1
00:00:01,406 --> 00:00:02,773
- Man, this is gonna be fun!
- Ah, come on!

2
00:00:02,807 --> 00:00:04,174
Get it close to the light.

3
00:00:04,209 --> 00:00:05,876
Okay, just because
you invented Sky Knife

4
00:00:05,910 --> 00:00:07,911
doesn't mean you can
tell me how to throw.

5
00:00:07,946 --> 00:00:09,613
Hurry up, man.
You can do this.

6
00:00:09,647 --> 00:00:11,281
One, two, three.

7
00:00:11,316 --> 00:00:12,082
Sky Knife!

8
00:00:13,418 --> 00:00:14,585
Yeah!

9
00:00:14,619 --> 00:00:15,886
What's up?

10
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,020
Oh, hey. What's up?
Nothing, just a...

11
00:00:17,055 --> 00:00:18,122
Hey, uh, straight-up chillin'.

12
00:00:18,156 --> 00:00:20,424
You guys,

13
00:00:20,458 --> 00:00:22,764
it's a really long story,
but I think I saw an eagle.

14
00:00:22,944 --> 00:00:24,828
I was shopping for books on Western...

15
00:00:24,863 --> 00:00:26,163
Oh, my God!

16
00:00:26,197 --> 00:00:27,631
- Oh!
- Oh!

17
00:00:27,665 --> 00:00:29,066
Oh, God, what the hell?

18
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:30,601
You were in the drop zone.

19
00:00:30,635 --> 00:00:32,336
- Good save, Nick.
- You were a hero!

20
00:00:32,370 --> 00:00:33,504
Good save.

21
00:00:33,538 --> 00:00:35,472
We were playing Sky Knife.
You mad?

22
00:00:35,507 --> 00:00:36,473
No.

23
00:00:36,508 --> 00:00:38,909
No. I... I think it's been
a great game this week.

24
00:00:38,943 --> 00:00:40,811
I'm amazed at how great it is.

25
00:00:40,845 --> 00:00:42,780
Uh! Awesome! I thought you were
gonna be mad. All right.

26
00:00:42,814 --> 00:00:45,582
I'm gonna go get the bad-ass
knives from Schmidt's house.

27
00:00:45,617 --> 00:00:46,950
- Cool.
- Get 'em, girl.

28
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:51,088
Um, guys, we have a problem.

29
00:00:51,122 --> 00:00:52,456
I know, but Abby's gonna fix it.

30
00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:53,691
She's going to get the cooler knives.

31
00:00:53,725 --> 00:00:55,492
The problem is Abby.

32
00:00:55,527 --> 00:00:57,261
She's been here one week

33
00:00:57,295 --> 00:00:59,930
and has already created chaos
everywhere.

34
00:00:59,964 --> 00:01:02,166
I don't know if anybody noticed,

35
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,767
but she destroyed
my sunflower painting

36
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:05,969
- with a picture of a penis.
- The iguana's cool.

37
00:01:06,004 --> 00:01:07,604
- I like the iguana.
- Who doesn't love an iguana?

38
00:01:07,639 --> 00:01:09,506
- I like its tail.
- Yeah.

39
00:01:11,076 --> 00:01:12,643
Oh, my God, you guys, it's Terry.

40
00:01:12,677 --> 00:01:14,244
The bastard found me.
He wants his stuff.

41
00:01:14,279 --> 00:01:16,480
Who's Terry?! What's his stuff?!
Cocaine drugs?!

42
00:01:16,514 --> 00:01:17,748
Worse.

43
00:01:17,782 --> 00:01:19,450
You guys got to hide.

44
00:01:19,484 --> 00:01:21,185
Oh, my God, I knew
this was gonna happen.

45
00:01:21,219 --> 00:01:23,587
- Everybody in your earthquake spots now!
- Jess!

46
00:01:25,090 --> 00:01:26,523
She's messing with you.

47
00:01:28,927 --> 00:01:30,361
Yeah, I know.

48
00:01:30,395 --> 00:01:32,696
We are messing with you.

49
00:01:32,731 --> 00:01:34,292
- No.
- I don't think you were involved.

50
00:01:34,472 --> 00:01:35,866
- Don't taunt you, dude.
- You guys were all afraid of Terry.

51
00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:38,302
Us Day sisters up to our old pranks.

52
00:01:38,336 --> 00:01:40,070
- You're not part of it.
- Yes, I am!

53
00:01:40,105 --> 00:01:42,840
- You got messed with.
- You got messed with, not me.

54
00:01:42,874 --> 00:01:44,331
You're doing that voice
when you get messed with.

55
00:01:44,351 --> 00:01:46,337
- No, I'm not.
- You guys, this is so fun.

56
00:01:46,347 --> 00:01:49,179
- I want to live here.
- Ah, ha, ha!

57
00:01:49,214 --> 00:01:51,849
That was funny, 'cause
we're messing with you again.

58
00:01:51,883 --> 00:01:53,650
No. I'm serious.
That one was real.

59
00:01:53,685 --> 00:01:55,185
I think I should live here.

60
00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:56,720
I hate this game.

61
00:02:16,273 --> 00:02:20,465
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com

62
00:02:23,748 --> 00:02:26,383
You looking up how to eat a bagel?

63
00:02:26,418 --> 00:02:29,720
No. I'm, uh, seeing if I passed
the LAPD entrance exam.

64
00:02:29,754 --> 00:02:32,222
Results go up in 30 seconds.

65
00:02:32,257 --> 00:02:34,058
If you pass, you get to be a cop?

66
00:02:34,092 --> 00:02:35,859
No, I get to go to the
police academy, you know?

67
00:02:35,894 --> 00:02:38,395
Hope I get a dog partner.

68
00:02:38,430 --> 00:02:39,930
Yeah.
Oh, you are pretty calm

69
00:02:39,964 --> 00:02:41,532
for someone who's about
to get life-changing news.

70
00:02:41,566 --> 00:02:43,434
You must be really cool
under pressure.

71
00:02:43,468 --> 00:02:45,669
No! I'm a huge choker.

