1
00:00:01,540 --> 00:00:03,489
"Leslie Knope and Ben
Wyatt were married
2
00:00:03,509 --> 00:00:06,117
"one year ago this week
at the Pawnee city hall.
3
00:00:06,132 --> 00:00:08,979
"The bride wore a gown made
by her friend Ann Perkins.
4
00:00:08,992 --> 00:00:12,001
"And the groom wore a butt so perfect
it could make an angel hang itself."
5
00:00:12,017 --> 00:00:14,097
- You wrote this, didn't you?
- I did.
6
00:00:14,118 --> 00:00:16,065
- They cut it way down.
- Thank God.
7
00:00:16,088 --> 00:00:18,875
Okay, so, the big
day is tomorrow.
8
00:00:18,894 --> 00:00:21,838
So let's go over this again.
What are the anniversary rules?
9
00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:23,575
At lease 100 kisses.
10
00:00:23,588 --> 00:00:24,668
Dinner at 7:00.
11
00:00:24,681 --> 00:00:27,093
- And no gifts.
- That's right, no gifts.
12
00:00:27,118 --> 00:00:28,340
No gifts.
13
00:00:29,354 --> 00:00:30,881
No gifts.
14
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,434
Oh, I'm getting
him a gift.
15
00:00:32,457 --> 00:00:34,153
I always say that I'm not
gonna get him a gift.
16
00:00:34,181 --> 00:00:37,694
And Ben always believes me.
And then, bam, I surprise him
17
00:00:37,719 --> 00:00:39,116
with the best
gift of all time.
18
00:00:39,135 --> 00:00:43,344
He makes the cutest, dopiest
face when he's surprised.
19
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,479
It's like... Wha-a-a-at?
20
00:00:46,907 --> 00:00:49,016
I'm not gonna make my stupid
surprise face this year
21
00:00:49,037 --> 00:00:51,871
because this time I got her
the most amazing gift ever.
22
00:00:51,893 --> 00:00:55,826
And she'll never see it coming because I'm
giving it to her today, one day early.
23
00:00:55,844 --> 00:00:58,284
So she's gonna make
the face this year.
24
00:00:58,312 --> 00:01:00,361
She will make
that stupid face!
25
00:01:10,551 --> 00:01:20,551
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
26
00:01:21,042 --> 00:01:23,507
Additional support for
Pawnee Public Radio
27
00:01:23,513 --> 00:01:27,247
comes from the Edgar C. and Janis R.
Lumway Foundation
28
00:01:27,276 --> 00:01:30,798
and the Richard and Lois Wallenberg
Foundation Foundation...
29
00:01:30,825 --> 00:01:33,297
dedicated to the idea
that all human beings
30
00:01:33,323 --> 00:01:36,325
deserve a chance to
hear about foundations.
31
00:01:37,485 --> 00:01:40,238
Welcome to Thought
For Your Thoughts.
32
00:01:40,262 --> 00:01:42,958
I'm your Pawneean host,
Derry Murbles.
33
00:01:42,971 --> 00:01:46,547
And I'm your Eagletonian
host, August Clementine.
34
00:01:46,586 --> 00:01:50,030
Yes, if you have not heard
our program in a while,
35
00:01:50,051 --> 00:01:52,634
Thought For Your Thoughts
now has a co-host,
36
00:01:52,654 --> 00:01:55,652
thanks to the
Pawnee-Eagleton merger
37
00:01:55,684 --> 00:01:59,488
I believe that is the Eagleton-Pawnee
merger, n'est-ce pas?
38
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,986
I'd like to apologize
to our listeners
39
00:02:02,009 --> 00:02:06,298
for my co-host's sudden and
violent outburst just now.
40
00:02:06,321 --> 00:02:10,601
Our guest is former city
councilwoman Leslie Knope.
41
00:02:10,618 --> 00:02:13,678
- Leslie, thought...
- For your thoughts.
42
00:02:13,955 --> 00:02:15,108
I said it.
43
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:17,993
Absorb the
aggression, Derry.
44
00:02:18,019 --> 00:02:20,518
Absorb the aggression.
45
00:02:20,535 --> 00:02:23,861
Well, I just want to say thank
you so much for having me.
46
00:02:23,884 --> 00:02:25,031
It's a thrill to be here.
47
00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:28,281
As a listener, I think the
merging of your two shows
48
00:02:28,294 --> 00:02:33,077
has really created such a big,
quiet, arcane ball of fun.
49
00:02:33,114 --> 00:02:36,756
It's been a couple of months since
Pawnee and Eagleton officially merged.
50
00:02:36,778 --> 00:02:39,365
Things are going... okay.
51
00:02:39,388 --> 00:02:42,224
There's still a little animosity
between the two towns.
52
00:02:42,256 --> 00:02:44,029
I haven't seen
Pawneeans this mad
53
00:02:44,049 --> 00:02:48,238
since Frankie's discontinued
their pizza-stuffed-crust pizza.
54
00:02:48,456 --> 00:02:52,190
It was a pizza whose crust
was stuffed with little pizzas.
55
00:02:52,196 --> 00:02:54,738
And the crust of those little pizzas
56
00:02:54,755 --> 00:02:56,175
was made of chocolate.
