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00:00:01,334 --> 00:00:03,131
"Leslie Knope and
Ben Wyatt were married
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00:00:03,203 --> 00:00:05,899
"one year ago this week
at the Pawnee City Hall.
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00:00:05,972 --> 00:00:08,463
"The bride wore a gown made
by her friend, Ann Perkins.
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"And the groom wore
a butt so perfect,
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00:00:10,143 --> 00:00:11,667
"it could make
an angel hang itself."
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00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:12,834
You wrote this, didn't you?
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00:00:12,912 --> 00:00:14,937
I did.
They cut it way down.
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00:00:15,148 --> 00:00:18,606
Thank God. Okay. So, the
big day is tomorrow.
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00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:19,913
So, let's go over this again.
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00:00:19,986 --> 00:00:21,510
What are the anniversary rules?
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00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:24,953
At least 100 kisses, dinner
at 7:00, and no gifts.
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00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:26,548
That's right. No gifts.
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00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:27,615
No gifts.
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00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:30,323
No gifts.
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00:00:30,563 --> 00:00:31,757
Oh, I'm getting him a gift.
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00:00:32,265 --> 00:00:33,926
I always say that I'm not
going to get him a gift,
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00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,468
and Ben always believes me.
And then, bam.
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00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,629
I surprise him with
the best gift of all time.
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00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:42,899
He makes the cutest, dopiest
face when he's surprised.
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It's like, "What!"
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00:00:46,679 --> 00:00:48,670
I'm not going to make my
stupid surprise face this year
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00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:51,546
because this time, I got her
the most amazing gift ever.
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00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:54,212
And she'll never see it coming
because I'm giving it to her today.
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00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:55,412
One day early.
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00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,490
So, she's going to
make the face this year.
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00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,889
She will make that stupid face!
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00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:11,000
Ripped By mstoll
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Additional support
for Pawnee Public Radio
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00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:26,841
comes from the Edgar C. And Janis R.
Lumway Foundation,
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00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,386
and the Richard and Lois
Wallenberg Foundation Foundation.
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Dedicated to the idea
that all human beings
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deserve a chance to
hear about foundations.
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00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:39,792
Welcome to Thought
For Your Thoughts.
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00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,629
I'm your Pawneean host,
Derry Murbles.
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00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:46,160
And I'm your Eagletonian host,
August Clementine.
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00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:49,639
Yes. If you have not heard
our program in a while,
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00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:52,334
Thought For Your Thoughts
now has a co-host,
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00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:55,347
thanks to
the Pawnee-Eagleton merger.
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00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:58,814
I believe that is the "Eagleton-Pawnee
merger," n'est-ce pas?
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00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:01,552
I'd like to apologize
to our listeners
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00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:05,886
for my co-host's sudden and
violent outburst just now.
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Our guest is former City
Councilwoman Leslie Knope.
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00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:11,957
Leslie, thought...
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00:02:12,031 --> 00:02:14,261
For your thoughts, I said it.
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00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,732
Absorb the aggression, Derry.
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00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,170
Absorb the aggression.
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00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:23,467
Well, I just want to say thank
you so much for having me.
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00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:24,840
It is a thrill to be here.
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00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:28,039
As a listener, I think the
merging of your two shows
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00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:32,710
has really created such a big,
quiet, arcane ball of fun.
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00:02:32,952 --> 00:02:36,046
It's been a couple of months since
Pawnee and Eagleton officially merged.
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00:02:36,389 --> 00:02:38,823
Things are going okay.
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00:02:39,058 --> 00:02:41,822
There's still a little animosity
between the two towns.
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00:02:41,895 --> 00:02:43,760
I haven't seen
Pawneeans this mad
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00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:48,199
since Frankie's discontinued
their pizza stuffed crust pizza.
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00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,669
It was a pizza whose crust was
stuffed with little pizzas.
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00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:55,341
And the crusts of those little
pizzas was made of chocolate.
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00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,207
Ms. Knope, I understand
you're here today
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00:02:58,411 --> 00:03:03,007
to try to convince us that this
disastrous merger of our two towns was,
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00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:05,513
in any way, a good idea.