72
00:02:45,704 --> 00:02:47,604
Huge!

73
00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:49,473
Girl, I ain't had a job
in over three months.

74
00:02:49,507 --> 00:02:51,909
So, this is...
that moment, I guess,

75
00:02:51,943 --> 00:02:56,046
when you find out if
you're really a failure or not.

76
00:02:56,081 --> 00:02:58,615
Check it.
Excitement's killing me!

77
00:02:58,650 --> 00:03:01,051
Man, would you look
at the... time?

78
00:03:01,086 --> 00:03:03,587
Man. Girl, I got an obligation

79
00:03:03,621 --> 00:03:07,257
at a sandwich meeting...
to... to go to.

80
00:03:10,161 --> 00:03:13,664
Yes...

81
00:03:13,698 --> 00:03:17,334
Well, you see,
loyalty has a price, Mr. President.

82
00:03:17,369 --> 00:03:18,969
Give me the hot dogs!

83
00:03:19,004 --> 00:03:23,407
Put the damn hot dogs in the bag,
you son of a bitch, and I won't...

84
00:03:23,441 --> 00:03:26,610
Oh, my God. What are we gonna
do? She can't move in to...

85
00:03:26,644 --> 00:03:28,345
Take that off.

86
00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:30,781
- I hope those are clean.
- Enough.

87
00:03:30,815 --> 00:03:32,182
I don't want to be involved

88
00:03:32,217 --> 00:03:33,517
with your weird thing with your sister.

89
00:03:33,551 --> 00:03:36,020
It's not a weird thing with my sister.

90
00:03:36,054 --> 00:03:37,454
She is crazy.

91
00:03:37,489 --> 00:03:39,289
- No.
- She's wanted in Canada.

92
00:03:39,324 --> 00:03:42,793
Canada. No one's wanted
in Canada.

93
00:03:42,827 --> 00:03:45,029
Hey, uh, you guys want to
hang out, like, right now?

94
00:03:45,063 --> 00:03:48,265
Maybe go up to Alhambra, try
on a whole mess of jeans?

95
00:03:48,299 --> 00:03:49,833
Don't you find out about
that cop test today?

96
00:03:49,868 --> 00:03:52,803
Oh, you know... Oh, yeah. No.

97
00:03:52,837 --> 00:03:54,705
Look, man, the Alhambra
thing, though...

98
00:03:54,739 --> 00:03:56,473
it's getting a lot of momentum,
you know?

99
00:03:56,508 --> 00:03:58,175
So I think I'm gonna go ahead
and do that

100
00:03:58,209 --> 00:04:00,511
'cause when you... you know,
when you do that, so...

101
00:04:00,545 --> 00:04:03,947
Okay, I'm gonna guarantee you
that Abby is responsible for that.

102
00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:05,449
Yeah, she got to me.

103
00:04:05,483 --> 00:04:06,873
If you don't want
Abby to live here, Jessica,

104
00:04:07,041 --> 00:04:08,018
why don't you just tell her?

105
00:04:08,053 --> 00:04:09,820
Nick, you can't just

106
00:04:09,854 --> 00:04:11,789
tell Abby to do something,
'cause she'll do the opposite.

107
00:04:11,823 --> 00:04:13,957
So I'm gonna have to go find
a place for her to live

108
00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:15,960
and make her think it's her idea.

109
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,695
She can't find out
what I'm up to.

110
00:04:17,729 --> 00:04:20,364
Do you think you can keep her
busy and lie to her all day?

111
00:04:20,398 --> 00:04:23,233
Jess, I come from a family
of con artists and liars.

112
00:04:23,268 --> 00:04:26,470
And the one thing I learned
is, you can't lie to a liar.

113
00:04:26,504 --> 00:04:28,205
It don't fly.

114
00:04:28,239 --> 00:04:29,673
Yeah, you shouldn't be involved.

115
00:04:29,708 --> 00:04:31,642
No, I shouldn't.

116
00:04:31,676 --> 00:04:33,043
Wait a second.

117
00:04:33,078 --> 00:04:35,546
Are you doing reverse psychology?

118
00:04:35,580 --> 00:04:37,136
Yeah, it is reverse psychology.

119
00:04:37,302 --> 00:04:39,465
That is reverse psychology,
so you just reversed it,

120
00:04:39,484 --> 00:04:42,319
so now it's reverse, reverse,
which is just psychology.

121
00:04:42,354 --> 00:04:44,521
Hmm, which one is it?

122
00:04:44,556 --> 00:04:45,990
You outfoxed me. I'm in.

123
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,858
I'm gonna do it.

124
00:04:47,892 --> 00:04:52,396
So, our time is up, but, um,
I don't have any more clients,

125
00:04:52,430 --> 00:04:53,831
so, uh...
Oh.

126
00:04:53,865 --> 00:04:55,299
You brought it with that less set, ma.

127
00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:57,701
I got to tell you. I mean,
what can't that butt do?

128
00:04:57,736 --> 00:05:00,371
- You shaped it, so you get dibs.
- Mmm.

129
00:05:00,405 --> 00:05:01,538
Dibs.

130
00:05:03,308 --> 00:05:05,843
Can I get dibs? Because
both y'all butts look great.

131
00:05:05,877 --> 00:05:08,112
I mean, I can't tell
who's in first place.

132
00:05:08,146 --> 00:05:10,347
Hey, uh, Coach, you know
how you're always

133
00:05:10,382 --> 00:05:11,882
getting on me about my pizza baby?

134
00:05:11,916 --> 00:05:13,684
- Yeah.
- Well, today is the day

135
00:05:13,718 --> 00:05:15,019
that I get rid of it.

136
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:17,788
- I am here to train.
- Save it, dude.

137
00:05:17,822 --> 00:05:20,357
You're avoiding your test
results. Nick texted me.

138
00:05:20,392 --> 00:05:22,026
Guess you can't outrun a text.

139
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:24,261
- Nope.
- Well, with the right amount of training...

140
00:05:24,296 --> 00:05:26,697
All right, listen to me.
Um, I need you to leave.