57
00:02:56,191 --> 00:03:00,261
Ms. Knope, I understand you're
here today to try to convince us
58
00:03:00,288 --> 00:03:05,913
that this disastrous merger of our two
towns was, in any way, a good idea.
59
00:03:05,933 --> 00:03:07,933
Yes, there were some
bumps and bruises.
60
00:03:07,963 --> 00:03:10,665
And a brief rash of arson.
61
00:03:10,678 --> 00:03:14,426
And a rather large-scale
brawl at the dump.
62
00:03:14,463 --> 00:03:19,036
But overall, the state of
the merger is very strong.
63
00:03:19,054 --> 00:03:20,194
Scoff.
64
00:03:20,214 --> 00:03:22,121
Did you just say
the word "scoff"?
65
00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:26,501
You must admit, Ms. Knope,
that the merging of the towns
66
00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:28,457
has been fraught
with antipathy.
67
00:03:28,476 --> 00:03:31,545
For example, I now have
to share my studio
68
00:03:31,574 --> 00:03:35,498
with a fatuous twerp who
shall remain nameless.
69
00:03:35,504 --> 00:03:41,134
This twerp has a name. And it's
August N'gutu Liebowitz-Clementine.
70
00:03:41,649 --> 00:03:42,976
Guys...
71
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:44,142
Hello.
72
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:47,727
Thank you so much for letting
me help plan your anniversary.
73
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,563
It is so wonderful to be
part of such a special day.
74
00:03:50,589 --> 00:03:52,562
Okay, remember, under
no circumstances
75
00:03:52,588 --> 00:03:54,649
can Leslie know about
what's going on.
76
00:03:54,675 --> 00:03:56,931
She has to make that face,
do you understand?
77
00:03:56,944 --> 00:03:59,229
No, I don't fully, but
my lips are sealed.
78
00:03:59,253 --> 00:04:02,765
I asked for Larry's help because he has the
most successful marriage of anyone I know,
79
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,918
to a gorgeous woman.
80
00:04:04,939 --> 00:04:07,785
Which, honestly, is
still a mystery to me.
81
00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:11,037
Like, was it a hypnosis
accident or something,
82
00:04:11,072 --> 00:04:14,380
where they put Gayle under and
made her fall in love with Larry
83
00:04:14,402 --> 00:04:16,955
and never said the magic word
to snap her out of it?
84
00:04:17,265 --> 00:04:21,194
Like, if I say "nutmeg," will she
wake up and start screaming?
85
00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,684
What kind of pet are you
interested in adopting?
86
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,848
We have dogs, cats, rabbits.
87
00:04:25,861 --> 00:04:28,795
Um, I work here, so,
legally, you can adopt me.
88
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:31,443
The girls want
an actual dog.
89
00:04:31,462 --> 00:04:33,356
And they want it
to look like this.
90
00:04:33,381 --> 00:04:37,738
Interesting. So, like a
banana made of spiders?
91
00:04:37,791 --> 00:04:42,117
I've said it before and I'll say it
again, children are terrible artists.
92
00:04:42,137 --> 00:04:44,187
And artists are crooks.
93
00:04:44,771 --> 00:04:46,218
I think I know a good dog.
94
00:04:46,247 --> 00:04:47,491
[Exclaims]
95
00:04:47,536 --> 00:04:50,203
There he is! Ron,
how about this guy?
96
00:04:50,225 --> 00:04:53,316
Yes, he is a
handsome fellow.
97
00:04:53,348 --> 00:04:54,800
Hello, dog.
98
00:04:55,009 --> 00:04:56,969
- I'll take him.
- That was easy.
99
00:04:57,430 --> 00:05:01,304
Awesome. Well, Donna can help you
get started on the paperwork.
100
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,256
Donna?
101
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:06,480
"Why lie? I'm shopping.
Back in an hour."
102
00:05:06,500 --> 00:05:10,210
Ugh! God, she's always just
leaving and not telling me.
103
00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:13,166
Hello, caller. You
have a comment?
104
00:05:13,179 --> 00:05:17,449
Yeah, ever since the merger, we've
had a really bad trash problem.
105
00:05:17,471 --> 00:05:20,750
Well, yes, there has been some confusion
with some of the garbage routes.
106
00:05:20,770 --> 00:05:23,399
And the Sanitation Department
is stretched a little thin.
107
00:05:23,423 --> 00:05:26,314
No, I mean Eagletonians
are human garbage.
108
00:05:26,333 --> 00:05:28,426
And we should throw
them in a dumpster.
109
00:05:28,439 --> 00:05:29,433
Kapow!
110
00:05:29,457 --> 00:05:34,165
Yeah, I really like the merger, but I hate
that Eagleton was forced to join Pawnee.
111
00:05:34,189 --> 00:05:36,162
Well, that's what
the merger is.
112
00:05:36,184 --> 00:05:38,685
Oh. Yeah, then I
hate the merger.
113
00:05:39,113 --> 00:05:41,181
I think the
merger was great.
114
00:05:41,202 --> 00:05:44,860
And I think Leslie Knope
did an amazing job.
115
00:05:44,872 --> 00:05:46,920
I don't know who this
is, but I agree.
116
00:05:46,941 --> 00:05:48,208
- It's Andy!
- Hey.
