1 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,719 ("Midnight Blues" playing) 2 00:00:06,721 --> 00:00:13,075 CHARLENE: ♪ Got too much time And nowhere to go ♪ 3 00:00:13,077 --> 00:00:20,849 ♪ But I drink enough to say hello ♪ 4 00:00:28,348 --> 00:00:30,378 ♪ ♪ But I'm high enough 5 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,982 Not to give a... ♪ LANA: Goddamn it! 6 00:00:33,259 --> 00:00:35,292 CHERLENE: Cut! Okay, whoa! 7 00:00:35,294 --> 00:00:37,294 Cut it, fellas! (music stops) 8 00:00:37,296 --> 00:00:38,929 ARCHER: Man, I am blowing this jug. 9 00:00:38,931 --> 00:00:41,067 CHERLENE: What the hell is wrong with you? 10 00:00:41,187 --> 00:00:42,854 LANA: You are what's wrong with me! 11 00:00:42,856 --> 00:00:44,622 It's 5:50 in the goddamn morning! 12 00:00:44,624 --> 00:00:46,624 CHERLENE: Uh, duh, it's called the golden hour. 13 00:00:46,626 --> 00:00:48,426 LANA: The... PAM: The light takes on a 14 00:00:48,428 --> 00:00:49,894 special quality. LANA: I know what it means, 15 00:00:49,896 --> 00:00:51,596 but... CHERLENE: Then you know it's 16 00:00:51,598 --> 00:00:53,331 the best time to record stuff, so... 17 00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:55,166 LANA: Film! It's the best time to record 18 00:00:55,168 --> 00:00:57,235 things on film! It cannot possibly have any 19 00:00:57,237 --> 00:00:59,637 effect on recording audio. KRIEGER: Oh, was I supposed 20 00:00:59,639 --> 00:01:01,439 to be recording that? CHERLENE: Krieger! 21 00:01:01,441 --> 00:01:03,074 PAM: Goddamn it. (Cherlene growls) 22 00:01:03,076 --> 00:01:04,542 CHERLENE: We're losing the light! 23 00:01:04,544 --> 00:01:06,444 ARCHER: We're not losing me blowing this jug. 24 00:01:06,446 --> 00:01:07,845 MALORY: Are you bothering them? 25 00:01:07,847 --> 00:01:10,248 LANA: I am, and also, happy Opposite Day. 26 00:01:10,250 --> 00:01:12,283 MALORY: Is she bothering you? OTHERS: Yes! 27 00:01:12,285 --> 00:01:14,252 MALORY: Stop bothering them. LANA: They're the ones... 28 00:01:14,254 --> 00:01:16,220 MALORY: They are trying to make a record, Lana, and there 29 00:01:16,222 --> 00:01:18,656 is a finite amount of golden hour. 30 00:01:18,658 --> 00:01:20,391 LANA: Which, again... MALORY: I know, but if 31 00:01:20,393 --> 00:01:22,693 Cherlene's happy... CHERLENE: Outlaw country, 32 00:01:22,695 --> 00:01:24,896 woooooo! (music playing) 33 00:01:24,898 --> 00:01:27,765 MALORY: "Woo," exactly. Then I am happy. 34 00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:30,468 Or at least I will be, once we start selling some records. 35 00:01:30,470 --> 00:01:32,370 LANA: I'll be happy when I can sleep without getting up to 36 00:01:32,372 --> 00:01:34,505 pee every six minutes. MALORY: Pfft, you think 37 00:01:34,507 --> 00:01:37,141 you're not sleeping now? Wait till that thing's born. 38 00:01:37,143 --> 00:01:38,743 LANA: Oh! MALORY: So do yourself and 39 00:01:38,745 --> 00:01:41,412 those bosoms of yours a favor, and get a wet nurse. 40 00:01:41,414 --> 00:01:43,881 LANA: That cannot still be a thing. 41 00:01:43,883 --> 00:01:45,817 MALORY: Preferably one who cooks. 42 00:01:45,819 --> 00:01:49,620 We had a Dominican, just lovely, bosoms like... well, like yours, 43 00:01:49,622 --> 00:01:54,192 but umpteen babies later. My God, Sterling loved her. 44 00:01:54,194 --> 00:01:56,627 She was with us nearly four years. 45 00:01:56,629 --> 00:02:01,165 Now what was her name? I want to say Mariela? 46 00:02:01,167 --> 00:02:03,734 Maricela? Wait, or Ruby? 47 00:02:03,736 --> 00:02:05,503 LANA: I don't... MALORY: The point is, they 48 00:02:05,505 --> 00:02:08,206 steal from you; it's just the cost of doing business. 49 00:02:08,208 --> 00:02:10,308 (Lana sighs) LANA: Steal what? 50 00:02:10,310 --> 00:02:13,177 We haven't been paid in months, Malory; I'm pretty much broke. 51 00:02:13,179 --> 00:02:15,780 MALORY: Join the club. Because believe me, if I had 52 00:02:15,782 --> 00:02:19,617 the money, I would get the hell out of this... Hillbilly Hilton. 53 00:02:19,619 --> 00:02:21,719 KRIEGER: Am I supposed to be recording this? 54 00:02:21,721 --> 00:02:23,621 PAM: Krieger! KRIEGER: Watch it! 55 00:02:23,623 --> 00:02:25,356 CHERLENE: Goddamn it! ARCHER: Whoa! 56 00:02:25,358 --> 00:02:26,891 (jug shattering) Jug down! 57 00:02:26,893 --> 00:02:29,494 Jug down! MALORY: As difficult as that 58 00:02:29,496 --> 00:02:31,929 would be. (Archer sobs) 59 00:02:31,931 --> 00:02:35,566 ARCHER: I'm 'a plant a red fern for ya, jug. 60 00:03:12,647 --> 00:03:15,564 MALORY: Item one: Woodhouse, scrape. 