1
00:00:03,436 --> 00:00:05,427
Babe, you've gone crazy.
2
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,904
The only thing I'm crazy about
3
00:00:06,973 --> 00:00:10,602
is a magnificent, pregnant
manta ray named Ann Perkins.
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,646
I am ranking topics of conversation
for our next phone call.
5
00:00:13,713 --> 00:00:16,341
The worst part about your best friend
living in another stupid state
6
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:18,213
is the topics really pile up.
7
00:00:18,284 --> 00:00:19,774
What do you think
should be higher priority,
8
00:00:19,853 --> 00:00:21,150
infinity scarves,
9
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:22,984
or whether or not it's worth
it for me to get Showtime?
10
00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,717
Is this really necessary?
11
00:00:24,791 --> 00:00:27,123
When she moved, we promised each
other that we would talk every day.
12
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,683
And we've really fallen behind.
13
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:31,356
I know your female friends
are very important to you,
14
00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:33,092
but I'm always
a good sounding board.
15
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:37,159
I mean, I can talk about
Sandra Bullock's skirt length.
16
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:39,967
No, no, babe, you can't. You
would just embarrass yourself.
17
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,701
Plus, every time I
start talking to you,
18
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:43,504
five seconds later,
I want to jump your bones.
19
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:44,873
Ooh, let's do that instead.
20
00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:47,310
See? That's what
I'm talking about.
21
00:00:48,681 --> 00:00:50,148
Yeah, okay. Let's do this.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22
00:00:55,000 --> 00:01:01,000
Ripped By mstoll
23
00:01:10,970 --> 00:01:12,597
LESLIE:
On to the Unity Concert.
24
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:15,937
Ben is meeting with the tent
people to finalize those deals.
25
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,203
April and Donna
will be helping me
26
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:18,676
with the vendor location charts,
27
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,475
and I will be meeting with the
surveyors about the concert grounds.
28
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,540
I would like to volunteer to
do the park survey myself.
29
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:27,142
Wow, Ron, I always
knew there would be
30
00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:28,881
a day when I would
get through to you
31
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:31,116
and you would
love government work.
32
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:32,749
Today is that historic day.
33
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,021
Yes, that is what has happened.
34
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:39,725
Spending the day outside,
alone, sounds like a dream.
35
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:43,360
I love being a father, but
there are a few things I miss.
36
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:46,701
Silence, the absence of noise,
37
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,832
one single moment undisturbed
38
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:51,206
by the sounds of
a children's TV program
39
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:53,871
called "Doc McStuffins."
40
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,745
There is no quiet anymore.
41
00:01:56,816 --> 00:01:59,080
There is only Doc McStuffins.
42
00:01:59,919 --> 00:02:01,045
(PANTING)
Sorry, I'm late.
43
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,351
LESLIE: Andy, why don't you
go with Ron and help him?
44
00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:04,515
I really don't need...
45
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:06,286
Shotgun. I called shotgun.
Where are we going?
46
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:07,553
Doesn't matter. Shotgun.
47
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:08,992
Shotgun on all rides
for the rest of the day.
48
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:12,327
For the rest of my life, in any car.
(LAUGHS)
49
00:02:12,398 --> 00:02:14,127
I just faced you suckers.
50
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,668
So, I'll see you in the
parking lot, Ron. Later!
51
00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:19,136
Is the tent guy left-handed
or right-handed?
52
00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,263
I just need to know which way to
53
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:21,932
part my hair to get
us a better price.
54
00:02:22,008 --> 00:02:23,873
It's a business
theory I'm working on.
55
00:02:23,943 --> 00:02:25,968
I really don't think it matters.
Pretty straight-forward deal.
56
00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:27,842
A straight-forward deal?
Why didn't you tell me?
57
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,848
I don't have my "straight-forward
deal" fedora on me.
58
00:02:29,916 --> 00:02:31,679
We've got to stop by my
storage unit on the way up.
59
00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:34,515
Hey, Larry. Hey, you want to
come with us to Tent World?
60
00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:36,214
Little road trip?
Tent World?
61
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:38,883
Yeah. Let me grab my lunch.
62
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,448
No. Why did
you invite Larry?
63
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,222
He's been doing all the
paperwork for this deal.
64
00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:43,353
He deserves to come.
65
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:45,989
Remember you said that when
Larry's farting up the car.
