I was jealous of Hammond when he came out to Italy the other day 523 00:30:35,020 --> 00:30:37,770 to drive the new Alfa 4C, because, to me, 524 00:30:37,820 --> 00:30:39,250 that thing is special. 525 00:30:39,300 --> 00:30:41,820 It's...it's the Angel Gabriel. 526 00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:46,370 But I'm not jealous any more, because this... 527 00:30:46,420 --> 00:30:48,300 This is the full baby Jesus. 528 00:30:52,300 --> 00:30:54,530 I'm not going to say it's the best car in the world - 529 00:30:54,580 --> 00:30:56,490 it certainly isn't the nicest to drive, 530 00:30:56,540 --> 00:30:59,890 the brakes are spongy, you can see nothing out of the back. 531 00:30:59,940 --> 00:31:04,210 But as a tool for making feel special, 532 00:31:04,260 --> 00:31:06,610 really, nothing gets close. 533 00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:08,940 Nothing at all. 534 00:31:12,180 --> 00:31:15,890 A Maserati heart, an Alfa Romeo badge, 535 00:31:15,940 --> 00:31:18,260 exhausts made out of Otis Redding... 536 00:31:20,060 --> 00:31:22,740 ..and a hand-crafted body to die for. 537 00:31:24,380 --> 00:31:28,050 That is one hell of a combination. 538 00:31:28,100 --> 00:31:29,700 It really is. 539 00:31:43,860 --> 00:31:46,530 No, no, no, no, no. No, don't... 540 00:31:46,580 --> 00:31:47,970 Sorry. 541 00:31:48,020 --> 00:31:50,410 What? Hang on. 542 00:31:50,460 --> 00:31:51,930 You were having a go at me earlier on 543 00:31:51,980 --> 00:31:54,650 because I preferred the slow Caterham to the fast one. 544 00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:56,810 Mm-hm. And here you are, raving about a car 545 00:31:56,860 --> 00:31:59,530 that's happiest at half-speed? Well, yes. 546 00:31:59,580 --> 00:32:00,730 You're an utter hypocrite. 547 00:32:00,780 --> 00:32:02,450 No, no - you see, the thing is, 548 00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:06,690 I'd prefer to drive to somebody's house in a Lexus LFA, 549 00:32:06,740 --> 00:32:10,650 cos I like the power from that screaming V10 engine. 550 00:32:10,700 --> 00:32:12,730 But I'd prefer to arrive in this, 551 00:32:12,780 --> 00:32:17,410 because it's elegant, it's beautiful, it's handcrafted... 552 00:32:17,460 --> 00:32:18,530 How much is it? 553 00:32:18,580 --> 00:32:20,450 Uh... well, do you know, they won't tell me, 554 00:32:20,500 --> 00:32:22,690 even when I lightly tortured them. 555 00:32:22,740 --> 00:32:25,090 But I have heard there's a man in Singapore 556 00:32:25,140 --> 00:32:27,890 paid £1.5 million for his. 557 00:32:27,940 --> 00:32:32,010 Now, there are a lot of import taxes in Singapore - I mean, huge ones. 558 00:32:32,060 --> 00:32:34,610 Even so, that's about 130... 559 00:32:34,660 --> 00:32:37,610 That's still £600,000 for the car. 560 00:32:37,660 --> 00:32:40,570 Yes, I know. And what's amazing is that, in Singapore, 561 00:32:40,620 --> 00:32:44,650 you're not allowed to drive a left-hand drive car on the road. 562 00:32:44,700 --> 00:32:48,450 So he's paid £1.5 million for a car he can't drive. 563 00:32:49,660 --> 00:32:50,650 He's completely mad. 564 00:32:50,700 --> 00:32:53,450 He isn't - somebody's just paid, what, £42 million 565 00:32:53,500 --> 00:32:55,170 for a Francis Bacon painting. 566 00:32:55,220 --> 00:32:56,700 You can't drive that, either. 567 00:32:57,780 --> 00:32:59,050 It's not a car. 568 00:32:59,100 --> 00:33:01,930 James, I haven't got time for your pedantry. 569 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:06,530 Because we have to now put a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car. 570 00:33:06,580 --> 00:33:09,450 Now, my guest tonight is extremely funny, 571 00:33:09,500 --> 00:33:11,170 but he can't drive. 572 00:33:11,220 --> 00:33:14,770 So he is the exact opposite of Nigel Mansell. 573 00:33:16,180 --> 00:33:18,410 Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Whitehall. 574 00:33:22,380 --> 00:33:26,180 How are you? Good, how are you? Look who's here! Hello. 575 00:33:27,260 --> 00:33:28,940 Hey. Have a seat. 576 00:33:30,060 --> 00:33:31,620 Oh... Ooh... 577 00:33:33,020 --> 00:33:36,450 Do you know, I haven't seen you since you were in short trousers. 578 00:33:36,500 --> 00:33:38,690 Yes, well, I mean, you know... 579 00:33:38,740 --> 00:33:40,370 You were a big part of my childhood. 580 00:33:40,420 --> 00:33:43,090 And that's not something that probably everyone in here knows. 581 00:33:43,140 --> 00:33:48,410 Jeremy was a father at the prep school that I went to 582 00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:50,650 and I have a lot of very vivid... 583 00:33:50,700 --> 00:33:54,170 This is a big moment for me, being here, with you, cos... 584 00:33:54,220 --> 00:33:56,090 With long trousers. With long trousers on - 585 00:33:56,140 --> 00:33:57,690 tight, long trousers. 586 00:33:57,740 --> 00:34:02,650 But you were, like, the first kind of... real, kind of, 587 00:34:02,700 --> 00:34:06,370 silverback, swinging-dicked alpha male I'd ever set eyes on. 588 00:34:06,420 --> 00:34:08,810 Every other father at the school that I went to 589 00:34:08,860 --> 00:34:12,650 was, like, a blubbering-faced posh toff with a Barbour jacket. 590 00:34:12,700 --> 00:34:16,010 Then you came striding across the sports field, 591 00:34:16,060 --> 00:34:18,610 a vision in denim, like... 592 00:34:18,660 --> 00:34:21,210 It was amazing - we were all like, "Oh, God, look at him! 593 00:34:21,260 --> 00:34:22,850 "He probably eats his steak rare 594 00:34:22,900 --> 00:34:26,010 "and doesn't bother getting out of the bath to take a BLEEP." 