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00:00:00,661 --> 00:00:02,662
"Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt
were married
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00:00:02,697 --> 00:00:05,198
"one year ago this week
at the Pawnee city hall.
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00:00:05,233 --> 00:00:07,801
"The bride wore a gown made
by her friend Ann Perkins.
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00:00:07,835 --> 00:00:10,937
"And the groom wore a butt so perfect
it could make an angel hang itself."
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00:00:10,972 --> 00:00:13,272
- You wrote this, didn't you?
- I did.
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00:00:13,273 --> 00:00:15,321
- They cut it way down.
- Thank God.
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00:00:15,356 --> 00:00:18,233
Okay, so, the big day is tomorrow.
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00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,956
So let's go over this again.
What are the anniversary rules?
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00:00:20,991 --> 00:00:22,302
At lease 100 kisses.
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00:00:22,336 --> 00:00:23,536
Dinner at 7:00.
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00:00:23,571 --> 00:00:26,139
- And no gifts.
- That's right, no gifts.
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No gifts.
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00:00:28,175 --> 00:00:29,876
No gifts.
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Oh, I'm getting him a gift.
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I always say that I'm not gonna
get him a gift.
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00:00:33,314 --> 00:00:35,081
And Ben always believes me.
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00:00:35,116 --> 00:00:36,716
And then, bam, I surprise him
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with the best gift of all time.
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00:00:38,252 --> 00:00:41,888
He makes the cutest, dopiest
face when he's surprised.
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It's like... Wha-a-a-at?
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I'm not gonna make my stupid
surprise face this year
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00:00:48,162 --> 00:00:50,964
because this time I got her
the most amazing gift ever.
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00:00:50,998 --> 00:00:52,332
And she'll never see it coming
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00:00:52,366 --> 00:00:54,835
because I'm giving it
to her today, one day early.
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00:00:54,869 --> 00:00:56,703
So she's gonna make
the face this year.
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She will make that stupid face!
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Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
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Additional support
for Pawnee Public Radio
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00:01:22,630 --> 00:01:26,299
comes from the Edgar C.
and Janis R. Lumway Foundation
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00:01:26,334 --> 00:01:29,803
and the Richard and Lois Wallenberg
Foundation Foundation...
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00:01:29,837 --> 00:01:32,439
dedicated to the idea
that all human beings
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deserve a chance to hear about
foundations.
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00:01:36,510 --> 00:01:39,312
Welcome to
Thought For Your Thoughts.
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00:01:39,347 --> 00:01:42,115
I'm your Pawneean host,
Derry Murbles.
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And I'm your Eagletonian host,
August Clementine.
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00:01:45,586 --> 00:01:49,189
Yes, if you have not heard
our program in a while,
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00:01:49,223 --> 00:01:51,725
Thought For Your Thoughts
now has a co-host,
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00:01:51,759 --> 00:01:54,628
thanks to
the Pawnee-Eagleton merger
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00:01:54,662 --> 00:01:57,330
I believe that is
the Eagleton-Pawnee merger,
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00:01:57,365 --> 00:01:58,498
n'est-ce pas?
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00:01:58,532 --> 00:02:01,134
I'd like to apologize to our listeners
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00:02:01,168 --> 00:02:05,338
for my co-host's sudden
and violent outburst just now.
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00:02:05,373 --> 00:02:09,776
Our guest is former city
councilwoman Leslie Knope.
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00:02:09,810 --> 00:02:12,545
- Leslie, thought...
- For your thoughts.
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00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:13,913
I said it.
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00:02:13,948 --> 00:02:17,117
Absorb the aggression, Derry.
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00:02:17,151 --> 00:02:19,419
Absorb the aggression.
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00:02:19,453 --> 00:02:22,155
Well, I just want
to say thank you so much
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00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:23,056
for having me.
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00:02:23,090 --> 00:02:24,391
It's a thrill to be here.
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00:02:24,425 --> 00:02:27,527
As a listener, I think
the merging of your two shows
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00:02:27,561 --> 00:02:32,165
has really created such a big,
quiet, arcane ball of fun.
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00:02:32,199 --> 00:02:34,434
It's been a couple of months
since Pawnee and Eagleton
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00:02:34,468 --> 00:02:35,468
officially merged.
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00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:38,405
Things are going... okay.
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00:02:38,439 --> 00:02:41,341
There's still a little animosity
between the two towns.
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00:02:41,375 --> 00:02:43,243
I haven't seen Pawneeans this mad
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00:02:43,277 --> 00:02:47,047
since Frankie's discontinued
their pizza-stuffed-crust pizza.
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00:02:47,081 --> 00:02:51,084
It was a pizza whose crust
was stuffed with little pizzas.
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00:02:51,118 --> 00:02:53,353
And the crust of those little pizzas
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00:02:53,387 --> 00:02:55,288
was made of chocolate.
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00:02:55,323 --> 00:02:57,824
Ms. Knope, I understand
you're here today
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00:02:57,858 --> 00:02:59,359
to try to convince us
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00:02:59,393 --> 00:03:01,995
that this disastrous merger
of our two towns
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00:03:02,029 --> 00:03:04,731
was, in any way, a good idea.
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00:03:04,765 --> 00:03:06,967
Yes, there were some
bumps and bruises.
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00:03:07,001 --> 00:03:09,703
And a brief rash of arson.
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00:03:09,737 --> 00:03:13,406
And a rather large-scale brawl
at the dump.
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00:03:13,441 --> 00:03:17,877
But overall, the state
of the merger is very strong.
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00:03:17,912 --> 00:03:18,979
Scoff.