66
00:02:46,065 --> 00:02:48,090
BEN: Larry isn't
that bad. He's nice.
67
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,602
And frankly, I don't care
who knows that I said that,
68
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:54,106
(WHISPERS) As long as no one
knows that I said that.
69
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,142
Okay, ladies,
I will be in my office
70
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:59,201
for one to seven hours
for my weekly chat with Ann.
71
00:02:59,279 --> 00:03:00,473
I brought some fresh snacks.
72
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:05,348
And I made a backup plan for the
vendor chart in case yours isn't good.
73
00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:06,908
Actually, Ann called while
you were in the bathroom.
74
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:08,783
She said something came up.
She'd call you later.
75
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,152
I don't know. I told her
to leave you a voicemail.
76
00:03:10,223 --> 00:03:11,952
God, why did you
let me say all that?
77
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:14,152
I'm coming, Ann's voicemail!
I'm coming!
78
00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:18,186
ANN: (OVER SPEAKER) Listen to me very
carefully. I have not been taken.
79
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:20,357
I know that's always your first
fear when I'm not available,
80
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:22,901
but this is not a Liam Neeson
Taken scenario.
81
00:03:22,969 --> 00:03:24,266
That's exactly what
they'd make you say.
82
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:26,271
Also, no one's
making me say this.
83
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:29,934
I am a free woman, un-taken,
simply going about my business.
84
00:03:30,009 --> 00:03:31,601
I just had to run.
Something came up.
85
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:33,646
I love you,
and I'll call you later.
86
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:37,172
Donna. What's good, baby?
87
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,775
What's going
down in Donna-town?
88
00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:41,752
What's the haps
in Meagle-wood?
89
00:03:41,821 --> 00:03:43,482
I'm listening to
Jaleel or No Deal.
90
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,217
It's a podcast
where the kid who played
91
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:47,316
Urkel reviews old
Deal or No Deal episodes.
92
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,519
It's pointless and I love it.
93
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:49,789
Okay. Don't
let me interrupt.
94
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:51,762
April, what's the 4-1-1,
Little Mama?
95
00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:54,026
What's the hot goss? Who you
crushing on these days?
96
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,831
My husband, weirdo. Can I get
back to work now? Thanks. Bye.
97
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:02,000
(SIGHS) Work? You can work whenever.
Except for now.
98
00:04:02,075 --> 00:04:04,305
Because now is lady time.
99
00:04:04,377 --> 00:04:05,969
You sound like
a tampon commercial.
100
00:04:06,045 --> 00:04:08,411
I'm setting up an impromptu
Galentine's Day.
101
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:10,073
APRIL: Really?
Yeah.
102
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:12,379
Wait, I thought you weren't going
to do Galentine's Day this year
103
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:16,718
because that she-beast moved away.
I believe her name was Satan?
104
00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:19,758
Her name is Ann and she is
gone, and I have accepted it,
105
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:22,420
and we are going to have Galentine's Day.
Ladies, up front.
106
00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,856
LESLIE: I need an Ann
who lives in Pawnee.
107
00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:28,890
And there is no one obvious
candidate, so, I will test them out
108
00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:33,837
on the ultimate battlefield of female
friendship, Galentine's Day brunch.
109
00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,339
It will be a women's-only
110
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,536
marathon bonding session
with tons of whipped cream.
111
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,977
Side note,
do not google that phrase.
112
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:47,580
Hey, Ron, can I ask you
kind of an important question?
113
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:51,021
You know, like, when you go
to the ATM and you get money,
114
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:53,752
is there an actual
guy standing behind
115
00:04:53,826 --> 00:04:55,885
the wall who slides
dollar bills in there?
116
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:59,262
No.
Yeah. It's robots.
117
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:01,323
Actually, you know what?
I do have a serious question.
118
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:06,429
In the movie Predator, can you
rub any kind of mud on yourself
119
00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:08,098
to prevent
Predator from seeing you
120
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,698
with his thermal
heat signature sight?
121
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:11,038
Or is it more...
122
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:14,205
(GROANS) That sucks.
Are you hurt?
123
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:17,377
No, all good. All good.
124
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,008
Oops.
125
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,109
Except for my mouth.
126
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,520
Oh, whoa!
127
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,415
Five-second rule.
128
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:26,856
No. Ah!
