1 00:00:03,908 --> 00:00:05,742 (whimpering) 2 00:00:15,987 --> 00:00:17,120 Heh. 3 00:00:17,121 --> 00:00:21,121 ♪ The Simpsons 25x13 ♪ The Man Who Grew Too Much Original Air Date on March 9, 2014 4 00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:24,222 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 5 00:00:24,295 --> 00:00:27,497 NARRATOR: Neptune-- eighth planet from the sun. 6 00:00:27,565 --> 00:00:30,600 A mystery now, we hope to have close-up photos 7 00:00:30,635 --> 00:00:32,135 from Voyager 2 8 00:00:32,169 --> 00:00:34,537 in 1989. 9 00:00:34,572 --> 00:00:36,239 We do have them! 10 00:00:36,274 --> 00:00:37,707 They're my home screen! 11 00:00:37,742 --> 00:00:40,277 Miss Hoover, once again, the lesson plan I prepared 12 00:00:40,311 --> 00:00:42,245 would have covered this topic much better. 13 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,780 But I can see... 14 00:00:43,814 --> 00:00:45,282 (rumbling) 15 00:00:45,316 --> 00:00:46,816 (whimpers) 16 00:00:46,851 --> 00:00:48,151 Miss Hoover? 17 00:00:48,185 --> 00:00:49,986 It's Tuesday, Lisa. 18 00:00:50,021 --> 00:00:51,421 Taco Tuesday. 19 00:00:51,455 --> 00:00:52,923 (rumbling continues) (shudders) 20 00:00:52,957 --> 00:00:53,890 Huh? 21 00:00:53,925 --> 00:00:54,891 Huh? 22 00:00:54,926 --> 00:00:56,092 (bell rings) 23 00:00:56,127 --> 00:00:59,296 ALL: Taco Tuesday! Taco Tuesday! 24 00:00:59,330 --> 00:01:01,798 Taco Tuesday! 25 00:01:01,832 --> 00:01:06,069 (quietly chanting): Taco Tuesday, Taco Tuesday... 26 00:01:06,103 --> 00:01:07,137 (rumbling) 27 00:01:07,171 --> 00:01:09,239 Oh, no. I'm about to become 28 00:01:09,273 --> 00:01:11,574 another moppin' statistic. 29 00:01:14,145 --> 00:01:17,147 There's only room for one of us, Ethel. 30 00:01:18,349 --> 00:01:21,584 (music from Titanic playing) 31 00:01:25,990 --> 00:01:28,825 (kids laughing) (grunting, yelling) 32 00:01:30,061 --> 00:01:32,062 (grunting) 33 00:01:34,131 --> 00:01:35,231 (crunching) 34 00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:37,334 Bart, that's your sixth taco. 35 00:01:37,368 --> 00:01:39,903 You know, Whitman says, "If anything is sacred, 36 00:01:39,937 --> 00:01:41,938 the human body is sacred." 37 00:01:41,973 --> 00:01:44,541 (mouth full): Fascinating. 38 00:01:45,376 --> 00:01:46,509 Congratulations, boys. 39 00:01:46,544 --> 00:01:47,978 You made it through 40 00:01:48,012 --> 00:01:50,013 another Taco Tuesday. 41 00:01:50,047 --> 00:01:52,349 Back in the bucket till next week. 42 00:01:52,383 --> 00:01:54,718 Won't those vegetables go bad? 43 00:01:54,752 --> 00:01:57,988 Nope. They're genetically modified to stay fresh. 44 00:01:58,022 --> 00:02:00,390 Just don't ask how old the Jell-O is. 45 00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:02,359 LISA: Ew. 46 00:02:03,928 --> 00:02:05,929 Overreactor.org warns that over half 47 00:02:05,963 --> 00:02:08,732 of the vegetables sold in this country are 48 00:02:08,766 --> 00:02:11,368 genetically modified organisms 49 00:02:11,402 --> 00:02:13,103 whose effect on humans is... 50 00:02:13,137 --> 00:02:14,871 unknown. 51 00:02:16,007 --> 00:02:19,275 Whoa! Mom, you made me overswipe! 52 00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:22,545 Your parents' credit card has been charged $20. 53 00:02:22,580 --> 00:02:24,647 (laughs) 54 00:02:24,682 --> 00:02:26,583 (gasps) I have to get to the church. 55 00:02:26,617 --> 00:02:29,452 Helen Lovejoy is posting the spring volunteer sign-up sheet. 56 00:02:29,487 --> 00:02:32,889 In five minutes, every good task will be taken. 57 00:02:32,923 --> 00:02:34,190 (tires screech) Dang it! 58 00:02:36,427 --> 00:02:37,727 Jasper Beardley! 59 00:02:37,762 --> 00:02:39,396 You'll never make it! 60 00:02:39,430 --> 00:02:40,997 (low mumbling) 61 00:02:41,032 --> 00:02:43,666 (Marge murmuring, smacking lips) 62 00:02:43,701 --> 00:02:45,001 No! 63 00:02:45,036 --> 00:02:47,303 (low mumbling) 64 00:02:47,338 --> 00:02:48,505 (frustrated grunt) 65 00:02:48,539 --> 00:02:50,740 ♪ 66 00:02:50,775 --> 00:02:52,409 (revving engine) 67 00:02:52,443 --> 00:02:54,210 Ooh... (groans) 68 00:02:54,245 --> 00:02:56,246 (low mumbling) 69 00:02:58,816 --> 00:03:00,116 (groans) 70 00:03:00,151 --> 00:03:01,918 (mumbling) 71 00:03:01,952 --> 00:03:03,053 Oh! 72 00:03:05,222 --> 00:03:06,756 JASPER: What the hell is this thing? 