1 00:00:18,489 --> 00:00:22,489 ♪ The Simpsons 25x15 ♪ The War of Art Original Air Date on March 23, 2014 2 00:00:26,087 --> 00:00:27,261 Hm... hmm?! 3 00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:29,671 "Lisa wants 4 00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:32,943 "a dot-dot-dot 5 00:00:32,967 --> 00:00:34,640 guinea pig"? Mm. 6 00:00:46,927 --> 00:00:50,034 Hey, Homer, did you know that guinea pigs are self-groomers? 7 00:00:50,057 --> 00:00:52,101 And when the get excited, they jump straight up. 8 00:00:52,126 --> 00:00:54,733 - It's called "popcorning." - Lisa got to you. 9 00:00:54,748 --> 00:00:56,616 I don't know how, but she got to you. 10 00:01:00,088 --> 00:01:01,441 Emojis. 11 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:03,706 Now she's gone too far. 12 00:01:05,219 --> 00:01:09,410 Lisa, your father and I are very concerned about all this hinting. 13 00:01:10,611 --> 00:01:12,491 I've never had a pet of my very own. 14 00:01:12,497 --> 00:01:13,820 My clock is ticking. 15 00:01:13,848 --> 00:01:15,115 I don't want to be one of those girls 16 00:01:15,135 --> 00:01:17,317 who waits till she's 16 to decide if she's ready, 17 00:01:17,357 --> 00:01:18,730 and then it's too late. 18 00:01:19,503 --> 00:01:21,063 Well, we've talked about it. 19 00:01:21,076 --> 00:01:23,096 And if you really want a guinea pig, 20 00:01:23,110 --> 00:01:25,340 you'll have to sign this contract. 21 00:01:26,546 --> 00:01:28,512 "I, Lisa Simpson, hereby promise 22 00:01:28,532 --> 00:01:31,308 to take full responsibility for this dog, cat, other." 23 00:01:31,334 --> 00:01:34,334 - Circle "other." - "This includes feeding, bathing, 24 00:01:34,368 --> 00:01:36,215 "cleaning of droppings and barfings, 25 00:01:36,235 --> 00:01:39,706 and when the time comes, burying or flushing." 26 00:01:39,734 --> 00:01:43,212 Boilerplate, boilerplate, boilerplate. We can skip all this litter box stuff. 27 00:01:43,232 --> 00:01:46,495 "If pet becomes Internet superstar, all rights revert to father." 28 00:01:46,515 --> 00:01:50,635 Sign here, here, initial here, one more over here. And done. 29 00:01:50,661 --> 00:01:53,154 Oh, my God! I'm getting a guinea pig! 30 00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:55,141 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! 31 00:01:55,154 --> 00:01:57,244 The kid-parent contract. 32 00:01:57,271 --> 00:02:01,858 Unenforceable, yet you feel like you didn't completely cave. 33 00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:07,820 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 34 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:15,516 You're doing the right thing adopting a rescue pig. 35 00:02:15,529 --> 00:02:17,575 You know, most of these guys are rejects 36 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,248 from the big guinea-pig mills in the Midwest. 37 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:22,516 Oh, I can't tell you how many mill pigs 38 00:02:22,529 --> 00:02:26,035 we get in here who have bumblefoot or the slobbers. 39 00:02:26,061 --> 00:02:28,181 You don't have children, do you? 40 00:02:28,209 --> 00:02:29,849 This one whistled at me! 41 00:02:29,864 --> 00:02:31,844 Ooh, that could be the one. 42 00:02:31,865 --> 00:02:34,985 Oh, but that orange guy looks like a pumpkin. 43 00:02:35,485 --> 00:02:37,485 But this fellow is so fuzzy! 44 00:02:37,518 --> 00:02:41,205 Well, they all have their charms. 45 00:02:41,236 --> 00:02:43,303 This one's nibbling a sunflower seed. 46 00:02:43,323 --> 00:02:46,690 Look at that hair. Aw, I just want to comb it forever! 47 00:02:46,716 --> 00:02:49,416 Have you seen a pinker nose? 48 00:02:49,435 --> 00:02:51,016 I have now! 49 00:02:51,032 --> 00:02:54,260 Lisa, you've just got to choose one. 50 00:02:54,281 --> 00:02:55,168 Lisa? 51 00:02:55,181 --> 00:02:57,137 She's gone, honey. She's gone. 52 00:02:57,157 --> 00:02:59,220 That one's fur looks like a tuxedo! 