1 00:00:02,366 --> 00:00:06,366 ♪ The Simpsons 25x15 ♪ The War of Art Original Air Date on March 23, 2014 2 00:00:09,964 --> 00:00:11,138 Hm... hmm?! 3 00:00:11,165 --> 00:00:13,548 "Lisa wants 4 00:00:13,573 --> 00:00:16,820 "a dot-dot-dot 5 00:00:16,844 --> 00:00:18,517 guinea pig"? Mm. 6 00:00:30,804 --> 00:00:33,911 Hey, Homer, did you know that guinea pigs are self-groomers? 7 00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,978 And when the get excited, they jump straight up. 8 00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:38,610 - It's called "popcorning." - Lisa got to you. 9 00:00:38,625 --> 00:00:40,493 I don't know how, but she got to you. 10 00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:45,318 Emojis. 11 00:00:45,338 --> 00:00:47,583 Now she's gone too far. 12 00:00:49,096 --> 00:00:53,287 Lisa, your father and I are very concerned about all this hinting. 13 00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,368 I've never had a pet of my very own. 14 00:00:56,374 --> 00:00:57,697 My clock is ticking. 15 00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:58,992 I don't want to be one of those girls 16 00:00:59,012 --> 00:01:01,194 who waits till she's 16 to decide if she's ready, 17 00:01:01,234 --> 00:01:02,607 and then it's too late. 18 00:01:03,380 --> 00:01:04,940 Well, we've talked about it. 19 00:01:04,953 --> 00:01:06,973 And if you really want a guinea pig, 20 00:01:06,987 --> 00:01:09,217 you'll have to sign this contract. 21 00:01:10,423 --> 00:01:12,389 "I, Lisa Simpson, hereby promise 22 00:01:12,409 --> 00:01:15,185 to take full responsibility for this dog, cat, other." 23 00:01:15,211 --> 00:01:18,211 - Circle "other." - "This includes feeding, bathing, 24 00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,092 "cleaning of droppings and barfings, 25 00:01:20,112 --> 00:01:23,583 and when the time comes, burying or flushing." 26 00:01:23,611 --> 00:01:27,089 Boilerplate, boilerplate, boilerplate. We can skip all this litter box stuff. 27 00:01:27,109 --> 00:01:30,372 "If pet becomes Internet superstar, all rights revert to father." 28 00:01:30,392 --> 00:01:34,512 Sign here, here, initial here, one more over here. And done. 29 00:01:34,538 --> 00:01:37,031 Oh, my God! I'm getting a guinea pig! 30 00:01:37,044 --> 00:01:39,018 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! 31 00:01:39,031 --> 00:01:41,121 The kid-parent contract. 32 00:01:41,148 --> 00:01:45,735 Unenforceable, yet you feel like you didn't completely cave. 33 00:01:46,697 --> 00:01:51,697 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 34 00:01:56,497 --> 00:01:59,393 You're doing the right thing adopting a rescue pig. 35 00:01:59,406 --> 00:02:01,452 You know, most of these guys are rejects 36 00:02:01,477 --> 00:02:04,125 from the big guinea-pig mills in the Midwest. 37 00:02:04,151 --> 00:02:06,393 Oh, I can't tell you how many mill pigs 38 00:02:06,406 --> 00:02:09,912 we get in here who have bumblefoot or the slobbers. 39 00:02:09,938 --> 00:02:12,058 You don't have children, do you? 40 00:02:12,086 --> 00:02:13,726 This one whistled at me! 41 00:02:13,741 --> 00:02:15,721 Ooh, that could be the one. 42 00:02:15,742 --> 00:02:18,862 Oh, but that orange guy looks like a pumpkin. 43 00:02:19,355 --> 00:02:21,375 But this fellow is so fuzzy! 44 00:02:21,395 --> 00:02:25,082 Well, they all have their charms. 45 00:02:25,113 --> 00:02:27,180 This one's nibbling a sunflower seed. 46 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,567 Look at that hair. Aw, I just want to comb it forever! 47 00:02:30,593 --> 00:02:33,293 Have you seen a pinker nose? 48 00:02:33,312 --> 00:02:34,893 I have now! 49 00:02:34,909 --> 00:02:38,137 Lisa, you've just got to choose one. 50 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,045 Lisa? 51 00:02:39,058 --> 00:02:41,014 She's gone, honey. She's gone. 52 00:02:41,034 --> 00:02:43,097 That one's fur looks like a tuxedo! 