Speed it up. We don't have all night.
Why you sweating me, dude? The guard's on ice, the alarm's off. Everything's covered.
What the heck is up with that?
You mean, what up with that?
Either use slang properly or don't use it at all.
It's a kid on a flying manhole!
I don't care if it's Aladdin on his magic carpet. Get him!
Metal weapons and dumb thugs. How easy does it get?
Come on, let's get out of here!
Like turning on lights in a roach motel.
That's my taser punch. Shocking, isn't it?
I got him, dude. I--
Okay, you caught me off guard. I'm new at this, so sue me.
Not that I have a curfew or anything, but I really gotta wrap this up.
Stick around, fellas. You've got company.
Piece of cake with frosting and sprinkles.
My first bad-guy beat-down, and I hardly broke a sweat.
Hard to believe just two days ago I was the last person you'd call "hero material."
Yeah. Coming up like weeds.
Hey, Puff Daddy, you're taking a long time for only five whiskers!
- At least I'm growing mine on purpose. - Just hurry up.
And give your little weak rapping a rest.
Don't forget your dog collar!
Sisters!
Dang static electricity.
Isn't it time we got some hardwood floors, people?
- Sorry, son. I'm in a hurry this morning. - I feel you, Pops. Got a big day myself.
Big. Big, big. I'm taking my friendship with Frieda to another level.
- Gonna ask her to homecoming. - What'd she ever do to you?
What's this? An egg smoothie?
That's just the way Mama made them.
I don't recall ever needing a straw to eat hers.
Come on, Virgil. Your sister went to all this trouble. You could give them a try.
Mama, if you're listening, I could use some help here.
Hello?
Hey, Teddy.
Yeah, I really liked that lecture last night.
Tonight? You mean, a real date?
Let me check my schedule.
Of course I have a schedule.
No, I don't have a little black book. It's paisley.
Good looking out, Moms.
Fluffy egg goodness.
- V-man! - Richie!
Is today gonna be that day or what?
If you mean me and Frieda, today's the day.
Man, it's on!
Hey.
Here's your chance, bro.
Let me hear that strong rap you're gonna drop on her.
Frieda, we've known each other for a long time now...
...and I was wondering if you would do me the honor--
Snore! "Do me the honor"?
Man, you sound like a form letter.
That's not gonna cut it with-- Hey, Frieda.
Hey, guys. Guess what. Mr. McDonald said we could put up the decorations early.
Cool. Hey, look at me. I gotta go.
Good luck with your test.
Where were you this weekend? I'm dying to talk to you...
- ...about homecoming. - Really?
Yeah, I need your advice.
You know Eddie, the quarterback? I heard he wants to take me to the dance.
But Dave also left a message, and Cleo said that Seth wanted my number.
Isn't it wild? I'm juggling three hotties!
Frieda, hot isn't everything.
In some circles, wit and offbeat charm still count for a lot.
I was wondering if you would do me the honor--
Hey, Frieda. Looking good.
Smell good too.
F-Stop, you need to brush up on Body Language 101.
Hers says, "Not in this lifetime."
Let's see if your face can understand what my fist is saying.
Yo, I know you're not sweating my man, Virgil, Francis.
No, Wade, we were just playing.
Here, Virg.
Catch you later, Virgil.
Tangling with F-Stop? Are you crazy?
He makes Norman Bates look like Mr. Rogers.
If it wasn't for Wade, I'd be looking for a good plastic surgeon right about now.
Yeah, straight up, V.
Hey, if any more static breaks out between you and F-Stop, I got your back.
- Thanks, man. - Peace.
And out.
If only he knew kung fu.
Hey!
I'm picking up where I left off, chump.
Come on, guys!
Oh, gee, can't we do this later, fellas?
A beat-down doesn't feel right without lockers and dim lighting.
Virgil the jokester.
Laugh your way out of this, funny man.
F-Stop! Wade and his homey headed our way!
You'll be seeing more of me, Virg. Believe that.
Oh, Wade.
I had them where I wanted them.
Meet me under the stone bridge in a half.
Half-hour? But I-- I gotta meet my pops in a half-hour.
- I-- - In a half.
Son, where were you this afternoon?
Dad, the nice gangbangers invited me for tea.
Son, don't you know that bangers are dangerous?
With all due respect, Dad, well, duh!
Gee, it's so nice out. It's a shame to be indoors.
Welcome to our crib.
Cozy. This place should be on that show, This Old Warehouse.
I like you, Virgil. You're funny. And you're smart.
But keeping Francis off your butt takes too much time.
I-- I never asked you to do that, Wade.
- Hear that? - Dissing Wade?
- He must be crazy! - Word!
That punk is looking for street cred, brother.
One day, he's gonna catch you, and I won't be around.
Dude like him, who knows what he'll do?
Gee, I was kind of hoping he'd get bored of me.
This is no joke, Virgil.
There's only one way you'll save your skin. Roll with my crew.
Me? You don't want me.
I'm only 14, and I'm too stringy to be a banger.
Don't front, Virgil. I'm offering you life insurance.
You join, and F-Stop will back off quick. He ain't looking to tangle.
- All right! - That's right! Word up!
I feel what you're saying, but it's my pops.
He's got a little problem with gangs. I'm too young to be homeless.
Pops gonna watch your back? He gonna beat on F-Stop for you?
Always said you were smart, Virgil. Don't prove me wrong now.
- Football injury, huh? - Yes, sir.
Two things. One, since when do you play football without a helmet?
And two, since when does your narrow behind play football at all?
Who asked you, Miss Nosy?
- Pops, can I be excused? I'm really sore. - Sure, son.
Come on, Dad. Football?
He'll talk about it when he's ready.
- Hello? - Tell me it's not true.
- Tell me you did not join Wade's crew! - Where'd you hear?
Word's all over. They want everyone to know.
But I didn't! Not exactly.
I mean, I didn't say yes. I just nodded, like I was thinking on it.
Jeez, Virgil, your mom died from gang fire.
Don't you think I know that? What am I gonna do?
I got the F problem bigtime.
Now you got the Wade problem too.
He's gonna expect favors.
I'll squash this. Tell him there's a misunderstanding.
Maybe I could be a banger water boy.
Hold on. I got an incoming.
- Hello? - Meet us at the docks, now. Gate 10.
We're taking care of your problem tonight.
Wade? Wade!
Terrific.
Hello?
Keep your mouth shut.
What's going on?
There's gonna be a throw-down tonight with all the crews.
Wade, we gotta talk.
Look.
Time to go the permanent route, little bro. This way.
Oh, man. I stepped into it big this time.
Virgil?
This is gonna be fun.
Freeze!
You are in a restricted area. Drop all weapons and step into the open.
- What's going on? - Grab your mask.
I'm home. I'm alive.
Get-- Dang static electricity.
Down, boy!
- Don't slam the doors. - Yes, sir.
Dad's razor. It's possessed.
I'm a human fuse box!
I got it! I got it!
Hello? Virgil! What happened?
You are gonna trip!
Meet me in the auto junkyard ASAP. Bye.
Say what?
Virgil?
Yo, Virgil!
I'm worrying about his butt, and he's rushing me off the phone--
Tell me that's not cool.
- How did you--? - There was an explosion last night.
There was this gas.
It changed me, Richie.
Check it out.
Double whoa!
Yeah, no more asking my pops to borrow his car.
You don't even drive yet, V.
Whatever. Oh, and I rather like this.
Talk about your static cling.
V-man, you could so be a superhero.
I could, couldn't I?
Come on, V. We gotta get you some gear.
Not your best look, chicken legs.
Now, this is just embarrassing.
No, you look like a battery commercial. Next.
We've got ourselves a winner!
And that's pretty much how it all began.
- Please! Help! - Oh, man!
We need a ladder.
Guess I should ground them.
The new lab computers!
Those lights go over there.
- I thought Virgil was coming. - Oh, well, he had to get his VCR fixed.
Yeah, you know how it flashes "12:00, 12:00"?
That.
- Check it out! - What is it?
- Look! - Come over here!
Special delivery.
I had business at the warehouse, and look what I found.
Who are you?
The name's Static. I put a shock to your system.
Good line.
I see you still got some work to do. I'm what you call...
...your all-purpose superhero.
It's beautiful!
Not as beautiful as the sight I see, ma chérie.
Why isn't it this easy for Virgil?
See you!
He's a natural.
Oh, it's getting worse. They keep mutating.
Is the HAZMAT team here yet?
He's burning up.
What a trip.
This is gonna be fun.
[ENGLISH]