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00:03:19,013 --> 00:03:21,381
Did you just say the word "scoff"?
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00:03:21,415 --> 00:03:25,552
You must admit, Ms. Knope,
that the merging of the towns
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00:03:25,586 --> 00:03:27,487
has been fraught with antipathy.
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00:03:27,521 --> 00:03:30,590
For example, I now have
to share my studio
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00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:34,728
with a fatuous twerp
who shall remain nameless.
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00:03:34,762 --> 00:03:36,129
This twerp has a name.
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00:03:36,163 --> 00:03:39,966
And it's August N'gutu
Liebowitz-Clementine.
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00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:41,768
Guys...
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00:03:41,802 --> 00:03:43,236
Hello.
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00:03:43,271 --> 00:03:45,071
Thank you so much
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00:03:45,106 --> 00:03:46,940
for letting me help plan
your anniversary.
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00:03:46,974 --> 00:03:49,609
It is so wonderful to be part
of such a special day.
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00:03:49,644 --> 00:03:51,745
Okay, remember,
under no circumstances
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00:03:51,779 --> 00:03:53,480
can Leslie know
about what's going on.
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00:03:53,514 --> 00:03:56,016
She has to make that face,
do you understand?
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00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:58,151
No, I don't fully,
but my lips are sealed.
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00:03:58,185 --> 00:03:59,853
I asked for Larry's help
because he has
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00:03:59,887 --> 00:04:01,721
the most successful marriage
of anyone I know,
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00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:03,890
to a gorgeous woman.
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00:04:03,924 --> 00:04:06,893
Which, honestly,
is still a mystery to me.
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00:04:06,928 --> 00:04:10,230
Like, was it a hypnosis
accident or something,
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00:04:10,264 --> 00:04:11,464
where they put Gayle under
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00:04:11,499 --> 00:04:13,667
and made her fall in love with Larry
94
00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:15,635
and never said the magic word
to snap her out of it?
95
00:04:15,670 --> 00:04:17,704
Like, if I say "nutmeg,"
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00:04:17,738 --> 00:04:20,307
will she wake up and start screaming?
97
00:04:20,341 --> 00:04:22,776
What kind of pet are you
interested in adopting?
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00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:24,911
We have dogs, cats, rabbits.
99
00:04:24,946 --> 00:04:27,747
Um, I work here, so, legally,
you can adopt me.
100
00:04:27,782 --> 00:04:30,150
The girls want an actual dog.
101
00:04:30,184 --> 00:04:32,452
And they want it to look like this.
102
00:04:32,486 --> 00:04:33,486
Interesting.
103
00:04:33,487 --> 00:04:36,723
So, like a banana made of spiders?
104
00:04:36,757 --> 00:04:38,692
I've said it before
and I'll say it again,
105
00:04:38,726 --> 00:04:40,994
children are terrible artists.
106
00:04:41,028 --> 00:04:43,363
And artists are crooks.
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00:04:43,397 --> 00:04:45,098
I think I know a good dog.
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00:04:45,132 --> 00:04:47,300
There he is!
109
00:04:47,335 --> 00:04:49,536
Ron, how about this guy?
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00:04:49,570 --> 00:04:52,038
Yes, he is a handsome fellow.
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00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,406
Hello, dog.
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00:04:53,441 --> 00:04:54,841
I'll take him.
113
00:04:54,876 --> 00:04:56,910
That was easy. Awesome.
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00:04:56,944 --> 00:05:00,180
Well, Donna can help you
get started on the paperwork.
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00:05:00,214 --> 00:05:02,282
Donna?
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00:05:02,316 --> 00:05:05,185
"Why lie? I'm shopping.
Back in an hour."
117
00:05:05,219 --> 00:05:10,090
Ugh! God, she's always just
leaving and not telling me.
118
00:05:10,124 --> 00:05:12,092
Hello, caller. You have a comment?
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00:05:12,126 --> 00:05:13,960
Yeah, ever since the merger,
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00:05:13,995 --> 00:05:16,496
we've had a really bad trash problem.
121
00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:18,531
Well, yes, there has been
some confusion
122
00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:19,966
with some of the garbage routes.
123
00:05:20,001 --> 00:05:22,502
And the Sanitation Department
is stretched a little thin.
124
00:05:22,536 --> 00:05:25,505
No, I mean Eagletonians
are human garbage.
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00:05:25,539 --> 00:05:27,340
And we should throw them
in a dumpster.
126
00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:28,508
Kapow!
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00:05:28,543 --> 00:05:30,744
Yeah, I really like the merger,
128
00:05:30,778 --> 00:05:33,279
but I hate that Eagleton
was forced to join Pawnee.
129
00:05:33,314 --> 00:05:35,181
Well, that's what the merger is.
130
00:05:35,216 --> 00:05:38,151
Oh. Yeah, then I hate the merger.
131
00:05:38,185 --> 00:05:40,253
I think the merger was great.
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00:05:40,288 --> 00:05:43,857
And I think Leslie Knope
did an amazing job.
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00:05:43,891 --> 00:05:46,092
I don't know who this is,
but I agree.
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00:05:46,127 --> 00:05:47,394
- It's Andy!
- Hey.
135
00:05:47,428 --> 00:05:48,962
I'm on the radio!
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00:05:48,996 --> 00:05:51,665
That's all the time we have on
Thought For Your Thoughts.
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00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:54,868
- I'm Derry Murbles.
- And I'm August Clementine.
138
00:05:54,902 --> 00:05:58,171
And I talked last. Good day.
139
00:06:00,207 --> 00:06:02,008
Is this land mine still functional?