53 00:02:43,123 --> 00:02:46,226 A Band-Aid on its tail, aw! 54 00:02:46,991 --> 00:02:48,991 Albino! 55 00:02:49,923 --> 00:02:52,690 I'm definitely getting this one. Oh, but I forgot about this one. 56 00:02:52,703 --> 00:02:54,857 Oh, my God, I never even saw this one! 57 00:02:55,076 --> 00:02:58,237 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh... 58 00:02:58,665 --> 00:03:00,412 Maybe I should get that sick one. 59 00:03:00,424 --> 00:03:02,461 If I don't, no one else will. 60 00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:04,714 Bart, list your top five, best to worst. 61 00:03:04,734 --> 00:03:06,107 No, no, no, no! Worst to best. 62 00:03:06,132 --> 00:03:08,965 I just wish the gray one had the brown one's personality. 63 00:03:09,421 --> 00:03:11,868 Okay, Dad, give me your phone. I need to look at the pictures again. 64 00:03:11,888 --> 00:03:15,762 Aw, aw, aw! Aw, aw! 65 00:03:17,558 --> 00:03:21,432 Okay, this is the guinea pig that will make me happy. 66 00:03:21,455 --> 00:03:23,295 She thinks she's decided. 67 00:03:23,314 --> 00:03:26,122 Don't say a thing. Don't blow this. 68 00:03:26,128 --> 00:03:29,711 Okay, now, you sure you only want just one? 69 00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:32,084 They tend to do better in pairs. 70 00:03:32,868 --> 00:03:34,795 I could get two? 71 00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:39,616 Farting tweakers rule! 72 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:43,742 I've tried to give Pokey a perfect replica of his natural habitat. 73 00:03:43,755 --> 00:03:46,255 Peruvian feather grass, an Incan sleeping mat, 74 00:03:46,282 --> 00:03:50,002 and a portrait of Marisol Espinoza, the Vice President of Peru. 75 00:03:50,023 --> 00:03:52,870 Are you sure you didn't create a perfect habitat for you? 76 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,780 I wish I could live in there. 77 00:03:54,801 --> 00:03:57,754 Well, there's plenty of room because Pokey's gone. 78 00:03:58,646 --> 00:04:00,192 Where'd he go? 79 00:04:06,727 --> 00:04:08,787 This looks like a job for... 80 00:04:08,806 --> 00:04:10,572 fireplace tongs. 81 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,438 No! 82 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:23,247 Oh, my God! He's in the walls! 83 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,303 I hear chewing. 84 00:04:25,329 --> 00:04:27,826 No, that's a much bigger animal. 85 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:33,239 Kettle corn. The heroin of the farmers' market. 86 00:04:33,246 --> 00:04:34,853 I've lost my guinea pig! 87 00:04:43,142 --> 00:04:45,123 Pokey! 88 00:04:45,665 --> 00:04:48,145 Our boat painting! 89 00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:49,858 I'm sorry, Mom. 90 00:04:50,978 --> 00:04:52,685 That's okay, sweetheart. 91 00:04:52,713 --> 00:04:54,578 Your pig thingy didn't mean it. 92 00:04:54,604 --> 00:04:58,575 It's just, it felt comforting to know that while we watched TV, 93 00:04:58,588 --> 00:05:01,248 there was art going on behind us. 94 00:05:02,662 --> 00:05:04,708 Oh, well, I guess we have to go 95 00:05:04,734 --> 00:05:07,232 to an art gallery and buy a new painting. 96 00:05:07,241 --> 00:05:12,078 Sure, we could go to a fancy gallery and spend a bunch of money, or... 97 00:05:12,105 --> 00:05:14,552 Mm... hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm? 98 00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,857 Yeah, Milhouse played the violin for years 99 00:05:16,877 --> 00:05:20,510 until it turned out the vibrations were screwing up his bones. 100 00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,767 Yeah, these seem great. 101 00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:26,625 Oh, too bad someone used cello rosin. 102 00:05:32,912 --> 00:05:36,098 Oh, my gosh, that's beautiful! 