1 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,870 Tonight, Richard opens a glove box, 2 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:15,990 James pulls a face, 3 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,190 and I ask an important question. 4 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:20,830 Have you ever put toothpaste on your testicles? 5 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,400 APPLAUSE 6 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,270 Thank you. Hello. Good evening! 7 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,310 Thank you very much, everybody. 8 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,590 It is a big crowd tonight. 9 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:37,550 Thanks very much. Thank you. Now... 10 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:41,150 last year, the big three German car-makers, 11 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,150 Mercedes, Volkswagen and BMW, 12 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,310 all brought out new hot hatchbacks. 13 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,230 And since this is a top consumer programme 14 00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,510 full of helpful buying advice, 15 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:57,400 I thought it would be a good idea to see which one of them is best. 16 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,840 Well, not the Mercedes, that's for sure. 17 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:11,720 This is the new four-wheel-drive A45 and it's extremely powerful... 18 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,950 extremely nice to drive and handsome as well. 19 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,800 But it is RIDICULOUSLY expensive. 20 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:27,310 This car, with a few options on it, is £46,000 and that, 21 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,350 for a hatchback, is idiotic. 22 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,110 It's like charging 100 quid for a sardine. 23 00:01:33,160 --> 00:01:35,750 "Oh, it is a very good sardine, sir." I don't care how good it is. 24 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,680 I'm not paying 100 quid for a fish. 25 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,710 If, then, you have even half a droplet of common sense, 26 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,910 you will be choosing between these two. 27 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,120 The BMW M135... 28 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:54,350 and Volkswagen's latest Golf GTI. 29 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,320 Both cost around £30,000. 30 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,440 Both are available with three or five doors. 31 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,240 Both come as standard with many things. 32 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:12,390 And both will be as reliable and as long-lasting as Edinburgh Castle. 33 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,190 You might think, then, that they are pretty similar. 34 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:17,950 But they're not, which is why I am in the BMW. 35 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,990 You see, the Golf has a two-litre four-cylinder 36 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:25,750 turbocharged engine and that's very nice. 37 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:31,790 But the BMW has a three-litre six-cylinder turbocharged engine. 38 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,360 And that's even nicer. 39 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,400 Yes, the Golf is lighter. 40 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:46,480 But that is not enough to offset the 90-horsepower disadvantage. 41 00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,240 A point I shall now demonstrate with a small race. 42 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,310 Front-wheel drive Golf is clinging on jolly well 43 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,640 but frankly, it's pointless. 44 00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:13,120 I can overtake any time I like. I have the power. 45 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:20,880 And I have an eight-speed gearbox compared to his paltry six. 46 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,590 Yes, the Prussian aristocrat 47 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:28,760 is trampling all over the lumpen people's car. 48 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,190 There we go. Power! 49 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:38,880 Come on! 50 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,680 And there we are in front. 51 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:47,800 'The BMW, then, really is very fast.' 52 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:53,390 What's more, because this is the first hot hatchback 53 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:58,800 for 30 years to have rear-wheel drive, you can do this. 54 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,070 HE LAUGHS 55 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,040 Whoo-ha! 56 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,320 'So far, then, the BMW is running rings round the Golf. 57 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,560 'But I then line them up for a simple straight-line drag race. 58 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,270 'And there was a problem. 59 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:25,030 'A big one.' 60 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,910 Three... 61 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,590 two... 62 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,030 one! 63 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,960 ENGINES ROAR 64 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,640 Good noise! 65 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:48,160 With this in reverse... 66 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,390 'At this point, I was feeling confident. 67 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,840 'But, as I hit 120mph...' 68 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,150 This really is... 69 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,670 Oh, BLEEP BLEEP! 70 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:02,040 CLUNKING AND RATTLING 71 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:20,400 Yeah, you see, the Golf won that because this, well, it lost control. 72 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,030 That's what happened there. 73 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,520 Whoo! 74 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,440 'After this incident, I switched to the Golf GTI. 75 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:38,230 'And I decided immediately it was a lot better in every single way. 76 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:41,470 'Not only was it able to travel in a straight line 77 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,470 'without spinning off.., 78 00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:45,670 'but, thanks to its smaller engine, 79 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:48,030 'it is a lot more economical than the BMW. 80 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:50,630 'And a lot cheaper to insure.' 81 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,070 In fact, because Volkswagen has fitted this with a forward-facing 82 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:58,430 radar system that won't let you have a low-speed crash, 83 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:04,950 this GTI is in an insurance group five down from the previous model. 84 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:09,590 It would be more expensive to insure a pencil sharpener. 85 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:12,110 'So the GTI is cheaper to run and cheaper to buy 86 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,160 'and much better in a straight line than the BMW. 87 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,760 'But what if you want to transport a nuclear warhead?' 88 00:06:21,240 --> 00:06:25,910 Well, what we have got here in the boot of the Volkswagen is a warhead. 89 00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,470 And as you can see, it fits perfectly. 90 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:35,510 But will it fit in the boot of the BMW? 91 00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:39,600 Oh, dear. Oh, dearie me. 92 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,950 See, this is the problem really with rear-wheel drive. 93 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,390 It does rob space. 94 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,910 So you would have to drive along like that. 95 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:52,960 And somebody is going to notice. Hans Blick is, for sure. 96 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,590 'Things are much the same when it comes to space in the cabin. 97 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:01,880 'The Golf can handle three people on the back seat easily.' 98 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,390 But the only way you're going to get three people in the back 99 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,280 of the BMW is by sawing their legs off with a hammer. 100 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:15,950 This is not only complicated and messy 101 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:20,630 but, in Britain at least, it's currently against the law. 102 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,080 Come on! The bone! 103 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:32,240 One... It's probably easier to buy the Golf, really. 104 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:36,190 'So the Golf is cheaper to buy and cheaper to run 105 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,920 'and also more practical than the BMW.' 106 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,630 But it's like driving around in James May's sock drawer. 107 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:50,790 Everything is exactly where you would expect it to be. Organised. 108 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:55,430 Blue ones, brown ones, pink ones for special occasions. 109 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,230 'Don't think, however, because it is sensible and practical 110 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:02,270 'and economical, that it's in any way boring.' Look. 111 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,270 The gear lever is a sort of golf ball shape. 112 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,950 You see, you Englishers, you have the ze Monty Python 113 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:09,750 and ze Harry and ze Paul 114 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:13,560 but ve have a sense of humour also with this. Ja? 115 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,470 'There's more as well. 116 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,350 'Because this particular car is fitted with Volkswagen's 117 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,040 'optional performance pack. 118 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:29,310 'That means better brakes, more power. A top speed of 155mph. 119 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,630 'And a trick front differential.' 120 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:35,630 Now we have seen clever front differentials before 121 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,390 but nothing like this. 122 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,430 My foot is hard down now. 123 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:42,800 Coming round Hammerhead. 124 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,920 And there's no torque steer, there's no understeer... 125 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,310 You can feel the whole car being dragged in, 126 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,560 pulled towards the apex. 127 00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,320 I've never felt anything like it. 128 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:07,520 A baboon could get this around here as fast as the Stig. 129 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:20,030 'So there we are. These two cars are not the same at all. 130 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,030 'One is brilliant in every way. 131 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,760 'And the other tried to kill me.' 132 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,400 APPLAUSE 133 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:33,710 Very interesting. 