1
00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:02,700
<i>Now kids, when aunt Robin
was a teenager,</i>

2
00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:03,700
<i>she was, well,</i>

3
00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,500
<i>a Canadian pop star.</i>

4
00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,600
<i>But by 2008, she was
an entirely different person...</i>

5
00:00:14,500 --> 00:00:17,800
Coming up next:
Is your baby trying to kill you?

6
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,300
<i>...which made the events of that week
all the more surprising.</i>

7
00:00:21,700 --> 00:00:24,100
So, I go in this morning and,
brr, it's freezing!

8
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,700
So I walk over there, and
I don't know why I'm still talking,

9
00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,200
because clearly, we're all
asking the same question,

10
00:00:29,300 --> 00:00:31,700
What in God's creation
is going on with Robin's breasts?

11
00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,500
I know! Right?
Isn't it amazing?

12
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,800
I spent half an hour
making this happen.

13
00:00:36,900 --> 00:00:38,400
There's tape in there,
cotton balls,

14
00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,300
half of a Nerf football,
but it works, right?

15
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,200
Totally.
What's the occasion?

16
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,500
And old friend from Canada is in town
and I'm meeting him for a drink.

17
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:48,000
Somebody you went
to Degrassi with?

18
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,400
No. Actually,
he was my first boyfriend.

19
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:56,200
<i>Simon. I thought he was
the coolest guy ever.</i>

20
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:59,700
<i>He smelled like Drakkar.
He could ollie on a skateboard.</i>

21
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:04,800
<i>And he had the most amazing collection
of Hard Rock Café T-shirts.</i>

22
00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:07,800
<i>We spent the whole summer
madly in love.</i>

23
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,600
Tell me more.
Tell me more.

24
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:12,300
Like, did he have a car?

25
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,600
So he's the guy who...

26
00:01:15,900 --> 00:01:18,100
How shall I say this
like a gentleman?

27
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:20,400
Robin, did he take
your maple leaf?

28
00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:23,200
No, it wasn't like that.

29
00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,700
Sounds to me like he gave you
your first "O, Canada!" face.

30
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,900
<i>This went on
for a really long time.</i>

31
00:01:30,100 --> 00:01:32,200
<i>Some of them jokes
were elegant and well-crafted...</i>

32
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:36,700
Wait, wait. Did he break up with you
and tell you he's just not that Inuit?

33
00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:40,600
<i>...others were crude,
and ill-formed...</i>

34
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,400
Um, something about fur trapping.

35
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,700
<i>...and others were obvious,
but needed to be said...</i>

36
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:48,900
Did you ride his Zamboni?

37
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,500
Wait, wait, wait.
Did he...?

38
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:56,300
I think I'm out.

39
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:59,200
Yeah, I'm also "oot."

40
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,000
Okay, now I'm really out.

41
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:04,400
Well, I'm sorry, guys.
It was all very tame.

44
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,200
Yeah. Summer in Canada is
pretty much the last week of July.

45
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:15,100
Anyway, one night, his band
just finish playing this gig...

46
00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:21,900
Oh, my God! Simon.

47
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,100
That was such a good show.

48
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,900
You guys totally rocked out.

49
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:30,000
Yeah. I know.

50
00:02:30,700 --> 00:02:33,500
I figure we're about four or five gigs
away from really exploding.

51
00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,300
We're gonna be big, babe.

52
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:38,100
I mean,
like Crash-Test-Dummies big.

53
00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:42,500
- So, that everything?
- Yeah.

54
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:46,500
Listen, babe...

55
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:49,200
It's over.

56
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:51,900
What?

57
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:54,300
I'm getting back together
with Louise Marsh.

58
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,300
Louise Marsh?!

59
00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,800
That's a whore's name
if I ever heard one.

60
00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:02,900
Yeah, why would he want to get back
together with Louise Marsh?

61
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:05,300
Well, the thing is...

62
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,700
her folks just put in a pool.

63
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,900
Totally... I get it.

64
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:16,100
Pools are great.
Swimming's awesome.

65
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,300
We have a sprinkler.

66
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,600
Run right through it.

67
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:23,900
Well, I should go.

68
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:28,200
Babe, wait.

69
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:30,900
Yeah, Simon?

70
00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:33,400
You forgot to load
the drum set.

71
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:38,500
Tell me you did not
load the drum set.

72
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:39,900
I did.

73
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,800
And now he's coming here?
Robin,

74
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:45,300
why do you want
to see this guy?

75
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,700
Oh! I know why.

76
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,200
You're gonna win,
aren't you?

77
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,100
I have no idea
what you're talking about.

78
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,300
Yes, you do. Whenever you haven't
seen someone for a long time,

79
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,000
no matter how much you want
to deny it, there's always

80
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:57,900
a clear winner
and a clear loser.

81
00:03:58,400 --> 00:03:59,600
Well, since you brought it up,

82
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:00,700
let's add up the points.

83
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,900
You're starting out
with two big ones right there.

84
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,000
Thank you. Okay.

85
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:07,100
So, Simon still lives
with his mom.

86
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,300
Point Robin.

87
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:09,800
He never became
a rock star.

88
00:04:09,900 --> 00:04:10,700
Point Robin.

89
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,500
He now works at a water slide
park outside of Ottawa.

90
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:15,000
- Point Simon.
- Wait.

91
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,500
- Do they have a wave pool?
- No.

92
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:18,900
Ah. Point Robin.

93
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,200
That's five-zip.
There's no coming back from that.

94
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:24,900
Yeah, he's going down. I mean,
unless somehow, he got hotter.

95
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:27,800
There he is.

96
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,900
<i>And sure enough,
there was a clear winner,</i>

97
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,000
<i>and a clear loser.</i>

98
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:38,500
<i>It just wasn't clear
to everybody.</i>

99
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,100
Hey, babe.

100
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:42,900
Oh, my God.

101
00:04:44,824 --> 00:04:47,124
Sync by vNaru

102
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,800
Okay, what the hell
just happened?

103
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:05,500
Oh, come on,
it wasn't so bad, was it?

104
00:05:07,100 --> 00:05:10,300
- Hey, Simon.
- Wow, look at you.

105
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,400
You got old.

106
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,700
Yeah. You look great.

107
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,000
You got hotter,
like that's possible.

108
00:05:22,100 --> 00:05:25,100
Look, I know it didn't go
as planned, but,

109
00:05:25,300 --> 00:05:26,400
I can't help it.

110
00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:27,900
I mean...

111
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:28,900
he's still got it.

112
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,300
Whoa! Four bucks for a brew?

113
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,700
What a rip.
Good think I'm packing.

114
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:40,700
So he's not a snob.

115
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:43,500
He's from a different part
of Canada, you know?

116
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,600
The maple leaf flag
on the back of the pickup truck?

117
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:49,500
He's Red Province.
He's from the Deep North.

118
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,700
The thing is, we gave you
so many opportunities.

119
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,800
So, Simon, Robin's a bit of a local
celebrity here in New York.

120
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,100
She's the lead anchor
at Metro News One.

121
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,400
- Tell him, Robin.
- No. It's stupid.

122
00:06:02,500 --> 00:06:04,100
It's not cool,
like Simon's shirt.

123
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:10,100
I'm sorry, Simon. Here we are
nattering on about our big celebrity.

124
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,400
What do you do for a living?

125
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,000
Oh, I work at the Splish Splash
Ottawa Water Slide Park.

126
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:18,500
A water slide park. That sure is
different than what Robin does.

127
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:21,300
Yeah, it is...
because I save lives.

128
00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:25,700
If I'm not sitting in that stool
at the top of the slide, going...

129
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:27,200
Go...

130
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:28,900
Go...

131
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:30,600
Go...

132
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:32,000
people die.

133
00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:34,900
What, you think
it's so easy?

134
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,000
You try it.

135
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,300
- Go.
- You didn't put your hand up

136
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,200
kid just died.

137
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,200
- No, I didn't know...
- Another kid just went,

138
00:06:43,300 --> 00:06:44,000
he died too.

139
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:45,400
Oh, well, sure.
I mean, if I was actually...

140
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:46,900
Another kid just went,

141
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,200
now you've got a pile-up and Robin's
got something to report on the news.

142
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:52,000
This just in: My friend, Ted,
just killed a bunch of kids today.

143
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,300
Well, that's cool.
You got to pay the bills somehow

144
00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,200
since your whole music thing
didn't really pan out, did it?

145
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,200
Well, it hasn't panned out yet,
but the band's still going.

146
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:04,400
About four or five gigs away
from really exploding.

147
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:06,800
The Foreskins are still playing?

148
00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:09,400
The Foreskins?

149
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:11,700
How'd you guys come up
with that name?

150
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:16,500
Well, there's four of us,
and we play without shirts.

151
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,600
Babe, seriously.

152
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,200
I know. I'm sorry.

153
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:25,700
I know. I'm sorry.

154
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:28,600
But you guys just don't understand.

155
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,500
The fact that he kept
the band going...

156
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,500
that's impressive.

157
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,600
I mean, I gave up
my musical dream.

158
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,900
Which brings us to the most important
piece of information from tonight.

159
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:41,900
So, Simon,
how did you guys meet?

160
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:43,600
Oh, I was in her video.

161
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:46,500
Starred in it is more like it.

162
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,600
Once you win Mr. Teen Winnipeg,

163
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,900
everybody wants a piece
of the moneymaker.

164
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,100
I'm sorry. I've seen "Let's Go to
the Mall" about a thousand times,

165
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,600
- and you, sir, are not in it.
- No, I was in the other one.

166
00:07:58,700 --> 00:08:00,000
There's another video?!

167
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:06,300
Robin, seriously,

168
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:09,600
just make this easier on yourself
and give us the tape.

169
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:12,800
All right.

170
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,500
You give me no choice.

171
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,200
From this moment on,

172
00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:22,700
I will spend every waking minute
searching down this tape.

173
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,100
I will not sleep.
I will not eat.

174
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:30,300
My life will be a living hell of search
engines and overseas phone calls,

175
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,900
chasing down something
that possibly can't be found.

176
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:35,900
Okay.

177
00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:42,000
It's just... It was so hard to watch,
Robin. You're usually so cool.

178
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:44,300
I don't know what's wrong with me.

179
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,700
I'm sitting next to Simon,
and suddenly I'm 16 again.

180
00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:50,900
Oh, it's actually a common thing. When
you're around someone from your past,

181
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,200
you kind of revert back to
who you were when you knew them.

182
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,300
There's not really
a name for it, though.

183
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,300
It's called "revertigo."

184
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,200
Yeah, I don't know
about "revertigo."

185
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,500
You know who gets
really bad revertigo?

186
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,800
Lily when she around
her high school friend, Michelle.

187
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,200
Michelle? She sounds hot.

188
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,600
You don't know
about Lily and Michelle?

189
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,400
No. What about Lily and Michelle?

190
00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,500
Oh, my friend,
you are in for a treat.

191
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,300
- Hey, Lil?
- What?

192
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,100
You know, I was just thinking, we haven't
seen your friend Michelle in a while.

193
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:24,200
Oh, yeah. I'll give her a call,
see if she wants to hang out.

194
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,800
What...
Do they make out?

195
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,000
Better.

196
00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,800
- Comparable.
- Comparable.

197
00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,400
Whatever.
It's over. I lost.

198
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:39,100
I guess you, uh,
you don't get second chance.

199
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,700
- I got a second chance.
- What happened?

200
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,200
He came by my place tonight...

201
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,800
Simon.
What are you doing here?

202
00:09:47,800 --> 00:09:50,100
I just feel like there's some
unfinished business between you and me.

203
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:52,500
Seeing you now...

204
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,800
has made me realize
that breaking up with you

205
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,000
is the biggest mistake
I made in my entire life.

206
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,200
Oh, I like where this is going.

207
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,000
I know this is crazy,

208
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,700
and I'm only in town
for a couple of days, but,

209
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,100
do you want to go on a date?

210
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,800
He asked you out?!
Oh, step into my web, Simon.

211
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:11,900
The coup de grace.

212
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:13,300
Finish him!

213
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:17,000
I'd love to!

214
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,200
Wait. You're going on
a date with Simon?

215
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:28,400
That Simon? The one we met?

216
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,000
Robin, this guy doesn't
deserve a second chance.

217
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,100
Not after the way he treated you.

218
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,900
That was ten years ago.
People evolve.

219
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,100
I mean, are you the same person
that you were in high school?

220
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:42,800
- Oh, hell, no!
- I think you're gonna enjoy this.

221
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:44,600
That my girl Michelle?

222
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:47,300
- Bitch, you know it!
- How she livin'?

223
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,000
She living only way she know
how to. Large!

224
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:53,300
Oh, girl, you gots to get
your drink on up in here.

225
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:56,400
I'm hoping my fat ass can
hustle me up a vodka-Gatorade.

226
00:10:56,500 --> 00:10:58,200
For reals.

227
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:04,600
I want her around all the time.

228
00:11:04,900 --> 00:11:07,800
I'd even consider not trying to sleep
with her if that's what it takes.

229
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,600
Guys, I've decided
to seduce Michelle.

230
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,800
Guys, that was great.
Let's take five.

231
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,300
Hey, babe, did you like it after my bass
solo when I flicked my pick at you?

232
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,300
That rocked.

233
00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,300
Uh, 'cause I'm gonna need
that pick back.

234
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:35,000
Oh, uh, sure. Um...

235
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,300
- It's cool. You'll find it later.
- Oh, cool.

236
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,400
I wish I didn't have to go
to work in the morning.

237
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,800
But, babe, you got to go to work.

238
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,100
You got to play our demo
on your show.

239
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,100
Oh, well, you know, it's not
a show. It's the news.

240
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:49,200
Right. So you can be, like,
"Hey, did you hear there's some news?

241
00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:52,100
There's a rad band you guys
should check out." And then play it.

242
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,800
Or just, like, the first three songs.

243
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,500
And now it's time
for "Puppy Corner,"

244
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,300
some little angels
looking for a new home,

245
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,600
courtesy of
the Midtown Animal Shelter.

246
00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:10,300
<i>♪ Murder climb aboard
the Murder Train ♪</i>

247
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:17,800
<i>♪ Murder climb aboard
the Murder Train ♪</i>

248
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,000
Hey, a lot of puppies
got adopted.

249
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,400
Of course, a lot of
the people calling in

250
00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,900
thought we were going
to kill them.

251
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:29,800
Robin, your revertigo is really
starting to affect your work.

252
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:30,800
What's revertigo?

253
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,600
It's a stupid, made-up word
with no meaning.

254
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:36,400
No. It's a phenomenon where, when
you're around people from your past,

255
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,100
you start behaving like them.

256
00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,900
Oh. One example of that
springs to mind.

257
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,400
I think we all know what it is.

258
00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:45,900
You do?

259
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,400
Yeah. Ted.

260
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,400
Me?

261
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,700
Whenever Ted's friend Punchy
comes into town,

262
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,600
it's like, all of a sudden,
Ted's in high school again.

263
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:58,500
Okay, okay. First of all, his name is
Adam Punciarello, and I don't do that.

264
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,100
Ooh. That must be Adam.

265
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,100
- 'Sup, Punchy?
- 'Sup, Shmosby?!

266
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,900
- You want to go?
- I'm already there!

267
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:10,900
- Come on!
- This is it!

268
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:14,800
Dude, seriously,
I'm sorry about your dad.

269
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,200
Yeah, it was a real shock.

270
00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:20,500
I can't believe you, of all people,
are saying this.

271
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:21,500
Why?

272
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:23,100
No reason.

273
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:25,700
Robin, the point is,

274
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,300
what are you doing?
I mean, this guy?

275
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,000
Okay, you want the truth?

276
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,600
I like Simon.

277
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,000
I do. We have fun together.

278
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,900
We know you do, honey,
but we're worried about you.

279
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,700
You're worried?
Okay, hold on.

280
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,600
Is there any version
of this conversation

281
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:44,400
where you guys don't sound
like my parents?

282
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:45,700
I don't know.

283
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,400
Is there any version where
you don't sound like a 16-year-old?

284
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:51,100
That's exactly what
my mom would say.

285
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:55,900
No. If I was your mom, I would say,
"We forbid you from seeing this boy."

286
00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,200
No, I'm sorry,
but it's for your own good.

287
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:00,900
This is my life!

288
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,700
You guys just don't get it!
You've never felt the way that I feel!

289
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:06,200
No, no. We were once young
and in love, too.

290
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,400
Yeah, like, a billion years ago.

291
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,100
You've been drinking,
haven't you?

292
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,400
Yeah, we all have.
You bought the last round.

293
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:16,900
You're not going
to that show tonight!

294
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,100
Oh, yes, I am,
and you know what else?

295
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:22,600
Tonight, after the show,
Simon and I are going all the way!

296
00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,700
Young lady, get back here!

297
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,500
Thanks for your help.

298
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,600
- Hey, so, today at work...
- Not now, Ted!

299
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:41,400
Hey, Simon. Great show.

300
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,700
- You guys still rock.
- Yeah.

301
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,800
They totally dug
my bass solo.

302
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:47,600
Man!

303
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:50,900
Why can't I always
feel this alive?!

304
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,200
God, I just love
seeing you so happy.

305
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,000
Yeah. About that.

306
00:14:58,700 --> 00:14:59,800
Listen, babe.

307
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,700
It's over.

308
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:02,900
What?

309
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,100
I'm getting back together
with Louise Marsh.

310
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:08,500
What?
You're kidding me.

311
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:11,300
You're breaking up with me?

312
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:13,000
Again?

313
00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:16,700
F-For the same ex-girlfriend?
In the same van?

314
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:18,700
What is it?
Her-Her parents got a pool?

315
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,000
Is that still the reason?

316
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,600
Well...

317
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,200
her folks did just
put in a Jacuz.

318
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,013
I'm sorry, Robin.

319
00:15:32,213 --> 00:15:33,313
I'm fine, really.

320
00:15:33,413 --> 00:15:36,713
Oh, Robin, I'm gonna tell you
for real. Simon's a dawg.

321
00:15:36,913 --> 00:15:40,413
- You feel me, Chelle?
- Mm-hmm, for reals.

322
00:15:40,513 --> 00:15:42,913
- He a scrub.
- Mm. True dat.

323
00:15:43,013 --> 00:15:45,213
I'm get me my champagne
and grape soda on.

324
00:15:47,713 --> 00:15:49,213
So, how's Columbia?

325
00:15:49,313 --> 00:15:50,213
Great!

326
00:15:50,313 --> 00:15:52,513
I'm almost done
with my dissertation.

327
00:15:52,613 --> 00:15:54,813
I'm getting a PhD
in behavioral psychology.

328
00:15:56,513 --> 00:15:58,013
Can I make an observation?

329
00:15:58,313 --> 00:15:59,213
I know.

330
00:15:59,513 --> 00:16:02,713
Whenever I'm around Lily,
she just brings out that side of me.

331
00:16:02,813 --> 00:16:04,413
There's a psychological term
for the phenomenon.

332
00:16:04,513 --> 00:16:06,013
- Revertigo?
- No.

333
00:16:06,113 --> 00:16:07,913
Actually, it's associative regression.

334
00:16:08,113 --> 00:16:10,613
You see,
the neural pathways that...

335
00:16:11,113 --> 00:16:15,213
Oh, no, you did not just
put on my jam!

336
00:16:15,413 --> 00:16:17,213
Oh. Put your hands up, girl!

337
00:16:21,013 --> 00:16:23,413
<i>One by one,
we all had to go home.</i>

338
00:16:26,313 --> 00:16:28,113
<i>Soon, it was just Robin.</i>

339
00:16:36,713 --> 00:16:39,113
All right.
I can't find your video.

340
00:16:39,213 --> 00:16:41,213
I've wasted three days tr...

341
00:16:42,913 --> 00:16:44,113
What's the matter?

342
00:16:47,813 --> 00:16:52,013
Simon dumped me
in his van after the show.

343
00:16:52,713 --> 00:16:55,213
Yeah, Robin, that was, like,
ten years ago.

344
00:16:55,813 --> 00:16:56,813
No, tonight.

345
00:16:57,813 --> 00:16:59,213
Really?

346
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,413
Oh, come here.

347
00:17:06,113 --> 00:17:08,013
Come here.

348
00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:11,213
It's just...

349
00:17:12,013 --> 00:17:14,413
when I was young,
I was so...

350
00:17:14,513 --> 00:17:17,113
vulnerable and-and open
to things, you know?

351
00:17:18,213 --> 00:17:19,113
And...

352
00:17:19,513 --> 00:17:21,013
I guess I just...

353
00:17:21,213 --> 00:17:23,313
I wanted to feel
that way again.

354
00:17:24,613 --> 00:17:27,313
I wanted to be 16 again.

355
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:28,513
Robin,

356
00:17:29,313 --> 00:17:32,213
that is the stupidest thing I've
ever heard come out of your mouth.

357
00:17:32,613 --> 00:17:34,713
You want to be 16 again?

358
00:17:34,813 --> 00:17:38,213
I have watched your first
Robin Sparkles video 1,000 times,

359
00:17:38,413 --> 00:17:40,913
and it's not because
I'm proud of you as a friend.

360
00:17:41,113 --> 00:17:44,413
It's because you were totally,
totally lame back then.

361
00:17:45,313 --> 00:17:47,513
But now, come on. Pa-cow!

362
00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:50,213
You're the most awesome person
I have ever known.

363
00:17:50,313 --> 00:17:51,913
Well, second most awesome.

364
00:17:52,013 --> 00:17:54,613
Right. Of course,
the-the first being you.

365
00:17:54,713 --> 00:17:55,413
No.

366
00:17:55,713 --> 00:17:59,813
No. The first is this guy who
lives in a place called the mirror.

367
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,413
What up.

368
00:18:02,713 --> 00:18:04,213
I'm saying

369
00:18:04,613 --> 00:18:08,413
that you are way more awesome
than Simon ever will be.

370
00:18:12,813 --> 00:18:15,113
Barney, do you want
to come back to my place?

371
00:18:16,013 --> 00:18:16,813
Your place?

372
00:18:26,813 --> 00:18:29,613
- Are you sure you want to do this?
- Yeah. I am.

373
00:18:30,713 --> 00:18:32,213
Let's just not tell anyone
about this, okay?

374
00:18:32,413 --> 00:18:33,213
Of course.

375
00:18:36,213 --> 00:18:38,213
So, should I just put it in?

376
00:18:39,313 --> 00:18:40,113
Yeah, why not?

377
00:18:54,913 --> 00:18:58,113
<i>♪ Met you at the mall... ♪</i>

378
00:18:58,413 --> 00:19:02,713
This was my big artistic follow-up
to "Let's Go to the Mall."

379
00:19:04,013 --> 00:19:05,713
It kind of tanked.

380
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:09,113
<i>♪ My friends said I was a fool ♪</i>

381
00:19:09,913 --> 00:19:11,713
<i>- # You're a fool.
- Shut up! #</i>

382
00:19:11,813 --> 00:19:13,613
- Is that Tiffany?
- Mm-hmm.

383
00:19:13,713 --> 00:19:16,613
<i>♪ 'Cause you were older and
got kicked out of school ♪</i>

384
00:19:16,713 --> 00:19:18,113
<i>♪ You are so rad. ♪</i>

385
00:19:18,213 --> 00:19:22,913
<i>♪ Together we were
gonna travel the globe ♪</i>

386
00:19:23,113 --> 00:19:28,813
<i>♪ From Alberta to Ontario ♪</i>

387
00:19:29,313 --> 00:19:31,713
It's everything I want it to be
and more.

388
00:19:31,813 --> 00:19:33,013
- Oh, I'm so glad.
- Hmm.

389
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:36,413
<i>♪ a sandcastles in the sand ♪</i>

390
00:19:36,513 --> 00:19:39,013
<i>♪ Sandcastles in the sand ♪</i>

391
00:19:39,413 --> 00:19:43,413
<i>♪ Thought I could fly
when you held my hand ♪</i>

392
00:19:43,513 --> 00:19:45,313
<i>- # Thought I could fly
- But now... #</i>

393
00:19:45,413 --> 00:19:49,513
<i>♪ Eternity returns
to black and white... ♪</i>

394
00:19:50,213 --> 00:19:51,813
- Is that Alan Thicke?
- Yeah.

395
00:19:52,013 --> 00:19:55,613
<i>♪ It was the greatest
week and a half... ♪</i>

396
00:19:55,713 --> 00:20:00,613
<i>♪ Of my life
We used to go to the beach ♪</i>

397
00:20:00,013 --> 00:20:02,913
You know, if you reedit it, there's
a tampon commercial in here somewhere.

398
00:20:04,113 --> 00:20:09,313
<i>♪ On our favorite bench ♪</i>

399
00:20:09,613 --> 00:20:15,713
<i>♪ We'd sit and talk and
you taught me to french ♪</i>

400
00:20:15,913 --> 00:20:17,613
<i>♪ You're good at... ♪</i>

401
00:20:17,713 --> 00:20:19,813
Do you see how lame
you were back then?

402
00:20:19,913 --> 00:20:22,813
- Yeah, you're right. I was lame.
- Totally lame.

403
00:20:22,913 --> 00:20:25,513
<i>♪ ...so unfair... ♪</i>

404
00:20:25,613 --> 00:20:28,113
<i>♪ You don't understand
about love. ♪</i>

405
00:20:28,913 --> 00:20:32,613
And, of course, the robot makes an
appearance in the sad love ballad.

406
00:20:32,713 --> 00:20:34,713
He was my sidekick.
He had to be.

407
00:20:34,913 --> 00:20:36,213
<i>And so they watched it again.</i>

408
00:20:36,913 --> 00:20:39,113
<i>♪ Its crazy, ♪</i>

409
00:20:39,313 --> 00:20:42,013
<i>♪ no one gets me ♪</i>

410
00:20:42,213 --> 00:20:46,413
<i>♪ Let's go all the way ♪</i>

411
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,813
<i>#I love you. Let's do it. #</i>

412
00:20:52,513 --> 00:20:53,813
<i>♪ I miss you. ♪</i>

413
00:20:54,613 --> 00:20:55,813
<i>And again.</i>

414
00:20:55,913 --> 00:20:59,413
<i>♪ Sandcastles may be cute
I'm on the pill now. ♪</i>

415
00:20:59,613 --> 00:21:00,313
<i>♪ But now... ♪</i>

416
00:21:00,413 --> 00:21:01,413
<i>And again.</i>

417
00:21:01,513 --> 00:21:04,213
<i>♪ all they do
is remind me of you... ♪</i>

418
00:21:04,271 --> 00:21:06,771
<i>They watched it over and over
that night until finally,</i>

419
00:21:07,623 --> 00:21:09,023
<i>they stopped watching.</i>