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00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,239
Kirstie is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
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00:00:04,876 --> 00:00:06,876
[chomping]
3
00:00:06,877 --> 00:00:11,476
- Is that my fruit salad?
- Well, not anymore.
4
00:00:12,693 --> 00:00:14,875
Ohh, I'm sorry,
I thought it was Maddie's!
5
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:19,162
Seriously?
She's never eaten fruit. Or salad.
6
00:00:20,131 --> 00:00:24,545
That's not true. Remember when I
though that plum is a chocolate ball?
7
00:00:24,667 --> 00:00:28,504
Maddie, will you tell
your driver not to eat my food?
8
00:00:28,538 --> 00:00:29,789
Yes, and tell your lackey
9
00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:33,275
not to steal my Us magazine
the second it arrives.
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00:00:33,310 --> 00:00:36,593
Why don't you just get it
delivered to your place then?
11
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[scoffs] Are you crazy?
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- My owls would tear that thing apart.
- Would you guys stop it?
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If I wanted people
squabbling over their needs,
14
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I would have had kids.
15
00:00:47,015 --> 00:00:50,629
Oh, that's right.
16
00:00:50,664 --> 00:00:54,192
Arlo, what's going on?
You look down.
17
00:00:54,227 --> 00:00:56,652
Melissa blew me off
for our date tonight.
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00:00:56,686 --> 00:00:58,511
Oh, honey.
I'm so sorry.
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I know how much you were
looking forward to that.
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- [whispers] Who's Melissa?
- Melissa Winters.
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00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,023
She's the daughter
of those snobby professors
22
00:01:08,058 --> 00:01:09,523
who live on the tenth floor.
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00:01:09,557 --> 00:01:12,228
Yeah, they're kind of opinionated
about who she goes out with.
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00:01:12,262 --> 00:01:15,523
Well, you know, sweetheart,
sometimes people can get judgmental.
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They look at a guy
in his late 20s still living
26
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with his mother,
dressing like a troubled vet.
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Uh, actually, it was you
they were judging.
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Me? You're the weirdo.
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00:01:30,456 --> 00:01:34,359
Is what I imagine they were thinking.
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00:01:34,393 --> 00:01:38,739
No, it was you.
They were pretty clear about that.
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00:01:38,774 --> 00:01:41,106
Something about your sleazy lifestyle.
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00:01:41,140 --> 00:01:44,916
Sleazy lifestyle?
They don't even know me.
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00:01:44,951 --> 00:01:47,095
I would like to hear
one example of me acting
34
00:01:47,130 --> 00:01:48,898
in an undignified manner.
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Whoo!
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[laughs]
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Going down?
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Come on, it was New Year's eve.
39
00:01:57,972 --> 00:02:00,910
It was good Friday.
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00:02:00,944 --> 00:02:04,953
It was good, wasn't it?
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00:02:04,986 --> 00:02:07,518
But you really like her, huh?
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00:02:07,552 --> 00:02:09,019
Okay, then this is
what I'm gonna do.
43
00:02:09,054 --> 00:02:11,258
I'm gonna invite the Winters
over to our house for dinner,
44
00:02:11,293 --> 00:02:15,733
and I am going to dazzle them with
my completely un-sleazy lifestyle.
45
00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:17,668
Yeah, we'll all pitch in.
46
00:02:17,702 --> 00:02:21,246
Right on.
I'm a sucker for young love.
47
00:02:21,281 --> 00:02:23,148
Guys, forget it.
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00:02:23,183 --> 00:02:25,214
The only thing
that impresses these people
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00:02:25,248 --> 00:02:26,715
is brains and class.
50
00:02:26,749 --> 00:02:28,183
Well, then I'm gonna
show them I've got brains
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and class coming out the pooper.
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[upbeat jazz music]
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1x12 - The Dinner Party
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
55
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- Hey, Frank, how's it going?
- Great.
56
00:02:47,658 --> 00:02:51,231
I just checked out that new
medical marijuana dispensary.
57
00:02:51,265 --> 00:02:55,271
Herb your enthusiasm.
58
00:02:55,306 --> 00:02:59,043
Yeah, I got a bag
of these funny sunny gummies.
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00:02:59,077 --> 00:03:00,678
You know, they gave me a free sample,
60
00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:04,451
and now I can
see through my eyelids.