117
00:05:48,229 --> 00:05:49,763
I'm on the radio!
118
00:05:49,818 --> 00:05:52,542
That's all the time we have on
Thought For Your Thoughts.
119
00:05:52,562 --> 00:05:55,830
- I'm Derry Murbles.
- And I'm August Clementine.
120
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,984
And I talked last.
Good day.
121
00:05:59,306 --> 00:06:00,481
[Bumps mic]
122
00:06:01,342 --> 00:06:04,266
- Is this land mine still functional?
- Partially.
123
00:06:06,726 --> 00:06:09,155
- Why? - Because I want to
blow up Donna's desk
124
00:06:09,183 --> 00:06:11,962
so I can teach her a lesson about
what happens when you skip work.
125
00:06:11,987 --> 00:06:14,154
I'm not sure that's how
you should go about this.
126
00:06:14,175 --> 00:06:18,547
I'm kind of her boss, now, but I
still feel weird disciplining her.
127
00:06:18,572 --> 00:06:23,044
- What do I do? - Look her in the eyes and
tell her exactly what you need from her.
128
00:06:23,064 --> 00:06:25,893
Be mature, direct,
and firm.
129
00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:29,474
What? Some fool just
slammed me on Yelp.
130
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,902
I took Ron's advice.
131
00:06:30,918 --> 00:06:33,829
I very maturely and
straightforwardly
132
00:06:33,848 --> 00:06:36,647
left anonymous comments
about Donna online.
133
00:06:37,051 --> 00:06:41,058
"Stopped by to adopt a dog, but
the employee, Donna Meagle,
134
00:06:41,075 --> 00:06:45,821
"was nowhere to be found. Thanks for
nothing, Donna Meagle. Booooo!"
135
00:06:45,846 --> 00:06:47,614
With five "O"s.
136
00:06:47,635 --> 00:06:49,068
Oh, my God, that sucks.
137
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:51,151
Just have to work
harder, I guess, huh?
138
00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:54,318
This freak thinks he can hide
behind some anonymous user name?
139
00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:57,394
I'm about to
hunt you down.
140
00:06:58,019 --> 00:07:00,472
Don't be upset, Leslie.
No one listens to the radio.
141
00:07:00,498 --> 00:07:02,748
I wasn't even listening.
I was listening to podcasts.
142
00:07:02,757 --> 00:07:04,413
Podcasts are great.
Radio is boring.
143
00:07:04,439 --> 00:07:06,367
Tom, this merger
needs a win...
144
00:07:06,386 --> 00:07:08,368
something symbolic
and bright and happy
145
00:07:08,383 --> 00:07:10,744
that will show that there's
light at the end of the tunnel.
146
00:07:10,757 --> 00:07:12,564
God, I am so stressed.
147
00:07:12,587 --> 00:07:15,040
Uh, Leslie, may I borrow
you for a second?
148
00:07:15,063 --> 00:07:16,336
Something very
special to show you.
149
00:07:16,357 --> 00:07:18,530
Now is not the time, Larry.
Please leave.
150
00:07:18,553 --> 00:07:21,113
- I think you... - Larry! What
are you still doing here?
151
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:22,356
Aw, jeez. Okay.
152
00:07:22,370 --> 00:07:26,170
I just wish Pawnee and Eagleton
were as happy as Ben and me.
153
00:07:26,673 --> 00:07:29,777
Yeah, by the way, I was gonna mention,
you look really old in this picture.
154
00:07:29,923 --> 00:07:30,996
What?
155
00:07:31,038 --> 00:07:32,725
Andy, this is a picture of us.
156
00:07:32,754 --> 00:07:35,707
This is a picture of an elderly couple.
Rosie and Doug DeMarco.
157
00:07:35,727 --> 00:07:37,280
They've been married for 50 years.
158
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:41,089
"Rosie Hails from Pawnee, while Doug is
originally from the former Eagleton."
159
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,382
Oh, my God, this
is perfect.
160
00:07:43,404 --> 00:07:46,540
A Pawnee-Eagleton couple that
has been married for 50 years
161
00:07:46,554 --> 00:07:49,521
is a perfect symbol of how
our towns can get along.
162
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:53,601
And we are gonna hold them up as an
example of Pawnee-Eagleton unity.
163
00:07:53,635 --> 00:07:56,151
Whoo! I'm getting the
epiphany sweats.
164
00:07:59,065 --> 00:08:01,218
Stop where you are and
take off your clothes.
165
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,636
It's couples massage.
Ugh. Where's Leslie?
166
00:08:04,663 --> 00:08:06,676
Oh, well, she seemed
kind of stressed out.
167
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:09,617
And then she yelled at me, and she
said she was too busy to come.
168
00:08:09,642 --> 00:08:12,577
And since you had said do not tell her
the secret under any circumstances...
169
00:08:12,597 --> 00:08:13,944
Aw, man.
170
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,984
Well, that's a danger of doing
things a day early, I guess.
171
00:08:17,016 --> 00:08:18,516
Should I text her
and try again?
172
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,667
Why don't you just go ahead
and get your massage,
173
00:08:20,686 --> 00:08:22,686
and then hopefully we can get
her in for the next thing.
174
00:08:22,706 --> 00:08:24,751
Okay. I have been
kind of tense lately.