140
00:06:02,043 --> 00:06:05,078
Partially.
141
00:06:05,112 --> 00:06:06,313
Why?
142
00:06:06,347 --> 00:06:08,315
Because I want to blow up
Donna's desk
143
00:06:08,349 --> 00:06:10,060
so I can teach her
a lesson about what happens
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00:06:10,095 --> 00:06:11,564
when you skip work.
145
00:06:11,599 --> 00:06:13,253
I'm not sure that's how
you should go about this.
146
00:06:13,287 --> 00:06:17,290
I'm kind of her boss, now,
but I still feel weird disciplining her.
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00:06:17,291 --> 00:06:18,291
What do I do?
148
00:06:18,326 --> 00:06:21,795
Look her in the eyes and tell her
exactly what you need from her.
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00:06:21,829 --> 00:06:25,532
Be mature, direct, and firm.
150
00:06:25,566 --> 00:06:28,502
What? Some fool
just slammed me on Yelp.
151
00:06:28,536 --> 00:06:29,903
I took Ron's advice.
152
00:06:29,937 --> 00:06:32,872
I very maturely and straightforwardly
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00:06:32,907 --> 00:06:35,542
left anonymous comments
about Donna online.
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00:06:35,576 --> 00:06:37,978
"Stopped by to adopt a dog,
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00:06:38,012 --> 00:06:40,013
"but the employee, Donna Meagle,
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00:06:40,047 --> 00:06:41,481
"was nowhere to be found.
157
00:06:41,515 --> 00:06:44,851
Thanks for nothing,
Donna Meagle. Booooo!"
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00:06:44,885 --> 00:06:46,586
With five "O"s.
159
00:06:46,621 --> 00:06:48,054
Oh, my God, that sucks.
160
00:06:48,089 --> 00:06:50,390
Just have to work harder,
I guess, huh?
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00:06:50,424 --> 00:06:53,460
This freak thinks he can hide
behind some anonymous user name?
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00:06:53,494 --> 00:06:56,897
I'm about to hunt you down.
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00:06:56,931 --> 00:06:59,633
Don't be upset, Leslie.
No one listens to the radio.
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00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,901
I wasn't even listening.
I was listening to podcasts.
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00:07:01,936 --> 00:07:03,436
Podcasts are great.
Radio is boring.
166
00:07:03,471 --> 00:07:05,438
Tom, this merger needs a win...
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00:07:05,473 --> 00:07:07,707
something symbolic
and bright and happy
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00:07:07,742 --> 00:07:09,876
that will show that there's
light at the end of the tunnel.
169
00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:11,378
God, I am so stressed.
170
00:07:11,412 --> 00:07:14,014
Uh, Leslie, may I borrow you
for a second?
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00:07:14,048 --> 00:07:15,515
Something very special to show you.
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00:07:15,549 --> 00:07:17,651
Now is not the time, Larry.
Please leave.
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00:07:17,685 --> 00:07:19,819
- I think you...
- Larry! What are you still doing here?
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00:07:19,854 --> 00:07:21,588
Aw, jeez. Okay.
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00:07:21,622 --> 00:07:25,158
I just wish Pawnee and Eagleton
were as happy as Ben and me.
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00:07:25,192 --> 00:07:26,960
Yeah, by the way,
I was gonna mention,
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00:07:26,994 --> 00:07:28,595
you look really old in this picture.
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00:07:28,629 --> 00:07:30,063
What?
179
00:07:30,097 --> 00:07:31,965
Andy, this is a picture of us.
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00:07:31,999 --> 00:07:33,533
This is a picture of an elderly couple.
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00:07:33,568 --> 00:07:34,668
Rosie and Doug DeMarco.
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00:07:34,702 --> 00:07:36,136
They've been married for 50 years.
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00:07:36,170 --> 00:07:38,538
"Rosie Hails from Pawnee,
while Doug is originally
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00:07:38,572 --> 00:07:40,540
from the former Eagleton."
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00:07:40,574 --> 00:07:42,442
Oh, my God, this is perfect.
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00:07:42,476 --> 00:07:45,612
A Pawnee-Eagleton couple that
has been married for 50 years
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00:07:45,646 --> 00:07:48,448
is a perfect symbol of how
our towns can get along.
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00:07:48,482 --> 00:07:51,217
And we are gonna hold them up
as an example
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00:07:51,252 --> 00:07:52,586
of Pawnee-Eagleton unity.
190
00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:55,522
Whoo! I'm getting
the epiphany sweats.
191
00:07:57,957 --> 00:08:00,150
Stop where you are
and take off your clothes.
192
00:08:00,153 --> 00:08:03,587
It's couples massage.
Ugh. Where's Leslie?
193
00:08:03,622 --> 00:08:05,297
Oh, well, she seemed
kind of stressed out.
194
00:08:05,331 --> 00:08:06,791
And then she yelled at me,
195
00:08:06,826 --> 00:08:08,400
and she said she was
too busy to come.
196
00:08:08,435 --> 00:08:10,451
And since you had said
do not tell her the secret
197
00:08:10,486 --> 00:08:13,238
- under any circumstances...
- Aw, man.
198
00:08:13,273 --> 00:08:15,908
Well, that's a danger of doing
things a day early, I guess.
199
00:08:15,942 --> 00:08:17,509
Should I text her and try again?
200
00:08:17,544 --> 00:08:19,667
Why don't you just go ahead
and get your massage,
201
00:08:19,702 --> 00:08:21,850
and then hopefully we can
get her in for the next thing.
202
00:08:21,885 --> 00:08:23,515
Okay. I have been
kind of tense lately.
