1
00:00:01,699 --> 00:00:04,942
Okay, Ron. Enough's enough. Let's
talk plans for Diane's baby shower.
2
00:00:04,961 --> 00:00:07,094
- Dear God, woman.
- Three main activities--
3
00:00:07,121 --> 00:00:09,641
baby bingo, baby
food tasting,
4
00:00:09,647 --> 00:00:13,006
and my personal favorite--
baby onesie decorating station.
5
00:00:13,018 --> 00:00:14,614
I'm gonna make mine
look like an astronaut.
6
00:00:14,625 --> 00:00:17,419
What are you doing up there in
space, baby? Ah! So cute! Okay.
7
00:00:17,439 --> 00:00:20,189
I have some gift ideas. I was looking
at a very adorable stroller.
8
00:00:20,208 --> 00:00:22,168
We already have
a stroller.
9
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:23,373
Oh, shoot. Really?
10
00:00:23,393 --> 00:00:25,766
I'm gonna have to think
of something else.
11
00:00:25,786 --> 00:00:27,113
Oh, my God, whose baby is that?
12
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:28,333
That would be mine.
13
00:00:28,355 --> 00:00:30,435
Guys, get in here!
Ron has a baby!
14
00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:32,806
- Oh, Ron, cool baby.
- Thank you, Andrew.
15
00:00:32,842 --> 00:00:36,145
Everyone, I'd like to
introduce you to my son,
16
00:00:36,161 --> 00:00:38,741
John middle name
redacted Swanson.
17
00:00:38,766 --> 00:00:43,368
John was born some time ago, weighing
multiple pounds and several ounces.
18
00:00:43,390 --> 00:00:46,337
Much like his father,
he is a fan of silence.
19
00:00:46,362 --> 00:00:47,619
Please keep your
voices down.
20
00:00:47,637 --> 00:00:51,107
How am I supposed to keep my voice
down when you had your baby,
21
00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:52,783
and you didn't tell me
that you had your baby?
22
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:56,140
- Why would you need to know something
like that? - Why would I-- oh, my God.
23
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,077
I have not even
sent Diane a gift.
24
00:00:58,104 --> 00:00:59,684
She's just walking around,
25
00:00:59,703 --> 00:01:01,717
wondering why I haven't
sent her a gift yet.
26
00:01:01,755 --> 00:01:04,158
- Should we do something?
- Just let her tire herself out.
27
00:01:04,184 --> 00:01:06,629
If you need anything from us,
Ron, please just let us know.
28
00:01:06,656 --> 00:01:08,107
Actually there
is something.
29
00:01:08,125 --> 00:01:10,288
Could one of you please
stop by the pet store
30
00:01:10,307 --> 00:01:12,581
and pick up some
fish food for me?
31
00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:14,338
When did you get a fish?
32
00:01:17,393 --> 00:01:25,393
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
33
00:01:36,186 --> 00:01:39,180
Okay, youth committee. Update
on the unity concert. Madison.
34
00:01:39,206 --> 00:01:41,273
So far, 12 bands
have said yes.
35
00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:44,367
And we asked them all to submit a
song for the new town anthem contest.
36
00:01:44,373 --> 00:01:47,516
I think we should book Orin as
a headliner. I think it's a no-brainer.
37
00:01:47,529 --> 00:01:51,058
Um, he dislocates his shoulder
to the music of Billy Joel.
38
00:01:51,071 --> 00:01:53,333
The Pawnee Journal called it,
"Why would anyone do this?"
39
00:01:53,346 --> 00:01:55,192
Stop suggesting Orin.
40
00:01:55,205 --> 00:01:56,999
Craig, any update
on the art tents?
41
00:01:57,012 --> 00:01:59,122
14 local artists have signed
up to show their work.
42
00:01:59,142 --> 00:02:00,940
It was going to be 15,
but then this one guy
43
00:02:00,953 --> 00:02:02,695
described himself as
"Jackson Pollock-esque"
44
00:02:02,714 --> 00:02:05,622
and I told him that's finger
painting for adults and I hate it!
45
00:02:05,635 --> 00:02:08,402
The Pawnee-Eagleton merger
has made for a rough year,
46
00:02:08,418 --> 00:02:09,998
both for me and
for the town.
47
00:02:10,024 --> 00:02:12,240
But if I can pull off
this unity concert
48
00:02:12,260 --> 00:02:14,813
and prove that this
merger was a success,
49
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:18,567
Pawnee might once again
tolerate-slash-ignore me.
50
00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:21,186
I know that sounds bad,
but for a politician
51
00:02:21,199 --> 00:02:22,719
it's pretty much the
best-case scenario.
52
00:02:22,746 --> 00:02:25,386
Well, you guys might as
well be a pile of leaves
53
00:02:25,393 --> 00:02:27,359
because you're about
to get blown away.
54
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:31,803
I have booked a meeting with
none other than Grant Larson.
55
00:02:33,186 --> 00:02:34,859
- No one knows who that is?
- Um, I do.
56
00:02:34,865 --> 00:02:36,939
"Grant Larson," otherwise
known as Elton John.
57
00:02:36,964 --> 00:02:39,498
- Congratulations, Leslie.
- No, Grant Larson is the director
58
00:02:39,518 --> 00:02:42,217
of the Midwest branch of
the National Park Service.
