1
00:00:01,858 --> 00:00:03,858
Okay, I don't want
to over-hype this,
2
00:00:03,871 --> 00:00:05,718
but presenting...
Dun-da-da-dah!
3
00:00:05,742 --> 00:00:07,909
the new city of
Pawnee website!
4
00:00:07,935 --> 00:00:10,266
- Totally revamped!
- You can pay parking tickets,
5
00:00:10,279 --> 00:00:13,732
you can apply for a business
license and the best part
6
00:00:13,754 --> 00:00:17,479
is we're going to put up an online poll
so people can pick the new town slogan!
7
00:00:17,511 --> 00:00:18,898
Hey, look a panda!
8
00:00:19,565 --> 00:00:21,356
Yeah, that's just some mascot
thing
9
00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:22,922
that the designer put
up on the front page.
10
00:00:22,944 --> 00:00:27,077
But more importantly, you can now apply
for a utility tax refund... online!
11
00:00:27,097 --> 00:00:28,930
Wait, the panda's
name is Peebo.
12
00:00:28,964 --> 00:00:29,884
Peebo.
13
00:00:29,910 --> 00:00:31,397
Look, you can even play
ping-pong.
14
00:00:31,415 --> 00:00:32,517
- What?
- I want to play!
15
00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:34,737
No, me first! Me first!
That's it. I'm calling it.
16
00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:37,193
Guys, Ben worked really
hard on this, okay?
17
00:00:37,217 --> 00:00:38,414
Let's look at the
online polls.
18
00:00:38,427 --> 00:00:40,829
It's gonna be a cool way to choose
our new town's slogan. Oh!
19
00:00:40,849 --> 00:00:43,341
The panda holds a paddle
with his tail. I want to play!
20
00:00:43,364 --> 00:00:44,631
Congratulations, Ben.
21
00:00:44,653 --> 00:00:47,707
This is truly a fine panda game
you made. Well done.
22
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,015
What else does he do?
23
00:00:49,037 --> 00:00:52,105
I think if you click on the
bamboo, it puts on a top hat.
24
00:00:52,940 --> 00:00:54,274
All: What?
25
00:00:54,302 --> 00:00:55,847
I love you, Ben!
26
00:00:56,003 --> 00:00:59,003
[Triumphant music]
27
00:00:59,020 --> 00:01:05,020
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
28
00:01:18,266 --> 00:01:19,426
What's wrong with you?
29
00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:22,080
You look like Meryl Streep
at the end of Ironweed.
30
00:01:22,103 --> 00:01:23,476
You wish.
31
00:01:23,496 --> 00:01:25,129
Well, I've been driving
all over Indiana
32
00:01:25,149 --> 00:01:27,249
looking for bands to
play the unity concert.
33
00:01:27,273 --> 00:01:30,473
I got nothing to show for,
except for four car accidents.
34
00:01:30,876 --> 00:01:33,896
All these strangers'
insurance information.
35
00:01:33,909 --> 00:01:37,596
Ooh, I get it, you have car insurance.
Why don't you brag about it?
36
00:01:37,636 --> 00:01:39,017
Hey, you are from
Eagleton, right?
37
00:01:39,038 --> 00:01:41,218
Are there any places out
there I should check out?
38
00:01:41,241 --> 00:01:43,309
I used to go see live
shows at Patterson's.
39
00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:45,389
But I'm boycotting until
the owner apologizes
40
00:01:45,408 --> 00:01:47,902
for what she said to
me at the dog park.
41
00:01:47,922 --> 00:01:49,095
Cool. Anything else?
42
00:01:49,116 --> 00:01:51,249
I hear Cozy's Bar is pretty
packed on Thursdays.
43
00:01:51,269 --> 00:01:53,256
But I've never been because
it's mostly middle-aged women
44
00:01:53,269 --> 00:01:54,923
and I'm allergic
to turkey neck.
45
00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,516
Really? That's
the best part.
46
00:01:56,536 --> 00:01:58,647
We should split a
turkey sometime.
47
00:01:59,846 --> 00:02:01,993
Oh, Mr. Larson. Thank you so
much for meeting me here.
48
00:02:02,019 --> 00:02:03,780
Happy to. I was
in the area.
49
00:02:03,803 --> 00:02:07,666
The chance for me to return your binder
full of questions about the job.
50
00:02:07,687 --> 00:02:08,834
I think I answered
all of them.
51
00:02:08,855 --> 00:02:10,528
Thank you. I cannot
wait to check this out.
52
00:02:10,543 --> 00:02:12,996
Now, the reason why I asked
you to meet me here--
53
00:02:13,015 --> 00:02:14,909
More questions about the job.
54
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:18,616
Oh, yeah. Martha? I'm gonna need
two hours worth of waffles.
55
00:02:18,631 --> 00:02:21,418
Grant Larson has offered
me a chance to oversee
56
00:02:21,448 --> 00:02:23,728
a branch office of the
national park service.
57
00:02:23,763 --> 00:02:26,610
This is like the parks
equivalent of Bruce Springsteen
58
00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:28,206
pulling Courtney
Cox onstage.
59
00:02:28,228 --> 00:02:30,122
I mean, one minute you're just
a regular girl in the crowd,
60
00:02:30,147 --> 00:02:35,321
and the next minute you're dancing 10
feet away from freakin' Max Weinberg!