129
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:29,986
Come on. We better
get you to a dentist.
130
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:34,956
Oh, my God, Larry. Your tuna
fish sandwich stunk up my suit.
131
00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:37,332
Gayle made it for me.
Irrelevant. You know what?
132
00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:38,995
Stay out here and double-check
these deal memos.
133
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,235
If you get through them, triple-check them.
Just don't come inside.
134
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,334
Sounds good. I will finish my
sandwich and enjoy the view.
135
00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:48,738
BEN: Hey, Harvey.
136
00:05:48,815 --> 00:05:50,680
Ben Wyatt. We spoke on the phone?
Yeah.
137
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:54,379
Yeah, we sure did. Okay. Who's
this little genie right here?
138
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,251
Tom Haverford.
Pawnee Business Liaison.
139
00:05:56,322 --> 00:06:00,190
Okay. I've got your contracts
for you right here.
140
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,652
Wow. It's a lot thicker than the
original, one-page version.
141
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:06,130
I take tents pretty seriously, Ben.
I'm a tent guy.
142
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,760
I've got over 1,300 tents
in this warehouse alone.
143
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:12,430
Nine hundred of those
are over 2,000 square feet,
144
00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:13,529
80 of them are striped,
145
00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:17,133
and exactly four of them were
once rented by Ms. Rene Russo.
146
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:21,340
Whoa! Yeah. No doy. I think
I know what I'm doing.
147
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:23,882
So, I added a few
syllables and what not.
148
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:26,817
Clauses, et cetera.
Addendums, what have you.
149
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,751
Why don't you go ahead
and sign that for me?
150
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:32,416
Yeah, I think we're going to
need to take a look at this.
151
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:36,553
So, I guess this is not a
straight-forward deal.
152
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,993
Shauna, I'm so glad you could make it.
You're so tan.
153
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:45,162
Thanks. I just got back
from a solo trip to Rome.
154
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,466
I was going to go
with my boyfriend,
155
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:50,066
but he couldn't come because he
decided to stay with his wife.
156
00:06:51,677 --> 00:06:54,237
I love Rome.
It's such a great place.
157
00:06:54,313 --> 00:06:57,077
Rome's played out. Have
y'all been to Kuala Lumpur?
158
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,548
When did you go to Asia?
159
00:06:58,618 --> 00:06:59,607
I go all the time.
160
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:02,176
Where do you think I got that crystal
Buddha head above my Jacuzzi?
161
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,052
You have a Jacuzzi?
Good to know.
162
00:07:04,123 --> 00:07:06,182
Prospects for new
Pawnee Best Friend.
163
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:09,125
Donna Meagle. Confident,
worldly, we go way back.
164
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:12,426
April Ludgate. Vivid
imagination, young, and vibrant.
165
00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:15,524
Shauna Malwae-Tweep. Pretty, fragile,
makes terrible life decisions.
166
00:07:15,601 --> 00:07:17,125
A real fixer-upper,
but look,
167
00:07:17,203 --> 00:07:19,034
it's not like Ann was doing
so hot when I met her.
168
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,541
Ethel Beavers. A bit of a dark horse.
Crotchety, but probably wise.
169
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:25,702
And then, we've got
Evelyn, aka "Fake Ann."
170
00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:28,508
I don't know her last name.
Honestly, we just needed bodies.
171
00:07:28,581 --> 00:07:30,879
Thank you, everyone, for getting
together on such short notice.
172
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,611
And Happy Galentine's Day.
173
00:07:33,519 --> 00:07:36,010
Now, this is not
technically the right date,
174
00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:38,648
but anytime a group of women
get together for brunch,
175
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:40,783
we embody
the spirit of the holiday.
176
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:43,886
Today, we will celebrate friendship,
spend a few hours together,
177
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:46,261
and answer a couple of
questions I've compiled.
178
00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:48,129
Just for fun.
Nothing serious.
179
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:49,793
But please answer them
with complete honesty
180
00:07:49,869 --> 00:07:51,359
'cause I'll be able to
tell if you're lying.
181
00:07:51,437 --> 00:07:52,734
To girlfriends!
182
00:07:52,939 --> 00:07:54,167
(ALL CHEERING)
183
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:59,107
Okay. It's time for a little
Galentine's Day Q and A.
184
00:07:59,178 --> 00:08:01,408
Donna, you pick first.
