1 00:00:32,543 --> 00:00:35,469 - Woodhouse? - Mum. 2 00:00:35,589 --> 00:00:38,874 If I see this glass empty again, I will be very 3 00:00:38,876 --> 00:00:41,159 - unhappy. - Perish the 4 00:00:41,161 --> 00:00:45,297 - thought, mum. - Now, then. 5 00:00:45,299 --> 00:00:50,685 Who'd like to go first? 6 00:00:50,687 --> 00:00:54,773 No? All right, then I will. 7 00:00:54,775 --> 00:00:58,510 Idiots! 8 00:00:58,512 --> 00:01:00,779 Thank you, dear. For a moment there, I thought 9 00:01:00,781 --> 00:01:05,784 I was going to be unhappy. Now, then. 10 00:01:05,786 --> 00:01:08,286 Who's next? 11 00:01:35,187 --> 00:01:45,469 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 12 00:01:47,710 --> 00:01:51,418 Okay, so, uh... I guess I'll go if... 13 00:01:51,538 --> 00:01:53,941 If I can just stop you there. 14 00:01:53,943 --> 00:01:57,028 - Will you please cover yourself?! - With what? 15 00:01:57,030 --> 00:02:00,164 I don't have any... 16 00:02:00,166 --> 00:02:02,483 - There. Happy? - No! 17 00:02:02,485 --> 00:02:04,485 I didn't mean with whipped cream! 18 00:02:04,487 --> 00:02:06,487 It's actually whipped cocaine, so... 19 00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:08,489 That explains where 20 00:02:08,491 --> 00:02:10,991 - some of it went. - Mmm, and the tingly 21 00:02:10,993 --> 00:02:13,494 - numbness of my nipples. - And why are you 22 00:02:13,496 --> 00:02:16,097 dressed like the whore the rest of the trailer park finally 23 00:02:16,099 --> 00:02:18,266 decided they had to stone to death? 24 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:21,001 Duh, we were shooting my album cover. 25 00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:24,672 Yes! Good, yes, that is perfect! 26 00:02:24,674 --> 00:02:27,275 Perfect for what? Come on, it's an album cover, 27 00:02:27,277 --> 00:02:32,346 - not a... Amish Bible! - You got to sex that shit 28 00:02:32,348 --> 00:02:34,365 - up sexy. - Um... 29 00:02:34,367 --> 00:02:36,400 I think it's pretty sexy. 30 00:02:36,402 --> 00:02:39,203 You think that's sexy? With the rocket pops... 31 00:02:39,205 --> 00:02:42,073 - outside of you. - I mean... 32 00:02:42,075 --> 00:02:44,525 But if she eats them, we lose the whole red, 33 00:02:44,527 --> 00:02:47,194 - white and... okay... - Yeah, not talking about 34 00:02:47,196 --> 00:02:49,463 - eating them. - Wait, what are 35 00:02:49,465 --> 00:02:53,167 you... You want me to put a rocket pop in my vagina?! 36 00:02:53,169 --> 00:02:56,671 Well, for starters. But let's not rule anything out. 37 00:02:56,673 --> 00:02:58,706 You know? Let's kind of see where that leads. 38 00:02:58,708 --> 00:03:01,259 - We've got a shitload of film. - I'm supposed to have 39 00:03:01,261 --> 00:03:03,261 - film in this? - Goddamn it! 40 00:03:03,263 --> 00:03:05,713 - Krieger! - So, I have a question. 41 00:03:05,715 --> 00:03:07,715 The butthole, Lana, is what I was... 42 00:03:07,717 --> 00:03:10,067 Yeah, I got that. But do you think the cover for a 43 00:03:10,069 --> 00:03:13,053 country album should be hardcore...? 44 00:03:13,055 --> 00:03:15,690 What do you even call that? Food porn? 45 00:03:15,692 --> 00:03:18,359 - I do. - You think it makes a 46 00:03:18,361 --> 00:03:21,078 good country album cover or you call it food porn? 47 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:23,080 - Yes. - Are you...? 48 00:03:23,082 --> 00:03:25,082 These things are 49 00:03:25,084 --> 00:03:27,084 - freezing! - Film, film, film, 50 00:03:27,086 --> 00:03:29,086 - film, film! - Quit putting rocket 51 00:03:29,088 --> 00:03:33,073 - pops in your ass! - I'm eating them. 52 00:03:33,075 --> 00:03:36,344 - Jesus, what is wrong with you? - I guess I just don't 53 00:03:36,346 --> 00:03:38,462 - get art. - You obviously don't. 54 00:03:38,464 --> 00:03:40,548 And it's not that we don't appreciate criticism. 55 00:03:40,550 --> 00:03:42,550 It just needs to be constructive. 