103 00:05:36,111 --> 00:05:38,925 I've never seen a painting with a lighthouse before. 104 00:05:39,804 --> 00:05:44,617 Oh, that. That was on the wall of Kirk's bachelor pad, back when we were 105 00:05:44,630 --> 00:05:46,004 Separated. 106 00:05:46,026 --> 00:05:47,593 Yeah, it's a great piece. 107 00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:51,748 I didn't have a mirror, so I shaved in the reflection of the chrome frame. 108 00:05:51,761 --> 00:05:53,908 This could be our new living room painting. 109 00:05:53,914 --> 00:05:55,548 I don't know. 110 00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:58,196 How about this poster of a really rocking jukebox? 111 00:05:58,216 --> 00:06:01,661 You know it's rocking 'cause music notes are coming out of it. 112 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,508 Painting's only 20 bucks. 113 00:06:03,528 --> 00:06:05,808 Oh, please, Homie? 114 00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:08,045 I'll throw in the tiny violins. 115 00:06:14,821 --> 00:06:17,268 Oh, it looks great! 116 00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:22,303 Well... to me, it looks like... garbage salad. 117 00:06:22,336 --> 00:06:24,723 But that's the great thing about art. 118 00:06:24,745 --> 00:06:28,335 Everyone can have their own opinion about why it sucks. 119 00:06:28,348 --> 00:06:32,435 I've got to get rid of this ugly chrome frame from Kirk's bachelor bad. 120 00:06:32,441 --> 00:06:35,592 I hate to think of the things this mirror has reflected. 121 00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:37,998 Hmm! 122 00:06:38,643 --> 00:06:41,876 Hey, look. There's a signature that the frame covered up. 123 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:45,098 "Johan Oldenveldt." 124 00:06:45,819 --> 00:06:47,126 Here he is! 125 00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:49,742 "Johan Oldenveldt, painter. 126 00:06:49,763 --> 00:06:54,076 "Lived in Amsterdam, Paris. Prolific early 20th century naturalist." 127 00:06:54,095 --> 00:06:56,929 Ooh, I think this was painted by someone famous. 128 00:06:56,955 --> 00:06:58,602 Maybe it's valuable. 129 00:06:58,632 --> 00:07:00,552 We should have it appraised. 130 00:07:00,572 --> 00:07:03,832 Pfft! You guys are crazy. I never even heard of that guy. 131 00:07:03,852 --> 00:07:07,345 It's not like it was painted by Leonardo Da Vinci Code. 132 00:07:07,358 --> 00:07:10,004 Now, here's what makes art valuable-- 133 00:07:10,023 --> 00:07:14,930 One: Nudity. Two: Holograms. Three: Something terrible happening to Jesus. 134 00:07:18,145 --> 00:07:21,694 Ah yes, seascape, marvelous natural light, 135 00:07:21,729 --> 00:07:24,504 classic use of gouache. 136 00:07:24,538 --> 00:07:25,558 You're right. 137 00:07:25,577 --> 00:07:28,267 This is an early-career Oldenveldt. 138 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:31,160 - Quite valuable. - Oh, my God! 139 00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:35,452 I expect it to go somewhere between 80 to $100,000. 140 00:07:35,769 --> 00:07:38,236 Nobody touch it! Bart, stop looking at it! 141 00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:41,178 - But I want to see it! - No, you'll wear it out! 142 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,329 Baby, you saw something in this painting, and you were right. 143 00:07:44,349 --> 00:07:47,584 Wow, the Van Houtens owned this for years, 144 00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:49,677 and never knew how much it was worth. 145 00:07:49,696 --> 00:07:53,897 Think how happy they'll be when we sell it and split the money with them. 146 00:07:53,915 --> 00:07:57,362 Split it? Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, 147 00:07:57,375 --> 00:08:00,296 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 148 00:08:00,327 --> 00:08:02,928 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... 