185
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,006
"What is your
favorite TV show?"
186
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,710
Well, for live-tweeting,
it's Scandal.
187
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:09,619
For binge-watching,
it's Scandal.
188
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:13,284
But for fashion, it's actually Scandal.
My answer is Scandal.
189
00:08:13,359 --> 00:08:14,519
Hmm. April?
190
00:08:14,594 --> 00:08:19,122
I love watching Russian
traffic accidents on YouTube,
191
00:08:19,198 --> 00:08:21,962
while I play children's
music at the wrong RPM.
192
00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:25,868
I like beauty pageants. Everyone
is so happy and perfect.
193
00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:30,307
I like Diagnosis
Murder and skin flicks.
194
00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:32,643
Can anybody top me off?
195
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:36,773
The correct answer for favorite
TV show is Friday Night Lights.
196
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:37,941
The correct answer?
197
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,041
LESLIE: Next question.
198
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,780
BEN: Okay, this contract
is insane.
199
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,982
It costs extra to have
people inside the tents?
200
00:08:45,057 --> 00:08:46,820
And what's a flap tax?
201
00:08:46,893 --> 00:08:50,192
Well, you need flaps, bro. A tent
without flaps is basically a parachute.
202
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:51,924
An unfolding charge?
203
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:54,262
A noise-damage waiver?
How can noise damage tents?
204
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:56,858
Keep your voice down, please.
There are tents here.
205
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:00,130
Now, look, you can argue
with me all you want.
206
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:03,107
But for every line item that
you two idiots disagree with,
207
00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:05,234
there's gonna be
a $50 discussion surcharge.
208
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:06,471
What are we up to, doll?
209
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:07,672
Four hundred dollars.
210
00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:09,806
A discussion surcharge?
That's nuts.
211
00:09:09,882 --> 00:09:11,372
Four hundred and fifty dollars.
212
00:09:11,450 --> 00:09:13,577
That's it. Deal's off. We'll
take our business elsewhere.
213
00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:16,548
Suit yourself, gentlemen.
Sorry we couldn't make a deal.
214
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:21,024
Wait, wait. Let me
try one more thing.
215
00:09:23,095 --> 00:09:24,323
What's the price now?
216
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:28,624
Eighty dollars more. I liked
it better the other way.
217
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:29,827
It does have an effect, though.
218
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:35,305
RON: The receptionist said she'll fit
you in as soon as there's an opening.
219
00:09:35,374 --> 00:09:37,365
If you're all right, I'm going
to head back to the park.
220
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:39,001
Yeah, but real quick,
real quick.
221
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,706
Do you know what my social
security number is?
222
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:44,045
Or if I'm allergic to anything?
223
00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:46,346
I don't like corn.
Should I put that down?
224
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:50,685
Or will that be confusing
because I do like candy corn?
225
00:09:51,791 --> 00:09:54,055
Ron. What a mess.
226
00:09:56,228 --> 00:09:57,820
Here, let me help you.
227
00:09:57,897 --> 00:10:02,459
All I wanted was two hours where I
got to forget that I was a parent.
228
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,936
Ron, look. I found
all three differences.
229
00:10:06,005 --> 00:10:08,872
Those are two completely
different pictures.
230
00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:11,732
"Ladies' Choice."
231
00:10:11,811 --> 00:10:12,869
Wildcard option. Okay.
232
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,004
Anybody reveal anything about their life.
Anything at all.
233
00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,174
I've gotten two annulments.
234
00:10:17,249 --> 00:10:18,273
One for pleasure,
235
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:22,549
and one to cap off a long-con I
was running against Keith Sweat.
236
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,522
Ethel, have you...
Okay, Ethel's asleep.
237
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:26,046
Shauna?
238
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:28,059
I'm writing
a memoir based on my blog.
239
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:29,924
It's called,
"Tweeping up Appearances."
240
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:34,296
And it's about my journey to find
happiness by smiling through the pain.
241
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:35,834
Okay, I can work with that.
242
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,293
Knope, what you got
going on in that notebook?
243
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:41,738
Just jotting down memories
in my trusty old journal.
244
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:44,773
"Friendship Rankings."
What's that?
245
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,038
It's not what it sounds like.
246
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:50,014
It's simply a way for me to figure
out which one of you is the best.
