1
00:00:06,612 --> 00:00:08,458
Whoo! (Laughs)

2
00:00:08,459 --> 00:00:10,174
Enjoying your flight today, Emma?

3
00:00:10,175 --> 00:00:12,847
Just warn me if we're
heading for Aca-puko, okay?

4
00:00:13,989 --> 00:00:16,931
- Knock-knock! Danny?
- Riley, hi.

5
00:00:16,932 --> 00:00:18,769
Ben, don't bother. I'm not talking to you.

6
00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:21,318
But if I were I'd be saying,
"I can't believe you slept with Heather."

7
00:00:21,319 --> 00:00:23,095
- Listen, listen, I'm so sorry.
- Really, I don't need to...

8
00:00:23,096 --> 00:00:24,498
- just hear me out.
- I don't wanna hear the whole thing!

9
00:00:24,499 --> 00:00:25,879
- It's really not necessary!
- Just shut up already!

10
00:00:27,186 --> 00:00:28,738
I'm trying to apologize here.

11
00:00:29,376 --> 00:00:31,776
Listen, I am so sorry I slept with Heather.

12
00:00:31,777 --> 00:00:32,924
If I knew you hated her,

13
00:00:32,925 --> 00:00:34,226
I would've done the right thing...

14
00:00:34,528 --> 00:00:36,199
I would've snuck her out the fire escape.

15
00:00:38,601 --> 00:00:40,323
- Is your brother here or not?
- Not.

16
00:00:40,324 --> 00:00:41,766
- Okay.
- No no, Riley, wait wait wait.

17
00:00:41,767 --> 00:00:43,274
Please please please. I promise you

18
00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:45,501
I will never ever hook
up with Heather again.

19
00:00:45,923 --> 00:00:47,744
Well, you couldn't even if you wanted to,

20
00:00:47,745 --> 00:00:49,772
so not really that big of a sacrifice.

21
00:00:51,114 --> 00:00:53,626
Oh... (Chuckles) I could.

22
00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:57,116
She was into me, but I'm choosing not to,

23
00:00:57,117 --> 00:00:58,708
because I'm just that kinda guy.

24
00:01:00,251 --> 00:01:02,137
Oh. Well, sorry to burst your man-bubble,

25
00:01:02,138 --> 00:01:04,524
but Heather only used
you to get even with me.

26
00:01:04,525 --> 00:01:06,953
And it just helped that you
have no morals or integrity.

27
00:01:07,977 --> 00:01:09,576
- Oh? Really? Oh, okay.
- Yeah.

28
00:01:09,577 --> 00:01:13,484
Would a woman... Who
never wants to see me again

29
00:01:13,485 --> 00:01:15,144
leave an earring?

30
00:01:16,312 --> 00:01:17,908
She's practically moving in!

31
00:01:19,131 --> 00:01:22,199
Oh. Okay. Whatever you say, yeah.

32
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,654
Well, I say I could go out with
her again any time I wanted to.

33
00:01:24,655 --> 00:01:26,752
Well, I say I challenge you.

34
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,139
Oh, really? Are we gonna go there?

35
00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:29,567
Oh, I think we're already there.

36
00:01:29,568 --> 00:01:31,832
Fine. I bet I can go on a date with Heather

37
00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:34,943
- in the next 48 hours.
- (Scoffs) And I accept that bet.

38
00:01:34,944 --> 00:01:39,080
- Should we wager the usual?
- How about the usual deluxe?

39
00:01:39,779 --> 00:01:41,572
Ho ho. (Grunts)

40
00:01:44,043 --> 00:01:45,880
(Laughs) Oh man.

41
00:01:46,247 --> 00:01:47,771
Oh, this is gonna be good.

42
00:01:47,772 --> 00:01:49,498
- Okay. (Clears throat)
- (Beeps)

43
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:52,797
Hey, what's up, Heather? It's Ben.

44
00:01:53,934 --> 00:01:55,276
(Whispering) Wheeler.

45
00:01:57,850 --> 00:01:59,420
We had sex.

46
00:02:00,901 --> 00:02:02,638
Heather? Heather!

47
00:02:03,564 --> 00:02:04,957
(Beeps)

48
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,403
She's gonna call me back.

49
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,797
<i>(Theme music playing)</i>

50
00:02:08,798 --> 00:02:11,703
<i>♪ It's amazing how the unexpected ♪</i>

51
00:02:11,704 --> 00:02:15,036
<i>♪ can take your life
and change direction. ♪</i>

52
00:02:15,395 --> 00:02:19,273
Synced and corrected by Nantinha
~ www.addic7ed.com ~

53
00:02:19,274 --> 00:02:21,964
Dude, any ideas? I need to
get the date with Heather

54
00:02:21,965 --> 00:02:24,047
or I'm gonna be on the wrong
end of the usual deluxe,

55
00:02:25,102 --> 00:02:27,502
<i>and I am not shaving off my eyebrows...</i>

56
00:02:28,852 --> 00:02:30,148
Again.