149 00:08:02,934 --> 00:08:04,123 whoa! 150 00:08:05,628 --> 00:08:08,208 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 151 00:08:08,235 --> 00:08:10,528 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 152 00:08:10,548 --> 00:08:12,192 Oh! 153 00:08:16,220 --> 00:08:19,559 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 154 00:08:19,577 --> 00:08:21,153 Split it with them? 155 00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:24,766 Kirk and Luann didn't know what the painting was worth when they sold it. 156 00:08:24,785 --> 00:08:27,490 Yes, they sold it to us. 157 00:08:27,519 --> 00:08:29,735 So, now it's our painting. 158 00:08:29,755 --> 00:08:33,831 We can hang it on our wall, cut eyeholes in it to spy on people. 159 00:08:33,865 --> 00:08:38,115 Or sell it for lots of money which we keep. 160 00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:39,335 For ourselves? 161 00:08:39,348 --> 00:08:41,226 This dude gets it. 162 00:08:42,609 --> 00:08:45,684 But the Van Houtens are our friends. 163 00:08:45,711 --> 00:08:46,691 Are they, Marge? 164 00:08:46,711 --> 00:08:49,394 If you think about it, aren't they really just the parents 165 00:08:49,414 --> 00:08:52,143 of a kid who happens to hang out with our kid? 166 00:08:52,163 --> 00:08:54,258 All our friends are like that. 167 00:08:54,271 --> 00:08:56,955 Well, how would you feel if we sold them something 168 00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:58,855 that turned out to be valuable? 169 00:08:58,884 --> 00:09:01,460 I would feel A) Happy for their good fortune, 170 00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:03,214 B) Proud to know rich people, 171 00:09:03,235 --> 00:09:06,962 and C) Grateful for an opportunity to learn from a mistake. 172 00:09:07,565 --> 00:09:08,748 How about this? 173 00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:12,935 What if we give the Van Houtens 25% of the money? 174 00:09:12,957 --> 00:09:17,228 Then they'll just be mad about the 65% that we're keeping. 175 00:09:17,962 --> 00:09:21,236 - Marge, you like kindness, right? - Sure. 176 00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:25,115 So, even if we gave Kirk and Luann some of the money, 177 00:09:25,141 --> 00:09:29,236 the knowledge of what they could have had will eat away at them, 178 00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:32,609 like piranhas devouring a wounded yeti. 179 00:09:32,631 --> 00:09:35,464 It's kinder never to tell them. 180 00:09:35,484 --> 00:09:37,271 Okay, I see your point. 181 00:09:37,297 --> 00:09:39,954 We should sell the painting, keep all the money, 182 00:09:39,985 --> 00:09:42,725 and never, ever tell the Van Houtens. 183 00:09:42,757 --> 00:09:43,778 Mm-hmm! 184 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,174 What'll it take to buy your silence? 185 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,281 Hmm. 186 00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:57,824 Okay, Milhouse, the guys in back are shining up your new bike. 187 00:09:57,837 --> 00:09:59,920 And all I have to do is not say anything 188 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,309 about some painting to my Mom and Dad? 189 00:10:02,324 --> 00:10:06,193 Oh, sweetie, you want your parents to be happy, don't you? 190 00:10:06,215 --> 00:10:07,949 I guess. 191 00:10:07,976 --> 00:10:10,076 "I guess"! 192 00:10:10,096 --> 00:10:11,363 You're funny! 193 00:10:11,392 --> 00:10:13,532 No wonder Lisa's in love with you. 194 00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:16,298 - She is?! - She is?! 195 00:10:16,318 --> 00:10:20,623 So, if I keep my mouth shut, you get me new wheelie sneakers, 196 00:10:20,643 --> 00:10:22,781 and Bart agrees to promote and encourage use 197 00:10:22,807 --> 00:10:25,417 of my new cool nickname, "C.J." 198 00:10:27,329 --> 00:10:28,563 You got it, Ceej. 199 00:10:31,392 --> 00:10:33,823 You found out that painting was worth big bucks, 200 00:10:33,843 --> 00:10:35,390 and you weren't gonna tell us?! 201 00:10:35,410 --> 00:10:37,823 I don't know what you're talking about. 