595 00:34:27,820 --> 00:34:29,050 And here you are. 596 00:34:29,100 --> 00:34:31,010 It was always those book signings - that's... 597 00:34:31,060 --> 00:34:32,690 You had to go, all the parents had to go, 598 00:34:32,740 --> 00:34:33,810 if they'd written a book - 599 00:34:33,860 --> 00:34:36,130 and almost everyone at this school had... Yeah. 600 00:34:36,180 --> 00:34:38,250 You'd be in this room and there'd be Jeremy Paxman 601 00:34:38,300 --> 00:34:40,890 with a big stack of books he was trying to sell. 602 00:34:40,940 --> 00:34:42,690 It was you and Paxman... 603 00:34:42,740 --> 00:34:44,730 I remember it like it was yesterday. 604 00:34:44,780 --> 00:34:46,570 There was one room, it was a science lab, 605 00:34:46,620 --> 00:34:48,340 you were at one end, Paxman was at the other. 606 00:34:48,390 --> 00:34:50,830 And it was basically a who's got the biggest dick competition. 607 00:34:51,940 --> 00:34:54,410 He'd have some really acerbic, intelligent book 608 00:34:54,460 --> 00:34:56,050 he'd written about the Reformation, 609 00:34:56,100 --> 00:34:58,410 then you'd have, you know... "Full Throttle", 610 00:34:58,460 --> 00:35:00,370 or whatever it was. It was. It was. 611 00:35:00,420 --> 00:35:02,250 He'd got a queue of people going, you know, 612 00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:05,050 "Your observations on the Plantagenets are most interesting." 613 00:35:05,100 --> 00:35:08,820 And I got, "Do you think the Subaru is better than the Evo?" 614 00:35:09,860 --> 00:35:14,690 Now... we get many guests down here who say, "Ooh, no, I can't drive." 615 00:35:14,740 --> 00:35:17,410 And they mean, "I've never done any track driving 616 00:35:17,460 --> 00:35:19,890 "and I'm not very confident and I'm not very good." 617 00:35:19,940 --> 00:35:23,730 When we say you can't drive, we mean... you CAN'T drive. 618 00:35:23,780 --> 00:35:26,650 No. No, I can't drive at all. 619 00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:30,370 I... I mean, I've been in a car once, behind the wheel. 620 00:35:30,420 --> 00:35:33,050 I've done passenger stuff loads of times, I'm amazing. 621 00:35:33,100 --> 00:35:35,730 But the driving aspect, I've done, like, half a lesson? 622 00:35:35,780 --> 00:35:37,490 My dad gave me half a lesson 623 00:35:37,540 --> 00:35:39,810 and it became clear that it wasn't really a lesson - 624 00:35:39,860 --> 00:35:42,250 he wanted a lift to the butchers. 625 00:35:42,300 --> 00:35:44,650 So we drove down the road to the left, 626 00:35:44,700 --> 00:35:46,810 he picked up a leg of lamb and we went home. 627 00:35:46,860 --> 00:35:49,130 So that's the only lesson I ever had. 628 00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:52,770 But I've never been behind the wheel of a car on my own ever before. 629 00:35:52,820 --> 00:35:56,290 So I thought it would be good to come and do it... Here? 630 00:35:56,340 --> 00:35:57,490 Which, of course, 631 00:35:57,540 --> 00:36:00,490 meant that we actually had to teach you to drive a car. 632 00:36:00,540 --> 00:36:03,330 Yeah. When I say, "we"...The Stig. 633 00:36:03,380 --> 00:36:06,690 Yeah, I mean, he wasn't... he's not a great instructor. 634 00:36:06,740 --> 00:36:09,570 He's not talkative, let's put it that way. 635 00:36:09,620 --> 00:36:11,610 Um... well, we've actually got some footage 636 00:36:11,660 --> 00:36:15,650 of Jack's first ever driving lesson in an actual... 637 00:36:15,700 --> 00:36:16,690 Was it a manual? 638 00:36:16,740 --> 00:36:19,690 I mean, did it have, like, a lever coming out there? 639 00:36:19,740 --> 00:36:22,050 It had a pull-y thing and then three pedals. 640 00:36:22,100 --> 00:36:23,610 Three pedals and a pull-y thing. 641 00:36:23,660 --> 00:36:26,250 This is known as a manual car. A manual car, yes. 642 00:36:26,300 --> 00:36:29,770 Anybody like to see Jack's first ever driving lesson? 643 00:36:29,820 --> 00:36:31,290 Yes! 644 00:36:31,340 --> 00:36:33,900 Never, ever done this before. Here we go, let's have a look. 645 00:36:37,020 --> 00:36:39,180 It should make a "vroom" noise, shouldn't it? 646 00:36:40,620 --> 00:36:42,620 Do I... am I turning it the right way? 647 00:36:45,140 --> 00:36:47,370 No? Right, OK, fine. 648 00:36:47,420 --> 00:36:49,370 'Was he completely uncommunicative?' 649 00:36:49,420 --> 00:36:50,660 He didn't even nod. 650 00:36:53,900 --> 00:36:54,930 Yes! 651 00:36:57,060 --> 00:37:00,570 Stig, I might need a little bit more from you than this. 652 00:37:00,620 --> 00:37:02,530 OK, right, so that's not working. 653 00:37:02,580 --> 00:37:04,330 By process of elimination, 654 00:37:04,380 --> 00:37:06,970 if we come off the clutch and press this... 655 00:37:08,940 --> 00:37:11,930 Revving. Yeah, that's revving. Getting ready. 656 00:37:11,980 --> 00:37:14,810 And your handbrake's on. That sounds good. 657 00:37:14,860 --> 00:37:15,970 No, it doesn't. 658 00:37:16,020 --> 00:37:17,420 OK, this is getting better. 659 00:37:19,180 --> 00:37:20,330 Oh, Jesus... 660 00:37:24,500 --> 00:37:25,850 I mean, well done. 661 00:37:25,900 --> 00:37:28,770 But we had to go from that to getting you round a lap 662 00:37:28,820 --> 00:37:31,410 in the space of an hour. I think my priorities were... 663 00:37:31,460 --> 00:37:33,450 He didn't think that I was taking it seriously, 664 00:37:33,500 --> 00:37:35,930 cos when I first got in the car - a perfectly valid thing, 665 00:37:35,980 --> 00:37:37,850 it's the thing I always ask when I get in a car, 666 00:37:37,900 --> 00:37:40,330 is whether he had an iPhone charger. 667 00:37:40,380 --> 00:37:44,370 Because mine had died and I wanted to get some photos of the journey 668 00:37:44,420 --> 00:37:46,090 and he wasn't happy about that. 669 00:37:46,140 --> 00:37:47,450 He's so moody! 