61
00:02:35,347 --> 00:02:38,090
Okay, my fortieth and
eighteenth from last question
62
00:02:38,109 --> 00:02:41,214
is about the Heartland Exotic
Plant Management Project.
63
00:02:41,234 --> 00:02:44,221
Now, were would I be actually
doing the physical planting?
64
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,314
Because it is always
been a dream of mine
65
00:02:46,339 --> 00:02:49,962
to plant spotted jewelweed along
the red river bank in Arkansas,
66
00:02:49,975 --> 00:02:51,369
but I'm sure you
hear that a lot.
67
00:02:51,384 --> 00:02:54,268
Well, you wouldn't actually
be planting things.
68
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,300
I mean, you're
overseeing 200 people.
69
00:02:56,329 --> 00:02:59,209
The everyday minutia you
would delegate to staff.
70
00:02:59,225 --> 00:03:02,400
Leslie, your job is more
creative, big picture stuff.
71
00:03:02,429 --> 00:03:04,656
No more boring people
working for you.
72
00:03:04,982 --> 00:03:07,529
Good! I hate paperwork.
73
00:03:07,553 --> 00:03:09,777
I hardly ever do it in my bed
on a Saturday night
74
00:03:09,807 --> 00:03:12,276
while listening to
old spice girls CDs.
75
00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,826
Regal Meagle.
My favorite realtor.
76
00:03:14,838 --> 00:03:16,823
- You got some hot properties
to show me? - You know it.
77
00:03:16,850 --> 00:03:19,038
Remember my list of
must-haves: Open kitchen,
78
00:03:19,070 --> 00:03:22,808
fireplace, exposed brick, and you know
I wouldn't kick a skylight out of bed.
79
00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:26,981
I'm opening Pawnee's first authentic
Sinatra style Italian restaurant--
80
00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:28,150
"Tom's Bistro."
81
00:03:28,159 --> 00:03:31,224
I'm kind of like a skinny,
handsome, Indian Mario Batali--
82
00:03:31,248 --> 00:03:32,755
who doesn't know
how to cook.
83
00:03:32,782 --> 00:03:36,236
Before we go, I got you guys a
little something for helping me out.
84
00:03:36,261 --> 00:03:37,734
Oh!
85
00:03:38,265 --> 00:03:39,679
Love it!
86
00:03:40,263 --> 00:03:42,110
A Larry voodoo doll?
87
00:03:42,146 --> 00:03:44,046
Tom, that's so sweet.
Thanks.
88
00:03:44,589 --> 00:03:47,389
Ow! Oh, my gosh!
89
00:03:47,418 --> 00:03:50,405
I didn't even do anything. The
voodoo doll is reading my thoughts.
90
00:03:51,242 --> 00:03:52,882
So it seems like it went
really well, right?
91
00:03:52,904 --> 00:03:56,464
Yeah. Yeah, totally. Grant
is great, the job is great.
92
00:03:56,484 --> 00:03:58,371
- The waffles were great.
- Great.
93
00:03:58,402 --> 00:04:01,015
So we're just about ready to go live
with the slogan poll. You want to see?
94
00:04:01,041 --> 00:04:02,897
Now that Eagleton and
Pawnee have merged,
95
00:04:02,927 --> 00:04:05,497
it is time to pick
a new town slogan.
96
00:04:05,530 --> 00:04:10,098
And a slogan can make a big difference
with tourism in a town's identity.
97
00:04:10,128 --> 00:04:13,361
There is New York,
the city that never sleeps.
98
00:04:13,390 --> 00:04:15,977
And then there is
Glenwater, Florida,
99
00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:19,114
home of America's most
violent Walmart parking lot.
100
00:04:19,530 --> 00:04:21,364
Okay, so people can vote now.
101
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:23,689
Yeah, see, that's the super
cool thing about this website
102
00:04:23,702 --> 00:04:28,771
is it does all the work for us so we
can just sit back and take it easy.
103
00:04:28,799 --> 00:04:31,006
No. No, we're not
gonna do that.
104
00:04:31,039 --> 00:04:33,345
We're gonna sit forward
and take it hard.
105
00:04:33,370 --> 00:04:36,164
- Um, what? - There's a lot of
nitty-gritty left to do, Ben.
106
00:04:36,190 --> 00:04:38,394
We need to roll up our sleeves,
we need to go door to door,
107
00:04:38,414 --> 00:04:41,231
we need to hand out fliers, and canvass.
You know what we should do?
108
00:04:41,266 --> 00:04:43,410
We should have a press junket,
to publicize the poll.
109
00:04:43,423 --> 00:04:46,281
Okay, I hope you had lunch plans,
'cause now you get to cancel them.
110
00:04:46,303 --> 00:04:47,960
Well, I-I did.
111
00:04:48,826 --> 00:04:51,900
So this was one of Eagleton's
top sushi restaurants.
112
00:04:51,922 --> 00:04:54,090
But you can't out-run the
whale meat police forever.
113
00:04:54,091 --> 00:04:55,704
This is great. I love it!
114
00:04:55,723 --> 00:04:57,211
Look at it, I can
picture it now.
115
00:04:57,241 --> 00:04:58,721
That's where the
politicians will sit,
116
00:04:58,736 --> 00:05:01,150
this is where the connected
guys will bring their goomahs.