134 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,070 Plainly the car to have there. Oh, yes. Really fascinating. 135 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:41,950 Just some questions raised. Let's get this straight. 136 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,790 You don't like the BMW. 137 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,320 Because you can't drive in a straight line. 138 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,480 Hark who's talking! 139 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:56,190 How fast did you say you were going? 120mph. 140 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,070 Walking pace, basically. 141 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:02,470 Listen, from the point where it suddenly snapped sideways for no 142 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,430 reason, to the point where it stopped moving, we measured it. 143 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,350 It was over a quarter of a mile. 144 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,310 I could have held it, I reckon. 145 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,630 Could you? You just aquaplaned. 146 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,390 Yes, but the Golf was on the same track in the same conditions 147 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,390 and it didn't aquaplane. 148 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,880 Now, the Golf didn't aquaplane because you weren't driving it. 149 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:24,270 Yes, but, Hammond, all things considered, 150 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:28,350 the Golf is a better car. Is it? It is, honestly. 151 00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,110 The diff in it is remarkable. 152 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,070 Because you know when you go round a corner in a car, 153 00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,590 you go like that, yeah? And it wants to push out. 154 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,630 Well, in this, the faster you go, it comes in. 155 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:41,750 It's like Volkswagen has worked out a way to reverse centrifugal force. 156 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:45,510 Ah, so Volkswagen have broken science. Yes. With a diff? 157 00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:47,150 Yes. 158 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:51,070 And now, we must find out how fast these cars go round our track. 159 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:55,070 And that, of course, means handing them over to our tame racing driver. 160 00:10:55,120 --> 00:11:00,800 Some say that his hair is the exact same shape as a hat. 161 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,190 And that if he worked for CNN... 162 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:09,190 LAUGHTER 163 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,230 ..he wouldn't get such pitifully low ratings 164 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,190 that his show got cancelled. 165 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:18,000 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 166 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:25,990 All we know is he is called the Stig. 167 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:27,310 And they're off. 168 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,070 And for the first time this series, it is actually dry. 169 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,470 First straight. 170 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,510 Will the BMW suddenly spin off for no reason? 171 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:37,640 No, it has actually made it to the first corner. Amazing! 172 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,270 Both turbocharged engines loving this crisp dry air 173 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:44,390 and no fuss so far. 174 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,600 BIZARRE VOICES AND MUSIC 175 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,350 No idea what that was. 176 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,590 Right, through Chicago. 177 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:56,310 Golf's traction control can't be completely switched off. 178 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:59,270 You can actually see it nipping at the brakes on the way in. 179 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,520 The BMW, of course, just being stupid. 180 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,510 Hammerhead - no real dramas there either 181 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,910 but the Golf - yes, its magic 182 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,150 differential casually twisting physics. 183 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,440 MUSIC PLAYS 184 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,430 Right, Follow Through and yes, the BMW is trying to spin, of course. 185 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,790 The Golf has a nibble of traction control and then, 186 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,110 faithful as a Labrador. 187 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:24,550 Oh, the Golf brake lights flickering there. 188 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,630 That is the traction control turning them on, not Stig, who is still 189 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:31,830 fuming because I said a baboon could drive as fast in the Golf as him. 190 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,270 Right, just Gambon left. 191 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,230 More hooliganism from the Beemer. 192 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:36,550 And across the line! 193 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,560 APPLAUSE 194 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:42,230 I have the times here. 195 00:12:42,280 --> 00:12:45,790 Come on, then. The BMW... 196 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,630 The BMW went round in 1.25.1 197 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:52,630 so it is slower than the old version, 198 00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:54,990 which did it on a damp track. 199 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,550 So that's useless. 200 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,110 And the Golf GTI did a 1.28.6. 201 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:01,190 Look at that. 202 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:05,030 That's a lot slower. Yes, yes, yes. But look. Astra, Megane RS, Focus. 203 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,470 It is right where hot hatchbacks should be. This is just stupid. 204 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:12,230 This is much better. And now we must do the news. Yes, we must. 205 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,990 Which is difficult, because that means walking over there, 206 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,790 which is a straight line. You could spin off and lose it. 207 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,630 Thank you, Hammond. Don't slip. Careful. Here she comes. 208 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,470 Ladies and gentlemen, will he make it? 209 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,470 Conditions are very dry in the studio today. 210 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,950 Oh, no, he has only got to step to go. Shut up. Yes, he has done it. 211 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,790 APPLAUSE 212 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,630 I thought you were going off. 213 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,790 Listen. It is a tricky straight, that. 214 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:39,190 It was easy because my shoes were not made by BMW. Really. 215 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,870 Good. Now. Do the news now, you two. 216 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,510 The news, ladies and gentlemen. 217 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:46,350 Now, last week you saw Richard Hammond driving a six-wheeled 218 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,470 Mercedes-Benz but did you know they made another six-wheeled 219 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:52,550 car long before that one? Like to see a picture of it? Love to. 220 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:54,350 Here it is. 221 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,190 Oh, right. 222 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,630 Did they not mention this, then? Do you know, they didn't. How odd. 223 00:13:59,680 --> 00:14:01,910 It is, isn't it, because Mercedes like to go on 224 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,110 about their heritage and history and they didn't mention that one. 225 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:08,190 Well, perhaps they didn't mention it because it has got Hitler in it. 226 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,510 That is not Hitler. It is. It isn't. 227 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,710 No, that car was built long before indicators were invented 228 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,950 so he is just the to do some hand signals. 229 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:19,270 What signal is he doing here, then, James? 230 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,310 He's saying, "Take the Third Reich." 231 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,600 LAUGHTER AND GROANS 232 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:35,390 Now. Have we got any Scottish people here? Yes! Yes! 233 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,870 Would you like to step outside just for the next few minutes? Please. 234 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,990 We've got a bit of a chat. It's about Scottish independence. 235 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,470 It's just that we've heard a lot of talk in recent weeks 236 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:47,550 about what Scotland would lose if you choose to go on your own 237 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:50,310 but nobody is talking about what England would lose. 238 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,590 And it is actually quite a lot. 239 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,950 Because we would lose North Sea oil, the sub base at Faslane, 240 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:00,470 all tramps... Oh, God. LAUGHTER 241 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,910 And we'd also lose a significant chunk of our motoring heritage 242 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,230 and I'm not talking about the Hillmans and Talbots 243 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:09,710 that were made at the Linwood plant just outside Paisley. 244 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,670 No, I'm talking about stuff like 245 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,470 the mighty Argyll, Scotland's finest. 246 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,550 Wow! LAUGHTER 247 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,390 Look at that MASTERPIECE! 248 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:21,390 Do you know, when that car came out, it was the same price 249 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:25,830 as a Ferrari 308... Mm. ..and hardly anybody bought one? 250 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,310 Really? It is remarkable because you look at that... 251 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,510 well, plastic body and you know... 252 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,430 you just look at the way the door fits. 253 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:35,390 That is a quality product. Isn't it? Isn't it? Oh, yeah. 254 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:38,030 What engine did it have? Ah, now, it's interesting. 