59
00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:45,711
He's basically the Liam
Bonneville of the Midwest.
60
00:02:46,463 --> 00:02:47,463
Liam Bonneville?
61
00:02:47,469 --> 00:02:49,737
The department of the
interior's resident bad boy?
62
00:02:49,762 --> 00:02:52,109
He's basically the Tim Dweck--
Okay, never mind.
63
00:02:52,126 --> 00:02:55,946
I have asked Grant to declare
Eagleton Hills a national park
64
00:02:55,953 --> 00:02:58,165
as the grand finale
of our unity concert.
65
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,478
Great idea, Leslie.
66
00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:00,758
And with that update,
67
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:04,820
the Pawnee new founder's day unity
concert is now officially...
68
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,692
ahead of schedule!
69
00:03:06,714 --> 00:03:10,178
And that banner unfurling
marks the 100th time
70
00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:12,521
that one of my
projects has been...
71
00:03:14,321 --> 00:03:15,519
ahead of schedule.
72
00:03:15,872 --> 00:03:17,472
This is your chance
to put your names
73
00:03:17,496 --> 00:03:22,086
on the Pawnee unity concert,
the biggest event of 2014...
74
00:03:22,098 --> 00:03:23,699
besides the unveiling of
Tricia's new highlights.
75
00:03:23,723 --> 00:03:26,121
You think I wouldn't notice?
You look fly as hell, girl!
76
00:03:27,101 --> 00:03:29,352
This unity concert needs
corporate sponsorship,
77
00:03:29,379 --> 00:03:31,479
so Ben and I are meeting
with local bigwigs.
78
00:03:31,505 --> 00:03:34,052
I'm gonna do what I do
best-- lock down deals.
79
00:03:34,065 --> 00:03:36,706
And dork-asaurus over here is
gonna handle the boring stuff.
80
00:03:36,736 --> 00:03:40,558
You said you genuinely
valued my business acumen.
81
00:03:40,578 --> 00:03:42,861
Also, I'm your boss.
82
00:03:44,301 --> 00:03:45,648
Oh, my God, he's so cute.
83
00:03:45,673 --> 00:03:47,665
You're the cutest little
boo-bear I've ever seen.
84
00:03:47,678 --> 00:03:50,546
You are the world's most
adorable baby and I love you!
85
00:03:50,552 --> 00:03:52,724
You are so freaking precious!
86
00:03:52,737 --> 00:03:54,176
Look what Gayle
made for the baby.
87
00:03:54,189 --> 00:03:56,759
It says "Property of
Pawnee government."
88
00:03:56,784 --> 00:03:58,529
Isn't that adorable?
89
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:01,475
Come on, John.
90
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,497
Jeez.
91
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:06,763
Here we are...
92
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,020
the park that borders
Pawnee and Eagleton.
93
00:04:09,033 --> 00:04:11,992
This is the perfect place for the press
conference to announce our unity concert.
94
00:04:12,005 --> 00:04:13,825
People are gonna clap,
they're gonna cheer.
95
00:04:13,857 --> 00:04:16,309
Today might be the day
that I finally crowd surf.
96
00:04:16,329 --> 00:04:18,576
I should probably empty
my pockets just in case.
97
00:04:18,589 --> 00:04:19,703
Hey, one question.
98
00:04:19,729 --> 00:04:21,801
Um, where do you think
you're gonna stand,
99
00:04:21,821 --> 00:04:24,618
in front of the graffiti that
says "Pawnee, you suck,"
100
00:04:24,646 --> 00:04:27,066
or "Go home,
Eagleton snobs"?
101
00:04:27,072 --> 00:04:30,031
I painted over that graffiti a week ago.
These people are the worst!
102
00:04:30,056 --> 00:04:31,917
I cannot announce
a unity concert
103
00:04:31,930 --> 00:04:34,610
in front of a picture of a bald
eagle giving the middle finger.
104
00:04:34,635 --> 00:04:37,455
Yeah, you probably wanna stand to
the side so people can see it.
105
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:39,393
You know, why do we
even have this wall?
106
00:04:39,416 --> 00:04:43,264
We're supposed to be uniting the two
towns, and this literally divides them.
107
00:04:44,481 --> 00:04:46,826
- We should just knock it down.
- On it, boss.
108
00:04:48,535 --> 00:04:49,802
Ahh!
109
00:04:49,815 --> 00:04:50,549
Ow.
110
00:04:50,574 --> 00:04:52,993
The kool-aid guy
makes it look so easy.
111
00:04:56,114 --> 00:04:58,861
In the time I've worked here,
I've taken great pains
112
00:04:58,874 --> 00:05:01,334
to see as little of this
building as possible.
113
00:05:01,354 --> 00:05:04,390
Turns out the third
floor is silent, empty,
114
00:05:04,403 --> 00:05:07,117
and completely free
of government work.
115
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,323
I can't think of anything more
beautiful to share with my son.
116
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:16,589
If I had a toolbox I could take
care of that faulty radiator.
117
00:05:17,244 --> 00:05:20,365
Ooh! This place
is a paradise!
118
00:05:21,227 --> 00:05:23,820
Nicely done, Tom. We have
15 sponsorship offers.
119
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:25,960
Make that 16.
Mitch Savner.
120
00:05:25,979 --> 00:05:27,579
- Savner Bleaches and Chemicals!
