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00:00:00,613 --> 00:00:03,900
Kids, it's not always rational,
but people on their wedding day
2
00:00:03,901 --> 00:00:05,818
sometimes find themselves
panicking
3
00:00:05,820 --> 00:00:08,070
about whether
they've made the best choice.
4
00:00:08,072 --> 00:00:09,555
I have a better
tie at home!
5
00:00:09,557 --> 00:00:11,574
It's cornflower blue.
It's cornflower blue!
6
00:00:11,576 --> 00:00:14,944
But lucky for Barney,
he was marrying a rock.
7
00:00:14,946 --> 00:00:16,645
I can't go through
with this wedding.
8
00:00:21,284 --> 00:00:23,319
Last year, when you helped
Victoria escape this church,
9
00:00:23,321 --> 00:00:25,404
how hard was it
to climb down that drainpipe?
10
00:00:25,406 --> 00:00:26,455
Extremely hard.
11
00:00:26,457 --> 00:00:27,957
Okay, so that means
super easy. Thanks.
12
00:00:27,959 --> 00:00:29,125
Wait, wait.
Stop, stop.
13
00:00:29,127 --> 00:00:30,543
What the hell
are you doing?
14
00:00:30,545 --> 00:00:32,161
I just... I can't
go through with this!
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00:00:32,163 --> 00:00:34,096
No, no. Sorry. I
refuse to be a part
16
00:00:34,098 --> 00:00:35,414
of a third runaway
bride situation.
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00:00:35,416 --> 00:00:37,183
It's like the dude
18
00:00:37,185 --> 00:00:39,218
in that documentary who kept
having women show up dead
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00:00:39,220 --> 00:00:40,419
at the bottom of his staircase.
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00:00:40,421 --> 00:00:41,771
Sure, maybe they all tripped,
but it's like,
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00:00:41,773 --> 00:00:43,422
do you want
to hang out with that guy?
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00:00:43,424 --> 00:00:45,775
God, you're gonna think I'm insane, but...
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00:00:45,777 --> 00:00:49,528
I still think that it's a bad
sign I never found that locket.
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00:00:56,953 --> 00:01:00,656
Some part of me thought that
Barney would magically find it.
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00:01:00,658 --> 00:01:01,774
I know.
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00:01:01,776 --> 00:01:03,108
I know that's unfair of me
27
00:01:03,110 --> 00:01:06,278
to expect that, but... you know,
I want to be with a guy
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00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:08,831
who comes through for me,
you know?
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00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,316
The guy who,
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00:01:10,318 --> 00:01:13,219
somehow, against all odds,
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00:01:13,221 --> 00:01:15,721
finds my locket.
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00:01:15,723 --> 00:01:18,790
Okay, just, um...
just calm down, stay put.
33
00:01:18,792 --> 00:01:21,894
Uh, I'm-I'm gonna go
get you some water, okay?
34
00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:44,580
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x22 ♪
The End of the Aisle
Original Air Date on March 24, 2014
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00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:49,605
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
36
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Uh, listen,
I have something for you,
37
00:01:53,961 --> 00:01:55,761
but before I give it to you,
38
00:01:55,763 --> 00:01:57,880
I just want to make sure
you're okay.
39
00:01:57,882 --> 00:01:59,665
I was freaking out
a little earlier,
40
00:01:59,667 --> 00:02:02,101
but Lily and Marshall
calmed me down. I'm okay.
41
00:02:02,103 --> 00:02:04,553
Good, good.
So, Robin's a little nervous.
42
00:02:04,555 --> 00:02:06,021
Nervous? Why is she nervous?
43
00:02:06,023 --> 00:02:07,339
I'm not nervous! Who's nervous?!
44
00:02:07,341 --> 00:02:08,858
No one needs to be nervous!
45
00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:11,477
Cornflower blue, Ted.
Cornflower blue!
46
00:02:11,479 --> 00:02:14,697
First off, kudos to Marshall
and Lily for calming you down.
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00:02:16,983 --> 00:02:20,236
Second, do you...
you remember Robin's locket?
48
00:02:20,238 --> 00:02:21,904
Yeah, of course.
49
00:02:21,906 --> 00:02:23,822
She never found it.
50
00:02:26,409 --> 00:02:28,360
Whoa. How did you...?
51
00:02:28,362 --> 00:02:30,212
I never told you about it
because I was afraid
52
00:02:30,214 --> 00:02:31,380
you'd take it the wrong way,
53
00:02:31,382 --> 00:02:32,898
but I actually wound up
tracking it down.
54
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:35,301
It's a long story.