670 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:51,470 I asked him if there was a Mrs Stig and that didn't go down well. 671 00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,150 No, it wouldn't. That's what he needs - 672 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,030 maybe he's not getting enough of it at home. 673 00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,390 I thought of the perfect person for The Stig as well - 674 00:37:58,440 --> 00:37:59,430 this is a match made in Heaven - 675 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,870 him and the woman who does the demonstrations on The Cube. 676 00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:03,350 With the mask. 677 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:06,270 They would be perfect together! 678 00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:11,510 What would the babies be like? 679 00:38:11,560 --> 00:38:14,190 The babies would be amazing! You could do it as a challenge - 680 00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:16,840 send them to the Isle of Fernandos! 681 00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,150 Talking of The Stig not getting enough, 682 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,150 how, if you're a 17-year-old youth, 683 00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:26,750 do you get any... at all from girls 684 00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,670 if you can't drive them anywhere? 685 00:38:28,720 --> 00:38:31,790 Yeah, it was hard. Especially when I became a stand-up 686 00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,190 and it was like, stand-up, you're going around on tours, 687 00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:36,630 quite rock'n'roll, there would be groupies and stuff, 688 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,150 but it's very hard to pull a groupie 689 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:41,350 when your mother has driven you to the gig. 690 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,350 Afterwards, you'd be like, "Yeah, you want to go back to my crib? 691 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,590 "My ride's outside, it's the Volvo just there. 692 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,320 "You'll have to sit in the back, cos I ride up front with Mummy. 693 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:53,240 "Hope you like The Archers!" 694 00:38:55,160 --> 00:38:57,030 So when you're doing your gigs now, 695 00:38:57,080 --> 00:38:59,070 presumably your mum doesn't take you around. 696 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:01,030 No - the best thing about this latest tour, 697 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:02,390 it's the biggest one I've done, 698 00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,990 and I'm going to be in a tour bus, which is amazing. 699 00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:06,630 Cos the worst thing, I find, 700 00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:08,830 about doing a tour when you're in a car 701 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,990 is having to use petrol station toilets, 702 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,910 cos the lock on a petrol station toilet door 703 00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,270 is always broken. 704 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:19,630 They're always bust, then you have to do that thing which we all do, 705 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:21,270 which I call "lavatory yoga" 706 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,110 where you work out how to keep the door with a broken lock shut. 707 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:25,350 Yeah. 708 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,950 There's three main schools of it - you've got the Tom Daley, 709 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,030 where you lean forward with the arms like that. 710 00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:31,590 Use the fingertips. Yeah. 711 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:35,390 But I can't unless I'm playing Candy Crush, so that doesn't work. 712 00:39:35,440 --> 00:39:37,710 Then you've got the Bowing Monk, 713 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,550 where you put your head forward and just use it as a doorstop. 714 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:42,230 But someone can, like, knock you out 715 00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,630 if they're too insistent on getting in. 716 00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,630 Then your third option, which is the best one, 717 00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:49,950 which you should always use, is the Woman In Labour, 718 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,270 where you plant two feet onto the door. 719 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,030 But I committed to this recently in a petrol station 720 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:57,350 just outside of Bolton, and I'd fully committed, 721 00:39:57,400 --> 00:39:59,550 but you have to be a master of your surroundings, 722 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,430 I didn't realise the door in question opened both ways! 723 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:07,550 This, like, hairy trucker ripped it off and literally thought 724 00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:10,510 I was kind of presenting myself to him! 725 00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:11,600 "Hello!" 