53 00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:02,349 A Band-Aid on its tail, aw! 54 00:03:03,114 --> 00:03:05,114 Albino! 55 00:03:06,046 --> 00:03:08,813 I'm definitely getting this one. Oh, but I forgot about this one. 56 00:03:08,826 --> 00:03:10,980 Oh, my God, I never even saw this one! 57 00:03:11,206 --> 00:03:14,388 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh... 58 00:03:14,788 --> 00:03:16,535 Maybe I should get that sick one. 59 00:03:16,547 --> 00:03:18,584 If I don't, no one else will. 60 00:03:18,597 --> 00:03:20,837 Bart, list your top five, best to worst. 61 00:03:20,857 --> 00:03:22,230 No, no, no, no! Worst to best. 62 00:03:22,255 --> 00:03:25,088 I just wish the gray one had the brown one's personality. 63 00:03:25,544 --> 00:03:27,991 Okay, Dad, give me your phone. I need to look at the pictures again. 64 00:03:28,011 --> 00:03:31,885 Aw, aw, aw! Aw, aw! 65 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:37,555 Okay, this is the guinea pig that will make me happy. 66 00:03:37,578 --> 00:03:39,418 She thinks she's decided. 67 00:03:39,437 --> 00:03:42,245 Don't say a thing. Don't blow this. 68 00:03:42,251 --> 00:03:45,834 Okay, now, you sure you only want just one? 69 00:03:45,854 --> 00:03:48,207 They tend to do better in pairs. 70 00:03:48,991 --> 00:03:50,918 I could get two? 71 00:03:53,039 --> 00:03:55,739 Farting tweakers rule! 72 00:03:55,776 --> 00:03:59,865 I've tried to give Pokey a perfect replica of his natural habitat. 73 00:03:59,878 --> 00:04:02,378 Peruvian feather grass, an Incan sleeping mat, 74 00:04:02,405 --> 00:04:06,125 and a portrait of Marisol Espinoza, the Vice President of Peru. 75 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,993 Are you sure you didn't create a perfect habitat for you? 76 00:04:09,023 --> 00:04:10,903 I wish I could live in there. 77 00:04:10,924 --> 00:04:13,877 Well, there's plenty of room because Pokey's gone. 78 00:04:14,769 --> 00:04:16,315 Where'd he go? 79 00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:24,910 This looks like a job for... 80 00:04:24,929 --> 00:04:26,695 fireplace tongs. 81 00:04:30,043 --> 00:04:31,561 No! 82 00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:39,370 Oh, my God! He's in the walls! 83 00:04:39,386 --> 00:04:41,426 I hear chewing. 84 00:04:41,452 --> 00:04:43,949 No, that's a much bigger animal. 85 00:04:45,126 --> 00:04:49,362 Kettle corn. The heroin of the farmers' market. 86 00:04:49,369 --> 00:04:50,976 I've lost my guinea pig! 87 00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:01,246 Pokey! 88 00:05:01,788 --> 00:05:04,268 Our boat painting! 89 00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:05,981 I'm sorry, Mom. 90 00:05:07,101 --> 00:05:08,808 That's okay, sweetheart. 91 00:05:08,836 --> 00:05:10,701 Your pig thingy didn't mean it. 92 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:14,698 It's just, it felt comforting to know that while we watched TV, 93 00:05:14,711 --> 00:05:17,371 there was art going on behind us. 94 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,831 Oh, well, I guess we have to go 95 00:05:20,857 --> 00:05:23,355 to an art gallery and buy a new painting. 96 00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:28,201 Sure, we could go to a fancy gallery and spend a bunch of money, or... 97 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,675 Mm... hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm? 98 00:05:30,688 --> 00:05:32,980 Yeah, Milhouse played the violin for years 99 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,633 until it turned out the vibrations were screwing up his bones. 100 00:05:36,663 --> 00:05:38,890 Yeah, these seem great. 101 00:05:38,912 --> 00:05:42,748 Oh, too bad someone used cello rosin. 