1
00:00:02,869 --> 00:00:05,394
- Taking up tennis?
- No, it's an electric fly swatter.
Ripped By mstoll
2
00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:07,435
- I wanna see it work.
- We need a fly.
3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,973
I've been waiting all morning.
Did you honestly just kill one?
4
00:00:11,244 --> 00:00:13,269
Hey, what's going on, guys...? Ooh! Aah!
5
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,003
Walk with dignity, you giant toddler.
6
00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:17,613
Schmidt, you gotta
get this stuff out of here.
7
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,719
Can't afford storage. My money's tied up
in this storefront for Jess' sister.
8
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,651
Why don't you put yourjunk
in the storefront, Schmidt?
9
00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:27,985
You want me to put an lan Schrager rug
in a room without climate control?
10
00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:32,630
What? Oh, he was the guy
in Star Wars. Medium talent.
11
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:35,334
- Hey, guys. Morning.
- Hey, Jess.
12
00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:37,331
Come on, Coach! Let's hustle!
13
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:41,097
I got Coach ajob at the school
and it's his first day.
14
00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:45,300
I don't like kids, I don't like teaching,
I just like paychecks.
15
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:49,276
JESS: Well, I think you're gonna love it.
- I don't think I'm gonna love it.
16
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:54,649
Run! Do not stop running
or I will eat your faces and bodies!
17
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,083
Keep running
or I will murder your family!
18
00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:58,780
[BOY CHUCKLES]
19
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,192
I love this job.
20
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:04,659
You're pissing me off!
This one. This one. I got my eye on you.
21
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,392
- Who's that girl?
CHORUS: Who's that girl?
22
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,329
It's Jess
23
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,339
Thanks for helping me move my stuff.
24
00:01:15,542 --> 00:01:16,804
[PIANO MELODY PLAYING]
25
00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:18,307
[SINGING]
Lots of heavy boxes
26
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:21,275
God, I've fallen.
Almost below you now, Nick.
27
00:01:21,514 --> 00:01:24,176
Just fellow passengers
stuck in the caboose of life.
28
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,317
You think I'm in the caboose of life?
29
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:30,148
You love it in the caboose, not me.
It hurts. It's actually quite jarring.
30
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,153
Loves it in the caboose
31
00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,381
I don't.
32
00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:34,615
WINSTON:
Yes, you do
33
00:01:34,828 --> 00:01:37,353
- Uh, hi, you guys open?
- This actually is not a store.
34
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:40,191
Oh, that's too bad. I really like that lamp.
35
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:45,393
You like the lamp? I'm sorry, it doesn't
feel like a store yet is what I meant to say.
36
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:48,072
- Piano player's a nice touch.
SCHMIDT: Thank you very much.
37
00:01:48,341 --> 00:01:51,208
He's lovely, isn't he?
Please look around. Feel free.
38
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,412
The lamp is, uh, 100 percent full price.
39
00:01:53,646 --> 00:01:56,911
- Uh, everything's 100 percent full price.
- What you're doing is illegal.
40
00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:58,617
You can't say this is a store.
41
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:02,013
Not taking advice from you.
You pronounce the G in lasagna.
42
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:03,382
Lasagna...
43
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,455
[CERAMIC BREAKING]
[TIM YELLS]
44
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:09,025
Oh, my God. I think my arm's broken.
45
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:11,628
I'm gonna sue the crap out of you.
46
00:02:11,831 --> 00:02:12,820
[PLAYS DRAMATIC NOTES]
47
00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:15,091
Winston! Quiet.
48
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:19,395
I have Jamal Chambers in fourth period
and he cannot stop talking about...
49
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:22,540
...how fun and enthusiastic
his new volleyball coach was.
50
00:02:22,775 --> 00:02:25,938
- You were right. I love this job.
- I knew it! I knew you'd love it.
51
00:02:26,179 --> 00:02:27,874
- Hey.
- I was looking for you.
52
00:02:28,114 --> 00:02:30,548
You weren't in my car. Internet's down.
53
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:35,743
Okay, um, I rebooted the router. You're actually
on the wrong IP address, so there you go.
54
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:39,447
Ooh. You know I can see
everything you search for?
55
00:02:39,692 --> 00:02:42,126
I'm a biology teacher. It's all research.
56
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:46,991
- Fixing computers and stuff now?
- I'm just taking on extra responsibility.
57
00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,734
Getting done what needs doing.