55
00:02:35,303 --> 00:02:37,887
I was gonna give it to Robin
as a surprise,
56
00:02:37,889 --> 00:02:41,039
but... she needs it
to come from you.
57
00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:43,208
Ted, I don't know.
58
00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:45,094
Take it. Please.
59
00:02:45,096 --> 00:02:47,096
How'd you find it?
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00:02:47,098 --> 00:02:49,098
I didn't find it.
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00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:51,216
You found it.
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00:03:00,694 --> 00:03:02,411
Hey.
Hey.
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00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:03,913
What you writing?
64
00:03:03,915 --> 00:03:05,497
Um, it's my wedding day.
65
00:03:05,499 --> 00:03:06,949
What do you think I'm writing?
66
00:03:06,951 --> 00:03:08,000
Suicide note?
67
00:03:08,002 --> 00:03:10,035
Hey-yo!
68
00:03:10,037 --> 00:03:11,787
Oh, God, is it
a suicide note?
69
00:03:11,789 --> 00:03:13,923
Oh, my God,
how many pills did you take?
70
00:03:13,925 --> 00:03:15,541
Quick. How do we
make him vomit?
71
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:17,760
Uh, remind him he's getting married.
Hey-yo!
72
00:03:17,762 --> 00:03:19,411
Wait. Now I'm confused.
73
00:03:19,413 --> 00:03:21,080
Are you dying?
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00:03:21,082 --> 00:03:22,681
I'm writing my vows to Robin,
75
00:03:22,683 --> 00:03:25,217
but I want them to be profound
and inspiring,
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00:03:25,219 --> 00:03:27,586
as if they were written
by the bard himself,
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00:03:27,588 --> 00:03:29,488
Lionel Richie.
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00:03:29,490 --> 00:03:30,606
Then why did you wait
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00:03:30,608 --> 00:03:32,141
until right before the wedding
to compose them?
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00:03:32,143 --> 00:03:33,275
I didn't.
I've been trying
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00:03:33,277 --> 00:03:35,060
to get these right for weeks.
Oh.
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00:03:35,062 --> 00:03:36,762
This is a lot of vows.
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00:03:36,764 --> 00:03:38,981
Vow-za.
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00:03:38,983 --> 00:03:40,566
I'll say it again. Vow-za.
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00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,318
Are you really gonna
read all of these?
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00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,403
Yeah, uh, wouldn't it be better
to project them
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00:03:44,405 --> 00:03:45,571
as a VowerPoint presentation?
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00:03:45,573 --> 00:03:47,656
Say it again. VowerPoint...
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00:03:47,658 --> 00:03:49,792
I know it's a lot,
but I-I don't
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00:03:49,794 --> 00:03:52,110
want to screw up
this wedding thing.
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00:03:52,112 --> 00:03:54,780
"I vow to love you
forever unconditionally,
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00:03:54,782 --> 00:03:57,449
"unless you pudge out,
in which case
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00:03:57,451 --> 00:04:00,419
I'm a Barney-shaped
hole in the wall."
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00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:02,471
"I vow to start watching
hockey with you..""
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00:04:02,473 --> 00:04:03,622
Oh, that one's sweet.
96
00:04:03,624 --> 00:04:05,174
I know how much
you hate hockey.
97
00:04:05,176 --> 00:04:06,425
"...once a month""
98
00:04:06,427 --> 00:04:07,926
But it's still
a nice gesture.
99
00:04:07,928 --> 00:04:09,595
"No. Once a year.
No. Hockey's dumb.
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00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,313
"Not watching it, and
neither are you, woman.
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00:04:11,315 --> 00:04:12,514
Now make me
French toast""
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00:04:12,516 --> 00:04:14,299
I'll put this in
the maybe pile.
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00:04:15,135 --> 00:04:17,319
Look, if you're
having trouble,
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00:04:17,321 --> 00:04:19,154
you've got two expert
vow consultants
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00:04:19,156 --> 00:04:20,906
standing right
in front of you.
106
00:04:20,908 --> 00:04:23,108
Yeah. We can show
you vow it's done.
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00:04:24,561 --> 00:04:26,078
Say it again.
Vow it's done...
108
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,614
We're just not
enjoying them, honey.
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00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:30,833
I am not gonna take
marriage advice from a couple
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00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,701
who just got
in a gigantic fight.
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00:04:32,703 --> 00:04:34,319
I'm doing fine on my own.
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00:04:34,321 --> 00:04:35,954
No, you're not.
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00:04:35,956 --> 00:04:39,508
All of these vows are selfish
and way too easy to keep.