255 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:42,630 Engine-wise, you could have either an engine from a Lancia, 256 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,150 a Peugeot, Renault, you could have a Buick V6... 257 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:49,390 Basically, it was whatever turned up in the scrap yard that week. 258 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,150 Basically, yes. Planted in there. 259 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:54,670 Well, actually, you could also have it with the option of 260 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:59,070 a turbocharged Rover V8 and guess how many of those they sold? 261 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:03,390 Was it none? Yes, it was none! Absolutely none at all! 262 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,990 And I have to say, it wasn't just supercars 263 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,750 where Scotland was ahead of the game. 264 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,190 They were ahead of the curve, also, with electric cars 265 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:13,430 because, way back in the day, they made a little car called the Scamp. 266 00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:14,710 I've got a picture of it here. 267 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:17,070 Wow! LAUGHTER 268 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,430 Great Scott! LAUGHTER 269 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,150 That still has the power to take your breath away, even today. 270 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:26,790 It does. Doesn't it just? It's... It's a rather tragic story, though. 271 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,750 It was made of aluminium and wood and it was going to be sold 272 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:33,510 through Electricity Board showrooms, which I remember, actually. 273 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,710 But when they took it to the government test centre 274 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:38,830 to get a road-worthiness certificate before they could put it on sale, 275 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:40,710 there was a bit of a problem. 276 00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:44,510 In one test, the government engineer noted - 277 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,110 and I've written all the problems, here, down - 278 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,870 "The speedo broke, the electric motor stopped working, 279 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,630 "the back door flew open, the spare wheel fell out, 280 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:56,150 "the steering went wrong and then the suspension snapped." 281 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,030 LAUGHTER 282 00:16:58,080 --> 00:16:59,830 And that was the end of that. Aw! 283 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,550 And yet it looked so full of promise, didn't it, there? 284 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,270 LAUGHTER 285 00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,630 Now, I drove my Mercedes down to the track this morning 286 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,670 and, genuinely, the most extraordinary thing happened. 287 00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:12,470 It didn't catch fire. 288 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,870 Really? LAUGHTER 289 00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:18,310 Now, James, you came down in your Fiat Panda, did you not? Yes. 290 00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:21,310 Did that catch fire? Let me just think. No. Did it not? 291 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:24,790 No, it didn't at all. Richard, the hire car you came down in... Yes?! 292 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,230 ..did that burst into flames? No, it didn't. Did it not? 293 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,710 Why are you in a hire car? 294 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:31,390 Because Porsche have told me 295 00:17:31,440 --> 00:17:35,390 I'm not allowed to drive my brand-new GT3 and they've taken it off me. 296 00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:39,070 Oh, is this because, as we mentioned briefly last week, 297 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:41,190 Porsche GT3s have been bursting into flames 298 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,870 and now Porsche have told you you can't drive it any more? 299 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,030 Yes, it is and you both know full well that it is! 300 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:48,390 Well, that means you have no use of those oven gloves, 301 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,910 which I can see down there, which I bought you last week. 302 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,230 My Porsche driving gloves. 303 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,830 Have they taken it away? Yes, they've taken it off me! 304 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,030 So, you don't need those, but it's OK, Hammond, 305 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,870 because I have got you another present. Oh, good(!) Have you? 306 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:05,870 No, Hammond, it's a 911 tailored specifically for you. 307 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,150 Is it(?) 308 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,150 Yes, here it is. Look at that. 309 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,390 Oh, you are literally the most amusing man 310 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,270 in the whole world. He is. Even I'm... 311 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,110 Oh, no! 312 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,830 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 313 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,910 Look! It's OK, I've got on oven gloves. 314 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:26,150 Put it out as fast as possible! It's all right. 315 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:29,430 APPLAUSE 316 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,840 I hate you. LAUGHTER 317 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,950 Right, now, em... 318 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,950 Yes, as we know, a great many people in the country 319 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,470 are now starting to use one of these to move about. 320 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,750 Now, this is called a bicycle 321 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:48,830 and you can tell just by looking at it that it is very dangerous 322 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,630 and, as a result, a lot of people are being hurt 323 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:52,950 in cycle-related injuries. 324 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,470 In the olden days, the government 325 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:57,710 would have addressed this problem by making a public information film. 326 00:18:57,760 --> 00:19:00,030 They used to make them about all sorts of things. 327 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,350 We had 'Clunk Click Every Trip', not to go near a railway, 328 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,190 not to play near the water... 329 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,950 Yes, there was 'Don't Run'. 330 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,910 They never told us not to run. They did! They did not. 331 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,550 I shall show you! We've got a clip here, look, watch. 332 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:16,590 FILM VOICEOVER: 'You never know what's round the corner. 333 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,070 'So don't run.' 334 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:19,190 GLASS SMASHES 335 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:22,670 There you go. Yes... That's advice I have heeded all my life. 336 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,510 You really took that to heart! You haven't run since, have you? 337 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,470 Of course not! There might be a pane of glass coming! 338 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,550 Anyway, we don't really get these public information films any more 339 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,790 because of budget cuts and so on, so Jeremy and I thought, 340 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,150 to help stop cyclists being injured, 341 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,630 it might be a good idea to bring them back. 342 00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:44,630 So you two are going to make a public information film about cycling?! 343 00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:45,950 Yes, we are, actually. 344 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,910 We went to see a panel of experts at London's Westminster Council 345 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,030 and they said they would be delighted 346 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,070 if we made a public information film 347 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:55,590 which would help cut the number of injuries 348 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,070 and this is what... CLEARS THROAT 349 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:59,160 ..I came up with. Here we go. 350 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:23,160 'John works hard, which means that he can afford to drive a car. 351 00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,910 'That means he gets home to his family safely every night.' 352 00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:34,920 CHILD: Daddy's home! 353 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,280 APPLAUSE 354 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:44,560 Thank you very much. 355 00:20:46,360 --> 00:20:49,430 I think a work of genius, frankly. 356 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:53,110 That is terrible. It isn't! It is! It isn't! 357 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,870 It is. No, it is, which is why I fired him 358 00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:00,520 and went and had a go at making a public information film on my own. 359 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,750 'Having come up with a cracking idea, 360 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,070 'I appointed myself as director, 361 00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:13,790 'gathered together a small cast and crew, and set to work.' 362 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,150 The whole point of this is... 363 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,870 is to be with you on the swing and try and look doctor-ish. 364 00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,430 That pen isn't very medical, I'm afraid. 365 00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:23,830 Action. 366 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:27,270 I love it. Golden! Yeah. 367 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,430 First positions, let's go again. 368 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:32,710 If you could be opposite each other on this three-pronged arrangement. 369 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,840 Arms out, singing in the rain. 370 00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,150 Good...and action! 371 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,360 Good swinging. Nice. I'm liking this. 372 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,990 'When my film was finished, Jeremy and I went to Westminster Council 373 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,950 'to show it to the panel of experts. 