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00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,772
I'm not kidding. Try me.
62
00:03:06,773 --> 00:03:11,899
- Okay. How many?
- A puppy.
63
00:03:13,601 --> 00:03:16,372
Oh, hey.
I think we got trouble.
64
00:03:16,407 --> 00:03:18,943
I've just been doing a little
research on the Winters.
65
00:03:18,977 --> 00:03:21,713
They're not just professors,
they're both fellows.
66
00:03:21,747 --> 00:03:25,056
That's great, gay guys love me.
67
00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:26,825
Not that kind of fellows.
68
00:03:26,859 --> 00:03:29,963
They're both big deal
history professors at Columbia.
69
00:03:29,998 --> 00:03:34,835
Ooh, our cleaning lady
is from Colombia.
70
00:03:34,869 --> 00:03:39,472
I wonder if they know Soledad.
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00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:42,742
I really think
you should cancel this dinner.
72
00:03:42,776 --> 00:03:45,711
No, I can't.
This is for Arlo.
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00:03:45,746 --> 00:03:47,713
I have an idea.
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00:03:47,748 --> 00:03:49,749
You said that the Winters
are both history professors,
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00:03:49,783 --> 00:03:51,285
- right?
- Mm, yeah.
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00:03:51,319 --> 00:03:52,286
So I'm going to stay up all night
77
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,989
- and watch the History channel.
- Oh, good thinking.
78
00:03:56,023 --> 00:03:59,260
Eight years of higher education
versus one night of TV.
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00:03:59,294 --> 00:04:05,171
I know, right?
I just saved $3/4 million.
80
00:04:10,510 --> 00:04:12,813
- Morning.
- Hey, did you guys know
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00:04:12,814 --> 00:04:17,015
that Hitler never took off
his jacket in public?
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00:04:17,050 --> 00:04:18,283
I get that.
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00:04:18,318 --> 00:04:22,824
You don't invade Austria in a tank top.
84
00:04:22,859 --> 00:04:24,125
Want some bacon and eggs?
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00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:27,161
Sure, but I'll tell you who wouldn't.
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00:04:27,196 --> 00:04:31,297
Hitler.
He was a vegetarian.
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00:04:31,332 --> 00:04:34,201
I may not want to know
the answer to this,
88
00:04:34,235 --> 00:04:36,471
but why are you talking about Hitler?
89
00:04:36,506 --> 00:04:39,038
Because it's all that was on
the History channel last night.
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00:04:39,073 --> 00:04:41,440
It was a marathon.
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00:04:41,475 --> 00:04:44,206
Hitler this, Hitler that.
I get it.
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00:04:44,241 --> 00:04:48,511
Hitler's the greatest guy
that ever lived.
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00:04:48,546 --> 00:04:50,782
You may want
to never say that again.
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00:04:50,817 --> 00:04:53,884
I had a feeling
this History channel thing
95
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,852
wasn't gonna work.
96
00:04:55,887 --> 00:04:58,488
So I called
a professor friend of mine.
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00:04:58,523 --> 00:05:01,360
He'll be here at 7:00,
pretending to be your date.
98
00:05:01,395 --> 00:05:03,729
Just let him do all the talking.
99
00:05:03,764 --> 00:05:06,096
How do you have a professor friend?
100
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,901
He's a friend with benefits.
101
00:05:08,935 --> 00:05:10,468
Oh, you sleep with him.
102
00:05:10,502 --> 00:05:15,338
Better.
He's got Rangers tickets.
103
00:05:15,373 --> 00:05:17,707
- Well, it sounds perfect.
- Yeah.
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00:05:17,741 --> 00:05:19,641
And if these dinner guests
happen to get you alone,
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00:05:19,675 --> 00:05:22,173
I've got you covered.
106
00:05:22,207 --> 00:05:24,275
- An earpiece?
- Yeah.
107
00:05:24,310 --> 00:05:25,377
I figured I could be in the kitchen
108
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,578
on the internet
feeding you information,
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00:05:27,613 --> 00:05:30,014
so you don't sound like someone
who's never read a book.
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00:05:30,048 --> 00:05:35,016
Hey, I'll have you know
I've read "Fifty shades of grey."
