1 00:00:01,665 --> 00:00:05,665 ♪ The Simpsons 25x15 ♪ The War of Art Original Air Date on March 23, 2014 2 00:00:09,437 --> 00:00:10,570 Hm... hmm?! 3 00:00:10,604 --> 00:00:12,672 "Lisa wants 4 00:00:12,706 --> 00:00:15,809 "a dot-dot-dot 5 00:00:15,843 --> 00:00:16,910 guinea pig"? 6 00:00:16,944 --> 00:00:18,077 Mm. 7 00:00:29,757 --> 00:00:33,059 Hey, Homer, did you know that guinea pigs are self-groomers? 8 00:00:33,093 --> 00:00:35,094 And when the get excited, they jump straight up. 9 00:00:35,129 --> 00:00:37,764 It's called "popcorning." Lisa got to you. 10 00:00:37,798 --> 00:00:39,666 I don't know how, but she got to you. 11 00:00:43,437 --> 00:00:44,938 Emojis. 12 00:00:44,972 --> 00:00:47,273 Now she's gone too far. 13 00:00:48,576 --> 00:00:50,543 Lisa, your father and I are very concerned 14 00:00:50,578 --> 00:00:52,479 about all this hinting. 15 00:00:53,681 --> 00:00:55,448 I've never had a pet of my very own. 16 00:00:55,483 --> 00:00:56,850 My clock is ticking. 17 00:00:56,884 --> 00:00:58,418 I don't want to be one of those girls 18 00:00:58,452 --> 00:01:00,153 who waits till she's 16 to decide if she's ready, 19 00:01:00,187 --> 00:01:02,021 and then it's too late. 20 00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:04,424 Well, we've talked about it. 21 00:01:04,458 --> 00:01:06,292 And if you really want a guinea pig, 22 00:01:06,327 --> 00:01:08,027 you'll have to sign this contract. 23 00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,798 "I, Lisa Simpson, hereby promise 24 00:01:11,832 --> 00:01:14,133 to take full responsibility for this dog, cat, other." 25 00:01:14,168 --> 00:01:15,335 Circle "other." 26 00:01:15,369 --> 00:01:17,370 "This includes feeding, bathing, 27 00:01:17,404 --> 00:01:19,072 "cleaning of droppings and barfings, 28 00:01:19,106 --> 00:01:22,942 and when the time comes, burying or flushing." 29 00:01:22,977 --> 00:01:24,711 Boilerplate, boilerplate, boilerplate. 30 00:01:24,745 --> 00:01:26,679 We can skip all this litter box stuff. 31 00:01:26,714 --> 00:01:28,281 "If pet becomes Internet superstar, 32 00:01:28,315 --> 00:01:29,749 all rights revert to father." 33 00:01:29,783 --> 00:01:30,984 Sign here, here, 34 00:01:31,018 --> 00:01:32,452 initial here, one more over here. 35 00:01:32,486 --> 00:01:33,887 And done. 36 00:01:33,921 --> 00:01:34,921 Oh, my God! 37 00:01:34,955 --> 00:01:36,389 I'm getting a guinea pig! 38 00:01:36,423 --> 00:01:37,390 Thank you, thank you, thank you, 39 00:01:37,424 --> 00:01:38,458 thank you, thank you! 40 00:01:38,492 --> 00:01:40,460 The kid-parent contract. 41 00:01:40,494 --> 00:01:42,195 Unenforceable, yet you feel 42 00:01:42,229 --> 00:01:45,265 like you didn't completely cave. 43 00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:50,290 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 44 00:01:55,776 --> 00:01:58,411 You're doing the right thing adopting a rescue pig. 45 00:01:58,445 --> 00:02:00,346 You know, most of these guys are rejects 46 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:03,349 from the big guinea-pig mills in the Midwest. 47 00:02:03,384 --> 00:02:05,685 Oh, I can't tell you how many mill pigs 48 00:02:05,719 --> 00:02:08,955 we get in here who have bumblefoot or the slobbers. 49 00:02:08,989 --> 00:02:11,357 You don't have children, do you? 50 00:02:11,392 --> 00:02:12,992 This one whistled at me! 51 00:02:13,027 --> 00:02:15,061 Ooh, that could be the one. 52 00:02:15,095 --> 00:02:18,264 Oh, but that orange guy looks like a pumpkin. 53 00:02:18,299 --> 00:02:20,767 But this fellow is so fuzzy! 54 00:02:20,801 --> 00:02:24,537 Well, they all have their charms. 55 00:02:24,572 --> 00:02:26,439 This one's nibbling a sunflower seed. 56 00:02:26,473 --> 00:02:27,707 Look at that hair. 57 00:02:27,741 --> 00:02:29,642 Aw, I just want to comb it forever! 58 00:02:29,677 --> 00:02:32,145 Have you seen a pinker nose? 59 00:02:32,179 --> 00:02:34,147 I have now! 60 00:02:34,181 --> 00:02:36,950 Lisa, you've just got to choose one. 61 00:02:36,984 --> 00:02:38,084 Lisa? 62 00:02:38,118 --> 00:02:40,420 She's gone, honey. She's gone. 63 00:02:40,454 --> 00:02:42,522 That one's fur looks like a tuxedo! 