202 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,366 Hide the treasure! 203 00:10:39,386 --> 00:10:42,099 I'm sorry, Mr. S. I cracked! 204 00:10:42,126 --> 00:10:46,067 We had a deal. And now we've got nothing! 205 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:52,708 We considered you our friends. 206 00:10:52,728 --> 00:10:56,215 We trusted you! I let Homer use our master bathroom! 207 00:10:56,242 --> 00:10:58,259 Then you stab us in the back! 208 00:10:59,802 --> 00:11:03,182 If you knew you sold a valuable painting for nothing, 209 00:11:03,202 --> 00:11:05,177 how could you live with yourselves? 210 00:11:05,190 --> 00:11:07,682 We were just trying to be... kind. 211 00:11:07,711 --> 00:11:10,457 Kind?! You call it kind to give us nothing? 212 00:11:10,490 --> 00:11:13,471 We were gonna treat you to dinner at an upscale chain restaurant 213 00:11:13,491 --> 00:11:16,061 and never explain why, but now forget it! 214 00:11:16,074 --> 00:11:19,813 - Oh, so that's how it is! - That's exactly how it is. 215 00:11:19,830 --> 00:11:22,672 - Oh, is it?! - Oh, it is! 216 00:11:23,453 --> 00:11:26,146 Luann, I hope we're still on Thursday 217 00:11:26,172 --> 00:11:28,816 for collecting used cell phones for the troops. 218 00:11:28,829 --> 00:11:30,943 I don't think you need any help. 219 00:11:30,969 --> 00:11:33,370 You're so good at... collecting. 220 00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:35,320 Oh! 221 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,295 Oh, that was cold, Luann! 222 00:11:39,321 --> 00:11:41,142 So cold! 223 00:11:41,163 --> 00:11:42,690 Brr! 224 00:11:42,717 --> 00:11:45,465 Sarcastic brr! 225 00:11:45,485 --> 00:11:48,147 See what happens when we get greedy? 226 00:11:48,177 --> 00:11:50,669 Honey, there's something I want to show you. 227 00:11:50,695 --> 00:11:52,307 An ATM receipt? 228 00:11:52,326 --> 00:11:55,324 I don't know whose this is. I found it next to the cash machine, 229 00:11:55,337 --> 00:11:57,774 and I've always kept it. Look at the balance. 230 00:11:57,812 --> 00:11:59,813 Five figures! 231 00:11:59,815 --> 00:12:03,137 With that painting, we could have what these people have: 232 00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:05,073 A money cushion. 233 00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,903 No more living paycheck to paycheck, 234 00:12:07,916 --> 00:12:10,662 one lost retainer away from the gutter. 235 00:12:10,682 --> 00:12:14,052 I could write a check with today's date on it. 236 00:12:14,072 --> 00:12:16,002 That's the cushion. 237 00:12:18,453 --> 00:12:19,840 Tonight, a special report. 238 00:12:19,853 --> 00:12:24,065 Fat cat art experts take advantage of John and Jane Yard Sale. 239 00:12:24,093 --> 00:12:26,643 So, would you characterize your friend of many years 240 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:30,858 cheating you out of your painting as no big deal, or a devastating betrayal? 241 00:12:30,892 --> 00:12:33,150 Oh, definitely betrayal, Kent. 242 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,551 Interesting. So if you see the Simpsons walking down your street, 243 00:12:36,585 --> 00:12:39,458 lock your doors and hide... your friendship. 244 00:12:39,478 --> 00:12:41,371 Great! Now we're raccoons, 245 00:12:41,384 --> 00:12:43,921 the masked bandits of the animal world! 246 00:12:43,952 --> 00:12:47,065 Don't worry. No one's gonna see this stupid show. 247 00:12:51,614 --> 00:12:54,221 The whole town's turned against us! 248 00:13:00,175 --> 00:13:02,276 Ooh, a support rock! 249 00:13:02,891 --> 00:13:05,351 This one's against us. This one's for us. 250 00:13:05,371 --> 00:13:08,303 For, for, against, for, against... 