175
00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:26,947
Just thinking about the
new Star Wars sequel.
176
00:08:26,953 --> 00:08:29,801
I'm afraid they're gonna
rely too heavily on CGI.
177
00:08:29,829 --> 00:08:31,993
And I'm carrying it
all in my shoulders.
178
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,358
Just you?
179
00:08:33,676 --> 00:08:35,139
You paid for a couple.
180
00:08:35,194 --> 00:08:38,265
Well, can't believe I'm
saying this, but, uh...
181
00:08:39,337 --> 00:08:42,544
Larry, would you like to get
a couples massage with me?
182
00:08:42,735 --> 00:08:43,815
I would love to.
183
00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:45,840
Are we sure we
should do this?
184
00:08:45,866 --> 00:08:47,979
Last time we scared an old person,
Larry had a heart attack.
185
00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:50,778
[Laughs] That was awesome.
He farted so much.
186
00:08:50,803 --> 00:08:52,533
Okay, look, obviously,
we don't really know
187
00:08:52,546 --> 00:08:56,870
these people, so let's keep things fun and
positive and celebratory, and merger-y.
188
00:08:57,369 --> 00:08:58,702
[Knocks]
189
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:00,411
Can I help you?
190
00:09:00,424 --> 00:09:02,461
Hello, Mrs. DeMarco,
I am Leslie Knope,
191
00:09:02,488 --> 00:09:04,419
and we saw your announcement
in the newspaper
192
00:09:04,425 --> 00:09:08,817
and we would love to treat you and
your husband to a very special day.
193
00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:11,388
All right. How much
money did we win?
194
00:09:11,430 --> 00:09:13,875
Oh, no, you didn't win any money, you
won something better than money.
195
00:09:13,888 --> 00:09:16,523
A golden anniversary
celebration.
196
00:09:16,763 --> 00:09:18,763
So no money.
197
00:09:19,217 --> 00:09:20,424
No,
198
00:09:20,449 --> 00:09:23,316
and I'm now just realizing how
misleading this giant check it.
199
00:09:23,349 --> 00:09:24,462
- Told you.
- Yes, you did, Tom.
200
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:27,437
Thank you. Now is not the time.
We... Hey! Hey!
201
00:09:27,457 --> 00:09:28,864
We'll give you some money.
Okay?
202
00:09:28,888 --> 00:09:30,520
Here, here's some money.
Everybody give 'em money.
203
00:09:30,526 --> 00:09:34,304
I got football cards,
and a travel mouthwash.
204
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,115
Wow! That's great!
205
00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:37,934
Let's get started!
206
00:09:38,474 --> 00:09:39,951
Just give me the IP
address of the dude
207
00:09:39,971 --> 00:09:42,306
that gave me that
cracked-out Yelp review.
208
00:09:42,558 --> 00:09:47,015
Okay, here we go. The IP address says
it came from someone inside city hall.
209
00:09:47,036 --> 00:09:49,707
In this building?
Oh, hell, no.
210
00:09:49,727 --> 00:09:53,275
Well, who cares, really? It's just
some dumb internet person. Ignore it.
211
00:09:53,296 --> 00:09:57,709
Ignore it? I'm about to come down on
this dude like Thor's hammer Mjolnir.
212
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:00,947
I'm about to go
Mjolnir on his ass!
213
00:10:02,258 --> 00:10:04,131
Speaking of bad reviews...
214
00:10:04,156 --> 00:10:07,378
Computers are mostly
pointless, but that Yelp thing
215
00:10:07,404 --> 00:10:11,184
gave me a great idea on how to
criticize people and places.
216
00:10:12,214 --> 00:10:14,674
I am composing
strongly-worded letters
217
00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:18,215
about things I disapprove of,
and I am using the internet
218
00:10:18,228 --> 00:10:20,442
to get addresses where
I can send them.
219
00:10:20,463 --> 00:10:22,796
So far I've written
to a vegetable farm,
220
00:10:22,809 --> 00:10:27,377
several European ambassadors,
a manufacturer of male cologne,
221
00:10:27,415 --> 00:10:30,505
and a nonfat
frozen yogurt bar.
222
00:10:31,054 --> 00:10:34,541
"Dear frozen yogurt, you are
the celery of desserts.
223
00:10:34,563 --> 00:10:38,650
Be ice cream or be nothing.
Zero stars."
224
00:10:40,149 --> 00:10:43,660
Oh, I cannot wait for Leslie
to see this surprise.
225
00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:47,918
I am so prepared. I watched Enchanted
three times to get all the details right.
226
00:10:47,944 --> 00:10:51,840
And then another two times,
because that movie is amazing.
227
00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,597
Oh, it really is.
[Phone line rings]
228
00:10:53,630 --> 00:10:55,923
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, Leslie.
229
00:10:55,936 --> 00:10:58,016
You want to go grab
lunch together?
230
00:10:58,029 --> 00:11:00,718
- I'm out front. Super casual.
- I'm sorry, babe.
231
00:11:00,737 --> 00:11:03,773
I'm not even in my office.
I'm out saving the merger.
232
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:04,853
Can it wait?
233
00:11:05,075 --> 00:11:07,362
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No worries.
234
00:11:07,395 --> 00:11:09,585
Okay, great. I'll see you
at dinner. I love you.