141
00:05:26,731 --> 00:05:27,631
I'm with a client.

142
00:05:27,666 --> 00:05:29,300
A beautiful one.

143
00:05:29,334 --> 00:05:30,701
I'm trying to, you know...

144
00:05:30,735 --> 00:05:32,436
Mm.

145
00:05:32,470 --> 00:05:34,705
You're trying to whistle.

146
00:05:34,739 --> 00:05:36,507
No, no, no, no, no, I'm
trying to have sex with her.

147
00:05:36,541 --> 00:05:38,709
Oh! Sex.

148
00:05:38,743 --> 00:05:42,146
But I did book you for
the entire afternoon, though.

149
00:05:43,948 --> 00:05:45,082
- Why would you do that?
- But...

150
00:05:45,116 --> 00:05:47,804
if you guys are doing a little thing,
then I could easily just...

151
00:05:47,844 --> 00:05:49,386
- Leave and check your test scores?
- ...do a tandem session.

152
00:05:49,421 --> 00:05:50,754
- Oh, fun.
- Right?

153
00:05:50,789 --> 00:05:52,189
Coach, you should show him

154
00:05:52,223 --> 00:05:53,757
that ground stretch
you did on me earlier.

155
00:05:53,792 --> 00:05:56,460
It was opening me
up really nicely.

156
00:05:56,494 --> 00:05:57,628
Yes, please.

157
00:05:57,662 --> 00:05:59,463
I don't wanna.

158
00:06:01,166 --> 00:06:02,232
Oh.

159
00:06:08,306 --> 00:06:09,273
This is amazing.

160
00:06:09,307 --> 00:06:10,641
Oh!

161
00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:13,110
I'm taking a little trip here, Coach.

162
00:06:13,144 --> 00:06:14,511
You know where I'm going.

163
00:06:14,546 --> 00:06:16,180
Why do I keep looking down?

164
00:06:16,214 --> 00:06:17,481
I don't know.

165
00:06:17,515 --> 00:06:22,753
This museum is my favorite place
in Los Angeles.

166
00:06:22,787 --> 00:06:24,588
Um...
come on, Nick.

167
00:06:24,623 --> 00:06:26,590
Jess is making you babysit me, right?

168
00:06:26,625 --> 00:06:28,325
Babysit you?

169
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:29,827
What?

170
00:06:29,861 --> 00:06:31,128
Like you're a little baby?

171
00:06:31,162 --> 00:06:33,564
No.

172
00:06:33,598 --> 00:06:35,232
- That's how you want to play this?
- Well, I'm not "playing" it.

173
00:06:35,266 --> 00:06:37,601
- Oh.
- Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing?

174
00:06:37,636 --> 00:06:39,003
- I just want to touch it.
- Don't touch it.

175
00:06:39,037 --> 00:06:40,270
- I just need to touch it.
- But it's not for touching.

176
00:06:40,305 --> 00:06:41,438
Hey, hey!

177
00:06:41,473 --> 00:06:42,640
What? Can I not jump on it?

178
00:06:42,674 --> 00:06:43,774
- Abby.
- That's not allowed?

179
00:06:43,808 --> 00:06:46,710
- Abby!
- Maybe I shouldn't climb all over the car.

180
00:06:46,745 --> 00:06:48,312
You need to get off of that car.

181
00:06:48,346 --> 00:06:50,614
Why don't you tell me
what it is Jess is up to?

182
00:06:50,649 --> 00:06:52,216
Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am,

183
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:53,951
you're scratching the hood!

184
00:06:53,985 --> 00:06:55,619
Tell me what I want to know.

185
00:06:55,654 --> 00:06:57,388
- Get off there right now.
- There's nothing to tell!

186
00:06:57,422 --> 00:06:58,822
- Tell me what I want to know.
- There's nothing to tell!

187
00:06:58,857 --> 00:07:00,658
- Tell me what she's doing!
- Get her off!

188
00:07:00,692 --> 00:07:02,393
- If I tell you, will you get off the car?
- Yes.

189
00:07:02,427 --> 00:07:03,394
- You promise?
- Yes.

190
00:07:03,428 --> 00:07:05,223
She's looking
for a safe apartment for you

191
00:07:05,303 --> 00:07:06,930
'cause she doesn't
want you to live with us!

192
00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:10,934
Now, would you please
get off the car?

193
00:07:10,969 --> 00:07:14,004
Do you guys serve drinks here?

194
00:07:14,039 --> 00:07:17,508
Why don't they give us Tasers?

195
00:07:23,487 --> 00:07:24,812
Wow. I mean, this place is beautiful.

196
00:07:24,968 --> 00:07:28,625
It makes the other nine places
we've seen today just kind of fade away.

197
00:07:28,659 --> 00:07:30,860
Yeah, um, tell me
about the neighborhood.

198
00:07:30,895 --> 00:07:32,729
Is there a lot of nightlife?

199
00:07:32,763 --> 00:07:35,165
Well, this part of town is pretty quiet.

200
00:07:35,199 --> 00:07:37,500
Unless you count church bells.
Which you should.

201
00:07:37,535 --> 00:07:39,669
We have nine
within hearing distance.

202
00:07:39,703 --> 00:07:41,671
What about the other tenants?
Are there single men

203
00:07:41,705 --> 00:07:45,341
between 18 and 65?
Actually, make that 16 and 72.

204
00:07:45,376 --> 00:07:46,976
Most of the other tenants are

205
00:07:47,011 --> 00:07:49,712
middle-aged gay veterans
like myself.

206
00:07:49,747 --> 00:07:52,515
Oh. Whoa. Jackpot.

207
00:07:52,550 --> 00:07:55,151
And if the demons come calling,
there's an emergency room

208
00:07:55,186 --> 00:07:56,553
right across the street.

209
00:07:56,587 --> 00:07:58,021
You had me at "gay veterans."

210
00:07:58,055 --> 00:07:59,989
And then again at "emergency room."

211
00:08:00,024 --> 00:08:02,158
And before that at "church."