203
00:08:23,550 --> 00:08:26,285
Just thinking about
the new Star Wars sequel.
204
00:08:26,319 --> 00:08:28,687
I'm afraid they're gonna
rely too heavily on CGI.
205
00:08:28,721 --> 00:08:31,390
And I'm carrying it all
in my shoulders.
206
00:08:31,424 --> 00:08:33,492
Just you? You paid for a couple.
207
00:08:33,526 --> 00:08:37,329
Well, can't believe
I'm saying this, but, uh...
208
00:08:37,663 --> 00:08:41,166
Larry, would you like to get
a couples massage with me?
209
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:42,801
I would love to.
210
00:08:42,835 --> 00:08:44,736
Are we sure we should do this?
211
00:08:44,771 --> 00:08:47,005
Last time we scared an old person,
Larry had a heart attack.
212
00:08:47,039 --> 00:08:49,674
That was awesome.
He farted so much.
213
00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:51,469
Okay, look, obviously,
we don't really know
214
00:08:51,477 --> 00:08:53,945
these people, so let's
keep things fun and positive
215
00:08:53,980 --> 00:08:55,781
and celebratory, and merger-y.
216
00:08:57,316 --> 00:08:59,951
Can I help you?
217
00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:01,386
Hello, Mrs. DeMarco,
I am Leslie Knope,
218
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:03,355
and we saw your announcement
in the newspaper
219
00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:05,624
and we would love to treat
you and your husband
220
00:09:05,658 --> 00:09:07,893
to a very special day.
221
00:09:07,927 --> 00:09:10,195
All right.
How much money did we win?
222
00:09:10,229 --> 00:09:13,465
Oh, no, you didn't win any money,
you won something better than money.
223
00:09:13,499 --> 00:09:15,500
A golden anniversary celebration.
224
00:09:15,535 --> 00:09:17,469
So no money.
225
00:09:17,503 --> 00:09:22,140
No, and I'm now just realizing
how misleading this giant check it.
226
00:09:22,175 --> 00:09:23,141
- Told you.
- Yes, you did, Tom.
227
00:09:23,176 --> 00:09:26,144
Thank you. Now is not the time.
We... Hey! Hey!
228
00:09:26,179 --> 00:09:27,846
We'll give you some money.
Okay?
229
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,114
Here, here's some money.
Everybody give 'em money.
230
00:09:29,148 --> 00:09:32,918
I got football cards,
and a travel mouthwash.
231
00:09:32,952 --> 00:09:35,120
Wow! That's great!
232
00:09:35,154 --> 00:09:36,955
Let's get started!
233
00:09:36,989 --> 00:09:38,924
Just give me
the IP address of the dude
234
00:09:38,958 --> 00:09:40,959
that gave me
that cracked-out Yelp review.
235
00:09:40,993 --> 00:09:42,594
Okay, here we go.
236
00:09:42,628 --> 00:09:45,931
The IP address says it came from
someone inside city hall.
237
00:09:45,965 --> 00:09:48,533
In this building? Oh, hell, no.
238
00:09:48,568 --> 00:09:50,335
Well, who cares, really?
239
00:09:50,369 --> 00:09:52,137
It's just some dumb
internet person. Ignore it.
240
00:09:52,171 --> 00:09:53,739
Ignore it?
241
00:09:53,773 --> 00:09:56,608
I'm about to come down on this
dude like Thor's hammer Mjolnir.
242
00:09:56,642 --> 00:10:00,979
I'm about to go Mjolnir
on his ass!
243
00:10:01,013 --> 00:10:03,815
Speaking of bad reviews...
244
00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:06,384
Computers are mostly pointless,
but that Yelp thing
245
00:10:06,419 --> 00:10:10,088
gave me a great idea on how to
criticize people and places.
246
00:10:10,123 --> 00:10:13,542
I am composing strongly-worded letters
247
00:10:13,577 --> 00:10:16,495
about things I disapprove of,
and I am using the internet
248
00:10:16,529 --> 00:10:19,297
to get addresses
where I can send them.
249
00:10:19,332 --> 00:10:21,767
So far I've written
to a vegetable farm,
250
00:10:21,801 --> 00:10:26,271
several European ambassadors,
a manufacturer of male cologne,
251
00:10:26,305 --> 00:10:29,841
and a nonfat frozen yogurt bar.
252
00:10:29,876 --> 00:10:33,812
"Dear frozen yogurt,
you are the celery of desserts.
253
00:10:33,846 --> 00:10:38,817
Be ice cream or be nothing.
Zero stars."
254
00:10:38,851 --> 00:10:42,421
Oh, I cannot wait for Leslie
to see this surprise.
255
00:10:42,455 --> 00:10:43,989
I am so prepared.
256
00:10:44,023 --> 00:10:46,958
I watched Enchanted three times
to get all the details right.
257
00:10:46,993 --> 00:10:50,729
And then another two times,
because that movie is amazing.
258
00:10:50,763 --> 00:10:52,330
Oh, it really is.
259
00:10:52,365 --> 00:10:54,800
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, Leslie.
260
00:10:54,834 --> 00:10:56,468
You want to go grab lunch together?
261
00:10:56,502 --> 00:10:59,671
- I'm out front. Super casual.
- I'm sorry, babe.
262
00:10:59,706 --> 00:11:02,507
I'm not even in my office.
I'm out saving the merger.
263
00:11:02,542 --> 00:11:04,076
Can it wait?
264
00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:06,912
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No worries.
265
00:11:06,946 --> 00:11:08,180
Okay, great.
I'll see you at dinner. I love you.