64 00:02:42,556 --> 00:02:45,458 A Band-Aid on its tail, aw! 65 00:02:45,492 --> 00:02:48,895 Albino! 66 00:02:48,929 --> 00:02:50,530 I'm definitely getting this one. 67 00:02:50,564 --> 00:02:52,031 Oh, but I forgot about this one. 68 00:02:52,066 --> 00:02:54,300 Oh, my God, I never even saw this one! 69 00:02:54,335 --> 00:02:57,236 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh... 70 00:02:57,271 --> 00:02:59,839 Maybe I should get that sick one. 71 00:02:59,873 --> 00:03:01,341 If I don't, no one else will. 72 00:03:01,375 --> 00:03:04,043 Bart, list your top five, best to worst. 73 00:03:04,078 --> 00:03:05,511 No, no, no, no! Worst to best. 74 00:03:05,546 --> 00:03:08,781 I just wish the gray one had the brown one's personality. 75 00:03:08,816 --> 00:03:10,049 Okay, Dad, give me your phone. 76 00:03:10,084 --> 00:03:11,250 I need to look at the pictures again. 77 00:03:11,285 --> 00:03:12,952 Aw, aw, aw! 78 00:03:12,987 --> 00:03:15,321 Aw, aw! 79 00:03:16,724 --> 00:03:18,358 Okay, this is the guinea pig 80 00:03:18,392 --> 00:03:20,693 that will make me happy. 81 00:03:20,728 --> 00:03:22,228 She thinks she's decided. 82 00:03:22,262 --> 00:03:23,663 Don't say a thing. 83 00:03:23,697 --> 00:03:25,431 Don't blow this. 84 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:28,668 Okay, now, you sure you only want just one? 85 00:03:28,702 --> 00:03:31,437 They tend to do better in pairs. 86 00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:34,307 I could get two? 87 00:03:35,509 --> 00:03:39,112 Farting tweakers rule! 88 00:03:39,146 --> 00:03:41,280 I've tried to give Pokey a perfect replica 89 00:03:41,315 --> 00:03:43,082 of his natural habitat. 90 00:03:43,117 --> 00:03:44,250 Peruvian feather grass, 91 00:03:44,284 --> 00:03:45,718 an Incan sleeping mat, 92 00:03:45,753 --> 00:03:47,320 and a portrait of Marisol Espinoza, 93 00:03:47,354 --> 00:03:49,288 the Vice President of Peru. 94 00:03:49,323 --> 00:03:52,025 Are you sure you didn't create a perfect habitat for you? 95 00:03:52,059 --> 00:03:53,826 I wish I could live in there. 96 00:03:53,861 --> 00:03:55,261 Well, there's plenty of room 97 00:03:55,295 --> 00:03:57,130 because Pokey's gone. 98 00:03:57,164 --> 00:03:59,265 Where'd he go? 99 00:04:05,973 --> 00:04:07,674 This looks like a job for... 100 00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:09,709 fireplace tongs. 101 00:04:12,713 --> 00:04:13,846 No! 102 00:04:19,553 --> 00:04:20,520 Oh, my God! 103 00:04:20,554 --> 00:04:22,188 He's in the walls! 104 00:04:22,222 --> 00:04:24,357 I hear chewing. 105 00:04:24,391 --> 00:04:26,959 No, that's a much bigger animal. 106 00:04:28,162 --> 00:04:29,362 Kettle corn. 107 00:04:29,396 --> 00:04:32,398 The heroin of the farmers' market. 108 00:04:32,433 --> 00:04:34,133 I've lost my guinea pig! 109 00:04:42,409 --> 00:04:44,243 Pokey! 110 00:04:44,278 --> 00:04:47,447 Our boat painting! 111 00:04:47,481 --> 00:04:49,248 I'm sorry, Mom. 112 00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:51,884 That's okay, sweetheart. 113 00:04:51,919 --> 00:04:53,920 Your pig thingy didn't mean it. 114 00:04:53,954 --> 00:04:56,289 It's just, it felt comforting to know 115 00:04:56,323 --> 00:04:57,890 that while we watched TV, 116 00:04:57,925 --> 00:05:00,560 there was art going on behind us. 117 00:05:01,995 --> 00:05:04,030 Oh, well, I guess we have to go 118 00:05:04,064 --> 00:05:06,365 to an art gallery and buy a new painting. 119 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,568 Sure, we could go to a fancy gallery 120 00:05:08,602 --> 00:05:11,237 and spend a bunch of money, or... 121 00:05:11,271 --> 00:05:13,858 Mm... hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm? 122 00:05:13,859 --> 00:05:15,860 Yeah, Milhouse played the violin for years 123 00:05:15,943 --> 00:05:17,577 until it turned out the vibrations 124 00:05:17,611 --> 00:05:19,445 were screwing up his bones. 125 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,048 Yeah, these seem great. 126 00:05:22,082 --> 00:05:25,918 Oh, too bad someone used cello rosin. 