247
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:53,847
That's messed up. Yeah, that is
really lame and I'm leaving.
248
00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:55,250
You're better than that, Knope.
249
00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,482
Donna, why are you angry?
You are in first place.
250
00:10:57,556 --> 00:11:01,048
Bye, everyone.
This was a really...
251
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,019
Brunch.
Leave the bag.
252
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:06,291
ETHEL: If you do
this again next year,
253
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,162
don't call me.
254
00:11:09,435 --> 00:11:11,665
LESLIE:
Well, by default, it's Shauna.
255
00:11:11,737 --> 00:11:15,229
That's how you want to find your new
best friend, right? By default?
256
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:19,408
My pores are clogged up from
being in that dusty warehouse.
257
00:11:19,478 --> 00:11:21,742
I'm going to check if this gas
station has some Bioré strips.
258
00:11:23,916 --> 00:11:25,645
Thanks, Larry.
That's nice of you.
259
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:27,481
Gayle always has me
do the windshield.
260
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,349
She likes to stand
behind me and watch.
261
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:32,789
According to her,
it's the best view.
262
00:11:34,226 --> 00:11:35,284
How is Gayle?
263
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:36,350
Wonderful.
264
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,090
And the girls?
265
00:11:38,164 --> 00:11:39,756
They're good.
266
00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:40,924
Why do you want to know?
267
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,467
I'm genuinely interested?
268
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,298
I'm sorry.
I'm just not used to
269
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:47,669
people from the office
asking me things.
270
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,208
It's kind of scary.
In a good way, though.
271
00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:52,071
(BOTH LAUGH)
272
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,472
Man, did I miss a Larry fart?
273
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,276
No. We were just...
274
00:11:56,348 --> 00:11:58,976
Yeah, Tom.
I really ripped one.
275
00:11:59,051 --> 00:12:00,450
Didn't I, Ben?
276
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:04,555
Yeah. Yeah. It was loud.
277
00:12:04,623 --> 00:12:07,217
It smells like a hippopotamus
took a dump on a skunk.
278
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,328
It's in your best interest.
279
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:16,663
Well, the numbers don't lie.
I'm a Goofus, not a Gallant.
280
00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:22,440
We've been here forever.
Can we go?
281
00:12:22,508 --> 00:12:23,566
Don't you want to
get your tooth fixed?
282
00:12:23,642 --> 00:12:26,668
I don't know. I think my tooth
looks fine just like this.
283
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,271
Well, my grandmother
was missing that tooth,
284
00:12:29,348 --> 00:12:32,715
and she was the most beautiful
woman on her oil rig.
285
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,949
You are an adult.
I'm not your dad.
286
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:38,353
If you want to go, we can go.
287
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,584
(CHEERING)
288
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:43,252
Thanks, Ron. I just want you to know,
even though you're not my dad,
289
00:12:43,329 --> 00:12:45,661
you're like
an old brother to me.
290
00:12:45,731 --> 00:12:50,225
Like a cool uncle,
but old like a grandpa.
291
00:12:50,302 --> 00:12:52,532
But cool like a son.
292
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,469
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
293
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,511
No problem.
That will be $8, please.
294
00:12:59,578 --> 00:13:01,239
What, you're charging
us for coffee?
295
00:13:01,313 --> 00:13:03,679
What kind of a business would...
Uh-oh.
296
00:13:03,749 --> 00:13:04,909
Hello, gentlemen.
297
00:13:04,984 --> 00:13:07,612
You've got to be kidding me.
You own this place, too?
298
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:09,916
That's right, dickweed.
You want to talk deal?
299
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:13,686
Because my prices have gone up ever
so slightly since I saw you last.
300
00:13:13,759 --> 00:13:15,420
No, we're not giving in
to your crazy demands.
301
00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:18,520
There are plenty of other tent rental
places within driving distance.
302
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:20,656
Yeah. I'm calling Tent Emporium.
Right now. (CELLPHONE RINGING)
303
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,660
Tent Emporium. How can
I help you, buttface?
304
00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,966
What?
Come on.
305
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:28,632
Yes. I own every tent
store in Southern Indiana.
306
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:31,369
Tent Town, Rent Ten Tents,
The Tent Offensive,
307
00:13:31,443 --> 00:13:33,536
and Ace Tentura:
Tent Detective.
308
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:35,011
I also own
a Chick-fil-A franchise.