212
00:08:02,193 --> 00:08:05,595
I wish I could just travel back
in time and tell 19-year-old me

213
00:08:05,629 --> 00:08:07,697
to move into a place like this.

214
00:08:07,731 --> 00:08:10,600
Maybe I would've settled down.
Met a, you know, nice guy.

215
00:08:10,634 --> 00:08:14,070
Nothing flashy. Works in a bank,
makes a great veggie lasagna.

216
00:08:14,104 --> 00:08:16,072
- Okay, not now, Cece.
- No, don't stop her.

217
00:08:16,106 --> 00:08:18,308
Who is this guy?

218
00:08:18,342 --> 00:08:19,843
Right?

219
00:08:21,111 --> 00:08:23,079
Bet you are a mean dancer.

220
00:08:23,113 --> 00:08:25,114
Come on. Live a little.

221
00:08:25,149 --> 00:08:26,516
You were right to call me.

222
00:08:26,550 --> 00:08:28,585
Nobody deals with crazy
girls better than I do.

223
00:08:28,619 --> 00:08:30,587
Crazy girls are kind of my Hurt Locker.

224
00:08:30,621 --> 00:08:32,355
- You know what I mean, Nick?
- Okay. Yeah.

225
00:08:32,389 --> 00:08:35,091
Some-some men, they can
just walk away. Not me.

226
00:08:35,126 --> 00:08:36,793
- I just keep coming back.
- Okay, are you gonna help me

227
00:08:36,827 --> 00:08:37,924
- get her off the car?
- Mmm.

228
00:08:38,096 --> 00:08:39,257
- You know what this is, Nick?
- What?

229
00:08:39,430 --> 00:08:41,106
- This is nonsense.
- Exactly.

230
00:08:41,245 --> 00:08:42,116
And how do we deal with nonsense?

231
00:08:42,832 --> 00:08:46,436
No, no. We just don't stand
for it is what we do.

232
00:08:46,470 --> 00:08:47,704
Security is on the way.

233
00:08:47,738 --> 00:08:50,640
Come on, you old bird. Get up here.

234
00:08:50,674 --> 00:08:52,308
I can't afford it.

235
00:08:52,343 --> 00:08:54,978
I'm already the staff troublemaker.

236
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:57,514
- Can you make it happen?
- I'm thinking.

237
00:08:59,583 --> 00:09:03,153
Where are you at right... Like,
is it kind of game... Yeah.

238
00:09:03,187 --> 00:09:05,755
Just shh.

239
00:09:07,391 --> 00:09:09,259
- I got it.
- You do?

240
00:09:09,293 --> 00:09:12,195
Yeah. No nonsense.

241
00:09:13,597 --> 00:09:15,565
Hey, Abby, look at me.

242
00:09:15,599 --> 00:09:17,400
Let's go get a taco.

243
00:09:17,434 --> 00:09:18,768
Okay.

244
00:09:18,803 --> 00:09:20,069
- You got to be kidding.
- There you go. Thank you.

245
00:09:20,104 --> 00:09:21,571
There you go. Perfect.

246
00:09:21,605 --> 00:09:24,440
Hey, you're not gonna tell Jess
I told you about the apartment, right?

247
00:09:24,475 --> 00:09:26,470
Hmm, I don't know.
Maybe. We'll see.

248
00:09:26,672 --> 00:09:27,517
It'd be cool if you... 'Cause...

249
00:09:27,681 --> 00:09:28,766
Why don't you straighten
things up with the museum?

250
00:09:29,447 --> 00:09:32,148
Thank you. I appreciate that.
It's only ten dollars!

251
00:09:32,183 --> 00:09:34,184
That's not gonna...
It's ten dollars!

252
00:09:34,218 --> 00:09:36,486
You snakes.

253
00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,021
Follow through.

254
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:39,189
Yeah, all right.

255
00:09:39,223 --> 00:09:40,523
Or else that creepy guy at the bar

256
00:09:40,558 --> 00:09:41,858
isn't gonna take his
hand off your thigh.

257
00:09:41,892 --> 00:09:43,126
Hands off my thigh, dude!

258
00:09:44,462 --> 00:09:47,130
Hands off my thigh, dude.

259
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,501
What are you doing, dude?

260
00:09:51,535 --> 00:09:53,036
Stop stalling. Check your score.

261
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:54,971
I'm not stalling.

262
00:09:55,005 --> 00:09:56,639
I'm gonna have Anders
work my core

263
00:09:56,674 --> 00:09:58,842
and maybe just go get some juice
with him.

264
00:09:58,876 --> 00:10:01,544
- No, um. No, I-I want juice. I'm...
- Hey, I bought your time.

265
00:10:01,579 --> 00:10:02,946
I do whatever I want with it.

266
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:04,414
Go check your score!

267
00:10:04,448 --> 00:10:06,216
Hey, what are you doing?

268
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:07,884
- No. Wait, what are you doing, dude?!
- I'm checking it myself!

269
00:10:07,918 --> 00:10:10,153
No! Come on, man!

270
00:10:10,187 --> 00:10:12,055
I said no, dude.

271
00:10:12,089 --> 00:10:15,158
No. W...

272
00:10:15,192 --> 00:10:16,659
What?

273
00:10:17,661 --> 00:10:19,395
You failed.

274
00:10:22,366 --> 00:10:24,400
I didn't even...

275
00:10:24,435 --> 00:10:28,505
You know, it's not even a...

276
00:10:28,539 --> 00:10:31,307
Yeah, it's not a big deal, so...

277
00:10:31,342 --> 00:10:33,643
You know, so...

278
00:10:33,677 --> 00:10:36,346
You should probably put
a passcode on your phone, dude.

279
00:10:39,917 --> 00:10:41,384
Hey, Schmidt!

280
00:10:41,418 --> 00:10:43,319
Hey, Schmidt.
Have you seen Abby?

281
00:10:43,354 --> 00:10:45,155
Huh?

282
00:10:45,189 --> 00:10:47,757
What... are you...
what are you doing?

283
00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:50,193
I'm melting chocolate.