102 00:05:49,035 --> 00:05:52,221 Oh, my gosh, that's beautiful! 103 00:05:52,234 --> 00:05:55,048 I've never seen a painting with a lighthouse before. 104 00:05:55,927 --> 00:06:00,740 Oh, that. That was on the wall of Kirk's bachelor pad, back when we were 105 00:06:00,753 --> 00:06:02,127 Separated. 106 00:06:02,149 --> 00:06:03,716 Yeah, it's a great piece. 107 00:06:03,724 --> 00:06:07,871 I didn't have a mirror, so I shaved in the reflection of the chrome frame. 108 00:06:07,884 --> 00:06:10,031 This could be our new living room painting. 109 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,671 I don't know. 110 00:06:11,679 --> 00:06:14,319 How about this poster of a really rocking jukebox? 111 00:06:14,339 --> 00:06:17,784 You know it's rocking 'cause music notes are coming out of it. 112 00:06:17,818 --> 00:06:19,631 Painting's only 20 bucks. 113 00:06:19,651 --> 00:06:21,931 Oh, please, Homie? 114 00:06:21,955 --> 00:06:24,168 I'll throw in the tiny violins. 115 00:06:30,944 --> 00:06:33,391 Oh, it looks great! 116 00:06:34,168 --> 00:06:38,426 Well... to me, it looks like... garbage salad. 117 00:06:38,459 --> 00:06:40,846 But that's the great thing about art. 118 00:06:40,868 --> 00:06:44,458 Everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks. 119 00:06:44,471 --> 00:06:48,558 I've got to get rid of this ugly chrome frame from Kirk's bachelor bad. 120 00:06:48,564 --> 00:06:51,715 I hate to think of the things this mirror has reflected. 121 00:06:52,666 --> 00:06:54,121 Hmm! 122 00:06:54,766 --> 00:06:57,999 Hey, look. There's a signature that the frame covered up. 123 00:06:58,024 --> 00:07:01,221 "Johan Oldenveldt." 124 00:07:01,942 --> 00:07:03,249 Here he is! 125 00:07:03,264 --> 00:07:05,865 "Johan Oldenveldt, painter. 126 00:07:05,886 --> 00:07:10,199 "Lived in Amsterdam, Paris. Prolific early 20th century naturalist." 127 00:07:10,218 --> 00:07:13,052 Ooh, I think this was painted by someone famous. 128 00:07:13,078 --> 00:07:14,725 Maybe it's valuable. 129 00:07:14,755 --> 00:07:16,675 We should have it appraised. 130 00:07:16,695 --> 00:07:19,955 Pfft! You guys are crazy. I never even heard of that guy. 131 00:07:19,975 --> 00:07:23,468 It's not like it was painted by Leonardo Da Vinci Code. 132 00:07:23,481 --> 00:07:26,127 Now, here's what makes art valuable-- 133 00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:31,053 One: Nudity. Two: Holograms. Three: Something terrible happening to Jesus. 134 00:07:34,268 --> 00:07:37,817 Ah yes, seascape, marvelous natural light, 135 00:07:37,852 --> 00:07:40,627 classic use of gouache. 136 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:41,681 You're right. 137 00:07:41,700 --> 00:07:44,390 This is an early-career Oldenveldt. 138 00:07:44,423 --> 00:07:47,283 - Quite valuable. - Oh, my God! 139 00:07:47,308 --> 00:07:51,575 I expect it to go somewhere between 80 to $100,000. 140 00:07:51,919 --> 00:07:54,359 Nobody touch it! Bart, stop looking at it! 141 00:07:54,381 --> 00:07:57,301 - But I want to see it! - No, you'll wear it out! 142 00:07:57,323 --> 00:08:00,452 Baby, you saw something in this painting, and you were right. 143 00:08:00,472 --> 00:08:03,707 Wow, the Van Houtens owned this for years, 144 00:08:03,720 --> 00:08:05,800 and never knew how much it was worth. 145 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:10,020 Think how happy they'll be when we sell it and split the money with them. 146 00:08:10,038 --> 00:08:13,485 Split it? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 147 00:08:13,498 --> 00:08:16,419 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 148 00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:19,051 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 149 00:08:19,057 --> 00:08:20,246 whoa! 150 00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:24,331 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 151 00:08:24,358 --> 00:08:26,651 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 152 00:08:26,671 --> 00:08:28,315 Oh! 153 00:08:32,343 --> 00:08:35,682 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 154 00:08:35,700 --> 00:08:37,276 Split it with them? 155 00:08:37,289 --> 00:08:40,889 Kirk and Luann didn't know what the painting was worth when they sold it. 156 00:08:40,908 --> 00:08:43,613 Yes, they sold it to us. 157 00:08:43,642 --> 00:08:45,858 So, now it's our painting. 158 00:08:45,878 --> 00:08:49,954 We can hang it on our wall, cut eyeholes in it to spy on people. 159 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:54,238 Or sell it for lots of money which we keep. 160 00:08:54,259 --> 00:08:55,458 For ourselves? 161 00:08:55,471 --> 00:08:57,349 This dude gets it. 162 00:08:58,732 --> 00:09:01,807 But the Van Houtens are our friends. 163 00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:02,814 Are they, Marge? 164 00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:05,517 If you think about it, aren't they really just the parents 165 00:09:05,537 --> 00:09:08,266 of a kid who happens to hang out with our kid? 166 00:09:08,286 --> 00:09:10,381 All our friends are like that. 167 00:09:10,394 --> 00:09:13,078 Well, how would you feel if we sold them something 168 00:09:13,091 --> 00:09:14,978 that turned out to be valuable? 169 00:09:15,007 --> 00:09:17,583 I would feel A) Happy for their good fortune, 170 00:09:17,596 --> 00:09:19,337 B) Proud to know rich people, 171 00:09:19,358 --> 00:09:23,085 and C) Grateful for an opportunity to learn from a mistake. 172 00:09:23,603 --> 00:09:24,864 How about this? 173 00:09:24,888 --> 00:09:29,058 What if we give the Van Houtens 25% of the money? 174 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:33,351 Then they'll just be mad about the 65% that we're keeping. 175 00:09:34,085 --> 00:09:37,359 - Marge, you like kindness, right? - Sure. 176 00:09:37,389 --> 00:09:41,238 So, even if we gave Kirk and Luann some of the money, 177 00:09:41,264 --> 00:09:45,359 the knowledge of what they could have had will eat away at them, 178 00:09:45,383 --> 00:09:48,732 like piranhas devouring a wounded yeti. 179 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:51,587 It's kinder never to tell them. 180 00:09:51,607 --> 00:09:53,394 Okay, I see your point. 181 00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:56,077 We should sell the painting, keep all the money, 182 00:09:56,108 --> 00:09:58,848 and never, ever tell the Van Houtens. 183 00:09:58,880 --> 00:09:59,901 Mm-hmm! 184 00:10:07,463 --> 00:10:09,297 What'll it take to buy your silence? 185 00:10:09,316 --> 00:10:10,404 Hmm. 186 00:10:10,426 --> 00:10:13,947 Okay, Milhouse, the guys in back are shining up your new bike. 187 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,043 And all I have to do is not say anything 188 00:10:16,056 --> 00:10:18,432 about some painting to my Mom and Dad? 189 00:10:18,447 --> 00:10:22,316 Oh, sweetie, you want your parents to be happy, don't you? 190 00:10:22,338 --> 00:10:24,072 I guess. 191 00:10:24,099 --> 00:10:26,199 "I guess"! 192 00:10:26,219 --> 00:10:27,486 You're funny! 193 00:10:27,515 --> 00:10:29,655 No wonder Lisa's in love with you. 194 00:10:29,668 --> 00:10:32,421 - She is?! - She is?! 195 00:10:32,441 --> 00:10:36,746 So, if I keep my mouth shut, you get me new wheelie sneakers, 196 00:10:36,766 --> 00:10:38,904 and Bart agrees to promote and encourage use 197 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,540 of my new cool nickname, "C.J." 198 00:10:43,452 --> 00:10:44,686 You got it, Ceej. 199 00:10:47,515 --> 00:10:49,946 You found out that painting was worth big bucks, 200 00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:51,513 and you weren't gonna tell us?! 201 00:10:51,533 --> 00:10:53,946 I don't know what you're talking about. 