726 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:15,710 Now, I want to just go on to... Are you playing the O2? 727 00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:19,030 I'm playing the O2 on the... Oh, I've forgotten the date! 728 00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:22,550 Come on. 729 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,310 17th March. 17th March? 730 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:27,070 The 17th or 18th March. Like, roughly. 731 00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:29,390 17th, he's coming, he's got a ticket. The 17th! 732 00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,790 Oh, no, he works here. 733 00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,150 And there we are, so... 734 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:36,950 It's not just going to be a tour, there's plenty of surprises as well. 735 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,150 There will be the greatest ever Segway entrance to a stand-up tour 736 00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,230 the world has ever seen. Somebody's putting you on a Segway? 737 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,670 I'm on a Segway, yeah. Well, that's worth going to see. 738 00:40:45,720 --> 00:40:49,510 It's got everything you'd want from a stand-up comedy tour. 739 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:50,670 Anyway, the lap. 740 00:40:50,720 --> 00:40:54,150 I ought to explain, you did actually ditch the manual, didn't you, 741 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:55,870 for the lap and go to an automatic? 742 00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:58,870 Yeah, I thought that was best cos I wanted to get all the way around it. 743 00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:01,430 The only trouble with an automatic is you're not going to... 744 00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:05,270 You'll probably not get very high up that anyway, so... Let's not worry too much about that. 745 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:08,630 Who here would like to see the result of your driving lesson? 746 00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,880 Yeah! Here we go. Oh, dear. 747 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:17,590 Flying solo for the first time. 748 00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,270 Come on, Jack. You are a king of speed! 749 00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:25,240 We shall see, you look a bit frightened. I was very frightened. 750 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:30,590 You've steered round that one. It sounds awful. 751 00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,510 Oh, good God! And off. 752 00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,550 That counts though, doesn't it? Yes, yes, yes, you're still... 753 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,590 To be honest, a lot of what The Stig says is BLEEP! 754 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,830 It's really just about... Oh! 755 00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:46,350 I guess we'll never know, as we do Chicago, 756 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:49,150 heading down to the Hammerhead. Where are you going? 757 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:52,720 That's completely the wrong... Oh, I feel so sick. 758 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,560 You made yourself sick! I made myself sick. 759 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,950 And here we go, round the Hammerhead... Whoops! 760 00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:04,790 That was quite good. Not really... Ooh! 761 00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:07,830 The big circular thing is necessary there in front of you. 762 00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,350 Is it low on petrol? 763 00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:11,520 Cos it kept beeping. 764 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:15,510 Right, so, it was beeping at you? 765 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,030 Don't go off there! Tyres. 766 00:42:18,080 --> 00:42:19,230 This one was good. 767 00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:20,670 Oh, braking there! 768 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:22,990 That's ballsy because that can upset the rear end 769 00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:24,350 in a front-wheel-drive car 770 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:27,150 and I may be talking French as far as you're concerned there. 771 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:31,750 Only Gambon to go and can you do it? 772 00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:35,510 Oh, wait a minute, yes, nearly, you can! Across the line! 773 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:40,440 I got there. 774 00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:45,790 When you bear in mind that you arrived this morning having 775 00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,470 driven a car once to the butchers and back... Yeah. 776 00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,870 And then you had a lesson and then put that together, 777 00:42:50,920 --> 00:42:53,990 I think that's pretty impressive, I really do. Oh, thank you. 778 00:42:54,040 --> 00:42:57,390 But how fast do you think you did it? 779 00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:02,230 Where do you think you came on the board? Oh, I don't know. 780 00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:04,870 In between Hiddleston and Bonneville? 