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00:04:39,510 --> 00:04:42,211
Wedding vows need
to be real commitments,
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00:04:42,213 --> 00:04:43,612
like our vows.
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00:04:43,614 --> 00:04:44,763
Poppycock!
117
00:04:44,765 --> 00:04:45,964
What are you
talking about?
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00:04:45,966 --> 00:04:48,133
I remember
your precious wedding vows,
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00:04:48,135 --> 00:04:51,620
and I guarantee you've broken
every single one of them.
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00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:53,022
Vow dare you!
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00:04:53,024 --> 00:04:54,023
Just stop.
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00:04:54,025 --> 00:04:57,126
I can't.
It's invowluntary.
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00:04:57,128 --> 00:04:59,028
Yeah.
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00:04:59,030 --> 00:05:00,813
Hey. You asked for me?
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00:05:00,815 --> 00:05:02,865
Look what Barney
just gave me.
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00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,701
No way!
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00:05:05,703 --> 00:05:07,953
See? Barney came through.
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00:05:07,955 --> 00:05:09,321
There's your sign.
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00:05:09,323 --> 00:05:10,856
You're good to go.
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00:05:10,858 --> 00:05:12,624
Where'd you find
the locket, Ted?
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00:05:18,714 --> 00:05:20,247
Where did you find the locket?
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00:05:20,249 --> 00:05:22,099
Me? Why-why are you asking me?
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00:05:22,101 --> 00:05:23,968
Barney found it. Ask him.
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00:05:23,970 --> 00:05:25,419
What, you lost a locket?
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00:05:25,421 --> 00:05:27,571
Barney wouldn't tell me
how he found it,
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00:05:27,573 --> 00:05:30,391
which made me realize
it had to be you.
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00:05:30,393 --> 00:05:32,443
Okay.
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00:05:32,445 --> 00:05:34,528
I'll embarrass him.
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00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:36,781
Your fiancé got a metal detector
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00:05:36,783 --> 00:05:39,900
and scoured a 10,000-square-foot
grid around that carousel.
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00:05:39,902 --> 00:05:41,619
Guess where he found it.
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00:05:41,621 --> 00:05:44,205
The nest of a mama pigeon.
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00:05:44,207 --> 00:05:46,991
Barney had to wrestle
it away from four baby pigeons.
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00:05:46,993 --> 00:05:48,893
But here's where the story
gets bittersweet.
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00:05:48,895 --> 00:05:51,912
I lied. Barney said it was
in Marshall and Lily's basement.
146
00:05:51,914 --> 00:05:55,416
But do you still want to finish
your little pigeon story?
147
00:05:55,418 --> 00:05:57,385
The mama pigeon gets killed
by a cab.
148
00:05:57,387 --> 00:05:59,670
Barney still goes back
to the park every day
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00:05:59,672 --> 00:06:01,589
to feed the babies. The end.
150
00:06:02,457 --> 00:06:04,592
Tell me the truth.
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00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:07,478
Okay, I-I tracked it down,
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00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,847
and I gave it to Barney
to give to you.
153
00:06:09,849 --> 00:06:11,282
Honestly, it was no big deal.
154
00:06:11,284 --> 00:06:12,266
How did you find it?
155
00:06:12,268 --> 00:06:14,802
Psh. How does anybody
find anything?
156
00:06:14,804 --> 00:06:15,936
You hear it might be in your
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00:06:15,938 --> 00:06:17,154
race car pencil box.
It's not there.
158
00:06:17,156 --> 00:06:18,406
So you swing by
your ex-fiancée's
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00:06:18,408 --> 00:06:19,523
storage locker
on the opposite coast.
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00:06:19,525 --> 00:06:20,658
It's not there.
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00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:22,243
You learn Victoria has it
in Germany,
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00:06:22,245 --> 00:06:23,911
but Jeanette intercepts it,
throws it in Central Park Lake.
163
00:06:23,913 --> 00:06:25,529
It's a nice day for a swim,
so what the heck?
164
00:06:25,531 --> 00:06:27,448
You dive in, scoop it up, make
it home in time for Jeopardy!
165
00:06:27,450 --> 00:06:28,949
Ease to the pease.
Happy wedding.
166
00:06:32,921 --> 00:06:35,773
You're seriously questioning
our wedding vows?
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00:06:35,775 --> 00:06:38,042
Us? Uh, we're adorable.
168
00:06:38,044 --> 00:06:41,011
We're Marshmallow
and Lilypad, bitch.
169
00:06:41,013 --> 00:06:42,880
Okay, I'll give you this.
