1
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Now kids, When aunt Robin was the teenager.

2
00:00:04,488 --> 00:00:07,685
She was, well, the Canadian pop star.

3
00:00:08,601 --> 00:00:11,436
But by 2008, she was the entirely different person.

4
00:00:16,273 --> 00:00:19,571
Coming up next, is your baby trying to kill you

5
00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:23,351
Which made the events that week, all the more surprising.

6
00:00:23,643 --> 00:00:26,327
So, I got up this morning, its freezing.

7
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So I walked over there.

8
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And I don't know why I am still talking.

9
00:00:29,002 --> 00:00:31,204
Because clearly we are all asking the same question.

10
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What in god's creation is going on with Robin's breasts.

11
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I know, right, isn't that amazing.

12
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I spent half an hour making these happen

13
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Its tape in there, cotton balls,

14
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half of a Nerf football, but it works, right?

15
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Totally. What's the occasion?

16
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And old friend from Canada is in town

17
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and I'm meeting him for a drink.

18
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Ooh! Somebody you went to Degrassi with?

19
00:00:50,460 --> 00:00:54,170
No. Actually, he was my first boyfriend.

20
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Simon. I thought he was the coolest guy ever.

21
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He smelled like Drakkar.

22
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He could ollie on a skateboard.

23
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He had the most amazing collection

24
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of Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts.

25
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We spent the whole summer madly in love.

26
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Tell me more. Tell me more.

27
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Like, did he have a car?

28
00:01:16,472 --> 00:01:17,799
So he's the guy who...

29
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How shall I say this like a gentleman?

30
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Robin, did he take your maple leaf?

31
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No, it wasn't like that.

32
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Sounds to me like he gave you your first "O, Canada!" face.

33
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NARROR: This went on for a really long time.

34
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Some of them jokes were elegant and well-crafted...

35
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Wait, wait. Did he break up with you

36
00:01:36,581 --> 00:01:39,416
and tell you he's just not that Inuit?

37
00:01:39,427 --> 00:01:41,297
(laughing)

38
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NARRATOR: ...others were crude, and ill-formed...

39
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Um, something about fur trapping.

40
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NARRATOR: ...and others were obvious, but needed to be said...

41
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Did you ride his Zamboni?

44
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Wait, wait, wait. Did he...?

45
00:01:56,319 --> 00:01:59,124
I think I'm out.

46
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Yeah, I'm also "oot."

47
00:02:03,398 --> 00:02:04,926
Okay, now I'm really out.

48
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Well, I'm sorry, guys. It was all very tame.

49
00:02:07,018 --> 00:02:09,079
We only dated for a week and a half.

50
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Wha...? I thought you said you were together all summer.

51
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Yeah. Summer in Canada is pretty much the last week of July.

52
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Anyway, one night,

53
00:02:16,097 --> 00:02:18,299
his band just finish playing this gig...

54
00:02:18,309 --> 00:02:22,049
(panting)

55
00:02:22,060 --> 00:02:24,865
Oh, my God! Simon.

56
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That was such a good show.

57
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:30,233
You guys totally rocked out.

58
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Yeah.

59
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I know.

60
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I figure we're about four or five gigs away

61
00:02:35,302 --> 00:02:36,599
from really exploding.

62
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We're gonna be big, babe.

63
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I mean, like Crash-Test-Dummies big.

64
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So, that everything?

65
00:02:44,382 --> 00:02:45,317
Yeah.

66
00:02:45,327 --> 00:02:46,935
All right.

67
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Listen, babe...

68
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It's over.

69
00:02:52,325 --> 00:02:54,999
What?

70
00:02:55,010 --> 00:02:57,724
I'm getting back together with Louise Marsh.

71
00:02:58,459 --> 00:02:59,826
Louise Marsh?!

72
00:02:59,836 --> 00:03:02,671
That's a whore's name if I ever heard one.

73
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:06,160
Yeah, why would he want to get back together with Louise Marsh?

74
00:03:06,171 --> 00:03:08,543
Well, the thing is...

75
00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:11,962
her folks just put in a pool.

76
00:03:11,972 --> 00:03:13,329
Oh... So...

77
00:03:13,340 --> 00:03:16,044
I totally... I get it.

78
00:03:16,055 --> 00:03:18,025
Pools are great.

79
00:03:18,035 --> 00:03:19,643
Swimming's awesome.

80
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We have a sprinkler.

81
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Run right through it.

82
00:03:25,245 --> 00:03:27,778
Well, I should go.

83
00:03:27,789 --> 00:03:29,226
Uh...

84
00:03:29,930 --> 00:03:32,383
Babe, wait.

85
00:03:33,319 --> 00:03:34,787
Yeah, Simon?

86
00:03:34,797 --> 00:03:37,541
You forgot to load the drum set.

87
00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:39,773
No!

88
00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:42,428
Tell me you did not load the drum set.

89
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:43,796
(drums feet): I did.