202 00:10:53,969 --> 00:10:55,489 Hide the treasure! 203 00:10:55,509 --> 00:10:58,222 I'm sorry, Mr. S. I cracked! 204 00:10:58,249 --> 00:11:02,190 We had a deal. And now we've got nothing! 205 00:11:06,816 --> 00:11:08,831 We considered you our friends. 206 00:11:08,851 --> 00:11:12,338 We trusted you! I let Homer use our master bathroom! 207 00:11:12,365 --> 00:11:14,382 Then you stab us in the back! 208 00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:19,305 If you knew you sold a valuable painting for nothing, 209 00:11:19,325 --> 00:11:21,300 how could you live with yourselves? 210 00:11:21,313 --> 00:11:23,805 We were just trying to be... kind. 211 00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:26,580 Kind?! You call it kind to give us nothing? 212 00:11:26,613 --> 00:11:29,594 We were gonna treat you to dinner at an upscale chain restaurant 213 00:11:29,614 --> 00:11:32,184 and never explain why, but now forget it! 214 00:11:32,197 --> 00:11:35,936 - Oh, so that's how it is! - That's exactly how it is. 215 00:11:35,953 --> 00:11:38,795 - Oh, is it?! - Oh, it is! 216 00:11:39,576 --> 00:11:42,269 Luann, I hope we're still on Thursday 217 00:11:42,295 --> 00:11:44,939 for collecting used cell phones for the troops. 218 00:11:44,952 --> 00:11:47,066 I don't think you need any help. 219 00:11:47,092 --> 00:11:49,493 You're so good at... collecting. 220 00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:51,443 Oh! 221 00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:55,418 Oh, that was cold, Luann! 222 00:11:55,444 --> 00:11:57,265 So cold! 223 00:11:57,286 --> 00:11:58,813 Brr! 224 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:01,588 Sarcastic brr! 225 00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:04,270 See what happens when we get greedy? 226 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,792 Honey, there's something I want to show you. 227 00:12:06,818 --> 00:12:08,430 An ATM receipt? 228 00:12:08,449 --> 00:12:11,447 I don't know whose this is. I found it next to the cash machine, 229 00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:13,897 and I've always kept it. Look at the balance. 230 00:12:13,935 --> 00:12:15,936 Five figures! 231 00:12:15,938 --> 00:12:19,260 With that painting, we could have what these people have: 232 00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:21,196 A money cushion. 233 00:12:21,223 --> 00:12:24,026 No more living paycheck to paycheck, 234 00:12:24,039 --> 00:12:26,785 one lost retainer away from the gutter. 235 00:12:26,805 --> 00:12:30,175 I could write a check with today's date on it. 236 00:12:30,195 --> 00:12:32,125 That's the cushion. 237 00:12:34,576 --> 00:12:35,963 Tonight, a special report. 238 00:12:35,976 --> 00:12:40,188 Fat cat art experts take advantage of John and Jane Yard Sale. 239 00:12:40,216 --> 00:12:42,766 So, would you characterize your friend of many years 240 00:12:42,786 --> 00:12:46,981 cheating you out of your painting as no big deal, or a devastating betrayal? 241 00:12:47,015 --> 00:12:49,273 Oh, definitely betrayal, Kent. 242 00:12:49,293 --> 00:12:52,674 Interesting. So if you see the Simpsons walking down your street, 243 00:12:52,708 --> 00:12:55,581 lock your doors and hide... your friendship. 244 00:12:55,601 --> 00:12:57,494 Great! Now we're raccoons, 245 00:12:57,507 --> 00:13:00,044 the masked bandits of the animal world! 246 00:13:00,075 --> 00:13:03,188 Don't worry. No one's gonna see this stupid show. 247 00:13:07,737 --> 00:13:10,344 The whole town's turned against us! 248 00:13:16,298 --> 00:13:18,399 Ooh, a support rock! 249 00:13:19,014 --> 00:13:21,474 This one's against us. This one's for us. 250 00:13:21,494 --> 00:13:24,426 For, for, against, for, against... 