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00:06:42,882 --> 00:06:45,833
Your little pre-wedding
wedding out by the tree--
171
00:06:45,835 --> 00:06:48,001
you said some very sweet stuff.
172
00:06:48,003 --> 00:06:50,104
Hell, Ted even cried.
173
00:06:50,890 --> 00:06:52,089
Ted.
174
00:06:52,924 --> 00:06:55,276
But later,
at the actual wedding...
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00:06:55,278 --> 00:06:56,594
Lily Aldrin,
176
00:06:56,596 --> 00:07:00,381
I vow to be there for you
in sickness and in health.
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00:07:00,383 --> 00:07:01,649
Hate to tell you, Lilypad,
178
00:07:01,651 --> 00:07:03,517
but Marshall has since
confessed to me
179
00:07:03,519 --> 00:07:05,786
that en route
to your honeymoon...
180
00:07:05,788 --> 00:07:08,239
Oh. Oh, God.
181
00:07:11,861 --> 00:07:13,627
You son of a beech.
You son of a beech.
182
00:07:13,629 --> 00:07:15,195
Do you deny it?
183
00:07:16,865 --> 00:07:18,332
Lily, you know
I'm not a vomit guy,
184
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,134
and I just thought
I should give you your space.
185
00:07:20,136 --> 00:07:21,418
Like a dying cat.
186
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:22,653
Oh, yeah, that saves it.
187
00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:24,038
I'm so sorry I let you down.
188
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,039
Hang on there,
Marshmallow.
189
00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:28,559
Remember when
the blushing bride said...
190
00:07:28,561 --> 00:07:31,846
I vow to honor and respect you.
191
00:07:31,848 --> 00:07:34,315
Maybe she was blushing because
she was lying her ass off.
192
00:07:34,317 --> 00:07:35,649
Not two months later...
193
00:07:35,651 --> 00:07:37,601
Shh.
Okay. Okay.
194
00:07:40,221 --> 00:07:41,922
Hey, not cool!
195
00:07:41,924 --> 00:07:45,493
You will not take a picture
of my husband like that!
196
00:07:49,682 --> 00:07:51,015
You took part
197
00:07:51,017 --> 00:07:53,400
in the bearded Wonder Woman
incident of 2007?
198
00:07:53,402 --> 00:07:55,903
Lily, that photo got
all over Friendster
199
00:07:55,905 --> 00:07:59,740
and Myspace and... man,
2007 was a long time ago.
200
00:08:00,458 --> 00:08:01,792
Ted, I can't believe
201
00:08:01,794 --> 00:08:03,928
how much trouble you went
through to get this for me.
202
00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:05,763
It really wasn't
that much trouble.
203
00:08:05,765 --> 00:08:06,997
Yes, it was.
204
00:08:07,766 --> 00:08:09,750
You always go big for me.
205
00:08:09,752 --> 00:08:11,519
Not as big as Barney.
206
00:08:11,521 --> 00:08:13,854
Canadian rehearsal dinner
on ice-- big.
207
00:08:13,856 --> 00:08:15,639
The way he proposed-- huge.
208
00:08:15,641 --> 00:08:16,857
Yeah, but think about it.
209
00:08:16,859 --> 00:08:18,142
Those are the most loving things
210
00:08:18,144 --> 00:08:19,727
that Barney has ever done
for me,
211
00:08:19,729 --> 00:08:21,045
and they're all based on lies.
212
00:08:21,047 --> 00:08:23,314
Right down to taking
credit for this locket.
213
00:08:23,316 --> 00:08:24,532
That's not fair.
214
00:08:24,534 --> 00:08:25,866
I told Barney
to take credit for it.
215
00:08:25,868 --> 00:08:27,868
Which he did
without blinking an eye.
216
00:08:27,870 --> 00:08:28,769
Because lying
217
00:08:28,771 --> 00:08:30,287
is second nature to Barney.
218
00:08:30,289 --> 00:08:31,488
Everything's legendary.
219
00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:32,990
You know what "legendary" means?
220
00:08:32,992 --> 00:08:34,274
Not real.
221
00:08:34,276 --> 00:08:36,410
I mean,
the man's initials are "B.S."
222
00:08:36,412 --> 00:08:39,914
If it helps, I'm pretty sure
Barney Stinson's a fake name.
223
00:08:40,398 --> 00:08:42,199
I'm kidding.
224
00:08:42,201 --> 00:08:45,619
You're the one who always
comes through for me, Ted.
225
00:08:45,621 --> 00:08:48,389
The one who's there for me.
226
00:08:49,474 --> 00:08:51,675
Maybe I'm making a mistake.