284
00:10:52,863 --> 00:10:54,497
Abby and I are having sex.

285
00:10:54,532 --> 00:10:56,466
What happened
to no nonsense, Schmidt?

286
00:10:58,002 --> 00:11:01,037
I've really changed my tune
on nonsense, Nick.

287
00:11:01,071 --> 00:11:02,272
You know, for the life of me,

288
00:11:02,306 --> 00:11:05,041
I could not understand the grasp
that Jess had on you,

289
00:11:05,075 --> 00:11:07,177
but if she came from the same
gene pool as this one...

290
00:11:07,211 --> 00:11:08,545
kudos, my friend.

291
00:11:08,579 --> 00:11:10,547
Even if it's a tenth of what
I just experienced.

292
00:11:10,581 --> 00:11:14,217
Even if it'sa DeVito/Schwarzenegger
split from Twins.

293
00:11:14,251 --> 00:11:15,752
You calling Jess the DeVito?

294
00:11:15,786 --> 00:11:18,154
- What?
- Abby, I was supposed to be watching you.

295
00:11:18,189 --> 00:11:20,690
- Go ahead.
- Don't... don't play tricks with my words.

296
00:11:20,724 --> 00:11:23,059
Jess is gonna kill me. She's gonna say
my name in that short, clipped way

297
00:11:23,093 --> 00:11:24,961
- where she doesn't add the "K."
- What?

298
00:11:24,995 --> 00:11:26,896
When she's mad, she just says "Nic."

299
00:11:26,931 --> 00:11:29,866
Do you really think that the "K"
adds to the sound of your name?

300
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:31,601
- Yes.
- How do you usually say your name?

301
00:11:31,635 --> 00:11:33,069
- Nick.
- Say it without the "K."

302
00:11:33,104 --> 00:11:34,804
- Nic.
- It's the same thing.

303
00:11:34,839 --> 00:11:36,306
Stop distracting me!

304
00:11:36,340 --> 00:11:37,707
Nick, you're so worried
about disappointing Jess.

305
00:11:37,741 --> 00:11:39,275
Relax, man.

306
00:11:39,310 --> 00:11:41,744
Okay, you got to get out of here.

307
00:11:48,919 --> 00:11:50,920
Oh...

308
00:11:54,686 --> 00:11:56,687
I choked.

309
00:11:56,721 --> 00:11:59,690
I choked, man. I'm 31.
I have nothing figured out.

310
00:11:59,724 --> 00:12:01,692
Can I not find a job?

311
00:12:01,726 --> 00:12:05,362
- I mean, I feel like I'm losing it.
- Dude, they're hiring here.

312
00:12:05,396 --> 00:12:06,897
You know I can't work here, man.

313
00:12:06,931 --> 00:12:08,165
They never have any cookies.

314
00:12:08,199 --> 00:12:09,166
It's all the better, man!

315
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,167
There's no pressure.

316
00:12:10,201 --> 00:12:11,769
You get this job and then

317
00:12:11,803 --> 00:12:13,070
when you're ready, you
try the cop thing again.

318
00:12:13,104 --> 00:12:14,738
Okay.

319
00:12:14,773 --> 00:12:16,673
- See?
- Yeah.

320
00:12:16,708 --> 00:12:18,242
But now I'm sitting here thinking

321
00:12:18,276 --> 00:12:19,543
about how badly I need this job.

322
00:12:19,577 --> 00:12:21,378
- Stop!
- I need this job real bad...

323
00:12:21,412 --> 00:12:22,780
Excuse me, um, could we get

324
00:12:22,814 --> 00:12:23,914
a job application over here, please?

325
00:12:23,948 --> 00:12:26,784
In a way, I have a lot more
riding on this job

326
00:12:26,818 --> 00:12:28,185
than I do the cop thing.

327
00:12:28,219 --> 00:12:30,354
God, I'd love to work here!

328
00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:33,724
I got the apartment!

329
00:12:33,758 --> 00:12:36,059
The place is great.
The only thing I'm

330
00:12:36,094 --> 00:12:38,028
a little worried about is there
is a Russian grocery store

331
00:12:38,062 --> 00:12:39,930
down the block and Abby has
a little bit of a weird thing

332
00:12:39,964 --> 00:12:41,698
with ethnic white people.

333
00:12:41,733 --> 00:12:44,201
But I think she could
really thrive there!

334
00:12:44,235 --> 00:12:45,636
Where is she?

335
00:12:45,670 --> 00:12:47,204
- Where's who?
- Abby.

336
00:12:47,238 --> 00:12:49,139
Ab...? Oh, she's sleeping.

337
00:12:49,174 --> 00:12:50,240
By herself.

338
00:12:50,275 --> 00:12:52,609
Which is called "napping."

339
00:12:52,644 --> 00:12:54,945
Okay, I'm gonna start secretly
packing up some of her stuff.

340
00:12:54,979 --> 00:12:56,713
Do you think you can
keep distracting her?

341
00:12:56,748 --> 00:12:58,482
- Yes, yeah, you know, just...
- Good.

342
00:12:58,516 --> 00:12:59,950
how do we distract her?

343
00:12:59,984 --> 00:13:01,985
How do you distract a woman like that?

344
00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:03,387
Probably a guy.

345
00:13:03,421 --> 00:13:04,488
Right?

346
00:13:04,522 --> 00:13:05,923
Who can we set her up with?

347
00:13:05,957 --> 00:13:08,459
Well, well, well,
who do we have?

348
00:13:08,493 --> 00:13:10,127
Coach. No.

349
00:13:10,161 --> 00:13:11,962
Winston...

350
00:13:11,996 --> 00:13:13,230
That's actually kind of a good idea...

351
00:13:13,264 --> 00:13:14,598
No!

352
00:13:14,632 --> 00:13:17,301
- Schmidt!
- That's a terrible idea.

353
00:13:17,335 --> 00:13:19,670
But in the same sense...

354
00:13:19,704 --> 00:13:21,271
Abby will wreck Schmidt!