61 00:03:15,804 --> 00:03:18,605 WOODHOUSE: Yes, mum. (all groaning) 62 00:03:18,607 --> 00:03:21,141 MALORY: And gripe all you want, but no one is eating Eggs 63 00:03:21,143 --> 00:03:24,144 Woodhouse until you people start bringing in some money! 64 00:03:24,146 --> 00:03:26,246 ARCHER: But they were already cooked; what good does it do 65 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,281 to throw them away? MALORY: None. 66 00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:31,685 That's the whole point. And no cocaine donuts for you! 67 00:03:31,687 --> 00:03:34,054 PAM (muffled): Aw, come on! I got to load up my body before 68 00:03:34,056 --> 00:03:36,189 Krieger sells it all! ARCHER: Before what? 69 00:03:36,191 --> 00:03:38,058 CHERLENE: What? PAM: Krieger's selling the 70 00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:41,194 cocaine online. MALORY: Are you insane? 71 00:03:41,196 --> 00:03:44,131 KRIEGER: Yeah, if it's insane to use an X-gen asymmetric onion 72 00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:46,299 router and digital cryptocurrency to sell your 73 00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:49,569 cocaine anonymously and completely risk-free. 74 00:03:49,571 --> 00:03:52,639 Ah... Or a lot of the other shit I do. 75 00:03:52,641 --> 00:03:55,142 MALORY: But... so do people e-mail you, or...? 76 00:03:55,144 --> 00:03:57,244 KRIEGER: No. It's like shopping online, only 77 00:03:57,246 --> 00:03:59,813 for cocaine. I've already sold, uh... 78 00:03:59,815 --> 00:04:03,416 Wow, almost 800 grand worth. MALORY: Really? 79 00:04:03,418 --> 00:04:05,619 But how do we get paid? KRIEGER: With a totally 80 00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:07,687 untraceable digital currency that we can exchange for real 81 00:04:07,689 --> 00:04:12,526 U.S. dollars whenever we want. I call 'em Kriegerrands. 82 00:04:12,528 --> 00:04:14,528 MALORY: And then how do they get the cocaine? 83 00:04:14,530 --> 00:04:22,669 KRIEGER: We pack it up and MALORY: Oh, for... 84 00:04:22,671 --> 00:04:27,307 I'll send up some help. And, missy, you had better watch it. 85 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:33,480 (noisy chewing) ARCHER (mouth full): Jesus, 86 00:04:33,482 --> 00:04:35,482 these taste like calluses. PAM: Ew. 87 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,384 CYRIL: Gross. RAY: That's so accurate. 88 00:04:37,386 --> 00:04:39,853 ARCHER: Lana. Lana. 89 00:04:39,855 --> 00:04:42,055 La... 90 00:04:42,057 --> 00:04:50,764 CHERLENE: What's up her gigantic giant ass? 91 00:04:50,766 --> 00:04:52,899 RAY: Wh... Probably you shitheads! 92 00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,634 OTHERS: What did we do? RAY: Besides keeping 93 00:04:54,636 --> 00:04:56,836 everybody up all night with your damn hootenannies... 94 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:59,105 ARCHER: Wait, that was a hootenanny? 95 00:04:59,107 --> 00:05:01,408 RAY: ...has anybody even thought about throwing her a 96 00:05:01,410 --> 00:05:03,543 goddamn baby shower?! CHERLENE: Ew! 97 00:05:03,545 --> 00:05:05,111 PAM: Um... CYRIL: Pfft, you mean a 98 00:05:05,113 --> 00:05:06,646 bastard sh... Ow! ARCHER: Cyril, shut your 99 00:05:06,648 --> 00:05:09,349 pout-hole, accept the fact that Lana was so far out of your 100 00:05:09,351 --> 00:05:12,285 league that impregnating her would've basically been 101 00:05:12,287 --> 00:05:15,755 interspecies breeding, and get on with your life! 102 00:05:15,757 --> 00:05:18,625 And then go get a cake. Okay, Ray... 103 00:05:18,627 --> 00:05:21,294 MALORY: Ray, Cyril, go help Krieger pack the cocaine. 104 00:05:21,296 --> 00:05:23,563 Cherlene, go pick or grin or something, and the rest of 105 00:05:23,565 --> 00:05:25,432 you... ARCHER: We're throwing Lana 106 00:05:25,434 --> 00:05:27,234 a baby shower. MALORY: Wh...? 107 00:05:27,236 --> 00:05:30,470 We haven't done that yet? I said move, people! 