235
00:11:09,699 --> 00:11:10,491
[Phone beeps]
236
00:11:10,516 --> 00:11:11,596
Oh, boy.
237
00:11:11,615 --> 00:11:14,982
Well, it's not too late to cancel the
waffle buffet or the Hilary impersonator,
238
00:11:15,002 --> 00:11:18,011
but a lot of these deposits
were non-refundable.
239
00:11:18,961 --> 00:11:20,088
Hey, Larry.
240
00:11:20,109 --> 00:11:23,081
You up for a boys' day out
in a horse-drawn carriage?
241
00:11:23,386 --> 00:11:25,526
Sure. What the heck?
242
00:11:25,561 --> 00:11:28,181
Well, thus begins our
enchanted adventure.
243
00:11:28,207 --> 00:11:29,074
[Chuckles]
244
00:11:29,099 --> 00:11:30,926
God, that movie
really was amazing.
245
00:11:30,946 --> 00:11:33,039
And you know what doesn't get
enough credit in that movie?
246
00:11:33,062 --> 00:11:34,487
- The score.
- Music.
247
00:11:34,644 --> 00:11:35,644
[Gasps]
248
00:11:35,726 --> 00:11:36,951
Good sir,
249
00:11:37,227 --> 00:11:38,427
tally ho.
250
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:41,880
- God, that... from the movie!
- That is definitely from the movie.
251
00:11:42,224 --> 00:11:44,251
Okay, you two,
head on up there.
252
00:11:44,263 --> 00:11:47,177
We are gonna recreate your
wedding photo from 50 years ago.
253
00:11:47,203 --> 00:11:49,821
Okay, let's
relive that day.
254
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:52,300
Only this time could we
shave her moustache?
255
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:53,120
[Chuckles]
256
00:11:53,145 --> 00:11:55,052
Oh, boy. I don't know.
257
00:11:55,084 --> 00:11:57,744
I'm kind of worried about
putting these two on live TV.
258
00:11:57,757 --> 00:11:59,344
They're sort of grumpy.
259
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:01,782
Why are we wasting our time
with these old people anyway?
260
00:12:01,797 --> 00:12:03,323
They're like the old version of iTunes.
261
00:12:03,336 --> 00:12:05,243
We're like the new
version of iTunes, baby.
262
00:12:05,256 --> 00:12:07,738
We're gonna be
here forever.
263
00:12:08,571 --> 00:12:09,938
Oh, my God.
264
00:12:10,407 --> 00:12:12,027
I'm gonna die someday.
265
00:12:12,047 --> 00:12:14,649
Well, let's just hope that deep down
these two still love each other.
266
00:12:14,658 --> 00:12:17,655
Hey, no touching. This
is not your birthday.
267
00:12:19,342 --> 00:12:22,631
Now, you see, the trick with paella
is to use just enough saffron
268
00:12:22,644 --> 00:12:24,906
- to complement the shellfish.
- Okay.
269
00:12:26,289 --> 00:12:28,662
- Oh, man, that is so good.
- [Chuckles] Oh, yeah.
270
00:12:28,851 --> 00:12:31,511
Wow, isn't this exciting?
In just a few minutes,
271
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:34,698
you are going to be professing
your love on television.
272
00:12:34,731 --> 00:12:36,391
Could I have a glass of water
before we go on?
273
00:12:36,412 --> 00:12:38,962
Don't give him any water. He does
this annoying thing where every time
274
00:12:38,985 --> 00:12:41,240
he takes a drink of
water he goes, "Ah..."
275
00:12:41,370 --> 00:12:42,983
She does this annoying
thing where every time
276
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,361
she takes a drink of
water she is an old nag.
277
00:12:45,389 --> 00:12:49,372
Ah, the playful banter of a
couple on the same team.
278
00:12:49,391 --> 00:12:53,016
- That's what this is, right?
- All right, let's burn this candle.
279
00:12:53,049 --> 00:12:56,356
Joan, if we could just have a moment.
We need to get ready.
280
00:12:56,382 --> 00:12:59,220
Oh, no, no. We gotta go.
Yeah, the uppers are kicking in.
281
00:12:59,233 --> 00:13:02,462
Just took some ludes to kind of smooth
it out, so I'm right in that sweet spot.
282
00:13:02,479 --> 00:13:05,700
Got about 20 minutes before
I either get really tired
283
00:13:05,713 --> 00:13:09,221
or really horny,
so let's roll.
284
00:13:09,485 --> 00:13:12,232
Dougie, are you sure you
want to go on television?
285
00:13:12,261 --> 00:13:14,654
You look like a leather glove
got caught in a lawnmower.
286
00:13:14,673 --> 00:13:17,162
Okay, you know what? I'm
going to admit something.
287
00:13:17,193 --> 00:13:19,521
I orchestrated the
Pawnee-Eagleton merger,
288
00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:22,503
and I was hoping that your
marriage could show people
289
00:13:22,522 --> 00:13:24,750
that a happy union
is possible.
290
00:13:24,777 --> 00:13:27,269
So when you're out there,
if you could just, you know,
291
00:13:27,289 --> 00:13:32,908
look back over the past 50 years together
and focus on the good times, okay?
