1
00:00:00,477 --> 00:00:03,078
Yes. Perfect!
Excellent!
2
00:00:03,198 --> 00:00:05,708
Well, that puzzle
only took four hours.
3
00:00:06,090 --> 00:00:07,890
Maybe now they'll
finally go home.
4
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,726
Okay, who wants
to watch a movie?
5
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,760
Me, movie!
6
00:00:10,794 --> 00:00:12,095
No, no, no, no, no, no.
7
00:00:12,129 --> 00:00:14,130
Hope, you gotta
go to bed, honey,
8
00:00:14,164 --> 00:00:15,231
'cause you got school tomorrow.
9
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:16,332
Come on, please.
10
00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:17,567
Come on, please.
11
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,335
I got Lord of the Rings:
Return of the King
12
00:00:19,370 --> 00:00:20,770
"Limited Edition."
13
00:00:20,804 --> 00:00:22,739
Don't you have to
go home for Maw Maw?
14
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:24,574
Oh, we didn't tell you.
Mm.
15
00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:25,575
She's with the Dead now.
16
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:26,576
What?!
17
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,611
♪
18
00:00:29,613 --> 00:00:30,980
Later on, suckers.
19
00:00:31,014 --> 00:00:33,750
I'm going on a long,
strange trip
20
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,118
with Syrup Sam.
21
00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:40,289
I'll be back when I'm
either grateful or dead.
22
00:00:40,324 --> 00:00:41,924
Okay, you guys do realize
23
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,292
that the Grateful Dead
broke up, right?
24
00:00:43,327 --> 00:00:44,961
Yeah, but she doesn't
know that. (laughs)
25
00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:46,028
Come on, this will be great.
26
00:00:46,063 --> 00:00:47,930
I heard this version
has an extra 20 minutes
27
00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,632
of just watching Hobbits sleep.
28
00:00:49,666 --> 00:00:51,467
Um...
Mm.
29
00:00:51,502 --> 00:00:53,035
Uh... actually,
30
00:00:53,070 --> 00:00:55,271
if you guys don't mind, uh...
31
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,106
we have to get up early.
What for?
32
00:00:57,141 --> 00:00:58,174
Spin class.
33
00:00:58,208 --> 00:00:59,609
Uh... yeah!
34
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,010
We've gotten pretty good at it.
35
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:03,546
Well, that is good.
Can you go faster?
36
00:01:05,382 --> 00:01:07,383
(screams)
37
00:01:08,886 --> 00:01:10,987
(laughs)
38
00:01:12,189 --> 00:01:14,157
♪ Whoo
39
00:01:14,191 --> 00:01:20,341
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:20,731 --> 00:01:21,864
What the hell, guys?
41
00:01:21,899 --> 00:01:23,488
What? We took up
finger painting.
42
00:01:23,608 --> 00:01:24,574
What's wrong with that?
43
00:01:24,609 --> 00:01:25,234
Yeah, we don't judge you
44
00:01:25,354 --> 00:01:26,915
for wearing the same
stupid four shirts.
45
00:01:27,029 --> 00:01:27,765
Yeah, we get it,
46
00:01:27,869 --> 00:01:28,803
you like pancakes.
47
00:01:28,837 --> 00:01:29,804
Guys, we just got
48
00:01:29,838 --> 00:01:31,172
Hope's report card,
49
00:01:31,206 --> 00:01:33,474
and it says she's been
absent 18 times.
50
00:01:33,508 --> 00:01:35,969
None of which
were excused by us.
51
00:01:36,211 --> 00:01:37,945
Do you know
anything about this?
52
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:40,214
No! We stopped caring
about report cards
53
00:01:40,249 --> 00:01:42,149
when you were in the first grade.
Both times.
54
00:01:42,184 --> 00:01:43,484
The school said that
you guys have been
55
00:01:43,518 --> 00:01:44,685
picking her up in
the middle of the day
56
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,320
and bringing her back
before it ends.
57
00:01:46,355 --> 00:01:48,022
Guys, we know you love Hope
58
00:01:48,056 --> 00:01:50,658
and we know you want to
spend time with her, but...
59
00:01:50,692 --> 00:01:51,959
she's gotta be in school.
60
00:01:51,994 --> 00:01:53,294
Well, forgive us
for trying to be
61
00:01:53,328 --> 00:01:54,829
caring and involved
grandparents.
62
00:01:54,863 --> 00:01:56,330
(sneezing)
63
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,401
Why is the hot tub sneezing?
64
00:02:00,435 --> 00:02:01,502
What?
65
00:02:03,839 --> 00:02:06,507
(Sabrina sighs)
66
00:02:06,541 --> 00:02:07,675
Serioursly, guys?
67
00:02:07,709 --> 00:02:09,210
We miss her. She's fun.
68
00:02:09,244 --> 00:02:10,678
BURT:
We're like the Three Amigos.
69
00:02:10,712 --> 00:02:11,812
She's Martin Short.
70
00:02:11,847 --> 00:02:14,849
Guys, I think you may have
empty-nest syndrome.
71
00:02:14,883 --> 00:02:16,217
Does that syndrome
give you headaches,
72
00:02:16,251 --> 00:02:17,885
or is that just 'cause
you guys are here?
73
00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:19,887
No. It just means that
you're having some trouble
74
00:02:19,921 --> 00:02:21,856
adjusting to your family
not living at home.
75
00:02:21,890 --> 00:02:23,257
Ever since you and Hope left,
76
00:02:23,292 --> 00:02:24,992
we do have a lot of time
on our hands.
77
00:02:25,027 --> 00:02:26,394
What are we supposed to do?
78
00:02:26,428 --> 00:02:27,995
We can only have so much sex.