117
00:05:01,163 --> 00:05:03,383
- This place is perfect. How much?
- 9,000 a month.
118
00:05:03,402 --> 00:05:05,581
What? That's way more
that I can afford.
119
00:05:05,594 --> 00:05:07,181
Whatever. It's
not that great.
120
00:05:07,203 --> 00:05:09,928
Plus, it's really far away from
work and that'd be annoying.
121
00:05:09,947 --> 00:05:11,081
It's not a big deal.
122
00:05:11,094 --> 00:05:13,461
I mean, when it first launches
I'll go back and forth,
123
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:16,860
but hopefully it takes off and
it'll become a full-time job.
124
00:05:16,887 --> 00:05:19,489
Come on, I'll show some
places in your price range.
125
00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:24,349
This press junket is a
brilliant idea, isn't it?
126
00:05:24,368 --> 00:05:27,835
Mr. Strange Cameraman
Who I Never Met.
127
00:05:27,865 --> 00:05:29,658
Leslie, I told you, I'm
not gonna participate
128
00:05:29,678 --> 00:05:32,769
in your weird Julia Roberts,
cameraman husband fantasy.
129
00:05:32,797 --> 00:05:34,469
Quiet, cameraman,
Perd's here.
130
00:05:34,482 --> 00:05:37,603
Leslie, your poll is designed
to choose a new slogan.
131
00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:40,886
And a slogan is a series of
words that have a meaning.
132
00:05:40,906 --> 00:05:41,793
[Laughs]
133
00:05:41,818 --> 00:05:43,391
So true, Perd.
134
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:46,813
All of the choices for the
town slogan are wonderful,
135
00:05:46,833 --> 00:05:49,026
but if I had to
choose my favorite
136
00:05:49,046 --> 00:05:52,372
it would probably be
"Storied past, bright future."
137
00:05:52,396 --> 00:05:56,835
Well, the story of my interest
level is: It's medium.
138
00:05:56,855 --> 00:06:01,126
Joan, this poll is a chance to give our
newly-merged city a new identity--
139
00:06:01,138 --> 00:06:04,114
to really rebrand this town.
140
00:06:04,127 --> 00:06:08,081
Yes, great question. I have been
thinking of rebranding myself.
141
00:06:08,094 --> 00:06:11,171
What do you think about
Juan Callamezzo?
142
00:06:11,202 --> 00:06:14,882
- Isn't "Juan" a man's name?
- No, it means "flower."
143
00:06:14,906 --> 00:06:16,373
I think it means "John."
144
00:06:16,394 --> 00:06:22,526
Crazy Ira and the Douche
from 93.7 FM, the Groove.
145
00:06:22,547 --> 00:06:25,214
Leslie, do you believe
that this new slogan
146
00:06:25,247 --> 00:06:29,663
will integrate Pawnee and
Eagleton into one cohesive city?
147
00:06:30,079 --> 00:06:33,099
Wow, that's a very thoughtful
question, Crazy Ira.
148
00:06:33,118 --> 00:06:35,708
- Yes, yes, I do.
- Follow-up question, Leslie,
149
00:06:35,733 --> 00:06:38,671
show us your boobs!
150
00:06:38,696 --> 00:06:39,780
[Electronic farting noise]
151
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:41,973
Will this fit on a
bumper sticker?
152
00:06:41,986 --> 00:06:43,061
[Electronic fart]
153
00:06:43,468 --> 00:06:46,581
Gosh, this place is packed. You
folks must really like this guy.
154
00:06:46,598 --> 00:06:49,205
Honey, he is sex
on a stick.
155
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:54,364
Ladies and gentlemen, put your jazzy hands
together for my man, Mr. Duke Silver!
156
00:06:54,445 --> 00:06:57,514
[Cheer and applause]
157
00:06:58,049 --> 00:07:01,198
A smooth and silky
evening to you all.
158
00:07:01,225 --> 00:07:03,944
On nights like this, when
the cold winds blow,
159
00:07:03,971 --> 00:07:08,762
and the air is awash in the
swirling eddies of our dreams,
160
00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:12,040
come with me and
find safe haven...
161
00:07:12,059 --> 00:07:15,241
in a warm bathtub
full of my jazz.
162
00:07:15,273 --> 00:07:17,601
All: Uh!
163
00:07:17,643 --> 00:07:20,678
[Jazz music]
164
00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:24,079
Well, the good news is
your poll was a big hit.
165
00:07:24,099 --> 00:07:26,666
- Thousands of people voted.
- That's great. What's leading?
166
00:07:26,691 --> 00:07:29,204
- "Storied past, bright future"?
- No.
167
00:07:29,226 --> 00:07:34,037
The current leader is "Pawnee,
welcome to Douche nation."
168
00:07:34,077 --> 00:07:35,864
- What?
- Crazy Ira and the Douche
169
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:39,893
got their bonehead radio fans to
flood the poll with write-in votes.
170
00:07:39,923 --> 00:07:41,530
Why did we include
a write-in option?
171
00:07:41,550 --> 00:07:43,921
Because every election
has a write-in option.
172
00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:45,387
That's how
democracy works.
173
00:07:45,416 --> 00:07:48,132
I'm not a dictator.
If I we're a dictator,
174
00:07:48,152 --> 00:07:50,999
I would throw the Douche
in prison without a trial.