251 00:13:24,479 --> 00:13:26,986 We don't even get this many Christmas cards. 252 00:13:31,466 --> 00:13:34,966 There they are, the Masterpiece Thievers! 253 00:13:34,984 --> 00:13:36,417 Ah, shut your bone hole! 254 00:13:36,438 --> 00:13:38,459 That painting belongs to the Simpsons! 255 00:13:38,487 --> 00:13:41,080 Sharing is what makes a community strong! 256 00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,513 All sales are final! 257 00:13:42,533 --> 00:13:45,160 - Keep it! - Finders keepers, moron! 258 00:13:45,194 --> 00:13:48,214 You really think we're still doing the right thing? 259 00:13:48,236 --> 00:13:51,217 Just close your eyes and think of the cushion. 260 00:13:55,517 --> 00:13:58,997 First lot: "Untitled Landscape" by Johan Oldenveldt, 261 00:13:59,024 --> 00:14:01,755 from the Collection of Homer J. And Marge B. Simpson. 262 00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:04,778 Let's open the bidding at $80,000. 263 00:14:07,189 --> 00:14:09,747 The paddles, Marge! Look at the paddles! 264 00:14:13,482 --> 00:14:15,722 Stop the auction! 265 00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:17,983 That painting belongs to me! 266 00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,332 Dawn? 267 00:14:19,352 --> 00:14:22,716 Good to see you again, Beef Kirky. 268 00:14:22,732 --> 00:14:24,260 Who is this woman? 269 00:14:24,279 --> 00:14:29,223 Uhhhhhh... 270 00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:32,919 While you two were separated, Kirk and used to be friends... 271 00:14:32,941 --> 00:14:34,945 with banana-fits. 272 00:14:35,878 --> 00:14:39,214 You told me you didn't see anyone during our separation. 273 00:14:39,248 --> 00:14:44,629 Uhhhhhh... 274 00:14:44,659 --> 00:14:48,240 Madam, are you saying this painting belongs to you? 275 00:14:48,253 --> 00:14:50,140 Kirk stole it from me! 276 00:14:50,166 --> 00:14:53,728 But I didn't know it was valuable till I saw the story on TV. 277 00:14:53,743 --> 00:14:56,871 What?! I bought that painting! She's lying! 278 00:14:57,603 --> 00:15:01,483 The auction is on hold until we can determine the true ownership. 279 00:15:03,244 --> 00:15:04,932 Our cushion! 280 00:15:04,958 --> 00:15:07,371 Don't bother coming home, Kirk! 281 00:15:07,396 --> 00:15:08,276 Aw! 282 00:15:08,297 --> 00:15:10,015 See what your greed has done? 283 00:15:10,028 --> 00:15:13,288 - Ow! - Anybody want to give me a ride home? 284 00:15:13,309 --> 00:15:15,396 Going once? Going twice? 285 00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:17,678 Sold! To the lonely auctioneer! 286 00:15:18,486 --> 00:15:19,686 Ah! 287 00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:28,809 Thanks for taking me in, man. 288 00:15:28,835 --> 00:15:32,062 I guess I can't help but feel fully responsible. 289 00:15:32,087 --> 00:15:35,788 Oh, Luann, I'll never gaze from my thick eyeglasses 290 00:15:35,803 --> 00:15:38,556 into your thick eyeglasses ever again. 291 00:15:38,574 --> 00:15:41,945 What you need, my friend, is a Canadian Duff. 292 00:15:41,963 --> 00:15:43,156 Beauty, eh? 293 00:15:43,164 --> 00:15:47,134 So... why does that chick think she owns the painting? 294 00:15:47,162 --> 00:15:52,382 Oh, Dawn and I went on a vacation to a resort island called Isla Verde. 295 00:15:52,407 --> 00:15:54,461 I bought the painting in a café, 296 00:15:54,488 --> 00:15:57,959 but that night she ran off with a parasailing instructor. 297 00:15:57,986 --> 00:15:59,439 Not your fault, man. 298 00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:02,748 Those parasailing guys take whatever they want. 299 00:16:02,771 --> 00:16:04,351 It was never her painting. 300 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:08,318 That woman will say anything to keep herself in electric cigarettes. 