266
00:11:08,214 --> 00:11:10,415
Oh, boy.
267
00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:12,851
Well, it's not too late
to cancel the waffle buffet
268
00:11:12,885 --> 00:11:14,152
or the Hilary impersonator,
269
00:11:14,187 --> 00:11:16,321
but a lot of these deposits
were non-refundable.
270
00:11:16,356 --> 00:11:18,690
Hey, Larry.
271
00:11:18,725 --> 00:11:22,227
You up for a boys' day out
in a horse-drawn carriage?
272
00:11:22,261 --> 00:11:24,229
Sure. What the heck?
273
00:11:24,263 --> 00:11:26,832
Well, thus begins
our enchanted adventure.
274
00:11:27,967 --> 00:11:29,901
God, that movie really was amazing.
275
00:11:29,936 --> 00:11:32,037
And you know what doesn't
get enough credit in that movie?
276
00:11:32,071 --> 00:11:33,338
- The score.
- Music.
277
00:11:34,374 --> 00:11:35,374
Good sir,
278
00:11:35,375 --> 00:11:37,309
tally ho.
279
00:11:37,343 --> 00:11:38,944
God, that... from the movie!
280
00:11:38,978 --> 00:11:40,912
That is definitely from the movie.
281
00:11:40,947 --> 00:11:43,248
Okay, you two, head on up there.
282
00:11:43,282 --> 00:11:46,118
We are gonna recreate your
wedding photo from 50 years ago.
283
00:11:46,152 --> 00:11:49,087
Okay, let's relive that day.
284
00:11:49,122 --> 00:11:52,024
Only this time could we
shave her moustache?
285
00:11:52,058 --> 00:11:53,692
Oh, boy. I don't know.
286
00:11:53,726 --> 00:11:56,595
I'm kind of worried about
putting these two on live TV.
287
00:11:56,629 --> 00:11:58,263
They're sort of grumpy.
288
00:11:58,297 --> 00:12:00,699
Why are we wasting our time
with these old people anyway?
289
00:12:00,733 --> 00:12:02,300
They're like the old version of iTunes.
290
00:12:02,335 --> 00:12:04,202
We're like the new version
of iTunes, baby.
291
00:12:04,237 --> 00:12:06,938
We're gonna be here forever.
292
00:12:06,973 --> 00:12:09,374
Oh, my God.
293
00:12:09,409 --> 00:12:10,942
I'm gonna die someday.
294
00:12:10,977 --> 00:12:14,079
Well, let's just hope that deep down
these two still love each other.
295
00:12:14,113 --> 00:12:17,849
Hey, no touching.
This is not your birthday.
296
00:12:17,884 --> 00:12:21,520
Now, you see, the trick with paella
is to use just enough saffron
297
00:12:21,554 --> 00:12:23,322
- to complement the shellfish.
- Okay.
298
00:12:25,191 --> 00:12:27,426
- Oh, man, that is so good.
- Oh, yeah.
299
00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:29,061
Wow, isn't this exciting?
300
00:12:29,095 --> 00:12:30,662
In just a few minutes,
301
00:12:30,697 --> 00:12:33,632
you are going to be professing
your love on television.
302
00:12:33,666 --> 00:12:35,467
Could I have a glass of water
before we go on?
303
00:12:35,468 --> 00:12:36,601
Don't give him any water.
304
00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:38,136
He does this annoying thing
where every time
305
00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:40,372
he takes a drink of water
he goes, "Ah..."
306
00:12:40,406 --> 00:12:42,374
She does this annoying thing
where every time
307
00:12:42,408 --> 00:12:44,342
she takes a drink of water
she is an old nag.
308
00:12:44,377 --> 00:12:48,280
Ah, the playful banter
of a couple on the same team.
309
00:12:48,314 --> 00:12:50,082
That's what this is, right?
310
00:12:50,116 --> 00:12:52,417
All right, let's burn this candle.
311
00:12:52,452 --> 00:12:53,585
Joan, if we could just have a moment.
312
00:12:53,619 --> 00:12:55,320
We need to get ready.
313
00:12:55,355 --> 00:12:56,955
Oh, no, no. We gotta go.
314
00:12:56,989 --> 00:12:58,323
Yeah, the uppers are kicking in.
315
00:12:58,358 --> 00:13:00,025
Just took some ludes
to kind of smooth it out,
316
00:13:00,059 --> 00:13:01,426
so I'm right in that sweet spot.
317
00:13:01,461 --> 00:13:04,730
Got about 20 minutes before
I either get really tired
318
00:13:04,764 --> 00:13:08,500
or really horny, so let's roll.
319
00:13:08,534 --> 00:13:11,136
Dougie, are you sure
you want to go on television?
320
00:13:11,170 --> 00:13:13,638
You look like a leather glove
got caught in a lawnmower.
321
00:13:13,673 --> 00:13:16,108
Okay, you know what?
I'm going to admit something.
322
00:13:16,142 --> 00:13:18,577
I orchestrated
the Pawnee-Eagleton merger,
323
00:13:18,611 --> 00:13:22,347
and I was hoping that
your marriage could show people
324
00:13:22,382 --> 00:13:23,982
that a happy union is possible.
325
00:13:24,017 --> 00:13:26,218
So when you're out there,
if you could just, you know,
326
00:13:26,252 --> 00:13:29,087
look back over the past
50 years together
327
00:13:29,122 --> 00:13:32,824
and focus on the good times, okay?
328
00:13:32,859 --> 00:13:35,360
Donna, you wanted to see me?
329
00:13:35,395 --> 00:13:36,895
Yes, I did, troll.