79
00:02:28,030 --> 00:02:29,697
We certainly don't want
to work any more hours.
80
00:02:29,731 --> 00:02:31,732
Um... then find ways
to spend your time.
81
00:02:31,767 --> 00:02:33,167
Hey, you could try
volunteer work.
82
00:02:33,201 --> 00:02:34,568
Please, we're not rich.
83
00:02:34,603 --> 00:02:36,904
We don't have the luxury of
working for free, Sabrina.
84
00:02:36,938 --> 00:02:39,507
Th a den get
and leave Hope out of it.
85
00:02:39,541 --> 00:02:40,541
(under breath):
All right.
86
00:02:45,314 --> 00:02:47,682
I just don't see why it
has to be a dog, Virginia.
87
00:02:47,716 --> 00:02:49,550
Dogs are the natural enemies
of gardeners.
88
00:02:49,584 --> 00:02:51,218
Burt, we need this.
89
00:02:51,253 --> 00:02:52,687
Sabrina was right...
90
00:02:52,721 --> 00:02:54,455
we have empty-nest syndrome.
91
00:02:54,489 --> 00:02:56,123
So we either put
a dog in our house,
92
00:02:56,158 --> 00:02:58,392
or you uncork your vasectomy
and put a baby in here.
93
00:02:58,427 --> 00:02:59,927
And I'm warning you, Burt,
94
00:02:59,961 --> 00:03:01,362
this ass is not
gonna bounce back
95
00:03:01,396 --> 00:03:02,763
after baby number two
at my age.
96
00:03:02,798 --> 00:03:05,433
Welcome to the
Natesville Animal Shelter.
97
00:03:05,467 --> 00:03:08,035
(sighs) How can I help you?
98
00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:09,770
We'd like to rescue a dog.
99
00:03:09,805 --> 00:03:12,740
Aw... well, you don't rescue
them as much as they rescue you.
100
00:03:12,774 --> 00:03:14,041
Now who's gonna be
the dog's master?
101
00:03:14,076 --> 00:03:15,042
We both will.
102
00:03:15,077 --> 00:03:16,744
No! Not on my watch.
103
00:03:16,778 --> 00:03:18,279
A dog can only have one alpha.
104
00:03:18,313 --> 00:03:21,882
Well, uh... I guess that's me.
Yeah.
105
00:03:21,917 --> 00:03:23,150
Uh... I'll be right back.
106
00:03:23,185 --> 00:03:24,518
I saw an old friend
on the way in.
107
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,021
(gasps)
108
00:03:28,924 --> 00:03:30,758
(dogs barking)
109
00:03:30,792 --> 00:03:31,892
(whines)
110
00:03:31,927 --> 00:03:32,993
Hello, Bartlett.
111
00:03:33,028 --> 00:03:34,628
Guess you won't be digging up
112
00:03:34,663 --> 00:03:36,230
my freshly planted succulents
from in there, will you?
113
00:03:36,264 --> 00:03:37,465
(whines)
114
00:03:37,499 --> 00:03:39,100
I wouldn't want to be
a pretty dog like you
115
00:03:39,134 --> 00:03:40,101
in a place like this.
116
00:03:40,135 --> 00:03:41,936
(whining)
117
00:03:41,970 --> 00:03:44,905
I can't tell you how excited
I am to finally have a dog.
118
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:46,140
I've wanted one forever.
119
00:03:46,174 --> 00:03:47,608
Well, they're
a lot of responsibility.
120
00:03:47,642 --> 00:03:50,478
I started raising a baby
in 11th grade, so,
121
00:03:50,512 --> 00:03:52,913
if that doesn't say responsible,
I don't know what does.
122
00:03:52,948 --> 00:03:54,815
So, are there any other
pets in the house?
123
00:03:54,850 --> 00:03:56,951
Well, there's something
living in our chimney,
124
00:03:56,985 --> 00:03:58,919
but we haven't had
a mouse in two years,
125
00:03:58,954 --> 00:04:00,154
so we don't ask questions.
126
00:04:00,188 --> 00:04:01,255
(beeping)
127
00:04:01,289 --> 00:04:02,656
Says here,
you're not allowed to adopt.
128
00:04:02,691 --> 00:04:03,924
Your last name and address
129
00:04:03,959 --> 00:04:05,493
triggered an alert.
130
00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:07,261
You're on a no-dog list.
131
00:04:07,295 --> 00:04:10,464
What?! I told you,
we're incredibly responsible.
132
00:04:10,499 --> 00:04:12,019
Our granddaughter's
gonna be very upset
133
00:04:12,033 --> 00:04:13,534
if we come back to the car
without a dog.
134
00:04:13,568 --> 00:04:14,568
Yeah.
135
00:04:16,602 --> 00:04:20,060
Okay, Hope,
what animal is this?
136
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,474
Butter...
137
00:04:23,509 --> 00:04:24,910
Cat.
138
00:04:25,030 --> 00:04:27,865
Jimmy... she knew
this a year ago.
139
00:04:27,899 --> 00:04:29,500
(door opens)
140
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:31,001
Jimmy,
141
00:04:31,036 --> 00:04:32,069
we have a problem.
142
00:04:33,872 --> 00:04:38,876
Apparently, our last name and
address got on a no-dog list.
143
00:04:38,910 --> 00:04:40,077
Do you know anything about that?
144
00:04:40,111 --> 00:04:42,913
I may have had something
to do with that.
145
00:04:42,948 --> 00:04:44,515
Would you care
to explain that...
146
00:04:44,549 --> 00:04:47,084
in a way that we could visualize
it as if we were there?