374 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:59,910 'There was Chris Boardman, policy adviser for British Cycling, 375 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,030 'Martin Low, City Transport Commissioner 376 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:07,230 'and Alan Kennedy, Road Safety GB.' 377 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:11,590 The good news is, we have two films for you to look at. 378 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,590 No, we have one. No, two. 379 00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:14,950 There's two. 380 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,510 Why don't you show them yours first of all, 381 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,990 which I believe is that one there? 382 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,070 Gentlemen, if you would like to relax whilst I just... 383 00:22:23,120 --> 00:22:24,880 insert this in the machine. 384 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,160 CHILDREN'S CHATTERING VOICES 385 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,150 Yee-hee-hee! Woo-hoo! 386 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:39,710 Waaah! 387 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:44,470 'You stopped playing with children's toys when you grew up. 388 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,830 'So why ride a bicycle?' 389 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:49,840 Oh, I did a skid! 390 00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,630 You just haven't got it, have you? Absolutely crazy. 391 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,990 Well, no, I can see you are disappointed, 392 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:04,430 just in the way you're looking. 393 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,790 James, they are disappointed with your work. 394 00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,750 May I just play you this one, if I may. Just let me show you this one 395 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,680 cos I think this will rectify the problem, which has begun already. 396 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:21,440 'John works hard, which means that he can afford to drive a car. 397 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,120 'Work harder. Get a car.' 398 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,550 Terrible. Absolutely terrible. Sorry, that's... 399 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,710 You just got it wrong, so wrong. Dreadfully wrong. 400 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,750 Where's the cyclist? Mangled at the end. What was the brief? 401 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,910 Well, we are trying to make cycling safer 402 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,070 and we thought the best way to do that is to stop people cycling. 403 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:44,390 But the message you should be getting across 404 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,550 is that people need to be considerate towards each other. 405 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,190 I'm not sure they are going to like our poster idea 406 00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,760 that we had as well, but we came up with that. 407 00:23:58,360 --> 00:23:59,950 We did spell it wrong. 408 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,950 I think we are going in entirely the wrong direction. 409 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,310 Entirely the wrong direction. Have you actually spoken to a cyclist? 410 00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:07,630 Well, no. 411 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,240 Well, maybe that would be a good idea, or even try it yourself. 412 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,950 'And so we put on some cycling clothes 413 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,910 'and went on a fact-finding trip 414 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,280 'around London's glittering West End.' 415 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,350 Come on, Jeremy! I'm behind you! 416 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,350 I'll sound my bell for pedestrians. 417 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,270 BELL TINKLES 418 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,190 Look at him, he's wearing normal clothing, the lunatic! 419 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:35,400 You'll be killed! You're mad! You will never make it! 420 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:40,470 Whoo! I nearly hit that bloke in the face. 421 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:44,030 'Our mission was to identify the dangers that cyclists face 422 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,790 'on the city streets and soon we spotted one.' 423 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,750 James, we've got to go right. Right? 424 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:54,070 There's a lot of peril involved in that. Right... Be careful, James. 425 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,510 There is great peril. 426 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,350 'So, we came up with a solution.' 427 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,030 What if we only went left? 428 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,870 That's not a bad idea, actually. 429 00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:05,190 You can still get where you want to go by going left. 430 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:06,790 So we go left here, yes? 431 00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:07,920 Yeah. 432 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,830 There is another little left here we can do. Excellent. 433 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:17,110 I feel perfectly safe. I feel completely safe. 434 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:20,550 No right turns, that's the main thing with cycling. 435 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,950 I reckon it improves your chances of survival by about 85%. 436 00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,230 Definitely. 437 00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:28,150 Oh, hang on. No, I'm not sure that has worked. 438 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:32,160 I've seen Charles Saatchi having lunch five times already. 439 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,590 'After an hour in the saddle, 440 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,470 'I discovered another problem for cyclists.' 441 00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:41,710 Oh, bump, bump! 442 00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,960 Really bumpy here and this is deeply uncomfortable now. 443 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:48,080 Oh! 444 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,550 Oof! Ow! 445 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,830 I've got to do something about my bottom, this is really... 446 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:57,200 uncomfortable. 447 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,350 'So we stopped at a bicycle shop 448 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,150 'where, apparently, you can buy special creams.' 449 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:07,030 Are these all to rub onto your bits? Yes, they are. 450 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:09,350 Is that normal? Yes, we even have one for women. 451 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,230 Are women's bottoms different to men's bottoms? I should think so. 452 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:13,310 Are they? Yes. 453 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,310 'Having selected the correct cream, 454 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:18,560 'I went to apply it in the changing room.' 455 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,040 JEREMY GRUNTS 456 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:28,910 'This made everything worse.' 457 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:30,590 Ooh! 458 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,030 Have you ever put toothpaste on your testicles for a joke? 459 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,110 To be honest, yes, I did, when I was a teenager. 460 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:38,910 Yes, exactly, so did I. Do you remember the pain? Yes, I do. 461 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,280 Well... Is that what it's like? 462 00:26:42,520 --> 00:26:44,550 'James was very sympathetic.' 463 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,310 ♪ Goodness gracious great balls of fire! ♪ 464 00:26:47,360 --> 00:26:52,750 'With the pain getting worse...' Ooh! Ow! Ow! 465 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,310 '..I had to make an emergency stop.' 466 00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:59,430 Please may I use your lavatories? My scrotum is on fire. 467 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,750 Have you ever put toothpaste on your scrotum? 468 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,320 Ooh... 469 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,270 'With my gentleman's area sorted, we got back on the road.' 470 00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,070 Right, so the light just went red, 471 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,430 so that means go when you're on a bicycle. 472 00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:17,150 'And soon we were picking up valuable information.' 473 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:20,990 Taxi driver. Very polite. Thank you very much, sir. Another taxi. 474 00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:23,590 Extremely polite. 475 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,630 Thank you. 476 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,310 Yeah, look at that, you see, he politely let me go. 477 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:30,000 Thank you. 478 00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:33,910 I've been riding now for three hours 479 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,910 and not a single car driver has done anything annoying. 480 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:41,510 You'd imagine that cycling around Hyde Park Corner, 481 00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:43,910 which is what I'm doing now, would be... 482 00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,390 as dangerous as juggling chain saws, 483 00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:50,350 but if you keep your eyes open and you are courteous... 484 00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:52,520 it's fine. 485 00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,030 Every car has given me a six-foot berth, taxis, vans. 486 00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,470 Yes, all the cars and vans have been very decent. 487 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,350 I haven't got a complaint. 488 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:05,830 'But...there was one type of road user who wasn't courteous at all.' 489 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:07,560 Look at this idiot! 490 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,870 BLEEP! BLEEP! 491 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,590 Whoa! God above! 492 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,590 So that bus just overtook me, 493 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:20,230 so I have to now go on the wrong side of the road and you get... 494 00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,190 And now he's just set off! See? 495 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,910 And I'm stuck on the wrong side of the road. 496 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:31,310 These are the problem, I've decided. The buses. 497 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:33,110 Because all of the drivers think 498 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:36,240 they are literally Lord God Almighty. 499 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:39,310 BLEEP! 500 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,830 It's bloody murder! Now they're giving me a wide berth. 501 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:45,950 Your bus is going to kill me! 502 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,150 You are going to kill me! Keep going! Keep going! 503 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:52,270 But he is a homicidal maniac! And another one! 504 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,670 Aargh! 505 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:55,990 Aargh! 