58
00:02:51,037 --> 00:02:53,130
Graffiti's wrong, kids. Don't do it.
59
00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:56,864
I love corn on the cob too,
but I'm not going to paint it on the walls.
60
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,305
I'm just hoping, you know, in a few years...
61
00:02:59,546 --> 00:03:02,879
...I'll have enough experience
that Dr. Foster will consider me...
62
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:05,414
...for Vice Principal.
- Why don't you just ask?
63
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:08,018
You can't just ask
for a promotion, you know.
64
00:03:08,288 --> 00:03:11,485
You have to earn the promotion
with years of good work.
65
00:03:11,724 --> 00:03:12,850
[CHUCKLING]
66
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:14,651
What's funny?
67
00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:19,427
Ah. How's that working out for you, Jess?
68
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,665
Do you see this volleyball?
69
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:26,337
It won't get over the net
because you want it to...
70
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:28,439
...and you hope someone will notice.
71
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:31,143
I'm gonna ask you one more time.
72
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:35,609
What do you want?
73
00:03:35,848 --> 00:03:39,011
- Um, I want to be Vice Principal.
- All right. Spike that ball, Jess.
74
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:41,687
Oh. That's not... Okay. Um...
75
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,651
- You got to spike it.
- You're not...
76
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,482
- I'm not very good...
- Spike it!
77
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:49,024
- I've never been good with athlete balls.
- Spike it! What do you want?
78
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,356
- To be Vice Principal.
- Tell me what you want!
79
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,964
I want to be the Vice Principal!
80
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,667
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
81
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:57,767
- Ow!
- Oh!
82
00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,495
Oh.
83
00:03:59,872 --> 00:04:01,134
I will not laugh.
84
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,339
An outrage! I can't afford anybody.
85
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:07,944
Access to premium legal counsel
should be every Jew's birthright.
86
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:11,981
And the jury will see that there is
no justice for the Hebrew man.
87
00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:15,187
- Not in these so-called United States.
- What are you doing?
88
00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:19,380
I can't get enough of this legal drama.
Check this out. Favorite author? Grisham.
89
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:23,858
Favorite TV show? Judging Amy.
Favorite color? Courtroom brown.
90
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,531
Courtroom Brown.
Damn, I wish that was my nickname.
91
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:28,666
- It's perfect, man.
- Courtroom Brown.
92
00:04:28,901 --> 00:04:32,735
- Dude, you're a born Courtroom Brown.
- That's me when you say it. I respond.
93
00:04:33,006 --> 00:04:35,167
Hey, Winston. Hey, Courtroom Brown.
94
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,571
- Yes? Ha, ha!
- Ooh-hoo! Kill it, Courtroom!
95
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:40,870
- That's awesome!
- What am I supposed to do?
96
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,242
- Represent myself like some nut job?
- Nick could be your lawyer.
97
00:04:44,517 --> 00:04:46,417
This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?
98
00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:49,986
First, I don't want to be involved,
but thank you, Courtroom Brown.
99
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:54,182
Second, I passed the bar. Which means
I can practice in the state of California.
100
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:56,486
You would be the
worst in the whole world.
101
00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:59,698
- No offense. I love you, dog.
- I could be your lawyer easy.
102
00:04:59,932 --> 00:05:02,400
You don't forget how.
It's like riding a bike.
103
00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:06,435
They've changed these!
104
00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:10,932
Fine, I forgot how to ride a bike,
but I'm not gonna forget how to be a lawyer.
105
00:05:11,177 --> 00:05:13,372
I have no choice.
You can be my lawyer, Nick.
106
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:16,548
I won't do it.
I value myself too great for that.
107
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:19,445
If you want me to be your lawyer,
if you want to win...
108
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:21,654
...you must start with the word,
"please."
109
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:24,116
And I'll need a symbolic $5 retainer.
110
00:05:24,357 --> 00:05:26,723
- Four dollars.
- Let's do it.
111
00:05:27,694 --> 00:05:30,595
JESS:
Dr. Foster, I am young, I'm energetic...
112
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,958
...and I think it's about time
you take advantage of me.
113
00:05:35,201 --> 00:05:37,328
Well, this is a little awkward.
114
00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:40,470
I'm, uh, exclusively into Asian women.
115
00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:44,074
It's really a Kristi Yamaguchi thing.
After Lillehammer...
116
00:05:44,310 --> 00:05:46,801
I meant professionally,
to take advantage of me.