127 00:05:32,092 --> 00:05:35,161 Oh, my gosh, that's beautiful! 128 00:05:35,195 --> 00:05:38,264 I've never seen a painting with a lighthouse before. 129 00:05:38,298 --> 00:05:39,866 Oh, that. 130 00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:42,068 That was on the wall of Kirk's bachelor pad, 131 00:05:42,102 --> 00:05:43,903 back when we were 132 00:05:43,937 --> 00:05:45,304 separated. 133 00:05:45,339 --> 00:05:46,906 Yeah, it's a great piece. 134 00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:48,207 I didn't have a mirror, 135 00:05:48,242 --> 00:05:49,442 so I shaved in the reflection 136 00:05:49,476 --> 00:05:51,077 of the chrome frame. 137 00:05:51,111 --> 00:05:53,179 This could be our new living room painting. 138 00:05:53,213 --> 00:05:54,847 I don't know. 139 00:05:54,882 --> 00:05:55,848 How about this poster 140 00:05:55,883 --> 00:05:57,483 of a really rocking jukebox? 141 00:05:57,518 --> 00:05:59,485 You know it's rocking 'cause music notes 142 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:00,820 are coming out of it. 143 00:06:00,854 --> 00:06:02,555 Painting's only 20 bucks. 144 00:06:02,589 --> 00:06:05,024 Oh, please, Homie? 145 00:06:05,058 --> 00:06:07,226 I'll throw in the tiny violins. 146 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:16,869 Oh, it looks great! 147 00:06:16,904 --> 00:06:18,104 Well... 148 00:06:18,138 --> 00:06:21,507 to me, it looks like... garbage salad. 149 00:06:21,542 --> 00:06:23,543 But that's the great thing about art. 150 00:06:23,577 --> 00:06:27,380 Everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks. 151 00:06:27,414 --> 00:06:29,549 I've got to get rid of this ugly chrome frame 152 00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:31,517 from Kirk's bachelor bad. 153 00:06:31,552 --> 00:06:34,520 I hate to think of the things this mirror has reflected. 154 00:06:35,789 --> 00:06:36,956 Hmm! 155 00:06:36,990 --> 00:06:38,457 Hey, look. 156 00:06:38,492 --> 00:06:41,093 There's a signature that the frame covered up. 157 00:06:41,128 --> 00:06:44,263 "Johan Oldenveldt." 158 00:06:44,298 --> 00:06:46,265 Here he is! 159 00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:48,901 "Johan Oldenveldt, painter. 160 00:06:48,936 --> 00:06:50,369 "Lived in Amsterdam, Paris. 161 00:06:50,404 --> 00:06:53,272 Prolific early 20th century naturalist." 162 00:06:53,307 --> 00:06:55,575 Ooh, I think this was painted by someone famous. 163 00:06:55,609 --> 00:06:57,276 Maybe it's valuable. 164 00:06:57,311 --> 00:06:59,579 We should have it appraised. 165 00:06:59,613 --> 00:07:01,280 Pfft! You guys are crazy. 166 00:07:01,315 --> 00:07:02,849 I never even heard of that guy. 167 00:07:02,883 --> 00:07:04,050 It's not like it was painted 168 00:07:04,084 --> 00:07:06,419 by Leonardo Da Vinci Code. 169 00:07:06,453 --> 00:07:08,955 Now, here's what makes art valuable-- 170 00:07:08,989 --> 00:07:11,524 One: nudity, two: holograms, 171 00:07:11,558 --> 00:07:14,160 three: something terrible happening to Jesus. 172 00:07:16,997 --> 00:07:19,165 Ah yes, seascape, 173 00:07:19,199 --> 00:07:20,833 marvelous natural light, 174 00:07:20,868 --> 00:07:23,736 classic use of gouache. 175 00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:24,937 You're right. 176 00:07:24,972 --> 00:07:27,240 This is an early-career Oldenveldt. 177 00:07:27,274 --> 00:07:28,941 Quite valuable. 178 00:07:28,976 --> 00:07:30,443 Oh, my God! 179 00:07:30,477 --> 00:07:31,978 I expect it to go somewhere 180 00:07:32,012 --> 00:07:34,747 between 80 to $100,000. 181 00:07:34,781 --> 00:07:36,082 Nobody touch it! 182 00:07:36,116 --> 00:07:37,416 Bart, stop looking at it! 183 00:07:37,451 --> 00:07:38,651 But I want to see it! 184 00:07:38,685 --> 00:07:40,486 No, you'll wear it out! 185 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,556 Baby, you saw something in this painting, and you were right. 186 00:07:43,590 --> 00:07:46,392 Wow, the Van Houtens owned this for years, 187 00:07:46,426 --> 00:07:49,028 and never knew how much it was worth. 