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00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,719
Yes, there were some
bumps and bruises,
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00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:10,119
and a brief rash of arson,
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00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:13,985
and a rather large-scale
brawl at the dump.
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00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:18,291
But overall, the state of
the merger is very strong.
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00:03:18,932 --> 00:03:19,921
Scoff.
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00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,897
Did you just say
the word "scoff"?
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00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:23,492
You must admit, Ms. Knope,
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00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:28,064
that the merging of the towns has
been fraught with antipathy.
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00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:33,177
For example, I now have to share
my studio with a fatuous twerp
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00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:35,173
who shall remain nameless.
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00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:36,909
This "twerp" has a name.
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00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:40,646
And it's August N'gutu
Liebowitz-Clementine.
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00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,512
Guys? Hello?
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00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:47,382
Thank you so much for letting
me help plan your anniversary.
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00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:50,256
It is so wonderful to be
part of such a special day.
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00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,298
Okay. Remember,
under no circumstances
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00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:54,026
can Leslie know
about what's going on.
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00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,532
She has to make that face.
Do you understand?
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00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,727
I don't, fully.
But my lips are sealed.
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00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,496
I asked for Larry's
help because he has the
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00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,302
most successful
marriage of anyone I know.
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00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:04,442
To a gorgeous woman.
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00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:07,707
Which, honestly,
is still a mystery to me.
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00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:10,779
Was it a hypnosis
accident or something,
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00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:14,183
where they put Gayle under and
made her fall in love with Larry
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00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,313
and never said the magic word
to snap her out of it?
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00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:20,357
Like, if I say "nutmeg," will she
wake up and start screaming?
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00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,456
What kind of pet are you
interested in adopting?
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00:04:23,529 --> 00:04:25,429
We have dogs, cats, rabbits...
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00:04:25,498 --> 00:04:28,399
Um, I work here, so,
legally, you can adopt me.
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00:04:28,501 --> 00:04:31,061
The girls want an actual dog,
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00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:32,967
and they want it
to look like this.
93
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:34,063
Interesting.
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00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:37,405
So, like a banana
made of spiders?
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00:04:37,577 --> 00:04:41,308
I've said it before and I'll say it again.
Children are terrible artists.
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00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:43,749
And artists are crooks.
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00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,712
I think I know a good dog.
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00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:49,814
There he is.
Ron, how about this guy?
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00:04:49,922 --> 00:04:52,755
Yes, he is a handsome fellow.
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00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,391
Hello, dog.
I'll take him.
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00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:57,553
That was easy. Awesome.
102
00:04:57,664 --> 00:05:01,566
Well, Donna can help you
get started on the paperwork.
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00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,024
Donna?
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00:05:06,472 --> 00:05:09,498
Oh. God, she's always just
leaving and not telling me.
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00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,706
Hello, caller.
You have a comment?
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00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,506
Yeah. Ever since the merger,
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00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:17,014
we've had a really
bad trash problem.
108
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:19,117
Well, yes, there has
been some confusion
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00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:20,447
with some of the garbage routes,
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00:05:20,520 --> 00:05:23,080
and the Sanitation Department
is stretched a little thin...
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00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:26,056
No, I mean Eagletonians
are human garbage,
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00:05:26,125 --> 00:05:28,025
and we should throw
them in a dumpster.
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00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:29,083
Ka-pow!
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00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:30,890
Yeah, I really
like the merger,
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00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,760
but I hate that Eagleton
was forced to join Pawnee.
116
00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:35,561
Well, that's what the merger is.
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00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,236
Oh. Yeah, then,
I hate the merger.
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00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,669
I think
the merger was great.
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00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:44,434
And I think Leslie
Knope did an amazing job.
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00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:46,535
I don't know who
this is, but I agree.
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00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:47,873
It's Andy.
Hey.
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00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:49,241
I'm on the radio.
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00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:52,144
Well, that's all the time we have
on Thought For Your Thoughts.
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00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:53,240
I'm Derry Murbles.
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00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:57,116
And I'm August Clementine,
and I talked last.