309
00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:36,945
That's not doing so
hot right now. Whatever.
310
00:13:37,016 --> 00:13:38,483
Let's get out of here.
(CELLPHONE RINGING)
311
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:42,815
You've reached The Tentagon.
How can I help you, buttface?
312
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,913
LESLIE: Okay, here's an idea.
Why don't we find something...
313
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:48,050
Anything, no matter how small,
that we have in common?
314
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,628
For example, I'm an only child.
Me, too.
315
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:51,993
Although, when I was in college,
316
00:13:52,064 --> 00:13:54,294
I found out that my
dad had a second family.
317
00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:56,357
Well, we were the second
family, technically.
318
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,331
Okay. Well,
we both went to college.
319
00:13:59,405 --> 00:14:00,599
There's that.
Yeah.
320
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:01,662
(CELLPHONE RINGING)
(GASPS)
321
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:05,232
Oh, my God! Ann had her baby!
Wow, this has been fun.
322
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:06,300
The bill is already paid.
323
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,938
May I gently
suggest that you check out
324
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:12,541
Chris Traeger's wonderful therapist, Dr.
Richard Nygard?
325
00:14:12,618 --> 00:14:14,245
Although there is a tiny part
of me that always thought
326
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,480
it was just Chris
talking into a mirror.
327
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:16,782
Anyway, maybe you
should look him up.
328
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,448
I don't know.
I read a book once that said
329
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:20,151
a woman should never
make the first move.
330
00:14:20,226 --> 00:14:22,524
That doesn't apply to therapy.
Okay. Good luck.
331
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:28,065
Oliver Perkins-Traeger,
meet your Aunt Leslie.
332
00:14:28,133 --> 00:14:31,068
Hey! Oh, he's so beautiful.
333
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:33,468
And you're so beautiful. I
mean, you're always beautiful.
334
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,872
But right now, you are the most
beautiful, glowing sun goddess ever.
335
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,534
Why didn't you tell
me you were in labor?
336
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,205
Well, because I knew you'd
drop everything and rush here.
337
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,840
And contractions can sometimes
go for days. Thank you.
338
00:14:43,916 --> 00:14:45,941
So, I didn't want you to
be stuck waiting around.
339
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:48,009
Well, I'm glad I'm here now.
Where's Chris?
340
00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,145
He was such a good coach
341
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,815
that the nurses asked him to help
out with a delivery down the hall.
342
00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:53,916
ANDY: (SLURPING)
Ow!
343
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:55,290
(SLURPING)
Ow!
344
00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:57,519
Ow!
345
00:14:57,596 --> 00:15:00,463
Andrew, you need to
get your tooth fixed.
346
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:01,965
No way. I'm not
going back there.
347
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,365
I already won all
the magazine mazes.
348
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:04,834
Don't worry,
it's going to be fine.
349
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:07,004
(SLURPS)
Ow!
350
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:09,905
If you don't take care of the problem
now, it's only going to get worse.
351
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:11,567
Come on. I'll drive you back.
352
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:14,477
Fine. Let me just wolf down
this peanut brittle real quick.
353
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:18,448
Why would you do that?
354
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,212
Right. Because calories.
355
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:21,412
We're dead.
356
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:24,047
The only tent store this guy
doesn't own is 300 miles away.
357
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:25,647
Hang on, here's
a place that might work.
358
00:15:25,724 --> 00:15:28,921
It's called "Sweaty
Roger's Pants Tent."
359
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:31,326
No, you can't rent tents there.
360
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:32,488
LARRY: Hey, guys.
361
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:35,294
Look, I was double-checking all
the paperwork that Tom gave me
362
00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:36,994
in that super fun parking lot,
363
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,367
and there was something about
Harvey's corporate structure
364
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,700
that just seemed fishy.
365
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,707
So I dug around,
and it turns out
366
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,936
he has got a lot
of code violations.
367
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:48,502
Whoa!
Hmm-mmm.
368
00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:49,808
Larry, this is great stuff.
369
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:52,248
I never thought I would say it,
370
00:15:52,318 --> 00:15:54,980
but I'm a genius for making you
stay outside and do a menial task.
371
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:56,612
Couldn't agree more.
You did it, Tom.
372
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:01,687
I don't want to drive back.
I miss you so much.
373
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,092
No one even comes
close to you as a friend.