227
00:08:51,677 --> 00:08:54,578
Wait. What-what are you saying?
228
00:08:56,014 --> 00:08:58,482
Maybe I should be marrying you.
229
00:09:00,051 --> 00:09:02,302
Wait. I know one vow we kept.
230
00:09:02,304 --> 00:09:06,523
I vow to make you breakfast
in bed every Sunday morning.
231
00:09:06,525 --> 00:09:07,558
Really? You still do that?
232
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:10,110
Absolutely.
233
00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:14,782
Heads up!
234
00:09:15,834 --> 00:09:18,786
Oh! No cream cheese?
235
00:09:19,588 --> 00:09:21,655
Oh.
236
00:09:21,657 --> 00:09:24,124
Oh!
237
00:09:24,126 --> 00:09:26,093
You feed her like Sloth
from Goonies.
238
00:09:26,095 --> 00:09:27,695
So the magic's still there.
239
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,013
Well, here's one
240
00:09:29,015 --> 00:09:30,965
you definitely didn't keep.
241
00:09:30,967 --> 00:09:34,668
I vow to keep
the romantic spark alive.
242
00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:37,204
And how is that going
for you these days?
243
00:09:37,206 --> 00:09:38,639
Are you watching Marvin?
244
00:09:38,641 --> 00:09:40,057
I'm trimming my nose hair.
245
00:09:40,059 --> 00:09:41,475
I'm dumping out.
246
00:09:41,477 --> 00:09:43,310
I watched him
all morning, Lily.
247
00:09:43,312 --> 00:09:44,478
I need a break.
248
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,614
I don't control when my
deuces happen, Marshall.
249
00:09:46,616 --> 00:09:48,816
Deuces are wild!
250
00:09:50,903 --> 00:09:52,052
Ted,
251
00:09:52,054 --> 00:09:54,038
I should be with you.
252
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,040
There it was-- the words
253
00:09:56,042 --> 00:09:58,642
that some deep, dark part of me
always wanted to hear.
254
00:09:58,644 --> 00:09:59,877
But it's funny.
255
00:09:59,879 --> 00:10:02,146
Once you actually
hear those words out loud...
256
00:10:02,148 --> 00:10:03,964
I don't want to hear that.
257
00:10:03,966 --> 00:10:05,049
We should get out of here.
258
00:10:05,051 --> 00:10:07,835
You and me right now.
We'll...
259
00:10:07,837 --> 00:10:09,470
We'll move to Chicago.
W-We'll start a new life.
260
00:10:09,472 --> 00:10:10,671
It'll-it'll be painful
at first,
261
00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:12,206
but, hell, I can root
for the Blackhawks.
262
00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:13,474
Stop! Stop!
263
00:10:13,476 --> 00:10:15,509
You're just saying this
because you're scared.
264
00:10:15,511 --> 00:10:18,212
I am not your
future. Barney is.
265
00:10:18,214 --> 00:10:21,665
Shouldn't I be with the guy
who finds me my locket?
266
00:10:21,667 --> 00:10:24,685
The guy who steals me
the blue French horn.
267
00:10:24,687 --> 00:10:26,854
I mean, look me in the eye
and tell me,
268
00:10:26,856 --> 00:10:28,439
why shouldn't I be
with that guy?
269
00:10:28,441 --> 00:10:31,525
Because I'm not that guy
anymore.
270
00:10:31,527 --> 00:10:35,112
Then why did you work so hard
to find me my locket?
271
00:10:35,114 --> 00:10:36,747
It... it was a wedding gift.
272
00:10:36,749 --> 00:10:38,866
Ted, stop it, okay?
I know you better than that.
273
00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:40,868
This is more
than a wedding gift.
274
00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:44,171
Maybe it started out that way.
Maybe some part of me thought...
275
00:10:44,173 --> 00:10:46,623
That you still loved me.
276
00:10:46,625 --> 00:10:48,042
Maybe.
277
00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:49,677
But the truth is...
278
00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:51,762
I don't love you
like that anymore.
279
00:10:52,681 --> 00:10:54,081
And you don't love me.
280
00:10:54,083 --> 00:10:55,232
You love Barney.
281
00:10:55,234 --> 00:10:56,550
And if you think
282
00:10:56,552 --> 00:10:59,720
I would ever be part
of screwing that up,
283
00:10:59,722 --> 00:11:02,623
then maybe you don't know me
at all, Robin.
284
00:11:04,326 --> 00:11:05,976
I... I can't shake it.