57
00:02:31,157 --> 00:02:33,518
Well, I think your best bet
is to go build a time machine

58
00:02:33,519 --> 00:02:36,625
and go back to a time...
Before you were an idiot.

59
00:02:37,787 --> 00:02:40,759
All right. Well, I am off
to the park to meet a lady.

60
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,412
All I need is a bottle, a binky and a baby.

61
00:02:44,414 --> 00:02:46,806
Do you ever wonder why you're
single? Because I don't.

62
00:02:48,075 --> 00:02:51,778
Ever why you're folding onesies
while I'm going to pick up a girl?

63
00:02:52,526 --> 00:02:54,145
Because I don't.

64
00:02:54,879 --> 00:02:57,056
Dude, are you using
Emma to meet women again?

65
00:02:57,057 --> 00:02:58,165
Yes.

66
00:02:59,463 --> 00:03:01,057
And I also use her

67
00:03:01,058 --> 00:03:03,013
to cut through long bathroom lines.

68
00:03:03,945 --> 00:03:06,034
(Chuckles) Sorry, Tucker,
but Emma's gonna get me a date

69
00:03:06,351 --> 00:03:08,569
and help me win a bet. Okay, baby,

70
00:03:08,570 --> 00:03:10,530
time to earn your formula. Whoo!

71
00:03:12,116 --> 00:03:13,348
Onesie?

72
00:03:15,186 --> 00:03:16,298
Boys...

73
00:03:17,309 --> 00:03:18,935
I'm having a crisis.

74
00:03:19,813 --> 00:03:21,621
Is it a real crisis or the
kind where you just need

75
00:03:21,622 --> 00:03:23,463
a glass of chardonnay to cheer you up?

76
00:03:24,445 --> 00:03:26,494
No, but thanks for the reminder.

77
00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:30,440
Okay, after much soul-searching,

78
00:03:30,441 --> 00:03:34,552
I've decided that I've
gotta break up with Brad.

79
00:03:34,553 --> 00:03:38,331
You know, he's just too young and immature.

80
00:03:38,332 --> 00:03:40,901
It turns out once we have our clothes on,

81
00:03:40,902 --> 00:03:42,385
we have nothing in common!

82
00:03:43,569 --> 00:03:45,822
But, mom, Brad's awesome!

83
00:03:45,823 --> 00:03:48,919
He likes to play air hockey, he
always lets me win at "Dino Hunter IV"

84
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,054
and he's got the entire secret
menu memorized at the Burger Barn.

85
00:03:53,777 --> 00:03:55,794
And you wanna know why I'm single?

86
00:03:56,352 --> 00:03:58,730
Mom, if you dump him, he'll dump me.

87
00:03:58,731 --> 00:04:00,709
(Scoffs) I broke up with
your friend Jimmy Balding

88
00:04:00,710 --> 00:04:03,278
- and he didn't dump you.
- You dated Jimmy Balding?!

89
00:04:03,279 --> 00:04:05,044
No! Who said that?! No.

90
00:04:05,547 --> 00:04:08,153
Okay, I just need to think of the best way

91
00:04:08,154 --> 00:04:11,275
to break up with Brad
without hurting his feelings.

92
00:04:11,276 --> 00:04:14,187
I got you covered. Fake move to Mexico.

93
00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:15,277
Yes.

94
00:04:16,301 --> 00:04:18,511
I got a guy who will
send a postcard for you.

95
00:04:18,512 --> 00:04:20,007
- Oh.
- Yeah.

96
00:04:20,008 --> 00:04:21,552
Just ask for Bonifacio.

97
00:04:23,057 --> 00:04:25,157
- (Phone ringing)
- (Mutters)

98
00:04:26,265 --> 00:04:28,570
- (Scoffs) It's him.
- Bonifacio?

99
00:04:31,998 --> 00:04:33,544
- Brad.
- Oh.

100
00:04:33,545 --> 00:04:34,934
Okay, you know what?

101
00:04:34,935 --> 00:04:37,145
I think that I'm just
gonna get it over with.

102
00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:39,253
- Okay? (Breathes deeply)
- (Beeps)

103
00:04:39,254 --> 00:04:41,390
Hey, Brad. Look...

104
00:04:41,939 --> 00:04:44,846
You what? Okay, I'll be right there!

105
00:04:44,847 --> 00:04:46,829
(Scoffs) He's in the hospital!

106
00:04:47,429 --> 00:04:50,181
Why does bad stuff always happen to me?!

107
00:04:55,776 --> 00:04:57,884
Oh my God, Brad. Are you okay?

108
00:04:57,885 --> 00:05:00,586
- Dude, what happened?
- Well, I was showing the new Brad pad

109
00:05:00,587 --> 00:05:04,045
and the last thing I remember were the
elevator doors just closing in on my head.