108 00:05:30,472 --> 00:05:33,273 Go, go, go, go, go! (Ray bleats) 109 00:05:33,275 --> 00:05:35,609 Idiots. All right, I need them here 110 00:05:35,611 --> 00:05:38,612 making music and packaging cocaine, so this baby shower is 111 00:05:38,614 --> 00:05:41,314 up to you. Don't cock it up like you did 112 00:05:41,316 --> 00:05:43,583 Texas! PAM: Hey! 113 00:05:43,585 --> 00:05:45,452 MALORY: Oh, blow it out your ass! 114 00:05:45,454 --> 00:05:47,454 (Pam farts) (Archer laughs) 115 00:05:47,456 --> 00:05:49,456 ARCHER: I was hoping you'd do that. 116 00:05:49,458 --> 00:05:52,525 Okay, we should make a list. Item one: some paper to write 117 00:05:52,527 --> 00:05:54,694 said list on. (gasps) 118 00:05:54,696 --> 00:05:57,264 Item two... Woodhouse! Get in here! 119 00:05:57,266 --> 00:05:59,366 WOODHOUSE: Sir? ARCHER: Here, here's... 120 00:05:59,368 --> 00:06:02,202 400 bucks; go get all the stuff for a baby shower: cake, 121 00:06:02,204 --> 00:06:05,372 decorations, some of those water guns shaped like dicks... 122 00:06:05,374 --> 00:06:07,407 PAM: I think that's bachelorette parties. 123 00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:10,477 ARCHER: Really? Wow, okay, that explains... 124 00:06:10,479 --> 00:06:12,846 Uh, never mind. And, Woodhouse, 125 00:06:12,848 --> 00:06:15,715 if you spend any of this on heroin, you better buy enough to 126 00:06:15,717 --> 00:06:17,784 O.D. on, bec... WOODHOUSE: Will do! 127 00:06:17,786 --> 00:06:20,353 ARCHER: Will don't! PAM: Wait, so if Woodhouse is 128 00:06:20,355 --> 00:06:22,289 getting everything we need for the party, then... 129 00:06:22,291 --> 00:06:24,424 ARCHER: Oh, not everything, Pam. 130 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:28,461 Because... you and I are going to get Kenny Loggins to play 131 00:06:28,463 --> 00:06:31,598 Lana's baby shower. PAM: Goddamn it. 132 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:40,840 ARCHER: Pam. Danger zone. ♪ Wait, wait, wait, no. 133 00:06:40,842 --> 00:06:43,576 ♪ This is it. KRIEGER: Yeah, you guys box 134 00:06:43,578 --> 00:06:45,979 it up, I slap on a mailing label from the printer, bing bang 135 00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:48,848 boom, it's good to go zoom. CYRIL: So, why are we in 136 00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:50,950 our underwear? KRIEGER: Eh, don't worry 137 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,986 about it. PAM: Because it kind of seems 138 00:06:52,988 --> 00:06:55,455 like this is about you and not really about Lana. 139 00:06:55,457 --> 00:06:57,891 ARCHER: Okay, A, Lana loves Kenny Loggins. 140 00:06:57,893 --> 00:06:59,893 PAM: Really? ARCHER: I don't know. 141 00:06:59,895 --> 00:07:02,495 I mean, I assume she does. I do. 142 00:07:02,497 --> 00:07:04,597 GUARD: Whoa, whoa, where you think you're going? 143 00:07:04,599 --> 00:07:07,300 ARCHER: Uh, well, to give Mr. Loggins his wardrobe. 144 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,602 GUARD: Not without a pass you're not. 145 00:07:09,604 --> 00:07:11,871 ARCHER: Yeah, we... PAM: Hey, I appreciate you're 146 00:07:11,873 --> 00:07:14,441 just doing your job, but if Kenny doesn't get this 147 00:07:14,443 --> 00:07:16,543 embroidered hippie shirt and these gigantic bell-bottoms, I 148 00:07:16,545 --> 00:07:18,545 highly doubt you'll have a job tomorrow. 149 00:07:18,547 --> 00:07:20,547 GUARD: Look, he ain't even here. 150 00:07:20,549 --> 00:07:22,549 He's probably still at the Tuntmore. 151 00:07:22,551 --> 00:07:24,551 PAM: Now, was that so hard... neck nuts? 152 00:07:24,553 --> 00:07:26,653 ARCHER: Good instincts back there, Pam. 153 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:29,622 That's what we field agents call... Hmm. 154 00:07:29,624 --> 00:07:31,891 Guess I'm not a field agent anymore though. 155 00:07:31,893 --> 00:07:34,894 (Pam laughs) PAM: Man, you got to miss it. 156 00:07:34,896 --> 00:07:37,764 What a rush! ARCHER: Yeah, I miss it, but 157 00:07:37,766 --> 00:07:40,033 calm down. Jesus, it's not like you killed 158 00:07:40,035 --> 00:07:42,535 a guy. Taxi! 159 00:07:42,537 --> 00:07:44,754 (car door closes) Okay, so phase two may call for 160 00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:47,407 some field craft. A, there's no way a superstar 161 00:07:47,409 --> 00:07:49,976 like Kenny Loggins is gonna be registered under his own name. 162 00:07:49,978 --> 00:07:52,345 PAM (laughs): Yeah. It's not like he's Messina. 