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00:05:57,690 --> 00:05:58,679
Good day.
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00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,550
Is this land mine
still functional?
128
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:03,992
Partially.
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00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,834
Why? Because I want to
blow up Donna's desk
130
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:11,597
so I can teach her a lesson about
what happens when you skip work.
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00:06:11,804 --> 00:06:13,704
I'm not sure that's how
you should go about this.
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00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:17,970
I'm kind of her boss now, but I
still feel weird disciplining her.
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00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:19,133
What do I do?
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00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,579
Look her in the eyes and tell her
exactly what you need from her.
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00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:25,307
Be mature, direct and firm.
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00:06:26,319 --> 00:06:29,049
What? Some fool just
slammed me on Yelp.
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00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:30,452
I took Ron's advice.
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00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:33,524
I very maturely and
straight-forwardly
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00:06:33,593 --> 00:06:36,187
left anonymous comments
about Donna online.
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00:06:36,829 --> 00:06:38,456
"Stopped by to adopt a dog,
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00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:42,125
"but the employee, Donna Meagle,
was nowhere to be found.
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00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,432
"Thanks for nothing,
Donna Meagle. Boo."
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00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,097
With five "O's."
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00:06:47,306 --> 00:06:48,603
Oh, my God, that sucks.
145
00:06:48,741 --> 00:06:50,641
Just have to work
harder, I guess, huh?
146
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:53,804
This freak thinks he can hide
behind some anonymous username?
147
00:06:53,946 --> 00:06:56,938
I'm about to hunt you down.
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00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:00,117
Don't be upset, Leslie.
No one listens to the radio.
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00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,381
I wasn't even listening.
I was listening to podcasts.
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00:07:02,455 --> 00:07:03,979
Podcasts are great.
Radio is boring.
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00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,058
Tom, this merger needs a win.
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00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:08,025
Something symbolic
and bright and happy
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00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,458
that will show that there's a
light at the end of the tunnel.
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00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:12,088
God, I am so stressed.
155
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,733
Uh, Leslie, may I
borrow you for a second?
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00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,132
Something very
special to show you.
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00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,067
Now is not the time, Larry.
Please leave.
158
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,228
I think you...
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00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:20,431
Larry. What are
you still doing here?
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00:07:21,140 --> 00:07:22,129
Oh, geez. Okay.
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00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:25,234
I just wish Pawnee and Eagleton
were as happy as Ben and me.
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00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:27,573
Yeah, by the way,
I was going to mention,
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00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,114
you look really
old in this picture.
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00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,438
What?
165
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,411
Andy, this is the picture of us.
166
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:35,453
This is the picture of an elderly
couple, Rosie and Doug DeMarco.
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00:07:35,521 --> 00:07:37,045
They've been
married for 50 years.
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00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,613
"Rosie hails from Pawnee,
while Doug
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00:07:38,691 --> 00:07:40,556
"is originally from
the former Eagleton."
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00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:43,021
Oh, my God. This is perfect.
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00:07:43,095 --> 00:07:46,292
A Pawnee-Eagleton couple that
has been married for 50 years
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00:07:46,365 --> 00:07:49,061
is a perfect symbol of how
our towns can get along.
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00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,760
And we are going to hold them up
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00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,203
as an example of
Pawnee-Eagleton unity.
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00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,934
Whoo! I'm getting
the epiphany sweats.
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00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:03,012
Stop where you are and take off
your clothes. It's couples massage.
177
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,876
Ugh! Where's Leslie?
178
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,816
Oh, Well, she seemed
kind of stressed out,
179
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:09,683
and then she yelled at me and she
said she was too busy to come.
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00:08:09,856 --> 00:08:11,289
And since you had said,
"Do not tell her
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00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:12,688
the secret under
any circumstance,"
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00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:13,782
I felt...
Oh, man.
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00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:17,052
Well, that's the danger of doing
things a day early, I guess.
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00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,653
Should I text her, try again?
185
00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:20,755
Why don't you just go ahead,
get your massage,
186
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,731
and then, hopefully, we can get
her in for the next thing.