781 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:09,150 You're hoping to get between Tom and Hugh? Around about the 1.50 mark? 782 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:10,190 Yeah. 783 00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:14,030 You did it, Jack Whitehall... You're leaning forward like a pro... 784 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,950 One minute... One minute, that's good. 785 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:18,440 ..50... 786 00:43:20,360 --> 00:43:22,880 There's no kind way of saying this. 787 00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:27,910 ..4.5. 788 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:29,470 Aw! 789 00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,110 It's all right, you know... 790 00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:35,670 Getting in the car for me was a victory in itself. 791 00:43:35,720 --> 00:43:37,630 Do you want to move it further down? 792 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:42,110 I feel like I'm sullying that person by being there. 793 00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:43,950 But that, I mean... 794 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,910 Maybe I could come back after I've actually learnt to drive 795 00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,950 and I would get a competitive time. 796 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:53,910 I'd like that because this was woeful. Yeah, I know! 797 00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:57,350 At least I'm on the board and not at home crying in my pants, 798 00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,190 which is where I should be when it comes to driving. 799 00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:03,470 No, I'd like to have you back because it's been bloody good fun having you here. 800 00:44:03,520 --> 00:44:05,630 Ladies and gentlemen, Jack Whitehall! 801 00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:20,670 Now... If you want a car that's fast, you're spoiled for choice. 802 00:44:20,720 --> 00:44:23,870 Same story if you want a car that's economical or cheap, 803 00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:28,270 or has a big boot, but what if you're a massive showoff and your main 804 00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,990 requirement is for a car that makes you stand out in your hometown? 805 00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:34,070 Well, that can be a lot trickier 806 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:38,760 depending upon the town where you live, as I shall now demonstrate. 807 00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:53,750 Welcome to the United Arab Emirates, where, as you can see, 808 00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:57,480 it takes quite a lot to stand out on the car front. 809 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:04,550 Out here, your common or garden Ferrari or Lamborghini 810 00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:07,070 can no longer cut the mustard. 811 00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:10,550 So what do you do if you want to turn heads? 812 00:45:10,600 --> 00:45:14,070 Well, I think I may have the answer. 813 00:45:18,240 --> 00:45:21,430 You see, everyone thinks about blinging their wheels, 814 00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,800 but nobody ever thinks of adding MORE wheels. 815 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:35,840 This is the new six-wheeled version of Mercedes's iconic G-Wagen. 816 00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:41,270 And beside the extra wheels, it also ticks the rarity box 817 00:45:41,320 --> 00:45:45,470 because it's one of only two in existence. 818 00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,910 More will be built, though I suspect not many 819 00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:55,840 when you consider the price, which is a trouser-troubling £370,000. 820 00:45:58,720 --> 00:46:03,030 The six-wheel G-Class was originally built for the Australian Army, 821 00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:07,910 who demanded standard equipment like seats and doors. 822 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:11,630 In this civilian version, however, you get heated 823 00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:14,550 and ventilated electric leather chairs, 824 00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:17,310 a leather-trimmed dashboard 825 00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,990 and a bamboo-lined cargo bay. 826 00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:25,470 You really do get a lot of car for your money, as in A LOT OF CAR. 827 00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:26,950 I mean, look at it. 828 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:29,950 It's nearly a metre longer than a Range Rover 829 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:31,790 and it's got 37-inch wheels. 830 00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,270 I reckon I could get my head in the gap between the wheel 831 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:35,720 and the wheel arch. 832 00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:41,030 Yeah, I can. Try doing that in a Range Rover. 