251 00:13:08,356 --> 00:13:10,863 We don't even get this many Christmas cards. 252 00:13:15,343 --> 00:13:18,843 There they are, the Masterpiece Thievers! 253 00:13:18,861 --> 00:13:20,294 Ah, shut your bone hole! 254 00:13:20,315 --> 00:13:22,336 That painting belongs to the Simpsons! 255 00:13:22,364 --> 00:13:24,957 Sharing is what makes a community strong! 256 00:13:24,963 --> 00:13:26,390 All sales are final! 257 00:13:26,410 --> 00:13:29,037 - Keep it! - Finders keepers, moron! 258 00:13:29,071 --> 00:13:32,091 You really think we're still doing the right thing? 259 00:13:32,113 --> 00:13:35,094 Just close your eyes and think of the cushion. 260 00:13:39,394 --> 00:13:42,874 First lot: "Untitled Landscape" by Johan Oldenveldt, 261 00:13:42,901 --> 00:13:45,632 from the Collection of Homer J. And Marge B. Simpson. 262 00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:48,655 Let's open the bidding at $80,000. 263 00:13:51,066 --> 00:13:53,624 The paddles, Marge! Look at the paddles! 264 00:13:57,359 --> 00:13:59,599 Stop the auction! 265 00:13:59,628 --> 00:14:01,860 That painting belongs to me! 266 00:14:02,324 --> 00:14:03,204 Dawn? 267 00:14:03,229 --> 00:14:06,593 Good to see you again, Beef Kirky. 268 00:14:06,609 --> 00:14:08,137 Who is this woman? 269 00:14:08,156 --> 00:14:13,100 Uhhhhhh... 270 00:14:13,121 --> 00:14:16,796 While you two were separated, Kirk and used to be friends... 271 00:14:16,818 --> 00:14:18,822 with banana-fits. 272 00:14:19,755 --> 00:14:23,091 You told me you didn't see anyone during our separation. 273 00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:28,506 Uhhhhhh... 274 00:14:28,536 --> 00:14:32,117 Madam, are you saying this painting belongs to you? 275 00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:34,017 Kirk stole it from me! 276 00:14:34,043 --> 00:14:37,605 But I didn't know it was valuable till I saw the story on TV. 277 00:14:37,620 --> 00:14:40,748 What?! I bought that painting! She's lying! 278 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,360 The auction is on hold until we can determine the true ownership. 279 00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:48,809 Our cushion! 280 00:14:48,835 --> 00:14:51,248 Don't bother coming home, Kirk! 281 00:14:51,273 --> 00:14:52,153 Aw! 282 00:14:52,174 --> 00:14:53,892 See what your greed has done? 283 00:14:53,905 --> 00:14:57,165 - Ow! - Anybody want to give me a ride home? 284 00:14:57,186 --> 00:14:59,273 Going once? Going twice? 285 00:14:59,287 --> 00:15:01,555 Sold! To the lonely auctioneer! 286 00:15:02,363 --> 00:15:03,563 Ah! 287 00:15:10,719 --> 00:15:12,686 Thanks for taking me in, man. 288 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,939 I guess I can't help but feel fully responsible. 289 00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:19,665 Oh, Luann, I'll never gaze from my thick eyeglasses 290 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,433 into your thick eyeglasses ever again. 291 00:15:22,451 --> 00:15:25,822 What you need, my friend, is a Canadian Duff. 292 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,033 Beauty, eh? 293 00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:31,011 So... why does that chick think she owns the painting? 294 00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:36,259 Oh, Dawn and I went on a vacation to a resort island called Isla Verde. 295 00:15:36,284 --> 00:15:38,338 I bought the painting in a café, 296 00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:41,836 but that night she ran off with a parasailing instructor. 297 00:15:41,863 --> 00:15:43,316 Not your fault, man. 298 00:15:43,337 --> 00:15:46,625 Those parasailing guys take whatever they want. 299 00:15:46,648 --> 00:15:48,228 It was never her painting. 