56 00:03:42,552 --> 00:03:44,552 - Yeah, Lana. - Shut up. 57 00:03:44,554 --> 00:03:46,721 And then tell me what happened to the hundred pounds of... 58 00:03:46,723 --> 00:03:48,723 - Kilos. - Kilos, thank you, 59 00:03:48,725 --> 00:03:50,725 shut up. Of cocaine that you took to 60 00:03:50,727 --> 00:03:52,777 - Colombia. - Which... 61 00:03:52,779 --> 00:03:55,095 Lana, when I want you to talk, I will tell you, and 62 00:03:55,097 --> 00:03:57,448 - until then, zip it! - Wha...? What did I do? 63 00:03:57,450 --> 00:03:59,450 - Nothing! - Yeah, Lana. 64 00:03:59,452 --> 00:04:01,736 Which is why these feckless idiots lost 200 kilos 65 00:04:01,738 --> 00:04:05,706 - of cocaine! - Yeah, La... Oh. 66 00:04:05,708 --> 00:04:09,160 Uh, okay, technically, but then we stole a plane loaded with, 67 00:04:09,162 --> 00:04:13,297 - like, twice as much cocaine! - Is this the part 68 00:04:13,299 --> 00:04:16,116 where you tell me to look under my seat? 69 00:04:16,118 --> 00:04:18,786 No, unfortunately we ran into some... 70 00:04:18,788 --> 00:04:22,340 Assholishness. 71 00:04:22,342 --> 00:04:26,677 Archer, I swear to God! I will crash this plane right 72 00:04:26,679 --> 00:04:29,730 - into the goddamn ocean! - I'll take my chances 73 00:04:29,732 --> 00:04:32,183 with the ocean! The ocean isn't full of 74 00:04:32,185 --> 00:04:34,435 alligators! And do not even think about it, 75 00:04:34,437 --> 00:04:36,520 - Cyril! - Ray, what do I do?! 76 00:04:36,522 --> 00:04:38,572 Uh... I guess hang on. 77 00:04:38,574 --> 00:04:40,574 Whoa! 78 00:04:40,576 --> 00:04:43,527 Sorry, Cyril. 79 00:04:43,529 --> 00:04:45,529 - Ow. - Oh, shut up. 80 00:04:45,531 --> 00:04:47,531 - It's your own fault. - Debatable. 81 00:04:47,533 --> 00:04:49,533 - No, it's... - Shut up. 82 00:04:49,535 --> 00:04:51,535 Come on, Ray, there has to be somewhere to land besides the 83 00:04:51,537 --> 00:04:54,121 - middle of the damn Everglades. - Well, not within fuel 84 00:04:54,123 --> 00:04:56,123 - range, so... - And who's fault 85 00:04:56,125 --> 00:04:58,342 - is that? - Isaac goddamn Newton! 86 00:04:58,344 --> 00:05:00,494 You see that airstrip? The one that's circled? 87 00:05:00,496 --> 00:05:03,214 That's the only one in range, and we've only, barely, got 88 00:05:03,216 --> 00:05:05,216 enough fuel to make it there, so... 89 00:05:05,218 --> 00:05:07,385 But Miami's, like, right over here. 90 00:05:07,387 --> 00:05:09,387 We can't land at a real airport! 91 00:05:09,389 --> 00:05:11,389 Even if Ray had filed a flight plan... 92 00:05:11,391 --> 00:05:13,691 Why didn't you file a flight plan?! 93 00:05:13,693 --> 00:05:16,844 - That's like Airplane Stuff 101. - Not when the airplane 94 00:05:16,846 --> 00:05:19,530 is stolen and crammed full of guns and cocaine! 95 00:05:19,532 --> 00:05:21,615 Ah. I will concede that point. 96 00:05:21,617 --> 00:05:23,617 - Damn it. - What's up? 97 00:05:23,619 --> 00:05:25,619 - What's going on? - Burning too much 98 00:05:25,621 --> 00:05:27,621 fuel-- we're heavy. - What do you mean, 99 00:05:27,623 --> 00:05:29,623 - heavy? - You said we had 100 00:05:29,625 --> 00:05:31,625 - enough fuel to... - I said barely! 101 00:05:31,627 --> 00:05:33,661 I bet the Colombians didn't count on three passengers. 102 00:05:33,663 --> 00:05:35,663 Oh, my God, we're gonna crash! 103 00:05:35,665 --> 00:05:37,698 Cyril, do not panic. Just get out. 104 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:39,700 - What?! - Do the right thing, 105 00:05:39,702 --> 00:05:42,219 Cyril. You have nothing to live for. 106 00:05:42,221 --> 00:05:45,556 - Get your hands off me. - Okay, relax. Jesus. 107 00:05:45,558 --> 00:05:47,558 Whatever happened to Team Archer? 108 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,877 Please tell me that was never a real thing to you. 109 00:05:49,879 --> 00:05:51,879 - Eh... I mean... - Hello? 110 00:05:51,881 --> 00:05:54,565 - Time's a bit of a factor here! - Cyril, for the love 111 00:05:54,567 --> 00:05:56,817 - of God, man, jump! - Just throw out the 112 00:05:56,819 --> 00:05:59,069 - cocaine. - What?! No! 113 00:05:59,071 --> 00:06:01,105 I'm not telling Mother I lost the original hundred pounds 114 00:06:01,107 --> 00:06:03,107 - of... - Kilos! 