175
00:07:51,021 --> 00:07:52,905
I would be a very
strong dictator,
176
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:56,136
and you would be my bodyguard,
and you would lead my army.
177
00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:59,105
Okay, I know we should
figure out how to fix this.
178
00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:00,875
But I'm starting to
get kind of turned on
179
00:08:00,895 --> 00:08:02,837
imagining you as a dictator,
is that bad?
180
00:08:02,874 --> 00:08:04,523
No, it's okay.
181
00:08:06,923 --> 00:08:10,056
You know, we could just figure out a
different strategy for picking a slogan.
182
00:08:10,082 --> 00:08:11,385
You don't have to
go on their show.
183
00:08:11,398 --> 00:08:13,580
No, I want to do this.
I enjoy the challenge.
184
00:08:13,592 --> 00:08:15,192
So, how do I look?
185
00:08:15,227 --> 00:08:18,053
I need these guys to think
that I'm, like, super chill.
186
00:08:18,073 --> 00:08:20,356
- Is this gonna work?
- Oh, what up, Lez?
187
00:08:20,384 --> 00:08:23,425
Backwards hat--shows a real
lack of respect for authority.
188
00:08:23,454 --> 00:08:24,691
I like that.
189
00:08:24,710 --> 00:08:27,757
What's up, little mayor? Are
you gonna freak out again?
190
00:08:27,779 --> 00:08:29,946
So, Leslie,
what's the deal?
191
00:08:29,966 --> 00:08:31,899
Are you just here to
yell at us again?
192
00:08:31,912 --> 00:08:35,333
Yeah, we are in store for
another Leslie Knope nag sesh?
193
00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,379
Crazy Ira, do the dishes!
194
00:08:38,415 --> 00:08:39,359
[Laughs]
195
00:08:39,384 --> 00:08:42,223
Classic! No way!
I'm not here to nag, guys.
196
00:08:42,241 --> 00:08:44,964
I'm just psyched to be in the
studio, you know? I'm just...
197
00:08:44,984 --> 00:08:47,037
chillin' in the
studes with my dudes.
198
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,500
If you're really not
really here to nag us,
199
00:08:49,526 --> 00:08:52,234
then maybe you'll help us
with our next segment...
200
00:08:52,278 --> 00:08:56,318
[Echoing]
"Rating celebrities' boobs!"
201
00:08:56,463 --> 00:08:57,610
Perfect.
202
00:08:57,625 --> 00:09:01,972
On a scale, from 1 to
ga-ga-ga-going!
203
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,413
How would you rate
Emma Watson's boobs?
204
00:09:05,432 --> 00:09:08,109
First of all, I would rate
her acting as an "A."
205
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,882
You have three seconds to
answer or we're gonna withdraw
206
00:09:09,914 --> 00:09:12,501
- a donation from charity.
- From charity? Oh.
207
00:09:12,559 --> 00:09:13,659
[Imitating clock]
208
00:09:14,394 --> 00:09:15,241
A minus.
209
00:09:15,254 --> 00:09:17,711
More like double D minus.
210
00:09:18,605 --> 00:09:20,003
[Farting sound]
[Moaning]
211
00:09:20,023 --> 00:09:22,021
Me so horny!
212
00:09:22,942 --> 00:09:24,562
I knew it. I knew it.
213
00:09:29,896 --> 00:09:31,490
- Can I help you?
- Maybe.
214
00:09:31,498 --> 00:09:33,927
I was out at the jazz
club last night--
215
00:09:33,946 --> 00:09:35,876
scouting bands for
the unity concert.
216
00:09:35,902 --> 00:09:38,866
And I saw something
very interesting.
217
00:09:43,569 --> 00:09:45,606
- I am Duke Silver.
- I have a twin brother.
218
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:47,433
Both: What?
219
00:09:48,093 --> 00:09:50,253
- I have a twin brother.
- You are Duke Silver?
220
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:53,031
Yes, I am Duke Silver.
221
00:09:53,058 --> 00:09:55,178
[Laughing]
222
00:09:55,191 --> 00:09:57,716
The only other people who
know are Tom and April.
223
00:09:57,736 --> 00:09:59,189
So, please, keep
it to yourself.
224
00:09:59,195 --> 00:10:01,461
Are you kidding me?
You are really good!
225
00:10:01,488 --> 00:10:05,293
You are, like, the saxophone player
for the California-raisins-good.
226
00:10:05,318 --> 00:10:06,778
No joke. You know what?
227
00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:09,257
I'm booking you...
for the unity concert.
228
00:10:09,277 --> 00:10:12,905
Absolutely not. My musical
career is private.
229
00:10:12,939 --> 00:10:16,570
If my secret got out, this office would
be waist-deep in women's undergarments.
230
00:10:16,576 --> 00:10:18,343
No, I'm in charge of booking
the bands for the concert,
231
00:10:18,363 --> 00:10:20,711
and I say, you're in. You're
gonna play right after
232
00:10:20,724 --> 00:10:22,838
Bobby knight ranger. It's
a night ranger cover band
233
00:10:22,857 --> 00:10:25,508
where they only wear read
sweaters. It's gonna be epic!
234
00:10:26,299 --> 00:10:30,472
Final round, Leslie,
boobs or ass?