187
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,826
Okay. I have been
kind of tense lately,
188
00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:27,165
just thinking about
the new Star Wars sequel.
189
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,970
I'm afraid they're going
to rely too heavily on CGI,
190
00:08:30,076 --> 00:08:31,873
and I'm carrying it
all in my shoulders.
191
00:08:32,078 --> 00:08:34,706
Just you?
You paid for a couple.
192
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:38,044
Well, I can't believe
I'm saying this, but, uh...
193
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:42,150
Larry, would you like to get
a couple's massage with me?
194
00:08:42,722 --> 00:08:43,848
I would love to.
195
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:45,949
Are you sure we should do this?
196
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,185
The last time we scared an old
person, Larry had a heart attack.
197
00:08:48,427 --> 00:08:50,987
That was awesome.
He farted so much.
198
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:53,258
Okay, look. Obviously, we don't
really know these people,
199
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:56,859
so let's keep things fun and positive
and celebratory and merger-y.
200
00:08:59,605 --> 00:09:00,594
Can I help you?
201
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,641
Hello, Mrs. DeMarco.
I am Leslie Knope,
202
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,403
and we saw your announcement
in the newspaper,
203
00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:08,977
and we would love to treat you and
your husband to a very special day.
204
00:09:09,115 --> 00:09:11,310
All right.
How much money did we win?
205
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,952
Oh, no, you didn't win any money. You
won something better than money.
206
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,315
A golden
anniversary celebration.
207
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:18,556
So, no money?
208
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:20,452
No.
209
00:09:20,593 --> 00:09:23,289
And I'm now just realizing how
misleading this giant check is.
210
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,485
Told you.
Yes, you did, Tom.
211
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:25,588
Thank you.
Now's not the time.
212
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:27,221
We... Hey! Hey, hey! Hey!
213
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,864
Uh... We'll give
you some money. Okay?
214
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,525
Here. Here's some money.
Everybody, give them money.
215
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:34,333
I've got football cards
and a travel mouthwash.
216
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:35,964
Wow, that's great!
217
00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:37,540
Let's get started!
218
00:09:38,477 --> 00:09:40,104
Just give me the I.P.
Address of the dude
219
00:09:40,179 --> 00:09:42,044
that gave me that
cracked-out Yelp review.
220
00:09:42,615 --> 00:09:44,708
Okay, here we go.
The I.P. Address says
221
00:09:44,784 --> 00:09:47,048
it came from
someone inside City Hall.
222
00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:49,846
In this building?
Oh, hell, no.
223
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,320
Well, who cares,
really. It's just some
224
00:09:51,390 --> 00:09:53,221
dumb Internet person.
Ignore it.
225
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:54,348
Ignore it?
226
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:57,792
I'm about to come down on this
dude like Thor's hammer, Mjolnir.
227
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,728
I'm about to go
Mjolnir on his ass.
228
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:04,326
Speaking of bad reviews...
229
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,234
Computers are mostly pointless.
230
00:10:06,472 --> 00:10:08,906
But that Yelp thing
gave me a great idea
231
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:11,136
on how to criticize
people and places.
232
00:10:12,244 --> 00:10:16,681
I am composing strongly-worded letters
about things I disapprove of,
233
00:10:16,849 --> 00:10:20,376
and I am using the Internet to get
addresses where I can send them.
234
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,783
So far, I have
written to a vegetable farm,
235
00:10:22,888 --> 00:10:27,188
several European ambassadors,
a manufacturer of male cologne
236
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,154
and a non-fat
frozen yogurt bar.
237
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:34,497
"Dear frozen yogurt, you are
the celery of desserts.
238
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:36,691
"Be ice cream, or be nothing.
239
00:10:37,169 --> 00:10:38,659
"Zero stars."
240
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:43,764
Oh, I cannot wait for
Leslie to see this surprise.
241
00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,137
I am so prepared.
242
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:48,110
I watched Enchanted three times
to get all the details right.
243
00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:51,945
And then, another two times
because that movie is amazing.
244
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:53,451
Oh, it really is.
245
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,087
Hello?
Oh, hey, Leslie. Uh...