300 00:15:48,241 --> 00:15:52,195 That woman will say anything to keep herself in electric cigarettes. 301 00:15:52,220 --> 00:15:55,226 And I'd go back to that Café Artiste to prove it, 302 00:15:55,232 --> 00:15:58,405 but nothing's gonna get me Luann back. 303 00:16:02,704 --> 00:16:05,814 Okay, all I gotta do is take a quick ferry to Isla Verde, 304 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:09,000 find Café Artiste, and they'll back up Kirk's story. 305 00:16:09,020 --> 00:16:12,581 That will prove the painting was his-- and now ours. 306 00:16:12,606 --> 00:16:16,575 Oh, Homer Simpson, that painting has torn the town apart, 307 00:16:16,602 --> 00:16:18,683 destroyed Kirk and Luann's marriage, 308 00:16:18,696 --> 00:16:21,863 and everyone's very worried about Milhouse. 309 00:16:21,896 --> 00:16:25,759 He's been playing Dancing Revolution for hours, but the TV is off. 310 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:31,198 But our cushion! 311 00:16:31,226 --> 00:16:33,990 That picture has brought out the worst in everyone! 312 00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:38,047 Please! Just let it go! 313 00:16:40,755 --> 00:16:42,756 You're not gonna let it go, are you? 314 00:16:42,777 --> 00:16:44,330 I wish I knew how. 315 00:16:46,681 --> 00:16:48,560 This is so exciting! 316 00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:51,156 My first time establishing provenance! 317 00:16:51,182 --> 00:16:52,716 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember, 318 00:16:52,729 --> 00:16:56,304 if your mother asks, I took you to a wine tasting. 319 00:16:56,318 --> 00:16:58,935 That's a terrible thing for a father to do. 320 00:16:58,966 --> 00:17:00,858 That's why she'll believe it. 321 00:17:02,764 --> 00:17:06,367 Hmm, this quaint artist community has gotten a little touristy. 322 00:17:11,973 --> 00:17:15,587 Excuse me. We're trying to find Café Artiste. 323 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,647 Ah, yes. Top of the hill. Three discos up, four gelatos on the left. 324 00:17:19,674 --> 00:17:23,278 You can't miss it. It's right between the disco and the gelato place. 325 00:17:23,311 --> 00:17:25,096 Mmm. Hmm. 326 00:17:25,109 --> 00:17:26,688 Mm-mm! 327 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,453 Mm... 328 00:17:28,479 --> 00:17:30,318 Welcome to Café Artiste! 329 00:17:30,335 --> 00:17:32,177 Would you like a glass of Strupo? 330 00:17:32,190 --> 00:17:36,197 It's a liqueur made of fermented capers, the official drink of the island. 331 00:17:36,209 --> 00:17:38,068 Mmm! Sounds delicious. 332 00:17:39,012 --> 00:17:40,082 It's not. 333 00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:43,130 Hey, a friend of mine, uh, bought a painting here. 334 00:17:43,143 --> 00:17:45,803 Oh, yes, I remember that painting. 335 00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:47,829 And that is the man I sold it to. 336 00:17:47,845 --> 00:17:50,618 And that man sold it to me! 337 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,453 That proves the painting is mine! 338 00:17:52,466 --> 00:17:56,562 And nothing can stop me from selling it and keeping all the money! 339 00:17:56,581 --> 00:17:58,685 I love art! 340 00:17:58,710 --> 00:17:59,910 Art? 341 00:18:00,216 --> 00:18:01,749 What do you know about art? 342 00:18:01,762 --> 00:18:04,316 You don't even know who painted that picture. 343 00:18:04,340 --> 00:18:07,007 Yes, I do. It's a Johan Oldenveldt. 344 00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:09,423 Wrong! It's a me! 345 00:18:09,453 --> 00:18:11,373 - A what? - I painted it! 346 00:18:11,395 --> 00:18:13,121 Me, Klaus Ziegler! 347 00:18:13,142 --> 00:18:14,342 Who? 348 00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,292 - Mm! - Oh! 349 00:18:17,324 --> 00:18:20,528 This is where I painted your so-called Oldenveldt. 