301 00:16:08,343 --> 00:16:11,349 And I'd go back to that Café Artiste to prove it, 302 00:16:11,355 --> 00:16:14,528 but nothing's gonna get me Luann back. 303 00:16:18,827 --> 00:16:21,937 Okay, all I gotta do is take a quick ferry to Isla Verde, 304 00:16:21,963 --> 00:16:25,123 find Café Artiste, and they'll back up Kirk's story. 305 00:16:25,143 --> 00:16:28,704 That will prove the painting was his-- and now ours. 306 00:16:28,729 --> 00:16:32,698 Oh, Homer Simpson, that painting has torn the town apart, 307 00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,806 destroyed Kirk and Luann's marriage, 308 00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:37,986 and everyone's very worried about Milhouse. 309 00:16:38,019 --> 00:16:41,882 He's been playing Dancing Revolution for hours, but the TV is off. 310 00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,321 But our cushion! 311 00:16:47,349 --> 00:16:50,113 That picture has brought out the worst in everyone! 312 00:16:50,133 --> 00:16:54,170 Please! Just let it go! 313 00:16:56,878 --> 00:16:58,879 You're not gonna let it go, are you? 314 00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:00,453 I wish I knew how. 315 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,683 This is so exciting! 316 00:17:04,706 --> 00:17:07,279 My first time establishing provenance! 317 00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:08,839 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, 318 00:17:08,852 --> 00:17:12,427 if your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting. 319 00:17:12,441 --> 00:17:15,058 That's a terrible thing for a father to do. 320 00:17:15,089 --> 00:17:16,981 That's why she'll believe it. 321 00:17:18,887 --> 00:17:22,490 Hmm, this quaint artist community has gotten a little touristy. 322 00:17:28,096 --> 00:17:31,710 Excuse me. We're trying to find Café Artiste. 323 00:17:31,723 --> 00:17:35,770 Ah, yes. Top of the hill. Three discos up, four gelatos on the left. 324 00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:39,401 You can't miss it. It's right between the disco and the gelato place. 325 00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,219 Mmm. Hmm. 326 00:17:41,232 --> 00:17:42,811 Mm-mm! 327 00:17:43,036 --> 00:17:44,576 Mm... 328 00:17:44,602 --> 00:17:46,441 Welcome to Café Artiste! 329 00:17:46,458 --> 00:17:48,300 Would you like a glass of Strupo? 330 00:17:48,313 --> 00:17:52,320 It's a liqueur made of fermented capers, the official drink of the island. 331 00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:54,191 Mmm! Sounds delicious. 332 00:17:55,135 --> 00:17:56,205 It's not. 333 00:17:56,225 --> 00:17:59,253 Hey, a friend of mine, uh, bought a painting here. 334 00:17:59,266 --> 00:18:01,926 Oh, yes, I remember that painting. 335 00:18:01,939 --> 00:18:03,952 And that is the man I sold it to. 336 00:18:03,968 --> 00:18:06,741 And that man sold it to me! 337 00:18:06,763 --> 00:18:08,576 That proves the painting is mine! 338 00:18:08,589 --> 00:18:12,685 And nothing can stop me from selling it and keeping all the money! 339 00:18:12,704 --> 00:18:14,808 I love art! 340 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:16,033 Art? 341 00:18:16,339 --> 00:18:17,872 What do you know about art? 342 00:18:17,885 --> 00:18:20,439 You don't even know who painted that picture. 343 00:18:20,463 --> 00:18:23,130 Yes, I do. It's a Johan Oldenveldt. 344 00:18:23,153 --> 00:18:25,546 Wrong! It's a me! 345 00:18:25,576 --> 00:18:27,496 - A what? - I painted it! 346 00:18:27,518 --> 00:18:29,244 Me, Klaus Ziegler! 347 00:18:29,265 --> 00:18:30,465 Who? 348 00:18:31,782 --> 00:18:33,415 - Mm! - Oh! 349 00:18:33,447 --> 00:18:36,651 This is where I painted your so-called Oldenveldt. 350 00:18:36,681 --> 00:18:37,711 Prove it. 351 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,477 Aw, crap! 352 00:18:41,490 --> 00:18:43,389 You're a forger? 