506 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,510 No, don't do that. 507 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,320 Why do they put bicycles in the bus lane?! 508 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,400 Whoa! 509 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:09,190 'And then, just to round things off...' 510 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:13,910 Whoa! Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no! 511 00:29:13,960 --> 00:29:17,150 What are you doing? Look, the chain has come off. 512 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:18,470 HORNS BEEP Sorry. 513 00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:19,950 HORN BEEPS 514 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,150 I know! There's nothing much I can do, is there? Go over here. 515 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,790 Why can't they build a machine where the chain stays on? 516 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,070 You've got that derailleur miles out of adjustment. 517 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,710 I don't know what you're talking about. What is a de-rail-eum? 518 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,430 It's the thing that moves the chain across. You've bent it. 519 00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:35,950 So, the gearbox on this is broken? 520 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,310 We are going to have to sell it and buy another one. 521 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:42,990 'After James had mended my geranium, he gave me a stern lecture.' 522 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,510 Bicycles... The reason people have accidents on bicycles 523 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,590 is cos of things like the brakes not working, 524 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:50,030 worn out wheel bearings, bad... 525 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,270 Those out of adjustment, that out of adjustment, this not tight enough. 526 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,190 It's really easy, bicycle maintenance, 527 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,600 you only need about three spanners and a screwdriver. 528 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,070 'With the fact-finding mission over, 529 00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:08,200 'we felt we had become fully paid-up members of the cycling community.' 530 00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,000 Have you got the arts pages? 531 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,150 Mm. 532 00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:26,830 It seems to me, for our public information film, 533 00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:32,870 what we should do is make cycling attractive to bus passengers 534 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,790 because then there would be no need for buses. 535 00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,310 And they are the biggest problem on the road. 536 00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,950 Not just for cyclists but also for cars. Yes. 537 00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:46,350 So if we get rid of buses, remove the demand for buses... 538 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,430 We get an extra lane. ..everybody wins. 539 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:55,230 'A few days later, we cycled to the Top Gear office to discuss 540 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,000 'some new ideas for our important public information film.' 541 00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:04,870 I think what that does is it dissuades people from using the bus. 542 00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:08,470 Yes, but it isn't true. It is. It isn't. 543 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,830 It is, I went on a bus once and I got an eye infection. 544 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:14,150 Some people get diphtheria or rickets or scurvy. 545 00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,150 They do. It is nonsense, it is not going to work. 546 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,030 'I then showed Jeremy something I'd put together.' 547 00:31:20,080 --> 00:31:22,270 ON TV: 'Hello, cyclists, 548 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,590 'I am here today to talk to you about bicycle maintenance. 549 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,590 'Let's start with the most important part of a bike. 550 00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:30,710 'You simply rotate this adjuster 551 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,510 'until the brake blocks are almost in contact with the wheel. 552 00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:36,400 'Lock it with the nut and then...' 553 00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:42,510 '..the chain and the sprockets will grind together. 554 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,070 'Make sure there is no play in the steering head bearings. 555 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,710 'If there is, if you can feel a little clunk, clunk, clunk...' 556 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:54,110 How much more is there of this? Well, quite a lot. How long is this? 557 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:57,630 58 minutes. What, a 58 minute thing?! 558 00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,320 It is more a public information documentary, if I am honest. 559 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:07,990 'Annoyingly, James's other ideas were even worse.' 560 00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,680 Action! 561 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:18,080 Why is he dressed up as Hitler? Because cyclists need to be visible. 562 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,520 Christ on a bike! 563 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:28,590 James, you can't do that. Yes, I can. 564 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,470 'As he brought out a cross, 565 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,350 'I left him alone and went off to work on my own.' 566 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,870 One of the problems I discovered on my fact-finding bike ride 567 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:41,990 around London is that pedestrians simply don't hear bicycles coming. 568 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:43,350 They step off the kerb, 569 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,710 the cyclist has to swerve into the path of a bus. 570 00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:51,750 Blood, artery gush, burst, court case, murder, disaster. 571 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,120 Bicycles, therefore, need to be louder. 572 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:00,880 ENGINE ROARS 573 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:08,040 What I have done is attached to the back of this bike a jet engine. 574 00:33:10,680 --> 00:33:14,190 And now pedestrians can definitely hear me coming. 575 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,510 And so can other motorists. 576 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,960 And people in subterranean caves in other countries. 577 00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:26,030 Even the profoundly deaf would know I was on my way, 578 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,720 they would feel a disturbance in the force. 579 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,710 Of course, another advantage is, you don't 580 00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,190 have to do any of that annoying pedalling. 581 00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:43,350 Again my genius is staggering me, it really is. 582 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,680 Oh, dear, I am out of fuel. 583 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,990 I have run out of fuel. 584 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:51,560 That is what's happened now. 585 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,120 Damn. 586 00:33:57,040 --> 00:34:00,350 Think of it, really, as a hybrid. 587 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:01,720 There we go. 588 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:07,270 'For the rest of the day, we tried all sorts of other ideas.' 589 00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:08,360 Here we go. 590 00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,080 Ooh! 591 00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:21,040 What's it supposed to be? It's a cyclist after an accident. 592 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,590 I couldn't use an actual cyclist, could I? 593 00:34:24,640 --> 00:34:28,910 So for example, the double mini-roundabout, OK? 594 00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:32,790 So you come round here, then it is your right of way going up here. 595 00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,800 But... Action! 596 00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,440 HE SCREAMS 597 00:34:40,240 --> 00:34:43,510 'After a great deal of extremely hard work, we ended up with 598 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,470 'a couple of films that we could take to our panel of experts.' 599 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:48,950 Before we show them to you, let me say, 600 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:52,270 do you remember the early public information films from our youth? 601 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,910 I do. They always picked on some very specific detail. 602 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,470 Don't put a rug on a polished floor or don't fish under 603 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,030 power lines. They were very tight. 604 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,670 And so, we have tried to focus on very specific details 605 00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:10,870 of cycling that we experience. We hope that erm... 606 00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,800 This one first? Yes, I think that's... OK. 607 00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:22,550 'Cut the green wire. For God's sake, do not cut the red wire. 608 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:26,040 'It is imperative to cut the green wire.' 609 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:45,070 Well, I mean... I'm not sure we're getting anywhere here... 610 00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:46,870 What are you trying to achieve with that? 611 00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:49,190 Cyclists jump red lights, we know this. 612 00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:50,710 Everybody has seen that happen. 613 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,430 It is what annoys people most about bicycles. 614 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:56,110 This is making the roads a happier place because cyclists 615 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,110 wait like they are supposed to, car drivers aren't infuriated. 616 00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:02,550 And cyclists don't get knocked off or indeed blown up. 617 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:05,230 You didn't listen to what we said, did you? 618 00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:07,990 You said we had to make the roads a more harmonious place. 619 00:36:08,040 --> 00:36:10,670 Exploding cyclists doesn't really get that message across. 620 00:36:10,720 --> 00:36:14,350 You're really trying to waste our time today because that is way off. 621 00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,510 What, you want them to jump red lights? No, we don't. 622 00:36:17,560 --> 00:36:20,310 I'm talking about that commercial, it is absolutely wrong. 623 00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:24,750 Well, let's try... Yes. Yes, please. 624 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,950 This may be more to your taste then, I think. 625 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:32,640 'I have a dream. That all men are created equal. 626 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:35,710 'Dr Martin Luther King was shot 627 00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:38,560 'and killed on the balcony of his motel in Memphis.' 