833 00:46:48,580 --> 00:46:53,530 The six-by-six also weighs three-and-three-quarter tonnes 834 00:46:53,580 --> 00:46:56,130 or the same as three VW Golfs. 835 00:46:56,180 --> 00:47:01,090 So, engine-wise, it can't afford to mess about. 836 00:47:01,140 --> 00:47:07,050 It's actually got a 5.5 litre, 536-horsepower twin-turbo V8 837 00:47:07,100 --> 00:47:10,380 from Mercedes's in-house nutterists, AMG. 838 00:47:13,540 --> 00:47:14,940 Oh, we're getting a move on! 839 00:47:16,980 --> 00:47:19,540 560 pound-feet of torque. 840 00:47:20,980 --> 00:47:23,180 0-60 in under six seconds. 841 00:47:26,540 --> 00:47:30,500 That's sports car stuff in something the size of a shopping centre. 842 00:47:32,340 --> 00:47:35,370 Fuel economy? Well, I doubt this will be the official transport 843 00:47:35,420 --> 00:47:38,020 to the next Greenpeace annual conference. 844 00:47:39,180 --> 00:47:42,410 All I'll say is they thought it best to fit two fuel tanks. 845 00:47:42,460 --> 00:47:45,530 You change over using this switch up here. 846 00:47:45,580 --> 00:47:47,900 And everybody loves an overhead switch. 847 00:47:49,180 --> 00:47:51,690 If I drove this down Ross-on-Wye high street, 848 00:47:51,740 --> 00:47:53,940 I would be lord of all I survey. 849 00:47:55,340 --> 00:47:57,890 The undisputed king of Herefordshire. 850 00:47:57,940 --> 00:48:04,050 Never mind Herefordshire, this thing attracts attention even around here. 851 00:48:05,780 --> 00:48:07,500 Seriously? 852 00:48:09,100 --> 00:48:10,570 Really? 853 00:48:10,620 --> 00:48:12,330 'Yeah, he's serious. 854 00:48:12,380 --> 00:48:14,250 'As it turned out, 855 00:48:14,300 --> 00:48:17,930 'the policeman had never seen such an unusual car before...' 856 00:48:17,980 --> 00:48:22,050 There's six wheels. I guess it's the same on the other side. 857 00:48:22,100 --> 00:48:24,530 '..and was on his way again after he'd had a look.' 858 00:48:24,580 --> 00:48:25,620 Bye! 859 00:48:26,940 --> 00:48:31,060 Lamborghini Aventador police car. They don't have those in Ross-on-Wye. 860 00:48:32,900 --> 00:48:34,020 Or these... 861 00:48:35,260 --> 00:48:36,620 Ferrari FF. 862 00:48:38,300 --> 00:48:40,570 That's an S... MG. 863 00:48:40,620 --> 00:48:42,340 What a funny day. 864 00:48:45,660 --> 00:48:51,570 Now, although the six-by-six is seriously quick on tarmac and turns 865 00:48:51,620 --> 00:48:56,540 policemen's heads, where it's really built to shine is as an off-roader. 866 00:48:57,900 --> 00:48:59,810 Let me give you an example. 867 00:48:59,860 --> 00:49:03,810 A Land Rover Defender can wade through half a metre of water 868 00:49:03,860 --> 00:49:05,530 and that's very good. 869 00:49:05,580 --> 00:49:09,370 This can wade through twice that. 870 00:49:09,420 --> 00:49:14,570 However, this being the desert, water is quite hard to find, 871 00:49:14,620 --> 00:49:19,100 so if you want to test it, you do have to improvise. 872 00:49:32,580 --> 00:49:33,660 Morning, sorry. 873 00:49:35,500 --> 00:49:41,850 Sorry. This is, unless I'm very much mistaken, a metre of water. 874 00:49:41,900 --> 00:49:45,660 And my six-by-six is... wading through it. 875 00:49:47,420 --> 00:49:49,260 Even dealing with the rubber rings. 876 00:49:50,260 --> 00:49:53,530 Yeah, not having any difficulties with this at all. 877 00:49:53,580 --> 00:49:56,730 But how does it cope with sand? 878 00:49:56,780 --> 00:50:00,700 Well, the good news is, sand is one thing we're really not short of. 879 00:50:04,900 --> 00:50:07,500 Welcome to the Empty Quarter. 880 00:50:10,060 --> 00:50:13,450 The largest sand desert in the world. 881 00:50:13,500 --> 00:50:16,940 Covering some 250,000 square miles. 882 00:50:18,220 --> 00:50:22,130 Out here, temperatures hit 50 degrees centigrade 883 00:50:22,180 --> 00:50:26,580 and there are dunes more than 800ft high. 884 00:50:36,660 --> 00:50:39,010 OK, we have six-wheel drive 885 00:50:39,060 --> 00:50:43,210 with the power split 30-40-30 across the axles... check. 886 00:50:43,260 --> 00:50:46,210 Stronger front springs from the armoured version of the G-Class... 887 00:50:46,260 --> 00:50:47,730 check. 888 00:50:47,780 --> 00:50:50,210 Locking diffs - oh, we've got those. 889 00:50:50,260 --> 00:50:54,050 The most you'd expect normally would be three. On here, five! 890 00:50:54,100 --> 00:50:58,010 And you lock them using these buttons in different ways. 891 00:50:58,060 --> 00:50:59,620 Right, let's go. 892 00:51:06,900 --> 00:51:08,450 These are big, big dunes. 893 00:51:08,500 --> 00:51:11,380 This is more of a sand mountain I'm on right now. 894 00:51:17,980 --> 00:51:22,170 Oh! Three-and-three-quarter tonnes of Mercedes 895 00:51:22,220 --> 00:51:25,820 is doing this, it just doesn't feel right! 896 00:51:35,620 --> 00:51:39,930 This extra axle and these two extra wheels, it changes the way the 897 00:51:39,980 --> 00:51:44,340 six-by-six travels over the ground, it undulates, it feels supple. 898 00:51:46,300 --> 00:51:49,300 It's like blasting through the desert dunes... 899 00:51:50,620 --> 00:51:51,900 ..riding a sinew. 900 00:51:55,620 --> 00:51:56,770 Come on! 901 00:51:56,820 --> 00:51:59,300 O-o-o-oh! 902 00:52:02,660 --> 00:52:04,260 No! BLEEP! 903 00:52:05,620 --> 00:52:08,060 I got some air. Sorry, everybody. 904 00:52:11,100 --> 00:52:14,450 'Intoxicated by what the Merc could do, 905 00:52:14,500 --> 00:52:18,250 'I drove deeper and deeper into the Empty Quarter.' 906 00:52:18,300 --> 00:52:19,980 Right, where's it go now? 907 00:52:21,100 --> 00:52:24,540 Cos... Oh, my God! Oh! 908 00:52:32,980 --> 00:52:35,700 Oh, for crying out loud! 909 00:52:37,380 --> 00:52:39,180 I wouldn't ski down that! 910 00:52:42,260 --> 00:52:44,340 OK. 911 00:52:47,180 --> 00:52:49,810 Whoa-oh-oh-aah! 912 00:52:49,860 --> 00:52:55,620 Over the top, over the top... Oh! Oh, very unpleasant, not nice! 913 00:52:58,020 --> 00:52:59,740 It's vertical! 