90
00:03:43,806 --> 00:03:45,575
(all groaning)

91
00:03:45,586 --> 00:03:47,054
And now he's coming here?

92
00:03:47,064 --> 00:03:48,893
Robin, why do you want to see this guy?

93
00:03:48,904 --> 00:03:51,437
Oh! I know why.

94
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,117
You're gonna win, aren't you?

95
00:03:53,127 --> 00:03:55,097
I have no idea what you' talking about.

96
00:03:55,108 --> 00:03:56,435
Yes, you do.

97
00:03:56,445 --> 00:03:58,144
Whenever you haven't seen someone for a long time,

98
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,753
no matter how much you want to deny it,

99
00:03:59,763 --> 00:04:01,894
there's always a clear winner and a clear loser.

100
00:04:01,905 --> 00:04:02,769
Well, since you brought it up,

101
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:04,750
let's add up the points.

102
00:04:04,761 --> 00:04:06,963
You're starting out with two big ones right there.

103
00:04:06,973 --> 00:04:08,430
Thank you.

104
00:04:08,441 --> 00:04:10,813
Okay. So, Simon still lives with his mom.

105
00:04:10,824 --> 00:04:11,789
Point Robin.

106
00:04:11,799 --> 00:04:12,693
Um, he never became

107
00:04:12,704 --> 00:04:13,729
a rock star.

108
00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:15,368
Point Robin.

109
00:04:15,379 --> 00:04:17,581
He now works at a water slide park outside of Ottawa.

110
00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,028
Point Simon.

111
00:04:19,039 --> 00:04:20,496
Wait. Do they have a wave pool?

112
00:04:20,507 --> 00:04:21,643
No.

113
00:04:21,653 --> 00:04:23,784
Ah. Point Robin. That's five-zip.

114
00:04:23,795 --> 00:04:25,293
There's no coming back from that.

115
00:04:25,303 --> 00:04:26,630
Yeah, he's going down.

116
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:29,294
I mean, unless somehow, he got hotter.

117
00:04:29,757 --> 00:04:31,928
There he is.

118
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:34,975
NARRATOR: And sure enough, there was a clear winner,

119
00:04:34,986 --> 00:04:38,806
and a clear loser.

120
00:04:40,184 --> 00:04:42,657
NARRATOR: It just wasn't clear to everybody.

121
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Hey, babe.

122
00:04:44,307 --> 00:04:48,288
(giggling): Oh, my God.

123
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,330
Okay, what the hell just happened?

124
00:05:03,341 --> 00:05:05,985
Oh, come on, it wasn't so bad, was it?

125
00:05:05,995 --> 00:05:07,151
(others groan)

126
00:05:07,161 --> 00:05:08,327
Hey, Simon.

127
00:05:08,338 --> 00:05:11,274
Wow, look at you.

128
00:05:11,284 --> 00:05:13,234
You got old.

129
00:05:13,737 --> 00:05:14,732
ROBIN: Yeah.

130
00:05:14,743 --> 00:05:16,975
You look great.

131
00:05:16,985 --> 00:05:17,849
You got hotter,

132
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,589
like that's possible.

133
00:05:19,599 --> 00:05:20,996
(giggles)

134
00:05:21,007 --> 00:05:22,505
So...

135
00:05:22,515 --> 00:05:25,993
Look, I know it didn't go as planned,

136
00:05:26,004 --> 00:05:27,059
but I can't help it.

137
00:05:27,070 --> 00:05:28,467
I mean...

138
00:05:28,478 --> 00:05:29,825
he's still got it.

139
00:05:30,589 --> 00:05:32,931
Whoa! Four bucks for a brew?

140
00:05:32,942 --> 00:05:34,842
What a rip.

141
00:05:34,853 --> 00:05:36,622
Good think I'm packing.

142
00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:38,572
(giggles)

143
00:05:39,307 --> 00:05:41,378
So he's not a snob.

144
00:05:41,388 --> 00:05:42,715
He's from a different part

145
00:05:42,726 --> 00:05:44,153
of Canada, you know?

146
00:05:44,163 --> 00:05:46,505
The maple leaf flag on the back of the pickup truck?

147
00:05:46,516 --> 00:05:48,516
He's Red Province.

148
00:05:48,527 --> 00:05:50,286
He's from the Deep North.

149
00:05:50,297 --> 00:05:51,563
The thing is,

150
00:05:51,574 --> 00:05:53,574
we gave you so many opportunities.

151
00:05:53,585 --> 00:05:54,952
So, Simon,

152
00:05:54,962 --> 00:05:57,696
Robin's a bit of a local celebrity here in New York.

153
00:05:57,707 --> 00:05:59,275
She's the lead anchor at Metro News One.

154
00:05:59,286 --> 00:06:01,588
Tell him, Robin.

155
00:06:01,599 --> 00:06:02,855
No. It's stupid.

156
00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:05,249
It's not cool, like Simon's shirt.

157
00:06:05,882 --> 00:06:07,621
I'm sorry, Simon.

158
00:06:07,632 --> 00:06:10,497
Here we are nattering on about our big celebrity.

159
00:06:10,507 --> 00:06:12,276
What do you do for a living?

160
00:06:12,287 --> 00:06:14,921
Oh, I work at the Splish Splash Ottawa Water Slide Park.

161
00:06:14,931 --> 00:06:16,871
Huh! A water slide park.

162
00:06:16,882 --> 00:06:19,486
That sure is different than what Robin does.

163
00:06:19,496 --> 00:06:23,045
Yeah, it is... because I save lives.

164
00:06:23,719 --> 00:06:25,317
If I'm not sitting in that stool

165
00:06:25,328 --> 00:06:26,956
at the top of the slide, going...

166
00:06:26,967 --> 00:06:28,233
Go...

167
00:06:28,244 --> 00:06:30,003
Go...

168
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:31,612
Go...

169
00:06:31,623 --> 00:06:33,231
people die.

170
00:06:34,136 --> 00:06:35,372
What, you think it's so easy?

171
00:06:35,383 --> 00:06:37,011
You try it.

172
00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,751
Um... (clears throat)... okay.

173
00:06:38,762 --> 00:06:40,099
Go.

174
00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:42,039
You didn't put your hand up; kid just died.

175
00:06:42,050 --> 00:06:43,246
No, I didn't know...

176
00:06:43,256 --> 00:06:44,854
Another kid just went; he died too.

177
00:06:44,865 --> 00:06:46,433
Oh, well, sure. I mean, if I was actually...

178
00:06:46,444 --> 00:06:48,173
Another kid just went; now you've got a pile-up

179
00:06:48,183 --> 00:06:50,314
and Robin's got something to report on the news.

180
00:06:50,325 --> 00:06:53,703
This just in: My friend, Ted, just killed a bunch of kids today.

181
00:06:53,713 --> 00:06:55,181
Well, that's cool.

182
00:06:55,191 --> 00:06:56,789
You got to pay the bills somehow

183
00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,138
since your whole music thing didn't really pan out, did it?

184
00:07:00,148 --> 00:07:02,118
Well, it hasn't panned out yet, but the band's still going.

185
00:07:02,129 --> 00:07:03,224
About four or five gigs

186
00:07:03,235 --> 00:07:05,336
away from really exploding.

187
00:07:05,347 --> 00:07:07,860
The Foreskins are still playing?

188
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:09,961
The Foreskins?

189
00:07:09,972 --> 00:07:12,676
How'd you guys come up with that name?

190
00:07:12,687 --> 00:07:15,954
(sighs) Well, there's four of us,

191
00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:17,845
and we play without shirts.

192
00:07:18,579 --> 00:07:20,680
Babe, seriously.

193
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:24,149
I know. I'm sorry.

194
00:07:24,853 --> 00:07:26,783
I know. I'm sorry.

195
00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,865
But you guys just don't understand.

196
00:07:28,875 --> 00:07:32,615
The fact that he kept the band going-- that's impressive.

197
00:07:32,626 --> 00:07:34,757
I mean, I gave up my musical dream.

198
00:07:34,767 --> 00:07:37,944
Which brings us to the most important piece

199
00:07:37,955 --> 00:07:40,458
of information from tonight.

200
00:07:40,469 --> 00:07:41,836
So, Simon,

201
00:07:41,846 --> 00:07:43,072
how did you guys meet?

202
00:07:43,083 --> 00:07:44,349
Oh, I was in her video.

203
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:46,290
Starred in it is more like it.

204
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,336
Well, once you win Mr. Teen Winnipeg,

205
00:07:49,347 --> 00:07:52,795
everybody wants a piece of the moneymaker.

206
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,038
I'm sorry. I've seen "Let's Go to the Mall"

207
00:07:55,048 --> 00:07:57,481
about a thousand times, and you, sir, are not in it.

208
00:07:57,492 --> 00:07:58,929
No, I was in the other one.

209
00:07:58,939 --> 00:07:59,542
There's another video?!

210
00:08:06,078 --> 00:08:07,636
Robin, seriously,

211
00:08:07,647 --> 00:08:09,517
just make this easier on yourself

212
00:08:09,527 --> 00:08:10,824
and give us the tape.

213
00:08:10,834 --> 00:08:12,231
No.

214
00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,337
All right.

215
00:08:13,348 --> 00:08:16,756
You leave me no choice.

216
00:08:16,767 --> 00:08:18,938
From this moment on,

217
00:08:18,949 --> 00:08:23,795
I will spend every waking minute searching down this tape.

218
00:08:23,805 --> 00:08:26,379
I will not sleep. I will not eat.

219
00:08:26,389 --> 00:08:29,294
My life will be a living hell of search engines

220
00:08:29,305 --> 00:08:31,567
and overseas phone calls,

221
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:35,187
chasing down something that possibly can't be found.

222
00:08:35,197 --> 00:08:37,479
Okay.

223
00:08:38,315 --> 00:08:39,913
It's just...

224
00:08:39,923 --> 00:08:41,461
It was so hard to watch, Robin.

225
00:08:41,472 --> 00:08:43,402
You're usually so cool.

226
00:08:43,412 --> 00:08:45,040
I don't know what's wrong with me.

227
00:08:45,051 --> 00:08:49,163
I'm sitting next to Simon, and suddenly I'm 16 again.

228
00:08:49,174 --> 00:08:50,440
Oh, it's actually a common thing.

229
00:08:50,451 --> 00:08:51,979
When you're around someone from your past,

230
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:53,286
you kind of revert back to who you were

231
00:08:53,296 --> 00:08:54,663
when you knew them.

232
00:08:54,674 --> 00:08:56,202
There's not really a name for it, though.

233
00:08:56,212 --> 00:08:57,680
It's called "revertigo."

234
00:08:57,690 --> 00:09:00,696
Yeah, I don't know about "revertigo."

235
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,939
You know who gets really bad revertigo?

236
00:09:02,949 --> 00:09:04,648
(whispers): Lily when she around

237
00:09:04,658 --> 00:09:07,332
her high school friend, Michelle.

238
00:09:07,343 --> 00:09:09,917
Michelle? She sounds hot.

239
00:09:09,927 --> 00:09:12,129
You don't know about Lily and Michelle?

240
00:09:12,139 --> 00:09:14,974
No. What about Lily and Michelle?

241
00:09:14,985 --> 00:09:17,327
Oh, my friend, you are in for a treat.

242
00:09:18,001 --> 00:09:19,368
Hey, Lil? What?

243
00:09:19,379 --> 00:09:20,877
You know, I was just thinking,

244
00:09:20,887 --> 00:09:22,716
we haven't seen your friend Michelle in a while.

245
00:09:22,727 --> 00:09:25,833
Oh, yeah. I'll give her a call, see if she wants to hang out.

246
00:09:25,844 --> 00:09:27,623
Yeah.

247
00:09:29,062 --> 00:09:31,434
What... (stammers) Do they make out?

248
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:32,500
Better.

249
00:09:32,510 --> 00:09:34,380
Comparable. Comparable.

250
00:09:34,391 --> 00:09:37,337
Whatever. It's over. I lost.

251
00:09:38,242 --> 00:09:40,785
I guess you, uh, you don't get second chance.

252
00:09:40,796 --> 00:09:42,123
I got a second chance.

253
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:43,158
What happened?

254
00:09:43,169 --> 00:09:45,250
He came by my place tonight...

255
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:48,557
Simon. What are you doing here?

256
00:09:48,568 --> 00:09:50,438
I just feel like there's some unfinished business

257
00:09:50,448 --> 00:09:52,157
between you and me.

258
00:09:53,123 --> 00:09:54,721
Seeing you now...

259
00:09:54,732 --> 00:09:56,903
has made me realize that breaking up with you

260
00:09:56,914 --> 00:09:59,789
is the biggest mistake I made in my entire life.

261
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,244
Oh, I like where this is going.

262
00:10:02,918 --> 00:10:04,245
I know this is crazy,

263
00:10:04,256 --> 00:10:06,428
and I'm only in town for a couple of days,

264
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,974
but do you want to go on a date?

265
00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:10,311
He asked you out?!

266
00:10:10,322 --> 00:10:12,696
Oh, step into my web, Simon.

267
00:10:12,706 --> 00:10:14,033
The coup de grace.

268
00:10:14,044 --> 00:10:15,492
(a la Mortal Kombat): Finish him!

269
00:10:16,529 --> 00:10:18,933
I'd love to!

270
00:10:25,754 --> 00:10:27,554
Wait. You're going on a date with Simon?

271
00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:29,768
That Simon? The one we met?

272
00:10:29,778 --> 00:10:31,940
Robin, this guy doesn't deserve a second chance.

273
00:10:31,951 --> 00:10:34,496
Not after the way he treated you.

274
00:10:34,506 --> 00:10:36,336
That was ten years ago. People evolve.

275
00:10:36,347 --> 00:10:40,069
I mean, are you the same person that you were in high school?

276
00:10:41,277 --> 00:10:42,443
Oh, hell, no!

277
00:10:42,454 --> 00:10:45,160
I think you're gonna enjoy this.

278
00:10:45,170 --> 00:10:47,775
That my girl Michelle? Bitch, you know it!

279
00:10:47,785 --> 00:10:50,652
How she livin'? She living only way she know how to.

280
00:10:50,662 --> 00:10:51,999
Large!

281
00:10:52,011 --> 00:10:54,817
Oh, girl, you gots to get your drink on up in here.

282
00:10:54,827 --> 00:10:57,633
I'm hoping my t ass can hustle me up a vodka-Gatorade.

283
00:10:57,644 --> 00:10:59,414
For reals.

284
00:11:01,769 --> 00:11:04,937
I want her around all the time.

285
00:11:04,948 --> 00:11:07,322
I'd even consider not trying to sleep with her

286
00:11:07,332 --> 00:11:09,645
if that's what it takes.

287
00:11:10,722 --> 00:11:13,468
Guys, I've decided to seduce Michelle.

288
00:11:14,203 --> 00:11:16,406
(rock music playing)

289
00:11:16,416 --> 00:11:18,518
(laughs)

290
00:11:18,528 --> 00:11:20,197
(song ends)

291
00:11:20,208 --> 00:11:21,435
(Robin whoops)

292
00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:22,944
Yeah! Guys, that was great.

293
00:11:22,955 --> 00:11:24,594
Let's take five.

294
00:11:24,605 --> 00:11:26,335
Hey, babe, did you like it

295
00:11:26,345 --> 00:11:28,849
after my bass solo when I flicked my pick at you?

296
00:11:28,860 --> 00:11:30,057
That rocked.

297
00:11:30,067 --> 00:11:31,736
Yeah.

298
00:11:31,747 --> 00:11:34,010
Uh, 'cause I'm gonna need that pick back.

299
00:11:34,021 --> 00:11:35,459
Oh, uh, sure.

300
00:11:35,469 --> 00:11:37,068
Um, I think it...

301
00:11:37,079 --> 00:11:39,111
It's cool. You'll find it later. Oh, cool.

302
00:11:39,121 --> 00:11:41,193
I wish I didn't have to go to work in the morning.

303
00:11:41,204 --> 00:11:42,602
Oh, but, babe, you got to go to work.

304
00:11:42,612 --> 00:11:44,674
You got to play our demo on your show.

305
00:11:44,684 --> 00:11:46,484
Oh, well, you know, it's not a show.

306
00:11:46,495 --> 00:11:47,893
It's the news.

307
00:11:47,903 --> 00:11:49,271
Right. So you can be, like,

308
00:11:49,282 --> 00:11:50,750
"Hey, did you hear there's some news?

309
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,792
There's a rad band you guys should check out."

310
00:11:52,803 --> 00:11:54,201
And then play it.

311
00:11:54,211 --> 00:11:56,957
Or just, like, the first three songs.

312
00:11:58,034 --> 00:12:00,106
And now it's time for "Puppy Corner,"

313
00:12:00,116 --> 00:12:02,822
some little angels looking for a new home,

314
00:12:02,832 --> 00:12:05,437
courtesy of the Midtown Animal Shelter.

315
00:12:05,448 --> 00:12:07,681
♪ Murder

316
00:12:07,691 --> 00:12:12,388
♪ Climb aboard the Murder Train ♪

317
00:12:13,425 --> 00:12:15,799
♪ Murder

318
00:12:15,810 --> 00:12:20,065
♪ Climb aboard the Murder Train... ♪

319
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:23,042
Hey, a lot of puppies got adopted.

320
00:12:23,053 --> 00:12:25,990
Of course, a lot of the people calling in thought

321
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,871
we were going to kill them.

322
00:12:27,882 --> 00:12:31,151
Robin, your revertigo is really starting to affect your work.

323
00:12:31,161 --> 00:12:32,901
What's revertigo?

324
00:12:32,912 --> 00:12:34,773
It's a stupid, made-up word with no meaning.

325
00:12:34,783 --> 00:12:36,422
No. It's a phenomenon where,

326
00:12:36,433 --> 00:12:38,364
when you're around people from your past,

327
00:12:38,374 --> 00:12:40,375
you start behaving like them.

328
00:12:40,386 --> 00:12:43,192
Oh. One example of that springs to mind.

329
00:12:43,203 --> 00:12:45,818
I think we all know what it is.

330
00:12:46,593 --> 00:12:47,890
You do?

331
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,601
Yeah. Ted.

332
00:12:49,611 --> 00:12:50,908
Me?

333
00:12:50,919 --> 00:12:52,619
Whenever Ted's friend Punchy comes into town,

334
00:12:52,629 --> 00:12:55,264
it's like, all of a sudden, Ted's in high school again.

335
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,673
TED: Okay, okay.

336
00:12:56,683 --> 00:12:59,016
First of all, his name is Adam Punciarello,

337
00:12:59,027 --> 00:13:00,767
and I don't do that.

338
00:13:00,778 --> 00:13:02,035
(both scoffing)

339
00:13:02,045 --> 00:13:03,483
(knocking, classical music plays)

340
00:13:03,494 --> 00:13:05,636
Ooh. That must be Adam.

341
00:13:09,087 --> 00:13:10,485
'Sup, Punchy? 'Sup, Shmosby?!

342
00:13:10,495 --> 00:13:12,094
You want to go? I'm alrey there!

343
00:13:12,105 --> 00:13:13,513
Come on! This is it!

344
00:13:14,590 --> 00:13:17,195
Dude, seriously, I'm sorry about your dad.

345
00:13:17,205 --> 00:13:19,086
Yeah, it was a real shock.

346
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,929
I can't believe you, of all people, are saying this.

347
00:13:22,940 --> 00:13:23,905
Why?

348
00:13:23,915 --> 00:13:25,977
No reason.

349
00:13:25,988 --> 00:13:28,191
Robin, the point is, what are you doing?

350
00:13:28,201 --> 00:13:30,776
I mean, this guy?

351
00:13:30,786 --> 00:13:32,486
Okay, you want the truth?

352
00:13:32,496 --> 00:13:34,568
Yeah. I like Simon.

353
00:13:34,579 --> 00:13:36,077
I do.

354
00:13:36,088 --> 00:13:37,586
We have fun together.

355
00:13:37,597 --> 00:13:40,363
Oh, we know you do, honey, but we're worried about you.

356
00:13:40,373 --> 00:13:41,539
You're worried?

357
00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:42,847
Okay, hold on.

358
00:13:42,858 --> 00:13:44,658
Is there any version of this conversation

359
00:13:44,669 --> 00:13:46,902
where you guys don't sound like my parents?

360
00:13:46,912 --> 00:13:48,883
I don't know. Is there any version

361
00:13:48,894 --> 00:13:50,966
where you don't sound like a 16-year-old?

362
00:13:50,977 --> 00:13:54,045
That's exactly what my mom would say.

363
00:13:54,055 --> 00:13:56,429
No. If I was your mom, I woulsay,

364
00:13:56,439 --> 00:13:58,471
"We forbid you from seeing this boy."

365
00:13:58,481 --> 00:13:59,718
(scoffs) Lily!

366
00:13:59,729 --> 00:14:01,831
No, I'm sorry, but it's for your own good.

367
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,038
(teary): This is my life!

368
00:14:03,048 --> 00:14:04,577
You guys just don't get it!

369
00:14:04,588 --> 00:14:06,388
You've never felt the way that I feel!

370
00:14:06,398 --> 00:14:08,933
Now, now. We were once young and in love, too.

371
00:14:08,944 --> 00:14:12,092
Yeah, like, a billion years ago.

372
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,767
You've been drinking, haven't you?

373
00:14:14,778 --> 00:14:15,944
Yeah, we all have.

374
00:14:15,955 --> 00:14:17,121
You bought the last round.

375
00:14:17,132 --> 00:14:19,636
You're not going to that show tonight!

376
00:14:19,647 --> 00:14:21,477
Oh, yes, I am, and you know what else?

377
00:14:21,488 --> 00:14:23,017
Tonight, after the show,

378
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,667
Simon and I are going all the way!

379
00:14:24,677 --> 00:14:25,833
(all gasping)

380
00:14:25,844 --> 00:14:27,513
Young lady, get back here!

381
00:14:27,524 --> 00:14:29,837
(teary): Thanks for your help.

382
00:14:30,945 --> 00:14:32,645
Hey, so, today at work...

383
00:14:32,655 --> 00:14:35,602
Not now, Ted!

384
00:14:37,353 --> 00:14:39,415
Geez.

385
00:14:39,425 --> 00:14:40,762
Ooh!

386
00:14:40,773 --> 00:14:42,201
Oh, hey, Simon.

387
00:14:42,212 --> 00:14:43,479
Great show.

388
00:14:43,489 --> 00:14:45,148
You guys still rock.

389
00:14:45,159 --> 00:14:46,657
Yeah.

390
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,569
They totally dug my bass solo.

391
00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:50,330
Man!

392
00:14:51,698 --> 00:14:53,901
Why can't I always feel this alive?!

393
00:14:53,911 --> 00:14:58,226
God, I just love seeing you so happy.

394
00:14:58,237 --> 00:14:59,534
Yeah. (laughs)

395
00:14:59,545 --> 00:15:00,812
About that.

396
00:15:00,823 --> 00:15:02,563
Listen, babe.

397
00:15:03,368 --> 00:15:05,872
It's over. What?

398
00:15:05,883 --> 00:15:08,126
I'm getting back together with Louise Marsh.

399
00:15:08,136 --> 00:15:10,137
(laughing): What?

400
00:15:10,148 --> 00:15:11,787
You're kidding me.

401
00:15:12,764 --> 00:15:14,604
You're breaking up with me?

402
00:15:15,239 --> 00:15:16,637
Again?

403
00:15:16,647 --> 00:15:18,045
F-For the same ex-girlfriend?

404
00:15:18,055 --> 00:15:19,252
In the same van?

405
00:15:19,262 --> 00:15:20,298
What is it?

406
00:15:20,309 --> 00:15:21,566
Her-Her parents got a pool?

407
00:15:21,576 --> 00:15:23,145
Is that still the reason?

408
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:25,741
Well...

409
00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,437
I'm sorry, Robin.

410
00:15:33,447 --> 00:15:34,644
I'm fine, really.

411
00:15:34,654 --> 00:15:36,756
Oh, Robin, I'm gonna tell you for real.

412
00:15:36,767 --> 00:15:38,135
Simon's a dawg.

413
00:15:38,145 --> 00:15:39,472
You feel me, Chelle?

414
00:15:39,483 --> 00:15:41,082
Mm-hmm, for reals.

415
00:15:41,093 --> 00:15:42,692
He a scrub.

416
00:15:42,702 --> 00:15:44,070
Mm. True dat.

417
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,967
I'ma get me my champagne and grape soda on.

418
00:15:47,702 --> 00:15:50,206
So, how's Columbia?

419
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,484
Great!

420
00:15:51,494 --> 00:15:53,294
I'm almost done with my disstation.

421
00:15:53,305 --> 00:15:56,373
Hmm. I'm getting a PhD in behavioral psychology.

422
00:15:56,384 --> 00:15:58,255
Um, can I make an observation?

423
00:15:58,265 --> 00:15:59,592
Oh.

424
00:15:59,603 --> 00:16:00,800
I know.

425
00:16:00,810 --> 00:16:02,248
Whenever I'm around Lily,

426
00:16:02,259 --> 00:16:04,089
she just brings out that side of me.

427
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,930
There's a psychological term for the phenomenon.

428
00:16:05,941 --> 00:16:07,812
Revertigo? No.

429
00:16:07,822 --> 00:16:09,622
Actually, it's associative regression. You see,

430
00:16:09,633 --> 00:16:10,830
the neural pathways that...

431
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:12,741
♪

432
00:16:12,751 --> 00:16:14,682
Oh, no, you did not just

433
00:16:14,693 --> 00:16:16,896
put on my jam!

434
00:16:16,906 --> 00:16:18,777
Oh. Put your hands up, girl!

435
00:16:18,787 --> 00:16:21,030
Holla! Holla!

436
00:16:22,378 --> 00:16:25,224
NARRATOR: One by one, we all had to go home.

437
00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:29,550
Soon, it was just Robin.

438
00:16:36,825 --> 00:16:38,826
BARNEY: All right.

439
00:16:38,836 --> 00:16:40,375
I can't find your video.

440
00:16:40,386 --> 00:16:43,051
I've wasted three days tr...

441
00:16:43,062 --> 00:16:44,399
♪

442
00:16:44,410 --> 00:16:46,411
What's the matter?

443
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,283
♪

444
00:16:48,293 --> 00:16:51,270
Uh... Simon dumped me

445
00:16:51,281 --> 00:16:53,956
in his van after the show.

446
00:16:53,967 --> 00:16:57,135
Yeah, Robin, that was, like, ten years ago.

447
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:58,916
No, tonight.

448
00:16:58,926 --> 00:17:00,022
Ooh.

449
00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:01,159
(laughing): Really?

450
00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:06,360
Oh! Oh, come here.

451
00:17:06,371 --> 00:17:07,739
(sobbing) Come here.

452
00:17:07,749 --> 00:17:11,189
♪

453
00:17:11,199 --> 00:17:12,466
It's just...

454
00:17:12,477 --> 00:17:16,219
when I was young, I was so...

455
00:17:16,229 --> 00:17:19,166
vulnerable and-and open to things, you know?

456
00:17:19,177 --> 00:17:25,746
And... I guess I just... I wanted to feel that way again.

457
00:17:25,756 --> 00:17:27,888
I wanted to be 16 again.

458
00:17:27,899 --> 00:17:30,906
Robin, that is the stupidest thing

459
00:17:30,917 --> 00:17:33,492
I've ever heard come out of your mouth.

460
00:17:33,502 --> 00:17:36,469
You want to be 16 again?

461
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,280
I have watched your first

462
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,463
Robin Sparkles video 1,000 times,

463
00:17:40,474 --> 00:17:43,310
and it's not because I'm proud of you as a friend.

464
00:17:43,321 --> 00:17:46,932
It's because you were totally, totally lame back then.

465
00:17:46,942 --> 00:17:48,943
But now, come on. Pa-cow!

466
00:17:48,954 --> 00:17:52,464
You're the most awesome person I have ever known.

467
00:17:52,475 --> 00:17:54,517
Well, second most awesome.

468
00:17:54,527 --> 00:17:56,327
Right. Of course, the-the first being you.

469
00:17:56,338 --> 00:17:57,736
No.

470
00:17:57,747 --> 00:17:59,507
No. The first is this guy

471
00:17:59,517 --> 00:18:01,820
who lives in a place called the mirror.

472
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:03,772
(laughs) What up.

473
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:05,210
Oh.

474
00:18:05,221 --> 00:18:06,619
I'm saying

475
00:18:06,629 --> 00:18:10,743
that you are way more awesome than Simon ever will be.

476
00:18:10,754 --> 00:18:14,335
♪

477
00:18:14,345 --> 00:18:17,513
Barney, do you want to come back to my place?

478
00:18:17,524 --> 00:18:19,193
Your place?

479
00:18:19,204 --> 00:18:24,968
♪

480
00:18:27,826 --> 00:18:30,029
Are you sure you want to do this?

481
00:18:30,039 --> 00:18:32,141
Yeah. I am.

482
00:18:32,151 --> 00:18:34,686
Let's just not tell anyone about this, okay?

483
00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,034
Of course.

484
00:18:38,590 --> 00:18:40,793
So, should I just put it in?

485
00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:42,845
Yeah, why not?

486
00:18:49,414 --> 00:18:51,727
(sighs)

487
00:18:53,639 --> 00:18:56,546
(instrumental intro to pop ballad plays)

488
00:18:56,557 --> 00:19:00,872
♪ Met you at the mall...

489
00:19:00,883 --> 00:19:03,528
This was my big artistic follow-up

490
00:19:03,538 --> 00:19:05,368
to"Let's Go to the Mall."

491
00:19:05,379 --> 00:19:08,457
It kind of tanked.

492
00:19:08,468 --> 00:19:12,411
♪ My friends said I was a fool

493
00:19:12,421 --> 00:19:13,819
You're a fool. Shut up!

494
00:19:13,830 --> 00:19:16,002
Is that Tiffany? Mm-hmm.

495
00:19:16,013 --> 00:19:19,121
♪ 'Cause you were older and got kicked out of school ♪

496
00:19:19,131 --> 00:19:20,790
You are so rad.

497
00:19:20,801 --> 00:19:26,162
♪ Together we we gonna travel the globe ♪

498
00:19:26,173 --> 00:19:31,625
♪ From Alberta to Ontario

499
00:19:31,636 --> 00:19:34,010
It's everything I want it to be and more.

500
00:19:34,020 --> 00:19:35,951
Oh, I'm so glad. Mm-hmm.

501
00:19:35,962 --> 00:19:38,567
♪ And now I'm building sandcastles in the sand ♪

502
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:41,856
♪ Sandcastles in the sand ♪

503
00:19:41,867 --> 00:19:44,834
♪ Thought I could fly when you held my hand ♪

504
00:19:44,845 --> 00:19:47,048
♪ Thought I could fly ♪

505
00:19:47,058 --> 00:19:48,697
But now...

506
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:52,450
♪ Eternity returns to black and white... ♪

507
00:19:52,460 --> 00:19:54,190
Is that Alan Thicke?

508
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,900
Yeah.

509
00:19:55,910 --> 00:19:58,555
♪ It was the greatest week and a half ♪

510
00:19:58,566 --> 00:20:00,728
♪ Of my life

511
00:20:00,739 --> 00:20:03,646
♪ We used to go to the beach

512
00:20:03,657 --> 00:20:05,357
You know, if you reedit it,

513
00:20:05,367 --> 00:20:08,344
there's a tampon commercial in here somewhere.

514
00:20:08,355 --> 00:20:12,841
♪ On our favorite bench

515
00:20:12,851 --> 00:20:19,812
♪ We'd sit and talk and you taught me to french ♪

516
00:20:19,823 --> 00:20:21,523
♪ You're good at...

517
00:20:21,533 --> 00:20:23,937
Do you seem how lame you were back then?

518
00:20:23,947 --> 00:20:25,979
Yeah, you're right. I was lame.

519
00:20:25,990 --> 00:20:27,830
Totally lame. Ugh.

520
00:20:27,841 --> 00:20:29,098
♪ ...so unfair...

521
00:20:29,108 --> 00:20:32,286
ROBOT: You don't understand about love.

522
00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,701
And, of course, the robot makes an appearance

523
00:20:34,712 --> 00:20:36,512
in the sad love ballad.

524
00:20:36,522 --> 00:20:39,026
He was my sidekick. He had to be.

525
00:20:39,037 --> 00:20:40,435
NARRATOR: And so they watched it again.

526
00:20:40,446 --> 00:20:43,423
♪ Come back, please

527
00:20:43,434 --> 00:20:46,401
♪ I've changed my mind

528
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:50,324
♪ Let's go all the way

529
00:20:50,335 --> 00:20:51,270
I love you.

530
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,392
Let's do it.

531
00:20:56,672 --> 00:20:58,211
I miss you.

532
00:20:58,222 --> 00:20:59,519
NARRATOR: And again.

533
00:20:59,529 --> 00:21:02,396
♪ Sandcastles may be cute

534
00:21:02,407 --> 00:21:03,775
I'm on the pill now.

535
00:21:03,785 --> 00:21:05,414
NARRATOR: And again.

536
00:21:05,425 --> 00:21:08,905
♪ But now all they do is remind me of you... ♪

537
00:21:08,915 --> 00:21:11,289
They watched it over and over that night until finally,

538
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:13,543
they stopped watching.