163 00:07:52,347 --> 00:07:54,314 ARCHER: Don't do that. Don't ever do that! 164 00:07:54,316 --> 00:07:56,649 PAM: Sorry! Geez! ARCHER: You should be. 165 00:07:56,651 --> 00:07:59,986 Jim Messina is a genius, and without him, no Poco. 166 00:07:59,988 --> 00:08:02,522 Where was I? Oh, yeah, we'll probably need to 167 00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,524 access the computer terminal at reception, so just follow my 168 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,526 lead. PAM: Could I just follow 169 00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,528 Kenny Loggins? ARCHER: Wha...? 170 00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:10,530 KENNY LOGGINS: Well, maybe because it's in the rider, 171 00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:12,532 which I'll be happy to come down there and shove up his ass. 172 00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,567 ARCHER: Uh, excuse me, Mr.Loggins? 173 00:08:14,569 --> 00:08:16,569 Hi, I'm, uh... KENNY LOGGINS: Uh-huh, 174 00:08:16,571 --> 00:08:18,571 uh-huh, uh-huh. ARCHER: What the shit, 175 00:08:18,573 --> 00:08:20,573 Loggins?! KENNY LOGGINS: Ricky, bad 176 00:08:20,575 --> 00:08:22,575 touch! RICKY: Hands off Mr. Loggins! 177 00:08:22,577 --> 00:08:24,577 ARCHER: Hands off me, Lurch. Look at my suit. 178 00:08:24,579 --> 00:08:26,579 KENNY LOGGINS: Zap, Ricky, zap! 179 00:08:26,581 --> 00:08:28,581 ARCHER: Hey... Aah! (Pam screams) 180 00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:31,351 KENNY LOGGINS: Uh, hang on. Hit him again. 181 00:08:31,353 --> 00:08:33,520 PAM: Wait! No, no, no, no! ARCHER: What?! I... 182 00:08:33,522 --> 00:08:35,922 (grunting gibberish) KENNY LOGGINS: What's that? 183 00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:38,691 No, no, never mind. It's just a fan. 184 00:08:38,693 --> 00:08:40,994 (Archer groans) PAM: Holy shit zaps! 185 00:08:40,996 --> 00:08:43,029 Are you okay? (Archer coughs) 186 00:08:43,031 --> 00:08:45,366 ARCHER: Yeah, and I don't know about you, but 187 00:08:45,486 --> 00:08:46,725 I'm gonna be pretty upset 188 00:08:46,845 --> 00:08:49,111 if I end up having to murder Kenny Loggins. 189 00:08:50,804 --> 00:08:52,271 Meh. 190 00:08:53,746 --> 00:08:56,721 ARCHER: Yeah, that's fair! Kick out the guy whose custom 191 00:08:56,961 --> 00:09:00,579 Super 220 wool suit was ruined by Kenny Loggins! 192 00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,581 And where were you during all that? 193 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,584 PAM: Oh, man, I was like, "What?!" 194 00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:08,520 So, what's up? What's the plan? ARCHER: (sighs) The plan is 195 00:09:08,522 --> 00:09:12,157 shut up and come on. GILLETTE: No, we have to play 196 00:09:12,159 --> 00:09:15,160 games at the baby shower. There's Don't Drop the Baby, uh, 197 00:09:15,162 --> 00:09:18,730 Dirty Diaper Game... CYRIL: What in God's name is 198 00:09:18,732 --> 00:09:20,833 the Dirty Diaper Game? GILLETTE: Oh, my God, it's 199 00:09:20,835 --> 00:09:22,835 hilarious. You get a bunch of newborn 200 00:09:22,837 --> 00:09:25,003 diapers, then you microwave different candy bars... 201 00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:28,106 CYRIL: Stop! Yeah, let me just stop you there, because if 202 00:09:28,108 --> 00:09:30,742 you finish that sentence, I'm going to rub cocaine in your 203 00:09:30,744 --> 00:09:33,745 eyes until you are blind. GILLETTE: Goddamn, Shawshank. 204 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,981 LANA: Uh, Malory? (Malory screams) 205 00:09:35,983 --> 00:09:38,183 LANA: What?! MALORY: What... do you want? 206 00:09:38,185 --> 00:09:40,219 Jesus. LANA: I, um... 207 00:09:40,221 --> 00:09:43,655 Okay, so, as you know, or should know, I'm pregnant and... 208 00:09:43,657 --> 00:09:45,657 MALORY: (sighs) Lana, it's too late to... 209 00:09:45,659 --> 00:09:47,693 LANA: Okay, let me stop you. Having the baby-- don't know why 210 00:09:47,695 --> 00:09:49,695 that's such a mindbender for everybody, but... 211 00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:51,830 MALORY (chuckling): Well... LANA: But... Hush. I have a 212 00:09:51,832 --> 00:09:54,099 lot of pretty major expenses coming up, and since we haven't 213 00:09:54,101 --> 00:09:57,603 been paid... (sighs) Look, I hate to ask, but 214 00:09:57,605 --> 00:09:59,605 I need... MALORY: WIC! 215 00:09:59,607 --> 00:10:01,607 LANA: What? MALORY: It's like welfare but 216 00:10:01,609 --> 00:10:03,609 for babies. I don't know-- I'm not a 217 00:10:03,611 --> 00:10:05,611 Democrat. But I think they give you a 218 00:10:05,613 --> 00:10:14,953 birth cheese. I only had $200. 