292
00:13:34,611 --> 00:13:36,168
Donna, you wanted
to see me?
293
00:13:36,187 --> 00:13:38,023
Yes, I did, troll.
294
00:13:38,047 --> 00:13:41,274
- What? - You tried to adopt a cat
last week and I turned you down,
295
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:44,387
because I thought it was too
sad for you to have six cats.
296
00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:46,987
Then you tried to blow
up my spot online.
297
00:13:47,010 --> 00:13:48,161
You're fired.
298
00:13:48,173 --> 00:13:51,016
You're not my boss, I work
for the city attorney's office.
299
00:13:51,027 --> 00:13:53,787
You're fired.
300
00:13:55,417 --> 00:13:58,816
How much postage does it take
to send a letter to Canada?
301
00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:00,618
- Who's it going to?
- Canada.
302
00:14:01,097 --> 00:14:03,656
It says, "Dear
Canada, fuck you."
303
00:14:04,612 --> 00:14:07,685
Doug and Rosie
DeMarco, 50 years.
304
00:14:07,698 --> 00:14:08,345
Ahh.
305
00:14:08,365 --> 00:14:10,325
Tell us how you first met.
306
00:14:10,351 --> 00:14:13,173
Well, it was 1963,
307
00:14:13,191 --> 00:14:17,128
and we met, and
it was great.
308
00:14:17,141 --> 00:14:19,340
- [Laughs]
- Isn't love grand?
309
00:14:19,537 --> 00:14:23,752
50 years of marriage, helping
to bridge the meaningless divide
310
00:14:23,772 --> 00:14:27,143
- between Pawnee and Eagleton.
- Yeah, my show, my questions.
311
00:14:27,177 --> 00:14:29,860
So what is the secret
sauce that we should all
312
00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:32,467
be putting on our
marriage burgers?
313
00:14:32,591 --> 00:14:34,324
Well, we never
go to bed angry.
314
00:14:34,343 --> 00:14:36,324
Never, ever would
have thought of that.
315
00:14:36,407 --> 00:14:38,332
- Ahh.
- Okay.
316
00:14:38,517 --> 00:14:41,097
I can't do this. Leslie,
you can keep your money.
317
00:14:41,125 --> 00:14:42,205
M-money?
318
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:43,550
[Chuckles]
319
00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:45,127
Did you bribe
them to be here?
320
00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,823
- No, I... - Leslie offered us each
200 bucks to keep this going...
321
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:50,832
- Ah...
- But it's impossible.
322
00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:52,585
You want to know why
we got married?
323
00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:56,577
- Bring it. - I had no prospects, and
Dougie here had an alcohol problem.
324
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,862
Plus the Cold War
was happening,
325
00:14:58,870 --> 00:15:01,102
and frankly, we all thought
we were gonna die.
326
00:15:01,121 --> 00:15:03,875
Well, I figured I could
really tick off my parents
327
00:15:03,895 --> 00:15:06,588
by shacking up with
some Pawnee trash.
328
00:15:06,621 --> 00:15:08,259
Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta. Okay.
329
00:15:08,285 --> 00:15:10,951
We all agree that marriages
have their ups and downs,
330
00:15:10,975 --> 00:15:14,144
but at the end of the day,
they're worth it because...
331
00:15:15,913 --> 00:15:17,153
Who likes tap dancing?
332
00:15:17,173 --> 00:15:18,060
[Quietly tap dancing]
333
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,071
I slept with
Sharon in 1979.
334
00:15:20,091 --> 00:15:23,789
I used to get out of the shower in
front of your brother on purpose.
335
00:15:25,978 --> 00:15:28,211
Hey, Leslie, who cares?
They're old people.
336
00:15:28,231 --> 00:15:30,566
They eat, they sleep, they complain,
and they watch Family Feud.
337
00:15:30,593 --> 00:15:32,540
Oh, my God,
I wanna be an old person.
338
00:15:32,568 --> 00:15:34,188
Gah, I don't know what to do.
339
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,636
I wish Ben was here.
What is he doing right now?
340
00:15:37,097 --> 00:15:40,266
[Tango music playing]
341
00:15:54,908 --> 00:15:56,288
[Applause]
Oh, man!
342
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,103
- [Laughing] You did good!
- Larry!
343
00:15:58,112 --> 00:16:00,586
Whoa! Wow. Thank you.
344
00:16:02,909 --> 00:16:03,756
Can I help you?
345
00:16:03,773 --> 00:16:07,300
Yeah, I own Lettuce Eat, the vegan
restaurant on Lowell Drive,
346
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:10,415
and I wanted to know why you
nailed this letter to my door.
347
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:16,168
"Veganism is the sad result of a morally
corrupt mind. Reconsider your life."
348
00:16:17,144 --> 00:16:19,744
Because I believe it.
Good day.
349
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:22,554
Carnivores. You're all the same.
350
00:16:23,631 --> 00:16:25,484
How did that guy know
where to find you?
351
00:16:25,512 --> 00:16:27,232
I assume he saw my
name and address
352
00:16:27,252 --> 00:16:29,647
at the bottom of the letter
I nailed to his door.
353
00:16:29,669 --> 00:16:31,930
- You signed your real name?
- Of course I did.
354
00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,878
What's gonna happen? A vegan
is gonna physically attack me?