115 00:06:03,109 --> 00:06:05,109 ...whatever unit of measurement-- of cocaine! 116 00:06:05,111 --> 00:06:08,162 Plus, all this cocaine! Do you have any idea how mad 117 00:06:08,164 --> 00:06:09,864 - she'd be? - Well, the 118 00:06:09,866 --> 00:06:12,399 alternative is a belly-landing in a swamp filled with 119 00:06:12,401 --> 00:06:14,401 - alligators! - No. No, no, no. No. 120 00:06:14,403 --> 00:06:16,403 - What if, um... - Archer! 121 00:06:16,405 --> 00:06:18,405 - Alligators or your mother! - What's the 122 00:06:18,407 --> 00:06:20,407 difference? They're both cold-blooded 123 00:06:20,409 --> 00:06:23,243 prehistoric monsters. 124 00:06:23,245 --> 00:06:25,763 - Excuse me? - I meant the pain of 125 00:06:25,765 --> 00:06:29,517 disappointing you would... bite... alligator... ish... 126 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,519 - ly. Uh-huh. 127 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:33,521 Anyway, right about then... 128 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:35,523 Okay, I can see the airstrip. 129 00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:37,525 - Well, can we make it? - Maybe, if you... 130 00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:39,860 Wait! Ray, you said the Colombians were flying to 131 00:06:39,862 --> 00:06:41,896 - this airstrip? - Yes! 132 00:06:41,898 --> 00:06:44,482 Why do you think it's marked on the chart, you idiot? 133 00:06:44,484 --> 00:06:46,734 Okay, well, let's circle back to who's an idiot, 134 00:06:46,736 --> 00:06:49,904 and talk about who's probably waiting at this airstrip. 135 00:06:49,906 --> 00:06:51,906 Dukes. 136 00:06:51,908 --> 00:06:54,208 And what their reaction will be to three total 137 00:06:54,210 --> 00:06:58,879 strangers showing up in their plane without their coke. 138 00:06:58,881 --> 00:07:01,165 - They'll kill us! - Well... maybe not. 139 00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:03,384 - Wait, why? - Why maybe not? 140 00:07:05,588 --> 00:07:07,638 Because that. 141 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,391 And that. 142 00:07:10,393 --> 00:07:12,793 - Happy? - What, like, in 143 00:07:12,795 --> 00:07:15,679 - general or...? - Ooh, this is 144 00:07:15,681 --> 00:07:18,432 exciting. I hope everyone dies. 145 00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:24,772 Uh, we obviously d... Oh. Hardy har, Mother. 146 00:07:30,138 --> 00:07:33,356 And so our heroes, such as they are, have run out 147 00:07:33,596 --> 00:07:37,665 - of fuel and... what. - No, no, no! 148 00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:40,284 - What are you doing?! - Throwing out the guns! 149 00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:43,404 No, no, no, no, no! You're screwing the trim all to 150 00:07:43,406 --> 00:07:45,673 - hell! - This 151 00:07:45,675 --> 00:07:48,259 no-phrasing thing is killing me. - Best case, our 152 00:07:48,261 --> 00:07:51,412 glide ratio's maybe ten-to-one. But it's a lot less with the 153 00:07:51,414 --> 00:07:53,714 damn door hanging... Oh, no, no, no! 154 00:07:53,716 --> 00:07:56,100 Yeah! 155 00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:58,252 Woooooo!! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 156 00:07:58,254 --> 00:08:00,254 You idiots! 157 00:08:00,256 --> 00:08:02,256 - What did I do? - Don't. There's no 158 00:08:02,258 --> 00:08:04,275 talking to when he gets like this. 159 00:08:04,277 --> 00:08:06,561 - Dump the damn guns! - Uh, I am, if you'd 160 00:08:06,563 --> 00:08:08,613 - shut up! - Wait, wait, wait, 161 00:08:08,615 --> 00:08:11,599 - wait, Cyril! - What? Archer! 162 00:08:11,601 --> 00:08:13,701 We're coming in! Brace for landing! 163 00:08:13,703 --> 00:08:16,370 - Tell you in a minute. - Gear down! 164 00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:19,323 We're not 165 00:08:19,325 --> 00:08:24,378 gonna make it. 166 00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:29,000 Exciting, isn't it? 167 00:08:29,002 --> 00:08:34,222 Oh, so, Cyril... 