285
00:11:05,978 --> 00:11:07,644
I-I can't shake this feeling
286
00:11:07,646 --> 00:11:11,098
that nothing about me and Barney
makes any sense.
287
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,283
But love doesn't make sense.
288
00:11:13,285 --> 00:11:14,368
I mean, you can't
289
00:11:14,370 --> 00:11:16,370
logic your way into
or out of it.
290
00:11:16,372 --> 00:11:20,240
Love is totally nonsensical,
but we have to keep doing it
291
00:11:20,242 --> 00:11:23,276
or else we're lost
and-and love is dead
292
00:11:23,278 --> 00:11:25,462
and humanity
should just pack it in.
293
00:11:25,464 --> 00:11:28,499
Because love is
the best thing we do.
294
00:11:30,001 --> 00:11:32,886
Look, I know that sounds cheesy,
but it's-it's just true.
295
00:11:32,888 --> 00:11:36,840
You love Barney,
and-and he loves you.
296
00:11:36,842 --> 00:11:39,510
And that doesn't
have to make sense
297
00:11:39,512 --> 00:11:41,478
to make sense.
298
00:11:43,848 --> 00:11:47,651
Remember back when you had
never even seen me pee?
299
00:11:47,653 --> 00:11:49,987
Yeah.
Yeah.
300
00:11:49,989 --> 00:11:51,572
Oh, sorry.
301
00:11:51,574 --> 00:11:52,973
We were so innocent then.
302
00:11:52,975 --> 00:11:54,474
So many dreams.
303
00:11:54,476 --> 00:11:56,326
Trying to work over here.
304
00:11:56,328 --> 00:11:57,945
Bright, shimmering future ahead.
305
00:11:57,947 --> 00:12:00,614
Now we're basically
a couple of wild animals
306
00:12:00,616 --> 00:12:03,250
grunting at each other
to throw some toilet paper
307
00:12:03,252 --> 00:12:05,636
through the crack
in the bathroom door.
308
00:12:05,638 --> 00:12:07,320
Baby, let's be honest.
309
00:12:07,322 --> 00:12:11,675
At this point,
that door is wide open.
310
00:12:11,677 --> 00:12:13,677
You know what you should use
the next time you run out
311
00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:15,462
of toilet paper?
Your wedding vows.
312
00:12:15,464 --> 00:12:17,097
'Cause that's all
your marriage has been,
313
00:12:17,099 --> 00:12:19,433
one long six-year wipe
314
00:12:19,435 --> 00:12:21,685
after that double-flusher
of a wedding.
315
00:12:21,687 --> 00:12:23,470
Stinson out!
316
00:12:25,673 --> 00:12:26,640
You okay?
317
00:12:26,642 --> 00:12:27,891
Yeah.
318
00:12:27,893 --> 00:12:29,877
You're right.
I'm-I'm being insane.
319
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:30,978
Oh, come on, Robin.
320
00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:33,697
That's... accurate.
321
00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:36,400
We can't run away together.
322
00:12:36,402 --> 00:12:38,402
Of course not.
323
00:12:38,404 --> 00:12:40,788
So I'm just gonna run away
alone!
324
00:12:48,213 --> 00:12:49,863
Damn it.
325
00:12:51,734 --> 00:12:53,083
Whoa!
326
00:12:53,085 --> 00:12:56,153
And that's how Robin
met your mother.
327
00:12:59,428 --> 00:13:01,896
Wait, what are
we doing here?
328
00:13:01,898 --> 00:13:04,265
Lily, our-our
wedding vows,
329
00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:06,884
maybe they were just too
perfect for real life.
330
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,720
Real life is messier
than that, and...
331
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:12,523
we're different people
than we were in 2007.
332
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:13,558
But that's okay.
333
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:16,427
Maybe we just need
some updated vows.
334
00:13:16,429 --> 00:13:18,196
So I thought maybe
before this place
335
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:22,450
gets too busy, we could...
borrow this altar for a minute.
336
00:13:25,921 --> 00:13:27,922
Lily Aldrin,
337
00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:31,676
I vow to stop shouting stuff
at you when you're dumping out.
338
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,027
You're the love
of my life,
339
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:35,847
and you deserve
to make a deuce in peace.
340
00:13:37,266 --> 00:13:39,884
I vow to stop pointing out
every dog erection we see
341
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:41,302
when we walk through the park,
342
00:13:41,304 --> 00:13:43,587
even though they are
incredibly weird looking.
343
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:46,374
Oh, just don't point and scream
"Maybe it's Maybelline."
344
00:13:47,643 --> 00:13:50,144
Marshall Eriksen,
I vow to always tell you
345
00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:52,530
when you have green stuff
in your teeth.