188 00:07:49,062 --> 00:07:50,529 Think how happy they'll be 189 00:07:50,564 --> 00:07:53,232 when we sell it and split the money with them. 190 00:07:53,267 --> 00:07:55,067 Split it? Whoa! 191 00:07:55,102 --> 00:07:56,702 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 192 00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:59,639 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 193 00:07:59,673 --> 00:08:01,974 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 194 00:08:02,009 --> 00:08:03,276 whoa! 195 00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:07,413 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 196 00:08:07,447 --> 00:08:09,582 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 197 00:08:09,616 --> 00:08:11,484 Oh! 198 00:08:15,647 --> 00:08:18,527 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 199 00:08:18,943 --> 00:08:20,711 Split it with them? 200 00:08:20,745 --> 00:08:22,646 Kirk and Luann didn't know what the painting 201 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,381 was worth when they sold it. 202 00:08:24,415 --> 00:08:26,783 Yes, they sold it to us. 203 00:08:26,818 --> 00:08:29,319 So, now it's our painting. 204 00:08:29,354 --> 00:08:30,954 We can hang it on our wall, 205 00:08:30,989 --> 00:08:32,990 cut eyeholes in it to spy on people. 206 00:08:33,024 --> 00:08:35,559 Or sell it for lots of money 207 00:08:35,593 --> 00:08:37,394 which we keep. 208 00:08:37,428 --> 00:08:38,862 For ourselves? 209 00:08:38,897 --> 00:08:40,931 This dude gets it. 210 00:08:42,433 --> 00:08:45,035 But the Van Houtens are our friends. 211 00:08:45,069 --> 00:08:46,436 Are they, Marge? 212 00:08:46,471 --> 00:08:47,638 If you think about it, 213 00:08:47,672 --> 00:08:48,939 aren't they really just the parents 214 00:08:48,973 --> 00:08:51,508 of a kid who happens to hang out with our kid? 215 00:08:51,542 --> 00:08:53,877 All our friends are like that. 216 00:08:53,912 --> 00:08:56,380 Well, how would you feel if we sold them something 217 00:08:56,414 --> 00:08:58,615 that turned out to be valuable? 218 00:08:58,650 --> 00:09:00,918 I would feel A) Happy for their good fortune, 219 00:09:00,952 --> 00:09:02,586 B) Proud to know rich people, 220 00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:04,655 and C) Grateful for an opportunity 221 00:09:04,689 --> 00:09:06,690 to learn from a mistake. 222 00:09:06,724 --> 00:09:08,425 How about this? 223 00:09:08,459 --> 00:09:10,527 What if we give the Van Houtens 224 00:09:10,561 --> 00:09:12,529 25% of the money? 225 00:09:12,563 --> 00:09:13,764 Then they'll just be mad 226 00:09:13,798 --> 00:09:17,000 about the 65% that we're keeping. 227 00:09:17,035 --> 00:09:19,703 Marge, you like kindness, right? 228 00:09:19,737 --> 00:09:20,837 Sure. 229 00:09:20,872 --> 00:09:22,506 So, even if we gave 230 00:09:22,540 --> 00:09:24,741 Kirk and Luann some of the money, 231 00:09:24,776 --> 00:09:28,712 the knowledge of what they could have had will eat away at them, 232 00:09:28,746 --> 00:09:31,982 like piranhas devouring a wounded yeti. 233 00:09:32,016 --> 00:09:35,152 It's kinder never to tell them. 234 00:09:35,186 --> 00:09:36,920 Okay, I see your point. 235 00:09:36,955 --> 00:09:39,156 We should sell the painting, keep all the money, 236 00:09:39,190 --> 00:09:42,125 and never, ever tell the Van Houtens. 237 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:43,493 Mm-hmm! 238 00:09:51,069 --> 00:09:52,736 What'll it take to buy your silence? 239 00:09:52,770 --> 00:09:53,804 Hmm. 240 00:09:53,838 --> 00:09:55,105 Okay, Milhouse, 241 00:09:55,139 --> 00:09:57,441 the guys in back are shining up your new bike. 242 00:09:57,475 --> 00:09:59,409 And all I have to do is not say anything 243 00:09:59,444 --> 00:10:01,878 about some painting to my Mom and Dad? 244 00:10:01,913 --> 00:10:05,782 Oh, sweetie, you want your parents to be happy, don't you? 245 00:10:05,817 --> 00:10:07,551 I guess. 246 00:10:07,585 --> 00:10:09,753 "I guess"! 247 00:10:09,787 --> 00:10:11,021 You're funny! 