914 00:53:01,780 --> 00:53:04,140 I'm in a car, I'm having a plane crash! 915 00:53:06,100 --> 00:53:08,180 I'm still going down! 916 00:53:12,940 --> 00:53:16,100 Oh, what a stupid place, I hate it! 917 00:53:17,860 --> 00:53:20,850 ♪ Ahead, I saw a nice, flat desert floor 918 00:53:20,900 --> 00:53:24,140 'and decided that was a much safer place to be.' 919 00:53:30,140 --> 00:53:31,810 It's drifting! 920 00:53:31,860 --> 00:53:35,380 Now it's a rally car, a gigantic rally car. 921 00:53:41,140 --> 00:53:44,010 And let's not forget, I'm not having to shout over this, 922 00:53:44,060 --> 00:53:46,050 it's not "Raaargh!" in here. 923 00:53:46,100 --> 00:53:48,500 I'm still cocooned in luxury. 924 00:53:50,180 --> 00:53:52,020 It's an amazing device. 925 00:53:56,660 --> 00:54:00,450 Now, when you take an off-roader across sand, 926 00:54:00,500 --> 00:54:02,730 the standard practice, as I've done, 927 00:54:02,780 --> 00:54:08,010 is to let some air out of the tyres to give them a bigger footprint. 928 00:54:08,060 --> 00:54:11,450 Now I'm going back on tarmac, so I need to reinflate them. 929 00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:14,850 All I've got to do is operate these overhead switches. 930 00:54:14,900 --> 00:54:17,170 I feel like a jet pilot. 931 00:54:17,220 --> 00:54:18,770 Compressor on. 932 00:54:18,820 --> 00:54:20,500 Going up. 933 00:54:21,860 --> 00:54:27,130 And they can reinflate ALL of these tyres in under a minute. 934 00:54:27,180 --> 00:54:28,260 Oh, I love this. 935 00:54:29,340 --> 00:54:32,220 If I did this in Ledbury I'd be mobbed by now. 936 00:54:34,940 --> 00:54:40,380 Leaving the Empty Quarter behind, I headed back towards civilisation. 937 00:54:43,500 --> 00:54:46,330 I'm not going to pretend this is anything less than 938 00:54:46,380 --> 00:54:48,930 a preposterous machine. 939 00:54:48,980 --> 00:54:51,530 It's a six-metre, 940 00:54:51,580 --> 00:54:55,770 three-and-three-quarter tonne, £370,000, six-wheeled dinosaur, 941 00:54:55,820 --> 00:54:59,930 but as dinosaurs go, it is a magnificent one. 942 00:54:59,980 --> 00:55:03,730 Magnificent to behold, magnificently made, 943 00:55:03,780 --> 00:55:06,410 it's one of the car world's mad moments. 944 00:55:06,460 --> 00:55:09,580 A day off from Priuses and Leafs. 945 00:55:11,380 --> 00:55:15,890 And even in a country as chock-full of showy-offy cars as this one, 946 00:55:15,940 --> 00:55:19,060 it's still really rather special. 947 00:55:20,700 --> 00:55:23,530 You can forget your chrome wraps and whatever, 948 00:55:23,580 --> 00:55:24,930 I don't think you can beat 949 00:55:24,980 --> 00:55:27,810 just having more wheels than anything else, 950 00:55:27,860 --> 00:55:30,090 and I can say with absolute confidence 951 00:55:30,140 --> 00:55:33,820 that I have more wheels than any other... Oh. 952 00:55:40,060 --> 00:55:44,450 No matter, one thing I can say for sure is that this is 953 00:55:44,500 --> 00:55:47,130 the most extreme Mercedes out here. 954 00:55:47,180 --> 00:55:50,490 I doubt there's anything with a Mercedes badge in these parts 955 00:55:50,540 --> 00:55:54,300 that can draw as much attention... as that. 956 00:55:59,820 --> 00:56:03,490 All right, so I don't have the most wheels, 957 00:56:03,540 --> 00:56:06,650 it's not the most extreme Mercedes out here, 958 00:56:06,700 --> 00:56:09,930 but the six-by-six does have size on its side. 959 00:56:09,980 --> 00:56:13,130 Bigger than any Range Rover, bigger than any Land Cruiser, 960 00:56:13,180 --> 00:56:16,770 bigger than that old Jeep up there and that's the thing - 961 00:56:16,820 --> 00:56:19,410 a car can be beautiful but when it's big, 962 00:56:19,460 --> 00:56:22,700 it's got presence and they don't come much bigger than... 963 00:56:24,540 --> 00:56:29,060 Oh... my... God... 964 00:56:48,700 --> 00:56:50,100 I want this one. 965 00:56:56,900 --> 00:56:58,130 Brilliant. 966 00:56:58,180 --> 00:57:00,450 Embarrassingly, whilst there, 967 00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:02,210 I ran the Merc out of petrol 968 00:57:02,260 --> 00:57:05,530 in the place where they actually grow the stuff. Really? 969 00:57:05,580 --> 00:57:07,730 It was awful, I felt an idiot. Never mind that, 970 00:57:07,780 --> 00:57:09,970 can we just look at that picture of you at the end? 971 00:57:11,420 --> 00:57:13,930 You do look like something out of The Borrowers, 972 00:57:13,980 --> 00:57:17,330 to be brutally honest. But I have to say that Jeep is incredible. 973 00:57:17,380 --> 00:57:20,970 Sadly, it was broken the day I was there, but it does actually move. 974 00:57:21,020 --> 00:57:24,530 And I'd like to see that one day, but now it is time for me 975 00:57:24,580 --> 00:57:28,530 to demonstrate that cars are better than motorbikes. Oh, no. 976 00:57:28,580 --> 00:57:31,930 Hang on. Jeremy, we've only got a few minutes. Yes, yes, listen. 977 00:57:31,980 --> 00:57:36,130 Come over here, because what we have here is a table laid for two, OK? 978 00:57:36,180 --> 00:57:39,170 And I'm going to remove this tablecloth without knocking 979 00:57:39,220 --> 00:57:41,730 anything over. Where are you going with this? 980 00:57:41,780 --> 00:57:43,610 Everybody, stand back behind me, 981 00:57:43,660 --> 00:57:47,500 because you need to be... quick to do this. Well... 982 00:57:51,620 --> 00:57:54,370 Well, yeah. Oh, well done. 983 00:57:54,420 --> 00:57:57,370 That's really cleared that up for us(!) 984 00:57:57,420 --> 00:58:00,050 Bikes are faster than a table! Or something. 