168 00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:38,392 what I was gonna say was... maybe don't throw out all the 169 00:08:38,394 --> 00:08:41,679 guns because you know what they say... 170 00:08:41,681 --> 00:08:43,764 it's better to have a gun and not need it than to be the 171 00:08:43,766 --> 00:08:47,301 world's biggest dickhead, and inside your head there's a 172 00:08:47,303 --> 00:08:50,771 million more dicks, like, uh, if you cut open a golf ball, only 173 00:08:50,773 --> 00:08:53,357 instead of those little rubber bands in there, it's just, you 174 00:08:53,359 --> 00:08:55,776 - know... - Dicks? 175 00:08:55,778 --> 00:08:58,329 Oh, so you have heard that. 176 00:08:58,331 --> 00:09:01,315 And so Gillette lands safely-- I'm sure there's a joke 177 00:09:01,317 --> 00:09:04,118 in there about fairy dust-- and then what happens? 178 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,120 Yeah, tell her what happens next. 179 00:09:06,122 --> 00:09:08,122 I will if you shut your... mouth. 180 00:09:08,124 --> 00:09:11,125 Okay, listen up. Say what you will about my 181 00:09:11,127 --> 00:09:13,160 - skills as a drug kingpin... - You don't have any. 182 00:09:13,162 --> 00:09:15,162 Completely nonexistent. 183 00:09:15,164 --> 00:09:17,164 - Are you done? - Yes. 184 00:09:17,166 --> 00:09:19,350 Good, because if there's one thing I'm good at, 185 00:09:19,352 --> 00:09:21,469 out of the million other things I'm good at, it's infiltrating 186 00:09:21,471 --> 00:09:23,504 the enemy with an assumed identity. 187 00:09:23,506 --> 00:09:25,506 - Named Randy. - Named shut up, it's 188 00:09:25,508 --> 00:09:27,508 - not always Randy. - Oh, my 189 00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:29,510 - God. - Always. 190 00:09:29,512 --> 00:09:32,280 That's because 191 00:09:32,282 --> 00:09:35,182 Randy's awesome! And I'm the best in the world at 192 00:09:35,184 --> 00:09:38,536 this, so shut up and follow my lead. 193 00:09:38,538 --> 00:09:42,856 Hey, guy... 194 00:09:42,858 --> 00:09:45,543 Anybody else in there? 195 00:09:45,545 --> 00:09:48,862 No. 196 00:09:48,864 --> 00:09:51,582 Sterling, how are you not dead? 197 00:09:51,584 --> 00:09:53,867 Because I didn't get shot with buckshot. 198 00:09:53,869 --> 00:09:56,254 I got beanbagged. 199 00:09:56,256 --> 00:09:59,223 Beanbagged, Pam. 200 00:09:59,225 --> 00:10:01,225 - Oh, my God. - Yeah, I could've 201 00:10:01,227 --> 00:10:03,227 - died. - It was a 202 00:10:03,229 --> 00:10:05,713 - beanbag. - Medical fact, Cyril. 203 00:10:05,715 --> 00:10:08,516 If you get hit in the chest between heartbeats, you can die. 204 00:10:08,518 --> 00:10:10,568 - Go ask Houdini. - Ask him 205 00:10:10,570 --> 00:10:16,407 - what, how to get AIDS? - So who were 206 00:10:16,409 --> 00:10:18,776 - these goons? - They were... They 207 00:10:18,778 --> 00:10:21,412 kind of looked ex-military, now that you mention it. 208 00:10:21,414 --> 00:10:23,414 - American. - Yeah, and the 209 00:10:23,416 --> 00:10:25,666 - leader's name was... - Slater. 210 00:10:25,668 --> 00:10:28,402 Just call me Slater. And sorry about the beanbag. 211 00:10:28,404 --> 00:10:30,904 - Man, that must kill. - Yeah. Yeah, you hear 212 00:10:30,906 --> 00:10:34,458 beanbag," you think Beanie Baby, not... internal bleeding. 213 00:10:34,460 --> 00:10:36,677 Well, the door was shot off, and we didn't know who 214 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,380 you were. Still don't, I guess, formally, 215 00:10:39,382 --> 00:10:42,800 - uh... - Uh, Rand... o. 216 00:10:42,802 --> 00:10:44,802 - Rando. - Yep. 217 00:10:44,804 --> 00:10:47,388 - Rando...? - Uh, no, that's it. 218 00:10:47,390 --> 00:10:51,142 - It's a mononym, like Cher. - Pliny. 219 00:10:51,144 --> 00:10:53,144 - Cantinflas! - I know what "mononym" 220 00:10:53,146 --> 00:10:55,446 means. What I don't know is who you 221 00:10:55,448 --> 00:10:57,815 - people are. - Uh, I'm Rando-- I 222 00:10:57,817 --> 00:11:01,369 think we covered that fairly well-- and these are the, uh, 223 00:11:01,371 --> 00:11:03,871 McCracken brothers, Phil and Odie. 224 00:11:03,873 --> 00:11:05,873 - Hello. - Odie, hush. 225 00:11:05,875 --> 00:11:07,875 So why do you guys have my cocaine? 