- That's it.
121
00:05:27,598 --> 00:05:29,527
You guys make my favorite
teeth-whitening strips--
122
00:05:29,533 --> 00:05:31,671
pearlies for girlies.
It's unisex.
123
00:05:31,684 --> 00:05:33,733
The cartoon princess
on the label says so.
124
00:05:33,754 --> 00:05:35,080
I'll sponsor your concert.
125
00:05:35,093 --> 00:05:37,033
But I'm also looking to
invest in other ventures.
126
00:05:37,066 --> 00:05:39,820
I have a feeling a bright guy like
you has some ideas of his own.
127
00:05:39,850 --> 00:05:42,752
I may have a few eggs ready to
hatch in the personal idea nest.
128
00:05:42,772 --> 00:05:46,252
Why don't you come to my office tomorrow
and pitch me your hottest idea?
129
00:05:46,259 --> 00:05:48,054
Perfect! I'll
see you then.
130
00:05:48,806 --> 00:05:51,033
- Oh, that's pretty cool.
- It's all happening, Ben.
131
00:05:51,062 --> 00:05:54,164
Soon I'll have a new career,
new crib, new friends.
132
00:05:54,902 --> 00:05:58,603
If all goes well, this may be one of the
last times I ever have to speak to you.
133
00:05:59,269 --> 00:06:01,031
Come with me, I
need your help.
134
00:06:02,248 --> 00:06:04,304
Thank you so much,
everyone, for coming.
135
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:06,745
And a special thank you to the
city council for their support.
136
00:06:06,771 --> 00:06:08,535
I was told there'd be
a free barbecue buffet?
137
00:06:08,554 --> 00:06:10,777
Just take some beef
jerky and... hush!
138
00:06:10,791 --> 00:06:15,020
This spring we will be holding
a massive unity concert
139
00:06:15,035 --> 00:06:18,102
to commemorate the merger
between Pawnee and Eagleton.
140
00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:20,455
This three-day music
and arts festival
141
00:06:20,474 --> 00:06:24,012
will end on a day we will
call "New Founder's Day,"
142
00:06:24,037 --> 00:06:26,250
an official beginning
to our new town.
143
00:06:26,276 --> 00:06:29,829
A few years ago, Eagleton put
up this wall along the border.
144
00:06:29,849 --> 00:06:33,928
Now it is time to
tear down this wall.
145
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:40,440
In the name of unity, I have given some
former Eagletonians the first strike.
146
00:06:40,455 --> 00:06:42,255
Take it away, guys.
147
00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:47,727
This is such a
great day for--
148
00:06:47,786 --> 00:06:50,064
Bees! Bees! Oh!
149
00:06:50,091 --> 00:06:50,958
Nobody panic!
150
00:06:50,979 --> 00:06:53,052
Ohhh, noooo!
151
00:06:53,065 --> 00:06:54,975
Ah! It stung me
in the eyeball!
152
00:06:55,847 --> 00:06:57,967
Oh, man, this is
amazing, man.
153
00:06:57,980 --> 00:07:01,920
The stupid Eagletonians are totally
getting the pwned by these bees.
154
00:07:01,926 --> 00:07:04,348
I'm gonna send this
straight to tosh.
155
00:07:04,375 --> 00:07:06,266
Ow, fuck! Fuck!
156
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,234
Don't worry, babe,
I'll protect you.
157
00:07:08,269 --> 00:07:12,745
I got stung once, I'm immune. Go ahead
and sting me, bees. It does nothing.
158
00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,147
Leslie, it appears that most of the people
that were stung were from Eagleton.
159
00:07:17,173 --> 00:07:20,101
- How did you pull that off?
- I didn't pull anything off.
160
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,393
The Eagletonians were
simply closest to the wall.
161
00:07:22,419 --> 00:07:25,597
Plus, one Pawneean was stung...
in his mouth
162
00:07:25,618 --> 00:07:27,393
because he was laughing
at the Eagletonians.
163
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:30,100
How did you get your
bees into the wall,
164
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:34,734
and how long did it take to plan this
hilarious bee prank on Eagleton?
165
00:07:34,757 --> 00:07:37,344
They were not
my bees, Trodd.
166
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:40,018
And for the last time
this was not a prank.
167
00:07:40,047 --> 00:07:42,260
I did not know that
bees were in that wall.
168
00:07:42,285 --> 00:07:44,571
I mean, in fact you should treat this
like a public service announcement.
169
00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:47,106
Everybody... should check
their walls for bees.
170
00:07:47,119 --> 00:07:49,433
Nice try, prank queen.
Probably bees in there.
171
00:07:49,456 --> 00:07:51,090
Okay, that's all
the time I have.
172
00:07:51,097 --> 00:07:53,776
- What else can you do with your bees?
- Leslie, what's your next prank?
173
00:07:54,390 --> 00:07:55,342
Ooh.
174
00:07:55,362 --> 00:07:58,327
Leslie, Grant Larson is on the phone
from the National Park Service.
175
00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:00,948
I cannot meet with him right now.
We are in crisis mode, okay?
176
00:08:00,964 --> 00:08:03,017
Larry, just tell him
I need to reschedule
177
00:08:03,030 --> 00:08:05,037
because I am trying to fix
my bee hole disaster.
178
00:08:05,064 --> 00:08:06,577
- Okeydokey.