235
00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:34,151
Hard to believe this is a fan
game for your radio listeners.
236
00:10:34,187 --> 00:10:36,640
Ah... I'm gonna say butt.
237
00:10:36,659 --> 00:10:37,467
Ding, ding, ding!
238
00:10:37,493 --> 00:10:39,070
- Yes!
- You are correct.
239
00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:42,019
This is my mom's dumper!
240
00:10:42,048 --> 00:10:42,924
[Farting sound]
241
00:10:42,943 --> 00:10:44,277
Oh, mommy!
242
00:10:44,298 --> 00:10:46,714
- I don't know how you got yours
hand on that. - I took it.
243
00:10:46,734 --> 00:10:50,441
Good. Well, it is been so fun
bro-ing out with my dogs.
244
00:10:50,488 --> 00:10:53,999
I never knew that objectifying
women could be so much fun.
245
00:10:54,033 --> 00:10:57,486
We're running out of time here so
just a quick reminder to write-in
246
00:10:57,517 --> 00:10:59,892
"Welcome to Douche nation!"
247
00:10:59,905 --> 00:11:03,839
as the official town slogan
for pawneecity. gov.
248
00:11:03,876 --> 00:11:06,616
Or you know what would
also be kind of dope
249
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:08,616
for the people of
Douche nation to do?
250
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:10,809
It's vote for another slogan.
251
00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:14,330
Like, you know, "Storied
past, bright future"?
252
00:11:14,354 --> 00:11:17,656
But... I don't care. I
don't give a fart, bros.
253
00:11:17,678 --> 00:11:19,738
You know, just do your
thing, chicken wing.
254
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:20,613
[Electronic clucking]
255
00:11:20,626 --> 00:11:22,333
Hey, Crazy Ira, have
you seen my stick?
256
00:11:22,346 --> 00:11:23,631
- Where's your stick?
- I don't know.
257
00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,863
Lesbo Baggins, you know
where my stick is?
258
00:11:25,885 --> 00:11:27,822
- You--
- Oh! Found my stick.
259
00:11:27,829 --> 00:11:29,377
Oh, where did you find it?
260
00:11:29,416 --> 00:11:33,319
Both: Up Leslie Knope's butt!
[Fog horn blows]
261
00:11:33,565 --> 00:11:36,231
- Yo, where my stick up?
- It's up her butt, papi.
262
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:37,977
[Farting noise]
263
00:11:37,990 --> 00:11:41,237
Jewish Greg, whatever we're
paying you, it's not enough.
264
00:11:41,258 --> 00:11:43,526
[Boing, belching]
265
00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:45,213
Damn it, I almost
pulled that off.
266
00:11:45,225 --> 00:11:46,746
No, you really didn't.
267
00:11:46,779 --> 00:11:49,559
Just delete the poll.
Let the slogan thing go.
268
00:11:49,581 --> 00:11:51,834
Or, maybe we sneak
back in there--
269
00:11:51,863 --> 00:11:54,179
you distract those guys
for, like, 30, 90 minutes,
270
00:11:54,199 --> 00:11:56,327
I get on live radio, I
give an impassioned speech
271
00:11:56,361 --> 00:11:57,963
about what slogan
I want to endorse
272
00:11:57,990 --> 00:12:00,030
and I play a few songs, which
I always wanted to do,
273
00:12:00,059 --> 00:12:02,012
and then we just see
what happens.
274
00:12:02,039 --> 00:12:04,426
No. I should just let this go.
Okay.
275
00:12:10,536 --> 00:12:12,389
Dude, what are you doing?
276
00:12:12,411 --> 00:12:14,879
That looks like a perfectly
good saxophone case.
277
00:12:14,906 --> 00:12:17,479
Wait a minute. What's
inside that case?
278
00:12:17,497 --> 00:12:19,877
I am ending my secret
musical career.
279
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:22,710
- I have to kill Duke Silver.
- No, come on, man.
280
00:12:22,729 --> 00:12:25,629
- You're really good. You can't quit.
- Sorry, Andrew.
281
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:29,126
I would rather never play again
than have everyone know my secret.
282
00:12:30,335 --> 00:12:32,166
Good-bye, Duke Silver.
283
00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:35,655
May you rest... in jazz.
284
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:42,348
So, Tom told you are sort
of like a computer expert.
285
00:12:42,381 --> 00:12:45,112
Uh... yeah.
You can say that.
286
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:47,901
These jerks are trying
to hijack my online poll,
287
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,064
and so far the leading
town slogan is,
288
00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:52,294
"Home of the stick
up Leslie Knope's butt."
289
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:54,331
[Snickering] Yeah, yeah.
I voted for that one.
290
00:12:54,354 --> 00:12:57,122
Great. I'm wondering, is there
a way I can communicate
291
00:12:57,149 --> 00:12:59,284
- with everybody who voted?
- Yeah, I can do that.
292
00:12:59,318 --> 00:13:02,791
Should take about two minutes. Just PayPal
me some bitcoins when you get a chance.
293
00:13:03,228 --> 00:13:04,074
What?
294
00:13:05,010 --> 00:13:06,663
So, this is way
under your budget.
295
00:13:06,689 --> 00:13:10,382
Used to be a donut shop. Well,
a tire shop that sold donuts.