628 00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:42,990 ♪ Imagine there's no heaven... ♪ 629 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:46,870 'The former Beatle, John Lennon, has been shot and killed in New York.' 630 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,560 ♪ It's easy if you try... ♪ 631 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,030 'The righteousness of Jesus Christ. 632 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,920 'Jesus died on the cross for our sins.' 633 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,120 So this is a no, isn't it? 634 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,710 'And with that, it was back to the studio.' 635 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:21,240 APPLAUSE 636 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:31,030 So... There is no way... Come on. No. So, you two completely cocked it up. 637 00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:34,710 I don't know what was wrong with my jet bike. 638 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:37,470 Well, it was a motor on a bicycle 639 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,790 and therefore it was a "motor" cycle. 640 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:44,430 It wasn't a motorcycle, it was superb. How fast did it go? 641 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:47,470 At one point I was clocked at 73mph. 642 00:37:47,520 --> 00:37:50,470 Yes, that does sound like the top speed of a motorbike. 643 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:52,870 He is right, you know. Thank you. He isn't right. 644 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,990 And anyway, listen, eventually we did come up with a film which 645 00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:59,760 we think will keep that panel of experts happy. 646 00:38:01,160 --> 00:38:04,670 Because, in essence, it makes everybody happy 647 00:38:04,720 --> 00:38:07,310 and gooey with everybody else. 648 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:08,670 Here we go, let's have a watch. 649 00:38:08,720 --> 00:38:13,990 'Cyclists get wet, cold and tired. 650 00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:16,760 'They turn up for work with revolting armpits. 651 00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:21,830 'Their clothes are hideous, and to prevent boils and sores, 652 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,120 'they have to put gel on their buttocks. 653 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:29,390 'However, because three-quarters of a million people are prepared 654 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:33,830 'to go through this misery every day, there are fewer traffic jams. 655 00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,750 'The roads are quieter 656 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,630 'which is good news... 657 00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,680 'for normal people. 658 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:49,790 'Cyclists. Give them an inch because they have given YOU a mile.' 659 00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,160 APPLAUSE 660 00:38:54,880 --> 00:38:59,870 No, an inch? They need 6ft. 661 00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:02,670 No, Hammond, it is a figure of speech, you idiot. 662 00:39:02,720 --> 00:39:06,510 I couldn't say, you know, give them 1.85m, that is ridiculous. 663 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:09,590 The fact is, we have solved cycling. 664 00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,510 If people weren't watching Call The Midwife on the other side 665 00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:15,110 tonight, there would be no more cycling-related accidents. 666 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:16,830 So, you're saying, 667 00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:21,430 watching Call The Midwife is now socially irresponsible? Yes. It is. 668 00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:23,600 And it is morally wrong. Exactly. 669 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:28,470 Anyway, it is time to put a Star in our Reasonably Priced Car. 670 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:31,350 And we are going to do something incredible. 671 00:39:31,400 --> 00:39:32,710 For the next few minutes, 672 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:36,230 we are going to stop your teenage daughter from texting. 673 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,950 And that's because my guest tonight played 674 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,790 Jesse Pinkman in Breaking Bad. 675 00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:43,030 CHEERING AND SQUEALING 676 00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,030 Stopped already! Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Paul! 677 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 678 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:52,110 He's here. 679 00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:55,750 How are you? What's up, buddy? How are you? I'm good, I'm good. 680 00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:57,400 Hi. 681 00:39:59,920 --> 00:40:04,470 I love them. Yes, this is a big noise. Have a seat. 682 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:07,190 All right. Have a seat. 683 00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:10,710 It is strange to have on a guest from a show that was 684 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:13,070 never on British TV... Yeah. 685 00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:16,350 ..who is now in a film that isn't even out yet. Yeah. 686 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,670 Everyone is screaming and yelling. I love you all. 687 00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:22,310 AUDIENCE: We love you! 688 00:40:22,360 --> 00:40:26,710 Let's do the film, if we may. It is Need For Speed. Need For Speed. 689 00:40:26,760 --> 00:40:30,630 It is the story of Tobey Marshall, the guy I play. 690 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:34,430 He spends a couple of years in prison for something that he did not do, 691 00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,950 so the moment he gets out of prison it's just... 692 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,870 He is trying to right a wrong, vengeance is on his mind. 693 00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,030 He has to try and get from the East Coast to the West Coast 694 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:47,310 in less than 48 hours in a car, a very fast car. 695 00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:50,150 What sort of car? It is a Shelby Mustang. 696 00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:53,430 Shelby Mustang? Yeah. Well, it can be quite fast, nice straight line. 697 00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,710 You should be able to do that. 698 00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:58,830 So it sounds like it has got Top Gear written all over it. 699 00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,230 Yeah, he wanted to do a throwback, our director, 700 00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:05,070 to films that really started this genre. 701 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:08,750 Like Bullitt and Vanishing Point and Smokey And The Bandit. 702 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:13,030 Back then they couldn't rely on CG, they couldn't rely on green screen 703 00:41:13,080 --> 00:41:17,030 so everything you see in this movie actually happened. 704 00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:20,470 There is no CGI? No CG whatsoever. Seriously? Yeah. 705 00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:21,870 Let's have a look at a clip 706 00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:24,920 and you will see why I am looking incredulous. Here we go. 707 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,640 'They took everything from me. 708 00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:40,280 'All those who defied me... 709 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:45,840 '..shall be ashamed and disgraced. 710 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:52,440 'Those who wage war against me... shall perish. 711 00:41:55,160 --> 00:41:57,400 'I will find strength... 712 00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:03,960 '..find guidance. And I...will...triumph.' 713 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,590 APPLAUSE 714 00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:22,270 That was all for real? Yeah, it's... It gets pretty violent. 715 00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,750 So it really did do a roll? 716 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:26,150 They actually did those, yes. 717 00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:29,310 I presume these are body shells, they are not actual... No, no, no. 718 00:42:29,360 --> 00:42:32,350 ..million dollar cars? 719 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:36,150 We consider those cars a piece of art. 720 00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:39,830 But the kit cars they built were about 300,000 a piece 721 00:42:39,880 --> 00:42:41,350 and they just destroyed them. 722 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,750 That is unbelievable but forgive me, 723 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,630 I have got to get on to Breaking Bad. 724 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,030 Yes. 725 00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,630 CHEERING Thank you. 726 00:42:49,680 --> 00:42:52,470 There's quite a few puzzled faces going, "What is Breaking Bad?" 727 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,910 "What is Breaking Bad?" This is Jesse Pinkman. 728 00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:57,350 As far as I am concerned, 729 00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:00,510 I am now talking to the world's greatest crystal meth salesman. 730 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,590 Yes. LAUGHTER 731 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:03,750 For those who don't know, 732 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,150 it was about a chemistry teacher who meets a delinquent, 733 00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:09,630 an ex-pupil. He's got this guy, he has been diagnosed with cancer 734 00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:12,790 and he thinks, "To pay for my treatment I will start making 735 00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,190 "crystal meth cos I am a chemistry teacher." 736 00:43:15,240 --> 00:43:16,950 And the series runs from there. 737 00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:21,310 We don't really have crystal meth in this country. That's great. 738 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,950 What is crystal meth, do you know what it is? No, not really. 739 00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:27,390 I have been making it for the past six years 740 00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,550 and I have no idea what it is. No, it is just a terrible, awful drug. 741 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:34,150 It just grabs a hold of some people and just doesn't let go. 742 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:37,070 Do you know what I loved about the show? It is the detailing in it. 743 00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:42,230 And the cars you all drove. Yes, they are incredible. Who chose those? 744 00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:44,270 It was all Vince Gilligan. 745 00:43:44,320 --> 00:43:45,790 He is the creator of the show, 746 00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,550 his attention to detail is just incredible. 747 00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:54,830 There is this famous conversation he had for two hours about the certain 748 00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:58,670 colour of red nail polish that was going to go on Skyler's toenails. 749 00:43:58,720 --> 00:44:01,630 He was going to get the cars right because Walter, 750 00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:05,150 who is the chemistry teacher, has a Pontiac Aztek. Yes. 751 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,240 Never been sold here but it was probably the worst car. 752 00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:14,270 It is just such a sad car. Look at it. Look at that, it is just so sad. 753 00:44:14,320 --> 00:44:17,920 It is a sign that your life has gone terribly, terribly wrong. 