248 00:10:11,055 --> 00:10:13,090 No wonder Lisa's in love with you. 249 00:10:13,124 --> 00:10:14,291 She is?! 250 00:10:14,325 --> 00:10:15,993 She is?! 251 00:10:16,027 --> 00:10:17,961 So, if I keep my mouth shut, 252 00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:20,097 you get me new wheelie sneakers, 253 00:10:20,131 --> 00:10:22,099 and Bart agrees to promote and encourage use 254 00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:24,701 of my new cool nickname, "C.J." 255 00:10:26,971 --> 00:10:28,205 You got it, Ceej. 256 00:10:29,941 --> 00:10:32,909 You found out that painting was worth big bucks, 257 00:10:32,944 --> 00:10:34,945 and you weren't gonna tell us?! 258 00:10:34,979 --> 00:10:37,581 I don't know what you're talking about. 259 00:10:37,615 --> 00:10:39,049 Hide the treasure! 260 00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:40,517 I'm sorry, Mr. S. 261 00:10:40,551 --> 00:10:41,752 I cracked! 262 00:10:41,786 --> 00:10:43,020 We had a deal. 263 00:10:43,054 --> 00:10:45,489 And now we've got nothing! 264 00:10:50,228 --> 00:10:52,129 We considered you our friends. 265 00:10:52,163 --> 00:10:53,530 We trusted you! 266 00:10:53,564 --> 00:10:55,732 I let Homer use our master bathroom! 267 00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:57,667 Then you stab us in the back! 268 00:10:59,237 --> 00:11:02,172 If you knew you sold a valuable painting for nothing, 269 00:11:02,206 --> 00:11:04,207 how could you live with yourselves? 270 00:11:04,242 --> 00:11:07,177 We were just trying to be... kind. 271 00:11:07,211 --> 00:11:10,013 Kind?! You call it kind to give us nothing? 272 00:11:10,048 --> 00:11:11,581 We were gonna treat you 273 00:11:11,616 --> 00:11:13,116 to dinner at an upscale chain restaurant 274 00:11:13,151 --> 00:11:15,652 and never explain why, but now forget it! 275 00:11:15,686 --> 00:11:17,154 Oh, so that's how it is! 276 00:11:17,188 --> 00:11:19,189 That's exactly how it is. 277 00:11:19,223 --> 00:11:20,590 Oh, is it?! 278 00:11:20,625 --> 00:11:22,526 Oh, it is! 279 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:25,729 Luann, I hope we're still on Thursday 280 00:11:25,763 --> 00:11:28,465 for collecting used cell phones for the troops. 281 00:11:28,499 --> 00:11:30,167 I don't think you need any help. 282 00:11:30,201 --> 00:11:32,602 You're so good at... collecting. 283 00:11:33,738 --> 00:11:35,005 Oh! 284 00:11:35,039 --> 00:11:38,875 Oh, that was cold, Luann! 285 00:11:38,910 --> 00:11:40,610 So cold! 286 00:11:40,645 --> 00:11:42,646 Brr! 287 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:45,115 Sarcastic brr! 288 00:11:45,149 --> 00:11:47,784 See what happens when we get greedy? 289 00:11:47,819 --> 00:11:50,187 Honey, there's something I want to show you. 290 00:11:50,221 --> 00:11:51,688 An ATM receipt? 291 00:11:51,722 --> 00:11:53,023 I don't know whose this is. 292 00:11:53,057 --> 00:11:54,958 I found it next to the cash machine, 293 00:11:54,992 --> 00:11:57,127 and I've always kept it. Look at the balance. 294 00:11:57,161 --> 00:11:59,162 Five figures! 295 00:11:59,197 --> 00:12:02,599 With that painting, we could have what these people have: 296 00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:04,668 a money cushion. 297 00:12:04,702 --> 00:12:07,137 No more living paycheck to paycheck, 298 00:12:07,171 --> 00:12:10,073 one lost retainer away from the gutter. 299 00:12:10,108 --> 00:12:13,143 I could write a check with today's date on it. 300 00:12:13,177 --> 00:12:15,245 That's the cushion. 301 00:12:18,082 --> 00:12:19,950 Tonight, a special report. 302 00:12:19,984 --> 00:12:21,751 Fat cat art experts take advantage 303 00:12:21,786 --> 00:12:23,920 of John and Jane Yard Sale. 304 00:12:23,955 --> 00:12:26,056 So, would you characterize your friend of many years 305 00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:28,625 cheating you out of your painting as no big deal, 306 00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:30,227 or a devastating betrayal? 307 00:12:30,261 --> 00:12:32,129 Oh, definitely betrayal, Kent. 308 00:12:32,163 --> 00:12:33,663 Interesting. 309 00:12:33,698 --> 00:12:36,166 So if you see the Simpsons walking down your street, 310 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,136 lock your doors and hide... your friendship. 