73 00:03:06,791 --> 00:03:08,324 (signal light clicking) 74 00:03:08,359 --> 00:03:09,492 Bake sale-- taken. 75 00:03:09,527 --> 00:03:11,528 Candle snuffing-- taken. 76 00:03:11,562 --> 00:03:14,431 Baby shusher, miscellaneous choir support. 77 00:03:14,465 --> 00:03:16,766 Everything's taken! All that's left is... 78 00:03:16,801 --> 00:03:18,535 Teen abstinence counseling. 79 00:03:18,569 --> 00:03:20,303 You get to pass out abstinence pledges 80 00:03:20,337 --> 00:03:22,939 and make sure the kids sign their John Han-bleeps. 81 00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:24,607 (Marge grumbles) 82 00:03:24,642 --> 00:03:27,777 But, Ned, saying nay is your thing. 83 00:03:27,812 --> 00:03:29,012 Not this month. (chuckles) 84 00:03:29,046 --> 00:03:30,914 Edna signed us up for a tango class. 85 00:03:30,948 --> 00:03:34,050 It was the only way I could avert... (sighs) wine-tasting. 86 00:03:34,085 --> 00:03:38,388 Look, I'm really not comfortable talking about S-E-X 87 00:03:38,422 --> 00:03:40,390 with K-I-D-S. 88 00:03:40,424 --> 00:03:42,225 Language. 89 00:03:42,259 --> 00:03:43,927 Oh, it's not that hard. Just tell them 90 00:03:43,961 --> 00:03:46,062 that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies 91 00:03:46,097 --> 00:03:47,330 that God is making happen. 92 00:03:47,364 --> 00:03:49,599 We took the pledge! 93 00:03:49,633 --> 00:03:51,734 We won't have sex until we're married! 94 00:03:51,769 --> 00:03:53,570 To each other! 95 00:03:53,604 --> 00:03:55,171 (both humming a tune) 96 00:03:55,206 --> 00:03:58,475 Mm, their skipping lessons are really paying off. 97 00:03:58,509 --> 00:03:59,976 MARGE: Hello. Hello. 98 00:04:00,010 --> 00:04:01,411 (nervous laugh) 99 00:04:01,445 --> 00:04:04,280 I'm-I'm Marge Simpson, and I'm here to talk 100 00:04:04,315 --> 00:04:07,817 about a... a-a wonderful, beautiful thing. 101 00:04:07,852 --> 00:04:09,752 Speaking of beautiful things, 102 00:04:09,787 --> 00:04:11,187 tongue me, babe. 103 00:04:11,222 --> 00:04:13,289 (both grunting) 104 00:04:15,092 --> 00:04:16,392 (gasps) 105 00:04:19,797 --> 00:04:22,265 How many of you are here for the free cookies? 106 00:04:22,299 --> 00:04:23,867 Because we've discontinued that. 107 00:04:23,901 --> 00:04:25,668 (angry chatter) I'm out of here. Forget you! 108 00:04:25,703 --> 00:04:27,670 One of our brightest and most meddlesome students 109 00:04:27,705 --> 00:04:29,405 called this meeting-- somehow-- 110 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,875 to discuss an urgent menu matter. Lisa? 111 00:04:31,909 --> 00:04:35,111 Our school cafeteria is serving GMOs-- 112 00:04:35,146 --> 00:04:36,946 genetically modified organisms. 113 00:04:36,981 --> 00:04:38,114 (people gasping) 114 00:04:38,149 --> 00:04:40,083 Now, in order to thoroughly explore the issue, 115 00:04:40,117 --> 00:04:43,520 I'd like to play the first video that came up in my Web browser 116 00:04:43,554 --> 00:04:45,788 when I typed in "GMO" plus "danger" 117 00:04:45,823 --> 00:04:47,223 plus "question mark." 118 00:04:47,258 --> 00:04:49,292 Hear, hear! 119 00:04:49,326 --> 00:04:51,861 ♪ 120 00:04:51,896 --> 00:04:54,497 MALE NARRATOR: If there's one thing scientists love, it's money. 121 00:04:54,532 --> 00:04:56,132 Money, money, money. 122 00:04:56,167 --> 00:04:57,867 And that's been true of scientists 123 00:04:57,902 --> 00:05:00,170 ever since caveman times. 124 00:05:00,204 --> 00:05:02,639 We need look no further back than the ancient Mayans, 125 00:05:02,673 --> 00:05:04,541 who crossbred plants and animals 126 00:05:04,575 --> 00:05:07,644 in an unholy experiment in what is now a resort 127 00:05:07,678 --> 00:05:10,480 that charges $30 a night to valet park. 128 00:05:10,514 --> 00:05:12,982 Once you're there, they've gotcha. 129 00:05:13,017 --> 00:05:14,317 (all gasp) 130 00:05:14,351 --> 00:05:15,885 The Mayans didn't listen... 131 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:17,820 to themselves. 