219 00:10:14,955 --> 00:10:18,957 MALORY: Not you. Really? $200? 220 00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:21,894 ARCHER: Okay, there's $200 for the uniforms, $100 for the 221 00:10:21,896 --> 00:10:26,932 sweet wigs and another $300 for Kenny Loggins' room number. 222 00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:30,269 HOUSEKEEPER: Mm-hmm. PAM: So, I'm curious-- why 223 00:10:30,271 --> 00:10:32,971 didn't you just call Cherlene, who owns the hotel? 224 00:10:32,973 --> 00:10:35,107 ARCHER: (sighs) And I'm curious-- why didn't you remind 225 00:10:35,109 --> 00:10:37,276 me about that until just now? PAM: You said shut up, 226 00:10:37,278 --> 00:10:39,278 J. Alfred Gotrocks. ARCHER: What? 227 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,280 PAM: We haven't been paid in forever. 228 00:10:41,282 --> 00:10:43,282 Where are you getting all this money? 229 00:10:43,284 --> 00:10:46,385 ARCHER: I, uh... sold some artwork? 230 00:10:46,387 --> 00:10:48,854 CHERLENE: Goddamn it! What did I tell you about 231 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:52,190 staying up on the wall, ghosts?! ARCHER: Okay, since I am or 232 00:10:52,192 --> 00:10:56,695 was a world-class secret agent, when we get up to his room, do 233 00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:59,698 actually follow my lead or... PAM: Hang on, let me grab a 234 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,867 name tag. ARCHER: (gasps) Ruby! Ruby! 235 00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,869 Is there a Ruby? See if there's a Ruby. 236 00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:06,138 Is there a Ruby?! PAM: It's pretty close to 237 00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:08,140 Ruby. ARCHER: No, Pam, it isn't. 238 00:11:08,142 --> 00:11:10,175 PAM: Well, why do... ARCHER: Don't worry about it. 239 00:11:10,177 --> 00:11:12,711 Let it go. And give me one of those mints. 240 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:15,714 PAM: Dude, they're cocaine. ARCHER: (sighs) Of course 241 00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:17,883 they are. PAM: (laughs) Right? 242 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,918 ARCHER: All right, here's the penthouse. 243 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,921 Now, I cannot stress this enough, Pam: follow my lead. 244 00:11:22,923 --> 00:11:25,190 PAM: Okay. ARCHER: Room ser... 245 00:11:25,192 --> 00:11:27,759 PAM: Housekeeping! ARCHER: (clears throat) What 246 00:11:27,761 --> 00:11:30,228 did I just... PAM: Prostitute! 247 00:11:30,230 --> 00:11:32,331 (gasps, grunts) RICKY: What the hell is your 248 00:11:32,333 --> 00:11:36,401 problem? PAM: Besides my face hurts? 249 00:11:36,403 --> 00:11:39,104 KENNY LOGGINS: Why do I pay you 20 grand a month? 250 00:11:39,106 --> 00:11:41,940 I don't want to read about Kenny Loggins; I want to read about 251 00:11:41,942 --> 00:11:45,344 K-Log. (sighs) Jesus, don't ever get a 252 00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:48,246 publicist. ARCHER: Well, as a lowly room 253 00:11:48,248 --> 00:11:51,883 service waiter, I probably won't, but... 254 00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:54,886 Wow. Okay, uh... KENNY LOGGINS: K-Log didn't 255 00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:58,156 order room service. ARCHER: Sure, you did. 256 00:11:58,158 --> 00:12:01,326 KENNY LOGGINS: No, I didn't. (crash, glass shatters) 257 00:12:01,328 --> 00:12:03,829 (Pam grunting) ARCHER: A housekeeper and/or 258 00:12:03,831 --> 00:12:05,831 prostitute? KENNY LOGGINS: You think 259 00:12:05,833 --> 00:12:08,033 K-Log needs to pay for sex, do you? 260 00:12:08,035 --> 00:12:11,870 ARCHER: Mm... no, but, that being said, I do think he needs 261 00:12:11,872 --> 00:12:14,906 to reevaluate this whole K-Log thing. 262 00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:16,908 KENNY LOGGINS: Oh, yeah? Well, I think you need to 263 00:12:16,910 --> 00:12:19,378 reevaluate your face. ARCHER: My... Oh. 264 00:12:19,380 --> 00:12:20,846 (chuckles) Okay. I can explain that. 265 00:12:20,966 --> 00:12:22,752 KENNY LOGGINS: How? ARCHER: Uh... 266 00:12:23,236 --> 00:12:25,738 - Lip chemo? - It's the crazy guy from the lobby! 267 00:12:25,858 --> 00:12:28,258 Which means you're no prostitute. 