- Wait! No, wait!
179
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:08,664
No!
Larry, don't tell him that.
180
00:08:08,694 --> 00:08:09,995
Don't mention my bee hole.
181
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,916
Just as we suspected, John.
182
00:08:11,938 --> 00:08:14,071
We repaired the
valve stem seal,
183
00:08:14,078 --> 00:08:17,769
and now all that remains is to
tighten down this packing nut.
184
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,531
And... that should do it.
185
00:08:20,557 --> 00:08:22,084
Can we help you?
186
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:24,775
No. We have everything
under control.
187
00:08:24,801 --> 00:08:26,548
My crew's redoing
this whole floor.
188
00:08:26,561 --> 00:08:28,388
We're the only people
allowed up here right now.
189
00:08:28,405 --> 00:08:31,240
Well, proceed with your work.
You won't notice us at all.
190
00:08:32,185 --> 00:08:34,053
We're gonna be kinda loud.
191
00:08:35,013 --> 00:08:36,753
My son is several
weeks old.
192
00:08:36,779 --> 00:08:39,599
He's quite familiar with
the sound of power tools.
193
00:08:41,468 --> 00:08:44,225
Okay, how about this one--
Lasik for fingernails?
194
00:08:44,247 --> 00:08:47,006
Cut your fingernails once,
never have to cut 'em again.
195
00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,322
All we need is a complicated laser
I have no idea how to build.
196
00:08:50,335 --> 00:08:53,311
- Seems impossible.
- All right.
197
00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:56,452
Uh-oh! "Saltweens!"
Saltines for tweens.
198
00:08:56,482 --> 00:08:58,491
Seems... unnecessary?
199
00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:02,984
The only business idea I have that's even
remotely fleshed out is a restaurant.
200
00:09:02,997 --> 00:09:05,127
No way. Restaurants
were ranked number one
201
00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:08,209
in Accounting Magazine's
"Riskiest Businesses" issue.
202
00:09:08,227 --> 00:09:10,194
That was their last issue
before they folded, actually.
203
00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:11,697
Magazines are also very risky.
204
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,877
I can't believe an angel investor
floated down from the heavens,
205
00:09:13,917 --> 00:09:15,610
and I don't even have
anything to pitch him.
206
00:09:15,617 --> 00:09:18,803
Come on, you must've had one good
business idea. You're 52 years old!
207
00:09:18,816 --> 00:09:21,619
No, I'm not. But I
do have an idea.
208
00:09:21,647 --> 00:09:22,699
It's air-tight.
209
00:09:22,719 --> 00:09:25,364
But I have to warn you,
it's not super sexy.
210
00:09:25,391 --> 00:09:27,462
- What is it?
- Okay, listen up.
211
00:09:27,897 --> 00:09:30,257
You would be the middleman
between dry cleaners
212
00:09:30,283 --> 00:09:32,849
and the companies
that sell chemicals...
213
00:09:33,285 --> 00:09:34,842
to dry cleaners.
214
00:09:34,855 --> 00:09:37,133
- Wow!
- Right?
215
00:09:37,153 --> 00:09:40,148
You're right, man.
That is not sexy.
216
00:09:41,067 --> 00:09:44,514
Leslie Knope's little stunt put
three people in the hospital.
217
00:09:44,527 --> 00:09:46,994
This bee incident is
just the latest assault
218
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,134
coming from the Pawnee
side of this merger.
219
00:09:49,154 --> 00:09:51,526
Mike Patterson is Eagleton's
most tenacious reporter.
220
00:09:51,538 --> 00:09:54,349
When he sinks his teeth into something,
he's like a dog with a bone!
221
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:57,333
Oh, my God! You can't lean
in to whisper and then yell.
222
00:09:57,352 --> 00:10:00,072
- That's not fair.
- This merger is so fragile,
223
00:10:00,085 --> 00:10:03,205
everyone is on edge, and no one is
talking about the unity concert.
224
00:10:03,218 --> 00:10:04,905
Why would anybody think
that was a prank?
225
00:10:04,925 --> 00:10:06,478
So sad. People will
believe anything.
226
00:10:06,499 --> 00:10:09,069
- It was a prank though, right?
- No more press, okay?
227
00:10:09,096 --> 00:10:10,880
You just have to lay low
for a while.
228
00:10:10,904 --> 00:10:12,584
I promise it'll all blow over.
229
00:10:12,603 --> 00:10:14,879
April, your competence
and your levelheadedness
230
00:10:14,912 --> 00:10:17,179
is very moving to me, and
I will follow your advice
231
00:10:17,211 --> 00:10:19,958
right after I go to the hospital and
apologize to every victim in person.
232
00:10:19,971 --> 00:10:21,954
- Fine, but no cameras.
- Fine, I won't bring any.
233
00:10:21,975 --> 00:10:24,806
Aghh! I can't handle
all this fighting.
234
00:10:24,819 --> 00:10:27,069
It's like Thanksgiving
2004 all over again!
235
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:28,698
Don't even ask!
236
00:10:29,055 --> 00:10:31,473
Somebody follow me,
I'm distraught!
237
00:10:31,494 --> 00:10:32,801
Who's a big guy?
238
00:10:34,844 --> 00:10:36,546
Man, forget about working.
239
00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,937
I just wanna stare
at this baby all day.