346
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,515
You have green stuff
in your teeth.
347
00:13:54,517 --> 00:13:55,984
Oh.
348
00:13:55,986 --> 00:13:59,704
I vow to always sit next to you
and hug you,
349
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,623
even if you're covered in vomit,
350
00:14:01,625 --> 00:14:02,690
whether it's yours
351
00:14:02,692 --> 00:14:04,626
or Marvin's or--
352
00:14:04,628 --> 00:14:07,778
in the case of what came to be
known as Spew Year's Eve 1998--
353
00:14:07,780 --> 00:14:10,131
my own. Sorry.
354
00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:11,916
I vow to stop getting
so angry...
355
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,051
Ooh, I just thought of
another one.
356
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,118
...when you interrupt me.
357
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,637
Mine was to interrupt you less,
358
00:14:15,639 --> 00:14:17,171
so that's good.
359
00:14:18,623 --> 00:14:20,091
I vow...
360
00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:23,294
to finally stop petitioning
Paul McCartney
361
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,297
to let Weird Al record
"Chicken Pot Pie"
362
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:29,817
to the tune of
"Live and Let Die."
363
00:14:29,819 --> 00:14:31,519
It's over.
364
00:14:31,521 --> 00:14:33,071
I'll let it go.
365
00:14:33,073 --> 00:14:35,139
I vow...
366
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:38,276
to cry less
during this pregnancy.
367
00:14:38,278 --> 00:14:40,862
I vow to cry less
during this Vikings season.
368
00:14:40,864 --> 00:14:43,531
Mm, with that secondary,
I wouldn't make that promise.
369
00:14:43,533 --> 00:14:47,118
I vow to keep at least 80%
of these vows.
370
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,670
That seems high.
371
00:14:48,672 --> 00:14:52,173
And I vow to keep updating them
as we go.
372
00:14:53,258 --> 00:14:54,825
Because one set of vows,
373
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:57,712
it can't cover a lifetime
of growing
374
00:14:57,714 --> 00:14:59,947
and changing with you,
375
00:14:59,949 --> 00:15:02,833
of raising children with you...
376
00:15:04,002 --> 00:15:07,638
...falling more and more in love
with you every day,
377
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,525
Lily Aldrin,
which is what I vow to do
378
00:15:10,527 --> 00:15:12,593
for the rest of my life.
379
00:15:12,595 --> 00:15:16,781
Crap. I already broke
my crying vow.
380
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,533
I'll forgive you.
381
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:30,378
I am so sorry. Are you okay?
Oh...
382
00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:32,163
That was
totally my fault.
383
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,965
No. The bride is always right.
It was my fault.
384
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,083
Are you okay?
385
00:15:35,085 --> 00:15:37,085
I'm fine.
386
00:15:37,087 --> 00:15:39,387
Are you sure?
387
00:15:39,389 --> 00:15:41,039
Because you
were sprinting
388
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,307
from a church
in a wedding dress.
389
00:15:43,309 --> 00:15:44,542
And as a kid,
390
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,477
I was a bit of a detective...
391
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:47,812
so...
392
00:15:47,814 --> 00:15:49,981
Um...
393
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:52,567
to be honest,
I'm-I'm wondering if this...
394
00:15:52,569 --> 00:15:56,454
whole getting married thing is
something I can go through with.
395
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,906
Oh.
396
00:15:58,908 --> 00:16:01,442
Wow.
397
00:16:01,444 --> 00:16:03,828
That's it?
398
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:06,030
Aren't you supposed
to talk me out of it?
399
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:08,899
Tell me it's just cold feet?
I'm-I'm being crazy?
400
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,452
Okay, during that fall, we did
kind of get to second base
401
00:16:11,454 --> 00:16:13,254
with each other--
and we'll always share that--
402
00:16:13,256 --> 00:16:15,890
but I don't really know you.
403
00:16:15,892 --> 00:16:17,108
So...
404
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,409
here's all I'll say:
405
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,743
when I'm overwhelmed,
406
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,429
I force myself
to do one simple thing
407
00:16:21,431 --> 00:16:24,081
before I have to make
a decision:
408
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:28,419
close my eyes
and take three deep breaths.
409
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,888
Three deep breaths.
Mm-hmm.
410
00:16:30,890 --> 00:16:34,609
Sometimes even three deep
breaths can change everything.
411
00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:58,649
Barney?
412
00:16:58,651 --> 00:17:00,585
Hey, I've been looking
for you. You okay?
413
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,421
Uh... yeah.