374
00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,394
I even tried to rank the women at
work, but that was a total bust.
375
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:08,797
You ranked them?
376
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,768
I thought maybe I could use
Galentine's Day as an opportunity...
377
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,564
Leslie, Galentine's Day?
(SIGHS)
378
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:15,698
What do you want me to do, Ann?
379
00:16:15,774 --> 00:16:16,798
I need to find a replacement.
380
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:18,365
And don't worry, it didn't work.
381
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:21,106
Nobody can match
your ethnic hybrid energy.
382
00:16:21,180 --> 00:16:24,707
Everybody brings their own
unique strengths to the table.
383
00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:25,943
Some that even I don't have.
384
00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:28,509
You shut your mouth.
You have all the strengths.
385
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:32,820
Look, you love harder than anyone I know.
It's tough to match.
386
00:16:32,891 --> 00:16:34,825
And I know Donna and
April don't show it,
387
00:16:34,893 --> 00:16:37,418
but they would do
anything for you.
388
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,691
And it's not like you and
I always see eye to eye.
389
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,323
I mean, Friday Night Lights?
390
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,800
I am more of a Riggins girl,
and you lean Saracen.
391
00:16:43,869 --> 00:16:45,166
Yeah, because
Riggins is a criminal.
392
00:16:45,237 --> 00:16:47,296
He took the fall
for his brother.
393
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:48,931
Okay, he didn't watch
out for his brother.
394
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,999
I'm not having this
conversation with you again.
395
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:52,100
That family is garbage.
396
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:53,235
(SIGHS)
397
00:16:53,312 --> 00:16:56,145
The point is, we didn't
always like the same stuff
398
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:57,512
when we first became friends.
399
00:16:57,583 --> 00:17:00,211
Just don't force it.
Give it some time.
400
00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:02,753
I know. You're right, Ann.
Thank you.
401
00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:04,379
It's just, I'm missing
you and there's
402
00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,788
so much stuff I want
to talk to you about.
403
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,453
Well, you're here now.
So, let's talk.
404
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:10,585
(BABY CRYING)
405
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,624
I think Oliver has
more pressing business.
406
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,927
Okay, but we should talk soon.
407
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,627
Because I almost bought a
toe ring the other day.
408
00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,364
What? Ann, you're somebody's mother.
I know.
409
00:17:19,471 --> 00:17:22,269
Okay. I'm going to
give you two some time.
410
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,468
I'll call you from the car.
411
00:17:25,911 --> 00:17:27,776
RON: I'll be out here
if you need me.
412
00:17:27,846 --> 00:17:30,178
Thanks for doing this, Ron.
413
00:17:30,249 --> 00:17:33,082
When it's all said and done, there
were a few mazes I'd cheated on.
414
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:37,350
Also, the inside of my
mouth is black and hot.
415
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:42,755
ANDY: So, do I strip down to my
underwear, or all the way naked?
416
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:43,817
(BEEPING)
417
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:49,258
Hello, Diane. I am coming
home soon to relieve you.
418
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:50,733
Give you a little break.
419
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:55,835
It's no trouble at all. I'm a parent.
I'm always on duty.
420
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,334
What flavor ice cream would
you and the children like?
421
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,902
I'm getting some for a
30-year-old who works for me,
422
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:04,744
so, I can bring
some home for you, too.
423
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:06,011
BEN: Hello, Harvey.
424
00:18:06,752 --> 00:18:10,381
We found a glaring number of code
violations you've committed.
425
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:12,686
I could see to it
that you never rent
426
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,420
another tent in this region again.
(CHUCKLES)
427
00:18:15,494 --> 00:18:19,760
Gentlemen, I've won two online
satellite Jamaican poker tournaments.
428
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,094
I can tell that you're bluffing.
429
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:22,758
Your Pawnee business
license has lapsed,
430
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,996
which negates most of the
deals you've made this year.
431
00:18:25,504 --> 00:18:27,233
I'm guessing you're
pretty bad at poker.
432
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:31,299
I am. And I was bluffing about
winning those tournaments.
433
00:18:31,376 --> 00:18:33,901
Gentlemen, clearly, there's
been a misunderstanding here.
434
00:18:33,979 --> 00:18:36,675
I'm hoping that we can reach
some kind of a compromise.