246
00:10:56,155 --> 00:10:58,316
You want to go
grab lunch together?
247
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,653
I'm out front. Super casual.
248
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:00,714
Sorry, babe,
249
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:03,553
I'm not even in my office.
I'm out saving the merger.
250
00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:05,090
Can it wait?
251
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,927
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No worries.
- Okay. Great.
252
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,228
I'll see you at dinner.
I love you.
253
00:11:10,536 --> 00:11:11,560
Oh, boy.
254
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,035
Well, it's not too
late to cancel
255
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:15,107
the waffle buffet or
the Hillary impersonator,
256
00:11:15,241 --> 00:11:17,334
but a lot of these deposits
were non-refundable. Oh.
257
00:11:19,211 --> 00:11:22,874
Hey, Larry, you up for a boys' day
out in a horse-drawn carriage?
258
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,450
Sure. What the heck.
259
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:28,883
Well, thus begins our
Enchanted adventure.
260
00:11:29,288 --> 00:11:31,119
God, that movie
really was amazing.
261
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,055
You know what doesn't get
enough credit in that movie?
262
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:34,490
Music.
The score.
263
00:11:35,795 --> 00:11:38,161
Good sir, tally-ho.
264
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,123
Kind sir, that's from the movie!
265
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,962
That is definitely
from the movie.
266
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:44,326
Okay, you two.
Head on up there.
267
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,235
We are going to recreate your
wedding photo from 50 years ago.
268
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:49,866
Okay.
Let's re-live that day.
269
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,474
Only this time, could
we shave her mustache?
270
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:54,942
Oh, boy, I don't know.
271
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,879
I'm kind of worried about
putting these two on live TV.
272
00:11:57,950 --> 00:11:59,383
They're sort of grumpy.
273
00:11:59,485 --> 00:12:01,646
Why are we wasting our time
with these old people anyway?
274
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,412
They're like the old
version of iTunes.
275
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:05,252
We're like the new
version of iTunes, baby.
276
00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:07,222
We're going to be here forever.
277
00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:12,027
Oh, my God.
I'm going to die someday.
278
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:13,393
Well, let's just hope
that deep down,
279
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,660
these two still love each other.
280
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,328
Hey. No touching.
This is not your birthday.
281
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:22,806
Now, you see, the trick with paella
is to use just enough saffron
282
00:12:22,875 --> 00:12:24,536
to complement the shellfish.
Okay.
283
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,472
Oh, man, that is so good.
Oh, yeah.
284
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,609
Wow. Isn't this exciting?
285
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,674
In just a few minutes,
you are going to be
286
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,720
professing your
love on television.
287
00:12:34,887 --> 00:12:36,479
Could I have a glass
of water before we go on?
288
00:12:36,655 --> 00:12:37,781
Don't give him any water.
289
00:12:37,857 --> 00:12:40,223
He does this annoying thing where
every time he takes a drink of water,
290
00:12:40,292 --> 00:12:41,452
he goes... Aah!
291
00:12:41,527 --> 00:12:44,155
She does this annoying thing where
every time she takes a drink of water,
292
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,424
she's an old nag.
293
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:49,194
Ah! The playful banter
of a couple on the same team.
294
00:12:49,468 --> 00:12:50,765
That's what this is, right?
295
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:53,133
All right,
let's burn this candle.
296
00:12:53,205 --> 00:12:56,436
Hey, Joan, if we could just have a moment.
We need to get ready.
297
00:12:56,542 --> 00:12:59,340
Oh, no, no, we've got to go.
Yeah, the uppers are kicking in.
298
00:12:59,478 --> 00:13:01,173
Just took some ludes
to kind of smooth it out.
299
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:02,544
So, I'm right
in that sweet spot.
300
00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:07,117
Got about 20 minutes before I either
get really tired or really horny.
301
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:09,347
So, let's roll.
302
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:12,223
Dougie, are you sure you
want to go on television?
303
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,758
You look like a leather glove
got caught in a lawn mower.
304
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,295
Okay. You know what?
I'm going to admit something.