132 00:05:17,855 --> 00:05:20,323 Yet today, we toy with our fate 133 00:05:20,357 --> 00:05:22,158 by using retroviruses 134 00:05:22,193 --> 00:05:25,195 to create these so-called "super foods." 135 00:05:25,229 --> 00:05:27,197 Are we doomed to repeat an event 136 00:05:27,231 --> 00:05:29,732 (snaps fingers) that destroyed all human life? 137 00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:32,302 The answer is in your mouth! 138 00:05:32,336 --> 00:05:34,837 (narrator laughing maniacally) 139 00:05:36,407 --> 00:05:40,109 Um, that video seemed a little unscientific. 140 00:05:40,144 --> 00:05:43,913 My name is Jenny McCarthy, and I endorse this tirade. 141 00:05:43,948 --> 00:05:46,082 Oh, my God, it's worse than I thought. 142 00:05:46,116 --> 00:05:49,118 Everybody wait here while I do some actual research. 143 00:05:49,153 --> 00:05:51,387 Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone. 144 00:05:51,422 --> 00:05:53,723 Well, hurry, we have no minds of our own. 145 00:05:53,757 --> 00:05:55,858 ♪ 146 00:05:55,893 --> 00:05:58,828 I say we do not categorically ban 147 00:05:58,862 --> 00:06:01,197 genetically modified organisms. 148 00:06:01,232 --> 00:06:02,298 ALL (gasping): What?! 149 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,367 Well, GMOs are resistant to pests, 150 00:06:04,401 --> 00:06:05,768 disease and drought. 151 00:06:05,803 --> 00:06:07,570 It's just possible that GMOs 152 00:06:07,605 --> 00:06:10,139 can actually end world hunger. 153 00:06:10,174 --> 00:06:13,876 I say, let's get these GMOs inside our children pronto! 154 00:06:13,911 --> 00:06:15,111 Way ahead of you! 155 00:06:15,145 --> 00:06:17,413 (people whooping, shouting) 156 00:06:20,918 --> 00:06:22,552 I'm eating the food of the future. 157 00:06:22,586 --> 00:06:25,555 (robotically): Beep, boop. What is love? 158 00:06:25,589 --> 00:06:27,223 Boop, beep, boop. 159 00:06:27,258 --> 00:06:28,891 Lisa, I'd like to thank you 160 00:06:28,926 --> 00:06:30,460 for mollifying these land apes. 161 00:06:30,494 --> 00:06:32,929 We'd like you and your family to visit us 162 00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:34,731 at the Monsarno research campus. 163 00:06:34,765 --> 00:06:37,467 Ooh, campus! Do you have a statue of the founder 164 00:06:37,501 --> 00:06:39,435 I can stick a funny hat on? 165 00:06:41,338 --> 00:06:42,972 Go, go, go! 166 00:06:43,007 --> 00:06:45,975 (giggling) 167 00:06:46,010 --> 00:06:47,076 WOMAN: Simpsons, we're trying 168 00:06:47,111 --> 00:06:50,446 to change the world one molecule at a time. 169 00:06:50,481 --> 00:06:52,448 Sounds like that would take a while. 170 00:06:52,483 --> 00:06:53,816 Ooh, you're right. 171 00:06:53,851 --> 00:06:56,352 Everyone, three molecules at a time. 172 00:06:56,387 --> 00:06:58,821 (others grumbling) Oh, you got to be kidding me! 173 00:06:58,856 --> 00:07:00,657 (exasperated sigh) I'll be home late, honey. 174 00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:02,992 Yeah. Three molecules now. 175 00:07:03,027 --> 00:07:04,527 Well, it's nice to see for once 176 00:07:04,561 --> 00:07:07,563 a corporation that does good work and cares about people. 177 00:07:07,598 --> 00:07:10,600 Yes, Lisa, we finally put to bed the silly notion 178 00:07:10,634 --> 00:07:12,902 that our company is in any way evil. 179 00:07:12,936 --> 00:07:15,838 Now, say hello to our chief scientist. 180 00:07:15,873 --> 00:07:17,840 (door creaks) (all scream) 181 00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:19,676 SIMPSONS: Sideshow Bob! 182 00:07:19,710 --> 00:07:21,277 Dr. Sideshow Bob. 183 00:07:21,312 --> 00:07:23,012 Real doctor or PhD? 184 00:07:23,047 --> 00:07:23,980 PhD. 185 00:07:26,746 --> 00:07:29,001 All right, I'll leave you and Bob 186 00:07:29,002 --> 00:07:30,836 in this locked room to get reacquainted. 187 00:07:31,271 --> 00:07:32,337 (bolt clacks) 188 00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:33,438 Simpsons, 189 00:07:33,473 --> 00:07:35,707 there's no need for alarm. 