355
00:13:21,306 --> 00:13:23,741
- Well, then luckily, the...
- So, here's the plan.

356
00:13:23,775 --> 00:13:24,808
We're gonna have
a nice dinner, we're gonna

357
00:13:24,843 --> 00:13:26,276
get her buzzed but not drunk.

358
00:13:26,311 --> 00:13:28,746
And then we're gonna
casually and naturally

359
00:13:28,780 --> 00:13:29,947
bring up the apartment

360
00:13:29,981 --> 00:13:32,416
so she thinks it's her idea.

361
00:13:32,450 --> 00:13:34,118
- And I can do that, okay?
- Okay, good.

362
00:13:34,152 --> 00:13:36,587
- I'm glad.
- I'll act cool, natural.

363
00:13:36,621 --> 00:13:37,688
Casual.

364
00:13:37,722 --> 00:13:38,989
Au naturel.

365
00:13:39,023 --> 00:13:41,024
Au casual.
You know what?

366
00:13:41,059 --> 00:13:42,993
Maybe I should write
you some lines, pal.

367
00:13:43,027 --> 00:13:43,927
Yeah, I'd really
appreciate that 'cause...

368
00:13:43,962 --> 00:13:45,729
Maybe not a lot of words.

369
00:13:45,764 --> 00:13:50,300
Uh, so tell me, what are
your three weakest qualities?

370
00:13:50,335 --> 00:13:52,536
See...

371
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:53,771
Just say "perfectionist."

372
00:13:53,805 --> 00:13:55,139
- Perfectionist.
- Yeah.

373
00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:59,376
And the other two... um...

374
00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:05,382
I'm overheating, right?

375
00:14:05,417 --> 00:14:06,884
I'm overheating, okay?

376
00:14:06,918 --> 00:14:08,385
So here's
what we're gonna do now...

377
00:14:08,420 --> 00:14:10,854
I'm just gonna shoot
from the hip, little rapid fire,

378
00:14:10,889 --> 00:14:13,624
give you some fun facts
you might not know about me.

379
00:14:13,658 --> 00:14:14,825
I hate standing up,

380
00:14:14,859 --> 00:14:15,859
I'm bad with numbers,

381
00:14:15,894 --> 00:14:16,994
and...

382
00:14:17,028 --> 00:14:19,430
I just honestly,
from the bottom of my heart,

383
00:14:19,464 --> 00:14:22,800
don't think women should be
allowed to handle money.

384
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:24,835
Just, that's for real.

385
00:14:26,838 --> 00:14:29,440
Let's just move on to the salary.

386
00:14:29,474 --> 00:14:32,409
And you didn't even fill out
the back of the application.

387
00:14:32,444 --> 00:14:34,278
There's a back?

388
00:14:35,180 --> 00:14:37,181
There is a back to the application?

389
00:14:37,215 --> 00:14:38,715
- Coach.
- What?

390
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:42,086
The LAPD exam...
maybe it had a back.

391
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,988
You didn't check to
see if it had a back?

392
00:14:45,023 --> 00:14:46,323
We got to go to the precinct.

393
00:14:46,357 --> 00:14:48,258
I didn't choke.
I'm just careless.

394
00:14:48,293 --> 00:14:52,996
And that is my biggest
weakness, you bitch.

395
00:14:53,031 --> 00:14:54,998
- I'm so sorry, dude. I'm so sorry, dude.
- Yeah, that was bad.

396
00:14:55,033 --> 00:14:56,767
- Man, I didn't even mean that.
- All right, get out of here.

397
00:14:56,801 --> 00:14:59,203
- Get out of here.
- Dawg, I didn't mean that at all, man.

398
00:14:59,237 --> 00:15:01,739
To our newest resident.

399
00:15:01,773 --> 00:15:04,942
The City of Angels has sprouted
another pair of wings.

400
00:15:04,976 --> 00:15:09,046
It's a majestic city,
drenched in sunshine,

401
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,447
that is actually just a collection

402
00:15:10,482 --> 00:15:13,350
of 75 different neighborhoods.

403
00:15:13,385 --> 00:15:15,185
Wow, I had no idea.

404
00:15:15,220 --> 00:15:17,321
Please continue to tell me more.

405
00:15:17,355 --> 00:15:19,623
- You want more?
- Who wants to rediscover couscous?

406
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:20,803
Hey, what the hell are you
doing here, Schmidt?

407
00:15:20,959 --> 00:15:22,159
I invited him.

408
00:15:22,194 --> 00:15:24,228
- I live here, too, right?
- Yeah, but...

409
00:15:24,262 --> 00:15:26,063
It's okay, Abby can
make her own decisions,

410
00:15:26,097 --> 00:15:27,865
no matter what
they might lead to.

411
00:15:27,899 --> 00:15:30,367
- Thank you.
- Now, somebody call the pound

412
00:15:30,402 --> 00:15:31,802
'cause my stomach is growling.

413
00:15:34,506 --> 00:15:36,473
I said my stomach is growling.

414
00:15:36,508 --> 00:15:39,042
Sp... okay, uh, speaking of dinner,

415
00:15:39,077 --> 00:15:42,212
there are a lot of great options
in North Hollywood.

416
00:15:42,247 --> 00:15:43,547
It's a real hot spot

417
00:15:43,581 --> 00:15:44,948
full of young, hip people

418
00:15:44,983 --> 00:15:46,583
who will be the leaders
of tomorrow.

419
00:15:46,618 --> 00:15:49,453
- More wine?
- Great.

420
00:15:49,487 --> 00:15:52,923
If I were moving to L.A. now,
I'd say yes-ho to NoHo.

421
00:15:52,957 --> 00:15:54,425
Hey, hey, what are you doing?

422
00:15:54,459 --> 00:15:56,393
Oh, my.

423
00:15:56,428 --> 00:15:57,928
Stop touching him, Abby.

424
00:15:57,962 --> 00:15:59,630
I'm sorry, what'd you say?

425
00:15:59,664 --> 00:16:01,598
- Touch him more?
- Do not touch him.