985 00:58:00,100 --> 00:58:01,730 What's that got to do with anything? 986 00:58:01,780 --> 00:58:06,090 It went rather well, better than I'd expected, if I'm honest! 987 00:58:06,140 --> 00:58:11,450 Anyway, the thing is, BMW once did that trick with a much larger table, 988 00:58:11,500 --> 00:58:15,420 as I shall now demonstrate with this bit of film. 989 00:58:37,060 --> 00:58:41,170 Well, that is tremendous, it's amazing. Well done, the motorbike. 990 00:58:41,220 --> 00:58:42,250 Yeah. 991 00:58:42,300 --> 00:58:47,250 But what I'm going to do now is that exact same thing only with a car. 992 00:58:47,300 --> 00:58:51,250 You are aware, aren't you, that a Superbike accelerates very fast? 993 00:58:51,300 --> 00:58:55,130 Yes, Hammond, from say 10-150, but to do that you need 994 00:58:55,180 --> 00:58:58,690 the instant acceleration, it's 0-10 that matters. 995 00:58:58,740 --> 00:59:00,250 That is a very good point 996 00:59:00,300 --> 00:59:03,050 because it's very difficult to get a bike off the line. 997 00:59:03,100 --> 00:59:06,210 Right, I'll admit, it usually spins the wheel or it flips over backwards. 998 00:59:06,260 --> 00:59:07,970 You see, cars don't flip over backwards, 999 00:59:08,020 --> 00:59:10,210 it's one of the many reasons why they're better. 1000 00:59:10,260 --> 00:59:12,730 And the car I've selected is this one. A Datsun? 1001 00:59:12,780 --> 00:59:14,650 A Nissan GT-R. 1002 00:59:14,700 --> 00:59:18,170 No, I approve of your choice of car, actually, I have to say. 1003 00:59:18,220 --> 00:59:21,210 Yeah, cos May and I were playing with one of these the other day 1004 00:59:21,260 --> 00:59:24,210 and the way it sets off is simply unbelievable. 1005 00:59:24,260 --> 00:59:26,090 I mean, it really is, 1006 00:59:26,140 --> 00:59:28,690 there's no car I've ever driven that goes from 0-10 faster. 1007 00:59:28,740 --> 00:59:31,450 It's got four-wheel drive and an amazing launch control system. 1008 00:59:31,500 --> 00:59:34,290 So you put your foot hard down on the accelerator, hard on the 1009 00:59:34,340 --> 00:59:37,090 brake, take your foot off the brake, computer does everything 1010 00:59:37,140 --> 00:59:41,090 and you set off. OK, and this is the table, yeah? Yes, it is. 1011 00:59:41,140 --> 00:59:42,530 So let's get this straight. 1012 00:59:42,580 --> 00:59:46,770 You are going to pull this tablecloth off this, what, 18ft table? Yes. 1013 00:59:46,820 --> 00:59:50,250 Using this Datsun? Listen... Without breaking anything? 1014 00:59:50,300 --> 00:59:52,850 Without knocking a single thing over. Really? Yes. 1015 00:59:52,900 --> 00:59:56,090 The words "stand" and "back" spring to mind. 1016 00:59:56,140 --> 00:59:57,690 Ye of little faith. 1017 00:59:57,740 --> 01:00:01,410 OK, I'm using the same length of rope that BMW did. 1018 01:00:01,460 --> 01:00:03,410 Same amount of slack that they did, 1019 01:00:03,460 --> 01:00:06,050 we're pulling from the same place that they did. 1020 01:00:06,100 --> 01:00:07,810 Everything is... What? 1021 01:00:07,860 --> 01:00:10,250 Have you actually measured this out? A bit. 1022 01:00:10,300 --> 01:00:13,450 You've got to go 18ft to get the tablecloth off the table, 1023 01:00:13,500 --> 01:00:16,170 plus the length of that bit off the end... Yes. 1024 01:00:16,220 --> 01:00:18,530 ..plus you got to account for the amount of rope 1025 01:00:18,580 --> 01:00:21,570 and you've got to stop before you hit the other side of the studio. 1026 01:00:21,620 --> 01:00:25,010 No, I haven't. You have. I haven't, because I'm not going to drive it. 1027 01:00:25,060 --> 01:00:26,290 He is. 1028 01:00:26,340 --> 01:00:28,970 Ladies and gentlemen, The Stig has come among us. 1029 01:00:30,060 --> 01:00:32,810 Very rarely in the studio. 1030 01:00:32,860 --> 01:00:34,650 Hold on a minute. Very rarely... 1031 01:00:34,700 --> 01:00:36,850 Hold on a minute. Yes, what? 1032 01:00:36,900 --> 01:00:40,530 So you are saying he is going to drive across our darkened studio, 1033 01:00:40,580 --> 01:00:43,130 peering through his darkened visor? 1034 01:00:43,180 --> 01:00:45,610 Yes. Is this how this Stig dies? 1035 01:00:46,820 --> 01:00:48,170 Has he done a book? 1036 01:00:48,220 --> 01:00:50,410 No, he hasn't. Right, is he ready? 1037 01:00:50,460 --> 01:00:52,060 Are you ready? 1038 01:00:55,740 --> 01:00:58,770 Everybody here ready? Yes! 1039 01:00:58,820 --> 01:00:59,810 Oh, God! 1040 01:00:59,860 --> 01:01:02,570 We have no idea how it's going to work out, 1041 01:01:02,620 --> 01:01:04,250 but I have hope in my heart. 1042 01:01:04,300 --> 01:01:08,260 In three, two, one, go! 1043 01:01:18,700 --> 01:01:24,010 Well? That was mostly incredibly successful. How, in what way? 1044 01:01:24,060 --> 01:01:26,210 He didn't hit the wall, as we can see. 1045 01:01:26,260 --> 01:01:28,770 But everything else has hit the floor, it's smashed to bits! 1046 01:01:28,820 --> 01:01:32,930 Yes, but look! There's a whole cup and saucer, not damaged. 1047 01:01:32,980 --> 01:01:37,210 It didn't work. It didn't... It is most odd actually. 1048 01:01:37,260 --> 01:01:41,500 Can we see a replay of that, maybe work out what went wrong. 1049 01:01:42,900 --> 01:01:45,770 Oh, there's the problem. What? He's doing it too slowly. 1050 01:01:45,820 --> 01:01:47,770 No, that's in slow motion, you idiot. 1051 01:01:47,820 --> 01:01:50,650 Well, if he hadn't have done it in slow motion, it would have worked! 1052 01:01:50,700 --> 01:01:54,290 For crying out loud! But now look! It's a disaster. It's a bombshell. 1053 01:01:54,340 --> 01:01:57,010 And that means we can end. Yes. Mm. 1054 01:01:57,060 --> 01:01:59,850 Thank you ever so much for watching, we'll see you next week. 1055 01:01:59,900 --> 01:02:01,930 Take care and good night.