190 00:07:38,611 --> 00:07:40,913 That's not for you to suck! 191 00:07:40,947 --> 00:07:42,681 Now... where was I? 192 00:07:42,715 --> 00:07:44,683 Right. Uh, no need to worry. 193 00:07:44,717 --> 00:07:46,685 I'm still technically shawshanking it 194 00:07:46,719 --> 00:07:48,654 at Springfield Penitentiary. 195 00:07:48,688 --> 00:07:49,988 This is getting boring. 196 00:07:50,023 --> 00:07:52,457 Either murder us or tell us how you got here. 197 00:07:52,492 --> 00:07:53,825 Very well. 198 00:07:55,295 --> 00:07:58,797 The inanity of the vanity license plate puns 199 00:07:58,831 --> 00:08:01,166 was slowly driving me mad. 200 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,235 So when Monsarno Labs asked for experimental subjects, 201 00:08:03,269 --> 00:08:05,571 I... gladly volunteered. 202 00:08:15,615 --> 00:08:17,049 My job was to make sure the experiments 203 00:08:17,083 --> 00:08:19,518 wouldn't be too painful for the test monkeys. 204 00:08:19,552 --> 00:08:21,153 (zapping) (screaming) 205 00:08:23,489 --> 00:08:26,191 (flame whooshes) 206 00:08:26,225 --> 00:08:27,626 I don't know what we're doing here. 207 00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:29,494 Uh, we'll pick it up after lunch. 208 00:08:29,529 --> 00:08:31,530 (quiet chattering) 209 00:08:33,132 --> 00:08:35,667 (zapping) (Sideshow Bob screaming) 210 00:08:38,338 --> 00:08:41,273 I wrote up my results and went from subject... 211 00:08:41,307 --> 00:08:43,041 to scientist. 212 00:08:44,377 --> 00:08:46,345 BART (laughs): Look at me! 213 00:08:46,379 --> 00:08:48,280 I'm Sideshow Bob! 214 00:08:48,314 --> 00:08:49,948 (shrieks) Sideshow Bob! 215 00:08:49,983 --> 00:08:51,850 Foolish boy! That's phosphoric acid! 216 00:08:53,086 --> 00:08:54,319 A mere sip would have dissolved 217 00:08:54,354 --> 00:08:56,655 a hole in your stomach the size of a silver dollar. 218 00:08:56,689 --> 00:08:58,090 Yakety, yakety, yak. 219 00:08:58,124 --> 00:08:59,958 "The spotted hawk accuses me, 220 00:08:59,993 --> 00:09:01,827 he complains of my gab." 221 00:09:01,861 --> 00:09:05,631 "I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable." 222 00:09:05,665 --> 00:09:08,233 Walt Whitman. Leaves of Grass. 223 00:09:08,267 --> 00:09:10,669 Very good. Lisa, you always were 224 00:09:10,703 --> 00:09:14,239 the one rose petal floating atop the cesspool 225 00:09:14,273 --> 00:09:15,907 that is the Simpsons. 226 00:09:15,942 --> 00:09:17,709 HOMER: Well! BART: That's mean. 227 00:09:17,744 --> 00:09:19,544 (clack, creaking) (giggles): Oh... 228 00:09:19,579 --> 00:09:23,081 If you're done, our chief scientist has to get back to work. 229 00:09:23,116 --> 00:09:25,884 Our corn on the cob has become self-aware. 230 00:09:25,918 --> 00:09:27,953 Wait! Wait! Won't you visit me again? 231 00:09:27,987 --> 00:09:31,123 Let me show you I really am trying to make a better world. 232 00:09:31,157 --> 00:09:33,125 Lisa, we can talk Walt Whitman. 233 00:09:33,159 --> 00:09:35,127 And, Homer, I think you'd enjoy the company 234 00:09:35,161 --> 00:09:37,629 of the campus' lazy, overfed squirrels. 235 00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:40,399 "Overfed"? I don't know this word. 236 00:09:42,068 --> 00:09:43,535 ♪ 237 00:09:45,872 --> 00:09:47,005 (crickets chirping) 238 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:48,540 (Marge chomping, grunting) 239 00:09:49,575 --> 00:09:51,710 Visit me, Lisa. We can discuss poetry, 240 00:09:51,744 --> 00:09:55,547 fine art, and... and if we must, jazz. 241 00:09:55,581 --> 00:09:58,016 Mom, can I visit Sideshow Bob? 242 00:09:58,051 --> 00:09:59,951 Why would you want to do that? 243 00:09:59,986 --> 00:10:01,586 He's tried to kill us! 244 00:10:01,621 --> 00:10:03,755 You. He tried to kill you. 245 00:10:03,790 --> 00:10:05,891 And I refuse to concede a mind that thinks 246 00:10:05,925 --> 00:10:08,060 so much like mine can be all bad. 247 00:10:08,094 --> 00:10:11,630 Don't you think the parts that aren't evil are a little, mm... 248 00:10:11,664 --> 00:10:12,931 pretentious? 249 00:10:12,965 --> 00:10:15,333 Absolutely. We're talking about Lisa, right? 