353 00:18:43,408 --> 00:18:45,885 "Forger" is such a cruel word. 354 00:18:45,923 --> 00:18:47,690 I'm an art forger. 355 00:18:47,719 --> 00:18:50,119 Your painting was an early, clumsy effort 356 00:18:50,145 --> 00:18:53,608 which I gave to the café owner to pay off my Strupo tab. 357 00:18:55,759 --> 00:18:57,072 Whew! 358 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:59,495 Then why did the auction house say it was real? 359 00:18:59,508 --> 00:19:03,897 I have fooled galleries around the world with my loving imitations. 360 00:19:03,917 --> 00:19:06,555 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 361 00:19:06,584 --> 00:19:09,427 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 362 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,747 What you do is horrible... 363 00:19:11,767 --> 00:19:16,029 ripping off geniuses who spent years perfecting their styles. 364 00:19:16,053 --> 00:19:18,154 Perhaps you are the one who is horrible. 365 00:19:18,175 --> 00:19:18,918 What?! 366 00:19:18,944 --> 00:19:21,341 You only cared about that painting when you thought 367 00:19:21,347 --> 00:19:23,774 it was created by someone famous. 368 00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:29,454 Well, no, but now when I look at it, all I see is a fraud. 369 00:19:29,474 --> 00:19:31,227 Beauty is beauty. 370 00:19:31,255 --> 00:19:35,200 My forgeries give pleasure to people all over the world. 371 00:19:35,227 --> 00:19:37,962 The only real question to ask about art, 372 00:19:37,982 --> 00:19:42,289 whether it's in the Louvre or on a freshman's wall at Cal State Fullerton 373 00:19:42,308 --> 00:19:45,168 is, "Did it move you?" 374 00:19:45,182 --> 00:19:47,042 But, you still, I mean... 375 00:19:47,070 --> 00:19:49,905 Oh, I suppose you're right. 376 00:19:49,925 --> 00:19:52,972 What if I never liked the painting and only wanted it for money? 377 00:19:53,003 --> 00:19:54,704 Then you, I respect. 378 00:19:55,882 --> 00:19:58,082 Oh, great. The painting is worthless, 379 00:19:58,095 --> 00:19:59,828 this was all for nothing, 380 00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:02,323 and when Marge finds out, she's gonna kill me. 381 00:20:02,342 --> 00:20:05,715 Well, on that front, perhaps I can be of assistance. 382 00:20:05,735 --> 00:20:07,974 If there's one thing art is good for, 383 00:20:07,985 --> 00:20:12,336 it's to melt the frost which often hardens a woman's heart. 384 00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:13,895 While you're at it... 385 00:20:13,914 --> 00:20:17,907 could you make me a couple more? I'll pay you in Strupo. 386 00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:31,226 Perfect. 387 00:20:31,239 --> 00:20:33,706 Oh, now that's art. 388 00:20:34,642 --> 00:20:35,948 Rocking. 389 00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:42,119 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 390 00:20:55,561 --> 00:20:56,894 The Gray Troll, 391 00:20:56,915 --> 00:20:59,928 Brine of Madness, Angel's Urine, 392 00:20:59,955 --> 00:21:03,991 all names for the mysterious elixir known as Strupo. 393 00:21:04,008 --> 00:21:06,929 Though this fermented caper solution was originally used 394 00:21:06,942 --> 00:21:11,395 to dissolve seagull corpses, local alcoholics soon found Strupo 395 00:21:11,408 --> 00:21:14,055 to be a palatable drink of last resort. 396 00:21:14,092 --> 00:21:18,039 The noxious liqueur causes powerful olfactory hallucinations, 397 00:21:18,063 --> 00:21:21,011 gender confusion, and wandering mouth. 398 00:21:22,441 --> 00:21:24,625 So if you visit Isla Verde, 399 00:21:24,644 --> 00:21:29,546 be sure to say "ahoy" to the crushing addiction of Strupo. 400 00:21:29,581 --> 00:21:33,048 Strupo: Lose everything. 401 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:16,661 Shh!