240
00:10:38,958 --> 00:10:41,465
What is the nature of
your work on this floor?
241
00:10:41,485 --> 00:10:43,956
Total redo--new floors,
fixtures, plumbing.
242
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,316
How long will it take?
243
00:10:45,338 --> 00:10:47,205
Six to eight weeks.
244
00:10:47,783 --> 00:10:48,703
Deal.
245
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:51,312
I will do all this work for
you in the time allotted.
246
00:10:51,332 --> 00:10:53,807
Just have your tools and
materials brought up here.
247
00:10:53,833 --> 00:10:56,346
Are you crazy? This is enough
work for a whole crew.
248
00:10:56,352 --> 00:10:59,219
I'm sure the government believed
you when you told them that,
249
00:10:59,246 --> 00:11:03,026
and I tip my cap to you for
profiting off their ignoe.
250
00:11:03,052 --> 00:11:05,751
But I'm offering you two
months paid vacation
251
00:11:05,764 --> 00:11:10,315
and the ability to take credit for
my work, which will be flawless.
252
00:11:11,294 --> 00:11:14,484
Okay. Guys, let's go!
253
00:11:15,563 --> 00:11:17,543
I got all help I'll
need right here.
254
00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:20,797
Okay, this is the
really exciting part.
255
00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:24,339
We buy tetrachloroethylene
at $1.60 a gallon,
256
00:11:24,363 --> 00:11:27,138
but we sell it back
at 2.38 a gallon.
257
00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:28,415
Now I know what
you're thinking.
258
00:11:28,428 --> 00:11:31,240
What if it's a cleaner who
wants to buy glycol ethers?
259
00:11:31,264 --> 00:11:33,299
Ben, stop!
260
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,984
This is so boring!
261
00:11:35,003 --> 00:11:37,637
This is like listening to a
TED talk by the color beige.
262
00:11:37,666 --> 00:11:40,035
Look, I know this idea
doesn't excite you.
263
00:11:40,041 --> 00:11:42,695
But I promise it'll make you
a lot of money.
264
00:11:42,710 --> 00:11:45,223
Well, I sold tons
of awesome stuff.
265
00:11:45,236 --> 00:11:46,561
Guess it makes sense
my next challenge
266
00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,841
is to sell something
mind-numbingly dull.
267
00:11:48,863 --> 00:11:50,226
Dull?
268
00:11:50,895 --> 00:11:54,328
Does this look
dull to you?
269
00:11:54,354 --> 00:11:56,547
Ahhhh.
270
00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:58,717
I'm so incredibly sorry.
271
00:11:58,737 --> 00:12:00,459
That's very kind
of you, Ms. Knope.
272
00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:03,398
I hope you look a lot
less gross very soon.
273
00:12:04,818 --> 00:12:05,811
Hey!
274
00:12:05,849 --> 00:12:08,836
Thanks for coming, Knope.
I knew we were besties.
275
00:12:08,863 --> 00:12:10,610
What do you got in there
for me, some dirty mags?
276
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,614
No! These gift baskets
are for innocent victims...
277
00:12:13,635 --> 00:12:17,240
not for jerks who got stung because they
were laughing at other people's pain.
278
00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:19,987
Whatever. Got a lotta filth
in my kindle anyway.
279
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,591
We can just hang.
280
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:23,185
- Wanna come up?
- What?
281
00:12:23,214 --> 00:12:24,321
- We gotta get this.
- Roll camera.
282
00:12:24,347 --> 00:12:26,467
Tell me when.
Is my hair okay?
283
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,160
We good?
284
00:12:27,186 --> 00:12:29,584
Welcome to Eagleton Now,
with Mike Patterson.
285
00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:31,463
We're live ambushing
Leslie Knope
286
00:12:31,482 --> 00:12:33,695
who's in the middle
of a crass publicity stunt,
287
00:12:33,707 --> 00:12:36,970
shoving cameras cameras into the faces
of these poor, injured victims.
288
00:12:36,994 --> 00:12:39,801
These are your cameras.
This is not a publicity stunt.
289
00:12:39,821 --> 00:12:44,075
I just came here by myself to apologize
to all the Eagletonians who got stung.
290
00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:46,975
Really? Because all we see
is you talking to your friend,
291
00:12:46,977 --> 00:12:49,278
known Eagleton
hater Jeremy Jamm.
292
00:12:49,291 --> 00:12:51,411
Excuse me, Mike. That's,
uh, best friend.
293
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,753
Pawneeans and Eagletonians
need to find a way
294
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:56,233
to come together and
bury the hatchet.
295
00:12:56,257 --> 00:13:00,023
It doesn't matter who bailed out
who, or who seceded from you.
296
00:13:00,044 --> 00:13:01,311
Awesome idea, Lezzie.
297
00:13:01,338 --> 00:13:04,571
As a matter of fact I say we
should secede from Eagleton!
298
00:13:04,601 --> 00:13:06,948
Whose dumbass idea was it
for them to merge anyway?
299
00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:08,427
Mine. It was my idea.
300
00:13:08,459 --> 00:13:09,706
You heard it here first.
301
00:13:09,732 --> 00:13:13,479
Self-proclaimed dumbass Leslie
Knope and councilman Jeremy Jamm
302
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:15,658
are spearheading
a Pawnee secession movement.