426
00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:04,501
What are you...?
Do not do this right now.

427
00:16:04,536 --> 00:16:05,836
How about that?

428
00:16:06,971 --> 00:16:10,407
As luck would have it, I actually know
of a place in North Hollywood

429
00:16:10,442 --> 00:16:13,677
with great tile work.

430
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:18,415
I said, "Great tile work."

431
00:16:18,450 --> 00:16:20,217
Oh, for the first 12 months.

432
00:16:22,787 --> 00:16:24,755
I think what you really
mean to say is

433
00:16:24,789 --> 00:16:26,857
there's an introductory offer

434
00:16:26,891 --> 00:16:28,892
- for cable television.
- That's it, yeah...

435
00:16:28,927 --> 00:16:30,027
Cable's a scam, I tell ya.

436
00:16:30,061 --> 00:16:31,228
Sa... Satellite.

437
00:16:32,530 --> 00:16:33,897
What happened to
no nonsense, Schmidt?

438
00:16:33,932 --> 00:16:35,632
Satellite's where it's at.

439
00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:37,301
Nonsense has the hands of an angel.

440
00:16:37,335 --> 00:16:38,635
Okay, what's going on here?

441
00:16:40,371 --> 00:16:43,073
I told Abby about the apartment,
and now she's...

442
00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:45,709
giving Schmidt a sp...
a special.

443
00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:49,379
Don't look at me.

444
00:16:49,414 --> 00:16:50,814
Just look away.

445
00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:53,717
Look away, look...
or look right at me.

446
00:16:58,330 --> 00:17:00,731
- So this was going on the whole time?
- Yes.

447
00:17:00,766 --> 00:17:02,700
And the hands are
just the half of it.

448
00:17:02,734 --> 00:17:05,202
I mean, there's been banging
and poking and scratching

449
00:17:05,237 --> 00:17:08,305
and hanging and teasing...
such teasing.

450
00:17:08,340 --> 00:17:10,741
I mean, really excruciating,
life-giving teasing.

451
00:17:10,776 --> 00:17:12,076
Shut up, Schmidt!

452
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:13,110
She was talking to me.

453
00:17:13,145 --> 00:17:16,313
This has been a whole day of lying
and I can't take it.

454
00:17:16,348 --> 00:17:18,482
First I had to lie to Abby,
and so I spilled the beans

455
00:17:18,517 --> 00:17:20,017
- about the apartment.
- I'm sorry.

456
00:17:20,052 --> 00:17:23,154
And then I had to lie about Abby
and Schmidt and the boning.

457
00:17:23,188 --> 00:17:24,922
And then the manipulating

458
00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:26,524
and the out-manipulating...

459
00:17:26,558 --> 00:17:27,758
That's lying!

460
00:17:27,793 --> 00:17:31,262
If you guys were just honest
with each other for one second,

461
00:17:31,296 --> 00:17:33,364
none of this would
have happened.

462
00:17:33,398 --> 00:17:35,132
Okay. All right. Abby...

463
00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:37,601
I'm really sorry
I tried to trick you,

464
00:17:37,636 --> 00:17:39,670
but I just want
what's best for you.

465
00:17:39,704 --> 00:17:42,173
- One of us has to!
- You know, that is your problem.

466
00:17:42,207 --> 00:17:44,341
You think you're better than people
and you always try to fix them.

467
00:17:44,376 --> 00:17:46,210
- No, I don't!
- Yes, you do.

468
00:17:46,244 --> 00:17:47,611
You've done it your whole life.
It's annoying.

469
00:17:47,646 --> 00:17:48,979
You know what? Yes.

470
00:17:49,014 --> 00:17:51,782
Yes. I would like to fix you.

471
00:17:51,817 --> 00:17:52,883
No...

472
00:17:52,918 --> 00:17:54,452
I would love to fix you!

473
00:17:54,486 --> 00:17:55,719
But I'm done trying.

474
00:17:55,754 --> 00:17:57,354
Because you're not changing.

475
00:17:57,389 --> 00:17:59,190
And you don't think or care

476
00:17:59,224 --> 00:18:02,359
about other people at all,
and I do.

477
00:18:02,394 --> 00:18:04,628
And that's why I don't want you
living in this loft.

478
00:18:06,932 --> 00:18:08,065
That's honest.

479
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:10,634
You're a garbage person

480
00:18:10,669 --> 00:18:12,570
and you should live in
a Dumpster with rotten snails.

481
00:18:12,604 --> 00:18:14,572
Hey! Nick!

482
00:18:14,606 --> 00:18:16,540
- Too far!
- Yeah, way over the line, buddy.

483
00:18:16,575 --> 00:18:17,575
Yeah, but I thought
we were just piling in...

484
00:18:17,609 --> 00:18:18,809
That's my sister, dude.

485
00:18:18,844 --> 00:18:19,977
I didn't mean that, yeah.

486
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:23,681
- Sorry.
- Well, lucky for you,

487
00:18:23,715 --> 00:18:24,982
I'm moving out.

488
00:18:25,016 --> 00:18:27,485
Oh, thank God, Abby.
Oh, my God.

489
00:18:27,519 --> 00:18:29,253
You're really gonna like this place.

490
00:18:29,287 --> 00:18:31,722
- It's so nice...
- I'm moving in with Schmidt.

491
00:18:31,757 --> 00:18:33,557
What... what's that, now?
You're moving in with who?

492
00:18:33,592 --> 00:18:35,126
- Seriously?
- We would have sex all the time.

493
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,627
Dinner was lovely, you guys.

494
00:18:36,661 --> 00:18:38,195
- Thank you so much.
- Bye.

495
00:18:39,798 --> 00:18:41,265
- What?
- Ooh. Hey, uh, Jess?

496
00:18:41,299 --> 00:18:42,666
Can I borrow your glasses?

497
00:18:42,701 --> 00:18:43,934
We're gonna role-play
as you guys.

498
00:18:43,969 --> 00:18:45,836
Ew. No.

499
00:18:45,871 --> 00:18:47,238
You don't understand.