250 00:10:15,368 --> 00:10:17,369 Shut up! You shut up! 251 00:10:17,403 --> 00:10:20,338 This is the pinnacle of conversation around here! 252 00:10:20,373 --> 00:10:21,640 Fine, I'll take you. 253 00:10:21,674 --> 00:10:23,208 They have this cool psych class 254 00:10:23,242 --> 00:10:25,310 at the campus I sat in on. 255 00:10:25,344 --> 00:10:28,313 (whispers): Uh, that was a sexual harassment seminar. 256 00:10:28,347 --> 00:10:30,449 It doesn't matter-- I'm taking it pass-fail. 257 00:10:33,953 --> 00:10:36,588 Blowing off steam in the crafts room, Marge? 258 00:10:36,622 --> 00:10:39,658 No! I'm not giving up on reaching those kids, 259 00:10:39,692 --> 00:10:41,893 and I might just have a secret weapon. 260 00:10:41,928 --> 00:10:43,662 Mm-hmm. Is it finger puppets? 261 00:10:43,696 --> 00:10:45,497 MARGE: Maybe! 262 00:10:45,531 --> 00:10:47,933 Well, we haven't had finger puppets in this church 263 00:10:47,967 --> 00:10:50,435 since Reverend Brogan was arrested. 264 00:10:50,470 --> 00:10:53,605 But I suppose enough time has passed. 265 00:10:53,639 --> 00:10:55,640 And that's why Nancy No 266 00:10:55,675 --> 00:10:58,844 is the most popular girl in Promiseville High. 267 00:10:58,878 --> 00:11:02,447 Mm. I prefer the modern thinking of Yolanda Yes. 268 00:11:02,482 --> 00:11:05,817 And I think I'd have a shot with Mabel Maybe. 269 00:11:05,852 --> 00:11:07,986 (laughter) 270 00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:11,623 I'm so tired of those kids sniggering. 271 00:11:11,657 --> 00:11:14,459 MARGE: Uh-oh. It's Horndog Hank. 272 00:11:14,494 --> 00:11:16,895 Well, Nancy knows how to keep him away. 273 00:11:16,929 --> 00:11:18,830 (material creaking) 274 00:11:18,865 --> 00:11:20,799 Darn it, they're stuck. 275 00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:24,503 (Marge groans) 276 00:11:24,537 --> 00:11:27,005 (Marge sighs) 277 00:11:27,039 --> 00:11:31,943 Um, can I take one of those girl puppets home? 278 00:11:31,978 --> 00:11:33,678 I won't do nothin' to it. 279 00:11:33,713 --> 00:11:35,013 MARGE: Oh! 280 00:11:36,415 --> 00:11:37,949 ♪ You say modified tomato 281 00:11:37,984 --> 00:11:39,851 ♪ I say modified tomahto 282 00:11:39,886 --> 00:11:43,155 ♪ I say engineered potato, you say engineered potahto ♪ 283 00:11:43,189 --> 00:11:45,023 ♪ Potato! ♪ Potahto! 284 00:11:45,057 --> 00:11:47,159 ♪ Tomato! ♪ Tomahto! 285 00:11:47,193 --> 00:11:49,194 BOTH: ♪ Let's splice some DNA! 286 00:11:53,833 --> 00:11:54,966 (laughs) 287 00:11:55,001 --> 00:11:56,535 (chuckles) 288 00:11:56,569 --> 00:11:59,504 That is my first non-evil laugh in years. 289 00:11:59,539 --> 00:12:00,705 Bob, 290 00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:02,607 there's one thing I got to know. 291 00:12:02,642 --> 00:12:04,810 Are you plotting revenge? 292 00:12:04,844 --> 00:12:07,679 I don't plot revenge anymore. 293 00:12:07,713 --> 00:12:09,948 It's like love. If it happens, it happens. 294 00:12:09,982 --> 00:12:11,983 Now, how about those s'mores? 295 00:12:12,018 --> 00:12:14,019 (creak, whoosh) 296 00:12:15,087 --> 00:12:18,390 Dad! You already ate all the chocolate bars. 297 00:12:18,424 --> 00:12:21,459 That's why I got to get the marshmallows down fast. 298 00:12:21,494 --> 00:12:22,627 (crickets chirping) 299 00:12:22,662 --> 00:12:24,329 I like how they cut them down 300 00:12:24,363 --> 00:12:26,064 from 140 characters 301 00:12:26,098 --> 00:12:28,700 to a more manageable 20 characters. 302 00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:31,136 Oh, another seminar tomorrow. 303 00:12:31,170 --> 00:12:34,072 I just wish I could connect with those teenagers, 304 00:12:34,106 --> 00:12:36,641 since it seems like we'll never have any. 305 00:12:36,676 --> 00:12:38,276 (chuckling): Oh, Marge, 306 00:12:38,311 --> 00:12:40,579 teens can't control their urges. 307 00:12:40,613 --> 00:12:43,815 It's why there's never been a teenage president. 308 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,218 Are you saying I'm wasting my time? 309 00:12:46,252 --> 00:12:49,187 No. I'm saying you're wasting everyone's time. 310 00:12:49,222 --> 00:12:51,590 But it's a church thing, so that's a given. 