330
00:13:36,929 --> 00:13:38,363
What?
331
00:13:38,398 --> 00:13:40,165
You tried to adopt a cat
last week and I turned you down,
332
00:13:40,199 --> 00:13:43,335
because I thought it was too sad
for you to have six cats.
333
00:13:43,369 --> 00:13:45,704
Then you tried to blow up
my spot online.
334
00:13:45,738 --> 00:13:47,239
You're fired.
335
00:13:47,273 --> 00:13:49,975
You're not my boss, I work
for the city attorney's office.
336
00:13:50,009 --> 00:13:52,944
You're fired.
337
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:57,682
How much postage does it take
to send a letter to Canada?
338
00:13:57,717 --> 00:14:00,118
- Who's it going to?
- Canada.
339
00:14:00,153 --> 00:14:03,321
It says, "Dear Canada,
you."
340
00:14:03,356 --> 00:14:05,991
Doug and Rosie DeMarco,
50 years.
341
00:14:06,025 --> 00:14:07,025
Ahh.
342
00:14:07,026 --> 00:14:09,895
Tell us how you first met.
343
00:14:09,929 --> 00:14:12,064
Well, it was 1963,
344
00:14:12,098 --> 00:14:16,201
and we met, and it was great.
345
00:14:16,235 --> 00:14:18,136
Isn't love grand?
346
00:14:18,171 --> 00:14:22,707
50 years of marriage, helping
to bridge the meaningless divide
347
00:14:22,742 --> 00:14:24,509
between Pawnee and Eagleton.
348
00:14:24,544 --> 00:14:25,744
Yeah, my show, my questions.
349
00:14:25,778 --> 00:14:28,580
So what is the secret sauce
that we should all
350
00:14:28,614 --> 00:14:31,883
be putting on
our marriage burgers?
351
00:14:31,918 --> 00:14:33,552
Well, we never go to bed angry.
352
00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:34,853
Never, ever would have
thought of that.
353
00:14:34,887 --> 00:14:37,856
- Ahh.
- Okay.
354
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:39,925
I can't do this.
Leslie, you can keep your money.
355
00:14:39,959 --> 00:14:42,394
M-money?
356
00:14:42,428 --> 00:14:44,062
Did you bribe them to be here?
357
00:14:44,097 --> 00:14:45,330
No, I...
358
00:14:45,365 --> 00:14:47,432
Leslie offered us each
200 bucks to keep this going...
359
00:14:47,467 --> 00:14:49,768
- Ah...
- But it's impossible.
360
00:14:49,802 --> 00:14:51,369
You want to know
why we got married?
361
00:14:51,404 --> 00:14:52,771
Bring it.
362
00:14:52,805 --> 00:14:55,407
I had no prospects, and Dougie
here had an alcohol problem.
363
00:14:55,441 --> 00:14:57,976
Plus the Cold War was happening,
364
00:14:58,011 --> 00:15:00,245
and frankly, we all thought
we were gonna die.
365
00:15:00,279 --> 00:15:02,714
Well, I figured I could
really tick off my parents
366
00:15:02,749 --> 00:15:05,817
by shacking up
with some Pawnee trash.
367
00:15:05,852 --> 00:15:07,285
Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta. Okay.
368
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,888
We all agree that marriages
have their ups and downs,
369
00:15:09,922 --> 00:15:14,426
but at the end of the day,
they're worth it because...
370
00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:15,794
Who likes tap dancing?
371
00:15:17,130 --> 00:15:19,159
I slept with Sharon in 1979.
372
00:15:19,194 --> 00:15:22,567
I used to get out of the shower
in front of your brother on purpose.
373
00:15:24,745 --> 00:15:27,413
Hey, Leslie, who cares?
They're old people.
374
00:15:27,447 --> 00:15:29,849
They eat, they sleep, they complain,
and they watch Family Feud.
375
00:15:29,883 --> 00:15:31,217
Oh, my God,
I wanna be an old person.
376
00:15:31,251 --> 00:15:32,952
Gah, I don't know what to do.
377
00:15:32,986 --> 00:15:35,421
I wish Ben was here.
What is he doing right now?
378
00:15:53,706 --> 00:15:55,574
Oh, man!
379
00:15:55,608 --> 00:15:57,142
- You did good!
- Larry!
380
00:15:57,177 --> 00:15:59,511
Whoa! Wow. Thank you.
381
00:16:01,447 --> 00:16:03,011
Can I help you?
382
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:06,518
Yeah, I own Lettuce Eat,
the vegan restaurant on Lowell Drive,
383
00:16:06,553 --> 00:16:09,121
and I wanted to know
why you nailed this letter to my door.
384
00:16:09,155 --> 00:16:11,290
"Veganism is the sad result
385
00:16:11,324 --> 00:16:13,025
"of a morally corrupt mind.
386
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:15,961
Reconsider your life."
387
00:16:15,995 --> 00:16:18,497
Because I believe it. Good day.
388
00:16:18,531 --> 00:16:22,367
Carnivores. You're all the same.
389
00:16:22,402 --> 00:16:24,303
How did that guy
know where to find you?
390
00:16:24,337 --> 00:16:26,104
I assume he saw
my name and address
391
00:16:26,139 --> 00:16:28,507
at the bottom of the letter
I nailed to his door.
392
00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:30,876
- You signed your real name?
- Of course I did.
393
00:16:30,910 --> 00:16:32,010
What's gonna happen?
394
00:16:32,045 --> 00:16:34,079
A vegan is gonna physically
attack me?
395
00:16:34,113 --> 00:16:36,715
They're basically made of glass.