500
00:18:47,272 --> 00:18:48,906
She's not gonna be you.
I'm gonna be you.

501
00:18:48,940 --> 00:18:50,374
Ugh! Get out, Schmidt!
Get out of here!

502
00:18:50,409 --> 00:18:51,809
Okay...

503
00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:55,046
Oh, God!

504
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:56,947
What's up, my man?

505
00:18:56,982 --> 00:18:58,315
I took the test last week...

506
00:18:58,350 --> 00:19:01,619
or should I say, I took the front part
of the test last week...

507
00:19:01,653 --> 00:19:04,522
and, sir, I am here
to finish what I started.

508
00:19:04,556 --> 00:19:05,923
What?

509
00:19:05,957 --> 00:19:08,492
What he's trying to say is,
he took the entrance exam,

510
00:19:08,527 --> 00:19:10,027
but he forgot
to do the back half.

511
00:19:10,062 --> 00:19:11,729
Well, the test is
administered on a computer.

512
00:19:11,763 --> 00:19:13,130
There is no back.

513
00:19:16,702 --> 00:19:18,769
You took the test
on a computer?

514
00:19:18,804 --> 00:19:21,005
I choked. I am a failure.
I am a loser.

515
00:19:21,039 --> 00:19:22,673
I am never gonna
amount to anything.

516
00:19:22,708 --> 00:19:23,908
I'm never gonna shoot somebody.

517
00:19:23,942 --> 00:19:27,311
Dude. Have some dignity, all right?

518
00:19:27,345 --> 00:19:28,713
Thank you for your time, sir.

519
00:19:28,747 --> 00:19:30,381
Winston.

520
00:19:30,415 --> 00:19:31,515
Winston!

521
00:19:31,550 --> 00:19:32,950
Yo!

522
00:19:32,984 --> 00:19:33,784
Winston!

523
00:19:33,819 --> 00:19:36,587
Dude, you failed, man.

524
00:19:37,756 --> 00:19:40,357
You failed hard!
At everything!

525
00:19:40,392 --> 00:19:43,360
- Dude, this pep talk sucks.
- I'm not finished.

526
00:19:43,395 --> 00:19:45,162
Like, seriously, it's like
the Winston of pep talks.

527
00:19:45,197 --> 00:19:46,630
Look at me.

528
00:19:46,665 --> 00:19:48,065
You can do this, Winston.

529
00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:50,868
Because now there's
nothing to be afraid of.

530
00:19:50,902 --> 00:19:53,337
You hit rock bottom, man.

531
00:19:53,371 --> 00:19:55,072
This is the worst it's gonna get.

532
00:20:00,278 --> 00:20:04,915
Sir, it has been my dream
to become a cop.

533
00:20:04,950 --> 00:20:06,584
And no one's gonna
stand in my way...

534
00:20:06,618 --> 00:20:07,785
not you, not him...

535
00:20:07,819 --> 00:20:09,653
Hey, I was helping.

536
00:20:09,688 --> 00:20:11,122
...and definitely not myself.

537
00:20:11,156 --> 00:20:13,491
I would like
to retake this test.

538
00:20:13,525 --> 00:20:16,327
Well, there's one at 7:30 tomorrow.

539
00:20:16,361 --> 00:20:18,362
Man, what about my last score
makes you think

540
00:20:18,397 --> 00:20:20,431
I'm ready to take this test
again in 12 hours?

541
00:20:20,465 --> 00:20:22,033
He'll be there.

542
00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:23,367
- Yeah, I'll be there.
- Yeah.

543
00:20:24,736 --> 00:20:27,905
Thank you for messing everything up
and being such a terrible liar.

544
00:20:27,939 --> 00:20:29,006
Uh, you are very welcome.

545
00:20:29,041 --> 00:20:31,542
I think I really needed
to say that stuff to my sister.

546
00:20:31,576 --> 00:20:34,045
- She's gonna wreck Schmidt.
- Oof...

547
00:20:34,079 --> 00:20:36,113
He has no idea.

548
00:20:36,148 --> 00:20:38,215
I'm sorry my family's so crazy.

549
00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:39,683
Crazy?

550
00:20:39,718 --> 00:20:41,152
Your family's not crazy.
My family's crazy.

551
00:20:41,186 --> 00:20:43,521
My father used to
trade horse semen.

552
00:20:43,555 --> 00:20:46,557
I've got an uncle whose
God-given name is Shifty.

553
00:20:47,926 --> 00:20:50,861
Well, thank goodness...

554
00:20:50,896 --> 00:20:52,296
we're the sane ones.

555
00:20:53,565 --> 00:20:54,899
So...

556
00:20:54,933 --> 00:20:57,968
- Okay, now, remember: Up, and...
- Uh-huh.

557
00:21:03,475 --> 00:21:04,608
Hello, Abby.

558
00:21:04,643 --> 00:21:06,577
Hey. S'up?

559
00:21:06,611 --> 00:21:08,479
Have you thought about
what you're gonna do

560
00:21:08,513 --> 00:21:10,147
if they pair you
with a dirty cop?

561
00:21:11,616 --> 00:21:14,719
Well, then, I would just
go to Internal Affairs.

562
00:21:14,753 --> 00:21:15,920
Well, that's a good way
to get killed.

563
00:21:15,954 --> 00:21:17,788
Then at least I would die a hero.

564
00:21:17,823 --> 00:21:19,657
Hmm, no, you won't.

565
00:21:19,691 --> 00:21:21,559
They'll put you in panties
and then they'll plant you

566
00:21:21,593 --> 00:21:22,793
next to a dead prostitute.

567
00:21:22,828 --> 00:21:24,729
That's a poor lady.

568
00:21:24,763 --> 00:21:26,764
It'd be a dude.

569
00:21:26,798 --> 00:21:28,666
But it's awesome!

570
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:31,102
Good luck on the exam!

571
00:21:32,170 --> 00:21:36,639
They got dude prostitutes?
Nuh-uh.

572
00:21:36,786 --> 00:21:40,152
Synced and corrected by backinblack
www.addic7ed.com