117
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,139
- Oh. I'm sorry.
- It's a professional thing.
118
00:05:49,382 --> 00:05:52,909
I want to be Vice Principal.
Frank retired, you need someone.
119
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:55,746
I deserve it. I bust my ass for this school.
120
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,047
You've got it. The job is yours.
121
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,054
- It is?
- My God, are you kidding?
122
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:04,059
I thought I was gonna have to force
somebody. This is so much easier.
123
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:07,733
- Really?
- Go ahead. Be Vice Principal.
124
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,128
[CHUCKLES]
125
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:12,463
- I can't believe this!
- In fact, you should start right now.
126
00:06:12,705 --> 00:06:14,696
You will not be sorry, sir.
127
00:06:16,642 --> 00:06:18,303
- Did you?
- I got the job!
128
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:20,103
- Oh!
- Yeah! Ha, ha.
129
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,507
- Let's celebrate.
- I spiked the ball! No! No!
130
00:06:22,749 --> 00:06:26,651
- I'm not doing that! No!
- Let's celebrate! Let me pour it on you!
131
00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:33,714
Yeah. It, uh, looks standard. Yeah.
132
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:36,154
You're definitely being sued.
133
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,387
Uh, your deposition is tomorrow...
134
00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:40,097
Do we prep for the plaintiff?
135
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:44,633
I don't like prepping. It makes me nervous.
I feel boxed in and I'm very quick on my, uh...
136
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,537
Did you just forget the word "feet"?
137
00:06:48,775 --> 00:06:50,743
- Feet, yeah.
- You should really prep.
138
00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:54,946
- Fair enough. Winston, you're my plaintiff.
- Done deal. Heh. Okay.
139
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,137
[CLEARS THROAT]
140
00:06:56,349 --> 00:07:01,651
Hi, my name is Tim Baker.
I live at 522 Dugan Court Terrace.
141
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:04,482
Okay, Mr. Baker,
how long have you been a chef?
142
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,887
- I don't have to answer that.
- You actually do, though, Winston.
143
00:07:08,694 --> 00:07:10,423
Doesn't he?
144
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:13,356
- Why are you asking me, man?
- No, I'm not...
145
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,397
- You're the lawyer.
- No, I know. You have to answer.
146
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:20,765
- I answered that during background.
- What? You did background without me?
147
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,271
Why wasn't I invited for background?
How long have you been a chef?
148
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:26,136
You're fired!
149
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:30,275
Give me another chance.
150
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:32,781
No!
151
00:07:34,053 --> 00:07:36,578
Here's something: Get on a plane with me.
152
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:40,088
While you think about it,
put this on my card. It's the black one.
153
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,557
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
154
00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:45,290
[WHISTLES]
155
00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:50,731
Wow. That just happened? You think we
should take his card and buy him a new shirt?
156
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:51,959
[CHUCKLES]
157
00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:54,969
I'm scared he'd want to
change in front of us.
158
00:07:55,241 --> 00:07:57,436
- I'm Cece.
- Hi, Cece, I'm Buster.
159
00:07:57,710 --> 00:08:00,235
- I really hope that's a nickname.
- No, it's not.
160
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,675
- That's your real name?
- I was bullied.
161
00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:04,940
- Hi, Buster.
- All right, hold on.
162
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,277
- I've got an eye for young boys.
- Oh, God.
163
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:10,717
That's right, I said it. It's not a typo.
Let's see some ID.
164
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,623
- God, you're handsome.
- Sorry.
165
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,388
Wyoming. Look at that. Wyoming.
166
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:20,190
So you're one of the three people
from Wyoming.
167
00:08:20,433 --> 00:08:24,699
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT] Yeah. Cowboy state.
Big sky country. Home of the Liberty Bell.
168
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:29,567
Bull snatch. That's an aawul accent.
What is your real accent?
169
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,903
Are you Australian or from heaven?
How old are you for real?
170
00:08:33,145 --> 00:08:37,104
- Don't bull snatch a bull snatcher.
- Leave him alone. You're over 21, right?
171
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,510
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'm not. I'm 20.
172
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,751
- Get out of here.
- Can I get my ID?
173
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:49,121
No, of course not, you can't. It'd be
against the law, you wonderful creature.
174
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,126
BUSTER: Nice to meet you, Cece.
- Good God, you look nice.
175
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,356
Nothing irks me like underage drinking.