311 00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:40,704 Great! Now we're raccoons, 312 00:12:40,738 --> 00:12:43,140 the masked bandits of the animal world! 313 00:12:43,174 --> 00:12:46,710 Don't worry. No one's gonna see this stupid show. 314 00:12:51,249 --> 00:12:53,884 The whole town's turned against us! 315 00:12:59,857 --> 00:13:01,958 Ooh, a support rock! 316 00:13:01,993 --> 00:13:04,794 This one's against us. This one's for us. 317 00:13:04,829 --> 00:13:07,898 For, for, against, for, against... 318 00:13:07,932 --> 00:13:10,600 We don't even get this many Christmas cards. 319 00:13:14,839 --> 00:13:18,441 There they are, the Masterpiece Thievers! 320 00:13:18,476 --> 00:13:19,943 Ah, shut your bone hole! 321 00:13:19,977 --> 00:13:21,945 That painting belongs to the Simpsons! 322 00:13:21,979 --> 00:13:24,714 Sharing is what makes a community strong! 323 00:13:24,749 --> 00:13:26,249 All sales are final! 324 00:13:26,284 --> 00:13:27,384 Keep it! 325 00:13:27,418 --> 00:13:28,652 Finders keepers, moron! 326 00:13:28,686 --> 00:13:31,488 You really think we're still doing the right thing? 327 00:13:31,522 --> 00:13:35,492 Just close your eyes and think of the cushion. 328 00:13:38,262 --> 00:13:42,566 "Untitled Landscape" by Johan Oldenveldt, 329 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,335 from the Collection of Homer J. and Marge B. Simpson. 330 00:13:45,369 --> 00:13:48,205 Let's open the bidding at $80,000. 331 00:13:50,374 --> 00:13:53,109 The paddles, Marge! Look at the paddles! 332 00:13:57,081 --> 00:13:59,082 Stop the auction! 333 00:13:59,116 --> 00:14:01,785 That painting belongs to me! 334 00:14:01,819 --> 00:14:03,053 Dawn? 335 00:14:03,087 --> 00:14:06,189 Good to see you again, Beef Kirky. 336 00:14:06,224 --> 00:14:07,791 Who is this woman? 337 00:14:07,825 --> 00:14:12,862 Uhhhhhh... 338 00:14:12,897 --> 00:14:14,064 While you two were separated, 339 00:14:14,098 --> 00:14:16,466 Kirk and used to be friends... 340 00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,435 with banana-fits. 341 00:14:19,470 --> 00:14:21,204 You told me you didn't see anyone 342 00:14:21,239 --> 00:14:22,706 during our separation. 343 00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:28,078 Uhhhhhh... 344 00:14:28,112 --> 00:14:31,815 Madam, are you saying this painting belongs to you? 345 00:14:31,849 --> 00:14:33,416 Kirk stole it from me! 346 00:14:33,451 --> 00:14:35,185 But I didn't know it was valuable 347 00:14:35,219 --> 00:14:37,220 till I saw the story on TV. 348 00:14:37,255 --> 00:14:39,055 What?! I bought that painting! 349 00:14:39,090 --> 00:14:40,390 She's lying! 350 00:14:40,424 --> 00:14:42,325 The auction is on hold 351 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:45,095 until we can determine the true ownership. 352 00:14:46,697 --> 00:14:47,964 Our cushion! 353 00:14:47,999 --> 00:14:50,634 Don't bother coming home, Kirk! 354 00:14:50,668 --> 00:14:51,835 Aw! 355 00:14:51,869 --> 00:14:53,003 See what your greed has done? 356 00:14:53,037 --> 00:14:54,004 Ow! 357 00:14:54,038 --> 00:14:56,339 Anybody want to give me a ride home? 358 00:14:56,374 --> 00:14:57,741 Going once? 359 00:14:57,775 --> 00:14:58,942 Going twice? 360 00:14:58,976 --> 00:15:01,144 Sold! To the lonely auctioneer! 361 00:15:02,146 --> 00:15:03,346 Ah! 362 00:15:10,187 --> 00:15:12,154 Thanks for taking me in, man. 363 00:15:12,189 --> 00:15:15,324 I guess I can't help but feel fully responsible. 364 00:15:15,359 --> 00:15:19,128 Oh, Luann, I'll never gaze from my thick eyeglasses 365 00:15:19,162 --> 00:15:21,964 into your thick eyeglasses ever again. 366 00:15:21,999 --> 00:15:24,834 What you need, my friend, is a Canadian Duff. 367 00:15:24,868 --> 00:15:26,502 Beauty, eh? 368 00:15:26,536 --> 00:15:30,506 So... why does that chick think she owns the painting? 369 00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:32,675 Oh, Dawn and I went on a vacation 370 00:15:32,709 --> 00:15:35,645 to a resort island called Isla Verde. 371 00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:37,279 I bought the painting in a café, 372 00:15:37,314 --> 00:15:41,183 but that night she ran off with a parasailing instructor. 