396
00:16:36,749 --> 00:16:38,884
But more importantly,
if you believe in something,
397
00:16:38,918 --> 00:16:40,452
you sign your name to it.
398
00:16:40,486 --> 00:16:43,188
Which is why the makers
of carbonated water
399
00:16:43,223 --> 00:16:46,058
will soon know exactly
where to find me.
400
00:16:48,094 --> 00:16:51,830
Donna, Kyle did not
write those things, okay?
401
00:16:51,865 --> 00:16:53,298
I did.
402
00:16:53,333 --> 00:16:55,534
- I know.
- You do?
403
00:16:55,568 --> 00:16:57,002
I checked what else
that user had written.
404
00:16:57,036 --> 00:16:58,971
It was a review
of a funeral home that said
405
00:16:59,005 --> 00:17:00,505
"Great first date spot."
406
00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:02,541
I dragged Kyle in here to see
if you would come clean.
407
00:17:02,575 --> 00:17:04,109
Well, you overestimated
408
00:17:04,143 --> 00:17:06,411
how much I care
what happens to Kyle.
409
00:17:06,446 --> 00:17:08,547
Or anyone, really.
410
00:17:08,581 --> 00:17:12,151
But... I'm sorry that I didn't
just talk to you.
411
00:17:12,185 --> 00:17:13,425
And I'm sorry I bailed on work.
412
00:17:13,453 --> 00:17:16,388
And I'm sorry I toyed with you
instead of coming at you straight.
413
00:17:16,422 --> 00:17:18,957
From now on,
we say what we feel.
414
00:17:18,992 --> 00:17:20,826
- Cool?
- Cool.
415
00:17:20,860 --> 00:17:22,494
Your lipstick looks weird.
416
00:17:22,528 --> 00:17:24,029
You're gonna want to
shut your mouth right now.
417
00:17:24,063 --> 00:17:25,931
Good talk.
418
00:17:25,965 --> 00:17:27,532
I don't know.
419
00:17:27,567 --> 00:17:30,936
Maybe Pawneeans and Eagletonians
aren't meant to coexist.
420
00:17:30,970 --> 00:17:32,738
Well, at least our merger
is going well.
421
00:17:32,772 --> 00:17:35,974
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
422
00:17:36,009 --> 00:17:37,809
You know, Andy and Tom were right
423
00:17:37,844 --> 00:17:39,445
when they said
the DeMarcos don't matter.
424
00:17:39,479 --> 00:17:41,113
Their generation's the past.
425
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:42,614
The way to make
this merger take hold
426
00:17:42,649 --> 00:17:44,683
is to focus on the future.
427
00:17:44,717 --> 00:17:46,551
Of course.
428
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:49,721
The children.
The children are our future.
429
00:17:49,756 --> 00:17:51,290
Whitney Houston knew it,
430
00:17:51,324 --> 00:17:52,758
and so do you, and so do I.
431
00:17:52,792 --> 00:17:54,126
I'm gonna need your help
on something.
432
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,627
- I think we should go to work...
- Oh.
433
00:17:55,662 --> 00:17:58,096
But not now. We're having dinner.
434
00:17:58,131 --> 00:18:01,233
Damn, this paella is good.
Did you put saffron in here?
435
00:18:01,267 --> 00:18:04,102
It makes the shellfish
taste delicious.
436
00:18:04,137 --> 00:18:07,706
Yes. Yes, it does.
437
00:18:07,740 --> 00:18:09,741
Okay, the people in this room
438
00:18:09,776 --> 00:18:12,744
are the first members of the
Pawnee-Eagleton Youth Committee.
439
00:18:12,779 --> 00:18:14,846
Now, April says that young people
440
00:18:14,881 --> 00:18:16,281
think the word "committee" is lame,
441
00:18:16,316 --> 00:18:18,817
so let's just think of this
as a like a super chill,
442
00:18:18,851 --> 00:18:20,152
fun e-hangout.
443
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:22,120
Worse. That's worse.
444
00:18:22,155 --> 00:18:23,789
Okay, new people.
Let's introduce ourselves.
445
00:18:23,823 --> 00:18:25,123
Craig Middlebrooks.
446
00:18:25,158 --> 00:18:27,259
Samantha in the boardroom,
Miranda in the bedroom.
447
00:18:27,293 --> 00:18:29,895
I know it's not ideal,
but it's who I am.
448
00:18:29,929 --> 00:18:32,664
This is my friend Madison.
She's amazing.
449
00:18:32,699 --> 00:18:34,566
And she drove me here!
450
00:18:34,601 --> 00:18:35,868
Okay.
451
00:18:35,902 --> 00:18:38,770
This group has
an incredibly important job.
452
00:18:38,805 --> 00:18:42,174
You need to figure out how to
hold this town together.
453
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,976
You are going to meet twice a week
454
00:18:44,010 --> 00:18:45,777
and you're here
because of your energy,
455
00:18:45,812 --> 00:18:47,846
and your youth, and for some
of you, your mental age,
456
00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,515
and you're going to find a way
to make this merger stick.
457
00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:52,484
So we are gonna order you
some 'zzas.
458
00:18:52,518 --> 00:18:55,320
You get to B.S.-ing,
brainstorming.
459
00:18:55,355 --> 00:18:57,834
Just chill. Peace out.
460
00:18:59,123 --> 00:19:00,790
Okay, so it's been an hour.
461
00:19:00,825 --> 00:19:02,158
From out there,
it looks like you guys
462
00:19:02,193 --> 00:19:03,527
were having some fun,
getting to know each other.