305
00:13:17,429 --> 00:13:19,659
I orchestrated
the Pawnee-Eagleton merger,
306
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,701
and I was hoping that your
marriage could show people
307
00:13:22,768 --> 00:13:24,793
that a happy union is possible.
308
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,270
So, when you're out there,
if you could just, you know,
309
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:30,137
look back over
the past 50 years together
310
00:13:30,242 --> 00:13:32,608
and focus on
the good times. Okay?
311
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,180
Donna, you wanted to see me?
312
00:13:36,248 --> 00:13:38,512
Yes, I did, troll.
What?
313
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:40,347
You tried to
adopt a cat last week,
314
00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:42,046
and I turned you
down because I thought
315
00:13:42,121 --> 00:13:44,351
it was too sad for
you to have six cats.
316
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,926
Then, you tried to blow up my spot online.
You're fired.
317
00:13:48,427 --> 00:13:51,021
You're not my boss. I work for
the City Attorney's office.
318
00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:53,656
You're fired.
319
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,594
How much postage does it take
to send a letter to Canada?
320
00:13:58,904 --> 00:14:00,428
Who is it going to?
Canada.
321
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,370
It says, "Dear Canada,
you."
322
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,372
Doug and Rosie DeMarco.
323
00:14:06,445 --> 00:14:08,072
Fifty years.
Aah.
324
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,344
Tell us how you first met.
325
00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:17,048
Well, it was 1963 and we
met, and it was great.
326
00:14:17,723 --> 00:14:19,281
Isn't love grand?
327
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:21,189
Fifty years of marriage,
328
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:25,296
helping to bridge the meaningless
divide between Pawnee and Eagleton.
329
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:26,996
Yeah. My show,
my questions.
330
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,631
So, what is the secret
sauce that we should
331
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,170
all be putting on
our marriage burgers?
332
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:34,363
Well, we never go to bed angry.
333
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:35,906
Never, ever would
have thought of that.
334
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:39,534
Aah. Okay. I can't do this.
335
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,977
Leslie, you can keep your money.
336
00:14:41,580 --> 00:14:43,605
Money?
337
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:45,115
Did you bribe them to be here?
338
00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,206
No. I...
339
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:48,082
Leslie offered us each 200 bucks
340
00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:50,986
to keep this going, but
it's impossible. Aah!
341
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:53,115
- You want to know why we got married?
- Bring it.
342
00:14:53,192 --> 00:14:56,753
I had no prospects, and Dougie
here had an alcohol problem.
343
00:14:56,829 --> 00:14:59,024
Plus, the
Cold War was happening.
344
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,190
And frankly, we all thought
we were going to die.
345
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:03,929
Well, I figured I could
really tick off my parents
346
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:07,404
by shacking up with some Pawnee trash.
Yeah, cha-cha-cha.
347
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:11,064
Okay. We all agree that marriages
have their ups and downs.
348
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:13,804
But at the end of the day,
they're worth it because...
349
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:17,279
Who likes tap dancing?
350
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,051
I slept with Sharon in 1979.
351
00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:21,642
I used to get out of the shower
352
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,244
in front of your
brother on purpose.
353
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:28,455
Hey, Leslie, who cares?
They're old people.
354
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:31,051
They eat, they sleep, they complain,
and they watch Family Feud.
355
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:32,791
Oh, my God,
I want to be an old person.
356
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,423
God, I don't know what to do.
I wish Ben was here.
357
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:36,794
What is he doing right now?
358
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:58,345
Oh, man!
You did good.
359
00:15:58,424 --> 00:16:00,984
Larry. Wow.
Wow, thank you.
360
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:04,151
Can I help you?
361
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:07,721
Yeah. I own Lettuce Eat, the vegan
restaurant on Lowell Drive.
362
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,360
And I wanted to know why you
nailed this letter to my door.
363
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:14,499
"Veganism is the sad result
of a morally corrupt mind.
364
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:16,097
"Reconsider your life."
365
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:19,875
Because I believe it.
Good day.
366
00:16:20,312 --> 00:16:22,507
Carnivores.
You're all the same.
367
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:25,610
How did that guy
know where to find you?