296
00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:14,454
Pretty rough. I mean, I guess I could
fix the roof and tear up the counters.
297
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,053
- Do something about the smell.
- This place is creepy.
298
00:13:17,089 --> 00:13:20,403
I mean, I love it, because it
reminds me of the cafeteria
299
00:13:20,423 --> 00:13:23,470
in a haunted nursing home, but...
that's just me.
300
00:13:23,741 --> 00:13:26,609
This is the last listing I have
that isn't an active crime scene.
301
00:13:26,638 --> 00:13:29,311
Hey, man, what happened? I thought
Jurassic Fork was super popular.
302
00:13:29,331 --> 00:13:32,504
We stretched ourselves too thin by
expanding to a second location.
303
00:13:32,531 --> 00:13:34,891
You opened another
dinosaur-themed restaurant?
304
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:36,960
No, another Steven
Spielberg-themed restaurant.
305
00:13:36,989 --> 00:13:39,656
The German place downtown--
Schindler's Lunch.
306
00:13:39,672 --> 00:13:43,328
I think you may have misunderstood
what people liked about Jurassic Fork.
307
00:13:43,362 --> 00:13:44,962
I actually think the
space is pretty cool.
308
00:13:44,975 --> 00:13:46,822
Obviously, we'd had to
move this T-Rex, but--
309
00:13:46,839 --> 00:13:49,080
No can do. That's a
load-bearing T-Rex.
310
00:13:49,793 --> 00:13:52,261
This is really the last place
you have available?
311
00:13:52,284 --> 00:13:55,340
Dang. Maybe Tom's Bistro
wasn't meant to be.
312
00:13:57,076 --> 00:13:59,191
- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, real quick.
313
00:13:59,211 --> 00:14:02,391
Remember when you said you would
close up shop on the slogan thing?
314
00:14:02,419 --> 00:14:04,526
- Yes.
- You did do that, right?
315
00:14:04,557 --> 00:14:07,071
You didn't somehow get the email
addresses for every person
316
00:14:07,091 --> 00:14:09,144
who voted for the "Stick
up the butt" slogan
317
00:14:09,157 --> 00:14:12,743
and then write each of them
a personalized heartfelt email
318
00:14:12,771 --> 00:14:14,943
telling them to do the right thing
and vote for a real slogan?
319
00:14:14,963 --> 00:14:19,959
Are you crazy? What a crazy talk you
just did with your funny words.
320
00:14:19,986 --> 00:14:22,599
Well, someone wrote
those emails.
321
00:14:22,627 --> 00:14:25,978
And we got about 300 complaints
and as a cherry on top
322
00:14:25,997 --> 00:14:29,120
some hackers got really mad
about the invasion of privacy
323
00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:31,111
and attacked the website.
324
00:14:32,877 --> 00:14:34,710
Look what they did to Peebo.
325
00:14:34,733 --> 00:14:37,435
He's wearing a hat
made of penises.
326
00:14:37,583 --> 00:14:39,184
[Sighs] Oh, boy.
327
00:14:39,916 --> 00:14:43,523
Well, I.T. is fixing the website, but
it will be down for about three days.
328
00:14:43,543 --> 00:14:47,837
Well, no worries, I will handle all
of the overflow work personally.
329
00:14:47,876 --> 00:14:50,059
Parking tickets,
code violations--
330
00:14:50,078 --> 00:14:52,023
- send them all to me.
- What's going on?
331
00:14:52,062 --> 00:14:53,862
[Sighs] I don't know.
I spoke to Grant
332
00:14:53,878 --> 00:14:55,903
about the national parks
job, and he mentioned
333
00:14:55,922 --> 00:14:58,483
that's mostly big picture
planning and delegating,
334
00:14:58,501 --> 00:15:02,834
and not very much nitty-gritty,
hands-on stuff that I love to do.
335
00:15:02,853 --> 00:15:05,260
I would miss that, very much.
336
00:15:05,276 --> 00:15:08,420
I mean, have I really pulled my
last bloated raccoon carcass
337
00:15:08,439 --> 00:15:09,653
from a public fountain?
338
00:15:09,687 --> 00:15:13,687
But that's the whole point of moving up
the ladder, you get to think bigger,
339
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,191
swim in a bigger pond.
340
00:15:15,219 --> 00:15:17,387
You're having a public forum
on the slogan, right?
341
00:15:17,401 --> 00:15:19,001
Use it as a test.
342
00:15:19,028 --> 00:15:21,615
Hand the reins to someone
else, let them handle things
343
00:15:21,641 --> 00:15:23,388
while you manage
from a distance.
344
00:15:23,413 --> 00:15:24,902
Yeah. That's a good idea.
345
00:15:24,922 --> 00:15:26,982
I guess I should practice...
346
00:15:27,699 --> 00:15:29,900
delegating. Ugh! Okay.
347
00:15:29,927 --> 00:15:33,115
The public forum
will be run by...
348
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:36,041
Oh, no, I would not have
started the sentence
349
00:15:36,054 --> 00:15:37,921
if I knew Larry was
the only one here.
350
00:15:37,949 --> 00:15:43,128
Babe, if you can step back and let Larry
take control, you can survive anything.
351
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:44,987
All right. Larry, can
you get in here?
352
00:15:45,282 --> 00:15:46,903
I would love to.
Gosh darn it.