268 00:12:28,378 --> 00:12:30,337 And that being said, 269 00:12:30,457 --> 00:12:33,458 I am open to blow jobs for money. I only got eight bucks on me, 270 00:12:33,460 --> 00:12:34,652 but... ARCHER: Pam! 271 00:12:34,772 --> 00:12:38,096 Self-esteem, buddy. Come on. Now, let's just put the gun down 272 00:12:38,098 --> 00:12:40,098 and... RICKY: Mr. Loggins, please 273 00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,100 advise. KENNY LOGGINS: K-Log. 274 00:12:42,102 --> 00:12:44,269 K-Log, damn it. RICKY: Yeah, I'm kind of with 275 00:12:44,271 --> 00:12:46,905 him on that one. KENNY LOGGINS: Oh, really? 276 00:12:46,907 --> 00:12:50,142 So you agree with Borgnar's pathetic little errand boy? 277 00:12:50,144 --> 00:12:52,144 ARCHER: Wait, what? And also who? 278 00:12:52,146 --> 00:12:54,212 KENNY LOGGINS: Well, I'll tell you the same thing I told 279 00:12:54,214 --> 00:12:56,248 Borgnar that night in Caracas. It's not for sale. 280 00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:58,250 At any price. ARCHER: Who the hell is 281 00:12:58,252 --> 00:13:00,252 Bor... (grunts) (gunshot, glass shatters) 282 00:13:00,254 --> 00:13:02,254 (Pam shouts) (Ricky screams) 283 00:13:02,256 --> 00:13:04,256 (gunshots) KENNY LOGGINS: Hi-yah! 284 00:13:04,258 --> 00:13:06,291 (Archer grunts) Ricky, attack! 285 00:13:06,293 --> 00:13:10,162 PAM (chuckling): Yeah, Ricky. (Ricky and Pam grunting) 286 00:13:10,164 --> 00:13:12,798 (Ricky screams) ARCHER: Okay. Okay, good. 287 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:16,802 Pam, are you good? PAM (chuckling): Oh, yeah. 288 00:13:16,804 --> 00:13:20,972 (Ricky and Pam roaring) (Ricky and Pam grunting) 289 00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:23,442 ARCHER: Yeah, good, okay. 'Cause this time, I may actually 290 00:13:23,444 --> 00:13:25,444 murder Kenny Loggins. PAM: Wait, wait, wait, wait, 291 00:13:25,446 --> 00:13:27,512 wait! ARCHER: What, Pam?! 292 00:13:27,514 --> 00:13:29,110 PAM: First see if he wants a beej. 293 00:13:33,735 --> 00:13:36,876 (crashing, fighting) ARCHER: Loggins! Loggins! 294 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,434 Now, look, before either of us does something we'll both 295 00:13:39,436 --> 00:13:42,804 regret, let's... (gunshots) 296 00:13:42,806 --> 00:13:46,774 Okay, that's just unacceptable. Pam, I'm going in! 297 00:13:46,776 --> 00:13:49,911 PAM: Okay! (both grunting) 298 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:54,516 (Archer grunts) (sniffing) 299 00:13:54,518 --> 00:13:57,852 (coughs) ARCHER: Oh, wow, he really 300 00:13:57,854 --> 00:14:00,321 likes the Paco Rabanne. (gasps) 301 00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:03,691 KENNY LOGGINS: Tell Borgnar I'll see him in hell! 302 00:14:03,693 --> 00:14:15,403 Wonder if it's too late to get Messina. 303 00:14:15,405 --> 00:14:19,007 Holy shit. What kind of colossal idiot 304 00:14:19,009 --> 00:14:21,876 would build a pool like that? CHERLENE: I just want to go 305 00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:24,345 on record as saying that a glass swimming pool on 306 00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:26,447 the penthouse balcony is, without a doubt, 307 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:29,551 the absolute worst idea that I have ever heard in my entire 308 00:14:29,553 --> 00:14:33,888 goddamn life. But you're the men, so... 309 00:14:33,890 --> 00:14:36,024 ARCHER: (chuckles) But can you imagine banging in 310 00:14:36,026 --> 00:14:38,927 that thing? Why, yes, Archer, yes, I can. 311 00:14:38,929 --> 00:14:40,795 KENNY LOGGINS: Drop it! (gun cocks) 312 00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:43,298 Drop it on the ground. ARCHER: Do you know how bad 313 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,400 that is for it? I will place it on the ground, 314 00:14:45,402 --> 00:14:47,302 but... KENNY LOGGINS: You think 315 00:14:47,304 --> 00:14:50,705 K-Log won't shoot, punk? ARCHER: No, I think K-Log is 316 00:14:50,707 --> 00:14:52,407 out of bullets. KENNY LOGGINS: What? 317 00:14:52,409 --> 00:14:53,942 (gun clicks) How did you... 318 00:14:53,944 --> 00:14:55,944 ARCHER: It's just a thing I do. 319 00:14:55,946 --> 00:14:57,946 Now what the hell is in that briefcase? 