303
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:17,486
And I, for one,
am sick of it.
304
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,384
All right, you know what,
Eagleton, enough!
305
00:13:19,413 --> 00:13:20,675
Get these cameras
outta here!
306
00:13:20,704 --> 00:13:22,749
Don't touch my camera,
you Pawnee animal!
307
00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:24,076
Name-calling, huh?
308
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,570
Classy move, douche bag.
309
00:13:25,796 --> 00:13:27,364
Oh! All right.
310
00:13:27,396 --> 00:13:28,570
Is that how you
wanna play?
311
00:13:28,584 --> 00:13:30,584
- Yeah! Come on!
- No fighting in a hospital.
312
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:32,185
There shouldn't be
fighting in a hospital!
313
00:13:32,213 --> 00:13:34,168
Wish I had my ninja stars!
314
00:13:34,187 --> 00:13:36,482
Oh, my God!
What's happening?
315
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:37,693
Oh!
316
00:13:37,721 --> 00:13:39,938
Mother... puncher!
317
00:13:41,161 --> 00:13:43,214
Hey, girl.
What up?
318
00:13:43,220 --> 00:13:44,101
What are you wearing?
319
00:13:44,119 --> 00:13:46,446
It's to distract people
from my black eye.
320
00:13:46,478 --> 00:13:48,262
See? It's working.
321
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:51,895
Cool. Um... well, there
is some good news.
322
00:13:51,921 --> 00:13:56,147
That Mike Patterson guy's show
just aired, everyone is angry,
323
00:13:56,176 --> 00:13:59,869
and Jamm is introducing a secession
bill at the next city council meeting.
324
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:01,583
- How is any of that good news?
- It's not.
325
00:14:01,584 --> 00:14:04,937
I just wanted you to have a brief moment
of happiness before you got sadder.
326
00:14:04,957 --> 00:14:07,414
Those jerks that hate the
merger are a minority.
327
00:14:07,421 --> 00:14:10,027
They're just shouting louder
than everyone else.
328
00:14:10,049 --> 00:14:13,212
I'm sorry this town keeps being
stupid and letting you down.
329
00:14:13,265 --> 00:14:15,470
- It sucks.
- It's okay, April. It's fine.
330
00:14:15,490 --> 00:14:19,070
You know, it's a challenge.
It's just like a big, fun...
331
00:14:21,113 --> 00:14:22,813
stinking turd nugget.
It sucks.
332
00:14:22,837 --> 00:14:26,784
You're right, everything sucks. Everything
I try with this merger backfires.
333
00:14:26,810 --> 00:14:31,197
I wonder what other excellent surprise
lies in store for Leslie Knope.
334
00:14:31,216 --> 00:14:34,670
Leslie, Grant Larson from the National
Park Service is here for your meeting.
335
00:14:34,697 --> 00:14:35,690
Excellent.
336
00:14:35,710 --> 00:14:40,462
Now I shall meet with a very important
person whilst sporting a gruesome shiner.
337
00:14:40,479 --> 00:14:42,386
Hey, you're also wearing
a tie-dye t-shirt.
338
00:14:43,272 --> 00:14:45,432
Oh, yes! I am!
339
00:14:45,464 --> 00:14:47,048
Wonderful!
340
00:14:47,082 --> 00:14:48,762
Mitch!
Thanks for meeting me.
341
00:14:48,781 --> 00:14:49,868
My pleasure.
342
00:14:49,883 --> 00:14:54,091
It's not often that I see someone
with your sparkle and passion.
343
00:14:54,119 --> 00:14:57,406
That's what makes
businesses work-- passion!
344
00:14:57,436 --> 00:14:59,996
So, Mr. Haverford,
let's get to it.
345
00:15:00,523 --> 00:15:03,046
What idea are you
passionate about?
346
00:15:05,941 --> 00:15:08,046
I've got two
words for you--
347
00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:10,123
"Tom's Bistro,"
348
00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:13,116
an old-fashioned, old-world
Italian restaurant.
349
00:15:13,142 --> 00:15:16,451
Classy, authentic ambience
in a small-town setting.
350
00:15:16,468 --> 00:15:20,367
Why does that say "dry cleaning chemical
transactional holding company?"
351
00:15:20,401 --> 00:15:23,129
Ben! You brought
the wrong easel. God!
352
00:15:23,149 --> 00:15:25,850
Can't take this guy anywhere.
Let me paint you a picture.
353
00:15:26,457 --> 00:15:27,917
Oh, Mr. Larson, I'm sorry.
354
00:15:27,933 --> 00:15:30,171
I had to reschedule. It's
been kind of a hectic week.
355
00:15:30,198 --> 00:15:32,238
- What happened to your face?
- It doesn't matter.
356
00:15:32,276 --> 00:15:36,156
I would like to apply to turn some of
our new land into a national park.
357
00:15:36,174 --> 00:15:40,487
I read your request, Ms. Knope, and I'm
sorry, but we can't make that happen.
358
00:15:40,512 --> 00:15:43,828
Great. Well, this week just keeps
getting better and better.
359
00:15:43,841 --> 00:15:48,797
Thank you for coming by and plunging a
dagger into my already-bleeding corpse.
360
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:51,183
I came here because I
wanted to meet you.
361
00:15:51,199 --> 00:15:53,572
I've actually wanted to meet you
since before you called me.