311 00:12:51,624 --> 00:12:53,091 Oh. Well, then maybe 312 00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:55,360 I need to give those kids a better example. 313 00:12:55,394 --> 00:12:56,728 Good night! 314 00:12:56,762 --> 00:12:59,731 MARGE: Shut your eyes. They're too bright. 315 00:12:59,765 --> 00:13:01,233 HOMER: Sorry. 316 00:13:01,267 --> 00:13:02,567 (birds singing) 317 00:13:02,602 --> 00:13:05,770 Kids, today, we have a very special guest-- 318 00:13:05,805 --> 00:13:08,406 my husband. 319 00:13:08,441 --> 00:13:09,574 I brought Homer here 320 00:13:09,609 --> 00:13:11,276 to show that we can, 321 00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:14,913 and have, abstained for two whole days. 322 00:13:14,947 --> 00:13:17,449 Two days? That's all? 323 00:13:17,483 --> 00:13:20,318 That means, three days ago, the two of you 324 00:13:20,353 --> 00:13:22,587 made the blob with two backs! 325 00:13:22,622 --> 00:13:24,055 Listen, you punks, 326 00:13:24,090 --> 00:13:26,758 if you can't handle the image of our naked bodies 327 00:13:26,792 --> 00:13:29,361 in the tender act of a-oo-ga, 328 00:13:29,395 --> 00:13:33,131 you should never have come to the basement of this holy place. 329 00:13:33,165 --> 00:13:35,400 Ugh! He's touching her! 330 00:13:35,434 --> 00:13:37,602 They're practically doin' it here! 331 00:13:37,637 --> 00:13:38,203 Ugh! 332 00:13:38,237 --> 00:13:40,005 (sexy purring) 333 00:13:40,039 --> 00:13:43,208 (both moaning) 334 00:13:43,242 --> 00:13:44,709 I'll sign the pledge! 335 00:13:44,744 --> 00:13:47,312 Just get your fat heaving buttocks out of my head! 336 00:13:47,346 --> 00:13:48,613 Never! 337 00:13:49,649 --> 00:13:51,283 (tires squeak) 338 00:13:51,317 --> 00:13:54,986 All right, Bob, you've created 5,000 patents, 339 00:13:55,021 --> 00:13:57,188 so... one hour of freedom. 340 00:13:57,223 --> 00:13:59,658 But remember, your every move will be watched 341 00:13:59,692 --> 00:14:01,993 by these unarmed docents. 342 00:14:02,028 --> 00:14:04,896 That block's gonna need its own ticket. 343 00:14:04,931 --> 00:14:06,731 I have a family membership. 344 00:14:06,766 --> 00:14:09,567 Well, if that's your kid, kiss it. 345 00:14:09,602 --> 00:14:10,869 (groans) 346 00:14:10,903 --> 00:14:12,103 Mmm. 347 00:14:12,138 --> 00:14:14,306 (makes loud kissing sound) 348 00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:16,074 (wheels squeaking) What next? 349 00:14:16,108 --> 00:14:17,475 Proto-Cubists? 350 00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:19,311 (with French accent): The Pointillists? 351 00:14:19,345 --> 00:14:22,147 Or the alleged art of Itchy and Scratchy? 352 00:14:22,181 --> 00:14:24,749 Ooh, ooh, I like the Impressionists. 353 00:14:24,784 --> 00:14:27,252 The boy bands of the art world. 354 00:14:27,286 --> 00:14:31,756 But for you, Lisa, I shall face the Renoir with sangfroid. 355 00:14:31,791 --> 00:14:33,491 Warmer. Calder. 356 00:14:33,526 --> 00:14:35,427 Warmer. Warmer. Calder. 357 00:14:35,461 --> 00:14:36,594 Calder. Calder! 358 00:14:36,629 --> 00:14:39,597 That's using your $300,000 M.F.A. 359 00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:48,540 To the Calder mobile! 360 00:14:48,574 --> 00:14:49,975 Ugh! 361 00:14:50,009 --> 00:14:52,877 Bob, you saved me! 362 00:14:52,912 --> 00:14:54,646 But how did you get the strength? 363 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,082 Calder's work in this period was marked by heavy use 364 00:14:57,116 --> 00:14:59,651 of sheet metal painted to look deceptively airy. 365 00:14:59,685 --> 00:15:00,485 Well put. 366 00:15:00,519 --> 00:15:01,886 Thank you. (laughs) 367 00:15:01,921 --> 00:15:03,154 Answer the question. 368 00:15:03,189 --> 00:15:05,957 Well... there is something I should have told you. 369 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,625 You see, it occurred to me 370 00:15:07,660 --> 00:15:10,395 that if I can genetically modify fruits and vegetables, 371 00:15:10,429 --> 00:15:13,031 why can't I modify... me?! 372 00:15:13,065 --> 00:15:15,800 You've been changing your DNA?! 373 00:15:15,835 --> 00:15:19,671 Well, at first, just a peptide here and there. 