368
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:27,647
I assume he saw my
name and address at
369
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,881
the bottom of the letter
I nailed to his door.
370
00:16:29,955 --> 00:16:31,081
You signed your real name?
371
00:16:31,156 --> 00:16:32,214
Of course I did.
372
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:35,418
What's going to happen? A vegan
is going to physically attack me?
373
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:37,995
They are basically
made of glass,
374
00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:39,697
but more importantly,
if you believe
375
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,357
in something,
you sign your name to it.
376
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:44,068
Which is why the makers
of carbonated water
377
00:16:44,136 --> 00:16:46,570
will soon know exactly
where to find me.
378
00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:53,908
Donna? Kyle did not write those things.
Okay? I did.
379
00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,277
I know.
You do?
380
00:16:56,448 --> 00:16:58,439
I checked what else
that user had written.
381
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,950
It was a review
of a funeral home
382
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,577
that said,
"Great first date spot."
383
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,884
I dragged Kyle in here to see
if you would come clean.
384
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:07,390
Well, you overestimated how much
I care what happens to Kyle
385
00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,384
or anyone, really.
386
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:12,931
But I'm sorry that I
didn't just talk to you.
387
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:14,822
And I'm sorry I bailed on work,
388
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,332
and I'm sorry I toyed with you
instead of coming at you straight.
389
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:20,967
From now on,
we say what we feel. Cool?
390
00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:22,265
Cool.
391
00:17:22,441 --> 00:17:23,840
Your lipstick looks weird.
392
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,341
You're going to want to
shut your mouth right now.
393
00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:26,936
Good talk.
394
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:31,714
I don't know. Maybe Pawneeans and
Eagletonians aren't meant to co-exist.
395
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:34,115
Well, at least our
merger is going well.
396
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:35,817
Cheers.
Cheers.
397
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:39,187
You know,
Andy and Tom were right
398
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:40,816
when they said
the DeMarcos don't matter.
399
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,485
Their generation is the past.
400
00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:45,391
The way to make this merger take
hold is to focus on the future.
401
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:49,232
Of course. The children.
402
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:51,059
The children are our future.
403
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:54,103
Whitney Houston knew it
and so do you and so do I.
404
00:17:54,306 --> 00:17:55,500
And I'm going to need
your help on something.
405
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,905
I think we should go to work.
406
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,000
But not now.
We're having dinner.
407
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,007
Damn, this paella is good.
408
00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:02,644
Did you put saffron in here?
409
00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:04,443
It makes the shellfish
taste delicious.
410
00:18:05,784 --> 00:18:07,809
Yes. Yes, it does.
411
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:11,022
Okay. The people in this room
412
00:18:11,156 --> 00:18:13,954
are the first members of the
Pawnee-Eagleton Youth Committee.
413
00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:17,654
Now, April says that young people
think the word "committee" is lame.
414
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:19,162
So, let's just think of this as
415
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:21,495
like a super-chill,
fun e-hangout.
416
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,159
Worse. That's worse.
417
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,533
Okay, new people,
let's introduce ourselves.
418
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,605
Craig Middlebrooks.
Samantha in the boardroom,
419
00:18:27,673 --> 00:18:31,040
Miranda in the bedroom. I know
it's not ideal, but it's who I am!
420
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:35,678
This is my friend, Madison. She's
amazing and she drove me here!
421
00:18:36,315 --> 00:18:40,012
Okay. This group has an
incredibly important job.
422
00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:43,521
You need to figure out how
to hold this town together.
423
00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:45,318
You are going to
meet twice a week,
424
00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:47,722
and you're here because
of your energy and your youth,
425
00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:49,350
and for some of you,
your mental age.
426
00:18:49,428 --> 00:18:52,056
And you're going to find a way
to make this merger stick.
427
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:55,758
So, we are going to order you some 'zas.
You get to B-S-ing.
428
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:56,923
Brainstorming.
429
00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:58,765
Just chill. Peace out.
430
00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:02,173
Okay. So, it's been an hour.
431
00:19:02,274 --> 00:19:04,435
From out there, it looks like
you guys were having some fun
432
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:05,568
getting to know each other.