353
00:15:46,923 --> 00:15:50,269
I-I somehow ran my belt
through a slat in this chair
354
00:15:50,302 --> 00:15:53,724
so I'm kind of--I'm kind
of stuck to it now.
355
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:57,253
Great.
356
00:16:00,177 --> 00:16:02,703
You really shouldn't have dug
that out of the dumpster.
357
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:05,636
I had to. Also I had a banana
on the way over here.
358
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:06,617
Sorry.
359
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:09,160
I get why you don't want any
more to know about Duke Silver,
360
00:16:09,183 --> 00:16:11,005
and you don't
have to worry.
361
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:13,185
You secret is safe with me.
362
00:16:13,198 --> 00:16:16,612
To even it out, I'm gonna
tell you all of my secrets.
363
00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:19,265
Oh, no, that's
not necessary.
364
00:16:19,286 --> 00:16:21,454
I once forgot to brush
my teeth for five weeks.
365
00:16:21,489 --> 00:16:24,164
I didn't actually sell my last car.
I just forgot where I parked it.
366
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:27,160
I don't know who Al Gore is. And at
this point I'm too afraid to ask.
367
00:16:27,194 --> 00:16:31,297
When they say 2% milk, I don't
know what the other 98% is.
368
00:16:31,332 --> 00:16:34,601
When I was a baby, my head was so big
scientists did experiments on me.
369
00:16:34,635 --> 00:16:38,171
I once threw beer at a swan, and
then it attacked my niece Rebecca.
370
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:40,098
That'll do, Andrew.
371
00:16:40,134 --> 00:16:42,454
You don't have to play
the unity concert.
372
00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,168
But don't quit music.
Please.
373
00:16:51,245 --> 00:16:52,918
- Tommy.
- Hey.
374
00:16:52,953 --> 00:16:55,300
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
375
00:16:55,313 --> 00:16:57,322
I just got excited about
the restaurant
376
00:16:57,342 --> 00:17:00,715
but I should probably call my investor
and tell him we have a problem.
377
00:17:00,741 --> 00:17:02,821
Well, I got you something
to cheer you up.
378
00:17:02,843 --> 00:17:03,943
Watch cologne.
379
00:17:03,971 --> 00:17:06,264
Cologne for watches.
Thanks.
380
00:17:06,293 --> 00:17:08,750
Things used to
make me so happy.
381
00:17:09,315 --> 00:17:11,788
But I've grown a lot
in the last year.
382
00:17:11,825 --> 00:17:13,485
Now I just want
one big thing,
383
00:17:13,507 --> 00:17:15,420
my own restaurant,
named after me,
384
00:17:15,449 --> 00:17:18,149
that makes me so much money
I can buy anything I want.
385
00:17:18,173 --> 00:17:19,813
I should go.
386
00:17:22,428 --> 00:17:24,216
I didn't want Tom to leave,
387
00:17:24,241 --> 00:17:28,078
so I said all these bad things about the
restaurant, so he wouldn't like them.
388
00:17:28,129 --> 00:17:30,169
Damn, we should
have coordinated.
389
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:31,922
I don't want to lose that
weird little elf either.
390
00:17:31,928 --> 00:17:33,931
That's why I showed him
all those crappy places.
391
00:17:33,975 --> 00:17:36,275
Oh, I thought you were
just bad at your job.
392
00:17:36,303 --> 00:17:39,103
Sorry. What should we do?
393
00:17:39,146 --> 00:17:40,980
Let me call some people.
394
00:17:41,609 --> 00:17:46,619
Hello, everyone, and welcome to a public
forum to choose our new town slogan.
395
00:17:46,642 --> 00:17:50,142
I'm gonna hand things over
to Larry Gengurch,
396
00:17:50,157 --> 00:17:53,434
who is 100% in charge.
397
00:17:53,461 --> 00:17:55,128
Well, let's just
get started, huh?
398
00:17:55,156 --> 00:17:58,871
I want to talk about-- Oh,
it's the-- geez Louise--
399
00:17:58,900 --> 00:18:00,533
This keeps happening.
I don't know why.
400
00:18:00,548 --> 00:18:04,610
I think the slogan should be
"Pawnee, home of crackers,
401
00:18:04,639 --> 00:18:07,126
the orangest goldfish
in Indiana."
402
00:18:07,135 --> 00:18:08,216
- Okey-dokey.
- No.
403
00:18:08,235 --> 00:18:09,416
Let me write it down.
404
00:18:09,432 --> 00:18:12,610
- Who even needs a slogan?
- Well, now, that is an interesting point.
405
00:18:12,663 --> 00:18:15,842
No, that's my slogan idea.
"Who even needs a slogan?"
406
00:18:15,870 --> 00:18:18,835
And then a big picture of me
flipping everybody off.
407
00:18:18,868 --> 00:18:22,220
Let's keep our eye on the
ball here, Douche nation,
408
00:18:22,263 --> 00:18:26,099
"Home of the stick up
Leslie Knope's butt."
409
00:18:26,121 --> 00:18:27,388
Butt stick!
410
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:28,580
All: Butt stick! Butt stick!
411
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,657
Let's vote on it right now!
412
00:18:30,698 --> 00:18:32,812
All: Butt stick!
Butt stick!
413
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:36,201
Okay. Who's next?
Yes, ma'am.