320 00:14:57,948 --> 00:14:59,948 KENNY LOGGINS: As if you don't know. 321 00:14:59,950 --> 00:15:01,950 ARCHER: I honestly don't. KENNY LOGGINS: Liar. 322 00:15:01,952 --> 00:15:04,018 ARCHER: (chuckles) Look, I put my weapon down, I'm not a 323 00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:06,321 threat; how would I know what's in...? 324 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,324 RICKY: Aah! (Pam growling) 325 00:15:09,326 --> 00:15:11,593 (Kenny Loggins grunts) ARCHER: Pam, no, no, no, no, 326 00:15:11,595 --> 00:15:14,796 no, don't, no, don't... (gunshot) 327 00:15:14,798 --> 00:15:17,065 KENNY LOGGINS: Shit. ARCHER: Ooh, okay. 328 00:15:17,067 --> 00:15:20,001 So one of... (glass cracks) 329 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:24,339 One fairly predictable thing is gonna happen now, so... 330 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:26,341 KENNY LOGGINS: Aah! PAM and RICKY: Aah! 331 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:30,378 ARCHER: Loggins! (Loggins grunts) 332 00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:33,781 ARCHER: Ooh. KENNY LOGGINS: (coughs) You 333 00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:35,783 saved me. But why? 334 00:15:35,785 --> 00:15:37,885 ARCHER: What do you mean why? (coughs) 335 00:15:37,887 --> 00:15:40,088 I wanted you to play a baby shower. (coughs) 336 00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:42,624 KENNY LOGGINS: Wait, what? ARCHER: The Dirty Diaper 337 00:15:42,626 --> 00:15:45,393 game? Water guns shaped like dicks? 338 00:15:45,395 --> 00:15:47,495 A baby shower. KENNY LOGGINS: Oh. 339 00:15:47,497 --> 00:15:50,698 So, Borgnar? The briefcase? ARCHER: I don't know anyone 340 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,700 named Borgnar. And I don't want your crazy 341 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:54,702 briefcase. What the hell is even in that 342 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,704 thing? KENNY LOGGINS: Don't worry 343 00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,806 about it. Just let it go. 344 00:15:58,808 --> 00:16:00,875 ARCHER: I should let you go. KENNY LOGGINS: Look, I'm... 345 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,910 you know... ARCHER: Sorry? 346 00:16:02,912 --> 00:16:05,413 KENNY LOGGINS: Mm, more just embarrassed. 347 00:16:05,415 --> 00:16:07,415 Is there some way I can make this all up to you? 348 00:16:07,417 --> 00:16:09,417 PAM: A beej! ARCHER: Pam! 349 00:16:09,419 --> 00:16:12,420 And no, Kenny Loggins, there's no way to make up for almost 350 00:16:12,422 --> 00:16:15,390 killing me over a briefcase full of what I can only assume 351 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,893 is either plutonium or a human soul. 352 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:27,468 (coughs) Although, that being said.. 353 00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:29,871 KENNY LOGGINS: (sighs) Yes. CHERLENE: Wow, snotty. 354 00:16:29,873 --> 00:16:32,540 Okay, fine, so during the boring parts, just scream "outlaw 355 00:16:32,542 --> 00:16:34,575 country." KENNY LOGGINS: Yeah, 356 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:38,646 absolutely not. CHERLENE: ♪ Revvin' up your 357 00:16:38,648 --> 00:16:41,582 engine, listen to her howlin' roar... ♪ 358 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,618 (Lana squeals) Ugh! 359 00:16:43,620 --> 00:16:46,087 ALL: Happy baby shower! (cork pops) 360 00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,623 LANA: Oh, my God, you guys. KRIEGER: Me first, here! 361 00:16:48,625 --> 00:16:50,958 It's a breast pump. Go ahead and use it now if you 362 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,361 want. LANA: I do not want, Krieger, 363 00:16:53,363 --> 00:16:56,097 but thank you. Aw, and thank you, Pam. 364 00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:59,100 PAM: It's cocaine! LANA: Oh, of course it is. 365 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,102 And also, what the hell happened to you? 366 00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:03,504 PAM: This big bastard. LANA: What big...? 367 00:17:03,506 --> 00:17:05,973 Whoa. RICKY: Uh, hi. 368 00:17:05,975 --> 00:17:08,576 Um, this is a car seat. GILLETTE: Wha... 369 00:17:08,578 --> 00:17:11,112 Goddamn it! This whole stupid baby shower 370 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:14,449 was my idea! (sobbing) CHERLENE/LOGGINS: ♪ Highway 371 00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:18,886 to the danger zone KENNY LOGGINS: ♪ I'll take 372 00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:24,025 you right into the danger zone... ♪ 373 00:17:24,027 --> 00:17:27,462 CYRIL: Here. LANA: Oh, wow, a check. 