355
00:16:34,898 --> 00:16:35,785
[Chuckles]
356
00:16:35,810 --> 00:16:37,917
They're basically
made of glass.
357
00:16:37,957 --> 00:16:41,178
But more importantly, if you believe in
something, you sign your name to it.
358
00:16:41,198 --> 00:16:43,729
Which is why the makers
of carbonated water
359
00:16:43,749 --> 00:16:46,588
will soon know exactly
where to find me.
360
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:52,882
Donna, Kyle did not write
those things, okay?
361
00:16:52,913 --> 00:16:54,346
- I did.
- [Gasps]
362
00:16:54,635 --> 00:16:56,099
- I know.
- You do?
363
00:16:56,119 --> 00:16:58,174
I checked what else
that user had written.
364
00:16:58,191 --> 00:17:01,392
It was a review of a funeral home
that said "Great first date spot."
365
00:17:01,749 --> 00:17:03,636
I dragged Kyle in here to see
if you would come clean.
366
00:17:03,662 --> 00:17:07,292
Well, you overestimated how much
I care what happens to Kyle.
367
00:17:07,548 --> 00:17:09,978
Or anyone, really. But...
368
00:17:10,468 --> 00:17:13,007
I'm sorry that I didn't
just talk to you.
369
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,606
And I'm sorry I
bailed on work.
370
00:17:14,628 --> 00:17:17,268
And I'm sorry I toyed with you
instead of coming at you straight.
371
00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:20,210
From now on, we
say what we feel.
372
00:17:20,227 --> 00:17:21,734
- Cool?
- Cool.
373
00:17:22,081 --> 00:17:23,562
Your lipstick looks weird.
374
00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:25,476
You're gonna want to
shut your mouth right now.
375
00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:26,739
Good talk.
376
00:17:27,526 --> 00:17:31,470
I don't know. Maybe Pawneeans and
Eagletonians aren't meant to coexist.
377
00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:33,878
Well, at least our
merger is going well.
378
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:35,585
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
379
00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:40,584
You know, Andy and Tom were right when
they said the DeMarcos don't matter.
380
00:17:40,597 --> 00:17:42,284
Their generation's the past.
381
00:17:42,315 --> 00:17:45,491
The way to make this merger take
hold is to focus on the future.
382
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:47,336
Of course.
383
00:17:47,981 --> 00:17:50,781
The children. The
children are our future.
384
00:17:50,807 --> 00:17:53,928
Whitney Houston knew it,
and so do you, and so do I.
385
00:17:53,948 --> 00:17:55,172
I'm gonna need your
help on something.
386
00:17:55,192 --> 00:17:56,470
- I think we should go to work...
- Oh.
387
00:17:56,483 --> 00:17:58,949
But not now. We're
having dinner.
388
00:17:59,472 --> 00:18:02,285
Damn, this paella is good.
Did you put saffron in here?
389
00:18:02,316 --> 00:18:04,676
It makes the shellfish
taste delicious.
390
00:18:05,498 --> 00:18:08,036
Yes. Yes, it does.
391
00:18:09,308 --> 00:18:10,688
Okay, the people in this room
392
00:18:10,708 --> 00:18:13,688
are the first members of the
Pawnee-Eagleton Youth Committee.
393
00:18:13,707 --> 00:18:17,220
Now, April says that young people
think the word "committee" is lame,
394
00:18:17,239 --> 00:18:21,205
so let's just think of this as a
like a super chill, fun e-hangout.
395
00:18:21,214 --> 00:18:22,901
Worse. That's worse.
396
00:18:22,914 --> 00:18:25,244
Okay, new people.
Let's introduce ourselves.
397
00:18:25,265 --> 00:18:28,445
Craig Middlebrooks. Samantha in the
boardroom, Miranda in the bedroom.
398
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,964
I know it's not ideal,
but it's who I am.
399
00:18:31,324 --> 00:18:35,510
This is my friend Madison. She's amazing.
And she drove me here!
400
00:18:36,043 --> 00:18:36,910
Okay.
401
00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,663
This group has an
incredibly important job.
402
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:43,180
You need to figure out how
to hold this town together.
403
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:46,704
You are going to meet twice a week and
you're here because of your energy,
404
00:18:46,723 --> 00:18:48,949
and your youth, and for some
of you, your mental age,
405
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,664
and you're going to find a way
to make this merger stick.
406
00:18:51,691 --> 00:18:53,678
So we are gonna order
you some 'zzas.
407
00:18:53,693 --> 00:18:56,424
You get to B.S.-ing,
brainstorming.
408
00:18:56,450 --> 00:18:58,559
Just chill. Peace out.
409
00:18:59,551 --> 00:19:01,351
Okay, so it's been an hour.
410
00:19:01,377 --> 00:19:02,879
From out there,
it looks like you guys
411
00:19:02,885 --> 00:19:04,618
were having some fun,
getting to know each other.
412
00:19:04,638 --> 00:19:06,854
So why don't we call this
first meeting a success
413
00:19:06,874 --> 00:19:08,677
and then we'll get together
later in the week.
414
00:19:08,696 --> 00:19:10,425
Hold up, sweet pea.
We have an idea.