414
00:18:36,223 --> 00:18:39,716
This slogan is gonna go
on every sign in town.
415
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:43,569
I think it should be something
real that we can all be proud of.
416
00:18:43,587 --> 00:18:45,254
I've lived in Pawnee
my whole life
417
00:18:45,277 --> 00:18:50,291
and it could be a strange place, but
overall it's a warm, and wonderful town.
418
00:18:50,324 --> 00:18:55,304
My idea for a slogan is, "When
you're here, then you're home."
419
00:18:55,333 --> 00:18:56,200
Well, that's lovely.
420
00:18:56,228 --> 00:18:59,401
I actually had it printed up so we
can see what it would look like.
421
00:18:59,428 --> 00:19:02,091
Oh, you-- Hm--there's--
that's--that's spelled wrong.
422
00:19:02,126 --> 00:19:04,077
That should be "then",
t-h-e-n.
423
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,229
Stay strong.
Let them work it out.
424
00:19:06,248 --> 00:19:08,955
- And trust Larry.
- Trust Larry?
425
00:19:08,991 --> 00:19:12,055
- Are you listening to yourself?
- I like that slogan a lot.
426
00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:14,738
But you made a little
mistake there.
427
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:15,521
[Murmuring]
428
00:19:15,547 --> 00:19:18,867
- You see?
- Back off.
429
00:19:19,884 --> 00:19:21,464
"You're" is spelled wrong.
430
00:19:21,490 --> 00:19:23,747
It should be "y-o-u-r."
431
00:19:23,781 --> 00:19:27,657
- Oops, I didn't catch it. Thank you.
- No, no, no, she made a possessive.
432
00:19:27,685 --> 00:19:30,276
- She's getting further away.
- It's okay. - Okay, let's vote.
433
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:31,795
All those in favor.
434
00:19:33,425 --> 00:19:34,692
Approved!
435
00:19:34,726 --> 00:19:37,728
[Applause]
436
00:19:39,170 --> 00:19:40,859
Man, the places that came
on the market today
437
00:19:40,892 --> 00:19:43,023
are way nicer than the
listings we saw yesterday.
438
00:19:43,054 --> 00:19:45,992
I know, crazy, right?
Real estate.
439
00:19:45,998 --> 00:19:47,645
This property is
under your budget,
440
00:19:47,672 --> 00:19:49,892
and it's got everything on
this wish list you gave me.
441
00:19:49,914 --> 00:19:53,021
- Except the two helipads.
- Does it have one helipad?
442
00:19:53,043 --> 00:19:56,744
I don't know. I like it, but...
seems a little small.
443
00:19:57,134 --> 00:20:00,461
No, I think it just seems small
because of all the heavy furniture.
444
00:20:00,484 --> 00:20:03,884
But that part is really great.
The lighting is really cool.
445
00:20:04,842 --> 00:20:06,690
I think this is the one.
446
00:20:07,471 --> 00:20:09,694
You know, I think you're right.
I'll do it.
447
00:20:09,727 --> 00:20:13,279
Thanks, April. And, hey, bonus,
it's pretty close to city hall.
448
00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:15,933
You guys are gonna be regulars.
I'll keep a table open for you.
449
00:20:16,421 --> 00:20:18,856
And special thanks
to Leslie Knope
450
00:20:18,877 --> 00:20:21,873
for once again bringing about
positive change to this town.
451
00:20:21,893 --> 00:20:25,288
Pawnee, I present to you,
your new slogan.
452
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,757
[Soft applauses]
453
00:20:26,771 --> 00:20:28,203
You fixed the mistakes.
454
00:20:28,225 --> 00:20:31,271
I held it together for the entire meeting.
Let me have this one.
455
00:20:31,288 --> 00:20:33,523
I'm done micromanaging.
I promise.
456
00:20:34,657 --> 00:20:38,064
Then I'm sure you are okay with the
fact that they installed the sign
457
00:20:38,077 --> 00:20:41,838
the wrong way and it's welcoming
you to Pawnee as you're leaving.
458
00:20:41,872 --> 00:20:42,905
What?
459
00:20:42,926 --> 00:20:44,513
No! Oh, son of a--
460
00:20:44,533 --> 00:20:46,780
- Hey, you passed the test.
- [Sighs]
461
00:20:46,805 --> 00:20:49,172
Honestly, there's something
else I'm worried about.
462
00:20:49,178 --> 00:20:51,297
The kind of work that I've
been doing all these years,
463
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:54,997
the nuts and bolts, the grunt work,
that's the stuff I know how to do.
464
00:20:55,025 --> 00:20:59,078
What if I take this national
parks jobs and I just... fail?
465
00:20:59,110 --> 00:21:01,417
- Hm.
- What if I'm not good at it?
466
00:21:01,452 --> 00:21:05,693
Yeah. Leslie, I love
you, very much.
467
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:08,670
But this is the stupidest
thing you've ever said.
468
00:21:08,686 --> 00:21:12,513
You'd be amazing. And everyone's gonna
be in awe of how amazing you are,
469
00:21:12,526 --> 00:21:15,038
- so just shut your month.
- [Laughs]
470
00:21:17,074 --> 00:21:21,230
Hey, are we leaving or entering? We've
been driving around in circles.
471
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:23,913
You're--
472
00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:31,234
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