362
00:15:53,585 --> 00:15:55,890
- Really? You know who I am?
- Yes.
363
00:15:55,915 --> 00:15:57,630
You're the person
who wrote this.
364
00:15:57,997 --> 00:16:00,144
You read my proposal to
clean up the Pawnee river?
365
00:16:00,164 --> 00:16:01,617
I wrote this two years ago.
366
00:16:01,647 --> 00:16:04,094
Got shuffled around in
interior for a year and half.
367
00:16:04,113 --> 00:16:07,427
Liam Bonneville actually used it
to humiliate staffers, but...
368
00:16:08,515 --> 00:16:10,434
- he's kind of a bad boy.
- Liam B--
369
00:16:10,453 --> 00:16:12,692
- You don't have to tell me!
- This report is legendary.
370
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,959
It's easily the most
thoroughly research
371
00:16:14,979 --> 00:16:17,951
and passionate grant
request I've ever seen.
372
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:22,054
Wow, you have no idea how meaningful
it is to hear you say that.
373
00:16:22,074 --> 00:16:25,254
But you're a little late. The
river cleanup's well underway.
374
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:27,493
This is bigger than
the river cleanup.
375
00:16:27,499 --> 00:16:29,286
We're opening a new
office in Chicago.
376
00:16:29,299 --> 00:16:31,959
I spent the last few weeks reading
about you and your career
377
00:16:31,965 --> 00:16:34,319
and I think that you're the
perfect person to run it.
378
00:16:34,339 --> 00:16:38,740
Leslie, would you like to run a
branch of the National Park Service?
379
00:16:40,646 --> 00:16:42,930
Tom's Bistro will have
all the classic elements,
380
00:16:42,938 --> 00:16:44,645
but with modern twists--
381
00:16:44,663 --> 00:16:46,776
an oak bar, live music,
382
00:16:46,796 --> 00:16:49,456
and Sunday brunch with
scrambled eggs so fluffy
383
00:16:49,478 --> 00:16:51,462
they'll be like little pillows
for your bacon.
384
00:16:51,483 --> 00:16:54,435
Bacon pillows.
I like the sound of that.
385
00:16:54,453 --> 00:16:56,965
But I have to say, restaurants
are incredibly risky.
386
00:16:56,978 --> 00:16:59,111
Most of them are
dead on arrival.
387
00:17:00,795 --> 00:17:02,129
We're well-aware of that,
388
00:17:02,142 --> 00:17:04,896
but believe me, Tom
has thought this out.
389
00:17:04,902 --> 00:17:06,815
See, there's plenty
of real estate available
390
00:17:06,841 --> 00:17:08,835
in the old Eagleton
part of town.
391
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,405
And with the recent closures,
there's massive demand
392
00:17:11,424 --> 00:17:14,578
for affordable dining
that feels high-end.
393
00:17:15,607 --> 00:17:16,827
Okay!
394
00:17:17,700 --> 00:17:20,327
As long as you're
running, I'm in.
395
00:17:20,605 --> 00:17:21,933
Amazing!
396
00:17:21,952 --> 00:17:23,260
Hey, kid...
397
00:17:23,295 --> 00:17:25,636
your boss here sure
knows his stuff.
398
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,058
Ron. What are
you doing here?
399
00:17:34,086 --> 00:17:36,353
The most important government
work I've ever done--
400
00:17:36,366 --> 00:17:39,129
sanding rat urine stains
out of this floor.
401
00:17:39,147 --> 00:17:40,317
What are you doing here?
402
00:17:40,330 --> 00:17:43,275
I come here to think
sometimes. By myself.
403
00:17:43,948 --> 00:17:45,643
- But now that you're here...
- Damn it.
404
00:17:45,656 --> 00:17:49,114
I am going to speak to you very
vaguely about a problem that I have,
405
00:17:49,127 --> 00:17:51,731
and you cannot ask me any
questions or details about it.
406
00:17:51,757 --> 00:17:55,163
That is my ideal conversation,
aside from no conversation.
407
00:17:55,176 --> 00:17:56,723
But that feels unlikely.
408
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,896
Look, you know how
much I love Pawnee.
409
00:17:58,909 --> 00:18:02,314
But the more I try to fix it
the more people fight me.
410
00:18:02,337 --> 00:18:06,404
They call me names, they recall
me, they try to kill the merger.
411
00:18:06,435 --> 00:18:08,803
They literally punch
me in the face.
412
00:18:08,833 --> 00:18:11,860
And yet every time I
contemplate leaving,
413
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:15,148
just walking away
once and for all,
414
00:18:15,894 --> 00:18:17,597
I just can't do it.
415
00:18:18,363 --> 00:18:20,082
What is wrong with me?
416
00:18:22,971 --> 00:18:26,164
Yesterday, I fixed that
old steam radiator.
417
00:18:26,195 --> 00:18:29,687
Threaded a new valve into the side,
removed the handle from the base,
418
00:18:29,706 --> 00:18:32,294
unscrewed the packing
nut from the stem.
419
00:18:32,313 --> 00:18:35,146
This subpar toolbox
only had one wrench,
420
00:18:35,170 --> 00:18:39,417
so I was lucky it was a three-quarters
or I'd have been screwed.
421
00:18:39,444 --> 00:18:41,982
Yeah, man, you are lucky.