176
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:57,728
It's stupid, it's dangerous,
it's irresponsible.
177
00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,666
God, I want to have sex with
that kid so bad, it's freaking me out.
178
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,364
Ah. I'm real tingly.
179
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:08,109
JESS: We have to talk about the budget.
- Problem? But it's due Monday.
180
00:09:08,347 --> 00:09:10,110
- Yeah.
- Do we have too much money?
181
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,146
- No.
- We need to fire people.
182
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,616
- What?
- And when I say "we," I mean you.
183
00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:18,551
- Start with the most recent hires.
- We have, um...
184
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:22,319
...Janet from the History Department.
- Pfft. Human garbage.
185
00:09:22,995 --> 00:09:25,896
- Okay. Ernie, uh...
- Oh, yeah.
186
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:28,998
No, that's Coach. No, no. No.
187
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,261
- No, he's very good at his job.
- Last one in, first one out.
188
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,405
- You know how this works.
- That's wrong.
189
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,904
- This is the job.
- He's my friend. I can't. No.
190
00:09:37,176 --> 00:09:40,373
- I'm not firing Coach.
- This is the job, Miss Day.
191
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:42,274
Do you want it or not?
192
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:48,579
- I'm what?
- We had to do budget cuts...
193
00:09:48,854 --> 00:09:53,382
...and we have to let two people go
and you're my friend and I couldn't stop it.
194
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,059
I'm so sorry.
195
00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:56,990
[BOYS LAUGHING]
196
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,494
We all pitched in.
197
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,801
Thanks guys, but I'm not coach anymore.
198
00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,868
I'm just Coach.
199
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:15,677
[COACH SOBS THEN GROANS]
200
00:10:25,257 --> 00:10:27,122
Morning, Winston.
201
00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:33,588
Are you not talking to me?
202
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,267
Look, I had to fire Coach for my job.
203
00:10:37,503 --> 00:10:39,266
I didn't want to.
204
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:41,132
Don't squint at me.
205
00:10:41,407 --> 00:10:43,102
Don't do that.
206
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,936
I did it for my job. It wasn't my choice.
207
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:48,408
WINSTON: Hey, Nick. What's up, man?
- What's up, Win?
208
00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:51,779
- Hey, Nick. Can we talk for a second?
- Hey.
209
00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,476
Schmidt fired me and now
I'll never get to use this briefcase...
210
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:58,815
...I just bought and it was $19!
- I think my thing is a little...
211
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,255
Do you think I'm sexier
when I hold it or not?
212
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:04,292
Because I think it's sexier
when I hold it like this.
213
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,657
- Not really.
- Do I look like a man of power?
214
00:11:07,299 --> 00:11:09,995
Imagine this, it's, like, a rainy day,
I'm on the streets of New York.
215
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:11,430
[NICK WHISTLES]
216
00:11:11,637 --> 00:11:13,468
Hey! Stop that cab!
217
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:17,073
I'm a business man.
I'm late to an important meeting.
218
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:19,277
I feel like I would've been good at this.
219
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:22,606
You don't want to be a lawyer.
Why do you care Schmidt fired you?
220
00:11:22,815 --> 00:11:26,182
I spent all those years at law school
with those preppy dicks...
221
00:11:26,452 --> 00:11:28,647
...and I never got to prove them wrong,
Jess.
222
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:33,017
Okay, go after what you want.
Just make sure that what you want...
223
00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:38,491
...doesn't make you a cog on the wheel
of a larger flawed system.
224
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:42,497
Stop it. Shut your mouth.
Because what you're saying is beautiful.
225
00:11:42,735 --> 00:11:45,135
I'm gonna go put on my power suit.
226
00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,965
- High and loud, girl. Whoo!
- Um...
227
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:52,133
- Good talk, Nick.
- I feel so sexy, it's disgusting.
228
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,903
- I think you misunderstood...
- Whoo!
229
00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:01,175
- Your representation running late?
- Uh, no, I'll be representing myself today.
230
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:03,547
Sorry we're late. This building is a mess.
231
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:06,485
Nick Miller of, uh,
Cooper, Bishop and Furguson.
232
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,854
As you know, my boss and
senior partner, Mr. Winston Furguson.
233
00:12:10,096 --> 00:12:14,123
Gentlemen, pleased to be with you.
Please, don't get up. I insist.
234
00:12:14,366 --> 00:12:16,527
Madam Secretary.
235
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:18,964
- What are you doing?