373 00:15:41,218 --> 00:15:42,885 Not your fault, man. 374 00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:46,122 Those parasailing guys take whatever they want. 375 00:15:46,156 --> 00:15:47,356 It was never her painting. 376 00:15:47,391 --> 00:15:49,291 That woman will say anything 377 00:15:49,326 --> 00:15:51,827 to keep herself in electric cigarettes. 378 00:15:51,862 --> 00:15:54,463 And I'd go back to that Café Artiste to prove it, 379 00:15:54,498 --> 00:15:57,867 but nothing's gonna get me Luann back. 380 00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:05,141 Okay, all I gotta do is take a quick ferry to Isla Verde, 381 00:16:05,175 --> 00:16:08,778 find Café Artiste, and they'll back up Kirk's story. 382 00:16:08,812 --> 00:16:12,081 That will prove the painting was his-- and now ours. 383 00:16:12,115 --> 00:16:15,951 Oh, Homer Simpson, that painting has torn the town apart, 384 00:16:15,986 --> 00:16:18,054 destroyed Kirk and Luann's marriage, 385 00:16:18,088 --> 00:16:21,357 and everyone's very worried about Milhouse. 386 00:16:21,391 --> 00:16:23,392 He's been playing Dancing Revolution for hours, 387 00:16:23,427 --> 00:16:25,227 but the TV is off. 388 00:16:29,199 --> 00:16:30,766 But our cushion! 389 00:16:30,801 --> 00:16:33,335 That picture has brought out the worst in everyone! 390 00:16:33,370 --> 00:16:37,540 Please! Just let it go! 391 00:16:40,077 --> 00:16:42,078 You're not gonna let it go, are you? 392 00:16:42,112 --> 00:16:43,979 I wish I knew how. 393 00:16:46,116 --> 00:16:48,084 This is so exciting! 394 00:16:48,118 --> 00:16:50,219 My first time establishing provenance! 395 00:16:50,253 --> 00:16:51,787 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, 396 00:16:51,822 --> 00:16:55,891 if your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting. 397 00:16:55,926 --> 00:16:58,294 That's a terrible thing for a father to do. 398 00:16:58,328 --> 00:17:00,096 That's why she'll believe it. 399 00:17:01,865 --> 00:17:04,200 Hmm, this quaint artist community 400 00:17:04,234 --> 00:17:05,835 has gotten a little touristy. 401 00:17:11,441 --> 00:17:14,777 Excuse me. We're trying to find Café Artiste. 402 00:17:14,811 --> 00:17:16,712 Ah, yes. Top of the hill. 403 00:17:16,747 --> 00:17:18,414 Three discos up, four gelatos on the left. 404 00:17:18,448 --> 00:17:20,149 You can't miss it. 405 00:17:20,183 --> 00:17:22,651 It's right between the disco and the gelato place. 406 00:17:22,686 --> 00:17:23,986 Mmm. Hmm. 407 00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:26,255 Mm-mm! 408 00:17:26,289 --> 00:17:27,990 Mm... 409 00:17:28,024 --> 00:17:29,258 Welcome to Café Artiste! 410 00:17:29,292 --> 00:17:31,727 Would you like a glass of Strupo? 411 00:17:31,762 --> 00:17:33,763 It's a liqueur made of fermented capers, 412 00:17:33,797 --> 00:17:35,698 the official drink of the island. 413 00:17:35,732 --> 00:17:37,733 Mmm! Sounds delicious. 414 00:17:37,768 --> 00:17:39,235 It's not. 415 00:17:39,269 --> 00:17:42,905 Hey, a friend of mine, uh, bought a painting here. 416 00:17:42,939 --> 00:17:45,040 Oh, yes, I remember that painting. 417 00:17:45,075 --> 00:17:47,143 And that is the man I sold it to. 418 00:17:47,177 --> 00:17:49,979 And that man sold it to me! 419 00:17:50,013 --> 00:17:51,714 That proves the painting is mine! 420 00:17:51,748 --> 00:17:53,949 And nothing can stop me from selling it 421 00:17:53,984 --> 00:17:56,385 and keeping all the money! 422 00:17:56,419 --> 00:17:58,120 I love art! 423 00:17:58,155 --> 00:17:59,355 Art? 424 00:17:59,389 --> 00:18:01,357 What do you know about art? 425 00:18:01,391 --> 00:18:03,726 You don't even know who painted that picture. 426 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,462 Yes, I do. It's a Johan Oldenveldt. 427 00:18:06,496 --> 00:18:08,864 Wrong! It's a me! 428 00:18:08,899 --> 00:18:10,633 A what? I painted it! 429 00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:12,201 Me, Klaus Ziegler! 430 00:18:12,235 --> 00:18:13,435 Who? 431 00:18:14,938 --> 00:18:17,306 Mm! Oh! 432 00:18:17,340 --> 00:18:19,975 This is where I painted your so-called Oldenveldt. 