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00:05:35,050 --> 00:05:38,085
Well, two shades. I got bored.
112
00:05:45,893 --> 00:05:49,031
Wow, Thelma,
why are you dressed like that?
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00:05:49,066 --> 00:05:53,137
Because my life
isn't demeaning enough.
114
00:05:53,172 --> 00:05:57,108
Um, where did we get this
globe and all these new books
115
00:05:57,142 --> 00:06:00,109
that don't have "for dummies"
in the title?
116
00:06:00,143 --> 00:06:02,776
Your mother is
going all out for you, Arlo.
117
00:06:02,810 --> 00:06:04,733
But if you want a good laugh,
118
00:06:04,734 --> 00:06:09,086
ask her to show you
where Canada is.
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00:06:09,121 --> 00:06:10,721
[doorbell rings]
120
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,626
Welcome to the Banks' residence.
121
00:06:18,660 --> 00:06:20,793
- Hi, Melissa.
- Hello.
122
00:06:20,827 --> 00:06:24,401
- Daddy, Mother, this is Arlo.
- Pleasure.
123
00:06:24,435 --> 00:06:28,903
Well, there's no neck tattoo.
I owe you a nickel.
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Oh, I'm sorry.
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00:06:38,581 --> 00:06:40,249
Please forgive me,
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00:06:40,283 --> 00:06:43,519
I got caught up
in the times crossword puzzle,
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00:06:43,553 --> 00:06:45,856
which I was doing in ink.
128
00:06:45,891 --> 00:06:48,626
Oh, it's lovely to meet you.
I'm Madison Banks.
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00:06:48,661 --> 00:06:50,262
Yes, we know your work.
130
00:06:50,296 --> 00:06:54,799
- Oh, from the theater?
- No, from the elevator.
131
00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:56,569
Maddie, this is Melissa.
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00:06:56,603 --> 00:06:58,671
Melissa, this is my Mother Maddie.
133
00:06:58,705 --> 00:07:01,740
Pretty sure I've used up
all my "M"s for the month.
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00:07:01,774 --> 00:07:03,678
[laughs]
135
00:07:06,515 --> 00:07:08,348
We brought you a hostess gift.
136
00:07:08,382 --> 00:07:11,420
Ooh, caramels.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
137
00:07:11,454 --> 00:07:14,689
They're decorative soaps.
138
00:07:14,724 --> 00:07:18,493
Then I'll just have one.
139
00:07:18,528 --> 00:07:21,097
Oh, so where's
professor What's-his-name?
140
00:07:21,131 --> 00:07:23,597
Danniker.
Frank is picking him up.
141
00:07:23,631 --> 00:07:25,665
Now if they ask you anything,
just stall
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00:07:25,699 --> 00:07:27,801
until I can get on the internet.
143
00:07:27,835 --> 00:07:29,867
Madison, I see you're
a fan of the impressionists.
144
00:07:29,901 --> 00:07:32,104
Oh, sure.
145
00:07:32,138 --> 00:07:36,178
"You can't handle the truth!"
146
00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:43,856
"Oh, I am not a crook."
147
00:07:45,661 --> 00:07:47,830
Impressionism...
impressionism...
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00:07:47,862 --> 00:07:52,032
"One ringy-dingy,
two ringy-dingy."
149
00:07:52,066 --> 00:07:54,569
Oh, I was just kidding.
150
00:07:54,603 --> 00:07:59,304
Impressionism,
the 19th-century art form
151
00:07:59,338 --> 00:08:03,569
characterized by small,
yet visible brushstrokes.
152
00:08:03,603 --> 00:08:08,374
- So who'd like champagne?
- That would be lovely.
153
00:08:08,409 --> 00:08:10,310
[rings bell]
154
00:08:10,344 --> 00:08:12,915
Champagne, Thelma!
155
00:08:12,949 --> 00:08:14,984
[rings]
156
00:08:15,018 --> 00:08:17,120
I heard you, Maddie.
157
00:08:17,155 --> 00:08:19,622
Maddie?
Don't you mean Ms. Banks?
158
00:08:19,657 --> 00:08:22,159
I don't need to call
the service again, do I?
159
00:08:22,194 --> 00:08:24,931
I am so sorry, madam.