I-I was just talking to the...
414
00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:07,175
the band about the...
thing with the stuff.
415
00:17:07,177 --> 00:17:08,910
What are those?
416
00:17:08,912 --> 00:17:10,144
My vows.
417
00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:13,130
I-I know it's bad luck
to see the bride
418
00:17:13,132 --> 00:17:16,067
right before the ceremony,
but I realized something.
419
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:18,969
Marshall and Lily have broken
most of their wedding vows,
420
00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,822
but they're still
the best couple I know.
421
00:17:20,824 --> 00:17:22,523
I think their biggest problem
422
00:17:22,525 --> 00:17:25,276
was that Marshall
didn't tell Lily the truth.
423
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:27,978
So...
424
00:17:29,665 --> 00:17:32,650
I've decided to make
only one vow to you,
425
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:36,587
because it's the only one
that really counts.
426
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:38,840
Robin Scherbatsky...
427
00:17:39,992 --> 00:17:42,059
...from this day forward,
428
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,795
I am always gonna be honest
with you.
429
00:17:45,747 --> 00:17:47,582
'Cause I love you.
430
00:17:48,851 --> 00:17:50,451
I'll see you up there.
431
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,021
Oh.
432
00:17:54,023 --> 00:17:55,890
Ted got that locket for you.
433
00:17:55,892 --> 00:17:58,008
He's the one you should thank.
434
00:18:00,562 --> 00:18:02,730
Barney, wait.
435
00:18:21,633 --> 00:18:22,733
What is it?
436
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,385
The cornflower blue tie.
437
00:18:24,387 --> 00:18:26,304
That's the one
I should be wearing.
438
00:18:27,389 --> 00:18:29,390
It's right by my bed.
Back in Manhattan.
439
00:18:29,392 --> 00:18:31,726
Stall for me. I'll be back
in six hours, tops.
440
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:36,597
That's all of 'em!
441
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:37,949
Wow.
442
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:38,900
Wait.
443
00:18:38,902 --> 00:18:40,685
I'm free.
444
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,403
It's over.
445
00:18:42,405 --> 00:18:45,740
The slap bet is finally... over?
446
00:18:45,742 --> 00:18:47,558
Yeah, it is, buddy.
447
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,161
Thank you.
448
00:18:53,782 --> 00:18:55,065
You know, this
may sound crazy,
449
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,534
but I'm gonna miss
that slap bet.
450
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:58,119
No, you won't.
No, you're right. I won't.
451
00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:22,426
Hi.
452
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,644
Hi.
453
00:19:24,646 --> 00:19:26,447
You've never looked
more beautiful, Robin.
454
00:19:26,449 --> 00:19:28,599
Nobody asked you, Patrice.
455
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:30,201
By the way,
456
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:34,155
in the interest of honesty,
we really do have a ring bear.
457
00:19:34,157 --> 00:19:35,489
What?
458
00:19:39,461 --> 00:19:41,963
Oh. I love
the ring bear.
459
00:19:41,965 --> 00:19:45,333
Then you are gonna love
the flower gorilla.
460
00:19:45,335 --> 00:19:46,917
What?
Kidding. I'm kidding.
461
00:19:52,641 --> 00:19:57,061
♪ If I ever
were to lose you... ♪
462
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:59,363
Kids, I won't lie,
463
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,182
that was a long weekend.
464
00:20:02,234 --> 00:20:05,686
More ups and downs
than I can count.
465
00:20:05,688 --> 00:20:10,658
♪ I've not found by myself...
466
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:12,610
It was a twisting,
467
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:15,029
turning road that led
to the end of the aisle,
468
00:20:15,031 --> 00:20:18,649
and not everything
along the way was perfect.
469
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,201
To be honest,
470
00:20:20,203 --> 00:20:22,753
not everything to follow
would be perfect either.
471
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,588
But what is?
472
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:26,490
Here's the secret, kids:
473
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:30,127
none of us can vow
to be perfect.
474
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:33,130
In the end, all we can do
is promise to love each other
475
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:34,465
with everything we've got.
476
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:38,502
♪ 'Cause I can see ♪
477
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:40,805
♪ Our future days...
478
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:43,224
Because love's
the best thing we do.
479
00:20:43,226 --> 00:20:47,278
♪ Days of you and me...
480
00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:52,701
And on that lovely
spring evening,
481
00:20:52,702 --> 00:20:55,620
that's exactly what Barney
and Robin vowed to each other.
482
00:20:57,145 --> 00:20:58,644
And it was legendary.
483
00:20:58,646 --> 00:21:03,646
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man