226 00:11:07,877 --> 00:11:09,910 - We... - I'm not done. 227 00:11:09,912 --> 00:11:11,963 - Sorry. - What have you done 228 00:11:11,965 --> 00:11:14,165 with Gomez... 229 00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:18,803 What, you're just not gonna answer? 230 00:11:18,805 --> 00:11:21,922 Oh! S-Sorry. You kind of trailed off like 231 00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:24,809 - there was, like, a third... - Why do you have my 232 00:11:24,811 --> 00:11:27,928 cocaine and where the hell is Gomez, full goddamn stop! 233 00:11:27,930 --> 00:11:30,264 Gomez was gonna steal it. 234 00:11:30,266 --> 00:11:32,516 - Says who? - "Who." 235 00:11:32,518 --> 00:11:35,770 Nice. Anyway, they called us in, uh, 236 00:11:35,772 --> 00:11:40,808 to address that, which we did and now we're here and... 237 00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:46,914 - Full stop? - Okay, this is the 238 00:11:46,916 --> 00:11:48,833 last of it. The weight's good. 239 00:11:48,835 --> 00:11:50,951 We tested ten of the bricks. Looks like it's all here. 240 00:11:50,953 --> 00:11:52,953 Well, either you guys are the shittiest coke thieves 241 00:11:52,955 --> 00:11:54,955 - on the planet... - Which we 242 00:11:54,957 --> 00:11:57,758 are not. You know, I mean, if 243 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,211 that was... I mean, if we put our minds to it. 244 00:12:00,213 --> 00:12:02,263 Look, here's the thing about the McCracken brothers... 245 00:12:02,265 --> 00:12:04,465 Odie, hush! Uh, you were saying? 246 00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:06,834 Hey, between you and me, I thought Gomez was hinky 247 00:12:06,836 --> 00:12:09,670 from the get-go and, since the coke's all here, let's get you 248 00:12:09,672 --> 00:12:12,723 - fellas loaded. - Yeah, now you're 249 00:12:12,725 --> 00:12:16,894 talking. About something else entirely. 250 00:12:16,896 --> 00:12:18,979 - Apparently. - What, did 251 00:12:18,981 --> 00:12:21,399 you nerf-nuts think I was talking about getting drunk? 252 00:12:21,401 --> 00:12:25,286 - Uh, yeah, on money. - Oh, man, 253 00:12:25,288 --> 00:12:27,788 classic Rando. And don't worry, Calderon's good 254 00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:30,624 for the money. At least for now. 255 00:12:30,626 --> 00:12:32,793 - Am I right, fellas? - Are you? 256 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,463 Classic Rando. 257 00:12:35,465 --> 00:12:37,581 Yeah, Rando's awesome. 258 00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:39,583 So, obviously you're not gonna be able to pressurize 259 00:12:39,585 --> 00:12:41,585 - this baby, so, uh... - I'll keep it under 260 00:12:41,587 --> 00:12:43,587 - 8,000. - Still gonna freeze 261 00:12:43,589 --> 00:12:45,639 your asses off. Good thing you're flying south, 262 00:12:45,641 --> 00:12:47,708 - huh? - Mmm... yep. 263 00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:49,643 You do know where you're going, right? 264 00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:51,645 I absolutely know where we're going. 265 00:12:51,647 --> 00:12:54,648 Yeah, back home to ask Mommy what to do. 266 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:56,851 - Hey, shut up! - You shut up! 267 00:12:56,853 --> 00:13:03,240 Ow. Ma, they done killed old Rando. 268 00:13:05,291 --> 00:13:08,249 So, you leave here with a bunch of the first load of 269 00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:12,289 cocaine, which just mysteriously appeared at ISIS and that Malory 270 00:13:12,289 --> 00:13:14,319 - swears wasn't hers... - Because it most 271 00:13:14,319 --> 00:13:17,293 - certainly was not! - Wait, then where did it come from? 272 00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:18,857 - Obviously from Sterling. - Obviously from Mother. 273 00:13:18,977 --> 00:13:20,408 No, not from me! 274 00:13:20,528 --> 00:13:24,209 Well, I certainly... 