- Representing you.
236
00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,639
- Everything all right?
- I wasn't expecting these...
237
00:12:21,874 --> 00:12:23,535
...two very real lawyers to show up.
238
00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:27,075
We wanted you to know that
the entire firm is standing behind you.
239
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:29,814
Besides, whether I sit in my office
or in here...
240
00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:31,880
...it is all billable. Am I right, gentlemen?
241
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,949
[LAUGHING]
242
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,586
Well, shall we get into this
orjust take our pants off?
243
00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:38,450
[NICK CHUCKLES]
244
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:40,814
[SLAP]
245
00:12:41,026 --> 00:12:42,516
- Ask questions.
- Let me do my thing.
246
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,889
- Do your thing.
- Ahem. Mr. Baker.
247
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:46,962
Yes?
248
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:53,769
- What's your home address?
- 522 Dugan Court Terrace.
249
00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:55,404
NICK:
Okay.
250
00:12:55,708 --> 00:12:56,902
[NICK CLEARS THROAT]
251
00:12:57,109 --> 00:12:59,839
No further questions.
252
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,706
What?
253
00:13:02,648 --> 00:13:04,582
- Keep going. Just keep going.
- Ow!
254
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:08,217
- What are you...? Don't hit me.
- Is everything all right?
255
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:09,887
Sure it is. The meter's running.
256
00:13:10,089 --> 00:13:12,216
[LAWYERS LAUGH]
257
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:18,222
Even though you don't work at Coolidge,
you'll still be Coach Coach to those kids.
258
00:13:18,464 --> 00:13:21,194
- Coach Coach.
- Yeah, Coach Coach.
259
00:13:21,433 --> 00:13:22,991
- Coach Coach.
- Coach Coach.
260
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:26,500
- I'm sorry.
- Ah, it's all good, Jess.
261
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,707
You did what you had to do.
262
00:13:28,941 --> 00:13:31,273
- I'm proud of you for that, okay?
- Yeah.
263
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,809
- I hope I'm the first of many you fire.
- That means a lot to me.
264
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,775
I am gonna miss those kids though.
265
00:13:38,050 --> 00:13:41,144
That's what I'm gonna miss.
Those little bastards.
266
00:13:41,420 --> 00:13:44,446
Little Ronnie. He's so clumsy and slow.
267
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:46,521
- Yeah.
- Thomas...
268
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:50,217
...he's strong, but that boy is
a classic middle child.
269
00:13:50,462 --> 00:13:53,056
He's just looking for love,
up, back and sideways.
270
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:54,357
[JESS CHUCKLES]
271
00:13:55,868 --> 00:13:57,267
[WHIMPERING]
And Maurice...
272
00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:59,130
[JESS SOBS]
273
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,432
...always makes a mess whenever
he eats a popsicle. It's like:
274
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:06,133
"Stop sucking your popsicle like that,
you'll never get a girlfriend."
275
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:07,675
[SOBBING]
276
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,144
- And then there's Hunter.
- God.
277
00:14:10,382 --> 00:14:14,944
That cross-eyed, clodhopping Hunter.
278
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:18,850
Hunter's the sweetest
little idiot there ever was.
279
00:14:19,124 --> 00:14:25,256
[CRYING]
He's so sweet. He's so sweet.
280
00:14:27,099 --> 00:14:29,693
Screw this. Because...
281
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:34,429
...you told me to go after what I wanted
and this is not what I wanted.
282
00:14:34,673 --> 00:14:38,302
- Let's go. We'll get you to that game.
- It's okay. They're playing Pasadena.
283
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:42,002
They don't stand a chance.
Pasadena's a bunch of bitch-ass tricks...
284
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:46,480
...weren't raised right.
- Hey. What do you want?
285
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,778
Well, I want to be there.
286
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:51,489
So spike that ball!
287
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:55,888
That was not a ball, that was beer.
288
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:57,890
I know, I feel really bad about it.
289
00:14:58,163 --> 00:14:59,630
- Don't feel bad!
- Let's go!
290
00:14:59,865 --> 00:15:01,628
- Let's go!
- You got me all fired up!
291
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,528
I think you're gonna have to drive.
292
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:09,672
"Mr. Miller: Were you or were you not
wearing oversized shoes in the store?
293
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:13,401
Mr. Baker: I was not. I told you that.
Mr. Miller: But are you sure?
294
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:17,740
Mr. Schmidt: Shut up, Nick.
Mr. Miller: Let me do this. Ow, stop it.
295
00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:20,247
Mr. Schmidt: Stop what?
You're hitting yourself.
296
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:21,816
Mr. Miller: You're a child.
297
00:15:22,054 --> 00:15:24,181
Mr. Schmidt:
A child would be a better lawyer.
298
00:15:24,390 --> 00:15:27,723
Mr. Furguson: Children are our future.
Mr. Berklan: So true.
299
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,521
Mr. Miller: I need to regroup.
I'm gonna stall a little bit. Watch this.
300
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:35,359
- Could the lady typer read that back?"
- All right. We've had enough.
301
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:39,332
My client is graciously willing
to settle for $20,000.
302
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:43,701
As an actual real attorney,
I highly suggest you take the deal.
303
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,911
- Great. We'll do...
- Not a chance.
304
00:15:46,178 --> 00:15:49,204
Not a chance. Sorry.
Come on, Schmidt, here we go.
305
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,582
- You are not taking that settlement.
- At least if it's $20,000...
306
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:59,655
...I can get out of that hole someday.
- I got a plan. Just give me a chance.
307
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,554
Can you believe in me?
308
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:02,749
[SCHMIDT SIGHS]
309
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,157
- All right. I believe in you. Deal.
- Deal.
310
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:07,729
- What's the plan?
- Not telling. You'll get mad.
311
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,060
I take it back. I don't believe in you.
312
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:11,894
[BOYS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]
313
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:20,373
- How long is this game?
- Go get them, Coach.
314
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:24,977
All right! Listen up,
you no-talent idiot babies!
315
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,911
Give me that! Give me that!
316
00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,779
- Give me that.
- Oh, thank God.
317
00:16:29,421 --> 00:16:31,753
Bring it in! Come on!
318
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:36,121
All right. Now, who is
gonna win this match?
319
00:16:36,362 --> 00:16:38,489
- Coolidge!
- Who's number one?
320
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:41,255
BOYS: Coolidge!
- Let me hear it! Who are we?
321
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,831
- Coolidge!
- Rakim!
322
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:46,333
Really, Rakim? I just walked you
right up to it and you're gonna...
323
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,062
- We're gonna talk.
- Coolidge!
324
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:51,504
It's too late, man. All right, guys!
Get out there, make me proud!
325
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:53,405
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
326
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:55,906
- Miss Day. What is going on?
- What?
327
00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:58,013
I thought you fired Coach.
328
00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:00,581
Look, Coach loves the kids
and the kids love him.
329
00:17:00,819 --> 00:17:03,287
I want this job, but I'm not
gonna do it your way.
330
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:05,285
I'm not gonna let our best people go.
331
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:08,982
You were the one who told me
we have no money.
332
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:11,126
We can make it up. We can be creative.
333
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:15,163
We can rent out the multi-purpose room
after school to local clubs.
334
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:19,167
And where will the orchestra practice?
Did you ever consider that, Miss Day?
335
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:22,306
Or were you too busy
buying a ladies' bike?
336
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,099
- What?
- They can use the library.
337
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:27,312
- No one goes in there anyway.
- Yeah, let's burn all the books!
338
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,106
Except for The Da Vinci Code.
339
00:17:30,682 --> 00:17:34,049
Well, that took a weird turn,
but thank you, Susan.
340
00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:36,787
That's so nice. What a great solution.
341
00:17:37,022 --> 00:17:39,354
Come on! Let's do it! Oh!
342
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,217
[BOYS CHEERING]
343
00:17:41,427 --> 00:17:44,624
- You animal!
BOY: We did it!
344
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:48,826
Hit that robot! Unh! Unh! Yeah!
345
00:17:49,935 --> 00:17:53,336
I guess we can figure out
some way to keep him.
346
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,631
God, you frost my cookies.
347
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:57,307
Thank you.
348
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:58,532
[ALL CHEERING]
349
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,507
Wait, what about...?
Get back out there!
350
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,976
- Still have a game to play!
- Coach! Guess what?
351
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:04,546
Ball!
352
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:08,144
- It's okay.
- Don't laugh, guys. Ha, ha.
353
00:18:08,387 --> 00:18:11,413
- I'm okay. I'm gonna sit down.
- Did you see that hit her face?
354
00:18:14,126 --> 00:18:16,492
- Are you going to sit...?
- No, I'm going to stand.
355
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:19,822
Isn't that what we're doing?
Standing, for the little guy?
356
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:21,930
- What's the plan?
- Injustice.
357
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:26,001
I will not stand for it.
That is why I will sit right now.
358
00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:28,763
I will sit down in this chair...
359
00:18:28,974 --> 00:18:30,134
[YELLS]
360
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:33,935
You're negligent!
361
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:35,340
[NICK YELLS]
362
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:39,415
Get off me! My neck! My neck!
363
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:42,814
Seriously? The fall-down-on-the-chair bit?
This your first case?
364
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:46,752
Yes, it is. And that is why
I'll file petition on petition.
365
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:49,290
You're gonna wake up in the morning
to paperwork.
366
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:51,554
Gonna go to bed at night to paperwork.
367
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:54,061
How about this, gentlemen?
368
00:18:54,299 --> 00:18:58,065
You pay the $20,000 settlement
to your client yourself...
369
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:00,237
...and you'll never see our faces again.
370
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:04,272
What do you call a lunatic
who's only got one case...
371
00:19:04,510 --> 00:19:07,775
...and no hobbies?
Your worst nightmare.
372
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:10,437
Let's go, guys.
373
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:16,452
Listen, Bill, if you ever
want to play with the big boys...
374
00:19:16,688 --> 00:19:18,781
...you'll give me a ring, won't you?
375
00:19:23,028 --> 00:19:24,791
This is a baseball card.
376
00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:26,725
Yeah.
377
00:19:27,399 --> 00:19:29,629
NICK & SCHMIDT:
All right.
378
00:19:29,902 --> 00:19:31,802
Cheers.
379
00:19:32,638 --> 00:19:35,232
SCHMIDT: Ah. Another round of shots.
- On the house.
380
00:19:35,474 --> 00:19:37,066
You don't get to say that. You know that?
381
00:19:37,276 --> 00:19:40,245
Oh. I knew you'd come back for me.
382
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:42,572
What do you want to do now?
You wanna drive?
383
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:44,304
Oh, no. Mike!
384
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,178
- What?
- I got it, thank you.
385
00:19:47,452 --> 00:19:50,012
- Hey.
- I just wanted to come and say...
386
00:19:50,289 --> 00:19:53,816
...first things first,
the legal drinking age in Australia is 18.
387
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,118
And secondly, you're really beautiful.
388
00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,524
Like, you're really beautiful.
I want to take you out sometime.
389
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:02,699
But because I'm 20
and at a bit of a disadvantage...
390
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,131
...I thought I'd do some
self-promotion to help the cause.
391
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:07,895
- Okay.
- And let you know...
392
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,971
...I just opened my own business.
393
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,938
I build boats.
394
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:14,509
- Uh, wooden boats, with my hands.
CECE: Mm-hm.
395
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:17,705
Um, all the ladies love me.
They call me sensitive.
396
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:21,009
And I'm a really good cook.
I know three dishes.
397
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:23,278
And two of those dishes
are the same thing.
398
00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:24,648
[CHUCKLES]
399
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:28,290
That's it. What do you think?
Want to get a drink?
400
00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:30,722
- Like a soft drink?
- Soft drink, a walk.
401
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:32,861
- Can you have a coffee?
- I love coffee.
402
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,693
It's one of the three meals that I know
how to make.
403
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,495
- All right.
- Well done, sir.
404
00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:43,038
WINSTON:
Oh!
405
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:46,177
You know what? We could actually...
We could probably go now.
406
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,311
I'd like to comb your hair, you hunk.
407
00:20:48,547 --> 00:20:52,244
I don't know them. They come, drink,
and talk about things they don't know!
408
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:55,816
Mike, I'm gonna take a break. I don't know
when I'll be back. Meet you out front.
409
00:20:57,489 --> 00:21:00,856
Stop what you're doing,
there's a lawyer here to make...
410
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,583
Jessica?
411
00:21:03,061 --> 00:21:05,359
Jessica, I won the case.
412
00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,266
If you woke up right now,
we could be making love.
413
00:21:10,769 --> 00:21:12,031
Jessica.
414
00:21:13,605 --> 00:21:15,163
Power couple.
415
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:21,040
Oh, I miss the comfort of this house
416
00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:25,507
Where we are, where we are
417
00:21:26,885 --> 00:21:30,252
Where we are, where we are
418
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,650
[NICK SIGHS]
Ripped By mstoll