374 00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,465 For $80. CYRIL: Please take me back. 375 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,568 LANA: Aw, Cyril. Who's next? 376 00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:36,104 MALORY: Well, I suppose me. And all of this. 377 00:17:36,106 --> 00:17:38,706 It's a layette. Onesies, binkies, 378 00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:41,109 itty bitty booties, blah blah blah. 379 00:17:41,111 --> 00:17:44,779 From baby Bergdorf's. LANA: Oh, my God, it must've 380 00:17:44,781 --> 00:17:46,814 been a fortune. MALORY: Well, I can afford 381 00:17:46,816 --> 00:17:49,417 it. Apparently, Krieger's online 382 00:17:49,419 --> 00:17:51,552 pharmacy is going gangbusters, so... 383 00:17:51,554 --> 00:17:54,989 WOODHOUSE: Pardon me, mum. This was delivered for 384 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,991 Dr. Krieger. KRIEGER: What...? 385 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,560 Not now, you shriveled... MALORY: Wait a minute. 386 00:17:59,562 --> 00:18:01,963 That's the cocaine. So this whole thing was just a 387 00:18:01,965 --> 00:18:03,965 sham? KRIEGER: Well, only if by 388 00:18:03,967 --> 00:18:06,901 "sham" you mean "sham." MALORY: (growls) Krieger! 389 00:18:06,903 --> 00:18:08,903 KRIEGER: Aah! But you were temporarily so happy! 390 00:18:08,905 --> 00:18:10,905 CYRIL: Krieger, get back here! 391 00:18:10,907 --> 00:18:14,041 PAM: Yay! KENNY LOGGINS: ♪ You'll never 392 00:18:14,043 --> 00:18:19,113 say hello to you until you get it on red line overload ♪ 393 00:18:19,115 --> 00:18:22,517 CHERLENE: ♪ You'll never know what you can do until you get it 394 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:26,120 up as high as you can ♪ CHERLENE/LOGGINS: ♪ Go... 395 00:18:26,122 --> 00:18:28,556 LANA: Wow. This baby shower actually went 396 00:18:28,558 --> 00:18:30,558 a lot better than I would've imagined. 397 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:32,593 ARCHER: Right? LANA: And what happened to 398 00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:34,829 you? ARCHER: Your present, Lana, 399 00:18:34,831 --> 00:18:36,831 is what happened. LANA: And it's... 400 00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:44,972 where, exactly? crib! 401 00:18:44,974 --> 00:18:48,743 Uh, which I want you to have for the baby. 402 00:18:48,745 --> 00:18:50,945 LANA: (gasps) Archer. ARCHER: Because you're 403 00:18:50,947 --> 00:18:54,448 important to me, so I made Woodhouse get it from Mother's 404 00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:58,486 storage unit, because I own him. LANA: Archer. (sniffles) 405 00:18:58,488 --> 00:19:02,790 Archer, that is the sweetest thing anybody has ever given me, 406 00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:04,926 ever. ARCHER: Well, yeah. 407 00:19:04,928 --> 00:19:08,763 But, I mean, the big present, obviously, is, uh... 408 00:19:08,765 --> 00:19:12,233 "Danger Zone." LANA: "Danger Zone." 409 00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,869 ARCHER: The... Lana, the song. 410 00:19:14,871 --> 00:19:21,042 CHERLENE/LOGGINS: ♪ Highway to the danger zone 411 00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:33,154 Right into the danger zone... Ooh... ♪ 412 00:19:33,156 --> 00:19:35,957 LANA: Oh. Oh, okay. 413 00:19:35,959 --> 00:19:39,660 ARCHER: "Danger Zone," Lana. You know, how I'm always saying 414 00:19:39,662 --> 00:19:42,964 "danger zone"? LANA: Uh, kinda? 415 00:19:42,966 --> 00:19:44,999 Yes? ARCHER: Well... 416 00:19:45,001 --> 00:19:47,001 LANA: It's from a song? ARCHER: Yes, it's from a 417 00:19:47,003 --> 00:19:49,670 song! Recorded by Grammy winner and 418 00:19:49,672 --> 00:19:53,207 possible Faustian bargain-maker Kenny goddamn Loggins! 419 00:19:53,209 --> 00:19:56,677 LANA: (chuckles) Okay, calm down. 420 00:19:56,679 --> 00:19:59,647 So who's Beard Guy? ARCHER: (scoffs) Are you...? 421 00:19:59,649 --> 00:20:01,649 That's Kenny Loggins! LANA: (gasps) 422 00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:04,816 From Kenny Loggins Roasters? 423 00:20:11,091 --> 00:20:20,560 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com