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00:08:24,966 --> 00:08:31,442
Would you like your usual?
Two 40s of malt liquor and a straw?
161
00:08:31,476 --> 00:08:34,011
Well, that one is such a spitfire.
162
00:08:34,045 --> 00:08:36,079
But I tell you,
after she's cleaned a room,
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00:08:36,114 --> 00:08:39,684
you could eat off the floor.
Show 'em, girl.
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00:08:42,959 --> 00:08:44,694
Oh, no.
None for me, thank you.
165
00:08:44,728 --> 00:08:46,296
I'm in the middle of a dissertation.
166
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:49,463
Oh, yeah.
I get that way too after taquitos.
167
00:08:53,838 --> 00:08:58,179
You know, funny story.
168
00:08:58,213 --> 00:09:01,250
One time I was on a plane
coming back from Cancun.
169
00:09:01,284 --> 00:09:04,291
Dissertation.
Oh, a dissertation.
170
00:09:04,325 --> 00:09:07,292
[laughs]
Kidding again.
171
00:09:07,326 --> 00:09:09,961
I know that a dissertation
is a very long essay
172
00:09:09,995 --> 00:09:14,899
for your doctorate
and not severe stomach cramping.
173
00:09:14,934 --> 00:09:16,067
[doorbell rings]
Oh!
174
00:09:16,101 --> 00:09:18,403
That must be my date,
professor Danniker.
175
00:09:18,437 --> 00:09:20,840
Cabot Danniker,
the medieval literature scholar?
176
00:09:20,874 --> 00:09:22,108
Sure, let's go with that.
177
00:09:22,143 --> 00:09:26,280
I'm a big admirer.
I'm told he speaks ten languages,
178
00:09:26,314 --> 00:09:30,053
that he's an expert dressage rider
and an accomplished pianist.
179
00:09:30,088 --> 00:09:32,524
Madison, we had no idea
you had friends in academia.
180
00:09:32,558 --> 00:09:34,527
No, he's American.
181
00:09:39,001 --> 00:09:40,467
[mouthing]
What the hell?!
182
00:09:43,236 --> 00:09:47,671
Sorry I'm late, lover.
The symposium ran long.
183
00:09:51,739 --> 00:09:53,573
Danniker's passed out drunk in the limo.
184
00:09:53,608 --> 00:09:55,107
What?
185
00:09:55,142 --> 00:09:59,217
Oh, look, everyone.
It's Cabot Danniker.
186
00:09:59,251 --> 00:10:02,291
- You speak ten languages.
- Hm?
187
00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:05,590
Shalom.
188
00:10:11,058 --> 00:10:14,496
Ooh, gummies.
Mmm.
189
00:10:16,066 --> 00:10:19,068
I love these.
Mmm.
190
00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:23,670
Professor Danniker,
I would love to bend your ear
191
00:10:23,705 --> 00:10:25,038
about your latest book.
192
00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:28,605
- Oh, yes. My novel.
- It was a textbook.
193
00:10:28,639 --> 00:10:35,213
Well, yes. It was my novel
approach to a textbook.
194
00:10:37,648 --> 00:10:42,354
So, Arlo, I understand you
work in a doughnut shop.
195
00:10:42,388 --> 00:10:44,956
Oh, not anymore.
I got fired.
196
00:10:44,991 --> 00:10:50,960
Oh. May I have another
in a larger glass?
197
00:10:50,995 --> 00:10:54,730
Well, he just quit that job
to move on to better things.
198
00:10:54,764 --> 00:10:58,198
I bet Melissa and Arlo
have tons of things in common.
199
00:10:58,233 --> 00:10:59,579
Really?
200
00:10:59,664 --> 00:11:05,203
She's pursuing an advanced
degree in nanotechnology.
201
00:11:07,138 --> 00:11:09,740
I'm sorry,
you wouldn't understand.
202
00:11:09,775 --> 00:11:13,611
Yes.
Nanotechnology.
203
00:11:13,646 --> 00:11:17,444
The manipulation of matter on
an atomic and molecular scale?
204
00:11:17,478 --> 00:11:19,245
Why, I didn't take you for someone
205
00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,782
who's up on cutting-edge science.
206
00:11:21,816 --> 00:11:25,482
Yes, we were just discussing
this at the menses club.