415
00:19:10,445 --> 00:19:12,815
It's called the
Unity Concert.
416
00:19:12,848 --> 00:19:15,921
It's a massive music and arts
festival to celebrate the merger.
417
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:18,940
We get artists and musicians from
both towns to come together.
418
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,430
It's gonna be like
a giant Woodstock,
419
00:19:20,449 --> 00:19:22,643
except for instead of everybody
rolling around in mud,
420
00:19:22,664 --> 00:19:24,124
they'll be rolling
around in happiness.
421
00:19:24,165 --> 00:19:26,392
Or maybe mud. I don't know. I
can't control the weather.
422
00:19:26,421 --> 00:19:28,334
We want to have a bunch
of different band stages.
423
00:19:28,363 --> 00:19:31,170
You know, people will go to parts of
the town they don't usually go to.
424
00:19:31,183 --> 00:19:33,106
Plus, we'll have tents
for art exhibits
425
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,456
and panels, and maybe a
short film festival.
426
00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:37,684
Donna said she might be
able to get Ginuwine.
427
00:19:37,699 --> 00:19:39,050
That's given me a
reason to live.
428
00:19:39,063 --> 00:19:40,922
Yeah, it's not like
everyone's gonna suddenly
429
00:19:40,935 --> 00:19:42,595
start holding hands
and making out,
430
00:19:42,617 --> 00:19:46,088
but we figure, why not throw a
big three-day outdoor party,
431
00:19:46,108 --> 00:19:49,698
show everyone a good time, and maybe
they'll forget about this stupid stuff.
432
00:19:49,711 --> 00:19:50,452
[Claps]
433
00:19:50,477 --> 00:19:51,257
What do you think?
434
00:19:51,279 --> 00:19:53,079
[Choked up]
I don't... I don't...
435
00:19:53,102 --> 00:19:54,862
I don't even...
You know what I mean?
436
00:19:54,896 --> 00:19:57,496
What's wrong with her? Why
is making those noises?
437
00:19:57,513 --> 00:19:58,449
[Moans]
438
00:19:58,462 --> 00:20:00,036
Oh, right, you don't know Leslie.
439
00:20:00,061 --> 00:20:03,281
That means she loves it
so much she can't speak.
440
00:20:03,305 --> 00:20:06,465
You guys, that's like...
I don't know... Amazing.
441
00:20:06,488 --> 00:20:08,655
Like... what you do there.
442
00:20:08,676 --> 00:20:10,036
Happy anniversary.
443
00:20:10,058 --> 00:20:11,603
So I know we agreed on no gifts.
444
00:20:11,626 --> 00:20:13,387
- What?
- But I did get you a gift.
445
00:20:13,401 --> 00:20:14,801
- No.
- A bunch of them, actually.
446
00:20:14,814 --> 00:20:18,452
I was gonna surprise you with them
yesterday, but they never reached you.
447
00:20:19,821 --> 00:20:21,288
Ahem.
448
00:20:21,469 --> 00:20:24,596
Oh, my eff-ing God.
449
00:20:24,621 --> 00:20:25,388
[Gasps]
450
00:20:25,407 --> 00:20:28,880
You planned all of this for me?
An enchanted carriage?
451
00:20:28,890 --> 00:20:30,399
This is amazing.
452
00:20:30,426 --> 00:20:33,727
Oh, and your scrapbook
instincts are really good.
453
00:20:33,746 --> 00:20:36,809
I mean, this is a little rough,
but you have a lot of talent here.
454
00:20:36,832 --> 00:20:40,019
Oh, I can't believe I actually defeated
Leslie Knope at a gift exchange.
455
00:20:40,035 --> 00:20:42,574
- Yes!
- Uh, yeah.
456
00:20:43,071 --> 00:20:44,227
About that.
457
00:20:44,612 --> 00:20:46,279
Happy anniversary.
458
00:20:49,444 --> 00:20:50,698
[Gasps]
459
00:20:50,829 --> 00:20:51,950
It's the Iron Throne.
460
00:20:51,974 --> 00:20:53,686
Ohh! It's the Iron Throne.
461
00:20:53,705 --> 00:20:54,939
Yes, it is.
462
00:20:54,971 --> 00:20:57,804
I had a guy at the model
store make a replica.
463
00:20:57,826 --> 00:21:00,366
He's a bigger Game of
Thrones fan than you are.
464
00:21:01,909 --> 00:21:04,442
Okay, I know I'm making that dumb
surprise face, but I can't help it.
465
00:21:04,455 --> 00:21:07,139
This is the greatest gift
I've ever received, Leslie.
466
00:21:07,562 --> 00:21:10,801
When you play the game of
thrones, you win or you die.
467
00:21:11,131 --> 00:21:12,012
Yes.
468
00:21:12,026 --> 00:21:13,360
No.
469
00:21:13,615 --> 00:21:14,802
Yes.
470
00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:15,848
No!
471
00:21:15,868 --> 00:21:19,136
Come here. Come hither, peasant.
Come here. Who are you?
472
00:21:19,447 --> 00:21:21,872
- Our starship is in trouble.
- Okay, Leslie, listen.
473
00:21:21,898 --> 00:21:23,976
If you're not... if you don't know
what you're talking about...
474
00:21:24,015 --> 00:21:31,015
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther