1
00:00:01,431 --> 00:00:03,299
Okay, I don't want
to over-hype this,
2
00:00:03,333 --> 00:00:05,001
but presenting...
Dun-da-da-dah!
3
00:00:05,035 --> 00:00:07,226
the new city of Pawnee website!
4
00:00:07,346 --> 00:00:08,746
Totally revamped!
5
00:00:08,781 --> 00:00:10,148
You can pay parking tickets,
6
00:00:10,182 --> 00:00:13,351
you can apply for a business
license and the best part
7
00:00:13,385 --> 00:00:15,305
is we're going to put up
an online poll so people
8
00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,988
can pick the new town slogan!
9
00:00:17,022 --> 00:00:18,389
Hey, look a panda!
10
00:00:18,423 --> 00:00:20,658
Yeah, that's just some mascot
thing
11
00:00:20,692 --> 00:00:22,326
that the designer put up
on the front page.
12
00:00:22,361 --> 00:00:23,628
But more importantly,
13
00:00:23,662 --> 00:00:26,597
you can now apply for a utility
tax refund...online!
14
00:00:26,632 --> 00:00:28,399
Wait, the panda's name
is Peebo.
15
00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:29,467
Peebo.
16
00:00:29,501 --> 00:00:30,902
Look, you can even play
ping-pong.
17
00:00:30,936 --> 00:00:32,403
- What?
- I want to play!
18
00:00:32,438 --> 00:00:34,806
No, me first! Me first!
That's it. I'm calling it.
19
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:36,741
Guys, Ben worked
really hard on this, okay?
20
00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:38,309
Let's look at the online polls.
21
00:00:38,344 --> 00:00:40,078
It's gonna be a cool way
to choose our new town's slogan.
22
00:00:40,112 --> 00:00:42,046
Oh! The panda holds a paddle
with his tail.
23
00:00:42,081 --> 00:00:43,114
I want to play!
24
00:00:43,148 --> 00:00:44,415
Congratulations, Ben.
25
00:00:44,450 --> 00:00:47,318
This is truly a fine panda game
you made. Well done.
26
00:00:47,352 --> 00:00:48,419
What else does he do?
27
00:00:48,454 --> 00:00:50,388
I think if you click on
the bamboo,
28
00:00:50,422 --> 00:00:51,522
it puts on a top hat.
29
00:00:52,591 --> 00:00:53,925
What?
30
00:00:53,959 --> 00:00:55,660
I love you, Ben!
31
00:00:58,697 --> 00:01:04,702
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:17,783 --> 00:01:19,050
What's wrong with you?
33
00:01:19,084 --> 00:01:21,352
You look like Meryl Streep
at the end of Ironweed.
34
00:01:21,387 --> 00:01:22,787
You wish.
35
00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:24,789
Well, I've been driving
all over Indiana
36
00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:26,758
looking for bands to play
the unity concert.
37
00:01:26,792 --> 00:01:28,126
I got nothing to show for,
38
00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:30,261
except for four car accidents.
39
00:01:30,295 --> 00:01:33,664
All these strangers'
insurance information.
40
00:01:33,699 --> 00:01:35,533
Ooh, I get it,
you have car insurance.
41
00:01:35,567 --> 00:01:37,168
Why don't you brag about it?
42
00:01:37,202 --> 00:01:38,703
Hey, you are from Eagleton,
right?
43
00:01:38,737 --> 00:01:40,872
Are there any places out there
I should check out?
44
00:01:40,906 --> 00:01:42,974
I used to go see live shows
at Patterson's.
45
00:01:43,008 --> 00:01:45,143
But I'm boycotting until
the owner apologizes
46
00:01:45,177 --> 00:01:47,011
for what she said to me
at the dog park.
47
00:01:47,045 --> 00:01:49,113
Cool. Anything else?
48
00:01:49,148 --> 00:01:51,049
I hear Cozy's Bar is pretty
packed on Thursdays.
49
00:01:51,083 --> 00:01:53,351
But I've never been because
it's mostly middle-aged women
50
00:01:53,385 --> 00:01:55,019
and I'm allergic
to turkey neck.
51
00:01:55,054 --> 00:01:56,254
Really?
That's the best part.
52
00:01:56,288 --> 00:01:59,157
We should split
a turkey sometime.
53
00:01:59,191 --> 00:02:00,525
Oh, Mr. Larson.
54
00:02:00,559 --> 00:02:01,793
Thank you so much
for meeting me here.
55
00:02:01,827 --> 00:02:03,327
Happy to.
I was in the area.
56
00:02:03,362 --> 00:02:05,797
The chance for me to return
your binder full of questions
57
00:02:05,831 --> 00:02:07,198
about the job.
58
00:02:07,232 --> 00:02:08,472
I think I answered all of them.
59
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,268
Thank you.
I cannot wait to check this out.
60
00:02:10,302 --> 00:02:12,503
Now, the reason why I asked you
to meet me here--
61
00:02:12,538 --> 00:02:13,938
More questions about the job.
62
00:02:13,972 --> 00:02:15,506
Oh, yeah.
63
00:02:15,541 --> 00:02:18,042
Martha? I'm gonna need
two hours worth of waffles.
64
00:02:18,077 --> 00:02:20,778
Grant Larson has offered me
a chance to oversee
65
00:02:20,813 --> 00:02:23,214
a branch office
of the national park service.
66
00:02:23,248 --> 00:02:25,950
This is like the parks
equivalent of Bruce Springsteen
67
00:02:25,984 --> 00:02:27,719
pulling Courtney Cox onstage.
68
00:02:27,753 --> 00:02:29,987
I mean, one minute you're just
a regular girl in the crowd,
69
00:02:30,022 --> 00:02:32,056
and the next minute you're
dancing 10 feet away
70
00:02:32,091 --> 00:02:34,759
from freakin' Max Weinberg!
71
00:02:34,793 --> 00:02:37,528
Okay, my fortieth and eighteenth
from last question
72
00:02:37,563 --> 00:02:40,631
is about the Heartland Exotic
Plant Management Project.
73
00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:43,901
Now, were would I be actually
doing the physical planting?
74
00:02:43,936 --> 00:02:45,737
Because it is always been
a dream of mine
75
00:02:45,771 --> 00:02:48,573
to plant spotted jewelweed
along the red river bank
76
00:02:48,607 --> 00:02:51,042
in Arkansas, but I'm sure
you hear that a lot.
77
00:02:51,076 --> 00:02:53,611
Well, you wouldn't actually be
planting things.
78
00:02:53,645 --> 00:02:55,880
I mean, you're overseeing
200 people.
79
00:02:55,914 --> 00:02:58,549
The everyday minutia
you would delegate to staff.
80
00:02:58,584 --> 00:03:01,819
Leslie, your job is more
creative, big picture stuff.
81
00:03:01,854 --> 00:03:03,888
No more boring people working
for you.
82
00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:06,924
Good!
I hate paperwork.
83
00:03:06,959 --> 00:03:09,260
I hardly ever do it in my bed
on a Saturday night
84
00:03:09,294 --> 00:03:12,096
while listening
to old spice girls CDs.
85
00:03:12,131 --> 00:03:13,998
Regal Meagle.
My favorite realtor.
86
00:03:14,033 --> 00:03:15,733
You got some hot properties
to show me?
87
00:03:15,768 --> 00:03:17,034
You know it.
88
00:03:17,069 --> 00:03:18,736
Remember my list of
must-haves: Open kitchen,
89
00:03:18,771 --> 00:03:20,805
fireplace, exposed brick,
and you know
90
00:03:20,839 --> 00:03:22,473
I wouldn't kick a skylight
out of bed.
91
00:03:22,508 --> 00:03:24,876
I'm opening Pawnee's first
authentic Sinatra style
92
00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:25,943
Italian restaurant--
93
00:03:25,978 --> 00:03:27,578
"Tom's Bistro."
94
00:03:27,613 --> 00:03:30,782
I'm kind of like a skinny,
handsome, Indian Mario Batali--
95
00:03:30,816 --> 00:03:32,183
who doesn't know how to cook.
96
00:03:32,217 --> 00:03:34,786
Before we go, I got you guys
a little something
97
00:03:34,820 --> 00:03:36,120
for helping me out.
98
00:03:36,155 --> 00:03:38,723
Oh! Love it!
99
00:03:38,757 --> 00:03:41,526
A Larry voodoo doll?
100
00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:43,761
Tom, that's so sweet.
Thanks.
101
00:03:43,796 --> 00:03:46,931
Ow! Oh, my gosh!
102
00:03:46,965 --> 00:03:48,132
I didn't even do anything.
103
00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:50,134
The voodoo doll is reading
my thoughts.
104
00:03:50,169 --> 00:03:52,403
So it seems like it went
really well, right?
105
00:03:52,438 --> 00:03:53,905
Yeah. Yeah, totally.
106
00:03:53,939 --> 00:03:55,907
Grant is great,
the job is great.
107
00:03:55,941 --> 00:03:57,875
- The waffles were great.
- Great.
108
00:03:57,910 --> 00:03:59,310
So we're just about ready
to go live
109
00:03:59,311 --> 00:04:00,611
with the slogan poll.
You want to see?
110
00:04:00,646 --> 00:04:02,447
Now that Eagleton and Pawnee
have merged,
111
00:04:02,481 --> 00:04:05,116
it is time to pick
a new town slogan.
112
00:04:05,150 --> 00:04:08,453
And a slogan can make a big
difference with tourism
113
00:04:08,487 --> 00:04:09,587
in a town's identity.
114
00:04:09,622 --> 00:04:11,022
There is New York,
115
00:04:11,056 --> 00:04:12,657
the city that never sleeps.
116
00:04:12,691 --> 00:04:15,593
And then there is Glenwater,
Florida,
117
00:04:15,627 --> 00:04:18,930
home of America's most violent
Walmart parking lot.
118
00:04:18,964 --> 00:04:20,798
Okay, so people can vote now.
119
00:04:20,833 --> 00:04:23,334
Yeah, see, that's the super
cool thing about this website
120
00:04:23,368 --> 00:04:26,204
is it does all the work for us
so we can just sit back
121
00:04:26,238 --> 00:04:28,139
and take it easy.
122
00:04:28,173 --> 00:04:30,675
No. No, we're not gonna
do that.
123
00:04:30,709 --> 00:04:32,944
We're gonna sit forward
and take it hard.
124
00:04:32,978 --> 00:04:34,679
- Um, what?
- There's a lot of nitty-gritty
125
00:04:34,713 --> 00:04:35,780
left to do, Ben.
126
00:04:35,814 --> 00:04:37,081
We need to roll up our sleeves,
127
00:04:37,116 --> 00:04:38,249
we need to go door to door,
128
00:04:38,283 --> 00:04:39,851
we need to hand out fliers,
and canvass.
129
00:04:39,885 --> 00:04:41,185
You know what we should do?
130
00:04:41,220 --> 00:04:43,321
We should have a press junket,
to publicize the poll.
131
00:04:43,355 --> 00:04:44,635
Okay, I hope you had lunch
plans,
132
00:04:44,656 --> 00:04:45,977
'cause now you get
to cancel them.
133
00:04:45,991 --> 00:04:48,026
Well, I-I did.
134
00:04:48,060 --> 00:04:51,429
So this was one of Eagleton's
top sushi restaurants.
135
00:04:51,463 --> 00:04:53,631
But you can't out-run
the whale meat police forever.
136
00:04:53,665 --> 00:04:55,166
This is great.
I love it!
137
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:56,701
Look at it,
I can picture it now.
138
00:04:56,735 --> 00:04:58,336
That's where the politicians
will sit,
139
00:04:58,370 --> 00:05:00,805
this is where the connected
guys will bring their goomahs.
140
00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:02,039
This place is perfect.
141
00:05:02,074 --> 00:05:03,708
- How much?
- 9,000 a month.
142
00:05:03,742 --> 00:05:05,176
What? That's way more
that I can afford.
143
00:05:05,210 --> 00:05:06,544
Whatever.
It's not that great.
144
00:05:06,578 --> 00:05:07,979
Plus, it's really far away
from work
145
00:05:08,013 --> 00:05:09,547
and that'd be annoying.
146
00:05:09,581 --> 00:05:11,315
It's not a big deal.
147
00:05:11,350 --> 00:05:13,017
I mean, when it first launches
I'll go back and forth,
148
00:05:13,052 --> 00:05:16,120
but hopefully it takes off and
it'll become a full-time job.
149
00:05:16,155 --> 00:05:18,689
Come on, I'll show some places
in your price range.
150
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:24,028
This press junket
is a brilliant idea, isn't it?
151
00:05:24,063 --> 00:05:27,131
Mr. Strange Cameraman
Who I Never Met.
152
00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:29,267
Leslie, I told you,
I'm not gonna participate
153
00:05:29,301 --> 00:05:32,370
in your weird Julia Roberts,
cameraman husband fantasy.
154
00:05:32,404 --> 00:05:33,705
Quiet, cameraman, Perd's here.
155
00:05:33,739 --> 00:05:37,108
Leslie, your poll is designed
to choose a new slogan.
156
00:05:37,142 --> 00:05:40,645
And a slogan is a series of
words that have a meaning.
157
00:05:40,679 --> 00:05:42,914
So true, Perd.
158
00:05:42,948 --> 00:05:44,148
All of the choices
159
00:05:44,183 --> 00:05:46,517
for the town slogan
are wonderful,
160
00:05:46,552 --> 00:05:48,753
but if I had to choose
my favorite
161
00:05:48,787 --> 00:05:52,357
it would probably be
"Storied past, bright future."
162
00:05:52,391 --> 00:05:56,360
Well, the story of my interest
level is: It's medium.
163
00:05:56,395 --> 00:05:58,162
Joan, this poll is a chance
to give
164
00:05:58,197 --> 00:06:00,598
our newly-merged city
a new identity--
165
00:06:00,632 --> 00:06:03,668
to really rebrand this town.
166
00:06:03,702 --> 00:06:06,270
Yes, great question.
I have been thinking
167
00:06:06,305 --> 00:06:07,605
of rebranding myself.
168
00:06:07,639 --> 00:06:11,009
What do you think about
Juan Callamezzo?
169
00:06:11,043 --> 00:06:12,744
Isn't "Juan" a man's name?
170
00:06:12,778 --> 00:06:14,345
No, it means "flower."
171
00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:15,847
I think it means "John."
172
00:06:15,881 --> 00:06:18,883
Crazy Ira and the Douche
173
00:06:18,917 --> 00:06:22,053
from 93.7 FM, the Groove.
174
00:06:22,087 --> 00:06:24,922
Leslie, do you believe
that this new slogan
175
00:06:24,957 --> 00:06:26,691
will integrate Pawnee
and Eagleton
176
00:06:26,725 --> 00:06:28,793
into one cohesive city?
177
00:06:28,827 --> 00:06:32,463
Wow, that's a very thoughtful
question, Crazy Ira.
178
00:06:32,498 --> 00:06:33,765
Yes, yes, I do.
179
00:06:33,799 --> 00:06:35,233
Follow-up question, Leslie,
180
00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:38,136
show us your boobs!
181
00:06:39,438 --> 00:06:41,205
Will this fit
on a bumper sticker?
182
00:06:43,242 --> 00:06:44,409
Gosh, this place is packed.
183
00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:46,110
You folks must really like
this guy.
184
00:06:46,145 --> 00:06:48,413
Honey, he is sex on a stick.
185
00:06:48,447 --> 00:06:49,914
Ladies and gentlemen,
186
00:06:49,948 --> 00:06:54,152
put your jazzy hands together
for my man, Mr. Duke Silver!
187
00:06:57,289 --> 00:07:00,625
A smooth and silky evening
to you all.
188
00:07:00,659 --> 00:07:03,294
On nights like this,
when the cold winds blow,
189
00:07:03,328 --> 00:07:06,898
and the air is awash
in the swirling eddies
190
00:07:06,932 --> 00:07:08,399
of our dreams,
191
00:07:08,434 --> 00:07:11,402
come with me
and find safe haven...
192
00:07:11,437 --> 00:07:15,139
in a warm bathtub
full of my jazz.
193
00:07:15,174 --> 00:07:17,508
Uh!
194
00:07:20,612 --> 00:07:23,548
Well, the good news is
your poll was a big hit.
195
00:07:23,582 --> 00:07:24,782
Thousands of people voted.
196
00:07:24,817 --> 00:07:26,117
That's great.
What's leading?
197
00:07:26,151 --> 00:07:28,820
- "Storied past, bright future"?
- No.
198
00:07:28,854 --> 00:07:30,188
The current leader is
199
00:07:30,222 --> 00:07:33,491
"Pawnee,
welcome to Douche nation."
200
00:07:33,525 --> 00:07:35,426
- What?
- Crazy Ira and the Douche
201
00:07:35,461 --> 00:07:37,362
got their bonehead radio fans
202
00:07:37,396 --> 00:07:39,497
to flood the poll
with write-in votes.
203
00:07:39,531 --> 00:07:41,265
Why did we include
a write-in option?
204
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,201
Because every election
has a write-in option.
205
00:07:43,235 --> 00:07:45,036
That's how democracy works.
206
00:07:45,070 --> 00:07:47,271
I'm not a dictator.
If I we're a dictator,
207
00:07:47,306 --> 00:07:50,408
I would throw the Douche
in prison without a trial.
208
00:07:50,442 --> 00:07:52,477
I would be
a very strong dictator,
209
00:07:52,511 --> 00:07:55,780
and you would be my bodyguard,
and you would lead my army.
210
00:07:55,814 --> 00:07:58,549
Okay, I know we should
figure out how to fix this.
211
00:07:58,584 --> 00:08:00,485
But I'm starting
to get kind of turned on
212
00:08:00,519 --> 00:08:02,286
imagining you as a dictator,
is that bad?
213
00:08:02,321 --> 00:08:03,721
No, it's okay.
214
00:08:06,397 --> 00:08:07,797
You know,
we could just figure out
215
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,776
a different strategy
for picking a slogan.
216
00:08:09,896 --> 00:08:11,463
You don't have to go
on their show.
217
00:08:11,498 --> 00:08:13,098
No, I want to do this.
I enjoy the challenge.
218
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:14,733
So, how do I look?
219
00:08:14,768 --> 00:08:17,816
I need these guys to think
that I'm, like, super chill.
220
00:08:17,936 --> 00:08:18,696
Is this gonna work?
221
00:08:18,727 --> 00:08:20,072
Oh, what up, Lez?
222
00:08:20,192 --> 00:08:23,340
Backwards hat--shows a real
lack of respect for authority.
223
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:24,708
I like that.
224
00:08:24,743 --> 00:08:26,110
What's up, little mayor?
225
00:08:26,144 --> 00:08:27,911
Are you gonna freak out again?
226
00:08:27,946 --> 00:08:29,913
So, Leslie, what's the deal?
227
00:08:29,948 --> 00:08:32,082
Are you just here
to yell at us again?
228
00:08:32,117 --> 00:08:35,819
Yeah, we are in store for
another Leslie Knope nag sesh?
229
00:08:35,854 --> 00:08:38,756
Crazy Ira, do the dishes!
230
00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:40,461
Classic! No way!
231
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,022
I'm not here to nag, guys.
232
00:08:42,056 --> 00:08:43,897
I'm just psyched
to be in the studio, you know?
233
00:08:43,925 --> 00:08:46,893
I'm just...chillin'
in the studes with my dudes.
234
00:08:46,928 --> 00:08:48,795
If you're really not really
here to nag us,
235
00:08:48,830 --> 00:08:52,132
then maybe you'll help us
with our next segment...
236
00:08:52,166 --> 00:08:56,303
"Rating celebrities' boobs!"
237
00:08:56,337 --> 00:08:57,971
Perfect.
238
00:08:58,006 --> 00:09:01,441
On a scale, from 1 to
ga-ga-ga-going!
239
00:09:01,476 --> 00:09:05,245
How would you rate
Emma Watson's boobs?
240
00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:07,848
First of all, I would rate
her acting as an "A."
241
00:09:07,882 --> 00:09:10,117
You have three seconds to
answer or we're gonna withdraw
242
00:09:10,151 --> 00:09:13,053
- a donation from charity.
- From charity? Oh.
243
00:09:14,222 --> 00:09:15,255
A minus.
244
00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:18,492
More like double D minus.
245
00:09:19,527 --> 00:09:22,229
Me so horny!
246
00:09:22,263 --> 00:09:24,364
I knew it. I knew it.
247
00:09:29,437 --> 00:09:31,338
- Can I help you?
- Maybe.
248
00:09:31,372 --> 00:09:33,440
I was out at the jazz club
last night--
249
00:09:33,474 --> 00:09:35,842
scouting bands
for the unity concert.
250
00:09:35,877 --> 00:09:37,944
And I saw something
very interesting.
251
00:09:43,317 --> 00:09:45,085
- I am Duke Silver.
- I have a twin brother.
252
00:09:45,119 --> 00:09:46,687
What?
253
00:09:46,721 --> 00:09:50,123
- I have a twin brother.
- You are Duke Silver?
254
00:09:50,158 --> 00:09:51,124
Yes, I am Duke Silver.
255
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:57,464
The only other people
who know are Tom and April.
256
00:09:57,498 --> 00:09:59,132
So, please, keep it to yourself.
257
00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:01,068
Are you kidding me?
You are really good!
258
00:10:01,102 --> 00:10:03,370
You are, like,
the saxophone player
259
00:10:03,404 --> 00:10:05,105
for the California-raisins-good.
260
00:10:05,139 --> 00:10:06,473
No joke.
You know what?
261
00:10:06,507 --> 00:10:09,242
I'm booking you...
for the unity concert.
262
00:10:09,277 --> 00:10:10,477
Absolutely not.
263
00:10:10,511 --> 00:10:12,379
My musical career is private.
264
00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:14,081
If my secret got out,
265
00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:16,550
this office would be waist-deep
in women's undergarments.
266
00:10:16,584 --> 00:10:18,752
No, I'm in charge of booking
the bands for the concert,
267
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:20,786
and I say, you're in.
You're gonna play right after
268
00:10:20,788 --> 00:10:22,789
Bobby knight ranger.
It's a night ranger cover band
269
00:10:22,824 --> 00:10:24,224
where they only
wear read sweaters.
270
00:10:24,258 --> 00:10:26,093
It's gonna be epic!
271
00:10:26,127 --> 00:10:27,995
Final round, Leslie,
272
00:10:28,029 --> 00:10:30,163
boobs or ass?
273
00:10:30,198 --> 00:10:33,934
Hard to believe this is a fan
game for your radio listeners.
274
00:10:33,968 --> 00:10:36,303
Ah...I'm gonna say butt.
275
00:10:36,337 --> 00:10:37,304
Ding, ding, ding!
276
00:10:37,338 --> 00:10:38,939
- Yes!
- You are correct.
277
00:10:38,973 --> 00:10:41,808
This is my mom's dumper!
278
00:10:42,844 --> 00:10:44,111
Oh, mommy!
279
00:10:44,145 --> 00:10:45,579
I don't know how
you got yours hand on that.
280
00:10:45,613 --> 00:10:47,014
I took it.
281
00:10:47,048 --> 00:10:49,950
Good. Well, it is been so fun
bro-ing out with my dogs.
282
00:10:49,984 --> 00:10:53,787
I never knew that objectifying
women could be so much fun.
283
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:55,101
We're running out of time here
284
00:10:55,123 --> 00:10:57,024
so just a quick reminder
to write-in
285
00:10:57,058 --> 00:10:59,826
"Welcome to Douche nation!"
286
00:10:59,861 --> 00:11:03,196
As the official town slogan
for pawneecity.gov.
287
00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:06,133
Or you know what would also be
kind of dope
288
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,335
for the people of Douche nation
to do?
289
00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:10,037
It's vote for another slogan.
290
00:11:10,071 --> 00:11:13,940
Like, you know,
"Storied past, bright future"?
291
00:11:13,975 --> 00:11:17,277
But...I don't care.
I don't give a fart, bros.
292
00:11:17,312 --> 00:11:19,646
You know, just do your thing,
chicken wing.
293
00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:22,149
Hey, Crazy Ira,
have you seen my stick?
294
00:11:22,183 --> 00:11:23,623
- Where's your stick?
- I don't know.
295
00:11:23,651 --> 00:11:25,552
Lesbo Baggins,
you know where my stick is?
296
00:11:25,586 --> 00:11:27,788
- You--
- Oh! Found my stick.
297
00:11:27,822 --> 00:11:29,723
Oh, where did you find it?
298
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:33,660
Up Leslie Knope's butt!
299
00:11:33,695 --> 00:11:36,029
- Yo, where my stick up?
- It's up her butt, papi.
300
00:11:37,899 --> 00:11:41,068
Jewish Greg, whatever we're
paying you, it's not enough.
301
00:11:43,404 --> 00:11:45,005
Damn it,
I almost pulled that off.
302
00:11:45,039 --> 00:11:46,406
No, you really didn't.
303
00:11:46,441 --> 00:11:49,409
Just delete the poll.
Let the slogan thing go.
304
00:11:49,444 --> 00:11:51,745
Or, maybe we sneak back
in there--
305
00:11:51,779 --> 00:11:54,047
you distract those guys
for, like, 30, 90 minutes,
306
00:11:54,082 --> 00:11:56,002
I get on live radio,
I give an impassioned speech
307
00:11:56,017 --> 00:11:57,651
about what slogan
I want to endorse
308
00:11:57,685 --> 00:11:59,725
and I play a few songs,
which I always wanted to do,
309
00:11:59,754 --> 00:12:01,388
and then we just see
what happens.
310
00:12:01,422 --> 00:12:03,023
No.
311
00:12:03,057 --> 00:12:04,358
I should just let this go.
Okay.
312
00:12:10,231 --> 00:12:11,999
Dude, what are you doing?
313
00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:14,501
That looks like a perfectly good
saxophone case.
314
00:12:14,535 --> 00:12:17,471
Wait a minute.
What's inside that case?
315
00:12:17,505 --> 00:12:19,706
I am ending
my secret musical career.
316
00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:22,509
- I have to kill Duke Silver.
- No, come on, man.
317
00:12:22,543 --> 00:12:23,543
You're really good.
318
00:12:23,578 --> 00:12:25,545
- You can't quit.
- Sorry, Andrew.
319
00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:26,780
I would rather never play again
320
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,982
than have everyone know
my secret.
321
00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:32,052
Good-bye, Duke Silver.
322
00:12:32,086 --> 00:12:35,355
May you rest...in jazz.
323
00:12:38,726 --> 00:12:42,195
So, Tom told you are sort
of like a computer expert.
324
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:43,730
Uh...yeah.
325
00:12:43,765 --> 00:12:45,399
You can say that.
326
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:47,467
These jerks are trying
to hijack my online poll,
327
00:12:47,502 --> 00:12:50,070
and so far the leading town
slogan is,
328
00:12:50,104 --> 00:12:52,372
"Home of the stick
up Leslie Knope's butt."
329
00:12:52,407 --> 00:12:54,007
Yeah, yeah.
I voted for that one.
330
00:12:54,042 --> 00:12:56,810
Great. I'm wondering,
is there a way I can communicate
331
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,979
- with everybody who voted?
- Yeah, I can do that.
332
00:12:59,013 --> 00:13:00,280
Should take about two minutes.
333
00:13:00,315 --> 00:13:02,315
Just PayPal me some bitcoins
when you get a chance.
334
00:13:02,317 --> 00:13:04,885
What?
335
00:13:04,919 --> 00:13:06,319
So, this is way
under your budget.
336
00:13:06,321 --> 00:13:09,456
Used to be a donut shop.
Well, a tire shop
337
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:11,091
- that sold donuts.
- Pretty rough.
338
00:13:11,125 --> 00:13:12,426
I mean, I guess I could fix
the roof
339
00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:14,094
and tear up the counters.
340
00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:15,362
Do something about the smell.
341
00:13:15,396 --> 00:13:16,797
This place is creepy.
342
00:13:16,831 --> 00:13:19,933
I mean, I love it, because
it reminds me of the cafeteria
343
00:13:19,968 --> 00:13:21,768
in a haunted nursing home,
but...
344
00:13:21,803 --> 00:13:23,270
that's just me.
345
00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,805
This is the last listing I have
346
00:13:24,839 --> 00:13:26,473
that isn't an active crime
scene.
347
00:13:26,507 --> 00:13:27,608
Hey, man, what happened?
348
00:13:27,642 --> 00:13:29,576
I thought Jurassic Fork
was super popular.
349
00:13:29,611 --> 00:13:30,911
We stretched ourselves too thin
350
00:13:30,945 --> 00:13:32,813
by expanding to
a second location.
351
00:13:32,847 --> 00:13:34,848
You opened another
dinosaur-themed restaurant?
352
00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:37,017
No, another Steven
Spielberg-themed restaurant.
353
00:13:37,051 --> 00:13:39,419
The German place downtown--
Schindler's Lunch.
354
00:13:39,454 --> 00:13:41,688
I think you may have
misunderstood what people liked
355
00:13:41,723 --> 00:13:43,023
about Jurassic Fork.
356
00:13:43,057 --> 00:13:44,758
I actually think the space
is pretty cool.
357
00:13:44,792 --> 00:13:46,660
Obviously, we'd had to move
this T-Rex, but--
358
00:13:46,694 --> 00:13:48,762
No can do.
That's a load-bearing T-Rex.
359
00:13:48,796 --> 00:13:51,264
This is really the last place
you have available?
360
00:13:51,299 --> 00:13:54,835
Dang. Maybe Tom's Bistro
wasn't meant to be.
361
00:13:56,371 --> 00:13:59,039
- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, real quick.
362
00:13:59,073 --> 00:14:00,874
Remember when you said
you would close up shop
363
00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,910
- on the slogan thing?
- Yes.
364
00:14:02,944 --> 00:14:04,378
You did do that, right?
365
00:14:04,412 --> 00:14:06,914
You didn't somehow get the email
addresses for every person
366
00:14:06,948 --> 00:14:08,715
who voted for the
"Stick up the butt" slogan
367
00:14:08,750 --> 00:14:12,319
and then write each of them
a personalized heartfelt email
368
00:14:12,353 --> 00:14:13,674
telling them
to do the right thing
369
00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:14,955
and vote for a real slogan?
370
00:14:14,989 --> 00:14:18,225
Are you crazy?
What a crazy talk you just did
371
00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:19,760
with your funny words.
372
00:14:19,794 --> 00:14:22,062
Well, someone wrote
those emails.
373
00:14:22,096 --> 00:14:25,566
And we got about 300 complaints
and as a cherry on top
374
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,535
some hackers got really mad
about the invasion of privacy
375
00:14:28,569 --> 00:14:30,971
and attacked the website.
376
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:34,508
Look what they did to Peebo.
377
00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:37,244
He's wearing a hat
made of penises.
378
00:14:37,278 --> 00:14:38,879
Oh, boy.
379
00:14:40,239 --> 00:14:41,990
Well, I.T. is fixing
the website,
380
00:14:42,017 --> 00:14:43,618
but it will be down
for about three days.
381
00:14:43,643 --> 00:14:45,443
Well, no worries, I will handle
382
00:14:45,478 --> 00:14:47,799
all of the overflow work
personally.
383
00:14:47,919 --> 00:14:50,102
Parking tickets,
code violations--
384
00:14:50,136 --> 00:14:51,737
- send them all to me.
- What's going on?
385
00:14:51,738 --> 00:14:53,538
I don't know.
I spoke to grant
386
00:14:53,573 --> 00:14:55,707
about the national parks job,
and he mentioned
387
00:14:55,742 --> 00:14:58,410
that's mostly big picture
planning and delegating,
388
00:14:58,444 --> 00:15:00,545
and not very much
nitty-gritty,
389
00:15:00,580 --> 00:15:02,647
hands-on stuff
that I love to do.
390
00:15:02,682 --> 00:15:04,983
I would miss that, very much.
391
00:15:05,018 --> 00:15:08,186
I mean, have I really pulled
my last bloated raccoon carcass
392
00:15:08,221 --> 00:15:09,388
from a public fountain?
393
00:15:09,422 --> 00:15:10,789
But that's the whole point
394
00:15:10,823 --> 00:15:13,325
of moving up the ladder,
you get to think bigger,
395
00:15:13,359 --> 00:15:15,127
swim in a bigger pond.
396
00:15:15,161 --> 00:15:17,329
You're having a public forum
on the slogan, right?
397
00:15:17,363 --> 00:15:18,897
Use it as a test.
398
00:15:18,931 --> 00:15:21,500
Hand the reins to someone else,
let them handle things
399
00:15:21,534 --> 00:15:23,268
while you manage
from a distance.
400
00:15:23,302 --> 00:15:24,603
Yeah. That's a good idea.
401
00:15:24,637 --> 00:15:28,340
I guess I should practice...
delegating.
402
00:15:28,374 --> 00:15:29,808
Ugh! Okay.
403
00:15:29,842 --> 00:15:33,578
The public forum
will be run by...
404
00:15:33,613 --> 00:15:35,881
Oh, no, I would not
have started the sentence
405
00:15:35,915 --> 00:15:37,849
if I knew Larry
was the only one here.
406
00:15:37,884 --> 00:15:40,619
Babe, if you can step back
and let Larry take control,
407
00:15:40,653 --> 00:15:42,487
you can survive anything.
408
00:15:42,522 --> 00:15:44,823
All right.
Larry, can you get in here?
409
00:15:44,857 --> 00:15:46,625
I would love to.
Gosh darn it.
410
00:15:46,659 --> 00:15:50,162
I-I somehow ran my belt through
a slat in this chair
411
00:15:50,196 --> 00:15:53,365
so I'm kind of--I'm kind
of stuck to it now.
412
00:15:55,635 --> 00:15:56,968
Great.
413
00:16:00,306 --> 00:16:02,547
You really shouldn't have dug
that out of the dumpster.
414
00:16:02,575 --> 00:16:04,976
I had to. Also I had a banana
on the way over here.
415
00:16:05,011 --> 00:16:06,478
Sorry.
416
00:16:06,512 --> 00:16:09,147
I get why you don't want any
more to know about Duke Silver,
417
00:16:09,182 --> 00:16:10,882
and you don't have to worry.
418
00:16:10,917 --> 00:16:12,751
You secret is safe with me.
419
00:16:12,785 --> 00:16:14,419
To even it out,
420
00:16:14,454 --> 00:16:16,588
I'm gonna tell you
all of my secrets.
421
00:16:16,622 --> 00:16:19,124
Oh, no, that's not necessary.
422
00:16:19,158 --> 00:16:21,326
I once forgot to brush
my teeth for five weeks.
423
00:16:21,361 --> 00:16:22,761
I didn't actually sell
my last car.
424
00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:24,036
I just forgot
where I parked it.
425
00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:25,497
I don't know who Al Gore is.
426
00:16:25,531 --> 00:16:27,032
And at this point
I'm too afraid to ask.
427
00:16:27,066 --> 00:16:28,467
When they say 2% milk,
428
00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:31,169
I don't know what
the other 98% is.
429
00:16:31,204 --> 00:16:32,671
When I was a baby,
my head was so big
430
00:16:32,705 --> 00:16:34,473
scientists did experiments
on me.
431
00:16:34,507 --> 00:16:35,641
I once threw beer at a swan,
432
00:16:35,675 --> 00:16:38,043
and then it attacked
my niece Rebecca.
433
00:16:38,077 --> 00:16:39,444
That'll do, Andrew.
434
00:16:39,479 --> 00:16:41,847
You don't have to play
the unity concert.
435
00:16:41,881 --> 00:16:44,950
But don't quit music.
Please.
436
00:16:50,957 --> 00:16:52,824
- Tommy.
- Hey.
437
00:16:52,859 --> 00:16:55,327
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
438
00:16:55,361 --> 00:16:56,962
I just got excited about
the restaurant
439
00:16:56,996 --> 00:16:58,497
but I should probably call
my investor
440
00:16:58,531 --> 00:17:00,465
and tell him we have a problem.
441
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:02,667
Well, I got you something
to cheer you up.
442
00:17:02,702 --> 00:17:03,802
Watch cologne.
443
00:17:03,836 --> 00:17:05,070
Cologne for watches.
444
00:17:05,104 --> 00:17:06,071
Thanks.
445
00:17:06,105 --> 00:17:08,440
Things used to make me
so happy.
446
00:17:08,474 --> 00:17:11,543
But I've grown a lot
in the last year.
447
00:17:11,577 --> 00:17:13,345
Now I just want one big thing,
448
00:17:13,379 --> 00:17:15,213
my own restaurant,
named after me,
449
00:17:15,248 --> 00:17:17,749
that makes me so much money
I can buy anything I want.
450
00:17:18,345 --> 00:17:22,481
I should go.
451
00:17:22,515 --> 00:17:24,416
I didn't want Tom to leave,
452
00:17:24,451 --> 00:17:26,952
so I said all these bad things
about the restaurant,
453
00:17:26,987 --> 00:17:28,554
so he wouldn't like them.
454
00:17:28,588 --> 00:17:30,422
Damn, we should have
coordinated.
455
00:17:30,457 --> 00:17:32,417
I don't want to lose that
weird little elf either.
456
00:17:32,425 --> 00:17:34,305
That's why I showed him
all those crappy places.
457
00:17:34,327 --> 00:17:36,128
Oh, I thought you were
just bad at your job.
458
00:17:36,162 --> 00:17:39,064
Sorry.
What should we do?
459
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:40,933
Let me call some people.
460
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:44,270
Hello, everyone, and welcome
461
00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:46,972
to a public forum to choose
our new town slogan.
462
00:17:47,007 --> 00:17:50,209
I'm gonna hand things over
to Larry Gengurch,
463
00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:54,079
who is 100% in charge.
464
00:17:54,114 --> 00:17:55,648
Well, let's
just get started, huh?
465
00:17:55,682 --> 00:17:56,682
I want to talk about--
466
00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:59,285
Oh, it's the--
geez Louise--
467
00:17:59,319 --> 00:18:00,853
This keeps happening.
I don't know why.
468
00:18:00,887 --> 00:18:02,488
I think the slogan should be
469
00:18:02,522 --> 00:18:04,623
"Pawnee, home of crackers,
470
00:18:04,658 --> 00:18:07,626
the orangest goldfish
in Indiana."
471
00:18:07,661 --> 00:18:08,627
- Okey-dokey.
- No.
472
00:18:08,747 --> 00:18:09,668
Let me write it down.
473
00:18:09,678 --> 00:18:11,764
- Who even needs a slogan?
- Well, now,
474
00:18:11,798 --> 00:18:12,958
that is an interesting point.
475
00:18:13,042 --> 00:18:15,034
No, that's my slogan idea.
476
00:18:15,068 --> 00:18:16,302
"Who even needs a slogan?"
477
00:18:16,336 --> 00:18:19,138
And then a big picture of me
flipping everybody off.
478
00:18:19,172 --> 00:18:22,641
Let's keep our eye
on the ball here, Douche nation,
479
00:18:22,676 --> 00:18:26,512
"Home of the stick up Leslie
Knope's butt."
480
00:18:26,546 --> 00:18:27,813
Butt stick!
481
00:18:27,847 --> 00:18:29,081
Butt stick! Butt stick!
482
00:18:29,115 --> 00:18:30,349
Let's vote on it right now!
483
00:18:30,383 --> 00:18:32,751
Butt stick!
Butt stick!
484
00:18:33,927 --> 00:18:35,894
Okay. Who's next?
Yes, ma'am.
485
00:18:35,929 --> 00:18:39,230
This slogan is gonna go on
every sign in town.
486
00:18:39,350 --> 00:18:41,384
I think it should be
something real
487
00:18:41,419 --> 00:18:43,420
that we can all be proud of.
488
00:18:43,454 --> 00:18:45,121
I've lived in Pawnee
my whole life
489
00:18:45,156 --> 00:18:48,825
and it could be a strange place,
but overall it's a warm,
490
00:18:48,860 --> 00:18:50,230
and wonderful town.
491
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:53,497
My idea for a slogan is,
"When you're here,
492
00:18:53,531 --> 00:18:55,031
then you're home."
493
00:18:55,066 --> 00:18:56,133
Well, that's lovely.
494
00:18:56,167 --> 00:18:57,367
I actually had it printed up
495
00:18:57,401 --> 00:18:58,802
so we can see what
it would look like.
496
00:18:58,836 --> 00:19:00,170
Oh, you--
497
00:19:00,204 --> 00:19:02,072
Hm--there's--that's--that's
spelled wrong.
498
00:19:02,106 --> 00:19:04,007
That should be "then",
t-h-e-n.
499
00:19:04,041 --> 00:19:05,976
Stay strong.
Let them work it out.
500
00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:07,344
And trust Larry.
501
00:19:07,378 --> 00:19:08,778
Trust Larry?
502
00:19:08,813 --> 00:19:10,013
Are you listening to yourself?
503
00:19:10,047 --> 00:19:11,515
I like that slogan a lot.
504
00:19:11,549 --> 00:19:14,951
But you made
a little mistake there.
505
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:19,356
- You see?
- Back off.
506
00:19:19,390 --> 00:19:21,191
"You're" is spelled wrong.
507
00:19:21,225 --> 00:19:23,660
It should be "y-o-u-r."
508
00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:25,695
Oops, I didn't catch it.
Thank you.
509
00:19:25,730 --> 00:19:27,130
No, no, no,
she made a possessive.
510
00:19:27,131 --> 00:19:28,698
- She's getting further away.
- It's okay.
511
00:19:28,733 --> 00:19:30,167
Okay, let's vote.
512
00:19:30,201 --> 00:19:31,701
All those in favor.
513
00:19:33,004 --> 00:19:34,271
Approved!
514
00:19:38,609 --> 00:19:40,477
Man, the places that came
on the market today
515
00:19:40,511 --> 00:19:43,013
are way nicer than the listings
we saw yesterday.
516
00:19:43,047 --> 00:19:45,882
I know, crazy, right?
Real estate.
517
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:47,384
This property
is under your budget,
518
00:19:47,418 --> 00:19:49,553
and it's got everything
on this wish list you gave me.
519
00:19:49,587 --> 00:19:51,054
Except the two helipads.
520
00:19:51,088 --> 00:19:52,322
Does it have one helipad?
521
00:19:52,356 --> 00:19:53,723
I don't know.
522
00:19:53,758 --> 00:19:56,493
I like it, but...seems
a little small.
523
00:19:56,527 --> 00:19:58,562
No, I think it just seems
small because
524
00:19:58,596 --> 00:20:00,063
of all the heavy furniture.
525
00:20:00,097 --> 00:20:01,765
But that part is really great.
526
00:20:01,799 --> 00:20:04,034
The lighting is really cool.
527
00:20:04,068 --> 00:20:06,436
I think this is the one.
528
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:08,438
You know, I think you're right.
529
00:20:08,473 --> 00:20:09,506
I'll do it.
530
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:10,907
Thanks, April.
And, hey, bonus,
531
00:20:10,942 --> 00:20:12,876
it's pretty close to city hall.
532
00:20:12,910 --> 00:20:14,177
You guys are gonna be regulars.
533
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:16,046
I'll keep a table open for you.
534
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,515
And special thanks
to Leslie Knope
535
00:20:18,549 --> 00:20:21,685
for once again bringing about
positive change to this town.
536
00:20:21,719 --> 00:20:24,955
Pawnee, I present to you,
your new slogan.
537
00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:27,958
You fixed the mistakes.
538
00:20:27,992 --> 00:20:30,060
I held it together
for the entire meeting.
539
00:20:30,094 --> 00:20:31,094
Let me have this one.
540
00:20:31,128 --> 00:20:33,363
I'm done micromanaging.
I promise.
541
00:20:33,397 --> 00:20:36,433
Then I'm sure you are okay
with the fact
542
00:20:36,467 --> 00:20:37,968
that they installed the sign
543
00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:40,237
the wrong way
and it's welcoming you to Pawnee
544
00:20:40,271 --> 00:20:41,338
as you're leaving.
545
00:20:41,372 --> 00:20:42,405
What?
546
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,641
No! Oh, son of a--
547
00:20:44,675 --> 00:20:46,076
Hey, you passed the test.
548
00:20:46,110 --> 00:20:47,344
Honestly,
549
00:20:47,378 --> 00:20:49,246
there's something else
I'm worried about.
550
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,047
The kind of work that I've been
doing all these years,
551
00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:52,949
the nuts and bolts,
the grunt work,
552
00:20:52,984 --> 00:20:54,651
that's the stuff I know
how to do.
553
00:20:54,685 --> 00:20:56,586
What if I take
this national parks jobs
554
00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:58,788
and I just...fail?
555
00:20:58,823 --> 00:21:00,891
- Hm.
- What if I'm not good at it?
556
00:21:00,925 --> 00:21:01,925
Yeah.
557
00:21:01,959 --> 00:21:05,896
Leslie, I love you, very much.
558
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:07,998
But this is the stupidest
thing you've ever said.
559
00:21:08,032 --> 00:21:10,233
You'd be amazing.
560
00:21:10,268 --> 00:21:12,302
And everyone's gonna be in awe
of how amazing you are,
561
00:21:12,336 --> 00:21:13,737
so just shut your month.
562
00:21:16,307 --> 00:21:17,407
Hey,
563
00:21:17,441 --> 00:21:18,575
are we leaving or entering?
564
00:21:18,609 --> 00:21:21,511
We've been driving around
in circles.
565
00:21:21,546 --> 00:21:23,814
You're--
566
00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:29,628
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com