275 00:13:24,329 --> 00:13:25,137 Sorry to break that up. 276 00:13:25,257 --> 00:13:28,504 I love Freaky Friday as much as the next gal, but let's just 277 00:13:28,624 --> 00:13:31,433 press on, operating under the assumption that one, or more 278 00:13:31,507 --> 00:13:33,673 likely both, of you are lying and that... 279 00:13:33,675 --> 00:13:35,178 Lana, I swear... 280 00:13:35,298 --> 00:13:38,144 Pressing on. So then you stumble into another 281 00:13:38,146 --> 00:13:41,281 bunch of cocaine in the jungle and then continue stumbling into 282 00:13:41,283 --> 00:13:45,585 a beanbagging arms dealer, so that now, almost inexplicably, 283 00:13:45,587 --> 00:13:48,321 we have enough weapons to invade Quebec. 284 00:13:48,323 --> 00:13:50,590 - Wait, literally? - No, Krieger, not 285 00:13:50,592 --> 00:13:52,592 - literally. - Aww. 286 00:13:52,594 --> 00:13:54,594 - Lame. - Well, if we ever do, 287 00:13:54,596 --> 00:13:56,730 the best time to invade is right after brunch, when 288 00:13:56,732 --> 00:13:58,732 - they're all logy. - Archer? 289 00:13:58,734 --> 00:14:01,134 I don't know. I mean, it couldn't hurt, but... 290 00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:03,136 Still talking about this. 291 00:14:03,138 --> 00:14:05,372 - Not invading Quebec. - Oh, yeah, then they 292 00:14:05,374 --> 00:14:07,741 loaded the plane with the weapons, said we were heading 293 00:14:07,743 --> 00:14:10,343 south and that Calderon would pay us. 294 00:14:10,345 --> 00:14:14,114 Calderon? As in Gustavo Calderon? 295 00:14:14,116 --> 00:14:18,018 Should I know who that is? 296 00:14:18,020 --> 00:14:20,053 - How could you not? - I don't know, Cyril. 297 00:14:20,055 --> 00:14:23,323 Maybe I was busy saving your life once, and then you shot me. 298 00:14:23,325 --> 00:14:27,193 Gustavo Calderon, aka Baby Gus, is the president of 299 00:14:27,195 --> 00:14:29,195 San Marcos. 300 00:14:29,197 --> 00:14:31,398 - Should I know... - Oh for God's sake, 301 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,701 Sterling, it's a country in Central America. 302 00:14:34,703 --> 00:14:36,736 Mm, not according to this. 303 00:14:36,738 --> 00:14:38,738 Because that thing's a hundred years old. 304 00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:40,740 It still says "German East Africa." 305 00:14:40,742 --> 00:14:42,676 We will never recognize Tanganyika! 306 00:14:42,678 --> 00:14:44,678 Well, it's Tanzania now, so... 307 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,680 - Aww. - Lame. 308 00:14:46,682 --> 00:14:48,682 Well, whatever, as long as they don't nationalize 309 00:14:48,684 --> 00:14:51,251 the ivory trade. I don't think my portfolio can 310 00:14:51,253 --> 00:14:55,055 - take the hit. - Trust me, San Marcos is 311 00:14:55,057 --> 00:14:57,390 - a country. - And it's in the 312 00:14:57,392 --> 00:14:59,693 middle of a civil war. Communist rebels are tearing 313 00:14:59,695 --> 00:15:02,062 through the countryside like... like... 314 00:15:02,064 --> 00:15:04,164 Cows. Bees. 315 00:15:04,166 --> 00:15:06,499 Hang on. Bees. 316 00:15:06,501 --> 00:15:09,235 How do you not know about San Marcos? 317 00:15:09,237 --> 00:15:12,272 It's all over the news every night. 318 00:15:12,274 --> 00:15:14,691 from San Marcos tonight, as the Communist rebel 319 00:15:14,693 --> 00:15:18,194 forces consolidate their gains in the countryside, and now 320 00:15:18,196 --> 00:15:21,698 prepare to move on the capital. We spoke with President Gustavo 321 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:25,652 Calderon, seen here volunteering at the hospital, comforting the 322 00:15:25,654 --> 00:15:27,687 - wounded. - Oh, hello, I did 323 00:15:27,689 --> 00:15:29,689 not see you there. I was comforting this brave 324 00:15:29,691 --> 00:15:33,860 young man here, the fruit of San Marcos, wounded by a Communist 325 00:15:33,862 --> 00:15:36,413 sneeper. I think he has died. 326 00:15:36,415 --> 00:15:38,832 Yes. But let me say this, to the 327 00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:41,885 Communists who are murdering our brave young fruits, and to 328 00:15:41,887 --> 00:15:45,639 the puppet masters in Moscow and the capital of China, you 329 00:15:45,641 --> 00:15:48,341 cannot kill the spirit of San Mar... 330 00:15:48,343 --> 00:15:50,343 - Aww. - Lame. 331 00:15:50,345 --> 00:15:53,146 - As in who cares. - The United States. 332 00:15:53,148 --> 00:15:55,348 Apparently Calderon is barely clinging to power. 333 00:15:55,350 --> 00:15:57,350 Huh. You think this is somehow 334 00:15:57,352 --> 00:15:59,352 related? 335 00:15:59,354 --> 00:16:01,387 - I'm kidding, obviously. - Are you? 336 00:16:01,389 --> 00:16:03,389 - Yeah, right. - I don't think you are. 337 00:16:03,391 --> 00:16:05,575 Yes, I'm kidding. Because you want to know what I 338 00:16:05,577 --> 00:16:08,278 - really think is going on here? - You're all jealous! 339 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:11,164 My album's coming out, and it's gonna be huge, and you're all 340 00:16:11,166 --> 00:16:13,450 jealous, and so you just want to ruin it for me. 341 00:16:13,452 --> 00:16:15,735 Why would I want to ruin your album? 342 00:16:15,737 --> 00:16:19,205 - I get 50% of the profits. - Archer? 343 00:16:19,207 --> 00:16:21,591 I don't know, maybe a little jealous. 344 00:16:21,593 --> 00:16:23,593 - It's an exciting time for her. - This. 345 00:16:23,595 --> 00:16:25,912 - Still talking about this. - Oh, right, right, 346 00:16:25,914 --> 00:16:27,914 right. So what I think is... 347 00:16:27,916 --> 00:16:30,467 I think you've managed to stumble backwards 348 00:16:30,469 --> 00:16:32,852 into a CIA-backed, anti-Communist, 349 00:16:32,854 --> 00:16:36,356 - drugs-for-arms operation. - Wow, that actually 350 00:16:36,358 --> 00:16:38,358 - makes more sense. - Than...? 351 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,393 No, no, let's just go with her thing. 352 00:16:40,395 --> 00:16:42,312 Which, if it's true, is... 353 00:16:42,314 --> 00:16:44,314 - Wonderful. - I was going to say 354 00:16:44,316 --> 00:16:46,316 - terrible. - Because you are a 355 00:16:46,318 --> 00:16:49,119 - timid man, Cyril. - What? No, I'm not. 356 00:16:49,121 --> 00:16:52,238 Dude, your balls are made of pussy. 357 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,376 Aah! Ow. Oh. 358 00:16:56,378 --> 00:16:58,828 All kidding aside, I maybe should go to a hospital. 359 00:16:58,830 --> 00:17:01,581 Cyril, this is an opportunity to finally make 360 00:17:01,583 --> 00:17:03,883 some money. Even if we had a buyer for the 361 00:17:03,885 --> 00:17:08,221 cocaine, do we even still have half of it left? 362 00:17:08,223 --> 00:17:10,507 - Eh... - What? 363 00:17:10,509 --> 00:17:12,625 It's, um, you know, not... It's... 364 00:17:12,627 --> 00:17:14,627 - Krieger! - Mm? 365 00:17:14,629 --> 00:17:16,763 Tell me what's going on or I will literally 366 00:17:16,765 --> 00:17:19,682 - emasculate you. - Well, no, if you 367 00:17:19,684 --> 00:17:23,236 literally emas... Okay, so, for a few weeks, I've 368 00:17:23,238 --> 00:17:25,972 been working on a bit of a side project. 369 00:17:25,974 --> 00:17:31,411 I give you... the Red Kriegtober. 370 00:17:31,413 --> 00:17:33,413 - Um... - Or the Red 371 00:17:33,415 --> 00:17:35,448 OctKrieger. I can't decide. 372 00:17:35,450 --> 00:17:38,251 It's a narco-sub. For transporting cocaine. 373 00:17:38,253 --> 00:17:40,420 It's totally undetectable by the Coast Guard. 374 00:17:40,422 --> 00:17:42,372 - Thoughts? - How you gonna get it 375 00:17:42,374 --> 00:17:44,340 - out of here? - Hm? 376 00:17:44,342 --> 00:17:49,462 How does that thing leave this room? 377 00:17:49,464 --> 00:17:52,348 - Goddamn it! - Oh, for the... 378 00:17:52,350 --> 00:17:55,268 How much money did you waste on that little boondoggle? 379 00:17:55,270 --> 00:17:57,470 Well, it's not that so much as... 380 00:17:57,472 --> 00:17:59,856 - Krieger? - Well, I needed 381 00:17:59,858 --> 00:18:03,309 ballast, and what better to simulate bricks of cocaine than, 382 00:18:03,311 --> 00:18:06,196 - you know, bricks of cocaine? - Krieger... 383 00:18:06,198 --> 00:18:08,948 And when I realized it would never feel the wind on 384 00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:14,487 its face, or taste the salty spray of the sea, I... I... 385 00:18:14,489 --> 00:18:18,958 You what? 386 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,495 I blew it up! Goddamn you all to hell, I blew 387 00:18:22,497 --> 00:18:24,631 it up! 388 00:18:24,633 --> 00:18:26,866 I'm not cleaning it up. 389 00:18:26,868 --> 00:18:29,502 - You mean it's all gone? - I... 390 00:18:29,504 --> 00:18:35,475 No, no, not all of it. 391 00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:37,894 - Why? - Shh, shh, shh, shh, 392 00:18:37,896 --> 00:18:40,763 shh, shh, shh. There, there. 393 00:18:40,765 --> 00:18:43,516 Woodhouse, dear, I need some more ice. 394 00:18:43,518 --> 00:18:46,352 - Straightaway, mum. - Oh, and a small bowl, 395 00:18:46,354 --> 00:18:48,438 a mirror, a needle and thread, and a straight razor. 396 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,490 - Whoa. - Just calm down. 397 00:18:50,492 --> 00:18:52,525 - Whoa, whoa... - You're not emasculating 398 00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:54,527 - Krieger. - What the hell was 399 00:18:54,529 --> 00:18:56,529 - the mirror for? - So you could watch. 400 00:18:58,733 --> 00:19:01,868 The perfect ending 401 00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:04,704 to the perfect... 402 00:19:04,706 --> 00:19:08,258 I almost said "evening." More like months, though, 403 00:19:08,260 --> 00:19:10,460 isn't it? Since we started scrabbling for 404 00:19:10,462 --> 00:19:14,964 coins because the damn government took away our... 405 00:19:14,966 --> 00:19:17,750 everything. They took everything. 406 00:19:17,752 --> 00:19:20,586 And the only thing that was left, you idiots either lost, 407 00:19:20,588 --> 00:19:25,692 gave away, ate or just blew up and sank. 408 00:19:25,694 --> 00:19:27,694 - Yeah, Krieger. - Archer. 409 00:19:27,696 --> 00:19:30,313 And so, starting now, in addition to the country 410 00:19:30,315 --> 00:19:34,767 - music business, which... - Right? 411 00:19:34,769 --> 00:19:36,953 We are in the arms business. 412 00:19:36,955 --> 00:19:39,489 There's still a little cocaine left. 413 00:19:39,491 --> 00:19:41,491 - Krieger. - Yeah, Krieger. 414 00:19:41,493 --> 00:19:43,493 And do we want to talk about this or... 415 00:19:43,495 --> 00:19:46,112 You're welcome to. I, personally, am going to bed. 416 00:19:46,114 --> 00:19:49,916 - It's been a long night. - Oh, yeah, wh-why are 417 00:19:49,918 --> 00:19:51,918 - you all dressed up? - Well, not that it's 418 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,087 any of anyone's business, but I had dinner with Ron. 419 00:19:54,089 --> 00:19:56,089 - What? - Ooh. 420 00:19:56,091 --> 00:19:58,124 - Sounds delightful. Wait-- you're still 421 00:19:58,126 --> 00:20:00,426 - getting divorced, right? - No. 422 00:20:00,428 --> 00:20:02,428 We have decided to give it another chance, and so we will 423 00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:04,430 be going to marriage counseling and... 424 00:20:04,432 --> 00:20:06,432 - Wait, what? - Huh? 425 00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:08,434 Marriage counseling and what? 426 00:20:08,436 --> 00:20:10,520 - I didn't catch that. - Oh, for... 427 00:20:10,522 --> 00:20:13,573 We've decided to have an open marriage. 428 00:20:13,575 --> 00:20:15,575 - Okay. - Nice. 429 00:20:15,577 --> 00:20:17,694 - Gross. - Oh, my God. 430 00:20:17,696 --> 00:20:19,696 Well, it was either that or... 431 00:20:19,698 --> 00:20:22,492 Oh, my God. 432 00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,924 It's Ron. Hello... 433 00:20:25,044 --> 00:20:26,326 Oh, no! 434 00:20:26,446 --> 00:20:28,391 - And so... - Jesus. 435 00:20:28,664 --> 00:20:30,029 Hope he doesn't call me. 436 00:20:30,149 --> 00:20:32,672 Why would he call you? 437 00:20:40,136 --> 00:20:46,875 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com