435
00:18:36,748 --> 00:18:38,682
Yeah. First off,
I need to know
436
00:18:38,750 --> 00:18:40,581
where you got these
zebra print pillows.
437
00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:42,847
Second of all, I've
got a Tin Cup Blu-ray
438
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:45,583
itching for a Rene Russo signature.
Tom.
439
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,852
The compromise is
that you're going to
440
00:18:47,926 --> 00:18:50,087
sign the deal we
originally agreed upon.
441
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:52,357
We're going to let you
continue renting tents,
442
00:18:52,431 --> 00:18:54,558
and you're going to
do it at a fair price.
443
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,965
And Larry? He's the guy
that brought you down,
444
00:18:57,035 --> 00:18:59,936
and he's going to be
watching you like a hawk.
445
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,340
Oh, hey. I'm Larry. Great to know you.
I love Tent World.
446
00:19:04,409 --> 00:19:07,037
God! Can you just be
cool for one second?
447
00:19:08,714 --> 00:19:09,840
LESLIE: Okay.
448
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:13,373
Black coffee with extra
grounds, gross, for April,
449
00:19:13,452 --> 00:19:16,046
and a mocha ice
blended for Donna.
450
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:21,184
Guys, I totally blew it. I was all
screwed up and I'm really sorry.
451
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,524
You're wonderful friends,
and I love you.
452
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:25,495
We love your
crazy ass, too, Knope.
453
00:19:25,564 --> 00:19:28,727
I think you're fine.
Like, a solid B-minus.
454
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,165
Great. I'll take it.
455
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:36,003
We know you've been missing
Ann so we got you this.
456
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,040
Press the paw.
457
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,511
ANN: Hi, Leslie.
It's Ann. I love you,
458
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,411
and everything's gonna be okay.
459
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:44,710
It's cute, right?
460
00:19:44,783 --> 00:19:46,410
I'm very lucky to have you both.
461
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:50,353
When Ann and I used to fight, we would
make up with a five-minute hug.
462
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:51,889
You touch me and
I stab the bunny.
463
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:54,517
Yeah, it's about time for my mid-morning
mani, so I'm gonna to head out.
464
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:56,083
Okay. Well, that's fine.
465
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,686
We'll forge our
own unique traditions
466
00:19:58,764 --> 00:20:01,756
in the fiery cauldron
of female friendship.
467
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:06,363
I'm just an impartial bunny,
but I think Ann sucks.
468
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:09,168
(DEMONIC VOICE)
Also, I'm the Zodiac Killer.
469
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,972
And we might even be able to
pull it off under budget.
470
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,983
Sorry. Sorry, you guys. I'm sorry.
I'm trying to find my inhaler.
471
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,177
Because I'm having a little...
472
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:22,277
Take your time. It's not like we're
trying to get work done here.
473
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:24,447
APRIL: Yeah, Larry. By the way,
you're looking in the wrong spot.
474
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,013
Your inhaler is
hidden under the pile
475
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:27,956
of pistachio shells
on my desk, obviously.
476
00:20:28,026 --> 00:20:31,223
Okay, well, that's funny because I'm
terribly allergic to pistachios.
477
00:20:31,296 --> 00:20:32,320
(LAUGHS)
Classic.
478
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,524
Okay. You know what?
I need to say something.
479
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,533
I like Larry.
480
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:42,871
He's a good friend,
and a fine man
481
00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:45,307
with an inexplicably
gorgeous wife.
482
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:47,504
I mean, to the point where
it makes no sense at all.
483
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,410
Sorry.
I'm getting off track.
484
00:20:49,481 --> 00:20:51,039
He's a nice person.
485
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:55,052
And we should all
stand up and say
486
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,850
I like...
487
00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:00,551
Ben, no!
What are you doing?
488
00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:03,117
He's embarrassing himself
and throwing away his career.
489
00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:04,526
Sweetheart, stop.
490
00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,291
O Captain! My Captain!
491
00:21:06,365 --> 00:21:07,559
What is happening?
492
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:08,998
Larry is my friend.
493
00:21:10,969 --> 00:21:13,870
Thank you, Ben. I mean that.
494
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:14,928
Oh!
495
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,372
(FARTS LOUDLY)
496
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:20,404
Got so startled, I tooted.
497
00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:22,310
Come on, man.
Gross.
498
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:33,500
Ripped By mstoll