374 00:15:19,705 --> 00:15:23,141 Carrot for my presbyopia, Brahma bull for strength, 375 00:15:23,175 --> 00:15:26,044 and a touch of corn for highlights on my hair. 376 00:15:26,078 --> 00:15:28,480 So... how strong are you? 377 00:15:31,684 --> 00:15:33,184 (wind whipping) 378 00:15:34,220 --> 00:15:35,954 Figurines. 379 00:15:35,988 --> 00:15:38,523 Get your porcelain figurines. 380 00:15:39,558 --> 00:15:41,860 Now, how about those Impressionists? 381 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:48,856 I... but we sang Gershwin together! 382 00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:51,625 Well, rhapsody in boo-hoo. 383 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:54,227 Do you know why we came to the museum today? 384 00:15:54,262 --> 00:15:57,898 Well, I thought it was because it was Tote Bag Day. 385 00:15:57,932 --> 00:16:02,636 Well, that was part of it, but the biggest part was that! 386 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:05,572 Washington's backbone, Einstein's eyebrows. 387 00:16:05,606 --> 00:16:07,107 Florence Nightingale's tenacity, 388 00:16:07,141 --> 00:16:09,242 though I'll have to clip around her moral fiber. 389 00:16:09,277 --> 00:16:11,378 (gasps) You're going to take DNA 390 00:16:11,412 --> 00:16:14,581 from these historical figures and add it to your own! 391 00:16:14,615 --> 00:16:16,950 I shall be the wisest and strongest maniac 392 00:16:16,984 --> 00:16:20,654 ever to bring the blessings of dictatorship to the world! 393 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:23,990 BART: Jig's up, Bob! 394 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:26,593 Return the spear to the Homo erectus. 395 00:16:26,627 --> 00:16:28,495 (laughing): Homo erectus? 396 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:31,197 Where has that word been all my life? 397 00:16:31,232 --> 00:16:33,433 Now, Bart, I promised I wouldn't hurt you. 398 00:16:33,467 --> 00:16:34,834 You did that for me? 399 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,836 More for Mom, but yes. 400 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,972 But beware, I have DNA in me 401 00:16:39,006 --> 00:16:40,774 from Ophiocordyceps unilateralis, 402 00:16:40,808 --> 00:16:42,142 better known as... 403 00:16:42,176 --> 00:16:45,845 zombie ant fungus! 404 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:50,283 And we're scared of that because...? 405 00:16:50,318 --> 00:16:52,519 What I am saying is, I could be tipped 406 00:16:52,553 --> 00:16:54,553 into a murderous rage by the slightest provocation. 407 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:57,023 Could you take a picture of me with my family? 408 00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,558 Mm-hmm. 409 00:16:58,593 --> 00:17:01,795 Oh, would you take another for safety? 410 00:17:01,829 --> 00:17:03,964 Oh, I think my eyes were shut in that one. 411 00:17:03,998 --> 00:17:05,699 (groaning) 412 00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,867 Now, can you take one with my husband's camera? 413 00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,669 They're all ugly because you're in them! 414 00:17:09,704 --> 00:17:11,304 Oh. (children cry) 415 00:17:12,173 --> 00:17:15,976 Taste Praxiteles of Athens! 416 00:17:16,010 --> 00:17:17,310 (yelling) 417 00:17:17,345 --> 00:17:18,812 (moos) 418 00:17:18,846 --> 00:17:20,847 (panting) 419 00:17:24,018 --> 00:17:25,652 (phone rings) 420 00:17:25,686 --> 00:17:28,188 Uh, Chief, we got a report of a disturbance at the Met. 421 00:17:28,222 --> 00:17:29,689 We got bigger problems, Lou. 422 00:17:29,724 --> 00:17:32,325 Horny teens who should be out having bad sex, 423 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:36,196 but instead somebody made them take an abstinence pledge, 424 00:17:36,230 --> 00:17:37,497 by the looks of it. 425 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,034 I don't get it. There are taboos 426 00:17:41,068 --> 00:17:42,669 about premarital sex in the Middle East, 427 00:17:42,703 --> 00:17:45,405 and you don't see those people getting all violent. 