433 00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:20,910 Prove it. 434 00:18:23,313 --> 00:18:24,780 Aw, crap! 435 00:18:24,815 --> 00:18:26,248 You're a forger? 436 00:18:26,283 --> 00:18:29,185 "Forger" is such a cruel word. 437 00:18:29,219 --> 00:18:30,986 I'm an art forger. 438 00:18:31,021 --> 00:18:33,489 Your painting was an early, clumsy effort 439 00:18:33,523 --> 00:18:36,992 which I gave to the café owner to pay off my Strupo tab. 440 00:18:38,895 --> 00:18:40,362 Whew! 441 00:18:40,397 --> 00:18:42,865 Then why did the auction house say it was real? 442 00:18:42,899 --> 00:18:45,201 I have fooled galleries around the world 443 00:18:45,235 --> 00:18:47,269 with my loving imitations. 444 00:18:47,304 --> 00:18:50,039 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 445 00:18:50,073 --> 00:18:53,275 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 446 00:18:53,310 --> 00:18:55,211 What you do is horrible... 447 00:18:55,245 --> 00:18:57,413 ripping off geniuses who spent years 448 00:18:57,447 --> 00:18:59,348 perfecting their styles. 449 00:18:59,382 --> 00:19:01,483 Perhaps you are the one who is horrible. 450 00:19:01,518 --> 00:19:02,184 What?! 451 00:19:02,219 --> 00:19:03,886 You only cared about that 452 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:04,987 painting when you thought 453 00:19:05,021 --> 00:19:07,022 it was created by someone famous. 454 00:19:07,057 --> 00:19:12,828 Well, no, but now when I look at it, all I see is a fraud. 455 00:19:12,863 --> 00:19:14,563 Beauty is beauty. 456 00:19:14,598 --> 00:19:18,400 My forgeries give pleasure to people all over the world. 457 00:19:18,435 --> 00:19:21,370 The only real question to ask about art, 458 00:19:21,404 --> 00:19:22,671 whether it's in the Louvre 459 00:19:22,706 --> 00:19:25,674 or on a freshman's wall at Cal State Fullerton 460 00:19:25,709 --> 00:19:28,544 is, "Did it move you?" 461 00:19:28,578 --> 00:19:30,279 But, you still, I mean... 462 00:19:30,313 --> 00:19:33,349 Oh, I suppose you're right. 463 00:19:33,383 --> 00:19:34,984 What if I never liked the painting 464 00:19:35,018 --> 00:19:36,352 and only wanted it for money? 465 00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:38,087 Then you, I respect. 466 00:19:39,389 --> 00:19:41,323 Oh, great. The painting is worthless, 467 00:19:41,358 --> 00:19:43,025 this was all for nothing, 468 00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,694 and when Marge finds out, she's gonna kill me. 469 00:19:45,729 --> 00:19:49,298 Well, on that front, perhaps I can be of assistance. 470 00:19:49,332 --> 00:19:51,333 If there's one thing art is good for, 471 00:19:51,368 --> 00:19:55,571 it's to melt the frost which often hardens a woman's heart. 472 00:19:55,605 --> 00:19:57,273 While you're at it... 473 00:19:57,307 --> 00:19:59,408 could you make me a couple more? 474 00:19:59,442 --> 00:20:01,443 I'll pay you in Strupo. 475 00:20:13,256 --> 00:20:14,657 Perfect. 476 00:20:14,691 --> 00:20:16,859 Oh, now that's art. 477 00:20:16,893 --> 00:20:19,194 Rocking. 478 00:20:19,229 --> 00:20:24,229 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 479 00:20:38,710 --> 00:20:40,043 The Gray Troll, 480 00:20:40,078 --> 00:20:43,046 Brine of Madness, Angel's Urine, 481 00:20:43,081 --> 00:20:46,817 all names for the mysterious elixir known as Strupo. 482 00:20:46,851 --> 00:20:49,686 Though this fermented caper solution was originally used 483 00:20:49,721 --> 00:20:52,022 to dissolve seagull corpses, 484 00:20:52,056 --> 00:20:54,591 local alcoholics soon found Strupo 485 00:20:54,626 --> 00:20:56,960 to be a palatable drink of last resort. 486 00:20:56,995 --> 00:20:58,295 The noxious liqueur causes 487 00:20:58,329 --> 00:21:00,864 powerful olfactory hallucinations, 488 00:21:00,899 --> 00:21:04,301 gender confusion, and wandering mouth. 489 00:21:04,335 --> 00:21:07,538 So if you visit Isla Verde, 490 00:21:07,572 --> 00:21:12,676 be sure to say "ahoy" to the crushing addiction of Strupo. 491 00:21:12,710 --> 00:21:15,279 lose everything. 492 00:21:32,433 --> 00:21:34,247 Shh!