147
00:04:47,118 --> 00:04:49,286
JIMMY: Seven years ago I
wasn't the confident,
148
00:04:49,321 --> 00:04:50,921
sexy ladies' man I am today.
149
00:04:50,956 --> 00:04:53,624
I figured a four-legged
wingman would help
150
00:04:53,658 --> 00:04:56,060
and I thought if one dog
got me attention,
151
00:04:56,094 --> 00:04:58,028
then two dogs might
get me a little more.
152
00:04:58,063 --> 00:05:00,064
And I was right.
153
00:05:00,098 --> 00:05:02,900
Then I figured, if two dogs
got me tonsil hockey,
154
00:05:02,934 --> 00:05:05,469
maybe five dogs
would get me to fifth base.
155
00:05:11,142 --> 00:05:14,378
And my plan worked perfectly.
156
00:05:14,412 --> 00:05:16,613
Until the dogs decided that
they had better things to do
157
00:05:16,615 --> 00:05:20,217
than wait around
while I got some.
158
00:05:20,251 --> 00:05:22,386
(dogs barking)
159
00:05:22,420 --> 00:05:24,622
(laughing): I can't believe
you used to use stray dogs
160
00:05:24,656 --> 00:05:26,423
to hook up with girls.
161
00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:29,393
Uh... excuse me. High school
dropout working with his dad,
162
00:05:29,427 --> 00:05:30,561
living with his parents.
163
00:05:30,595 --> 00:05:32,930
My toolbox wasn't exactly
overflowing.
164
00:05:32,964 --> 00:05:35,733
Well, thanks to you,
now we can't adopt a dog.
165
00:05:35,767 --> 00:05:37,601
Which I didn't want in the
first place, but your mom did...
166
00:05:37,636 --> 00:05:38,969
and now we're
very disappointed.
167
00:05:39,004 --> 00:05:40,738
This is horrible. I can't
believe you did this to us.
168
00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:42,640
Every week I find out
169
00:05:42,674 --> 00:05:45,943
about some terrible thing
that you did to me as a kid!
170
00:05:45,977 --> 00:05:48,846
(sighs) Oh, when are you gonna
stop living in the past?
171
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,180
You gave me up for adoption.
172
00:05:50,215 --> 00:05:52,750
You, you faked
my childhood vacations.
173
00:05:52,784 --> 00:05:54,318
You ruined my credit!
174
00:05:54,352 --> 00:05:56,286
Okay, okay, fine.
175
00:05:56,321 --> 00:05:59,056
Now we can't adopt a dog,
so I guess that makes us even.
176
00:06:00,225 --> 00:06:03,527
Ah, Regina! Nice haircut.
Hi. Thanks.
177
00:06:03,561 --> 00:06:04,795
I'll have the usual.
Okay.
178
00:06:07,165 --> 00:06:08,165
A hot dog...
179
00:06:09,634 --> 00:06:11,435
and I bet somebody
wants a grape soda.
180
00:06:11,469 --> 00:06:13,170
Wow...
181
00:06:13,204 --> 00:06:14,438
Soda's on me.
182
00:06:14,472 --> 00:06:15,773
Thanks.
183
00:06:15,807 --> 00:06:17,274
Have a grape day.
184
00:06:17,308 --> 00:06:19,009
(laughing):
Okay.
185
00:06:20,211 --> 00:06:22,079
Bye-bye, cutie.
186
00:06:27,018 --> 00:06:28,786
There you go.
187
00:06:28,820 --> 00:06:31,288
Sabrina, you can't
leave me alone for a second.
188
00:06:31,322 --> 00:06:33,023
God, did you eat
found gum again?
189
00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:34,391
No, but good guess.
190
00:06:34,426 --> 00:06:36,126
I just got hit on big-time
by the wiener chick.
191
00:06:36,161 --> 00:06:38,629
My charm and good looks
just got us a free soda.
192
00:06:38,663 --> 00:06:40,364
I'm pretty sure
that soda was for Hope.
193
00:06:40,398 --> 00:06:42,466
Yeah, I'm pretty sure
it was for me.
194
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,001
Oh, my God.
195
00:06:44,035 --> 00:06:46,437
I just realized,
Hope is your new dog.
196
00:06:50,909 --> 00:06:52,543
Hello?
197
00:06:52,577 --> 00:06:55,145
Excuse me, we figured out
why our house was on
198
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:56,747
the no-dog list.
199
00:06:56,781 --> 00:06:58,048
It's out idiot son.
200
00:06:58,083 --> 00:06:59,850
But he doesn't live
with us anymore.
201
00:06:59,884 --> 00:07:01,819
And if you're worried about
the "idiot" part, don't.
202
00:07:01,853 --> 00:07:04,154
We barely raised him.
Rules are rules.
203
00:07:04,189 --> 00:07:09,259
Would a person who would harm
an animal make you these?
204
00:07:09,294 --> 00:07:12,496
These cookies are shaped
like things humans like.
205
00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,498
Boobs, cars, televisions.
206
00:07:14,532 --> 00:07:17,367
And these are shaped
like things dogs like.
207
00:07:17,402 --> 00:07:19,536
Bones, hydrants, mailman's ass.
208
00:07:19,571 --> 00:07:21,338
I realize they all kind of
look like lumps,
209
00:07:21,372 --> 00:07:23,240
but, we're not
cookie-cutter rich. (laughs)
210
00:07:23,274 --> 00:07:25,709
Wow, that took a lot of effort.
Maybe I misread you.
211
00:07:25,744 --> 00:07:27,177
Unlike dogs,
I can't lick your hand
212
00:07:27,212 --> 00:07:28,245
and know what's in your heart.