433
00:19:05,677 --> 00:19:07,736
So, why don't we call this
first meeting a success
434
00:19:07,813 --> 00:19:09,576
and then we'll get
together later in the week?
435
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,377
Hold up, sweet pea.
We have an idea.
436
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,281
It's called the Unity Concert.
437
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:16,713
It's a massive music and art
festival to celebrate the merger.
438
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:19,757
We get artists and musicians from
both towns to come together.
439
00:19:19,858 --> 00:19:21,325
It's going to be
like a giant Woodstock
440
00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,325
except for, instead of everybody
rolling around in mud,
441
00:19:23,428 --> 00:19:25,020
they'll be rolling
around in happiness.
442
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:27,030
Or maybe mud,
I can't control the weather.
443
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,066
We want to have a bunch
of different band stages.
444
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,226
You know, people will go to
445
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:31,825
parts of the town they
don't usually go to.
446
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:34,664
Plus, we'll have tents
for art exhibits and panels
447
00:19:34,740 --> 00:19:36,173
and maybe a short film festival.
448
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:38,242
Donna said she might be
able to get Ginuwine.
449
00:19:38,443 --> 00:19:39,740
That's given me
a reason to live.
450
00:19:39,878 --> 00:19:41,812
Yeah, it's not like
everyone's gonna suddenly
451
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,347
start holding
hands and making out,
452
00:19:43,549 --> 00:19:46,780
but we figure why not throw a
big three-day outdoor party,
453
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:48,920
show everyone
a good time and maybe
454
00:19:48,987 --> 00:19:50,511
they'll forget
about this stupid stuff.
455
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:52,179
What do you think?
456
00:19:52,257 --> 00:19:54,657
I don't... I don't even...
I don't even...
457
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:56,417
You know what I mean? MADISON:
What's wrong with her?
458
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:58,257
Why is she making those noises?
459
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,730
Oh, right,
you don't know Leslie.
460
00:20:00,899 --> 00:20:03,732
That means that she loves it
so much, she can't speak.
461
00:20:03,802 --> 00:20:07,169
I love you guys. That's
like, you guys are amazing.
462
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:09,240
Like what you're doing here.
463
00:20:09,508 --> 00:20:12,409
Happy anniversary. So, I
know we agreed on no gifts.
464
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:14,205
What?
But I did get you a gift.
465
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:15,405
No...
A bunch of them, actually.
466
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:16,811
I was going to
surprise you with them
467
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:19,180
yesterday,
but they never reached you.
468
00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:25,247
Oh, my effing God.
469
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:29,622
You planned all this for me?
An Enchanted carriage?
470
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,185
This is amazing!
471
00:20:31,263 --> 00:20:34,562
Aw! And your scrapbook
instincts are really good.
472
00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:37,567
This is a little rough, but you
have a lot of talent here.
473
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:39,228
Oh, I can't believe
I actually defeated
474
00:20:39,304 --> 00:20:41,568
Leslie Knope in
a gift exchange. Yes.
475
00:20:41,873 --> 00:20:44,603
Ah. Yeah, about that.
476
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:47,275
Happy anniversary.
477
00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:54,485
It's the Iron Throne.
It's the Iron Throne.
478
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:58,716
Yes, it is. I had a guy at the
model store make a replica.
479
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:00,781
He's a bigger Game of
Thrones fan than you are.
480
00:21:02,794 --> 00:21:05,228
Okay, I know I'm making that dumb
surprised face, but I can't help it.
481
00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:07,855
This is the greatest gift
I've ever received, Leslie.
482
00:21:08,333 --> 00:21:11,359
When you play the game of
thrones, you win or you die.
483
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,734
Yes. No.
484
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,298
Yes. No.
485
00:21:16,675 --> 00:21:18,666
Come here. Come hither,
peasant. Come here.
486
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,138
Who are you?
487
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:21,338
Our starship is in trouble.
488
00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:23,313
Okay. Leslie,
listen. If you're not...
489
00:21:23,382 --> 00:21:24,610
If you don't know what
you're talking about...
490
00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:35,500
Ripped By mstoll