110
00:05:04,664 --> 00:05:07,826
Thankfully, the face is fine.

111
00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:10,048
Don't worry. A few more tests

112
00:05:10,049 --> 00:05:12,220
and this whole thing will
be over before you know it.

113
00:05:12,221 --> 00:05:15,521
Speaking of things that are gonna
be over before you know it...

114
00:05:15,522 --> 00:05:18,530
Mom, not now. The man is practically dying.

115
00:05:18,531 --> 00:05:21,214
- I'm sure it can wait.
- Well, what I have to say can't.

116
00:05:21,215 --> 00:05:23,557
(Clicks, whirs)

117
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:30,203
Bonnie, when those doors were
squeezing the blood out of my head,

118
00:05:30,654 --> 00:05:33,652
I swear my life flashed before my eyes.

119
00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:35,189
And in that instant

120
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,478
all I thought about was you.

121
00:05:39,649 --> 00:05:40,853
Bonnie...

122
00:05:42,462 --> 00:05:43,721
I love you.

123
00:05:45,249 --> 00:05:46,955
I love you too.

124
00:05:47,878 --> 00:05:49,221
Yes! Whoo!

125
00:05:49,832 --> 00:05:52,167
Let's celebrate with some pants...

126
00:05:52,168 --> 00:05:55,370
(Chuckles) 'Cause I can
kinda see up your gown.

127
00:05:58,916 --> 00:06:01,715
Okay, Emma, time to work your baby magic.

128
00:06:02,933 --> 00:06:05,136
Hello, baby stealer.

129
00:06:05,137 --> 00:06:07,580
- I think you mean "bet loser."
- (Scoffs)

130
00:06:07,581 --> 00:06:08,854
What are you guys doing here?

131
00:06:08,855 --> 00:06:11,093
Oh, well, we were gonna go
see that new disaster movie

132
00:06:11,094 --> 00:06:13,672
but why buy the ticket when
they're showing one for free here?

133
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:16,210
(Laughs) Yeah, plus we got great seats.

134
00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:18,276
Don't forget to turn off your cellphone.

135
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:20,909
Oh, thanks. Ooh! ♪ showtime.

136
00:06:21,366 --> 00:06:24,188
Heather, hi. You look lovely as always.

137
00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:26,841
You met me once. Can I have my earring?

138
00:06:27,151 --> 00:06:28,861
Not till you've met Emma.

139
00:06:29,688 --> 00:06:30,999
(High-pitched) Hi, Heather.

140
00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,075
How'd you like to go
out with my daddy again?

141
00:06:33,076 --> 00:06:34,673
He sure does like you.

142
00:06:34,674 --> 00:06:36,236
Oh, sweetie, they all do.

143
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,303
Now can I have my earring?

144
00:06:38,304 --> 00:06:40,398
Here here, just hold her 10 seconds

145
00:06:40,399 --> 00:06:41,678
- and I'll give you back the earring.
- (Sighs)

146
00:06:42,132 --> 00:06:44,822
Come on. Come on.

147
00:06:46,004 --> 00:06:47,623
There you go.

148
00:06:48,083 --> 00:06:51,831
- Yeah.
- Aww. She is awfully cute.

149
00:06:51,832 --> 00:06:53,491
- (Emma pukes)
- (Heather yelps)

150
00:06:54,417 --> 00:06:56,430
(Moans, grunts)

151
00:06:57,071 --> 00:06:59,900
Here. Your baby's broken.

152
00:07:00,569 --> 00:07:04,267
- (Scoffs)
- Sorry. If you let it dry, you can chip it off later.

153
00:07:04,268 --> 00:07:05,567
Earring!

154
00:07:07,162 --> 00:07:08,672
Gimme that.

155
00:07:10,292 --> 00:07:13,415
- (Laughs) Bravo.
- Wow. Well done.

156
00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:15,087
We loved every minute of that,

157
00:07:15,088 --> 00:07:17,090
- even though the ending was kinda predictable.
- Yeah.

158
00:07:17,985 --> 00:07:21,704
Hey, maybe next time you'll think
twice about baby-blocking me.

159
00:07:22,849 --> 00:07:24,820
Wow. I had no idea

160
00:07:24,821 --> 00:07:26,735
you'd be going down so quickly.

161
00:07:26,736 --> 00:07:28,784
I gotta start working on your punishment.

162
00:07:29,308 --> 00:07:31,671
Do you know where I
can find a video camera,

163
00:07:31,672 --> 00:07:34,011
some hair-removal cream and a tarp?

164
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,048
(Whirring)

165
00:07:38,507 --> 00:07:41,670
This is a disaster! I
mean, what do I do now?

166
00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:43,866
You gotta smooth it out first.

167
00:07:45,475 --> 00:07:47,557
Not the dollar! Brad!

168
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:49,534
Well, there's nothing to do.

169
00:07:49,535 --> 00:07:51,326
Now that you love him,
everything's perfect.