213
00:07:28,279 --> 00:07:29,613
So you'll let us adopt a dog.
214
00:07:29,647 --> 00:07:32,516
Not yet. In order to
get you off the no-dog list,
215
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:34,051
I have to put you through
a three-day trial period,
216
00:07:34,085 --> 00:07:35,419
but then...
217
00:07:35,453 --> 00:07:36,887
you'll be dog owners.
218
00:07:36,921 --> 00:07:38,622
We're so gonna kill it.
219
00:07:38,656 --> 00:07:41,291
Not the dog,
we're gonna love it to death.
220
00:07:41,326 --> 00:07:42,726
(laughing):
Oh, yeah.
221
00:07:44,395 --> 00:07:45,696
Okay.
222
00:07:45,730 --> 00:07:47,931
So... here's
what I think,
223
00:07:47,966 --> 00:07:50,901
if it's a girl, we should
name it Puppy Dogstocking.
224
00:07:50,935 --> 00:07:52,569
A boy, Spot.
225
00:07:52,604 --> 00:07:54,438
Remember how long
it took us to name Jimmy?
226
00:07:54,472 --> 00:07:55,806
If we'd gone with
our first instincts there,
227
00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,075
his name would be
Parachute Pants Chance.
228
00:07:58,109 --> 00:07:59,209
There are things in this house
229
00:07:59,244 --> 00:08:00,377
we've been trying to kill
for 20 years.
230
00:08:00,411 --> 00:08:02,212
I'm sure we can keep
a dog alive
231
00:08:02,247 --> 00:08:03,747
for three days.
232
00:08:03,782 --> 00:08:05,449
(doorbell rings)
Ooh, he's here.
233
00:08:05,483 --> 00:08:06,650
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
234
00:08:08,486 --> 00:08:10,821
Hey, Michael.
We're so excited
235
00:08:10,855 --> 00:08:12,923
to meet our new little friend.
236
00:08:12,957 --> 00:08:14,558
I'm gonna take this little guy
out of his crate.
237
00:08:14,592 --> 00:08:15,726
He's a little skittish.
238
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:18,095
Come on. Hi.
239
00:08:18,129 --> 00:08:20,964
Say hello.
240
00:08:20,999 --> 00:08:23,333
Huh.
This is a trial dog.
241
00:08:23,368 --> 00:08:24,802
It'd be crazy
to give you guys a real dog
242
00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:25,917
until you prove yourselves.
243
00:08:25,937 --> 00:08:28,405
Oh, uh, that makes sense. Yeah.
244
00:08:28,439 --> 00:08:29,973
So you're gonna live
with us for three days?
245
00:08:30,008 --> 00:08:31,275
No, he is.
246
00:08:31,309 --> 00:08:33,310
Just pretend I'm not here.
247
00:08:33,344 --> 00:08:35,579
(high-pitched voice):
Ruff. Ruff. Ruff-ruff.
248
00:08:35,613 --> 00:08:37,114
Ruff-ruff.
249
00:08:37,148 --> 00:08:39,082
Now, you're probably gonna
want to tell him to be quiet.
250
00:08:39,117 --> 00:08:41,084
Ruff.
Okay, quiet down, boy.
251
00:08:41,119 --> 00:08:43,253
Good. Good. Caring but firm.
252
00:08:43,288 --> 00:08:45,122
Now, what are we gonna
name this little angel?
253
00:08:45,156 --> 00:08:47,157
Puppet?
Come on, Burt. That's too on the nose.
254
00:08:47,192 --> 00:08:49,092
Nose.
Um. No, Burt.
255
00:08:49,127 --> 00:08:51,094
How 'bout, um,
Puppy Dogstocking?
256
00:08:51,129 --> 00:08:52,296
No... he's never
going to be able
257
00:08:52,330 --> 00:08:54,131
to respond to commands
with a name that long.
258
00:08:54,165 --> 00:08:56,133
Ah, man...
we're doing bad already.
259
00:08:56,167 --> 00:08:59,002
Couch? Lamp? Snowboard?
260
00:08:59,037 --> 00:09:00,771
Burt, stop just naming things
around the house.
261
00:09:00,805 --> 00:09:02,472
Angry Wife?
No, come on, you guys.
262
00:09:02,507 --> 00:09:04,541
Don't fight. He's going to
pick up on your negative energy.
263
00:09:04,576 --> 00:09:08,178
Why don't we name
this little guy Jake?
264
00:09:08,213 --> 00:09:10,614
Jake! That's perfect,
he looks like a Jake.
265
00:09:10,648 --> 00:09:12,168
Yeah, he looks like
a cute little Jake.
266
00:09:12,183 --> 00:09:13,450
This is gonna be fun.
267
00:09:13,484 --> 00:09:16,486
(gasps)
Wait, are those doggy treats?
268
00:09:16,521 --> 00:09:18,388
Num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num.
Oh.
269
00:09:18,423 --> 00:09:20,057
Now, you don't want to
let him eat the whole bag,
270
00:09:20,091 --> 00:09:21,558
otherwise he's gonna have
diarrhea in the house.
271
00:09:21,593 --> 00:09:22,826
We got a lot of work to do.
272
00:09:22,861 --> 00:09:23,827
Ruff.
273
00:09:23,862 --> 00:09:24,761
Yeah.
Ruff. Ooh!
274
00:09:26,224 --> 00:09:27,504
I don't know
if I want to do this
275
00:09:27,529 --> 00:09:29,563
whole crazy puppet dog trial.
276
00:09:29,598 --> 00:09:30,664
That guy seems nuts.
277
00:09:30,699 --> 00:09:32,232
It's only for three days.
278
00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:33,734
It's not gonna be that bad.
279
00:09:33,768 --> 00:09:36,236
And besides, Burt, if we don't
fill the void in our lives
280
00:09:36,271 --> 00:09:38,539
with a dog, we are gonna keep
taking Hope out of school.
281
00:09:38,573 --> 00:09:39,707
And then she's just gonna
282
00:09:39,741 --> 00:09:41,241
grow up to be an idiot.
283
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:42,910
She'll be Jimmy with boobs.
284
00:09:42,944 --> 00:09:44,511
(laughs)
285
00:09:44,546 --> 00:09:46,080
I just pictured
Jimmy with boobs.
286
00:09:46,114 --> 00:09:48,782
Hey, guys. You put
Jake outside a while ago.
287
00:09:48,817 --> 00:09:50,978
If you keep him out too long,
he's gonna get depressed.
288
00:09:52,887 --> 00:09:53,721
Fine, I'll do it.
289
00:09:56,324 --> 00:09:58,292
(sighs) (yelps, laughs)
290
00:09:58,326 --> 00:10:00,194
Ah, Now that he's back with
his owners, he's very excited.
291
00:10:00,228 --> 00:10:02,196
(yelps)
Okay. Now, tell him down.
292
00:10:02,230 --> 00:10:03,931
Tell him down, because otherwise
he's gonna do this
293
00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:06,734
to his guests. And remember,
jumping leads to humping.
294
00:10:06,768 --> 00:10:08,402
Down, Jake!
Down, boy!
295
00:10:08,436 --> 00:10:09,403
(panting)
296
00:10:12,258 --> 00:10:14,618
Ooh... he just marked you as
his owner. That's a good thing.
297
00:10:14,643 --> 00:10:15,743
It means you're
important to him.
298
00:10:15,777 --> 00:10:17,778
Is that real pee?
If it was, would I do this?
299
00:10:19,748 --> 00:10:21,415
Maybe...
300
00:10:21,449 --> 00:10:22,983
(sighs) Jimmy...
301
00:10:23,018 --> 00:10:24,652
I thought we were
gonna have adult time.
302
00:10:24,686 --> 00:10:25,886
I can't believe
we got a babysitter
303
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,755
to just, like, come to the park.
304
00:10:27,789 --> 00:10:30,424
I think you're gonna be pretty
impressed with what you see.
305
00:10:30,458 --> 00:10:33,427
Me in action without a prop.
306
00:10:33,461 --> 00:10:35,429
All right. I'll just
try not to be too jealous.
307
00:10:35,463 --> 00:10:37,431
(exhales)
308
00:10:37,465 --> 00:10:39,133
Regina?
Hey.
309
00:10:39,167 --> 00:10:40,401
Grape to see you.
310
00:10:40,435 --> 00:10:42,936
(laughs)
I'll have the "usual."
311
00:10:42,971 --> 00:10:45,105
One hot dog, coming up.
312
00:10:46,274 --> 00:10:47,975
There you are.
313
00:10:48,009 --> 00:10:49,176
Thank you.
314
00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:51,311
Yeah.
315
00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,414
For you.
316
00:10:53,448 --> 00:10:55,282
Sure is hot out today.
317
00:10:55,316 --> 00:10:58,752
Could use... something
to wash this dog down.
318
00:10:58,787 --> 00:11:00,788
Oh, of course.
319
00:11:03,825 --> 00:11:05,092
Thanks so much.
320
00:11:05,126 --> 00:11:06,960
Uh, that'll be a dollar.
321
00:11:23,478 --> 00:11:26,513
Woof. (whines)
322
00:11:26,548 --> 00:11:28,515
(panting)
323
00:11:28,550 --> 00:11:30,017
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
324
00:11:30,051 --> 00:11:32,019
I think the dog wants
some of what you're eating.
325
00:11:32,053 --> 00:11:33,287
(panting) Oh.
326
00:11:33,321 --> 00:11:34,388
Sorry.
Yeah.
327
00:11:34,422 --> 00:11:35,622
Here you go.
328
00:11:35,657 --> 00:11:36,990
(chewing)
329
00:11:37,025 --> 00:11:40,294
(gags)
330
00:11:40,328 --> 00:11:41,829
(guttural growl)
331
00:11:43,998 --> 00:11:46,300
(wheeze)
332
00:11:46,334 --> 00:11:48,802
Congratulations,
you just killed Jake.
333
00:11:48,837 --> 00:11:51,205
Don't you know how dangerous
grapes are for dogs?
334
00:11:51,239 --> 00:11:53,373
What? How can grapes
be bad for dogs?
335
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:56,210
They're... they're colorful like
onions and sweet like chocolate.
336
00:11:56,244 --> 00:11:57,544
All things that can kill a dog.
337
00:11:57,579 --> 00:11:58,979
Oh, my God, Burt.
338
00:11:59,013 --> 00:12:01,215
If that had been a real dog,
we'd have killed it.
339
00:12:01,249 --> 00:12:03,317
I don't want to kill a dog.
(sighs)
340
00:12:03,351 --> 00:12:04,751
Maybe this training
isn't so stupid.
341
00:12:04,753 --> 00:12:06,854
Please gi-give us
another chance.
342
00:12:06,888 --> 00:12:09,323
No, I'm not sticking my hand in a dead puppet.
What are you, crazy?
343
00:12:09,357 --> 00:12:11,825
Jake's gone, all right? We
just have to deal with it.
344
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:13,661
Way to go, Burt.
You feel good about yourself?
345
00:12:13,695 --> 00:12:15,696
Please, this is my fault.
I didn't take the training
346
00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:17,865
seriously enough, but Virginia's
right, we need a dog.
347
00:12:17,899 --> 00:12:19,500
There's got to be
something else we can do.
348
00:12:19,534 --> 00:12:21,535
All right, there's
one more thing I could do.
349
00:12:24,806 --> 00:12:26,640
I'm going full retriever.
350
00:12:27,709 --> 00:12:30,244
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
351
00:12:30,278 --> 00:12:31,044
Go get it.
Go get it.
352
00:12:31,079 --> 00:12:34,515
Oh, good catch, boy.
353
00:12:34,549 --> 00:12:35,716
(chuckles)
354
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:38,185
Okay, drop it. Drop it.
355
00:12:38,219 --> 00:12:40,687
- Drop it. - Say it with authority.
You got to show me who's boss.
356
00:12:40,722 --> 00:12:42,089
(growls): Michael, drop it.
Aah!
357
00:12:42,123 --> 00:12:44,525
Look at that.
I asserted control.
358
00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:46,360
Yeah. And it was sexy.
359
00:12:46,394 --> 00:12:47,561
I like Alpha Burt.
360
00:12:47,595 --> 00:12:49,563
Me, too.
(deeper): Me, too.
361
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:53,700
Oh!
(whoops)
362
00:12:53,735 --> 00:12:54,968
That was amazing.
363
00:12:55,003 --> 00:12:56,603
You're a natural born
dog trainer.
364
00:12:56,638 --> 00:12:58,939
I know. And if Air Bud
taught us anything,
365
00:12:58,973 --> 00:13:00,741
he can learn
soccer, volleyball,
366
00:13:00,775 --> 00:13:02,442
and how to foil a jewel heist.
367
00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:04,197
This is way more fun
than playing with Hope.
368
00:13:06,815 --> 00:13:08,382
Oh!
Oh.
369
00:13:10,785 --> 00:13:12,853
Okay, y-you can't let me
pull that hard, okay?
370
00:13:12,887 --> 00:13:14,767
I could injure my throat.
Now, shorten the leash
371
00:13:14,789 --> 00:13:15,889
and tell me to heel.
372
00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:17,024
Uh...
373
00:13:17,058 --> 00:13:18,625
Heel, boy, heel.
374
00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:20,294
Good job. . All right,
now, here's another thing
375
00:13:20,328 --> 00:13:23,730
I got to show you.
376
00:13:23,765 --> 00:13:26,900
(zip) (gasps)
377
00:13:26,935 --> 00:13:29,603
MICHAEL:
Oh, yeah.
378
00:13:29,637 --> 00:13:31,357
I know it's a little weird,
but it's nothing
379
00:13:31,372 --> 00:13:34,141
to be embarrassed of. It's all
part of going on a walk.
380
00:13:34,175 --> 00:13:36,076
(zips)
381
00:13:36,110 --> 00:13:37,811
Ooh.
382
00:13:37,846 --> 00:13:39,913
Oh, I hope you guys
brought a plastic bag.
383
00:13:39,948 --> 00:13:41,415
Oh.
Oh.
384
00:13:41,449 --> 00:13:42,783
Yeah.
385
00:13:42,817 --> 00:13:44,585
Grab a couple.
386
00:13:44,619 --> 00:13:46,620
(grunting) (laughing)
387
00:13:46,654 --> 00:13:48,255
(phone rings)
388
00:13:48,289 --> 00:13:49,923
Hello.
389
00:13:49,958 --> 00:13:51,758
Mrs. Chance? This is Doris
390
00:13:51,793 --> 00:13:53,827
from the Natesville
Animal Shelter.
391
00:13:53,862 --> 00:13:55,929
Your application
has been approved.
392
00:13:55,964 --> 00:13:58,332
Really? But we're only halfway
through our trial period.
393
00:13:58,366 --> 00:14:00,934
Trial period?
Yeah, Michael says we're doing great.
394
00:14:00,969 --> 00:14:02,936
Michael? Like, tall, red hair?
395
00:14:02,971 --> 00:14:04,638
Crazy eyes?
396
00:14:04,672 --> 00:14:06,873
He only has crazy eyes when you
challenge his dominance.
397
00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:09,142
He's an oddball who
sometimes volunteers here,
398
00:14:09,177 --> 00:14:10,611
but I certainly
wouldn't recommend
399
00:14:10,645 --> 00:14:11,912
letting him into your home.
400
00:14:13,748 --> 00:14:16,116
Good to know.
401
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:17,618
Who wants to go to the dog park?
402
00:14:17,652 --> 00:14:19,186
I do.
Yeah.
403
00:14:19,220 --> 00:14:20,888
Are you sure we're doing
the right thing here?
404
00:14:20,922 --> 00:14:23,657
Absolutely.
He's got to be crazy.
405
00:14:23,691 --> 00:14:25,025
He spends all day
working someplace for free.
406
00:14:25,059 --> 00:14:26,827
Who does that?
A volunteer?
407
00:14:26,861 --> 00:14:28,195
No, a crazy person.
408
00:14:28,229 --> 00:14:31,298
All right.
409
00:14:31,332 --> 00:14:34,401
You ready, boy?
Ready, boy?
410
00:14:34,435 --> 00:14:36,436
Go fetch.
411
00:14:39,674 --> 00:14:41,675
(engine starts)
412
00:14:44,345 --> 00:14:45,545
Burt, Burt.
413
00:14:48,383 --> 00:14:50,217
Burt, Burt.
414
00:14:50,251 --> 00:14:51,418
Burt.
415
00:14:51,452 --> 00:14:53,063
Virginia!
416
00:14:54,759 --> 00:14:56,493
Finally, a real dog
that can sniff our butts
417
00:14:56,528 --> 00:14:57,895
and it won't be totally creepy.
418
00:14:57,929 --> 00:15:00,497
Welcome to your new home,
Puppy Dogstocking.
419
00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:02,032
Now go have fun.
420
00:15:06,438 --> 00:15:08,806
Maybe he doesn't like
that name as much as we do.
421
00:15:16,881 --> 00:15:18,582
It wasn't
the fresh air, Virginia.
422
00:15:18,617 --> 00:15:20,251
He's still not doing much.
423
00:15:20,285 --> 00:15:23,954
Well, somebody chewed the
heel off my church shoe.
424
00:15:23,989 --> 00:15:26,957
Without the heel I'll be three
inches further away from God.
425
00:15:28,460 --> 00:15:29,821
Having a real dog's
a lot different
426
00:15:29,828 --> 00:15:31,629
than I thought it would be.
Yeah.
427
00:15:31,663 --> 00:15:33,664
(beeping)
428
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,670
(sighs)
429
00:15:40,387 --> 00:15:41,988
We should have
just gotten a snake.
430
00:15:42,022 --> 00:15:43,483
They don't do much either,
but at least you know
431
00:15:43,603 --> 00:15:44,613
you'll eventually get a belt.
432
00:15:44,733 --> 00:15:45,506
Yeah.
433
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,516
Virginia, we adopted
the Tasmanian Devil.
434
00:15:57,636 --> 00:15:59,658
Or... another dog came in
435
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,793
and tore up the place
while our guy
436
00:16:01,828 --> 00:16:03,328
just laid there and watched.
437
00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,411
Either way, Puppy Dogstocking's
438
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:06,811
not very good
at doing dog stuff.
439
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:07,663
I know.
440
00:16:07,783 --> 00:16:09,227
♪ Now, being without you ♪
441
00:16:09,451 --> 00:16:13,621
♪ Takes a lot
of getting used to ♪
442
00:16:13,655 --> 00:16:16,690
♪ Should learn to live with it ♪
443
00:16:16,725 --> 00:16:18,626
♪ But I don't want to ♪
444
00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:21,662
♪ Being without you ♪
445
00:16:21,696 --> 00:16:24,799
♪ Is all a big mistake ♪
446
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:27,001
♪ Instead of getting easier ♪
447
00:16:27,035 --> 00:16:30,104
♪ It's the hardest thing
to take ♪
448
00:16:30,138 --> 00:16:33,040
♪ I'm addicted to you, babe ♪
449
00:16:33,074 --> 00:16:35,609
♪ You're a hard habit ♪
450
00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:38,629
♪ To break... ♪
451
00:16:39,027 --> 00:16:40,428
Oh, my God, Burt.
452
00:16:40,462 --> 00:16:43,865
We're not dog people.
453
00:16:43,899 --> 00:16:46,634
We're Michael people.
454
00:16:49,471 --> 00:16:52,006
♪ Being without you ♪
455
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,643
♪ Takes a lot
of getting used to. ♪
456
00:16:57,045 --> 00:16:59,714
Hey, look at me, I'm Jimmy.
457
00:16:59,748 --> 00:17:01,949
I need a baby to pick up girls.
458
00:17:01,984 --> 00:17:03,451
(laughs)
459
00:17:03,485 --> 00:17:05,019
Thanks for telling him, Sabrina.
Oh...
460
00:17:05,053 --> 00:17:06,287
Very funny, Frank.
461
00:17:06,321 --> 00:17:07,789
Wait a second--
where did you get the...?
462
00:17:07,823 --> 00:17:08,956
What the hell is wrong with you?
463
00:17:08,991 --> 00:17:10,458
Give me back my baby.
464
00:17:10,492 --> 00:17:12,059
Hi.
(whack)
465
00:17:12,094 --> 00:17:13,327
(grunts)
466
00:17:13,362 --> 00:17:14,629
Ow.
467
00:17:14,663 --> 00:17:16,998
Wow.
468
00:17:17,032 --> 00:17:20,134
That's more attention I've got
from a woman in a long time.
469
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:21,702
What have I always told you?
470
00:17:21,737 --> 00:17:23,304
Every customer
471
00:17:23,338 --> 00:17:25,807
here at Howdy's has the
reasonable expectation
472
00:17:25,841 --> 00:17:28,810
that their baby won't be
stolen by an employee.
473
00:17:28,844 --> 00:17:30,311
How did this happen?
474
00:17:30,345 --> 00:17:32,380
We're just giving Jimmy
a hard time.
475
00:17:32,414 --> 00:17:34,816
Well, yeah, 'cause he's been
using Hope to flirt with women.
476
00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:37,051
I seem to remember you
doing the same thing.
477
00:17:37,085 --> 00:17:40,154
What? I've never used a baby
to flirt with women.
478
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,023
Well, you used Hope
to flirt with Jimmy.
479
00:17:42,057 --> 00:17:44,725
We were all shocked
because you hated kids.
480
00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:48,362
Somebody's filthy little child
with chocolate on its face
481
00:17:48,397 --> 00:17:50,164
is here at the
register. If someone
482
00:17:50,199 --> 00:17:51,699
would please come and get it.
483
00:17:53,625 --> 00:17:55,345
Honestly, anybody who's
willing to claim it.
484
00:17:55,370 --> 00:17:56,771
I'm really not
gonna ask questions.
485
00:17:56,805 --> 00:17:59,073
I just really want it gone.
486
00:17:59,107 --> 00:18:01,175
(sighs)
487
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:02,677
Oh, hey. Will you
do me a favor?
488
00:18:02,711 --> 00:18:04,178
Will you watch this thing
for a second?
489
00:18:04,213 --> 00:18:06,247
That cute guy is back.
Which one? Sandy blond?
490
00:18:06,281 --> 00:18:08,683
(whispers): No, no,
floppy hair, big nose.
491
00:18:08,717 --> 00:18:10,852
Hi.
(quiet grunt)
492
00:18:10,886 --> 00:18:14,088
Oh, my God.
She is so adorable.
493
00:18:14,122 --> 00:18:15,923
(chuckles) I love kids.
494
00:18:15,958 --> 00:18:17,024
Do you want to hold her?
495
00:18:17,059 --> 00:18:18,559
No, thank you.
496
00:18:18,594 --> 00:18:20,862
Oh, I mean, I could just
touch her for a second.
497
00:18:20,896 --> 00:18:23,831
(Hope cooing)
498
00:18:30,572 --> 00:18:33,241
Well... (sighs) I swear
I love Hope now. I just...
499
00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:36,043
I wasn't really much of a
kid person before I met her.
500
00:18:36,078 --> 00:18:37,912
Yeah, you didn't even
use your own prop.
501
00:18:37,946 --> 00:18:40,214
You had to use mine.
I'm sorry.
502
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:43,217
You used my own daughter
to try and get close to me?
503
00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:45,052
That's...
504
00:18:45,087 --> 00:18:46,387
awesome.
505
00:18:46,421 --> 00:18:49,123
You liked me for me.
506
00:18:49,157 --> 00:18:51,292
I thought you were just
into me because of Hope,
507
00:18:51,326 --> 00:18:53,594
but it was the
other way around.
508
00:18:53,629 --> 00:18:55,129
Yeah.
Mm.
509
00:19:03,105 --> 00:19:04,238
Hey.
510
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,874
So, does your mom
come here often?
511
00:19:10,012 --> 00:19:12,780
(exhales)
512
00:19:12,814 --> 00:19:14,315
Michael!
513
00:19:14,349 --> 00:19:15,850
Michael!
514
00:19:15,884 --> 00:19:17,418
(whistles)
515
00:19:17,452 --> 00:19:18,452
Hey. Hey, there he is.
516
00:19:18,487 --> 00:19:19,487
Oh, oh.
517
00:19:19,521 --> 00:19:20,821
Michael.
518
00:19:20,856 --> 00:19:23,090
Here, boy.
Come here, boy.
519
00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:24,458
(whistles) Good boy.
Good boy,
520
00:19:24,493 --> 00:19:25,960
come on, boy, good boy.
521
00:19:25,994 --> 00:19:26,961
(tires squeal) Aah, aah!
522
00:19:26,995 --> 00:19:29,664
Oh! Oh.
Oh.
523
00:19:29,698 --> 00:19:32,133
(sighs) Michael.
524
00:19:32,167 --> 00:19:33,501
Are you okay?
525
00:19:33,535 --> 00:19:34,936
I'm fine, I got
a slight hip fracture.
526
00:19:34,970 --> 00:19:36,270
I'm gonna make a full recovery.
527
00:19:36,305 --> 00:19:38,205
I'm so sorry
we left you in the park.
528
00:19:38,240 --> 00:19:39,807
No, you guys are great. Most
people issue restraining orders.
529
00:19:39,841 --> 00:19:41,309
I knew you were different
530
00:19:41,343 --> 00:19:42,944
when you didn't forget
the plastic bags.
531
00:19:42,978 --> 00:19:45,279
Well, maybe when
you get better,
532
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,354
we can work with you a
little more on street safety.
533
00:19:47,382 --> 00:19:49,116
Maybe you could still, uh,
534
00:19:49,151 --> 00:19:51,018
come over and we could
play some Frisbee.
535
00:19:51,053 --> 00:19:52,153
I would love that.
536
00:19:54,890 --> 00:19:58,192
JIMMY: While, ultimately, a
disturbed, lonely man in a dog suit
537
00:19:58,226 --> 00:20:00,628
didn't fill the void
in my parents' lives...
538
00:20:00,662 --> 00:20:02,463
Virginia, look.
539
00:20:02,497 --> 00:20:05,199
...like Lassie, he led them
to something that would.
540
00:20:07,836 --> 00:20:09,437
Puzzles.
541
00:20:15,777 --> 00:20:17,778
♪
542
00:20:29,891 --> 00:20:31,659
Oh, are you two new volunteers?
543
00:20:31,693 --> 00:20:33,661
Oh, no, we're not crazy.
544
00:20:33,695 --> 00:20:35,663
We're happy to hang
out for a bit,
545
00:20:35,697 --> 00:20:37,665
read to the kids,
maybe play some games.
546
00:20:37,699 --> 00:20:40,067
Yeah, we could even come back
and make it a regular thing.
547
00:20:40,102 --> 00:20:41,669
But we're not volunteers.
548
00:20:41,703 --> 00:20:43,104
Only idiots work
without getting paid.
549
00:20:43,138 --> 00:20:44,672
Hmm.
550
00:20:44,706 --> 00:20:46,674
JIMMY: And even though
my parents found a way
551
00:20:46,708 --> 00:20:49,010
to cure their
empty-nest syndrome,
552
00:20:49,044 --> 00:20:52,880
they still had the occasional
flare-up on the weekends.
553
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:01,222
Well, I've got bad news
and worse news.
554
00:21:02,724 --> 00:21:06,127
Jerry Garcia died ten years ago.
555
00:21:06,161 --> 00:21:08,796
And LSD does nothing for me.
(sighs)
556
00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:14,635
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
557
00:21:14,669 --> 00:21:15,936
(boat horn honks)
558
00:21:15,971 --> 00:21:17,904
MAN:
Oy vay.