350 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:21,588 Prove it. 351 00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:25,354 Aw, crap! 352 00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:27,266 You're a forger? 353 00:18:27,285 --> 00:18:29,762 "Forger" is such a cruel word. 354 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,567 I'm an art forger. 355 00:18:31,596 --> 00:18:33,996 Your painting was an early, clumsy effort 356 00:18:34,022 --> 00:18:37,485 which I gave to the café owner to pay off my Strupo tab. 357 00:18:39,636 --> 00:18:40,949 Whew! 358 00:18:40,972 --> 00:18:43,372 Then why did the auction house say it was real? 359 00:18:43,385 --> 00:18:47,774 I have fooled galleries around the world with my loving imitations. 360 00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:50,432 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 361 00:18:50,461 --> 00:18:53,304 Ziegler! Ziegler! Ziegler! 362 00:18:53,837 --> 00:18:55,624 What you do is horrible... 363 00:18:55,644 --> 00:18:59,906 ripping off geniuses who spent years perfecting their styles. 364 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,031 Perhaps you are the one who is horrible. 365 00:19:02,052 --> 00:19:02,795 What?! 366 00:19:02,821 --> 00:19:05,218 You only cared about that painting when you thought 367 00:19:05,224 --> 00:19:07,651 it was created by someone famous. 368 00:19:07,678 --> 00:19:13,331 Well, no, but now when I look at it, all I see is a fraud. 369 00:19:13,351 --> 00:19:15,104 Beauty is beauty. 370 00:19:15,132 --> 00:19:19,077 My forgeries give pleasure to people all over the world. 371 00:19:19,104 --> 00:19:21,839 The only real question to ask about art, 372 00:19:21,859 --> 00:19:26,166 whether it's in the Louvre or on a freshman's wall at Cal State Fullerton 373 00:19:26,185 --> 00:19:29,045 is, "Did it move you?" 374 00:19:29,059 --> 00:19:30,919 But, you still, I mean... 375 00:19:30,947 --> 00:19:33,782 Oh, I suppose you're right. 376 00:19:33,802 --> 00:19:36,849 What if I never liked the painting and only wanted it for money? 377 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,581 Then you, I respect. 378 00:19:39,759 --> 00:19:43,705 Oh, great. The painting is worthless, this was all for nothing, 379 00:19:43,727 --> 00:19:46,200 and when Marge finds out, she's gonna kill me. 380 00:19:46,219 --> 00:19:49,592 Well, on that front, perhaps I can be of assistance. 381 00:19:49,612 --> 00:19:51,851 If there's one thing art is good for, 382 00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:56,213 it's to melt the frost which often hardens a woman's heart. 383 00:19:56,632 --> 00:19:57,772 While you're at it... 384 00:19:57,791 --> 00:20:01,784 could you make me a couple more? I'll pay you in Strupo. 385 00:20:13,944 --> 00:20:15,103 Perfect. 386 00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:17,583 Oh, now that's art. 387 00:20:18,519 --> 00:20:19,825 Rocking. 388 00:20:20,996 --> 00:20:25,996 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 389 00:20:39,438 --> 00:20:40,771 The Gray Troll, 390 00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:43,805 Brine of Madness, Angel's Urine, 391 00:20:43,832 --> 00:20:47,868 all names for the mysterious elixir known as Strupo. 392 00:20:47,885 --> 00:20:50,806 Though this fermented caper solution was originally used 393 00:20:50,819 --> 00:20:55,272 to dissolve seagull corpses, local alcoholics soon found Strupo 394 00:20:55,285 --> 00:20:57,932 to be a palatable drink of last resort. 395 00:20:57,969 --> 00:21:01,916 The noxious liqueur causes powerful olfactory hallucinations, 396 00:21:01,940 --> 00:21:04,888 gender confusion, and wandering mouth. 397 00:21:06,318 --> 00:21:08,502 So if you visit Isla Verde, 398 00:21:08,521 --> 00:21:13,423 be sure to say "ahoy" to the crushing addiction of Strupo. 399 00:21:13,458 --> 00:21:16,925 Strupo: Lose everything. 400 00:21:59,144 --> 00:22:00,538 Shh!