170
00:07:51,327 --> 00:07:53,853
Well, Danny... Danny, I don't love him.

171
00:07:53,854 --> 00:07:56,072
I just got caught up in the moment.

172
00:07:56,073 --> 00:07:58,819
Listen, just go down to
that fountain in the lobby

173
00:07:58,820 --> 00:08:00,567
and fish me out some quarters.

174
00:08:00,568 --> 00:08:01,823
But those are other people's wishes.

175
00:08:01,824 --> 00:08:03,300
Just go!

176
00:08:03,808 --> 00:08:06,208
<i>- (Sighs)
- (Woman speaks over P.A.)</i>

177
00:08:07,782 --> 00:08:08,861
(Whirring)

178
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:10,728
(Grunts)

179
00:08:10,729 --> 00:08:12,147
You know, if you pound
it left of the spring,

180
00:08:12,148 --> 00:08:13,670
- it'll give you what you want.
- (Scoffs)

181
00:08:15,506 --> 00:08:17,884
Funny, I come with the same
instructions. (Chuckles)

182
00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:21,152
I'm not sure you should buy
anything from that machine.

183
00:08:21,153 --> 00:08:22,830
Some of those chips are as old as me.

184
00:08:22,831 --> 00:08:25,187
Well, I prefer the phrase
"aged to perfection."

185
00:08:26,202 --> 00:08:27,738
In that case, I'm Jim.

186
00:08:27,739 --> 00:08:29,078
Hi, Jim, I'm Bonnie.

187
00:08:29,497 --> 00:08:31,769
I hope I'm not being too
forward, but are you single?

188
00:08:32,761 --> 00:08:34,525
Heading in that direction.

189
00:08:35,830 --> 00:08:38,288
Then you'd consider having drinks with me?

190
00:08:38,289 --> 00:08:40,639
Well, consider it considered.

191
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:41,923
(Laughs)

192
00:08:41,924 --> 00:08:43,504
- Can I get your number?
- Sure.

193
00:08:43,989 --> 00:08:47,201
What are the chances I'd meet
a beautiful woman in a hospital?

194
00:08:47,202 --> 00:08:50,273
Well, hopefully after I
walk away, slim to none.

195
00:08:50,274 --> 00:08:51,562
(Laughs)

196
00:08:57,064 --> 00:08:58,353
(Coins jingle)

197
00:09:00,126 --> 00:09:01,815
(Scoffs) What?

198
00:09:02,479 --> 00:09:05,334
He's the hospital snack inspector.

199
00:09:07,953 --> 00:09:09,540
<i>- (Knocks on door)
- (Door opens)</i>

200
00:09:09,541 --> 00:09:10,633
Oh hey, dad.

201
00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,935
I can't believe it. You
just missed my girlfriend.

202
00:09:19,255 --> 00:09:21,614
I got less than 24 hours
to get Heather to go out with me.

203
00:09:21,615 --> 00:09:23,439
Do you really want to see
me humiliated in public?

204
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,030
Hang on a sec. Yeah, I'm okay with that.

205
00:09:26,554 --> 00:09:27,466
<i>(Door opens)</i>

206
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:28,570
Oh my God, I'm so lucky.

207
00:09:28,938 --> 00:09:31,503
Somebody just died in this,
so I got it for half off.

208
00:09:33,978 --> 00:09:35,723
What size chicken foot are you?

209
00:09:35,724 --> 00:09:37,086
Hey, this isn't a done deal.

210
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:39,190
Nine and a half.

211
00:09:40,074 --> 00:09:42,859
Mom, I am not ending
things with Brad for you!

212
00:09:42,860 --> 00:09:45,991
Why not? I ended my prom early for you.

213
00:09:48,285 --> 00:09:51,784
14 lbs, Danny. You were 14 lbs.

214
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,760
But you told Brad you love him.

215
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,202
Well, I had to!

216
00:09:56,203 --> 00:09:59,396
He was just lying there all
wounded and vulnerable...

217
00:09:59,816 --> 00:10:02,020
In that really short gown.

218
00:10:02,989 --> 00:10:05,379
And then he just sucker-punched
me with an "I love you."

219
00:10:05,380 --> 00:10:07,517
I mean, I couldn't help but say it back.

220
00:10:07,518 --> 00:10:09,100
Wait, just because he said it first?

221
00:10:10,384 --> 00:10:12,822
I gotta try that. Where is that damn baby?

222
00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,634
I mean, that's how Jimmy Balding
got me to go out with him.

223
00:10:17,635 --> 00:10:19,262
You went out with Jimmy Balding too?!

224
00:10:20,961 --> 00:10:22,985
So, if you hear "I love you,"

225
00:10:22,986 --> 00:10:24,533
there's pretty much nothing you won't do?

226
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,521
Any chance Brad's still in the hospital?

227
00:10:27,522 --> 00:10:29,302
I think I might wanna go pay my respects.

228
00:10:29,839 --> 00:10:31,176
He's not dead...

229
00:10:31,734 --> 00:10:33,696
Though that would make
things easier for me.

230
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,291
- No. No.
- Mom, I seriously think

231
00:10:36,292 --> 00:10:38,232
you should reconsider
breaking up with Brad.

232
00:10:38,233 --> 00:10:41,103
I mean, he's smart, he's
funny, he's generous.

233
00:10:41,104 --> 00:10:43,896
Ooh, that's good. Tell him all
that stuff when you dump him.

234
00:10:47,261 --> 00:10:49,098
- Brad, hey.
- Hey.

235
00:10:49,099 --> 00:10:50,453
Great to see you up and about,

236
00:10:50,454 --> 00:10:51,959
looking like you're ready for anything.

237
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,484
Absolutely anything.

238
00:10:55,332 --> 00:10:57,315
I'm actually really
glad that you stopped by.

239
00:10:57,316 --> 00:11:00,842
Hey, what do you think
about me asking your mom

240
00:11:00,843 --> 00:11:02,700
to move in with me?

241
00:11:03,253 --> 00:11:06,515
Umm, I think you should ask
me again in about two minutes.

242
00:11:07,608 --> 00:11:09,215
So, Brad...

243
00:11:09,216 --> 00:11:12,111
She just makes me feel
like no one ever has before.

244
00:11:12,112 --> 00:11:14,734
You know, I wanna take care
of her, I wanna make her happy.

245
00:11:14,735 --> 00:11:16,091
We belong together, you know?

246
00:11:16,493 --> 00:11:19,863
She's just... she's just perfect for me.

247
00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:22,282
You know what?

248
00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:23,938
My mom is perfect for you.

249
00:11:25,182 --> 00:11:26,450
That's what I've been saying!

250
00:11:26,845 --> 00:11:29,542
In fact, I literally just said that.

251
00:11:30,103 --> 00:11:31,672
You definitely shouldn't break up.

252
00:11:31,673 --> 00:11:34,531
- Why would we break up?
- Um, exactly!

253
00:11:34,532 --> 00:11:36,058
- (Both laugh)
- So let's go find her,

254
00:11:36,059 --> 00:11:38,095
and when she starts talking,
you say "I love you."

255
00:11:38,096 --> 00:11:41,216
Got it? Okay. But maybe we
should stop by the fountain first,

256
00:11:41,217 --> 00:11:42,982
- so you can make a wish.
- (Laughs)

257
00:11:49,829 --> 00:11:50,975
Perfect.

258
00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:56,377
(Whirring)

259
00:11:58,374 --> 00:12:00,503
<i>- (Knocks on door)
- (Door opens)</i>

260
00:12:00,823 --> 00:12:03,015
- Ben?
- Heather, is that you?

261
00:12:04,374 --> 00:12:05,802
What happened? I got your text.

262
00:12:06,364 --> 00:12:08,057
Car out of nowhere.

263
00:12:08,058 --> 00:12:09,605
Details are sketchy.

264
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:12,575
The hospital said I should
have a lawyer come down.

265
00:12:12,576 --> 00:12:16,029
- Riley's a lawyer.
- They said, "good lawyer."

266
00:12:18,051 --> 00:12:20,201
Ben... (Clears throat) What's going on?

267
00:12:20,202 --> 00:12:22,648
And why aren't these machines working?

268
00:12:24,194 --> 00:12:26,234
I don't have very good insurance.

269
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:29,667
Heather, look, here is the truth...

270
00:12:30,139 --> 00:12:32,228
- I know I don't mean anything to you...
- Yup.

271
00:12:33,682 --> 00:12:36,341
And that you pretty much just
used me to get back at Riley...

272
00:12:36,342 --> 00:12:37,597
Mm-hmm.

273
00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,995
But when I saw that bus heading for me...

274
00:12:40,996 --> 00:12:42,311
I thought it was a car.

275
00:12:42,312 --> 00:12:44,404
Large car, small bus... not important.

276
00:12:45,499 --> 00:12:48,762
The point is I saw my life flash before me

277
00:12:48,763 --> 00:12:50,453
and all I saw was you.

278
00:12:50,790 --> 00:12:52,737
And at first I didn't
know why or what it meant,

279
00:12:53,132 --> 00:12:54,315
but now I do.

280
00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:58,034
Heather, I love you.

281
00:13:05,078 --> 00:13:07,124
(Sighs) You know,
it's a shame you don't live here.

282
00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:10,316
Although that's why God invented sexting.

283
00:13:10,814 --> 00:13:12,242
Mmm. (Chuckles) Well, you never know.

284
00:13:12,243 --> 00:13:13,536
I do have a couple of sons in town.

285
00:13:13,537 --> 00:13:15,740
<i>Maybe I'll find a nice
little pied-a-terre.</i>

286
00:13:15,741 --> 00:13:17,775
Ooh, you speak French.

287
00:13:17,776 --> 00:13:19,447
It's another thing we have in common.

288
00:13:20,269 --> 00:13:22,741
Soup du jour. (Laughs)

289
00:13:23,407 --> 00:13:24,767
It's just soup.

290
00:13:25,557 --> 00:13:27,184
- Yeah. (Chuckles)
- (Watch beeps)

291
00:13:27,185 --> 00:13:29,304
Oh! Time to check the meter.

292
00:13:29,305 --> 00:13:31,550
- Mmm.
- Please try not to get in any trouble.

293
00:13:31,551 --> 00:13:33,127
Well, then why am I here?

294
00:13:33,128 --> 00:13:34,435
- (Both laugh)
- Oh.

295
00:13:38,367 --> 00:13:40,799
Hey, is that hospital
guy? What's he doing here?

296
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,991
If I play my cards right, hopefully me.

297
00:13:43,929 --> 00:13:46,169
But you can't be on a date.
Brad's gonna be here any minute.

298
00:13:46,170 --> 00:13:47,308
What?! No!

299
00:13:47,309 --> 00:13:49,557
Danny, you were supposed to handle that.

300
00:13:49,885 --> 00:13:53,083
Oh my God! Nothing ruins a good date faster

301
00:13:53,084 --> 00:13:54,903
than your boyfriend showing up!

302
00:13:55,732 --> 00:13:57,451
Oh my God, he's here. Get rid of him.

303
00:13:57,452 --> 00:13:59,347
- Go go go go go.
- Hey, Brad,

304
00:13:59,348 --> 00:14:01,267
a couple... two... three
changes to the plan.

305
00:14:01,268 --> 00:14:03,870
Mom is not coming. She might've
said something about Mexico.

306
00:14:04,733 --> 00:14:06,912
Hey, dad. Good, you got my message.

307
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:07,882
- Mm-hmm.
- Dad?

308
00:14:08,392 --> 00:14:09,681
This is your dad?

309
00:14:10,499 --> 00:14:12,627
Yeah, he drove into town when
he heard I was in the hospital.

310
00:14:12,628 --> 00:14:14,021
You guys are related?!

311
00:14:15,196 --> 00:14:17,945
Yes, that's why I just called him "dad."

312
00:14:17,946 --> 00:14:20,863
- Oh yeah.
- And I may have found his next mom in the hospital.

313
00:14:20,864 --> 00:14:22,333
Seriously? Only you.

314
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:24,776
This guy could pick up
a widow at a funeral.

315
00:14:24,777 --> 00:14:26,948
- Uh?
- Actually, she's right inside.

316
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,034
Oh! Ooh.

317
00:14:29,629 --> 00:14:30,930
Where did she go?

318
00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:32,984
Well, I know where I need to go...

319
00:14:32,985 --> 00:14:34,905
the bathroom. Nice to meet you.

320
00:14:34,906 --> 00:14:37,031
Dads are great. I love dads!

321
00:14:37,032 --> 00:14:40,443
Where would we be without
dads? Mine's gay! Okay.

322
00:14:42,860 --> 00:14:45,215
Oh, dude, it worked perfectly.

323
00:14:45,216 --> 00:14:46,932
If I knew "I love you"
could get you a date,

324
00:14:46,933 --> 00:14:48,767
it would always be my opening line.

325
00:14:50,038 --> 00:14:52,910
I mean, if you don't mean it, who cares?

326
00:14:52,911 --> 00:14:55,533
(Laughs) I know I don't.

327
00:14:55,534 --> 00:14:58,396
- (Both laugh)
- Dude, I can't wait to try it tonight.

328
00:14:58,397 --> 00:14:59,552
"I love you..."

329
00:15:03,034 --> 00:15:05,486
I should probably find
out what her name is first.

330
00:15:06,866 --> 00:15:09,280
Hey, Riley, we were just talking about you.

331
00:15:09,281 --> 00:15:11,412
Did you come to lay down, give up, concede,

332
00:15:11,413 --> 00:15:13,341
slap a big "L" on your forehead? (Laughing)

333
00:15:13,688 --> 00:15:15,799
I'm a gentleman, so lady's choice.

334
00:15:17,318 --> 00:15:19,664
Ben, we need to talk. This bet...

335
00:15:19,665 --> 00:15:21,201
this whole thing is wrong.

336
00:15:21,202 --> 00:15:22,919
You always say that when you lose.

337
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:24,312
She always says that.

338
00:15:26,503 --> 00:15:29,448
It's not that, okay? It's you and Heather.

339
00:15:30,370 --> 00:15:32,277
You and any girl, actually.

340
00:15:33,041 --> 00:15:34,870
Look, I know I said we should be friends

341
00:15:34,871 --> 00:15:37,276
and that it doesn't bother me
to think of you with other women,

342
00:15:37,277 --> 00:15:38,730
but it does.

343
00:15:39,482 --> 00:15:41,851
- What are you saying?
- I'm saying that every time

344
00:15:41,852 --> 00:15:43,417
I think of you and Heather together,

345
00:15:43,418 --> 00:15:45,449
I think, "that shouldn't be her.

346
00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:47,606
That should be me."

347
00:15:49,887 --> 00:15:53,339
Ben, I'm still in love with you.

348
00:16:00,259 --> 00:16:02,349
Okay, well, you kids have a great night.

349
00:16:05,422 --> 00:16:07,941
His son?! Oh my God.

350
00:16:07,942 --> 00:16:10,313
I mean, I knew I had a type, but wow!

351
00:16:10,916 --> 00:16:13,811
- What do I do now?
- Mom, when I was a kid,

352
00:16:13,812 --> 00:16:16,155
what did you always tell me to
do when I was caught in a lie?

353
00:16:16,156 --> 00:16:20,030
- "Go get the belt."
- No, "just tell the truth and all will be forgiven."

354
00:16:20,031 --> 00:16:22,578
Oh, that was your dad. All
right, I'm going out the window.

355
00:16:22,579 --> 00:16:23,726
Assume the position.

356
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:25,824
14 lbs.

357
00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:28,953
- (Grumbles)
- Go on. Get.

358
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:30,591
(Grunts) All right, okay.

359
00:16:30,592 --> 00:16:31,982
All right, here we go.

360
00:16:31,983 --> 00:16:34,225
All right. All right,
this is gonna be perfect.

361
00:16:37,728 --> 00:16:40,666
(Grunts) Danny, I think I'm stuck.

362
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,099
Danny, push me out!

363
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:49,863
Just touch it! I'll take
you to therapy later!

364
00:16:51,170 --> 00:16:52,200
Come on.

365
00:16:52,975 --> 00:16:54,854
Ah! Come on!

366
00:16:56,154 --> 00:16:58,171
- (Grunts, pants)
- Bonnie?

367
00:16:59,110 --> 00:17:02,770
Brad! Oh, there you are.

368
00:17:03,192 --> 00:17:06,123
You know, I've been
looking all over for you.

369
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:08,755
- What are you doing?
- Oh, you know,

370
00:17:08,756 --> 00:17:11,748
just hanging out. Yeah.

371
00:17:12,081 --> 00:17:15,356
This is one of my favorite
places in the city.

372
00:17:16,759 --> 00:17:18,911
It's wonderful out here.

373
00:17:18,912 --> 00:17:21,120
But you know what? If you
could maybe just give me a hand.

374
00:17:21,121 --> 00:17:23,555
Just... (Grunts) Give me a hand.

375
00:17:23,556 --> 00:17:24,762
Yeah yeah, of course.

376
00:17:24,763 --> 00:17:26,743
- All right, there you go.
- Okay, one...

377
00:17:26,744 --> 00:17:28,034
- Two...
- Both: Three!

378
00:17:28,035 --> 00:17:29,175
- Pull! Pull!
- (Grunting)

379
00:17:29,176 --> 00:17:30,362
<i>- Pull harder.
- Brad: I can't.</i>

380
00:17:31,991 --> 00:17:34,667
- Harder!
- Bonnie?

381
00:17:36,464 --> 00:17:38,181
Hey, Jimbo.

382
00:17:38,815 --> 00:17:41,704
Jimbo? Wait, how do you know Bonnie?

383
00:17:42,075 --> 00:17:44,171
She's my date. How do you know Bonnie?

384
00:17:44,172 --> 00:17:45,641
She's my girlfriend.

385
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:48,717
(Pants)

386
00:17:48,718 --> 00:17:52,570
Sounds like you two
have a lot to talk about.

387
00:17:52,571 --> 00:17:54,790
- (Laughs)
- I thought you were single.

388
00:17:54,791 --> 00:17:57,480
- Yeah, but...
- Single? Why would you tell him that you're single?

389
00:17:57,481 --> 00:17:59,229
You just told me that you loved me.

390
00:17:59,230 --> 00:18:01,670
Yeah, that's just something
I say to people, you know?

391
00:18:01,671 --> 00:18:04,608
(Shouts) Hey, I love you! I love you, too!

392
00:18:04,609 --> 00:18:06,204
Bonnie, what is going on?

393
00:18:06,205 --> 00:18:07,910
I thought we had something special.

394
00:18:07,911 --> 00:18:09,725
Yeah, Brad, we... we do.

395
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:12,478
We did.

396
00:18:13,315 --> 00:18:14,566
Okay, here's the truth...

397
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,271
at the end of the day, you know,

398
00:18:18,272 --> 00:18:20,897
you're just too immature for me.

399
00:18:22,628 --> 00:18:26,005
I... I need somebody more grounded.

400
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:30,076
You know what? So do I.

401
00:18:30,450 --> 00:18:32,235
Bonnie, we're done.

402
00:18:34,444 --> 00:18:35,934
Dad, are you coming?

403
00:18:38,008 --> 00:18:39,925
- Well, if you two aren't gonna...
- Yeah.

404
00:18:42,536 --> 00:18:44,475
- Right behind ya, son.
- Okay.

405
00:18:44,806 --> 00:18:46,233
I...

406
00:18:46,234 --> 00:18:49,652
okay, Danny, either pull
me in or push me out, okay?

407
00:18:50,366 --> 00:18:52,973
Danny! Danny!

408
00:18:58,066 --> 00:18:59,544
You're a good son.

409
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:03,019
You really think we can be together again?

410
00:19:03,020 --> 00:19:04,355
Are you sure you want me back?

411
00:19:04,356 --> 00:19:07,065
Ben, I've never been more sure of anything.

412
00:19:07,978 --> 00:19:09,276
<i>(Knocks on door)</i>

413
00:19:09,788 --> 00:19:11,211
Ben, are you here?

414
00:19:11,212 --> 00:19:12,605
Heather. Hi.

415
00:19:13,167 --> 00:19:14,995
What are you doing here? I thought
we were meeting at the bar...

416
00:19:15,624 --> 00:19:17,647
20 minutes ago. I think
I might be a little late.

417
00:19:18,730 --> 00:19:21,684
Oh, Riley, hi. I hope this
me-and-Ben thing isn't too weird.

418
00:19:22,111 --> 00:19:24,301
You-and-Ben thing?
It's just a stupid date.

419
00:19:24,302 --> 00:19:26,178
Oh, not to me. Ben, you were right.

420
00:19:26,179 --> 00:19:27,487
I don't know why I was fighting it.

421
00:19:27,488 --> 00:19:28,944
I don't think I actually understood

422
00:19:28,945 --> 00:19:31,303
how I truly felt until
you told me you loved me.

423
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,867
Wait, he told you he loved you?

424
00:19:32,868 --> 00:19:34,885
- You told her you loved her?
- Sort of.

425
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,988
Oh, there was no "sort of" about it.

426
00:19:37,989 --> 00:19:40,250
- So, what, you're in love with her now?
- Ben, tell her you love me.

427
00:19:40,251 --> 00:19:42,085
Ben, tell her you love me.

428
00:19:42,086 --> 00:19:44,434
Actually, Heather, the truth is

429
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:47,616
I just told you I loved you to win a bet.

430
00:19:49,482 --> 00:19:51,792
But now that I've won this,

431
00:19:52,336 --> 00:19:55,116
I guess, thanks for stopping by.

432
00:19:57,618 --> 00:20:00,849
Oh my God, Ben. Telling
someone that you love them

433
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:04,023
when you don't is just
the lowest of the low.

434
00:20:04,024 --> 00:20:06,379
- Even I wouldn't do that.
- And she is a horrible person.

435
00:20:06,380 --> 00:20:07,494
It's true.

436
00:20:10,702 --> 00:20:12,594
(Women laughing)

437
00:20:13,494 --> 00:20:16,095
- Oh, man, you were perfect.
- No, you were perfect.

438
00:20:18,204 --> 00:20:19,680
W-w-wait
a second.

439
00:20:20,116 --> 00:20:21,758
- Did you two...
- Play you?

440
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:25,379
Take you down? Slap a big
"L" across your forehead?

441
00:20:25,685 --> 00:20:28,040
Yes, Ben Wheeler, take note:

442
00:20:28,041 --> 00:20:30,432
Two girls are better than one,

443
00:20:30,433 --> 00:20:33,356
especially when both of
them wanna get even with you.

444
00:20:33,667 --> 00:20:35,710
- I think we're done here.
- Bye, Ben.

445
00:20:39,193 --> 00:20:41,251
Yo, for the record, I knew the whole time.

446
00:20:43,546 --> 00:20:45,352
Go easy on me, Riley!

447
00:20:47,953 --> 00:20:49,879
♪ Everybody have a seat ♪

448
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,381
♪ And watch me tap my loser feet ♪

449
00:20:52,382 --> 00:20:54,224
♪ I lost a bet, so you're in luck ♪

450
00:20:54,225 --> 00:20:56,463
♪ You get to watch me tell you I suck ♪

451
00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:59,876
♪ I took a dive, I was
slaughtered highly ♪

452
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,163
♪ I wish I was as great

453
00:21:02,164 --> 00:21:04,344
♪ and awesome as Riley.

454
00:21:04,345 --> 00:21:06,516
Yeah! Whoo!

455
00:21:07,424 --> 00:21:10,559
Now that is what I call "deluxe".

456
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,753
Oh, you got off easy,

457
00:21:11,754 --> 00:21:14,115
I can't believe you didn't make him do it
in front of a bigger crowd.

458
00:21:14,904 --> 00:21:16,674
Oh I wouldn't worry about that.

459
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:22,164
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