463
00:19:03,561 --> 00:19:05,481
So why don't we call
this first meeting a success
464
00:19:05,496 --> 00:19:07,163
and then we'll get together
later in the week.
465
00:19:07,198 --> 00:19:09,132
Hold up, sweet pea.
We have an idea.
466
00:19:09,167 --> 00:19:11,334
It's called the Unity Concert.
467
00:19:11,369 --> 00:19:14,804
It's a massive music and arts festival
to celebrate the merger.
468
00:19:14,839 --> 00:19:16,773
We get artists and musicians
from both towns
469
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:17,941
to come together.
470
00:19:17,975 --> 00:19:19,276
It's gonna be like a giant Woodstock,
471
00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:21,178
except for instead of everybody
rolling around in mud,
472
00:19:21,212 --> 00:19:22,646
they'll be rolling around
in happiness.
473
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:25,415
Or maybe mud. I don't know.
I can't control the weather.
474
00:19:25,449 --> 00:19:26,850
We want to have a bunch
of different band stages.
475
00:19:26,884 --> 00:19:28,818
You know, people will go
to parts of the town
476
00:19:28,853 --> 00:19:29,953
they don't usually go to.
477
00:19:29,987 --> 00:19:31,855
Plus, we'll have tents
for art exhibits
478
00:19:31,889 --> 00:19:33,857
and panels, and maybe
a short film festival.
479
00:19:33,891 --> 00:19:36,092
Donna said she might
be able to get Ginuwine.
480
00:19:36,127 --> 00:19:37,661
That's given me a reason to live.
481
00:19:37,695 --> 00:19:39,262
Yeah, it's not like
everyone's gonna suddenly
482
00:19:39,297 --> 00:19:41,231
start holding hands and making out,
483
00:19:41,265 --> 00:19:43,567
but we figure, why not
throw a big three-day
484
00:19:43,601 --> 00:19:46,002
outdoor party,
show everyone a good time,
485
00:19:46,037 --> 00:19:48,438
and maybe they'll forget
about this stupid stuff.
486
00:19:48,472 --> 00:19:49,873
What do you think?
487
00:19:49,907 --> 00:19:51,741
I don't... I don't...
488
00:19:51,776 --> 00:19:53,310
I don't even...
You know what I mean?
489
00:19:53,344 --> 00:19:56,012
What's wrong with her?
Why is making those noises?
490
00:19:57,315 --> 00:19:58,515
Oh, right, you don't know Leslie.
491
00:19:58,549 --> 00:20:02,185
That means she loves it so much
she can't speak.
492
00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:05,055
You guys, that's like...
I don't know... Amazing.
493
00:20:05,089 --> 00:20:07,090
Like... what you do there.
494
00:20:07,124 --> 00:20:08,792
Happy anniversary.
495
00:20:08,826 --> 00:20:10,126
So I know we agreed on no gifts.
496
00:20:10,161 --> 00:20:11,962
- What?
- But I did get you a gift.
497
00:20:11,996 --> 00:20:13,230
- No.
- A bunch of them, actually.
498
00:20:13,264 --> 00:20:15,031
I was gonna surprise you
with them yesterday,
499
00:20:15,066 --> 00:20:17,868
but they never reached you.
500
00:20:17,902 --> 00:20:19,369
Ahem.
501
00:20:19,403 --> 00:20:23,773
Oh, my eff-ing God.
502
00:20:23,808 --> 00:20:25,742
You planned all of this for me?
503
00:20:25,776 --> 00:20:27,577
An enchanted carriage?
504
00:20:27,612 --> 00:20:29,212
This is amazing.
505
00:20:29,247 --> 00:20:32,315
Oh, and your scrapbook
instincts are really good.
506
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:33,783
I mean, this is a little rough,
507
00:20:33,818 --> 00:20:35,318
but you have a lot of talent here.
508
00:20:35,353 --> 00:20:36,686
Oh, I can't believe
509
00:20:36,721 --> 00:20:38,588
I actually defeated Leslie Knope
at a gift exchange.
510
00:20:38,623 --> 00:20:41,324
- Yes!
- Uh, yeah.
511
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:42,826
About that.
512
00:20:42,860 --> 00:20:45,095
Happy anniversary.
513
00:20:47,632 --> 00:20:50,333
It's the Iron Throne.
514
00:20:50,368 --> 00:20:52,169
Ohh! It's the Iron Throne.
515
00:20:52,203 --> 00:20:53,770
Yes, it is.
516
00:20:53,804 --> 00:20:56,506
I had a guy at the model store
make a replica.
517
00:20:56,541 --> 00:21:00,143
He's a bigger Game of Thrones
fan than you are.
518
00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,379
Okay, I know I'm making
that dumb surprise face,
519
00:21:02,413 --> 00:21:03,847
but I can't help it.
520
00:21:03,881 --> 00:21:06,016
This is the greatest gift
I've ever received, Leslie.
521
00:21:06,050 --> 00:21:09,085
When you play the game of thrones,
you win or you die.
522
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:10,420
Yes.
523
00:21:10,454 --> 00:21:11,788
No.
524
00:21:11,822 --> 00:21:13,190
Yes.
525
00:21:13,224 --> 00:21:14,457
No!
526
00:21:14,492 --> 00:21:15,826
Come here.
Come hither, peasant.
527
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:17,594
Come here. Who are you?
528
00:21:17,628 --> 00:21:19,129
Our starship is in trouble.
529
00:21:19,163 --> 00:21:20,831
Okay, Leslie, listen.
530
00:21:20,865 --> 00:21:22,695
If you're not... if you don't know
what you're talking about...
531
00:21:22,996 --> 00:21:28,567
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com