428 00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,841 (panting) 429 00:17:47,875 --> 00:17:49,075 (panting) 430 00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,810 You can't escape me! 431 00:17:50,845 --> 00:17:56,349 I've got grasshopper thighs and the sonar of a killer whale! 432 00:17:56,384 --> 00:17:58,718 (making whale sounds) 433 00:18:03,391 --> 00:18:04,858 (loud panting) 434 00:18:04,892 --> 00:18:07,293 (gasping) 435 00:18:10,097 --> 00:18:16,302 Uh, Bob, you can't kill us without a little singing, right? 436 00:18:16,337 --> 00:18:17,637 A little singing? 437 00:18:17,672 --> 00:18:19,139 If there's one thing he did not have 438 00:18:19,173 --> 00:18:21,408 to genetically enhance, it's his voice. 439 00:18:21,442 --> 00:18:26,146 ♪ Non piu andrai, farfallone amoroso... ♪ 440 00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:27,647 (tires screeching) 441 00:18:27,682 --> 00:18:31,418 How dare you torture my children with Mozart! 442 00:18:31,452 --> 00:18:33,420 Ah, you know Mozart? 443 00:18:33,454 --> 00:18:35,655 I call all music Mozart! 444 00:18:35,690 --> 00:18:38,792 We're here to stop you with the help of 445 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:40,427 the teenage abstinence class! 446 00:18:40,461 --> 00:18:41,961 If you defeat this madman, 447 00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:43,763 I'll release you from your pledge 448 00:18:43,798 --> 00:18:46,766 and teach you other fun ways not to get pregnant. 449 00:18:46,801 --> 00:18:48,935 I think I might be pregnant already. 450 00:18:48,969 --> 00:18:50,470 Well, that's one of 'em. 451 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,807 (all grunting and yelling) 452 00:18:56,043 --> 00:18:57,510 (groaning) 453 00:18:57,545 --> 00:19:00,113 Python jaw... unhinge! 454 00:19:00,147 --> 00:19:01,548 Aah! 455 00:19:01,582 --> 00:19:03,883 I don't want to die in some old dude's mouth! 456 00:19:03,918 --> 00:19:06,419 (sobbing) 457 00:19:06,454 --> 00:19:08,354 Bob, would you look at yourself?! 458 00:19:08,389 --> 00:19:09,789 (mumbles) 459 00:19:09,824 --> 00:19:12,192 To quote Whitman, "This is what you shall do: 460 00:19:12,226 --> 00:19:14,227 "love the earth and sun and animals, 461 00:19:14,261 --> 00:19:17,530 despise riches, stand up for the stupid and crazy..." 462 00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:19,966 (mumbles) 463 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,334 Who am I kidding? 464 00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,470 My only exit... is a final one. 465 00:19:23,504 --> 00:19:24,871 What?! No! 466 00:19:24,905 --> 00:19:26,372 Farewell, Simpsons. 467 00:19:26,407 --> 00:19:28,608 And, Lisa, when you're older, 468 00:19:28,642 --> 00:19:31,811 write an autobiographical novel trashing the rest of them. 469 00:19:31,846 --> 00:19:33,146 How veiled? 470 00:19:33,180 --> 00:19:35,715 Thinly! 471 00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:40,086 (wind whipping, grunting) 472 00:19:40,121 --> 00:19:42,122 (chicken clucking sound) 473 00:19:45,192 --> 00:19:46,392 Now, don't worry. 474 00:19:46,427 --> 00:19:50,330 Your friend will always be part of our drinking water. 475 00:19:50,364 --> 00:19:52,365 (water gurgling) 476 00:19:58,038 --> 00:20:01,374 Oh, right, I gave myself gills. 477 00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,409 (water gurgling) 478 00:20:05,546 --> 00:20:07,113 (groaning) 479 00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:12,901 (tango music playing) 480 00:20:15,232 --> 00:20:18,368 I told you, the only dancing I like is square. 481 00:20:18,402 --> 00:20:21,838 Hey, I let you pay for those boys' skipping lessons. 482 00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:23,306 Okay. 483 00:20:23,341 --> 00:20:25,508 ♪ 484 00:20:33,684 --> 00:20:37,020 Ooh! Ned! Ha! 485 00:20:39,790 --> 00:20:42,025 Sure do miss that laugh. 486 00:20:42,059 --> 00:20:45,061 Ha, ha! I miss her, too. 487 00:20:45,096 --> 00:20:50,096 Captioning sponsored by 20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY 488 00:21:32,463 --> 00:21:33,976 Shh!