Come on, Ron.
422
00:18:41,998 --> 00:18:43,451
What the hell?
I need your help.
423
00:18:43,469 --> 00:18:47,888
By the time I was done, this 100-year-old
piece of American-made cast iron
424
00:18:47,900 --> 00:18:50,311
was singing like a bird.
425
00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:53,351
Now... to most people, this
story would seem boring.
426
00:18:53,368 --> 00:18:55,421
That's ridiculous. It's a
story about a radiator.
427
00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:58,317
But to me, it was
immensely satisfying
428
00:18:58,347 --> 00:19:01,734
because I enjoy
fixing radiators.
429
00:19:01,754 --> 00:19:05,089
You like fixing this town,
Leslie, you always have.
430
00:19:05,123 --> 00:19:08,200
You know it's an uphill battle,
but you love the struggle.
431
00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:10,953
I would also add that
you've already done
432
00:19:10,973 --> 00:19:13,166
a hell of a lot to
make this town better,
433
00:19:13,191 --> 00:19:15,558
and people like
this young man here
434
00:19:15,580 --> 00:19:17,547
will benefit from
your hard work.
435
00:19:17,566 --> 00:19:20,179
- He is a beautiful boy.
- He's quite a looker.
436
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,722
Thank you, Ron.
437
00:19:25,407 --> 00:19:26,959
- What's that?
- Nothing.
438
00:19:28,763 --> 00:19:30,283
Clearing my throat.
439
00:19:32,775 --> 00:19:35,164
I've been thinking
about your offer.
440
00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:38,979
And I have to say I can't think of
one single reason not to take it.
441
00:19:39,014 --> 00:19:40,281
That's great!
442
00:19:40,317 --> 00:19:41,657
I'll start drawing up
the paperwork.
443
00:19:41,690 --> 00:19:43,858
I'm sorry, I meant...
444
00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:47,284
because I can think of a lot
of reasons not to take it.
445
00:19:47,305 --> 00:19:50,305
Okay, wow, that's very
misleading phraseology.
446
00:19:50,325 --> 00:19:51,372
I'm sorry.
447
00:19:51,378 --> 00:19:53,578
It's an amazing offer
and I'm very interested,
448
00:19:53,607 --> 00:19:56,015
but if I'm going
to leave Pawnee...
449
00:19:56,050 --> 00:19:58,018
I need to know it's gonna
be okay without me.
450
00:19:58,046 --> 00:20:01,396
And I won't know until I
finish what I've started.
451
00:20:01,786 --> 00:20:03,086
When do you need
your answer?
452
00:20:03,104 --> 00:20:04,908
Well, the gears
of federal government
453
00:20:04,921 --> 00:20:07,141
grind pretty slowly,
so you have a little time.
454
00:20:07,147 --> 00:20:10,421
But we can't wait forever.
I'll be in touch.
455
00:20:10,434 --> 00:20:12,065
Great. Thank you.
456
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,484
That's not your hand.
Here it is.
457
00:20:14,515 --> 00:20:17,066
Sorry, my depth perception
is totally screwed up.
458
00:20:17,671 --> 00:20:19,551
Really happy that worked
out for you, Tom,
459
00:20:19,584 --> 00:20:22,085
but you kinda sold
me out back there.
460
00:20:22,116 --> 00:20:23,363
I know, and I'm sorry.
461
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:26,190
But Mitch asked me what
I was passionate about,
462
00:20:26,197 --> 00:20:30,114
and honestly I'm never gonna be
passionate about dry cleaning chemicals.
463
00:20:30,148 --> 00:20:31,235
To each his own, I guess.
464
00:20:31,248 --> 00:20:34,288
I know opening a restaurant is
risky, but I can make this work.
465
00:20:34,309 --> 00:20:35,977
I know I can!
466
00:20:36,537 --> 00:20:40,157
Then count me in as the second
investor in Tom's Bistro.
467
00:20:40,208 --> 00:20:41,521
Thanks, man.
468
00:20:41,539 --> 00:20:45,340
I know this is a symbolic gesture,
but my investor floor is $1,000.
469
00:20:45,352 --> 00:20:47,213
So as of now, you
own zero shares.
470
00:20:47,225 --> 00:20:48,818
Cool! Thanks for
clearing that up.
471
00:20:48,836 --> 00:20:51,983
Now go do work, or I will fire you.
I'm not kidding.
472
00:20:52,014 --> 00:20:53,025
Yep!
473
00:20:55,444 --> 00:20:57,931
Oh, look, John.
It's red pine.
474
00:20:57,958 --> 00:20:59,751
They were gonna put
flecked linoleum
475
00:20:59,764 --> 00:21:03,076
over this beautifully
preserved knotty red pine.
476
00:21:03,111 --> 00:21:06,449
Most people in this world,
John, are assholes.
477
00:21:06,467 --> 00:21:09,196
This is the best day I've ever
spent in a government building,
478
00:21:09,215 --> 00:21:11,803
and luckily my son was
here to share it with me.
479
00:21:11,833 --> 00:21:16,423
He now has that satisfied look that
only comes with the pride of labor.
480
00:21:16,974 --> 00:21:18,229
Or he pooped.
481
00:21:18,958 --> 00:21:21,541
Either way, well
done, John.
482
00:21:23,896 --> 00:21:30,896
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther