♪ Love me, love me, say that you love me ♪
(Ceil): You know that thing in a rom-com where a woman
sings along into a spatula
right before she sees Hugh Grant looking through the window?
I think my daughter actually does that.
- Jenna, are you up there? - (Jenna gasps.)
- Uh... - * love me... *
Look at you all by yourself on a Saturday night.
Well, you wouldn't have to look at me if you didn't come barging in here uninvited.
Darling this is a "momtervention." My friend Helen said
she saw you at the movies alone.
Jenna. Jenna? Are you ok?
I got here as fast as I could. What's going on?
- Jenna was alone at the movies. - Ok, everyone, stop talking.
I like being alone. You know who else said that?
The lady who was so fat they had to cut her out of her house.
Jenna, you are 600 pounds and 14 cats away from trouble.
- I'm fine. - Fine?
- Yes. - I'm just saying, I'm worried about you.
Nothing matters to me more than my children.
- Aww. - (Dog barking)
Matzu's hungry. Gotta go. Coming, Matzu!
If you need us to cut you out, just call.
(Sigh of relief)
(Horror music)
(Meow)
Oh, God, they were right. I gotta get a friend.
♪ The odds are that we will probably be all right ♪
♪ Odds are we're gonna be all right ♪
♪ Odds are we're gonna be all right for another night ♪
- Synced and corrected by killianp77 - - www.Addic7ed.com -
- Jenna, I... - Oh, I'm just talking to a friend.
- Hey, is that Janice? - [Sorry, who is this?]
- It's Jenna from high school. - [Oh, my God! Jenna!]
[How are you? Hey, I hear you're living here now.]
And I heard that you have kids now.
Anyway, um, I was wondering, with the kids...
[Get your fingers out of that! The dog is going to]
- [Bite it off!] - (Kid crying)
[Oh, it's so great to hear from you!]
Yeah. Remember when we did that thing...
[Who let the dog get in the crib?!]
[Stop swinging the bat!]
Ok, it's been great. Talk soon.
- Jenna. - Oh.
I need a vacation.
Mom, you've been at it for... 27 minutes.
God, has it been that long?
I need a pedicure.
- My adrenals are shot. - Mom,
I am so grateful to you, the vessel that bore me.
Are you in that cult again?
No. I'm reading a book on gratitude that I took
from that coffee shop with the books.
You mean the bookstore. And you stole it.
And that gratitude brought me victory. I entered this raffle
at the grocery store, and I won something!
I've never won anything before!
And I want to share it with you, because my heart is so full.
- Oh, that is such a sweet thing. - Not you.
- Mom. - Me?
- It's dance classes. - Oh, Sandy. That's wonderful!
- You and I taking dance classes together. - Ahhh!
(Ceil laughing) Jenna?
Remember my friend Paul? Big case.
Conference room. Now.
Paul.
My friend Paul.
My buddy since we were five.
The Paul we've all known and loved.
- Jimmy. - This Paul has been wronged.
He gave his grandmother's ring
to lady who promised to marry him, and then she wouldn't.
- Ohh. - And now she won't
- give the ring back. - Wow. Huh. Ok, well,
- what's this girl's name? - Rosy Pasties.
She sounds like a supreme court judge.
Which is weird, because she's a stripper.
Yeah, Jimmy, Paul can speak for himself. Paul,
you gave your grandmother's ring to a stripper?
Jimmy?
Yes, he did. Yeah, and now we gotta get that ring back.
If she actually promised to marry you and kept the ring,
we can allege that she backed out of an oral contract.
Backed out? Oral contract? I came here to talk about the law!
Look who's not bright! Who? Who?
My point is,
you may have a case. I'll help you.
- Paul is nice. - Yeah, he's nice.
And you being so concerned with someone else's welfare
is totally not you. What is going on?
What?
I'm a good friend.
And Paul's with the oral contract...
- Oh, my God. It's you. - Hmm?
It's our grandmother's ring, isn't it? You gave our grandmother's ring
- to a stripper! - What? No, of course not.
- Uh... - Mm... but hear me out.
- Oh, no, you hear me out. - No, I called it.
You can't call that! The ring was supposed to go to me
when I got married. You are such a jerk! I loved that ring!
No, you didn't. You hated it.
- You said it was ugly. - Still, I don't want a stripper
to have our grandmother's hideous monstrosity of a ring!
Uh, can I just pipe in?
I think what's been lost in all of this is the love of grandma.
For us to honour her, we have to remember:
I'm the oldest. I was supposed to get grandma's ugly ring.
Fix this!
Wow. She really does resemble grandma.
All she needs is the diet Pepsi and a glass eye.
Where am I going, Jimmy?!
(Kids laughing)
I can't believe I won this.
- Is this the mother - Daughter class?
- Well, we're mother - Daughter.
- Honey, they're children. - Well, I won it.
I know you won it, Sandy, but we're going.
Ok, turn around. Seriously. Abort mission.
Abort. Abor...
- * move like a champ * - Whoa.
- * Smooth like a champ * - Look at those slippery hips.
Hey, ladies. You here to dance?
This is my daughter Sandr... ry... sudry...
Sanr... row... whatever her name is.
She won the... and we're for the...
- The children were... - Ok, that's great. Come on.
- Let's get down. - Yeah.
I don't care if my danskin's riding up my bum.
- We're stayin'! - Yep.
Yeah! Mm.
(Teacher): Stop picking your nose, girl.
(Faint cheering)
Ok, here's what you've ruined. You ruined an Engel family tradition.
That ring was supposed to be passed down to me from our dear departed grandmother.
Yes, her love for us did die every night at cocktail hour,
but that ring lives on and it's mine.
Ok. Whoa, hey, whoa. What's the plan?
- I'm gonna go in there and ask her some questions. - You can't just go in there.
I am more than capable of handling myself in an environment which...
You just said "environment." You can't go in there like that!
- Like what? - She's not gonna talk to a lawyer!
But she would talk to another stripper.
- Ok... - You gotta look the part. Uh...
(Mc): Put your hands together, gentlemen. Shandra
- is coming up. Here she comes. - (Cheering)
Ow. Jimmy!
Ah. Mm...
Because I've got nothing but money in a closet full of blazers!
Sir, excuse me. Official police sting operation.
I'm gonna need your glasses and your tie. Come on, chop-chop.
That's your stamp card from the smoothie place!
I know. Ok, get out of here.
Nothing to see here. Move on.
Here we go. You're a stripper
from another town visiting the sisterhood. Not bad.
Really? This is what a stripper looks like to you?
Mm-hmm.
Ugh!
Oh, hey, if you really want to fit in, act like you hate me.
Not a problem right now!
Ugh!
Wow!
Sister.
Right.
(Mc): That was Shandra.
Now, gentlemen, put your hands together for Tammy Tatas.
Oh, lord, this is horrible. Is everyone looking?
No. No one is, actually.
Oh, really? Oh, that's a relief.
♪ She offered me a lift ♪
- * I said, "not so fast" * - Really? What, nothing? Really?
- There she is. - Yes, thanks.
- Just one more, Peter. - Slap me in the face.
- What? - Slap me in the face. Hit me.
- Hit me. It'll give you street cred. Hit me. - No! No!
I'm the one who left your hamsters out in the cold to freeze.
You killed Louisa May Alcott and Laura Ingalls Wilder?
I think so? Oh!
Ah! Ok,
chat her up. No fancy words.
- Ugh, you hate that idiot too? - Who doesn't?
(Laughing)
I haven't seen you here before. Do you dance somewhere else?
All over the place.
You know, um, Peepers West...
Hoohahs, Vajangoes...
- Oh, so you're a stripper! - (Laughing)
What is your stage name? Oh, I got a...
- What's my stage name? - Something cheap and slutty.
- Sandy. - Well, "Sandy,"
do you want to make a little extra money?
Absolutely.
- It's amateur night! - Oh!
Come on, let's go! I'll get you on.
You know, actually, um, I don't really do amateur night.
I don't know if you heard me when I said Peepers West,
Vajangoes. You know, I'm not really an amateur.
Oh, don't be silly. Come on, let's go.
Oh, no.
- What? - It's Laney Crawford.
Her husband is one of Dennis' best friends.
Ugh, she's part of that awful circle of women.
I'd never fit in with them. I hate her!
- She's so fake. - Sandy?
Laney!
- Hi! - Hi!
Oh, my God, hi!
So, how are you? Are you here with your daughter?
Oh, wait, I forgot, sorry.
You and Denny didn't have any children. My bad.
- You're bad, all right. - What are you doing here with your mother?
Shall I tell her?
- Sure. - We're guests.
We are former mother-daughter dance champions.
Really? I didn't know.
That's because Sandy is so
- humble with her achievements. - It's actually
perfect timing. We're having a dance-off this Thursday,
and you will be able to show us your mother-daughter dance moves.
Great.
All right, ladies, let's fire it up.
Ok, let's get started.
Keep it simple with some baby steps.
Crisscross,
- and three and four. - (Woman): Yeah!
Work that! Yes, Laney,
you always rocking this so good.
Show 'em how they do it.
Pump it out, pump it out. Here we go.
And clap! Work that.
Now bring it down low.
Get your body down to the floor.
Brings those hands high! Come on!
Don't worry. Arms just coming.
Well, thank God that's over.
- Mom, we need to nail this dance off.
Are you sure you want to do this, honey?
Are you... I know I'm amazing,
but, I mean, these women always made me feel bad about myself,
- like I was never good enough. - Listen.
Nobody puts Sandy in a corner.
That's from Flashdance.
No, I made it up.
Oh, honey, nobody's better than you.
You are ciel Norman Engels' daughter.
- Norman? - Well, it was
supposed to be Norma, but I was born with a typo.
I thought you were old enough to know.
Oh.
♪ (Cheering)
You're on next.
Great.
So, tell me. Uh, I had this client,
this customer, this guy, he gave me this thing, and I thought
it was kind of lame, but then he wanted it back.
- What did he want back? - A ring...
Tailed lemur pin.
Oh, you know, you're very
different for a stripper. Yeah, I'm the type
of stripper that likes to keep her clothes on.
- (Mc): And Sandy will be our first up for amateur night! - Well, that's you. You're on.
Oh, great!
Well, go on. Let's go see what you got.
- Oh, I will. - Well, come on. What are you,
- scared to go up there? - Mm... fine.
(Mc): Oh, I see her starting to head to the stage.
- Let's let her know you care. - (Cheering)
♪
♪ Although we both lie close together ♪
♪ We're still miles apart inside ♪
♪ Though I tried not to hurt you ♪
♪ Though I tried ♪
♪ but I guess that's why they say ♪
♪ Every rose has its thorn ♪
♪ just like every night has its dawn ♪
♪ Just like very cowboy sings a sad, sad song ♪
♪ Every road has its thorn ♪
(Cheering)
♪ Though it's been a while now ♪
♪ I can still feel so much pain ♪
♪ Like the knife that cuts you, the wounds heals ♪
♪ But the scar ♪
♪ that scar remains ♪
- * every rose has its thorn * - (Cheering)
- * Just like e... * - (Record scratch)
Ok, ok, that's it. I'm a lawyer.
(Cheering)
No, you perrrrverts.
I am a real lawyer.
But thank you for that attention.
It was quite...
Flattering, and it makes me feel all kind of...
Jenna! Get off the stage!
- Ok! - (Mc): Ok! Uh, well,
- let's give it up for Sandy! - (Applause)
Wow. Thank you. Ok, so, here's the deal.
I came here as a lawyer, and then I became a stripper,
but really I'm a person, and you have my grandmother's ring.
You know, it takes a lot of guts to do what you just did up there.
Why would you want that hideous monstrosity of a ring?
What do you say we go talk about this over coffee?
Ok. But not... here, though.
No.
Yes, Jimmy?
Why were you out so late last night? I drove by and...
- Why do you care? - Frankly, I've heard some things.
- Have you? - Yes.
My whole family thinks I can't make a friend.
- Well, I made a friend. - A stripper friend?
An unlikely friend.
A stripper friend isn't a friend, Jenna;
it's a friend who you put money into their pants.
No, Jimmy,
she's a real friend. We have things in common,
she is a student, she's getting her master's
- in political science. - Oh, is she?
- Man, you're naive! - What do you mean?
She's playing you so she doesn't have to give the ring back.
No, she's not. In fact she said she'd love to drop it by today, but
- she's in school all day defending her thesis. - Mmh
If that's the case,
then how does she have time to do this?
- "Pedicure and cheese popcorn on the couch: Today's the perfect day"?
- (Ding!) - She is playing me.
- Then let's play her back. - Well, if she's not gonna just
give us the ring, then we're gonna have to... mmm...
Mmm! Anything?
Me? You think of stuff.
- No, you think of stuff. - No, you do! - No, you do!
- You're the smart one! - No, you're the sm...
- oh, wait, I am the smart one. - Mm.
Ok, I'm gonna do this.
Oh, double time. Look, double time.
Because that will bring clients in. And keep them.
Let's try it one more time. No, come on. Sandy, come here.
Come here. Sandy, one more time! Come on!
- We are the fake dance champions. - You know what?
When we get through this, let's not do anything together
- again until my 60th birthday! - Ok.
Ugh!
Jenna, are you coming to our dance-off tonight?
(Ding!)
- (Woman): Carmen, do you remember the end? - Oh, this is a kick!
I love stuff like this. It's crazy.
Yeah, I thought you'd like it. It's fun.
So, you must be really busy getting your degree in poli sci.
Hmm? Oh!
Yeah, yeah, it seems endless.
- Where are Mom and Sandy? - I don't know.
- You think you know me? - Oh, you don't know me!
This is my house now!
Huh! Ha!
- Better recognize it! - All right, y'all know why
we're here, so let's get started! First group,
come on down.
- (Woman): Woo-hoo! - (Man): Woo!
(Woman): Wooo!
- (Cheering) - Yeah! Give it up, give it up.
Nice!
So, tell me.
You... kind of took that ring based on a lie.
Yeah, I did. But, please, it's not a crime.
Actually, it is. It's called fraud,
and, uh, I've just recorded you admitting it,
so I'd hand that ring over if I were you.
You were using me.
- You never wanted to be friends. - You know what?
You were using me. You didn't want to be my friend.
- Actually, I did. - You did?
Yeah, well, I did too.
Wow.
Why don't we go out?
Maybe we could...
Maybe we could... why don't we...
I'm sorry. It's over.
I'm sorry too.
Here... is your ring back.
Really?
Fantastic. Now give it up for ciel and
Sandy! Four, three, two, hit it! Yeah!
- * Yeah! * - * Ah! *
(Rapper): All right, now, easy rock now. When I count to three, I want you to get busy.
You ready now? One, two, three, get loose now.
♪ It takes two to make a thing go right ♪
- * It takes two to make it out of sight * - Yeah!
(Cheering)
- Woo! - Bang!
♪ You don't like it, so what? I don't care ♪
Yeah!
- (Cheering) - * It takes two *
♪ it takes two to make a good thing ♪
(Cheering)
- We did it! - Wow! Yeah! Get it, girl!
Now, that was amazing! Wasn't it? Well,
I have here our signature first place trophy,
and I'm thrilled to present it to...
- Ciel and Sandy! - Ahh!
(Cheering) Yeahhhhh!
- Here. Mom. - Oh!
- (Dance music playing) - Ow!
You gotta put your back into it, ok?
- Shake it, shake it, shake it. - Mother, I am shaking it!
- I am shaking it, mother! - Ah. Oh.
Here, I'll show you. Out of the way.
Oh, yeah.
And then, boom. Go, Jimmy.
Go, go, go, go, go, Jimmy.
Go, go, go, go, Jimmy.
Please don't do that. Ok, thank you.
Please leave. Please get out of my house.
I've got it. I'm gonna do it alone. Thanks.
- She's beyond hope. - Scary.
- Ok, good, keep practicing! - Ok.
No... oh, there!
Yeah, that's how. Ok.
Ooh. Ooh.
You got it! Oh, I got it! I got it!
(Crash!)
That's ok.
That is fine.
I will just... be a lawyer.
- Synced and corrected by killianp77 - - www.Addic7ed.com -