207
00:11:26,818 --> 00:11:29,189
I think you meant mensa.
208
00:11:29,223 --> 00:11:33,728
No, this was a room
full of angry ladies.
209
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:39,301
Danniker, I understand
you're quite the pianist.
210
00:11:39,335 --> 00:11:43,872
Well, I've had no complaints.
211
00:11:47,209 --> 00:11:49,680
[clears throat]
He said "pianist."
212
00:11:49,714 --> 00:11:51,717
Oh.
213
00:11:55,186 --> 00:11:57,020
I was thinking it would be an honor
214
00:11:57,054 --> 00:11:58,822
to hear one of your
original compositions.
215
00:11:58,856 --> 00:12:01,192
No, no, no.
It's really time for dinner.
216
00:12:01,227 --> 00:12:02,528
What better way to start dinner
217
00:12:02,562 --> 00:12:04,531
than with a musical amuse-bouche?
218
00:12:04,566 --> 00:12:06,533
Please, the professor Danniker
219
00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:09,070
I've heard so much about
is anything but modest.
220
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,709
[clicks heels]
221
00:12:16,349 --> 00:12:18,186
[plays cacophonous chord]
222
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:23,259
[plays ragtime music]
223
00:12:34,938 --> 00:12:38,706
- I didn't know you could play.
- I don't.
224
00:12:38,741 --> 00:12:42,513
- Then how are you doing this?
- I'm doing it for Arlo.
225
00:12:42,548 --> 00:12:45,418
I know, but you're still playing.
226
00:12:45,453 --> 00:12:50,254
Hey, I don't ask my hands,
and they don't ask me.
227
00:12:50,289 --> 00:12:55,259
Is it just me,
or is it getting warm in here?
228
00:12:55,293 --> 00:12:56,927
Oh, you think this is hot?
229
00:12:56,962 --> 00:12:58,995
Try standing over a doughnut
fryer wearing a hairnet
230
00:12:59,030 --> 00:13:02,796
in the middle of summer.
[laughs]
231
00:13:02,830 --> 00:13:06,399
Not helping.
232
00:13:06,433 --> 00:13:09,129
Madison, I do love your apartment.
233
00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,995
Would you mind giving me a tour?
234
00:13:11,029 --> 00:13:15,864
Not at all.
Could you please excuse us?
235
00:13:16,202 --> 00:13:19,236
Hey, my mother and your mother
seem to be hitting it off.
236
00:13:19,271 --> 00:13:22,736
No, when she gives that
twisted smile, it's never good.
237
00:13:22,771 --> 00:13:25,073
You may never see
your mother again.
238
00:13:25,107 --> 00:13:30,908
Well, thanks.
That's not a sensitive thing with me.
239
00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:34,512
This is the master,
240
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:38,278
and this is
my very favorite painting...
241
00:13:38,313 --> 00:13:40,314
Okay, why don't
we end this charade?
242
00:13:40,348 --> 00:13:41,716
You think you're fooling anyone
243
00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:44,485
in that prim, little suit
and your hair in a bun?
244
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,885
Well, I hope so.
245
00:13:46,919 --> 00:13:50,755
I know the slutty bad girl
that's in there,
246
00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:53,749
and I like her.
247
00:13:56,124 --> 00:14:00,459
Um...
can I have my gum back?
248
00:14:02,623 --> 00:14:04,358
- What was that?
- A forbidden kiss.
249
00:14:04,392 --> 00:14:06,530
From the garden of sapphic delight.
250
00:14:06,565 --> 00:14:09,437
Um, "A," I don't even know
what that means.
251
00:14:09,471 --> 00:14:12,742
And "B," you're married.
To a man!
252
00:14:12,777 --> 00:14:14,745
My life has been so constrained.
253
00:14:14,780 --> 00:14:18,083
I didn't go through this phase
in college.
254
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:21,083
They didn't do this
sort of thing at Smith.
255
00:14:21,118 --> 00:14:23,600
I'm very flattered,
Veronica, but I don't...
256
00:14:23,635 --> 00:14:24,823
Maybe...
257
00:14:24,858 --> 00:14:27,258
our children brought us
together for a reason.
258
00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:29,391
What are you talking about?