754 00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,230 It was interesting with you 755 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:24,710 because you started out with a Chevy Monte Carlo, wasn't it? Yes. 756 00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:25,950 When you were a delinquent. 757 00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,070 But when you became more and more successful, 758 00:44:28,120 --> 00:44:29,590 switched to the Toyota Tercel. 759 00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:30,790 Look at that. 760 00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,390 I actually wanted that car so bad when we wrapped. 761 00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:38,910 Were you able to keep it? No, they didn't allow me to take it. Why not? 762 00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:40,400 It is worth 32. 763 00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:44,670 That is shocking, but it is that attention to detail which 764 00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:47,790 I absolutely adored, I really did. 765 00:44:47,840 --> 00:44:51,350 Now, more questions about Breaking Bad, which fascinates me. 766 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:56,670 About American television. We know that US networks, they are brutal. 767 00:44:56,720 --> 00:44:58,310 One minute... 768 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,310 LAUGHTER 769 00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:05,840 You've got a chat show... Um... LAUGHTER 770 00:45:07,240 --> 00:45:11,070 Who are you talking about? Did you know Piers Morgan? Oh, yeah! Yeah. 771 00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,110 I had a feeling you were talking about him. 772 00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,910 Where I was going, really - you have got these US networks, 773 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:19,830 presumably Breaking Bad was only ever going to be one series. 774 00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,910 They would have only commissioned one, to see how it works? Yeah. 775 00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:28,670 Every network passed on Breaking Bad initially. HBO Showtime, everyone. 776 00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:32,270 And then AMC decided to give it a shot. With one series? 777 00:45:32,320 --> 00:45:37,110 With one pilot. And then they had to see how that was, how it turned out. 778 00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:41,790 I mean, we were lucky we even stayed on the air because our ratings 779 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:44,950 weren't that great. But the critics loved us. So... 780 00:45:45,000 --> 00:45:47,230 No, it was very clever. Absolutely brilliant. 781 00:45:47,280 --> 00:45:51,070 Thank you. Now, your cars in real life - not a Toyota Tercel? 782 00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:52,830 You started out with a Toyota, I believe? 783 00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:58,510 I did, I started out with an '82 Toyota Corolla. Mm-mm(!) Yeah. 784 00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:01,430 It was beautiful. Was it(?) Faded gold. 785 00:46:01,480 --> 00:46:03,510 Any time it rained, 786 00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:05,830 the trunk would fill up with water, stick shift. 787 00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:07,430 But I loved that car. Stick shift 788 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:12,200 And I bought a Toyota Forerunner. It's getting worse. 789 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:17,550 And then I bought an old classic car. OK, which is? 790 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:20,590 A '65 Shelby Cobra. 791 00:46:20,640 --> 00:46:21,920 Really? Oh! 792 00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,470 We could have... You know, you see... The Shelby Cobra... 793 00:46:27,520 --> 00:46:32,190 Oh, there it is. That is actually... that is you in it! That is my car. 794 00:46:32,240 --> 00:46:35,910 I only take it... It is my weekend car, I take it along the coast. 795 00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:39,990 But if you are driving in a parking lot, it sets off the alarms. 796 00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:42,230 I love doing that. It's great. It's fantastic. 797 00:46:42,280 --> 00:46:44,110 They are absolutely fabulous. 798 00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:46,070 My daughter is going to be mental now, 799 00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:49,230 because that is her favourite car and her favourite actor driving it. 800 00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:51,110 I love your daughter. Yeah. 801 00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:52,990 No, you don't. Um... 802 00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:56,110 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 803 00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:59,590 Right, now. Obviously you came down here... 804 00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,070 This is ballsy, I've got to say, 805 00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:06,350 because you have come down here to do your lap, which is quite brave. 806 00:47:06,400 --> 00:47:09,750 Yeah. Let's see how I did. I mean, I don't know. It was fun. 807 00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:11,950 Shall we have a look at the lap? Oh, God! 808 00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,510 AUDIENCE: Yeah. Here we go. 809 00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:15,550 ENGINE SCREAMS 810 00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:16,750 TYRES SCREECH 811 00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:19,510 Wow, that is a brutal start. 812 00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:21,680 All right, I just don't want to get last. 813 00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:27,710 Setting high goals for myself. Not to get last. 814 00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,590 No, it's OK, because for the first time ever this year, 815 00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,150 the weather is good. 816 00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:34,630 TYRES SCREECH 817 00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:38,230 That thing does grip well. Here we go. Yeah. 818 00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:41,160 It's OK, it's OK. Yeah. 819 00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:45,840 Come on. Tongue out. 820 00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,750 Oh, that is a very good line around there. Thank you. 821 00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:55,830 Very nice. The dreaded Hammerhead, I hate this turn. 822 00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:58,120 OK, OK... 823 00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:02,670 That is heavy braking you are giving it there! Yeah. Well, you know. 824 00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:05,840 Oh, that is very, very neat and tidy. 825 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:08,680 Come on, you... 826 00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:12,150 ..bitch! 827 00:48:12,200 --> 00:48:14,590 LAUGHTER We knew it! 828 00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:18,160 No way were you going to get round the lap without saying THAT! 829 00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:26,070 Ooh, the comfortable line, missing the apex. 830 00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,270 Second-to-last corner, this catches... 831 00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,950 Well, that was absolutely bob on. 832 00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:35,070 Now, Gambon, again kissing everything perfectly 833 00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:36,510 and you cross the line! 834 00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:38,590 CHEERING 835 00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:43,240 Ah-h-h... Well, now. 836 00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:46,110 These are the wet times. 837 00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:48,790 You will not be last, because Jack Whitehall, bless him, 838 00:48:48,840 --> 00:48:52,150 he had never driven before. So you will not be lower than him. 839 00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:56,150 OK, good. So, where do you think you came? I have no idea. 840 00:48:56,200 --> 00:49:01,510 I want to be above James Blunt. James Blunt was 1.49.4. 841 00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:04,630 That is FW, which stands for flipping wet. 842 00:49:04,680 --> 00:49:06,590 So you are definitely going to the above him. 843 00:49:06,640 --> 00:49:07,790 So come on, be reasonable. 844 00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:10,630 I mean, I would like to be towards the top, but... 845 00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:13,870 That is the 1.45 region. Yeah. I mean, I don't know... 846 00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:15,390 Do you know, I was just about to say, 847 00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:17,320 "Well, Jesse Pinkman..." But I won't. 848 00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:20,790 Aaron Paul. Yes. 1... 849 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:22,360 forty... 850 00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:29,430 ..4... AUDIENCE: Ooh! 851 00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:31,120 Oh!..7. 852 00:49:32,120 --> 00:49:33,950 That is the best we've ever had! 853 00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,750 CHEERING Number one. 854 00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:39,350 Come here. Yes! Wow! 855 00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:43,190 That's good. Good man. Yes! 856 00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:46,510 The fastest man ever to take the Astra around the track. 857 00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:50,070 That's amazing. Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Paul! 858 00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:51,840 CHEERING 859 00:49:54,640 --> 00:49:58,830 Now, that is going to take some beating! 860 00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:03,630 This is the £650,000 Porsche 918. 861 00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:05,350 It is insanely fast. 862 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:10,470 It's rammed full of technology and most importantly, it is a hybrid. 863 00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:14,150 In many ways, then, exactly the same as the McLaren P1 that Jeremy 864 00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:16,830 fell in love with a few weeks back. 865 00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:20,030 The big question, though... Is it any good? 866 00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:22,640 No! LAUGHTER 867 00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:33,910 When Jeremy tested the P1, he took it to the Spa racetrack in Belgium. 868 00:50:33,960 --> 00:50:37,630 My F1 track may not have that pedigree, 869 00:50:37,680 --> 00:50:42,600 but at this place, at least the fun doesn't stop when the sun goes down. 870 00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:19,470 The Abu Dhabi circuit is also famed for having a 1.2km straight, 871 00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:21,870 one of the longest anywhere. 872 00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:25,030 Seems like a good place to start. 873 00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:26,870 Let's make some noise. 874 00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:28,840 ENGINE ROARS TYRES SCREECH 875 00:51:29,840 --> 00:51:31,360 Oh, that is breathtaking! 876 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:40,920 Oh, ha-ha-ha! 877 00:51:43,240 --> 00:51:44,870 9,000rpm. 878 00:51:44,920 --> 00:51:46,520 Boom! 879 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:51,310 Yee-nar! 880 00:51:51,360 --> 00:51:53,070 Big speed! 881 00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:54,640 280. 882 00:51:57,120 --> 00:51:58,360 Braking... 883 00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:03,790 Oh, that is... That is acceleration unlike anything else. 884 00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:07,630 I know Jeremy's head was blown off by the speed of that P1, 885 00:52:07,680 --> 00:52:13,350 but I absolutely cannot believe that it felt any faster than this. 886 00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:14,760 It can't have done. 887 00:52:19,080 --> 00:52:23,750 'Like the McLaren, the 918 has a joint strike force of petrol engine 888 00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:26,560 'and electric motors working together.' 889 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:33,760 It's that electric power that gives it so much punch off the line. 890 00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:40,190 I have 500 foot-pound of torque at 800rpm. 800! 891 00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:43,800 The 458 doesn't have 500 torques at any rpm. 892 00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:47,430 It just wakes up, it's like a sprinter falling out of bed 893 00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:49,750 and going straight into a world record 894 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:51,990 while the others are eating cornflakes 895 00:52:52,040 --> 00:52:53,830 and thinking about having a poo. 896 00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:57,350 'The petrol engine, which sounds ungodly through those 897 00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,150 'top-mounted exhausts, 898 00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:05,080 'is a 612 horsepower 4.6 litre V8.' 899 00:53:09,920 --> 00:53:12,950 On the topic of power and performance, 900 00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:16,840 the 918 and the P1 can trade punches all day long. 901 00:53:20,800 --> 00:53:26,480 The 918 can't match the P1's top speed, 218 compared to 211. 902 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:35,830 'But I get to 60 quicker. 2.6 seconds to his sluggish 2.8.' 903 00:53:35,880 --> 00:53:41,920 I've got 875 brake horsepower and the P1 has 903, but I've got more torque. 904 00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:49,760 And on and on and on it goes. It's King Kong versus Godzilla. 905 00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:03,470 'There are some areas, though, 906 00:54:03,520 --> 00:54:07,870 'where the 918 definitely has the P1 on the ropes. 907 00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:10,830 'It can retrieve energy generated by braking 908 00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:13,790 'and feed it back into the batteries. 909 00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:18,590 'The roof lifts out so you can enjoy some open-top cruising. 910 00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:22,590 'And inside, you get some actual creature comforts, 911 00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:26,910 'like electric seats and an 11-speaker sound system. 912 00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:30,270 'You don't get either of those on a P1.' 913 00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:34,310 I am not one to gloat, but hello, glove box, yeah? 914 00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:37,950 And then this centre console, from where I can control the top screen. 915 00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:40,630 That does many things up there. 916 00:54:40,680 --> 00:54:43,350 And then over 800 functions can be controlled 917 00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:46,070 from the touch-sensitive screen down here. 918 00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:47,390 Maybe I can go online 919 00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:51,510 and order Jeremy a set of spanners to adjust the seat on his P1. 920 00:54:51,560 --> 00:54:53,560 Look up "old-fashioned" for me. 921 00:54:57,400 --> 00:55:00,510 'In addition to the wealth of on-board amusements, 922 00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:04,320 'the 918 also has many driving modes.' 923 00:55:05,320 --> 00:55:07,920 Right now, I am in fully electric mode. 924 00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:13,030 And I can whisper around like this for 18 miles, 925 00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:16,470 compared to the P1's seven. 926 00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:19,440 But if I go down here, I can select hybrid. 927 00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:23,310 And that allows it to alternate between petrol 928 00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:25,990 and electric in the most efficient way. 929 00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:31,750 Or we've got sport mode, where we have petrol power all the time. 930 00:55:31,800 --> 00:55:35,750 But, I'm here on this racetrack, so let's go one further. 931 00:55:35,800 --> 00:55:37,240 Put it in race mode. 932 00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:44,470 'Now the petrol engine is top dog. 933 00:55:44,520 --> 00:55:47,200 'The electric motors are acting as its wingmen.' 934 00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:50,760 It's time to attack some corners. 935 00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:58,440 Hell's bells! 936 00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:03,400 That grip! 937 00:56:09,040 --> 00:56:12,910 God, this thing corners - and I mean it - flat! 938 00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:14,200 Totally flat. 939 00:56:18,920 --> 00:56:21,710 And there is none of that bottom-clenching terror Jeremy 940 00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:23,320 talked about in the P1. 941 00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:31,830 'Partly, that is because where the P1 is rear drive only, 942 00:56:31,880 --> 00:56:37,320 'the 918 has four-wheel-drive and four-wheel steering.' 943 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:41,990 I think in essence yes, 944 00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:46,230 the P1 is more a proper fighter pilot, seat-of-the-pants staff. 945 00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:48,750 This is altogether more civilised. 946 00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:52,160 But that does not mean it's boring, because it just isn't. 947 00:56:56,000 --> 00:57:01,030 The back end crates away like a rear-wheel-drive car. 948 00:57:01,080 --> 00:57:02,520 Ha-ha-ha! 949 00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:06,800 What a thing! 950 00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:18,870 'But even though the 918 is more grown-up than the P1, 951 00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:22,480 'it can still boast some pretty exciting achievements.' 952 00:57:24,480 --> 00:57:25,710 The fact is, 953 00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:30,270 this car has lapped the Nurburgring in 6 minutes 57 seconds. 954 00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:33,750 That is faster than any other road-legal production car. 955 00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:35,190 To put it into context, 956 00:57:35,240 --> 00:57:40,190 a hard-core Lexus LFA did it in 7 minutes 14 seconds. 957 00:57:40,240 --> 00:57:44,550 The mighty Nissan GTR was almost half a minute slower. 958 00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:48,270 As for the P1, McLaren are saying it has gone round in under 959 00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:52,280 seven minutes, but they're not saying an actual time. 960 00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:57,190 I don't know, maybe they lost the piece of paper it was written on. 961 00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:58,280 Or something. 962 00:58:15,560 --> 00:58:18,950 'With daylight coming, I locked up, 963 00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:21,510 'left the keys to the circuit under the mat 964 00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:23,560 'and went in search of breakfast. 965 00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:30,710 'Full of awe for this incredible machine.' 966 00:58:30,760 --> 00:58:36,030 Here I am with 875bhp, a 4.6 litre V8 that sounds... 967 00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:37,150 ENGINE ROARS 968 00:58:37,200 --> 00:58:38,470 ..like that. 969 00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:42,750 And yet the CO2 emissions are lower than a Toyota Prius. 970 00:58:42,800 --> 00:58:45,790 And certainly, much lower than a P1. 971 00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:50,510 I don't know, this is just all round a more impressive achievement. 972 00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:52,590 It is more of its time. 973 00:58:52,640 --> 00:58:54,070 To put it another way, 974 00:58:54,120 --> 00:58:59,470 McLaren have used hybrid technology to liven up a supercar today. 975 00:58:59,520 --> 00:59:04,640 Porsche have used hybrid technology to save the supercar for tomorrow. 976 00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:08,000 This is an important car. 977 00:59:13,560 --> 00:59:16,190 CHEERING 978 00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:17,390 Oh, yeah. 979 00:59:17,440 --> 00:59:21,710 There it is. I'm amazed it didn't catch fire. Shut up. 980 00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:24,070 Never mind that. Now, listen, Hammond. 981 00:59:24,120 --> 00:59:28,590 In that film, you said there is none of the bottom-clenching terror 982 00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:31,870 when you drive this that you get in a McLaren P1. How do you know? 983 00:59:31,920 --> 00:59:34,430 You haven't driven a McLaren P1. 984 00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:37,270 I know that because after you had driven the McLaren P1, 985 00:59:37,320 --> 00:59:39,990 you said it was a day of bottom-clenching terror. 986 00:59:40,040 --> 00:59:41,630 I did, a bit. 987 00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:45,070 But I was driving in the pouring rain at Spa. 988 00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,550 You were in Abu Dhabi, bone dry, 989 00:59:47,600 --> 00:59:50,470 and with eight mile run-offs on all the corners. 990 00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:53,910 The fact is, the 918 can handle its power better. 991 00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:55,510 Its dribble of power. 992 00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:57,910 It has barely got enough to get out of its own way. 993 00:59:57,960 --> 01:00:01,190 And how do you know that? Because you haven't driven the Porsche. 994 01:00:01,240 --> 01:00:02,990 Because Porsche won't let me. 995 01:00:03,040 --> 01:00:06,310 Yes, because they know, Jennifer, you can't drive in a straight line. 996 01:00:06,360 --> 01:00:08,830 We've seen it. At least I didn't write a book about it. 997 01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:11,870 And try to milk the moment. Enough, enough, enough. 998 01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:14,510 Let me interrupt with the solution to all this. 999 01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:16,830 Because later on in the year, hopefully, we are 1000 01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:19,070 going to make a special Top Gear programme. 1001 01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:22,790 One in which Richard and Jennifer bring the Porsche 918 1002 01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:25,430 and the McLaren P1 down to our track 1003 01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:28,230 and we will see which is the fastest. 1004 01:00:28,280 --> 01:00:29,830 Should be quite good, actually. 1005 01:00:29,880 --> 01:00:31,670 Hopefully, we will be able to put together 1006 01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:33,230 June, July sometime, around then. 1007 01:00:33,280 --> 01:00:35,270 And it'll basically be England versus Germany. 1008 01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:39,710 But before then, in fact, starting next weekend, 1009 01:00:39,760 --> 01:00:44,750 we have our all-new, two-part, Top Gear Christmas special. 1010 01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:47,430 Yet, it is a bit late, we're sorry. A bit late, yes. 1011 01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:49,870 It's an Easter special. Whatever. 1012 01:00:49,920 --> 01:00:54,800 The three of us are told to build a bridge over the River Kwai. 1013 01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:58,670 But first, we have to get there. 1014 01:00:58,720 --> 01:01:04,150 And that means driving all the way across Burma in lorries that we 1015 01:01:04,200 --> 01:01:08,440 bought from the Internet unseen for a few hundred quid. 1016 01:01:10,040 --> 01:01:11,390 And on that BURMA-shell... 1017 01:01:11,440 --> 01:01:13,310 There it is...it's time to end. 1018 01:01:13,360 --> 01:01:15,830 Thank you so much for watching. Good night. 1019 01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:18,600 CHEERING