259
00:14:30,459 --> 00:14:32,126
I'm just saying...
260
00:14:32,161 --> 00:14:34,495
I could give my daughter
my blessing
261
00:14:34,529 --> 00:14:38,732
about dating Arlo...
with a little incentive.
262
00:14:39,767 --> 00:14:43,672
- Are you blackmailing me?
- In a sexy way.
263
00:14:43,706 --> 00:14:48,876
- [gasps] You bitch.
- Ooh, dirty talk.
264
00:14:53,814 --> 00:14:55,448
Well, that was a quick tour.
265
00:14:55,482 --> 00:14:57,351
Did you show
Mrs. Winters everything?
266
00:14:57,386 --> 00:15:00,711
No, she didn't see anything.
Just eat.
267
00:15:00,991 --> 00:15:03,645
Danniker, I was thinking.
Why don't you come
268
00:15:03,646 --> 00:15:06,299
and be guest lecturer
at my seminar next week?
269
00:15:06,334 --> 00:15:09,268
Hmm. Guest lecturer.
270
00:15:09,302 --> 00:15:12,971
Sounds like
someone's getting a little lazy.
271
00:15:14,540 --> 00:15:18,676
Maddie, perhaps we should
take a yoga class together.
272
00:15:18,711 --> 00:15:23,050
You know, work up a sweat,
really stretch each other out.
273
00:15:23,085 --> 00:15:25,086
I don't really care for stretching.
274
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:29,791
It's just a gateway to exercise.
275
00:15:29,825 --> 00:15:33,630
Sounds like you two really hit it off.
276
00:15:33,665 --> 00:15:35,167
[whispers indistinctly]
277
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,745
We were just looking over the
new schedule at the met, Madison.
278
00:15:44,779 --> 00:15:46,987
Little too heavy
on Puccini for my taste.
279
00:15:47,022 --> 00:15:51,688
- Anything to excite you?
- Yes, Maddie. What excites you?
280
00:15:51,723 --> 00:15:54,859
Well that's a... that's
a very interesting question...
281
00:15:54,893 --> 00:15:59,699
about the opera.
At the met.
282
00:15:59,733 --> 00:16:02,102
Well, I'll tell you
who did like a good opera.
283
00:16:02,136 --> 00:16:05,081
Hitler.
284
00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:12,088
- I bet you didn't see that coming.
- Well, Wagner, I suppose.
285
00:16:12,123 --> 00:16:15,216
Well, him I can't speak for,
but Hitler couldn't get enough of it.
286
00:16:15,251 --> 00:16:19,940
Actually, he had to drop the
opera bug because he suffered a
287
00:16:19,941 --> 00:16:24,629
partial hearing loss after a bomb
went off in Wolf's Lair in 1944.
288
00:16:24,664 --> 00:16:26,731
Fortunately, he survived.
289
00:16:30,434 --> 00:16:33,771
Oh.
I dropped my napkin.
290
00:16:38,407 --> 00:16:41,008
Um, I-I'm just going
to check on dessert.
291
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:44,158
- I'll help you.
- No!
292
00:16:47,053 --> 00:16:48,686
I don't think it's going very well.
293
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:52,552
It's actually going
much better than I expected.
294
00:16:55,956 --> 00:16:57,623
What is wrong with you?
I'm dying out there!
295
00:16:57,657 --> 00:17:00,625
[crazy laughing]
296
00:17:00,659 --> 00:17:04,297
What's so funny?
297
00:17:04,332 --> 00:17:06,934
My sleeve.
298
00:17:06,969 --> 00:17:09,970
Hey, you can't leave me
alone with these people.
299
00:17:10,005 --> 00:17:11,870
They asked me about dressage,
and I told them
300
00:17:11,904 --> 00:17:14,706
it was thousand island.
301
00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:16,976
- Are you eating my gummies?
- Yeah, so what?
302
00:17:17,010 --> 00:17:18,746
You ate all my fruit salad.
303
00:17:18,781 --> 00:17:21,383
Your fruit salad doesn't cost $400!
304
00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:24,254
Oh, what kind of gummies cost $400...
305
00:17:24,288 --> 00:17:25,588
[gasps]
306
00:17:25,622 --> 00:17:28,723
Oh! Why didn't you put your name on it?
307
00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:29,823
All right, just stop...
308
00:17:29,858 --> 00:17:32,126
Guys, come on!
Do I have to separate you?
309
00:17:32,161 --> 00:17:34,429
Thelma, just take this dessert
and take it out there.
310
00:17:34,464 --> 00:17:35,663
Why do I have to be
the stupid maid,
311
00:17:35,698 --> 00:17:38,133
and he gets to be the professor?
312
00:17:38,167 --> 00:17:39,369
I speak ten languages, and still
313
00:17:39,404 --> 00:17:42,243
I have to drive out
to Queens every night.
314
00:17:42,277 --> 00:17:43,642
She gets to live here.
315
00:17:43,676 --> 00:17:46,111
Yeah, with her.
You think that's a picnic?
316
00:17:46,145 --> 00:17:47,911
Well, what is that
supposed to mean?
317
00:17:47,945 --> 00:17:51,684
I'm lovely!
Ask Veronica.
318
00:17:51,718 --> 00:17:53,820
I think we actually
got away with it.
319
00:17:53,854 --> 00:17:55,188
I knew your parents
would come around
320
00:17:55,222 --> 00:17:56,889
once they got to know Maddie.
321
00:17:56,924 --> 00:17:59,023
We're just lucky
that they've seen worse.
322
00:17:59,057 --> 00:18:02,158
- What does that mean?
- Let's face it.
323
00:18:02,192 --> 00:18:04,462
Your mother isn't
exactly Princess Grace.
324
00:18:04,497 --> 00:18:07,667
She's a little, you know...
325
00:18:07,701 --> 00:18:11,707
- What?
- Low-rent.
326
00:18:11,742 --> 00:18:13,477
Oh, come on.
327
00:18:13,512 --> 00:18:17,909
She acts like somebody you'd see
on here comes honey boo boo.
328
00:18:18,016 --> 00:18:20,553
Okay, let me tell you something.
329
00:18:20,587 --> 00:18:24,390
My mother may be
loud and over the top
330
00:18:24,424 --> 00:18:26,061
and if there's a man
that she wouldn't take home,
331
00:18:26,095 --> 00:18:28,363
I haven't met him yet...
332
00:18:31,163 --> 00:18:34,198
but she would do anything
for me, and so would those two.
333
00:18:34,232 --> 00:18:37,467
They even put up with
your snobby, tight-ass parents
334
00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:39,471
because they knew
it meant something to me.
335
00:18:39,505 --> 00:18:43,540
Now they may not have
big, fancy degrees...
336
00:18:43,574 --> 00:18:48,304
or degrees of any kind,
337
00:18:48,339 --> 00:18:50,044
but they're good people.
338
00:18:50,078 --> 00:18:52,679
And I think this dinner is over.
Thank god.
339
00:18:52,714 --> 00:18:55,350
Now will you consider going
back to that Yale architect?
340
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,019
No, stop trying to control my life.
341
00:18:57,053 --> 00:19:00,421
- I'll buy you a car.
- Done.
342
00:19:00,455 --> 00:19:03,761
Laundry room. Midnight.
343
00:19:03,795 --> 00:19:05,892
Stop it.
344
00:19:06,164 --> 00:19:08,132
Okay, maybe.
345
00:19:09,402 --> 00:19:13,072
What?
That was a really good kiss.
346
00:19:17,244 --> 00:19:20,283
Sorry about Melissa, kid,
but you deserve better.
347
00:19:20,318 --> 00:19:21,783
Maybe we didn't get the respect
348
00:19:21,817 --> 00:19:24,614
of Mr. and Mrs. Stick-up-their-butt,
349
00:19:24,649 --> 00:19:27,618
but you sure got mine.
350
00:19:27,652 --> 00:19:31,923
But I'm high as a kite,
so what do I know?
351
00:19:31,958 --> 00:19:35,092
Hey, guys. I'm really sorry
that I let you all pretend to be
352
00:19:35,093 --> 00:19:38,226
something that you're not just
to impress those pompous phonies.
353
00:19:38,261 --> 00:19:41,662
Oh, let's not be
too judgmental, Arlo.
354
00:19:41,696 --> 00:19:47,303
I believe it was Hitler who said,
"forgive and forget."
355
00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:50,187
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